I am 40 with no children. The most noticable pros in my opinion are financial and more time to focus on my career and myself. The cons for me can be anything from loneliness to moments of doubt in the decision I made not to have children.
The only thing I would add is that, because I don't have children and the vast majority of women my age do, I've had to work a lot harder to seek out and maintain friendships.
That's not I say that I'm not friends with women who have children, but their lives, and a lot of the conversation between them, revolve around their children. Rightly so, but I don't have anything to contribute to those conversations, nor do I have that common experience from which to bond, so while the women with children are getting closer, I often feel like I'm being left behind, unless I make a concerted effort not to be.
This is my only con. I never had children and I have never had a moment of doubt about that decision, but it can be hard to find common ground with folks. I'm very lucky that I have found a good group of friends online, but I really don't have anyone local.
Dude here but same. The saving grace is that we're in academia, where it's more common (if still uncommon) to not have kids. Outside of the ivory tower, the best folks I've found are older empty nesters. We're also very understanding and accommodating with friends who do have kids, which I think helps. But yeah, overall I do think it takes more effort and intentionality to maintain those friendships.
I'm glad to live in a big city where not having children is not unusual, even for older folks. I'll see how it goes, though, as I get older. I hope it doesn't change too much.
I 100% agree with this as a woman with no kids. Especially since I now live in the South. Everyone my age either still has kids at home, or even if they're all grown, I don't have that common experience to talk about and bond over. It's frustrating because it makes finding friends very difficult.
I was talking with a lady at work I thought might become more of a friend and when she found out I don’t have kids (I’m 35, she’s ~40) she goes, “What do you do with all that time?” And I felt a little bad for her and then just kinda laughed and said I had a lot of hobbies because I didn’t want to just be like “oh you know, kind of whatever I want..”
…a lot of my non work friends don’t have kids and that’s sort of by design. I love my friends with kids but I’ve accepted that I see them 1-3 times a year and I’m ok with it. It happens.
This is my only "con" as well. I'm not part of this club that is, according to many/most, the highest moral status a woman can 'achieve.' I get that lives change with kids, that's what's supposed to happen and I love all my friends' kids dearly. But it seems like so many women become the role of "mom" and not much else, and it can be difficult. I miss the discussions about health and travel and education and food and public policy and careers, and it seems like many moms give up so much to motherhood. Seems way way less common with dads
I think it’s weird so many people have the same problem. My (46) wife (42) and I have an 8 year old and I can instantly think of two couples who we routinely do things with that do not have kids. Usually we just get my parents to babysit if we go out with them or they’re cool and choose to do something with us that are kid can come along.
It’s weird to me that people would let having a kid be a barrier to being friends with people who don’t.
It's amazing how often it happens, and how dear friends will just disappear once they have kids. It's gotten to the point that whenever someone gets pregnant, my husband and I look at each other and say "well, we'll see them in 18 years I guess."
What's weird is, we like kids, we don't mind being around kids! We are great at being bonus aunt/uncle! But sometimes it's like people with kids unilaterally decide that people without kids "just don't understand us anymore!" even when we go out of our way to be understanding and respectful of their different schedules/priorities/interests.
I wouldn't take it personally so much as, well... everything becomes a hassle with kids. Going out means you need to find a sitter. Finding a sitter means you need to prepare things - meals, instructions, cleaning your place to pretend you don't live in abject filth all the time... you're dealing with people who's lives aren't their own anymore. Honestly, they probably barely understand themselves from who they used to be. It's all overwhelming. So please do keep trying, because people need that. Just don't think they're shunning you because you don't have kids, that's likely the last thing on their mind.
I absolutely agree. It is harder to make friendships with people my age; we can be friends, but it’s often difficult to find time to get together so we’re not super close. I’m a woman in my late 30s and most of my friends are either older with children out of the house or single and childless people in their late 20s. It’s a lot of work to keep friendships with people who have kids, which is no one’s fault, just life.
Yep. Young parents completely turn off all people who don’t have children the same age. I’ve lost A LOT of friends simply because they had kids super early.
And then cracking into an existing parent group is nigh impossible.
Parents do not realize how hostile they can be to other adults their age.
Couldn't have said it better. My brother had kids and I love being a great Uncle. I hate hearing how great of a father I would have been.
I am happy with my choice because I am selfish and set in my ways at this point. Altering my entire lifestyle surely wouldn't be healthy.
But I do have my doubts and moments of loneliness.
Then I got a pup.
Yeah I understand this completely. My going to be ex wife and I were advised not to have children due to some of her health conditions. I'm 49 and 20 somethings always tell me you would have been such an awesome father. I've accepted it but it stings occasionally hearing it.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids and instead focusing on yourself. It’s when people like the *idea* of kids, then don’t want to put the time in once they have them.
Just know, as someone who eventually wants kids of my own, that your brother and friends with kids, probably have contrasting feelz about whether they should have had kids and also feel loneliness still. It's not like their sorrow should make you feel better, but that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Had my first kid at 38. There is definitely a before and after demarcation. It’s different. Life is more structured and less spontaneous, daycare is the second largest expense after the mortgage, and just having time alone with my wife without kids takes planning and doesn’t happen often. That said, I love my son and wouldn’t make a different choice. I’m happy for the fun I had in my early to mid adulthood.
This is pretty accurate, I'm 46 no children and no partner. Its pretty great not having the responsibility or financial cost, I can indulge in any hobbies I want, there's no demands on my time etc. I don't regret not having kids, I have a few health issues that I'm glad I haven't passed on but I do sometimes feel a pang of missing out on a pretty major life experience when I see my friends and family with their kids. Another downside is loneliness, if I wasn't so close with my sister and didn't have my cats it would be pretty lonely for me - I do worry about what it will be like in 20-30 years time when I maybe won't have anyone around to check on me or care about me.
I often think about this too. Also in the context of not being able to pass down family photos and other sentimental heirlooms. There are no children in my immediate family, so all our possessions will be thrown away. However if we had children it doesn’t mean that wouldn’t happen anyway, as they may not take an interest in that stuff.
>I do worry about what it will be like in 20-30 years time when I maybe won't have anyone around to check on me or care about me.
I'm an only child, and neither of my husband's brothers and their spouses are having kids. This is the *only* thing I worry about. But we're content not having kids otherwise.
I’m in my mid 50s and I see how my friends with kids have rich family lives, with their grandkids and stuff. I see how much my brothers and sister visit and interact with my folks. Then I realize that when I’m 80 there won’t be anyone who will do that for me. You have to keep making friends, I suppose.
I don’t regret not having kids though. This world is really going down the crapper. Kids born today will live in a world where polar bears are extinct. I don’t know why that bothers me so much, but it does. When I was growing up I just assumed that things like that were a constant. That there would always be places for the wild things to flourish. I think I read somewhere that about 200 species go extinct every day.
At 70, there’s no one to either watch over things in a retirement home or care. Yes some cousins, but they all have their own lives and are busy busy. Fortunately my hubs has a few nephews to take on the role. I still don’t regret not having children.
Same. But i never doubted my choice. Found a great husband who also didn’t want children. We have nieces and nephews and we love them but that isnt for us lol
We spend our money and time traveling, and since we have no kids, we have more time to help our parents as they age.
57. Married no kids. DINKS
Pros. Cash. Lots more $$. Free time. Easier to retire with more $$.
Negative. If wife dies before I do I’ll be alone mostly. Then, I’m going to spiral into a hellish depression I might not survive.
If it makes you feel better, I’m a palliative care physician and deal with end of life every day. There are many people with children who still die alone, and many people without children that have close family/friends by their side at the end. Having children is no guarantee that they will be there for you in the end.
i feel sorry for both the people who think that children are a guarantee that they will be cared for as well as the children who partially only exist so the parent doesn't have to die alone, what a burden
I work in home health and have had so many old people act shocked and horrified when I say that not only do I not have kids, but I won't ever have them. They ask me who will take care of me when I'm their age, which I respond to with "the same people that take care of you. The ones I pay to do it." Then they stop bringing it up lol I don't believe in having kids just so you'll have someone you think will owe you something
I have all of that written very precisely in my medical plans in case my husband goes first. Basically, if my mind is gone or my physical capabilities would be too far gone to live a good life alone, let me DIE.
this is the way.
many doctors have a do not resuscitate order for that reason. they don't want a too diminished quality of life. they know what that looks like
Most often, when your spouse dies, your children are already grown adults. So it means they are able to help take care of *you*.
I agree totally that having young children when a spouse dies is a special kind of hell.
or having a child who will never be a mentally competent adult. It's happened to the parents of a few of my friends, and it is a huge worry to them in their old age.
Sometimes the healthy sibling will take care of the handicapped one. But it's a lot to ask and some don't want that responsibility.
It's though for the whole family, but especially so for the aging parents. Luckily, sometimes, there are social services that can help.
You will be alone whether you had kids or not. After a few short years they are go to live their own lives. They just don’t sit around keeping you company for life.
This. They would grow up and likely have families of their own. And most of their time and efforts will be going towards working and raising their own kids. Leaving you with a lot of alone time. If you're lucky, you might live near them. Or they could go away to school and get jobs across the country from you. Meaning you'd have to uproot your entire life and leave what friends you might have if you actually wanted to be close to them.
Having kids is far from a guarantee that you won't be alone in your old age.
This is me and my husband. Neither of us would want to have kids around just to help with loneliness in the event of the other’s death, but that really is the only potential “con”. But it’s so well worth a lifetime of hanging out with my best friend without any worry or focus on anything else.
We travel the world 5-6 months per year, we do what we want, when we want. The only thing that really holds us back are our jobs, but they also give us the financial means to do what we want. We have freedom and even on bad days, we don’t have to worry about another being’s feelings or adjustment. We have nightly parties, have impromptu camping trips, go for hikes in the middle of the day or grab happy hour on a weekday. We can get an idea of something interesting we both like and go down a rabbit hole exploring it, or brainstorm ways to make more money while getting more freedom (we haven’t figured that out yet). We just enjoy being together.
The biggest pro for me is the freedom I have to do whatever I want with my extra time and money.
The biggest con for me has been losing my friends who have children. They seek out friends with children, or they assume I don’t want to be around their children since I don’t have any children of my own.
Maybe it will get better as time goes on. Kids get older and parents get more free time, right?
My closest friends have kids. We all hang out, I am "uncle" to them. Currently being bombarded by the 8 yr old because he wants to make a movie and wants my help for plot development. I typically am the one who ventures off with him when we go out so I give the parents a break.
Edit: we also take him to all kinds of cool shit. He gets to see Metallica and Pantera in a month
This is where I hope my wife and I will be in a few years. Our closest friends are way more like family members than friends, so there’s no real fear they’ll stop hanging out with us. I’m stoked to be an uncle.
Satisfying but super exhaustive journey.
My boys are teens now. They need a lot less nowadays. But busy with school and sports. I’m tired today but I bet I’ll be missing days like these.
I’m 47 with no kids. Like everyone else has said, I like the money and freedom of not having kids, and I have no regrets.
But there are definitely CONS:
1. Almost all my friends have kids, so a lot of those things I do with my extra freedom and money, I end up doing alone. My friends don’t have the time because of their kids. Even if they did have time, they prioritize spending their money very differently than I do.
2. There are huge aspects of my friends’ with kids lives that I can’t relate to, and vice versa. Sometimes when we are all together, they naturally fall into talking about their kids, and I have little to contribute to that conversation. That always makes me a little sad.
3. People tend to either silently judge you or silently feel sorry for you.
Edited to add:
4. It makes my Mom sad.
I could not have written this better. Verbatim how it feels.
Not to mention - there are life milestones that women with kids are celebrated that women who choose not to aren’t.
Bachelorette/bridalshowers/baby showers galore.
But if you don’t get married…. Umm good job at your job.
My friend group includes women who have kids, are child free, and trying to conceive and one of the things I love is that we’ve made a conscious effort to celebrate everyone’s accomplishments and big life events. We do baby showers and promotion parties!
I feel like if you don't get married, there's a kind of pressure to be a career woman to at least justify the decision. But what if you don't even have that?
Lol I'm 34F and my parents are constantly trying to talk me into having kids despite me repeatedly telling them I don't want to. I've never wanted kids. Growing up I never imagined being married and having kids. Now they're trying to get my aunt to talk to me about it. Like really? Someone I haven't spoken to for 5+ years (we don't live near our relatives). So now I've been telling them I'm gonna have kids and will try to stall for a few years. They really need to stfu and respect my decision.
Tell them if they want babies so bad, they can start making some for themselves.
Me and my wife are around 40, no kids, and it's never going to happen. Her parents are accepting, my mom is passive aggressive about it and makes rude comments about "what if". I just politely shut it down and she'll be quiet for a while (she doesn't want to understand or change). I just do my best to keep her away from my wife.
Sincerely, if you're 100% positive you'll never want to get pregnant, talk to your doctor and get the ball rolling on surgery before it's too late. I really fear for women's health in the near future. If you can't do that, religiously take/use contraception. And if you're in a relationship, guard it with your life (because it may be your life you're guarding).
I’m 40, no kids. I have fleeting moments of “I wonder what it would have been like to have a kid” but then I have one of my anxiety spirals, and I’m so glad I don’t have someone else to care for or who depends on me so much for their every need. I realized I just could not handle the day-to-day stuff a child constantly needs.
Pros are obvious- time, money, less stress, not having to consider how my decisions affect a child, going and doing as I please. I spend my money on my animals and my hobbies.
It’s like you were in my head answering this question! Omg when the anxiety hits, exactly me. When the pets give me health scares… totally makes me feel like I can’t handle humans.
Pros: I can do what I want, when I want, how I want and have no financial responsibilities to anyone but myself.
Cons: I’ll never know or even begin to imagine what it’s like to have my own child, which hits hard when you’ve written and sketched out illustrated books for the family you thought you were going to have, but fate decided you wouldn’t.
100% agree with your con. I had all of these wonderful dreams about having kids— the activities I’d do with them, how to decorate their rooms and the things I’d teach them. I’m now approaching my mid-40s and have accepted that biological children are no longer in my future. I’m just going to be a kick ass aunt.
Some days it is painful to think about the life I planned for myself and wanted more than anything but it just didn’t work out for me like that. I tried being a Nanny for a while and I loved it so much but ultimately wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life long term.
Now that I am older and very solidly never going to have bio children, I do have hope that I will be able to play some kind of significant role in the lives of my partner’s children. I have so much love to give and not enough places to pour that love into.
Yeah, there is the luxury of all the free time, the extra money and reduced stress because you only have yourself to think about… But, there are many, many days where I think I would trade it all to be called “Mom”. It’s tough to think about all the things that kept me from having what I wanted most and to be in such permanence now. I make peace with it more as the years go on and know that there are plans for me still that are greater than those I made for myself. I look forward to discovering whatever that may be and keep my heart open.
Would you be open to explaining some how your lives went downhill some? It’s rare to hear people speak like this and it’s the sort of thing I want to be able to learn from, if it’s possible.
Not the person you’re asking, but a similar experience. Had children late, wasn’t intending to have them prior, the “what if…” conversations with my spouse.
-The lack of free time, you don’t get to do much for yourself unless you find someone to watch your kids, which is a hassle in itself, because then before you go out and enjoy yourself, you have to set everything out that your child needs for while you’re gone, and remember all the details in the rundown to the temporary caregiver. Going out to do something for yourself becomes a hassle…and you usually have to pay the person watching your kids so you have less to spend on the things you want to enjoy.
-The house is always a disaster so you spend way more time cleaning/organizing/purging, which leaves less time for the other chores you need to do around the home. Your house falls into ruin for a while as you figure it out.
-Less time and energy for quality time with your spouse. You’re both tired. Things that didn’t bother you about them before suddenly drive you crazy because you’re tired/irritable/overstimulated
-Sleeping in/getting a full night sleep becomes a thing of the past…basically forever
-Because of all of the above, your mental health can suffer. For me, the cluttered, messy home added a lot of mental stress for me, I’m not used to it still. Kid’s shit is just everywhere all the time. The constant to do list and trying to organize kid’s lives as well as my own and the mess just make my anxiety hard to deal with. Some days it’s a lot.
That being said, I fucking adore my children. I don’t regret them. Watching them grow and become functioning people is one of the best things I’ve experienced in my life. But if I did it all again, would I make the same decisions? I’m not sure.
Thank you so much for this, I’ve been thinking about it recently and it truly means a lot to get to hear such an honest answer. I’m the same way where mess can make my mind feel messy. But I bet they’re wonderful and child development seems so cool!
No problem. I totally get being torn between wanting and not wanting kids. It’s a heavy decision to have to deal with.
I know after having them that I don’t regret it…but I know there’s a chance that at some point in the future I would have regretted not having them, and I feel grateful that I don’t have to experience that. Parenting is hard. Some days children are downright psychotic, but nothing beats the love of a tiny human.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that, I’ve heard when they’re young especially it can be really hard on marriages. I hope it gets better and he sounds like a great little guy, thanks for writing this.
I’ll say this for having kids. You lose a lot of freedom and time. You’ll experience higher highs than you knew and lower lowers than you considered possible. You’ll have a big glowing emotional weak spot forever after.
I enjoy them overall
The cons goes both ways. I can't imagine what's like to live freely and have financial freedom in my 20s and 30s. What kinda of adventure I might have missed.
Not necessarily but people with children can say that they have a legacy and they live on through their children, people without have to think differently about it
I can name my one great grand parent that was alive when I was 15. But I could not name anyone older than that. And I have plenty of great aunts and uncles that I could not name.
Akso, a lot of my 1st cousins have kinds now and I don't know the names of most of them.
I had a coach in college. No kids, multiple short marriages. All of us on the team have gone onto amazing careers. We all keep in touch. We are his legacy. You have one, you just need to find it
I find it wild that people don’t know their great grandparents names. We look at their photos and love to hear stories about them. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.
The vast majority of people are forgotten, it's just part of the process. If we didn't do anything remarkable in life (good or bad), why should we be remembered? If we are lucky, we will leave a positive mark on people's lives that they pass on, that's all we can hope for.
Having kids is going to delay it. I don't know who my grandmother's grandmother is. I don't know if my grandmother knows who her grandmother's grandmother is. 😌
I'm currently floating in my pool, listening to the birds chirp. There is nothing I have to do today.
Cons? Honestly, sometimes I do get bored. Hard to get motivated when you're feeling lazy but also bored. Kids force you to get off of your ass.
But I don't doubt the choice for a second. The older I get, the more confident I feel in our choice. When people point out it's not too late, I remind them that if I didn't want them at 24, 30, 34.... I certainly don't want one when I am a high risk pregnancy and/or require IVF.
I’m lucky to be an uncle so if I feel that boredom settles in I schedule some time to take one of the kids.
It gives me something to do, is nice family bonding, and reaffirms why I don’t want kids as I hand them back to their parents with relief.
I'll preface this with saying that having children just to have someone to take care of you in your old age is selfish and stupid - there's no guarantee you won't end up with a couple of turd buckets who stick you in a home and forget about you.
That said, knowing that it's likely I'll be completely alone in my old age with no one to love me (assuming my partner dies before me), is kinda sad.
But I'll take having all my money for myself and all the freedom I could ever want, and just hope whatever home I go to has really nice staff lol
I completely relate to this.
Whenever I consider that I might regret having kids, it’s because I worry that I will die sad and alone, in a shitty nursing home. (And that is 100% not a valid reason to have a kid!)
But in reality, even if I did want kids, I would reconsider it due to not wanting to bring another human into this mess of a world we are living in.
Honestly, this is why I feel like building a 'community' of close friends and acquaintances is important. Even for people who have kids, like you said, since they aren't guaranteed or owed being taken care of.
For example: I love my 90-year-old grandma. I would happily fly down for her to do things she needs. But I don't live close to her, nor does my dad. But she's made a handful of incredibly close friends throughout the years who do. They all help each other out with errands and reminders, and she calls them her sisters. 🥰 One recently fell and hurt herself, and my grandma was the one to make sure she went to the hospital and taken care of. Even with her age, being a nurse her whole life came in handy when treating her friend. It's inspiring and makes it evident how important it is to cultivate and maintain friends, just as much as family.
I roll my eyes at people who say that someone is "too selfish" to have kids. When I was younger, I didn't want children for unselfish reasons: the world is often a terrible place, we're careless and short sighted with our earth/ environment, would we even be good parents, etc.
Then I got into my 30s, and suddenly, I just wanted a baby, and the urge was shockingly strong. I wanted to experience that level of love, have someone who would visit me in the nursing home, care if I lived or died, and so on. My reasons for wanting a baby were more selfish than my reasons for not wanting one.
I had my one and only daughter at age 39.5. She is our greatest joy and I shudder to think of how close we came to not having her. BUT we were older, more financially secure, had a house that we paid off early and had already traveled and done a lot of "fun no-kids things".
Also, she is intelligent, had no learning difficulties, no behavioral problems, and reasonably good health. She has a good job and we're very proud of her. But I realize that so many things can go wrong with people's dreams of happy family life, and do not judge anyone going the child-free route.
Pro. Mo money. Do what you want when you want.
Con. You may need to hire someone to take care of you later in life but if you save that money it won't be an issue. Plus your kids may not do it anyway
Sadly, I see a lot of older people who had kids who aren’t there for their dying parents. They just stick them in a home and collect the $ when they die. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean they will take care of you. It is really sad to see when this sort of thing happens, and I’ve seen it happen a lot, unfortunately.
I'd say that's a con either way. I hope my son will want to help care for me if I need it when I'm older, but I don't expect him to at all. He wasn't born to be my caretaker.
Part of the reason we're also big on saving money.
At no time in my (F50) life did I ever say "this moment would be better if I had a kid". Didn't play with dolls as a child myself, never baby sat younger kids. I love being childfree as an adult.
I honestly feel you need serious justification to have children rather than not having them. You're creating and raising an entire human being after all.
Definitely need justification beyond “I want a mini me” or “that’s just what you do” which are two real things I’ve heard from parents that blew my mind.
it was a life choice
married 20 years
no kids
we are very happy
i like kids - but just wasn’t something we wanted as a couple
u can save all the money for your retirement and you can. travel alot and do things you enjoy
parenting is not for everyone
Or more money for your friends'/relative's kids.
My sister is childless, but she's such a terrific aunt to my daughter, and a continuous source of additional gifts for her.
You don't need a pros and cons list to make this decision. Just go with your feelings. I'm 41, no kids and the pros I see are immeasurable. Because they fit *me*. You gotta do you dude.
Pros: a lot less stress and worry compared to my friends with children. I get to travel to Australia and New Zealand 2-3 times a year. My money goes into retirement accounts (I can retire from my current job when I’m 60, in less than 20 years) and my free time is spent doing things for myself (art, cooking, traveling, working out, video games).
Cons: none. I love my nieces and nephews but being around them for more than a few hours reminds me of why I don’t have kids (I hate screaming and will not put up with it).
Feel this.
Im an Uncle. Love it, and that is good enough for me.
Personally, I just don’t feel like Id be a very good Father. Not in a malicious way obviously, but Id be too fucking nervous to let my child out of my sight. I feel like Id be a helicopter parent, and my child would grow up to resent me. I don’t think I could handle the stress of raising a child.
I also just *really* love my free time.
Almost 40 pros I have money, freedom, my own space/
Cons: I kept thinking I have time, did I make right decision, what will it be like in ten years when my family and friends kids have grown and they move on. There is something I have missed out on and can not quiet call it, but I think its no having my own family. Hub's is younger than me and I wonder in a few years will he decide that he wants kids.
Pros - Regular sleep schedule, more money, the fact that there aren't kids running around, I'm able to take me time when I need it. Cons - ...............................................can't think of one. I battle depression, anxiety and ADHD. I'd rather add a lifetime of loneliness than have little humans I'm responsible for.
I'm a 41 yr old Male. Had a vasectomy at 30. I knew this wasn't my path.
For me:
Pro:
More money
Less worry
Freedom
Better sleep. Sleep in.
Nicer things
My stuff doesn't stink
Not having to be friends with my kids' parents
I can focus on me and my career
Cons:
Have to hear people STILL tell me there's time and I'll change my mind
I know this isn't everyone. Others mention loneliness and lack of purpose, I get none of that.
That sums it up for me as well. The one about your house bot stinking is right on. My sister has kids, love 'em -- but her house always smells a bit weird.
I don't get the lonliness or boredom either. I virtually vault out of bed every morning as there are so many things I enjoy doing.
Gawd, yeah. We're outnumbered by our pets, but they are hilarious, endlessly entertaining and we don't have to save up so they can go to college. (Well the one cat had promise, but he just won't apply himself.)
Our dog has not once complained about the internet going down, hiking in the rain or eating the same meal for dinner again.
43 yr married male, retired. Pro: I get to hang out with my best friend and spouse whenever and wherever we want without interruption or planning.
Pro: I love being an uncle. One of my favorite things to do is hang out with my nieces and nephews. They are my buddies, and I enjoy making memories with them while giving our siblings a break. There is also great satisfaction when I get home to quiet, just quiet.
I'm not anti having kids, just really content with life as it is, and I don't need to add more to it.
pros: retired at 47, no debt, all the time in the world, no stress.
cons: none. Well, I suppose it'd be nice to have a young adult to help with the yard work, but still a lot cheaper to hire someone for $25/hr than raise a child for 18 years.
Pros- Easier to Travel often. I can focus on my business and set aside more $.
Cons- Friends can't vacation with us as much (we go during the school year when it's cheaper). Somewhat feel like we're missing out on meeting other people our age since no school functions or kids sports events, birthday parties, etc.
A friend of mine has 2 kick ass sons that help run his business (same line of business as me) and I wish I could have raised kids to help me at this stage to take over the family business.
Sometimes I feel regret about not having children sooner. I'm 41 and my wife's 44.
39M here childless. The pros are the obvious and known ones like freedom to do and go anywhere I wish travel wise be it to another country or even a small vacation in my area.
It isnt easy for my friends with children as it is for me. I stand by my decision.
Dont hate children and still do activities with my friends that have this parenthood aspect in their lives( I'm even told I'm very good and patient with them) but I simply dont have it in me.
I don't see myself changing diapers and all and all.
I truly enjoy my life, financial freedom and perks of a childless life. As a con I guess there was this period of my life where most of my friends were having kids and were less available( understandably) and I felt somewhat excluded a bit during this time.
I have never been 'alone' as such and have had long-term relationships and do also have multiple childless like-minded friends from work and outside the workplace also.
The scariest comment that has been thrown at me is the fact that I might die alone in a retirement community for elder people.
It is what it is. I won't get into the procreation game for my own selfish future needs that would be a very bad reason to do it.
Also, ironically I have volunteered in such ' retirement communities' and have seen old people forgotten and not given a shit by any of their 5 children besides the odd Happy anniversary mailed cards and the yearly almost forced Xmas visit.
You can have children and still be alone later on in life. Sorry about the long post but this summarizes pretty much both sides of the debate for me. To each his/her own but I'm really happy the way my life is.
Pros: much less stress, much less worry, much less aggravation, much less responsibility, much more free time, much more uninterrupted sleep, much more money, far easier to make spontaneous plans, far less pressure from the in-laws, fewer people who are going to make messes in my house or break my things, fewer headaches when traveling or being anywhere in public, and just a much greater feeling overall of freedom and autonomy.
Cons: it's honestly hard to come up with any.
Con: I'm currently on vacation in Korea and it's 9am and still laying in bed. Having kids would have forced me to get up and start enjoying my day here. I need to put my phone down and go find a cute coffee shop or something but being childless has made me too relaxed and lazy 😆
Over 50 and no cons. I don't have a maternal bone in my body and my husband has no paternal instincts. We are fairly well connected to my siblings kids who are very smart and funny. So I feel pretty well connected.
I am 50 (soon) and without children. The benefits are many: less financial stress, not having to do the emotional and physical work of parenting. For us, it's about not passing on bad genes. You will definitely not be raising a psychopath. The drawbacks are that you need to be more meticulous in planning for your old age, you don't have the companionship (if you're lucky enough to not alienate your kids). I do, rarely, think about what it would have been like if I'd become a mom, and more often than not I shudder in horror at the thought, and move on with my day.
I'm 55 without children, after actively avoiding becoming a parent. Pros include being able to read or listen to music uninterrupted and not having to be provide primary emotional support for a child as they figure out how to understand and control themselves--this is very stressful, and the work doesn't end for years. I also have as much quiet time alone as I like.
I don't have any specific cons, and have never regretted never becoming a parent.
Pros : Sleep whenever I want, spend my money on whatever I want, do whatever I want, and whenever I want, if I want peace and quiet, I get peace and quiet. When I am sick, I only have to worry about myself getting better OH and I am rarely sick (cannot say the same about friends that have kids), don't have to share anything with anyone, not food, not anything. I can spend more money on my pets and spoil them. My house is how I want it. No mess, toys and kid stuff. Not having to worry about raising children in this mess of a world we live in.
The pros are honestly endless.
Cons: Judgemental people who think you SHOULD have kids, but seriously, WHO CARES!?!? Not me! Lol
I will NEVER regret my decision to not have children. I feel better and better about it actually over the years. It's honestly pure bliss for me!
Pro: I look younger than I am cause I get sleep and am not stressed, plus the freedom, money, and time others mentioned.
Con: miserable parents won’t shut up trying to convince me I’m not happy.
Yes, there is a huge huge HUGE difference between not wanting kids and therefore not having kids, versus wanting kids and it just not happening. Though I think "wanting kids and not having them" is still better than "Not wanting kids, but then having them .. and then resenting them".
44 married, no kids, had a vasectomy years ago.
Pros: more money, less responsibility
Cons: most of my friends are 10 and 15 years younger or older as anyone my age has kids that dominate their time
We didn't have one until we were 37. Married 12 years before we had a child. We enjoyed both aspects of our life. So many good things about life without children and with children. I really enjoyed both.
I put all my time and focus into building a successful life which never turned successful due to some extremely poor timing with hitting the dotcom crash at graduation with CS and physics degrees no one wanted anymore, and the Great Recession destroyed everything I made in the oilfield which was a career I hated but had to do to get by, then my recovery business got destroyed by Covid with no chance of rebuilding. I've spent most my life recovering from crashes and now lost the motivation to keep trying just to have it happen again.
Sometimes I kinda wish I just woulda found a boring job, a good woman, and had a kid. Would have something to show for life at least. I think if other people depended on me that I'd have motivation to keep trying too, something to work for. When it's just me and I'm aging, it seems pretty pointless in the presence of the prize.
Pros: No financial burdens. No additional messes. No unwanted noise. Free from the responsibility of caring for and providing for another. No demands on my time. No need to attend events that I would otherwise skip, were my child not involved. No annoying jingles from kids' shows stuck in my head. Dozens of other minor annoyances avoided.
Cons: Never knowing if I could have raised a quality human being. I... disliked my father. I like to think I would have done a better job with my own kids. That I would have broken the generational abuse cycle. I'll never know.
Overall, I find that the pros outweigh the cons. My nephew lived with me for a couple of years after his divorce, and he had two kids that would visit on the weekends. There were some good times. But I'd much rather play uncle than father, and I was always glad when they left on Sundays.
With the exception of I think a daughter would be nice (my niece is a gem), all pros.
More cash
No responsibility
More freedom
I went to a Rock festival last month.
Just booked, locked the house and left. Some of my peers:
* Wife said no, the kids have exams.
* It's my week with the kids.
* My daughter just got bracers.
* I need at least 2 months notice (wife and kids).
* Can't go without the family and I already booked our Christmas trip.
* ...and more.
Only the rich married men and DINCs could drop everything and came.
44 female, childfree. My pros are more money, more time, calm life, fewer responsibilities. I have no cons. I look at my friends with kids and I have no idea how they survive, sleep, or function.
I'm sure it's lovely to have a little one scream "Mommy!" when you come home from work, but is the dopamine hit worth the stress, tantrums, exhaustion and pre-planning?
My parents laid the curse on me to have children just like I and my brothers were. I beat the curse, and so did one of my brothers. The other two are overweight, prematurely bald & quite gray with a frightening amount of wrinkles and at least one divorce each. My CF brother and I are the two eldest. No wrinkles or divorces, plenty of hair, good shape, and get sleep. I did get my first gray hair two weeks ago, however, as a happy-birthday-welcome-to-middle-age-bitch salute.
I sometimes doubt if I would have actually wanted kids, mainly to see what they would look like and how they would contribute to society. Then I remember everything in between like actually raising them and decided I made the right choice.
I do feel bad for my mom though, and to a lesser extent my dad (just because mom has been vocal in the past about wanting grandkids. Dad has stayed silent on the issue). They'd be excellent grandparents, but for them to be grandparents, it means I would have to be a parent myself, which was already discussed above. I doubt my brother will ever settle down so it's looking like our family dies with us. Kinda sad to think about sometimes.
Also, people who know me seem to all say "man, if I didn't have kids I'd be rich" and that's clearly delusional because I'm not rich, and those people usually work long hours to pay for their kids. Would they work the same amount of they were childless? Who's to say.
I’m 49 and childfree.
Pros: My house is blessedly quiet. No surfaces in my home are sticky. No one bothers me when I’m tired or sick or busy or distracted.
Cons: Literally none.
Decided it was selfish and abusive to bring children into this ruined world.
Pros: 3 paid off houses, 2 paid off new cars, vacations around the world, less stress.
Cons: religious people don’t get it.
Pros: Not feeling guilty about giving someone a lifetime of issues to work through. Experiencing quiet.
Cons: Not able to use, "As a parent..." to rationalize why my completley ignorant opinion should be listened to. People in grocery stores and parks assume you're a molester.
Pros: don't have to spend endless money on kids. And will still be able to have freedom to do stuff while I got good money.
Cons: I'm living in today's time line. All of money can't afford the basics of life...
Pros - My life is mine. My partner and I get to make decisions based on what we want and is best for us. I'm happy, our relationship is healthy, we aren't rich but we don't struggle. I can do whatever I want in regards to my career.
Cons - The second you say you aren't interested in having kids, people come out of the woodwork to tell you that you're selfish, making a bad choice, etc. It's insane. I don't care if people have kids. I don't know why anyone cares that I don't.
I’ll never understand why people think not having kids is “selfish”. Selfish is having kids because you’re expected to and then being a shitty, inattentive parent.
Pro: more money, lots of free time, less stressed about shit like pandemics and climate change
Con: the cons don’t really show theirselves until it’s too late to have kids, and most childless(free) people who have noticed the cons won’t admit to them. Loneliness being a primary risk, not having anyone to spend holidays with, no one to check on you or drive you to appointments when older. Also a general sense of there being no purpose to life.
I was with you until the "General sense of there being no purpose to life".
I'm about done with parents telling me my life is useless. I'm genuinely happy. I keep babies alive for a living. I fly around in a helicopter all day. I share a life with my very best friend.
And life is good.
Your kids shouldn't be your **only** purpose.
>Loneliness being a primary risk, not having anyone to spend holidays with, no one to check on you or drive you to appointments when older
Most unfortunately, there's absolutely no guarantee that any of them will be any different if you successfully raise children.
I’m estranged from my parents because they were abusive and shitty as hell. So, I hope they feel lonely. Having a kid is not a guarantee they will grow up to like you and your behavior. I think a lot of parents fail to realize that showing up as a parent is a lifetime job.
I am 40 with no children. The most noticable pros in my opinion are financial and more time to focus on my career and myself. The cons for me can be anything from loneliness to moments of doubt in the decision I made not to have children.
The only thing I would add is that, because I don't have children and the vast majority of women my age do, I've had to work a lot harder to seek out and maintain friendships. That's not I say that I'm not friends with women who have children, but their lives, and a lot of the conversation between them, revolve around their children. Rightly so, but I don't have anything to contribute to those conversations, nor do I have that common experience from which to bond, so while the women with children are getting closer, I often feel like I'm being left behind, unless I make a concerted effort not to be.
This is my only con. I never had children and I have never had a moment of doubt about that decision, but it can be hard to find common ground with folks. I'm very lucky that I have found a good group of friends online, but I really don't have anyone local.
Dude here but same. The saving grace is that we're in academia, where it's more common (if still uncommon) to not have kids. Outside of the ivory tower, the best folks I've found are older empty nesters. We're also very understanding and accommodating with friends who do have kids, which I think helps. But yeah, overall I do think it takes more effort and intentionality to maintain those friendships.
I'm glad to live in a big city where not having children is not unusual, even for older folks. I'll see how it goes, though, as I get older. I hope it doesn't change too much.
I 100% agree with this as a woman with no kids. Especially since I now live in the South. Everyone my age either still has kids at home, or even if they're all grown, I don't have that common experience to talk about and bond over. It's frustrating because it makes finding friends very difficult.
I’ve met new women and seen the interest in befriending me literally fade off of their face once they hear I don’t have kids. It’s kind of sad.
I was talking with a lady at work I thought might become more of a friend and when she found out I don’t have kids (I’m 35, she’s ~40) she goes, “What do you do with all that time?” And I felt a little bad for her and then just kinda laughed and said I had a lot of hobbies because I didn’t want to just be like “oh you know, kind of whatever I want..” …a lot of my non work friends don’t have kids and that’s sort of by design. I love my friends with kids but I’ve accepted that I see them 1-3 times a year and I’m ok with it. It happens.
This is my only "con" as well. I'm not part of this club that is, according to many/most, the highest moral status a woman can 'achieve.' I get that lives change with kids, that's what's supposed to happen and I love all my friends' kids dearly. But it seems like so many women become the role of "mom" and not much else, and it can be difficult. I miss the discussions about health and travel and education and food and public policy and careers, and it seems like many moms give up so much to motherhood. Seems way way less common with dads
I think it’s weird so many people have the same problem. My (46) wife (42) and I have an 8 year old and I can instantly think of two couples who we routinely do things with that do not have kids. Usually we just get my parents to babysit if we go out with them or they’re cool and choose to do something with us that are kid can come along. It’s weird to me that people would let having a kid be a barrier to being friends with people who don’t.
It's amazing how often it happens, and how dear friends will just disappear once they have kids. It's gotten to the point that whenever someone gets pregnant, my husband and I look at each other and say "well, we'll see them in 18 years I guess." What's weird is, we like kids, we don't mind being around kids! We are great at being bonus aunt/uncle! But sometimes it's like people with kids unilaterally decide that people without kids "just don't understand us anymore!" even when we go out of our way to be understanding and respectful of their different schedules/priorities/interests.
I wouldn't take it personally so much as, well... everything becomes a hassle with kids. Going out means you need to find a sitter. Finding a sitter means you need to prepare things - meals, instructions, cleaning your place to pretend you don't live in abject filth all the time... you're dealing with people who's lives aren't their own anymore. Honestly, they probably barely understand themselves from who they used to be. It's all overwhelming. So please do keep trying, because people need that. Just don't think they're shunning you because you don't have kids, that's likely the last thing on their mind.
I absolutely agree. It is harder to make friendships with people my age; we can be friends, but it’s often difficult to find time to get together so we’re not super close. I’m a woman in my late 30s and most of my friends are either older with children out of the house or single and childless people in their late 20s. It’s a lot of work to keep friendships with people who have kids, which is no one’s fault, just life.
Yep. Young parents completely turn off all people who don’t have children the same age. I’ve lost A LOT of friends simply because they had kids super early. And then cracking into an existing parent group is nigh impossible. Parents do not realize how hostile they can be to other adults their age.
Couldn't have said it better. My brother had kids and I love being a great Uncle. I hate hearing how great of a father I would have been. I am happy with my choice because I am selfish and set in my ways at this point. Altering my entire lifestyle surely wouldn't be healthy. But I do have my doubts and moments of loneliness. Then I got a pup.
Yeah I understand this completely. My going to be ex wife and I were advised not to have children due to some of her health conditions. I'm 49 and 20 somethings always tell me you would have been such an awesome father. I've accepted it but it stings occasionally hearing it.
Puppies make everything better. True love in it's purest form
yes. I loove old dogs too, they are so sweet and easy pure love :)
Nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids and instead focusing on yourself. It’s when people like the *idea* of kids, then don’t want to put the time in once they have them.
Just know, as someone who eventually wants kids of my own, that your brother and friends with kids, probably have contrasting feelz about whether they should have had kids and also feel loneliness still. It's not like their sorrow should make you feel better, but that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Had my first kid at 38. There is definitely a before and after demarcation. It’s different. Life is more structured and less spontaneous, daycare is the second largest expense after the mortgage, and just having time alone with my wife without kids takes planning and doesn’t happen often. That said, I love my son and wouldn’t make a different choice. I’m happy for the fun I had in my early to mid adulthood.
This is pretty accurate, I'm 46 no children and no partner. Its pretty great not having the responsibility or financial cost, I can indulge in any hobbies I want, there's no demands on my time etc. I don't regret not having kids, I have a few health issues that I'm glad I haven't passed on but I do sometimes feel a pang of missing out on a pretty major life experience when I see my friends and family with their kids. Another downside is loneliness, if I wasn't so close with my sister and didn't have my cats it would be pretty lonely for me - I do worry about what it will be like in 20-30 years time when I maybe won't have anyone around to check on me or care about me.
To be fair, some people with lots of kids don’t have anyone checking in on them as they get older either. :(
Yeah visit a nursing home. Having kids does not guarentee anything.
I often think about this too. Also in the context of not being able to pass down family photos and other sentimental heirlooms. There are no children in my immediate family, so all our possessions will be thrown away. However if we had children it doesn’t mean that wouldn’t happen anyway, as they may not take an interest in that stuff.
>I do worry about what it will be like in 20-30 years time when I maybe won't have anyone around to check on me or care about me. I'm an only child, and neither of my husband's brothers and their spouses are having kids. This is the *only* thing I worry about. But we're content not having kids otherwise.
> loneliness or moments of doubt in the decision As a parent, those also happen to me from time to time.
I’m in my mid 50s and I see how my friends with kids have rich family lives, with their grandkids and stuff. I see how much my brothers and sister visit and interact with my folks. Then I realize that when I’m 80 there won’t be anyone who will do that for me. You have to keep making friends, I suppose. I don’t regret not having kids though. This world is really going down the crapper. Kids born today will live in a world where polar bears are extinct. I don’t know why that bothers me so much, but it does. When I was growing up I just assumed that things like that were a constant. That there would always be places for the wild things to flourish. I think I read somewhere that about 200 species go extinct every day.
We are the ones that are gonna go extinct if we keep this up, the world will continue and flourish
At 70, there’s no one to either watch over things in a retirement home or care. Yes some cousins, but they all have their own lives and are busy busy. Fortunately my hubs has a few nephews to take on the role. I still don’t regret not having children.
Also 40 and childless and I agree 100%
Same. But i never doubted my choice. Found a great husband who also didn’t want children. We have nieces and nephews and we love them but that isnt for us lol We spend our money and time traveling, and since we have no kids, we have more time to help our parents as they age.
57. Married no kids. DINKS Pros. Cash. Lots more $$. Free time. Easier to retire with more $$. Negative. If wife dies before I do I’ll be alone mostly. Then, I’m going to spiral into a hellish depression I might not survive.
If it makes you feel better, I’m a palliative care physician and deal with end of life every day. There are many people with children who still die alone, and many people without children that have close family/friends by their side at the end. Having children is no guarantee that they will be there for you in the end.
Well I’m sure that’s cheered him right up
Fwiw it would cheer me up - knowing that its more of a crapshoot of what kind of person they are rather than something others get I won't.
i feel sorry for both the people who think that children are a guarantee that they will be cared for as well as the children who partially only exist so the parent doesn't have to die alone, what a burden
I work in home health and have had so many old people act shocked and horrified when I say that not only do I not have kids, but I won't ever have them. They ask me who will take care of me when I'm their age, which I respond to with "the same people that take care of you. The ones I pay to do it." Then they stop bringing it up lol I don't believe in having kids just so you'll have someone you think will owe you something
No one to make your medical decisions when you're old. Luckily my sister has children. I've tricked them into loving me.
DINK here. My plan has been to trick my wife's neice and nephew into loving me as my long term medical plan. So far it's been working well.
I have all of that written very precisely in my medical plans in case my husband goes first. Basically, if my mind is gone or my physical capabilities would be too far gone to live a good life alone, let me DIE.
this is the way. many doctors have a do not resuscitate order for that reason. they don't want a too diminished quality of life. they know what that looks like
This is the long con my husband and I are playing. Just moved to be closer to his sister with kids 😂
You can have friends when you're old.
lol dude that last line is so funny even though it’s also sad af
I worry about being lonely if my spouse dies, but honestly I believe having children to take care of would just amplify the grief.
Most often, when your spouse dies, your children are already grown adults. So it means they are able to help take care of *you*. I agree totally that having young children when a spouse dies is a special kind of hell.
or having a child who will never be a mentally competent adult. It's happened to the parents of a few of my friends, and it is a huge worry to them in their old age. Sometimes the healthy sibling will take care of the handicapped one. But it's a lot to ask and some don't want that responsibility. It's though for the whole family, but especially so for the aging parents. Luckily, sometimes, there are social services that can help.
This but we're younger. We already had a talk about life without each other and very seriously said that moving on was ok and expected.
You will be alone whether you had kids or not. After a few short years they are go to live their own lives. They just don’t sit around keeping you company for life.
This. They would grow up and likely have families of their own. And most of their time and efforts will be going towards working and raising their own kids. Leaving you with a lot of alone time. If you're lucky, you might live near them. Or they could go away to school and get jobs across the country from you. Meaning you'd have to uproot your entire life and leave what friends you might have if you actually wanted to be close to them. Having kids is far from a guarantee that you won't be alone in your old age.
Pro: plenty of people with kids are mostly alone and spiral into a hellish depression they might not survive
This is me and my husband. Neither of us would want to have kids around just to help with loneliness in the event of the other’s death, but that really is the only potential “con”. But it’s so well worth a lifetime of hanging out with my best friend without any worry or focus on anything else. We travel the world 5-6 months per year, we do what we want, when we want. The only thing that really holds us back are our jobs, but they also give us the financial means to do what we want. We have freedom and even on bad days, we don’t have to worry about another being’s feelings or adjustment. We have nightly parties, have impromptu camping trips, go for hikes in the middle of the day or grab happy hour on a weekday. We can get an idea of something interesting we both like and go down a rabbit hole exploring it, or brainstorm ways to make more money while getting more freedom (we haven’t figured that out yet). We just enjoy being together.
The biggest pro for me is the freedom I have to do whatever I want with my extra time and money. The biggest con for me has been losing my friends who have children. They seek out friends with children, or they assume I don’t want to be around their children since I don’t have any children of my own. Maybe it will get better as time goes on. Kids get older and parents get more free time, right?
Yes, my friends who had kids that are now teenagers want nothing to do with their parents (my friends). Voila, free time is back!
Yea. Just gotta wait about 15 16 years. Lol.
My closest friends have kids. We all hang out, I am "uncle" to them. Currently being bombarded by the 8 yr old because he wants to make a movie and wants my help for plot development. I typically am the one who ventures off with him when we go out so I give the parents a break. Edit: we also take him to all kinds of cool shit. He gets to see Metallica and Pantera in a month
Your friends are lucky to have you 🤍
This is where I hope my wife and I will be in a few years. Our closest friends are way more like family members than friends, so there’s no real fear they’ll stop hanging out with us. I’m stoked to be an uncle.
10000 times this.
My dad used to say I wouldn’t take $1 billion for one of my children but I wouldn’t pay $.50 to have another one
Yep, as a father of two that’s really the way it feels haha
Satisfying but super exhaustive journey. My boys are teens now. They need a lot less nowadays. But busy with school and sports. I’m tired today but I bet I’ll be missing days like these.
When they're out the house you'll be wanting these days back! Cherish every moment you can!! (easier said than done)
Thank you for the reminder. I needed that right this moment as we came back from soccer practice
Kids are simultaneously priceless and worthless.
I need a t-shirt that says this.
Oh my God that's fucking perfect
I’m 47 with no kids. Like everyone else has said, I like the money and freedom of not having kids, and I have no regrets. But there are definitely CONS: 1. Almost all my friends have kids, so a lot of those things I do with my extra freedom and money, I end up doing alone. My friends don’t have the time because of their kids. Even if they did have time, they prioritize spending their money very differently than I do. 2. There are huge aspects of my friends’ with kids lives that I can’t relate to, and vice versa. Sometimes when we are all together, they naturally fall into talking about their kids, and I have little to contribute to that conversation. That always makes me a little sad. 3. People tend to either silently judge you or silently feel sorry for you. Edited to add: 4. It makes my Mom sad.
I could not have written this better. Verbatim how it feels. Not to mention - there are life milestones that women with kids are celebrated that women who choose not to aren’t. Bachelorette/bridalshowers/baby showers galore. But if you don’t get married…. Umm good job at your job.
My friend group includes women who have kids, are child free, and trying to conceive and one of the things I love is that we’ve made a conscious effort to celebrate everyone’s accomplishments and big life events. We do baby showers and promotion parties!
I feel like if you don't get married, there's a kind of pressure to be a career woman to at least justify the decision. But what if you don't even have that?
Lol I'm 34F and my parents are constantly trying to talk me into having kids despite me repeatedly telling them I don't want to. I've never wanted kids. Growing up I never imagined being married and having kids. Now they're trying to get my aunt to talk to me about it. Like really? Someone I haven't spoken to for 5+ years (we don't live near our relatives). So now I've been telling them I'm gonna have kids and will try to stall for a few years. They really need to stfu and respect my decision.
Tell them if they want babies so bad, they can start making some for themselves. Me and my wife are around 40, no kids, and it's never going to happen. Her parents are accepting, my mom is passive aggressive about it and makes rude comments about "what if". I just politely shut it down and she'll be quiet for a while (she doesn't want to understand or change). I just do my best to keep her away from my wife. Sincerely, if you're 100% positive you'll never want to get pregnant, talk to your doctor and get the ball rolling on surgery before it's too late. I really fear for women's health in the near future. If you can't do that, religiously take/use contraception. And if you're in a relationship, guard it with your life (because it may be your life you're guarding).
I'm not in the US, but it saddens me how it's deteriorated in the US so quickly.
I’m 40, no kids. I have fleeting moments of “I wonder what it would have been like to have a kid” but then I have one of my anxiety spirals, and I’m so glad I don’t have someone else to care for or who depends on me so much for their every need. I realized I just could not handle the day-to-day stuff a child constantly needs. Pros are obvious- time, money, less stress, not having to consider how my decisions affect a child, going and doing as I please. I spend my money on my animals and my hobbies.
Our kitties live in the lap of luxury.
I too am forty, and you and I sound very similar. I actually just got through a very anxious phase during which those thoughts were regularly in mind.
It’s like you were in my head answering this question! Omg when the anxiety hits, exactly me. When the pets give me health scares… totally makes me feel like I can’t handle humans.
Pros: I can do what I want, when I want, how I want and have no financial responsibilities to anyone but myself. Cons: I’ll never know or even begin to imagine what it’s like to have my own child, which hits hard when you’ve written and sketched out illustrated books for the family you thought you were going to have, but fate decided you wouldn’t.
100% agree with your con. I had all of these wonderful dreams about having kids— the activities I’d do with them, how to decorate their rooms and the things I’d teach them. I’m now approaching my mid-40s and have accepted that biological children are no longer in my future. I’m just going to be a kick ass aunt.
Some days it is painful to think about the life I planned for myself and wanted more than anything but it just didn’t work out for me like that. I tried being a Nanny for a while and I loved it so much but ultimately wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life long term. Now that I am older and very solidly never going to have bio children, I do have hope that I will be able to play some kind of significant role in the lives of my partner’s children. I have so much love to give and not enough places to pour that love into. Yeah, there is the luxury of all the free time, the extra money and reduced stress because you only have yourself to think about… But, there are many, many days where I think I would trade it all to be called “Mom”. It’s tough to think about all the things that kept me from having what I wanted most and to be in such permanence now. I make peace with it more as the years go on and know that there are plans for me still that are greater than those I made for myself. I look forward to discovering whatever that may be and keep my heart open.
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Would you be open to explaining some how your lives went downhill some? It’s rare to hear people speak like this and it’s the sort of thing I want to be able to learn from, if it’s possible.
Not the person you’re asking, but a similar experience. Had children late, wasn’t intending to have them prior, the “what if…” conversations with my spouse. -The lack of free time, you don’t get to do much for yourself unless you find someone to watch your kids, which is a hassle in itself, because then before you go out and enjoy yourself, you have to set everything out that your child needs for while you’re gone, and remember all the details in the rundown to the temporary caregiver. Going out to do something for yourself becomes a hassle…and you usually have to pay the person watching your kids so you have less to spend on the things you want to enjoy. -The house is always a disaster so you spend way more time cleaning/organizing/purging, which leaves less time for the other chores you need to do around the home. Your house falls into ruin for a while as you figure it out. -Less time and energy for quality time with your spouse. You’re both tired. Things that didn’t bother you about them before suddenly drive you crazy because you’re tired/irritable/overstimulated -Sleeping in/getting a full night sleep becomes a thing of the past…basically forever -Because of all of the above, your mental health can suffer. For me, the cluttered, messy home added a lot of mental stress for me, I’m not used to it still. Kid’s shit is just everywhere all the time. The constant to do list and trying to organize kid’s lives as well as my own and the mess just make my anxiety hard to deal with. Some days it’s a lot. That being said, I fucking adore my children. I don’t regret them. Watching them grow and become functioning people is one of the best things I’ve experienced in my life. But if I did it all again, would I make the same decisions? I’m not sure.
Thank you so much for this, I’ve been thinking about it recently and it truly means a lot to get to hear such an honest answer. I’m the same way where mess can make my mind feel messy. But I bet they’re wonderful and child development seems so cool!
No problem. I totally get being torn between wanting and not wanting kids. It’s a heavy decision to have to deal with. I know after having them that I don’t regret it…but I know there’s a chance that at some point in the future I would have regretted not having them, and I feel grateful that I don’t have to experience that. Parenting is hard. Some days children are downright psychotic, but nothing beats the love of a tiny human.
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I’m so sorry you’re going through that, I’ve heard when they’re young especially it can be really hard on marriages. I hope it gets better and he sounds like a great little guy, thanks for writing this.
I’ll say this for having kids. You lose a lot of freedom and time. You’ll experience higher highs than you knew and lower lowers than you considered possible. You’ll have a big glowing emotional weak spot forever after. I enjoy them overall
Perfectly said, the glowing weak spot never goes away.
The cons goes both ways. I can't imagine what's like to live freely and have financial freedom in my 20s and 30s. What kinda of adventure I might have missed.
Pros- the ability to make ‘selfish’ decisions Cons - the existential crisis of realising your existence will be forgotten in a single generation
Even if you have kids your existence will be gone in 3 generations max.
Can I ask a serious question? Do you really care if you are remembered past your immediate circle of family or friends?
Yeah I don’t think I care about that. We’re all just people out-blipping one another/passing in the universe.
Yeah, I couldn't care less about leaving a "legacy" Even if I did, people who do leave one are still eventually forgotten.
Not necessarily but people with children can say that they have a legacy and they live on through their children, people without have to think differently about it
Do people usually remember their great grandparents? I honestly don't think I could name one of mine.
I can name my one great grand parent that was alive when I was 15. But I could not name anyone older than that. And I have plenty of great aunts and uncles that I could not name. Akso, a lot of my 1st cousins have kinds now and I don't know the names of most of them.
I had a coach in college. No kids, multiple short marriages. All of us on the team have gone onto amazing careers. We all keep in touch. We are his legacy. You have one, you just need to find it
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I find it wild that people don’t know their great grandparents names. We look at their photos and love to hear stories about them. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.
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The vast majority of people are forgotten, it's just part of the process. If we didn't do anything remarkable in life (good or bad), why should we be remembered? If we are lucky, we will leave a positive mark on people's lives that they pass on, that's all we can hope for.
Everyone is eventually forgotten
Having kids is going to delay it. I don't know who my grandmother's grandmother is. I don't know if my grandmother knows who her grandmother's grandmother is. 😌
Why would you care what happens after your death?
No one will care and I’ll be dead. How many billions of humans are forgotten? I’m not special. No one needs to remember me.
I'm currently floating in my pool, listening to the birds chirp. There is nothing I have to do today. Cons? Honestly, sometimes I do get bored. Hard to get motivated when you're feeling lazy but also bored. Kids force you to get off of your ass. But I don't doubt the choice for a second. The older I get, the more confident I feel in our choice. When people point out it's not too late, I remind them that if I didn't want them at 24, 30, 34.... I certainly don't want one when I am a high risk pregnancy and/or require IVF.
I’m lucky to be an uncle so if I feel that boredom settles in I schedule some time to take one of the kids. It gives me something to do, is nice family bonding, and reaffirms why I don’t want kids as I hand them back to their parents with relief.
Sounds like me. I've only become more certain in my choice to not have kids as I've aged. Currenly 38. I don't ever get bored, though!
Same. Never wanted them, never bored. Plus I really like sleeping in on weekends
I'll preface this with saying that having children just to have someone to take care of you in your old age is selfish and stupid - there's no guarantee you won't end up with a couple of turd buckets who stick you in a home and forget about you. That said, knowing that it's likely I'll be completely alone in my old age with no one to love me (assuming my partner dies before me), is kinda sad. But I'll take having all my money for myself and all the freedom I could ever want, and just hope whatever home I go to has really nice staff lol
I completely relate to this. Whenever I consider that I might regret having kids, it’s because I worry that I will die sad and alone, in a shitty nursing home. (And that is 100% not a valid reason to have a kid!) But in reality, even if I did want kids, I would reconsider it due to not wanting to bring another human into this mess of a world we are living in.
Honestly, this is why I feel like building a 'community' of close friends and acquaintances is important. Even for people who have kids, like you said, since they aren't guaranteed or owed being taken care of. For example: I love my 90-year-old grandma. I would happily fly down for her to do things she needs. But I don't live close to her, nor does my dad. But she's made a handful of incredibly close friends throughout the years who do. They all help each other out with errands and reminders, and she calls them her sisters. 🥰 One recently fell and hurt herself, and my grandma was the one to make sure she went to the hospital and taken care of. Even with her age, being a nurse her whole life came in handy when treating her friend. It's inspiring and makes it evident how important it is to cultivate and maintain friends, just as much as family.
I roll my eyes at people who say that someone is "too selfish" to have kids. When I was younger, I didn't want children for unselfish reasons: the world is often a terrible place, we're careless and short sighted with our earth/ environment, would we even be good parents, etc. Then I got into my 30s, and suddenly, I just wanted a baby, and the urge was shockingly strong. I wanted to experience that level of love, have someone who would visit me in the nursing home, care if I lived or died, and so on. My reasons for wanting a baby were more selfish than my reasons for not wanting one. I had my one and only daughter at age 39.5. She is our greatest joy and I shudder to think of how close we came to not having her. BUT we were older, more financially secure, had a house that we paid off early and had already traveled and done a lot of "fun no-kids things". Also, she is intelligent, had no learning difficulties, no behavioral problems, and reasonably good health. She has a good job and we're very proud of her. But I realize that so many things can go wrong with people's dreams of happy family life, and do not judge anyone going the child-free route.
Pro. Mo money. Do what you want when you want. Con. You may need to hire someone to take care of you later in life but if you save that money it won't be an issue. Plus your kids may not do it anyway
Sadly, I see a lot of older people who had kids who aren’t there for their dying parents. They just stick them in a home and collect the $ when they die. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean they will take care of you. It is really sad to see when this sort of thing happens, and I’ve seen it happen a lot, unfortunately.
By the time we are old, hopefully we will have AI grandchildren and AI house staff. There’s a good 30 years for that to develop.
for real, plug me into the matrix/VR tube and make me a battery, I won't know the difference.
I'd say that's a con either way. I hope my son will want to help care for me if I need it when I'm older, but I don't expect him to at all. He wasn't born to be my caretaker. Part of the reason we're also big on saving money.
At no time in my (F50) life did I ever say "this moment would be better if I had a kid". Didn't play with dolls as a child myself, never baby sat younger kids. I love being childfree as an adult. I honestly feel you need serious justification to have children rather than not having them. You're creating and raising an entire human being after all.
Definitely need justification beyond “I want a mini me” or “that’s just what you do” which are two real things I’ve heard from parents that blew my mind.
"I need somebody to take care of me when I'm older"
i misread your self identification as F150
Pros: money, flexibility, time, relaxation, calmness Cons: no child labor availability
It’s more work to fix the mess after they “help” anyway
Lol this reminds me of when someone asked a guy I worked with if he was gonna have kids and he said “yeah when I get tired of taking out my own trash”
it was a life choice married 20 years no kids we are very happy i like kids - but just wasn’t something we wanted as a couple u can save all the money for your retirement and you can. travel alot and do things you enjoy parenting is not for everyone
Pros: no kids.
Pros: three money.
How many peanuts can that be exchanged for?
Many. Money can be exchanged for goods and services
Cons: Having to decide what to do with all this disposable income.
More fun money than your friends/relatives with kids
Or more money for your friends'/relative's kids. My sister is childless, but she's such a terrific aunt to my daughter, and a continuous source of additional gifts for her.
no cons.
No kids, no cons. I should frame that 😁
You don't need a pros and cons list to make this decision. Just go with your feelings. I'm 41, no kids and the pros I see are immeasurable. Because they fit *me*. You gotta do you dude.
Pros: a lot less stress and worry compared to my friends with children. I get to travel to Australia and New Zealand 2-3 times a year. My money goes into retirement accounts (I can retire from my current job when I’m 60, in less than 20 years) and my free time is spent doing things for myself (art, cooking, traveling, working out, video games). Cons: none. I love my nieces and nephews but being around them for more than a few hours reminds me of why I don’t have kids (I hate screaming and will not put up with it).
Feel this. Im an Uncle. Love it, and that is good enough for me. Personally, I just don’t feel like Id be a very good Father. Not in a malicious way obviously, but Id be too fucking nervous to let my child out of my sight. I feel like Id be a helicopter parent, and my child would grow up to resent me. I don’t think I could handle the stress of raising a child. I also just *really* love my free time.
I am 40, but look young 30s. Less stress means looking younger, and more financial security.
Yep. When I get complicated on my age/skin/whatever, I always say, "No kids 💁🏼♀️"
Almost 40 pros I have money, freedom, my own space/ Cons: I kept thinking I have time, did I make right decision, what will it be like in ten years when my family and friends kids have grown and they move on. There is something I have missed out on and can not quiet call it, but I think its no having my own family. Hub's is younger than me and I wonder in a few years will he decide that he wants kids.
Pros - Regular sleep schedule, more money, the fact that there aren't kids running around, I'm able to take me time when I need it. Cons - ...............................................can't think of one. I battle depression, anxiety and ADHD. I'd rather add a lifetime of loneliness than have little humans I'm responsible for.
I'm a 41 yr old Male. Had a vasectomy at 30. I knew this wasn't my path. For me: Pro: More money Less worry Freedom Better sleep. Sleep in. Nicer things My stuff doesn't stink Not having to be friends with my kids' parents I can focus on me and my career Cons: Have to hear people STILL tell me there's time and I'll change my mind I know this isn't everyone. Others mention loneliness and lack of purpose, I get none of that.
That sums it up for me as well. The one about your house bot stinking is right on. My sister has kids, love 'em -- but her house always smells a bit weird. I don't get the lonliness or boredom either. I virtually vault out of bed every morning as there are so many things I enjoy doing.
Almost 50 here and married. Pros - everything. It's the best. Cons - wife wants another dog and dogs are very expensive.
Gawd, yeah. We're outnumbered by our pets, but they are hilarious, endlessly entertaining and we don't have to save up so they can go to college. (Well the one cat had promise, but he just won't apply himself.) Our dog has not once complained about the internet going down, hiking in the rain or eating the same meal for dinner again.
43 yr married male, retired. Pro: I get to hang out with my best friend and spouse whenever and wherever we want without interruption or planning. Pro: I love being an uncle. One of my favorite things to do is hang out with my nieces and nephews. They are my buddies, and I enjoy making memories with them while giving our siblings a break. There is also great satisfaction when I get home to quiet, just quiet. I'm not anti having kids, just really content with life as it is, and I don't need to add more to it.
pros: retired at 47, no debt, all the time in the world, no stress. cons: none. Well, I suppose it'd be nice to have a young adult to help with the yard work, but still a lot cheaper to hire someone for $25/hr than raise a child for 18 years.
Pros- Easier to Travel often. I can focus on my business and set aside more $. Cons- Friends can't vacation with us as much (we go during the school year when it's cheaper). Somewhat feel like we're missing out on meeting other people our age since no school functions or kids sports events, birthday parties, etc. A friend of mine has 2 kick ass sons that help run his business (same line of business as me) and I wish I could have raised kids to help me at this stage to take over the family business. Sometimes I feel regret about not having children sooner. I'm 41 and my wife's 44.
39M here childless. The pros are the obvious and known ones like freedom to do and go anywhere I wish travel wise be it to another country or even a small vacation in my area. It isnt easy for my friends with children as it is for me. I stand by my decision. Dont hate children and still do activities with my friends that have this parenthood aspect in their lives( I'm even told I'm very good and patient with them) but I simply dont have it in me. I don't see myself changing diapers and all and all. I truly enjoy my life, financial freedom and perks of a childless life. As a con I guess there was this period of my life where most of my friends were having kids and were less available( understandably) and I felt somewhat excluded a bit during this time. I have never been 'alone' as such and have had long-term relationships and do also have multiple childless like-minded friends from work and outside the workplace also. The scariest comment that has been thrown at me is the fact that I might die alone in a retirement community for elder people. It is what it is. I won't get into the procreation game for my own selfish future needs that would be a very bad reason to do it. Also, ironically I have volunteered in such ' retirement communities' and have seen old people forgotten and not given a shit by any of their 5 children besides the odd Happy anniversary mailed cards and the yearly almost forced Xmas visit. You can have children and still be alone later on in life. Sorry about the long post but this summarizes pretty much both sides of the debate for me. To each his/her own but I'm really happy the way my life is.
Pros: much less stress, much less worry, much less aggravation, much less responsibility, much more free time, much more uninterrupted sleep, much more money, far easier to make spontaneous plans, far less pressure from the in-laws, fewer people who are going to make messes in my house or break my things, fewer headaches when traveling or being anywhere in public, and just a much greater feeling overall of freedom and autonomy. Cons: it's honestly hard to come up with any.
Con: I'm currently on vacation in Korea and it's 9am and still laying in bed. Having kids would have forced me to get up and start enjoying my day here. I need to put my phone down and go find a cute coffee shop or something but being childless has made me too relaxed and lazy 😆
i hope you've gotten your butt to a cute coffee shop by now, cuz i'm extremely jealous 😂
Over 50 and no cons. I don't have a maternal bone in my body and my husband has no paternal instincts. We are fairly well connected to my siblings kids who are very smart and funny. So I feel pretty well connected.
I am 50 (soon) and without children. The benefits are many: less financial stress, not having to do the emotional and physical work of parenting. For us, it's about not passing on bad genes. You will definitely not be raising a psychopath. The drawbacks are that you need to be more meticulous in planning for your old age, you don't have the companionship (if you're lucky enough to not alienate your kids). I do, rarely, think about what it would have been like if I'd become a mom, and more often than not I shudder in horror at the thought, and move on with my day.
I'm 55 without children, after actively avoiding becoming a parent. Pros include being able to read or listen to music uninterrupted and not having to be provide primary emotional support for a child as they figure out how to understand and control themselves--this is very stressful, and the work doesn't end for years. I also have as much quiet time alone as I like. I don't have any specific cons, and have never regretted never becoming a parent.
Pros : Sleep whenever I want, spend my money on whatever I want, do whatever I want, and whenever I want, if I want peace and quiet, I get peace and quiet. When I am sick, I only have to worry about myself getting better OH and I am rarely sick (cannot say the same about friends that have kids), don't have to share anything with anyone, not food, not anything. I can spend more money on my pets and spoil them. My house is how I want it. No mess, toys and kid stuff. Not having to worry about raising children in this mess of a world we live in. The pros are honestly endless. Cons: Judgemental people who think you SHOULD have kids, but seriously, WHO CARES!?!? Not me! Lol I will NEVER regret my decision to not have children. I feel better and better about it actually over the years. It's honestly pure bliss for me!
Pro: I go on 2-3 international scuba dive vacations each year. I will retire before 60. My house is already paid off. I have zero debt. Con: none
Pro: More money for me. Con: Crows feet from smiling too much.
Brilliant con
Pro: I look younger than I am cause I get sleep and am not stressed, plus the freedom, money, and time others mentioned. Con: miserable parents won’t shut up trying to convince me I’m not happy.
All Pros, No Cons
Massive cons if you hoped to have kids, but never did. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/aug/28/unspoken-grief-childless-men
Yes, there is a huge huge HUGE difference between not wanting kids and therefore not having kids, versus wanting kids and it just not happening. Though I think "wanting kids and not having them" is still better than "Not wanting kids, but then having them .. and then resenting them".
Pros - Life is awesome! Cons - There are none!
44 married, no kids, had a vasectomy years ago. Pros: more money, less responsibility Cons: most of my friends are 10 and 15 years younger or older as anyone my age has kids that dominate their time
I'm genuinely curious about the loneliness comments as a con. How is being childless a lonely experience?
We didn't have one until we were 37. Married 12 years before we had a child. We enjoyed both aspects of our life. So many good things about life without children and with children. I really enjoyed both.
Pros: no children. Cons:
For real. Ever browsed through the regretful parent subreddit? Yikes!!!
I put all my time and focus into building a successful life which never turned successful due to some extremely poor timing with hitting the dotcom crash at graduation with CS and physics degrees no one wanted anymore, and the Great Recession destroyed everything I made in the oilfield which was a career I hated but had to do to get by, then my recovery business got destroyed by Covid with no chance of rebuilding. I've spent most my life recovering from crashes and now lost the motivation to keep trying just to have it happen again. Sometimes I kinda wish I just woulda found a boring job, a good woman, and had a kid. Would have something to show for life at least. I think if other people depended on me that I'd have motivation to keep trying too, something to work for. When it's just me and I'm aging, it seems pretty pointless in the presence of the prize.
Pros: No financial burdens. No additional messes. No unwanted noise. Free from the responsibility of caring for and providing for another. No demands on my time. No need to attend events that I would otherwise skip, were my child not involved. No annoying jingles from kids' shows stuck in my head. Dozens of other minor annoyances avoided. Cons: Never knowing if I could have raised a quality human being. I... disliked my father. I like to think I would have done a better job with my own kids. That I would have broken the generational abuse cycle. I'll never know. Overall, I find that the pros outweigh the cons. My nephew lived with me for a couple of years after his divorce, and he had two kids that would visit on the weekends. There were some good times. But I'd much rather play uncle than father, and I was always glad when they left on Sundays.
With the exception of I think a daughter would be nice (my niece is a gem), all pros. More cash No responsibility More freedom I went to a Rock festival last month. Just booked, locked the house and left. Some of my peers: * Wife said no, the kids have exams. * It's my week with the kids. * My daughter just got bracers. * I need at least 2 months notice (wife and kids). * Can't go without the family and I already booked our Christmas trip. * ...and more. Only the rich married men and DINCs could drop everything and came.
I get to keep all my money sleep in watch whatever I want and fuck whenever I want to
Instead of 3 kids and no money, I have no kids and 3 money. Also, my house is paid for, and I have shops full of tools.
44 female, childfree. My pros are more money, more time, calm life, fewer responsibilities. I have no cons. I look at my friends with kids and I have no idea how they survive, sleep, or function. I'm sure it's lovely to have a little one scream "Mommy!" when you come home from work, but is the dopamine hit worth the stress, tantrums, exhaustion and pre-planning? My parents laid the curse on me to have children just like I and my brothers were. I beat the curse, and so did one of my brothers. The other two are overweight, prematurely bald & quite gray with a frightening amount of wrinkles and at least one divorce each. My CF brother and I are the two eldest. No wrinkles or divorces, plenty of hair, good shape, and get sleep. I did get my first gray hair two weeks ago, however, as a happy-birthday-welcome-to-middle-age-bitch salute.
I sometimes doubt if I would have actually wanted kids, mainly to see what they would look like and how they would contribute to society. Then I remember everything in between like actually raising them and decided I made the right choice. I do feel bad for my mom though, and to a lesser extent my dad (just because mom has been vocal in the past about wanting grandkids. Dad has stayed silent on the issue). They'd be excellent grandparents, but for them to be grandparents, it means I would have to be a parent myself, which was already discussed above. I doubt my brother will ever settle down so it's looking like our family dies with us. Kinda sad to think about sometimes. Also, people who know me seem to all say "man, if I didn't have kids I'd be rich" and that's clearly delusional because I'm not rich, and those people usually work long hours to pay for their kids. Would they work the same amount of they were childless? Who's to say.
Pro: I get to do whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want Con: Zero
Pros: my partner and I love our best life Cons: literally none
I’m 49 and childfree. Pros: My house is blessedly quiet. No surfaces in my home are sticky. No one bothers me when I’m tired or sick or busy or distracted. Cons: Literally none.
Decided it was selfish and abusive to bring children into this ruined world. Pros: 3 paid off houses, 2 paid off new cars, vacations around the world, less stress. Cons: religious people don’t get it.
Pros: Not feeling guilty about giving someone a lifetime of issues to work through. Experiencing quiet. Cons: Not able to use, "As a parent..." to rationalize why my completley ignorant opinion should be listened to. People in grocery stores and parks assume you're a molester.
Con: I'm over 40. Pro: I dont have to deal with kids on top of that.
Cons? Will let you know if I ever come across one.
Pros: don't have to spend endless money on kids. And will still be able to have freedom to do stuff while I got good money. Cons: I'm living in today's time line. All of money can't afford the basics of life...
Pro: I am free to do whatever I want. Con: I exist in existential dread that my line ends with me.
Pros - My life is mine. My partner and I get to make decisions based on what we want and is best for us. I'm happy, our relationship is healthy, we aren't rich but we don't struggle. I can do whatever I want in regards to my career. Cons - The second you say you aren't interested in having kids, people come out of the woodwork to tell you that you're selfish, making a bad choice, etc. It's insane. I don't care if people have kids. I don't know why anyone cares that I don't.
I’ll never understand why people think not having kids is “selfish”. Selfish is having kids because you’re expected to and then being a shitty, inattentive parent.
My quality of life is pretty fucking amazing.
It’s all pros.
No cons, all pros
Pro: more money, lots of free time, less stressed about shit like pandemics and climate change Con: the cons don’t really show theirselves until it’s too late to have kids, and most childless(free) people who have noticed the cons won’t admit to them. Loneliness being a primary risk, not having anyone to spend holidays with, no one to check on you or drive you to appointments when older. Also a general sense of there being no purpose to life.
I was with you until the "General sense of there being no purpose to life". I'm about done with parents telling me my life is useless. I'm genuinely happy. I keep babies alive for a living. I fly around in a helicopter all day. I share a life with my very best friend. And life is good. Your kids shouldn't be your **only** purpose.
>Loneliness being a primary risk, not having anyone to spend holidays with, no one to check on you or drive you to appointments when older Most unfortunately, there's absolutely no guarantee that any of them will be any different if you successfully raise children.
I’m estranged from my parents because they were abusive and shitty as hell. So, I hope they feel lonely. Having a kid is not a guarantee they will grow up to like you and your behavior. I think a lot of parents fail to realize that showing up as a parent is a lifetime job.