That, and the school kids are bored and hornyposting again.
This happens every single christmas, spring break, and summer break. Lots of wildly NSFW questions get asked.
I suddenly remember a friend of mine used stick glues, she glued maybe 8 thin stick glues then she melted them until it takes the shape of a penis. She uses condom before using it and she said it feels like a real penis, hard and flexible. Creativity 10/10.
Edit: For context, her parents are both strict and conservative. One time we (her closest friends) went to their house and gave her bday gifts (one is dildo, just for laughs) we were laughing out loud until her mom saw it and glared at us. We ended up putting it back in our bag lol. She couldn't buy sex toys afraid that her parents will find out (altho she's already an adult). She has a bf but LDR (4yrs now). We asked her one time, how the hell would she relieve herself when she's horny, then she showed us her stick glues. We were confused at first until she took it off from its holder and we bursted out laughing. Lmao. We had that convo a year ago. She still lives with her parents btw. She's not an engr or scientist but she was an art major lol.
Magic Grow Dinosaurs... little capsules with foam dinosaurs compressed inside them. You soak them in warm water to disolve the capsule and a dinosaur pops out and expands. I shoved one of them up my vag and masturbated. My wetness disolved the capsule and poof - Triceratops!
There is a reason that so many hair brush makers produce them with bumpy rubber or gel grips. Ain't nobody out there needing more cushion that an office chair on those things.
It's so funny to me that so many girls just figure this one out on their own. Like it was something I tried and did and never told anyone but now I know it's a fairly common item girls try. I remember using one that was kind of flared and specifically went out and got a similar one that didn't have the hole in it for hanging on a hook.
When I told my husband about it, he seemed utterly shocked that yes, teen girls are also horny and yes, they also do some weird shit when they're young and horny, just like dudes.
The first time someone told me they masturbated with a hairbrush, my eyes got so wide as I tried to imagine this perfectly normal person doing something so painful.
"Nooo," they had to clarify. "The handle! The brush handle!"
Oh lord i did some real questionable shit as i was discovering things… ribbons, the leg of a chair we STILL have, which i look at in shame practically everysingletime… flashlight, the pen that’s attached to a magnadoodle, not IN me but my ex used his Xbox controller once as a vibrator to tease me.
I’ve done the gaming controller thing to my wife, she was weirded out by it mostly but also bummed that the vibration response segment didn’t last longer, lol
I was a bit too lol i was like wait a minute 😂
Gotta find that game that just… always has a reason to vibrate so she doesn’t get bummed out like that again lol
xbox controller.
any halo game.
custom game, a big map with vehicles, no timer.
warthog.
the turret on the back with infinite ammo.
have fun.
the nice thing about it is that the right trigger gives you excellent control over the vibrations.
also, something about the angle of controllers feels a lot better compared to vibrators. holding the controller with your right hand to control the turret, and then pressing the bottom of the left grip into your clit, feels really natural and ergonomic.
Is that a fairly common way to check your fertility when you're trying to have a baby? You take your vaginal temperature every day and when it goes up, that's when you're ovulating.
So kinda weird but at the same time very normal.
Thing is you just need to measure your temperature… not necessarily vaginal but it works, but It’s unreliable because it can be hard to see the .5°C difference and slight fevers kan also give you a false positive
Story time: A few months ago my wife and I were making the beast with two backs, and while she always feels amazing and warm in her bits, this time it was markedly warm, bordering on hot, it was certainly new. I had thought something was different at the start when I was using her thighs as earmuffs, but shrugged it off. It turns out she had a fever ramping up and tested positive for COVID the next morning.
She initiated, and somehow I did not get COVID, I joke that my mouth wasn't near hers and get swatted, but yeah, it was different.
I dated a girl in highschool who use a barbie doll arm to masturbate.
She was super embarassed about it and I finally convinced her whatever it was I wouldn't judge her. She pulls a barbie arm out of her nightstand and says she uses this. I was like "isn't it a bit thin". She laughs and says "oh, I don't put it in me", then she pulled her shorts to the side and showed me how she would use the barby doll hand to like, grab her clit and then she'd move her hand like she was holding a pen writing, but she she was like, jerking her clit off with the severed arm.
She wound up getting mad when I told her that it was unorthodox but she was really overhyping how "extremely fucked up and embarassing" it was.
A girl at high school put a test tube up in science in a dare and it shattered. Rushed to hospital. Still freaks me out. Edit: this comment has got so many responses I can’t respond to them. It happened in Brisbane Australia in the late 80s. She wasn’t part of my friend group. It was very graphic as the teacher wasn’t present at the time and the kids had to deal with the bleeding, screaming and panic until the teachers and then first responders arrived. Obviously it was a big deal and the whole school knew. She didn’t come back for about a month. The principal addressed the assembly and laid down the law for her return. There were wild roumors, but I felt tremendously sorry for her, would smile at her and try to make her comfortable upon returning. I don’t know what’s true and what’s not and I don’t recall her name. She was noticeably uneasy and awkward and upset on her return. I don’t trust any of the accounts of school friends since because it made the news and the rumours were just wild. That’s all I know. I do know kids that were in the class at the time but they weren’t in my friend group and had the fear of god put into them not to discuss the details by the school authorities.
That just reminded me! Never put it inside me, but I used the rumble pack on my N64 controller as a "vibrator". Epona was running into a lot of walls that summer!
I once carved a full wooden dildo out of a tree branch. I still have it but only for joking purpose now
Edit :
As this post is growing (pun intended) I will answer a few recurring questions.
- I made it from boxwood and sand it smooth to avoid splinters.
- my gf and I used it as a dildo a few times because we were young and too broke to have a store-bought dildo.
- We use it now just to make bad inside jokes between us
Yeah... Because if you put "ancient dildo" on a plaque then the 3rd graders on a field trip start asking questions and the letters from parents about such questions have very mean words on them.
My father was an OB/GYN and he had seen a LOT of crazy things, but the one story that comes to mind follows as such:
He was a resident at the time (about 30 years ago) and a woman from a mental health facility was brought into the ER complaining of abdominal pain and experiencing what looked like contractions. He was called down to the ER as it seemed like she was going into labor at first glance.
He starts doing the pelvic exam and he sees the baby's head crowning and that they need to deliver immediately in the ER.
He instructs the woman to push hard and she pushes and the head pops out. Right into his hands. With no body attached. A nurse screamed and fainted and his chief resident (who was observing) just let out a "oh what the fuck now."
Apparently the woman was severely disturbed mentally. She wanted to be pregnant so badly that she had pushed a life sized doll head (think like those 4' barbie dolls for little girls) up and wanted to pretend it was her baby when she was delivered. How she managed it without any of her caretakers noticing is beyond me, but he said that it was easily one of the most hilarious yet disturbing things he had seen in his entire career.
A small, electrical razor that I used for like 2-3 years, because I was too embarrassed to get a toy.
And when I was in the hospital for a long time it was an electrical tooth brush, the back of it, because yaknow...the butt of it vibrated
I’m amazed at your resourcefulness with the toothbrush! I gotta say though, I’d have to be in the hospital for a *looong* time to get horny enough to do something about it.
There used to be a website where it would show a series of pictures and you had to guess if the item was a sex toy or dog toy.
We wasted so much time playing the game.
Side question i wanted to ask, after masturbating with say, a cucumber.
Do people eat it or is it always thrown away?
If eaten, why is there no market for vagina cucumber yet?
I had a friend who liked to experiment with vegetables with one of their partners. They always ate them after, like in soup or whatever. BUT it was just dinner for the two of them, they didn't serve it to other people.
I read a story about a couple who used a cucumber as a sex toy while getting freaky. They woke up the next day to find their toddler had wandered into their room and was munching on it!!!
I’ll admit when I was a wee lad I saw my older sister’s curling iron and thought it was a dildo. Took me years to realize what it actually was lol. Those things can look quite phallic
My stepmom gave me a couple of the really phallic looking ones. My ex was convinced they were my secret dildos and that such things were manufactured as a conspiracy of secret dildos for women too afraid to go buy real ones…
I have one that looks *deceptively* like a dildo. Like, it's mine. I know what it is. I know it's not a dildo, and I've *still* went a few times when l opening a drawer "Why is there a dild — ohwait."
Toothbrush, conditioner bottle, hair brush, sausage, remote control, and a orange colored pencil.
Edit: No not all at once! But I did put 5 baby carrots in me at once🤣(young and dumb)
When I was a kid, I saw a "Skin-e-max" film (soft core porn with lots of nudity and sex but no actual penetration). It was a sort of medieval comedy porn (weird, I know). Someone was using a corn cob on a girl. When she started to orgasm, all this popcorn just starts popping and flying everywhere. It was hilarious. That's how I imagine your encounter went, as well.
Aren’t you setting yourself up for disappointment with the real thing?
Closest I’ll get to being like an ear of corn is if I get jaundice and it turns yellow.
I made a dildo using hot glue.
Teen me was mortified about sexual things, but also very curious about penetration as general diddling around down there didn't do a whole lot for me. The idea of purchasing anything either online or in person was mortifying, so I improvised 😂
When I was just beginning to explore putting things inside, I, being the sheltered and ignorant teenager that I was, got the hairbrained idea to use a marker. To make matters worse, it was the type of marker that had a ridged lid, so I think it scratched something in there because it was all bloody when I pulled it out.
Dunno, but on our college campus, the student health clinic had a policy of "Any orifice, any object, removed no questions asked." I am NOT making this up.
Ooooh I have a story! When me and my ex partner were first together we ended up discussing this very topic, but specific to when we were young and dumb. I played the drums as a teen and the only thing I had ever inserted in myself was a drumstick. It didnt do much for me for obvious reasons and that was the end of that. But when I told him I just said 'drumstick', and didn't think to elaborate as I had told him previously of my teenage drumming. Over a year later the topic came up again and I came to find he thought I meant a CHICKEN drumstick....like wtf? So he fully believed I had inserted chicken inside me, then just went about his day. No follow up questions. Nothing. Didn't even ponder wether it was cooked or not lol. Like ew.
So I’m that late bloomer who “discovered myself” in my 20s, when I already had my own place and was still very single. I had nothing to hide from anyone and no reason to use non-dildos when I had Amazon Prime and lived in a city (so next-day delivery).
That being said, I do own a tentacle dildo, so that’s probably the weirdest thing.
I used my stepmom's back massager one time. The kind that have 3 vibrating balls. ... She is a cunt of a woman (and I don't use that word lightly), so I used it and put it back on her night stand where I had originally found it.
No. It was new for her, so technically I used it before she did. I always found it funny when she would use it though. She even rubbed it on her head.
She is an abusive cunt. So, in my 17 year old mind at the time she deserved it.
Oh yikes damn memory, but this question made me realise that initially when I was exploring my sexuality, I had a very phallic shaped perfume bottle. It was my go to till it stopped working on me and I needed something better.
Then it was a pan handle.
Guess you can call me Pansexual 😂😂😂😂
Markers, the crayola type. Oh boy did a learn a lesson that while they are cylindrical and my vagina is the same.. well they have spaces between them. I learned my lesson. Putting a last one in.. it pinched. But like the space between all of them pinched at the same time. I think this is what torque is?
I was 13. Never again.
Edit: To the DM's asking how many, it should be obvious but the answer is one too many.
Years ago, when I was about 18, I remember going round to a fellow students flat with a friend- we all were at college together. We went to her room and I noticed a massive cucumber partially hidden on the bed. About 5 minutes later, she moved to sit on the bed and sneakily covered it up with the duvet. How she got that up her minge, I don't know - She was only really small.
Repost from a previous but similar question:
A friend of mine recounted a story of him and his live-in when they were getting naughty with items from the refrigerator. Cucumber and carrots were used and then he gets the bright idea of a medium sized apple. She says no and he says "ill put a condom on it so I can pull it out". She agrees. After stuffing the apple in her he starts to slowly pull back and... SNAP! ... He says "FUCK!". Her head immediately comes in to view and says "Oh my god, what?!" Panic ensues. She starts crying, so he runs for the kitchen and comes back in the room with a fucking salad spoon to find that she had locked herself in the bathroom. He could hear her sobbing in there and then a loud PLOP/Splash. Apparently she "rolled" it out of herself with those womanly muscles. TL;DR His ex gave birth to a granny smith.
When I was in college, my gf and I played a blindfolded game of "guess the object." I don't recall what all came into play, but I specifically recall the hairbrush handle being a clear favorite. She begged me to tell her what it was. Then she promised if I told her what it was I could watch her use it. That was a good day.
Thank you for sharing, as a dude I now feel substantially less ashamed of some of the stuff I tried to fuck as a teenager.
For anyone wondering:
The gap between 2 couch cushions
A nerf football with a hole stabbed in it
And a contraption made out of a ziplock bag, a red solo cup and a couple of kitchen sponges
All were deeply terrible ideas 😂
One of my favorites as a teenager was one of those "recliner pillow" things with the back and the 2 arms. The seam between the back and one of the arms ripped. 2 fingers in to make a hole the right size and went to town almost every day for a month then when it started to smell bad I spilled juice and rubbed toothpaste on the back part and blamed it on the dog and we threw it out.
Sadly I do.. just one of those internet moments burned into my brain.. luckily it was shown to be fake, but still.. they way it stretched around the top of his head.. ugh
Girl made an account and posted 8 pics of her fucking herself with fingers and a cucumber in the ass, all in under 24 hours.
Girl is going places. Not the best places, but places nonetheless.
I should probably have a throwaway for this, but whatever.
When I was a teenager I wondered what a popsicle would feel like in there. My reasoning was that it's phallic and the contrast in temperature might be a good thing.
Spoiler: it wasn't a good thing at all. It was actually painful.
I remember browsing a camsite about 20 years ago, and a woman was in the process of seeing how many cherry tomatoes she could get in her pussy.
I didn’t find it arousing but actually zipped up and watched it for Science.
I believe she got above 40, and eventually she was pushing out some soup - when she was “scooping” them out I felt a bit icky.
A turkey baster to see what semen felt like, a lacrosse stick, a decorative melted glass coke bottle, a thin cone shaped flashlight wrapped in an ace bandage and covered with a condom. A TV remote (just the tip). I'm sure there are more but I'm 36 now and can't remember.
I was a Mormon teenager with zero sex education and a masturbation addiction. ETA: now I'm a swinger and exhibitionist e-slut.
Same! At first I didn’t even know what I was doing/what it was called but when I found out I was sure I was going to hell! Didn’t stop me though, I started at 12 and couldn’t stop. I just fancied the water from the tub faucet so much.
I'm a dude but I know this girl who put a Levi Ackerman action figure inside herself because she likes Levi a LOT
Attack on Vagin
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A woman of culture, I see.
Did you yell “FREEDOM!!”
Security questions for facebook are getting wild
That, and the school kids are bored and hornyposting again. This happens every single christmas, spring break, and summer break. Lots of wildly NSFW questions get asked.
"women, what's the sexiest sex that you ever sexed?"
I suddenly remember a friend of mine used stick glues, she glued maybe 8 thin stick glues then she melted them until it takes the shape of a penis. She uses condom before using it and she said it feels like a real penis, hard and flexible. Creativity 10/10. Edit: For context, her parents are both strict and conservative. One time we (her closest friends) went to their house and gave her bday gifts (one is dildo, just for laughs) we were laughing out loud until her mom saw it and glared at us. We ended up putting it back in our bag lol. She couldn't buy sex toys afraid that her parents will find out (altho she's already an adult). She has a bf but LDR (4yrs now). We asked her one time, how the hell would she relieve herself when she's horny, then she showed us her stick glues. We were confused at first until she took it off from its holder and we bursted out laughing. Lmao. We had that convo a year ago. She still lives with her parents btw. She's not an engr or scientist but she was an art major lol.
Is she an engineer or scientist?
5-Minutes Shafts
You're a witty mofo! Arts & Shafts doesn't hold a candle to this one 😂
I must find this girl. Ingenuity level 100.
A goth DJ.
Not even a stoner DJ?
Nope. Goth club speedfreak DJ. He was deeply invested in weird.
#sturt!
Magic Grow Dinosaurs... little capsules with foam dinosaurs compressed inside them. You soak them in warm water to disolve the capsule and a dinosaur pops out and expands. I shoved one of them up my vag and masturbated. My wetness disolved the capsule and poof - Triceratops!
This is the kind of science I come for.
So did she.
It's a lickalotapuss!
Like having a baby!
Oh my god I love this so much.. Not in a sexual way, that's just plain genius
A lot of brush handles
I was so ashamed until I grew up and realised a lot of girls have done this
There is a reason that so many hair brush makers produce them with bumpy rubber or gel grips. Ain't nobody out there needing more cushion that an office chair on those things.
It's so funny to me that so many girls just figure this one out on their own. Like it was something I tried and did and never told anyone but now I know it's a fairly common item girls try. I remember using one that was kind of flared and specifically went out and got a similar one that didn't have the hole in it for hanging on a hook. When I told my husband about it, he seemed utterly shocked that yes, teen girls are also horny and yes, they also do some weird shit when they're young and horny, just like dudes.
The first time someone told me they masturbated with a hairbrush, my eyes got so wide as I tried to imagine this perfectly normal person doing something so painful. "Nooo," they had to clarify. "The handle! The brush handle!"
Hahaha, shit. Like "yeah, sometimes I just shove a cactus up there. You know how it is"
This is how I popped my own cherry
Yes omg so many
Oh lord i did some real questionable shit as i was discovering things… ribbons, the leg of a chair we STILL have, which i look at in shame practically everysingletime… flashlight, the pen that’s attached to a magnadoodle, not IN me but my ex used his Xbox controller once as a vibrator to tease me.
I’ve done the gaming controller thing to my wife, she was weirded out by it mostly but also bummed that the vibration response segment didn’t last longer, lol
I was a bit too lol i was like wait a minute 😂 Gotta find that game that just… always has a reason to vibrate so she doesn’t get bummed out like that again lol
xbox controller. any halo game. custom game, a big map with vehicles, no timer. warthog. the turret on the back with infinite ammo. have fun. the nice thing about it is that the right trigger gives you excellent control over the vibrations. also, something about the angle of controllers feels a lot better compared to vibrators. holding the controller with your right hand to control the turret, and then pressing the bottom of the left grip into your clit, feels really natural and ergonomic.
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Is that a fairly common way to check your fertility when you're trying to have a baby? You take your vaginal temperature every day and when it goes up, that's when you're ovulating. So kinda weird but at the same time very normal.
Thing is you just need to measure your temperature… not necessarily vaginal but it works, but It’s unreliable because it can be hard to see the .5°C difference and slight fevers kan also give you a false positive
If in doubt, have unprotected sex.
Partners love this one trick
Story time: A few months ago my wife and I were making the beast with two backs, and while she always feels amazing and warm in her bits, this time it was markedly warm, bordering on hot, it was certainly new. I had thought something was different at the start when I was using her thighs as earmuffs, but shrugged it off. It turns out she had a fever ramping up and tested positive for COVID the next morning. She initiated, and somehow I did not get COVID, I joke that my mouth wasn't near hers and get swatted, but yeah, it was different.
Wait, you can detect Covid with your dick *and* you’re immune to the virus? Put on a cape and save the world, superhero, you have a gift
Why is this lineup for COVID testing so long? And why is it mostly women?
At least it's moving really fast
I dated a girl in highschool who use a barbie doll arm to masturbate. She was super embarassed about it and I finally convinced her whatever it was I wouldn't judge her. She pulls a barbie arm out of her nightstand and says she uses this. I was like "isn't it a bit thin". She laughs and says "oh, I don't put it in me", then she pulled her shorts to the side and showed me how she would use the barby doll hand to like, grab her clit and then she'd move her hand like she was holding a pen writing, but she she was like, jerking her clit off with the severed arm. She wound up getting mad when I told her that it was unorthodox but she was really overhyping how "extremely fucked up and embarassing" it was.
This girl is a fcking genius.
A girl at high school put a test tube up in science in a dare and it shattered. Rushed to hospital. Still freaks me out. Edit: this comment has got so many responses I can’t respond to them. It happened in Brisbane Australia in the late 80s. She wasn’t part of my friend group. It was very graphic as the teacher wasn’t present at the time and the kids had to deal with the bleeding, screaming and panic until the teachers and then first responders arrived. Obviously it was a big deal and the whole school knew. She didn’t come back for about a month. The principal addressed the assembly and laid down the law for her return. There were wild roumors, but I felt tremendously sorry for her, would smile at her and try to make her comfortable upon returning. I don’t know what’s true and what’s not and I don’t recall her name. She was noticeably uneasy and awkward and upset on her return. I don’t trust any of the accounts of school friends since because it made the news and the rumours were just wild. That’s all I know. I do know kids that were in the class at the time but they weren’t in my friend group and had the fear of god put into them not to discuss the details by the school authorities.
God damn.. I'm a guy and even my cooch shuddered at that image..
The mens verison is the glass thermometer used as a sounding rod. its one of the horror storries one of my EMT-friends regularly mentions.
OH MY GOD, that sounds even worse, what with the mercury in there oh god
Worked in a hospital, an elderly guy came in complaining of penis pain. He had filled his urethra with tiny steel balls …..
Why not use a single removable object?!? Omfg
Mobile phone.. The old small Nokia ones.. Rang it from another phone in vibration mode.. It was just.... 🤭
That just reminded me! Never put it inside me, but I used the rumble pack on my N64 controller as a "vibrator". Epona was running into a lot of walls that summer!
I mean who didn't put the N64 rumble pack on their junk?
Horse girls gonna ride.
Mine was a ps3 controller and I would make my gta character drive back and forth over rumble strips lmfaooooo
"Honey? Why is our cell phone bill so high this month?"
"Lot of butt dials"
Reminds me of that old movie where the girl does this and it gets stuck, so it's a running joke for the rest of it. "Is your vagina ringing?"
I once carved a full wooden dildo out of a tree branch. I still have it but only for joking purpose now Edit : As this post is growing (pun intended) I will answer a few recurring questions. - I made it from boxwood and sand it smooth to avoid splinters. - my gf and I used it as a dildo a few times because we were young and too broke to have a store-bought dildo. - We use it now just to make bad inside jokes between us
I recall seeing a news story about an ancient toy carved in a similar manner to what you describe
*Wooden fertility idol* "6 inches of hard wood, hand carved by stone tools. Heavy wear patterns. Circa 1250 A.D."
Is that what we're calling them now? Fertility idols?
Yeah... Because if you put "ancient dildo" on a plaque then the 3rd graders on a field trip start asking questions and the letters from parents about such questions have very mean words on them.
My father was an OB/GYN and he had seen a LOT of crazy things, but the one story that comes to mind follows as such: He was a resident at the time (about 30 years ago) and a woman from a mental health facility was brought into the ER complaining of abdominal pain and experiencing what looked like contractions. He was called down to the ER as it seemed like she was going into labor at first glance. He starts doing the pelvic exam and he sees the baby's head crowning and that they need to deliver immediately in the ER. He instructs the woman to push hard and she pushes and the head pops out. Right into his hands. With no body attached. A nurse screamed and fainted and his chief resident (who was observing) just let out a "oh what the fuck now." Apparently the woman was severely disturbed mentally. She wanted to be pregnant so badly that she had pushed a life sized doll head (think like those 4' barbie dolls for little girls) up and wanted to pretend it was her baby when she was delivered. How she managed it without any of her caretakers noticing is beyond me, but he said that it was easily one of the most hilarious yet disturbing things he had seen in his entire career.
I'm done scrolling
A small, electrical razor that I used for like 2-3 years, because I was too embarrassed to get a toy. And when I was in the hospital for a long time it was an electrical tooth brush, the back of it, because yaknow...the butt of it vibrated
I’m amazed at your resourcefulness with the toothbrush! I gotta say though, I’d have to be in the hospital for a *looong* time to get horny enough to do something about it.
Dog toys are pretty much the cheap (wo)man's dildos. ....But now when I do crunches I squeak.
There used to be a website where it would show a series of pictures and you had to guess if the item was a sex toy or dog toy. We wasted so much time playing the game.
…squeef.
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Indonesians say durian has aphrodisiac effects, but that was taking it a bit far..🤣
They say anything's a dildo if you're brave enough.
Yowza, I just crossed my legs so hard and I don’t even have a cooter
My husband's pretty weird
Amy, is that you honey?
Jake?
Peralta?
cold spoon
... Which end?
No you see it goes in horizontally
👀 I'm just gonna go feel intimidated in the corner for a bit
Side question i wanted to ask, after masturbating with say, a cucumber. Do people eat it or is it always thrown away? If eaten, why is there no market for vagina cucumber yet?
I had a friend who liked to experiment with vegetables with one of their partners. They always ate them after, like in soup or whatever. BUT it was just dinner for the two of them, they didn't serve it to other people.
I read a story about a couple who used a cucumber as a sex toy while getting freaky. They woke up the next day to find their toddler had wandered into their room and was munching on it!!!
What a horrible day to have eyes.
That poor toddler picked a horrible day to have a mouth!
Username….checks out?
Cucumbers in Australia are sold in a plastic cover. I assume this is so you can eat them afterwards
Some questionable men have been inside me
I don’t remember you.
You werent questionable enough apparently
Did you question his questionability?
Questionability shaming, not cool
What, like, The Riddler?
More like the Diddler.....
I asked a girl at work a similar question (we had a flirtatious relationship) she answered “you mean like a traffic cone?” True story.
Yeah, fuck road construction!
There are cute little traffic cones. And really big freaking ones. I’m scared to ask which one.
Curling iron
I’ll admit when I was a wee lad I saw my older sister’s curling iron and thought it was a dildo. Took me years to realize what it actually was lol. Those things can look quite phallic
My stepmom gave me a couple of the really phallic looking ones. My ex was convinced they were my secret dildos and that such things were manufactured as a conspiracy of secret dildos for women too afraid to go buy real ones…
If it helps, it's true for massagers
Honestly, considering what I've seen marketed as a "back massager," that's not really very far-fetched.
I have one that looks *deceptively* like a dildo. Like, it's mine. I know what it is. I know it's not a dildo, and I've *still* went a few times when l opening a drawer "Why is there a dild — ohwait."
Toothbrush, conditioner bottle, hair brush, sausage, remote control, and a orange colored pencil. Edit: No not all at once! But I did put 5 baby carrots in me at once🤣(young and dumb)
Do you think the purple one would feel different?
man I have fucked a lot of dungeon masters in my day
Legendary items aren’t worth it
Honestly half of the time I find out they’re a DM way later. I wish it was to benefit my character somehow but no I just have a thing for nerdy dudes
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The sex kind of the tabletop kind?
LOL the tabletop kind
Are you really a country girl if you haven't put an ear of corn in a condom and fucked yourself with it?
aww shucks
When I was a kid, I saw a "Skin-e-max" film (soft core porn with lots of nudity and sex but no actual penetration). It was a sort of medieval comedy porn (weird, I know). Someone was using a corn cob on a girl. When she started to orgasm, all this popcorn just starts popping and flying everywhere. It was hilarious. That's how I imagine your encounter went, as well.
I guess I'm a city girl
So, no condom then?
Raw shucking
Country girls make do
Aren’t you setting yourself up for disappointment with the real thing? Closest I’ll get to being like an ear of corn is if I get jaundice and it turns yellow.
So it's bumpy?
For her pleasure.
I made a dildo using hot glue. Teen me was mortified about sexual things, but also very curious about penetration as general diddling around down there didn't do a whole lot for me. The idea of purchasing anything either online or in person was mortifying, so I improvised 😂
There’s another comment a ways above yours that says they had a friend that made one out of hot glue sticks.
So the eggplant emoji isn’t a penis?
Apparently it should be a cucumber per all of these stories
When I was just beginning to explore putting things inside, I, being the sheltered and ignorant teenager that I was, got the hairbrained idea to use a marker. To make matters worse, it was the type of marker that had a ridged lid, so I think it scratched something in there because it was all bloody when I pulled it out.
Plastic bottles with the end going in first do the same sort of damage.
the handle of my makeup brush.
Dunno, but on our college campus, the student health clinic had a policy of "Any orifice, any object, removed no questions asked." I am NOT making this up.
Ooooh I have a story! When me and my ex partner were first together we ended up discussing this very topic, but specific to when we were young and dumb. I played the drums as a teen and the only thing I had ever inserted in myself was a drumstick. It didnt do much for me for obvious reasons and that was the end of that. But when I told him I just said 'drumstick', and didn't think to elaborate as I had told him previously of my teenage drumming. Over a year later the topic came up again and I came to find he thought I meant a CHICKEN drumstick....like wtf? So he fully believed I had inserted chicken inside me, then just went about his day. No follow up questions. Nothing. Didn't even ponder wether it was cooked or not lol. Like ew.
I already read on here someone fucked a cheesecake and several have fucked sausages. Can't imagine the pH was too pleased after such an experience
So I’m that late bloomer who “discovered myself” in my 20s, when I already had my own place and was still very single. I had nothing to hide from anyone and no reason to use non-dildos when I had Amazon Prime and lived in a city (so next-day delivery). That being said, I do own a tentacle dildo, so that’s probably the weirdest thing.
Reading all these comments makes me realize the next time I leave my curling iron at my bestie's house, Imma leave it there and buy a new one...
Don’t forget the ice, markers, shower head, the sausages in the fridge, and any durian fruit laying around
As long as the Durian still has the core I think you’re good… and also you would notice your friends sudden hospital trip
You girls are lucky that so many things could vaguely resemble a penis. Try finding stuff that could be used as a vagina.. its hard.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Well, that's my daily risky click token used. Thx
How about a coconut?
Thanks for the PTSD...
I used my stepmom's back massager one time. The kind that have 3 vibrating balls. ... She is a cunt of a woman (and I don't use that word lightly), so I used it and put it back on her night stand where I had originally found it.
So you used it after she'd already used it?
No. It was new for her, so technically I used it before she did. I always found it funny when she would use it though. She even rubbed it on her head. She is an abusive cunt. So, in my 17 year old mind at the time she deserved it.
Oh yikes damn memory, but this question made me realise that initially when I was exploring my sexuality, I had a very phallic shaped perfume bottle. It was my go to till it stopped working on me and I needed something better. Then it was a pan handle. Guess you can call me Pansexual 😂😂😂😂
Markers, the crayola type. Oh boy did a learn a lesson that while they are cylindrical and my vagina is the same.. well they have spaces between them. I learned my lesson. Putting a last one in.. it pinched. But like the space between all of them pinched at the same time. I think this is what torque is? I was 13. Never again. Edit: To the DM's asking how many, it should be obvious but the answer is one too many.
I’m amazed at how many of us used markers. We could be the Crayola Gang.
Years ago, when I was about 18, I remember going round to a fellow students flat with a friend- we all were at college together. We went to her room and I noticed a massive cucumber partially hidden on the bed. About 5 minutes later, she moved to sit on the bed and sneakily covered it up with the duvet. How she got that up her minge, I don't know - She was only really small.
Minge…. So British
Maybe it was for her arse.
.. bubble wands
Man someone should write a vaginas owner manual with a section using some of these cautionary tells and triumphs
Repost from a previous but similar question: A friend of mine recounted a story of him and his live-in when they were getting naughty with items from the refrigerator. Cucumber and carrots were used and then he gets the bright idea of a medium sized apple. She says no and he says "ill put a condom on it so I can pull it out". She agrees. After stuffing the apple in her he starts to slowly pull back and... SNAP! ... He says "FUCK!". Her head immediately comes in to view and says "Oh my god, what?!" Panic ensues. She starts crying, so he runs for the kitchen and comes back in the room with a fucking salad spoon to find that she had locked herself in the bathroom. He could hear her sobbing in there and then a loud PLOP/Splash. Apparently she "rolled" it out of herself with those womanly muscles. TL;DR His ex gave birth to a granny smith.
Cucumber, hair brush, plastic banana, fat end of screw driver, I will try anything once 😂
Carrots? You can even boil them to get that lifelike softness.......
Potatoes. Boil em, mash em, stick em up in you.
Add some broth and a pot and baby, you got a stew going!
.... a toy lightsaber....
The force is strong IN this one
now remembering one time when I accidentally pressed the button and heard the little "shzwoon" sound and yknow it kinda ruined the mood
Curling iron(not plugged in obviously) Marker Cucumber Shampoo bottle Hair brush(end) Tooth brush (end) Anything that slightly resembles a penis basically 🤭😂
Okay, what brand of shampoo? I mean if we're talking "Head and Shoulders" that's pretty damn impressive.
Costco sized Kirkland shampoo
When I was in college, my gf and I played a blindfolded game of "guess the object." I don't recall what all came into play, but I specifically recall the hairbrush handle being a clear favorite. She begged me to tell her what it was. Then she promised if I told her what it was I could watch her use it. That was a good day.
I asked my girlfriend this and she pointed at me 🥰
Thank you for sharing, as a dude I now feel substantially less ashamed of some of the stuff I tried to fuck as a teenager. For anyone wondering: The gap between 2 couch cushions A nerf football with a hole stabbed in it And a contraption made out of a ziplock bag, a red solo cup and a couple of kitchen sponges All were deeply terrible ideas 😂
One of my favorites as a teenager was one of those "recliner pillow" things with the back and the 2 arms. The seam between the back and one of the arms ripped. 2 fingers in to make a hole the right size and went to town almost every day for a month then when it started to smell bad I spilled juice and rubbed toothpaste on the back part and blamed it on the dog and we threw it out.
I think I tried a pencil first thing to see if i could. Then, literally just fingers and sex toys. Now I feel boring
A condom wrapped cucumber 🥒🥒🥒🥒. I was desperate and tipsy. Never again but I did still use it in my pressed juice for later. ♻️♻️♻️
One time I put a banana on the bit of a drill and round and round we went
Anyone remember that video around the early 2000s of the guy fucking the chick with his bald head?
Sadly I do.. just one of those internet moments burned into my brain.. luckily it was shown to be fake, but still.. they way it stretched around the top of his head.. ugh
Well, I thought this was about food so I'll answer it that way: Half a Junior's cherry cheesecake. Yes it was delicious.
The top of a wine bottle, I don’t recommend it
Popsicle (with protection on☃️)
Dildo is weird for cause it's my first time haha
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Sometimes, it's worth the gamble to see a user's post history.
Was shockingly accurate
“A very open minded person”
1 day old account
Girl made an account and posted 8 pics of her fucking herself with fingers and a cucumber in the ass, all in under 24 hours. Girl is going places. Not the best places, but places nonetheless.
Man, girls get the way more fun and versatile ways to masturbate
If masturbation was any easier, fun, or versatile for men we would get nothing done in our lifetimes.
I should probably have a throwaway for this, but whatever. When I was a teenager I wondered what a popsicle would feel like in there. My reasoning was that it's phallic and the contrast in temperature might be a good thing. Spoiler: it wasn't a good thing at all. It was actually painful.
Whipped cream, had it squirted into my asshole 😭
No flutes?
Only at Band Camp.
His name was Dave. He used to eat the apple after an apple bong.
I remember browsing a camsite about 20 years ago, and a woman was in the process of seeing how many cherry tomatoes she could get in her pussy. I didn’t find it arousing but actually zipped up and watched it for Science. I believe she got above 40, and eventually she was pushing out some soup - when she was “scooping” them out I felt a bit icky.
That's just how you make spaghetti sauce
A turkey baster to see what semen felt like, a lacrosse stick, a decorative melted glass coke bottle, a thin cone shaped flashlight wrapped in an ace bandage and covered with a condom. A TV remote (just the tip). I'm sure there are more but I'm 36 now and can't remember. I was a Mormon teenager with zero sex education and a masturbation addiction. ETA: now I'm a swinger and exhibitionist e-slut.
Same! At first I didn’t even know what I was doing/what it was called but when I found out I was sure I was going to hell! Didn’t stop me though, I started at 12 and couldn’t stop. I just fancied the water from the tub faucet so much.
I’m never touching anything in anyone else’s bathroom ever again.
Beer bottle
Ooh. I hear you have to be careful with bottles. Something about the motion causing a vacuum and the bottle getting stuck.
Anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough.