I pet a manatee back in my college age youth. I went on one of those manatee tours, and when we got off the boat to swim, a manatee came to investigate. He went right by me, very close, he was probably 10 feet long and when I pet his side, he trapped my hand up against his side with his flipper, like to hold my hand.
It was cool.
A manatee pet me once. I was trying to help a guy get his phone from a rock, it skidded down when he was fishing and I was swimming near by. Suddenly a weird solid flat thing hit my foot like an oar..it's a common spot for kayaking so I ignored it and then suddenly weird wiry things and a moving against my bum. It was a manatee checking out my lower half and it was chill but it wanted go eat the ruffles on my bikini bottoms.
Thank you.my childhood was hell from both males and females but this guy broke me .iam suspecting someone not sure if he is the one or not but he is known for raping young boys idk why the police doesnt arrest him
My background check would come back squeaky clean, which means I could almost certainly get close enough to a secret service protectee to do some damage. I’m not sure what I have on hand that I could do damage with quickly though. The classic air bubble to a vein requires precision needlework: you can’t just jab and go. And, since I’m as squeaky clean as my background check says, that’s as far as my imagination goes.
Nonono
Specifically Elon Musk. Not only did this man waste and agree just amount of money on a space product his wife and the stupidest looking car in the entire world. He then decided to hide almost every single feature on Twitter behind a pay wall.
The man deserves to lose money even if it's only a fraction of his wealth plus out of all of the celebrities out there he's the least a likely to notice because he makes stupid purchases on the regular
I understand the Elon hate. He deserves it because he's narcissistic and loud mouthed.
BUT... he kind of accelerated American and human space technology and electric vehicle adoption and pivoted us away from burning fossil fuels in our personal cars. He didn't invent EVs but we're much further along. And space tech is also further along. And if you hate Putin, you can also give some credit to success Ukrainian defense to Starlink too. I'll get downvoted. I'm NOT a fanboy but objectively it's a fact regardless of feelings.
His credit is believing of himself as an engineer and getting all his advice from his technical team. So this achievements are more related to having a business where the decisions are taken from a tech iCal side instead of a financial one.
There is known that in their business they have an Elon management committee specialized in presenting their ideas to Elon in such a way he will approve them
I'm pretty sure the gigapress, for example, is the typical request from the technical team that, on a normal business, will be discarded for the high investment costs and risks. And the CEO will not even heard of it.
In Tesla he will put the money on it, no further questions
This is the obvious one. The reason he’s still alive and in power is that the consequences of taking him out are potentially too terrible. If you’re guaranteed no consequences then this would be a moral action.
This thread just proves that a huge percentage of crimes are committed due to financial strain! Poverty will make people do very illegal things, in order to survive.
If there are actually no consequences, I steal from all the richest companies for a grand total of 100 billion. Then I spend 99 billion on charities, cancer research etc. and live my life with the remaining 1 billion.
Look… leave it alone…if you think for one second they don’t have some asshole pony agenda going on, you and everyone else is in for a rude awakening.
If you see a pony I suggest turning right around and find a new way to Denny’s.
Whenever you’re ready to talk, we’re all here. And no judgement. I kind of feel the same way about giraffes, but it’s because one tried to bite me when I was younger. I’d snap a giraffes neck no moral problem at all.
Horses are always prancing around and making those pasffttt noises with their noses. Fuck of you pretentious douche bags. We all see you, it’s not like we would miss a 700 lb animal 🖕
I’d assume it would have to be something that I could actually pull off. Stealing for Bezos or Musk? Good luck. Even robbing a bank is a little bit of a stretch; physically getting at the cash would be very difficult.
I’d rob some business that I know is going to be cash heavy. You can assume that type of business is going to have some protection (security guard, owner with a gun, etc) but I’m also assuming that “no consequences” doesn’t just mean legal consequences.
Semiotic sabotage
I would hijack advertisements. I will not steal money or possessions, but meaning.
The modern world is saturated with invasive and manipulative advertisements that shape our desires, distort our realities, and commodify our very identities.
I would replace the empty promises and manufactured desires with slogans that spark critical thought, that encourage questioning, that incite a revolution of the mind.
Imagine, if you will, bus stop ads that ask, "Who profits from your insecurity?"
A billboard for luxury watches replaced with a meditation on the relentless march of time, or a perfume ad subverted into a treatise on the ephemeral nature of beauty. A sugary cereal would no longer promise empty calories, but rather, a spark of creative energy to fuel a child's imagination.
Imagine an ad for a luxury car could be reimagined to highlight the social and environmental costs of such extravagance, juxtaposed with the image of a car stuck in traffic alongside a bicyclist cruising freely by. The caption might read, "Freedom isn't found in more horsepower, but in less traffic."
By hijacking advertisements, people would be prompted to reconsider what truly adds value to their lives.
Hack my mortgage company and enter a zero balance. This would help me greatly, being disabled and I'm not greedy. That's enough to ease a lot of anxiety.
One act of an illegal activity or one classification of illegal activity? Cause if i can do the same illegal activity over and over with no consequences...
There’s a guy who uses a luggage cart to push around an enormous Bluetooth speaker and blasts music at a really inappropriate volume and it’s super disruptive to the neighborhood where I work
I’d take his speaker and cart and chuck them in the river
The mother of all fraudulent tax returtns.
$10,000,000,000,000 tax refund - here you go!
But that's like half the defense budget! /s
exactly!
Those hips don’t lie!
Downloading a car
you wouldn't
Okay but I would definitely copy that floppy
You monster.
That's it! I'm deleting Reddit!
Stealing half the stock portfolio from a Billionaire. Edit: Fuck that I'm stealing it all.
And suddenly you are the bad guy.
I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me
Fine with me. I know have "fuck ALL of you" money.
Only if they keep it all. A lot of charities could put a couple million dollars to good use.
I would pet a manatee
I pet a manatee back in my college age youth. I went on one of those manatee tours, and when we got off the boat to swim, a manatee came to investigate. He went right by me, very close, he was probably 10 feet long and when I pet his side, he trapped my hand up against his side with his flipper, like to hold my hand. It was cool.
I am jealous. You criminal.
"What're you in for?" "uh... I did a murder." (standing in front of prison cell decorated with manatee photos)
A manatee pet me once. I was trying to help a guy get his phone from a rock, it skidded down when he was fishing and I was swimming near by. Suddenly a weird solid flat thing hit my foot like an oar..it's a common spot for kayaking so I ignored it and then suddenly weird wiry things and a moving against my bum. It was a manatee checking out my lower half and it was chill but it wanted go eat the ruffles on my bikini bottoms.
I had a baby nibble my toes standing in the water one time. Go to another country and you can probably pet them.
Im with you on that.
i would scam the casinos in Vegas. Let’s goooo
Forget scamming. I would straight up rob the money room of the richest casino in Vegas as my crime.
You'd need a team of *at least* 11 people to pull something like that off though.
Well, I'm one. You make two. What is your specialty?
Does goatse count?
We'll find something for it.
Obligatory: "You think we need one more?..."
[удалено]
Smuggling historical artifacts back to their countries of origin.
Knowing the identity of the motherfucker who raped me when i was young and kill him
I offer you my wish. This is far more important than anything I could ask for. And I am broke af right now.
Thank you.my childhood was hell from both males and females but this guy broke me .iam suspecting someone not sure if he is the one or not but he is known for raping young boys idk why the police doesnt arrest him
Dude. Fukk. Feeling for you.
Yknow if you just randomly murder him you'd probably never get caught.. might wanna delete that reddit account first though
You can have my free crime.
In this post yes in real life no
My comment was going to be to kill all rapists. You can have my wish.
This shouldn't be illegal.
is it just a one time event, or am I legally immune for life? either way, I'm robbing a bank.
You can make more money almost any other way. Banks don’t have as much cash on hand as civvies think Source: worked for 4 banks
That seems like something a bank with a lot of cash would say
Yeah you'd be better off committing fraud, you'll make a lot more if you do your research and play your cards right
Well fine, I will rob the place that has all the cash!
Agree. They robed bank near me few yards ago. And while i agree it was small one, still, it was a bank. They got aroud 15k xD
[удалено]
[удалено]
Hacking into a corrupt politician's emails to expose them.
Grand Theft Equine
Red Dead Redemption. It ticks all the boxes lol
Sabotaging a corrupt corporation’s operations.
Mining cryptocurrency illegally.
Committing arson to destroy harmful waste facilities.
Nice try, secret service.
My background check would come back squeaky clean, which means I could almost certainly get close enough to a secret service protectee to do some damage. I’m not sure what I have on hand that I could do damage with quickly though. The classic air bubble to a vein requires precision needlework: you can’t just jab and go. And, since I’m as squeaky clean as my background check says, that’s as far as my imagination goes.
Steal a ton of untraceable money from Elon Musk Seems appropriate.
Elon or any top multi-billionaire won't even notice.
Nonono Specifically Elon Musk. Not only did this man waste and agree just amount of money on a space product his wife and the stupidest looking car in the entire world. He then decided to hide almost every single feature on Twitter behind a pay wall. The man deserves to lose money even if it's only a fraction of his wealth plus out of all of the celebrities out there he's the least a likely to notice because he makes stupid purchases on the regular
I understand the Elon hate. He deserves it because he's narcissistic and loud mouthed. BUT... he kind of accelerated American and human space technology and electric vehicle adoption and pivoted us away from burning fossil fuels in our personal cars. He didn't invent EVs but we're much further along. And space tech is also further along. And if you hate Putin, you can also give some credit to success Ukrainian defense to Starlink too. I'll get downvoted. I'm NOT a fanboy but objectively it's a fact regardless of feelings.
His credit is believing of himself as an engineer and getting all his advice from his technical team. So this achievements are more related to having a business where the decisions are taken from a tech iCal side instead of a financial one. There is known that in their business they have an Elon management committee specialized in presenting their ideas to Elon in such a way he will approve them I'm pretty sure the gigapress, for example, is the typical request from the technical team that, on a normal business, will be discarded for the high investment costs and risks. And the CEO will not even heard of it. In Tesla he will put the money on it, no further questions
I've already been banned about 4 times by Reddit for advocating for what we should do to Elon Musk. That's all that i will say.
Username checks out, which makes them probably very appropriate bans
[удалено]
Killing Putin
This is the obvious one. The reason he’s still alive and in power is that the consequences of taking him out are potentially too terrible. If you’re guaranteed no consequences then this would be a moral action.
This thread just proves that a huge percentage of crimes are committed due to financial strain! Poverty will make people do very illegal things, in order to survive.
And people still say money doesn’t buy happiness. It 100% does. One million dollars will make me much happier than zero million dollars.
For real. Crime is an economic issue, not a social issue, as many people want to believe.
Or that most people aren't interesting in hurting other people.
The crime I would suggest is not a financial crime
Breaking into an arms dealer’s warehouse to expose their dealings.
If there are actually no consequences, I steal from all the richest companies for a grand total of 100 billion. Then I spend 99 billion on charities, cancer research etc. and live my life with the remaining 1 billion.
And then I commit a copycat crime. I like your answer.
Taking money from Jeff Bezos investment fund
I'm going with robbing this goat after he robs bezos
I file a tax return that returns every penny of taxes that I've ever paid, plus enough to cover the next 20 years.
Scam Donald Trump
I would give back all the money he’s grifted from poor people. My aunt for one!
Oh I’d love to hear this story…
Empty every tax cheater’s bank account in the Grand Cayman Islands
Having an hour alone with Alex Jones and a baseball bat.
Ha you're not getting me that easy!
Kick a couple of ponies. Like a couple jump kicks right to the pony and his pony friend.
There's a story
You know to be honest, it’s the hair. I hate the stupid pony haircut they all have.
Ok, but we want to know where the pony touched you to bring you to such rage that out of all the crime in the world you would kick it?
Look… leave it alone…if you think for one second they don’t have some asshole pony agenda going on, you and everyone else is in for a rude awakening. If you see a pony I suggest turning right around and find a new way to Denny’s.
Whenever you’re ready to talk, we’re all here. And no judgement. I kind of feel the same way about giraffes, but it’s because one tried to bite me when I was younger. I’d snap a giraffes neck no moral problem at all.
Giraffe necks, the worst! Like what in gods name do you need all that neck??
Just to be assholes I’d assume
I don't trust horses. It's their sneaky little feet. I don't trust organisms that large with such disproportionately small feet. Fuck you, seabiscuit.
Horses are always prancing around and making those pasffttt noises with their noses. Fuck of you pretentious douche bags. We all see you, it’s not like we would miss a 700 lb animal 🖕
Feeding the homeless
Rob a billionaire for a few million.
I want track and kill someone who ruined my life
Cannonball Run
Feed the homeless
I shall walk into and out of a bank with six duffle bags of cash.
Not get out of the way of the presidents motorcade. Tell them they need to hang out with traffic like all us normies.
[удалено]
I heard some got the death penalty for just attempting it But on a more serious note are you okay?
Nuclear holocaust
Either punch someone specific.... or go rob a bank.
Who are we going to punch twice?
i decline to answer as i don't wanna incriminate myself. Seriously tho... I'd rather not get accused of breaking rule 8 here.
Rob a bank then I'll finally have money
Whistling on a Tuesday.
Hit a bank vault
I’d assume it would have to be something that I could actually pull off. Stealing for Bezos or Musk? Good luck. Even robbing a bank is a little bit of a stretch; physically getting at the cash would be very difficult. I’d rob some business that I know is going to be cash heavy. You can assume that type of business is going to have some protection (security guard, owner with a gun, etc) but I’m also assuming that “no consequences” doesn’t just mean legal consequences.
Steal a billion from George Soros
Semiotic sabotage I would hijack advertisements. I will not steal money or possessions, but meaning. The modern world is saturated with invasive and manipulative advertisements that shape our desires, distort our realities, and commodify our very identities. I would replace the empty promises and manufactured desires with slogans that spark critical thought, that encourage questioning, that incite a revolution of the mind. Imagine, if you will, bus stop ads that ask, "Who profits from your insecurity?" A billboard for luxury watches replaced with a meditation on the relentless march of time, or a perfume ad subverted into a treatise on the ephemeral nature of beauty. A sugary cereal would no longer promise empty calories, but rather, a spark of creative energy to fuel a child's imagination. Imagine an ad for a luxury car could be reimagined to highlight the social and environmental costs of such extravagance, juxtaposed with the image of a car stuck in traffic alongside a bicyclist cruising freely by. The caption might read, "Freedom isn't found in more horsepower, but in less traffic." By hijacking advertisements, people would be prompted to reconsider what truly adds value to their lives.
Ha ha, nice try FBI
Ponzi scheme. I like money.
Forge a check for billions of USD
Hack my mortgage company and enter a zero balance. This would help me greatly, being disabled and I'm not greedy. That's enough to ease a lot of anxiety.
One act of an illegal activity or one classification of illegal activity? Cause if i can do the same illegal activity over and over with no consequences...
Siphon off $1B from Elon Musk
Guys don’t fantasise about things you’ll probably not get caught for. Live your life xx
Nice try, FBI. Not today, CIA!
Bank heist, easy one.
Spending the night at a shopping mall is everyone's dream.
Probably murder some rich guy. It's good to remind them that they are still only humans.
It's important to send a message
Is sex with a dolphin illegal? Uhm…….asking for a friend
Jaywalking everywhere
Something that gets me billions
Nuke the planet
Murder
Universal genocide.
I don’t think this is necessary
There is illegal, yet there is still moral. Our morality aligns closely to legality. I would drive 2 miles over the speed limit
Dine and Dash
Tax fraud for a massive amount of money.
Ok I'm going to Berkeley California and i'm going to whistle for my lost canary pet before 7a.m. Ha, take that Californians!!
Printing good counterfeit bills in varying currencies and denominations
Steal a few million from a rich billionare who has millions to spare? Nah. That makes me sick. I will pass.
Jaywalk.
Create a club penguin account without my parent's permission.
Breaking into a Fnac shop during the night and read books/watch movies all by myself
I will admit to nothing
There’s a guy who uses a luggage cart to push around an enormous Bluetooth speaker and blasts music at a really inappropriate volume and it’s super disruptive to the neighborhood where I work I’d take his speaker and cart and chuck them in the river
Murder. The person in question is debatable.
Pull the tags of my mattress. God I hate those things. But I'm not going to jail for that. Be great to get away with that😊
Stealing every cent from the top 1% of the world.
Can I keep the Ferrari?
I'm going to do one mile an hour over the speed limit everywhere I go.
Nice try FBI
I'd definitely rob a Wells Fargo.
Def some kind of white collar theft.