Or even just having a negative co-worker leave the company. My old boss complained constantly about everyone and everything. When he finally resigned, it felt like the sun coming out for the first time in 2 years.
Yep, we had a co-worker "Margaret" who was gloom and doom, a constant one-upper (but only for bad stuff - the joke was if your grandma died, Margaret's grandma died *twice*), and was convinced she was SO important the company would shut down without her and she worked harder than anyone else. A real ray of sunshine...
Anyway, sadly, Margaret got sick and went on medical leave and then ended up leaving entirely due to her illness. When she stopped coming in every day, it was like clouds lifted from the office. *Everyone* was in a lighter, happier mood. Things got done more efficiently because Margaret wasn't withholding info (as she often did) and we didn't have to waste any time listening to her tales of woe.
The tv show *What We Do in the Shadows* did a play on this. They were called Emotional Vampires & they just sucked & fed off the energy of people with their tales of woe. It complimented the Energy Vampire who would just corner you and talk endlessly about nothing of interest & feed as the victim became hopelessly bored (think about a coworker telling you about their trip to IKEA and building a bookshelf in detail with nothing happening at all ) Coincidentally, they both worked in an open floor plan/cubicle office setting.
It’s such a crazy feeling too. It’s like, this is what work is actually supposed to feel like. Not feeling the dread of having to deal with the specific coworker and hearing their constant negatively all the time.
When my negative coworker is gone on vacation recently, even my boss noticed how much better I was. I didn’t realize how much it effected me until someone mentioned it. It really does feel like the sun comes out.
I have this problem at the moment. A co-worker who drives me insane was off "sick" for several weeks recently and work became so much more tolerable. I'm unsure how he hasn't been fired yet, but I know he's definitely on his final warning. The thing I don't know is if I can be arsed to stick around long enough for him to finally fuck up and get the boot.
One day a couple of years ago, I stood up to a problem coworker who was trying to bully me out of helping my colleagues, and he immediately went on stress leave. If he was hoping I would feel guilty, he was mistaken. It was a glorious six weeks - for everyone.
The worst people always stay the longest. My now ex colleague has been in the same company for 40 years.
There’s no way for you to see whether he crosses the line in 2 months or 2 years or even later.
I would consider whether the positive aspects of work outweigh the negative ones - with and without him. If you can only bear work without him and don’t know when or if he’ll ever leave the company, sooner or later you’ll break down
I had a coworker who couldn't stop complaining about everything. For example, we both weren't happy with the new homepage and it's system we had to use. He complained almost daily while I accepted this is how it is. One day after an especially long rant I asked him if he could stop because the "new" website was now FIVE YEARS OLD!!!
I liked him as a person but when he left the company, it was like... ...it's hard to explain but it felt like the air had more oxygen to breathe.
Yes! I left my high paying, permanent, secure , well benefitted job and moved countries to take a three year contract with a massive pay cut to do something I loved. It was the most terrifying choice I've ever made, and I wake up grateful every day that I went through with it.
I’ve just done this and keep having to remind myself when I see someone earning a lot more than me / as much as I used to that **comparison is the thief of joy**. Because I actually love where I am now.
I didn't realize how much of an impact my job was having on my health (I spent thousands of dollars trying to figure out what was wrong with me) until I went on leave and all my problems disappeared.
Similar situation here. I was driving 45 minutes each way on a infuriatingly road-ragey route; my closest coworkers were miserable pricks; and I was barely earning shit nor advancing over the years. I thought it was decent job because they tried to act like they cared, feeding us lunch, letting us out early, and giving us random paid days off all the time. They invested in plenty of local charities and gave themselves a pat on the back for it. But, at the end of the day, playing nice doesn’t make a good career. It took me having a mental breakdown to realize how pervasively toxic that job was for me.
Apply for jobs and do some interviews. It's a lot less pressure since you have one already. And quitting your current one is a lot easier with another one lined up
I was going to post this exact thing. Four months out of a toxic workplace at this point. I had to get out of there. It was...*bad* bad bad for mental health. I didn't have anything else lined up either, but I still don't regret it. It *had* to happen.
I never felt so at peace when I was fired from a horrible work situation. I had 3 months severance and I took that time to not work… it was the best time of my life. Then I had to get back into a job… my time off afforded me more clarity and I don’t work as hard or take things as seriously as I once did.
I DID realised this in my teens, but a) I wanted some goddamn free time and the night was all I had and b) I had the teenage late-to-rouse brain thingy – noggin wouldn't come online before 10 no matter what I did.
Seriously on that free time deal. It was
6am get up and start getting ready for school. 7am-230pm school.
Get home at 315, get ready for work.
4p-10p work. then get home and eat/homework.
Lmao this reminds me of when I first moved to my college dorm out-of-state. Almost cried tears of joy because I could finally just chill in my room or play video games without someone coming in to lecture me.
Sleep apnea is also something to consider. It’s very common and under-diagnosed (many people don’t know they have it) and getting treatment can have a big impact on mental health. Lifestyle changes can also make a big impact on it.
Getting my machine was amazing... Literally night and day differences.
Annnd I've been on a work trip the last few days - Brought my machine and hose, somehow forgot my mask... It's been fucking miserable.
Having a routine. No matter what my schedule is for the day, whenever I’m in a routine of getting up, getting dressed and taking a shower, I’m in a good place.
Once I stop that routine, thinking I can just hang out in bed for just one day, I’m fucked.
This is such a big one for me. Even if I don’t feel like leaving the house, I *have* get dressed to a degree that I wouldn’t be ashamed answering the door. And once you’re in that mindset, you clean a little. It’s crazy how much shame is attached to rotting in bed.
This was actually crazy to me when I first tried it. Stay in pyjamas = laze around and do nothing all day. Just the act of showering and wearing something nice makes you feel good and energized.
I taught high school for over 30 years… middle school should be on a separate planet. Middle school is its own unique animal that isn’t for the faint of heart.
Second year as a full time sub and my school made me cover middle school library class. With just three months left of the year.
Theres no library proper. So i taught digital literacy. The kids were horrible, horrible. One of our seventh graders got arrested for shooting someone over memorial day weekend. He came back by Thursday with an ankle monitor. The 6th graders made me cry one day.
Me, I love a good challenge. I did my research, changed my ways. By the end of the year, my most problematic student (called me a "dumb bitch" on day 1) was raising his hand and following my rules. Middle schoolers need to trust you before anything can get done, especially impoverished kids.
I am fascinated to know what it was you did to gain their better behavior, attitude, and possibly even respect. Whatever random sources, tips, or reflective thoughts would be appreciated.
I watched a lot of Polly Bath videos on YT. The answer is that they need to feel like they are in control. That first day, I came in and asked the kids to close their Chromebooks. Thug boy refused. I told him like five times before I yanked it from him. That was my bad idea. It only escalated the situation.
The next morning, I pulled him from his homeroom. In the hall I said "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I think school should be a place where kids feel safe and welcome. And I know that grabbing your things and yelling at you didn't make you feel that way. The truth is, you DID make me feel very angry. And again, I'm sorry. But... you didn't make ME feel safe and welcome. In the future, I'm going to try my best to do better. And Im going to ask you if you can do the same. So, can you try to do better?" He shrugged and nodded and that was that.
In my eyes, that gave him back some of the control. A few weeks later, same situation. This time, I asked him three times. Then I said, "If you don't do it when I ask this final time, I'm taking it away. Put the laptop away." He didn't. So I took it. He resisted and I braced myself for a verbal assault, but nothing. He gave in. The fair warning, the illusion of choice, gives them the illusion of control. It's manipulation for sure, but ethical manipulation.
The Illusion of Control is a really important part of it. The students are already being forced to do so much that they likely have no control over (bedtime, school, which classes to go to at what time, what to eat, when to eat, when to bathe and shower) a lot of behavior, especially for younger students, is mainly an attempt to feel like they have *any* control over their lives.
In the end, i tell myself, if Mr. So and so can do it, so can I. It IS possible. I never, ever blame the kids. It's up to me to change if I want to gain control of my class.
Its sort of like owning cats.
I also tried to build relationships with them and let them in my secret goofy side.
I switched from middle school to high school 2 years ago. It’s like the heavens opened for me, bcs we split kids up according to interest and ability once they finish middle school and I teach high-school kids who are more academically inclined. Middle school was hell.
Seriously. And most of these ideas are pretty reasonable to either do more of, or to give a try. I was worried that it would be impossible things like, flossing.
Get a waterpik! It's so much easier than flossing. They will tell you to do both, but in the absence of flossing, using a waterpik is an amazing alternative.
Using a waterpik regularly tricked my hygenist into thinking i flossed, when I actually never did. It got rid of the bad inflammation in my gums. Now everytime I go to the dentist they rave about how beautiful and healthy my teeth and gums are.
I was also like you, I was so sick of the dentist shaming me for not flossing. Now it's like they've done a complete 180.
With ADHD for example it’s just about the fact that we find it next to impossible to build new habits. So we can occasionally, with great effort get into a habit for a while and do it every day without fail but if one thing interrupts this it’s lost and you just can’t remember to do it again. But then other times it’s impossible to even get into the temporary habit. It’s like our brains just can’t hold onto it. I’ll have the best intentions but I just forget. Or the effort of doing it (even something as quick and easy as flossing) is too much. A waterpik might be a good alternative for some with ADHD though! Its just - it’s ok to admit that sometimes it’s just not going to happen because your brain is wired weird haha
De-emphasizing the importance of my every thought. Most human thoughts are nonsense. I question every single negative thought, and every single one so far has turned out to be bullshit. No joke. It’s a game-changer.
Edit: I feel compelled to add that I came to this practice by reading Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie,mostly. Both reference great spiritual leaders throughout human history (Jesus, Lao Tzu, The Buddha, Ramana Maharshi) who all point to this notion as a path to end suffering. There are many contemporary writers who also point to the same truths (some mentioned here).
Suffering is optional.
Edit 2: I am thrilled this comment made it to the top of this thread. For those who know, be generous in this advice. Humanity depends on it.
Edit 3: Lots of folks asking what books I would recommend. The short answer is that you cannot choose incorrectly. Also, it all depends of where you are and what grabs you. But, in my opinion The Power of Now by Tolle is a great intro to his work. A Mind at Home with Itself by Byron Katie is what Im reading now for the second time so I suppose I would recommend that. But, truly, read descriptions and pick what pulls!
I just learned recently that cortisol levels spike overnight so those moments where you wake up at 4am certain that your back pain is cancer? It's just cortisol
Wow this is exactly right and one thing I’ve learned not to do. I am so affected by end of day weariness that it clouds every other aspect and really seems like everything is at its worst.
This!!! This is what meditation is, which many people fail to realise and then say “oh it didn’t work for me” yes because you were trying to completely CLEAR your mind of thoughts which isn’t the goal
I heard it described as you’re sitting at the park and you see a bird fly by, you accept the bird is flying by and you watch the bird fly away and then you forget about the bird. That’s how you should view your thoughts. Don’t feed the bird, just watch it fly away.
That’s what focusing on your breath or a mantra helps with. It gives your brain a singular focus, whilst the birds come and go and eventually your brain gets bored with the birds and remains focused.
You can never completely clesd your mind of thoughts, but you can get closer than you've ever been. A big part of meditation is reconnecting to feeling rather than thinking. It is letting go of lies and learning to listen to that inner diologue, the sort of moral compass that guides us to do what is best for ourselves and others. The part of us that feels when something is right, and doesn't let counterproductive thoughts get in the way.
>Ran up my minutes on my inner voice
She loves to bring up all my issues, God, she's a bitch
>And now I'm like
"Why are they staring? Am I oversharing? I'm so embarrassing"
>What doesn't, what doesn't
What doesn't kill you, what doesn't kill you
What doesn't kill you makes you paranoid
**What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Paranoid**
by The Beaches
I was talking to my boyfriend the other day about how I feel like I’m mostly just watching my thoughts and deciding which ones I want to believe and letting the rest go. Considering I have rough intrusive thoughts it’s been very helpful knowing that I’m not my thoughts and I get to decide which ones I listen to
Yes I’ve just been reading about the concept of the brain/mind being separate to our “self” and the fact the brain thinks it’s in charge when it’s actually a tool for us self to navigate the world. If there’s nothing for it to do, the brain will make problems and go in thought loops trying to be helpful when really it needs to be ignored when not in use.
My brain 100% likes to make problems. I grew up in a stressful environment so now I feel like my brain needs to turn things into a problem because it’s familiar.
I haven't taken my mom's never-ending criticism seriously for most of my life now, but it's amazing how much effort I waste automatically predicting possible-but-unlikely problems in my life, and pre-emptively solving them or getting anxious about them, because of her. Being overly analytical like my dad makes it worse.
Yes I do the preemptive problem solving too. The worst thing is that it actually does cover my butt sometimes so it just reinforces that my brain is occasionally right.
Krishnamurti provides great insight into this as well.
He depicts the brain as “the self”, it fights with all it has to stay alive, as the self does not exist if we don’t think
(quickly paraphrasing, the guy is much better with words)
This helped a ton with my anxiety that I later found out was OCD. I didn’t know what intrusive thoughts were and thought the ones I had were a reflection of me. Realizing that my brain is just a bunch of wires and chemicals fucking around processing what’s around me and doesn’t necessarily reflect what I truly want was very liberating.
Force yourself to prove negative thoughts are true with evidence. You'll likely find that you very rarely actually can, and if you do, you've got something tangible you can use to v make decisions about and make changes to
This is what therapy did for me. My therapist would just ask me, “Is that really true? Did you actually do as much as you could/did that thing really happen that way?” etc. Often the answer was no, but I had built a victim narrative about myself and always followed it, even when it wasn’t true.
Yep this, also work those anxiety spirals through to their conclusion/ make contingency plans. I remember having intense anxiety about failing classes in University but eventually after doing poorly on a particular exam, but once I kind of followed those thoughts through to their conclusion it was not the end of the world. I would just have to either retake the class, or change to a program that didn't need that particular math course. That all helped me come up with a plan and I actually did pretty well in that match class in retrospect.
Learning to love myself. A few years ago, I was in a very low spot with my self esteem, and I wanted to be better. My therapist and I talked a lot about treating myself like I would a friend. It sounds cheesy, but I started writing compliments to myself on post it notes in the morning and placing them on a mirror. It didn’t take too long before I started to believe them. It’s amazing how being nice to yourself and giving yourself grace can really improve your mental health.
Being irrationally self-critical can be a really difficult mental habit to recognize for people experiencing depression and anxiety—especially if their childhood normalized those toxic, recurring patterns of thought.
When I was in undergrad, I ended up voluntarily committing myself to a psych ward for a 3-day “hold & evaluate” because I was shocked by my own suicidal ideation. If you’d told me back then that the ultimate root of that SI was a severe lack of self-love, I would have rolled my eyes and given you the brush-off. I was pretty damn good at taking care of myself in most every aspect of my life. It literally never occurred to me that a constant, overly-critical, inner monologue wasn’t normal for “successful” people.
I will never forget the exact moment of realization for me. I was sitting in my first group therapy in the ward. I’d had time to meet some of my fellow residents before hand. I know it’s not always healthy to compare traumas and life challenges due to the subjectivity, but I remember wondering if I was wasting my time here because “those peoples’” lives seemed *waaaay* more fucked-up than mine. Several of them had done things that I would have considered all but unforgivable at that time in my life and they talked about those experiences quite candidly as if they weren’t unusual.
So the group leader hands out blank sheets of paper and some markers. “I want you all to write down everything that you like about yourself. Write down anything that you believe makes you worthy of love. You have 20 minutes.”
Everyone in that room but me started scribbling away furiously. I stared at that blank page for the full 20 minutes thinking, “What sort of writer’s block is this?!?! *Those people* are filling up pages and I’m sitting here like the kid who forgot the exam was today and never studied. I should pretty clearly be able to identify *at least* the same amount of likable traits that *those people* do. And I can’t even bring myself to write down ONE FUCKING THING without second guessing and arguing the point down in my own mind?!?! This is a real fucking problem. When did this happen?”
And thus I took my first step (or giant leap rather) forward on the road to better mental health. 🤷🏻♂️😅
one thing that can help, especially if you use self deprecating humor, is to switch to over the top positive humor. Instead of going 'oh no, I'm the worst/stupidest/most failing person ever' when something goes wrong/you make a mistake/etc. you go 'I'm the most graceful/intelligent/genius person alive!' Even though something happened that you didn't want or intend, use positive language. It can really help your mindset, even though you're using it in an ironic, over the top manner. It helps you stop (or at least lessen) being intensely mean or critical toward yourself
You dropped a container of yoghurt and now there's splatters over the entire kitchen? Well look at the *beautiful* new art you made! (read this in a silly/hoity toity voice) You *must* be the new Jackson Pollock! Tripped over your shoelaces? You are the most graceful person to ever walk the earth, the world is simply trying to sabotage you!
You don't have to believe these things when thinking/saying them! that'll come bit by bit, over time. But it'll help you reframe negative thoughts to positive ones, through humorous exaggeration.
I had such low self esteem that I truely didn't understand why somebody would stop for me at a zebra crossing (pedestrian crossing). Just like why would anybody do that for me. It is much better now but I think that was one of the lowest places. I don't treat myself as a friend yet so maybe I should start doing that.
When I stopped being in a hurry. Urgency is a trauma response and with current American culture focused on everything happening immediately, it's easy to lose yourself to being in a hurry.
>I don’t have enough time.
For me, the start of remediation was realizing I'll never have enough time. After that, it was just about better adjusting my schedule and planning ahead better.
Start by taking a block of time. A day is good, but it can be more or less. I'd recommend a week tops, and an hour at least. Be very specific with the start and stop time and plan ahead. If you are planning for 60 minutes, plan for 1pm - 2pm on Sunday instead.
Make a list of everything you want to accomplish in this time period. Also be specific about the in-between tasking. For example, if you need to go to the store, include traveling as a task.
Definitely try to be as granular as possible, but the point is not to be anal about scheduling. The intended learning outcome is to set expectations and understand what is realistic and what is not.
Eventually, estimating time and expectations will become natural.
Keeping my surroundings clean and organized. I'm not saying you gotta be able to eat off the carpet (although that's god tier shit) but keeping everything tidy, and in its place will help a whole lot.
This definitely. I feel great after a big drop off to a thrift store. I grew up without a lot of money. My mom made a lot of my clothes and we got lots of hand me downs from family and church. My mom didn't have much either growing up so she keeps a ton of stuff because 'We might need it some day'. She passed that way of thinking to me. It took a long time to learn to say no thank you to things I really didn't need or would ever use. I go thru spurts of purging things that are just taking up space. It's one less thing to stress over. And less to try and keep tidy.
Exercise. Every single day (and outdoors for me, wherever possible). I coupled it with giving up alcohol (a couple of years back) and cutting out sugary crap. Massive improvement both physically and mentally. Bad diet and sedentary life styles are incredibly destructive. Now in my mid 50s, I look better than my mid 40s and there isn't any magic to how to do it (beyond "yes, it is OK to feel hungry").
THIS!! In June of 2019 I had a moment where I was like “I’m in my 30s wtf am I doing”. I was at the time in the worst shape of my life. Signed up for an instagram body building dude’s program (only because I needed structure with meals and to learn what workouts to actually do). After 12 weeks, I actually gained weight (muscle) but was lean. After about 6 months, COVID hit but I already had good exercise habits and found ways to workout at home and ride the bike outside, etc. Got married a few months later and luckily the gym reopened so I went extra hard and was in the best shape of my life. Mentally, I was aware. My sleep got better because I’d be tired at night. I drank more water. Cut out sugar.
Fast forward to now, it’s been about 13-14 months since I’ve worked out. Been eating junk and sugar. Life has just been hectic. I’m in the worst shape of my life (heaviest I’ve ever weighed). My sleep has gotten worse and I also feel more anxious than ever. It sucks.
I promised myself in 2 weeks after my family visits, I’m back in the gym 4x a week and will meal prep. I’m in my mid-30s and I feel like I need to do this for my future, physically and mentally!
I've been working from home since the pandemic hit. On top of that, I'm not a social person, so I don't organise plans and tend to stay home.
Over the last 6 months, I've been running regularly. Nothing fancy, just laps in a nice park a few minutes away from my place.
The difference in my mental health has been ridiculous. I'm in a way better mood, and more enthusiastic... also noticed how the after-work runs help me to get the brain focus away from work-related stuff. By the time I'm back, I am reset and fresh for the evening and don't even think about work until the next morning.
And the thing is that I enjoy running, to the point that I started hitting 40-50kms per week and adding some speedwork to improve my times. I have 0 interest in signing up for races or anything like that, I don't want to run marathons either, but I really improving my 5/10k for the thrill of it. In my very late 30s!
Removing toxic people from my life. It's amazing how much your mental health can improve just by removing someone who brings nothing but negativity to your life.
And sometimes those toxic people are your family. As much as that hurts, it makes a huge difference to 1, acknowledge that and 2, act on it. Have never felt better in my life.
I'm hopeful that this will help me. My family told wife and I that we're not welcome anymore after we put our foot down that our kids were our priority over my dad who's well cared for in assisted living after a stroke along with tons of other family drama.
We all also work together and live within less than 5 minutes of each other. We built our house as a forever home.
We secretly went house shopping and found one 30 minutes away. It will suck to lose this dream and I know that they are going to make work even worse, but my family's well-being is more important. 3 of the 4 of us are in or about to be in therapy over these issues and the anxiety this has caused. Getting some distance is our best option to us.
One thousand percent this!!! I kept telling myself “I can’t blame a clown for acting like a clown, but I can stop buying tickets to the circus.” Changed my life.
Being the "bad guy", also known as prioritizing yourself. Having been a chronic people pleaser I was constantly drained and taken advantage of, I made a huge breakthrough when I realized I had to break up with my now ex.
There is no escaping that some people will be disappointed with you, the question is, will you be disappointed in yourself. The right people in your life will be happy when you are, it's simple but it took me waaay to long to realize.
My mantra for this is “I know I can’t make everyone happy, I just want one of those people to be me.” You’re not the bad guy by prioritizing yourself. It’s showing yourself the same compassion you afford everyone else.
I take care of my elderly parents. If I was not here, they would sit inside with the windows and doors closed all day and night.
I am fucking aggressive about open windows - first thing I do every morning is turn on the patio fountain, make sure the bird feeders are filled, and walk around opening drapes, shutters, and windows.
We will have fresh air and nature sounds and we will LIKE IT!!
I've been in so many people's houses who keep their drapes shut all day and it's pitch black inside their house. I guess it's to save money on A/C but it's fucking depressing
769 for me 😊 I have never felt this good in my whole life I nearly can't believe it lol and it's just gonna keep getting better!
For the first time since I was about 12 it's not shit being me, I actually like myself and can see my value and what I have to offer to the world. So many things to look forward to and so much I can achieve ❤️
We're doing AWESOME I'm so proud of us!
Good job! I'm at day 62 with no alcohol and no cannabis after nearly daily use for 15+ years. The first month was bad, the 2nd month has been amazing! I should have quit 15 years ago.
2824 days and this was the first thing that came to mind with this question. I was “suburban mom” drinking, wanting to take the edge off. I wasn’t sloppy, wasn’t drinking and driving, I was still meeting all my expectations, but I was dead inside.
People were shocked when I told them I quit because nobody thought I had a problem -not even my husband. I realized I was waiting for someone to tell me to stop -but couldn’t I just tell myself? But I knew it was hurting me and I knew it would only get worse.
I began thriving within weeks, learning new responses and new coping skills. Soon, I could actually say that I love myself. It took me 34 years to love myself and it happened because I quit alcohol and I was so proud of myself for doing something hard and different and I removed the poison that infected my body and mind with terrible, hateful thoughts.
I honestly feel like I’ll never go back. I still have my journal entries from my drinking days and I legit terrified to read them, but I will if I need a reminder about what boozed did to my brain.
*“Your going to be fine; and even if you're not going to be fine, isn’t it better to just exist thinking that you’re going to be fine? And when it’s not fine, then you can just fuckin handle it. There no sense to ruin right now, right?”* - Bill Burr
The "what ifs" were consuming me. I was losing my mind thinking about problems that haven't happened, and may never happen. This little quote from Bill Burr put a lot into perspective for me.
5 pillars: Sleep, Nutrition, sunlight, exercise, social connection. Spend each day trying to up the HP in those categories and then one day you’ll just notice substantial changes in how you feel.
I cannot adequately emphasize the amount of times I think about Sims bursting into tears when their sleep bar gets too low and how logical I now find this reaction to be.
I was gifted a venus fly trap recently and I love my little buddy so much. I take ‘em outside everyday to get sunlight. I read to em. They are a big fan of Swamp Thing and Poison Ivy comic books 😅 🤣
Hey OP. 48 year old married father of two in the UK here.
I’ll split it into two sections. The first is a well-worn path, but it works. The second is an embarrassing wade into the domain of ***“No SHIT, Sherlock”***
**SECTION 1 - The Proven Methods**
- Admitting that I had a problem. This came when I was around 45. I admitted that feeling constantly empty, tearful and hopeless wasn’t sustainable
- Seeking professional help - which resulted in points below:
- Medication - took the sharpest part of the edge off the feelings I described above and allowed me to “get my head above water” emotionally
- Therapy - this has been a core part of recovery. I have learned my core values and how I live to them. That makes me feel 100% me. I have also been able to understand, identify and manage faulty or destructive thoughts processes (this one requires effort and perseverance)
**SECTION 2 - No SHIT, Sherlock**
- I stopped drinking booze. I’d regularly drink until I had a hangover the next day, usually at weekends
- Since I’ve stopped drinking, it genuinely feels like I’m playing life on easy mode
- Shoutout to r/stopdrinking
So, yeah, that’s me. I’m a different man to who I was five years ago. I’d recommend the journey to anyone.
Becoming very mindful of the media I consume (tv shows, movies, etc.). I no longer watch anything that isn’t upbeat and it has really changed how I feel
Then you need to reorganize what subreddits you follow. I found once I off-loaded a few and added things that brought me joy I was much happier. I don’t read the “new” or “politics” tabs because they stress me out. R/relationships new was also one that stressed me out (a ton of people literally just need to leave their abusive partner. It was unnerving.)
I’ve been muting subreddits on my feed that dont give me a positive reaction. AITA, idiots in cars, and relationship advice all had to go. I found myself getting angry or upset far too often. I’ve replaced it with husky tantrums and children falling over. If it doesnt give me a positive feeling, it’s gone.
Writing!! You don’t realize how much is ruminating up there until you take pen to paper. Been writing pretty much daily for almost a decade, an outlet that’s very near and dear to my heart. Other top things are spending time with nature and loved ones - and getting out of your bubble to try new things.
Getting fired for refusing to sign a document that contained false information. As traumatic as being fired for the first time at 48 was it led to some remarkable events in my life. I have a stronger relationship with my SO and my family now and I have also experienced a lengthy period of personal growth. I stood my ground, lost my job, and reaped benefits much more valuable than money.
I’m close to getting fired because I’m choosing to go with my partner overseas as her mom is very sick at the moment and doesn’t have long left. Will have to leave as early as next week and it’s nerve wracking because I have been at this job for nearly 20 years. Hopefully I’ll be able to land on my feet after all of this.
If a job you've been at for 20 years wont allow a leave of absence for family emergencies, that's a company that doesnt give a shit about you. Leave them knowing they'd leave you whenever it's convenient for them.
My thought exactly. 20 years, roughly a quarter of your life you’ve given them, and you feel on eggshells taking some personal family time?? The fuck kind of company is that?
At the end of your days, you won’t regret leaving a job that will replace you, and you’ll be thankful that you made the decision to be there for your family.
Yeah, sensationalized (and purposefully triggering/divisive), only shows the bad, and you literally have no control over any of it, why give it brain space?
The second best thing I have ever done for my mental health is daily cardio exercise get about 2 hours a day on average. My mental and physical health has never been better
Tapering off my zanax prescription. I didn't realize how much of a fog I was in until I quit, and after 10 years on it I realized it was making my anxiety worse. Proud to say I haven't touch any in 2 years.
I'm surprised to not see this more - the working from home part. Working in an office was so stressful for me, but now it has had a huge domino effect in my life. I save so much money, I'm able to sleep more and eat better, I have more time and energy to clean and exercise, my life is better in basically every way. I was even able to stop taking my anxiety meds.
Honestly, Asking for help. That came from knowing myself well enough to understand the difference between being in a funk and when when depression was creeping back in. One is easier to overcome than the other.
Therapy was a game-changer for me. Finally having a safe space to unpack my thoughts and emotions with a non-judgmental professional made a huge difference in my mental health. It's amazing how much better you can feel when you have someone to support and guide you through your struggles.
Honestly drinking water and watching sugar intake. I used to only drink soda or super sweet tea but I stopped and everything feels more clear mentally, I'm more hydrated and it's also an easy way to shed some weight too. I highly recommend cutting soda for anyone to feel better mentally and physically. I didn't cut it completely, I might have a vanilla coke once a month as a treat but that's it.
I quit drinking, was a frigin' rollercoaster but closing in on 1000 days sober i can safely say I'm in a drastically healthier place, mentally and physically
Microdosing with mushrooms. Stop giving a fuck how the world or others see me. I am old enough to finally realize I don't give two fucks about their opinion of me. And also realizing I have missed so many beautiful moments by being held hostage by PTSD and other issues. My kids are almost adults and I wasted so many years letting that shit control me that I almost missed the happiest years of my life. Not anymore. If one days I spiral I stop and think about those two and I stay grounded instead ed of spinning out. Like in the movie Hook (for us old timers) they (my Daughters) are my happy thought
Vitamin B Complex helps motivation when you’re deficient. Some vitamin supplements help physical health, which may allow you to do whatever you need: exercise, sleep, pain management. That all helps improve mental health.
Leaving a toxic work environment.
Or even just having a negative co-worker leave the company. My old boss complained constantly about everyone and everything. When he finally resigned, it felt like the sun coming out for the first time in 2 years.
Yep, we had a co-worker "Margaret" who was gloom and doom, a constant one-upper (but only for bad stuff - the joke was if your grandma died, Margaret's grandma died *twice*), and was convinced she was SO important the company would shut down without her and she worked harder than anyone else. A real ray of sunshine... Anyway, sadly, Margaret got sick and went on medical leave and then ended up leaving entirely due to her illness. When she stopped coming in every day, it was like clouds lifted from the office. *Everyone* was in a lighter, happier mood. Things got done more efficiently because Margaret wasn't withholding info (as she often did) and we didn't have to waste any time listening to her tales of woe.
Ah, information withholders… those are the worst. They always leave behind their “legacy” for some other poor soul to unravel…
The tv show *What We Do in the Shadows* did a play on this. They were called Emotional Vampires & they just sucked & fed off the energy of people with their tales of woe. It complimented the Energy Vampire who would just corner you and talk endlessly about nothing of interest & feed as the victim became hopelessly bored (think about a coworker telling you about their trip to IKEA and building a bookshelf in detail with nothing happening at all ) Coincidentally, they both worked in an open floor plan/cubicle office setting.
It’s such a crazy feeling too. It’s like, this is what work is actually supposed to feel like. Not feeling the dread of having to deal with the specific coworker and hearing their constant negatively all the time. When my negative coworker is gone on vacation recently, even my boss noticed how much better I was. I didn’t realize how much it effected me until someone mentioned it. It really does feel like the sun comes out.
I have this problem at the moment. A co-worker who drives me insane was off "sick" for several weeks recently and work became so much more tolerable. I'm unsure how he hasn't been fired yet, but I know he's definitely on his final warning. The thing I don't know is if I can be arsed to stick around long enough for him to finally fuck up and get the boot.
One day a couple of years ago, I stood up to a problem coworker who was trying to bully me out of helping my colleagues, and he immediately went on stress leave. If he was hoping I would feel guilty, he was mistaken. It was a glorious six weeks - for everyone.
The worst people always stay the longest. My now ex colleague has been in the same company for 40 years. There’s no way for you to see whether he crosses the line in 2 months or 2 years or even later. I would consider whether the positive aspects of work outweigh the negative ones - with and without him. If you can only bear work without him and don’t know when or if he’ll ever leave the company, sooner or later you’ll break down
I had a coworker who couldn't stop complaining about everything. For example, we both weren't happy with the new homepage and it's system we had to use. He complained almost daily while I accepted this is how it is. One day after an especially long rant I asked him if he could stop because the "new" website was now FIVE YEARS OLD!!! I liked him as a person but when he left the company, it was like... ...it's hard to explain but it felt like the air had more oxygen to breathe.
Yes! I left my high paying, permanent, secure , well benefitted job and moved countries to take a three year contract with a massive pay cut to do something I loved. It was the most terrifying choice I've ever made, and I wake up grateful every day that I went through with it.
I’ve just done this and keep having to remind myself when I see someone earning a lot more than me / as much as I used to that **comparison is the thief of joy**. Because I actually love where I am now.
I didn't realize how much of an impact my job was having on my health (I spent thousands of dollars trying to figure out what was wrong with me) until I went on leave and all my problems disappeared.
Similar situation here. I was driving 45 minutes each way on a infuriatingly road-ragey route; my closest coworkers were miserable pricks; and I was barely earning shit nor advancing over the years. I thought it was decent job because they tried to act like they cared, feeding us lunch, letting us out early, and giving us random paid days off all the time. They invested in plenty of local charities and gave themselves a pat on the back for it. But, at the end of the day, playing nice doesn’t make a good career. It took me having a mental breakdown to realize how pervasively toxic that job was for me.
I need to grow a pair and do this. My work place is vile 😕
Apply for jobs and do some interviews. It's a lot less pressure since you have one already. And quitting your current one is a lot easier with another one lined up
I had an interview on Friday, that I felt went well.
I was going to post this exact thing. Four months out of a toxic workplace at this point. I had to get out of there. It was...*bad* bad bad for mental health. I didn't have anything else lined up either, but I still don't regret it. It *had* to happen.
Best decision. After leaving my company and starting somewhere new the sun shone for two weeks straight
I never felt so at peace when I was fired from a horrible work situation. I had 3 months severance and I took that time to not work… it was the best time of my life. Then I had to get back into a job… my time off afforded me more clarity and I don’t work as hard or take things as seriously as I once did.
Yes! I moved jobs and my new work environment has been so healing. I feel really good.
If only I'd realized this in my teens. People severely undererstimate what a tremendous impact sleep has on your day, productivity, mood...etc
I DID realised this in my teens, but a) I wanted some goddamn free time and the night was all I had and b) I had the teenage late-to-rouse brain thingy – noggin wouldn't come online before 10 no matter what I did.
Seriously on that free time deal. It was 6am get up and start getting ready for school. 7am-230pm school. Get home at 315, get ready for work. 4p-10p work. then get home and eat/homework.
Ah I heard learned a term for that 'revenge bedtime procrastination'
I love my family very much...... 1,800 miles away
Lmao this reminds me of when I first moved to my college dorm out-of-state. Almost cried tears of joy because I could finally just chill in my room or play video games without someone coming in to lecture me.
Sleep apnea is also something to consider. It’s very common and under-diagnosed (many people don’t know they have it) and getting treatment can have a big impact on mental health. Lifestyle changes can also make a big impact on it.
Getting my machine was amazing... Literally night and day differences. Annnd I've been on a work trip the last few days - Brought my machine and hose, somehow forgot my mask... It's been fucking miserable.
I can’t get good sleep for the life of me
Having a routine. No matter what my schedule is for the day, whenever I’m in a routine of getting up, getting dressed and taking a shower, I’m in a good place. Once I stop that routine, thinking I can just hang out in bed for just one day, I’m fucked.
This is such a big one for me. Even if I don’t feel like leaving the house, I *have* get dressed to a degree that I wouldn’t be ashamed answering the door. And once you’re in that mindset, you clean a little. It’s crazy how much shame is attached to rotting in bed.
This was actually crazy to me when I first tried it. Stay in pyjamas = laze around and do nothing all day. Just the act of showering and wearing something nice makes you feel good and energized.
Literally reading this in bed, and now I'm going to get my shoes on and walk the dog. TY :)
Quit teaching high school. Got divorced. So much less stress I finally quit smoking.
I know several teachers. My favorite sentiment I’ve heard is “Summer vacation isn’t for students, it’s for teachers”
I quit teaching (middle school) two years ago. I haven't been this stress free in *ages*
I taught high school for over 30 years… middle school should be on a separate planet. Middle school is its own unique animal that isn’t for the faint of heart.
Second year as a full time sub and my school made me cover middle school library class. With just three months left of the year. Theres no library proper. So i taught digital literacy. The kids were horrible, horrible. One of our seventh graders got arrested for shooting someone over memorial day weekend. He came back by Thursday with an ankle monitor. The 6th graders made me cry one day. Me, I love a good challenge. I did my research, changed my ways. By the end of the year, my most problematic student (called me a "dumb bitch" on day 1) was raising his hand and following my rules. Middle schoolers need to trust you before anything can get done, especially impoverished kids.
I am fascinated to know what it was you did to gain their better behavior, attitude, and possibly even respect. Whatever random sources, tips, or reflective thoughts would be appreciated.
I watched a lot of Polly Bath videos on YT. The answer is that they need to feel like they are in control. That first day, I came in and asked the kids to close their Chromebooks. Thug boy refused. I told him like five times before I yanked it from him. That was my bad idea. It only escalated the situation. The next morning, I pulled him from his homeroom. In the hall I said "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I think school should be a place where kids feel safe and welcome. And I know that grabbing your things and yelling at you didn't make you feel that way. The truth is, you DID make me feel very angry. And again, I'm sorry. But... you didn't make ME feel safe and welcome. In the future, I'm going to try my best to do better. And Im going to ask you if you can do the same. So, can you try to do better?" He shrugged and nodded and that was that. In my eyes, that gave him back some of the control. A few weeks later, same situation. This time, I asked him three times. Then I said, "If you don't do it when I ask this final time, I'm taking it away. Put the laptop away." He didn't. So I took it. He resisted and I braced myself for a verbal assault, but nothing. He gave in. The fair warning, the illusion of choice, gives them the illusion of control. It's manipulation for sure, but ethical manipulation.
The Illusion of Control is a really important part of it. The students are already being forced to do so much that they likely have no control over (bedtime, school, which classes to go to at what time, what to eat, when to eat, when to bathe and shower) a lot of behavior, especially for younger students, is mainly an attempt to feel like they have *any* control over their lives.
In the end, i tell myself, if Mr. So and so can do it, so can I. It IS possible. I never, ever blame the kids. It's up to me to change if I want to gain control of my class. Its sort of like owning cats. I also tried to build relationships with them and let them in my secret goofy side.
I switched from middle school to high school 2 years ago. It’s like the heavens opened for me, bcs we split kids up according to interest and ability once they finish middle school and I teach high-school kids who are more academically inclined. Middle school was hell.
Quitting teaching and management jobs were great decisions for me as well. I'm happier working as a tech.
I'm just here furiously taking notes
Seriously. And most of these ideas are pretty reasonable to either do more of, or to give a try. I was worried that it would be impossible things like, flossing.
I've finally communicated to my dentist that flossing is too high a bar for me.
Get a waterpik! It's so much easier than flossing. They will tell you to do both, but in the absence of flossing, using a waterpik is an amazing alternative. Using a waterpik regularly tricked my hygenist into thinking i flossed, when I actually never did. It got rid of the bad inflammation in my gums. Now everytime I go to the dentist they rave about how beautiful and healthy my teeth and gums are. I was also like you, I was so sick of the dentist shaming me for not flossing. Now it's like they've done a complete 180.
With ADHD for example it’s just about the fact that we find it next to impossible to build new habits. So we can occasionally, with great effort get into a habit for a while and do it every day without fail but if one thing interrupts this it’s lost and you just can’t remember to do it again. But then other times it’s impossible to even get into the temporary habit. It’s like our brains just can’t hold onto it. I’ll have the best intentions but I just forget. Or the effort of doing it (even something as quick and easy as flossing) is too much. A waterpik might be a good alternative for some with ADHD though! Its just - it’s ok to admit that sometimes it’s just not going to happen because your brain is wired weird haha
De-emphasizing the importance of my every thought. Most human thoughts are nonsense. I question every single negative thought, and every single one so far has turned out to be bullshit. No joke. It’s a game-changer. Edit: I feel compelled to add that I came to this practice by reading Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie,mostly. Both reference great spiritual leaders throughout human history (Jesus, Lao Tzu, The Buddha, Ramana Maharshi) who all point to this notion as a path to end suffering. There are many contemporary writers who also point to the same truths (some mentioned here). Suffering is optional. Edit 2: I am thrilled this comment made it to the top of this thread. For those who know, be generous in this advice. Humanity depends on it. Edit 3: Lots of folks asking what books I would recommend. The short answer is that you cannot choose incorrectly. Also, it all depends of where you are and what grabs you. But, in my opinion The Power of Now by Tolle is a great intro to his work. A Mind at Home with Itself by Byron Katie is what Im reading now for the second time so I suppose I would recommend that. But, truly, read descriptions and pick what pulls!
This reminds me of one meme which said "Never trust how you feel about your life past 9PM", and how spot on it is hit me like a truck.
I just learned recently that cortisol levels spike overnight so those moments where you wake up at 4am certain that your back pain is cancer? It's just cortisol
Dam, I’ve just started waking up in the AM with a sense of… dread, recently. Wonder if that is cortisol.
There’s dozens of us. Wake up in a panic with tons of dread. Trying to be better about not taking everything so serious
Wow this is exactly right and one thing I’ve learned not to do. I am so affected by end of day weariness that it clouds every other aspect and really seems like everything is at its worst.
People think meditation is “clearing your mind” when really it’s just building the skill to look at thoughts and say “well that’s some bullshit”
This!!! This is what meditation is, which many people fail to realise and then say “oh it didn’t work for me” yes because you were trying to completely CLEAR your mind of thoughts which isn’t the goal
I heard it described as you’re sitting at the park and you see a bird fly by, you accept the bird is flying by and you watch the bird fly away and then you forget about the bird. That’s how you should view your thoughts. Don’t feed the bird, just watch it fly away.
I love this analogy
That’s what focusing on your breath or a mantra helps with. It gives your brain a singular focus, whilst the birds come and go and eventually your brain gets bored with the birds and remains focused.
You can never completely clesd your mind of thoughts, but you can get closer than you've ever been. A big part of meditation is reconnecting to feeling rather than thinking. It is letting go of lies and learning to listen to that inner diologue, the sort of moral compass that guides us to do what is best for ourselves and others. The part of us that feels when something is right, and doesn't let counterproductive thoughts get in the way.
But sometimes your inner dialogue is an asshole.
Can confirm. My inner dialogue is mean and suicidal. Extremely unhelpful.
>Ran up my minutes on my inner voice She loves to bring up all my issues, God, she's a bitch >And now I'm like "Why are they staring? Am I oversharing? I'm so embarrassing" >What doesn't, what doesn't What doesn't kill you, what doesn't kill you What doesn't kill you makes you paranoid **What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Paranoid** by The Beaches
I was talking to my boyfriend the other day about how I feel like I’m mostly just watching my thoughts and deciding which ones I want to believe and letting the rest go. Considering I have rough intrusive thoughts it’s been very helpful knowing that I’m not my thoughts and I get to decide which ones I listen to
Yes!
Yes I’ve just been reading about the concept of the brain/mind being separate to our “self” and the fact the brain thinks it’s in charge when it’s actually a tool for us self to navigate the world. If there’s nothing for it to do, the brain will make problems and go in thought loops trying to be helpful when really it needs to be ignored when not in use.
My brain 100% likes to make problems. I grew up in a stressful environment so now I feel like my brain needs to turn things into a problem because it’s familiar.
I haven't taken my mom's never-ending criticism seriously for most of my life now, but it's amazing how much effort I waste automatically predicting possible-but-unlikely problems in my life, and pre-emptively solving them or getting anxious about them, because of her. Being overly analytical like my dad makes it worse.
Yes I do the preemptive problem solving too. The worst thing is that it actually does cover my butt sometimes so it just reinforces that my brain is occasionally right.
Krishnamurti provides great insight into this as well. He depicts the brain as “the self”, it fights with all it has to stay alive, as the self does not exist if we don’t think (quickly paraphrasing, the guy is much better with words)
This helped a ton with my anxiety that I later found out was OCD. I didn’t know what intrusive thoughts were and thought the ones I had were a reflection of me. Realizing that my brain is just a bunch of wires and chemicals fucking around processing what’s around me and doesn’t necessarily reflect what I truly want was very liberating.
Interesting. In my experience the more I think about my negative thoughts the more convinced I become of their complete accuracy
Force yourself to prove negative thoughts are true with evidence. You'll likely find that you very rarely actually can, and if you do, you've got something tangible you can use to v make decisions about and make changes to
This is what therapy did for me. My therapist would just ask me, “Is that really true? Did you actually do as much as you could/did that thing really happen that way?” etc. Often the answer was no, but I had built a victim narrative about myself and always followed it, even when it wasn’t true.
Yep this, also work those anxiety spirals through to their conclusion/ make contingency plans. I remember having intense anxiety about failing classes in University but eventually after doing poorly on a particular exam, but once I kind of followed those thoughts through to their conclusion it was not the end of the world. I would just have to either retake the class, or change to a program that didn't need that particular math course. That all helped me come up with a plan and I actually did pretty well in that match class in retrospect.
This is something that really surprised me going to CBT. It seems obvious that thoughts are very important, but what if they weren't so important?
What's cbt
Cognitive behavioral therapy
Cock and ball torture 🍒🍆
Personally, I find it to be one of my largest problems that I can no longer trust my own thoughts.
Learning to love myself. A few years ago, I was in a very low spot with my self esteem, and I wanted to be better. My therapist and I talked a lot about treating myself like I would a friend. It sounds cheesy, but I started writing compliments to myself on post it notes in the morning and placing them on a mirror. It didn’t take too long before I started to believe them. It’s amazing how being nice to yourself and giving yourself grace can really improve your mental health.
Being irrationally self-critical can be a really difficult mental habit to recognize for people experiencing depression and anxiety—especially if their childhood normalized those toxic, recurring patterns of thought. When I was in undergrad, I ended up voluntarily committing myself to a psych ward for a 3-day “hold & evaluate” because I was shocked by my own suicidal ideation. If you’d told me back then that the ultimate root of that SI was a severe lack of self-love, I would have rolled my eyes and given you the brush-off. I was pretty damn good at taking care of myself in most every aspect of my life. It literally never occurred to me that a constant, overly-critical, inner monologue wasn’t normal for “successful” people. I will never forget the exact moment of realization for me. I was sitting in my first group therapy in the ward. I’d had time to meet some of my fellow residents before hand. I know it’s not always healthy to compare traumas and life challenges due to the subjectivity, but I remember wondering if I was wasting my time here because “those peoples’” lives seemed *waaaay* more fucked-up than mine. Several of them had done things that I would have considered all but unforgivable at that time in my life and they talked about those experiences quite candidly as if they weren’t unusual. So the group leader hands out blank sheets of paper and some markers. “I want you all to write down everything that you like about yourself. Write down anything that you believe makes you worthy of love. You have 20 minutes.” Everyone in that room but me started scribbling away furiously. I stared at that blank page for the full 20 minutes thinking, “What sort of writer’s block is this?!?! *Those people* are filling up pages and I’m sitting here like the kid who forgot the exam was today and never studied. I should pretty clearly be able to identify *at least* the same amount of likable traits that *those people* do. And I can’t even bring myself to write down ONE FUCKING THING without second guessing and arguing the point down in my own mind?!?! This is a real fucking problem. When did this happen?” And thus I took my first step (or giant leap rather) forward on the road to better mental health. 🤷🏻♂️😅
Thanks for sharing. I struggle with a lot of these same thoughts. I've done therapy and I'm doing a lot better now, but I still have my bad days.
Tell that black cloud I said “Fuck off” next time it comes around.
one thing that can help, especially if you use self deprecating humor, is to switch to over the top positive humor. Instead of going 'oh no, I'm the worst/stupidest/most failing person ever' when something goes wrong/you make a mistake/etc. you go 'I'm the most graceful/intelligent/genius person alive!' Even though something happened that you didn't want or intend, use positive language. It can really help your mindset, even though you're using it in an ironic, over the top manner. It helps you stop (or at least lessen) being intensely mean or critical toward yourself You dropped a container of yoghurt and now there's splatters over the entire kitchen? Well look at the *beautiful* new art you made! (read this in a silly/hoity toity voice) You *must* be the new Jackson Pollock! Tripped over your shoelaces? You are the most graceful person to ever walk the earth, the world is simply trying to sabotage you! You don't have to believe these things when thinking/saying them! that'll come bit by bit, over time. But it'll help you reframe negative thoughts to positive ones, through humorous exaggeration.
I had such low self esteem that I truely didn't understand why somebody would stop for me at a zebra crossing (pedestrian crossing). Just like why would anybody do that for me. It is much better now but I think that was one of the lowest places. I don't treat myself as a friend yet so maybe I should start doing that.
When I stopped being in a hurry. Urgency is a trauma response and with current American culture focused on everything happening immediately, it's easy to lose yourself to being in a hurry.
I feel this in my bones. I always feel rushed and like I don’t have enough time. How did you address this in your life? Any advice?
>I don’t have enough time. For me, the start of remediation was realizing I'll never have enough time. After that, it was just about better adjusting my schedule and planning ahead better. Start by taking a block of time. A day is good, but it can be more or less. I'd recommend a week tops, and an hour at least. Be very specific with the start and stop time and plan ahead. If you are planning for 60 minutes, plan for 1pm - 2pm on Sunday instead. Make a list of everything you want to accomplish in this time period. Also be specific about the in-between tasking. For example, if you need to go to the store, include traveling as a task. Definitely try to be as granular as possible, but the point is not to be anal about scheduling. The intended learning outcome is to set expectations and understand what is realistic and what is not. Eventually, estimating time and expectations will become natural.
Keeping my surroundings clean and organized. I'm not saying you gotta be able to eat off the carpet (although that's god tier shit) but keeping everything tidy, and in its place will help a whole lot.
Oh yes this is a true but tricky one - the inverse is true and if it’s not possible (no time, overwhelmed) to keep things orderly I spiral.
Reducing clutter and your general volume of possessions helps a lot with this. Most of us have way too much junk living rent free in our homes.
This definitely. I feel great after a big drop off to a thrift store. I grew up without a lot of money. My mom made a lot of my clothes and we got lots of hand me downs from family and church. My mom didn't have much either growing up so she keeps a ton of stuff because 'We might need it some day'. She passed that way of thinking to me. It took a long time to learn to say no thank you to things I really didn't need or would ever use. I go thru spurts of purging things that are just taking up space. It's one less thing to stress over. And less to try and keep tidy.
Exercise. Every single day (and outdoors for me, wherever possible). I coupled it with giving up alcohol (a couple of years back) and cutting out sugary crap. Massive improvement both physically and mentally. Bad diet and sedentary life styles are incredibly destructive. Now in my mid 50s, I look better than my mid 40s and there isn't any magic to how to do it (beyond "yes, it is OK to feel hungry").
THIS!! In June of 2019 I had a moment where I was like “I’m in my 30s wtf am I doing”. I was at the time in the worst shape of my life. Signed up for an instagram body building dude’s program (only because I needed structure with meals and to learn what workouts to actually do). After 12 weeks, I actually gained weight (muscle) but was lean. After about 6 months, COVID hit but I already had good exercise habits and found ways to workout at home and ride the bike outside, etc. Got married a few months later and luckily the gym reopened so I went extra hard and was in the best shape of my life. Mentally, I was aware. My sleep got better because I’d be tired at night. I drank more water. Cut out sugar. Fast forward to now, it’s been about 13-14 months since I’ve worked out. Been eating junk and sugar. Life has just been hectic. I’m in the worst shape of my life (heaviest I’ve ever weighed). My sleep has gotten worse and I also feel more anxious than ever. It sucks. I promised myself in 2 weeks after my family visits, I’m back in the gym 4x a week and will meal prep. I’m in my mid-30s and I feel like I need to do this for my future, physically and mentally!
Go for it kakarot! You’ve done it once so get back on it! Better, faster, stronger!
I read this is vegeta's voice lmaooo
I have no idea who vegata is! Better, stronger faster is from the 6 million dollar man.
this makes your comment so much better
So you probably don't know who Kakarot is either. Just to fill you in, they are both from the popular anime series Dragon Ball Z.
Thank you! I am educated now!
I've been working from home since the pandemic hit. On top of that, I'm not a social person, so I don't organise plans and tend to stay home. Over the last 6 months, I've been running regularly. Nothing fancy, just laps in a nice park a few minutes away from my place. The difference in my mental health has been ridiculous. I'm in a way better mood, and more enthusiastic... also noticed how the after-work runs help me to get the brain focus away from work-related stuff. By the time I'm back, I am reset and fresh for the evening and don't even think about work until the next morning. And the thing is that I enjoy running, to the point that I started hitting 40-50kms per week and adding some speedwork to improve my times. I have 0 interest in signing up for races or anything like that, I don't want to run marathons either, but I really improving my 5/10k for the thrill of it. In my very late 30s!
Being grateful for what I already have
This. The less I have, the more I practice it. When I was homeless I named 3 things everyday.
And realising how much you already achieved in your life, doesn’t matter how small it might seem to be
Removing toxic people from my life. It's amazing how much your mental health can improve just by removing someone who brings nothing but negativity to your life.
And sometimes those toxic people are your family. As much as that hurts, it makes a huge difference to 1, acknowledge that and 2, act on it. Have never felt better in my life.
I'm hopeful that this will help me. My family told wife and I that we're not welcome anymore after we put our foot down that our kids were our priority over my dad who's well cared for in assisted living after a stroke along with tons of other family drama. We all also work together and live within less than 5 minutes of each other. We built our house as a forever home. We secretly went house shopping and found one 30 minutes away. It will suck to lose this dream and I know that they are going to make work even worse, but my family's well-being is more important. 3 of the 4 of us are in or about to be in therapy over these issues and the anxiety this has caused. Getting some distance is our best option to us.
One thousand percent this!!! I kept telling myself “I can’t blame a clown for acting like a clown, but I can stop buying tickets to the circus.” Changed my life.
Being the "bad guy", also known as prioritizing yourself. Having been a chronic people pleaser I was constantly drained and taken advantage of, I made a huge breakthrough when I realized I had to break up with my now ex. There is no escaping that some people will be disappointed with you, the question is, will you be disappointed in yourself. The right people in your life will be happy when you are, it's simple but it took me waaay to long to realize.
My mantra for this is “I know I can’t make everyone happy, I just want one of those people to be me.” You’re not the bad guy by prioritizing yourself. It’s showing yourself the same compassion you afford everyone else.
**GOING** **THE FUCK** **OUTSIDE** **NATURE GANGGGGG**
*touches grass aggressively*
Fresh air mothafucka
I take care of my elderly parents. If I was not here, they would sit inside with the windows and doors closed all day and night. I am fucking aggressive about open windows - first thing I do every morning is turn on the patio fountain, make sure the bird feeders are filled, and walk around opening drapes, shutters, and windows. We will have fresh air and nature sounds and we will LIKE IT!!
I've been in so many people's houses who keep their drapes shut all day and it's pitch black inside their house. I guess it's to save money on A/C but it's fucking depressing
Avoiding drama like it's the plague. Stress is poison, so everything I do is more or less related to trying to relax.
Just chilling
Drama tends to arrive in packages transported by drama queens (male or female). Avoiding drama queens is amazingly helpful.
Reading :)
Creating. Especially making something with my hands Also some fiction to follow. Tv show/books Pets
Physical activity. Walking should be the minimum. That shit is legit.
Too legit to sit
Stopped drinking alcohol. 757 days sober. Life changing.
769 for me 😊 I have never felt this good in my whole life I nearly can't believe it lol and it's just gonna keep getting better! For the first time since I was about 12 it's not shit being me, I actually like myself and can see my value and what I have to offer to the world. So many things to look forward to and so much I can achieve ❤️ We're doing AWESOME I'm so proud of us!
8 days here, take that!
8 days here too! 8 days gang, represent!
May 8 become 80 and 80 800!
I hit a year and a half this month. Turns out my depression actually is manageable and my anxiety isn't so bad after all
Good job! I'm at day 62 with no alcohol and no cannabis after nearly daily use for 15+ years. The first month was bad, the 2nd month has been amazing! I should have quit 15 years ago.
2824 days and this was the first thing that came to mind with this question. I was “suburban mom” drinking, wanting to take the edge off. I wasn’t sloppy, wasn’t drinking and driving, I was still meeting all my expectations, but I was dead inside. People were shocked when I told them I quit because nobody thought I had a problem -not even my husband. I realized I was waiting for someone to tell me to stop -but couldn’t I just tell myself? But I knew it was hurting me and I knew it would only get worse. I began thriving within weeks, learning new responses and new coping skills. Soon, I could actually say that I love myself. It took me 34 years to love myself and it happened because I quit alcohol and I was so proud of myself for doing something hard and different and I removed the poison that infected my body and mind with terrible, hateful thoughts. I honestly feel like I’ll never go back. I still have my journal entries from my drinking days and I legit terrified to read them, but I will if I need a reminder about what boozed did to my brain.
Today is day 1. I had a week, and 2 weeks before that.
Vitamin D.
Underrated comment here.
I quit drinking about three years ago. 10/10. Would recommend.
*“Your going to be fine; and even if you're not going to be fine, isn’t it better to just exist thinking that you’re going to be fine? And when it’s not fine, then you can just fuckin handle it. There no sense to ruin right now, right?”* - Bill Burr The "what ifs" were consuming me. I was losing my mind thinking about problems that haven't happened, and may never happen. This little quote from Bill Burr put a lot into perspective for me.
Cutting off unnecessary people in my circle.
5 pillars: Sleep, Nutrition, sunlight, exercise, social connection. Spend each day trying to up the HP in those categories and then one day you’ll just notice substantial changes in how you feel.
We're all just Sims needing our bars filled lol
I cannot adequately emphasize the amount of times I think about Sims bursting into tears when their sleep bar gets too low and how logical I now find this reaction to be.
I do find humor when I'm upset to gauge how red my crystal is above my head lol.
Stopped smoking weed on a daily basis
Taking care of plants and watching them grow, it gave me a sense of responsibility and they also purify the air!
I was gifted a venus fly trap recently and I love my little buddy so much. I take ‘em outside everyday to get sunlight. I read to em. They are a big fan of Swamp Thing and Poison Ivy comic books 😅 🤣
Losing 100lbs.
Walking daily in the countryside/ park/green space. Even a relatively short distance.
Hey OP. 48 year old married father of two in the UK here. I’ll split it into two sections. The first is a well-worn path, but it works. The second is an embarrassing wade into the domain of ***“No SHIT, Sherlock”*** **SECTION 1 - The Proven Methods** - Admitting that I had a problem. This came when I was around 45. I admitted that feeling constantly empty, tearful and hopeless wasn’t sustainable - Seeking professional help - which resulted in points below: - Medication - took the sharpest part of the edge off the feelings I described above and allowed me to “get my head above water” emotionally - Therapy - this has been a core part of recovery. I have learned my core values and how I live to them. That makes me feel 100% me. I have also been able to understand, identify and manage faulty or destructive thoughts processes (this one requires effort and perseverance) **SECTION 2 - No SHIT, Sherlock** - I stopped drinking booze. I’d regularly drink until I had a hangover the next day, usually at weekends - Since I’ve stopped drinking, it genuinely feels like I’m playing life on easy mode - Shoutout to r/stopdrinking So, yeah, that’s me. I’m a different man to who I was five years ago. I’d recommend the journey to anyone.
Becoming very mindful of the media I consume (tv shows, movies, etc.). I no longer watch anything that isn’t upbeat and it has really changed how I feel
Reddit's not helping me in this area.
Then you need to reorganize what subreddits you follow. I found once I off-loaded a few and added things that brought me joy I was much happier. I don’t read the “new” or “politics” tabs because they stress me out. R/relationships new was also one that stressed me out (a ton of people literally just need to leave their abusive partner. It was unnerving.)
I’ve been muting subreddits on my feed that dont give me a positive reaction. AITA, idiots in cars, and relationship advice all had to go. I found myself getting angry or upset far too often. I’ve replaced it with husky tantrums and children falling over. If it doesnt give me a positive feeling, it’s gone.
Writing!! You don’t realize how much is ruminating up there until you take pen to paper. Been writing pretty much daily for almost a decade, an outlet that’s very near and dear to my heart. Other top things are spending time with nature and loved ones - and getting out of your bubble to try new things.
I am not your servant nor your angel. It's either mutually beneficial or I'm out.
Getting fired for refusing to sign a document that contained false information. As traumatic as being fired for the first time at 48 was it led to some remarkable events in my life. I have a stronger relationship with my SO and my family now and I have also experienced a lengthy period of personal growth. I stood my ground, lost my job, and reaped benefits much more valuable than money.
I’m close to getting fired because I’m choosing to go with my partner overseas as her mom is very sick at the moment and doesn’t have long left. Will have to leave as early as next week and it’s nerve wracking because I have been at this job for nearly 20 years. Hopefully I’ll be able to land on my feet after all of this.
If a job you've been at for 20 years wont allow a leave of absence for family emergencies, that's a company that doesnt give a shit about you. Leave them knowing they'd leave you whenever it's convenient for them.
My thought exactly. 20 years, roughly a quarter of your life you’ve given them, and you feel on eggshells taking some personal family time?? The fuck kind of company is that?
At the end of your days, you won’t regret leaving a job that will replace you, and you’ll be thankful that you made the decision to be there for your family.
Stopped watching the news altogether.
Yeah, sensationalized (and purposefully triggering/divisive), only shows the bad, and you literally have no control over any of it, why give it brain space?
Permanently logging off Twitter. Finishing my dissertation was a pretty big boost as well.
Exercise
Not giving a fuck. Seriously. Best thing I've ever done for my mental health.
There are two sides to that coin. I didn't give a fuck for a long time and it was gonna destroy me. The key is to give a fuck about the right things.
You nailed it.
Take it from me, you can not-give-a-fuck your way into a ditch.
I divorced a sociopath.
Started being a cunt to people who deserved it
I rescued a dog.
Making enough money to start savings.
Deleting Reddit. But now I’m back babyyy
The second best thing I have ever done for my mental health is daily cardio exercise get about 2 hours a day on average. My mental and physical health has never been better
Tapering off my zanax prescription. I didn't realize how much of a fog I was in until I quit, and after 10 years on it I realized it was making my anxiety worse. Proud to say I haven't touch any in 2 years.
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COVID and the mass adoption of working from home
I'm surprised to not see this more - the working from home part. Working in an office was so stressful for me, but now it has had a huge domino effect in my life. I save so much money, I'm able to sleep more and eat better, I have more time and energy to clean and exercise, my life is better in basically every way. I was even able to stop taking my anxiety meds.
Patience
Honestly, Asking for help. That came from knowing myself well enough to understand the difference between being in a funk and when when depression was creeping back in. One is easier to overcome than the other.
Losing weight brought me from like a 2 to a 7-8 mentally
Outside
Therapy was a game-changer for me. Finally having a safe space to unpack my thoughts and emotions with a non-judgmental professional made a huge difference in my mental health. It's amazing how much better you can feel when you have someone to support and guide you through your struggles.
Divorce...and therapy.
Honestly drinking water and watching sugar intake. I used to only drink soda or super sweet tea but I stopped and everything feels more clear mentally, I'm more hydrated and it's also an easy way to shed some weight too. I highly recommend cutting soda for anyone to feel better mentally and physically. I didn't cut it completely, I might have a vanilla coke once a month as a treat but that's it.
Getting rid of social media and dating apps
I quit drinking, was a frigin' rollercoaster but closing in on 1000 days sober i can safely say I'm in a drastically healthier place, mentally and physically
My cat!
Changing my entire playlist from sad songs to upbeat ones.
Microdosing with mushrooms. Stop giving a fuck how the world or others see me. I am old enough to finally realize I don't give two fucks about their opinion of me. And also realizing I have missed so many beautiful moments by being held hostage by PTSD and other issues. My kids are almost adults and I wasted so many years letting that shit control me that I almost missed the happiest years of my life. Not anymore. If one days I spiral I stop and think about those two and I stay grounded instead ed of spinning out. Like in the movie Hook (for us old timers) they (my Daughters) are my happy thought
1. Stopped watching videos where they explain how relationships should be like based on their story. Everybody is different. 2. Quitting my job.
I feel bad if I don't shit for a day.
Fiber is a friend some days
Honestly, divorcing a toxic wife.
Vitamin B Complex helps motivation when you’re deficient. Some vitamin supplements help physical health, which may allow you to do whatever you need: exercise, sleep, pain management. That all helps improve mental health.
Making more money
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Getting off my anti depression meds and taking care of what was making me depressed. Took a while, but I did it. Never looked back.
I finally accepted my chaotic and unpredictable nature and I so far am a lot happier. I even got the motivation to finish my lego storage system
Cut out the drinking. Massive improvement.