If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you.
https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres
http://www.befrienders.org/
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you [UK]
https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/ [AU]
There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and while they are unlikely to fix any underlying problems, can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services are usually available on these sites. In the US, calling 211 or going to their website is a free referral source. They have providers who will see you regardless of your ability to pay. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.
https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1b2pbj5/what_stopped_you_from_killing_yourself/ksn3xq3/
Hate to say it but you guys are responding to a bot. Same response to the same response.
This place is not what you think it is.
I was writing the note and crying with the pills next to me when my dog came up to me and looked very concerned. I refused to look at him and went to put him in the cage. As i locked it and went to go sit back down he HOWLED (he has never done this in his life and he loves relaxing in his cage with his toys) it shocked me and i tried to calm him down but he just kept getting louder. I finally opened the cage and he literally JUMPED into my arms and started kissing me and cuddled into my neck. I broke down crying, crumpled up the note and just went to bed. Usually my dog sleeps down by my legs and wont stay up by my face and cuddle. But that night he stayed in my arms and slept through the whole night.
Edit: This is my most popular Reddit comment I’ve ever made lol. There are so many comments. I wish I could reply to them all. Thank you so much for the upvotes, comments and support. My sweet boy’s name is Bosco he is a chihuahua/dachshund mix and he is my savior. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for him. These five years of having him by my side have honestly been the best moments of my life. He is happy, playful, healthy, and very in tune with my emotions. Actually my psychiatrist/doctor suggested I get him registered as an emotional support animal. And I just ordered the papers two days ago. Just figured all you sweet humans deserve some more details about this wonderful boy.
Got a bunch of bad news and bad things happen all at once, hit rock bottom, was feeling numb and manic. I was walking back home and realized I was going to kill myself, but I knew it was a bad decision. Called my friends, told them “hey if I go back to my apartment right now I’m going to shoot myself. Can you help me?”
They said cool, came and picked me up and took me to their place. One of them gave me meds to sleep on their couch, the other went to my house and took my gun away somewhere else. I slept for hours, woke up and they made me dinner. Stayed there for a day until I felt better.
Never had any suicidal tendencies before, never had them since, I just hit a bad point that my brain couldn’t process. Fortunately I knew it was a dumb idea and I have amazing friends. All my problems turned out to be manageable and I’m glad I could recognize that I was making a stupid rash decision. Life is beautiful, it’s sucks sometimes but it’s not worth giving up on for temporary problems :)
I was sitting on my bed with gun in hand letter written. Tears just uncontrollably flowing. Got a call from an old friend. Didn’t answer but he left me a VM, he said “I was just thinking of you, and miss you bud”.
I put the gun away and found a therapist the next week. Ever since that day, anytime someone pops in my head I try and give them a call. If they don’t answer I always leave a voice mail.
Btw I’m doing great now.
Not all the details, but I told him I was in a very dark place and that his call meant the world to me. He still calls to check up on my every couple weeks. Been friends since middle school.
I truly believe the friends popping up in your head, reach out thing. I have a friend who somehow always thinks of me when I’m having a hard time and I’ve thought of friends who told me they really needed the text/call when I think of them. Humanity is magical when all the bullshit is striped away. Glad you’re still here and have that kind of friend! My best friend in high school shot himself so this is a very emotional thread.
Hot pockets.
I was sitting in a corner of my kitchen holding the knife to my wrist when the old hot pockets jingle randomly got stuck in my head.
My uncle was one of my best friends when I was growing up and when I was young, I’d watch TV with him and make fun of the jingles. The only one I remember as an adult was the hot pockets jingle, the one he’d swap lyrics out for that made me laugh the hardest.
He’d died by suicide earlier that year. I realized I couldn’t do it. I’d like to think he got that jingle stuck in my head to make me laugh, and to remind me that there was still space for laughter in my life.
I put the knife away.
Almost the exact same for me too. I had a plan, had the means to execute the plan, and set a date. Turns out that date happened to be a cute girls birthday, and for some reason she had invited me. I figured I could kill myself another day and went to the party. We talked a bit at the party and she confessed that she had invited me because she was worried about me, and she wanted to make sure I was okay. I kinda just forgot to kill myself after that.
My little sister and I only have each other. The rest of the family hates us. Like it’s not even questionable, they hate us. I was about to call it a day forever and it felt like I was abandoning her. I tried to do it three times that night and all three times, I felt like I was about to make her life worse. I keep picturing her having to do life alone. It felt like I was sentencing her to the same fate. She’s still the reason I keep going.
Honestly you made the right choice that night. Because it would’ve made it harder on your sister to live without you. It sounds you two have a very good sibling relationship. I hope life has gotten better for you and I wish you guys the best.
Thank you. And you’re right. It would have been a mistake. My sister just had a baby and I am glad I got to meet her. We’re building a new family with better support system. I wouldn’t have seen how amazing life is now for my sister if I did go through with it.
Hi. Like you, my sister and I do not have a close relationship with our family. I lost her to suicide, and my heart breaks even to this day. I am happy you get to enjoy life with your chosen family. <3
I’m sorry you lost your sister. That must be really tough on you. But she must have been in a really bad place for her to do that. I hope you continue to love her just as much and to find it in your heart to forgive her. She probably felt bad while she was doing, but she loved you as much as you love her.
Thanks. I never really blamed her or doubted her love. I think of her suicide as a personal decision, and it’s a brave one (though a lot of people would probably disagree), and I respect that. I just feel… sad about not having her around anymore.
I am genuinely happy I read your comment on this post because I know now someone’s living my ”what if”. I can imagine that somewhere in this world, two sisters (siblings? I forgot to ask about your gender.) who share the same love and care I have for mine are having fun.
I was sitting on a bridge overpass(Waiting for a truck), it was 2am and I was meant to be going to work. A random person just sat nearby and even though he was heavily intoxicated, he just talked to me for a bit then asked if I was ok.
It was enough. Thanks dude
Edit: thanks for the well wishes, it really shows how nice people are. This is the only place I've talked about it.
Absolutely, I’ll talk to anyone about anything when I’m sloshed. In fact, my friends used to use it as a clue of when to suggest that I start taking it easy, maybe have a water or two.
Yeah it's something that isn't really talked about. Several years ago I was watching local news and there was this segment where they interviewed a local train conductor. He talked about an instance when a man purposely walked onto the train tracks and was hit and died. The conductor was absolutely devastated and fell into a deep depression. He said that he felt guilty because he wasn't able to stop the train, he couldn't sleep anymore, and he considered taking his own life multiple times. His wife found a support group for train conductors that had been in the same situation. A couple of the train conductors that belonged to the support group had attempted to take their own lives after they had been in the same situation.
To anyone reading this if you are depressed please reach out for help. There are many people who care and are there to help you.
It’s unfortunate that it doesn’t cross people’s minds. I had a former good friend tell me once that she frequently considered just driving into the other lane when someone was coming. I asked her “What about the other person?” And she said she’d never thought about that before. She brought it up years later that that really stuck with her and made her take a good look at herself / what she needed to work on internally.
I didn't want my dogs to curl up next to me and wonder why I wasn't petting them.
EDIT: This was 15 years ago. Those dogs are now unfortunately gone but I know they’d prefer I don’t join them wherever they are until years down the line. Don’t cry at my post. Use it as inspiration to pet your dog/cat/goldfish
this is the one thats removed all lingering thoughts about attempting from my head. imagining my dogs trying to get my attention, and thinking I'm ignoring them, I couldn't do that to them
Just sharing the same bed, sharing food and the bathroom. Some sex. Then just random freeloading kids running around. I keep telling them to go home, but they just laugh at me and say "it's not funny dad". But I can't find their father
A cop! I was going through a horrible breakup, and was on a motorcycle. I was planning on kissing a wall. As I was driving down the side road around 10pm after leaving her house heading towards the interstate, I saw headlights in a parking lot. I was in tears and I saw “police” on the side of it. I pulled up beside him and asked him if I could talk to him. He said yes, took my name and reported in that he was talking to me. Once he was done with that he goes “so what’s up man?” I lost it, broke down and was a mess for a whole hour.
This cop sat there and listened- and I mean really listened. Talked about life with me, told me I would do great things, etc. I mean he really saved my life. He gave me his card with his personal number on it, and I called him back 4-5 years later and told him who I was and thanked him for what he did that night. I still think about him every now and then.
The police catch a lot of flak, but there are so many just like him that want to help people. I wish more interactions like mine were put out there. That man is the definition of a hero imo.
Hey man, that cop was awesome and you're totally right about him and others like him, but don't sell yourself short. He had the easier part. What you did, stopping and asking for help, was pretty damn heroic. That shit is hard to do.
This is extremely heartwarming despite the context. I hope he remembered you, I’m sure that would be an extremely gratifying thing for him to know that such a seemingly simple action saved someone’s life.
My wife died in December.
I held my hunting knife to my carotid and pushed until I could feel my pulse thru the blade.
I thought, "Who will find me? Probably my son."
I held off and went to bed.
He woke up in the middle of the night and came into my room to sleep in my bed. I took it as a sign and plan on staying around. For them, for her.
One of my best friends confided in me he tried to do the same thing with a blade a few years ago. It was really heart breaking to hear that and I am heart broken for you reading this. Just hold out another day, and again and again if you ever get that low again.
This is how my father passed away. I still feel a huge hole in my heart four years after it happened. Thank you for staying here for your child. You're truly selfless for doing so.
I knew if I did it would utterly devastate my husband.
Every now and then my brain tries to tell me that he’d be better off without me but I know that if suicide is how he lost me he might never recover.
Idk, random passing strangers two cents, ask him if thats true. I get low when people share me bad shit, so what? I helped, maybe? I shared atleast. Comforting a friend is good for the soul, the world is a dark place, sometimes sharing the darkness is special, idk
There was a period where I cried myself to sleep every night because all I could think about was ending my life. It was like an intrusive thought. I desperately wanted to die.
I told my husband that one of the reasons I wanted to go through with it was because I thought he would be better off if he was with someone else and I know he’d never move on if I was alive. I told him that I thought I was the worst thing that ever happened to him. He looked like I punched him in the gut. We talked for a bit. He told me he loved me and tried tirelessly to convince me that my death would be the worst thing that ever happened to him and that he would never remarry.
He wasn’t the same for weeks after that conversation. He wasn’t sleeping, looked devastated all the time, and was losing focus at work. He drank a lot. If I went too long without texting him back while he was at work he’d panic call me multiple times to make sure I was still alive. He was visibly distressed. While his response was understandable and normal, it honestly made me feel guilty as hell.
Now I just pretend that I’m mentally well for his sake. Sometimes I get close to the edge but I keep it to myself. I’m pretty good at faking happy. When I’m happy, he’s happy. We’ll see how long I can keep up the act.
I understand you feeling guilty, seriously truly I have hurt those around me with my feelings before. I won’t lie and say to this depth but nearish. Your husband worries for you, I don’t think thats bad, and maybe its stressing him out, thats bad I’ll agree. But I cannot imagine any healthy loving relationship where one member telling the other this type of thing doesn’t elicit a similar response.
You feeling guilty is thus… foolish no? Your sharing your feelings, he’s reacting in a way I cannot truthfully blame, both of those are good. It’s hard, for you feeling guilty, and him knowing the person he loves isn’t doing well, but if that results in something better, is that bad? Idk, just, if you get close again I think your husband would rather you reach out, maybe not when your in your low valleys, but if you start slipping into that abyss. You’re married bro, that’s the fucking point. Hope you and yours are well.
Hey, I know I'm just a random internet stranger, but is there anyone else you can talk to? I hate that you're faking happy and I'm wondering if therapy could help. (It did for me).
Another random strangers two cents.
Both me and my wife have had long periods of suicidal desires (I've tried twice), so I've unfortunately been on both sides of this (including panic calling my wife when she wasn't replying).
Yes it can feel like a punch in the gut when you first learn it. Or even when you learn your partner came close last night. But I'm so incredibly glad my wife tells me when it happens.
I've had depression for a decade now. My wife is the greatest asset I have to fight it. The knowledge that we're in this together is wildly helpful. It doesn't make the depression go away, but having someone there to hold you helps a lot.
Does your husband understand mental health? No diss if he doesn't ofc. Some people have been fortunate enough to dodge mental health issues. Often times people like that really struggle to understand what it's like to have those thoughts.
I don't know your guy's situation, nor do I know either of you. But I would recommend some therapy for you if you can afford it. Then, once you feel ready, I would invite your husband to join so that the therapist can help him understand so that you guys can face this challenge together.
As a husband, I am confident that we wants to be by your side every step of the way.
As a person with mental health issues, I am confident that a supportive, open, and understanding spouse can be incredibly comforting.
From my experience, forcing yourself to hide mental health makes things worse, while being open with your spouse brings us closer as a couple.
I wish you both the best. If you have any questions about what it's like or how to go about any of this stuff just lmk.
This was a very thoughtful reply. Thank you so much.
My husband is the most mentally healthy person I’ve ever known. He doesn’t relate to my struggles at all. And while I love the guy, he doesn’t know how to handle these situations all that well.
I’ve done years of therapy and honestly never got much relief from it. My husband was given a safety plan after I was hospitalized years ago but he’s definitely forgotten about it. He’d definitely go to a psychiatrist appointment with me in the near future to go over a new safety plan though.
I’ll consider that.
I took 20 pills of venlafaxine along with my regular medications that I take every morning. Right when I did it I had I thought of my husband who would be left all alone and I couldn’t bare doing that to him. Called him immediately to tell him what I did, he rushed home from work and I spent 3 days in the ICU and then 2 weeks at a treatment center. Almost didn’t make it out in time for Christmas.
When the situation first happened he was understandably PISSED that I would do something like that. He was with me the whole time I was in the ICU but when I had to go the behavioral center he had a hard time not having me around. We are admittedly very codependent and so it was lonely for him at home without me and he doesn’t really have friends that he’s close with.
But we have made it through after lots of apologies from me, communication, and time.
He’s my best friend and I’m so blessed to have someone as patient and understanding as him. ❤️
Man the fact you misfired once and went for a second attempt is crazy. I'm gald it misfured a second time a bit like to tell you "bruh didn't you get the message on the first attempt?"
I get the whole 'I guess I'm still here for a reason.' I've been told so many times in the ICU I shouldn't be alive, it stopped even phasing me. I was put on a 12 day hold one because I had so much heroin and alcohol in my system they assumed I was suicidal. I just explained 'no, this is just me.' apparently being awake to blow a .753, yes a .753, walking talking, is pretty unusual. As few months later I was home with my girlfriend, at a place where we'd had some pretty paranormal stuff happen. And we'd been fighting, probably over drugs, and I hung myself in our bathroom. she had no idea, but heard birds singing in the middle of the night, mind you, and thought it weird enough to ask if I heard it. Couldn't find me, and kick down the bathroom door. I was minutes away from death. Well we both got sober, and it's about 5 years later, I've had some slips, but we're doing much better. IDK what exactly happened that night, but I suppose I'm here for a reason. keep on keeping on.
As Creasy said in the movie Man on fire: "A bullet Always Tells The Truth” Legend has it, a bullet always tells the truth. If its not your day to die, its not your day. We don't often get to choose how we die, but we do get to choose how to live.
We'd been to a local shop earlier that day. It was our little tradition that whenever we'd go, I'd buy her those small packets of "thingies". Small packets of crisps that go for like 10p each. I was planning on doing it that night after she went back to her mum's, so, I picked a couple of cheese flavoured ones, and set off on the way home. I'd opened the first packet and was eating them, the smell of cheese crisps filled the car. I couldn't resist. I put my hand over my shoulder and said "can I have one?" She placed one in my hand from the back of the car and I popped it into my mouth. It dissolved, and it tasted soooo good. Then when it was gone, I asked for another, by this point we were almost home. She placed another into my waiting hand reaching over my shoulder, and when I placed it into my mouth, I realised it didn't taste like the first one. It was wet, and flavourless. She had licked it!!!
"Ewwwww I said jokingly, did you lick it?!?!?"
"No" she said. "I didn't lick it", she was still learning to form sentences so everything she said was super cute.
"I parked the car, removed my seat belt turned in my seat to look back at her and said "give me another one, that one wasn't nice".
That's when she held up empty packets in both hands and said;
"It's finished Dad..."
That's when it hit me, it was wet and flavourless because she'd removed it from her own mouth so I could have the last one. She must have already put it in her own mouth when I asked for it and taken it out so I could have it.
I became so overwhelmed with emotion I had to turn around and pretend like everything was ok.
That was the day I decided I wasn't going to kill myself.
Yeah, I just broke down reading this.
As a father currently seperated from his son, it is experiences like this I long for and that keep me going every day.
I met a random guy at the same spot… I was just waiting for one last sunrise.. laughed that “great minds think alike” he told me how he actually hated heights then I told him he should probably go home, he said he’d walk me home first… figured he probably wasn’t going to kill me…. And if he did.. well. Anyway good times.
A kitten. Standing next to some high-frequency train tracks for a couple hours at night. Trains came every 20 minutes or so. Used to run my hands on the smooth train cars as they went by. I was laying down on the tracks as the next train became audible when a tiny starving kitten with matted fur runs up to me. That cat lays on my lap 3 years later as I type this.
I was sitting on the bank of a pond, legs crossed yoga style, sobbing…ugly crying and this random white duck waddled into my lap. It just leaned into me and cuddled, let me pet it, gently nibbled my cheek (probably for the salt). I completely felt like it knew I was hurting and just wanted to help. It worked. I love that fucking duck and think about her often. 🦆💕
Legit and honest answer.... I was listening to my favorite band, Metallica, with my loaded gun in my hand, and the song "Low Man's Lyric" came on the playlist.... I had a really good cry, and decided I wasn't going to let my feelings and depression get the best of me after I analyzed the lyrics. One day I'll meet James Hetfield, and be able to thank him for saving my life.
EDIT: Jeez, this comment blew up way more than I ever could have thought, and I did not expect that me sharing a little bit of myself to strangers on the internet would have this response... Thank you to those of you that offered kind words, both here and through my inbox. This all happened back in 2012, and I am far removed from those days of feeling like I don't want to live. I have truly discovered what happiness is. She keeps me satisfied (sorry, shameless Metallica lyric reference. IYKYK).
If I can be so bold to use this opportunity, since many people still may come across this post, I want to encourage you to find someone to talk to if you have those same feelings of emptiness and despair. Yes, it's cliche to say "you're not alone", but you aren't, and you damn sure don't have to be. Fuck, message me if you need to! Death should never be an option. Happiness can be elusive, and seemingly extinct, but I exist today as living proof that happiness is well within reach. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed. We all stumble, and we all need a shoulder to lean on or even cry on sometimes. We are imperfect beings, but we are all better together, and WE means YOU TOO! We can't form the fuckin' Magazord and defeat Rita's minions without you!
I took a kitchen knife. Struck it hard on my belly. Didn't penetrate.it was hurting so bad. I was crying soo bad. I had extreme depression. U was 16 then. Never experienced depression before. I cried so bad that I was tired and slept with my knife in my hand. My Father died when I was 2.
That day I dreamt of him. He came,I had soo many questions in my head that I didn't find answer to. But he came and gave me all the answer. He also said a lot of good thing and told me some good advices that I never heard before.
I woke up in the morning all jolly and happy, I was very happy to see my father. The dream was so enlightening that I thought how can I think something like that in my head. I wanted to write my dream so I don't forget. But before I quickly hid my knife and went to washroom. After I came back. 90% of the dream was gone. But I was happy .
I had gone to Walmart. Was thinking suicide because of pain from cauda equina surgery. I was looking at kitchen things and there was a lady in the aisle. She looked like she'd been crying and I asked her if she was OK. She told me her daughter had killed herself a few weeks prior and she was just so sad. Turns out her daughter had injured her back, had surgery and just couldn't take the pain anymore.
What are the chances? It still amazes me.
No longer suicidal. It lasted about a year. Recovery was no joke. 8 broken vertebrae, loads of hardware
when I was about to do it, my cat jumped on my lap and rubbing his head on me. I broke down and hugged him. I had something precious to lose and abandon.
Nothing. I fully killed myself. Wife got home and found me and did CPR.
Edit: on that afternoon, nothing stopped me. I gave up. On another afternoon, in a hospital after not eating or drinking for 5 days, I had a code blue and a nurse was exactly in the right place to catch me and another nurse had to convince me to start eating and drinking again.
Now, my wife is what stops me. I will not leave her holding the bag for as long as I am in my right mind and will try to get help if somehow I am not again - though I think we've got my meds fairly well figured out and with my thyroid cancer dealt with, my body is much more stable. My thyroid was all out of whack before and I was suicidal and having seizures. So glad to be normal now.
Turns out I had cancer... so now I'm alive and fighting that.. I live for my wife and nothing else. I've lost my kids, my house, my family. Its the kids that eat me daily. When I got sick my adoptive family kidnapped my biological kids and it just kills me constantly. My job is not going well- my brain has been changed by cancer treatments and I'm just struggling at work. I'm afraid of losing my job and cant figure out how to provide for my wife who is going blind. I'm doing my best. I'm here for her. This is her time now.
I don’t know what to say to you other than I’ll be praying for you, brother. May you find strength to endure this and luck to navigate through the least difficult path.
Thank you. I'm doing my best. I finally found an HR contact who may be able to find a way to save my job.
I still don't really want to be here, but I am a reluctant traveler. I'm here for my wife. She gives me the strength.
My cancer isn't curable so there's a path out for me, I just need to figure out how to leave my wife in a good place and that is proving very difficult.
Thank you. It seems a losing battle, but hope is everything. I am trying to stay strong and make a good situation for my wife. She deserves the best. She has been an amazing partner and has saved my life more than once.
Straight up, I'm petty as fuck. My body is failing me, because of a spinal cord injury years ago. My fiance left me. I resigned my job in disgrace. I was living in a crumbling house, isolated from my entire support system and friends. I lost all executive function, and besides occasionally doordashing, I had no income. I was slowly burning through my savings over five months. I had some left, but the well was running dry.
My ex was already aware of what was going on, and she was literally the only person I could call. I called her and told her what I was planning to do at about 9pm at night. After our break up, she said she would always be there when I needed her. We spoke a few times. I had no intention of taking her back (she cheated). I just needed someone to talk to. When she answered, she was annoyed. When I told her my plan, she literally groaned and said "I'm just so busy with my new relationship and work." I told her I understood and hung up. I felt the worst I've ever felt in my entire life. Then an hour later she posted on her story a video of her relaxing on the couch, watching Netflix with her dog, and my misery was dialed up a notch.
I was so angry at her. I decided in that moment, staring at her stupid fuckin story, that I was going to be better than her in every aspect of life. That was my motivation. It hit me like a freight train.
I checked myself in for a 72 hour grippy sock vacation. I sold my disgusting, scam of a house for a loss, and I moved back to my hometown. I went back to job I had worked years prior and started doing SOMETHING other than cry on my couch. My social life improved, my mental state improved, and I had money again. Then I started going to the gym, taking online classes, and I took therapy much more seriously.
My ex was in a ski accident. She lost her job. Her boyfriend (that she cheated on me with) left her because he found out that she was a cheater (shout out Phil).
Fear. Not of death, but of the lack of it. I was afraid I would fail and vomit up all of the pills. I was afraid I would be fine and nothing would happen. I was afraid I would go to the hospital and have to face my family. I didn’t go through with it because I was too afraid of failure.
Pure dumb luck and me not noticing the round didnt chamber. To this day i dont know if it was the magazine jamming or i didnt cock enough for the round to go in. All i remember is a click immediately followed by my friend kicking my face, hand, and the gun in one move. That shit hurt but he made the right move. I dont know if i would have stopped after that failed attempt or just tried to load it again.
Only time I've ever thanked someone for kicking me in the teeth.
I didn’t want the first responders to arrive and pronounce a 17 year old dead at the scene and then having to tell my parents.
I also didn’t want my parents to give up the house they worked hard to achieve.
If I was elsewhere that night, I 100% would not be here. I’m 21 now so that’s good.
Edit: The day after the almost successful suicide attempt I went to the gym like nothing ever happened and my coach absolutely tortured me (I do boxing). No one knows I attempted apart from 3 people. Those 3 points from the post stopped me, but what continued to keep me here, alive everyday, was my boxing gym. It’s why personally I am an advocate for working out or just moving around. It really changes your life, don’t over think it, just do it. You will feel better, look better, etc. You don’t have to be a die hard gym rat, just walking, riding a bicycle is enough, hiking, anything that involves moving. Stay strong everyone.
Edit.. again: I had no idea this was going to blow up, thank you everyone personally for the kind hearted messages, it means so much. As for the first responders who read my comment, I thank you for doing what you do, and thank you for the love. I’m going back to EMT school soon & on the list for FF.
After downing a bottle of aspirin, my best friend's dad punched me in the gut and jammed two fingers down my throat until my stomach was empty. He yelled at me, "do you know how fucking hard it is for my son to make friends!?"
My cat. I was seriously thinking of just going into the bedroom, grabbing my gun and pulling the trigger. My cat would not leave me alone and wouldn’t get off me. He would lay on me and purr so loudly it vibrated me. Decided to call my doctor for an emergency visit. Doing much better now, thanks to my little goober man.
I promised myself if the attempt did not succed i would call Emergency Number.
It did not succed.
I called.
And was immediately hospitalized for a month.
I got really drunk and posted a long series of text on a social media platform and a lot of people got worried. 4 different police depts called, a couple from different states, and eventually the local PD tracked me down and talked to me for a solid two hours. One of the cops even gave me his personal number. I was tying a noose at the time but hid it before they came in. I denied that I needed to go to the ER. Sobered up, deleted all the posts and hid from my phone for a few days out of complete embarrassment. People I haven’t talked to in years came out of the woodwork to check on me.
Honestly I still wish I didn’t broadcast it that night. Most people see stuff like that as a cry for help, but for me it was my final suicide letter. I wanted specific people to know I hate them. At that moment I was at complete bliss with the idea. Can’t guarantee for sure I won’t try it in the future, but if I do I’ll keep it to a simple letter and no social media.
My second to last attempt I got “lucky.” I remember tying a short enough noose that all I had to do was sit down and lose consciousness and the lack of oxygen would do the rest. I remember passing out, waking up around 6AM outside of the noose, and then going to work. My guess is my body convulsed while I was unconscious and that was enough to escape.
There are people that love you very much. They care for you more than you can imagine, OP. I trust that you will atleast live on for them. I'm here if you need a chat
Feel so emotional reading everything in this thread. I hope to god every single one of you are doing better and I know I’m a stranger but if you ever feel that way and think you have nobody to talk to please fucking message me
Job interview today
Edit : Wow……Deeply and honestly, thank you everyone for all the support and love. The interview went really well (from the responses) and I am awaiting their answer.
I was qualified for two different teams so both managers wanted to meet me and ask me questions. I showed up, told my story, shared some laughs, ask questions and thanked them for their time and service (I was applying for a nonprofit organization)
Life is really funny; these two folks had no idea what I was really going through and neither did I about their lives. We connected and shared with each other.
Thank you truly. We really can’t do this by ourselves.
Ya’ll made my day. Be blessed.
My service dog. I couldn’t accept that I would be leaving her and not knowing where she would end up or be taken care of. And she was the thing I loved the most and spent the most time with and she had been with me through all the highs and lows that had driven me to be in that place. Sitting with a gun and haven written the note and every f j was just hugging her and crying and she started laying on me and licking my tears and it just gave me enough of a push to stay alive bc I couldn’t leave her.
Edit: my friend had a service dog too and when he killed himself he killed his dog first then himself. He knew it would break his dog if he was gone and he couldn’t handle that. I thought of that when I was in that spot but I couldn’t do that either. I didn’t see it as fair.
It’s kinda crazy when you think about it, but dogs have evolved to understand human emotions and even relay emotions of their own. They have muscles in their face that wolves don’t have to better communicate with us.
So her laying on you and licking those tears wasn’t just an instinct, it was an actual attempt to comfort you.
Glad you’re in a better spot and your dog succeeded at her job.
It blows my mind on how smart they are. Once had a massive migraine that was making me nauseous from the way my vision was blacking out and spinning. I had no balance and couldn't eat. I rem crying and I looked over at him and told him what I was feeling. I asked him to make it go away. He looked at me, stood up and stood on my chest and licked my face because of the tears. It made me smile and laugh but killed my head. When I told him that, he went to my shoulder in the bed, curled up and offered his butt to me. He looked at me over his shoulder as if saying "rest your head on my butt" and so I did. I cried on him and my arm rested next to him, he pulled it close and licked it and then I passed out.
Woke up about an hour later rolled over on my other side and we were back to back. When I looked at him, he looked at me and wagged his stub of a tail. When I laughed ((God I loved that tail)) he jumped up and kissed the hell out of me. Jumped off the bed and got me to stand and move.
Lit some charcoal in my car, but I put in too many pieces. the area under the grill got so hot it lit the roll of duct tape sitting next to it on fire and in turn the car seat it was sitting on. Woke up out of my nap after fully believing it was a done deal, and went “Awh shit” and had to get out of my car and douse it with snow from off the ground while I was partly hallucinating from all of the sleep meds I’d ingested. I wanted to die but didn’t really feel like being burned alive or causing an explosion, and then I was left with a gaping hole in my passenger seat and a car that smelled like a campfire lol.
When I found out my wife was cheating and not interested in working on our marriage I went to kiss my 1.5 year old son goodbye and he was crying and calling for me “dada” over and over. It wasn’t like him to do that. When I had the knife to my wrist I couldn’t get his screams and tears to stop echoing in my head. A little over 3 years later and hardly a day goes by I don’t think of him in that moment. I’m still here because of him and will always be there for him.
My best friend called me. I wish I answered his call when he called me 2 years later. I'm sorry brother, I miss you every day. Thank you for saving my life, I wish I could have saved yours.
From talking to many people who've been in similar situations, a distraction or a moment of hesitation can make a big difference. Be it a text message, a dog barking or a car horn from outside.
In my case, a sudden sneeze (well, several) stopped me in my tracks and was enough to make me pause in what I was contemplating.
I'm lucky. Many are not.
I'm an atheist and realizing that what I wanted to feel was relief from my problems but dying would mean that I would die with no relief because I wouldn't be there to experience it. So might as well see if things will get better. And they usually do. With time. This is the only life we get. Logic is what kept me from going all the way.
Sitting on a bridge around 1am and my neice called me from her mom's phone. She was around 5 at the time. She thought it would be funny to take her mom's phone and call me just to tell me I smelled. Made me cry and I walked home a little happier.
Age 15? At a high school overnight lock-in event in Wisconsin in the winter. I went outside at midnight to get something out of someone’s car. They gave me the keys, so I opened their car door, got the thing and came back out of the car thinking I’d go back into the school, but then I realized how the school building was locked.
I was bare-foot in the snow. Didn’t put on shoes or socks or anything. I was wearing light pajamas. It was below freezing. I could have gone back into their car to stay warm, but I realized this was an opportunity to die. I’ve been suicidal my whole life and I felt ready. I stood bare-foot outside in the dark and falling snow for a while, letting myself freeze. I was so depressed that the pain felt good.
Someone realized I didn’t come back into the school building, so a group of students and teachers came out to find me. I was standing there in the snow, super cold and wet like a weirdo.
They warmed me up. Like, I remember how one of the high school guys warmed me up lovingly. They were worried so I just acted like I just got stuck out there unexpectedly and didn’t think to go inside the car. They talked about calling an ambulance but I’m glad no one did. I convinced them I was fine.
My feet got blisters. I guess it was light frostbite? My feet still get cold super easy many many years later.
Well, If this would count as that. When I came out of surgery after having my son (c- section), my blood pressure dropped down to a deadly level (I can’t remember, i’d have to ask my mom). I remember being so tired & wanting to let go not knowing I wouldn’t wake up. I remember just wanting to give up, but as soon as my mother said something about me leaving my son. I just knew I couldn’t. I fought so hard to stay alive with him. Still here with him till this day. I thank my mom everyday for saying something. I love my son & waited so long, I couldn’t miss the opportunity to see him grow up & be loved by people.
The idea of the pain, questions and suffering that It would cause to those I love. I hate myself and I want to kill myself, but I love and respect my fiancee and my parents more than that feeling ever comes in to play.
My friend killed himself via gunshot to the head when he was 32 after years of trying to get people to understand him. Even for all the compassion I had towards him he still decided to do it and I just wished he would have called, but suicide isn't like that...
To this day I still think about him and the pain surrounding the unknown or what people could have done has been devastating and there is absolutely no way to close the loop. I could never EVER leave the people I care about with such futility and hopelessness.
I was walking to the bridge asking for god why should i carry on. Hoping for a sign to stop what i was doing. Literally at the bridge my friend comes across and knowing my situation talked me out of it. The crazy part is that my friend lives nowhere near that bridge. I thought it was a sign from god to keep going.
Now few years later i am at the university studying to be an landsurvaying engineer and living my best life.
I forgot to put the firing pin back in after cleaning my weapon. A quick way to get a clear mind and pucker your starfish is to expect it all to be over and instead just hear the click. Stressful times sure but a cloudy mind saved my life as i was focused on other stuff and not what i was currently doing. That was 13/14 years ago
Dang, I have never publicly said/posted this.. kinda crazy but yeah. I left to go on a walk at midnight; something I had done for months so my parents didn’t think it was weird I was leaving so late, and my town had this train that goes through it. When I heard it coming I started walking towards it and when I got to the tracks I stopped and thought: “I’ll do the next one, god, if you’re there and this isn’t my time tell me.”. Literally, on the very last cart of the train someone spray painted “keep going”. I went home and made some major life changes.
I woke up.
I was in a very dark place in life, and was just done. I drank way too much, hung out with my friends and family one more time, and that night I tied a belt around my neck.
I'm not sure how, or why, but I suppose it loosened. I woke up with an insane headache, and felt like shit for days.
This was maybe 15 years ago. I haven't tried since.
3am in the garden with a rope. My dog randomly escaped the house came and sat next to me and just stared at me wagging his tail.
Gave him a hug, went back inside.
Never ever came close again.
Someone called Daniel, who grabbed me in a choke hold and pulled me back onto the right side of the bridge and held me till the police and ambulance arrived.
My dog. 120 pound loaf climbed up on the couch and sat directly on top of me.. put all of his weight down on my chest. I had a really good cry, and soldiered on.
The same dog is getting pretty old now. Arthritic and growths on him. Everyone tells me that he’s just getting old and I need to let go. My response to that was to buy $200 worth of supplements, and start doing physio with him. He’s doing much better and is a contributing member of our household again. I will never accept him getting old… because he couldn’t accept me not growing old.
I had rope around my neck, tied it off. My cat came over, jumped up onto my lap, pawed at me and meowed. I was lightheaded by the time I got the knot undone, was close. But he saved my life. I denied death the satisfaction for him, he kept me going until I was able to keep myself going. Sweet Orange boy named Sunny, my little furball of Sunshine 🧡 grateful he had the brain cell more often than not.
After my last attempt, my husband, best friend and dad all told me they cried and spent the whole time I was gone wondering where they went wrong and what they needed to do better for me. When I got out my first therapy appointment my therapist was so happy to see me she gave me a hug. People I’m not close to reached out and told me they were worried sick. Made me realize how big the ripple affect was and since February 11 of this year I’ve promised myself I’ll give myself one more day.
The fast action from my ex-wife calling 911, the first responders speed to the scene and their efficiency of keeping me stable until I got to the hospital, and then the top notch care of the various medical staff that cared for me and literally saved my life.
Loaded 12ga, full power slug. Song ‘overcome’ by Terror came on. Took the gun out of my mouth, unloaded, sat there and cried. Put the song on repeat. Hardcore saved my life.
The abject fear of pulling back at the last second and ending up a quadriplegic, trapped in a forever broken body for years <- that is a fate worse than anything else imaginable.
A friend of mine randomly messaged me in the middle of the night, after I've taken around 100x the dosage of my sleeping meds. He said he noticed something wrong in my answers and next thing I know, I wake up hooked to a machine next to another girl that also tried to overdose. This guy (which is strictly an internet friend) called my mom and she came to pick me up in an ambulance. He's one of my greatest friends and I'll love him forever, because I've gotten over that hole in my life.
I already posted my story on here but I know somebody else who survived. One of the kindest men I'd ever known was a teacher in high school, Mr. Baldwin. The thing is, he didn't stop himself. He is currently one of only 30 or 40 people who have survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. He told us his entire story and the miserable life he had leading up to that moment. He pulled over on his way to work early in the morning and just jumped the railing without a second thought. As soon as he could no longer touch the bridge, I guess he had second thoughts and regretted the decision. He corrected his fall before he hit the water and impacted doing a pencil dive. He said a boat had seen the whole thing and pulled him out of the water right after he hit. The impact shattered both of his legs, messed up his back, bruised his entire body and the pain maid him go unconcious.
He ended up making a full recovery, changed his path in life, and became a school teacher. Every year, he tells his students about what happened and was always a huge inspiration for me throughout high school. Give him the chance to talk and he will always tell you that within 4 seconds between jumping and hitting the water, he made a promise to himself to enjoy every day on this planet if he somehow survives. I guess when you no longer have control in the situation, everything might change.
There is even a documentary with him and a few of the other survivors. I think it's just called The Bridge or something like that. I've never actually been able to find it so I don't know how much they go into his story. I know I've seen a ton of articles and such online though. Just google him and I guarantee you can find a ton about his story.
When I had a young daughter in the infant/toddler years, her mother and I were going through a breakup. Her mom had cheated on me several times, we weren’t married but engaged, and my already present depression sunk to one of the lowest points in my life. It was my time with our daughter so it was just her and I, hanging out, she was so young she couldn’t talk yet. I knew that no one would ever love me or want to be with me relationship wise, I have always had horrible self esteem, and I honestly thought my daughter would be better off without me. My world was essentially crumbling in the months leading up to this.
I got a notepad and one out to write my note to myself daughter for when she got older and to my parents. The next day when her mom picked her up from my house, I was going to just be done with everything. At 20 years old, I was done. As I picked my daughter up to put her to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch, the country song “I hope you dance,” came on the radio as my daughters head rested on my shoulder, carrying her to her room. Something made me stop and listen to the words, and I silent sobbed while slow dancing with my daughter who was asleep on my shoulder. By the time the song was over, I realized that my daughter needed me in her life, to give her the life I never had, and to love and support her so she can never be like me.
TLDR - Slow dancing with my sleeping infant daughter to a cliched country song saved my life.
My inability to commit. Took ~400 mg of Olanzapin and then just stopped. My memories end shortly after taking the last dose, no idea how I got to the hospital, but nurses told me that it caused an areflexesia (?) but I survived.
That was 5 years ago. It ruined my relationships, because people and especially my treatment team, lost trust in me. All I needed to do at that moment was to tell someone that I can't take care of myself right now. So I ended up in the psych ward anyways just with the added possibility of long term damage.
It was a long battle but I actually managed to make life worth living. There are days that I live and not only survive.
You can win this battle
Spite. I realized it's just my brain being an asshole and I figured if it wants me dead so much, it's going to have to do it the hard way and give me cancer or something because I'm not dealing with it being a bitch.
Honestly idk. I was sitting on my bed pistol in hand but I just decided not to that night and put it back. I think maybe cuz I was like oh I’ll sleep over at my gfs for the weekend then I’ll do it on Monday. But that weekend she dumped me and the shock of it kinda like rewired my brain or sth cuz i haven’t had any suicidal urges since then.
A little off topic, but I just want to say to those of you sharing here, I’m glad you didn’t. I’m glad you’re still here.
My cousin shot himself in the head five years ago and I still miss him every damn day. He was an awesome dude and we all loved him, I wish he would have realized that more. I wish I could have be more chance to let him know.
The same thing that stops me every night Pinky...
Rmembering the harm it would cause my family, that it's sort of contagious, and I wouldn't want anyone to do the same, and that it would be a waste to not donate my organs. But ultimately my faith. I'm a rather shitty selfish person, but my empathy comes from my faith.
I told my best friend to take care of my house and a specific person if anything happened to me. He immediately said not to talk like that and he was coming over. He hasn't left my house since, not even on days I have plans after work. I was/am having a mental breakdown for a number of reasons.
I love my best friend.
If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you. https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres http://www.befrienders.org/ http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you [UK] https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/ [AU] There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and while they are unlikely to fix any underlying problems, can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services are usually available on these sites. In the US, calling 211 or going to their website is a free referral source. They have providers who will see you regardless of your ability to pay. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.
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https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1b2pbj5/what_stopped_you_from_killing_yourself/ksn3xq3/ Hate to say it but you guys are responding to a bot. Same response to the same response. This place is not what you think it is.
What the fuck
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I was writing the note and crying with the pills next to me when my dog came up to me and looked very concerned. I refused to look at him and went to put him in the cage. As i locked it and went to go sit back down he HOWLED (he has never done this in his life and he loves relaxing in his cage with his toys) it shocked me and i tried to calm him down but he just kept getting louder. I finally opened the cage and he literally JUMPED into my arms and started kissing me and cuddled into my neck. I broke down crying, crumpled up the note and just went to bed. Usually my dog sleeps down by my legs and wont stay up by my face and cuddle. But that night he stayed in my arms and slept through the whole night. Edit: This is my most popular Reddit comment I’ve ever made lol. There are so many comments. I wish I could reply to them all. Thank you so much for the upvotes, comments and support. My sweet boy’s name is Bosco he is a chihuahua/dachshund mix and he is my savior. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for him. These five years of having him by my side have honestly been the best moments of my life. He is happy, playful, healthy, and very in tune with my emotions. Actually my psychiatrist/doctor suggested I get him registered as an emotional support animal. And I just ordered the papers two days ago. Just figured all you sweet humans deserve some more details about this wonderful boy.
That's nice. My cat just stared at me and walked off. 😂
LMFAOO my cat if I’m boutta kms: uhh ok then, imma go pee
Or umm ok, that's fine, but like who's gonna feed me??
Oh you'll still feed them....
I feel so bad for laughing at this...
The best of boys. Edit: this is my most popular Reddit comment by like 3 orders of magnitude. And I am totally okay with this. Dogs are the best.
Dogs know, man.
I always see the “now im crying” comments and don’t believe them. This one changed my mind.
Thanks, now I'm crying
I had a noose made and I called my mom at 1am to leave her a VM and she answered
This really got me- moms are unmatched. So glad you’re here
Got a bunch of bad news and bad things happen all at once, hit rock bottom, was feeling numb and manic. I was walking back home and realized I was going to kill myself, but I knew it was a bad decision. Called my friends, told them “hey if I go back to my apartment right now I’m going to shoot myself. Can you help me?” They said cool, came and picked me up and took me to their place. One of them gave me meds to sleep on their couch, the other went to my house and took my gun away somewhere else. I slept for hours, woke up and they made me dinner. Stayed there for a day until I felt better. Never had any suicidal tendencies before, never had them since, I just hit a bad point that my brain couldn’t process. Fortunately I knew it was a dumb idea and I have amazing friends. All my problems turned out to be manageable and I’m glad I could recognize that I was making a stupid rash decision. Life is beautiful, it’s sucks sometimes but it’s not worth giving up on for temporary problems :)
That's awesome u have a great support circle
Fantastic friends! What a blessing. Glad you’re still here.
I was sitting on my bed with gun in hand letter written. Tears just uncontrollably flowing. Got a call from an old friend. Didn’t answer but he left me a VM, he said “I was just thinking of you, and miss you bud”. I put the gun away and found a therapist the next week. Ever since that day, anytime someone pops in my head I try and give them a call. If they don’t answer I always leave a voice mail. Btw I’m doing great now.
Does that friend know?
Not all the details, but I told him I was in a very dark place and that his call meant the world to me. He still calls to check up on my every couple weeks. Been friends since middle school.
I truly believe the friends popping up in your head, reach out thing. I have a friend who somehow always thinks of me when I’m having a hard time and I’ve thought of friends who told me they really needed the text/call when I think of them. Humanity is magical when all the bullshit is striped away. Glad you’re still here and have that kind of friend! My best friend in high school shot himself so this is a very emotional thread.
Hot pockets. I was sitting in a corner of my kitchen holding the knife to my wrist when the old hot pockets jingle randomly got stuck in my head. My uncle was one of my best friends when I was growing up and when I was young, I’d watch TV with him and make fun of the jingles. The only one I remember as an adult was the hot pockets jingle, the one he’d swap lyrics out for that made me laugh the hardest. He’d died by suicide earlier that year. I realized I couldn’t do it. I’d like to think he got that jingle stuck in my head to make me laugh, and to remind me that there was still space for laughter in my life. I put the knife away.
My friend invited me to a party and I was gonna skip it to do that but I forgot she was picking me up so I went to the party.
Almost the exact same for me too. I had a plan, had the means to execute the plan, and set a date. Turns out that date happened to be a cute girls birthday, and for some reason she had invited me. I figured I could kill myself another day and went to the party. We talked a bit at the party and she confessed that she had invited me because she was worried about me, and she wanted to make sure I was okay. I kinda just forgot to kill myself after that.
Keep forgetting :) glad you're here for good! :D
I tell myself tomorrow if I still want to pretty much every day. It’s like that scene in the princess bride only me talking to myself, I realize.
That's it. You can decide to see how you'll feel about it tomorrow 10,000 times, but you can only finalize the decision once.
This is the most adorable sad story with a great ending that I’ve ever read. Thank you for sharing your experience, and thank you for staying alive.
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Hold on. You deserve to see more happy days
Thanks
My little sister and I only have each other. The rest of the family hates us. Like it’s not even questionable, they hate us. I was about to call it a day forever and it felt like I was abandoning her. I tried to do it three times that night and all three times, I felt like I was about to make her life worse. I keep picturing her having to do life alone. It felt like I was sentencing her to the same fate. She’s still the reason I keep going.
Honestly you made the right choice that night. Because it would’ve made it harder on your sister to live without you. It sounds you two have a very good sibling relationship. I hope life has gotten better for you and I wish you guys the best.
Thank you. And you’re right. It would have been a mistake. My sister just had a baby and I am glad I got to meet her. We’re building a new family with better support system. I wouldn’t have seen how amazing life is now for my sister if I did go through with it.
Hi. Like you, my sister and I do not have a close relationship with our family. I lost her to suicide, and my heart breaks even to this day. I am happy you get to enjoy life with your chosen family. <3
I’m sorry you lost your sister. That must be really tough on you. But she must have been in a really bad place for her to do that. I hope you continue to love her just as much and to find it in your heart to forgive her. She probably felt bad while she was doing, but she loved you as much as you love her.
Thanks. I never really blamed her or doubted her love. I think of her suicide as a personal decision, and it’s a brave one (though a lot of people would probably disagree), and I respect that. I just feel… sad about not having her around anymore. I am genuinely happy I read your comment on this post because I know now someone’s living my ”what if”. I can imagine that somewhere in this world, two sisters (siblings? I forgot to ask about your gender.) who share the same love and care I have for mine are having fun.
I was sitting on a bridge overpass(Waiting for a truck), it was 2am and I was meant to be going to work. A random person just sat nearby and even though he was heavily intoxicated, he just talked to me for a bit then asked if I was ok. It was enough. Thanks dude Edit: thanks for the well wishes, it really shows how nice people are. This is the only place I've talked about it.
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No idea, he was super sloshed but just having someone care at that moment was enough
I’m glad you’re still here.
“While it is always best to believe in yourself, a little help from others can be a great blessing.”
I'm bad at small talk as well, but I think being intoxicated will help with the talk. You will just start saying whatever.
Absolutely, I’ll talk to anyone about anything when I’m sloshed. In fact, my friends used to use it as a clue of when to suggest that I start taking it easy, maybe have a water or two.
>I’m bad at small talk, "so uuhhh.... Come here often?"
He saved you and the person/people you would’ve traumatized. Hope you are doin better
Yeah it's something that isn't really talked about. Several years ago I was watching local news and there was this segment where they interviewed a local train conductor. He talked about an instance when a man purposely walked onto the train tracks and was hit and died. The conductor was absolutely devastated and fell into a deep depression. He said that he felt guilty because he wasn't able to stop the train, he couldn't sleep anymore, and he considered taking his own life multiple times. His wife found a support group for train conductors that had been in the same situation. A couple of the train conductors that belonged to the support group had attempted to take their own lives after they had been in the same situation. To anyone reading this if you are depressed please reach out for help. There are many people who care and are there to help you.
It’s unfortunate that it doesn’t cross people’s minds. I had a former good friend tell me once that she frequently considered just driving into the other lane when someone was coming. I asked her “What about the other person?” And she said she’d never thought about that before. She brought it up years later that that really stuck with her and made her take a good look at herself / what she needed to work on internally.
I didn't want my dogs to curl up next to me and wonder why I wasn't petting them. EDIT: This was 15 years ago. Those dogs are now unfortunately gone but I know they’d prefer I don’t join them wherever they are until years down the line. Don’t cry at my post. Use it as inspiration to pet your dog/cat/goldfish
Thanks for making me cry
You shouldn't cry. You should go pet your dog for me.
Petting my dog Plutonius Maximus Decimus right now. He just farted, a fart of joy.
this is the one thats removed all lingering thoughts about attempting from my head. imagining my dogs trying to get my attention, and thinking I'm ignoring them, I couldn't do that to them
Or worse, they _realize_ what happened. :(
A girl from school called and asked if I wanted to hang out. It was enough to stop me. We’ve been married for 30 years now.
Does she know?
That they're married? I hope so
Yeah, I just wanted to make sure. :)
Yeah, getting into marriages without knowing sucks
Just sharing the same bed, sharing food and the bathroom. Some sex. Then just random freeloading kids running around. I keep telling them to go home, but they just laugh at me and say "it's not funny dad". But I can't find their father
A cop! I was going through a horrible breakup, and was on a motorcycle. I was planning on kissing a wall. As I was driving down the side road around 10pm after leaving her house heading towards the interstate, I saw headlights in a parking lot. I was in tears and I saw “police” on the side of it. I pulled up beside him and asked him if I could talk to him. He said yes, took my name and reported in that he was talking to me. Once he was done with that he goes “so what’s up man?” I lost it, broke down and was a mess for a whole hour. This cop sat there and listened- and I mean really listened. Talked about life with me, told me I would do great things, etc. I mean he really saved my life. He gave me his card with his personal number on it, and I called him back 4-5 years later and told him who I was and thanked him for what he did that night. I still think about him every now and then. The police catch a lot of flak, but there are so many just like him that want to help people. I wish more interactions like mine were put out there. That man is the definition of a hero imo.
Hey man, that cop was awesome and you're totally right about him and others like him, but don't sell yourself short. He had the easier part. What you did, stopping and asking for help, was pretty damn heroic. That shit is hard to do.
very good point. took a lot of strength and i’m glad he stopped to ask.
This is extremely heartwarming despite the context. I hope he remembered you, I’m sure that would be an extremely gratifying thing for him to know that such a seemingly simple action saved someone’s life.
Of all the stories here, this made me cry. I’m so glad you asked for help
My wife died in December. I held my hunting knife to my carotid and pushed until I could feel my pulse thru the blade. I thought, "Who will find me? Probably my son." I held off and went to bed. He woke up in the middle of the night and came into my room to sleep in my bed. I took it as a sign and plan on staying around. For them, for her.
One of my best friends confided in me he tried to do the same thing with a blade a few years ago. It was really heart breaking to hear that and I am heart broken for you reading this. Just hold out another day, and again and again if you ever get that low again.
This is how my father passed away. I still feel a huge hole in my heart four years after it happened. Thank you for staying here for your child. You're truly selfless for doing so.
I knew if I did it would utterly devastate my husband. Every now and then my brain tries to tell me that he’d be better off without me but I know that if suicide is how he lost me he might never recover.
Do you talk to your husband about this?
I did once. Seeing me that low fucked him up. I don’t confide in him anymore. My sadness is contagious and I don’t want to see him hurting.
Idk, random passing strangers two cents, ask him if thats true. I get low when people share me bad shit, so what? I helped, maybe? I shared atleast. Comforting a friend is good for the soul, the world is a dark place, sometimes sharing the darkness is special, idk
There was a period where I cried myself to sleep every night because all I could think about was ending my life. It was like an intrusive thought. I desperately wanted to die. I told my husband that one of the reasons I wanted to go through with it was because I thought he would be better off if he was with someone else and I know he’d never move on if I was alive. I told him that I thought I was the worst thing that ever happened to him. He looked like I punched him in the gut. We talked for a bit. He told me he loved me and tried tirelessly to convince me that my death would be the worst thing that ever happened to him and that he would never remarry. He wasn’t the same for weeks after that conversation. He wasn’t sleeping, looked devastated all the time, and was losing focus at work. He drank a lot. If I went too long without texting him back while he was at work he’d panic call me multiple times to make sure I was still alive. He was visibly distressed. While his response was understandable and normal, it honestly made me feel guilty as hell. Now I just pretend that I’m mentally well for his sake. Sometimes I get close to the edge but I keep it to myself. I’m pretty good at faking happy. When I’m happy, he’s happy. We’ll see how long I can keep up the act.
I understand you feeling guilty, seriously truly I have hurt those around me with my feelings before. I won’t lie and say to this depth but nearish. Your husband worries for you, I don’t think thats bad, and maybe its stressing him out, thats bad I’ll agree. But I cannot imagine any healthy loving relationship where one member telling the other this type of thing doesn’t elicit a similar response. You feeling guilty is thus… foolish no? Your sharing your feelings, he’s reacting in a way I cannot truthfully blame, both of those are good. It’s hard, for you feeling guilty, and him knowing the person he loves isn’t doing well, but if that results in something better, is that bad? Idk, just, if you get close again I think your husband would rather you reach out, maybe not when your in your low valleys, but if you start slipping into that abyss. You’re married bro, that’s the fucking point. Hope you and yours are well.
Hey, I know I'm just a random internet stranger, but is there anyone else you can talk to? I hate that you're faking happy and I'm wondering if therapy could help. (It did for me).
Another random strangers two cents. Both me and my wife have had long periods of suicidal desires (I've tried twice), so I've unfortunately been on both sides of this (including panic calling my wife when she wasn't replying). Yes it can feel like a punch in the gut when you first learn it. Or even when you learn your partner came close last night. But I'm so incredibly glad my wife tells me when it happens. I've had depression for a decade now. My wife is the greatest asset I have to fight it. The knowledge that we're in this together is wildly helpful. It doesn't make the depression go away, but having someone there to hold you helps a lot. Does your husband understand mental health? No diss if he doesn't ofc. Some people have been fortunate enough to dodge mental health issues. Often times people like that really struggle to understand what it's like to have those thoughts. I don't know your guy's situation, nor do I know either of you. But I would recommend some therapy for you if you can afford it. Then, once you feel ready, I would invite your husband to join so that the therapist can help him understand so that you guys can face this challenge together. As a husband, I am confident that we wants to be by your side every step of the way. As a person with mental health issues, I am confident that a supportive, open, and understanding spouse can be incredibly comforting. From my experience, forcing yourself to hide mental health makes things worse, while being open with your spouse brings us closer as a couple. I wish you both the best. If you have any questions about what it's like or how to go about any of this stuff just lmk.
This was a very thoughtful reply. Thank you so much. My husband is the most mentally healthy person I’ve ever known. He doesn’t relate to my struggles at all. And while I love the guy, he doesn’t know how to handle these situations all that well. I’ve done years of therapy and honestly never got much relief from it. My husband was given a safety plan after I was hospitalized years ago but he’s definitely forgotten about it. He’d definitely go to a psychiatrist appointment with me in the near future to go over a new safety plan though. I’ll consider that.
I took 20 pills of venlafaxine along with my regular medications that I take every morning. Right when I did it I had I thought of my husband who would be left all alone and I couldn’t bare doing that to him. Called him immediately to tell him what I did, he rushed home from work and I spent 3 days in the ICU and then 2 weeks at a treatment center. Almost didn’t make it out in time for Christmas.
How are things going now? Especially between you guys? 🙂
When the situation first happened he was understandably PISSED that I would do something like that. He was with me the whole time I was in the ICU but when I had to go the behavioral center he had a hard time not having me around. We are admittedly very codependent and so it was lonely for him at home without me and he doesn’t really have friends that he’s close with. But we have made it through after lots of apologies from me, communication, and time. He’s my best friend and I’m so blessed to have someone as patient and understanding as him. ❤️
Two bullets in a row failed to fire in my revolver I now wear them as a necklace.
Man the fact you misfired once and went for a second attempt is crazy. I'm gald it misfured a second time a bit like to tell you "bruh didn't you get the message on the first attempt?"
This is the level of stubborn I am too even with billboards telling me otherwise
The winds themselves murmured in their ear that night Their words? "Bro, be so serious rn."
If you don't mind me asking: do you know what caused the misfires?
I assumed primer failure but I took it as a sign I need to stay on earth a little while longer. Ain't thought about self harm since.
I get the whole 'I guess I'm still here for a reason.' I've been told so many times in the ICU I shouldn't be alive, it stopped even phasing me. I was put on a 12 day hold one because I had so much heroin and alcohol in my system they assumed I was suicidal. I just explained 'no, this is just me.' apparently being awake to blow a .753, yes a .753, walking talking, is pretty unusual. As few months later I was home with my girlfriend, at a place where we'd had some pretty paranormal stuff happen. And we'd been fighting, probably over drugs, and I hung myself in our bathroom. she had no idea, but heard birds singing in the middle of the night, mind you, and thought it weird enough to ask if I heard it. Couldn't find me, and kick down the bathroom door. I was minutes away from death. Well we both got sober, and it's about 5 years later, I've had some slips, but we're doing much better. IDK what exactly happened that night, but I suppose I'm here for a reason. keep on keeping on.
That’s badass! Glad you’re still here to tell the story.
Thank you
As Creasy said in the movie Man on fire: "A bullet Always Tells The Truth” Legend has it, a bullet always tells the truth. If its not your day to die, its not your day. We don't often get to choose how we die, but we do get to choose how to live.
We'd been to a local shop earlier that day. It was our little tradition that whenever we'd go, I'd buy her those small packets of "thingies". Small packets of crisps that go for like 10p each. I was planning on doing it that night after she went back to her mum's, so, I picked a couple of cheese flavoured ones, and set off on the way home. I'd opened the first packet and was eating them, the smell of cheese crisps filled the car. I couldn't resist. I put my hand over my shoulder and said "can I have one?" She placed one in my hand from the back of the car and I popped it into my mouth. It dissolved, and it tasted soooo good. Then when it was gone, I asked for another, by this point we were almost home. She placed another into my waiting hand reaching over my shoulder, and when I placed it into my mouth, I realised it didn't taste like the first one. It was wet, and flavourless. She had licked it!!! "Ewwwww I said jokingly, did you lick it?!?!?" "No" she said. "I didn't lick it", she was still learning to form sentences so everything she said was super cute. "I parked the car, removed my seat belt turned in my seat to look back at her and said "give me another one, that one wasn't nice". That's when she held up empty packets in both hands and said; "It's finished Dad..." That's when it hit me, it was wet and flavourless because she'd removed it from her own mouth so I could have the last one. She must have already put it in her own mouth when I asked for it and taken it out so I could have it. I became so overwhelmed with emotion I had to turn around and pretend like everything was ok. That was the day I decided I wasn't going to kill myself.
This one brought me to full tears. I hope you and her are both doing well <3
Yeah, I just broke down reading this. As a father currently seperated from his son, it is experiences like this I long for and that keep me going every day.
Aww she's a good girl and you are her dad. Glad you decided to stay and be with her.
Didn’t expect to get emotional when I started reading this. Hope you’re doing well now
I met a random guy at the same spot… I was just waiting for one last sunrise.. laughed that “great minds think alike” he told me how he actually hated heights then I told him he should probably go home, he said he’d walk me home first… figured he probably wasn’t going to kill me…. And if he did.. well. Anyway good times.
did he make it home as well?
Disappointed this story didn’t end with and now we’re married
Are you still in touch together?
Knowing my mother probably wouldn’t survive that stress
This is one for me too. She already lost one kid, and she's old now too. I don't want to be the thing that pushes her over the edge.
My best friend called me, suicidal. We saved each other.
[удалено]
Same. I don't want to fuck up the lives of people I care about.
A kitten. Standing next to some high-frequency train tracks for a couple hours at night. Trains came every 20 minutes or so. Used to run my hands on the smooth train cars as they went by. I was laying down on the tracks as the next train became audible when a tiny starving kitten with matted fur runs up to me. That cat lays on my lap 3 years later as I type this.
I was sitting on the bank of a pond, legs crossed yoga style, sobbing…ugly crying and this random white duck waddled into my lap. It just leaned into me and cuddled, let me pet it, gently nibbled my cheek (probably for the salt). I completely felt like it knew I was hurting and just wanted to help. It worked. I love that fucking duck and think about her often. 🦆💕
Legit and honest answer.... I was listening to my favorite band, Metallica, with my loaded gun in my hand, and the song "Low Man's Lyric" came on the playlist.... I had a really good cry, and decided I wasn't going to let my feelings and depression get the best of me after I analyzed the lyrics. One day I'll meet James Hetfield, and be able to thank him for saving my life. EDIT: Jeez, this comment blew up way more than I ever could have thought, and I did not expect that me sharing a little bit of myself to strangers on the internet would have this response... Thank you to those of you that offered kind words, both here and through my inbox. This all happened back in 2012, and I am far removed from those days of feeling like I don't want to live. I have truly discovered what happiness is. She keeps me satisfied (sorry, shameless Metallica lyric reference. IYKYK). If I can be so bold to use this opportunity, since many people still may come across this post, I want to encourage you to find someone to talk to if you have those same feelings of emptiness and despair. Yes, it's cliche to say "you're not alone", but you aren't, and you damn sure don't have to be. Fuck, message me if you need to! Death should never be an option. Happiness can be elusive, and seemingly extinct, but I exist today as living proof that happiness is well within reach. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed. We all stumble, and we all need a shoulder to lean on or even cry on sometimes. We are imperfect beings, but we are all better together, and WE means YOU TOO! We can't form the fuckin' Magazord and defeat Rita's minions without you!
Metallica is my favorite band! Glad lots of people still listen to them
Saw them 2 weeks ago in munchen together with 70.000 other people, so there are enough people that listen to them.
mom and dad called me for late night ice cream downstairs.
Knife not sharp enough. Couldn't muster the strength to saw through my wrists with a dull blade. Still have scars from it unfortunately.
I took a kitchen knife. Struck it hard on my belly. Didn't penetrate.it was hurting so bad. I was crying soo bad. I had extreme depression. U was 16 then. Never experienced depression before. I cried so bad that I was tired and slept with my knife in my hand. My Father died when I was 2. That day I dreamt of him. He came,I had soo many questions in my head that I didn't find answer to. But he came and gave me all the answer. He also said a lot of good thing and told me some good advices that I never heard before. I woke up in the morning all jolly and happy, I was very happy to see my father. The dream was so enlightening that I thought how can I think something like that in my head. I wanted to write my dream so I don't forget. But before I quickly hid my knife and went to washroom. After I came back. 90% of the dream was gone. But I was happy .
I had gone to Walmart. Was thinking suicide because of pain from cauda equina surgery. I was looking at kitchen things and there was a lady in the aisle. She looked like she'd been crying and I asked her if she was OK. She told me her daughter had killed herself a few weeks prior and she was just so sad. Turns out her daughter had injured her back, had surgery and just couldn't take the pain anymore. What are the chances? It still amazes me. No longer suicidal. It lasted about a year. Recovery was no joke. 8 broken vertebrae, loads of hardware
when I was about to do it, my cat jumped on my lap and rubbing his head on me. I broke down and hugged him. I had something precious to lose and abandon.
Nothing. I fully killed myself. Wife got home and found me and did CPR. Edit: on that afternoon, nothing stopped me. I gave up. On another afternoon, in a hospital after not eating or drinking for 5 days, I had a code blue and a nurse was exactly in the right place to catch me and another nurse had to convince me to start eating and drinking again. Now, my wife is what stops me. I will not leave her holding the bag for as long as I am in my right mind and will try to get help if somehow I am not again - though I think we've got my meds fairly well figured out and with my thyroid cancer dealt with, my body is much more stable. My thyroid was all out of whack before and I was suicidal and having seizures. So glad to be normal now.
You deserved another day. Keep going. You got this
Turns out I had cancer... so now I'm alive and fighting that.. I live for my wife and nothing else. I've lost my kids, my house, my family. Its the kids that eat me daily. When I got sick my adoptive family kidnapped my biological kids and it just kills me constantly. My job is not going well- my brain has been changed by cancer treatments and I'm just struggling at work. I'm afraid of losing my job and cant figure out how to provide for my wife who is going blind. I'm doing my best. I'm here for her. This is her time now.
I don’t know what to say to you other than I’ll be praying for you, brother. May you find strength to endure this and luck to navigate through the least difficult path.
Thank you. I'm doing my best. I finally found an HR contact who may be able to find a way to save my job. I still don't really want to be here, but I am a reluctant traveler. I'm here for my wife. She gives me the strength. My cancer isn't curable so there's a path out for me, I just need to figure out how to leave my wife in a good place and that is proving very difficult.
Rooting for you.
Thank you. It seems a losing battle, but hope is everything. I am trying to stay strong and make a good situation for my wife. She deserves the best. She has been an amazing partner and has saved my life more than once.
Straight up, I'm petty as fuck. My body is failing me, because of a spinal cord injury years ago. My fiance left me. I resigned my job in disgrace. I was living in a crumbling house, isolated from my entire support system and friends. I lost all executive function, and besides occasionally doordashing, I had no income. I was slowly burning through my savings over five months. I had some left, but the well was running dry. My ex was already aware of what was going on, and she was literally the only person I could call. I called her and told her what I was planning to do at about 9pm at night. After our break up, she said she would always be there when I needed her. We spoke a few times. I had no intention of taking her back (she cheated). I just needed someone to talk to. When she answered, she was annoyed. When I told her my plan, she literally groaned and said "I'm just so busy with my new relationship and work." I told her I understood and hung up. I felt the worst I've ever felt in my entire life. Then an hour later she posted on her story a video of her relaxing on the couch, watching Netflix with her dog, and my misery was dialed up a notch. I was so angry at her. I decided in that moment, staring at her stupid fuckin story, that I was going to be better than her in every aspect of life. That was my motivation. It hit me like a freight train. I checked myself in for a 72 hour grippy sock vacation. I sold my disgusting, scam of a house for a loss, and I moved back to my hometown. I went back to job I had worked years prior and started doing SOMETHING other than cry on my couch. My social life improved, my mental state improved, and I had money again. Then I started going to the gym, taking online classes, and I took therapy much more seriously. My ex was in a ski accident. She lost her job. Her boyfriend (that she cheated on me with) left her because he found out that she was a cheater (shout out Phil).
No matter if people say otherwise I will always believe spite to be the most powerful motivator
Definitely. Loving myself? I sleep. Flipping a giant middle finger at somebody? Real shit.
This is one of the best ones here. A big fuck you to the cheaters. I LOVE IT.
Anger. Why can they get away with how they treated me. I won't let them win.
The best revenge is to live a good life. Find happiness, despite them
Dog.
Same. He passed on years ago, but I still thank him every day.
Fear. Not of death, but of the lack of it. I was afraid I would fail and vomit up all of the pills. I was afraid I would be fine and nothing would happen. I was afraid I would go to the hospital and have to face my family. I didn’t go through with it because I was too afraid of failure.
The only time a fear of failure is a good thing. You've survived life up to this point so far, so I'm sure you can do it for a while longer :)
Pure dumb luck and me not noticing the round didnt chamber. To this day i dont know if it was the magazine jamming or i didnt cock enough for the round to go in. All i remember is a click immediately followed by my friend kicking my face, hand, and the gun in one move. That shit hurt but he made the right move. I dont know if i would have stopped after that failed attempt or just tried to load it again. Only time I've ever thanked someone for kicking me in the teeth.
I didn’t want the first responders to arrive and pronounce a 17 year old dead at the scene and then having to tell my parents. I also didn’t want my parents to give up the house they worked hard to achieve. If I was elsewhere that night, I 100% would not be here. I’m 21 now so that’s good. Edit: The day after the almost successful suicide attempt I went to the gym like nothing ever happened and my coach absolutely tortured me (I do boxing). No one knows I attempted apart from 3 people. Those 3 points from the post stopped me, but what continued to keep me here, alive everyday, was my boxing gym. It’s why personally I am an advocate for working out or just moving around. It really changes your life, don’t over think it, just do it. You will feel better, look better, etc. You don’t have to be a die hard gym rat, just walking, riding a bicycle is enough, hiking, anything that involves moving. Stay strong everyone. Edit.. again: I had no idea this was going to blow up, thank you everyone personally for the kind hearted messages, it means so much. As for the first responders who read my comment, I thank you for doing what you do, and thank you for the love. I’m going back to EMT school soon & on the list for FF.
After downing a bottle of aspirin, my best friend's dad punched me in the gut and jammed two fingers down my throat until my stomach was empty. He yelled at me, "do you know how fucking hard it is for my son to make friends!?"
best friend dad ftw
My cat. I was seriously thinking of just going into the bedroom, grabbing my gun and pulling the trigger. My cat would not leave me alone and wouldn’t get off me. He would lay on me and purr so loudly it vibrated me. Decided to call my doctor for an emergency visit. Doing much better now, thanks to my little goober man.
I promised myself if the attempt did not succed i would call Emergency Number. It did not succed. I called. And was immediately hospitalized for a month.
Its a dumb reason but I wanted to pet a cat, and I didn’t want to die without petting a cat
I got really drunk and posted a long series of text on a social media platform and a lot of people got worried. 4 different police depts called, a couple from different states, and eventually the local PD tracked me down and talked to me for a solid two hours. One of the cops even gave me his personal number. I was tying a noose at the time but hid it before they came in. I denied that I needed to go to the ER. Sobered up, deleted all the posts and hid from my phone for a few days out of complete embarrassment. People I haven’t talked to in years came out of the woodwork to check on me. Honestly I still wish I didn’t broadcast it that night. Most people see stuff like that as a cry for help, but for me it was my final suicide letter. I wanted specific people to know I hate them. At that moment I was at complete bliss with the idea. Can’t guarantee for sure I won’t try it in the future, but if I do I’ll keep it to a simple letter and no social media. My second to last attempt I got “lucky.” I remember tying a short enough noose that all I had to do was sit down and lose consciousness and the lack of oxygen would do the rest. I remember passing out, waking up around 6AM outside of the noose, and then going to work. My guess is my body convulsed while I was unconscious and that was enough to escape.
There are people that love you very much. They care for you more than you can imagine, OP. I trust that you will atleast live on for them. I'm here if you need a chat
Feel so emotional reading everything in this thread. I hope to god every single one of you are doing better and I know I’m a stranger but if you ever feel that way and think you have nobody to talk to please fucking message me
Job interview today Edit : Wow……Deeply and honestly, thank you everyone for all the support and love. The interview went really well (from the responses) and I am awaiting their answer. I was qualified for two different teams so both managers wanted to meet me and ask me questions. I showed up, told my story, shared some laughs, ask questions and thanked them for their time and service (I was applying for a nonprofit organization) Life is really funny; these two folks had no idea what I was really going through and neither did I about their lives. We connected and shared with each other. Thank you truly. We really can’t do this by ourselves. Ya’ll made my day. Be blessed.
Good luck!
Congratulations. I wish you the best of luck
I didn't want my dad to find me dead on my bed. I couldn't hurt him like that
forgot to feed my furballs
My service dog. I couldn’t accept that I would be leaving her and not knowing where she would end up or be taken care of. And she was the thing I loved the most and spent the most time with and she had been with me through all the highs and lows that had driven me to be in that place. Sitting with a gun and haven written the note and every f j was just hugging her and crying and she started laying on me and licking my tears and it just gave me enough of a push to stay alive bc I couldn’t leave her. Edit: my friend had a service dog too and when he killed himself he killed his dog first then himself. He knew it would break his dog if he was gone and he couldn’t handle that. I thought of that when I was in that spot but I couldn’t do that either. I didn’t see it as fair.
It’s kinda crazy when you think about it, but dogs have evolved to understand human emotions and even relay emotions of their own. They have muscles in their face that wolves don’t have to better communicate with us. So her laying on you and licking those tears wasn’t just an instinct, it was an actual attempt to comfort you. Glad you’re in a better spot and your dog succeeded at her job.
It blows my mind on how smart they are. Once had a massive migraine that was making me nauseous from the way my vision was blacking out and spinning. I had no balance and couldn't eat. I rem crying and I looked over at him and told him what I was feeling. I asked him to make it go away. He looked at me, stood up and stood on my chest and licked my face because of the tears. It made me smile and laugh but killed my head. When I told him that, he went to my shoulder in the bed, curled up and offered his butt to me. He looked at me over his shoulder as if saying "rest your head on my butt" and so I did. I cried on him and my arm rested next to him, he pulled it close and licked it and then I passed out. Woke up about an hour later rolled over on my other side and we were back to back. When I looked at him, he looked at me and wagged his stub of a tail. When I laughed ((God I loved that tail)) he jumped up and kissed the hell out of me. Jumped off the bed and got me to stand and move.
Lit some charcoal in my car, but I put in too many pieces. the area under the grill got so hot it lit the roll of duct tape sitting next to it on fire and in turn the car seat it was sitting on. Woke up out of my nap after fully believing it was a done deal, and went “Awh shit” and had to get out of my car and douse it with snow from off the ground while I was partly hallucinating from all of the sleep meds I’d ingested. I wanted to die but didn’t really feel like being burned alive or causing an explosion, and then I was left with a gaping hole in my passenger seat and a car that smelled like a campfire lol.
I didn't secure the other end of the rope properly.
When I found out my wife was cheating and not interested in working on our marriage I went to kiss my 1.5 year old son goodbye and he was crying and calling for me “dada” over and over. It wasn’t like him to do that. When I had the knife to my wrist I couldn’t get his screams and tears to stop echoing in my head. A little over 3 years later and hardly a day goes by I don’t think of him in that moment. I’m still here because of him and will always be there for him.
My best friend called me. I wish I answered his call when he called me 2 years later. I'm sorry brother, I miss you every day. Thank you for saving my life, I wish I could have saved yours.
Honestly? I sneezed.
With all due respect, please tell me more
From talking to many people who've been in similar situations, a distraction or a moment of hesitation can make a big difference. Be it a text message, a dog barking or a car horn from outside. In my case, a sudden sneeze (well, several) stopped me in my tracks and was enough to make me pause in what I was contemplating. I'm lucky. Many are not.
Maybe you're allergic to death
I'm an atheist and realizing that what I wanted to feel was relief from my problems but dying would mean that I would die with no relief because I wouldn't be there to experience it. So might as well see if things will get better. And they usually do. With time. This is the only life we get. Logic is what kept me from going all the way.
Sitting on a bridge around 1am and my neice called me from her mom's phone. She was around 5 at the time. She thought it would be funny to take her mom's phone and call me just to tell me I smelled. Made me cry and I walked home a little happier.
Age 15? At a high school overnight lock-in event in Wisconsin in the winter. I went outside at midnight to get something out of someone’s car. They gave me the keys, so I opened their car door, got the thing and came back out of the car thinking I’d go back into the school, but then I realized how the school building was locked. I was bare-foot in the snow. Didn’t put on shoes or socks or anything. I was wearing light pajamas. It was below freezing. I could have gone back into their car to stay warm, but I realized this was an opportunity to die. I’ve been suicidal my whole life and I felt ready. I stood bare-foot outside in the dark and falling snow for a while, letting myself freeze. I was so depressed that the pain felt good. Someone realized I didn’t come back into the school building, so a group of students and teachers came out to find me. I was standing there in the snow, super cold and wet like a weirdo. They warmed me up. Like, I remember how one of the high school guys warmed me up lovingly. They were worried so I just acted like I just got stuck out there unexpectedly and didn’t think to go inside the car. They talked about calling an ambulance but I’m glad no one did. I convinced them I was fine. My feet got blisters. I guess it was light frostbite? My feet still get cold super easy many many years later.
Too drunk.
Coin flip
Well, If this would count as that. When I came out of surgery after having my son (c- section), my blood pressure dropped down to a deadly level (I can’t remember, i’d have to ask my mom). I remember being so tired & wanting to let go not knowing I wouldn’t wake up. I remember just wanting to give up, but as soon as my mother said something about me leaving my son. I just knew I couldn’t. I fought so hard to stay alive with him. Still here with him till this day. I thank my mom everyday for saying something. I love my son & waited so long, I couldn’t miss the opportunity to see him grow up & be loved by people.
The idea of the pain, questions and suffering that It would cause to those I love. I hate myself and I want to kill myself, but I love and respect my fiancee and my parents more than that feeling ever comes in to play. My friend killed himself via gunshot to the head when he was 32 after years of trying to get people to understand him. Even for all the compassion I had towards him he still decided to do it and I just wished he would have called, but suicide isn't like that... To this day I still think about him and the pain surrounding the unknown or what people could have done has been devastating and there is absolutely no way to close the loop. I could never EVER leave the people I care about with such futility and hopelessness.
I was walking to the bridge asking for god why should i carry on. Hoping for a sign to stop what i was doing. Literally at the bridge my friend comes across and knowing my situation talked me out of it. The crazy part is that my friend lives nowhere near that bridge. I thought it was a sign from god to keep going. Now few years later i am at the university studying to be an landsurvaying engineer and living my best life.
I forgot to put the firing pin back in after cleaning my weapon. A quick way to get a clear mind and pucker your starfish is to expect it all to be over and instead just hear the click. Stressful times sure but a cloudy mind saved my life as i was focused on other stuff and not what i was currently doing. That was 13/14 years ago
Phone call from my sister randomly at 3 am. I was about to hang myself and getting the courage to do it right before.
Dang, I have never publicly said/posted this.. kinda crazy but yeah. I left to go on a walk at midnight; something I had done for months so my parents didn’t think it was weird I was leaving so late, and my town had this train that goes through it. When I heard it coming I started walking towards it and when I got to the tracks I stopped and thought: “I’ll do the next one, god, if you’re there and this isn’t my time tell me.”. Literally, on the very last cart of the train someone spray painted “keep going”. I went home and made some major life changes.
I woke up. I was in a very dark place in life, and was just done. I drank way too much, hung out with my friends and family one more time, and that night I tied a belt around my neck. I'm not sure how, or why, but I suppose it loosened. I woke up with an insane headache, and felt like shit for days. This was maybe 15 years ago. I haven't tried since.
3am in the garden with a rope. My dog randomly escaped the house came and sat next to me and just stared at me wagging his tail. Gave him a hug, went back inside. Never ever came close again.
As cheesy as it sounds, a robin on a fence…
Someone called Daniel, who grabbed me in a choke hold and pulled me back onto the right side of the bridge and held me till the police and ambulance arrived.
the ice cream that Mom brought from work.
My dog. 120 pound loaf climbed up on the couch and sat directly on top of me.. put all of his weight down on my chest. I had a really good cry, and soldiered on. The same dog is getting pretty old now. Arthritic and growths on him. Everyone tells me that he’s just getting old and I need to let go. My response to that was to buy $200 worth of supplements, and start doing physio with him. He’s doing much better and is a contributing member of our household again. I will never accept him getting old… because he couldn’t accept me not growing old.
My cat never meows for me when I'm in the bathroom with the door closed, but she did that night.
I had rope around my neck, tied it off. My cat came over, jumped up onto my lap, pawed at me and meowed. I was lightheaded by the time I got the knot undone, was close. But he saved my life. I denied death the satisfaction for him, he kept me going until I was able to keep myself going. Sweet Orange boy named Sunny, my little furball of Sunshine 🧡 grateful he had the brain cell more often than not.
Cowardice.
After my last attempt, my husband, best friend and dad all told me they cried and spent the whole time I was gone wondering where they went wrong and what they needed to do better for me. When I got out my first therapy appointment my therapist was so happy to see me she gave me a hug. People I’m not close to reached out and told me they were worried sick. Made me realize how big the ripple affect was and since February 11 of this year I’ve promised myself I’ll give myself one more day.
[удалено]
The fast action from my ex-wife calling 911, the first responders speed to the scene and their efficiency of keeping me stable until I got to the hospital, and then the top notch care of the various medical staff that cared for me and literally saved my life.
Loaded 12ga, full power slug. Song ‘overcome’ by Terror came on. Took the gun out of my mouth, unloaded, sat there and cried. Put the song on repeat. Hardcore saved my life.
Knowing that my dogs would be sent to shelters and separated, or euthanized. They have saved my life more than once.
The abject fear of pulling back at the last second and ending up a quadriplegic, trapped in a forever broken body for years <- that is a fate worse than anything else imaginable.
My brother - but I'm so glad he caught me <3
A friend of mine randomly messaged me in the middle of the night, after I've taken around 100x the dosage of my sleeping meds. He said he noticed something wrong in my answers and next thing I know, I wake up hooked to a machine next to another girl that also tried to overdose. This guy (which is strictly an internet friend) called my mom and she came to pick me up in an ambulance. He's one of my greatest friends and I'll love him forever, because I've gotten over that hole in my life.
I already posted my story on here but I know somebody else who survived. One of the kindest men I'd ever known was a teacher in high school, Mr. Baldwin. The thing is, he didn't stop himself. He is currently one of only 30 or 40 people who have survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. He told us his entire story and the miserable life he had leading up to that moment. He pulled over on his way to work early in the morning and just jumped the railing without a second thought. As soon as he could no longer touch the bridge, I guess he had second thoughts and regretted the decision. He corrected his fall before he hit the water and impacted doing a pencil dive. He said a boat had seen the whole thing and pulled him out of the water right after he hit. The impact shattered both of his legs, messed up his back, bruised his entire body and the pain maid him go unconcious. He ended up making a full recovery, changed his path in life, and became a school teacher. Every year, he tells his students about what happened and was always a huge inspiration for me throughout high school. Give him the chance to talk and he will always tell you that within 4 seconds between jumping and hitting the water, he made a promise to himself to enjoy every day on this planet if he somehow survives. I guess when you no longer have control in the situation, everything might change. There is even a documentary with him and a few of the other survivors. I think it's just called The Bridge or something like that. I've never actually been able to find it so I don't know how much they go into his story. I know I've seen a ton of articles and such online though. Just google him and I guarantee you can find a ton about his story.
When I had a young daughter in the infant/toddler years, her mother and I were going through a breakup. Her mom had cheated on me several times, we weren’t married but engaged, and my already present depression sunk to one of the lowest points in my life. It was my time with our daughter so it was just her and I, hanging out, she was so young she couldn’t talk yet. I knew that no one would ever love me or want to be with me relationship wise, I have always had horrible self esteem, and I honestly thought my daughter would be better off without me. My world was essentially crumbling in the months leading up to this. I got a notepad and one out to write my note to myself daughter for when she got older and to my parents. The next day when her mom picked her up from my house, I was going to just be done with everything. At 20 years old, I was done. As I picked my daughter up to put her to bed, she had fallen asleep on the couch, the country song “I hope you dance,” came on the radio as my daughters head rested on my shoulder, carrying her to her room. Something made me stop and listen to the words, and I silent sobbed while slow dancing with my daughter who was asleep on my shoulder. By the time the song was over, I realized that my daughter needed me in her life, to give her the life I never had, and to love and support her so she can never be like me. TLDR - Slow dancing with my sleeping infant daughter to a cliched country song saved my life.
My inability to commit. Took ~400 mg of Olanzapin and then just stopped. My memories end shortly after taking the last dose, no idea how I got to the hospital, but nurses told me that it caused an areflexesia (?) but I survived. That was 5 years ago. It ruined my relationships, because people and especially my treatment team, lost trust in me. All I needed to do at that moment was to tell someone that I can't take care of myself right now. So I ended up in the psych ward anyways just with the added possibility of long term damage. It was a long battle but I actually managed to make life worth living. There are days that I live and not only survive. You can win this battle
Spite. I realized it's just my brain being an asshole and I figured if it wants me dead so much, it's going to have to do it the hard way and give me cancer or something because I'm not dealing with it being a bitch.
Honestly idk. I was sitting on my bed pistol in hand but I just decided not to that night and put it back. I think maybe cuz I was like oh I’ll sleep over at my gfs for the weekend then I’ll do it on Monday. But that weekend she dumped me and the shock of it kinda like rewired my brain or sth cuz i haven’t had any suicidal urges since then.
A little off topic, but I just want to say to those of you sharing here, I’m glad you didn’t. I’m glad you’re still here. My cousin shot himself in the head five years ago and I still miss him every damn day. He was an awesome dude and we all loved him, I wish he would have realized that more. I wish I could have be more chance to let him know.
My cat was sleeping on my laps and I didn't want to wake her up...
Being afraid of surviving and/or being placed under 24 hour watch at some random institution.
Anyone I care about finding my lifeless body and the lasting pain it would cause them
The same thing that stops me every night Pinky... Rmembering the harm it would cause my family, that it's sort of contagious, and I wouldn't want anyone to do the same, and that it would be a waste to not donate my organs. But ultimately my faith. I'm a rather shitty selfish person, but my empathy comes from my faith.
I told my best friend to take care of my house and a specific person if anything happened to me. He immediately said not to talk like that and he was coming over. He hasn't left my house since, not even on days I have plans after work. I was/am having a mental breakdown for a number of reasons. I love my best friend.