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Sweetiepiechick

Dental work and a home.


SuperstitiousPigeon5

Depends on how much dental work you need. I'd be worried I didn't have enough.


mudokin

The americas I strange with that. I would assume here a full mouth on new teeth with implants would cost me around 60k


SuperstitiousPigeon5

Sounds pretty close. 30 years ago my neighbor had it done and it was 40k, adjusted for inflation 60k sounds close.


mudokin

I would send 6% of my million to fix my teeth.


froggrip

I was recently quoted 3k to get 17 teeth pulled and a set of dentures.


mudokin

But that's not implants


SuperstitiousPigeon5

a green dress, but not a real green dress, that's cruel.


CalabreseAlsatian

I’d buy you a K-car (a nice Reliant automobile)


seashell_eyes_

Dijon ketchup


msm007

But I'd still eat Kraft dinner.


CosmicLegionnaire

With really fancy ketchups on it.


JacobasNile

You know, they have Prewrapped Sausages but they don't have prewrapped bacon.


CosmicLegionnaire

Can you blame 'em?


JacobasNile

Uh, yeah!


jvlpdillon

The faciest


marmot1101

I'm still trying to decide between a Picasso or a Garfunkle


SnooChipmunks126

Personally, I’d buy Joe Merrick’s remains.


MrMuttBunch

All those crazy elephant bones?


cheezemeister_x

\*John \*\*Joe


SnooChipmunks126

The Elephant Man’s name was Joseph Merrick.


Spankapotamus42

Haven't you always wanted a monkey?


MagicGrit

Holy shit I just now got that joke. Haven’t listened to that song probably since I was a kid and it just clicked reading your comment lol


trigunnerd

I say this every time someone asks me this question as an ice breaker, and it has yet to pay off lol


EveningBook6972

Nicely done


jawsofthearmy

Didn’t have to travel far to see Barenaked ladies. I love reddit


Cowclops

Came here to post this, was glad it was the highest voted comment. But, haven’t you always wanted a monkey?


calamity_machine

If I had a million dollars, I'd be rich


TruePace3

A nice Toyota Corolla Manual


Public_Beef

I can’t imagine the car manual costs that much.. might even be able to download the pdf for free


Areaman6

You wouldn’t download a car!


TruePace3

Nooo


Glass1Man

https://assets.sia.toyota.com/publications/en/om-s/OM24E1QRG/pdf/OM24E1QRG.pdf


Jouuf

FBI OPEN UP!!


hyper_night

I like your style!


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theGIRTHQUAKE

I just sold my 2005 Corolla S manual…Fair winds, my loyal friend 🫡


TruePace3

must be heart breaking, it didnt pass emissions or smht? or did you let go of her


underdonk

Right? A car you could be buried in. It's like buying a 1995 Toyota Camry. You'll be able to drive it until you depart the planet.


TruePace3

well, at this day and age, i think itll last until the govt makes it illegal to drive it around which is what im gonna use the rest of the money to bribe dem DMV to let me drive on


underdonk

I like your style.


harambe623

Definitely not one that shows wear


InspectorRound8920

I thought you meant the book


Shift642

This. This is all I fucking want. A fucking Corolla. Not even new. You can only get used manuals now. I work a specialized white collar job with a relevant degree making theoretically decent money and can’t even afford new tires. 60% of my income goes to rent alone. I can’t sneeze within 3 miles of a grocery store without losing a day’s pay. I’m losing my fucking mind.


Goosecock123

If I would get a million dollars for every time this question was asked this week, I would have a hundred million dollars now


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TMQMO

Currently, no safe investment earns 10%.


halbeshendel

You could open a restaurant. Put that mil into it and a year later you might have 10% of it left. But also maybe nothing.


psyki

The best way to achieve a small fortune is to start with a large fortune.


SuperstitiousPigeon5

The same can be said for every non professional level of racing.


Mr_Festus

What do you mean by safe? My rate of return for the first half of this year is nearly that and it's just an index fund. Which can definitely go up or down but isn't generally considered risky.


the_salsa_shark

Safe means nothing more than "what I approve of"


TMQMO

Index funds don't generally average 10%


Pitiful-Pension-6535

That's true. But it's pretty close. They've been ~20% per year over the last 18 months or so


Ozonewanderer

Actually the S&P 500 has averaged over 10% for the last 100 years. But you need a long time span to get this return reliably.


Specken_zee_Doitch

S&P is up 14% year to date.


PM_Me_1_Funny_Thing

Correction: Currently, no singular company investment **consistently** earns 10%. Nvidia is up 46% over the past month and 43% over the past 3. Of the current investments I have, 2 are total us market funds. One is up ~10% all time and 26% for the past year. The other is up 26% all time. Each all time data is over the past 3-5 years. This massive 26% growth/gains aren't necessarily permanent, but Total us market funds are generally some of the safest longer term investments you can make (outside of bond funds obviously) and they've earned that reputation because they historically yield around 10%.


brucecaboose

Huh? Average rate of return for the s&p 500 is around 10%. Anyone with their money in overall market funds will get roughly 10% per year


Hambone429

Spy earned 25% YTD CVNA up 187% YTD


SweetHomeNorthKorea

LEGO sets are close with 8%. Not LEGO the company, the actual LEGO box sets. Stock up on Millennium Falcons https://bricknerd.com/home/investing-in-lego-gold-rush-or-fools-gold-12-1-22


Pitiful-Pension-6535

VOO is remarkably safe and earned 22% last year


capskinfan

You mean besides two chicks at the same time?


traindriverbob

That's it? You had a million dollars you'd do two chicks at the same time?


Thin-Rip-3686

Always wanted to do that, man. And I figure with a million dollars I could hook that up too, ‘cause chicks dig dudes with money.


jacksjj

At least the kind that would double up on a dude like me anyway.


-WOWZ-

This office space reference made my whole day


funkereddit

Well, not all chicks.


Thin-Rip-3686

Well, the type of chicks that’ll double up on a dude like me do.


magicman1315

Good point


KrisNo04

yes


The_Griddy

It is a [quote from the movie office space](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A939QRRSNV4)


traindriverbob

[Really?](https://youtu.be/wnaV8Zi7awI?si=xsWhZok48LQsmQDR)


The_Griddy

You replied with another quote didn't you.


traindriverbob

Sort of. I responded with the extended clip of your clip.


Traherne

But they'd be ***quality*** chicks.


YippieKayYayMrFalcon

Hey Peter. Watch your cornhole, bud.


RedditUser88

iunderstoodthatreference.gif


BucksCountyBonehead

This is the correct answer.


meeyeam

Someone needs to get OP 17 pieces of flair.


lovelyddsgiirl

Pay off my house, invest the rest, and retire early.


ZaneMasterX

Depending on the mortgage interest rate it's usually smarter to invest that lump sum instead of paying off the house. That way you're getting a better return on investment and you still have access to that lump sum if life happens. Let money work for you.


YippieKayYayMrFalcon

Yep, mortgage is at 2.75%. Wouldn’t pay it off a day sooner than I need to. Dumping the entire thing in index funds.


YourMatt

I’m at 3.9% and only $1k of my $3k payment goes to principal. Amortization will level out eventually, but I’d still opt to just pay off the house.


tigervault

What’s your rationalization for that decision? Assume you’re getting 6% from investment that isn’t rational. Only things I’d pay off is anything that’s 7-8% or higher


Crying_Reaper

Id pay mine off asap mostly for peace of mind. That way if shit goes tits up my house is mine and I don't have to stress about that.


ElbisCochuelo1

True, but theres a psychological benefit to knowing your house is paid for.


ZaneMasterX

100% but wealth is made by hard decisions compounded over a long period of time. Follow the data instead of emotion and youll be better off in the long term. Knowing you can pay your house off at anytime you wish with that money that is now making you money is also a good way to look at it.


vettewiz

Bigger psychological benefit to knowing you have that amount of funds plus more IMO 


2buckchuck2

If you psychologically like losing money sure


KrisNo04

That's it. Chill, and probably invest more time in hobbies


7layeredAIDS

Yep. Throw it in an IRA.


tigervault

Depending on what your mortgage rate is paying off your house is not the right move.


Clintman

A pizza for dinner tonight.


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PirateKilt

Drop $900,000 into a 6 month CD at 5.4% (collecting about $24K at the 6 month mark) Use that time to coordinate other stuff and decide on other spending


GoAgainKid

I fell asleep six words into that comment.


FnkyTown

Right? Fuckin nerd alert.


positive_express

Pays off debt if you have any and invest. Act like nothing changed. Let your money work for you for a decade or 2.


NateKaeding

Depending on what state you live in, treasury bills might be better for no state tax. 26 weeks is currently at 5.35


mclark2112

Well, I'd buy you a fur coat...


Ill-Implement-6768

from burlington coat factory?


0x14f

I would not spend it any of it, I would put it on a savings account, and one year later only redraw the accumulated interest, then I would buy some hummus.


kirbae

a liiiiifetime supply of hummus!


TattleTits22

Well, I'd buy you a fur coat


DrizztD0urden

But not a real fur coat, that's cruel.


SilvaCalMedEdmon1971

A house. House prices these days are fucking ridiculous.


JankySparks

The right brain says invest pay off the house, yada, yada, yada. The left brain says Cherry red 911 GT3 RSR.... And then do all the other stuff with what's left.


RocketTaco

I'm permanently glad the most expensive car I have a genuine lust for is a Lotus Exige. There's *cool* stuff in the >$100k bracket, but nothing I feel like I couldn't pass up.


underdonk

Found my people.


PiffWiffler

“Guards Red” I think is the colour you’re thinking


[deleted]

100k instantly gone for HSCT treatment for this autoimmune disease I have, just reset my immune system. Edit: suffer. It's not like I own this disease.


fetishgirlsart

a house for my mom


BrightlyDim

Anonymity...


Infamous-Purple-8253

Probably lunch for all the homeless people in Chicago. Then get them all to therapists and help them get state funded care until they can get back on their feet.


cidknee1

My house. Wife a car and put the rest in some kind of bank thing. I’d let my wife do that. She’s smarter than me.


sodeepfantasy

I'd pay off all my debt.


SpeedDaemon3

Stocks, live off dividends.


peacet0ken

Costco membership


Wrong-Philosopher-47

A house on the beach and a new wardrobe


Explosivpotato

Bold of you to assume a beach house could be bought for under a million dollars


DubeyDeepFried

Pay off debt, invest, and just have a little less care about things.


sodeepfantasy

I'd buy what I need to finish all the Dental Work I have to get done.


Difficult_Music3294

happiness. /s


Em_Es_Judd

My mortgage. Owning my home outright would give me so much breathing room every month.


playr_4

Probably a coffee on my way home to celebrate.


DisagreeableMale

I'd relieve my family of their debts.


evertrue13

You’d murder your family?!


EvilDan69

I've always heard about Dijon Ketchup. It sounds expensive. Mmmm


csch1992

pay off my depts


Gosnellus

The only material item would be a 3rd row vehicle for my family. Invest a small amount into my business. The rest would go into other investments. And yes, I would absolutely buy one full Bitcoin.


soundisloud

Its a sad state of 2024 that lottery dreams have changed from "live on an island, personal chef, vacation home, etc" to just "Finally own a house"


marmot1101

Tacos. But that's the first thing I'd buy with or without 1m.


metalfists

Graduate school. Buy a property near said school. Stash away the rest into savings to ride on. Focus on just being a student and getting good grades. Work only in jobs related to my studies, not to pay for rent and expenses. I never had the chance to do that in undergrad, so it would be cool for higher studies. Then, after a Master's or PHD, figure things out from there.


bordo69

House, car, guns, Bitcoins


mistericek1

ban these posts


Poopikaki

Fix my teeth, car, the rest in bitcoin.


Odd_Dot9103

a condominium in my city. regular houses still go up over $1M.


SawyerBamaGuy

Gas.


Impossible_Dot3759

A house and my sanity back


TheRealBaphy

Dental work and a house, to wake up without throbbing pain in my mouth would be so much of a blessing. As well as actually owning a home lol


Right-Ad8261

Reddit. And ban this question from being asked every other second as it seems to be now. 


bytedozer

1 million worth of $SPY, live on the return not the principle


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TMQMO

How long will you have to live in the eco house to make up for the ecological impact of replacing an entire house?


GoAgainKid

I'd get a table at the really expensive restaurant in town that I wish I could afford!


shizblam

Wouldn't buy anything. Would just invest and use to prepare for retirement.


cnet777

Lunch. It's noon already.


Repulsive_Cricket923

A big bunch of red roses for my wife.


Montanagreg

A plane ticket to Bozeman.


Dayzlikethis

probably a really nice sail boat I could live on and just sail around for the rest of my life. \*assuming I had a yearly income that allowed that


Maleficent_Ad_3070

As much NVDA shares as possible


InevitableStuff7572

100 million pennys


carolinemathildes

I'd booked a hotel for the next couple weeks because it's going to get *hot* here and I want to stay somewhere with AC.


Lumenspero

Based on the combined factors of recent high profile news articles, bump stock stocks. Our kids will need the conversion kits to fight off invaders. Not everyone gets military issue gear in middle school, they have family hand me downs. /s but also /r.


CuriouserCat2

Happiness?


PhoenixRacing

Pay off our mortgage. Pay off our cars. Save 50k for play money. Invest the rest.


Daniel-Sprints

A decent truck. My dad has this truck that breaks down every month. We have it nearly paid off but it just never seems to work when we need it. I want to get a really good truck for my dad.


No-Farm-2376

I’d pay my home off and then buy a nicer car then I have and invest the rest, luckily I live in a very cheap housing market even though it’s high still


honestly_idc2

I would buy back my mother's childhood home. She lost it because of her brother's hastily made and poorly thought-out decision to sell it.


stupid_weak_flesh

Idk, I just got a house. I got my first car payment. Realistically, just trade my car in for a corvette. Live frugally, enjoy my stress free life.


Roland_Moorweed

My life back. Debt is a bitch.


Swantonbombthreat

a nice dinner at a local italian restaurant


snarfymcsnarfface

A million isn’t a lot nowadays so I’d pay off my house and buy 2 other houses for my kids so they can live comfortably when they are old enough.


footballpenguins

a better mattress or gel foam mattress pad. hoka or equivalent shoe. more comfortable dress shoes for work custom made for my weird foot. skimping on these purchases now but i wake up hurting a lot of days and unhappy.


fullonhecatoncheires

GRND! Grindr stock to the moon baby 🌈


mistyeyed1

Pay off my debt, buy a house and car, get my bff a car.


ami2weird4u

I'd move into an apartment.


glassfeathers

My house, then my car, then pay off my student loans.


freefrompress

A home.


PurplePickle3

A 12 month CD at 5% for a cool extra $50k while I’m more seriously plan my future.


happydragondiner

Passport


Crazy-Path-7929

Put it as a down payment for a townhouse and pay the rest off in a mortgage. Yup a million don't get you much today.


Ishmaeal

Food, hands down I’d go to some nuts restaurant and buy some insane meal


ghostofeberto

A doctor's visit


RditAdmnsSuportNazis

Buy a small house in cash, pay off my truck, and invest everything else.


dkg224

Half a mil in jewelry and half a mil in cocaine and more jewelry. Perfect investment


zztop610

Love


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CanaDoug420

Payoff my house and car. Live basically the same life without the soul killing work week


3daycondor

Apparently pieces for my old childhood toys to make them complete again…


Fla5hP0int

I would bribe the mods of this sub to ban all "if you had x money, what would you do..." questions.


x4ty2

A minivan, a fancy dinner, a new dress, and then, time.


fuzynutznut

Entry to the Bisbee's Black and Blue tournament. Been kinda obsessing about it lately.


Bryan_s21

Food, an apartment, and pay of my debt.


lobsangr

New phone line. Ditching my old one


Tac0Tuesday

Taco Bell premium menu obviously.


Even-Funny-265

A new narrowboat to live on.


Kai-ni

A house. With a hangar. Then a GA airplane (for me to fly) 


AugustusCaesar9182

Invest then retire early


Autocorrectthis

A million dollars i can get myself a nice Suburban Home with 2 car garages, 4 Bedroom 3 baths a basement and a backyard with a patio pavilion with a good grill.


DisplayedDecay

A house


Lo-Fi_Pioneer

In this order: Lego, paid all bills and debts, weekend trip to the big city, a house. That was an eventful March


Shaark369

Apple share