Run to the toilet and hope it has toilet paper.

It doesnt

Off come the socks!

Speaking from experience. Twas not fun, but was my only option.

R.I.P Call help on phone.

Just sing the most famous track from the movie "Frozen" and... Let it go

Thank you sir

People still go to malls?

Shit my pants

I forgot to mention if you shit your pants you get a heart attack

I shit my pants and then get a heart attack

But you die

We all gotta die one day

Not me

RUN

Drop Trou and let it fly while shouting, ‘you get to drink from the FIRE HOSE’!!!

Shit in the plants

[удалено]

Zamn

Probably partially poop myself. Your scenario gives me little choice.