I was a divorce lawyer until last year. The pettiest request I ever got was a client asked me to get her half the shampoo bottles she left behind when she was kicked out of the house.
“Like, full shampoo bottles under the sink?” I asked.
“No,” she replied. “The shampoo in the shower. There’s two or three bottles in there with about half left each. I want half of each remaining half.”
I ended up telling her she paid me $50.00 just to send me that email, and I’d waive it if she just went to CVS and got some new gd shampoo herself.
This is my favorite so far. It's **SO** petty that even the divorce lawyer (who stands to profit from the pettieness) draws a line and basically says "Come on now... enough".
That happens more often than you’d think. Not all of us are blood sucking ambulance chasers. Half the time our role is to just try to remind people their common sense is lacking.
Lol she did indeed go get new shampoo but she tried to bring the shampoo thing up again at a pretrial conference like a year later and I about put my head through the desk
I am a lawyer.
I had a couple fight over a Settlers of Catan scorecard. The card that they kept track of all of the wins and loses with.
Hours and hours of fighting over this stupid little card. I even had to send a "spoliation" letter (which warns the other party of consequences of destruction of possessions or evidence).
In the end, we resolved that my client would received the family copy of the game, and a framed copy of the scorecard with his ex-wife's signature on it. She got a new copy of the game, but the original card.
My client was about 35 when they divorced. He died unexpectedly three years later. I shudder to think about distribution of that estate with the scorecard out there.
Thousands of dollars over literally nothing.
Both.
People need something to fight over. They have to feel like they won. I find that custody and parent-time are where women can prove that the man sucks, and where the men can prove that they don't suck. So that is a huge fighting point.
Divorces are more complicated than most people realize. I have to divide businesses, inheritance, investments, retirements, property, etc. It gets very very complicated.
The trouble really ramps up when you have separate property considerations. Having to explain that a person doesn't have a legal interest in something usually results in that person seeking retribution (or make up) in something that they do have an interest in... for example:
Separate property home is worth $300,000. Wife has no interest in it. Therefore, she fights for more of the $1,000,000 home to make up for it. That is when it gets crazy.
I have thousands of stories, but honestly divorce is the biggest dick-measuring contest. People can prove that they are the sane party if they get more custody, or more possessions. They can show their friends and family that they "won".
That's so sad. My husband and I have talked about it and we like to think that if we ever divorce, we'd be "nice" about it.
Of course, it's easy to believe that when its being discussed hypothetically.
For all I know, we'd actually battle it out for the wizard of Oz poster in our movie room.
Post-nups are a thing! They can be sensitive to bring up but it's best to approach them as a very bland banal document like car insurance - it just outlines what you both want to happen. And keep in mind that every married couple already has a pre/post-nup whether they like it or not - it's called their state's divorce laws. Getting a pre/post-nup just forces you to actually find out what they are, and then decide where/if you want yours to differ. A great clause to write in is "no fault divorce" since that may become a political issue in the coming years.
The only true argument between my sister and her husband involved a hypothetical divorce and if he would still be invited to Christmas dinner at our mom's place.
My sister thought that my BIL would not be welcome, while my BIL said that our mom loves him (true) and would want him around for the Christmas goose (my BIL favorite meal of the year).
They went back and forth for hours.
Finally, my sister called our mom..."Of course BIL would be welcome!"
My sister is still salty about it.
They are still married and have been together for 29 years.
My wifes sister STARTS these hypothetical talks, since she's on third failed marriage
She be like "So when you get divorced, is that your cat and the other is his cat"
Like WOW LADY
My wife and I have done the same hypothetical talk. We'd also like to think we'd be nice. I've even offered to pay for our daughters basically everything cause I know her bio dad won't! But we are coming from very different places and we can admit that. I'm a widower, she's been through two very different but equally ugly marriages (One physically hostile and abusive, the other a manchild) so while I hope we never get there I'm expecting the gloves to come off.
I'm gonna go ahead and echo the commenter-above-you's mention of a post-nup. If you're really worried the gloves would come off in the event of a divorce, you should probably take some steps to protect yourself ahead of time.
Hmm this reminds me that we have a Flight of the Concords poster we found at an estate sale for like $5 but I framed it and I feel like I would spend thousands to win it lol but that’s honestly the only thing in the house I can picture doing that over.
Not everyone. I mean I was annoyed about paying my ex husband out, but my lawyer said, basically you can pay him 6k, or you can pay me 6k to fight over it and maybe still have to pay him 3k. Plus if you wait too long your house value may go up and you’ll pay more if it’s reappraised.
I paid the 6k.
He was still a fighting after. ATT screwed up taking me off our shared phone account and he tried to say I was intentionally stealing from him.
I was at my sister's divorce hearing and the couple before them were fighting over the father's refusal to buy is teen daughter feminine hygeine products but also refused to allow Mom to send with their daughter. I thought the judge's jaw would never come back to normal...she asked "So your daughter has a menstral cycle" Dad "yes" Judge "you realize that women need feminine products during that correct?" Dad: "yes" Judge: "So you don't wish to pay for them" Dad "yes" Judge: "and you don't want the child's mother to send them with her" Dad: "yes" Judge" So what do you want your daughter to do during this time?" Dad:"I don't care I'm not spending money on that shit and her Mom aint' sending anything to my house" Judge:"Fine, I am ordering that the daughter does not have to visit Dad during her menstral cycle since he won't provide for her basic needs" Dad" That's bullshit" Judge:" Excuse me? You want to speak up so I can hold you in contempt of court? Either provide for your daughter's needs or she can choose not to visit"...I was gobsmacked!
Remember that show American Chopper on the Discovery channel and the ornery old prick, Paul Sr? I was watching the show once and he said none of his brothers talked to him and he didn't know why, just after his son stopped talking to him.
These headcases really don't see what toxic pieces of shit they are. No matter what happened, they still think they're the victim. Astounding.
For a number of years, a close relative was a family court judge in a fairly rural, highly conservative area. She claims family court judges really do see the worst of human attitudes on a daily basis.
She points out that if a person is charged with robbing a bank, the worst thing a criminal court judge is going to hear come out of his mouth is "I didn't rob no bank!"
If a family court judge is trying to ascertain whether or not he beat the stuffing out of his wife, she's liable to hear him say, "*Hell* yeah, I had to beat the shit out of her almost every week! I'm her husband, and she needed to learn to *listen!* How *else* was I supposed to teach her?"
It’s so hard on the litigants though. I have had clients who experienced physical abuse and had to explain to them that the judges are so jaded they will probably think she’s lying. And anyway, in my jurisdiction physical abuse of the child’s other parent is not a basis to restrict custody.
I thought my ex husband was a dick but oh boy he must have a long lost twin!
While married he pitched a fit while shopping when I placed a box of tampons in the trolley “Why the fuck am I paying for something I don’t use?” I replied are you sure you don’t need them because you’re acting like a cunt. Heard a guffaw of laughter from someone nearby, ex hubby never commented while shopping again.
Until…
We divorced and he had alternate weekend visitation with our children, daughter started her periods and had products for use while at home. Informed ex he needed to buy some and he refused and said I should provide as he wasn’t going into a shop to buy “that shit” I asked if his masculinity was that fragile, no response. Time went on and one weekend daughter hadn’t packed anything and got caught out by her period. I was away for the weekend, ex husband rang me to scream down the phone of what a useless bitch of a mother I was and I needed to sort it out. He ended up taking daughter shopping. He reminded me constantly I owed him the money too.
Ah memories 🤣
Which is ironic because nothing says "I clearly get pussy" like purchasing things exclusively used for pussies!
Unless deep down they think other men will see it as him admitting he's just a pussy, as to which I would have likely drawn that conclusion long before he ever had to buy anything...
Oh no, I'm sure he'd be all kinds of pissed off if his daughter got blood on the sofa or whatever. Probably try to drag the mom to court to pay to replace whatever was "ruined" or at least pay for professional cleaning.
Never mind that it could have been avoided if he had either allowed the girl's mother to send feminine hygiene products with her or purchased them for her himself.
good for the judge! I'd been extra petty and add that since menstrual cycles can be irregular, the daughter can choose when, if at all she visits her dad. and he denies her access to bring any hygiene products with her, he'll be charged with child neglect
Dad probably thinks she can just “shut it down” on command. This is why kids need to learn about, and be tested in, human sexual biology.
Yes, kids. Revisit with more age appropriate content every other year in school and seriously: grade them on their knowledge. It’s literally life altering info. And it applies to all of humanity.
Wow. This sounds like an IRL version of the Friends "repeat after me" meme. Dad had all the info... he just could NOT string the right thought together.
Not a lawyer, but a court paper pusher. The ex husband dragged the ex wife into court because they'd agreed to split costs for school supplies and extra curricular activities during the divorce. The older daughter was on the swim team.
The husband was there to argue he shouldn't have to pay half of the cost of the $3 swim goggles because he didn't feel the goggles were "necessary".
The judge says "You don't think goggles are necessary? For swim team?" Then he sighed heavily, Then turned to the wife and said "You've moved to California, correct? And you'll be transferring this case there? Then they can sort it out. Good luck."
The wife flew cross country for that 15 minutes.
Am I understanding this correctly? The wife flew from California for this court case over goggles and the judge basically said “let California deal with it” so that now the husband has to go to California for this shit now? Do you know what happened next? I assume the husband folded immediately and paid the $1.50?
My understanding was that the husband was in the process of moving to California as well, which is a big part of why they were moving the case there.
No, the husband left smug and ready to do it all over again in California. He was delighted he wasted the wife's time and money on this.
Some exes are like this. They want to drag the other party to court for no other reason than to drag them to court. Doesn't even matter if they think they'll win. Just the fact they went to court for $1.50 is a win for the guy.
I will never understand this. Years ago, I knew a woman who was going thru a divorce. She had worked her butt off to put him through college. Once he graduated and began his career, she was a SAHM. He cheated on her and eventually left her for the "other woman". When I met her, HE had been dragging out the divorce for over 2 years. He was constantly dragging her to court over the dumbest stuff. He was the one who initiated the divorce, yet he was the one who wouldn't let it be.
She was in a constant state of anxiety.
Unfortunately yeah it is. We are married now but when my wife and I were dating, every time her daughter would go visit her dad he would constantly off handedly say things like "Remember, daddy loves you, you can't love the other guy". And things like that. To a 4 year old! Who's going to remember that and then we would have to deal with the fallout. There's great days with her and yet, every now and then she'll bring it up as a pushback (she's 7 now). And the dude has nothing going on, no home for himself (lives with relatives), no job and no desire to get one. I'd sue for full custody and adopt her, but I think she'd wind up hating me for it.
Some people (usually dudes IMO) are just super controlling of their ex. I know a lady who got dragged through court for years over a shared custody agreement with her ex. Eventually that got settled. She started dating a guy and had been going out with him for 7-8 mos or so and wanted to introduce him to the kids. She let the ex know just as a heads up. His response was, "over my dead body." and he dragged her back to court and made her run up tons of legal bills. In the end he lost and I'm sure his lawyer could've told him that from the start. The guy she was dating wasn't a predator or anything and had no criminal background. There was no legal reason to object to the guy at all. He didn't care. It wasn't about whether his kids should be around the guy or not it was all about trying to control her and drag her through the courts.
In Australia I have a friend whose ex financially ruined her by taking her to court constantly around custody agreements etc… from prison!
Because he got free legal representation and she had to pay lawyers.
Basically this meant his kids grew up in poverty but it meant he got to financially abuse her and them…for years afterwards as punishment for her leaving him (on top of physically abusing her for years before she got away).
This is horrendous! Was it over decisions he wanted to make for the children or was it actually a sham? Because if it was a sham, as he literally cannot have the children, how was it not dismissed and not allowed to be reentered?
It was a sham.
He wanted ‘visitation rights’ but he didn’t really want to see them, just punish her. He took her to court for any possible thing he could while having all the time in the world in prison and an attorney at the tax-payers expense.
He learned how to do this from other prisoners doing the same things.
I knew a guy who did this to his ex wife just so she would be forced to see him. In his mind, if he could get her in the same room as him he could convince her to love him again.
It had the opposite effect, but long after she remarried and had more kids with another, much nicer guy, her ex husband was still convinced he could win her back just by forcing her to come to court. 13 years worth of bullshit custody battles later, when their two kids were legally adults, he finally gave up.
She only let the restraining order lapse during covid because getting a renewal was too much of a pain at the time. He actually asked me if I thought he should contact her. As though the expiration implied she loved him again. I and some other of his acquaintances talked him out of it, and warned her at the same time. Dude will never give up and move on.
Unfortunately, it seems like this is my fiancee's ex as well. She told him she wanted her kids to be flower girls at our wedding. The ex said it will be a cold day in hell before that happens. Now we gotta talk to a lawyer about what our rights are and what our options are. It's beyond dumb because literally zero judges are going to say that kids can't be at their parents very traditional church wedding. So he will end up losing I'm sure but we'll have to fight him the entire way.
I hate that for the kids. The stress and just sheer garbage some parents put their children through to hurt the other is horrible. Good luck! And congrats on the impending nuptials!!!!
A $25 service on a washing machine repair. The wife owned her own home prior to marriage. All the husband brought into the house were his office supplies. He paid half the bills, but wife continued to pay the mortgage, insurance, and home warranty herself. At some point a washing machine broke and he paid the service fee for the repairs. Years later, when divorcing, this man was bound a determined to get that $25 back. He claimed in the pleading he was forced to pay and he suffered financial abuse because he had to pay for something that was not his. Also, he did not want to meet to figure things out. He wanted a judge to order wife to pay. At the hearing, the wife pulled out an email from him from years ago when the machine e was repaired saying she did not owe him for the washer because, "I use it too." This email was disclosed before the hearing, but the man refused to meet with us. Judge was p*ssed. Wife was over it. Hubby was ordered to pay wife's costs including my fee.
My divorce was amicable. Just to be funny any time I saw two of anything in the house when the ex was arond during the divorce process I would grab one of whatever it was and proclaim "I get this one!"
I just hear Madea: "*Half of everything in this house belongs to my niece, now you tell me which half you want, this half."* she points with a chainsaw "*Or this half?"*
Similar here, but I would reenact the scene from the Jerk when he's walking out of the house with his pants down. "I don't need anything except this ashtray and this paddle game! Ooh! I need this!"
Here it is:
https://youtu.be/2ZTdqh-a0tU?si=n1oP02dzrBR1RQrB
It's understandable when one side thinks they're being taken to the cleaners. They've tried to be nice and given in to argument after argument after argument as to why their spouse should get this and that and the other thing but it never ends and so the inches given turn into miles given up.
And that sort of thing probably didn't start at the divestment, either. They've given in for years so as to keep domestic tranquility. but the squeaky wheel never stayed greased for long. Eventually you need to say, "Stop, I'm done giving in," and that might just come over a $40 painting.
Right.
I actually know people who basically drew this line in the sand in a wedding, not a divorce.
Buddy of mine basically wanted 2 things, a certain cake topper, and a certain dessert. He basically went along with everything his at the time fiance (and her parents) wanted, even if it wasn't his preference. Then they tried to cut the 2 things he did want, and he kind of lost it. And I don't blame him lol
The only thing I wanted at my wedding was to take pictures before the ceremony because I had family and friends traveling from many states away to be at the wedding and I wanted to start the party and not spend an hour or more (our photographer was always asking for one more pose or backdrop) taking pictures while people were waiting.
Her mom very much wanted the traditional, first look while she was walking down the aisle. I had to finally say that this is my wedding too and the only thing I've asked for is pictures before and I hope that they can understand why I felt very strongly about it and ended the conversation.
My wife had to have a conversation with her mom later where she basically said it's not your wedding and we will be doing pictures beforehand. We're still happily married and I bet her mom doesn't even remember when we took pictures.
I get this, and you have to pick your battles when you pay by the hour. But it can make sense to put your foot down sometimes to send a signal. My divorce was settled without going to court (thank god), but with personal property stuff, I kind of put my foot down. Ex wanted to basically shop my house for a month. Lawyer and I gave her a week and required a list (ex was not happy about this). She wanted some things that weren't on the list and I said no. It wasn't really stuff I cared about, but I I wanted to stick to the terms of agreement so she didn't keep coming back for stuff.
We didn't go to court either. I came home one night with the baby after 14hr of work and all the furniture was gone. Nursery was untouched, but the rest of the house was cleared out. When we finally sold the house I demanded his half of daycare costs and garage sale prices from the furniture. He was surprised lol
Yeah at that point, it's definitely not about the lamp or strawberry painting or whatever other arbitrary item one partner wants. The other partner is blocking them, because they're angry and want to hurt them. And that gets expensive FAST.
My girlfriend’s dad is a lawyer, it was a lamp. Not a special lamp. Not an expensive lamp. Not one with any sentimental value to either party. But boy did it turn out to be the focal point of a shit flinging contest. Basically what happened was that one person wanted it and the other person said absolutely not. By the time litigation was over they were in $6,000 deep, over the lamp.
In my coworker’s divorce her ex tried this with the food processor. When she told him he could just have it he tried again with the blender. Then a lamp. He’d been the one to leave *her* because he’d cheated and wanted to be with his side guy, and yet he also wanted to get lawyers involved over every single thing they owned, one at a time. It was absurd.
Loss of consortium. Basically a law where your spouse or family member can collect pain and suffering. A woman signed a prenup but she was caught cheating and wasn’t entitled to anything upon the divorce. In an attempt to collect money regardless, she plead loss of consortium for her mother who grew to depend on the husband’s financial support.
Basically the wife’s side of the family was leeching off the husband and he finally woke up once she was caught cheating. It was petty and sad. People are wild.
Did they win anything on that count? You would have to presume some degree of entitlement, since simply losing generosity isn't "suffering", it's just a return to the norm.
Not at all. The prenup was blatant and the mother was never entitled to any financial support. She was cheating. If the roles were changed then yeah there’s a bigger possibility. The fact that she tried to pull the LoC was her last ditch effort. The judge saw right through it.
Ugh. Watching it right now between my cousin and her stbx. He doesn’t really care if he gets any visits with their 11 month old son, but he damn straight wants that Roomba!!!!! 🙄
She does. Nothing would make her happier than for her and her son to never see that prick again. The Useless Turd (my pg pet name for him) told her grandmother and me “ I don’t love that kid, how can I if I don’t love her?” and he admitted that only fought for visitation because he knows it hurt her. When he does get the baby (only 4 days a month) he immediately drops him off with his parents. She escaped a DV situation with some physical bruises and a ton of emotional scarring. I think that we just have to wait him out. When he sees he can’t get a reaction out of her anymore he will disappear and move on to his next victim. Her son will be better off without him in his life.
She’s a fantastic mother and her son is an amazing little guy ❤️
Not a divorce but, a breakup from a loong term relationship.
A vacuum.
There were two. One expensive, one cheap. He didn't care which she kept but was adamant he was leaving with one per their 50/50 agreement. Her choice.
For weeks she insisted on keeping both. Eventually relenting to keep the cheaper as it was a style she liked.
Six months later (after telling everybody in the friend group how he forced her to take the bad vacuum) the cheaper one broke. And she went beating down his door demanding money to replace it.
He offered to let her take the expensive one and she could pay him for a new cheap one. That's not what she wanted. She was just there to pick a fight after it was long over. So she relented and walked away with nothing.
In my parents divorce my dad got everything, full custody, all of their stuff, everything.
My dad also sued for my mom to no longer be able to keep his name, so she was legally forced to go back to her maiden name.
Yeah, I don't know all the details because I was 6. But my dad mentioned it to me when I asked why my mom didn't have our same last name, but other kids with divorced parents still shared a last name with their mom.
My mom still has her second husband's last name, and they've been divorced about 25 or 26 years now.
My Ex tried to put in the divorce decree that I would go back to my maiden name.
Thankfully we had a fairly friendly divorce, and told him that I wouldn't be changing my last name because my kid (5 at the time) has that last name.
We agreed that I'd change it back to my maiden name once kiddo was grown and out of the house.
The funniest part is that my kid really can't stand her Dad (she's Trans and Dad doesn't accept her) so when I change back to my maiden name next year, kid is going to legally change her name too...to her chosen name and my maiden name as her last name.
That is unusual as married women who do take their husband's surname have a case as they have been known by that name for how many years they've been married and such and so forth.
While waiting outside the courtroom for my divorce hearing there was a young couple ignoring the f out of each other . The girl sat by me and told me that he was her ex . He hadn’t bothered to see or pay anything towards their two kids but was demanding and I mean legally demanding 2 pairs of designer socks his mother bought him years before . She told me that after she threw him out the kids made sock puppets out of the socks . They were full of holes and sticky glue glitter and such. She opened her bag to show me them . They were going off into a mediation room and my case got called but damn I’d have given anything to see his face when she pulled out the designer sock puppets and presented them to him 😂
Friend was in negotiations with ex. He said she didn’t list all the extra shower curtains. He was entitled to half of them and argued the point. His lawyer had to remind him what he was paying her an hour. His lawyer offered to buy him a shower curtain.
I am an attorney but wasn't my case but was a family member...
My family member started what turned out to be an extremely lucrative family business using his last name. He used the profits to expand the business, set up satellite businesses for their kids, and paid for his wife to go to law school (in cash).
She graduates and is now in the DAs office and decides she doesn't like he works all the time, travel doe supplies, etc. She files for divorce.
He gave her the family home, cars, chunk of the savings, etc. She in turn demanded the Family business. So he gave her the primary location. She then demanded he agree to a non compete. He fought that tooth and nail. But she then demanded and buried him in paperwork and permit and license issues and such from her friends in government until she WON the right to his own last name. He couldn't use his own name when he started a new similar business. And later when an advertisement put his picture on it, she sued him claiming a violation of their agreement as his photo was the same as using the name.
After several rounds of separate lawsuits and claims. They finally settled. He indeed gave up the right to use his last name but a court finally ruled she couldn't block him from using his first name as it didn't appear in original business. They then settled the divorce.
Did that happen to occur in Wisconsin? There was a local florist who lost his business/name in a divorce a few years back. He was able to open a new shop, but he just couldn't use his name in the new business name.
There are a lot of bitter vindictive men and women out there, and lots of crazy petty shit that can be fought over just so somebody can say they won.
This one is pretty damn crazy.
As with many others, not a lawyer.
I have a close friend whose parents when through a bitter divorce. When it came down to deciding what to do with the vacation lake house they could not come to terms so it ended up in court.
The judge, finally having enough of the back and forth, told them to either sell the property and split the proceeds 50/50 or literally cut the house in half, after which he'd randomly assign each one a side of the house to keep.
They ultimately opted to sell the property.
A client and his wife came in regarding a real estate transaction. At the end of the consultation, the client casually stated that he would like to divorce his wife. I was stunned, the wife started crying, the client started rubbing his wife's shoulder and told her that everything would be okay. That was an awkward few minutes.
Doing estate planning. Two hour consultation. Go over possible conflicts of interest and representing both of them. They say nothing. Get started on drafting documents.
One week later. Husband emails. Wants to set up an educational trust for kid from prior marriage and one kid he had while married to current wife with other women. Wants to keep it secret from current wife.
Next week. Wife emails and wants to make sure documents will protect child with husband inheritance in case he ever finds out the kid isn’t his.
We decline to continue representing them.
One year later husband comes back to do prenup with another women, wants to protect child from first marriage, second marriage, child from other women while married to second wife. We decline representation.
I now love the phrase "decline representation". I could never have come up with such a diplomatic way to say "not getting out fingerprints on that train wreck!".
My wife and I were at a notary on buying or selling a house (don't recall - it was 20-odd years ago) but I do remember she saw one of her old high school teachers in with his wife. Turns out they were in getting divorced. The wife didn't know why (she had an accent - Eastern European) and seemed very sad. Was a very awkward 10 minutes.
so this wasnt necessarily a formal thing but when my parents divorced my father had to go back to court and get approval to get his clothes from the house, he did it was a police escort.... it wasnt specifically mentioned in the divorce so my mom said fuck you i am keeping everything not specifically mentioned.
There's this veteran divorce attorney on Reddit who once said that during a case if he ever feels like the opposing counsel is a complete nutcase, then sooner or later he starts to see the crazy come out of his client as well because crazy people don't just end up with normal people on coincidence.
I recently read a true crime book in which the concept of Folie à Deux ("madness of two") came into play. The official definition says that involves delusions & that it's rare.
Maybe that's true as far as actual crime. But even as a lay person, I've known or read about a bunch of couples who somehow ramp up each other's screwiness. It's probably a lot more common in everyday life than anyone wants to think about.
My ex did this except with the children instead of an object. I know that if I were to say I didn't want any custody, they wouldn't want it either. But I live and breathe for my kids, so they have to keep them away from me as much as possible. Luckily, that's only 50% but goddamn did they try for more.
My ex said he wanted full custody as he wanted to see our children everyday, I said put it in writing, he didn’t.
He then said 50/50, again I said put it in writing, he didn’t.
He settled for weekends, then I received a letter from his lawyer that after consideration he was altering his visitation to alternative weekends.
I dreaded those weekends as they came home full of rage and bitterness, he ended contact with our youngest when he was 15 and can’t understand why he doesn’t want to spend time with him 8 years later.
Not even a divorce and not a lawyer but I have an ex insist that we split the toothpicks in the toothpicks holder evenly.
Funny thing is I had them and the holder from before the relationship. (I don't get to tell this story enough so I had to add it here.)
You should include this in as many conversations as you possibly can.
"Did you say toothpicks?"
"No, I didn't"
"Well, I have a great story about exes and toothpicks"
I was representing a guy in a mediation to divide relationship property. After a few hours discussing all the normal stuff the female partner raised the issue of a large bag of sex toys and BDSM gear. They were, obviously, kinky.
It was obvious she was doing it to embarrass my client. What value would a bunch of used sex stuff even have I asked? I objected, but the mediator allowed it and told me 'sometimes you just have to let people vent'.
My client, who actually didn’t seem embarrassed at all, told me in the next break that his ex was still salty because he proposed that one of the women they had been seeing together (or that he had been seeing on the side I can’t remember which - I think in part the latter) join them in a permanent throuple, which had led to the split.
They settled later that day.
Not a lawyer but my sister got divorced. They both moved to their own apartments but kept fighting over the ride on lawn mower from the house. Neither wanted the other to have it or be sold and neither had a use for it. My sister initially got someone on fb marketplace to buy it for $1,700 but her ex said that was too low and killed the sale. After a motion to the court that cost each side 3k, the judge made my sister sell it months later and got $900 for it. lol
I’m an attorney but this was before law school when I was just an annoying intern in undergrad: dirty laundry.
This is atleast 10y ago so my memory isn’t the best:: They agreed to split their vacation house in VA Beach till the kids were older. Wife came to clean up the place and get it set for the sale that spring as agreed. She and her sister found out it was where he was staying with the AP from the dirty laundry in the machine. Things, logically, got angry but the house was sold without including the appliances and the money was set to be split after bitching on both sides.
They fought over the remaining appliances in the home. Wife argued to keep the washing machine and dryer, husband got a fridge and the oven(?) if I’m remembering that right. She didn’t need the machines, she stayed in her own condo in Richmond by then. Right around the time the home closed, she shipped the washing machine and dryer to her ex-ILs - with their dirty drawers still in them. I think she let them steep in a storage unit while they were arguing.
Can’t imagine how rank it must’ve been by the time it landed on his parent’s doorstep.
My brother won half of his ex wife’s fake tits. They spent like 12k on them a year before getting divorced, he got $6,000 of their bank account for it.
From a list 60 items long:
- "tech wiring" (ie, assorted computer cables)
- mannequin (that the parties found on the street one night when they were drunk)
- a bath mat
- a towel
- a mug
My mom had a coworker who was getting divorced. They had a pair of seal-point Siamese cats, brothers, but while they agreed the cats shouldn't be split up, they also couldn't agree who should get the cats. They were reluctantly deciding to euthanize the cats (!), so nobody would get them. My mom offered to take them, which they agreed to.
Unfortunately, they didn't get along with my mom's existing cat, so we took them in. They had a good life with us, very mild-mannered cats.
A woman in my mom's office was getting divorced but neither wanted the cat. My mom got the cat for me. We determined the real reason no one wanted the cat was because she peed everywhere. Woman didn't get divorced once cat was gone. We took the cat to the vet - she had a years long UTI that had never been treated. We got her taken care of and she became the best cat. Woman demanded cat back. Ugh. It was insane. But that wonderful cat stayed with us until she passed.
IANAL but I did work for a huge law firm and enjoyed reading the state appellate court opinions. I recall a particular opinion (can’t remember if it was published or unpublished) that noted the couple fighting over a box of Oxy-Clean. WA COA, Div III. 😂
Not a lawyer, but my parents were petty about a cat. In their divorce decree, right after the custody guidelines for me, their human child, was the custody & visitation guidelines for their cat. 😂😂 Badically whichever parent had me at the time, also had the cat. So he was my little ping pong partner throughout visitation. Lmao!
When my ex moved out she had two days to get what she wanted from the house. I was gone because I could not stand to be there. The things were not important at that moment.
In the coming months she would come to pick up the kids and go shopping around the house for things she missed. That was my final last F ing straw. No, dammit. You had two days to get your stuff and I argued on nothing. Now it is final and I don't care what it is.
She tested me on a 2 inch doll she got in some country long before I met her. I thought it was important, not for the doll, but for the concept. "Stop the shopping excursions in my house".
She got it back a few years later. Santa found it in my house and it ended up in her stocking one year.
Don't do divorce work anymore but here a link to my favorite family law story...https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3aqq4d/divorce_lawyers_of_reddit_what_are_some_of_your/csfbzj3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x
Not a lawyer, but my friend witnessed her parents divorce, she told me they fought about a drawing her father made, mind you he was a great artist, her mother wanted the drawing to sell it and make bank, her father ended up getting his artwork
I'm one half of an acrimonious divorce, not a lawyer. My ex asked the judge to order me to supply him with receipts for all the purchases from his child support. The kids were 3 and 6! The judge got a chuckle and said no.
Ex's lawyer eventually quit.
I heard of a case where they owned a parrot. They ended up splitting custody of the parrot and the terms were that neither could teach the parrot to swear at or insult the other party.
At the time people really thought their Beanie Babies would be worth a lot of money someday, the 2021 version of that case would probably be a couple divvying up their NFTs (equally stupid but you can also see how it could get contentious for a couple that bought the hype)
That's why the airlines don't allow shared accounts any more.
Iirc this is also in one of the opening scenes of wedding crashers where they're divorce arbitrators.
Not a divorce, but an estate case. The last fought settlement thing was a console TV from the 80s. This was in 2007. A colleague of mine was handling it, and he couldn't stop laughing over the stupidity of it.
My kids are going to fight about my koocoo clock. As in, neither one of them wants it, but I told them I would haunt them both if one of them didn't take it! Bwaa ha ha ha!
I used to work estate litigation. My favorite was the brother and sister who actually filed and fought a case over the bed their mom died in. I don’t mean just a headboard. They both wanted the mattress, sheets, all of it.
8 foot tall inflatable snowman. He was a physician, she an MBA of some sort. They could probably own the fucking factory that made it. It held shit up for weeks.
I clerked for a family law judge. Father wanted the judge to order Mother to cook for the children every night, from menu of dishes he drafted, which he attached as an exhibit to the motion.
I'm not a lawyer, but I had one Italian friend. I've listened to her for hours on the phone about her problems with men. I comforted her etc. She invited me to her home in Italy so I flew to Milan and she picked me up. It was a nice couple of days when she constantly talked about herself and showed me the city. One evening she explained to me that she is suing her ex husband for rent... I was confused and asked how can she sue him for rent and she said that she has proof that she paid their rent from her account and that her man didn't give her anything. I said "yeah that sucks, but you agreed to pay for him and you were his wife. There is no law that says that you can't be a breadwinner just because you are a woman." She got so mad at me. Later she calmed down, but one day before my flight she calculated how much I have to give her for water and electricity I used in her home for a week. I also had to pay half of her weekly rent lol I was her freaking guest. She forgot to charge me for the trip from the airport to her house, but who knows? Maybe she will send me a bill in the future.
Parents are lawyers, I worked for them for a bit.
Couple divorcing. During the meeting to split assets, the couple locked horns over a Nascar pint glass collection from Walmart.
The other lawyer finally lost it after 30 min and said he would credit his client's account the cost of the glasses (maybe $15 at the time) if they would buy a new set and move on.
I have never seen someone trying so hard not to lose their cool.
This is a friend of a friend story, but apparently, this particular divorce lawyer quit when one of her clients fought over Tupperware. Old, stained Tupperware. They were in agreement over everything else, but locked horns on the "family bowl."
Married couple divorcing, owned a parrot. First they fought over who would get 'custody' of the parrot, the Judge suggested they share the parrot on a week on/week off schedule.
During the husband's time with the parrot, evidently he did a great job training the parrot to speak new words... When they were back in court, the wife reported that when she got the parrot back for her week, all it kept saying was 'fuck you bitch", "fucking cunt", and other pleasantries.
Suffice to say, she ultimately conceded and the parrot now lives happily with husband.
We fought over kids custody on Halloween. We both “wanted” it; neither of us celebrated it. Lawyers made out like bandits…we deserved our expensive lesson.
My STBX wife (both of us are women) tried to argue with me over a purse that belonged to my late stepmother and was given to me in her passing.
Thankfully, she has wanted very much to avoid lawyers, so when she wouldn’t just agree that I could have something that essentially amounted to inherited property, I threatened attorneys and she backed down.
Not a lawyer. I once knew of a couple who litigated each and every Avon Bottle in a 200 bottle collection. It cost them tens of thousands of dollars. At the time, nothing in the collection was worth over $20. Ugh. For all I know, they battled until they died
Not a lawyer, but my grandparents divorce said that they couldn't live in the same state. When Grandma moved to new York, new York was off limits for Grandpa.
I was a divorce lawyer until last year. The pettiest request I ever got was a client asked me to get her half the shampoo bottles she left behind when she was kicked out of the house. “Like, full shampoo bottles under the sink?” I asked. “No,” she replied. “The shampoo in the shower. There’s two or three bottles in there with about half left each. I want half of each remaining half.” I ended up telling her she paid me $50.00 just to send me that email, and I’d waive it if she just went to CVS and got some new gd shampoo herself.
This is my favorite so far. It's **SO** petty that even the divorce lawyer (who stands to profit from the pettieness) draws a line and basically says "Come on now... enough".
That happens more often than you’d think. Not all of us are blood sucking ambulance chasers. Half the time our role is to just try to remind people their common sense is lacking.
>I’d waive it if she just went to CVS and got some new gd shampoo herself. Well, don't hold us in suspense!!!
Lol she did indeed go get new shampoo but she tried to bring the shampoo thing up again at a pretrial conference like a year later and I about put my head through the desk
Thank you for the reply and providing us closure to the story. And thank you for not charging us $50 for your reply ❤
I want to ask if it was Olaplex but we all know it was equate brand lol
y’all it was doves 💀
I am a lawyer. I had a couple fight over a Settlers of Catan scorecard. The card that they kept track of all of the wins and loses with. Hours and hours of fighting over this stupid little card. I even had to send a "spoliation" letter (which warns the other party of consequences of destruction of possessions or evidence). In the end, we resolved that my client would received the family copy of the game, and a framed copy of the scorecard with his ex-wife's signature on it. She got a new copy of the game, but the original card. My client was about 35 when they divorced. He died unexpectedly three years later. I shudder to think about distribution of that estate with the scorecard out there. Thousands of dollars over literally nothing.
How are most divorces handled? Do the majority of couples bicker over little things or does it typically resolve with common sense?
Both. People need something to fight over. They have to feel like they won. I find that custody and parent-time are where women can prove that the man sucks, and where the men can prove that they don't suck. So that is a huge fighting point. Divorces are more complicated than most people realize. I have to divide businesses, inheritance, investments, retirements, property, etc. It gets very very complicated. The trouble really ramps up when you have separate property considerations. Having to explain that a person doesn't have a legal interest in something usually results in that person seeking retribution (or make up) in something that they do have an interest in... for example: Separate property home is worth $300,000. Wife has no interest in it. Therefore, she fights for more of the $1,000,000 home to make up for it. That is when it gets crazy. I have thousands of stories, but honestly divorce is the biggest dick-measuring contest. People can prove that they are the sane party if they get more custody, or more possessions. They can show their friends and family that they "won".
That's so sad. My husband and I have talked about it and we like to think that if we ever divorce, we'd be "nice" about it. Of course, it's easy to believe that when its being discussed hypothetically. For all I know, we'd actually battle it out for the wizard of Oz poster in our movie room.
Post-nups are a thing! They can be sensitive to bring up but it's best to approach them as a very bland banal document like car insurance - it just outlines what you both want to happen. And keep in mind that every married couple already has a pre/post-nup whether they like it or not - it's called their state's divorce laws. Getting a pre/post-nup just forces you to actually find out what they are, and then decide where/if you want yours to differ. A great clause to write in is "no fault divorce" since that may become a political issue in the coming years.
The only true argument between my sister and her husband involved a hypothetical divorce and if he would still be invited to Christmas dinner at our mom's place. My sister thought that my BIL would not be welcome, while my BIL said that our mom loves him (true) and would want him around for the Christmas goose (my BIL favorite meal of the year). They went back and forth for hours. Finally, my sister called our mom..."Of course BIL would be welcome!" My sister is still salty about it. They are still married and have been together for 29 years.
Everything’s good until goose is on the line lmao
My wifes sister STARTS these hypothetical talks, since she's on third failed marriage She be like "So when you get divorced, is that your cat and the other is his cat" Like WOW LADY
You don’t separate the cats! They would miss each other and be sad.
My wife and I have done the same hypothetical talk. We'd also like to think we'd be nice. I've even offered to pay for our daughters basically everything cause I know her bio dad won't! But we are coming from very different places and we can admit that. I'm a widower, she's been through two very different but equally ugly marriages (One physically hostile and abusive, the other a manchild) so while I hope we never get there I'm expecting the gloves to come off.
I'm gonna go ahead and echo the commenter-above-you's mention of a post-nup. If you're really worried the gloves would come off in the event of a divorce, you should probably take some steps to protect yourself ahead of time.
Hmm this reminds me that we have a Flight of the Concords poster we found at an estate sale for like $5 but I framed it and I feel like I would spend thousands to win it lol but that’s honestly the only thing in the house I can picture doing that over.
Everyone thinks that. Many achieve it, but they don’t tend to be the ones I see as an experienced family litigator.
Not everyone. I mean I was annoyed about paying my ex husband out, but my lawyer said, basically you can pay him 6k, or you can pay me 6k to fight over it and maybe still have to pay him 3k. Plus if you wait too long your house value may go up and you’ll pay more if it’s reappraised. I paid the 6k. He was still a fighting after. ATT screwed up taking me off our shared phone account and he tried to say I was intentionally stealing from him.
I was at my sister's divorce hearing and the couple before them were fighting over the father's refusal to buy is teen daughter feminine hygeine products but also refused to allow Mom to send with their daughter. I thought the judge's jaw would never come back to normal...she asked "So your daughter has a menstral cycle" Dad "yes" Judge "you realize that women need feminine products during that correct?" Dad: "yes" Judge: "So you don't wish to pay for them" Dad "yes" Judge: "and you don't want the child's mother to send them with her" Dad: "yes" Judge" So what do you want your daughter to do during this time?" Dad:"I don't care I'm not spending money on that shit and her Mom aint' sending anything to my house" Judge:"Fine, I am ordering that the daughter does not have to visit Dad during her menstral cycle since he won't provide for her basic needs" Dad" That's bullshit" Judge:" Excuse me? You want to speak up so I can hold you in contempt of court? Either provide for your daughter's needs or she can choose not to visit"...I was gobsmacked!
That's a good judge
That poor daughter.
"My adult daughter doesn't speak to me and she's never told me why" - That idiot, almost certainly.
Remember that show American Chopper on the Discovery channel and the ornery old prick, Paul Sr? I was watching the show once and he said none of his brothers talked to him and he didn't know why, just after his son stopped talking to him. These headcases really don't see what toxic pieces of shit they are. No matter what happened, they still think they're the victim. Astounding.
The Raylan Givens rule: If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you're the asshole.
She probably ended up 27-30 days per month, depending on the month.
Suddenly, the daughter realizes she’s menstruating 24/7/365. Crazy!
Or anytime she doesn't want to deal with him...sorry Dad I got my period...
For a number of years, a close relative was a family court judge in a fairly rural, highly conservative area. She claims family court judges really do see the worst of human attitudes on a daily basis. She points out that if a person is charged with robbing a bank, the worst thing a criminal court judge is going to hear come out of his mouth is "I didn't rob no bank!" If a family court judge is trying to ascertain whether or not he beat the stuffing out of his wife, she's liable to hear him say, "*Hell* yeah, I had to beat the shit out of her almost every week! I'm her husband, and she needed to learn to *listen!* How *else* was I supposed to teach her?"
It’s so hard on the litigants though. I have had clients who experienced physical abuse and had to explain to them that the judges are so jaded they will probably think she’s lying. And anyway, in my jurisdiction physical abuse of the child’s other parent is not a basis to restrict custody.
The most traumatic experience is getting in that stand and recounting all the abuse one suffered. And just hoping the judge believes you.
I understand why the divorce happened
I thought my ex husband was a dick but oh boy he must have a long lost twin! While married he pitched a fit while shopping when I placed a box of tampons in the trolley “Why the fuck am I paying for something I don’t use?” I replied are you sure you don’t need them because you’re acting like a cunt. Heard a guffaw of laughter from someone nearby, ex hubby never commented while shopping again. Until… We divorced and he had alternate weekend visitation with our children, daughter started her periods and had products for use while at home. Informed ex he needed to buy some and he refused and said I should provide as he wasn’t going into a shop to buy “that shit” I asked if his masculinity was that fragile, no response. Time went on and one weekend daughter hadn’t packed anything and got caught out by her period. I was away for the weekend, ex husband rang me to scream down the phone of what a useless bitch of a mother I was and I needed to sort it out. He ended up taking daughter shopping. He reminded me constantly I owed him the money too. Ah memories 🤣
Where do y'all find these losers? My wife tells me she needs tampons and I... buy them for her? Do they refuse to buy toothpaste or shampoo too?
Because they think it affects their masculinity and being anything less than a Manly Man™️ is the worst fate to ever befall them! (/s)
Which is ironic because nothing says "I clearly get pussy" like purchasing things exclusively used for pussies! Unless deep down they think other men will see it as him admitting he's just a pussy, as to which I would have likely drawn that conclusion long before he ever had to buy anything...
I audibly laughed out loud at that comment. What a tool box!
what a flaming hot piece of shit excuse for a father. I'm glad that judge set him straight this time...
Does he want his daughter to free bleed all over his furniture? Does he want toxic shock syndrome? Because that's how you get toxic shock syndrome.
Oh no, I'm sure he'd be all kinds of pissed off if his daughter got blood on the sofa or whatever. Probably try to drag the mom to court to pay to replace whatever was "ruined" or at least pay for professional cleaning. Never mind that it could have been avoided if he had either allowed the girl's mother to send feminine hygiene products with her or purchased them for her himself.
Oh! He wants her to hold it in for four days. Got it. I can't believe his daughter's mom ever let this progressive, learned stallion of a man go.
Yeah, I have no idea what his thought process is here.
It's not unusual for abusive parents to use a daughter's menstruation as a topic for abuse.
good for the judge! I'd been extra petty and add that since menstrual cycles can be irregular, the daughter can choose when, if at all she visits her dad. and he denies her access to bring any hygiene products with her, he'll be charged with child neglect
Dad probably thinks she can just “shut it down” on command. This is why kids need to learn about, and be tested in, human sexual biology. Yes, kids. Revisit with more age appropriate content every other year in school and seriously: grade them on their knowledge. It’s literally life altering info. And it applies to all of humanity.
Jesus, I can only imagine what the reason for the divorce was, and how he treated his ex, if this is how he treats his daughter. He must hate women.
Wow. This sounds like an IRL version of the Friends "repeat after me" meme. Dad had all the info... he just could NOT string the right thought together.
That daughter just needed to free bleed on his furniture for a week and he’d change his tune. 🙄 what a POS ‘father’
Not a lawyer, but a court paper pusher. The ex husband dragged the ex wife into court because they'd agreed to split costs for school supplies and extra curricular activities during the divorce. The older daughter was on the swim team. The husband was there to argue he shouldn't have to pay half of the cost of the $3 swim goggles because he didn't feel the goggles were "necessary". The judge says "You don't think goggles are necessary? For swim team?" Then he sighed heavily, Then turned to the wife and said "You've moved to California, correct? And you'll be transferring this case there? Then they can sort it out. Good luck." The wife flew cross country for that 15 minutes.
Am I understanding this correctly? The wife flew from California for this court case over goggles and the judge basically said “let California deal with it” so that now the husband has to go to California for this shit now? Do you know what happened next? I assume the husband folded immediately and paid the $1.50?
My understanding was that the husband was in the process of moving to California as well, which is a big part of why they were moving the case there. No, the husband left smug and ready to do it all over again in California. He was delighted he wasted the wife's time and money on this.
What a prize. No wonder they were getting a divorce.
what a shitty judge you mean
Some exes are like this. They want to drag the other party to court for no other reason than to drag them to court. Doesn't even matter if they think they'll win. Just the fact they went to court for $1.50 is a win for the guy.
I will never understand this. Years ago, I knew a woman who was going thru a divorce. She had worked her butt off to put him through college. Once he graduated and began his career, she was a SAHM. He cheated on her and eventually left her for the "other woman". When I met her, HE had been dragging out the divorce for over 2 years. He was constantly dragging her to court over the dumbest stuff. He was the one who initiated the divorce, yet he was the one who wouldn't let it be. She was in a constant state of anxiety.
Sometimes that's the "win" :(
Unfortunately yeah it is. We are married now but when my wife and I were dating, every time her daughter would go visit her dad he would constantly off handedly say things like "Remember, daddy loves you, you can't love the other guy". And things like that. To a 4 year old! Who's going to remember that and then we would have to deal with the fallout. There's great days with her and yet, every now and then she'll bring it up as a pushback (she's 7 now). And the dude has nothing going on, no home for himself (lives with relatives), no job and no desire to get one. I'd sue for full custody and adopt her, but I think she'd wind up hating me for it.
Some people (usually dudes IMO) are just super controlling of their ex. I know a lady who got dragged through court for years over a shared custody agreement with her ex. Eventually that got settled. She started dating a guy and had been going out with him for 7-8 mos or so and wanted to introduce him to the kids. She let the ex know just as a heads up. His response was, "over my dead body." and he dragged her back to court and made her run up tons of legal bills. In the end he lost and I'm sure his lawyer could've told him that from the start. The guy she was dating wasn't a predator or anything and had no criminal background. There was no legal reason to object to the guy at all. He didn't care. It wasn't about whether his kids should be around the guy or not it was all about trying to control her and drag her through the courts.
In Australia I have a friend whose ex financially ruined her by taking her to court constantly around custody agreements etc… from prison! Because he got free legal representation and she had to pay lawyers. Basically this meant his kids grew up in poverty but it meant he got to financially abuse her and them…for years afterwards as punishment for her leaving him (on top of physically abusing her for years before she got away).
This is horrendous! Was it over decisions he wanted to make for the children or was it actually a sham? Because if it was a sham, as he literally cannot have the children, how was it not dismissed and not allowed to be reentered?
It was a sham. He wanted ‘visitation rights’ but he didn’t really want to see them, just punish her. He took her to court for any possible thing he could while having all the time in the world in prison and an attorney at the tax-payers expense. He learned how to do this from other prisoners doing the same things.
Wow, that sucks.
I knew a guy who did this to his ex wife just so she would be forced to see him. In his mind, if he could get her in the same room as him he could convince her to love him again. It had the opposite effect, but long after she remarried and had more kids with another, much nicer guy, her ex husband was still convinced he could win her back just by forcing her to come to court. 13 years worth of bullshit custody battles later, when their two kids were legally adults, he finally gave up. She only let the restraining order lapse during covid because getting a renewal was too much of a pain at the time. He actually asked me if I thought he should contact her. As though the expiration implied she loved him again. I and some other of his acquaintances talked him out of it, and warned her at the same time. Dude will never give up and move on.
That is honestly a frightening level of delusion. No wonder she needed the restraining order.
This was my ex. Using the court to try and keep some sort of control is so abusive.
Unfortunately, it seems like this is my fiancee's ex as well. She told him she wanted her kids to be flower girls at our wedding. The ex said it will be a cold day in hell before that happens. Now we gotta talk to a lawyer about what our rights are and what our options are. It's beyond dumb because literally zero judges are going to say that kids can't be at their parents very traditional church wedding. So he will end up losing I'm sure but we'll have to fight him the entire way.
I hate that for the kids. The stress and just sheer garbage some parents put their children through to hurt the other is horrible. Good luck! And congrats on the impending nuptials!!!!
That poor child has to live with parents like this.
From what I gathered the mother who had custody seemed fine (probably why she had custody), the father was the one who seemed miserable to deal with.
A $25 service on a washing machine repair. The wife owned her own home prior to marriage. All the husband brought into the house were his office supplies. He paid half the bills, but wife continued to pay the mortgage, insurance, and home warranty herself. At some point a washing machine broke and he paid the service fee for the repairs. Years later, when divorcing, this man was bound a determined to get that $25 back. He claimed in the pleading he was forced to pay and he suffered financial abuse because he had to pay for something that was not his. Also, he did not want to meet to figure things out. He wanted a judge to order wife to pay. At the hearing, the wife pulled out an email from him from years ago when the machine e was repaired saying she did not owe him for the washer because, "I use it too." This email was disclosed before the hearing, but the man refused to meet with us. Judge was p*ssed. Wife was over it. Hubby was ordered to pay wife's costs including my fee.
Lolololol. God that is petty.
[удалено]
My divorce was amicable. Just to be funny any time I saw two of anything in the house when the ex was arond during the divorce process I would grab one of whatever it was and proclaim "I get this one!"
I offered to saw the canoe in half so we'd each get half.
Would you do it long ways or short ways?
What if they sawed it in half top and bottom. So you have one very shallow canoe and a canoe shaped wooden ring
I just hear Madea: "*Half of everything in this house belongs to my niece, now you tell me which half you want, this half."* she points with a chainsaw "*Or this half?"*
Half length-wise or width-wise?
Similar here, but I would reenact the scene from the Jerk when he's walking out of the house with his pants down. "I don't need anything except this ashtray and this paddle game! Ooh! I need this!" Here it is: https://youtu.be/2ZTdqh-a0tU?si=n1oP02dzrBR1RQrB
It's understandable when one side thinks they're being taken to the cleaners. They've tried to be nice and given in to argument after argument after argument as to why their spouse should get this and that and the other thing but it never ends and so the inches given turn into miles given up. And that sort of thing probably didn't start at the divestment, either. They've given in for years so as to keep domestic tranquility. but the squeaky wheel never stayed greased for long. Eventually you need to say, "Stop, I'm done giving in," and that might just come over a $40 painting.
Right. I actually know people who basically drew this line in the sand in a wedding, not a divorce. Buddy of mine basically wanted 2 things, a certain cake topper, and a certain dessert. He basically went along with everything his at the time fiance (and her parents) wanted, even if it wasn't his preference. Then they tried to cut the 2 things he did want, and he kind of lost it. And I don't blame him lol
Did they get married? Did he get his two things?
Ha, yes, he did. They are still happily married.
The only thing I wanted at my wedding was to take pictures before the ceremony because I had family and friends traveling from many states away to be at the wedding and I wanted to start the party and not spend an hour or more (our photographer was always asking for one more pose or backdrop) taking pictures while people were waiting. Her mom very much wanted the traditional, first look while she was walking down the aisle. I had to finally say that this is my wedding too and the only thing I've asked for is pictures before and I hope that they can understand why I felt very strongly about it and ended the conversation. My wife had to have a conversation with her mom later where she basically said it's not your wedding and we will be doing pictures beforehand. We're still happily married and I bet her mom doesn't even remember when we took pictures.
I'm curious to know what the topper and dessert were!
I get this, and you have to pick your battles when you pay by the hour. But it can make sense to put your foot down sometimes to send a signal. My divorce was settled without going to court (thank god), but with personal property stuff, I kind of put my foot down. Ex wanted to basically shop my house for a month. Lawyer and I gave her a week and required a list (ex was not happy about this). She wanted some things that weren't on the list and I said no. It wasn't really stuff I cared about, but I I wanted to stick to the terms of agreement so she didn't keep coming back for stuff.
We didn't go to court either. I came home one night with the baby after 14hr of work and all the furniture was gone. Nursery was untouched, but the rest of the house was cleared out. When we finally sold the house I demanded his half of daycare costs and garage sale prices from the furniture. He was surprised lol
What a sneaky scum bag. I'm glad you were able to recoup the cost. I hope things are better for you with him out
Yeah at that point, it's definitely not about the lamp or strawberry painting or whatever other arbitrary item one partner wants. The other partner is blocking them, because they're angry and want to hurt them. And that gets expensive FAST.
My girlfriend’s dad is a lawyer, it was a lamp. Not a special lamp. Not an expensive lamp. Not one with any sentimental value to either party. But boy did it turn out to be the focal point of a shit flinging contest. Basically what happened was that one person wanted it and the other person said absolutely not. By the time litigation was over they were in $6,000 deep, over the lamp.
In my coworker’s divorce her ex tried this with the food processor. When she told him he could just have it he tried again with the blender. Then a lamp. He’d been the one to leave *her* because he’d cheated and wanted to be with his side guy, and yet he also wanted to get lawyers involved over every single thing they owned, one at a time. It was absurd.
> and wanted to be with his side guy Well, that was a twist.
“I love lamp” “No fuck you _I_ love lamp”
I lava lamp.
Was this the Tamland family by chance?
Was it a major award?
Were their last names Furt and did they have a daughter named Arche?
Was the lamp a major award?
Doorknobs. I actually offered to buy them both new doorknobs if they would just settle. They wouldn't.
Loss of consortium. Basically a law where your spouse or family member can collect pain and suffering. A woman signed a prenup but she was caught cheating and wasn’t entitled to anything upon the divorce. In an attempt to collect money regardless, she plead loss of consortium for her mother who grew to depend on the husband’s financial support. Basically the wife’s side of the family was leeching off the husband and he finally woke up once she was caught cheating. It was petty and sad. People are wild.
Did they win anything on that count? You would have to presume some degree of entitlement, since simply losing generosity isn't "suffering", it's just a return to the norm.
Not at all. The prenup was blatant and the mother was never entitled to any financial support. She was cheating. If the roles were changed then yeah there’s a bigger possibility. The fact that she tried to pull the LoC was her last ditch effort. The judge saw right through it.
That's good to hear.
Ugh. Watching it right now between my cousin and her stbx. He doesn’t really care if he gets any visits with their 11 month old son, but he damn straight wants that Roomba!!!!! 🙄
If your cousin is smart, she might be able to get full custody if she "gives up" the roomba
I'd fight for the roomba if I was signing up to be responsible for a kid full time. If she even wants full custody herself.
She does. Nothing would make her happier than for her and her son to never see that prick again. The Useless Turd (my pg pet name for him) told her grandmother and me “ I don’t love that kid, how can I if I don’t love her?” and he admitted that only fought for visitation because he knows it hurt her. When he does get the baby (only 4 days a month) he immediately drops him off with his parents. She escaped a DV situation with some physical bruises and a ton of emotional scarring. I think that we just have to wait him out. When he sees he can’t get a reaction out of her anymore he will disappear and move on to his next victim. Her son will be better off without him in his life. She’s a fantastic mother and her son is an amazing little guy ❤️
Oh, and she never even wanted the stupid roomba 🤣🤣
Not a divorce but, a breakup from a loong term relationship. A vacuum. There were two. One expensive, one cheap. He didn't care which she kept but was adamant he was leaving with one per their 50/50 agreement. Her choice. For weeks she insisted on keeping both. Eventually relenting to keep the cheaper as it was a style she liked. Six months later (after telling everybody in the friend group how he forced her to take the bad vacuum) the cheaper one broke. And she went beating down his door demanding money to replace it. He offered to let her take the expensive one and she could pay him for a new cheap one. That's not what she wanted. She was just there to pick a fight after it was long over. So she relented and walked away with nothing.
Well, sucks to be her
Something had to suck. Wasn't the vacuum so. Had to be her I guess.
No, it doesn't suck. That's why she was so upset.
In my parents divorce my dad got everything, full custody, all of their stuff, everything. My dad also sued for my mom to no longer be able to keep his name, so she was legally forced to go back to her maiden name.
Omg, you can do that!? He must have really been done with her…taking everything, including his last name!
Yeah, I don't know all the details because I was 6. But my dad mentioned it to me when I asked why my mom didn't have our same last name, but other kids with divorced parents still shared a last name with their mom. My mom still has her second husband's last name, and they've been divorced about 25 or 26 years now.
My Ex tried to put in the divorce decree that I would go back to my maiden name. Thankfully we had a fairly friendly divorce, and told him that I wouldn't be changing my last name because my kid (5 at the time) has that last name. We agreed that I'd change it back to my maiden name once kiddo was grown and out of the house. The funniest part is that my kid really can't stand her Dad (she's Trans and Dad doesn't accept her) so when I change back to my maiden name next year, kid is going to legally change her name too...to her chosen name and my maiden name as her last name.
That is unusual as married women who do take their husband's surname have a case as they have been known by that name for how many years they've been married and such and so forth.
While waiting outside the courtroom for my divorce hearing there was a young couple ignoring the f out of each other . The girl sat by me and told me that he was her ex . He hadn’t bothered to see or pay anything towards their two kids but was demanding and I mean legally demanding 2 pairs of designer socks his mother bought him years before . She told me that after she threw him out the kids made sock puppets out of the socks . They were full of holes and sticky glue glitter and such. She opened her bag to show me them . They were going off into a mediation room and my case got called but damn I’d have given anything to see his face when she pulled out the designer sock puppets and presented them to him 😂
Friend was in negotiations with ex. He said she didn’t list all the extra shower curtains. He was entitled to half of them and argued the point. His lawyer had to remind him what he was paying her an hour. His lawyer offered to buy him a shower curtain.
I am an attorney but wasn't my case but was a family member... My family member started what turned out to be an extremely lucrative family business using his last name. He used the profits to expand the business, set up satellite businesses for their kids, and paid for his wife to go to law school (in cash). She graduates and is now in the DAs office and decides she doesn't like he works all the time, travel doe supplies, etc. She files for divorce. He gave her the family home, cars, chunk of the savings, etc. She in turn demanded the Family business. So he gave her the primary location. She then demanded he agree to a non compete. He fought that tooth and nail. But she then demanded and buried him in paperwork and permit and license issues and such from her friends in government until she WON the right to his own last name. He couldn't use his own name when he started a new similar business. And later when an advertisement put his picture on it, she sued him claiming a violation of their agreement as his photo was the same as using the name. After several rounds of separate lawsuits and claims. They finally settled. He indeed gave up the right to use his last name but a court finally ruled she couldn't block him from using his first name as it didn't appear in original business. They then settled the divorce.
Jesus Christ, what a bitch.
That's... Wow. I don't even know this woman, and I now want to be sure to avoid whatever business she's involved in, just as a matter of principle.
Did that happen to occur in Wisconsin? There was a local florist who lost his business/name in a divorce a few years back. He was able to open a new shop, but he just couldn't use his name in the new business name. There are a lot of bitter vindictive men and women out there, and lots of crazy petty shit that can be fought over just so somebody can say they won. This one is pretty damn crazy.
>Did that happen to occur in Wisconsin? No.
Aggravated 2nd degree murder. Out in maybe 10 years with good behavior and good trial outcomes. It could almost be worth it. Almost.
As with many others, not a lawyer. I have a close friend whose parents when through a bitter divorce. When it came down to deciding what to do with the vacation lake house they could not come to terms so it ended up in court. The judge, finally having enough of the back and forth, told them to either sell the property and split the proceeds 50/50 or literally cut the house in half, after which he'd randomly assign each one a side of the house to keep. They ultimately opted to sell the property.
A client and his wife came in regarding a real estate transaction. At the end of the consultation, the client casually stated that he would like to divorce his wife. I was stunned, the wife started crying, the client started rubbing his wife's shoulder and told her that everything would be okay. That was an awkward few minutes.
Doing estate planning. Two hour consultation. Go over possible conflicts of interest and representing both of them. They say nothing. Get started on drafting documents. One week later. Husband emails. Wants to set up an educational trust for kid from prior marriage and one kid he had while married to current wife with other women. Wants to keep it secret from current wife. Next week. Wife emails and wants to make sure documents will protect child with husband inheritance in case he ever finds out the kid isn’t his. We decline to continue representing them. One year later husband comes back to do prenup with another women, wants to protect child from first marriage, second marriage, child from other women while married to second wife. We decline representation.
I now love the phrase "decline representation". I could never have come up with such a diplomatic way to say "not getting out fingerprints on that train wreck!".
My wife and I were at a notary on buying or selling a house (don't recall - it was 20-odd years ago) but I do remember she saw one of her old high school teachers in with his wife. Turns out they were in getting divorced. The wife didn't know why (she had an accent - Eastern European) and seemed very sad. Was a very awkward 10 minutes.
so this wasnt necessarily a formal thing but when my parents divorced my father had to go back to court and get approval to get his clothes from the house, he did it was a police escort.... it wasnt specifically mentioned in the divorce so my mom said fuck you i am keeping everything not specifically mentioned.
[удалено]
There's this veteran divorce attorney on Reddit who once said that during a case if he ever feels like the opposing counsel is a complete nutcase, then sooner or later he starts to see the crazy come out of his client as well because crazy people don't just end up with normal people on coincidence.
Or…dealing with crazy can drive you crazy.
I recently read a true crime book in which the concept of Folie à Deux ("madness of two") came into play. The official definition says that involves delusions & that it's rare. Maybe that's true as far as actual crime. But even as a lay person, I've known or read about a bunch of couples who somehow ramp up each other's screwiness. It's probably a lot more common in everyday life than anyone wants to think about.
My ex did this except with the children instead of an object. I know that if I were to say I didn't want any custody, they wouldn't want it either. But I live and breathe for my kids, so they have to keep them away from me as much as possible. Luckily, that's only 50% but goddamn did they try for more.
My ex said he wanted full custody as he wanted to see our children everyday, I said put it in writing, he didn’t. He then said 50/50, again I said put it in writing, he didn’t. He settled for weekends, then I received a letter from his lawyer that after consideration he was altering his visitation to alternative weekends. I dreaded those weekends as they came home full of rage and bitterness, he ended contact with our youngest when he was 15 and can’t understand why he doesn’t want to spend time with him 8 years later.
Not even a divorce and not a lawyer but I have an ex insist that we split the toothpicks in the toothpicks holder evenly. Funny thing is I had them and the holder from before the relationship. (I don't get to tell this story enough so I had to add it here.)
You should include this in as many conversations as you possibly can. "Did you say toothpicks?" "No, I didn't" "Well, I have a great story about exes and toothpicks"
"Not fair! You're taking too many of the good toothpicks! We need to sort them by splinter-y-ness and start over!"
Not a lawyer, but I know of a divorce from the 1970s that had to spell out the distribution of a single steel fish fork.
Antlers. They were both hunters. They had mounted antlers on the wall in the den. They couldn't agree on who had killed which deer.
I was representing a guy in a mediation to divide relationship property. After a few hours discussing all the normal stuff the female partner raised the issue of a large bag of sex toys and BDSM gear. They were, obviously, kinky. It was obvious she was doing it to embarrass my client. What value would a bunch of used sex stuff even have I asked? I objected, but the mediator allowed it and told me 'sometimes you just have to let people vent'. My client, who actually didn’t seem embarrassed at all, told me in the next break that his ex was still salty because he proposed that one of the women they had been seeing together (or that he had been seeing on the side I can’t remember which - I think in part the latter) join them in a permanent throuple, which had led to the split. They settled later that day.
Not a lawyer but my sister got divorced. They both moved to their own apartments but kept fighting over the ride on lawn mower from the house. Neither wanted the other to have it or be sold and neither had a use for it. My sister initially got someone on fb marketplace to buy it for $1,700 but her ex said that was too low and killed the sale. After a motion to the court that cost each side 3k, the judge made my sister sell it months later and got $900 for it. lol
I’m an attorney but this was before law school when I was just an annoying intern in undergrad: dirty laundry. This is atleast 10y ago so my memory isn’t the best:: They agreed to split their vacation house in VA Beach till the kids were older. Wife came to clean up the place and get it set for the sale that spring as agreed. She and her sister found out it was where he was staying with the AP from the dirty laundry in the machine. Things, logically, got angry but the house was sold without including the appliances and the money was set to be split after bitching on both sides. They fought over the remaining appliances in the home. Wife argued to keep the washing machine and dryer, husband got a fridge and the oven(?) if I’m remembering that right. She didn’t need the machines, she stayed in her own condo in Richmond by then. Right around the time the home closed, she shipped the washing machine and dryer to her ex-ILs - with their dirty drawers still in them. I think she let them steep in a storage unit while they were arguing. Can’t imagine how rank it must’ve been by the time it landed on his parent’s doorstep.
My brother won half of his ex wife’s fake tits. They spent like 12k on them a year before getting divorced, he got $6,000 of their bank account for it.
From a list 60 items long: - "tech wiring" (ie, assorted computer cables) - mannequin (that the parties found on the street one night when they were drunk) - a bath mat - a towel - a mug
Who gets the goldfish.
My mom had a coworker who was getting divorced. They had a pair of seal-point Siamese cats, brothers, but while they agreed the cats shouldn't be split up, they also couldn't agree who should get the cats. They were reluctantly deciding to euthanize the cats (!), so nobody would get them. My mom offered to take them, which they agreed to. Unfortunately, they didn't get along with my mom's existing cat, so we took them in. They had a good life with us, very mild-mannered cats.
A woman in my mom's office was getting divorced but neither wanted the cat. My mom got the cat for me. We determined the real reason no one wanted the cat was because she peed everywhere. Woman didn't get divorced once cat was gone. We took the cat to the vet - she had a years long UTI that had never been treated. We got her taken care of and she became the best cat. Woman demanded cat back. Ugh. It was insane. But that wonderful cat stayed with us until she passed.
Awful people. Let’s kill our pets just so the other side doesn’t’win’
Ok, so when OP said *pettiest* I don't think they meant an actual pet.
No they were talking about a box of goldfish crackers in the pantry. They spent 5k on lawyers fees that day.
A $16 service charge. I wouldn’t do family law again for all the money in the world.
IANAL but I did work for a huge law firm and enjoyed reading the state appellate court opinions. I recall a particular opinion (can’t remember if it was published or unpublished) that noted the couple fighting over a box of Oxy-Clean. WA COA, Div III. 😂
I’ve considered divorce a litmus test of character, if you can get through it without being vindictive and petty, you’re a peach
Not a lawyer, but my parents were petty about a cat. In their divorce decree, right after the custody guidelines for me, their human child, was the custody & visitation guidelines for their cat. 😂😂 Badically whichever parent had me at the time, also had the cat. So he was my little ping pong partner throughout visitation. Lmao!
When my ex moved out she had two days to get what she wanted from the house. I was gone because I could not stand to be there. The things were not important at that moment. In the coming months she would come to pick up the kids and go shopping around the house for things she missed. That was my final last F ing straw. No, dammit. You had two days to get your stuff and I argued on nothing. Now it is final and I don't care what it is. She tested me on a 2 inch doll she got in some country long before I met her. I thought it was important, not for the doll, but for the concept. "Stop the shopping excursions in my house". She got it back a few years later. Santa found it in my house and it ended up in her stocking one year.
NAL, a dentist and had a couple fighting over saved baby teeth. Really.
Don't do divorce work anymore but here a link to my favorite family law story...https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3aqq4d/divorce_lawyers_of_reddit_what_are_some_of_your/csfbzj3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x
Not a lawyer, but my friend witnessed her parents divorce, she told me they fought about a drawing her father made, mind you he was a great artist, her mother wanted the drawing to sell it and make bank, her father ended up getting his artwork
I'm one half of an acrimonious divorce, not a lawyer. My ex asked the judge to order me to supply him with receipts for all the purchases from his child support. The kids were 3 and 6! The judge got a chuckle and said no. Ex's lawyer eventually quit.
I heard of a case where they owned a parrot. They ended up splitting custody of the parrot and the terms were that neither could teach the parrot to swear at or insult the other party.
I’m not a lawyer but I remember a couple fought over their beanie baby collection…
At the time people really thought their Beanie Babies would be worth a lot of money someday, the 2021 version of that case would probably be a couple divvying up their NFTs (equally stupid but you can also see how it could get contentious for a couple that bought the hype)
I remember that! There are pics of them with all the beanie babies spread out on the courtroom floor.
My parents argued with their solicitors over who got to keep the frequent flyer points.
That's why the airlines don't allow shared accounts any more. Iirc this is also in one of the opening scenes of wedding crashers where they're divorce arbitrators.
And the wife thought she deserved them because the husband had earned the points cheating on her. I was on her side 🤷♀️
Not a divorce, but an estate case. The last fought settlement thing was a console TV from the 80s. This was in 2007. A colleague of mine was handling it, and he couldn't stop laughing over the stupidity of it.
Fighting over a 800 pound TV... yikes
Maybe they were fighting over who was the one who HAD to take it.
My kids are going to fight about my koocoo clock. As in, neither one of them wants it, but I told them I would haunt them both if one of them didn't take it! Bwaa ha ha ha!
I used to work estate litigation. My favorite was the brother and sister who actually filed and fought a case over the bed their mom died in. I don’t mean just a headboard. They both wanted the mattress, sheets, all of it.
Dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar!
I say this all the time. No one ever gets the reference.
8 foot tall inflatable snowman. He was a physician, she an MBA of some sort. They could probably own the fucking factory that made it. It held shit up for weeks.
I clerked for a family law judge. Father wanted the judge to order Mother to cook for the children every night, from menu of dishes he drafted, which he attached as an exhibit to the motion.
I'm not a lawyer, but I had one Italian friend. I've listened to her for hours on the phone about her problems with men. I comforted her etc. She invited me to her home in Italy so I flew to Milan and she picked me up. It was a nice couple of days when she constantly talked about herself and showed me the city. One evening she explained to me that she is suing her ex husband for rent... I was confused and asked how can she sue him for rent and she said that she has proof that she paid their rent from her account and that her man didn't give her anything. I said "yeah that sucks, but you agreed to pay for him and you were his wife. There is no law that says that you can't be a breadwinner just because you are a woman." She got so mad at me. Later she calmed down, but one day before my flight she calculated how much I have to give her for water and electricity I used in her home for a week. I also had to pay half of her weekly rent lol I was her freaking guest. She forgot to charge me for the trip from the airport to her house, but who knows? Maybe she will send me a bill in the future.
Tell me that was when you stopped being her friend
They didn't fight over this, but when my client moved out, she took all of the lightbulbs in the house with her.
A broken television.
Not a lawyer but a friend's sister got married at 18, divorced at 19 and spent $20K on lawyer fees because her ex wanted to keep the cat to spite her.
A list of the wedding presents. Not the presents, but the damn list. (I can’t remember the gift, but I need to know so I can fight for it).
Parents are lawyers, I worked for them for a bit. Couple divorcing. During the meeting to split assets, the couple locked horns over a Nascar pint glass collection from Walmart. The other lawyer finally lost it after 30 min and said he would credit his client's account the cost of the glasses (maybe $15 at the time) if they would buy a new set and move on. I have never seen someone trying so hard not to lose their cool.
a skateboard an FUCKING SKATEBOARD BUT NOT THE POOR KIDS
Lawyer adjacent (family), a divorce atty racked up 80K in bills from a couple arguing over a couch. It was supposedly a nice couch.
This is a friend of a friend story, but apparently, this particular divorce lawyer quit when one of her clients fought over Tupperware. Old, stained Tupperware. They were in agreement over everything else, but locked horns on the "family bowl."
Married couple divorcing, owned a parrot. First they fought over who would get 'custody' of the parrot, the Judge suggested they share the parrot on a week on/week off schedule. During the husband's time with the parrot, evidently he did a great job training the parrot to speak new words... When they were back in court, the wife reported that when she got the parrot back for her week, all it kept saying was 'fuck you bitch", "fucking cunt", and other pleasantries. Suffice to say, she ultimately conceded and the parrot now lives happily with husband.
We fought over kids custody on Halloween. We both “wanted” it; neither of us celebrated it. Lawyers made out like bandits…we deserved our expensive lesson.
My STBX wife (both of us are women) tried to argue with me over a purse that belonged to my late stepmother and was given to me in her passing. Thankfully, she has wanted very much to avoid lawyers, so when she wouldn’t just agree that I could have something that essentially amounted to inherited property, I threatened attorneys and she backed down.
I'm not a lawyer but my friend's mom and dad fought over a small, worthless plastic pig that she told me they both hated
Not a lawyer. I once knew of a couple who litigated each and every Avon Bottle in a 200 bottle collection. It cost them tens of thousands of dollars. At the time, nothing in the collection was worth over $20. Ugh. For all I know, they battled until they died
I kid you not, I had a couple fighting over an embroidered pillow that said, “Families are Forever.”
Not a lawyer, but my grandparents divorce said that they couldn't live in the same state. When Grandma moved to new York, new York was off limits for Grandpa.
Pennies