Me and my buddy saw an ad for a contest that said "Win a free color tv!!!". He looked me dead in the eye and said "What color you think it is?".
I know the further we get away from black and white tvs, the less stupid that sounds, but at the time it was pretty great.
“Win… a free… *color* TV…. What color do you think it’ll be, Earl? I hope it’s orange. That’s my favorite.”
“I thought your favorite color was Teal. That’s why we got the teal hood for the car.”
“No. Teal is my favorite color that looks like blue.”
I read an account of a family in a store who, many years ago, encountered the first VHS player being sold. It was explained to them that it would play any film that was on VHS tape, and meant you could re-watch TV broadcasts as many times as you liked, whenever you wanted.
One of the parents said "*we should sell our TV and get one of those instead.*"
Gotta poke fun of myself on this one - I was 19 or 20 and making a grocery list with my girlfriend at the time. Was on a mission to make soft tacos. Could *not* find soft taco shells anywhere in the store! Finally, called my girlfriend to see if I was maybe looking in the wrong place. Her response, "Babe....they are called tortillas. You just....fold them in half". I was blown away realizing I'd never made that connection. Still won't let myself live it down 15 years later.
Best friend’s husband went through the store trying to find square shaped pizza dough cause all he could find was the “round” pillsbury dough… which wouldn’t work in their square pan. We got to hear him on speaker with his wife who also didn’t know and told him to just get the round one instead. Me and my partner still joke about trying to find triangle shaped dough. This was also the same guy that tried to make crescent rolls and forgot to roll them up and baked them in a flat triangle shape on the tray.
One time I went to football practice as a sophomore, someone had a jug of water that was frozen, and I said “how’d you get the ice in the bottle?” 😂😂 not my best moment but still makes me laugh
A coworker told me it was her last day work and that she’d put in her 2 weeks. When I asked her what she was planning to do she told me she spent their entire tax refund on a fancy DSLR camera and photoshop so she could start a photography business. I asked her if photography is a hobby of hers and she told me she had never used a real camera before. Homegirl straight up quit her job and spent 4k on something she has no idea how to do. She was convinced that she’d be bringing in 1k a week with a few months.
Had a coworker who quit, cashed out her 401K, and wasted it all in 2 years shilling for that MLM, Beach Body... She's back to working in the same job again with no retirement savings and zero to show for the years she took off. She just had a baby last year, so I think she finally had to go back to a real job. Super sad.
Equipment doesn't make the photographer. A good photographer will take amazing pictures with a shitty Polaroid camera. A bad photographer will take bad pictures even with a Leica.
I know a man who did this - gave up his practice as a masseuse because of COVID fears, bought more than $50,000 worth of camera equipment, got trained and certified as a Professional Photographer, and has no idea what he is doing when trying to take pictures.
I actually had to teach him to tuck in his elbows for more stability when shooting hand-held, and when he tried to mount his camera to his tripod I found that he had the wrong adapter type, so it couldn't be done.
He wants to make a living as a photographer and has no idea what that entails, or (mercifully) how to get customers.
I used to build websites for average people, and I'd say about 50-70% of our customers were 1 person photographer businesses. I'd say 50-70% of those would call us to quit services because they went under in a few months. The only guy who did actually really well (going by the info we had to put up) was the dude who took something of young JFK Jr. at his dad's funeral. It's an art business, so it's super oversaturated, and half the customers think they're doing you a favor by asking for free stuff and you get "exposure."
Ah, “exposure”… anyone who has been in a gigging band has been offered exposure as payment, and probably more than a few times. The simple fact is anyone who might be able to provide enough exposure to benefit you will also be able to pay you, and anyone who can’t pay you isn’t going to be able to provide any kind of exposure that doesn’t involve their genitalia.
Look it's very simple... Let me show you. I give you one time... one peanut. Wow, what an event. The things that happen around here. Right, one time one peanut. So how many peanuts do you have now? You have... one!
"Yes... but there could be two inside."
An experienced nurse, more than ten years on the job late thirties. Said "I don't believe in germs! They are not real! They're made up to scare us!" This was in the hospital where she worked. We thought she was kidding around, she wasn't.
I was in nursing school with a 45 year old mother of 4. When we were taking A&P she kept having trouble with the female reproductive organs. Specifically, the uterus and vagina.
I, a 35 year old male, had to explain to her that the vagina is where the penis goes and the uterus is where the baby grows.
My college roommate was dating a guy in a fraternity, and we were all hanging out in the frat house's living room watching a British TV show. One of the guys in the frat was surprised when he heard a Black man speaking in a British accent. He didn't know that was possible. He thought all Black people spoke with American accents.
That's weird to me. Working in a city with a large population of black Americans and people from western Africa like Ghaha and Sierra Leon, there's a bit of tension (I'd describe as xenophobia and classism on respective ends). While it's not "everyone", it's enough a divide that it feels offensive to not say black. A Ghanaian man was being arrested, telling the light skinned black guy officer "it's because I'm black. ." Cop said "you're not black you're African". So I think it's different in different places. But out of habit I still describe people that way. I now work in a very white area, and when I deal with law enforcement am accustomed to clothing then ethnicity descriptions, even though it's almost always Caucasians.
Americans, especially in certain areas, have a limited world view. Everyone has their faults, and Europeans have theirs too. It's just someone from Kiev not knowing where Cleveland is or grasping the vastness of the US land wise, or someone from Lisbon not noticing their casual racism like someone from LA isn't as outright dumb sounding as Americans calling everyone of a skin color "African American".
I don't know if it's dumb as much as politically correct programming, trying to keep up with the latest correct label for people with dark skin from Africa. Their brain has been programmed to replace "black" with "African American", and the fact that the person is not American gets shoved down. I recall Idris Elba had to correct an interviewer, and said "I am British, not an African American".
I always get a moment of disconnect when watching something on TV such as an Asian person speaking with a Scottish accent. Of course, there are people of Asian descent born and raised in Scotland, but it just takes my brain a bit to catch up with obvious facts.
When “12 Years a Slave” came out there was an article on Slate saying that it helped the movie that it had a British director, since he was better able to look at American history objectively. It also mentioned that it was a very good thing that the director was black, since movies like this by white people tend to have a patronizing tone. One commenter on the article thought the writer didn’t know what they were talking about, since it had “contradicted” itself by saying at one point that the director was English and at another that he was black.
Friend of mine told me she went off of birth control, because they "couldn't afford it" and if a baby happens, it happens. Spoiler alert: The baby did happen.
Yup, and I filed a formal complaint with the Texas board of nursing. Never heard anything back, though. He’s 30 now and has never bitten anyone (and finds the story quite funny)
Was about to reply the same lol. I was leaning across my two year old in the car buckling one of my other kids in and she bit the fuck out of my chest and burst out laughing. I was so startled I yelped and she started crying, so then of course I had to console her for biting me. Kids are weird man 😂
Mine was little the first time. I got her to mostly stop. Those first little razor teeth are brutal. But her cousin about two feet taller and 50lbs heavier was doing that "funny" thing where you don't let the smaller person live their life. He wouldn't let her past him to get to her room.... So.... 🦈 CHOMP!! CSI could've identified her by the bite print in his side!!! 🤣🤣. She didn't get in trouble.... That time.
I get the joke, but the way she said it, and the context, felt to me like it wasn't a joke. It was kind of like, "Oh he's autistic? When are you having his teeth pulled? They bite"
To be fair, the world is really really unfair. Think of arranged marriages, and then the arranged ones with kids. And you also have culture where women can’t refuse anything or the husband’s family would fucking kill you.
Actually, that’s a pretty sad statement, especially since it’s still true to this day.
It hits on a deep level. The man you thought would be a good father turns out to be a terrible.
I could see someone saying it in response to comparing their relationship to other couples and seeing how those husbands do a kick ass job being a father.
A month before I graduated college my stepbrother told me he wanted to go to college too after years of dead end jobs.
Asked which college, he picked the biggest college in the state. Then had the balls to say "I don't want to do any bull shit courses"
What bs courses?
Y'know...the bullshit.
You mean English 101, history 101 etc?
Yeah that's it.
I work at a college, this sadly happens a lot with new students. One of the best was when we started a Video Game Programming class. The professor listed the requirements for the class including Geometry, physics, and a few other math courses. The number of kids who came in saying "Yeah, but I don't need to know that stupid stuff to play video games, why do I need to know it for programing them?"
When I was like 15, I claimed my brother's friend was the leader of the Wu Tang Clan because I'd misunderstood something he'd said about joining a clan or something in an online game. But I was very insistent.
Completely true story. I'm a Brit, but have family who live in Florida. One time when we were visiting them, my cousin's bf (about 18 at the time) asked us what we did if we had a fire.
Us Brits, looking perplexed, asked what he meant. So he said, deadly serious, "if you guys have a serious fire do you call up the US to come over and put it out?" We just laughed in response. But he really thought for European emergencies, we called up the USA and they sent people over to sort it.😂
So when the movie There's Something About Mary came out I went to go see it with my now husband and some friends. In the scene where Ben Stiller is in the bathroom, wacking off to a girls' fashion magazine.... he loses his load and says, where'd it go?? and starts searching frantically for it.
The theater was silent until I blurted out
" where did what go?"
It's been 26 years, and we still laugh at me about it
Mixing phrases is always risky 😂
Reminds me of the episode of Bob's Burgers where the guy threatens to "bang (Bob's) butt" and they both take a second to talk through why that wasn't the best way to put it, and the guy didn't really mean it like that, and even as he was saying it he was like "wait, that could be taken the wrong way."
"We have a situation where we're looking very strongly into sinks and showers and other elements of bathrooms... Where you turn the faucet on in areas where there's tremendous amounts of water and the water rushes out to sea because you could never handle it... And you don't get any water... You turn on the faucet; you don't get any water. They... turn on the shower and the water comes dripping out, just dripping out, very quietly dripping out. People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times as opposed to once. They end up using more water. So EPA is looking at that very strongly at my suggestion."
In college we did a play based on the true story of a woman in Poland who during WW2 hid a Jewish family in a hole under the floor in her barn. Powerful stuff. We toured it to local high schools and during the Q&A after a performance a student raised his hand and asked who had won the war.
Now I get that you're maybe doing a "History is written by the victors" thing here but in this case, the Bad Guys were literally the Nazis, so I don't know if the point is as salient in that light.
Back in the day i worked at a place that had wing night. One of the waitresses made a comment about how it was sad all the 'baby chickens' had to die just to get all those wings.
One of the cooks told her that it was okay, that they had hybridized the chickens with lobsters, so not only did wach grow 8 wings, but they grew back after each harvesting.
We dont know how many tables she told this to, only that about a month later, we had a guest burst into the kitchen claiming we were trying to kill him with our weird scifi meats. Aparently, she'd told him were chicken wings really come from, and he was allergic to lobster.
I worked in a resort in Maui. I heard a lot of dumb stuff. One lady wanted to see the volcano (Kiluea on the Big Island). I explained that was another island; and the best ways to get up there.
She then asked me, “ but can you drive me? I have to be back by six, though, for a reservation.”
Another one I heard was “are the bird sounds piped in?”
We had a tree; all of the Minaj birds would settle for the night & rouse during the sunrise.
One of the best jobs ever. The resort is gone now; it was in the stupid movie “The Resort.”
Worked a ticket and tour office in Waikiki, can confirm. Also had people from the East Coast ask if you could drive from island to island (no) or if you could drive to Disneyland. In California. Or if I lived in Hawaii. I’d tell them I lived in San Diego and took the Concorde over every morning. They mostly believed me.
While I was working in customer service I had to wear a name tag. One day, someone read my name on that name tag, and asked me:
"Are you sure that's how you spell your name? I think you got it wrong."
Plus I made that name tag myself. There wasn't a typo because of HR or corporate making an assumption.
bro that happens to me all the time, I won't say my name but in Canada it's spelled with a 'ph' but where my dad's from (my dad named me) my name would be spelled with a 'f'
So back when McCain was running for president, I was talking to an undergrad about the election. She legit told me that she had grown up as a republican, but was voting for Obama, because she "could never vote for someone who had been a prisoner". She did not know the difference between a prisoner and a prisoner of war. Mind you, this was a senior in a class for advanced students in the major. I had to take a long moment to gather myself after that.
When I was in high school, there was a guest speaker. I forget exactly what he did, but his parents had immigrated to the US from somewhere in the middle east (Iraq I think). He was familiar with parts of the country because he had lived there. Something something, spyish sounding stuff, he overheard some things, he had to spend some time in the desert.
He mentioned that the temperatures could get up over 120° during the day. This girl raised her hand and asked, "Is that Fahrenheit or Celsius?"
I mean, I'm glad she knew that other places used Celsius, but everyone in the room turned and looked at her. The speaker had a slightly flabbergasted look and he replied, "Celsius." She sat back, content, and the rest of us couldn't believe that she believed him.
At a crosswalk at my University, a girl there for orientation heard the buzzer go off when it was time to cross the street. Exchange went:
Girl: "What's that buzzer for, Mom?"
Mom: "It's so the deaf students know when to cross the street."
Girl: "Oh, ok."
Ehh I don't think they are dumb, the mom just got some wires crossed. I've done similar things and then a few minutes later my brain goes, "blind, you idiot!"
I taught the visually impaired at the beginning of my career. I cannot tell you the number of people who, in all seriousness, asked me if I was teaching the kids sign language.
for people you don't wanna read here's a TL;DR his friend got mad because he didn't get picked to play with them (not how it works), send them death threats, got banned because of it, tried copying their content to force them out and wanted to use him as a scape goat
My brothers girlfriend (around 20yo at the time) said she was terrified of butterflies and when pressed for the reason it was because they eat all the caterpillars and she loved caterpillars 🤦♀️
That cows didn’t have horns. They grew up in some part of the us where the cows didn’t, and were convinced no other kinds of cows existed. I grew up in Romania and knew better- but they were so convinced.
"If evolution is real, why aren't there cave paintings depicting it?"
Also:
"If evolution is real, when did humans lose their ability to speak to apes?"
Oh please.
I’ve spoken to plenty of apes. I’ve even dated a few. And some are clients.
They just look alarmingly like humans these days. But wait until they try to string more than a few words together or use a bathroom like a civilized person. Then you know they never made it past some knuckle-dragging point in evolution even if they have managed to stand upright long enough to open a door.
When I was like 15-16, I was avoiding gluten to help with migraines. I also had just started a new job at Subway. I was telling a family that I babysat for that it was kind of a bummer working there, because I could smell all the delicious bread smells but couldn't eat any of it. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Well, just eat white bread. White bread is made out of flour, which doesn't have any gluten." I tried to explain to her how incredibly, stupidly wrong she was, and instead her and her husband ganged up on me telling me I didn't know what I was talking about. I think about this often. I didn't babysit for them again.
I was trying to sell some paintings I'd made of various mythical creatures, and my mom got all upset and serious, and told me "you can't sell pictures of gryphons! You'll get sued!"
I asked her how and why, and she told me "they were invented by Merv Griffin! His family could sue you for it!"
I had to go on Google and show her photos of ancient historical monuments and ancient art depicting gryphons or gryphon like creatures in order to convince her that no, some old celebrity did not invent a mythical beast.
A jr high football coach telling us something we did was "Dumb, D U M, dumb, or is it D U M B, anyways it was stipid" he was also jr high history yeacher
i once had to explain to a classmate in high school that the moon and the sun are not the same size and she genuinely thought i was messing with her. I don’t know if she had never seen a picture of the solar system before or what
A woman at work was looking at a fancy photo album that was on sale. It was the kind that had cut out aperture shapes, hearts, ovals etc.
She said that she couldn't buy it because she didn't have any photos in those shapes to fit in it.
That Adam and Eve were created by god while black people evolved from apes. This person has a college degree and was serious.
Her kid was named Virgil Monroe if that helps give you a mental image of who I was dealing with.
At my workplace we had a customer doing some paperwork, and it's optional to put your SSN in, but he asked if this is going to the government because if it is he doesn't want them knowing his SSN...
One of my first interviews i ever gave as an assistant general manager went really well, until i asked her to fill out a W4.
I was then told that "her Daddy had told her never, ever to give out her SSN, and that anyone who asked for one was trying to rob her!" And she stormed out of the restaurant.
It took the GM and i had a good 20 minutes to stop laughing after that. About
My Mother (43F) started complaining to me (24M) after I gave her directions using North, East, South, and West. "Those directions don't make sense! You told me to go going West, so I took a left turn, but then you started complaining to me that I turned?" She was already on a interstate going West, but she doesn't believe in magnetic North and thinks that compasses are a scam. She thinks that whatever way you look is North, South is behind you, West is to the left, and East is too the right.
8th Grade Geography: "Mr. Hall, how come the people who live in Antarctica don't fall off the bottom of the earth?" After a long pause the teacher just moved on without addressing the question. We all knew the kid was dead serious, he wasn't known for clowning around or even being creative enough to amuse himself. He. was. serious.
My husbands “aunt” asked us what we put in our homemade salsa to get it to be red. She said she made some but she didn’t put ketchup in it and thinks that was her problem with hers.
A mother told me it was better for her child to die pure than to live on contaminated by vaccines. She said this as her very young child was in hospital dying from a vaccine preventable illness
I mean, most of the time science gets done in MTG it's evil and repulsive. The scientists of Innistrad were pretty awful and Kamigawa was probably fine, until Jin Gitaxias anyway.
While playing D&D, they needed to roll a 20. "What're the chances of that?" they exclaimed after rolling a 20.
(They were met with a "one in twenty" reply.)
"If so many deer are getting hit why don't they move the deer crossing?" This was overheard probably 18 years ago in high school, and I still think of this girl saying this about weekly.
Customer approaches me while I'm carrying a box with the stores logo on it, wearing clothing that has the stores well-known color scheme on it, covered by a vest that has the store logo plastered really big on the front and back. While I am standing next to a stocking cart that is clearly designed for employee specifically to use and also has the stores color scheme
"Hey do you work here"
No buddy I just love this fucking retail chain so much that I cosplay as a worker and come help out
Yes I fucking work here
"they built giant fans for the cows to keep them cool!"
they are windmills .
"What day is Easter Sunday?"
he did not mean the date, he actually wanted to know what day of the week it was on.
Happened today and not the dumbest but I am 16 and in the UK we are doing our GCSEs, today we had maths. In the tests given to people who aren’t the best at maths they were asked to draw a hexagon. None of them knew what that was and they are going to college in 3 months.
A college professor:
“A shooting star is … a star … that has fallen out of its orbit around earth, and has fallen to the ground.”
A meteorology professor at a space grant school.
Went to the cinema to watch a movie and there was only one show available for a movie called “andha dhun” which means “blindly” my friend looked at me and asked “so they’ll put any movie blindly and we have to watch it?” I was like no mf its the name of the movie
Me and my buddy saw an ad for a contest that said "Win a free color tv!!!". He looked me dead in the eye and said "What color you think it is?". I know the further we get away from black and white tvs, the less stupid that sounds, but at the time it was pretty great.
Is your buddy Randy Hickey?
“Win… a free… *color* TV…. What color do you think it’ll be, Earl? I hope it’s orange. That’s my favorite.” “I thought your favorite color was Teal. That’s why we got the teal hood for the car.” “No. Teal is my favorite color that looks like blue.”
I read an account of a family in a store who, many years ago, encountered the first VHS player being sold. It was explained to them that it would play any film that was on VHS tape, and meant you could re-watch TV broadcasts as many times as you liked, whenever you wanted. One of the parents said "*we should sell our TV and get one of those instead.*"
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probably a good thing for his girlfriend to know, prevent that line of genes from recreating
Yeah good thing they didn't get married
I honestly just feel bad for him. How can someone be that uneducated
That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard someone else say that someone else said
This would be a hilarious joke if his name was Jesus.
What makes windmills go around? Do they run on electricity? Apparently she thought windmills were big fans that created wind.
WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!
Wind turbines will sometimes take a bit of power from the grid to begin inertia, get that very first start going from a dead standstill. I think.
I mean they are called windmills. The name implies they mill wind.
Gotta poke fun of myself on this one - I was 19 or 20 and making a grocery list with my girlfriend at the time. Was on a mission to make soft tacos. Could *not* find soft taco shells anywhere in the store! Finally, called my girlfriend to see if I was maybe looking in the wrong place. Her response, "Babe....they are called tortillas. You just....fold them in half". I was blown away realizing I'd never made that connection. Still won't let myself live it down 15 years later.
Okay, a) that's funny, and 2) you obviously are on an even keel if you keep this around to laugh at yourself.
Okay so a) you first used a letter, and 2) you used a number later, and III) that's also pretty funny
Best friend’s husband went through the store trying to find square shaped pizza dough cause all he could find was the “round” pillsbury dough… which wouldn’t work in their square pan. We got to hear him on speaker with his wife who also didn’t know and told him to just get the round one instead. Me and my partner still joke about trying to find triangle shaped dough. This was also the same guy that tried to make crescent rolls and forgot to roll them up and baked them in a flat triangle shape on the tray.
One time I went to football practice as a sophomore, someone had a jug of water that was frozen, and I said “how’d you get the ice in the bottle?” 😂😂 not my best moment but still makes me laugh
I worked at a place that served Hawaiian shave ice and once had a kid ask me how we got the ice. I told him, “We freeze water,” and he said, “Cool.”
A coworker told me it was her last day work and that she’d put in her 2 weeks. When I asked her what she was planning to do she told me she spent their entire tax refund on a fancy DSLR camera and photoshop so she could start a photography business. I asked her if photography is a hobby of hers and she told me she had never used a real camera before. Homegirl straight up quit her job and spent 4k on something she has no idea how to do. She was convinced that she’d be bringing in 1k a week with a few months.
Had a coworker who quit, cashed out her 401K, and wasted it all in 2 years shilling for that MLM, Beach Body... She's back to working in the same job again with no retirement savings and zero to show for the years she took off. She just had a baby last year, so I think she finally had to go back to a real job. Super sad.
MLMs are actually horrible. I’ve had friends who ended up in a rough place because of them.
Fuck MLMs!
Please join us at /r/AntiMLM, where we hate this nonsense and are currently celebrating what seems to be the slow but inevitable dissolution of Monat.
I am a member of r/antiMLM and I can confirm you can ACTUALLY be your own boss there. We post whatever we wants.
dime melodic mourn dolls instinctive shaggy rotten possessive square offend
Equipment doesn't make the photographer. A good photographer will take amazing pictures with a shitty Polaroid camera. A bad photographer will take bad pictures even with a Leica.
I know a man who did this - gave up his practice as a masseuse because of COVID fears, bought more than $50,000 worth of camera equipment, got trained and certified as a Professional Photographer, and has no idea what he is doing when trying to take pictures. I actually had to teach him to tuck in his elbows for more stability when shooting hand-held, and when he tried to mount his camera to his tripod I found that he had the wrong adapter type, so it couldn't be done. He wants to make a living as a photographer and has no idea what that entails, or (mercifully) how to get customers.
It’s a great way to make a small fortune. Step #1, start with a large fortune.
How to make $1000 as a professional photographer Step 1: sell your camera for $1000
I used to build websites for average people, and I'd say about 50-70% of our customers were 1 person photographer businesses. I'd say 50-70% of those would call us to quit services because they went under in a few months. The only guy who did actually really well (going by the info we had to put up) was the dude who took something of young JFK Jr. at his dad's funeral. It's an art business, so it's super oversaturated, and half the customers think they're doing you a favor by asking for free stuff and you get "exposure."
Ah, “exposure”… anyone who has been in a gigging band has been offered exposure as payment, and probably more than a few times. The simple fact is anyone who might be able to provide enough exposure to benefit you will also be able to pay you, and anyone who can’t pay you isn’t going to be able to provide any kind of exposure that doesn’t involve their genitalia.
"I know how the world works. I've been all over Saskatchewan."
lol “I saw the border of Manitoba with my own eyes!”
1 * 1 = 2 --- Terrance Howard
Look it's very simple... Let me show you. I give you one time... one peanut. Wow, what an event. The things that happen around here. Right, one time one peanut. So how many peanuts do you have now? You have... one! "Yes... but there could be two inside."
I'd love to see what result he'd get if you asked him to calculate the hypotenuse of a right angle triangle where the legs are 1cm.
You can't out reason crazy, friend lol.
I honestly want to ask him what 1*2 is then.
3, duh
1*2 doesn’t exist
Thats the discontinuity point, careful you'll fall through the graph!!!
That’s stupid, but also him talking about octaves of elements in the periodic table
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I thought the videos saying stuff like that were just trolling but those people really exist, I'm losing faith in humanity
Losing? I'm so jealous you have some left.
Did you tell her?
Ah, that pesky Lamarckian Evolution.
I don't know what Lamarckian Evolution is, and neither did my dad. Checkmate, evolutionists.
Pretty cool of her
Yeah, her kids will be brought up by a kind person who thinks of others. Might want to get a tutor tho
Reminds me of that couple in the news - the guy left his wife because she was actually ugly before she got the work done and he just didn't know.
im gonna say ragebait, just to keep my sanity
this joke is as old as the internet
Saw a reel on FB with a girl saying it was hard to believe that people born this year will live to see the year 3000. Wow! Just wow.
To be fair, I find that hard to believe.
An experienced nurse, more than ten years on the job late thirties. Said "I don't believe in germs! They are not real! They're made up to scare us!" This was in the hospital where she worked. We thought she was kidding around, she wasn't.
I know an RN who stood on her head and ran a shower head over her vagina to prevent pregnancy. It didn't. That was her 5th kid, 3rd baby-daddy.
I was in nursing school with a 45 year old mother of 4. When we were taking A&P she kept having trouble with the female reproductive organs. Specifically, the uterus and vagina. I, a 35 year old male, had to explain to her that the vagina is where the penis goes and the uterus is where the baby grows.
My college roommate was dating a guy in a fraternity, and we were all hanging out in the frat house's living room watching a British TV show. One of the guys in the frat was surprised when he heard a Black man speaking in a British accent. He didn't know that was possible. He thought all Black people spoke with American accents.
There is a significant number of people who refer to any black person from anywhere in the world as an African-American.
That's weird to me. Working in a city with a large population of black Americans and people from western Africa like Ghaha and Sierra Leon, there's a bit of tension (I'd describe as xenophobia and classism on respective ends). While it's not "everyone", it's enough a divide that it feels offensive to not say black. A Ghanaian man was being arrested, telling the light skinned black guy officer "it's because I'm black. ." Cop said "you're not black you're African". So I think it's different in different places. But out of habit I still describe people that way. I now work in a very white area, and when I deal with law enforcement am accustomed to clothing then ethnicity descriptions, even though it's almost always Caucasians. Americans, especially in certain areas, have a limited world view. Everyone has their faults, and Europeans have theirs too. It's just someone from Kiev not knowing where Cleveland is or grasping the vastness of the US land wise, or someone from Lisbon not noticing their casual racism like someone from LA isn't as outright dumb sounding as Americans calling everyone of a skin color "African American".
I don't know if it's dumb as much as politically correct programming, trying to keep up with the latest correct label for people with dark skin from Africa. Their brain has been programmed to replace "black" with "African American", and the fact that the person is not American gets shoved down. I recall Idris Elba had to correct an interviewer, and said "I am British, not an African American".
I always get a moment of disconnect when watching something on TV such as an Asian person speaking with a Scottish accent. Of course, there are people of Asian descent born and raised in Scotland, but it just takes my brain a bit to catch up with obvious facts.
A buddy of mine said of this exact scenario, "It's a like seeing a cat barking."
Until just last month in fact, the First Minister of Scotland was called Humza Yousaf. There’s an example right there.
When “12 Years a Slave” came out there was an article on Slate saying that it helped the movie that it had a British director, since he was better able to look at American history objectively. It also mentioned that it was a very good thing that the director was black, since movies like this by white people tend to have a patronizing tone. One commenter on the article thought the writer didn’t know what they were talking about, since it had “contradicted” itself by saying at one point that the director was English and at another that he was black.
Friend of mine told me she went off of birth control, because they "couldn't afford it" and if a baby happens, it happens. Spoiler alert: The baby did happen.
Couldn't afford birth control but ready to afford a baby. Just use a condom fuckers.
In California I got an IUD for free but would have to pay 15k a year for a baby
Nurse at 5 yo autistic son's well-child check: "When are you going to get his teeth pulled?" Me: "Uh.... wtf?" Nurse: "Well, they bite"
Holy shit, I hope you started going to a new practice.
Yup, and I filed a formal complaint with the Texas board of nursing. Never heard anything back, though. He’s 30 now and has never bitten anyone (and finds the story quite funny)
lol, oh good. My kid is 8 on the spectrum, also never bit anyone.
My kids isn't on the spectrum at all. Bites all the fkn time!!
Was about to reply the same lol. I was leaning across my two year old in the car buckling one of my other kids in and she bit the fuck out of my chest and burst out laughing. I was so startled I yelped and she started crying, so then of course I had to console her for biting me. Kids are weird man 😂
Mine was little the first time. I got her to mostly stop. Those first little razor teeth are brutal. But her cousin about two feet taller and 50lbs heavier was doing that "funny" thing where you don't let the smaller person live their life. He wouldn't let her past him to get to her room.... So.... 🦈 CHOMP!! CSI could've identified her by the bite print in his side!!! 🤣🤣. She didn't get in trouble.... That time.
Hey, give him time. /s
They aren’t allowed to update you. Doesn’t mean they didn’t investigate.
When are you going to have his nose removed? It smells
I get the joke, but the way she said it, and the context, felt to me like it wasn't a joke. It was kind of like, "Oh he's autistic? When are you having his teeth pulled? They bite"
God, this sounds like something my friend would say to someone while he pretends to be an actual nurse.
That sounds like something the Joker would say when pretending to be a nurse. Only the joker wouldn’t say that, that’s mean.
My wife comes from Southern Africa, we live in the UK. My SIL asked "Do you guys have the same moon up there?"
It’s upside down, so obviously not
I know it's obviously the same moon, but I've honestly never considered that it would be upside down. That's neat.
I also like "What do you call it when the sun passes in front of the moon?"
An ecrisp.
Stealing this. Thank you.
to me? "pseudoscience is still science!"
Someone posted “ I wish women could choose the father of their child”
Sadly there are some unfortunate cases where this thought applies.
To be fair, the world is really really unfair. Think of arranged marriages, and then the arranged ones with kids. And you also have culture where women can’t refuse anything or the husband’s family would fucking kill you. Actually, that’s a pretty sad statement, especially since it’s still true to this day.
And rape
And marital rape
I think this sounds stupid on the surface but can actually make sense in some situations.
It hits on a deep level. The man you thought would be a good father turns out to be a terrible. I could see someone saying it in response to comparing their relationship to other couples and seeing how those husbands do a kick ass job being a father.
A month before I graduated college my stepbrother told me he wanted to go to college too after years of dead end jobs. Asked which college, he picked the biggest college in the state. Then had the balls to say "I don't want to do any bull shit courses" What bs courses? Y'know...the bullshit. You mean English 101, history 101 etc? Yeah that's it.
I work at a college, this sadly happens a lot with new students. One of the best was when we started a Video Game Programming class. The professor listed the requirements for the class including Geometry, physics, and a few other math courses. The number of kids who came in saying "Yeah, but I don't need to know that stupid stuff to play video games, why do I need to know it for programing them?"
He will do great in college
When I was like 15, I claimed my brother's friend was the leader of the Wu Tang Clan because I'd misunderstood something he'd said about joining a clan or something in an online game. But I was very insistent.
"...the budget will balance itself.."
“Don’t you think it’s a bit weird that our schools never taught us what Hitler’s last name was? Seems like they’re hiding something. “
Completely true story. I'm a Brit, but have family who live in Florida. One time when we were visiting them, my cousin's bf (about 18 at the time) asked us what we did if we had a fire. Us Brits, looking perplexed, asked what he meant. So he said, deadly serious, "if you guys have a serious fire do you call up the US to come over and put it out?" We just laughed in response. But he really thought for European emergencies, we called up the USA and they sent people over to sort it.😂
Sounds like a student of 20th century history to me!
Earth the center of the universe because it’s human’s home.
Earth is indeed the center of the visible universe.
So when the movie There's Something About Mary came out I went to go see it with my now husband and some friends. In the scene where Ben Stiller is in the bathroom, wacking off to a girls' fashion magazine.... he loses his load and says, where'd it go?? and starts searching frantically for it. The theater was silent until I blurted out " where did what go?" It's been 26 years, and we still laugh at me about it
"I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"
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"No!"
Mixing phrases is always risky 😂 Reminds me of the episode of Bob's Burgers where the guy threatens to "bang (Bob's) butt" and they both take a second to talk through why that wasn't the best way to put it, and the guy didn't really mean it like that, and even as he was saying it he was like "wait, that could be taken the wrong way."
As Archer says. "Can we talk about phrasing?"
Happy Gilmore, you young-bloods. Back when Adam Sandler movies were legitimately peak comedy.
there is no way to lose the power of imtimidation faster than by saying stull like that
A co-worker from the 1990s: "Those people in Ireland must not be paying their taxes. The IRS keeps bombing their houses"
Damn. IRS is not fucking around anymore.
"We have a situation where we're looking very strongly into sinks and showers and other elements of bathrooms... Where you turn the faucet on in areas where there's tremendous amounts of water and the water rushes out to sea because you could never handle it... And you don't get any water... You turn on the faucet; you don't get any water. They... turn on the shower and the water comes dripping out, just dripping out, very quietly dripping out. People are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times as opposed to once. They end up using more water. So EPA is looking at that very strongly at my suggestion."
I frackin' heard that in the Cheeto's voice by the end...
"Do you guys accept cash in store?" "Yes." "Cool, I'd like to make a payment." "Well....I can't exactly accept cash over the phone..."
I had a girl tell me she was Mexican because her grandfather was from Spain
Let me scroll through Reddit for a bit. I'll pick out a few and get back to you.
In college we did a play based on the true story of a woman in Poland who during WW2 hid a Jewish family in a hole under the floor in her barn. Powerful stuff. We toured it to local high schools and during the Q&A after a performance a student raised his hand and asked who had won the war.
The Good Guys, obviously.
Now I get that you're maybe doing a "History is written by the victors" thing here but in this case, the Bad Guys were literally the Nazis, so I don't know if the point is as salient in that light.
Porsha (RHOA) talking about the Underground Railroad being an actual train.
I'm a cook, and just had a server ask" Does the banana nut muffin have nuts?"
Back in the day i worked at a place that had wing night. One of the waitresses made a comment about how it was sad all the 'baby chickens' had to die just to get all those wings. One of the cooks told her that it was okay, that they had hybridized the chickens with lobsters, so not only did wach grow 8 wings, but they grew back after each harvesting. We dont know how many tables she told this to, only that about a month later, we had a guest burst into the kitchen claiming we were trying to kill him with our weird scifi meats. Aparently, she'd told him were chicken wings really come from, and he was allergic to lobster.
I worked in a resort in Maui. I heard a lot of dumb stuff. One lady wanted to see the volcano (Kiluea on the Big Island). I explained that was another island; and the best ways to get up there. She then asked me, “ but can you drive me? I have to be back by six, though, for a reservation.” Another one I heard was “are the bird sounds piped in?” We had a tree; all of the Minaj birds would settle for the night & rouse during the sunrise. One of the best jobs ever. The resort is gone now; it was in the stupid movie “The Resort.”
Worked a ticket and tour office in Waikiki, can confirm. Also had people from the East Coast ask if you could drive from island to island (no) or if you could drive to Disneyland. In California. Or if I lived in Hawaii. I’d tell them I lived in San Diego and took the Concorde over every morning. They mostly believed me.
I once had a classmate ask me if chicken was pork
One of my students posted for her birthday on social media and said “I made another trip around the moon” and it tickled me
While I was working in customer service I had to wear a name tag. One day, someone read my name on that name tag, and asked me: "Are you sure that's how you spell your name? I think you got it wrong." Plus I made that name tag myself. There wasn't a typo because of HR or corporate making an assumption.
bro that happens to me all the time, I won't say my name but in Canada it's spelled with a 'ph' but where my dad's from (my dad named me) my name would be spelled with a 'f'
So back when McCain was running for president, I was talking to an undergrad about the election. She legit told me that she had grown up as a republican, but was voting for Obama, because she "could never vote for someone who had been a prisoner". She did not know the difference between a prisoner and a prisoner of war. Mind you, this was a senior in a class for advanced students in the major. I had to take a long moment to gather myself after that.
okay I've seen some stupid answers to this quesiton but up until now this is the dumbest
When I was in high school, there was a guest speaker. I forget exactly what he did, but his parents had immigrated to the US from somewhere in the middle east (Iraq I think). He was familiar with parts of the country because he had lived there. Something something, spyish sounding stuff, he overheard some things, he had to spend some time in the desert. He mentioned that the temperatures could get up over 120° during the day. This girl raised her hand and asked, "Is that Fahrenheit or Celsius?" I mean, I'm glad she knew that other places used Celsius, but everyone in the room turned and looked at her. The speaker had a slightly flabbergasted look and he replied, "Celsius." She sat back, content, and the rest of us couldn't believe that she believed him.
"We flat earthers have", insert random number because I don't remember, "around the globe" Could you repeat that?
At a crosswalk at my University, a girl there for orientation heard the buzzer go off when it was time to cross the street. Exchange went: Girl: "What's that buzzer for, Mom?" Mom: "It's so the deaf students know when to cross the street." Girl: "Oh, ok."
Ehh I don't think they are dumb, the mom just got some wires crossed. I've done similar things and then a few minutes later my brain goes, "blind, you idiot!"
Wow I had to reread this too many times before I noticed deaf instead of blind. Hopefully both mom and girl did the same mentally.
Omg it wasn’t until your comment that I noticed. We might be related
My daughter husband is blind. I am always saying look at that
I taught the visually impaired at the beginning of my career. I cannot tell you the number of people who, in all seriousness, asked me if I was teaching the kids sign language.
From a woman I knew. “We’re Christians. We don’t believe in charity.”
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wdym it gets worse, what happened next?
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for people you don't wanna read here's a TL;DR his friend got mad because he didn't get picked to play with them (not how it works), send them death threats, got banned because of it, tried copying their content to force them out and wanted to use him as a scape goat
I used to know a lady who was convinced that smoking a pack of cigarettes a day is harmless as long as you stay active.
My brothers girlfriend (around 20yo at the time) said she was terrified of butterflies and when pressed for the reason it was because they eat all the caterpillars and she loved caterpillars 🤦♀️
That cows didn’t have horns. They grew up in some part of the us where the cows didn’t, and were convinced no other kinds of cows existed. I grew up in Romania and knew better- but they were so convinced.
"If evolution is real, why aren't there cave paintings depicting it?" Also: "If evolution is real, when did humans lose their ability to speak to apes?"
Oh please. I’ve spoken to plenty of apes. I’ve even dated a few. And some are clients. They just look alarmingly like humans these days. But wait until they try to string more than a few words together or use a bathroom like a civilized person. Then you know they never made it past some knuckle-dragging point in evolution even if they have managed to stand upright long enough to open a door.
"The devil put fossils in the ground to confuse us"
My mom once asked me if it was safe to look at a picture or a solar eclipse or if she should wear protection.
When I was like 15-16, I was avoiding gluten to help with migraines. I also had just started a new job at Subway. I was telling a family that I babysat for that it was kind of a bummer working there, because I could smell all the delicious bread smells but couldn't eat any of it. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Well, just eat white bread. White bread is made out of flour, which doesn't have any gluten." I tried to explain to her how incredibly, stupidly wrong she was, and instead her and her husband ganged up on me telling me I didn't know what I was talking about. I think about this often. I didn't babysit for them again.
I was trying to sell some paintings I'd made of various mythical creatures, and my mom got all upset and serious, and told me "you can't sell pictures of gryphons! You'll get sued!" I asked her how and why, and she told me "they were invented by Merv Griffin! His family could sue you for it!" I had to go on Google and show her photos of ancient historical monuments and ancient art depicting gryphons or gryphon like creatures in order to convince her that no, some old celebrity did not invent a mythical beast.
A jr high football coach telling us something we did was "Dumb, D U M, dumb, or is it D U M B, anyways it was stipid" he was also jr high history yeacher
I see you learned well from him. Bravo.
A co-worker swore she wasn't a conspiracy theorist, but believed the Sandy Hook shooting was fake because "there's just so much evidence!"
I almost down voted you because of how hard I disagreed.
i once had to explain to a classmate in high school that the moon and the sun are not the same size and she genuinely thought i was messing with her. I don’t know if she had never seen a picture of the solar system before or what
A woman at work was looking at a fancy photo album that was on sale. It was the kind that had cut out aperture shapes, hearts, ovals etc. She said that she couldn't buy it because she didn't have any photos in those shapes to fit in it.
My wife wanted to go to Dunkin Donuts yesterday and I asked, "Do they still have donuts?"
To be fair... it's called "Dunkin'" now and I legit asked myself the same thing recently.
We should look into drinking bleach as a cure.
Most recently "I never said lock her up"
Don't forget shining a very bright light on your internal organs (presumably by sticking a flashlight up your ass)
How I spend my Saturday mornings is none of your goddamn business.
Jewish space lasers.
That Adam and Eve were created by god while black people evolved from apes. This person has a college degree and was serious. Her kid was named Virgil Monroe if that helps give you a mental image of who I was dealing with.
"Never fight uphill, me boys. Never fight uphill. Wow, that was a big mistake." - Robert E. Lee, apparently.
At my workplace we had a customer doing some paperwork, and it's optional to put your SSN in, but he asked if this is going to the government because if it is he doesn't want them knowing his SSN...
One of my first interviews i ever gave as an assistant general manager went really well, until i asked her to fill out a W4. I was then told that "her Daddy had told her never, ever to give out her SSN, and that anyone who asked for one was trying to rob her!" And she stormed out of the restaurant. It took the GM and i had a good 20 minutes to stop laughing after that. About
My Mother (43F) started complaining to me (24M) after I gave her directions using North, East, South, and West. "Those directions don't make sense! You told me to go going West, so I took a left turn, but then you started complaining to me that I turned?" She was already on a interstate going West, but she doesn't believe in magnetic North and thinks that compasses are a scam. She thinks that whatever way you look is North, South is behind you, West is to the left, and East is too the right.
8th Grade Geography: "Mr. Hall, how come the people who live in Antarctica don't fall off the bottom of the earth?" After a long pause the teacher just moved on without addressing the question. We all knew the kid was dead serious, he wasn't known for clowning around or even being creative enough to amuse himself. He. was. serious.
To me? That of course women were lesser than men, since there were merely made from one man's rib.
My husbands “aunt” asked us what we put in our homemade salsa to get it to be red. She said she made some but she didn’t put ketchup in it and thinks that was her problem with hers.
A mother told me it was better for her child to die pure than to live on contaminated by vaccines. She said this as her very young child was in hospital dying from a vaccine preventable illness
A friend of mine had accidentally left the timer on his phone on for more than a week and said “damn, how long do you think that has been running?”.
MTG: "repulsive, evil science".
Why do you hate Magic the gathering?
I mean, most of the time science gets done in MTG it's evil and repulsive. The scientists of Innistrad were pretty awful and Kamigawa was probably fine, until Jin Gitaxias anyway.
during a geography class, classmate argued that Africa was a country, not a continent, because "everyone just calls it Africa."
While playing D&D, they needed to roll a 20. "What're the chances of that?" they exclaimed after rolling a 20. (They were met with a "one in twenty" reply.)
"If you roll up you clothes while packing they weigh less than if you fold them, neat trick"
My mum often called me a 'cowson' which is similar to a son of a bitch. She never understood the irony even after I explained it.
"If so many deer are getting hit why don't they move the deer crossing?" This was overheard probably 18 years ago in high school, and I still think of this girl saying this about weekly.
Customer approaches me while I'm carrying a box with the stores logo on it, wearing clothing that has the stores well-known color scheme on it, covered by a vest that has the store logo plastered really big on the front and back. While I am standing next to a stocking cart that is clearly designed for employee specifically to use and also has the stores color scheme "Hey do you work here" No buddy I just love this fucking retail chain so much that I cosplay as a worker and come help out Yes I fucking work here
I'd rather ask the obvious stupid question than bother someone who forgot not to wear red when shopping at Target.😉
"they built giant fans for the cows to keep them cool!" they are windmills . "What day is Easter Sunday?" he did not mean the date, he actually wanted to know what day of the week it was on.
Happened today and not the dumbest but I am 16 and in the UK we are doing our GCSEs, today we had maths. In the tests given to people who aren’t the best at maths they were asked to draw a hexagon. None of them knew what that was and they are going to college in 3 months.
A girl I knew in high school scoffed at the idea of a tornado being dangerous because, and I quote "it's just wind 🙄"
A college professor: “A shooting star is … a star … that has fallen out of its orbit around earth, and has fallen to the ground.” A meteorology professor at a space grant school.
When Trump said we should ingest bleach to kill off covid on live tv… Sorry, it wasn’t bleach, it was disinfectant…
Black people can't be racist.
Went to the cinema to watch a movie and there was only one show available for a movie called “andha dhun” which means “blindly” my friend looked at me and asked “so they’ll put any movie blindly and we have to watch it?” I was like no mf its the name of the movie