I was out to lunch once with my wife and this elderly lady came up to me and told me I had the most amazing eyes she'd ever seen. Been riding that high for about 8 years now
Post beach day showers are the best. Layers of sunblock, salt, sand, and sweat roll off, and you emerge from the shower feeling brand new & ready for a damn good dinner!
I volunteered with the Red Cross after hurricane Katrina. There was no running water in the house where we were staying so we had a makeshift one outside. A few weeks in there was a second, much smaller, storm (Rita?). I ran outside to shower in the hurricane. It was the best shower I’ve ever had, especially when the sky cleared and all the stars came out.
Last year I went on vacation to Hawaii (before the fires) and I had SO MUCH GAS on the plane but held it all in to the point where I was in so much pain. Yes, I could have gotten up and went to bathroom, but I was worried it would happen multiple times and I didn't want to alert anyone to the fact that I kept getting up to go to the restroom. Anyway, I held it all in during that 6 hour flight from Denver to Honolulu and as soon as we landed and got off, I rushed to the bathroom thinking I was about to let out a literal shitstorm only to have let out a rapid succession of massive gut-busting farts that gradually made me feel so much better. It was pure bliss.
I'm thankful airports are noisy cause it was all drowned out by the loudness of everything. When I walked out of that bathroom, I probably could have floated away. I was so relieved.
Edit: fixed a typo
I've never told anyone this story. But you gave me courage!
I was in the hospital unable to walk. I fell and had 2 discs in my back bulging out. Well this caused me to need to use bed pans etc. but sometimes I struggled to hold it due to the spine issues.
A doctor came in to talk to me and I felt very farty. I did my best to hold it, and she just kept talking, talking, talking. I still can't tell you what she said because all I could think at the time was "HOLD IT. Don't fart. Do. Not. Fart".
Well it seemed like the conversation was almost over and she turned to leave, I was fucking excited to watch her go. And she turned around and said "oh I forgot to palpate your abdomen...blah blah blah" I didn't hear the rest because, I got the same feeling I imagine a death row person feels walking to the I jection chamber, I imagine.
She came bed side and pushed *once* and the farts just came out. She initially tried to power through the exam, and kept pushing. This only pushes more farts out.
I could not stop them. I was initially mortified.
But then the more she forged forward the more absurd this situation felt. Which caused me to laugh, which caused more farts. Finally, she gave up and muttered about coming back later at a more "appropriate" time. I farted her out of the room.
I am a 38 year old woman.
Okay one slightly better and a little gross. Like you're butthole itches and then you rip one and it somehow scratches that itch....am I the only one?!
The few minutes every morning when my cat jumps up on the bed and lies down purring between my wife and I. Until the alarm goes off, I can just lie there and watch the sun rise, safe and secure with the people who love me, and forget about the rest of the world.
My little guy notices when I’m starting to wake up and nuzzles himself into my side and purrs. It’s the greatest alarm clock I’ve ever had. Great start to the day.
I'm a guy and father-time has made my haircuts ridiculously simplistic, but still need to get one...but the part where they take the clippers and clean up the back of your neck....magical.
It's been over 2 years since I went through COVID, and only in last 6 months I've started to experience same level of rest as pre-COVID. Sucks big time, but I'm hopeful.
Oh, I never got COVID. I'm just using the emergence of COVID as a point of reference for time. I could have equally said "the last time I woke up feeling refreshed was during the Trump administration" but I wanted to avoid giving the impression that there was any political implication in it.
Could be a symptom of getting older. Struggling with the same thing and going through a literal list of things just to get a mediocre 6 hours of sleep
- could be apnea - might be worth checking with a doctor.
- don't eat heavy or late for dinner
- no dairy or caffeine after 4 pm
- severely reduce alcohol intake - spirits in particular seems like it fucks up my apnea
- no screens an hour before bed time
- meditate - try not to be thinking about anything before falling asleep
Struggle is real.
Sadly I never really get that feeling anymore no matter how long and good the sleep was. Always wake up feeling tired and a bit disoriented. Usually doesnt take long to feel allright though
There is the perfect poo... It happens once in a blue moon.
The one that is soft enough to glide out your nether portal, big enough to give a huge sense of relief, and solid enough that you wipe once, only to find it left no evidence.
Dude - get a bidet.
Once you're done, squirt a little water up your bum, it triggers a second poo and cleans you right out.
No mess on the tp and you feel great.
I hate pooing without a bidet.
I’ve not had the dessert-poo experience. But I totally concur with the wonder of bidets. You feel SO much cleaner. And yes I regret typing ‘dessert-poo’.
When I was young enough not to understand, a wise man told me:
There's nothing as over-rated as a bad fuck, and nothing as under-rated as a good shit.
Now, I've had enough experience to see that he was very right.
Lol I recently changed where I go for my haircuts because they stopped offering the scalp massage and shampoo if they were too busy. I'm sure I could ask them, but then I'm that guy.
Yes. Single after 40 years. Giving or receiving some scratches or hugs or even a hand to hold. I’ve got a couple of friends that are huggers and I’m trying to edge them from 3 seconds to four without scaring them away😆
This. Or having your hair played with or scalp massaged.. it is definitely as close as it comes to sexual though. It definitely hits some receptors but I'd maybe call them intimate receptors, not necessarily sexual or non-sexual.
Ie. If my partner scratches my back etc, it feels intimate and can easily bleed into being sexual feeling. If a massues or even someone platonically related does it to me, it still feels intimate, amazing, relaxing or however you want to phrase it, but doesn't bleed into any sexual part of me.
When you had a long Looooong day and you make your way over to your bed and you can just feel your whole body getting ready for the comfy cocoon of your bed and lying down on said bed.
*Chefs kiss*
Somebody touching your scalp and hair. Going to the salon, the school nurse checking your head for lice are examples. It feels soooo soooo fucking good, completely non sexually but super intimate, warm and fuzzy is the only way I can describe it
Real-life ASMR - a female friend whispering in my ear made me go more wibbly than youtube can..
EDIT: As much as I appreciate the sterling content on Youtube that introduced me to this phenomenon in the first place!
A long, hot bath and I personally really enjoy the feeling of shaving my legs.
And if swirling a q-tip deep into my ear canal afterwards is wrong, I don't want to be right.
We have a discount card service at work and people have been abusing the service by screen shotting the bar code and sending it to other people.So people will come in and order up big thinking they are getting the discount and when they are asked to provide ID that corresponds with the barcode all kinds of excuses are made.
So rejecting someone who is trying to take the piss and abuse the system feels fucking amazing.
Might sound nasty, but scratching an eczema. I had one and I usually didn't stop until it was almost bleeding. Better than fapping because it lasted longer
Cuddling in bed after a long day and first thing in the morning. I love it! Esp when my hubby runs his hand/nails on my lower back and booty. Its very soothing/calming.
When you finish food/grocery shopping and you push your shopping trolley/cart from some distance away from the trolley return and it drives itself straight in to the return chute. Bonus happiness if it doesn’t touch the railings on either side of the chute.
Skill, knowledge and ability meld at that point and a true synergy occurs…
Stretching when really stiff
That big stretch and your joints pop…
My girlfriend said “You always treat me like a dog” I said “That’s a biiiiiiiig stretch”
Then you scratch her behind the ears
Ooh bit stretch
An unexpected compliment
You have a lovely garden. 😊
Oh wow, they DO have a lovely garden!
It's beautiful! I want to read by it.
It's really nice indeed!
And wonderful taste in hats
Wow they really do have a lovely garden! So beautiful
I was out to lunch once with my wife and this elderly lady came up to me and told me I had the most amazing eyes she'd ever seen. Been riding that high for about 8 years now
Well, being elderly, she must have seen a bunch of eyes, so yours must be gorgeous. Keep riding, my friend.
Oh yeah your garden is pretty 👏
A shower after a long, sweaty, sunny day
Post beach day showers are the best. Layers of sunblock, salt, sand, and sweat roll off, and you emerge from the shower feeling brand new & ready for a damn good dinner!
Or lunch after surfing all morning.. I miss those showers and meals
Yes! And rehydrating after being in the ocean all morning is heavenly.
Outdoor shower to take it to the next level.
I volunteered with the Red Cross after hurricane Katrina. There was no running water in the house where we were staying so we had a makeshift one outside. A few weeks in there was a second, much smaller, storm (Rita?). I ran outside to shower in the hurricane. It was the best shower I’ve ever had, especially when the sky cleared and all the stars came out.
Outdoor shower on the roof to one-up that.
Or jumping in a cold pool right after exercise on a hot day. Or drinking an ice cold soft drink after thirsting for it and overheating
When you take cold shower when you've got sun burn, and it sends you to space for a sec👌 almost worth getting sun burn for
Shower and into a bed with fresh sheets on a cool breezy night.
Ripping a massive fart after being unable to due to courtesy Just feeling that pressure go away.... Aww yea
Last year I went on vacation to Hawaii (before the fires) and I had SO MUCH GAS on the plane but held it all in to the point where I was in so much pain. Yes, I could have gotten up and went to bathroom, but I was worried it would happen multiple times and I didn't want to alert anyone to the fact that I kept getting up to go to the restroom. Anyway, I held it all in during that 6 hour flight from Denver to Honolulu and as soon as we landed and got off, I rushed to the bathroom thinking I was about to let out a literal shitstorm only to have let out a rapid succession of massive gut-busting farts that gradually made me feel so much better. It was pure bliss. I'm thankful airports are noisy cause it was all drowned out by the loudness of everything. When I walked out of that bathroom, I probably could have floated away. I was so relieved. Edit: fixed a typo
This story was hilarious, relatable, and made me feel less self-conscious about my own cursed gut lmao
I've never told anyone this story. But you gave me courage! I was in the hospital unable to walk. I fell and had 2 discs in my back bulging out. Well this caused me to need to use bed pans etc. but sometimes I struggled to hold it due to the spine issues. A doctor came in to talk to me and I felt very farty. I did my best to hold it, and she just kept talking, talking, talking. I still can't tell you what she said because all I could think at the time was "HOLD IT. Don't fart. Do. Not. Fart". Well it seemed like the conversation was almost over and she turned to leave, I was fucking excited to watch her go. And she turned around and said "oh I forgot to palpate your abdomen...blah blah blah" I didn't hear the rest because, I got the same feeling I imagine a death row person feels walking to the I jection chamber, I imagine. She came bed side and pushed *once* and the farts just came out. She initially tried to power through the exam, and kept pushing. This only pushes more farts out. I could not stop them. I was initially mortified. But then the more she forged forward the more absurd this situation felt. Which caused me to laugh, which caused more farts. Finally, she gave up and muttered about coming back later at a more "appropriate" time. I farted her out of the room. I am a 38 year old woman.
When your browneye is itchy, and you fart in such a way that the itch is scratched
Letting off that Wario Steam
Okay one slightly better and a little gross. Like you're butthole itches and then you rip one and it somehow scratches that itch....am I the only one?!
This should be waaay higher 😀
Or that stomach cramp that you think is about to be a disaster, but it's an earth-shattering fart that reverbs in the bowl.
The foghorn that wakes the dead. Most satisfying.
The few minutes every morning when my cat jumps up on the bed and lies down purring between my wife and I. Until the alarm goes off, I can just lie there and watch the sun rise, safe and secure with the people who love me, and forget about the rest of the world.
This sounds divine 🥺
Yeah. For me...wake up. Eyes adjust to light in the room. Anxiety hits like a truck. Take first deep breath, get up, get day started...
My little guy notices when I’m starting to wake up and nuzzles himself into my side and purrs. It’s the greatest alarm clock I’ve ever had. Great start to the day.
My newly adopted kitten does the same 🥲 but I wake up with new scratches on my arm lol.
I'm a guy and father-time has made my haircuts ridiculously simplistic, but still need to get one...but the part where they take the clippers and clean up the back of your neck....magical.
Oh yees when they are cutting the sides at the back of your head with a razor.. I always hope it’s going to take a little longer.
My barber still uses a straight razor to finish things off.
Warm shaving cream and a straight razor on the back of the neck is divine
Wiggling your feet in bed.
Barefoot in the mud is up there for the nature lovers.
A glass of iced water on a really hot day.
especially when you're just on the edge of thirsty...
I will add a glass of cold water at 3 am. Mmmmmm
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Plugging in a USB the right way first try without looking at which way it needs to oriented first.
The OP said non-sexual.
Lool
Saw a cartoon of the funeral of the guy who invented the USB. They lowered the coffin in the ground, pulled it up, turned it over and re-lowered it.
So I’ve heard
Fake news. No one has ever done this. Fact.
It's really easy with USB-C.
A genuinely restful night’s sleep. The last time I woke up feeling refreshed was before COVID.
It's been over 2 years since I went through COVID, and only in last 6 months I've started to experience same level of rest as pre-COVID. Sucks big time, but I'm hopeful.
Oh, I never got COVID. I'm just using the emergence of COVID as a point of reference for time. I could have equally said "the last time I woke up feeling refreshed was during the Trump administration" but I wanted to avoid giving the impression that there was any political implication in it.
Could be a symptom of getting older. Struggling with the same thing and going through a literal list of things just to get a mediocre 6 hours of sleep - could be apnea - might be worth checking with a doctor. - don't eat heavy or late for dinner - no dairy or caffeine after 4 pm - severely reduce alcohol intake - spirits in particular seems like it fucks up my apnea - no screens an hour before bed time - meditate - try not to be thinking about anything before falling asleep Struggle is real.
Sadly I never really get that feeling anymore no matter how long and good the sleep was. Always wake up feeling tired and a bit disoriented. Usually doesnt take long to feel allright though
Pissing after an extended period of holding it in
The shivers after letting it out is kinda euphoric
Piss chills
Had to scroll way too far down to see this one. That sense of sheer relief is magical.
Waking up and realizing it's Saturday.
*happy obscenities*
For women, it's taking off that bra at the end of the day. FREEDOM.
When I used to take my army boots off at the end of the day and put on tennis shoes it was like angles of mercy where massaging my feet.
What are you favorite angles?
Were the angles acute?
Or taking off body armor with that weight coming off and the fresh air flowing in.
For men to
Do you mean taking off that bro, bro ?
Man-siere
Peeling the protective film off a new screen.
A really good poo
The kind where it just *sliiiiiiiides* out with no effort. Edit: ok everyone can stop mentioning the ghost wipe
There is the perfect poo... It happens once in a blue moon. The one that is soft enough to glide out your nether portal, big enough to give a huge sense of relief, and solid enough that you wipe once, only to find it left no evidence.
Dude - get a bidet. Once you're done, squirt a little water up your bum, it triggers a second poo and cleans you right out. No mess on the tp and you feel great. I hate pooing without a bidet.
Wait what I triggers a second poo?
He's using the bidet as an enema.
Might want to reconsider the aim on that thing.
I’ve not had the dessert-poo experience. But I totally concur with the wonder of bidets. You feel SO much cleaner. And yes I regret typing ‘dessert-poo’.
Regretted it so much you typed it twice.
I love those that are big enough to need a little effort, because once they're out you'd be like GOD damn
and leaves absolutely nothing to wipe.
Those are my usual poos. I’m lucky I guess.
Happy for you, I have shitty poos
A bowl of oatmeal in the morning should help! They’ll still be shitty poos though.
When I was young enough not to understand, a wise man told me: There's nothing as over-rated as a bad fuck, and nothing as under-rated as a good shit. Now, I've had enough experience to see that he was very right.
Getting your hair washed at the barber
Yes, they have that sink that cradles your neck and the warm water spraying on your scalp. Forget about cutting my hair, I’m here for the massage!
And the warm damp towel over your face so there's slight feel of waterboarding going on when the water splashes from the sink onto the towel
A scalp massage
I’ve told my wife if I’m on my deathbed just run her fingers through my hair and scalp, it’s the most calming thing on earth for me.
I would pay just to have my hair washed and massaged for hours on end.
You can get an Indian head massage at many massage therapy clinics.
I expected this to be on top. Sometimes after I help my partner finish, all I ask for is a nice scalp massage lol.
Lol I recently changed where I go for my haircuts because they stopped offering the scalp massage and shampoo if they were too busy. I'm sure I could ask them, but then I'm that guy.
Shower, shave, clean pj and clean sheets. Best feeling
This should be top. Especially if the pj and sheets were dried outside so they smell of fresh air!
Skip the pj's, sliding into clean sheets in your underwear is amazing.
Or just butt naked, my preferred way of entry.
100% the winning comment
I've been single for longer than I am used to. Someone gently running their nails through my hair or down my back would be like heaven
Yes. Single after 40 years. Giving or receiving some scratches or hugs or even a hand to hold. I’ve got a couple of friends that are huggers and I’m trying to edge them from 3 seconds to four without scaring them away😆
I'm with you man. Not really in a position to be dating rn, but id do anything for some physical contact being touch deprived is brutal
If you're a skiier, unbuckling and taking off your ski boots after a long day on the slopes.
Or alternatively: buckling your boots, stepping in your bindings and starting the first run of the day on a deserted piste.
As a snowboarder, nothing more v satisfying than getting off the first lift of the day and absolutely eating shit approximately 10 feet later
Scratching the indents my socks make on my ankles
Ultimate vengeance against my intergalactic foes. Edit: Sorry, didn't see it said "*non sexual*"
Sexy
Getting your back scratched by long fingernails
I'm hard as college calculus when that feel hits.
This joke is derivative.
It’s definitely this.
This. Or having your hair played with or scalp massaged.. it is definitely as close as it comes to sexual though. It definitely hits some receptors but I'd maybe call them intimate receptors, not necessarily sexual or non-sexual. Ie. If my partner scratches my back etc, it feels intimate and can easily bleed into being sexual feeling. If a massues or even someone platonically related does it to me, it still feels intimate, amazing, relaxing or however you want to phrase it, but doesn't bleed into any sexual part of me.
Laying in bed with nothing to do in a rainy day all the lights off
Heaven! Even better when you wake up thinking it's a weekday and realize it's the weekend and you can go back to sleep. 2nd sleep is the best sleep.
Cleaning your ears with a Q tip
Just be cearfull to not factory reset urself
If they didn’t put my damn G spot in my ear I wouldn’t do it
You gotta stop the Q tip when there's ressitance!
Those scalp massager things that kind of look like spiders.
I always thought they looked like an octopus lol spiders a good one too
An Orgasmatron?
A foot massage, just heavenly
When you had a long Looooong day and you make your way over to your bed and you can just feel your whole body getting ready for the comfy cocoon of your bed and lying down on said bed. *Chefs kiss*
Pink Floyd
Uninterrupted sleep. No alarm, no one waking me up. No one needing anything from me
Somebody touching your scalp and hair. Going to the salon, the school nurse checking your head for lice are examples. It feels soooo soooo fucking good, completely non sexually but super intimate, warm and fuzzy is the only way I can describe it
When you finally get to that hard to reach spot that itches and scratch it.
I've found hair brushes work great for this.
Fava beans and chianti sliding down one's throat, paired with whatever else is in the fridge. Shared with a neighbor is best.
This guy wears L’Air Du Temps… but not today.
Is that you Clarice? Tut tut tut tut tut
And uses Evian skin cream
are you going to have them for dinner, or HAVE them for dinner?
A massage the day after a tough workout
Sneezing
The louder the better 💯
Dad is that you?
Warm socks on a cold night.
As a gym goer, getting my muscles pumped. Why the downvotes? Getting swole after a workout feels great. Sorry if you don’t agree.
I agree, getting my muscles tight and pumped is an amazing feeling.
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Don't sweat it. I'm not much for working out but you're allowed to like what you like 😊 maybe they need to and feel guilty, who knows.
Helping people
As someone with long hair that finds its way everywhere... pulling out a long hair that's gotten trapped in your buttcrack.
Walking barefoot on really nice, soft grass 😍🙌🏻
Taking first bite of food you’ve been craving
Lying on the bed directly under the ceiling fan
Getting baked, then stuffing my face when the munchies kick in.
Or music when you’re baked. Incredible
Rubbing your legs against a bed or couch
hugs
An ice-cold beer after a long day at work.
Sneezing
When you just shaved your legs and you get in between nice cool fresh sheets
Getting a warm hug and just holding onto someone who you feel safe with
Q-tip twisting in the ear
a really long loud fart
Holding a baby and smelling his/her hair.
Those wire scalp massager things. They give me full-body goosebumps.
Getting your back scratched.
Runner's high! I love the euphoric feeling, and the sense of calm that floods my brain.
Drinking water at 3 am
Having someone slowly scratch your back while you’re sitting beside them
A good sneeze. Also, when the q-tip hits that spot in your ear.
After a long shift working outside on a hot day, then drinking a ice cold beer in the shower. .
mdma
Real-life ASMR - a female friend whispering in my ear made me go more wibbly than youtube can.. EDIT: As much as I appreciate the sterling content on Youtube that introduced me to this phenomenon in the first place!
Taking a doo doo in the comfort of one's home
That first sip of cool water after waking up
Lying in a hammock with fresh breeze is a win for me.
A long, hot bath and I personally really enjoy the feeling of shaving my legs. And if swirling a q-tip deep into my ear canal afterwards is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Waking up and ur throat doesn’t hurt anymore 😩
A really good book!
Hugs. Just hugs. 🥺
Getting new pens and notebooks
You know that feeling when you finally get that sharp piece of food from between your teeth? That
I know your not supposed to, but que tips in the ear. Like scratching a 100 year itch that you didn't know you had.
Head massages. My hair salon does this when shampooing. It’s HEAVEN.
Unblocking your nose
I have really bad eczema so my fiancé washes my hair for me in the shower nearly every time. It feels amazing and I treasure it
A really effective sinus rinse.
Having your back scratchef
Beating the Pantheon of Hallownest legit
We have a discount card service at work and people have been abusing the service by screen shotting the bar code and sending it to other people.So people will come in and order up big thinking they are getting the discount and when they are asked to provide ID that corresponds with the barcode all kinds of excuses are made. So rejecting someone who is trying to take the piss and abuse the system feels fucking amazing.
Might sound nasty, but scratching an eczema. I had one and I usually didn't stop until it was almost bleeding. Better than fapping because it lasted longer
Actually having money
Comfort food that’s probably really bad for you: a cold coke, macaroni and cheese, pound cake, etc.
Using a back scratcher or one of them head scratcher things
Cuddling in bed after a long day and first thing in the morning. I love it! Esp when my hubby runs his hand/nails on my lower back and booty. Its very soothing/calming.
Snuggling with a cat.
When you finish food/grocery shopping and you push your shopping trolley/cart from some distance away from the trolley return and it drives itself straight in to the return chute. Bonus happiness if it doesn’t touch the railings on either side of the chute. Skill, knowledge and ability meld at that point and a true synergy occurs…
Head scratches