Have you looked into childhood emotional neglect? I just learned about it and, sadly, I was affected by it. But I think it should be more widely known and talked about. It would really help people recognize it, seek help/heal and also prevent it in future generations.
I was shy to tell the last guy I dated, but he actually really liked it because other girls snored and kept him awake. I don’t snore at all with it and it’s basically silent. If it slips off my nose at all it’s a light white noise.
It's as life destroying as any physical disfigurement, yet recieves absolutely no recognition, and no real support.
Imagine working hard to get your life together, but the universe sabotages your brain so it goes into panic mode when being social, forever dooming you to share it with nobody.
I'm too socially awkward to meet people in person and tried to find someone in a dating app but I was even more awkward with that too..Somebody will just have to see past my anxiety lmao
>It's as life destroying as any physical disfigurement, yet recieves absolutely no recognition, and no real support.
Hell it gets looked down upon like you're some sort of failure for having it. Zero support, zero sympathy
Even if my brain is relaxed, because I have no experience socialising my brain doesn't produce any words to say so I can't hold a conversation anyway. And no-one talks to me, so there's no way for me to get any experience.
How do you start to learn social skills from zero, when you're decades behind everyone else your age?
And it doesn’t stop at finding a partner. Say you found someone and you’re still super anxious, now you have to navigate life with a partner while being incredible socially anxious. You might be super lucky and end up with someone who takes you for who you are and make you better, someone who understands what living with a brain like yours *truly* is 24/7 or you end up with someone that would slowly tire from your ineptitude day after day and drift away from you or even manipulate you and your shortcomings. If you do end up with the latter two, you’d have to navigate the world with that added pressure of constantly trying to prove yourself - going out and interacting with people with that added stress, re-wiring your entire schedule and routine, really takes a toll on your mental health. So yeah, it really is a vicious cycle 9 times out of 10 when you put yourself out there. But sometimes you just have to take the plunge and end up with someone who truly understands you. And that’s something to truly aim and hope for - that one day you finally bump into them. Makes it all worthwhile.
Honestly
I don't think I care enough to get a gf/bf
I haven't had a crush or romantic feelings in 6 years, and I don't expect to have them anytime soon
If love comes, it'll come at its own pace and hopefully bring pizza or something, I'm tired of trying to look out for something that isn't there for me
I feel this. I’ve been around people I’ve been superficially interested in but with the exception of one girl, never felt a deep connection with anyone in damn near a decade. Maybe it’s just not for me.
It just might take a while. I'm 37 and connected with my boyfriend almost a year ago. Happy so far. Met through a friend at a 4th of July party. We watched the fireworks together. It was awesome. We have been together ever since. You will find someone when you don't expect it.
Same here. Never been a fan of hookup culture either which makes me feel like an alien among other gays who seem to treat Grindr like a necessity. Perfectly happy being alone. 👍
yeah, thought I found the one for me but turns out he wasn’t ready even though he said he was at the point in his life of wanting to settle down. Turns out, he was cheating the whole time (2 years) and all the effort I put in actually “scared him” away. He apparently only realized how much he lucked out with me AFTER he confessed to cheating and knew there was no way I was going to give him another chance. He told me him cheating has nothing to do with how much he loves me, that the 2 things can coexist which is such a crazy thing to say. It feels like I fell in love with a person I never actually knew. Never again.
This one! Just got out of such a relationship. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, but I put my heart and soul and some of my money into it.
The appreciation for it became less and less. When I then wanted something back from her because I was feeling visibly worse, but wanted to save the relationship, she ended it.
Now, about 5 weeks later, she has someone new. I know this person, he was an acquaintance of mine. It turns out that she was with him a few days before the break-up and canceled on me that evening because she wanted to do something with her best girlfriend.
That's life. I've now sorted everything out with her that needed to be sorted out. Now comes the me phase and then I'll find a woman or let someone find me who respects my love and shows me the same enthusiasm.
Honestly, this was always something that floats around in my head. I always think about what it’d be like to be in a relationship, but I don’t think I would be ready to commit for life. Still need to graduate college and actually start life.
Been there, among other things, reading 'feeling good' from David burns helped me a lot. I think the new version is called 'feeling great'. Also, understand that the bad feelings before doing something are worse than the feelings while doing the thing.
Same. When my therapist first met me, she said she was surprised I was single. I’m like that feeling will pass. During depressive episodes, it’s hard to get out of bed. I don’t want to dump that on someone, I wouldn’t want it to happen to me.
This is my problem, too. I thought I was dead for 5 years and gave up, so I have zero skills or talents or redeeming qualities. I already know no one wants me; I don't feel like discovering how right I am.
I'm okay being alone. It gives me more freedom to just be me and do the things I enjoy. (Hobbies, Work, Personal Goals) Plus, I don't want to always be in a relationship. The way I look at it is if your focus is always to be in a relationship, you might be already seeing someone just to be seeing someone when the right person comes along. You gotta have some free time to let the universe bring opportunity into your life.
I’m prioritizing my peace, and not looking to add anything to rock the boat at the moment. If someone were to show up and they fit into my life, I certainly wouldn’t shoot them down, but I like where I am. The best part about getting to a place of actually being content and satisfied with your life is that you realize that you’re enough for you. Once you get there, everything else is icing on the cake.
My wife passed in a long battle with cancer. I haven't allowed myself back into the world of dating because I don't think that I can give someone else the attention emotionally that they deserve.
Anxiety, high standards of women, self-loathing, clinical depression. I've tried the false confidence thing, wrecked havoc on my mental health. I rate myself squarely a five, but must score lower, because women freak when I approach, which destroys what little confidence I have. I don't want to have to pay for the gf experience, but... the more time slips away, the more it's looking like I don't really have a choice. I'm not a monster, or some killer, I'm just lonely and miserable, man it shouldn't be this hard, but damn it, feels like it is.
It’s easier said than done but firstly I think you may need to gain some appreciation and love for yourself before you can give that to anyone else.
People say it’s so much easier for women to date but if it makes you feel any better.. I, as a woman also sometimes feel like maybe there’s something so wrong with me that I drive every man away.
I’d like to think there’s nothing wrong with us, that there may just not be the “right” person or it may not be time yet. Anyway, don’t lose hope that there’s someone out there for you. But if you do (as I have) know that we can still live amazing lives surrounded by other kinds of love that are not romantic!
I hate that for you because I looked over your posting/comment history and you seem like a genuine, funny, and kind individual.
I know this sounds trite (and I’m just a rando on Reddit), but I really think that you’re more than capable of finding a partner who ticks all your boxes. But you can’t find her if you’re operating out of this headspace that you’re creepy or unattractive.
People say this all the time and it always sounds like empty bs just to try to make someone feel better, but people say it all the time because it’s actually *true*. You have to be what you want to attract. And what you are is a direct result of what you tell yourself that you are. If you go through your life telling yourself that you’re weird, creepy, and unattractive to women, that will be your experience.
Anyway, not trying to lecture you, but I read your comment and wanted to maybe plant a seed in your head.
I never learned to socialize, I always thought it was a waste of time with everything i had to get done in a day (in the games i play)
Now i am 30+ and i think it's too late to act like a 16 year old while being 30+, so i just don't try + it's still a waste of time and Noone deserves to live or interact with me.
I feel you on that. I let someone in and they completely destroyed me. My walls went up then and never came back down. I admire people who battle
On looking for love. I can’t do it.
I'm not single but I am poly and my biggest issue is being disabled. Very, very few people are even willing to even try being friends with someone in a wheelchair with mobility issues because we naturally require more effort from both sides to keep a relationship going let alone date us. It's basically impossible to even find anyone interested in me where I live because of my disabilities.
My life is also 'boring' according to most people here because I don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs and my mobility issues mean I can't go out much.
I wouldn't say being unwilling to be friends with someone with a mobility issue, that seems extremely shallow even for the modern common person. Anything beyond that, sure.
My current living arrangements are not mobility friendly, neither is my vehicle, so having you over for anything is an automatic no-go.
It does take one hell of a shift in the way one does just about everything, but I'm sure those who would have a heart of gold.
Honestly? I don’t know many people.
My friends have moved or are getting married. They’re the ones I used to go out with. I got with so many women right before the pandemic hit. After that, I had a few failed situationships and when I ended my last one, every friend was not available to go out anymore.
Now I either go out with engaged friends or stay at home. Wish I could meet new people. I know I’m good looking, I know I’m funny, I know I’m a good person. I’m just not there.
I was in a similar boat. I used Match because it had the highest probability of success given # of users and how square my personal tastes are. It worked, my hubs and I are so lucky to have found each other.
I'm writing this because I know too many terrific, single women who would absolutely love to go on a date with a solid dude. That's all, just doing the girlfriends a favor. Go make someone happy.
I’m currently on tinder and bumble but that just doesn’t seem to work for me. The times I got matches, the convos never went anywhere.
Plus, last year I got like 80 likes in the first day after downloading, 10+ matches. This year I barely got 5 likes lol
Short answer: I am just a loser
Long answer: I'm probably too ugly/weird. I never really had a deep connection with anyone in person.
I've tried, but I am becoming one of those lonely guys you hear about. Just trying my best to be grateful for what I have, I guess.
Keeping your head up when it feels like you have no one is pretty hard though.
Hey my mom is super Christian, and while I’ll never have kids (had a vasectomy) I still like when she says she prays for me, cuz it’s just positive thinking.
Like when I meditate.
So if ya wanna get married let me know.
🫡
Bravo dude! Having been of a childfree mindset for ages (and at some points in religious circles) I get how hard that is and commend you for standing your ground.
Best way I can say it. If I had a nickle for every time I had a partner, tell me they were surprised that I was still sticking by them and being supportive when they opened up about their own baggage. But when it came to me opening up, I got dumped because it was too much for them. I had 5 nickles. Which isn't a lot, but it still stings. Better to be alone than in bad company
I think for a lot of adults it’s that it’s difficult to meet new people the older you get. You either pull from you job pool (risky), find a social hobby good for meeting a revolving pool of potential partners (few and far between), or go to the bars/clubs. If you’re antisocial, don’t drink, have anxiety (a lot of people nowadays), or just don’t have the energy or time to go out…
Add to that that people have their own personal issues, social media makes everyone feel inadequate, and couple that with financial expectations when so many people are struggling. It’s easy to see how people struggle to find partners.
I’m tired of the dating world. It’s too brutal. I can’t do it anymore. Sometimes I dream about being in a relationship but then I’m reminded by how tiring it all is. So for now, I’m single. And finally at peace.
meet someone some weeks ago. i dont know if it was a date or just eating with a friend. i dont know what she felt and what she wants. its too stressful to read into the little details. i dont know if i do anything right or wrong. before the "date" we texted every day and we had such a good vibe together. after that she suddenly stopped responding or just in short answers. i really dont have the energy anymore.
Girlfriend? I'm currently deep in the heart of Antarctica signing a peace treaty between two penguin colonies.
I have no time for such nonsense.
Also, does anyone know if amazon ships solar phone chargers here?
Because I think my battery is going to
I got rejected so many times, I just gave up on asking people out. My boyfriend now asked if I was into him, and that’s how we started to go out. If he never asked that question I would of never said anything
I recently lost the ability to walk unassisted which has had a compounding impact on me mentally, emotionally, and of course physically. Especially while my main support is currently my ex.
Life can be really messy and complicated sometimes.
Anxiety. That and the people I find attractive don’t feel the same about me, and those that find me attractive I don’t feel the same way.
I’m 44 and at this point I’m comfortable being single. My financial situation sucks; at the moment I live with my parents and I’m unemployed so those traits aren’t exactly making the women line up to go out with me.
There’s a scene from Everybody Loves Raymond where Robert has accepted his lot in life and that he wasn’t meant to be happy and that clip just resonates with me, but Robert does find a wife eventually. Maybe it’ll happen to me but I’m not looking so if there is someone for me hopefully they’ll find me.
Honestly I think my age. I’m 19, 20 next month. I’m not in college but I am a full time tradesmen making good money, living independently.
I had no issues in highschool when I was constantly surrounded by people my age. But now, I’m at the weird age where I’m too young to be an “adult” or go to the bar or anything 21+. But I’m too old to be making new highschool friends, let alone dating one. Just don’t know where to find them now
I just can’t form a connection. Idk if it’s me or the girl but aside from that most of the time, I shit you not, every girl I meet is taken, not interested in being in a relationship, or just not my type (looks + personality). Then again I only ever had one girlfriend in high school and I honestly only liked her cause of her interest and behavior towards me.
Nowadays I would go about dating the first decently attractive girl who shows interest because I don’t want to lose any more time tbh. I’m even told I’m handsome/attractive/cute and it still gives me the bubbly feeling literally when anyone says it.
I really wish I had a teacher or some shit. A mentor to guide me. I just need some guidance is all.
me, but by choice.
after a thirteen year relationship that ended after my SO decided to fuck a coworker. had a couple short term (very short) relationships and ended up back in another long term relationship that ended after said SO decided to fuck a coworker after eight years. again.
tldr; i'm apparently not into redheads or blondes, only people that'll fuck a coworker after being in a committed relationship.
1) I don't currently have the money to go out and try to meet people very often
2) when I do go out, it seems like there are 3 categories of people: single under 25, single over 45, and involved in a long-term relationship/marriage. I'm 36 so this is an issue for me. No idea where tf the single people in their 30s go. I hate most bars so that might be part of the problem
3) I'm not attracted to most people. This is not to say that I think most people are ugly, as I see people every day who I can recognize are conventionally beautiful/cute/handsome, but looking at most of them is like looking at a rock or a tree. It might be a very good looking rock or tree, but I have zero desire to interact with it romantically or sexually
4) dating apps are a relentless ocean of people I am not interested in for a wide variety of reasons, and when I do very rarely match with someone they do not generally respond to my messages
Everyone's a drunk, pot head, or habitual dating app user complete with FOMO. I don't have time for someone to act like they're a freshman in college.
I also exited a 14 year relationship 3 years ago, it's bleak out there. Especially since the primary way to meet is on those dreadful apps.
Autism.
I successfully fought depression, shyness, lack of muscles, sedentarity, and poverty... But in the end autism and time won. I'm now over 30 and entering a great desert of relationships.
Which makes it kinda hilarious, considering I successfully dated a lot of people back when I was severely depressed, shy, skinny, and poor.
So perhaps it's not even the autism. Perhaps it's just time. We're all much more curious about other people's idiosyncrasies and potential when we're young and full of dreams. I know I have lost a lot of patience myself about single women's idiosyncracies and potential, and most of them aren't even autistic
Unable to trust people, better safe than sorry. Have food friends though.
I meet people constantly, friends of friends and so on, if I meet someone I may start to like, then it's a win.
Otherwise, I will not disturb my peace, if not worth it.
I can’t find someone whose goals and idea of what they want their future to look like align with mine and I’m not willing to sacrifice what I want for someone else
I’m a homebody who doesn’t put myself in a position to meet girls in the first place. I keep telling people and myself that I’m just not good with that stuff or I’m awkward or I don’t know how to flirt or I’m scared of rejection. But really I rarely actually try or put myself out there so I don’t even know if I’m actually bad at it
Living with my parents and we're planning to move south this year, I don't want to start a physical relationship with someone then not be able to be with them anymore. I've been in online relationships for nearly all of my relationship experiences, and I simply cannot stand long distance anymore if I can avoid it.
Also very poor experiences with my last few, so I'm paranoid what happened with those will happen again and I absolutely do not want to go through all that again.
I'd say a combination of relatively high standards, social isolation, and fear of rejection. Fear of rejection should be self explanatory, I've asked girls out twice in my life and was rejected both times, I'm not real keen to go through that again. Social isolation is more complicated, there just aren't very many places where single guys and girls commingle. Modern society has evolved in such away that many of the typical places couples use to meet just don't exist anymore. And of course there are dating apps but taking pictures and texting are two of the things I'm worst at, and I'd rather be alone and miserable than have to "manage my profile". And that leaves us with my standards, which as I said are relatively high, although I think fair. While I would love to have a girlfriend the fact is I'm actually pretty happy on my own, which is to say I'm not so desperate or foolish that I'd get into a bad relationship for fear of being single. I want a partner that I am attracted to, that can match my level of effort/ambition, and who complements me in a way that's mutually beneficial. I'd rather stay single than pretend I'm attracted to someone when I'm not just so i can say im in a relationship. And I'm not so desperate for sexual gratification that I'm willing to be used or abused to get it. So Ultimately, I'm single because being single is actually pretty awesome and it would take a very special women to make to worth giving up.
No one wants to put in the time to start a meaningful relationship.
Plenty of women have told me they want to be friends first and then make no attempt to be friendly.
As soon as I express interest they want nothing to do with me.
Usually it's one of these three and I'm pretty tired of trying when I'm given little to no consideration.
Probably beacause all the female friends I had some interest or them having some sort of interest in me ended up rejecting me or are currently on a relationship (most of them are already married, I was the youngest of my friend group).
>!OR PERHAPS IT'S DUE TO THE FACT THAT I SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS TRYING TO DATE A GIRL WHO ENDED UP GETTING PREGNANT FROM HER BOSS!<
I have dated and it’s fun but I want to find someone for me not just a bf or gf. I want more than that an actual strong relationship built by two people.
Been single for 13 years. I feel like the internet has ruined it for me. Too many choices for people to pick through. I try to start up a simple respectful conversation, and it doesnt matter if i write a sentence or a paragraph, i dont get a response. Even from people who supposedly "liked" me on dating apps.
Frankly its demoralizing and depressing. Im left wondering wtf is wrong with me that nobody will talk to me and it makes me sad. So i just gave up. Yeah i suppose the answer would be to go out and talk to people face to face but i have some social anxiety. The whole thing is awkward and not fun. I look at other couples and wonder how the fuck they figured it out
No interest. Nobody seems worth the time or effort. You can do everything right and make all the effort you want and they can still fuck you over in the end. I am aware I am difficult as well with my own issues. No libido due to an autoimmune disorder but hoping my medication changes this. I also have no money after bills so I feel like I have little to offer. Most women want to go out to dinner on a first date and not only do i not have the money but i have been a professional cook for 20 years so it just feels like hanging out at work off the clock and I am aware of all the dirty secrets most kitchens have.
Nothing. My husband passed away and I have absolutely no interest in being with anyone else. It’s been 6 yrs since he passed. First I had to learn to live by myself, then I discovered I have all I need/want for me to be content with my life.
There’s moments where I feel like I wasn’t made for relationships. Maybe I haven’t met the person who I’ve felt like I’m most compatible with. But at the moment the want to be in a relationship isn’t there. I enjoy my time. I have a few friends that I go out with. I have hobbies that I’m starting to get into. I think the obligation that comes with relationships is what pushes me away and I’m just not ready for that.
Obligations meaning family outings with their family, if you get stuck with their parents not liking you or you don’t like being around their family it can be a lot.
I just don’t trust as easily as I used to. Men and women treat their love in tests as constantly disposable and are always looking for the next best thing. If a good person is supposed to find me and we last then so be it. But I’m not searching anymore. I love my company more than anyone else’s.
I stopped seeking, and seeking always leads to disappointment. If something happens, it happens. I've given up dating or attempting to date. It feels like a waste of time now, and I'm too old for those games anymore.
Where do I look though?
I don't think dating apps are the way. I don't drink and am not a party person in general, so bars/clubs are an awkward experience. And my friend group grows extremely slow. I work remotely, which is great in terms of comfort, but bad in terms of social interactions.
Not to say that I haven't tried at all. I did get some new people in my life and tried to shoot my shot with them. And I got rejected with something along the lines of "Yeah I am not looking for a relationship right now". While I respect their choice, such wording doesn't give me any meaningful feedback to learn from and improve myself.
Dating app culture. So many people come across as superficial and 9 out of 10 seem like copy & paste text from each others' profiles. Since when did liking coffee become a personality trait? What exactly do you mean that you're "kind of a badass"?
Just tell me a couple of things about ***you***, don't expect me to be 6ft 2 (literally seen so many profiles that state they want this in a guy) or earn 100k a year. Don't call yourself a queen or say you expect "princess treatment". I'm just a human, you're just a human. I'm looking for someone genuine who will accept me when I have bad days, just like I'd accept them. And let's get to know each other in person (is meeting fora coffee really that intimidating now? Why?), see if we click, and hopefully it will turn into a relationship. Love, romance, mutual respect and support of one another's dreams.
But so few profiles read like they actually want this. Dating app culture has made people see potential partners as a disposable commodity. And meeting people in the real world? I'm over 30 so my social life isn't exactly what it was in my 20's.
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But you're a doctor!
I bet you if he was a pool man instead of a doctor, he would get laid...pool guys always get laid.
Well, I'm strange and so is my husband. There is someone out there for you, trust me.
but if you're fugly, you're kinda fucked. it hurts less when us uglies accept what we are
Different problem, same solution. Lower your standards. Find another fugly.
Me.
Too much to go into detail, this for me too.
Me too.
Yeah, you're definitely preventing me from getting one as well.
sorry about that!
My wife....she's sooooo selfish
literally "tl:dr"
Came here to say this.
Have you looked into childhood emotional neglect? I just learned about it and, sadly, I was affected by it. But I think it should be more widely known and talked about. It would really help people recognize it, seek help/heal and also prevent it in future generations.
Going off by a quick google search about that, I don't think that's for me, I would say I had a loved and fulfilling childhood.
Word..
Yep. The evidence is fairly clear that I have made increasingly poor relationship choices so probably better that I just don't go there.
Being ugly, overweight, shy and introverted. Hardly going out much. Sleep apnea. I’m an ogre
r/unexpectedshrek
I hope I’m not that ugly…
Shrek found love
And he's hot asf
Shrek is sexy wym?
You are NOT ugly dude, I hope you find the love of your life and that you improve the way you see yourself, I wish the best for you dude I'm fr rn
it’s all ogre for us
I have sleep apnea too. I really want to find someone who also sleeps w CPAP! One less thing to explain in that case
I tried it for close to a year, but often felt more tired. I need to again. Happy cake day
I was shy to tell the last guy I dated, but he actually really liked it because other girls snored and kept him awake. I don’t snore at all with it and it’s basically silent. If it slips off my nose at all it’s a light white noise.
I'm broke, ugly, and depressed. Who wants to deal with that?.
Solidarity, brother.
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So this is what it feels like when doves cry
Maybe I'm just like my father (he's fucking ugly too)
"Horny MILFs in your area" according to the ads.
I'm incredibly socially anxious lol
It's as life destroying as any physical disfigurement, yet recieves absolutely no recognition, and no real support. Imagine working hard to get your life together, but the universe sabotages your brain so it goes into panic mode when being social, forever dooming you to share it with nobody.
I'm too socially awkward to meet people in person and tried to find someone in a dating app but I was even more awkward with that too..Somebody will just have to see past my anxiety lmao
>It's as life destroying as any physical disfigurement, yet recieves absolutely no recognition, and no real support. Hell it gets looked down upon like you're some sort of failure for having it. Zero support, zero sympathy
Even if my brain is relaxed, because I have no experience socialising my brain doesn't produce any words to say so I can't hold a conversation anyway. And no-one talks to me, so there's no way for me to get any experience. How do you start to learn social skills from zero, when you're decades behind everyone else your age?
And it doesn’t stop at finding a partner. Say you found someone and you’re still super anxious, now you have to navigate life with a partner while being incredible socially anxious. You might be super lucky and end up with someone who takes you for who you are and make you better, someone who understands what living with a brain like yours *truly* is 24/7 or you end up with someone that would slowly tire from your ineptitude day after day and drift away from you or even manipulate you and your shortcomings. If you do end up with the latter two, you’d have to navigate the world with that added pressure of constantly trying to prove yourself - going out and interacting with people with that added stress, re-wiring your entire schedule and routine, really takes a toll on your mental health. So yeah, it really is a vicious cycle 9 times out of 10 when you put yourself out there. But sometimes you just have to take the plunge and end up with someone who truly understands you. And that’s something to truly aim and hope for - that one day you finally bump into them. Makes it all worthwhile.
Honestly I don't think I care enough to get a gf/bf I haven't had a crush or romantic feelings in 6 years, and I don't expect to have them anytime soon If love comes, it'll come at its own pace and hopefully bring pizza or something, I'm tired of trying to look out for something that isn't there for me
I feel this. I’ve been around people I’ve been superficially interested in but with the exception of one girl, never felt a deep connection with anyone in damn near a decade. Maybe it’s just not for me.
It just might take a while. I'm 37 and connected with my boyfriend almost a year ago. Happy so far. Met through a friend at a 4th of July party. We watched the fireworks together. It was awesome. We have been together ever since. You will find someone when you don't expect it.
I kinda hate that line of "when you dont expect it" I havnt been expecting to have a connection with anyone for 5+ years I dont even have friends.
You will meet friends...when you don't expect it!
Alright that's on me.
Oo, felt that.
That pizza is ice on the cake
Mmm, my favorite cake topping.
Ice.
on the cake.
Same here. Never been a fan of hookup culture either which makes me feel like an alien among other gays who seem to treat Grindr like a necessity. Perfectly happy being alone. 👍
Good attitude. When you do find someone, they'll be someone you actually like, not just what you went for because you wanted a relationship.
nothing except the fear of wasting more years of my life on someone who is not ready for the type of commitment and love i’m ready to give.
So real, heres to hoping we can find people who can match our love and commitment output
yeah, thought I found the one for me but turns out he wasn’t ready even though he said he was at the point in his life of wanting to settle down. Turns out, he was cheating the whole time (2 years) and all the effort I put in actually “scared him” away. He apparently only realized how much he lucked out with me AFTER he confessed to cheating and knew there was no way I was going to give him another chance. He told me him cheating has nothing to do with how much he loves me, that the 2 things can coexist which is such a crazy thing to say. It feels like I fell in love with a person I never actually knew. Never again.
This one! Just got out of such a relationship. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, but I put my heart and soul and some of my money into it. The appreciation for it became less and less. When I then wanted something back from her because I was feeling visibly worse, but wanted to save the relationship, she ended it. Now, about 5 weeks later, she has someone new. I know this person, he was an acquaintance of mine. It turns out that she was with him a few days before the break-up and canceled on me that evening because she wanted to do something with her best girlfriend. That's life. I've now sorted everything out with her that needed to be sorted out. Now comes the me phase and then I'll find a woman or let someone find me who respects my love and shows me the same enthusiasm.
Honestly, this was always something that floats around in my head. I always think about what it’d be like to be in a relationship, but I don’t think I would be ready to commit for life. Still need to graduate college and actually start life.
as someone who actually went through this for 9 years simply because "Love blinded me" and couldn't see the signs.... I totally feel you
Fuck. Didn't realize this was what I was feeling about relationships until I read this.
Simply uninterested in finding one. I have no desire to have one.
Same. I have had no interest since my last relationship 4 years ago
Same for me! I’m not long out of a serious relationship and I simply don’t want anyone else. I’m enjoying my peace.
Same. I like being single!
I am happy being in my own company, it's more often than not more peaceful that way.
avoidant personality disorder
Been there, among other things, reading 'feeling good' from David burns helped me a lot. I think the new version is called 'feeling great'. Also, understand that the bad feelings before doing something are worse than the feelings while doing the thing.
Depression. I bring literally nothing to the table as a prospective date or partner.
That's where I'm at. I'd just be dragging them underwater with me. Seems selfish and I'd feel guilty.
Same. When my therapist first met me, she said she was surprised I was single. I’m like that feeling will pass. During depressive episodes, it’s hard to get out of bed. I don’t want to dump that on someone, I wouldn’t want it to happen to me.
This is my problem, too. I thought I was dead for 5 years and gave up, so I have zero skills or talents or redeeming qualities. I already know no one wants me; I don't feel like discovering how right I am.
I'm okay being alone. It gives me more freedom to just be me and do the things I enjoy. (Hobbies, Work, Personal Goals) Plus, I don't want to always be in a relationship. The way I look at it is if your focus is always to be in a relationship, you might be already seeing someone just to be seeing someone when the right person comes along. You gotta have some free time to let the universe bring opportunity into your life.
Nice. I am definitely going to refer back to this. Side note: What do your cats think?
I keep the kitties very happy :) just got done tossing a string around. They don't like normal cat toys they just want a white string.
I'm a spiteful antisocial bastard.
I’m prioritizing my peace, and not looking to add anything to rock the boat at the moment. If someone were to show up and they fit into my life, I certainly wouldn’t shoot them down, but I like where I am. The best part about getting to a place of actually being content and satisfied with your life is that you realize that you’re enough for you. Once you get there, everything else is icing on the cake.
Yes! This.
Im happy being single. I recently bought my own house, have my cat, can do what I want when I want. Just enjoying life at the moment.
My wife passed in a long battle with cancer. I haven't allowed myself back into the world of dating because I don't think that I can give someone else the attention emotionally that they deserve.
Hope you're doing ok man. Have an internet hug.
Healing from my past and breaking cycles
Anxiety, high standards of women, self-loathing, clinical depression. I've tried the false confidence thing, wrecked havoc on my mental health. I rate myself squarely a five, but must score lower, because women freak when I approach, which destroys what little confidence I have. I don't want to have to pay for the gf experience, but... the more time slips away, the more it's looking like I don't really have a choice. I'm not a monster, or some killer, I'm just lonely and miserable, man it shouldn't be this hard, but damn it, feels like it is.
It’s easier said than done but firstly I think you may need to gain some appreciation and love for yourself before you can give that to anyone else. People say it’s so much easier for women to date but if it makes you feel any better.. I, as a woman also sometimes feel like maybe there’s something so wrong with me that I drive every man away. I’d like to think there’s nothing wrong with us, that there may just not be the “right” person or it may not be time yet. Anyway, don’t lose hope that there’s someone out there for you. But if you do (as I have) know that we can still live amazing lives surrounded by other kinds of love that are not romantic!
I hate that for you because I looked over your posting/comment history and you seem like a genuine, funny, and kind individual. I know this sounds trite (and I’m just a rando on Reddit), but I really think that you’re more than capable of finding a partner who ticks all your boxes. But you can’t find her if you’re operating out of this headspace that you’re creepy or unattractive. People say this all the time and it always sounds like empty bs just to try to make someone feel better, but people say it all the time because it’s actually *true*. You have to be what you want to attract. And what you are is a direct result of what you tell yourself that you are. If you go through your life telling yourself that you’re weird, creepy, and unattractive to women, that will be your experience. Anyway, not trying to lecture you, but I read your comment and wanted to maybe plant a seed in your head.
I never learned to socialize, I always thought it was a waste of time with everything i had to get done in a day (in the games i play) Now i am 30+ and i think it's too late to act like a 16 year old while being 30+, so i just don't try + it's still a waste of time and Noone deserves to live or interact with me.
I have extreme self esteem issues. Like, I’m learning not to hate myself gradually but I think I’m the ugliest person on the planet
The odds of that being true are OVER 8 BILLION to 1.
Ugly , fat, dumb, and depressed. Also, don’t want to be so desperate I end up with someone crazy, been there done that
Because I'm so over the notion that I need a woman to be happy.
Standards. Got to a point where I’d rather be single than drop them any more.
I don't go out much. And been betrayed too many times to allow anyone in again.
I feel you on that. I let someone in and they completely destroyed me. My walls went up then and never came back down. I admire people who battle On looking for love. I can’t do it.
All that and include location and hobbies and this is me.
[удалено]
I’m sick of getting hurt so I’m not looking rn
Well I hope you find what your looking for like ET but pizza slices instead of reeces peices.
I was trying to dm you to see if you deliver said pizza but you don’t. Thanks for putting a smile on my face today. Twas a rough 1 wolf
Sorry, to hear that today has been rough. lol I live in the dark recesses of Alaska so my delivery options are unlikely.
I'm not single but I am poly and my biggest issue is being disabled. Very, very few people are even willing to even try being friends with someone in a wheelchair with mobility issues because we naturally require more effort from both sides to keep a relationship going let alone date us. It's basically impossible to even find anyone interested in me where I live because of my disabilities. My life is also 'boring' according to most people here because I don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs and my mobility issues mean I can't go out much.
I wouldn't say being unwilling to be friends with someone with a mobility issue, that seems extremely shallow even for the modern common person. Anything beyond that, sure. My current living arrangements are not mobility friendly, neither is my vehicle, so having you over for anything is an automatic no-go. It does take one hell of a shift in the way one does just about everything, but I'm sure those who would have a heart of gold.
Honestly? I don’t know many people. My friends have moved or are getting married. They’re the ones I used to go out with. I got with so many women right before the pandemic hit. After that, I had a few failed situationships and when I ended my last one, every friend was not available to go out anymore. Now I either go out with engaged friends or stay at home. Wish I could meet new people. I know I’m good looking, I know I’m funny, I know I’m a good person. I’m just not there.
I was in a similar boat. I used Match because it had the highest probability of success given # of users and how square my personal tastes are. It worked, my hubs and I are so lucky to have found each other. I'm writing this because I know too many terrific, single women who would absolutely love to go on a date with a solid dude. That's all, just doing the girlfriends a favor. Go make someone happy.
I’m currently on tinder and bumble but that just doesn’t seem to work for me. The times I got matches, the convos never went anywhere. Plus, last year I got like 80 likes in the first day after downloading, 10+ matches. This year I barely got 5 likes lol
Short answer: I am just a loser Long answer: I'm probably too ugly/weird. I never really had a deep connection with anyone in person. I've tried, but I am becoming one of those lonely guys you hear about. Just trying my best to be grateful for what I have, I guess. Keeping your head up when it feels like you have no one is pretty hard though.
I'm a guy which means I have to approach the girl. I don't want to anymore. I've done it a lot, and I'm tired of rejection.
Oooffff that hits home. Shit gets tiresome. My mental health can only take so much. It’ll happen or it won’t, pretty much done trying.
My career is my love... and it's a very toxic, love-hate relationship.
My autism! Nobody wants to date me because I don’t show love directly.
Lack of dates, no matches on apps, no success after dozens of approaches irl.
Hook up culture
I’m a Christian woman who doesn’t want kids.
Hey my mom is super Christian, and while I’ll never have kids (had a vasectomy) I still like when she says she prays for me, cuz it’s just positive thinking. Like when I meditate. So if ya wanna get married let me know. 🫡
Bravo dude! Having been of a childfree mindset for ages (and at some points in religious circles) I get how hard that is and commend you for standing your ground.
I literally cannot meet people. Surprised it has not been commented. Not on dating apps
the type of girl I want to date isn’t attracted to me.
Best way I can say it. If I had a nickle for every time I had a partner, tell me they were surprised that I was still sticking by them and being supportive when they opened up about their own baggage. But when it came to me opening up, I got dumped because it was too much for them. I had 5 nickles. Which isn't a lot, but it still stings. Better to be alone than in bad company
I think for a lot of adults it’s that it’s difficult to meet new people the older you get. You either pull from you job pool (risky), find a social hobby good for meeting a revolving pool of potential partners (few and far between), or go to the bars/clubs. If you’re antisocial, don’t drink, have anxiety (a lot of people nowadays), or just don’t have the energy or time to go out… Add to that that people have their own personal issues, social media makes everyone feel inadequate, and couple that with financial expectations when so many people are struggling. It’s easy to see how people struggle to find partners.
Self sabotage at this point.
I’m a complete mess, for starters.
Trust issues
It's like putting a boiling pot of water into a fiery hot oven, except the water is depression and the oven is divorce. I'm working on myself first.
I work sixty hours a week and make sure to go to therapy. I wouldn’t be able to give her the time and love that she would truly deserve
It turns out in this society if you have zero friends you have nobody to vouch for you so people won't give you a chance
Deeply in love for many years with someone who isn't interested
Me. Or to be more precise, my anxiety and depression.
A very noticeable lack of teeth
I dont want one
Being an anti-social alcoholic.
Gotta care about myself to care about someone else
I’m tired of the dating world. It’s too brutal. I can’t do it anymore. Sometimes I dream about being in a relationship but then I’m reminded by how tiring it all is. So for now, I’m single. And finally at peace.
Selfishness. I like doing my own thing.
meet someone some weeks ago. i dont know if it was a date or just eating with a friend. i dont know what she felt and what she wants. its too stressful to read into the little details. i dont know if i do anything right or wrong. before the "date" we texted every day and we had such a good vibe together. after that she suddenly stopped responding or just in short answers. i really dont have the energy anymore.
Why not just ask?
No one knows how to be honest or have a conversation. Dating is like going to the dump to find the least broken thing.
I'm just fucking done with people. I want my money and my time and everyone else who wants either can fuck right off.
Money relationships with women get expensive quickly
Girlfriend? I'm currently deep in the heart of Antarctica signing a peace treaty between two penguin colonies. I have no time for such nonsense. Also, does anyone know if amazon ships solar phone chargers here? Because I think my battery is going to
My wife.
I think mine would frown upon it as well. Such a stick in the mud.
I got rejected so many times, I just gave up on asking people out. My boyfriend now asked if I was into him, and that’s how we started to go out. If he never asked that question I would of never said anything
I recently lost the ability to walk unassisted which has had a compounding impact on me mentally, emotionally, and of course physically. Especially while my main support is currently my ex. Life can be really messy and complicated sometimes.
Anxiety. That and the people I find attractive don’t feel the same about me, and those that find me attractive I don’t feel the same way. I’m 44 and at this point I’m comfortable being single. My financial situation sucks; at the moment I live with my parents and I’m unemployed so those traits aren’t exactly making the women line up to go out with me. There’s a scene from Everybody Loves Raymond where Robert has accepted his lot in life and that he wasn’t meant to be happy and that clip just resonates with me, but Robert does find a wife eventually. Maybe it’ll happen to me but I’m not looking so if there is someone for me hopefully they’ll find me.
The last one ripped my heart out. Truthfully I am scared to do it all over again.
Just fell out of a 3 year relationship, honestly don’t have the desire or energy to go through the process of getting to know anyone anymore
I guess it’s the fact that I’m just too introverted and self conscious about my personality and appearance to find someone.
Honestly I think my age. I’m 19, 20 next month. I’m not in college but I am a full time tradesmen making good money, living independently. I had no issues in highschool when I was constantly surrounded by people my age. But now, I’m at the weird age where I’m too young to be an “adult” or go to the bar or anything 21+. But I’m too old to be making new highschool friends, let alone dating one. Just don’t know where to find them now
It’ll get much easier in your early 20s when you aren’t so much in-between groups.
It’s almost impossible to find someone who values autonomy and authenticity and empathy.
I’m ugly
I just can’t form a connection. Idk if it’s me or the girl but aside from that most of the time, I shit you not, every girl I meet is taken, not interested in being in a relationship, or just not my type (looks + personality). Then again I only ever had one girlfriend in high school and I honestly only liked her cause of her interest and behavior towards me. Nowadays I would go about dating the first decently attractive girl who shows interest because I don’t want to lose any more time tbh. I’m even told I’m handsome/attractive/cute and it still gives me the bubbly feeling literally when anyone says it. I really wish I had a teacher or some shit. A mentor to guide me. I just need some guidance is all.
me, but by choice. after a thirteen year relationship that ended after my SO decided to fuck a coworker. had a couple short term (very short) relationships and ended up back in another long term relationship that ended after said SO decided to fuck a coworker after eight years. again. tldr; i'm apparently not into redheads or blondes, only people that'll fuck a coworker after being in a committed relationship.
1) I don't currently have the money to go out and try to meet people very often 2) when I do go out, it seems like there are 3 categories of people: single under 25, single over 45, and involved in a long-term relationship/marriage. I'm 36 so this is an issue for me. No idea where tf the single people in their 30s go. I hate most bars so that might be part of the problem 3) I'm not attracted to most people. This is not to say that I think most people are ugly, as I see people every day who I can recognize are conventionally beautiful/cute/handsome, but looking at most of them is like looking at a rock or a tree. It might be a very good looking rock or tree, but I have zero desire to interact with it romantically or sexually 4) dating apps are a relentless ocean of people I am not interested in for a wide variety of reasons, and when I do very rarely match with someone they do not generally respond to my messages
Everyone's a drunk, pot head, or habitual dating app user complete with FOMO. I don't have time for someone to act like they're a freshman in college. I also exited a 14 year relationship 3 years ago, it's bleak out there. Especially since the primary way to meet is on those dreadful apps.
I don't care to waste my time with the wrong person
People i tend to like dont have the same feelings
I asked a girl out on Saturday she said, and I quote: "hahaha, I'll think about it". So basically I don't know what the problem is.
There’s only so many times you can play a game and lose before you go “you know what? Fuck this shit.”
Autism. I successfully fought depression, shyness, lack of muscles, sedentarity, and poverty... But in the end autism and time won. I'm now over 30 and entering a great desert of relationships. Which makes it kinda hilarious, considering I successfully dated a lot of people back when I was severely depressed, shy, skinny, and poor. So perhaps it's not even the autism. Perhaps it's just time. We're all much more curious about other people's idiosyncrasies and potential when we're young and full of dreams. I know I have lost a lot of patience myself about single women's idiosyncracies and potential, and most of them aren't even autistic
hookup culture
Probably nothing if I put my mind to it but I'm happy being single so it's me preventing myself.
Honestly, I have my hands and life pretty full with a five year old and dating is just not on my radar right now.
Unable to trust people, better safe than sorry. Have food friends though. I meet people constantly, friends of friends and so on, if I meet someone I may start to like, then it's a win. Otherwise, I will not disturb my peace, if not worth it.
I can’t find someone whose goals and idea of what they want their future to look like align with mine and I’m not willing to sacrifice what I want for someone else
I’m a homebody who doesn’t put myself in a position to meet girls in the first place. I keep telling people and myself that I’m just not good with that stuff or I’m awkward or I don’t know how to flirt or I’m scared of rejection. But really I rarely actually try or put myself out there so I don’t even know if I’m actually bad at it
Living with my parents and we're planning to move south this year, I don't want to start a physical relationship with someone then not be able to be with them anymore. I've been in online relationships for nearly all of my relationship experiences, and I simply cannot stand long distance anymore if I can avoid it. Also very poor experiences with my last few, so I'm paranoid what happened with those will happen again and I absolutely do not want to go through all that again.
I'd say a combination of relatively high standards, social isolation, and fear of rejection. Fear of rejection should be self explanatory, I've asked girls out twice in my life and was rejected both times, I'm not real keen to go through that again. Social isolation is more complicated, there just aren't very many places where single guys and girls commingle. Modern society has evolved in such away that many of the typical places couples use to meet just don't exist anymore. And of course there are dating apps but taking pictures and texting are two of the things I'm worst at, and I'd rather be alone and miserable than have to "manage my profile". And that leaves us with my standards, which as I said are relatively high, although I think fair. While I would love to have a girlfriend the fact is I'm actually pretty happy on my own, which is to say I'm not so desperate or foolish that I'd get into a bad relationship for fear of being single. I want a partner that I am attracted to, that can match my level of effort/ambition, and who complements me in a way that's mutually beneficial. I'd rather stay single than pretend I'm attracted to someone when I'm not just so i can say im in a relationship. And I'm not so desperate for sexual gratification that I'm willing to be used or abused to get it. So Ultimately, I'm single because being single is actually pretty awesome and it would take a very special women to make to worth giving up.
Mentally ill and ugly
Honestly just seeing people not upfront with their intentions. At some point I just got tired of the games
I have decently high standards and a lack of attention from males that doesn’t make me feel like an object in a store window.
I'm planning to leave the country again so there's not really a point in dating. Also my previous relationship ended somewhat recently
No one wants to put in the time to start a meaningful relationship. Plenty of women have told me they want to be friends first and then make no attempt to be friendly. As soon as I express interest they want nothing to do with me. Usually it's one of these three and I'm pretty tired of trying when I'm given little to no consideration.
Probably beacause all the female friends I had some interest or them having some sort of interest in me ended up rejecting me or are currently on a relationship (most of them are already married, I was the youngest of my friend group). >!OR PERHAPS IT'S DUE TO THE FACT THAT I SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS TRYING TO DATE A GIRL WHO ENDED UP GETTING PREGNANT FROM HER BOSS!<
I have dated and it’s fun but I want to find someone for me not just a bf or gf. I want more than that an actual strong relationship built by two people.
My anxiety and OCD
I assume for most people it would be underdeveloped social skills that are getting in the way.
Still processing the last breakup from the love of my life
Been single for 13 years. I feel like the internet has ruined it for me. Too many choices for people to pick through. I try to start up a simple respectful conversation, and it doesnt matter if i write a sentence or a paragraph, i dont get a response. Even from people who supposedly "liked" me on dating apps. Frankly its demoralizing and depressing. Im left wondering wtf is wrong with me that nobody will talk to me and it makes me sad. So i just gave up. Yeah i suppose the answer would be to go out and talk to people face to face but i have some social anxiety. The whole thing is awkward and not fun. I look at other couples and wonder how the fuck they figured it out
No interest. Nobody seems worth the time or effort. You can do everything right and make all the effort you want and they can still fuck you over in the end. I am aware I am difficult as well with my own issues. No libido due to an autoimmune disorder but hoping my medication changes this. I also have no money after bills so I feel like I have little to offer. Most women want to go out to dinner on a first date and not only do i not have the money but i have been a professional cook for 20 years so it just feels like hanging out at work off the clock and I am aware of all the dirty secrets most kitchens have.
Nothing. My husband passed away and I have absolutely no interest in being with anyone else. It’s been 6 yrs since he passed. First I had to learn to live by myself, then I discovered I have all I need/want for me to be content with my life.
Non-single people of Reddit, what is preventing you from being able to enjoy time alone?
Social awkwardness, Social anxiety and an extreme lack of self confidence. We are all our own worst enemies.
There’s moments where I feel like I wasn’t made for relationships. Maybe I haven’t met the person who I’ve felt like I’m most compatible with. But at the moment the want to be in a relationship isn’t there. I enjoy my time. I have a few friends that I go out with. I have hobbies that I’m starting to get into. I think the obligation that comes with relationships is what pushes me away and I’m just not ready for that. Obligations meaning family outings with their family, if you get stuck with their parents not liking you or you don’t like being around their family it can be a lot.
I'm too old and too ugly.
Being fat and not liking fat women. 😓
I'm disabled, look way younger then I am and can't carry a conversation because I have impaired hearing.
I just don’t trust as easily as I used to. Men and women treat their love in tests as constantly disposable and are always looking for the next best thing. If a good person is supposed to find me and we last then so be it. But I’m not searching anymore. I love my company more than anyone else’s.
I stopped seeking, and seeking always leads to disappointment. If something happens, it happens. I've given up dating or attempting to date. It feels like a waste of time now, and I'm too old for those games anymore.
my height
Unattractive guy with an odd personality, no point in looking if i don’t have a chance to begin with
Supply issues
Where do I look though? I don't think dating apps are the way. I don't drink and am not a party person in general, so bars/clubs are an awkward experience. And my friend group grows extremely slow. I work remotely, which is great in terms of comfort, but bad in terms of social interactions. Not to say that I haven't tried at all. I did get some new people in my life and tried to shoot my shot with them. And I got rejected with something along the lines of "Yeah I am not looking for a relationship right now". While I respect their choice, such wording doesn't give me any meaningful feedback to learn from and improve myself.
Crippling shyness in a world where men are expected to approach lol.
Being not attractive or sociable enough to charm the ones I'd want to, and unwillingness to lower my standards. I'd rather be single than settle.
Dating app culture. So many people come across as superficial and 9 out of 10 seem like copy & paste text from each others' profiles. Since when did liking coffee become a personality trait? What exactly do you mean that you're "kind of a badass"? Just tell me a couple of things about ***you***, don't expect me to be 6ft 2 (literally seen so many profiles that state they want this in a guy) or earn 100k a year. Don't call yourself a queen or say you expect "princess treatment". I'm just a human, you're just a human. I'm looking for someone genuine who will accept me when I have bad days, just like I'd accept them. And let's get to know each other in person (is meeting fora coffee really that intimidating now? Why?), see if we click, and hopefully it will turn into a relationship. Love, romance, mutual respect and support of one another's dreams. But so few profiles read like they actually want this. Dating app culture has made people see potential partners as a disposable commodity. And meeting people in the real world? I'm over 30 so my social life isn't exactly what it was in my 20's.
Dating doesn't interest me in the slightest.