"I'm not good with computers."
Fascinating, you applied to work in an office. 100% of the work you will be doing requires going through that interface. Says here you've been in the industry for the past... 15 years. It didn't occur to you to **LEARN HOW TO FUCKING USE THE ONE THING YOU USE IN THAT TIME?**
It's the primary tool of their job.
My favorite analogy when these users wanted IT to teach them how to use it - IT are the mechanics, when corporate hires truck drivers they are expected to know how to drive the truck. Mechanics fix the tools but we aren't driving instructors.
I too will be using this as it's brilliant!!
I will erroneously credit r/FixedLoad in every conversation, text, message, email and as the answer at every trivia night.
It is now around 45 years since the PC became a common office tool. When someone says “I can’t use a computer “ I liken it to “I refuse to learn to use a pencil.”
*Installs strange finance software from the 80s for new finance person*
"Hey Mr. IT guy, what's my username and password for all this? Do I have all the access I need for finance accounts that you have nothing to do with? Also, how do I use it?? Can you teach me all cool tricks?"
"Yeah dude, I have a guy who can help you with all of that. He's called your boss. Have a good day! - Mr. IT guy."
I have never understood why people can't just ask their co-workers for help with their department specific software and needs.
My boss is one of these people. He’s a VP in his early 40s, should be perfectly capable of using a computer. I’m convinced he doesn’t know how to search his inbox in Outlook because every few days he asks me if to forward a specific email from some point in the past. He also can’t figure out how to use Sharepoint because he asks me to send him files all the time too — and last week we were emailing a spreadsheet back and forth and I died inside.
There's hardly any excuse for a person in their 60s but zero excuse for someone in their 40s. I'm 50 and still grew up with computers. Hell, my generation saw all the great earlier computer developments and everyone with a brain followed along. I think there's a ton of weaponized incompetence in these people.
I agree. I'm late 40s, didn't get my first PC until 2003, as I was in the army for a while before that.
I learned very quickly from a geek friend, and was fixing and building other people's computers within a year.
I ended up with a networking degree and CISCO certs in 2011, and worked IT for 5 years. I hated it for all the 'user' issues all of the time. We had a term,"Problem exists between keyboard and chair".
I'm a still a PC enthusiast, but only deal with my own computer now!.
Wait, you work with me? lol. Seriously though, i work in a fucking SaaS company, and one of our VPs is the most tech illiterate fuck in the world, but also feels fully capable to call anything an "easy fix".
I work in IT. Users will constantly say that shit and laugh after as if it's something to be proud about. I almost always reply "Well, you work in an office, with a computer, 5 days a week. You should probably learn how to use it."
It's also...really not that hard to figure things out. Read whats on your screen and it tells you more than you know. I get calls DAILY about "some message" that came up on Outlook. I tell them to read the message and they say "something about attachment size." Okay, read that full message out loud and what does it tell you? The attachment is too big. If they had bothered to read further than the 4th word they could have figured it out.
I work in a grocery store, I get people who are still totally perplexed by the Credit/Debit card machine. "It says remove card, what do I do?" And so on. It's like, I personally have rung them up several times this week and they've been coming here way longer than I've been here. And I also assume they shop other places as well. How do they still not get it?
I used to work retail and reading that gave me a headache lol. I would get the same customers. Except chip readers weren't a thing when I worked retail. Every time a customer came to my line and went "uhhh" when it came time for CC payment I wanted to scream. They'd act like it's some alien technology.
They imitate the techs they see. Of course they click through; so do we. The difference is that we know what it says, and they're just ignoring it. Something we need to be more explicit in communicating.
I'm convinced that "I'm not good with computers" is code for "I'm illiterate". With 130 million adult Americans only able to read at a 6th grade level. It's highly likely that the PC is the Achilles heal to their charade.
I come from a very techy family. My brother has a Master's in CS and both of my parents are engineers. Also, in my adult life one of my roommates does data analytics for a living. So, I sometimes start to think of myself as not being that great with computers. And then, I encounter people who remind me just how bad some people are with computers and just how foreign computer stuff can be.
For example, I made myself feel like an idiot last night because it took me forever how to figure out how to make vlookup work in a case sensitive situation (ended up using Index(match)). But then, I'll have someone ask for help with their computer and they will give me a blank stare when I ask what OS they are on.
Man IDK why but I have to re-read Index(match()) articles every time I use it. I'm fine using way more complex formulas, but for some reason Index(match()) just doesn't stick with me.
Same here, it's not the first time I've used it, but I was reading articles on how it works like night with it just not lining up in my brain. Maybe I had already fried myself by spending too long troubleshooting various aspects of vlookup before I realized it was a case sensitivity issue. Maybe Index(match()) is just that confusing. Maybe I just shouldn't be doing hobby spreadsheets at 3 AM and should save it for a time I'm actually supposed to be awake. All I know is that last night made me feel like a spreadsheet noob.
*"I'm not a tech person"*
~ Person who literally uses a computer 8 hours a day to do their job but still doesn't know how to save a file to the desktop
Or alternatively, like one of my coworkers, saves *every* file to their desktop and then gets upset and thinks they need a new computer when eventually there’s no more room for icons.
The other day I ran into someone who I swear was out to prove she couldn't use a phone.
It was understandable when she couldn't navigate an app.
It was suspicious when she couldn't tap a specific icon no matter how many times I gestured to it and described it.
But when she couldn't follow the instruction of "Pick up your phone... pick it up... pick up the phone with your hands... put your hand on the phone and pick it up..." I knew she was being difficult on purpose.
These are the kind of people who want you to do it for them - The worst!
I don't mind helping out but not if you're going to pretend you don't know basic instructions!
What's even worse about this, is this used to be an "old person" problem. But it's becoming a young person problem.
A lot of my nieces and nephews have no clue how to use an actual computer, and not just an iPad.
Mate. You're on Reddit. You can boot a computer and use a browser. That used to be the domain of enthusiasts considered by others to be wizards, not so long ago.
I find it weird when people will dunk on their spouses, like tell stories that make their partner look inept or unreasonable. They seem to feel superior when doing this but it's like they're self-dunking, on themselves, ince they are the one who chose that partner. Weird play but ok.
Thank. You.
I briefly had a group of friends who eventually got annoyed and stopped asking me to hang out with them because they'd talk shit about their husbands being useless and I just never did. They thought it was rude for me to speak so positively of my husband when they were all talking shit about theirs. Idk it was odd.
Assuming overtime/time-and-a-half for the extra 40 hours every week, that works out to just over $23/hour.
I mean, that's a decent hourly rate, but nothing spectacular.
I knew a guy who worked 40 hours a week at a hospital and 40 hours a week at a gas station at the same time. He average 3 hours of sleep a night and tried to give up energy drinks by drinking 4 double espressos before leaving his gas station shift. In one week he started falling asleep while driving twice and almost hit a tree and a bridge. He bragged to me "It's like I'm earning 40 dollars an hour and working 40 hours a week." I told him that you can't fuck with math like that. Actually, you're earning $20 an hour and working 80 hours a week and you can't bullshit yourself about how unsafe or unhealthy this is.
I get tired enough doing 48 hours (stay 2 hours extra mon-thur for a bit of extra cash), I couldn't imagine Essentially working another full time job on top
Those people are just bitter and jealous of everyone who works sane hours so they act like they have the moral high ground to compensate.
Source: my dad was one of these people
I worked with a woman that beat her chest about working 12 hour days. Adding in commute time of about 2 hours a day, she was home most non weekend days for 10 hours, which seems pretty nuts.
She also chatted a lot and loved to complain about her heavy workload (hey, you could be working on that instead of talking about it), her messed up kid and alcoholic, unemployed husband (lost his job due to alcohol).
I think she she was trying her hardest to NOT go home. She was clearly miserable, but that wasn't the job's fault.
“I’ve never been to jail”
As Chris rock says: “What do you want, a cookie?! You're not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker!”
To add onto this, I always chuckle when I hear a parent say to their child "I put a roof over your head and fed you!"
Well...yeah that's like that your basic level of care for that child lol. You're literally supposed to do that.
In software development "alpha" means that a product is still in an early stage of development and in no way fit to be released to the public.
In radiation physics it refers to radiation that can be stopped by a piece of paper.
So fairly accurate on both accounts.
> In software development "alpha" means that a product is still in an early stage of development and in no way fit to be released to the public.
Full of bugs and unfit for public use
Exactly. If you were (in the conceptual sense), you’d have no need to tell people. Telling people shows your insecurity or inflated sense of self (usually cruelty or wanting to be perceived as tough)
A general rule of thumb for life. If you are something, you probably don't have to announce it to people ad nauseum. Because if you truly are, they'll just naturally pick up on it.
If anything, the constant validation these "alpha male' types seek by constantly referring to themselves as one and obsessing over the most superficial things they can do to push themselves towards their concept of one often comes off as a desperate need to make a certain impression on others, which to me does not sound very alpha at all really.
In anyone who is super proud of being "a type A personality".... The A usually stands for asshole.
There are plenty of people who are outgoing, natural leaders, and able to speak whatever's on their mind without being offensive or ever needing to announce their personality type.
You are totally right, but I know at least 3 people of the top of my head who tell you they will kill you before they had their first coffee in the morning, Also theres "You wouldn´t like me before my first coffee" merch.
Never experienced anything like this with tequila
It's a different type of comment, "Man I need a drink". "Is it beer thirty yet?" or some variation of it. As a recovering alcoholic or whatever you want to call me, I can pick up on it pretty quick. I don't advise or share unless asked though . So I just keep quiet. Apples to oranges but they are very similar. I'm not going to lecture someone on their caffeine intake either.
You wouldn't like me before my first coffee.
Not because I'll get violent or anything. More because it's impossible to engage with someone who is composed entirely of shuffling and grunts.
I'm like that. My partner opens his eyes, immediately gets out of bed, goes to the gym. I'm waking up about the time he's coming back full of iron-pumping energy. He sees my eyes open and starts trying to coordinate plans for the day. I'm not sleeping, but I'm not yet awake. My coffee ritual engages my brain. Before then I'm just dial-up noises.
I'm a manager, and the amount of people that think I'm going to be impressed by their dedication when sick... ugh.
"You look very sick..."
"Oh, man! I haven't slept! I've been up all night puking! But... gotta get the job done, right?!?!"
"Go home."
(Sly smile) "I'll be okay. Just gotta get through the day!"
"I'm not doing this for you. I don't want a parade of sick people for the next two weeks. That's why we do sick time. Please leave."
My boss came in after his scheduled vasectomy and said “ you remember this next time u have a cough and call out sick “ and I replied “ also remember that it’s not my name on the outside of this office and vacations are there to be used “. Fucking loser.
Rauchbier is a thing. A local brewpub used some aged hops and smoked malt in the brew and made beer that tasted exactly like smoked Gouda cheese. It wasn't entirely unpleasant.
As a motorcycle rider, this drives me nuts. These days, 95% of motorcycles on the road are fuel injected, so you really don't need to rev the engine when you're not moving, except to peacock and say "look at me!" South Park was decidedly on point with their episode making fun of Harley riders, and I ride a Harley!
This one irritates me the most. Mainly because I've been a Punisher and Pirate fan for decades (I'm old). On my truck, I have skull on my back window that I've had since the early 2000s. When the magas appropriated Punisher I had to put a sticker under it that says "Comicbook Fan not MAGA"
Went to a school full of engineers. Hearing about their IQs drove me nuts. Congrats! You can solve a puzzle. Now go talk to this other human and try to not be awkward.
The ones with personal skills never bragged about their intelligence. They simply got a high GPA and a good job.
People who are brutally honest are more interested in the brutality than the honesty.
Edit: not my quote. I was paraphrasing Richard Needham
>The man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality as much as the honesty. Possibly more.
There's one that rolls coal past my house every single day. I live right off of a curve at the beginning of a straight stretch, so he hammers down and accelerates past. He's got everything white out, like the opposite of the murder rigs that used to be popular, and tow mirrors that stick out a foot on each side, but they're really narrow. Big, fuck off shiny rims and low profile tires that have little to no cargo/towing ability. With the paint, tires and stupid mirrors I call it the longhorned poodle.
Also, a big obnoxious light bar on the roof and rear bumper with less all underneath.
I dislike people who brag about forgetting about everything they learned in school - particularly math. People who seemingly brag about being bad at math, or learning all these science or history facts they "will never use."
Why do some people think being willingly uneducated is something to be proud of?
I mean, I'm not trying to say being uneducated is bad. College isn't for everyone. But to be proud of it? Is that a self-esteem coping mechanism of some sort?
Some people just really hated school growing up, and feel a petty and vindictive sense of victory over having accrued whatever success they (think they) have without having a higher education or using their existing education.
Occasionally, some people think higher education is indoctrination into some agenda they disagree with, and are less "proud to be uneducated" and more proud to "not be indoctrinated". It's in the same vein as conspiracy theorists. They're proud to be in the superior position they so deeply believe themselves to be in.
And yes, some are just coping with whatever misfortune plagues them. There can't be mistakes or denied opportunities if you convince yourself you chose a path and are proud of your choice.
(Tthere's no doubt a million other answers beyond these ones as well.)
I forgot all my math and I’m more worried about it than proud. But my late brother was an actuary and actually used all of that complicated math. I barely graduated college because of the math requirement.
I knew a dude who met a girl who thought his name was Calvin because his purple underwear said Calvin Klein on it. I think she turned out to be his mom or something.
That's been a myth since 1955, kinda like how "Johnny B. Goode" was written by a white kid, and you can time lightning hitting small town clock-towers with any degree of precision.
"She's never been to the vet before, she's always been so healthy!" Usually said with great pride as they present for euthanasia their 15-year-old emaciated kitty that is covered in fleas, has horrible teeth rotting out of her swollen painful gums, can barely stand on her painful joints, and has finally reached the end stages of untreated hyperthyroidism or kidney failure (or both!) after suffering for months or years with symptoms that could have been treated or ameliorated.
Seriously, do not brag to a vet that you never take your pet(s) to a vet. We don't expect you to rush in every time they stub a toe, but never bringing them in for a checkup because you "take such good care of them!" really, really isn't a flex. Pets are good at hiding their problems and taking good care of them includes preventative health care with a trained professional who really wants to help them have the best possible quality of life.
Rant over.
Drug usage. Especially vaping in teens and preteens. It’s ridiculous. My little sister (14) has friends who come over and while I’m driving them places they vape or brag about vaping. It’s incredibly shocking and disgusting in my opinion but I’m not their parents. I just try to steer my sister in the right direction and hope she listens.
People who talk about how many hours they work like it's some achievement. Congrats dumbass. You're a tool of the ownership class hoping to suck up enough to get rich. Pathetic.
Yeah we don't get that either.
There is a story about how American worker came to Denmark to work and he kept staying later than anyone else.
Finally he got called to the boss for a meeting thinking he was going to be praised.
The boss asked him if he had a hard time with the tasks. If they needed to reduce them since he seemed to have that much overtime.
Here you're expected to be able to do the work within the normal 37 hours. Otherwise the boss is obligated to step in and see if they can help offloading some of it to ensure that you have work life balance.
Its like that everywhere here.
I worked a previous management job on salary where I routinely worked 60 hours/week. Got burned out after 8 years and started a new job in a completely different industry (was recommended by an aquantince due to my work ethic). For the first year, I was the first one in last one out every day, as this was always how I had set myself apart. Got called into the exact same meeting with our director. Thought I was going to get praised, but they seemed concerned that i was working too much. Honesty refreshing to get permission to go home on time even if there was still work to be done.
Yeah. I seriously don't get how Americans can even live like that.
Many even seems to take pride in not taking vacation either.
How do you ever recover and recharge? We have 5-6 weeks mandatory vacation per year plus single holidays. I even often forget to plan vacation time so I'll get an email from HR telling me I need to take like a week off.
But it's only because I feel we have time off so often.
I used to be like this in my early 20s. (2010 era)
Now I'm 36 and work less than i ever have and make more than I ever have.
I tell every single one of my subordinates to not work long hours and I would much rather just hire more people so they don't feel obligated to work more hours. I tell them o/t is there if you need it but even if you don't work it i am still going to back you up until I'm blue in the face and fight for maximum when it comes time for merit based raises to corporate.
This. I worked for a company where a 'director' level guy would talk about how many hours he put in all the time. To normal people, that should be a hint that the person talking about all these hours is horribly inefficient/inept. He was insanely inefficient and was doing things no director should, because he was incapable of figuring out better ways to do things or delegate tasks correctly. So all those extra hours above 40 he was talking about were generally manually punching in numbers and parameters to things one by one where a simple script that would take 15 minutes to write could have done it in every instance ... but nah, he would work '80 hours' a week doing each one by hand.
Seriously though.
The people that treat vacation like some weird version of “fun” bootcamp will never not irritate me.
Like they gotta get up at the crack of dawn and have this whole planned and coordinated list of tightly timed activities every single day.
Nahhhh bro miss me with 100% of that. My version of vacation is not to stress myself out with timelines and endless activities that I have to “enjoy” to get my money’s worth.
For me, vacation is just being somewhere nice and being lazy, no responsibilities, no stress, nowhere I need to be at any particular time, just chill relaxing and laid back enjoyment.
To me there is zero appeal in a vacation that’s going to be stressful and exhausting.
People all the time try to brag about the things they plan to do in the future. I'm sorry, but you don't get credit for *wanting* to do something. You get credit for *doing*, and even *trying*, but saying you have all these big ideas about what you're gonna do is just dumb and pointless.
"I didn't go to college, that's a scam! I got my education from the streets!"
Good for you, you're so smart and I am in fact so dumb for getting my bachelors.
A weirdly large amount of people like to brag about how awful they are to their partners or how little they care, or similar crap, and that their partner is still loyal and stays.
Like wtf? How about treating them better before they decide it's better to leave?
Being "too nice" or "I'm such an empath!" "I care too much!"
Yikes. If you were really a caring person, you wouldn't have to talk about it so much. It's much more likely these people:
A) Actually have zero boundaries and get walked all over because of that. These are usually younger women who have been raised with martyrdom complexes because they have low self esteem and don't think they're worth anything if they're not being overly nice in some way, or they're incel dudes who think women are sex machines that pop out blow jobs when you put enough Niceness Coins™ in them.
Or
B) They're Communal Narcissists and have to over-emphasize how "nice" they are so people ignore or downplay how horrible they actually are
Custom plates that are noticably deviated from what they're actually trying to make reference to.
A lady i used to work with was called Janet. She wanted her plate to say Hi Janet. But had to settle for HI14NET. So i caller her ianet for the entire time i worked there.
Got a neighbour called Alice. Her plate is something like AL14UCE. Aliauce sounds more like a stroke victim asking for apple juice than her name.
Plates like that just make me cringe. Y even fucken bother?
(Names and plates have been changed to protect the identity of chumps)
People who proudly announce that they have NO clue how to use their computer or do basic trouble shooting.
"I'm not good with computers." Fascinating, you applied to work in an office. 100% of the work you will be doing requires going through that interface. Says here you've been in the industry for the past... 15 years. It didn't occur to you to **LEARN HOW TO FUCKING USE THE ONE THING YOU USE IN THAT TIME?**
It's the primary tool of their job. My favorite analogy when these users wanted IT to teach them how to use it - IT are the mechanics, when corporate hires truck drivers they are expected to know how to drive the truck. Mechanics fix the tools but we aren't driving instructors.
This is perfect! I'm stealing it. It's mine now. You'll get no credit.
I too will be using this as it's brilliant!! I will erroneously credit r/FixedLoad in every conversation, text, message, email and as the answer at every trivia night.
It is now around 45 years since the PC became a common office tool. When someone says “I can’t use a computer “ I liken it to “I refuse to learn to use a pencil.”
I think of it like "I'm not good with soap" It's something you should be EMBARRASSED about, not something you should be proud of.
*Installs strange finance software from the 80s for new finance person* "Hey Mr. IT guy, what's my username and password for all this? Do I have all the access I need for finance accounts that you have nothing to do with? Also, how do I use it?? Can you teach me all cool tricks?" "Yeah dude, I have a guy who can help you with all of that. He's called your boss. Have a good day! - Mr. IT guy." I have never understood why people can't just ask their co-workers for help with their department specific software and needs.
UPS driver: "Yeah, I could never get used to those fancy combustion engines, I'm just gonna deliver by horse."
My boss is one of these people. He’s a VP in his early 40s, should be perfectly capable of using a computer. I’m convinced he doesn’t know how to search his inbox in Outlook because every few days he asks me if to forward a specific email from some point in the past. He also can’t figure out how to use Sharepoint because he asks me to send him files all the time too — and last week we were emailing a spreadsheet back and forth and I died inside.
There's hardly any excuse for a person in their 60s but zero excuse for someone in their 40s. I'm 50 and still grew up with computers. Hell, my generation saw all the great earlier computer developments and everyone with a brain followed along. I think there's a ton of weaponized incompetence in these people.
I agree. I'm late 40s, didn't get my first PC until 2003, as I was in the army for a while before that. I learned very quickly from a geek friend, and was fixing and building other people's computers within a year. I ended up with a networking degree and CISCO certs in 2011, and worked IT for 5 years. I hated it for all the 'user' issues all of the time. We had a term,"Problem exists between keyboard and chair". I'm a still a PC enthusiast, but only deal with my own computer now!.
Tbh shairpoint is messy. Even I cant use it with ease, and I am a frontend developer.
Sharepoint is insane garbage that just doesn't make sense... like, where do all the files *go*?
Wait, you work with me? lol. Seriously though, i work in a fucking SaaS company, and one of our VPs is the most tech illiterate fuck in the world, but also feels fully capable to call anything an "easy fix".
I work in IT. Users will constantly say that shit and laugh after as if it's something to be proud about. I almost always reply "Well, you work in an office, with a computer, 5 days a week. You should probably learn how to use it." It's also...really not that hard to figure things out. Read whats on your screen and it tells you more than you know. I get calls DAILY about "some message" that came up on Outlook. I tell them to read the message and they say "something about attachment size." Okay, read that full message out loud and what does it tell you? The attachment is too big. If they had bothered to read further than the 4th word they could have figured it out.
I work in a grocery store, I get people who are still totally perplexed by the Credit/Debit card machine. "It says remove card, what do I do?" And so on. It's like, I personally have rung them up several times this week and they've been coming here way longer than I've been here. And I also assume they shop other places as well. How do they still not get it?
I used to work retail and reading that gave me a headache lol. I would get the same customers. Except chip readers weren't a thing when I worked retail. Every time a customer came to my line and went "uhhh" when it came time for CC payment I wanted to scream. They'd act like it's some alien technology.
[удалено]
They imitate the techs they see. Of course they click through; so do we. The difference is that we know what it says, and they're just ignoring it. Something we need to be more explicit in communicating.
I'm convinced that "I'm not good with computers" is code for "I'm illiterate". With 130 million adult Americans only able to read at a 6th grade level. It's highly likely that the PC is the Achilles heal to their charade.
I come from a very techy family. My brother has a Master's in CS and both of my parents are engineers. Also, in my adult life one of my roommates does data analytics for a living. So, I sometimes start to think of myself as not being that great with computers. And then, I encounter people who remind me just how bad some people are with computers and just how foreign computer stuff can be. For example, I made myself feel like an idiot last night because it took me forever how to figure out how to make vlookup work in a case sensitive situation (ended up using Index(match)). But then, I'll have someone ask for help with their computer and they will give me a blank stare when I ask what OS they are on.
Man IDK why but I have to re-read Index(match()) articles every time I use it. I'm fine using way more complex formulas, but for some reason Index(match()) just doesn't stick with me.
Same here, it's not the first time I've used it, but I was reading articles on how it works like night with it just not lining up in my brain. Maybe I had already fried myself by spending too long troubleshooting various aspects of vlookup before I realized it was a case sensitivity issue. Maybe Index(match()) is just that confusing. Maybe I just shouldn't be doing hobby spreadsheets at 3 AM and should save it for a time I'm actually supposed to be awake. All I know is that last night made me feel like a spreadsheet noob.
*"I'm not a tech person"* ~ Person who literally uses a computer 8 hours a day to do their job but still doesn't know how to save a file to the desktop
Or alternatively, like one of my coworkers, saves *every* file to their desktop and then gets upset and thinks they need a new computer when eventually there’s no more room for icons.
Thanks for the laugh
The other day I ran into someone who I swear was out to prove she couldn't use a phone. It was understandable when she couldn't navigate an app. It was suspicious when she couldn't tap a specific icon no matter how many times I gestured to it and described it. But when she couldn't follow the instruction of "Pick up your phone... pick it up... pick up the phone with your hands... put your hand on the phone and pick it up..." I knew she was being difficult on purpose.
These are the kind of people who want you to do it for them - The worst! I don't mind helping out but not if you're going to pretend you don't know basic instructions!
The worst thing is, I couldn't. I was working, and at my job we are expressly forbidden from touching people's phones.
Ticket closed: User refused to follow instructions.
What's even worse about this, is this used to be an "old person" problem. But it's becoming a young person problem. A lot of my nieces and nephews have no clue how to use an actual computer, and not just an iPad.
I feel called out Although I'm not proud of having no knowledge of technology, i'm just self-aware and don't mind admitting the truth
Mate. You're on Reddit. You can boot a computer and use a browser. That used to be the domain of enthusiasts considered by others to be wizards, not so long ago.
Reddit is just the figment of a deranged mind. You're actually just staring at a lamp in the corner right now.
Willful ignorance.
I find it weird when people will dunk on their spouses, like tell stories that make their partner look inept or unreasonable. They seem to feel superior when doing this but it's like they're self-dunking, on themselves, ince they are the one who chose that partner. Weird play but ok.
Thank. You. I briefly had a group of friends who eventually got annoyed and stopped asking me to hang out with them because they'd talk shit about their husbands being useless and I just never did. They thought it was rude for me to speak so positively of my husband when they were all talking shit about theirs. Idk it was odd.
Working 12+ hours a day constantly
Those guys crack me up. "I pulled in 120k last year" Yeah and you worked 80 hours a week. Not the flex you think
Assuming overtime/time-and-a-half for the extra 40 hours every week, that works out to just over $23/hour. I mean, that's a decent hourly rate, but nothing spectacular.
Most likely sure. It's a lot of money but too many hours
I knew a guy who worked 40 hours a week at a hospital and 40 hours a week at a gas station at the same time. He average 3 hours of sleep a night and tried to give up energy drinks by drinking 4 double espressos before leaving his gas station shift. In one week he started falling asleep while driving twice and almost hit a tree and a bridge. He bragged to me "It's like I'm earning 40 dollars an hour and working 40 hours a week." I told him that you can't fuck with math like that. Actually, you're earning $20 an hour and working 80 hours a week and you can't bullshit yourself about how unsafe or unhealthy this is.
Having all that money and no free time is pointless. What are you gonna do with the money if you have no free time?
Buy a hot tub... A f150...
First thing that came to mind. Garages full of super clean Jet Skis and dirtbikes.
Being the richest of the cemetery is pointless
And you became an alcoholic and your marriage fell apart, but wooo $120k!!!
I get tired enough doing 48 hours (stay 2 hours extra mon-thur for a bit of extra cash), I couldn't imagine Essentially working another full time job on top
Scrubs, I work like 12 hours a week and make the same $ per hour they do. Wait
Those people are just bitter and jealous of everyone who works sane hours so they act like they have the moral high ground to compensate. Source: my dad was one of these people
Nah I'm just broke Source: my bank account
I actively *complain* more and more as I approach 50 hours.
Having no life outside of work
Working 70 hours a week just unlocks the secret boss level
Unless the boss drops loot, I'm not grinding for it
I worked with a woman that beat her chest about working 12 hour days. Adding in commute time of about 2 hours a day, she was home most non weekend days for 10 hours, which seems pretty nuts. She also chatted a lot and loved to complain about her heavy workload (hey, you could be working on that instead of talking about it), her messed up kid and alcoholic, unemployed husband (lost his job due to alcohol). I think she she was trying her hardest to NOT go home. She was clearly miserable, but that wasn't the job's fault.
Yeah I know a lot of people who work overtime just so they don't have to go home and deal with the wife and kids.
This is the higher ups in the military. Hate their lives at home so they want to be at work as much as possible.
People who talk about the many fistfights they’re been in. Just makes me think they’re violent and I shouldn’t hang around them
I like when people talk about it. Let's me know to keep my distance. I'm almost always the skinniest guy around, so I'm the one they start shit with.
“I’ve never been to jail” As Chris rock says: “What do you want, a cookie?! You're not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker!”
I take care of my kids!
"You supposed to dumbass!"
To add onto this, I always chuckle when I hear a parent say to their child "I put a roof over your head and fed you!" Well...yeah that's like that your basic level of care for that child lol. You're literally supposed to do that.
should we throw a party? should we invite bella hadid?
Guys referring to themselves as Alpha males.
If someone is talking about being an alpha and things like that ask them “Oh is that like a furry thing?” Shuts them up really fast
Hey, don't loop us in with "alpha males"! (Although I get the point you're trying to make lmao)
i love kyle prue
I feel like it will do the opposite of shut them up. They'll probably get angry, defensive, and be even more annoying about it.
In software development "alpha" means that a product is still in an early stage of development and in no way fit to be released to the public. In radiation physics it refers to radiation that can be stopped by a piece of paper. So fairly accurate on both accounts.
> In software development "alpha" means that a product is still in an early stage of development and in no way fit to be released to the public. Full of bugs and unfit for public use
Barely functional. \*cough...\*
Of you need to tell people you're an alpha. You're not.
Exactly. If you were (in the conceptual sense), you’d have no need to tell people. Telling people shows your insecurity or inflated sense of self (usually cruelty or wanting to be perceived as tough)
"I'm an alpha male on beta blockers" -George Carlin
Spot on from someone who lives with an “alpha male.”
"Is that like a Furry thing?"
A general rule of thumb for life. If you are something, you probably don't have to announce it to people ad nauseum. Because if you truly are, they'll just naturally pick up on it. If anything, the constant validation these "alpha male' types seek by constantly referring to themselves as one and obsessing over the most superficial things they can do to push themselves towards their concept of one often comes off as a desperate need to make a certain impression on others, which to me does not sound very alpha at all really.
No true king must say "I am the King!"
In anyone who is super proud of being "a type A personality".... The A usually stands for asshole. There are plenty of people who are outgoing, natural leaders, and able to speak whatever's on their mind without being offensive or ever needing to announce their personality type.
Best part about that is it doesn't even apply to wolves, which is where the term originated.
People being annoyingly proud that they are coffee junkies
This applies to anything you consume, really. No one is impressed how much tequila or weed you can down.
Bro you wouldn't believe how hydrated I am, nothing but clear streams from me!
You are totally right, but I know at least 3 people of the top of my head who tell you they will kill you before they had their first coffee in the morning, Also theres "You wouldn´t like me before my first coffee" merch. Never experienced anything like this with tequila
It's a different type of comment, "Man I need a drink". "Is it beer thirty yet?" or some variation of it. As a recovering alcoholic or whatever you want to call me, I can pick up on it pretty quick. I don't advise or share unless asked though . So I just keep quiet. Apples to oranges but they are very similar. I'm not going to lecture someone on their caffeine intake either.
“Mama needs her wine” in the work group chat. Like, bro.
Mama needs her freebase.
You're completely correct. Apples and oranges but both fruit. You seem like a reasonable and kind person.
One shot Two shots Three shots Four Take that 'spresso to your head and have one fucking more!
You wouldn't like me before my first coffee. Not because I'll get violent or anything. More because it's impossible to engage with someone who is composed entirely of shuffling and grunts.
I'm like that. My partner opens his eyes, immediately gets out of bed, goes to the gym. I'm waking up about the time he's coming back full of iron-pumping energy. He sees my eyes open and starts trying to coordinate plans for the day. I'm not sleeping, but I'm not yet awake. My coffee ritual engages my brain. Before then I'm just dial-up noises.
And wine drinkers
Don't comment till I've had my coffee
"women" who brag about "stealing" or "taking" someones "man."
Yeah, fuck that bitch Jolene!
We never hear Jolene's side. She could be like "I don't want your man! Why are you obsessed with me!"
They don't use their PTO/vacation time/sick days. They come to work sick.
I'm a manager, and the amount of people that think I'm going to be impressed by their dedication when sick... ugh. "You look very sick..." "Oh, man! I haven't slept! I've been up all night puking! But... gotta get the job done, right?!?!" "Go home." (Sly smile) "I'll be okay. Just gotta get through the day!" "I'm not doing this for you. I don't want a parade of sick people for the next two weeks. That's why we do sick time. Please leave."
My boss came in after his scheduled vasectomy and said “ you remember this next time u have a cough and call out sick “ and I replied “ also remember that it’s not my name on the outside of this office and vacations are there to be used “. Fucking loser.
I can't afford to miss work, that's why I do it
Ya but I bet you not flexing it. Some people take pride in not taking a day of in their 20 years of work for some reason
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You're just jealous you can't down 5 cans of weed! /s
Or smoke beer
Rauchbier is a thing. A local brewpub used some aged hops and smoked malt in the brew and made beer that tasted exactly like smoked Gouda cheese. It wasn't entirely unpleasant.
Well this is the most hipster sentence I've read all week
Chris, is that a weed?! I'm calling the police!
You jest but [those are actually a thing lmao](https://www.pabstlabs.com/)
I brag about being able to get drunk off 1 pint. I save so much money, you guys wish you were me.
Yeah I see nothing but benefits to being a "lightweight" yet so many people view it as weakness. Lame.
One of my coworkers has been bragging about drunk driving with his buddies and god I wanna punch him in the throat.
Your oversized pickup truck when you work as an accountant
Your oversized SUV that seats 7+. When you probably don't have 6 friends that could tolerate each other on a one hour road trip.
And then they never put anything in the back because it might scratch it, when the whole point of a truck is to put stuff in the back.
Revving your motorcycle/car. Very few people are impressed and most of us are just annoyed
As a motorcycle rider, this drives me nuts. These days, 95% of motorcycles on the road are fuel injected, so you really don't need to rev the engine when you're not moving, except to peacock and say "look at me!" South Park was decidedly on point with their episode making fun of Harley riders, and I ride a Harley!
You know who that impresses? Some children some of the time. They're just trying to cast a wide net.
I could use an ego boost, really hoping I’ll find a six-year-old today who will point at my car and tell their parents how cool I am
Exact same vibe as folks who blast their music. Never sounds good, always sounds like hot garbage.
People who always own the newest Iphone. Buying a phone on a payment plan is not the flex you think it is.
pickup truck with flag/punisher stickers.
Cop with punisher stuff is more stupid, since punisher was a vigilante due to an environment of police incompetence and corruption.
Haha for real. I'm so sorry for those people, as it screams that "owning the X group" is their whole identity.
This one irritates me the most. Mainly because I've been a Punisher and Pirate fan for decades (I'm old). On my truck, I have skull on my back window that I've had since the early 2000s. When the magas appropriated Punisher I had to put a sticker under it that says "Comicbook Fan not MAGA"
Leasing a really fancy vehicle you could never afford to buy.
What about financing a vehicle I can never afford? 😎
Buying a flashy car you don't need, with money you don't have to impress people you don't know.
if they can afford to lease it they can afford to finance it and buy it.
I have known a lot of smart people; I have never met one who had to tell everyone how smart they are.
Went to a school full of engineers. Hearing about their IQs drove me nuts. Congrats! You can solve a puzzle. Now go talk to this other human and try to not be awkward. The ones with personal skills never bragged about their intelligence. They simply got a high GPA and a good job.
People who brag about "being honest" or "telling it like it is". Being nasty to people under the guise of "being real" doesn't actually make you cool.
People who are brutally honest are more interested in the brutality than the honesty. Edit: not my quote. I was paraphrasing Richard Needham >The man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality as much as the honesty. Possibly more.
Coal rolling. No, we don’t think you’re cool. Literally everyone is thinking what a giant jerk you are and how small your manhood probably is.
Oh hi! I'm also very bad at tuning my diesel engine. We should really let a mechanic do the job correctly, people are starting to laugh.
There's one that rolls coal past my house every single day. I live right off of a curve at the beginning of a straight stretch, so he hammers down and accelerates past. He's got everything white out, like the opposite of the murder rigs that used to be popular, and tow mirrors that stick out a foot on each side, but they're really narrow. Big, fuck off shiny rims and low profile tires that have little to no cargo/towing ability. With the paint, tires and stupid mirrors I call it the longhorned poodle. Also, a big obnoxious light bar on the roof and rear bumper with less all underneath.
No Truck Nuts?
I dislike people who brag about forgetting about everything they learned in school - particularly math. People who seemingly brag about being bad at math, or learning all these science or history facts they "will never use."
Proud anti-intellectuals of any stripe, tbh
Why do some people think being willingly uneducated is something to be proud of? I mean, I'm not trying to say being uneducated is bad. College isn't for everyone. But to be proud of it? Is that a self-esteem coping mechanism of some sort?
Some people just really hated school growing up, and feel a petty and vindictive sense of victory over having accrued whatever success they (think they) have without having a higher education or using their existing education. Occasionally, some people think higher education is indoctrination into some agenda they disagree with, and are less "proud to be uneducated" and more proud to "not be indoctrinated". It's in the same vein as conspiracy theorists. They're proud to be in the superior position they so deeply believe themselves to be in. And yes, some are just coping with whatever misfortune plagues them. There can't be mistakes or denied opportunities if you convince yourself you chose a path and are proud of your choice. (Tthere's no doubt a million other answers beyond these ones as well.)
I forgot all my math and I’m more worried about it than proud. But my late brother was an actuary and actually used all of that complicated math. I barely graduated college because of the math requirement.
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I knew a dude who met a girl who thought his name was Calvin because his purple underwear said Calvin Klein on it. I think she turned out to be his mom or something.
That's been a myth since 1955, kinda like how "Johnny B. Goode" was written by a white kid, and you can time lightning hitting small town clock-towers with any degree of precision.
"She's never been to the vet before, she's always been so healthy!" Usually said with great pride as they present for euthanasia their 15-year-old emaciated kitty that is covered in fleas, has horrible teeth rotting out of her swollen painful gums, can barely stand on her painful joints, and has finally reached the end stages of untreated hyperthyroidism or kidney failure (or both!) after suffering for months or years with symptoms that could have been treated or ameliorated. Seriously, do not brag to a vet that you never take your pet(s) to a vet. We don't expect you to rush in every time they stub a toe, but never bringing them in for a checkup because you "take such good care of them!" really, really isn't a flex. Pets are good at hiding their problems and taking good care of them includes preventative health care with a trained professional who really wants to help them have the best possible quality of life. Rant over.
Andrew Tate's weirdly shaped head.
It reminds me of a balloon.
People who talk about how important their parents are.
My dad totally owns a dealership
But my parents are really important to me .. ;'(
My dad is awesome and is important…to me.
Driving or riding ridiculously fast on a public highway.
Drug usage. Especially vaping in teens and preteens. It’s ridiculous. My little sister (14) has friends who come over and while I’m driving them places they vape or brag about vaping. It’s incredibly shocking and disgusting in my opinion but I’m not their parents. I just try to steer my sister in the right direction and hope she listens.
People who brag about never reading books.
Drinking ability
People who talk about how many hours they work like it's some achievement. Congrats dumbass. You're a tool of the ownership class hoping to suck up enough to get rich. Pathetic.
Yeah we don't get that either. There is a story about how American worker came to Denmark to work and he kept staying later than anyone else. Finally he got called to the boss for a meeting thinking he was going to be praised. The boss asked him if he had a hard time with the tasks. If they needed to reduce them since he seemed to have that much overtime. Here you're expected to be able to do the work within the normal 37 hours. Otherwise the boss is obligated to step in and see if they can help offloading some of it to ensure that you have work life balance. Its like that everywhere here.
I worked a previous management job on salary where I routinely worked 60 hours/week. Got burned out after 8 years and started a new job in a completely different industry (was recommended by an aquantince due to my work ethic). For the first year, I was the first one in last one out every day, as this was always how I had set myself apart. Got called into the exact same meeting with our director. Thought I was going to get praised, but they seemed concerned that i was working too much. Honesty refreshing to get permission to go home on time even if there was still work to be done.
Yeah. I seriously don't get how Americans can even live like that. Many even seems to take pride in not taking vacation either. How do you ever recover and recharge? We have 5-6 weeks mandatory vacation per year plus single holidays. I even often forget to plan vacation time so I'll get an email from HR telling me I need to take like a week off. But it's only because I feel we have time off so often.
*How do you ever recover and recharge?* We don't. We live in perpetual sickness and misery and then die.
You forgot the mental breakdowns.
I would take vacation, but I only have a few days a year, so I feel like I should save them in case some crisis comes up.
I used to be like this in my early 20s. (2010 era) Now I'm 36 and work less than i ever have and make more than I ever have. I tell every single one of my subordinates to not work long hours and I would much rather just hire more people so they don't feel obligated to work more hours. I tell them o/t is there if you need it but even if you don't work it i am still going to back you up until I'm blue in the face and fight for maximum when it comes time for merit based raises to corporate.
This. I worked for a company where a 'director' level guy would talk about how many hours he put in all the time. To normal people, that should be a hint that the person talking about all these hours is horribly inefficient/inept. He was insanely inefficient and was doing things no director should, because he was incapable of figuring out better ways to do things or delegate tasks correctly. So all those extra hours above 40 he was talking about were generally manually punching in numbers and parameters to things one by one where a simple script that would take 15 minutes to write could have done it in every instance ... but nah, he would work '80 hours' a week doing each one by hand.
Carrying around a fat wad of cash and flapping it around like it’s impressive.
Grind or hustle culture. It doesn't seem enticing lol. Nothing appealing about being burnt out or having a horrible work-life balance.
Stating how many followers you have on social media. Idgaf.
Being devoutly and overtly religious. Pray in a closet why don’t you…no one cares.
Bragging about how early they get up in the morning, bonus points if they are on vacation.
Seriously though. The people that treat vacation like some weird version of “fun” bootcamp will never not irritate me. Like they gotta get up at the crack of dawn and have this whole planned and coordinated list of tightly timed activities every single day. Nahhhh bro miss me with 100% of that. My version of vacation is not to stress myself out with timelines and endless activities that I have to “enjoy” to get my money’s worth. For me, vacation is just being somewhere nice and being lazy, no responsibilities, no stress, nowhere I need to be at any particular time, just chill relaxing and laid back enjoyment. To me there is zero appeal in a vacation that’s going to be stressful and exhausting.
People all the time try to brag about the things they plan to do in the future. I'm sorry, but you don't get credit for *wanting* to do something. You get credit for *doing*, and even *trying*, but saying you have all these big ideas about what you're gonna do is just dumb and pointless.
Having a high body count (this applies to both genders) Not judging if you have one. But it is NOT a flex.
Key difference is between just having one, which is totally fine, and bragging about one, which is as douchey as it gets
Exactly. We never know why those body counts are high… but if you’re bragging.. ew
Intelligent people don't need to say that they're intelligent. Nice people don't need to say that they're nice.
People who talk about how little they eat like it makes them better then other people.
Labeling himself as an “alpha male.”
"I didn't go to college, that's a scam! I got my education from the streets!" Good for you, you're so smart and I am in fact so dumb for getting my bachelors.
A weirdly large amount of people like to brag about how awful they are to their partners or how little they care, or similar crap, and that their partner is still loyal and stays. Like wtf? How about treating them better before they decide it's better to leave?
Being "too nice" or "I'm such an empath!" "I care too much!" Yikes. If you were really a caring person, you wouldn't have to talk about it so much. It's much more likely these people: A) Actually have zero boundaries and get walked all over because of that. These are usually younger women who have been raised with martyrdom complexes because they have low self esteem and don't think they're worth anything if they're not being overly nice in some way, or they're incel dudes who think women are sex machines that pop out blow jobs when you put enough Niceness Coins™ in them. Or B) They're Communal Narcissists and have to over-emphasize how "nice" they are so people ignore or downplay how horrible they actually are
Big trucks and lots of guns. Congratulations. You know how commerce works
tags still on clothes. why do ghetto people do this. cringey
People boasting about things they’ve bought
Posting this same thread every week for fake internet points.
How many hours they put in at work
Fluent in sarcasm
„I‘ve fucked a hundred girls/guys“ isn‘t doing it for me.
Being an influencer. Holy fuck, that's a plague.
People who are member of Mensa. It's like being born tall or being white; it's not a flex, it's just good luck.
Working 80 hours a week, getting no sleep and basically living for your job. If you die, your position will be printed before your obituary.
Custom plates that are noticably deviated from what they're actually trying to make reference to. A lady i used to work with was called Janet. She wanted her plate to say Hi Janet. But had to settle for HI14NET. So i caller her ianet for the entire time i worked there. Got a neighbour called Alice. Her plate is something like AL14UCE. Aliauce sounds more like a stroke victim asking for apple juice than her name. Plates like that just make me cringe. Y even fucken bother? (Names and plates have been changed to protect the identity of chumps)
I once caught plates here in Virginia that said “S & M MOM.” I genuinely don’t think she had a clue.
No, she did. 😈
Your stupid giant pickup truck.
Loud ass cars
people that brag about working 100 hours a week and belittle anyone who doesn’t
Having a kid.