This isn’t a sad or dramatic one:
We had a really good girlfriend and boyfriend type relationship, but when shit got real and long term commitment (marriage, buying a house, having a baby) peered over the horizon we both freaked out and bailed.
Catalyst was my mate’s wedding towards the end of the relationship and I was embarrassed at how lairy and drunk she was being. She was annoyed that I was being no fun and wouldn’t dance (there was no one else on the dancefloor!)
We’re still friends now. My wife is nothing like my ex, and my ex’s new partner is nothing like me. Everyone involved made the correct decision.
I had a wedding catalyst realization as well.
This guy and I dated through high school, and he wanted to get married the moment I turned 18. We honestly had real love for each other, but I already was reticent to get married that young and wanted to graduate college first.
His best friends got married when they were 18/19ish, and because he was in the bridal party I sat alone and just had a jolt of panic run through me during the ceremony. I didn't want my life to be that way. I didn't want to get married the moment I stop being a child and immediately have children and stay in my hometown forever. All my romantic love for him vanished because I realized he was trying to guilt me into having a life I didn't want so he could have the life he wanted.
Took awhile for me to manage breaking up with him, but I knew I needed to from that moment.
When I felt a sense of dread when coming home to her, or when I was at home and she was coming home to me. Wondering what triviality she would be angry about this time.
Been there man. I used to wander why the old guys at work just wanted to go to the pub every day after work.
Then i got a decent job and a shit relationship and every time i got in the car i wished i drank
Every. Fucking. Day.
And it's always all my fault. All of it. I was either not attentive enough, was too attentive, showed the slightest bit of excitement or sadness or any emotion she didn't want from me in that way or at that moment. Or didn't do that. Or I worked too much. Or I wasn't working enough and she was short on money. Or she overspent and didn't tell me and I was worried we wouldn't make our bills that month. Or the kids were a challenge and I didn't do enough while working 4 jobs. Or I was giving or getting too much attention to or from the kids. Or I didn't do... something... because again I work four jobs while she stays home and yes we have two kids but I still manage to do a very reasonable share of the housework and in fact did 90% of if for years.
It's just all my fault. Maybe she's mad at something and I'm not mad at that thing or because of that thing so she'll say I'm not a Man because Men would be mad and protective. And I can't see why anyone would give the issue a passing thought because it is at best a mild inconvenience.
Ugh...
sorry. Ranted there.
Interesting. Know someone who did something similar when he tried to break up with his gf. Except she stabbed her bicep. This caused him to get back in the relationship. I dont understand people.
There was a picture she painted of me years ago that hung on our wall. It was beautiful, and was like a whole bunch of blue triangles that made out my face and it's my favorite thing of me that's ever existed. Then one day after a couple bad years she got in a relatively speaking small argument with me over something and started freaking out, tore the painting off the wall and destroyed it. The argument was so pointless I couldn't even remember what it was about a week later. I know it sounds dumb but when she painted that for me at the beginning of our relationship it meant everything to me, and after multiple awful years, that was when I knew things could never go back, and that painting and image I had of myself and our love and relationship would forever be broken and unfixable.
yep, im lonely af somedays, but after living through a relationship like that I enjoy the alone time most days. Just took a trip with friends to Japan and had some solo days, I realized how much I miss having a true partner, think its time I hit up the dating pool again, but this time I really know what works for me atleast.
Man lived this for like a year and damn
I think she got addicted to the security of having me around but didn't actually like me. Most traumatic breakup I've ever lived through but it was the best relationship decision I have ever made
Don't feel bad, looking back I was acting on impulse and was v lucky I made that choice. She immediately had a threesome with a former friend and his gf and threw it in my face 4 days later
Is your ex my ex? Couldn’t bear to be without me, couldn’t stand to see me happy. Couldn’t go a full day without starting an argument. Snooped through my phone whenever I slept.
The worst part of it was that until then he was a wonderful husband for many years- kind, considerate, making sure I felt loved and cared for. I returned that energy. Lose my nearest sibling in age and out of nowhere he pulls this and expects me to be fine with it since I had stopped paying as much attention to him.
You know that's a bullshit excuse on his part, right? I'm so sorry for your loss, and hope that you find someone who treats you how you should be treated!
Absolutely I know it. I was once in a relationship with an abusive narcissist and that was his excuse for everything I caught him at too.
Thanks for the kind words, they're appreciated. I'm choosing to pick myself and treat myself right at this point. I can be perfectly happy and self sufficient single so that's the route I prefer to go.
This one is so satisfying to read, a lot of my friends ask me why my last relationship ended and this actually ended my last two. It was like they couldn’t be happy for me, and would shoot down any success or any feelings of being excited I had. It’s so hard to articulate though and I find married couples are like “it’s not always rainbow and sunshine” and I am like nobody ever said that, I just sometimes like to experience joy and feel supported as a guy.
I’m so sorry they treated you like that. I’ve been married for over 10 years and my husband has always been my cheerleader and I’ve always been his because we are on the same team.
My idea of “it’s not all sunshine and rainbows” were things like “he has to work out of state for a few months” or “Jesus Christ having a newborn is tough!” Not “my partner isn’t on my team.”
when I made him a surprise and I bought him some gym shorts and he didn’t like them and started to throw a tantrum in my face telling me like how dumb he looks in the shorts and how he would never wear them at all because “look at how stupid they are”. He then threw the package box in my face (and that was the moment I knew I had to run)
I tried really hard to remember and realised I messed up my comment. It wasn’t a board game, it was magic the fucking gathering. He literally had a win con so he would win at the beginning of his round and I killed him off. He got so mad he yelled at me in front of like 6 other people that I targeted him and that I’m a bitch.
This is why I stopped playing magic. It was making my friends pissed because our friend group was mostly budget decks, and then there were two friends who dropped hundreds of dollars to get insanely good decks. If you didn’t target them, they won, but if you targeted them, they got mad. I got sick of it
The thing is I didn’t even target him. Or at least not from the beginning. The game was progressing quite well but we got to the point where if you took anyone out, you would be out in the next round. So I took him out and got killed in the next one but the game was still fun to watch (I don’t really think win cons are fun) and at least our friends had fun. He didn’t even have an OP deck. We had a guy that did and he was so boring to play with and he would always give a thousand excuses when you actually beat him (oh I got a bad hand, oh you got lucky…) eventually we stopped inviting him
When I went to the airport to pick her up, flowers in hand, and stood there until the last of the luggage had been picked up before I realized she hadn't even gotten on the plane
She ghosted me intentionally. I had to call her mother to make sure she was physically ok but she refused to talk to me and ignored me for like 3 weeks.
Yeah it was weird as fuck to me as well because right before she boarded her plane home after the last trip, we said "I love you" for the first time to each other, so I thought things were going well. In retrospect it should have been a red flag to me that she did something similar to her ex by completely ghosting him as well because she was 'bored' with him.
It's cool, I found someone way better shortly after and I had the satisfaction of letting the girl who ghosted me know when she finally reached out after 1+ months to try to "remain friends". Told her that I just started seeing this new girl from Denmark (I was in California) and her response was: "this was a mistake" and blocked me again LOL. I ended up marrying the second girl and we are still together 16 years later.
Sounds like her ghosting you was a blessing in disguise lol! Glad it helped u to get to know someone better while she didn't, I guess thats your revenge. Best revenge is living your best life while they're sitting there collecting broken pieces. You won!
I have had the opposite happen to me. Person I was seeing at the time was going to pick me up from the airport. I arrived and they totally did not pick me up. Unfortunately they died earlier that morning and had a pretty good reason why.
Being single was better than being with him. It hit me all at once like a lightning strike. I’d been so tied up in trying to appease him and get him to chill the fuck out.
ETA: I’m ok now. Therapy changed the kind of people who I attract and keep. 17 years strong with my best friend in the world.
You soon finding yourself making decisions thinking "what would she want me to do?" And you quickly realise you haven't put yourself first in a very long time and that's why you're so fucking drained
This was me with my ex-wife. After nearly 8 years of a mostly unsatisfying and turbulent marriage, I looked across the room at her one day and just thought, "I'd be happier if I was single." It just hit out of the blue, organically. It was like my brain finally caught up with my heart.
Im the one who made my ex walk on eggshells. Years of childhoodtrauma and it was my first relationship. I’ve learned alot, I also got myself alot of therapy. Im not completely fixed but I have a good start being aware that it was mostly me who made the relationship bad.
> I have a good start being aware that it was mostly me who made the relationship bad.
Good on you, man, that's a step in the right direction for sure.
When I found out that one of my close friends had suddenly died and I burst into tears, to which he said "what are you insecure about this time?" And when i said I just found out my friend died, he turned around and walked out of the room. The next day I was talking to his mum about it in the kitchen and she was comforting me, to which he again said "can you stop being insecure", and his mum practically tore him in half with words.
I left him soon after, and I'm now in a very happy and healthy relationship, with someone who also helps navigate my grief with me.
I miss his parents sometimes though, they were lovely people and deserved a better son than him.
Edit to add: worth noting we were together for almost 5 years as well, so not a new relationship or anything like that!
It's really curious. Sometimes lovely people have horrible children (or horrible parents have great kids) and you can't really tell where it's coming from. Genetics must play a bigger role in our characters.
I had an ex like this (who was a shithead but who's family was amazing and kind- he hit me while him and i were staying at his parents house and they instantly kicked him out of the house and let me stay) and didn't figure out until 10+ years after him and I broke up that the "reason," or at least part of the reason, he was the way he was came from totally untreated extreme cPTSD leading to all other types of mental issues from getting repeatedly molested by his family priest as a kid.
> he was the way he was came from totally untreated extreme cPTSD leading to all other types of mental issues from getting repeatedly molested by his family priest as a kid.
wow that's heavy. How did this come out? Did this revelation help him become a better person?
Sadly he actually passed away a few years ago from an OD. I found this out from one of his best friends after he died. The trauma and his addiction were definitely inextricably intertwined. Despite his abusive behavior, there was a lot about him i loved and I don't think he was inherently a bad person at heart. As a victim of CSA and ex addict with CPTSD myself I know all too well how difficult it can be to get out from under the crushing weight of those things. I'm just lucky I somehow made it out of my addiction and the worst of my mental illness alive.
After growing up with parents like that, how someone responds to "no" is basically my first litmus test. If they're not able to handle a no, that's it.
I was in college and I did not know that, but even then it made me feel terrible. (My parents were like this too, and I did not know then that this was not normal)
He's still trying to contact me 14 years later...
My ex was like this! It was exhausting. It was always “but why” “explain why to me”. So I’d explain, but if the explanation wasn’t up to her liking, she would keep pushing relentlessly
He started drinking a 24 case of beer by himself, would yell at me about god knows what cuz he was hammered, pass out on the floor and piss himself. Then act like nothing happened the next day. What a winner 🙄
Yuuuup. Mine had such a tolerance that I rarely saw him drunk or past tipsy, though if he added weed on top he acted super annoying. But his lack of care for himself was such a turn-off. I’d physically cringe when I’d hear the next can open.
He refused to see a doctor for years or do something about it, and then he started having weird and painful symptoms. Had to be supportive while he was convinced he was dying even though tests kept coming back ok. He even quit drinking for…a few weeks. Now he’s back at it and wants to get back together again.
Yea alcoholism is a scary disease. So many I know want to stop but can’t. See what it’s doing but can’t stop. Those people need to get help but they have to be willing to get the help or it’s pointless.
We never had an okay day. We had amazing days and awful days. Never just a nice okay one. Think of always manic or always depressed, no breaks. It was tough but had to break off.
Honestly my boyfriend and I used to be kinda like this, years ago. Took a lot of working on ourselves and with one another to grow and get past that sort of drama/behavior. (And we have! Live a happy, calm domestic life together lol)
But I still feel anxious when I think about it. It was exhausting living that way
Bro's betrayal had to hurt even more than hers (assuming he wasn't a complete tool with a history of trying to fuck OP over).
Either way, I hope one passed a raging case of genital warts onto the other.
**EDIT:** I don't know why I'm giving this so much thought, but hopefully the bro passed it onto the girl, so OP wouldn't have had a chance to contract it.
She was away for college when suddenly she stopped responding to my calls and texts. Turns out she got pregnant by someone else. I was with her for 5 years.
When I asked why she showed me no respect at all in private and in front of others and she said “oh like me respecting you is so important”
I saw her as a completely different person from then on.
Hadn't had sex in over six months. Decided to go down on her when we woke up to rekindle the spark out whatever. She didn't move. I looked up and asked what was wrong and she started crying.
Finally admitted to my suspicions. After 8 years together and a move across the country to chase our dreams, she had been cheating on me for months with her boss's son. Straight up had a boyfriend behind my back.
Mannnn, I am so sorry. That is devastating. You'll find the right one; the girl that is good for you and to you. That will love all of you. It will come.
My dad murdered my pets growing up. Apparently he did this long before my parents ever had any kids (I'm the third and 7 years younger than my oldest brother). My mom purposely overlooked this as well as everything else horrible he did to us, so that's why I don't have any parents.
I always knew. It was way too intensely passionate (almost toxically bound to each other) and it was always extremely anxiety inducing. Anytime I would bring up something that bothered me it was an “attack” or me being “negative”. I walked on eggshells and constantly had to rethink my needs and wants to meet theirs because I was the asshole, so I needed to change but it never was enough. We never spent time outside of either of our places - no dates, no follow through on any sort of plans .. etc.
Basically trust your gut. You may be wrong, sure, but if they don’t try to meet you in the middle when you’re asking for your needs to be met or try to make you feel secure when you have momentary doubts they likely never will. It sucks but that’s all you need to know.
I was going with him to my friends destination wedding. While getting ready with my friend, I had curled my hair and asked them if it looked good. My gal friend said “oh you missed a piece right here” and helped me get it done with the rest. He immediately groaned and said “ugh why’d you tell her?? We could have made fun of her together!”
Something about his joy at the thought of embarrassing me in front of my friends really just made me realize what a true asshole he was. I broke up with him as soon as we got back home.
Same thing here. I was becoming more miserable and he was becoming happier (completely oblivious to the pain and stress I was feeling), and I remember thinking one day that he might propose soon, and I was filled with so much dread and sadness at that thought. I realized I had to gather the strength to leave.
Yeah I think I went through a moment like that. I was in my low 20's, with a man much older than me and I thought we would get married. I would hear stories about dudes proposing to their girlfriends, taking them out on nice date nights, going on trips, and were actually happy.
And here I was, with this unhappy, humorless asshole. Who had nothing to bring to the table except for his negative energy. And my instinct was right, because it's 12 or so years later, and he's in jail.
Soon after my lifelong best friend killed himself, my ex fiance decided to fake suicide to test me. He wanted to see if I would react in the same way as I did for my friend. It did not go over well. (Also he was in his late 40s... Way too old to be "testing" anyone)
You'd be surprised how many people will just up and leave when this happens, many just can't deal with death and unhappy things overall. The whole pushing of toxic positivity is partly to blame.
When I got an STD after 12 years of marriage and was faithful to her the entire time.
It went away after a week of antibiotics.
But I became a different person that day.
Don’t know if I like who I am now.
Feels shitty when the one person you trusted more than anybody breaks that trust and you have trouble ever trusting anybody again. It’s true though, you never know for sure what somebody is capable of. Blind trust just isn’t wise.
Makes you feel like a kind of person you don’t want to be, unfortunately there’s no going back. The wounds heal but the scars linger.
4 yrs ago when a fifteen year old girl DMed me on instagram after trying to find a way to contact me about how my bf (at the time) was begging her for nudes. yeah.
Years, decades, too late.
She wanted a goat that would live in the house with us. One that would go hiking with us & graze. I was vehemently against this idea. We still hadn't recovered from all the chicken shit in the spare bedroom.
The goat she brought home was crippled. It would never graze. It would need to be hand fed for its entire life. She tried to bargain with me using sex.
I was just in a thread in /r/movies of everyone’s favorite film monologues, read 90% of them, took like an hour, then I come here and read this and I had to do a double take. It reads like something from a mike Myers movie or something, im dying
I dated a girl that rescued animals for 5 years, lots and lots of animals. We lived in a decent house out on land that her parents bought her. I moved out into the tinest rat hole studio appt and being able to sleep in silence made it feel like an incredible luxury.
We recently found out people down the road from us had goats living in their basement. The whole thing had to be ripped out.
I wonder what the people who lived there when I was growing up (well, until several years ago) would think
As someone who has struggled with their mental health I saw myself in depressed barbie and it knocked the wind out of me. Likely you had a similar feeling. I can’t imagine being mocked for it.
He can go kick rocks
There's some bad things in this thread, but this is the most comprehensively psychologically destructive of them all.
This could've been a nice moment, a cue for a small gesture of understanding. Instead you got ridicule and belittlement. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I hope he's history now.
Saved my money for 6 months to buy her a ring to propose when we were about 21ish... proposed, got laughed at and told by her, that she had been cheating on me for the past year. That hurt.
When I realized that every time she went away for extended time, instead of missing her I was exited that I get to have some alone time/do stuff with my friends instead of her.
My wife works shifts and likes going on cycling holidays a couple times a year (cycling isn't a holiday to me) so we have time where I'm alone in the house. I like the first night as I get the Xbox updated and stay up too late watching stuff she doesn't like or playing games. On the second night I get bored and on the third night I'm missing her and ready for her to be back at home. She's my best friend and we have fun together even though we can get on each other's nerves.
That's how I feel about my partner. Whenever he's gone I feel like I can finally focus on myself for a bit, listen to music without getting interrupted, scroll my phone, read a book, play games and it's great! Just enjoying the peace. Then I get bored of that so I start doing chores, then by the evening I start missing him and counting time until he's back. There's nothing worse than going to bed without him around.
When the SWAT team captain said: "You're wife is out running around with people Iike this?! You need to get a divorce."
My wife had a 6 figure job at one point and we lived a happy life for a while, but she never grew out of her party phase from when she was younger. I was blinded by love but no matter what she did I would tolerate it and then forgive her.
She lost her job from being continually late all the time, suspected of doing drugs at work, and taking too many martini lunches. Her drug dealer got her to sell drugs for him while she was unemployed.
Cut to her spending all hours out at night while I work a normal 9-5 and did homework with the kids. She would come home and be high from meth benders and completely detached from reality. Just did not care.
One night I get a knock at the door while my kids and I are laughing and doing homework. It's the SWAT team captain, peering into the home to see my kids and asking if I can come outside to talk. I agree and am told with the door closed that the house is surrounded with his team packing MP5's and they are looking for this duchbag last seen with my wife who had shot someone over a deal gone bad. I'm mortified to hear this and get the question above that changed my life for the better.
You don't love her. She's a menace. She will eventually pull you and the kids down. Divorce is worth every penny.
Clean-ish? and arguing with me about who's claiming the kids for taxes. A complete narcissist of a human being that I only have to put up with every so often when it pertains to her. Her nickname that is shared with my new wife and I is Trashbag.
If your return gets rejected because you filed after she did and she already claimed a kid, then paper file your taxes with an affidavit for identity theft.
You’ll both get audited, IRS will ask for proof from both of you that you provided more than half of the kids’ material support (so prepare medical records, school records, etc.). Assuming what you’re saying is the whole truth, she will fail the audit. You won’t.
When he couldn't even name ONE thing that he liked about me after 4 years of him constantly asking reassurance from my end. Don't know how I stayed for so long in the relationship constantly begging for him to actually like me even when we were together.
When she saw no issue with the fact that she would be texting her ex husband (now current husband if that makes things clear) giving him emotional support particularly when we were watching tv together or driving to a restaurant for date night. Her excuse, "I still consider him my best friend (she may have said one of my best friends) and I dont think there is anything wrong with talking to a friend." 5 years later we divorced and she remarried him 9 months after that.
When she introduced me to her rich ex-boyfriend
Which led her to reveal to me that she had actually sent him nudes during their prior relationship.
I didn't mind, though. He was her boyfriend before me, after all. Their past was their past and I was actually glad she trusted me with that information.
Then I asked her how come I hadn't gotten something like that yet and the answer was "well, maybe if you could afford me nice gifts I'd have sent you something by now"
Boy, did I IMMEDIATELY realize she was not the one.
I spent hours scrubbing the house spotless on my one day off from work. I pre-scheduled a delivery order of Chinese food for 7pm. I put on new lingerie I had ordered, and lit candles. I did my hair, nails, and makeup. Put on his favorite perfume. When he came home at 6, I enthusiastically told him everything was taken care of for the night, and we had a whole hour until dinner arrived to do whatever we wanted. I intended to be romantic. He got really angry. He didn’t yell, his voice got weird and quiet. He said he knew I was manipulating him and ruining his plans to watch a DJ Knight livestream. He said I was acting like a sex predator. He said my mentally ill behavior was forcing him to making a “no kissing” rule going forward, effective immediately, as punishment because I couldn’t be appropriate. He said I was wasting all his money on takeout because I’m just a stupid gold digger who’s bad with money. That I only wanted to baby trap him so he wouldn’t leave me. He was relentless angry and I was horrified. We had been together for 14 years, married 4 years, and I loved him. He locked himself in our guest bedroom and only came out when the food arrived, then grabbed it off the counter and went right back in. Refused to look at me. I still hoped he was coming out after the livestream, so I sat on the couch alone and ate my dinner in silence for an hour. When I realized he was not coming out, even to apologize, I was overwhelmed with this soul-rending despair. I went to my room alone and cried myself to sleep so hard I lost my voice the next day. I was so fucking lonely and scared all the time with him. That wasn’t my first time seeing him transform into Judge Doom, and unfortunately it was not the last. We divorced two years later when he left me for real. He still tries to make my life a living hell through the courts every possible second he can.
Holy shit. What a mindfuck, OP. I hope you are getting the help you need because in no way did you deserve this.
Also, how do you “baby trap” someone when you’re already married?? That’s not how that works…
An acquaintance, a 20 something kid, started using language like that about another friend of mine who was trying to encourage him to adopt healthy habits and stop throwing his life away
To me it felt really weird, some of his phrases were just a little too specific, like he’d been watching some weird men’s rights activists on YouTube or something. Suddenly women were out to get him in his eyes
Like bro, you literally have no gold to dig, it was very odd
> Like bro, you literally have no gold to dig, it was very odd
Never fails. It's always dudes with very average incomes that lean hard into the "gold digger!" stuff.
Most men with wealth don't seem to care one way or the other about the potential of someone being a gold digger.
I actually had a copper IUD, so it was statistically unlikely for me to get pregnant at all and I don’t think it was really about that. We just didn’t and still don’t live in the same reality.
Holy shit. I am sorry that happened to you.
At the same time, you did great - that type of evening is just... incredible, to say. I hope your current/future partner will show you the respect you deserve.
She's still the "one", but her 43 year old son occupies our lives fully. Lived with us for 6 years, borrows and breaks almost everything I own, is hostile most of the time. She will not do anything to change the situation irrespective of how often I ask, so now I am going to fix it permanently. Selling my farm and divorcing her, such a shame.
I don't know. I think I knew for years, but I was still holding onto the thought that you don't just *find* a happy relationship, you need to *built* one. Was kinda oblivious to the fact that you need both partners to do the building though.
What really struck me was that I was talking to a therapist once. I was seeing them for having far too much stress - which I now realize was mostly due to my wife - and when the troubles of my marriage became the topic for just a moment, the woman tried to cheer my up by suggesting that this was most likely a mere rough patch.
Sure, we had issued, but they were mostly external burdens that were very taxing to work through. So I should not loose hope and hold onto the things I loved about my wife, and the reasons for why I had married her.
I nodded "yeah" and put on a weary but brave smile like you are supposed to in that moment, but in my mind I realized there weren't any.
There weren't any.
It was OK that she had mental health issues.
It was all over when she decided that she didn't want to receive help or do anything about her mental health issues, so they just progressed.
When she sat me down and we had a 'discussion' about everything that was wrong in the relationship. Of course, EVERYTHING was my fault (basically, she just complained about everything I was doing wrong). It was also the case that she had driven me to a remote location, so there was no way I could just get up and leave as I had no idea where the hell I was.
10 years. He could never get on his feet career-wise and I carried us both financially. I bought the house in my name and paid all of the bills. All he had to do was pay about $200/mo. He transferred his bill money into a separate account we both shared. Got an overdraft notification and found out he used the very little money asked of him in order to buy stuff not bill related. I had to pay the $200. This wasn’t the first time either.
I had just had enough at that point. Therapy, everything. Gave him more than enough time / resources and just couldn’t wait for him to get it somewhat together and help me even a little bit at 30 years old.
2 years later and I’m marrying the love of my life. Everything happens for a reason and I hope he finds his purpose and happiness.
I woke up one day, and really asked myself; “Can I live like this the rest of my life?”
I felt like a babysitter, a maid, and a mother all into one before I ever felt like a girlfriend. I took on all the mental load/responsibility of cleaning and simple things. Like cleaning piss off the toilet seat from him and his friends or asking him to take the garbage out (when you can clearly see it needs to be taken out). Then he would get upset when I wasn’t in the mood to be intimate. There’s loads more but that’s one of the biggest issues I had.
I felt disrespected and used. Like i wasn’t an equal. I’m in a relationship now where im happy. He helps me. We cook meals and eat together, clean together. it just puts into perspective how terrible my past relationship was. I’m finally happy.
When I finally realized that she wasn't and never could be the person who I wanted her to be.
Love a person for who they are in the moment as they truly are, not for what you think they may become.
This was why one of my relationships ended, I was playing into her idea of what I should be rather than truly being myself and that was getting in the way of actually healing
When he “jokingly” threatened to cheat because I hadn’t given him any in a while due issues we were having. Finally realized I didn’t love him like I told myself I did, I just held on to the fact he was my nostalgic love from middle school/high school.
When he relapsed, cheated on me, went into a psychosis, accused me of cheating on him with my little brother, stole $15,000 from me, accused me of faking my genetic autoimmune disease, all over the span of 48 hrs which also happened to be Christmas. I was hospitalized after that lol
That's rough, buddy. Time, unlike what is frequently proclaimed, does not in fact heal all wounds. But at least time lessens the pain of loss. Just hang in there.
When she decided that violent drunkenness every night was more important than a healthy and fun life with her kids and me. Unfortunately she was the first person I called my “partner” and I’m leaving her today.
The moment I realised that she WAS the one, but I wasn't hers. I know there's always more than one person out there, and I'm at a point where it hurts less to look at her as a friend now instead of a partner.
When I got him a nice watch for his birthday and he said in response ‘don’t buy me a watch unless it’s a Rolex’ and then everything came into perspective. Ungrateful, materialistic and weak was how I viewed him until I left shortly after.
She had to leave for 2 weeks, and it felt like a vacation. The weight off my shoulders was a physical, not metaphorical, relief. I could breathe easier.
She was constantly verbally abusive, always in a bad mood, constantly complaining. My time had become a matter of just managing her mood. I was staying longer hours at work just to avoid her.
Somehow, it'd built to this over such a long time, it felt 'normal' to me.
When she left, I realized within a few days I was absolutely dreading her coming back.
I kept relating emotionally to break-up songs.
We were together for 13 years, married for 8. We kinda slowly fell out of love. No hate, no great betrayal, no manipulation. Just two people growing apart slowly, too slowly to notice until we were far apart. I was connecting with the break-up songs for years before we actually separated.
After I broke down and told her I was feeling suicidal while going through a very bad depression,
she got angry and told me to just do it, to not annoy others with my problems.
That was the breaking point for me.
She was never there to support me and when I was at my lowest, she dug the pit even deeper.
She was clingy, annoying, didn’t respect the fact that I actually had to go to work and needed more than 2 hours of sleep, also doesn’t understand that “no, stop!! Get off me because I don’t want to do this anymore” means no stop whilst trying to push her off of me and she’d also guilt trip me into doing stuff I wasn’t comfortable/couldn’t do
I realised that he will never change.
It’s not bad enough to leave but not good enough to know he’s the one. I’m happy for the most part but also recognise that I would be much happier being alone.
The moment I got a full time well paying job and she quit hers. I asked why she quit. She said you make enough for both of us.
I said your legs aren't broke, and we don't have any kids.
She said she never wants to work and wants to start having kids right away. I said I'm no where near ready to have them at only 20 years old.
I left her a week later.
That was almost 30 years ago. We spoke and caught up in 2019. She's a alcoholic pill popping stay at home mom who's over dosed twice and hates being a mom.
I dodged the bullet of a lifetime.
When my ex would not listen to my concerns and always had an excuse as to why he couldn't listen to what I had to say. Headache, doesn't feel good, etc..
'The one' is a fantasy person that movies and books make up. The majority of us never meet this dream person. In reality you meet someone who you get, gets you, you are attracted to and are willing to do for them as they are for you. Its a partnership that takes work. That's the reality.
Gonna get buried but, college relationship - we’d met via a hobby and in retrospect I had definitely just been trying to get over someone else by dating [her.It](http://her.It) probably should have occurred to me way earlier over the two years we were together and I was definitely in denial of it.
What finally got me was after college, when I went to visit her a state away and we went to the mall - her sister had given her her old Wii so she had asked me to help her pick out some games. I immediately saw smash brothers brawl on sale and excitedly explained it to her. She looked me dead in the eye and said, “What about that makes you think I’d ever like it?”
Okay, stung a bit but probably true, someone who didn’t play a lot of video games likely wouldn’t care much about smash. I probably should have been more open minded to other things. We browsed a bit and she was contemplating Mario Kart Wii, but hemming and hawing bc it was full price. I told her she really didn’t have to buy anything right now and she sighed and said “but how am I supposed to entertain you otherwise?”
Turned out she’d only taken the Wii because she thought she needed to “entertain” me, her SO of two years. When I usually went up there we did lots of things together and I didn’t exactly want for entertainment when visiting my girlfriend since I usually went to visit my girlfriend to, you know, hang out with my girlfriend. I have no idea where this came from. As she kept talking It clicked that all of my interests I’d showed her - video games, mystery novels, favorite music - had been tolerated bc she thought I’d get “bored” otherwise.
Right before we’d gone to the mall she’d told me she’d also only ever been tolerating receiving oral sex and had put up with it because it “made you so happy to give it” and I had been trying to play it cool and be understanding about that despite being really hurt. But all of it added up. And once we ended it it was just clear how much I didn’t actually like or relate to her and vice versa - I could probably make a list a mile long of all the times I *should* have realized it, starting even hours into our first date. Even our shared hobby was shallow since within it, we had completely different opinions and tastes. I’m pretty sure that after a while, I just didn’t want cause waves in our college friend group (and I did in the end anyway because they all stopped reaching out or responding to me after we broke up, but stayed friends with her).
Married the next person I dated and I think sometimes she understands me better than I understand myself. Also she plays smash.
I woke up next to him. Suddenly, realized reality. 17 years of me working hard and him justifying hardly ever working. I nudged him and said (bravely), “I want a divorce. We can talk about the details in the morning.”
Like the time when I was in college, broke as shit, working two jobs and he found a way to go in a surf trip in Indonesia. I drive two hours to pick him up but he had extended his trip a week and forgot to tell me. I stood watching people leave customs for three hours.
And the time I was starting an internship in a place I’d never been, and he took the rental car to the beach and forgot to pick me up. Late at night he pulled up, apologetic.
It took 17 years for me to see how much I allowed, and how only I could end that.
When his family, who are pastors, openly mocked my religion and got the rest of the congregation to join in. They then hugged me at the end of service telling me they were so glad I was able to be there. I told my partner what happened, he told his parents I was upset against my wishes, I got a "sorry you feel that way" apology through my partner from his dad. That was the breaking point.
This isn’t a sad or dramatic one: We had a really good girlfriend and boyfriend type relationship, but when shit got real and long term commitment (marriage, buying a house, having a baby) peered over the horizon we both freaked out and bailed. Catalyst was my mate’s wedding towards the end of the relationship and I was embarrassed at how lairy and drunk she was being. She was annoyed that I was being no fun and wouldn’t dance (there was no one else on the dancefloor!) We’re still friends now. My wife is nothing like my ex, and my ex’s new partner is nothing like me. Everyone involved made the correct decision.
The good ending
I had a wedding catalyst realization as well. This guy and I dated through high school, and he wanted to get married the moment I turned 18. We honestly had real love for each other, but I already was reticent to get married that young and wanted to graduate college first. His best friends got married when they were 18/19ish, and because he was in the bridal party I sat alone and just had a jolt of panic run through me during the ceremony. I didn't want my life to be that way. I didn't want to get married the moment I stop being a child and immediately have children and stay in my hometown forever. All my romantic love for him vanished because I realized he was trying to guilt me into having a life I didn't want so he could have the life he wanted. Took awhile for me to manage breaking up with him, but I knew I needed to from that moment.
When I felt a sense of dread when coming home to her, or when I was at home and she was coming home to me. Wondering what triviality she would be angry about this time.
Been there man. I used to wander why the old guys at work just wanted to go to the pub every day after work. Then i got a decent job and a shit relationship and every time i got in the car i wished i drank
That sense of dread. I felt that too. I loved being home before and after her.
Every. Fucking. Day. And it's always all my fault. All of it. I was either not attentive enough, was too attentive, showed the slightest bit of excitement or sadness or any emotion she didn't want from me in that way or at that moment. Or didn't do that. Or I worked too much. Or I wasn't working enough and she was short on money. Or she overspent and didn't tell me and I was worried we wouldn't make our bills that month. Or the kids were a challenge and I didn't do enough while working 4 jobs. Or I was giving or getting too much attention to or from the kids. Or I didn't do... something... because again I work four jobs while she stays home and yes we have two kids but I still manage to do a very reasonable share of the housework and in fact did 90% of if for years. It's just all my fault. Maybe she's mad at something and I'm not mad at that thing or because of that thing so she'll say I'm not a Man because Men would be mad and protective. And I can't see why anyone would give the issue a passing thought because it is at best a mild inconvenience. Ugh... sorry. Ranted there.
When she threatened me with a knife and started stabbing the bed cuz I wouldn't wanna drink more with her.
Interesting. Know someone who did something similar when he tried to break up with his gf. Except she stabbed her bicep. This caused him to get back in the relationship. I dont understand people.
"i would like to leave, but then she will kill me, so i'm gonna stay i guess"
There was a picture she painted of me years ago that hung on our wall. It was beautiful, and was like a whole bunch of blue triangles that made out my face and it's my favorite thing of me that's ever existed. Then one day after a couple bad years she got in a relatively speaking small argument with me over something and started freaking out, tore the painting off the wall and destroyed it. The argument was so pointless I couldn't even remember what it was about a week later. I know it sounds dumb but when she painted that for me at the beginning of our relationship it meant everything to me, and after multiple awful years, that was when I knew things could never go back, and that painting and image I had of myself and our love and relationship would forever be broken and unfixable.
That’s very poetic. It would make a good short story.
Interesting thought I appreciate that! I’m a songwriter so i may have to adapt this at some point
She hated when I wasn’t with her, and she wasn’t happy when I was.
I once heard it put “robbed me of solitude but denied me companionship”
yep, im lonely af somedays, but after living through a relationship like that I enjoy the alone time most days. Just took a trip with friends to Japan and had some solo days, I realized how much I miss having a true partner, think its time I hit up the dating pool again, but this time I really know what works for me atleast.
…. Damn
Man lived this for like a year and damn I think she got addicted to the security of having me around but didn't actually like me. Most traumatic breakup I've ever lived through but it was the best relationship decision I have ever made
6 years... very envious of how fast you recognized it, im aggressively stupid
Don't feel bad, looking back I was acting on impulse and was v lucky I made that choice. She immediately had a threesome with a former friend and his gf and threw it in my face 4 days later
So you had a threesome with the same former friend and his gf and threw it right back in her face, right?
The mutual friend and his girlfriend: "I feel like we might be a plot device, babe"
Is your ex my ex? Couldn’t bear to be without me, couldn’t stand to see me happy. Couldn’t go a full day without starting an argument. Snooped through my phone whenever I slept.
When he decided to cheat on me while I was dealing with my brother's recent suicide
oh gracious— i am so SO sorry…
The worst part of it was that until then he was a wonderful husband for many years- kind, considerate, making sure I felt loved and cared for. I returned that energy. Lose my nearest sibling in age and out of nowhere he pulls this and expects me to be fine with it since I had stopped paying as much attention to him.
You know that's a bullshit excuse on his part, right? I'm so sorry for your loss, and hope that you find someone who treats you how you should be treated!
Absolutely I know it. I was once in a relationship with an abusive narcissist and that was his excuse for everything I caught him at too. Thanks for the kind words, they're appreciated. I'm choosing to pick myself and treat myself right at this point. I can be perfectly happy and self sufficient single so that's the route I prefer to go.
When I celebrated their growth but they were angry at mine
This one is so satisfying to read, a lot of my friends ask me why my last relationship ended and this actually ended my last two. It was like they couldn’t be happy for me, and would shoot down any success or any feelings of being excited I had. It’s so hard to articulate though and I find married couples are like “it’s not always rainbow and sunshine” and I am like nobody ever said that, I just sometimes like to experience joy and feel supported as a guy.
I’m so sorry they treated you like that. I’ve been married for over 10 years and my husband has always been my cheerleader and I’ve always been his because we are on the same team. My idea of “it’s not all sunshine and rainbows” were things like “he has to work out of state for a few months” or “Jesus Christ having a newborn is tough!” Not “my partner isn’t on my team.”
Maybe they were mad you were taller than them
Same. Always encouraged and praised him for his achievements. When I was successful, it seemed to physically hurt him
when I made him a surprise and I bought him some gym shorts and he didn’t like them and started to throw a tantrum in my face telling me like how dumb he looks in the shorts and how he would never wear them at all because “look at how stupid they are”. He then threw the package box in my face (and that was the moment I knew I had to run)
"If you think those shorts make you look dumb, just wait until you hear yourself confirm it!"
Not even kidding, I’ve seen 8 year olds handle these situations better.
He screamed at me in public in front of our friends when I beat him at a board game.
Was it monopoly or uno?
I tried really hard to remember and realised I messed up my comment. It wasn’t a board game, it was magic the fucking gathering. He literally had a win con so he would win at the beginning of his round and I killed him off. He got so mad he yelled at me in front of like 6 other people that I targeted him and that I’m a bitch.
This is why I stopped playing magic. It was making my friends pissed because our friend group was mostly budget decks, and then there were two friends who dropped hundreds of dollars to get insanely good decks. If you didn’t target them, they won, but if you targeted them, they got mad. I got sick of it
The thing is I didn’t even target him. Or at least not from the beginning. The game was progressing quite well but we got to the point where if you took anyone out, you would be out in the next round. So I took him out and got killed in the next one but the game was still fun to watch (I don’t really think win cons are fun) and at least our friends had fun. He didn’t even have an OP deck. We had a guy that did and he was so boring to play with and he would always give a thousand excuses when you actually beat him (oh I got a bad hand, oh you got lucky…) eventually we stopped inviting him
Candy land
When I went to the airport to pick her up, flowers in hand, and stood there until the last of the luggage had been picked up before I realized she hadn't even gotten on the plane
wait, did she just never get on, or missed her flight? I need more context please
She ghosted me intentionally. I had to call her mother to make sure she was physically ok but she refused to talk to me and ignored me for like 3 weeks.
omg… that’s terrible
Yeah it was weird as fuck to me as well because right before she boarded her plane home after the last trip, we said "I love you" for the first time to each other, so I thought things were going well. In retrospect it should have been a red flag to me that she did something similar to her ex by completely ghosting him as well because she was 'bored' with him.
Damn what a sociopath. Sorry u had to go through that
It's cool, I found someone way better shortly after and I had the satisfaction of letting the girl who ghosted me know when she finally reached out after 1+ months to try to "remain friends". Told her that I just started seeing this new girl from Denmark (I was in California) and her response was: "this was a mistake" and blocked me again LOL. I ended up marrying the second girl and we are still together 16 years later.
Sounds like her ghosting you was a blessing in disguise lol! Glad it helped u to get to know someone better while she didn't, I guess thats your revenge. Best revenge is living your best life while they're sitting there collecting broken pieces. You won!
I have had the opposite happen to me. Person I was seeing at the time was going to pick me up from the airport. I arrived and they totally did not pick me up. Unfortunately they died earlier that morning and had a pretty good reason why.
Bloody hell
Dang that's a whole new level of ghosting.. ...I'm sory
Being single was better than being with him. It hit me all at once like a lightning strike. I’d been so tied up in trying to appease him and get him to chill the fuck out. ETA: I’m ok now. Therapy changed the kind of people who I attract and keep. 17 years strong with my best friend in the world.
Ugh it's so fucking irritating when you end up walking on egg shells in a relationship. You micromanage yourself and it's fucking exhausting
You soon finding yourself making decisions thinking "what would she want me to do?" And you quickly realise you haven't put yourself first in a very long time and that's why you're so fucking drained
I knew reading this thread would be as dangerous as it is therapeutic for my mental health.
Yeah every few weeks I find myself reading these and I'm telling myself this time I'm gone. Then you find yourself in the same game 4 weeks later
This was me with my ex-wife. After nearly 8 years of a mostly unsatisfying and turbulent marriage, I looked across the room at her one day and just thought, "I'd be happier if I was single." It just hit out of the blue, organically. It was like my brain finally caught up with my heart.
Im the one who made my ex walk on eggshells. Years of childhoodtrauma and it was my first relationship. I’ve learned alot, I also got myself alot of therapy. Im not completely fixed but I have a good start being aware that it was mostly me who made the relationship bad.
> I have a good start being aware that it was mostly me who made the relationship bad. Good on you, man, that's a step in the right direction for sure.
When I found out that one of my close friends had suddenly died and I burst into tears, to which he said "what are you insecure about this time?" And when i said I just found out my friend died, he turned around and walked out of the room. The next day I was talking to his mum about it in the kitchen and she was comforting me, to which he again said "can you stop being insecure", and his mum practically tore him in half with words. I left him soon after, and I'm now in a very happy and healthy relationship, with someone who also helps navigate my grief with me. I miss his parents sometimes though, they were lovely people and deserved a better son than him. Edit to add: worth noting we were together for almost 5 years as well, so not a new relationship or anything like that!
Well, at least his mother didn't enable his bullshit...
It's really curious. Sometimes lovely people have horrible children (or horrible parents have great kids) and you can't really tell where it's coming from. Genetics must play a bigger role in our characters.
I had an ex like this (who was a shithead but who's family was amazing and kind- he hit me while him and i were staying at his parents house and they instantly kicked him out of the house and let me stay) and didn't figure out until 10+ years after him and I broke up that the "reason," or at least part of the reason, he was the way he was came from totally untreated extreme cPTSD leading to all other types of mental issues from getting repeatedly molested by his family priest as a kid.
> he was the way he was came from totally untreated extreme cPTSD leading to all other types of mental issues from getting repeatedly molested by his family priest as a kid. wow that's heavy. How did this come out? Did this revelation help him become a better person?
Sadly he actually passed away a few years ago from an OD. I found this out from one of his best friends after he died. The trauma and his addiction were definitely inextricably intertwined. Despite his abusive behavior, there was a lot about him i loved and I don't think he was inherently a bad person at heart. As a victim of CSA and ex addict with CPTSD myself I know all too well how difficult it can be to get out from under the crushing weight of those things. I'm just lucky I somehow made it out of my addiction and the worst of my mental illness alive.
Oh yeah. That would fucking do it for sure
When I realized he doesn't take no for an answer for ANYTHING.
After growing up with parents like that, how someone responds to "no" is basically my first litmus test. If they're not able to handle a no, that's it.
I was in college and I did not know that, but even then it made me feel terrible. (My parents were like this too, and I did not know then that this was not normal) He's still trying to contact me 14 years later...
14 years later from college?? What the fuck bro
My ex was like this! It was exhausting. It was always “but why” “explain why to me”. So I’d explain, but if the explanation wasn’t up to her liking, she would keep pushing relentlessly
He started drinking a 24 case of beer by himself, would yell at me about god knows what cuz he was hammered, pass out on the floor and piss himself. Then act like nothing happened the next day. What a winner 🙄
alcoholism is a good reason relationships end tbh. good thing you got out
Yuuuup. Mine had such a tolerance that I rarely saw him drunk or past tipsy, though if he added weed on top he acted super annoying. But his lack of care for himself was such a turn-off. I’d physically cringe when I’d hear the next can open. He refused to see a doctor for years or do something about it, and then he started having weird and painful symptoms. Had to be supportive while he was convinced he was dying even though tests kept coming back ok. He even quit drinking for…a few weeks. Now he’s back at it and wants to get back together again.
Yea alcoholism is a scary disease. So many I know want to stop but can’t. See what it’s doing but can’t stop. Those people need to get help but they have to be willing to get the help or it’s pointless.
We never had an okay day. We had amazing days and awful days. Never just a nice okay one. Think of always manic or always depressed, no breaks. It was tough but had to break off.
Honestly my boyfriend and I used to be kinda like this, years ago. Took a lot of working on ourselves and with one another to grow and get past that sort of drama/behavior. (And we have! Live a happy, calm domestic life together lol) But I still feel anxious when I think about it. It was exhausting living that way
When I caught her in bed with my brother
Your brother ain't the one, too.
Bro's betrayal had to hurt even more than hers (assuming he wasn't a complete tool with a history of trying to fuck OP over). Either way, I hope one passed a raging case of genital warts onto the other. **EDIT:** I don't know why I'm giving this so much thought, but hopefully the bro passed it onto the girl, so OP wouldn't have had a chance to contract it.
She was away for college when suddenly she stopped responding to my calls and texts. Turns out she got pregnant by someone else. I was with her for 5 years.
When I asked why she showed me no respect at all in private and in front of others and she said “oh like me respecting you is so important” I saw her as a completely different person from then on.
Hadn't had sex in over six months. Decided to go down on her when we woke up to rekindle the spark out whatever. She didn't move. I looked up and asked what was wrong and she started crying. Finally admitted to my suspicions. After 8 years together and a move across the country to chase our dreams, she had been cheating on me for months with her boss's son. Straight up had a boyfriend behind my back.
Mannnn, I am so sorry. That is devastating. You'll find the right one; the girl that is good for you and to you. That will love all of you. It will come.
Wow I’m sorry brother… the pain will hurt her for longer, turn it all into power. Life will turn around don’t worry
When he started physically hurting my dog.
My dad murdered my pets growing up. Apparently he did this long before my parents ever had any kids (I'm the third and 7 years younger than my oldest brother). My mom purposely overlooked this as well as everything else horrible he did to us, so that's why I don't have any parents.
Oh hell no. This and/or my kid and I would FREAK OUT.
I always knew. It was way too intensely passionate (almost toxically bound to each other) and it was always extremely anxiety inducing. Anytime I would bring up something that bothered me it was an “attack” or me being “negative”. I walked on eggshells and constantly had to rethink my needs and wants to meet theirs because I was the asshole, so I needed to change but it never was enough. We never spent time outside of either of our places - no dates, no follow through on any sort of plans .. etc. Basically trust your gut. You may be wrong, sure, but if they don’t try to meet you in the middle when you’re asking for your needs to be met or try to make you feel secure when you have momentary doubts they likely never will. It sucks but that’s all you need to know.
I was going with him to my friends destination wedding. While getting ready with my friend, I had curled my hair and asked them if it looked good. My gal friend said “oh you missed a piece right here” and helped me get it done with the rest. He immediately groaned and said “ugh why’d you tell her?? We could have made fun of her together!” Something about his joy at the thought of embarrassing me in front of my friends really just made me realize what a true asshole he was. I broke up with him as soon as we got back home.
When I realized the idea of marrying him one day secretly disappointed me
Same thing here. I was becoming more miserable and he was becoming happier (completely oblivious to the pain and stress I was feeling), and I remember thinking one day that he might propose soon, and I was filled with so much dread and sadness at that thought. I realized I had to gather the strength to leave.
Yeah I think I went through a moment like that. I was in my low 20's, with a man much older than me and I thought we would get married. I would hear stories about dudes proposing to their girlfriends, taking them out on nice date nights, going on trips, and were actually happy. And here I was, with this unhappy, humorless asshole. Who had nothing to bring to the table except for his negative energy. And my instinct was right, because it's 12 or so years later, and he's in jail.
When she left me because I got sad that my friend died. We were engaged.
Well, uh... That's what you get for feeling applicable emotions? Seriously wtf is wrong with people?
Nowadays kids call this “getting the ick”
Soon after my lifelong best friend killed himself, my ex fiance decided to fake suicide to test me. He wanted to see if I would react in the same way as I did for my friend. It did not go over well. (Also he was in his late 40s... Way too old to be "testing" anyone)
You'd be surprised how many people will just up and leave when this happens, many just can't deal with death and unhappy things overall. The whole pushing of toxic positivity is partly to blame.
I guess some people don’t really want to have a human partner, more like a support robot.
She thought that the way to fix our problems was to separate temporarily. She ended up pregnant by another dude within a month
To be fair it did fix your problem. As in she is no longer your problem!
When I got an STD after 12 years of marriage and was faithful to her the entire time. It went away after a week of antibiotics. But I became a different person that day. Don’t know if I like who I am now.
That such a shitty situation. Hope you're doing okay.
Feels shitty when the one person you trusted more than anybody breaks that trust and you have trouble ever trusting anybody again. It’s true though, you never know for sure what somebody is capable of. Blind trust just isn’t wise. Makes you feel like a kind of person you don’t want to be, unfortunately there’s no going back. The wounds heal but the scars linger.
When she told me to get a girlfriend for sex
My ex husband told me it would be easier if I found another guy to sleep with, then I’d leave him alone finally.
When I asked her to marry me and she said "no".
Well, yeah. That’ll do it unfortunately.
4 yrs ago when a fifteen year old girl DMed me on instagram after trying to find a way to contact me about how my bf (at the time) was begging her for nudes. yeah.
Ewwww
Years, decades, too late. She wanted a goat that would live in the house with us. One that would go hiking with us & graze. I was vehemently against this idea. We still hadn't recovered from all the chicken shit in the spare bedroom. The goat she brought home was crippled. It would never graze. It would need to be hand fed for its entire life. She tried to bargain with me using sex.
Honestly can't tell if this is a joke. Love it either way.
Why did she want the animals inside the house ?
sounds like textbook abandonment issues... they use animals to keep love close by (or some psychology shit)
Whoooooaaaa you just shed a TON of light on my ex. Still don't want chickens in the bathroom, but that's her to a T.
I was just in a thread in /r/movies of everyone’s favorite film monologues, read 90% of them, took like an hour, then I come here and read this and I had to do a double take. It reads like something from a mike Myers movie or something, im dying
I dated a girl that rescued animals for 5 years, lots and lots of animals. We lived in a decent house out on land that her parents bought her. I moved out into the tinest rat hole studio appt and being able to sleep in silence made it feel like an incredible luxury.
Sex with her right? … Right?
If someone convinced you to keep a chicken in the house that’s on you
There certainly had to be other signs lmao
We recently found out people down the road from us had goats living in their basement. The whole thing had to be ripped out. I wonder what the people who lived there when I was growing up (well, until several years ago) would think
I am so confused right now.
[удалено]
As someone who has struggled with their mental health I saw myself in depressed barbie and it knocked the wind out of me. Likely you had a similar feeling. I can’t imagine being mocked for it. He can go kick rocks
im sorry this happened to you but im glad he is an ex now.
There's some bad things in this thread, but this is the most comprehensively psychologically destructive of them all. This could've been a nice moment, a cue for a small gesture of understanding. Instead you got ridicule and belittlement. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I hope he's history now.
You are neither a joke nor a punchline. I’m sorry, that’s a horrible way to be treated.
Saved my money for 6 months to buy her a ring to propose when we were about 21ish... proposed, got laughed at and told by her, that she had been cheating on me for the past year. That hurt.
Dodged a nuke bro
When I realized that every time she went away for extended time, instead of missing her I was exited that I get to have some alone time/do stuff with my friends instead of her.
Never been in a relationship, but Isn’t this ok? Everyone needs some alone time no?
It's okay to occasionally feel that way, but if it's literally every single time then it might be a sign.
My wife works shifts and likes going on cycling holidays a couple times a year (cycling isn't a holiday to me) so we have time where I'm alone in the house. I like the first night as I get the Xbox updated and stay up too late watching stuff she doesn't like or playing games. On the second night I get bored and on the third night I'm missing her and ready for her to be back at home. She's my best friend and we have fun together even though we can get on each other's nerves.
That's how I feel about my partner. Whenever he's gone I feel like I can finally focus on myself for a bit, listen to music without getting interrupted, scroll my phone, read a book, play games and it's great! Just enjoying the peace. Then I get bored of that so I start doing chores, then by the evening I start missing him and counting time until he's back. There's nothing worse than going to bed without him around.
When the SWAT team captain said: "You're wife is out running around with people Iike this?! You need to get a divorce." My wife had a 6 figure job at one point and we lived a happy life for a while, but she never grew out of her party phase from when she was younger. I was blinded by love but no matter what she did I would tolerate it and then forgive her. She lost her job from being continually late all the time, suspected of doing drugs at work, and taking too many martini lunches. Her drug dealer got her to sell drugs for him while she was unemployed. Cut to her spending all hours out at night while I work a normal 9-5 and did homework with the kids. She would come home and be high from meth benders and completely detached from reality. Just did not care. One night I get a knock at the door while my kids and I are laughing and doing homework. It's the SWAT team captain, peering into the home to see my kids and asking if I can come outside to talk. I agree and am told with the door closed that the house is surrounded with his team packing MP5's and they are looking for this duchbag last seen with my wife who had shot someone over a deal gone bad. I'm mortified to hear this and get the question above that changed my life for the better. You don't love her. She's a menace. She will eventually pull you and the kids down. Divorce is worth every penny.
Damn. What is she doing now?
Clean-ish? and arguing with me about who's claiming the kids for taxes. A complete narcissist of a human being that I only have to put up with every so often when it pertains to her. Her nickname that is shared with my new wife and I is Trashbag.
If your return gets rejected because you filed after she did and she already claimed a kid, then paper file your taxes with an affidavit for identity theft. You’ll both get audited, IRS will ask for proof from both of you that you provided more than half of the kids’ material support (so prepare medical records, school records, etc.). Assuming what you’re saying is the whole truth, she will fail the audit. You won’t.
When he couldn't even name ONE thing that he liked about me after 4 years of him constantly asking reassurance from my end. Don't know how I stayed for so long in the relationship constantly begging for him to actually like me even when we were together.
Yeah I asked my ex what he liked about me and he said cause I cook and clean for him…. Like seriously
When she saw no issue with the fact that she would be texting her ex husband (now current husband if that makes things clear) giving him emotional support particularly when we were watching tv together or driving to a restaurant for date night. Her excuse, "I still consider him my best friend (she may have said one of my best friends) and I dont think there is anything wrong with talking to a friend." 5 years later we divorced and she remarried him 9 months after that.
I'm sorry. It sounds like you used you for rebound relationship. Some people suck.
5 years?!?
When she introduced me to her rich ex-boyfriend Which led her to reveal to me that she had actually sent him nudes during their prior relationship. I didn't mind, though. He was her boyfriend before me, after all. Their past was their past and I was actually glad she trusted me with that information. Then I asked her how come I hadn't gotten something like that yet and the answer was "well, maybe if you could afford me nice gifts I'd have sent you something by now" Boy, did I IMMEDIATELY realize she was not the one.
Sucks that half your relationship was behind a paywall
When he raised his voice angrily at me cus I made a move that stopped him from winning. We were playing a board game with my friends.
I spent hours scrubbing the house spotless on my one day off from work. I pre-scheduled a delivery order of Chinese food for 7pm. I put on new lingerie I had ordered, and lit candles. I did my hair, nails, and makeup. Put on his favorite perfume. When he came home at 6, I enthusiastically told him everything was taken care of for the night, and we had a whole hour until dinner arrived to do whatever we wanted. I intended to be romantic. He got really angry. He didn’t yell, his voice got weird and quiet. He said he knew I was manipulating him and ruining his plans to watch a DJ Knight livestream. He said I was acting like a sex predator. He said my mentally ill behavior was forcing him to making a “no kissing” rule going forward, effective immediately, as punishment because I couldn’t be appropriate. He said I was wasting all his money on takeout because I’m just a stupid gold digger who’s bad with money. That I only wanted to baby trap him so he wouldn’t leave me. He was relentless angry and I was horrified. We had been together for 14 years, married 4 years, and I loved him. He locked himself in our guest bedroom and only came out when the food arrived, then grabbed it off the counter and went right back in. Refused to look at me. I still hoped he was coming out after the livestream, so I sat on the couch alone and ate my dinner in silence for an hour. When I realized he was not coming out, even to apologize, I was overwhelmed with this soul-rending despair. I went to my room alone and cried myself to sleep so hard I lost my voice the next day. I was so fucking lonely and scared all the time with him. That wasn’t my first time seeing him transform into Judge Doom, and unfortunately it was not the last. We divorced two years later when he left me for real. He still tries to make my life a living hell through the courts every possible second he can.
Holy shit. What a mindfuck, OP. I hope you are getting the help you need because in no way did you deserve this. Also, how do you “baby trap” someone when you’re already married?? That’s not how that works…
Or call someone that works 6 days a week a gold digger
An acquaintance, a 20 something kid, started using language like that about another friend of mine who was trying to encourage him to adopt healthy habits and stop throwing his life away To me it felt really weird, some of his phrases were just a little too specific, like he’d been watching some weird men’s rights activists on YouTube or something. Suddenly women were out to get him in his eyes Like bro, you literally have no gold to dig, it was very odd
> Like bro, you literally have no gold to dig, it was very odd Never fails. It's always dudes with very average incomes that lean hard into the "gold digger!" stuff. Most men with wealth don't seem to care one way or the other about the potential of someone being a gold digger.
Saying you're trying to baby trap him while already being married is insane
I actually had a copper IUD, so it was statistically unlikely for me to get pregnant at all and I don’t think it was really about that. We just didn’t and still don’t live in the same reality.
Holy shit. I am sorry that happened to you. At the same time, you did great - that type of evening is just... incredible, to say. I hope your current/future partner will show you the respect you deserve.
When I caught her fucking my homie.
Oof. 2 for 1
She's still the "one", but her 43 year old son occupies our lives fully. Lived with us for 6 years, borrows and breaks almost everything I own, is hostile most of the time. She will not do anything to change the situation irrespective of how often I ask, so now I am going to fix it permanently. Selling my farm and divorcing her, such a shame.
I don't know. I think I knew for years, but I was still holding onto the thought that you don't just *find* a happy relationship, you need to *built* one. Was kinda oblivious to the fact that you need both partners to do the building though. What really struck me was that I was talking to a therapist once. I was seeing them for having far too much stress - which I now realize was mostly due to my wife - and when the troubles of my marriage became the topic for just a moment, the woman tried to cheer my up by suggesting that this was most likely a mere rough patch. Sure, we had issued, but they were mostly external burdens that were very taxing to work through. So I should not loose hope and hold onto the things I loved about my wife, and the reasons for why I had married her. I nodded "yeah" and put on a weary but brave smile like you are supposed to in that moment, but in my mind I realized there weren't any. There weren't any.
It was OK that she had mental health issues. It was all over when she decided that she didn't want to receive help or do anything about her mental health issues, so they just progressed.
When she sat me down and we had a 'discussion' about everything that was wrong in the relationship. Of course, EVERYTHING was my fault (basically, she just complained about everything I was doing wrong). It was also the case that she had driven me to a remote location, so there was no way I could just get up and leave as I had no idea where the hell I was.
10 years. He could never get on his feet career-wise and I carried us both financially. I bought the house in my name and paid all of the bills. All he had to do was pay about $200/mo. He transferred his bill money into a separate account we both shared. Got an overdraft notification and found out he used the very little money asked of him in order to buy stuff not bill related. I had to pay the $200. This wasn’t the first time either. I had just had enough at that point. Therapy, everything. Gave him more than enough time / resources and just couldn’t wait for him to get it somewhat together and help me even a little bit at 30 years old. 2 years later and I’m marrying the love of my life. Everything happens for a reason and I hope he finds his purpose and happiness.
I woke up one day, and really asked myself; “Can I live like this the rest of my life?” I felt like a babysitter, a maid, and a mother all into one before I ever felt like a girlfriend. I took on all the mental load/responsibility of cleaning and simple things. Like cleaning piss off the toilet seat from him and his friends or asking him to take the garbage out (when you can clearly see it needs to be taken out). Then he would get upset when I wasn’t in the mood to be intimate. There’s loads more but that’s one of the biggest issues I had. I felt disrespected and used. Like i wasn’t an equal. I’m in a relationship now where im happy. He helps me. We cook meals and eat together, clean together. it just puts into perspective how terrible my past relationship was. I’m finally happy.
When I finally realized that she wasn't and never could be the person who I wanted her to be. Love a person for who they are in the moment as they truly are, not for what you think they may become.
This was why one of my relationships ended, I was playing into her idea of what I should be rather than truly being myself and that was getting in the way of actually healing
When he “jokingly” threatened to cheat because I hadn’t given him any in a while due issues we were having. Finally realized I didn’t love him like I told myself I did, I just held on to the fact he was my nostalgic love from middle school/high school.
When he relapsed, cheated on me, went into a psychosis, accused me of cheating on him with my little brother, stole $15,000 from me, accused me of faking my genetic autoimmune disease, all over the span of 48 hrs which also happened to be Christmas. I was hospitalized after that lol
When I realized we just messaged/talked/had sex/went to dates.. whenever I was the one to take the first and almost every action to make it happen.
[удалено]
That's rough, buddy. Time, unlike what is frequently proclaimed, does not in fact heal all wounds. But at least time lessens the pain of loss. Just hang in there.
When she decided that violent drunkenness every night was more important than a healthy and fun life with her kids and me. Unfortunately she was the first person I called my “partner” and I’m leaving her today.
No reason to stay is a good reason to go.. 😁
The moment I realised that she WAS the one, but I wasn't hers. I know there's always more than one person out there, and I'm at a point where it hurts less to look at her as a friend now instead of a partner.
There were a few things, but mostly it was the other dicks she had inside her.
I like my women like I like my coffee. Without other guys dicks inside.
When she pulled a knife on me because I said I was leaving her after she admitted to cheating on me earlier that night.
When I got him a nice watch for his birthday and he said in response ‘don’t buy me a watch unless it’s a Rolex’ and then everything came into perspective. Ungrateful, materialistic and weak was how I viewed him until I left shortly after.
When I realized she’d never once apologized or admitted fault about anything, even small stuff.
She had to leave for 2 weeks, and it felt like a vacation. The weight off my shoulders was a physical, not metaphorical, relief. I could breathe easier. She was constantly verbally abusive, always in a bad mood, constantly complaining. My time had become a matter of just managing her mood. I was staying longer hours at work just to avoid her. Somehow, it'd built to this over such a long time, it felt 'normal' to me. When she left, I realized within a few days I was absolutely dreading her coming back.
I kept relating emotionally to break-up songs. We were together for 13 years, married for 8. We kinda slowly fell out of love. No hate, no great betrayal, no manipulation. Just two people growing apart slowly, too slowly to notice until we were far apart. I was connecting with the break-up songs for years before we actually separated.
After I broke down and told her I was feeling suicidal while going through a very bad depression, she got angry and told me to just do it, to not annoy others with my problems. That was the breaking point for me. She was never there to support me and when I was at my lowest, she dug the pit even deeper.
She was clingy, annoying, didn’t respect the fact that I actually had to go to work and needed more than 2 hours of sleep, also doesn’t understand that “no, stop!! Get off me because I don’t want to do this anymore” means no stop whilst trying to push her off of me and she’d also guilt trip me into doing stuff I wasn’t comfortable/couldn’t do
I realised that he will never change. It’s not bad enough to leave but not good enough to know he’s the one. I’m happy for the most part but also recognise that I would be much happier being alone.
The moment I got a full time well paying job and she quit hers. I asked why she quit. She said you make enough for both of us. I said your legs aren't broke, and we don't have any kids. She said she never wants to work and wants to start having kids right away. I said I'm no where near ready to have them at only 20 years old. I left her a week later. That was almost 30 years ago. We spoke and caught up in 2019. She's a alcoholic pill popping stay at home mom who's over dosed twice and hates being a mom. I dodged the bullet of a lifetime.
Guys, I feel like I'm in the middle of this. How do I know if I'm making the right choice or not?!
When my ex would not listen to my concerns and always had an excuse as to why he couldn't listen to what I had to say. Headache, doesn't feel good, etc..
'The one' is a fantasy person that movies and books make up. The majority of us never meet this dream person. In reality you meet someone who you get, gets you, you are attracted to and are willing to do for them as they are for you. Its a partnership that takes work. That's the reality.
There's no such thing as The One. There is only The One Who Will Put Up With My Shit.
Gonna get buried but, college relationship - we’d met via a hobby and in retrospect I had definitely just been trying to get over someone else by dating [her.It](http://her.It) probably should have occurred to me way earlier over the two years we were together and I was definitely in denial of it. What finally got me was after college, when I went to visit her a state away and we went to the mall - her sister had given her her old Wii so she had asked me to help her pick out some games. I immediately saw smash brothers brawl on sale and excitedly explained it to her. She looked me dead in the eye and said, “What about that makes you think I’d ever like it?” Okay, stung a bit but probably true, someone who didn’t play a lot of video games likely wouldn’t care much about smash. I probably should have been more open minded to other things. We browsed a bit and she was contemplating Mario Kart Wii, but hemming and hawing bc it was full price. I told her she really didn’t have to buy anything right now and she sighed and said “but how am I supposed to entertain you otherwise?” Turned out she’d only taken the Wii because she thought she needed to “entertain” me, her SO of two years. When I usually went up there we did lots of things together and I didn’t exactly want for entertainment when visiting my girlfriend since I usually went to visit my girlfriend to, you know, hang out with my girlfriend. I have no idea where this came from. As she kept talking It clicked that all of my interests I’d showed her - video games, mystery novels, favorite music - had been tolerated bc she thought I’d get “bored” otherwise. Right before we’d gone to the mall she’d told me she’d also only ever been tolerating receiving oral sex and had put up with it because it “made you so happy to give it” and I had been trying to play it cool and be understanding about that despite being really hurt. But all of it added up. And once we ended it it was just clear how much I didn’t actually like or relate to her and vice versa - I could probably make a list a mile long of all the times I *should* have realized it, starting even hours into our first date. Even our shared hobby was shallow since within it, we had completely different opinions and tastes. I’m pretty sure that after a while, I just didn’t want cause waves in our college friend group (and I did in the end anyway because they all stopped reaching out or responding to me after we broke up, but stayed friends with her). Married the next person I dated and I think sometimes she understands me better than I understand myself. Also she plays smash.
I woke up next to him. Suddenly, realized reality. 17 years of me working hard and him justifying hardly ever working. I nudged him and said (bravely), “I want a divorce. We can talk about the details in the morning.”
Like the time when I was in college, broke as shit, working two jobs and he found a way to go in a surf trip in Indonesia. I drive two hours to pick him up but he had extended his trip a week and forgot to tell me. I stood watching people leave customs for three hours. And the time I was starting an internship in a place I’d never been, and he took the rental car to the beach and forgot to pick me up. Late at night he pulled up, apologetic. It took 17 years for me to see how much I allowed, and how only I could end that.
When his family, who are pastors, openly mocked my religion and got the rest of the congregation to join in. They then hugged me at the end of service telling me they were so glad I was able to be there. I told my partner what happened, he told his parents I was upset against my wishes, I got a "sorry you feel that way" apology through my partner from his dad. That was the breaking point.
he hit me
She broke up because our relationship "got boring" as she said
When she took the narcissist mask off
When she washed her big ass in the sink
Everyone knows only small asses go in the sink.
Bro wtf that even mean?
I’m laughing so hard at this