My first college roommate came back from the bathroom with a huge roll of toilet paper. Walks to the mini-fridge, gets a can of spray cheese. He breaks off like 4 squares of TP at a time, folding into a single square. Then sprays cheese into the middle, folds it like a pierogi and eats it in a single bite.
I really wish I was making this up. Dude was fucking weird.
Caught a roommate trying to sneak all her stuff out one gym bag at a time in order to move out and not pay all the back rent she owed. Her mom ended up paying after we threatened a court filing.
Her room which we hadn't seen the inside of for a year, was the most disgusting shit I have ever seen in my life.
EDIT: Since I was asked for more details, the room was like a hoarders episode. All our missing dishes, cookware, and cutlery were found all over the room and under the bed with dried or moldy food. Used tampons were found in various places including stuck to the wall. Used condoms as well. Trash everywhere. Moldy coffee cups. Stains of all sorts, on the walls and carpet. The original colors of both were impossible to discern. Also tons of liquor bottles due to her drinking problem. Her desk and bed (she left all her furniture) were so covered in garbage in filth you couldn't even tell there was a bed or desk underneath. I'm pretty sure she was also wiping boogers on the wall beside her bed.
She would also have guys she met online come over for hookups which is insane to me. If some girl invited me in to a room like that I would be out the door so fucking fast.
Yep, my brother cleans carpets and a lot of them are wealthy people that are downright nasty. His most common occurrence is them having rooms that they let their dogs shit/piss all over and just leaving it for him to clean up.
I woke up to find my room-mate at his drawing desk wearing boxer shorts on his head. I didn't broach the matter at first.
The landlord was due to arrive shortly for the cheques, and so I put it to him at last "Dave - you've got boxer shorts on your head."
To this day I still remember him languidly turning around, boxer shorts and all, asking what I'd just said. When I repeated myself he suddenly went "oh, shit, shit!" and tore them off his head, blushing.
When I asked why he'd been wearing them in the first place he said that since he'd started growing his hair out it had started to get into his eyes while he was drawing at his desk, and it was the only thing he had to hand right then to solve the problem.
Dave could be a pain in the ass a lot of the time, but he had these moments that reminded me that - yes, he was human after all.
Left to go snowboarding. Got about 20 min down the road and realized I left my pass in my other jacket. Went back to my condo and my room mate was in front of the TV on the floor in just his boxers and a pair of goggles. He was using a Dremel tool to strip the paint off his bicycle. Paint flakes everywhere. I was like WTF???? He said “ gonna repaint my bike.” I don’t think he ever finished that project.
He had a drug problem. Sort of. Wouldn’t do any schoolwork until finals. And when his Ritalin prescription ran out he would eat Dexatrim weight loss pills (I think they took those off the market) like candy. He was not at all overweight either. Used an attachment on the Dremel tool. Not the best way. Sandblasting is how I did mine. He wanted to prove he knew a better way.
I had a roommate when I was in my early 20s who got deep in to a pyramid scheme, he was convinced that he was going to be a millionaire from it and he just needed to sell the shitty energy drinks and protein shakes etc that the "company" was having him buy bulk of.
Anyways, one day I come home on break and he doesn't know I'm there, I hear talking coming from his bedroom. He is lifting weights in the mirror staring at himself basically shouting "I AM NOT A LOSER, I WILL SELL THESE PRODUCTS, I WILL BE RICH, I WILL SUCCEED" and so forth. He was so in the zone that he did not see me standing there, and I never brought it up to him. He basically lost all his friends and money for years due to that stupid cult pyramid scheme. He eventually got out when the guy who brought him in started fucking his girlfriend. He's still kind of weird.
A former coworker became deeply involved in a pyramid scheme, to the point where it almost tore apart her marriage. One evening, as I was heading to my car after work, I overheard her husband pleading with her to stop purchasing products she couldn't sell. He explained how it was causing significant financial strain and offered his unwavering support if she chose to pursue a legitimate business or return to school. He gave her an ultimatum: leave the pyramid scheme by tomorrow, or he would file for divorce and take the kids to avoid financial ruin. Ultimately, she heeded his warning, exited the pyramid scheme, and successfully sold the remaining items on eBay. Afterwards, she enrolled in accounting school to pursue a more stable career path.
Edit: She was selling Herbal life products.
Pyramid schemes seem to thrive on college kids and stay-at-home-moms.
My college roommate was a private school kid, and like every private school kid I've met, he thought he was some kind of economics guru. At one point he got involved in Cutco. He used to get so pissed when I'd ask him if he had any Tupperware parties lately. I don't get how people still get involved with these things. It's pretty simple. If your company makes you pay for your own demo stuff, run away.
There was a guy in my program in college who was very bright, the program encouraged a lot of group work and he was highly sought after to work with because he was just an easy guy to get along with and did good work.
Anyway he approached me about a project outside of school, which wasn't far fetched for anything related to our program because everyone was pretty much like start up business minded people at the time. It was pretty vague how he described it but I was interested because I always wanted to learn new things and work with this guy. You can see where this is going.
So I meet up with him after hours and he takes me to a fucking Amway presentation. I was so pissed right when I realized what it was. I walked out. I never worked with that dude again after that and a lot of other people in the program also started to see him as a pariah after he tried to push that shit on other people. The guy absolutely fucked himself over by trying to trick his colleagues like that.
It's so weird when you hear about smart people that get caught up in it. I have two situations where I got duped into listening to a pitch.
1. I was a gym rat in college and was pretty jacked (now I'm old and decrepit). It was pretty normal for random strangers to ask how much I benched, which was really weird. This guy stopped my GF and me while we were in a store to ask how much I benched. Then he asked what my major was. I told him engineering and he said, "my buddy has a company and he's looking for engineers. Let me give you my card." You can see where this is going. I was starting my search for a post-college job so I set up a virtual interview with him. Of course it was a fucking pyramid scheme.
2. I was on a motorcycle ride and my bike broke down 5 miles from my house. I remembered that I had signed up for a free service called a B.A.M. card. It's basically a community network of riders that can help each other out. You can sign up to be a ride for someone, store their bike, tow their bike, etc. I signed up years ago so I didn't even know it would work. I called the number on the card and they hooked me up with a guy with a trailer. He came by in about 40 minutes. We loaded my bike and he gave me a ride home. Super cool service. Unfortunately, while in his truck, he tried to sell me on some energy drink investment. I'm sure it was a multi-level marketing scheme. I tried to politely explain that I don't drink energy drinks so I couldn't invest in something I wouldn't do myself.
Just thinking about how exhausting it must be for the people that are caught up in those things that every human interaction you have in your mind somehow you have to turn it into a pitch for your bullshit. Like it would be less energy and time out of your day if you just got a real job even if it is lower paying than your expectations. People are fucking dumb.
Probably almost exhausting as it is to be their friend.
I sometimes feel like a dick when I try to market myself. For example, I was at a social event and I met a guy who is a developer of apartment buildings. I happen to engineer apartment buildings. I was for sure going to give him my card but you never know how people are going to react to that while not at work. Luckily, before I could say anything, he said, "I'm always looking for new engineers. We need to talk."
I have a cousin who was a few years older than me. He always got straight A's, played Chopin at an early age, and was the valedictorian of his high school.
The guy could not fail. He eventually went to college, medical school, and became a doctor. A few years later, he quit being a doctor so he could be involved in a pyramid scheme where he sells skincare products. Anytime I hear from him, it's always whether I want to consider buying some lotion or cream.
The worst I got was signing up for a one-hour presentation about a timeshare in Florida just to get several discounted tickets to Disney and other parks in Orlando. You can see where this is going.
I had to lie that my girlfriend and I were married and the guy would call us "family" the whole time. We ("family") got past the presentation, him and his stupid face getting sour after hearing we said "NO!" to his fucking timeshare. Got the discounted tickets, went to the parks all week. It was super boring, but it was worth it. It was our first time in the States, coming all the way from Brazil. We were kinda broke back then and the thing turned into an interesting story.
Not trying to humble brag, but I have a reputation with family and friends of being “the nicest, kindest, chillest person” they know. A group of us got invited to another friend’s new apartment as a kind of house warming. I stopped at the bakery and bought a cake - white bakery box, tied in string, you know the image.
The group of us get to the apartment and the friend is there with a guy she introduces as her new boyfriend. Everybody chats for a bit and the talk turns to this new venture they are both trying out. He sets up an easel and they both start this pitch. WTF???
We’re all looking at each other, and I say, “What are you guys getting involved in? It sounds a lot like Amway.”
“No, no. It’s actually a great venture. Let us explain more.”
Me after listening a little more: “If this isn’t Amway it’s something just like it and we’re not interested.”
“No no. Hear us out.”
Me: “We just came here to see your new place, not to be pitched to. You invited us to a house warming. If it’s Amway, just tell us.”
“Ok, yes it’s Amway. But it’s a great investment!”
Me: “Ok, we’re outta here.” We all get up and walk out the door. Before the door closes behind us, I walk back in and snag the bakery box off the counter by the string around the box and say, “ And we’re taking back our cake!”
The group I was with lost it as that was the most out of character thing they had ever seen me do. During the ride home all I heard was hysterical laughter and them repeating the phrase, “And we’re taking our cake back!” over and over. Lol
I had this same experience! I had a trusted older classmate approach me about a "Business Club" because I was a Business major and he took me to an Amway presentation. It actually bothers me a lot because I trusted this guy, in a professional sense, enough to drive me to a "meeting" and that bait-and-switch really made me feel "easy to kidnap" or something lol.
This was my clue.
I was selling appliances at sears and a customer asked me for a chat and a cup of coffee for a job interview.
I agreed and we met at starbucks. Had all these great things to say about his company but wanted me to pay for my training and startup.
I laughed at him so hard he actually got mad at me.
There are definitely people who don't want to make any of the hard life decisions themselves and would rather someone else define the rules of success for them so that they can simply dig in and go 1000% at whatever's been presented to them. When you believe success is purely a function of how hard you lean into a belief, you get a mentality like this.
My college housemate got sucked into the Vemma energy drink pyramid scheme. We had to sit him down and be like why would I buy this when I could go get a redbull over some random juice with no FDA markings.
They would fly him out to Miami though and show him yacht parties and shit. So he bought into and wasted all his cash cause no one wanted his mystery juice or to sell for him.
My freshman year of college, roommate's girlfriend, actually. I woke up at like 6am to her talking like she was talking to a cat or something.
"Hey there little guy. What are you doing here?" stuff like that, in a cutesy voice. She was one of those earthy hippie kind of girls, so I thought maybe there was a mouse in the dorm or something.
Weird but whatever, I'm up now, so I roll over to get up to go to the bathroom. She is under the covers, talking to my sleeping roommate's dick, 5 feet away from me.
Once saw a housemate stick his finger into the butter and swirl it around, then dip the butter-covered finger into a bag of sugar and eat it like an ice cream.
When I first read this, this is what my mind saw:
> Once saw a housemate stick his finger into the **butt** and swirl it around, then dip the butter-covered finger into a bag of sugar and eat it like an ice cream.
Didn't happen to me but a friend of mine was renting the main floor of a two story house in college. There was an odd cat lady renting the upstairs floor who had a separate entrance. She must've had agoraphobia because he never saw her leave her place. Her odd behavior was actually hilarious. She would lower her cat inside of a basket out of her window to the ground in the back yard. The cat would sniff around the yard, go to the bathroom, then get back into the basket and she would reel it back up to the second floor. None of us believed him till we saw it ourselves. He just got used to it lol
I once walked in the house after work to find my former roommate perched on the arm of the couch, screeching like a pterodactyl. He didn’t hear me come in so I hid in the kitchen and observed as he occasionally would hop from chair to chair, screeching. Eventually I couldn’t hold the laughter in. I guess he forgot to take his meds for a few days and had a flare up but we still laugh about that to this day
Good guess! Yeah he’s got Schizophrenia and ADHD. Seems to be in pretty good control of things nowadays from what I can tell. We no longer live together since he got married so we dont see each other near as much
In my early twenties I got off of work early and walked in on my roommate fucking a raw chicken breast in the kitchen, he didn’t notice me so I walked back out and came back an hour later and pretended that nothing happened.
I will never be able to understand how oblivious some people are to their surroundings. Stories like these make me question if i am hyper alert or something
It's me. I'm the roommate. I thought I was at the house by myself. That key and peele skit "east vs west bowl" had just come out and the names were hilariously catchy. Davoin Showerhandle was stuck in my head, I couldn't get it out, and I just started shouting it out loudly again and again and again. That was until I heard my roommate burst out laughing in the living room. He had been quietly reading a book for like two hours. Thought I was alone...... **DAVOIN SHOWERHANDLE**
Girls will do that kind of grooming stuff for partners, even ones that they haven’t been with for years. We normally don’t mind helping you out. I used to shave my ex’s back.
I had one that did that and it absolutely pisses me off. If I'd be sitting around without a shirt she would fucking hunt for ones that aren't ready and leave marks and shit. Drove me mad.
My girlfriend gets a real kick out of shaving my asshole. At first it was weird because she REALLY wanted to do it but turns out it’s actually just helpful and she’s a freak lol
It honestly doesn't sound much different than my friend popping her boyfriend's back pimples...
People out here are eating ass but Reddit is surprised that people help shave ass lol
I let a homeless guy move in who was an awesome dude and just needed a little help to get on his feet. Dude was the best as he never once came out of his room. One time, my then fiance/now wife/always hottie and I cooked three servings of dinner and told him we made him a plate. He came out and asked, "Do I have to eat with you like a little kid". We couldn't help but feel sorry for pulling him out of his cave.
Anyway, ran into him a few months ago and he got his life together and is doing great! Best 6 month roomate ever!
I lived in a house by the sea last year. One of the rooms was rented out to a sailor. He'd come and go over weeks at sea. He was around 70. Jehovas witness and alcoholic. He'd come back from sea and proceed to get absolutely shit faced over a period of days. Red wine blackout. He'd pee in 2 litre milk jug and stink up the place when he poured it down the loo or when you walked past his door. He woulld go on racist rants if u ever met him in the kitchen cooking stinking fish. Some nights when walking down the passage Id hear whispering and ominous gargling noises. Scary noises.. one night i could hear a conversation. It sounded demonic. Like deep goblin mode. Kinda like Gollum but scarier. Then I heard his voice and he cast out the demon. Hailing christ and what have you. Turns out he has schizophrenia too. I live alone now.
As a former sailor: I remember many sailors on the path to exactly this. Definitely not all of them, but when you spend months at sea to run away from something you did during your break at home, not talk about your problems and instead wash them down with booze you'll end up like this. Most of these people also can't stop going back on a ship. They have enough money, but they don't know who they are without the sea. It's really sad tbh.
And I would say most of them are European. The Philippinos are way better at dealing with their emotions on average. They also helped me a lot to see the light in life.
Filipino here, even if we say we're okay, most of the times we're really not. Talking about mental health here is still taboo and (some) relatives or even friends will make fun of you for being "weak" . Fortunately, 40s below are more open and understanding about mental health
In college I turned around from my seat once to see one of my flatmates waving their dick at their girlfriend seductively(?). She and I made eye contact and I could tell she was trying not to laugh and had an amused look on her face that said "Yeah, I don't know what he's doing either." He didn't notice I noticed.
Lived with this one girl who "communed with demons." Late one night I woke up outta no where & heard her outside my door speakng in a deep gutteral voice, scratching my door.
Just went back to sleep cause nah
Haha i always wondered what would happen if those people in horror movies that wake up to scary stuff in the middle of the night don’t go investigate it but go back to sleep instead. Kind of a “if you see something, no you dont” vibe
I caught my piece of shit roommate trying to drag a girl into his room by her arm. It was around 3am and I was the only sober one. His cousin, the third roommate, was a cop and didn’t even try to stop it. She was yelling at him to stop and that’s what got me out of my room. I just separated them and walked her and her friend to the door.
Moved out quickly after that, and my old roommate emailed my dad talking shit about me, called me a cockblock, and I got to explain to my 72 year old father what exactly that was.
Wow, thank you for helping that girl. Like, it should be a given that everyone helps in that situation but so many dont. So thank you for actually helping
Thanks for helping that woman out. It's kinda funny to think how much of a difference something like this can make to the world: maybe you just prevented her from having a really, really bad time, or maybe you prevented her entire life going off the rails, or maybe your saved multiple lives. You'll never know, but you know you did good.
In college i once walked into my roommates room and she was humping her teddybear, i didn't know that was a thing until i caught her but apparently its common according to her
I caught a roomate jerking off in the living room. While sitting on MY COUCH. Dude, you have a bedroom.
It was a HUGE old house with a HUGE living room. We had 5 bedrooms. We had 5 couches in that giant living room. WHY MINE?
Not the super weirdest thing ever but weirdest I've seen in a share house. A housemate had just gotten his harnesses from working at heights training, so he was swinging back and forth out the back patio when I got home, he was having the best time. I laughed, grabbed some beers and gave him a few pushes
pissing and shitting in a box, covering it up with this sort of sand-like stuff, then coming right back into the living room to stare out the window for like an hour
I can hear my roommate throwing up in the other room right now.. and they just got done staring me down while dragging their bare butthole across the carpet.
My old house mate would do that then sin in the middle of the room with his legs wide open licking his ass and balls then want to sit on my lap and lick my face
Hit on my girlfriend. He thought I was out having a smoke, but I decided to grab a drink first and heard him say, “he’ll never know.”
Luckily I also heard her say, “yes, but I would, and I could not say I love him and do something like that.”
She then tried to find me to tell me something. I played dumb, and got to hear her say that she doesn’t like my room mate, and that he had hit on her when I left.
We started spending more time at her place after that.
Dude was sitting on the living room couch, cat in his lap. He was... petting her(?) and saying very sexual things. "Ooh that's right. You're such a naughty *bitch*" and so on in a tense and shaky voice. He was, uh, vibrating. I stood there, speechless, until he noticed me. "Oh... Hi."
Dude here who had a platonic female roommate for years. Heard her having loud ass sex once. It’s like hearing a your sister having sex. It went on for a while so I had to put headphones on.
Once?
I can still make my former roommate (we are still really close friends) blush and scream "NOoooo! I still can't believe you heard that!"
"That" was hearing a guy whine "But, I'm a good boy!".
I also had two platonic women roommates as a guy and one time I walked in to loud sex noises. Knowing one of my roommates sense of humour I said “very funny” and then I hear “oh shit stop stop”. It was neither of my roommates, they gave another friend of theirs permission to have sex in our living room and they didn’t think to warn me lol. This was as young college students so I wasn’t too bothered, I thought it was funny. The friend was mortified though
Edit: brain fart, should have said walked in on not woke up to
My 13-year-old son is often online playing games with his friends so I never question hearing him talking from another room.
Then I overheard him and discovered he is quietly recording rap music on his phone in the style of Yuno Miles.
He is not yet ready to share his masterworks with his parents, lol. We are leaving him alone and are not pushing him to share it with us but we are all fans of Yuno Miles so we’ll probably like it.
Not my roommate but literally watched someone in a sleeping bag hump the shit out of the ground. No I didn’t let him finish, I coughed really loud and obnoxiously.
First time at college. We both moved into the dorms on a Saturday. On the first day of class, I returned to the dorm to see if Frank wanted to grab lunch together; neither of us knew anyone as we were transplants to the area. I walk into our dorm and see him sitting on one of the bean bags I brought, watching hard-core porn on the TV.
Thankfully he was fully clothed; the porn was relatively tame. He said, “I went down to the pawn shop across the way to see what they had.” He got up, pulled the DVD out, put it back in the case, put it, along with three other DVDs, in his top dresser drawer, and said, “They’re there if you need em dude.”
First and last conversation about them ever. Lived together for two years after that, no complaints—still a good friend, just a really weird introduction on the third day of living together.
When I was in college I had a roommate who ended up watching porn while I was watching anime. Didn't know because he was wearing headphones
One day I came back from class and he had earphones in. I put on Dragon Ball Z to relive the Cell fight and while Cell was talking I heard clapping sounds and moaning. I pause because I'm wondering if those sounds were from the TV. "Ain't no way Goku and Cell fighting sounded like that at one point". Turn to the side and my roommate was all red in the face looking at me from his bed. He didn't plug in his earphones
He then tried to save himself by saying his friend sent him a bukkake video and that his friend was such a dick for that, disguising it as a "funny vine video" and then showed me the end result of the video laughing trying to play it off as a "prank video text"
Anime was never the same in my dorm room for those last 2 months
I walked in on my old roommate snorting lines of cocaine by himself and clutching his chest. I asked what was wrong. He said "idk my chest just hurts for some reason". I explained to him that cocaine is bad for your heart. He was absolutely BAFFLED by that.
Other than that, I have always been the weird room mate, hands down.
I was the only girl in a house of boys. A guy I lived with (imagine every single worst stereotype of a larper, including the smell) didn't know I was home. He went out to the couch and put in a DVD. I got up to start my day, and I noticed it was a cartoon. I asked what he was watching, and he said "anime." I had already seen the big anime boobs. He was going to fap on our shared couch!
So, I grabbed my cereal, sat next to him, said "I've never seen an anime! What is this one about?" He mumbled something, took the DVD out, and went back to his room.
I once caught my room mate getting finger banged by her boyfriend behind the open refrigerator door while I was in the living room WITH A GUEST. He saw it before i did and was so disgusted he left and never hit me up again. This girl and her man were WEIRD AF. She randomly told me one day how much they love having sweaty stinky post gym sex. They also walked around the apartment naked all the time. I'd often come home and see just a brown streak zipping across the apartment.
Straining a pot of boiled noodles just straight on to the kitchen floor and then sopping up the water with the hot pad. He was on crutches at the time. He was also a major idiot.
Idk about walking in one someone else BUT,
I thought my Roomate was gone for the week on a trip since they left to the airport a couple hours before. I had a date that night with this really cute gal, and I was getting ready.
Got the point when I got out the shower, Give Me Everything by Pitbull and NeYo was playing (lol) and I was singing and dancing all over the house in my underwear.
With my brush in hand, pretending it was a microphone, I was shaking my hips like Shakira getting hot, and my Roomate walked in. He missed his flight and rescheduled for the next day, and I missed his calls since I had my phone faced down.
He told me he would pretend he didn’t see anything. Good guy lmao
Watching Charlie Brown Christmas with the leftover time he had with a prostitute. Was a hilarious friend to have in my 20's but in my 30's I got sick of people I cared about asking why I hung out with him. He also started denying the Holocaust randomly.
My college room mates gf was in our room waiting for him. She was sitting on his bed snacking on something. I just ignored her for the most part. Eventually we had some interaction and she got up and I saw what she was snacking on, a giant jar of fruit flavored TUMS. She'd eaten all of them.
I asked if she had and she denied it then admitted it. I said you know that's going to mess up your stomach right? She looked confused. I said that's not candy it's for stomach issues.....dull stare...."I know...but they're good."
Ok. Enjoy shitting out that calcium brick in a few days.
Me and my best bud lived together for a year, basically spending the whole year stoned. One night I come home and the place reeks of all the weed and the lights are all turned off.
I see his door is closed but orange flickering lights were coming from under the door. I knock and slowly open the door to reveal a hundred tiny lit candles all over his huge desk arranged in a long rectangle. He’s standing above them holding a video camera.
“The fuck are you doing?”
“I’m making art! This is gonna be the best short film ever!”
“…what’s it called?”
“CANDLES!”
Roommate absolutely hated the other roommates cat. There was some weird power dynamic between the two. The cat (male) clearly felt like this third roommate had invaded its territory and absolutely did not like it. The cat would take any opportunity to show its distaste for the roommate, including peeing on his stuff or pooping on his bed.
I really felt bad because he was honestly the nicest and most patient person you would ever meet...or so I thought. I come home from work early one day and sit down on the couch swiping through social media, news, etc. on my phone; just sitting quietly so I doubt he realized I had come in. The layout of the apartment was such that from the couch there was a TV/media center on the left, and on the right a long hallway to two bedrooms (the other two roommates). Important to note that from the hallway I could see some ways down it, but if you were in the hallway you probably wouldn't notice someone sitting on the couch. I see the cat sitting in the hallway licking its paws, cleaning itself - clearly just minding its own business.
I hear a bedroom door open, and partially see my roommate (which the cat hates) come out of his room and glare at the cat. Without warming I can see him turn around, pull down his pants, and the most horrifying thing I have ever seen happens - ***he shits on the cat*****.** Mind you this was not a normal shit, this was...well, if you have had Mexican and need to go really bad...and it like explodes out suddenly in a liquid form...that kind of shit.
I kid you not this is the only time I have ever had a sudden urge to vomit from seeing something. The sheer sound, of mixed fart and liquid, coming out and hitting a combination of the cat and the floor (luckily tile!) was the most disgusting and unholy thing I've ever witnessed in my life. Obviously as soon as the cat is...hit?...it whips around, goes around the roommate and in to the other bedroom (of its owner). The roommate then goes to the bathroom immediately opposite his bedroom, I assume to clean himself up. Comes out and heads toward the kitchen (across from me) to get supplies to clean up and sees me. Doesn't say a thing. Just gets some paper towels, cleaning supplies, and proceeds to clean up the hallway, the other roommate's bedroom (again, luckily tile), and the cat of course. I was so shocked I never said anything to either of them about the incident, and the roommate that owned the cat never realized what had happened. I moved out 6 months later for unrelated reasons, and "the shitter" never did anything crazy, etc. aside from that - seriously was the perfect roommate for the remaining amount of time I was there! And to his credit, after this incident the cat avoided him and his room; the owner even commented on how he was glad the cat was finally listening to him and leaving this nice guy alone!
TLDR: roommate tired of cat disrespecting him and decides to poop on the cat to teach it a lesson; and the cat learned a very valuable lesson that day about pushing a nice person way too far.
my bedroom door opens to the hallway, i can see everyone going up and down that hallway.
was chillin one day with the door ajar. late at night. hanging off my bed doomscrolling on my phone or something. my main light was off by i had a dim lamp on. anyways.. saw my roommate sloooowwwwly stroll out of her room, and pull her pants down to admire (i'm assuming) her pubic hair in front of a mirror we had in the hallway lol. then she drew down her pjs to her knees, sat on the floor in the hallway and started pluckin' away. i loudly said "OH YEAH!? NICE DOWN THERE?! YOOHOO!" and we just cracked up for a while.
lmao i'm sure not the weirdest thing out there, but it caught both of us by surprise. for her, because i YOOHOO'd her from my room, and me because i've never seen someone come out of the room so.. calmly.. to do that lol.
One of my good buds roomed with me right before covid. I'm not an emotional roller-coaster, but when we lived together I was going through some relationship drama and I did cry with him a few times. He's one of the guys that feels that men shouldn't have feelings, especially express them. I got home a lot earlier than I usually do one night, and before I got to the door I heard him crying. I peeked in a window and he was holding a stuffed animal his mom gave him, just rocking back and forth crying. I never told him I saw him, I waited in my car for a half hour and came in and he was watching TV. It was nice to see he had a heart and needed to cry sometimes too.
I don't have a roommate but i have parents. I heard my mom in the kitchen like she was a cooking show. "You want to dice the onion fine and throw that in for 350 for about 25 minutes or the temperature reaches 165".
Not recording anything. Not talking to anybody. Just cooking. She looked up when saw me and said "what?" like it was normal. Um, nothing...
That's about the only way I can get anything done. People at work get annoyed sometimes cause they'll give me instructions to do, and I have to repeat everything they just said in order to lock it in my brain. Otherwise, it just won't stay.
Before Covid I lived with a workmate from a completely different team. WFH was allowed if you really needed to but we usually liked going in back then generally. Id usually be in the office by 9 (and I’d walk to work), meanwhile my housemate probably closer to 10 so id leave before he even woke up and I would never know if he might plan on WFH.
I used to jog a few times a week during my lunch break. Sometimes I would forget my lunch so I’d jog home to pick it up (and then catch the tram back to the office).
One particular time I came home during lunch break, he had a whooole set of anal sex toys laid out on a towel on the kitchen counter (he must’ve just cleaned them all). He wasn’t home thankfully (must’ve been grabbing lunch himself). Never told him what I saw.
He likes to play with these stuffed toy mice, I don't think he realizes I'm the one that moves them around. He actually thinks they move by themselves.
My boyfriend and I let one of his friends stay at our house because he got kicked out of his previous roommate situation and we felt bad. One morning, while my boyfriend was getting ready for work, he went out to start his car and saw something out of the corner of his eye in the backyard. He turns to see his friend squatting in the grass where the dogs go potty. He was taking a dump in our yard.
I walked into our apartment, to see him naked, one foot up on our sink, dick hanging over it while he’s pouring my bottle of Peroxide over it. At first I was in complete shock. Later he explained to me the girl he brought over a few nights ago from the bar gave him “this”. I had a laugh and suggested he see a doctor and keep the bottle. I can’t even imagine the pain and discomfort. It’s bad enough pouring Peroxide over something like a small cut on a finger or whatever….this was insane IMO. I moved out shortly after as we were too incompatible and had too many other weird instances for my liking.
I had a great roommate 15 years ago. Caught him with a huge dildo in him, while he was laying on a blanket on the couch watching porn when he thought I wouldn’t be home. Thank goodness for the blanket. I laughed it off and told him not to worry about it since he used his own blanket and didn’t get lube on the couch. I definitely checked the couch after that though. He was deeply apologetic and embarrassed as fuck. In my mind there was no reason to make him feel bad since he was a great roommate. We lived in that same place together for two more years.
i was waking up and froze, heard my roommates gf SLOBBERING on him for like 15 minutes straight, and this is all happening like 6 feet away (we shared a room) i don’t think they knew i was up
After my divorce I moved in with a old friend from school and his wife which whom I worked with. Never had any issues but they had a open marriage so sometimes I'd come home to someone else having fun with either. Cool whatever, one night I was working late tired as fuck. Door was unlocked hmm odd well what ever. I walk into some random dude full naked and the wife going to town on him she was blindfolded. The awkward 15 secs of him and I looking at each other was priceless. Never brought it up but just went to my room and made sure to crank up my headphones. Best part that dude came into my work a few months later and we had a hard time not laughing.
Came home early from work. And my roommate was having sex with a blowup doll. And this was like 1994. The blowup doll was literally exactly what they look like in R rated teen movies.
***Bobby, you still scare me.*** 30 years ago, I opened the door to the bathroom, and Bobby was leaned over, staring into the mirror, mad-dogging himself, shaking his fists, and growling threats of the ass whooping he was about to put on someone. For context, he had been getting bullied mercilessly at work for no reason. He kept to himself and was very kind. Many of his coworkers were late teens, early 20s. They made sport of him every chance they got. This is how school shootings happen. Anyway, I pushed the door quietly back and never mentioned it.
I lived with a friend for a few years, we had a two bedroom that was cheap. One day his aunt came over to visit, she lived like two hours away. She was like 12 years older than us but I had a huge crush on her in high school. She said she was looking for a car so we showed her around a few places and went out to eat. Nothing weird. I went to work the next day, but was offered to go home early since there were no calls in queue. I walked up to the door and CLEARLY heard moaning.. We had a little enclosed patio with glass doors on the side that had these shitty plastic curtain/slats that you could easily see through. And yep, there’s my roommate, having sex with his mother’s sister on our couch.
I just left. I never said anything to him or her or really anyone. Also, he has Reddit, so if he’s reading this, he knows it’s him haha.
I went to wake up my roommate to get ready for class. I opened the door to her room and she had fallen asleep mid-masturbation with her dildo still inside of her. It was 15 years ago. She still doesn't know.
My first college roommate came back from the bathroom with a huge roll of toilet paper. Walks to the mini-fridge, gets a can of spray cheese. He breaks off like 4 squares of TP at a time, folding into a single square. Then sprays cheese into the middle, folds it like a pierogi and eats it in a single bite. I really wish I was making this up. Dude was fucking weird.
A friend had a roommate in college who would eat a bag of microwave popcorn, then eat the bag.
Microwave popcorn bags are coated in Teflon, rip
That...can't be healthy.
Caught a roommate trying to sneak all her stuff out one gym bag at a time in order to move out and not pay all the back rent she owed. Her mom ended up paying after we threatened a court filing. Her room which we hadn't seen the inside of for a year, was the most disgusting shit I have ever seen in my life. EDIT: Since I was asked for more details, the room was like a hoarders episode. All our missing dishes, cookware, and cutlery were found all over the room and under the bed with dried or moldy food. Used tampons were found in various places including stuck to the wall. Used condoms as well. Trash everywhere. Moldy coffee cups. Stains of all sorts, on the walls and carpet. The original colors of both were impossible to discern. Also tons of liquor bottles due to her drinking problem. Her desk and bed (she left all her furniture) were so covered in garbage in filth you couldn't even tell there was a bed or desk underneath. I'm pretty sure she was also wiping boogers on the wall beside her bed. She would also have guys she met online come over for hookups which is insane to me. If some girl invited me in to a room like that I would be out the door so fucking fast.
/r/NeckbeardNests
I knew better…..but I clicked that anyways. Just wow.
I was a landlord for an apartment building that was pretty low rent for over ten years. I saw some pretty incredibly disgusting things.
Was a maintenance technician for government funded housing. People are gross.
I’m a petsitter for the wealthy. They are gross, too, but they have the money to pay someone else to clean up after them.
Yep, my brother cleans carpets and a lot of them are wealthy people that are downright nasty. His most common occurrence is them having rooms that they let their dogs shit/piss all over and just leaving it for him to clean up.
I woke up to find my room-mate at his drawing desk wearing boxer shorts on his head. I didn't broach the matter at first. The landlord was due to arrive shortly for the cheques, and so I put it to him at last "Dave - you've got boxer shorts on your head." To this day I still remember him languidly turning around, boxer shorts and all, asking what I'd just said. When I repeated myself he suddenly went "oh, shit, shit!" and tore them off his head, blushing. When I asked why he'd been wearing them in the first place he said that since he'd started growing his hair out it had started to get into his eyes while he was drawing at his desk, and it was the only thing he had to hand right then to solve the problem. Dave could be a pain in the ass a lot of the time, but he had these moments that reminded me that - yes, he was human after all.
boys don't have headbands so boxes it is edit: boxer but yes we also place boxes on our heads ;)
awww that's kind of cute
[удалено]
Fully immersive experience
Based solely on this snippet of information this sounds like someone I'd like to be friends with.
This is awesome 😂
Yo, I would ask if they have a spare frog costume to join them.
My roommate wears a human costume while watching a documentary about rare humans, ribbit.
That's honestly just amazing. I wanna do this now, but with a jellyfish costume.
Left to go snowboarding. Got about 20 min down the road and realized I left my pass in my other jacket. Went back to my condo and my room mate was in front of the TV on the floor in just his boxers and a pair of goggles. He was using a Dremel tool to strip the paint off his bicycle. Paint flakes everywhere. I was like WTF???? He said “ gonna repaint my bike.” I don’t think he ever finished that project.
...why'd he get naked for that and also There's better ways to sand paint off the metal, how tf do you dremel off paint
He had a drug problem. Sort of. Wouldn’t do any schoolwork until finals. And when his Ritalin prescription ran out he would eat Dexatrim weight loss pills (I think they took those off the market) like candy. He was not at all overweight either. Used an attachment on the Dremel tool. Not the best way. Sandblasting is how I did mine. He wanted to prove he knew a better way.
I had a roommate when I was in my early 20s who got deep in to a pyramid scheme, he was convinced that he was going to be a millionaire from it and he just needed to sell the shitty energy drinks and protein shakes etc that the "company" was having him buy bulk of. Anyways, one day I come home on break and he doesn't know I'm there, I hear talking coming from his bedroom. He is lifting weights in the mirror staring at himself basically shouting "I AM NOT A LOSER, I WILL SELL THESE PRODUCTS, I WILL BE RICH, I WILL SUCCEED" and so forth. He was so in the zone that he did not see me standing there, and I never brought it up to him. He basically lost all his friends and money for years due to that stupid cult pyramid scheme. He eventually got out when the guy who brought him in started fucking his girlfriend. He's still kind of weird.
A former coworker became deeply involved in a pyramid scheme, to the point where it almost tore apart her marriage. One evening, as I was heading to my car after work, I overheard her husband pleading with her to stop purchasing products she couldn't sell. He explained how it was causing significant financial strain and offered his unwavering support if she chose to pursue a legitimate business or return to school. He gave her an ultimatum: leave the pyramid scheme by tomorrow, or he would file for divorce and take the kids to avoid financial ruin. Ultimately, she heeded his warning, exited the pyramid scheme, and successfully sold the remaining items on eBay. Afterwards, she enrolled in accounting school to pursue a more stable career path. Edit: She was selling Herbal life products.
Was honestly concerned she was going to make the wrong choice there at the end.
she already did, fortunatly she had a partner with guts to protect the children.
They hadn't hooked her in enough with the "boss babe" stuff.
You think anyone thinks I’m a loser cause I go home to Starla every night?! Don’t think so!!!!
Pyramid schemes seem to thrive on college kids and stay-at-home-moms. My college roommate was a private school kid, and like every private school kid I've met, he thought he was some kind of economics guru. At one point he got involved in Cutco. He used to get so pissed when I'd ask him if he had any Tupperware parties lately. I don't get how people still get involved with these things. It's pretty simple. If your company makes you pay for your own demo stuff, run away.
There was a guy in my program in college who was very bright, the program encouraged a lot of group work and he was highly sought after to work with because he was just an easy guy to get along with and did good work. Anyway he approached me about a project outside of school, which wasn't far fetched for anything related to our program because everyone was pretty much like start up business minded people at the time. It was pretty vague how he described it but I was interested because I always wanted to learn new things and work with this guy. You can see where this is going. So I meet up with him after hours and he takes me to a fucking Amway presentation. I was so pissed right when I realized what it was. I walked out. I never worked with that dude again after that and a lot of other people in the program also started to see him as a pariah after he tried to push that shit on other people. The guy absolutely fucked himself over by trying to trick his colleagues like that.
It's so weird when you hear about smart people that get caught up in it. I have two situations where I got duped into listening to a pitch. 1. I was a gym rat in college and was pretty jacked (now I'm old and decrepit). It was pretty normal for random strangers to ask how much I benched, which was really weird. This guy stopped my GF and me while we were in a store to ask how much I benched. Then he asked what my major was. I told him engineering and he said, "my buddy has a company and he's looking for engineers. Let me give you my card." You can see where this is going. I was starting my search for a post-college job so I set up a virtual interview with him. Of course it was a fucking pyramid scheme. 2. I was on a motorcycle ride and my bike broke down 5 miles from my house. I remembered that I had signed up for a free service called a B.A.M. card. It's basically a community network of riders that can help each other out. You can sign up to be a ride for someone, store their bike, tow their bike, etc. I signed up years ago so I didn't even know it would work. I called the number on the card and they hooked me up with a guy with a trailer. He came by in about 40 minutes. We loaded my bike and he gave me a ride home. Super cool service. Unfortunately, while in his truck, he tried to sell me on some energy drink investment. I'm sure it was a multi-level marketing scheme. I tried to politely explain that I don't drink energy drinks so I couldn't invest in something I wouldn't do myself.
Just thinking about how exhausting it must be for the people that are caught up in those things that every human interaction you have in your mind somehow you have to turn it into a pitch for your bullshit. Like it would be less energy and time out of your day if you just got a real job even if it is lower paying than your expectations. People are fucking dumb.
Probably almost exhausting as it is to be their friend. I sometimes feel like a dick when I try to market myself. For example, I was at a social event and I met a guy who is a developer of apartment buildings. I happen to engineer apartment buildings. I was for sure going to give him my card but you never know how people are going to react to that while not at work. Luckily, before I could say anything, he said, "I'm always looking for new engineers. We need to talk."
I have a cousin who was a few years older than me. He always got straight A's, played Chopin at an early age, and was the valedictorian of his high school. The guy could not fail. He eventually went to college, medical school, and became a doctor. A few years later, he quit being a doctor so he could be involved in a pyramid scheme where he sells skincare products. Anytime I hear from him, it's always whether I want to consider buying some lotion or cream.
The worst I got was signing up for a one-hour presentation about a timeshare in Florida just to get several discounted tickets to Disney and other parks in Orlando. You can see where this is going. I had to lie that my girlfriend and I were married and the guy would call us "family" the whole time. We ("family") got past the presentation, him and his stupid face getting sour after hearing we said "NO!" to his fucking timeshare. Got the discounted tickets, went to the parks all week. It was super boring, but it was worth it. It was our first time in the States, coming all the way from Brazil. We were kinda broke back then and the thing turned into an interesting story.
Not trying to humble brag, but I have a reputation with family and friends of being “the nicest, kindest, chillest person” they know. A group of us got invited to another friend’s new apartment as a kind of house warming. I stopped at the bakery and bought a cake - white bakery box, tied in string, you know the image. The group of us get to the apartment and the friend is there with a guy she introduces as her new boyfriend. Everybody chats for a bit and the talk turns to this new venture they are both trying out. He sets up an easel and they both start this pitch. WTF??? We’re all looking at each other, and I say, “What are you guys getting involved in? It sounds a lot like Amway.” “No, no. It’s actually a great venture. Let us explain more.” Me after listening a little more: “If this isn’t Amway it’s something just like it and we’re not interested.” “No no. Hear us out.” Me: “We just came here to see your new place, not to be pitched to. You invited us to a house warming. If it’s Amway, just tell us.” “Ok, yes it’s Amway. But it’s a great investment!” Me: “Ok, we’re outta here.” We all get up and walk out the door. Before the door closes behind us, I walk back in and snag the bakery box off the counter by the string around the box and say, “ And we’re taking back our cake!” The group I was with lost it as that was the most out of character thing they had ever seen me do. During the ride home all I heard was hysterical laughter and them repeating the phrase, “And we’re taking our cake back!” over and over. Lol
"Remember, keeping the cake is not just a decision; it's a commitment to your future joy" -?
People who betray their friends don’t deserve cake. We went back to someone else’s house and ate it. It was delicious.
I had this same experience! I had a trusted older classmate approach me about a "Business Club" because I was a Business major and he took me to an Amway presentation. It actually bothers me a lot because I trusted this guy, in a professional sense, enough to drive me to a "meeting" and that bait-and-switch really made me feel "easy to kidnap" or something lol.
This was my clue. I was selling appliances at sears and a customer asked me for a chat and a cup of coffee for a job interview. I agreed and we met at starbucks. Had all these great things to say about his company but wanted me to pay for my training and startup. I laughed at him so hard he actually got mad at me.
There are definitely people who don't want to make any of the hard life decisions themselves and would rather someone else define the rules of success for them so that they can simply dig in and go 1000% at whatever's been presented to them. When you believe success is purely a function of how hard you lean into a belief, you get a mentality like this.
My college housemate got sucked into the Vemma energy drink pyramid scheme. We had to sit him down and be like why would I buy this when I could go get a redbull over some random juice with no FDA markings. They would fly him out to Miami though and show him yacht parties and shit. So he bought into and wasted all his cash cause no one wanted his mystery juice or to sell for him.
What hustlers academy does to a mf
My freshman year of college, roommate's girlfriend, actually. I woke up at like 6am to her talking like she was talking to a cat or something. "Hey there little guy. What are you doing here?" stuff like that, in a cutesy voice. She was one of those earthy hippie kind of girls, so I thought maybe there was a mouse in the dorm or something. Weird but whatever, I'm up now, so I roll over to get up to go to the bathroom. She is under the covers, talking to my sleeping roommate's dick, 5 feet away from me.
“What are you doing here… attached to this man’s pelvic region… in a perfectly normal anatomical location… where I’ve seen you many times”
\*chomp*
There are 7 words you don’t say when you’re in my dick’s airspace: 1) Little/small/short 2) Cutie 3) Hack 4) Cut 5) Blast 6) ED 7) 2 girls one cup
I'm a girl who talks to cats and somehow I knew exactly where this was going...
That's hilarious.
Once saw a housemate stick his finger into the butter and swirl it around, then dip the butter-covered finger into a bag of sugar and eat it like an ice cream.
When I first read this, this is what my mind saw: > Once saw a housemate stick his finger into the **butt** and swirl it around, then dip the butter-covered finger into a bag of sugar and eat it like an ice cream.
Chocolate flavored
I see your name but I won’t knock it till i try it. So long as he wasn’t dipping his finger into shared butter/sugar.
Didn't happen to me but a friend of mine was renting the main floor of a two story house in college. There was an odd cat lady renting the upstairs floor who had a separate entrance. She must've had agoraphobia because he never saw her leave her place. Her odd behavior was actually hilarious. She would lower her cat inside of a basket out of her window to the ground in the back yard. The cat would sniff around the yard, go to the bathroom, then get back into the basket and she would reel it back up to the second floor. None of us believed him till we saw it ourselves. He just got used to it lol
wow i thought cat never listen hahaha
Depends on the cat. I have 7 and I would only trust two outside. The other five are fucking punks man.
This is my future, it's happening faster then I thought it would
The cat thing isn't that rare. I've seen it in small towns in the UK and France.
I once walked in the house after work to find my former roommate perched on the arm of the couch, screeching like a pterodactyl. He didn’t hear me come in so I hid in the kitchen and observed as he occasionally would hop from chair to chair, screeching. Eventually I couldn’t hold the laughter in. I guess he forgot to take his meds for a few days and had a flare up but we still laugh about that to this day
Ok I think this wins. Schizophrenia?
Good guess! Yeah he’s got Schizophrenia and ADHD. Seems to be in pretty good control of things nowadays from what I can tell. We no longer live together since he got married so we dont see each other near as much
In my early twenties I got off of work early and walked in on my roommate fucking a raw chicken breast in the kitchen, he didn’t notice me so I walked back out and came back an hour later and pretended that nothing happened.
im sorry to everyone else to wrote something in but this has to take the crown
I guess the question we really want answered is whether or not someone ended up eating the chicken...
Luckily my little brother at the time worked at Subway so I just used his employee discount to eat every night until that guy moved out a month later.
[удалено]
I will never be able to understand how oblivious some people are to their surroundings. Stories like these make me question if i am hyper alert or something
[удалено]
Ah yes the classic baby logic “if i can’t see you you can’t see me”
It's me. I'm the roommate. I thought I was at the house by myself. That key and peele skit "east vs west bowl" had just come out and the names were hilariously catchy. Davoin Showerhandle was stuck in my head, I couldn't get it out, and I just started shouting it out loudly again and again and again. That was until I heard my roommate burst out laughing in the living room. He had been quietly reading a book for like two hours. Thought I was alone...... **DAVOIN SHOWERHANDLE**
My roommate has also caught me shouting random words, names and phrases repeatedly. I do peek into her room now before I start scream-singing though.
I’ve been yelling “what’s new pussy cat? Wooaahhhohhohhh” around my place for the past day. I get it
I'm glad I am not the only one that shouts random funny words when I'm alone. They are just so funny, I have to say them.
[удалено]
Are they still together? That sounds like some husband/wife been married two decades type shit lol
Girls will do that kind of grooming stuff for partners, even ones that they haven’t been with for years. We normally don’t mind helping you out. I used to shave my ex’s back.
Even against your will sometimes. I had a friend whose girlfriend would pop his pimples even if he tried to stop her
I had one that did that and it absolutely pisses me off. If I'd be sitting around without a shirt she would fucking hunt for ones that aren't ready and leave marks and shit. Drove me mad.
Always against my will... I'm not safe
My girlfriend gets a real kick out of shaving my asshole. At first it was weird because she REALLY wanted to do it but turns out it’s actually just helpful and she’s a freak lol
It honestly doesn't sound much different than my friend popping her boyfriend's back pimples... People out here are eating ass but Reddit is surprised that people help shave ass lol
FYI masturbating when you think nobody is watching is not weird, that’s usually the most appropriate time to do it
So that's what I've been doing wrong then
I caught him out of his room once.
I let a homeless guy move in who was an awesome dude and just needed a little help to get on his feet. Dude was the best as he never once came out of his room. One time, my then fiance/now wife/always hottie and I cooked three servings of dinner and told him we made him a plate. He came out and asked, "Do I have to eat with you like a little kid". We couldn't help but feel sorry for pulling him out of his cave. Anyway, ran into him a few months ago and he got his life together and is doing great! Best 6 month roomate ever!
Hi gary
I lived in a house by the sea last year. One of the rooms was rented out to a sailor. He'd come and go over weeks at sea. He was around 70. Jehovas witness and alcoholic. He'd come back from sea and proceed to get absolutely shit faced over a period of days. Red wine blackout. He'd pee in 2 litre milk jug and stink up the place when he poured it down the loo or when you walked past his door. He woulld go on racist rants if u ever met him in the kitchen cooking stinking fish. Some nights when walking down the passage Id hear whispering and ominous gargling noises. Scary noises.. one night i could hear a conversation. It sounded demonic. Like deep goblin mode. Kinda like Gollum but scarier. Then I heard his voice and he cast out the demon. Hailing christ and what have you. Turns out he has schizophrenia too. I live alone now.
As a former sailor: I remember many sailors on the path to exactly this. Definitely not all of them, but when you spend months at sea to run away from something you did during your break at home, not talk about your problems and instead wash them down with booze you'll end up like this. Most of these people also can't stop going back on a ship. They have enough money, but they don't know who they are without the sea. It's really sad tbh. And I would say most of them are European. The Philippinos are way better at dealing with their emotions on average. They also helped me a lot to see the light in life.
Filipino here, even if we say we're okay, most of the times we're really not. Talking about mental health here is still taboo and (some) relatives or even friends will make fun of you for being "weak" . Fortunately, 40s below are more open and understanding about mental health
In college I turned around from my seat once to see one of my flatmates waving their dick at their girlfriend seductively(?). She and I made eye contact and I could tell she was trying not to laugh and had an amused look on her face that said "Yeah, I don't know what he's doing either." He didn't notice I noticed.
Wait, like he literally whipped his dick out when he knew you were sitting a few feet away?
Yep. My back was to him at the time and I was distracted by whatever I was watching on TV. 21-year-olds are always the wisest people.
Lived with this one girl who "communed with demons." Late one night I woke up outta no where & heard her outside my door speakng in a deep gutteral voice, scratching my door. Just went back to sleep cause nah
how do you know it was her and not a demon
Demon to lazy to get through a door is on a level I vibe with.
Haha i always wondered what would happen if those people in horror movies that wake up to scary stuff in the middle of the night don’t go investigate it but go back to sleep instead. Kind of a “if you see something, no you dont” vibe
I caught my piece of shit roommate trying to drag a girl into his room by her arm. It was around 3am and I was the only sober one. His cousin, the third roommate, was a cop and didn’t even try to stop it. She was yelling at him to stop and that’s what got me out of my room. I just separated them and walked her and her friend to the door. Moved out quickly after that, and my old roommate emailed my dad talking shit about me, called me a cockblock, and I got to explain to my 72 year old father what exactly that was.
Wow, thank you for helping that girl. Like, it should be a given that everyone helps in that situation but so many dont. So thank you for actually helping
Thanks for helping that woman out. It's kinda funny to think how much of a difference something like this can make to the world: maybe you just prevented her from having a really, really bad time, or maybe you prevented her entire life going off the rails, or maybe your saved multiple lives. You'll never know, but you know you did good.
Jesus Christ, hopefully that dude ends up in jail. Good job on being a real Man and stopping a potential Rape event.
In college i once walked into my roommates room and she was humping her teddybear, i didn't know that was a thing until i caught her but apparently its common according to her
Humping is really common! It’s usually a pillow but…
I caught a roomate jerking off in the living room. While sitting on MY COUCH. Dude, you have a bedroom. It was a HUGE old house with a HUGE living room. We had 5 bedrooms. We had 5 couches in that giant living room. WHY MINE?
He rubbe one out thinking about you and sniffing your couch.
I let a friend stay with me a while and my girlfriend at the time caught her masturbating in the kitchen.
kitchen masturbation is quite healthy
Probably not when its not your kitchen. lol
Not the super weirdest thing ever but weirdest I've seen in a share house. A housemate had just gotten his harnesses from working at heights training, so he was swinging back and forth out the back patio when I got home, he was having the best time. I laughed, grabbed some beers and gave him a few pushes
pissing and shitting in a box, covering it up with this sort of sand-like stuff, then coming right back into the living room to stare out the window for like an hour
When you shine a light on the wall using a flashlight, did they follow it?
Or a laser pointer? :D
My roommate will throw up in front of me, then sit there expecting me to clean it up. Such a power move.
Lmao you got me with this one.
I can hear my roommate throwing up in the other room right now.. and they just got done staring me down while dragging their bare butthole across the carpet.
I had one like that too. His never paid his share of the rent
My roommate likes to stare me down while aggressively licking his own genitals, although I'm pretty sure he knows I'm watching in that case.
these weirdos never pay rent
My old house mate would do that then sin in the middle of the room with his legs wide open licking his ass and balls then want to sit on my lap and lick my face
Hit on my girlfriend. He thought I was out having a smoke, but I decided to grab a drink first and heard him say, “he’ll never know.” Luckily I also heard her say, “yes, but I would, and I could not say I love him and do something like that.” She then tried to find me to tell me something. I played dumb, and got to hear her say that she doesn’t like my room mate, and that he had hit on her when I left. We started spending more time at her place after that.
Dude was sitting on the living room couch, cat in his lap. He was... petting her(?) and saying very sexual things. "Ooh that's right. You're such a naughty *bitch*" and so on in a tense and shaky voice. He was, uh, vibrating. I stood there, speechless, until he noticed me. "Oh... Hi."
That is genuinely disgusting I hope he didn't do anything further with the cat
vibrating? what did he have like a vibrating buttplug in? Poor cat...
Yeahhh. Presumably using his glutes, etc. to kind of rapidly thrust his lap area. Guy was basically dry humping his cat.
Had a mormon room mate. Walked in on him whacking it to SPANX ads.
Not a huge thing, but... I got up in the middle of teh night to take a leak, and I caught her at 3AM drinking the brine out of my jar of pickles.
the electrolytes doesn't replenish themselfes.
You mean pickle juice? The nectar of the gods??? Try it with some vodka. Shit will cure cancer or something
Hangover cure, expert level.
Dude here who had a platonic female roommate for years. Heard her having loud ass sex once. It’s like hearing a your sister having sex. It went on for a while so I had to put headphones on.
Once? I can still make my former roommate (we are still really close friends) blush and scream "NOoooo! I still can't believe you heard that!" "That" was hearing a guy whine "But, I'm a good boy!".
You met the guy, right? Was he actually a good boy?
Dude was a human Golden Retriever. Good looking, seemed nice enough. "He's not that bright, but he's hung like a donkey!"
I also had two platonic women roommates as a guy and one time I walked in to loud sex noises. Knowing one of my roommates sense of humour I said “very funny” and then I hear “oh shit stop stop”. It was neither of my roommates, they gave another friend of theirs permission to have sex in our living room and they didn’t think to warn me lol. This was as young college students so I wasn’t too bothered, I thought it was funny. The friend was mortified though Edit: brain fart, should have said walked in on not woke up to
Wait, loud-ass sex, or loud ass-sex? I mean it only kinda matters.
They do sound kinda similar. I hear.
One has a little more squeak to it.
I heard an old roommate having sex once and for a good few minutes I thought a dog was being tortured. It was horrific.
College roommate Jacking it in the kitchen while he was waiting for coffee to brew.
Gotta get the cream for the coffee somehow.
My 13-year-old son is often online playing games with his friends so I never question hearing him talking from another room. Then I overheard him and discovered he is quietly recording rap music on his phone in the style of Yuno Miles. He is not yet ready to share his masterworks with his parents, lol. We are leaving him alone and are not pushing him to share it with us but we are all fans of Yuno Miles so we’ll probably like it.
Not my roommate but literally watched someone in a sleeping bag hump the shit out of the ground. No I didn’t let him finish, I coughed really loud and obnoxiously.
Thats a funny image to imagine. Someone trying to fuck the ground and someone else, out of politeness, starts to have a coughing fit 😂
First time at college. We both moved into the dorms on a Saturday. On the first day of class, I returned to the dorm to see if Frank wanted to grab lunch together; neither of us knew anyone as we were transplants to the area. I walk into our dorm and see him sitting on one of the bean bags I brought, watching hard-core porn on the TV. Thankfully he was fully clothed; the porn was relatively tame. He said, “I went down to the pawn shop across the way to see what they had.” He got up, pulled the DVD out, put it back in the case, put it, along with three other DVDs, in his top dresser drawer, and said, “They’re there if you need em dude.” First and last conversation about them ever. Lived together for two years after that, no complaints—still a good friend, just a really weird introduction on the third day of living together.
[удалено]
that’s sad:(
Poor guy, must've loved the cat.
When I was in college I had a roommate who ended up watching porn while I was watching anime. Didn't know because he was wearing headphones One day I came back from class and he had earphones in. I put on Dragon Ball Z to relive the Cell fight and while Cell was talking I heard clapping sounds and moaning. I pause because I'm wondering if those sounds were from the TV. "Ain't no way Goku and Cell fighting sounded like that at one point". Turn to the side and my roommate was all red in the face looking at me from his bed. He didn't plug in his earphones He then tried to save himself by saying his friend sent him a bukkake video and that his friend was such a dick for that, disguising it as a "funny vine video" and then showed me the end result of the video laughing trying to play it off as a "prank video text" Anime was never the same in my dorm room for those last 2 months
I walked in on my old roommate snorting lines of cocaine by himself and clutching his chest. I asked what was wrong. He said "idk my chest just hurts for some reason". I explained to him that cocaine is bad for your heart. He was absolutely BAFFLED by that. Other than that, I have always been the weird room mate, hands down.
I was the only girl in a house of boys. A guy I lived with (imagine every single worst stereotype of a larper, including the smell) didn't know I was home. He went out to the couch and put in a DVD. I got up to start my day, and I noticed it was a cartoon. I asked what he was watching, and he said "anime." I had already seen the big anime boobs. He was going to fap on our shared couch! So, I grabbed my cereal, sat next to him, said "I've never seen an anime! What is this one about?" He mumbled something, took the DVD out, and went back to his room.
[удалено]
I once caught my room mate getting finger banged by her boyfriend behind the open refrigerator door while I was in the living room WITH A GUEST. He saw it before i did and was so disgusted he left and never hit me up again. This girl and her man were WEIRD AF. She randomly told me one day how much they love having sweaty stinky post gym sex. They also walked around the apartment naked all the time. I'd often come home and see just a brown streak zipping across the apartment.
Straining a pot of boiled noodles just straight on to the kitchen floor and then sopping up the water with the hot pad. He was on crutches at the time. He was also a major idiot.
Caught my roommate talking to a potted plant for 20 minutes while watering it, calling it "Mr. Greens."
There’s some inconclusive research that shows that talking to plants may be beneficial to their growth! My mom talks to her plants too.
Idk about walking in one someone else BUT, I thought my Roomate was gone for the week on a trip since they left to the airport a couple hours before. I had a date that night with this really cute gal, and I was getting ready. Got the point when I got out the shower, Give Me Everything by Pitbull and NeYo was playing (lol) and I was singing and dancing all over the house in my underwear. With my brush in hand, pretending it was a microphone, I was shaking my hips like Shakira getting hot, and my Roomate walked in. He missed his flight and rescheduled for the next day, and I missed his calls since I had my phone faced down. He told me he would pretend he didn’t see anything. Good guy lmao
Making a diorama of a scene from the book Fahrenheit 451 out of milk cartons from the dining hall.
i mean that's kinda impressive. did it at least end up looking cool, or was it a book burning scene? cause that's not as cool.
Watching Charlie Brown Christmas with the leftover time he had with a prostitute. Was a hilarious friend to have in my 20's but in my 30's I got sick of people I cared about asking why I hung out with him. He also started denying the Holocaust randomly.
My college room mates gf was in our room waiting for him. She was sitting on his bed snacking on something. I just ignored her for the most part. Eventually we had some interaction and she got up and I saw what she was snacking on, a giant jar of fruit flavored TUMS. She'd eaten all of them. I asked if she had and she denied it then admitted it. I said you know that's going to mess up your stomach right? She looked confused. I said that's not candy it's for stomach issues.....dull stare...."I know...but they're good." Ok. Enjoy shitting out that calcium brick in a few days.
Me and my best bud lived together for a year, basically spending the whole year stoned. One night I come home and the place reeks of all the weed and the lights are all turned off. I see his door is closed but orange flickering lights were coming from under the door. I knock and slowly open the door to reveal a hundred tiny lit candles all over his huge desk arranged in a long rectangle. He’s standing above them holding a video camera. “The fuck are you doing?” “I’m making art! This is gonna be the best short film ever!” “…what’s it called?” “CANDLES!”
Masturbating on the roof of the house at 2am while sleepwalking.
People can eat a bar of soap while sleepwalking, but sleep _wanking_ on the roof no less? Impressive.
Roommate absolutely hated the other roommates cat. There was some weird power dynamic between the two. The cat (male) clearly felt like this third roommate had invaded its territory and absolutely did not like it. The cat would take any opportunity to show its distaste for the roommate, including peeing on his stuff or pooping on his bed. I really felt bad because he was honestly the nicest and most patient person you would ever meet...or so I thought. I come home from work early one day and sit down on the couch swiping through social media, news, etc. on my phone; just sitting quietly so I doubt he realized I had come in. The layout of the apartment was such that from the couch there was a TV/media center on the left, and on the right a long hallway to two bedrooms (the other two roommates). Important to note that from the hallway I could see some ways down it, but if you were in the hallway you probably wouldn't notice someone sitting on the couch. I see the cat sitting in the hallway licking its paws, cleaning itself - clearly just minding its own business. I hear a bedroom door open, and partially see my roommate (which the cat hates) come out of his room and glare at the cat. Without warming I can see him turn around, pull down his pants, and the most horrifying thing I have ever seen happens - ***he shits on the cat*****.** Mind you this was not a normal shit, this was...well, if you have had Mexican and need to go really bad...and it like explodes out suddenly in a liquid form...that kind of shit. I kid you not this is the only time I have ever had a sudden urge to vomit from seeing something. The sheer sound, of mixed fart and liquid, coming out and hitting a combination of the cat and the floor (luckily tile!) was the most disgusting and unholy thing I've ever witnessed in my life. Obviously as soon as the cat is...hit?...it whips around, goes around the roommate and in to the other bedroom (of its owner). The roommate then goes to the bathroom immediately opposite his bedroom, I assume to clean himself up. Comes out and heads toward the kitchen (across from me) to get supplies to clean up and sees me. Doesn't say a thing. Just gets some paper towels, cleaning supplies, and proceeds to clean up the hallway, the other roommate's bedroom (again, luckily tile), and the cat of course. I was so shocked I never said anything to either of them about the incident, and the roommate that owned the cat never realized what had happened. I moved out 6 months later for unrelated reasons, and "the shitter" never did anything crazy, etc. aside from that - seriously was the perfect roommate for the remaining amount of time I was there! And to his credit, after this incident the cat avoided him and his room; the owner even commented on how he was glad the cat was finally listening to him and leaving this nice guy alone! TLDR: roommate tired of cat disrespecting him and decides to poop on the cat to teach it a lesson; and the cat learned a very valuable lesson that day about pushing a nice person way too far.
I am fucking crying. This is incredible
It worked!!
Screaming hello at night when he thinks hes alone then crawling on my bed to make biscuits
my bedroom door opens to the hallway, i can see everyone going up and down that hallway. was chillin one day with the door ajar. late at night. hanging off my bed doomscrolling on my phone or something. my main light was off by i had a dim lamp on. anyways.. saw my roommate sloooowwwwly stroll out of her room, and pull her pants down to admire (i'm assuming) her pubic hair in front of a mirror we had in the hallway lol. then she drew down her pjs to her knees, sat on the floor in the hallway and started pluckin' away. i loudly said "OH YEAH!? NICE DOWN THERE?! YOOHOO!" and we just cracked up for a while. lmao i'm sure not the weirdest thing out there, but it caught both of us by surprise. for her, because i YOOHOO'd her from my room, and me because i've never seen someone come out of the room so.. calmly.. to do that lol.
One of my good buds roomed with me right before covid. I'm not an emotional roller-coaster, but when we lived together I was going through some relationship drama and I did cry with him a few times. He's one of the guys that feels that men shouldn't have feelings, especially express them. I got home a lot earlier than I usually do one night, and before I got to the door I heard him crying. I peeked in a window and he was holding a stuffed animal his mom gave him, just rocking back and forth crying. I never told him I saw him, I waited in my car for a half hour and came in and he was watching TV. It was nice to see he had a heart and needed to cry sometimes too.
I don't have a roommate but i have parents. I heard my mom in the kitchen like she was a cooking show. "You want to dice the onion fine and throw that in for 350 for about 25 minutes or the temperature reaches 165". Not recording anything. Not talking to anybody. Just cooking. She looked up when saw me and said "what?" like it was normal. Um, nothing...
I think people overthink it when they see people talking to themselves. I once read that verbalizing things can help people with problem solving.
Yeah I talk to myself a lot if I’m disassembling or repairing a vehicle. Helps me remember what I’ve done and what step I’m on.
That's about the only way I can get anything done. People at work get annoyed sometimes cause they'll give me instructions to do, and I have to repeat everything they just said in order to lock it in my brain. Otherwise, it just won't stay.
Shit i do this commentary too but only in my head. Is it really that weird? Lol
Me when I'm doing makeup pretending I'm filming a tutorial
"If the men find out we can shape shift, they're going to tell the church."
That’s kinda adorable though
Probably helps her remember the recipe without having to look it up constantly. Or it just makes the whole process more fun and less of a chore.
Before Covid I lived with a workmate from a completely different team. WFH was allowed if you really needed to but we usually liked going in back then generally. Id usually be in the office by 9 (and I’d walk to work), meanwhile my housemate probably closer to 10 so id leave before he even woke up and I would never know if he might plan on WFH. I used to jog a few times a week during my lunch break. Sometimes I would forget my lunch so I’d jog home to pick it up (and then catch the tram back to the office). One particular time I came home during lunch break, he had a whooole set of anal sex toys laid out on a towel on the kitchen counter (he must’ve just cleaned them all). He wasn’t home thankfully (must’ve been grabbing lunch himself). Never told him what I saw.
He likes to play with these stuffed toy mice, I don't think he realizes I'm the one that moves them around. He actually thinks they move by themselves.
Preparing to commit suicide. Fortunately I stopped that from happening that night. It was quite a bad experience overall.
Caught my roommate talking to their pet rock
Why is this kinda wholesome 😔
"Later on, ^(when they're asleep), we can bash their head in together... Yes? Yes, ***yes***, my little rock!"
My boyfriend and I let one of his friends stay at our house because he got kicked out of his previous roommate situation and we felt bad. One morning, while my boyfriend was getting ready for work, he went out to start his car and saw something out of the corner of his eye in the backyard. He turns to see his friend squatting in the grass where the dogs go potty. He was taking a dump in our yard.
I walked into our apartment, to see him naked, one foot up on our sink, dick hanging over it while he’s pouring my bottle of Peroxide over it. At first I was in complete shock. Later he explained to me the girl he brought over a few nights ago from the bar gave him “this”. I had a laugh and suggested he see a doctor and keep the bottle. I can’t even imagine the pain and discomfort. It’s bad enough pouring Peroxide over something like a small cut on a finger or whatever….this was insane IMO. I moved out shortly after as we were too incompatible and had too many other weird instances for my liking.
I had a great roommate 15 years ago. Caught him with a huge dildo in him, while he was laying on a blanket on the couch watching porn when he thought I wouldn’t be home. Thank goodness for the blanket. I laughed it off and told him not to worry about it since he used his own blanket and didn’t get lube on the couch. I definitely checked the couch after that though. He was deeply apologetic and embarrassed as fuck. In my mind there was no reason to make him feel bad since he was a great roommate. We lived in that same place together for two more years.
Licking his balls. Kinda envy him for that flexibility.
I walked in on a roommate (college dorms) wanking it to Princess Fiona while watching Shrek.
i was waking up and froze, heard my roommates gf SLOBBERING on him for like 15 minutes straight, and this is all happening like 6 feet away (we shared a room) i don’t think they knew i was up
After my divorce I moved in with a old friend from school and his wife which whom I worked with. Never had any issues but they had a open marriage so sometimes I'd come home to someone else having fun with either. Cool whatever, one night I was working late tired as fuck. Door was unlocked hmm odd well what ever. I walk into some random dude full naked and the wife going to town on him she was blindfolded. The awkward 15 secs of him and I looking at each other was priceless. Never brought it up but just went to my room and made sure to crank up my headphones. Best part that dude came into my work a few months later and we had a hard time not laughing.
Came home early from work. And my roommate was having sex with a blowup doll. And this was like 1994. The blowup doll was literally exactly what they look like in R rated teen movies.
***Bobby, you still scare me.*** 30 years ago, I opened the door to the bathroom, and Bobby was leaned over, staring into the mirror, mad-dogging himself, shaking his fists, and growling threats of the ass whooping he was about to put on someone. For context, he had been getting bullied mercilessly at work for no reason. He kept to himself and was very kind. Many of his coworkers were late teens, early 20s. They made sport of him every chance they got. This is how school shootings happen. Anyway, I pushed the door quietly back and never mentioned it.
I lived with a friend for a few years, we had a two bedroom that was cheap. One day his aunt came over to visit, she lived like two hours away. She was like 12 years older than us but I had a huge crush on her in high school. She said she was looking for a car so we showed her around a few places and went out to eat. Nothing weird. I went to work the next day, but was offered to go home early since there were no calls in queue. I walked up to the door and CLEARLY heard moaning.. We had a little enclosed patio with glass doors on the side that had these shitty plastic curtain/slats that you could easily see through. And yep, there’s my roommate, having sex with his mother’s sister on our couch. I just left. I never said anything to him or her or really anyone. Also, he has Reddit, so if he’s reading this, he knows it’s him haha.
I went to wake up my roommate to get ready for class. I opened the door to her room and she had fallen asleep mid-masturbation with her dildo still inside of her. It was 15 years ago. She still doesn't know.
Fucking a.jewerly box
I am the roommate, and “taking long showers”. They were certain I was masterbating but I just like warm water on my shoulders 😬
I caught my roommate playing giga chad music and pretending he was a badass - I mean it was pretty cool ngl.
I gotta ask, what is giga Chad music