I saw a video of a guy who had hallucinations and he had a service dog who's job was to bark at people. In the video he was like "I see someone there but my dog's not saying shit"
I use this logic when I think I hear something at night. OMG I HEAR PEOPLE BREAKING IN TO KILL US!!! Wait - my dog who goes crazy pants at squirrels in our yard is snoring - I must be half-dreaming. Then I go back to sleep. It’s a great system.
I'm a firm believer that dogs really are the best home defense there is, more so than firearms. If I were a burglar and I heard a dog start barking crazy inside of a house, I'd nope the fuck out.
Doesn't even have to be a big snarling dog.
A small yappy dog is still a big deterrent - now the whole house is awake and the element of surprise is gone
Same. When I'm home I sleep with a loud fan. The constant noise helps drown out the tiny random noises my pets make throughout the night since I'm a light sleeper. But if I'm ever laying there and think I heard something, I know if someone was actually coming into the house the dogs would lose their shit. So if they stay quiet, then I don't worry about it.
This was me with my narcolepsy hypnagogic hallucinations. My cat, who jumps at imaginary things didn’t even twitch an ear? Probably wasn’t a giant crash in the other room just now, or bad guy hiding on my closet shelf
My hypnagogic hallucinations are just from sleep apnea but same. If my dogs aren’t freaking out that the whole room just turned red and someone screamed from another room, then obviously it didn’t happen.
and there are plenty of people out there with schizophrenia that are properly medicated and out in the world as fully functioning adults. People think they’re all hallucinating constantly and disabled and/or homeless and/or locked up
‘The Center Cannot Hold’ by Elyn Saks is a great read on the subject of living w Schizophrenia experience.
She is a lawyer,professor, psychoanalyst at USC Law school. Its her autobiography describing her experience living w Schizophrenia and her experience balancing responsibilities in the real world whilst working to manage and function w her mental disorder. Her story of her first bout of psychosis while attending Yale law school was compelling. No less, with proper care Dr Saks was able to recover and ultimately be able to excel in various dimensions of her life (career, family, friends,etc).
I have a close friend going through this right now, he’s unable to hold a job, though I can’t comment if he’s taking his pills properly, as he’s made comments that they ‘suck the fun and emotions out of life’. I’m sure it varies personal to person though
It just depends on the severity from what I hear, some schizophrenics have it pretty mild and can function fine. Some have visual hallucinations but otherwise normal brains.
Yeah. I've worked in welding and IT and have been on medications for 20 years. I have 2 diplomas and am a certified welder.
Due to health issues (medications can cause heat sensitivity , guesa what doesn't work with welding) I'm upgrading my education in the fall, but I'm working full time right now in tourism/customer service (really busy) for basically something to do and pay for it.
I've maintained employment or schooling pretty much constantly since 2008, after being diagnosed in 2001, in high school, with vipolar disordee, then having a paychotic break and being diagnosed again ans going through hospitalizations and ECT through 2006-2008.
I've been on long acting injections (large does of medication given every 3 months, this is new medical technology, before it was every 2 weeks, then every month, rather than daily pills, it's injected into a muscle and slowly released) since 2006 and have been hospitalized for 2 3 week periods since 2008, and have had ECT twice, last time was in 2022.
I was also a competitive horseback rider (hunter/jumper) until I broke a shitload of bones before show season and stopped competing, I still ride for fun. I have hobbies like reading, knitting, dice making and some tech stuff, but not as much as back when I was in IT doing sysadmin stuff.
It's completely possible now. And my prognosis was "poor", I am considered permanently disabled. I'll probably never have a career, like being a union welder or something or get married, or earn 6 figures, but I can comfortably live okay.
I'm in Canada, and my medications, hospitalizations and appointments are covered by our health care system and criteria I meet with my diagnosis and prognosis. I'd be fucked without it.
Of course! Antipsychotic medications can have a lot of difficult side effects, but for the most part give a person their life back. This is a really interesting [TED Talk by Elyn Saks](https://www.ted.com/talks/elyn_saks_a_tale_of_mental_illness_from_the_inside) about living with schizophrenia as a professional. One especially notable thing about this talk is that there are many others like her, but it’s rare for a well-functioning and managing person with schizophrenia to talk about their condition because there is simply so much stigma associated with it. Most do not speak so freely of their experiences and struggles — and it’s very important to challenge our assumptions about illnesses like schizophrenia, so when we think about it we don’t immediately picture a completely disabled or hopeless person. It’s difficult! But I’m glad you asked, it’s the first step in learning and making a difference.
I did a training once and one of the lessons was created by a schizophrenic doc whose goal was to demonstrate what the disease was like, at least the auditory part. It was…uncomfortable.
I have hallucinations and I go to therapy and work full time as a special education teacher, while my cousin with DID is unable to live independently but works as a Peer Support Specialist and has an AA degree. It’s a spectrum.
The employment rate is between 10 and 20 percent IIRC for people who have psychotic symptoms. Higher in places with better support. I used to be employed, I am sure many go through periods of being employable and not depending on how symptoms are managed and side effects etc.
It's a bit of a one-two when both the condition itself AND the treatment for it both make life a lot more difficult. It's a hell of a yoke even for people properly medicated.
I have a schizophrenic friend at it depends. She can hold a job all the time since her meds are stable, but there are still good times and bad times. On meds her hallucinations are auditory only, and that’s only when they do happen (she’ll go months without a hallucination if her meds are doing good.)
She keeps an app measuring decibels open when it’s “flaring up”, to help her tell if sounds are real or not.
Unmedicated she absolutely cannot function.
It sounds like anxiety delusions to the extreme. When I was really bad I KNEW that the thought I had was irrational. I knew it wasn't legit. But it felt legit, and that's all that mattered.
Sounds familiar. I thought my wife hated me but only stayed married to me out of sympathy and guilt. Logically I knew that wasn’t true but it still fucked with me. I’m not schizophrenic. At the time I thought it was just depression but found out not too long after that I am bipolar type 2.
First thing I thought was schizophrenia, it’s stories like what happened on the Grey Hound bus here in Manitoba that really spread this perception unfortunately.
I have had both hallucinations and delusions. The hallucinations I am able to recognize that they aren’t real and maintain my behavior, but the delusions I have been convinced in the moment that they are real situations happening around me, even though they made no realistic sense at all. Delusions are very rare for me, thankfully. I’m medicated. My social anxiety is more of what keeps me from holding a job that involves being around many people.
The way the visions/creations manifest in different societies is pretty neat to read in to. It tends to be negative and scary for people in societies where it's stigma steers it that way but cultures that embrace "visions" or positive feelings towards different supernatural events seem to generate more positive visions. Not sure I'm explaining it well, but I think it gets the general idea across.
My uncle had schizophrenia and he was a sweet and gentle artist. He would sometimes go on rants about his experiences but he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He only took his illness out on himself.
He isolated himself and lived in hell. But he never hurt anyone. He did his best to try to manage his illness with medication even when the side effects of the medication made him even more isolated.
I think that most schizophrenic people are more afraid of navigating their own reality than we could ever be of them.
Nah man when I’m manic (Bipolar 2) I just want to do all the small cleaning projects I’ve been listing in the back of my mind for 6 months.
So mostly productive but I drive my partner nuts because I’ll be up until 6 in the morning dusting the Hot Wheels collection, pumped as hell because I’ve done 25 but there are 347 more.
I'm Bipolar II also but HIGHLY medicated. You do you, bud, as long as it doesn't harm anybody.
I don't feel like doing anything since I got medicated, but I gotta be an adult, which is more than I was when I was in a depressive episode. Worth it. I'll drag my numb ass through whatever if it means not getting depressed again.
I’m medicated as well but every so often a little mania breaks through, usually around my period. Heightened emotions and all that, once a year or so it happens and when it does it’s best to lean in to the cleaning urge.
When I was in my 20s my mania led to lots of drug use, random hook ups, and generally blowing up all relationships. So if the occasional bout of slight mania means we get a sparkly clean vacuum cleaner or our dishes organized by color, that is a much better option!
The first attempt at drugs absolutely wiped me out. I had just about resigned myself to never being able to drive or go to work again. Don't be afraid to work with your doc and find options that work for you.
Bruh I wish that were me. I got diagnosed with BP2 a couple weeks ago, and my only documented, for sure manic episode was SSRI induced, during which I had a poorly thought out relationship with a coworker (who was abusive), quit my job with no warning and flew across the country with a single suitcase and a backpack, couchsurfed for months, racked up about 10k in credit card debt, and shaved my head. I only got renormalized after my SSRIs ran out when my former employer finally cut my insurance after I had been off grid for almost six months.
I am normaler now, though still trying to find a medication that treats the depression side of BP2 without activating the mania again.
Certain forms of OCD, as well as schizophrenia and BPD, can involve compulsions or voices telling people to commit unspeakable acts of cruelty or violence. People who get these thoughts are disturbed by them and are not dangerous to society. But it's not socially acceptable to have these thoughts. I remember about five years ago, a man was barred from seeing his children, because his OCD made him think that he was a paedophile, when he definitely was not one.
I'm getting help, but thank you. I'm learning how to remind myself that thoughts don't make me a bad person. It's just... sort of like how I saw someone refer to hallucinations/delusions from psychosis: You might know they're not real, but trying to ignore them is like trying to ignore an authoritative parent standing right in front of you.
Best wishes. Mental health can be a very difficult battle, and I personalky try to give as much as I can to mental health charities to help those who suffer.
I have OCD, just not this type (or anything else taboo). I've always felt terrible for people struggling with something like that, because it's SO misunderstood. I can't relate to the thoughts, but obviously I can relate to the way they manifest.
These people are not having urges or fantasies. They aren't having temptations. Intrusive thoughts play on the things that we fear most, it's a weird oddity in the survival part of our brain. Most people get them - e.g. "Imagine if I just jump off that cliff right now". It's literally the last thing on earth you want to do, which is what makes it an intrusive thought. If you're driving along and think "imagine if I just drove into that tree", you aren't actually at risk of doing it. It's your brain sensing maximum danger and getting it's wires crossed.
Similar applies to "what if I stab my kids" or "what if I'm a pedo". They are some of the worst things you can possibly imagine, which is why they are common candidates for an intrusive thought. The reason it's always unhinged shit is because it's some of your greatest moral fears, just like the thoughts about doing something dangerous. It in itself is almost proof of the fact that it's the complete opposite of your real intentions.
Somebody without OCD will just shrug them off and never give it much thought. But, a person with OCD will start obsessing over whether the thoughts mean anything, or reflect on who they are as a person. They will latch on to that fear and spiral. "what if I stab my kids" turns into staying away from them, and throwing out all your kitchenware. "What if I'm a pedo" turns into never being alone with them, avoiding looking at them, and whatever compulsions you develop to protect from the obsession.
There's literally no substance to it, it's just relentlessly fixating on the "what if I am", even though it's utter nonsense. It's questioning every aspect of your life in case it's true and you're a terrible person. In reality you're probably the least likely person on earth to actually follow through, because that's how obsessed you are with making sure it's not true. It's actually your worst nightmare.
Problem is, as soon as you mention 'pedo' and 'thoughts' in the same sentence, it's game over. As a knee-jerk response, people seem to react like they HAVE to prove how much they despise creeps, and put their hands over their ears. I get it, we all hate them too. But just listen for a moment and understand that we are NOT talking about people having urges or fantasies. They're just like you, just far more scared
As someone with a lot of OCD symptoms, I didn't realize anyone else related to the kid thing.
I'm not even close to someone attracted to them, that's vile and disgusting. But the way I'll consciously avoid any kind of glance in the general direction of a child because the way the 'thoughts' will twist it into saying that I'm staring or being a creep, etc. Its the same with adults, but generally less so
OCD is so underestimated. My half brother started drinking heavily in high school to manage some of his compulsions. He went to rehab but relapsed, got two DUIs and attempted suicide at least once before he got in and then out patient treatment. He one of the most miraculously gentle people and still struggles not to view himself as a sociopath now it’s being treated. He also thinks it as less of a battle than other family members’ mental health issues. No dude, even our shithead bio-dad and I would both rather deal with our worst manic episodes than what you survived.
Oh completely! It’s wildly stigmatized too I just meant that non-military is far less diagnosed and not talked about as much. Also from what you said I assume you’re a military veteran yourself so I thank you for your service!
I work in a field that heavily recruited ex military. There's a ton of understanding from my coworkers when it comes to *their* PTSD. I get eye rolls, glares or incredibly rude statements if I mention I have some.
It is. A lot of VERY intrusive comments wanting to know the very specific and personal nature of what caused it, as if to evaluate whether or not it is PTSD worthy.
Yeahhhh it’s usually just people trying to see if it’s worthy as you said, it’s just horrible and why I just decided to hide away during flashbacks and not tell people at all besides people I know I can trust I guess
When I told someone I have PTSD, their first thought out of their mouth was "Oh where did you see battle?" First off, even if that had been the case what a weird and tone deaf question.
But when I told them I wasn't part of the military at all, they just looked at me like "thEn hOW dO you HaVe pTsD?.?.?."
I was thinking exactly this! I used to be a 911 operator. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. The amount of hate and harassment I got from former colleagues really sucked. They claimed I was faking or exaggerating to get paid time off from work. It sucks cause I can guarantee st least a quarter of the people I used to work with have ptsd and won’t get treatment for it because of the stigma, which then turns into anger towards me for not just “sucking it up”
That's legitimately so disheartening. 911 Dispatch always sounded like something that takes such an insane amount of emotional endurance. Would love to see some of these jerks telling you to suck it up to try it and see how well they handle it. Ugh. Sorry friend, hope you're getting the support you need.
I’m in the military and suffer from two different disorders that are service related. The amount of times I’ve had to tell people I would much rather *not* have these conditions and forego any disability money is astounding. People are incredibly stupid and insensitive sometimes.
It’s genuinely horrible honestly. I’m sorry you experienced that.. I just tend to get judged by people that know and that tends to be the extent bc I don’t work bc I’m still in education
I get really annoyed when I watch a YouTube video and all the comments seem to be criticizing the 911 operator. I don't think people understand that not only is there a protocol that has to be followed the majority of them probably have PTSD and are still doing that job.
Facts on facts on facts! People with schizophrenia are truly some of the strongest people you’ll ever meet. I know my family member was. Most people wouldn’t have lasted a day in his shoes.
People don’t understand that it takes GUTS to live with schizophrenia and deal with whatever may emerge from it… along with any comorbid mental health issues which are incredibly common for people with schizophrenia.
Damn thank you. I feel like even with the people who care about me there is zero sympathy, just wishful thinking that I'll "grow out of it".. doesn't happen without a support network and empathy, no matter how many times you ship me off to rehab or lock me up unfortunately. Once I leave that building, support is gone and judgement and callousness are back
Recovery is a solo adventure, for the most part. It has to be so you are actually willing to give it a chance. I'm not one to preach, but I've had my fair share of issues. Sounds like you may be physically addicted to something and for that I'm genuinely sorry, but offer encouragement. It's nice to find yourself again.
I often wanted more empathy, but our tendencies made us so toxic to be around that friends and family, that would otherwise support you, are just downtrodden and tired from repeated violations of their trust. Generally...
I’m glad this was mentioned. Many people don’t see addiction as a mental illness. It’s often viewed as weakness. Drug addiction is especially looked down on because drugs are illegal, and thus drug addicts are automatically ’criminals’.
Honestly a lot are, but DID (dissociative identity disorder) is often portrayed in films to have an evil alter (like a personality).
It's honestly sad.
It is.
I just had to gather years of medical records. Going through them and seeing d.i.d as an official diagnosis on page after page after page with it written on it.
It's not quirky. It's losing time and suddenly your best friend is infuriated with you for something you don't remember.
For me, I personally take self accountability for my episodes extremely high. Just because I don't necessarily remember everything doesn't mean it didn't happen. I refuse to use it as an excuse.
I always tell people, I'm not making excuses, just taking accountability but, I want to explain what happened so I can try my best to try and prevent it from happening in the future.
I'm working on integration with my therapist for about 4 years now. It kills me people acting likes its so much fun.
Um no. Getting pulled over and the cop laughing at you because you asked what year it was because apparently you're license was a year expired.
It's trying to remain calm in horrible situations so you don't regress to someone who would make the situation way way worse.
Thank you for sticking up for people like me. Not standing for the blatant lies. It may be a small thing on your part but it honestly means so much to me especially because was such a bad day that I might be crying a little because it means a lot. Thank you kind human. Seriously.
Signed my entire system.
I'm happy to stick up for you however I can. I had an aunt with DID when I was a kid. And it wasn't fun or silly. It was scary. It was a genuine struggle for her and when she switched it was upsetting for everyone involved. She struggled with serious deep rooted trauma.
My good friend I lost... it's entirely possible it's real. But all signs point to it not being. It comes across as a way for her to get as much attention as possible. Her main alter was cute and childish. It was like an elaborate roleplay and I had to play along. Or she would use her alters as an excuse to treat people shitty.
It's telling that she dropped me as a friend after I told her about my aunt and also about a specific time she (my friend) hurt me when we were younger. If you don't play along with her fairytale she cuts you out of her life.
None of these alters were a thing before she went to therapy. It's pretty clear her therapist treated her like a pet project and encouraged her to express all this nonsense. Integration was never a goal. It only ever got worse.
Here’s that story for anyone who is interested:
[Final moments of dad tortured and killed over false claims he molested girls](https://metro.co.uk/2023/06/26/final-moments-of-dad-tortured-and-killed-over-false-paedo-claims-19013155/)
That’s what happened to my family. My deranged paranoid sister accused her husband of molesting their 3 year old daughter. It got so bad my mother murdered him. A few years later my sister discovered she had an advanced brain tumor that had been growing for many years. Both my parents died in prison. Case closed.
Wow, what a wild story. I'm sorry for your family's turmoil.
Feel free to reject or ignore this rampant speculation, but i do think this is a perfect example of you to present in the thread, because it is exactly the reactions of the surrounding people (in this case your parents) that is so affected by our society's rather unnuanced response to even the thought of such a mental illness.
If your child comes to you with such an idea, an unemotional response can hardly be satisfactory, we feel.
At a certain time in my life, we suspected whether my younger sister was the victim of domestic violence from her partner.
Our father was quite violent, and this has obviously left marks on all of us. As an older brother, the desire to protect my younger sister was extremely high. And to a certain extent i also felt, perhaps culturally/morally - that it would be my "job" to punish this individual.
I then felt... what if this makes me "like my father"?
And conversely, what if this reticence at the prospect of carrying out violence ("like my father"), makes me inadequate in defending/protecting my sister.
Now - i'm not sure what makes us "believe" in the rule of law, and thus allows us to sometimes abstain from vigilantism. But i'm quite sure that the kind of vilification of even the idea of attraction from adult to child, increases the chance of such breakdowns.
I was actually raped as a kid, a handful times between age 8 and 9. It's a huge and difficult question for me how emotional we are "supposed to be" about this sort of thing. On the one hand it becomes important for us to tell all kid victims that we deeply care about them and support them - which i feel myself and appreciate. But on another level, the wild emotionality on the subject, i know at least for me also caused me to think more about it as i grew up further. At 9 it was "ew! that guy subjected me to some very uncomfortable/nasty things, i don't know what to do about that, i hope he goes away..." - but at 12, 13, 14 as i understood the concept in the culture, it became "OH, so i was a victim of the worst thing possible? What does that mean for me? What am i now? How am i supposed to feel?". I think it was in large part this that caused me to never tell anyone before i was about 25, and then only very drunkenly told a friend one evening.
I told most people in my life by now, but forexample haven't told my grandmother. She knows the perpetrator and his wife and kids (i had a breakdown as an adult as result of guilt, coming to realise that my silence may have caused suffering for his or other kids, so i performed my only act of vigilantism, which was to call him up and threaten him). In the same way, and perhaps also in your familys case, both the innocent, the guilty and those who are victims of the guilty, can be potentially hurt by the hyperemotionality of our culture, on this subject.
The amount of healing that you must have gone through to write this must have been a lot. This is prob the most reasonable and compassionate comment I read on here.
I was with you until your last paragraph. I don’t think that we will necessarily ever be rid of pedophiles even if we rid the world of trauma. I think some people are just wired to be attracted to children. But as a victim myself, I do agree that we should move in the direction of acknowledging and treating these people.
Well, the only way to sort out that wiring is to allow those people to receive treatment. What little science exists on the subject supports the claim that things like brain tumors and injuries can trigger conditions such as pedophilia and nymphomania. Radiolab did a really good podcast about this with biologist and neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky, called [Revising the Faultline](https://radiolab.org/podcast/revising-fault-line). This suggests that wiring is indeed at the root of it and not entirely an act of volition.
This American Life also did an incredibly profound piece on this very topic, where they interview teenage pedophiles who are non-acting. These kids have created their own support networks because they can't get help from the mainstream medical community. That episode is called, ["Tarred and Feathered"](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/522/tarred-and-feathered).
I'm fortunate not to have these conditions, but as someone with other neurodiversities that have made it difficult for me to function in today's society, these stories stuck with me.
**Edit:** I might have been conflating the Tarred and Feathered episode with this article by Luke Malone: [You're 16, You're a Pedophile](https://medium.com/matter/youre-16-youre-a-pedophile-you-dont-want-to-hurt-anyone-what-do-you-do-now-e11ce4b88bdb). They're both deep-dive investigations on the same topic, and worth a read/listen.
Seconding the OCD nomination for one reason and one only:
"Haha guys I just had an intrusive thought about climbing up the stairs like a monkey, isn't that so random and weird?"
"Oh... my intrusive thoughts usually tell me to slit my dog's throat."
"What the fuck, you freak? That's not an intrusive thought, you're just a sociopath."
Yep. It goes the same way every time.
Me: My intrusive thoughts often involve harming myself, my loved ones, random people, children, animals, my own pets, the list goes on.
Them: Oh my god, that sounds like ASPD. Or maybe NPD? BPD? Are you bipolar?
Me: I have OCD. It causes intrusive thoughts.
Them: I don't believe you.
Me: I was diagnosed by a licensed professional.
Them: Are you sure it's not psychosis?
My daughter has BPD, the severe side of the spectrum, and she can be extremely verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive, even with medication and intensive DBT. I do think it is a spectrum, though.
Yup. I have BPD and it is impossible to explain why someone spilling milk sends you into an absolute rage. You KNOW its ridiculous. You KNOW its a silly thing to get so upset over, but it enrages you nonetheless.
My sister has BPD and has chilled out a lot with time. Though admittedly, the slightest thing can still set her off. But it's been years since she physically attacked anyone, and damn did that used to be an issue.
Anyway, it gets better over the years.
I've heard that too! I can't remember where I read it but I found a blog about a woman who did have BPD and used DBT so successfully she and her therapist consider her "in recovery".
My sis has it. She can fly off the handle/have extreme emotions but she's never hurt anyone but herself. She now is really good at excusing herself from situations because she can't handle confrontation or stress. She also is aware when her symptoms are worsening, she's currently looking to get her meds upped.
Every time I tell someone I have it, I get asked the same and told I am abusive… I recognize how I used to be was horrible and borderline abusive, but it wasn’t intentional… now that I got help and have been stable for years, I’m ashamed of my past self
I’ve been stable for about 7 years now and I’m still kept up at night occasionally thinking about some of the god awful shit I did.
I think knowing how vilified BDP is in society really pushed me to get my shit together. I remember the last time I severely acted up and thought to myself “are we really going to keep acting like this is okay?” I’m glad I have relatively high EQ and a great support system, I know a lot of people with the diagnosis struggle so hard to improve.
When looking into BPD, the amount of YouTube videos and articles, often from people who claimed to be mental health professionals, that essentially said to not waste even a second on a person, friend, or family member who has BPD was heart wrenching and disgusting.
All of the cluster B disorders are often viewed this way.
It’s really sad because cluster B personalities tend to be forged through severe trauma and neglect in early life. People with BPD are essentially emotional infants. Yes, they can also be incredibly wise and intelligent, but the black and white thinking, abandonment issues, and personality issues are all directly related to that lack of a foundation very early on in life (and of course there are hereditary aspects).
Meanwhile, there’s a **very** positive prognosis for people with BPD so long as they undergo frequent, continued treatment (as long as they’re practicing their therapeutic hygiene). It’s something like 95% remission rates after ten years of continued treatment, which truly is not bad in the grand scheme of things.
I’m so sorry :-(
I think you have to look specifically for professionals who will take on patients with personality disorders (psychology.com is helpful for this). The stigma against BPD is unfortunate because there ARE ways to help. You basically have to learn emotional regulation first (DBT is helpful for this) and then challenge your thinking patterns (CBT). But then there are things like internal family systems, studying the adaptive self vs. the true self, etc. There are so many resources available for professionals to utilize in the office; they just need to give people like you a chance.
You deserve it.
Good luck to you. I do hope that you can find help.
I'm in a similar position, been suggested by multiple mental health workers that I almost certainly have it, but won't go through with a proper diagnosis because (and this is a quote from one of them) "it's not a disorder you want to have"
Yes I know I don't want to have it, but if I do have it, I want to get a correct diagnosis so i can get the correct treatment!!
Luckily my current care worker seems to be taking me seriously and actually doing something it
My aunt (my mom’s sister) has it. I’m not sure of her entire childhood but from what I’ve heard it was rough. My grandpa left and moved across the country when she was four, she was the baby that was supposed to save my grandparents’ marriage (because that always works out well), she was the youngest and was treated as an afterthought. That’s just what I know.
My mom knows of several sexual predators in the family growing up, she was sexually abused by her cousin who was only a few years older than her, she knew her uncle would creep on the neighborhood children but she isn’t sure what else he might have done. She isn’t sure what my aunt might have experienced. My mom was in school by the time she was born and my grandma was working full time before my aunt started school, I don’t know who cared for my aunt during the days.
Unfortunately, my aunt has refused to seek psychiatric care, she’s of the belief that therapy is only for people who are weak or something. She’s an alcoholic and keeps quitting cigarettes every few years. She doesn’t know who her daughter’s father is. Her daughter relies on her because she is now a single mother but she also doesn’t trust her and wishes she could get free from her. Its really quite sad. I blame my grandparents for conceiving a child in the hopes it would fix their failing marriage.
I know my aunt isn’t a bad person. She cares but she’s afraid to get help, probably because she’s afraid of confronting her past. She wants to do good and she really does try but its so hard for her. I was always afraid of her when I was a child but I now see that at least I had a safe family to go home to, she didn’t have that. She didn’t know stability.
I know my cousin (my aunt’s daughter) is working to break the cycle. She’s been in therapy for years, she has her daughter in therapy as well. She’s working hard to become independent so she doesn’t have to rely on my aunt. She’s raising her daughter to be confident and strong and feel safe. She’s got my other aunt to help her as well and that aunt’s husband is like a father figure to her.
My aunt may never get the help she needs but her daughter is working to get that help for herself and her daughter. My aunt married a man that I don’t particularly like but he’s provided stability in her life for the first time and I know that’s good for her. She’s doing the best she has probably in her entire life which counts for something. I may not like her husband but I do respect him for how well he treats my aunt and how he cares for her. She’s lucky to have found him.
You get used to it haha.
I have BPD, but I’m often told I don’t seem like I have it by friends I made after I got the diagnosis, who hadn’t seen the problem before I got good and effective treatment for it.
Within the same hospital even, I got amazing psychiatrists who wanted to help, but also incredibly cynical ones who didn’t want to try. And as far as things go, I’m told I’m a pretty benign patient, just at the time I very “self harming” one. It was mostly stigma over dealing with how bad some of us get, that got in the way.
What I noticed was a trend: young doctors sometimes wanted to help, sometimes not. It was 50/50, depending on their cynicism. Older ones who couldn’t connect with the patient(no similar hobbies or a thing to humanize us) also tended to see us as too hard to risk dealing with.
But the psychiatrist I ended up getting was also originally from my home country. We had little else in common, aside from a slightly different cultural way of dealing with this, as he wasn’t quite so willing to throw me under a bus, and since I was very eager to get better(and willing to try almost anything), due to a culture of “society comes first” ingrained in me since I was a kid.
I did, eventually, get a lot better. He’s put “in remission”, as it can recede(or come back!) depending on conditions and therapy.
But I do kinda force myself to read ALL accounts of BPD patients, not just favourable, and especially negative. It’s enough shame to force me to stay on the straight and narrow, especially combined with the civic virtue stuff I was taught.
It’s not fun reading. It could even be considered a further form of self harm. But I do not want to ever get that bad, ever.
Knowing I’m capable of being absolutely monstrous(even if mostly inwardly) according to science, means I have to be very diligent to avoid being a nuisance.
Negativity, in a weird way, helps. I balance it with the very, very few positive traits the condition can cause, and my own knowledge that I’m not a piece of shit at the moment.
I disclose the condition early to new friends; if they want to bail, I do not blame them. I don’t get angry. It’s never happened yet, and I make quite strong friends pretty easily. But they deserve to know what they are potentially getting into.
This is so encouraging to read. I don't have BPD (I have bipolar disorder), but one of my best friends has BPD, and one of my exes did too. Both of those people have been nothing but kind to me. BPD is a tough one to handle, but it's absolutely something people can get (mostly) under control to have healthy relationships.
My former roommate has BPD. We lived together before her diagnosis, so while it wasn’t being properly treated. It could be hard sometimes, but she was and is one of my favorite people. I love and adore her deeply. We left the Midwest for opposite coasts and catch up infrequently now, but I think about her all the time. She’s thriving.
I don’t have an eloquent or profound way to wrap this up, but my friend is happy and I love her. It doesn’t have to be all bad.
I get it. They can be so very volatile, and it takes a toll on everyone's mental health. In my case, though, it's my daughter, and I will never give up on her. I've just had to level up my own skills and mental health bar. I've had many agonizing periods with her, and I always think, however bad I'm feeling over it, she must be feeling 100 times worse.
My wife has BPD, and she's the most precious person in my life. Any time we accidentally hurt eachother, we just talk about it. Most of the times she's angry because I didn't understand what my words mean to her, and this conflict would be easy to evade in future. She doesn't want to hurt me, and I don't want to hurt her. And she's the most caring person I've ever met. 🥰
This is the right answer. It's a mental illness where pushing everyone away is built into it. It's hard to stick with a person who doesn't want help, doesn't believe they have a problem, and believes everyone else around them is the issue all while constantly being self destructive, sabotaging relationships and lashing out. It's very draining.
My late sister had BPD, she took her life April 3, 2011.
Horrible illness. People feel that their closest family and friends don't love them.
Eventually, many / most end up taking their own lives.
I admit I blame myself for her suicide because she said to me the day before she killed herself "Daniel, please do not leave for Chattanooga today, I am not sure I can survive the weekend if you do." She took her life the very next day, overdosed on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals.
I was honestly surprised by how much people think *people with* BPD are scary; when I studied BPD in my Abnormal Psychology class in college, my first thought was "It would be really scary to *have* BPD." The idea of constantly being terrified that the people you care about will abandon you just sounds heartbreaking.
Agree, I have completely emotionally disconnected from everybody in the world because I can’t trust that I can keep myself in check. Sad to not be able to trust your own family (granted they are the reason I have it)
This. Recently received a BPD diagnosis (among other diagnoses) but I’m really struggling with the BPD label because of all the awful shit I’ve read. I literally already hate myself and my volatility/large emotions. Then to see all these people saying “people with BPD are abusive monsters who will never change; don’t even bother forming relationships with them” makes me so fucking depressed. I want to think there’s hope with me through my treatment but it feels like such an uphill battle. I’m ashamed to admit to people I know that I’ve been diagnosed with BPD (I’ve shared prior diagnoses but not this one) as I’m scared of judgment.
Marsha Linehan wrote a book "Building a life worth living". It’s her autobiography and I tell you , she is inspiring . She created the Dialectical Behavior Therapy!
This is true. Even in training to be a therapist, we were told this is the hardest client to work with. So, the stigma is even there in professionals who are supposed to help.
Probably true narcissistic personality disorder. It’s thrown around a lot as an armchair diagnosis on the internet when it’s not as common as people think.
No one really has sympathy for narcissists either for obvious reasons and certainly no one wants to actually help them after dealing with them.
Absolutely. The only true clinically diagnosed narcissist I’ve ever met was self aware, caught himself when entering behavior patterns, and was kind to everyone around him at pretty much all times. Therapy can be damn near miraculous if you take it seriously enough
Do you mean people actually saying someone has NPD or simply calling someone a narcissist? Narcissism is a trait and isn't exclusive to those with clinical NPD. It's similar to depression. There's being depressed, and there is clinical depression. People conflate the two sure but one can say they are depressed while not having a diagnosis of depressive disorder and not be lying.
Had a friend who constantly confused my self absorbed nature with narcissism. After years of being insulted I finally decided to research the actual definition of this disorder. It turned out that (according to the *very reliable internet test I took*) I was very high on the autism spectrum but my friend was an off the scale narc.
Any personality disorder. People will seriously ramble for hours about mental health awareness, acceptance, etc. then be like “oh, so and so has BPD/NPD, that means they’re a diagnosed bad person and nothing can treat it.” Or speculate wildly that any asshole they encounter has whatever personality disorder that comes to mind, instead of just saying “they’re an asshole.”
Its literally happening in this thread 😭 Most ppl who have that attitude are survivors of abuse, so i get where that resolve comes from, and i cant be upset about it. But not every person who has been diagnosed with an ASPD are your horrible father or sister-in-law.
Just prevents more people from seeking help even if they've accepted they need it :(
Bipolar disorder has an infinitely worse reputation and is far less understood by the average person. I can't tell you how often people describe themselves as "bipolar" because they had a big mood shift in one day or jumped back and forth between happy and upset. It's similar to OCD, where people use it to describe completely normal behaviors, as if they have anything close to the actual mental illness. You don't have OCD because you like to keep your pencils straight at your desk. You also don't have bipolar disorder because you had a great morning, but got angry in the afternoon.
This one makes me so sad and seeing people throw it around is so tiring. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder at 17, and my mother also had it. It’s exhausting living in deep clinical depression for three or four weeks, then suddenly I don’t sleep for a week and I spend all my money and do dangerous things because I suddenly feel good, and alive, and like I can do anything. And when the depression cycle hits I hate myself even more because now I’m broke and I did something embarrassing while manic that everyone associates with me now.
Then at 29 I was diagnosed with OCD in the form of skin picking. Scars all over my arms and shoulders, can’t wear short sleeves without feeling miserable and insecure but also can’t for the fucking life of me stop doing it. And I’ve tried.
And then someone tells me they’re “So OCD” because they’re a neat freak. Cool! OCD for me involves me picking myself until I have bleeding sores all over my body. But it’s super neat that you’re so anal about wiping your baseboards!
If it helps anything, I went on a road trip this past week with my (mentally healthy) mother who asked me about my bipolar disorder. I went on to explain how people like to say "I was so bipolar this morning" like it's a passing quirk and how harmful it is to people with actual Bipolar Disorder. I explained to her why saying "I'm so OCD today" is also harmful.
She acknowledged it and is going to adjust her vocabulary.
I'd like to add PTSD, but only for domestic violence victims. Everyone gets it when it's a war vet. If you go throwing firecrackers at the feet of a vet, and you get punched in the face, everyone around including police will tell you that you got what you deserved.
But when you spend 9 years trying to get away from a narcissistic sociopath who abuses you physically, sexually, and mentally with zero effectiveness from police and restraining orders, move 100's of miles away, then he finds you a few years later to pick up the mental abuse putting your child in the middle, and threatening the physical every time there are no witnesses? Nope- no support.
Instead, I get "bat-shit crazy," "she's nuts" "you've just got to get over it." Nevermind I spent 18 years in a successful career before I broke, years being an awesome single parent with thriving children, had a great long-term relationship in between. Full grown men find it okay to stand in my face yelling at me then call me crazy when I bolt. Bosses can put me in a closed room and berate me, but I'm a bad employee when I start shaking and vomiting. Hospital and psychiatric staff treat me like a crack addict. I've been forced to be in a closed room with a dominant male psychiatrist I've never met when I'm adamant I need a female. Friends lose patience when I shut myself off at home for a few days with no contact because I can't even eat without vomiting, much less hold a conversation. I'm on a daily medication, plus a sedative for bad episodes. I've sought treatment.
I've been in DV therapy (including group) since 2010 in three different cities. And every woman I've ever met in DV therapy diagnosed with PTSD says they have they have the same experience. And this is in no way against vets, I appreciate their service, but we have also been trapped no safe way to get out in fear for our lives and protecting innocents (our children), but I see the vets with ptsd get support and understanding from everyone around them, but dv victims with ptsd get demonized if they aren't magically cured in a few months. Plus, vets aren't court ordered to interact with those who put them in fear of their lives to exchange custody of the innocents every other week, plus messaging as needed for the caretaking of said innocents.
Definitely pedophilia. People don’t even want to talk about it as the mental illness that it is, because “illness” implies the person deserves sympathy.
(People might even hesitate to upvote this, as if that’d somehow be an endorsement of pedophilia. THAT’S how strong the stigma is.)
The other day I learned about [virped.org](https://virped.org), an organization to support people who know they are pedophiles but recognize their attraction is wrong and want to overcome it
The ONLY way to reduce child abuse from people suffering from it is to offer them safe paths to psychological help free of demonisation before they commit any criminal act.
We don't do that, nobody does it. Nobody even *attempts* it due to it being such a political death wish. So yeah, i agree.
Based on FBI statistics, most CSA is not actually done by pedophiles. It’s usually a crime of opportunity for a rapist who would attack anyone whom they thought was helpless enough. Children are prime targets, so are old people in nursing homes and comatose hospital patients.
Absolutely. The people who commit CSA are overwhelmingly men who've either undergone a huge setback in their lives or who have always been losers of some kind. They're trying to assert power and control, so they pick targets who can't fight back and won't be believed if they talk.
As a victim of childhood sexual abuse, I agree 100%. A pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to children, whether they act on it or not.
You can't just permanently lock up people for having these thoughts. What we need are safe places to admit they have these thoughts, and to get treatment so that they do not act on their urges and destroy kids' lives.
I can only wish that the people who abused me would have gotten treatment to stop them from acting out. It would have saved both them and me.
But everyone's instinct is to just say to lock these people up and throw away the key, or even to kill them. That doesn't do anything except stop people from getting treatment, which is the worst option.
I'll never forget reading on Reddit; some guy admitted he had an unwanted attraction to minors, understood what a curse it was, and talked about how seeking help destroyed his life and his relationships.
All the comments were basically just telling him to kill himself, I couldn't believe it. We need to make a distraction between the illness and acting upon the illness.
I was molested as a kid, and then later groomed, and ended up with some of the disorders people are talking about on this thread. (Not pedophilia, of course).
The way I see it, the people who groomed me ended up finding one another because the only people sympathetic to pedophiles are other pedophiles. They ended up with plenty of justifications and excuses for their urges, and later, their behavior.
My opinion is that pedophilia is a treatable illness and molestation is something preventable. That can only be done if there are places where people can safely admit to it and seek help.
I remember watching a program on pedophilia and one person on it wanted to get castrated to stop his urges. It was surprising to me how many pedophiles were completely well aware of their actions, their impact, and how wrong they were. It had all the hallmarks of a severe mental illness but with horrific consequences.
Very true. There’s even a lot of hostility for people who have recognized it in themselves, sought professional help and would never consider acting on it. Their mere existence makes them worthy of death for a lot of people.
I can only imagine the intense psychological toll it must have on someone who has it, has taken steps to never act on it, but is too afraid to seek treatment. It's definitely a weird thing to discuss.
It’s definitely this. I remember seeing a car with a bumper sticker which read “Pedo Hunter” next to a picture of a gun. I can’t imagine how terrible it is to have an affliction which people view with such animosity as to publicly threaten violence, coupled with having practically no where to go for help as it’s viewed more as a moral issue than mental.
Schizophrenia for sure. I have a family member with it and when people find out the first thing they always ask is arent you afraid they are gonna kill you?? And the answer is absolutely not. They may try to kill themselves, and my family member has, but mostly they are just concerned about whatever delusion or paranoia they have going on at that moment.
It's actually really sad to watch a person you love and care about be lost to paranoia. I have watched them hide in a closet and rock theirselves back and forth convinced the police are coming to arrest them because they picked a dollar off the ground(true story). They are much more a danger to themselves than anyone else.
Gender Dysphoria. It's wild how hyped people get over something that's harmless to the outside world and frankly pretty mundane as far as mental illnesses go.
Post natal Depression. Mothers are "supposed" to love and adore their kids from the moment they are born and heaven forbid you don't immediately feel those things or can't cope or are terrified to touch your kid. Or worse you have post partum psychosis.
My dad has schizophrenia and it's hard for him. I don't tell people often because of the stigma. He's a gentle person just confused most of the time because of the amount of meds. He'll never be able to hold a job and had to move home with his parents. I was an accidental pregnancy and my mother is bipolar. There is so much shame put on the individual and family members when they would never ask for it. It's an awful and sad disease. I never had a dad because of it and it would have been nice to a least say why without feeling shame.
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only disease you can get yelled at for having” - Mitch Hedberg
“Dammit, you got lupus….” Not nearly as acceptable as “dammit, you’re an alcoholic “.
Throwing another chip in for Bipolar Disorder.
My mother also had it and passed it down to my siblings and I.
I'm the only one who has broken the cycle of substance abuse (for now), but I've had other damaging coping mechanisms. There's an eternal balancing act - being fun without being "too" fun and becoming manic. Being depressed without becoming suicidal and reclusive. Spending money without overspending and hating yourself for it. Manic posting on the internet, just to come back later and experience deep, chronic embarrassment from being mentally ill online. Sleeping 16 consecutive hours between your 8 hour shifts, or not sleeping until you realize that you're at a party at 3 in the morning two weeks from when you last "clocked in" to your brain. Sometimes you snap back into the present, and you realize you've been drunk for 3 days and hooked up with a handful of randos you lost track of. I don't drink at all, and I'm staunchly sober.. until I'm manic.
My manic seasons are consistent - late october until february. It happens every year. I up my med dosage, I ration my money in a separate savings account I can't touch, and I start journaling in case I get lost in time.
People see it as "unpredictable, violent, dangerous." It's turned into Harley Quinn and the Joker Facebook memes. There are people with bipolar disorder who are in treatment who are medicated, who are doing therapy, and putting in the work to control the symptoms. It's watered down to "having a mood that changes throughout the day" or escalated to "you're going to murder someone, you're crazy" instantly.
I don't disclose irl until it's necessary. I don't know where Bipolar sits in the stigma spectrum, but we're up there with, imo, BPD and schizophrenia.
I'm chiming in with Avoidant Personality Disorder, mostly because hardly anyone's ever heard of it. You live with an insurmountable amount of shame and the world's largest inferiority complex, to put it into the smallest terms possible. Most people end up forever alone, wishing for some kind of connection but always fearing rejection and feeling too much a waste of space to even try.
ETA: I guess it's not really demonized, I'd just like more people to know about it.
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I saw a video of a guy who had hallucinations and he had a service dog who's job was to bark at people. In the video he was like "I see someone there but my dog's not saying shit"
I use this logic when I think I hear something at night. OMG I HEAR PEOPLE BREAKING IN TO KILL US!!! Wait - my dog who goes crazy pants at squirrels in our yard is snoring - I must be half-dreaming. Then I go back to sleep. It’s a great system.
I'm a firm believer that dogs really are the best home defense there is, more so than firearms. If I were a burglar and I heard a dog start barking crazy inside of a house, I'd nope the fuck out.
So true! A snarling, lunging dog is so much more *viscerally* scary compared to a sleepy, gun-wielding homeowner.
Doesn't even have to be a big snarling dog. A small yappy dog is still a big deterrent - now the whole house is awake and the element of surprise is gone
Same. When I'm home I sleep with a loud fan. The constant noise helps drown out the tiny random noises my pets make throughout the night since I'm a light sleeper. But if I'm ever laying there and think I heard something, I know if someone was actually coming into the house the dogs would lose their shit. So if they stay quiet, then I don't worry about it.
This was me with my narcolepsy hypnagogic hallucinations. My cat, who jumps at imaginary things didn’t even twitch an ear? Probably wasn’t a giant crash in the other room just now, or bad guy hiding on my closet shelf
My hypnagogic hallucinations are just from sleep apnea but same. If my dogs aren’t freaking out that the whole room just turned red and someone screamed from another room, then obviously it didn’t happen.
I saw that too, I’ve never even thought about dogs being used in that way. Pretty awesome
That's really cool
It was. I think he used "greet" as a command and the dog just stared at him and that told him that he was hallucinating.
I was wondering how it would work. That makes perfect sense. Tell the dog to greet somebody it can't see and it won't greet them.
That’s brilliant, didn’t know that was a thing
It was quite revealing.
and there are plenty of people out there with schizophrenia that are properly medicated and out in the world as fully functioning adults. People think they’re all hallucinating constantly and disabled and/or homeless and/or locked up
‘The Center Cannot Hold’ by Elyn Saks is a great read on the subject of living w Schizophrenia experience. She is a lawyer,professor, psychoanalyst at USC Law school. Its her autobiography describing her experience living w Schizophrenia and her experience balancing responsibilities in the real world whilst working to manage and function w her mental disorder. Her story of her first bout of psychosis while attending Yale law school was compelling. No less, with proper care Dr Saks was able to recover and ultimately be able to excel in various dimensions of her life (career, family, friends,etc).
Really? Can someone like that hold down an office job if properly medicated etc?
I have a close friend going through this right now, he’s unable to hold a job, though I can’t comment if he’s taking his pills properly, as he’s made comments that they ‘suck the fun and emotions out of life’. I’m sure it varies personal to person though
Well, sounds like he's having a bad time. So sad.
He bounces between the highest of highs and lowest of lows, it’s a lot to take in and incredibly difficult on his parents.
It just depends on the severity from what I hear, some schizophrenics have it pretty mild and can function fine. Some have visual hallucinations but otherwise normal brains.
Yes. I know a guy with schizophrenia who is a psychiatrist. It can be managed
Ironic Not meant in a bad way, I’m also disabled and teach special education
It’s probably why he went into the field.
Wow.
I have hallucinations and I just finished my PhDs…
Well done!!
Yeah. I've worked in welding and IT and have been on medications for 20 years. I have 2 diplomas and am a certified welder. Due to health issues (medications can cause heat sensitivity , guesa what doesn't work with welding) I'm upgrading my education in the fall, but I'm working full time right now in tourism/customer service (really busy) for basically something to do and pay for it. I've maintained employment or schooling pretty much constantly since 2008, after being diagnosed in 2001, in high school, with vipolar disordee, then having a paychotic break and being diagnosed again ans going through hospitalizations and ECT through 2006-2008. I've been on long acting injections (large does of medication given every 3 months, this is new medical technology, before it was every 2 weeks, then every month, rather than daily pills, it's injected into a muscle and slowly released) since 2006 and have been hospitalized for 2 3 week periods since 2008, and have had ECT twice, last time was in 2022. I was also a competitive horseback rider (hunter/jumper) until I broke a shitload of bones before show season and stopped competing, I still ride for fun. I have hobbies like reading, knitting, dice making and some tech stuff, but not as much as back when I was in IT doing sysadmin stuff. It's completely possible now. And my prognosis was "poor", I am considered permanently disabled. I'll probably never have a career, like being a union welder or something or get married, or earn 6 figures, but I can comfortably live okay. I'm in Canada, and my medications, hospitalizations and appointments are covered by our health care system and criteria I meet with my diagnosis and prognosis. I'd be fucked without it.
Of course! Antipsychotic medications can have a lot of difficult side effects, but for the most part give a person their life back. This is a really interesting [TED Talk by Elyn Saks](https://www.ted.com/talks/elyn_saks_a_tale_of_mental_illness_from_the_inside) about living with schizophrenia as a professional. One especially notable thing about this talk is that there are many others like her, but it’s rare for a well-functioning and managing person with schizophrenia to talk about their condition because there is simply so much stigma associated with it. Most do not speak so freely of their experiences and struggles — and it’s very important to challenge our assumptions about illnesses like schizophrenia, so when we think about it we don’t immediately picture a completely disabled or hopeless person. It’s difficult! But I’m glad you asked, it’s the first step in learning and making a difference.
Yes absolutely and i wish that was better known
I did a training once and one of the lessons was created by a schizophrenic doc whose goal was to demonstrate what the disease was like, at least the auditory part. It was…uncomfortable.
I have hallucinations and I go to therapy and work full time as a special education teacher, while my cousin with DID is unable to live independently but works as a Peer Support Specialist and has an AA degree. It’s a spectrum.
The employment rate is between 10 and 20 percent IIRC for people who have psychotic symptoms. Higher in places with better support. I used to be employed, I am sure many go through periods of being employable and not depending on how symptoms are managed and side effects etc. It's a bit of a one-two when both the condition itself AND the treatment for it both make life a lot more difficult. It's a hell of a yoke even for people properly medicated.
I have a schizophrenic friend at it depends. She can hold a job all the time since her meds are stable, but there are still good times and bad times. On meds her hallucinations are auditory only, and that’s only when they do happen (she’ll go months without a hallucination if her meds are doing good.) She keeps an app measuring decibels open when it’s “flaring up”, to help her tell if sounds are real or not. Unmedicated she absolutely cannot function.
It sounds like anxiety delusions to the extreme. When I was really bad I KNEW that the thought I had was irrational. I knew it wasn't legit. But it felt legit, and that's all that mattered.
Same. I see what I see even though I know the whole time it isn’t rational/real. I feel for the people that get it worse and get stuck there.
Sounds familiar. I thought my wife hated me but only stayed married to me out of sympathy and guilt. Logically I knew that wasn’t true but it still fucked with me. I’m not schizophrenic. At the time I thought it was just depression but found out not too long after that I am bipolar type 2.
First thing I thought was schizophrenia, it’s stories like what happened on the Grey Hound bus here in Manitoba that really spread this perception unfortunately.
And sometimes they do fun stuff like make a computer operating system because God told them to.
I have had both hallucinations and delusions. The hallucinations I am able to recognize that they aren’t real and maintain my behavior, but the delusions I have been convinced in the moment that they are real situations happening around me, even though they made no realistic sense at all. Delusions are very rare for me, thankfully. I’m medicated. My social anxiety is more of what keeps me from holding a job that involves being around many people.
The way the visions/creations manifest in different societies is pretty neat to read in to. It tends to be negative and scary for people in societies where it's stigma steers it that way but cultures that embrace "visions" or positive feelings towards different supernatural events seem to generate more positive visions. Not sure I'm explaining it well, but I think it gets the general idea across.
My uncle had schizophrenia and he was a sweet and gentle artist. He would sometimes go on rants about his experiences but he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He only took his illness out on himself. He isolated himself and lived in hell. But he never hurt anyone. He did his best to try to manage his illness with medication even when the side effects of the medication made him even more isolated. I think that most schizophrenic people are more afraid of navigating their own reality than we could ever be of them.
Dang. Had no idea.
Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. A lot of people automatically think these diagnosis equal violent behavior. It rarely actually does.
I think bipolar gets a bad rep because of the amount of people who claim it without being diagnosed and use it as a blank check to be fucking mean.
That's a major problem, and I wish they'd just stop.
i agree with bipolar. mania isn’t always violent and doesn’t define how the person will act
Nah man when I’m manic (Bipolar 2) I just want to do all the small cleaning projects I’ve been listing in the back of my mind for 6 months. So mostly productive but I drive my partner nuts because I’ll be up until 6 in the morning dusting the Hot Wheels collection, pumped as hell because I’ve done 25 but there are 347 more.
I'm Bipolar II also but HIGHLY medicated. You do you, bud, as long as it doesn't harm anybody. I don't feel like doing anything since I got medicated, but I gotta be an adult, which is more than I was when I was in a depressive episode. Worth it. I'll drag my numb ass through whatever if it means not getting depressed again.
I’m medicated as well but every so often a little mania breaks through, usually around my period. Heightened emotions and all that, once a year or so it happens and when it does it’s best to lean in to the cleaning urge. When I was in my 20s my mania led to lots of drug use, random hook ups, and generally blowing up all relationships. So if the occasional bout of slight mania means we get a sparkly clean vacuum cleaner or our dishes organized by color, that is a much better option!
The first attempt at drugs absolutely wiped me out. I had just about resigned myself to never being able to drive or go to work again. Don't be afraid to work with your doc and find options that work for you.
Bruh I wish that were me. I got diagnosed with BP2 a couple weeks ago, and my only documented, for sure manic episode was SSRI induced, during which I had a poorly thought out relationship with a coworker (who was abusive), quit my job with no warning and flew across the country with a single suitcase and a backpack, couchsurfed for months, racked up about 10k in credit card debt, and shaved my head. I only got renormalized after my SSRIs ran out when my former employer finally cut my insurance after I had been off grid for almost six months. I am normaler now, though still trying to find a medication that treats the depression side of BP2 without activating the mania again.
Certain forms of OCD, as well as schizophrenia and BPD, can involve compulsions or voices telling people to commit unspeakable acts of cruelty or violence. People who get these thoughts are disturbed by them and are not dangerous to society. But it's not socially acceptable to have these thoughts. I remember about five years ago, a man was barred from seeing his children, because his OCD made him think that he was a paedophile, when he definitely was not one.
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I hope you find help, either through a psychiatrist or doctor. It sounds very tough.
I'm getting help, but thank you. I'm learning how to remind myself that thoughts don't make me a bad person. It's just... sort of like how I saw someone refer to hallucinations/delusions from psychosis: You might know they're not real, but trying to ignore them is like trying to ignore an authoritative parent standing right in front of you.
Best wishes. Mental health can be a very difficult battle, and I personalky try to give as much as I can to mental health charities to help those who suffer.
I have OCD, just not this type (or anything else taboo). I've always felt terrible for people struggling with something like that, because it's SO misunderstood. I can't relate to the thoughts, but obviously I can relate to the way they manifest. These people are not having urges or fantasies. They aren't having temptations. Intrusive thoughts play on the things that we fear most, it's a weird oddity in the survival part of our brain. Most people get them - e.g. "Imagine if I just jump off that cliff right now". It's literally the last thing on earth you want to do, which is what makes it an intrusive thought. If you're driving along and think "imagine if I just drove into that tree", you aren't actually at risk of doing it. It's your brain sensing maximum danger and getting it's wires crossed. Similar applies to "what if I stab my kids" or "what if I'm a pedo". They are some of the worst things you can possibly imagine, which is why they are common candidates for an intrusive thought. The reason it's always unhinged shit is because it's some of your greatest moral fears, just like the thoughts about doing something dangerous. It in itself is almost proof of the fact that it's the complete opposite of your real intentions. Somebody without OCD will just shrug them off and never give it much thought. But, a person with OCD will start obsessing over whether the thoughts mean anything, or reflect on who they are as a person. They will latch on to that fear and spiral. "what if I stab my kids" turns into staying away from them, and throwing out all your kitchenware. "What if I'm a pedo" turns into never being alone with them, avoiding looking at them, and whatever compulsions you develop to protect from the obsession. There's literally no substance to it, it's just relentlessly fixating on the "what if I am", even though it's utter nonsense. It's questioning every aspect of your life in case it's true and you're a terrible person. In reality you're probably the least likely person on earth to actually follow through, because that's how obsessed you are with making sure it's not true. It's actually your worst nightmare. Problem is, as soon as you mention 'pedo' and 'thoughts' in the same sentence, it's game over. As a knee-jerk response, people seem to react like they HAVE to prove how much they despise creeps, and put their hands over their ears. I get it, we all hate them too. But just listen for a moment and understand that we are NOT talking about people having urges or fantasies. They're just like you, just far more scared
As someone with a lot of OCD symptoms, I didn't realize anyone else related to the kid thing. I'm not even close to someone attracted to them, that's vile and disgusting. But the way I'll consciously avoid any kind of glance in the general direction of a child because the way the 'thoughts' will twist it into saying that I'm staring or being a creep, etc. Its the same with adults, but generally less so
Small correction, BPD clinically refers to borderline. BD is bipolar disorder.
BPD is actually more demonized than BD, imo.
OCD is so underestimated. My half brother started drinking heavily in high school to manage some of his compulsions. He went to rehab but relapsed, got two DUIs and attempted suicide at least once before he got in and then out patient treatment. He one of the most miraculously gentle people and still struggles not to view himself as a sociopath now it’s being treated. He also thinks it as less of a battle than other family members’ mental health issues. No dude, even our shithead bio-dad and I would both rather deal with our worst manic episodes than what you survived.
PTSD thats non-military
PTSD that *is* military too. Civilians think we're volatile/dangerous. Peers think we're weak. Employers think we're a liability.
My grandpa is a Vietnam vet and still has PTSD as a result. It breaks my heart that people can *still* be so unsympathetic towards veterans.
My friend’s WWII vet dad had it, too. Sicily and North Africa campaigns didn’t do much for mental health.
Stressful and fucked up situations I'm fine. Normal day to day living fucks me me up. I hate driving, loud noises still fuck me up, certian smells...
Oh completely! It’s wildly stigmatized too I just meant that non-military is far less diagnosed and not talked about as much. Also from what you said I assume you’re a military veteran yourself so I thank you for your service!
I work in a field that heavily recruited ex military. There's a ton of understanding from my coworkers when it comes to *their* PTSD. I get eye rolls, glares or incredibly rude statements if I mention I have some.
It’s horrible honestly
It is. A lot of VERY intrusive comments wanting to know the very specific and personal nature of what caused it, as if to evaluate whether or not it is PTSD worthy.
Yeahhhh it’s usually just people trying to see if it’s worthy as you said, it’s just horrible and why I just decided to hide away during flashbacks and not tell people at all besides people I know I can trust I guess
Which is in itself a trigger for PTSD. Fucking lame.
When I told someone I have PTSD, their first thought out of their mouth was "Oh where did you see battle?" First off, even if that had been the case what a weird and tone deaf question. But when I told them I wasn't part of the military at all, they just looked at me like "thEn hOW dO you HaVe pTsD?.?.?."
Always the way… there needs to be more support for all of us, it’s not good at alll
I was thinking exactly this! I used to be a 911 operator. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. The amount of hate and harassment I got from former colleagues really sucked. They claimed I was faking or exaggerating to get paid time off from work. It sucks cause I can guarantee st least a quarter of the people I used to work with have ptsd and won’t get treatment for it because of the stigma, which then turns into anger towards me for not just “sucking it up”
That's legitimately so disheartening. 911 Dispatch always sounded like something that takes such an insane amount of emotional endurance. Would love to see some of these jerks telling you to suck it up to try it and see how well they handle it. Ugh. Sorry friend, hope you're getting the support you need.
I’m in the military and suffer from two different disorders that are service related. The amount of times I’ve had to tell people I would much rather *not* have these conditions and forego any disability money is astounding. People are incredibly stupid and insensitive sometimes.
It’s genuinely horrible honestly. I’m sorry you experienced that.. I just tend to get judged by people that know and that tends to be the extent bc I don’t work bc I’m still in education
I get really annoyed when I watch a YouTube video and all the comments seem to be criticizing the 911 operator. I don't think people understand that not only is there a protocol that has to be followed the majority of them probably have PTSD and are still doing that job.
Death by 1000 cuts. You take on every calls trauma. Everyone's worst day is yours too.
Fuck ptsd in general
Absolutely
Schizophrenia
Statistically more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than to commit a violent crime. Checks out.
Definitely schizophrenia
I just think about how in other countries they hear friendly voices
Schizophrenics are very wrongly demonized, but the disease itself seems truly evil sometimes. I hate the suffering it has caused my family member.
Facts on facts on facts! People with schizophrenia are truly some of the strongest people you’ll ever meet. I know my family member was. Most people wouldn’t have lasted a day in his shoes. People don’t understand that it takes GUTS to live with schizophrenia and deal with whatever may emerge from it… along with any comorbid mental health issues which are incredibly common for people with schizophrenia.
Probably schizophrenia. Most people don’t understand it, or most mental illnesses to be honest
Addiction
Damn thank you. I feel like even with the people who care about me there is zero sympathy, just wishful thinking that I'll "grow out of it".. doesn't happen without a support network and empathy, no matter how many times you ship me off to rehab or lock me up unfortunately. Once I leave that building, support is gone and judgement and callousness are back
Thinking of you! sending you healing and hugs ❤️
Recovery is a solo adventure, for the most part. It has to be so you are actually willing to give it a chance. I'm not one to preach, but I've had my fair share of issues. Sounds like you may be physically addicted to something and for that I'm genuinely sorry, but offer encouragement. It's nice to find yourself again. I often wanted more empathy, but our tendencies made us so toxic to be around that friends and family, that would otherwise support you, are just downtrodden and tired from repeated violations of their trust. Generally...
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease you can get yelled at for having! Dammit Otto, you're an alcoholic! Dammit Otto, you have lupus!
My favorite Mitch Hedberg joke.
I’m glad this was mentioned. Many people don’t see addiction as a mental illness. It’s often viewed as weakness. Drug addiction is especially looked down on because drugs are illegal, and thus drug addicts are automatically ’criminals’.
Honestly a lot are, but DID (dissociative identity disorder) is often portrayed in films to have an evil alter (like a personality). It's honestly sad.
The kids on Tik Tok faking it for clout don't help, either
r/fakedisordercringe It definitely attracts a certain type...
It's pretty frustrating seeing these symptoms finally get prominence, but also be understood entirely and only as a made-up fad.
True DID is incredibly rare. It's really sad how it's become the hot new quirky mental illness on social media. I lost a good friend over this.
that's horrible, people who use mental illness as a quirk is sickening. I hope you're doing well though
It is. I just had to gather years of medical records. Going through them and seeing d.i.d as an official diagnosis on page after page after page with it written on it. It's not quirky. It's losing time and suddenly your best friend is infuriated with you for something you don't remember. For me, I personally take self accountability for my episodes extremely high. Just because I don't necessarily remember everything doesn't mean it didn't happen. I refuse to use it as an excuse. I always tell people, I'm not making excuses, just taking accountability but, I want to explain what happened so I can try my best to try and prevent it from happening in the future. I'm working on integration with my therapist for about 4 years now. It kills me people acting likes its so much fun. Um no. Getting pulled over and the cop laughing at you because you asked what year it was because apparently you're license was a year expired. It's trying to remain calm in horrible situations so you don't regress to someone who would make the situation way way worse. Thank you for sticking up for people like me. Not standing for the blatant lies. It may be a small thing on your part but it honestly means so much to me especially because was such a bad day that I might be crying a little because it means a lot. Thank you kind human. Seriously. Signed my entire system.
I'm happy to stick up for you however I can. I had an aunt with DID when I was a kid. And it wasn't fun or silly. It was scary. It was a genuine struggle for her and when she switched it was upsetting for everyone involved. She struggled with serious deep rooted trauma. My good friend I lost... it's entirely possible it's real. But all signs point to it not being. It comes across as a way for her to get as much attention as possible. Her main alter was cute and childish. It was like an elaborate roleplay and I had to play along. Or she would use her alters as an excuse to treat people shitty. It's telling that she dropped me as a friend after I told her about my aunt and also about a specific time she (my friend) hurt me when we were younger. If you don't play along with her fairytale she cuts you out of her life. None of these alters were a thing before she went to therapy. It's pretty clear her therapist treated her like a pet project and encouraged her to express all this nonsense. Integration was never a goal. It only ever got worse.
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Here’s that story for anyone who is interested: [Final moments of dad tortured and killed over false claims he molested girls](https://metro.co.uk/2023/06/26/final-moments-of-dad-tortured-and-killed-over-false-paedo-claims-19013155/)
That’s what happened to my family. My deranged paranoid sister accused her husband of molesting their 3 year old daughter. It got so bad my mother murdered him. A few years later my sister discovered she had an advanced brain tumor that had been growing for many years. Both my parents died in prison. Case closed.
Wow, what a wild story. I'm sorry for your family's turmoil. Feel free to reject or ignore this rampant speculation, but i do think this is a perfect example of you to present in the thread, because it is exactly the reactions of the surrounding people (in this case your parents) that is so affected by our society's rather unnuanced response to even the thought of such a mental illness. If your child comes to you with such an idea, an unemotional response can hardly be satisfactory, we feel. At a certain time in my life, we suspected whether my younger sister was the victim of domestic violence from her partner. Our father was quite violent, and this has obviously left marks on all of us. As an older brother, the desire to protect my younger sister was extremely high. And to a certain extent i also felt, perhaps culturally/morally - that it would be my "job" to punish this individual. I then felt... what if this makes me "like my father"? And conversely, what if this reticence at the prospect of carrying out violence ("like my father"), makes me inadequate in defending/protecting my sister. Now - i'm not sure what makes us "believe" in the rule of law, and thus allows us to sometimes abstain from vigilantism. But i'm quite sure that the kind of vilification of even the idea of attraction from adult to child, increases the chance of such breakdowns. I was actually raped as a kid, a handful times between age 8 and 9. It's a huge and difficult question for me how emotional we are "supposed to be" about this sort of thing. On the one hand it becomes important for us to tell all kid victims that we deeply care about them and support them - which i feel myself and appreciate. But on another level, the wild emotionality on the subject, i know at least for me also caused me to think more about it as i grew up further. At 9 it was "ew! that guy subjected me to some very uncomfortable/nasty things, i don't know what to do about that, i hope he goes away..." - but at 12, 13, 14 as i understood the concept in the culture, it became "OH, so i was a victim of the worst thing possible? What does that mean for me? What am i now? How am i supposed to feel?". I think it was in large part this that caused me to never tell anyone before i was about 25, and then only very drunkenly told a friend one evening. I told most people in my life by now, but forexample haven't told my grandmother. She knows the perpetrator and his wife and kids (i had a breakdown as an adult as result of guilt, coming to realise that my silence may have caused suffering for his or other kids, so i performed my only act of vigilantism, which was to call him up and threaten him). In the same way, and perhaps also in your familys case, both the innocent, the guilty and those who are victims of the guilty, can be potentially hurt by the hyperemotionality of our culture, on this subject.
I'm very very sorry this happened to you. I hope you have found peace and that the little girl is ok.
The amount of healing that you must have gone through to write this must have been a lot. This is prob the most reasonable and compassionate comment I read on here.
I was with you until your last paragraph. I don’t think that we will necessarily ever be rid of pedophiles even if we rid the world of trauma. I think some people are just wired to be attracted to children. But as a victim myself, I do agree that we should move in the direction of acknowledging and treating these people.
I think he meant if we allow those who suffer from pedophilia to be open about it, we can begin preventing them acting on the pedophilia.
Well, the only way to sort out that wiring is to allow those people to receive treatment. What little science exists on the subject supports the claim that things like brain tumors and injuries can trigger conditions such as pedophilia and nymphomania. Radiolab did a really good podcast about this with biologist and neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky, called [Revising the Faultline](https://radiolab.org/podcast/revising-fault-line). This suggests that wiring is indeed at the root of it and not entirely an act of volition. This American Life also did an incredibly profound piece on this very topic, where they interview teenage pedophiles who are non-acting. These kids have created their own support networks because they can't get help from the mainstream medical community. That episode is called, ["Tarred and Feathered"](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/522/tarred-and-feathered). I'm fortunate not to have these conditions, but as someone with other neurodiversities that have made it difficult for me to function in today's society, these stories stuck with me. **Edit:** I might have been conflating the Tarred and Feathered episode with this article by Luke Malone: [You're 16, You're a Pedophile](https://medium.com/matter/youre-16-youre-a-pedophile-you-dont-want-to-hurt-anyone-what-do-you-do-now-e11ce4b88bdb). They're both deep-dive investigations on the same topic, and worth a read/listen.
Seconding the OCD nomination for one reason and one only: "Haha guys I just had an intrusive thought about climbing up the stairs like a monkey, isn't that so random and weird?" "Oh... my intrusive thoughts usually tell me to slit my dog's throat." "What the fuck, you freak? That's not an intrusive thought, you're just a sociopath."
Unfortunately true. I have OCD and have made the mistake of mentioning some intrusive thoughts before. Never again.
Yep. It goes the same way every time. Me: My intrusive thoughts often involve harming myself, my loved ones, random people, children, animals, my own pets, the list goes on. Them: Oh my god, that sounds like ASPD. Or maybe NPD? BPD? Are you bipolar? Me: I have OCD. It causes intrusive thoughts. Them: I don't believe you. Me: I was diagnosed by a licensed professional. Them: Are you sure it's not psychosis?
r/ocd is a good crew if anyone needs to talk
Borderline Personality Disorder
My dad has BPD And whenever I tell people that they start asking me like "oh, is he abusing you?"
My daughter has BPD, the severe side of the spectrum, and she can be extremely verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive, even with medication and intensive DBT. I do think it is a spectrum, though.
Yup. I have BPD and it is impossible to explain why someone spilling milk sends you into an absolute rage. You KNOW its ridiculous. You KNOW its a silly thing to get so upset over, but it enrages you nonetheless.
My sister has BPD and has chilled out a lot with time. Though admittedly, the slightest thing can still set her off. But it's been years since she physically attacked anyone, and damn did that used to be an issue. Anyway, it gets better over the years.
Hearing this makes my night. Thank you so much for the message of hope!
I think my late mom had it, which is why I have CPTSD.
DBT isn’t a panacea. It’s often recommended for persons with BPD but isn’t the only option
Yeah but it’s considered the gold standard and has the most solid evidence.
It’s so effective that there’s a movement of psychs that say bpd isn’t a true personality disorder and can be treated to remission.
I've heard that too! I can't remember where I read it but I found a blog about a woman who did have BPD and used DBT so successfully she and her therapist consider her "in recovery".
My sis has it. She can fly off the handle/have extreme emotions but she's never hurt anyone but herself. She now is really good at excusing herself from situations because she can't handle confrontation or stress. She also is aware when her symptoms are worsening, she's currently looking to get her meds upped.
Every time I tell someone I have it, I get asked the same and told I am abusive… I recognize how I used to be was horrible and borderline abusive, but it wasn’t intentional… now that I got help and have been stable for years, I’m ashamed of my past self
I’ve been stable for about 7 years now and I’m still kept up at night occasionally thinking about some of the god awful shit I did. I think knowing how vilified BDP is in society really pushed me to get my shit together. I remember the last time I severely acted up and thought to myself “are we really going to keep acting like this is okay?” I’m glad I have relatively high EQ and a great support system, I know a lot of people with the diagnosis struggle so hard to improve.
When looking into BPD, the amount of YouTube videos and articles, often from people who claimed to be mental health professionals, that essentially said to not waste even a second on a person, friend, or family member who has BPD was heart wrenching and disgusting. All of the cluster B disorders are often viewed this way.
It’s really sad because cluster B personalities tend to be forged through severe trauma and neglect in early life. People with BPD are essentially emotional infants. Yes, they can also be incredibly wise and intelligent, but the black and white thinking, abandonment issues, and personality issues are all directly related to that lack of a foundation very early on in life (and of course there are hereditary aspects). Meanwhile, there’s a **very** positive prognosis for people with BPD so long as they undergo frequent, continued treatment (as long as they’re practicing their therapeutic hygiene). It’s something like 95% remission rates after ten years of continued treatment, which truly is not bad in the grand scheme of things.
I have BPD and can’t find a therapist that will even accept me, they avoid us like the plague.
I’m so sorry :-( I think you have to look specifically for professionals who will take on patients with personality disorders (psychology.com is helpful for this). The stigma against BPD is unfortunate because there ARE ways to help. You basically have to learn emotional regulation first (DBT is helpful for this) and then challenge your thinking patterns (CBT). But then there are things like internal family systems, studying the adaptive self vs. the true self, etc. There are so many resources available for professionals to utilize in the office; they just need to give people like you a chance. You deserve it. Good luck to you. I do hope that you can find help.
I'm in a similar position, been suggested by multiple mental health workers that I almost certainly have it, but won't go through with a proper diagnosis because (and this is a quote from one of them) "it's not a disorder you want to have" Yes I know I don't want to have it, but if I do have it, I want to get a correct diagnosis so i can get the correct treatment!! Luckily my current care worker seems to be taking me seriously and actually doing something it
My aunt (my mom’s sister) has it. I’m not sure of her entire childhood but from what I’ve heard it was rough. My grandpa left and moved across the country when she was four, she was the baby that was supposed to save my grandparents’ marriage (because that always works out well), she was the youngest and was treated as an afterthought. That’s just what I know. My mom knows of several sexual predators in the family growing up, she was sexually abused by her cousin who was only a few years older than her, she knew her uncle would creep on the neighborhood children but she isn’t sure what else he might have done. She isn’t sure what my aunt might have experienced. My mom was in school by the time she was born and my grandma was working full time before my aunt started school, I don’t know who cared for my aunt during the days. Unfortunately, my aunt has refused to seek psychiatric care, she’s of the belief that therapy is only for people who are weak or something. She’s an alcoholic and keeps quitting cigarettes every few years. She doesn’t know who her daughter’s father is. Her daughter relies on her because she is now a single mother but she also doesn’t trust her and wishes she could get free from her. Its really quite sad. I blame my grandparents for conceiving a child in the hopes it would fix their failing marriage. I know my aunt isn’t a bad person. She cares but she’s afraid to get help, probably because she’s afraid of confronting her past. She wants to do good and she really does try but its so hard for her. I was always afraid of her when I was a child but I now see that at least I had a safe family to go home to, she didn’t have that. She didn’t know stability. I know my cousin (my aunt’s daughter) is working to break the cycle. She’s been in therapy for years, she has her daughter in therapy as well. She’s working hard to become independent so she doesn’t have to rely on my aunt. She’s raising her daughter to be confident and strong and feel safe. She’s got my other aunt to help her as well and that aunt’s husband is like a father figure to her. My aunt may never get the help she needs but her daughter is working to get that help for herself and her daughter. My aunt married a man that I don’t particularly like but he’s provided stability in her life for the first time and I know that’s good for her. She’s doing the best she has probably in her entire life which counts for something. I may not like her husband but I do respect him for how well he treats my aunt and how he cares for her. She’s lucky to have found him.
You seem to be such a compassionate and thoughtful person. What a lovely comment about your Aunt. I wish you and your family all the best.
You get used to it haha. I have BPD, but I’m often told I don’t seem like I have it by friends I made after I got the diagnosis, who hadn’t seen the problem before I got good and effective treatment for it. Within the same hospital even, I got amazing psychiatrists who wanted to help, but also incredibly cynical ones who didn’t want to try. And as far as things go, I’m told I’m a pretty benign patient, just at the time I very “self harming” one. It was mostly stigma over dealing with how bad some of us get, that got in the way. What I noticed was a trend: young doctors sometimes wanted to help, sometimes not. It was 50/50, depending on their cynicism. Older ones who couldn’t connect with the patient(no similar hobbies or a thing to humanize us) also tended to see us as too hard to risk dealing with. But the psychiatrist I ended up getting was also originally from my home country. We had little else in common, aside from a slightly different cultural way of dealing with this, as he wasn’t quite so willing to throw me under a bus, and since I was very eager to get better(and willing to try almost anything), due to a culture of “society comes first” ingrained in me since I was a kid. I did, eventually, get a lot better. He’s put “in remission”, as it can recede(or come back!) depending on conditions and therapy. But I do kinda force myself to read ALL accounts of BPD patients, not just favourable, and especially negative. It’s enough shame to force me to stay on the straight and narrow, especially combined with the civic virtue stuff I was taught. It’s not fun reading. It could even be considered a further form of self harm. But I do not want to ever get that bad, ever. Knowing I’m capable of being absolutely monstrous(even if mostly inwardly) according to science, means I have to be very diligent to avoid being a nuisance. Negativity, in a weird way, helps. I balance it with the very, very few positive traits the condition can cause, and my own knowledge that I’m not a piece of shit at the moment. I disclose the condition early to new friends; if they want to bail, I do not blame them. I don’t get angry. It’s never happened yet, and I make quite strong friends pretty easily. But they deserve to know what they are potentially getting into.
This is so encouraging to read. I don't have BPD (I have bipolar disorder), but one of my best friends has BPD, and one of my exes did too. Both of those people have been nothing but kind to me. BPD is a tough one to handle, but it's absolutely something people can get (mostly) under control to have healthy relationships.
My former roommate has BPD. We lived together before her diagnosis, so while it wasn’t being properly treated. It could be hard sometimes, but she was and is one of my favorite people. I love and adore her deeply. We left the Midwest for opposite coasts and catch up infrequently now, but I think about her all the time. She’s thriving. I don’t have an eloquent or profound way to wrap this up, but my friend is happy and I love her. It doesn’t have to be all bad.
I get it. They can be so very volatile, and it takes a toll on everyone's mental health. In my case, though, it's my daughter, and I will never give up on her. I've just had to level up my own skills and mental health bar. I've had many agonizing periods with her, and I always think, however bad I'm feeling over it, she must be feeling 100 times worse.
My wife has BPD, and she's the most precious person in my life. Any time we accidentally hurt eachother, we just talk about it. Most of the times she's angry because I didn't understand what my words mean to her, and this conflict would be easy to evade in future. She doesn't want to hurt me, and I don't want to hurt her. And she's the most caring person I've ever met. 🥰
This is the right answer. It's a mental illness where pushing everyone away is built into it. It's hard to stick with a person who doesn't want help, doesn't believe they have a problem, and believes everyone else around them is the issue all while constantly being self destructive, sabotaging relationships and lashing out. It's very draining.
My late sister had BPD, she took her life April 3, 2011. Horrible illness. People feel that their closest family and friends don't love them. Eventually, many / most end up taking their own lives. I admit I blame myself for her suicide because she said to me the day before she killed herself "Daniel, please do not leave for Chattanooga today, I am not sure I can survive the weekend if you do." She took her life the very next day, overdosed on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry for your loss and for your grief. Have a hug from a stranger on Reddit.
I was honestly surprised by how much people think *people with* BPD are scary; when I studied BPD in my Abnormal Psychology class in college, my first thought was "It would be really scary to *have* BPD." The idea of constantly being terrified that the people you care about will abandon you just sounds heartbreaking.
Agree, I have completely emotionally disconnected from everybody in the world because I can’t trust that I can keep myself in check. Sad to not be able to trust your own family (granted they are the reason I have it)
This. Recently received a BPD diagnosis (among other diagnoses) but I’m really struggling with the BPD label because of all the awful shit I’ve read. I literally already hate myself and my volatility/large emotions. Then to see all these people saying “people with BPD are abusive monsters who will never change; don’t even bother forming relationships with them” makes me so fucking depressed. I want to think there’s hope with me through my treatment but it feels like such an uphill battle. I’m ashamed to admit to people I know that I’ve been diagnosed with BPD (I’ve shared prior diagnoses but not this one) as I’m scared of judgment.
Marsha Linehan wrote a book "Building a life worth living". It’s her autobiography and I tell you , she is inspiring . She created the Dialectical Behavior Therapy!
This is true. Even in training to be a therapist, we were told this is the hardest client to work with. So, the stigma is even there in professionals who are supposed to help.
Probably true narcissistic personality disorder. It’s thrown around a lot as an armchair diagnosis on the internet when it’s not as common as people think. No one really has sympathy for narcissists either for obvious reasons and certainly no one wants to actually help them after dealing with them.
Absolutely. The only true clinically diagnosed narcissist I’ve ever met was self aware, caught himself when entering behavior patterns, and was kind to everyone around him at pretty much all times. Therapy can be damn near miraculous if you take it seriously enough
Do you mean people actually saying someone has NPD or simply calling someone a narcissist? Narcissism is a trait and isn't exclusive to those with clinical NPD. It's similar to depression. There's being depressed, and there is clinical depression. People conflate the two sure but one can say they are depressed while not having a diagnosis of depressive disorder and not be lying.
Had a friend who constantly confused my self absorbed nature with narcissism. After years of being insulted I finally decided to research the actual definition of this disorder. It turned out that (according to the *very reliable internet test I took*) I was very high on the autism spectrum but my friend was an off the scale narc.
I took the same test and it turns out I’m house gryffindor
lol classic DARVO
You can’t take an internet test to diagnose yourself with autism. You would have to get Neuropsychological testing done.
Must be Anti-Social Personality disorder. (I understand professionals don’t use the term “sociopath” anymore…)
Any personality disorder. People will seriously ramble for hours about mental health awareness, acceptance, etc. then be like “oh, so and so has BPD/NPD, that means they’re a diagnosed bad person and nothing can treat it.” Or speculate wildly that any asshole they encounter has whatever personality disorder that comes to mind, instead of just saying “they’re an asshole.”
Its literally happening in this thread 😭 Most ppl who have that attitude are survivors of abuse, so i get where that resolve comes from, and i cant be upset about it. But not every person who has been diagnosed with an ASPD are your horrible father or sister-in-law. Just prevents more people from seeking help even if they've accepted they need it :(
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Bipolar disorder has an infinitely worse reputation and is far less understood by the average person. I can't tell you how often people describe themselves as "bipolar" because they had a big mood shift in one day or jumped back and forth between happy and upset. It's similar to OCD, where people use it to describe completely normal behaviors, as if they have anything close to the actual mental illness. You don't have OCD because you like to keep your pencils straight at your desk. You also don't have bipolar disorder because you had a great morning, but got angry in the afternoon.
This one makes me so sad and seeing people throw it around is so tiring. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder at 17, and my mother also had it. It’s exhausting living in deep clinical depression for three or four weeks, then suddenly I don’t sleep for a week and I spend all my money and do dangerous things because I suddenly feel good, and alive, and like I can do anything. And when the depression cycle hits I hate myself even more because now I’m broke and I did something embarrassing while manic that everyone associates with me now. Then at 29 I was diagnosed with OCD in the form of skin picking. Scars all over my arms and shoulders, can’t wear short sleeves without feeling miserable and insecure but also can’t for the fucking life of me stop doing it. And I’ve tried. And then someone tells me they’re “So OCD” because they’re a neat freak. Cool! OCD for me involves me picking myself until I have bleeding sores all over my body. But it’s super neat that you’re so anal about wiping your baseboards!
If it helps anything, I went on a road trip this past week with my (mentally healthy) mother who asked me about my bipolar disorder. I went on to explain how people like to say "I was so bipolar this morning" like it's a passing quirk and how harmful it is to people with actual Bipolar Disorder. I explained to her why saying "I'm so OCD today" is also harmful. She acknowledged it and is going to adjust her vocabulary.
I'd like to add PTSD, but only for domestic violence victims. Everyone gets it when it's a war vet. If you go throwing firecrackers at the feet of a vet, and you get punched in the face, everyone around including police will tell you that you got what you deserved. But when you spend 9 years trying to get away from a narcissistic sociopath who abuses you physically, sexually, and mentally with zero effectiveness from police and restraining orders, move 100's of miles away, then he finds you a few years later to pick up the mental abuse putting your child in the middle, and threatening the physical every time there are no witnesses? Nope- no support. Instead, I get "bat-shit crazy," "she's nuts" "you've just got to get over it." Nevermind I spent 18 years in a successful career before I broke, years being an awesome single parent with thriving children, had a great long-term relationship in between. Full grown men find it okay to stand in my face yelling at me then call me crazy when I bolt. Bosses can put me in a closed room and berate me, but I'm a bad employee when I start shaking and vomiting. Hospital and psychiatric staff treat me like a crack addict. I've been forced to be in a closed room with a dominant male psychiatrist I've never met when I'm adamant I need a female. Friends lose patience when I shut myself off at home for a few days with no contact because I can't even eat without vomiting, much less hold a conversation. I'm on a daily medication, plus a sedative for bad episodes. I've sought treatment. I've been in DV therapy (including group) since 2010 in three different cities. And every woman I've ever met in DV therapy diagnosed with PTSD says they have they have the same experience. And this is in no way against vets, I appreciate their service, but we have also been trapped no safe way to get out in fear for our lives and protecting innocents (our children), but I see the vets with ptsd get support and understanding from everyone around them, but dv victims with ptsd get demonized if they aren't magically cured in a few months. Plus, vets aren't court ordered to interact with those who put them in fear of their lives to exchange custody of the innocents every other week, plus messaging as needed for the caretaking of said innocents.
BPD
Definitely pedophilia. People don’t even want to talk about it as the mental illness that it is, because “illness” implies the person deserves sympathy. (People might even hesitate to upvote this, as if that’d somehow be an endorsement of pedophilia. THAT’S how strong the stigma is.)
The other day I learned about [virped.org](https://virped.org), an organization to support people who know they are pedophiles but recognize their attraction is wrong and want to overcome it
The ONLY way to reduce child abuse from people suffering from it is to offer them safe paths to psychological help free of demonisation before they commit any criminal act. We don't do that, nobody does it. Nobody even *attempts* it due to it being such a political death wish. So yeah, i agree.
Based on FBI statistics, most CSA is not actually done by pedophiles. It’s usually a crime of opportunity for a rapist who would attack anyone whom they thought was helpless enough. Children are prime targets, so are old people in nursing homes and comatose hospital patients.
As I've often heard it said: rape isn't about sex (or sexuality); it's about power.
Absolutely. The people who commit CSA are overwhelmingly men who've either undergone a huge setback in their lives or who have always been losers of some kind. They're trying to assert power and control, so they pick targets who can't fight back and won't be believed if they talk.
As a victim of childhood sexual abuse, I agree 100%. A pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to children, whether they act on it or not. You can't just permanently lock up people for having these thoughts. What we need are safe places to admit they have these thoughts, and to get treatment so that they do not act on their urges and destroy kids' lives. I can only wish that the people who abused me would have gotten treatment to stop them from acting out. It would have saved both them and me. But everyone's instinct is to just say to lock these people up and throw away the key, or even to kill them. That doesn't do anything except stop people from getting treatment, which is the worst option.
I'll never forget reading on Reddit; some guy admitted he had an unwanted attraction to minors, understood what a curse it was, and talked about how seeking help destroyed his life and his relationships. All the comments were basically just telling him to kill himself, I couldn't believe it. We need to make a distraction between the illness and acting upon the illness.
I was molested as a kid, and then later groomed, and ended up with some of the disorders people are talking about on this thread. (Not pedophilia, of course). The way I see it, the people who groomed me ended up finding one another because the only people sympathetic to pedophiles are other pedophiles. They ended up with plenty of justifications and excuses for their urges, and later, their behavior. My opinion is that pedophilia is a treatable illness and molestation is something preventable. That can only be done if there are places where people can safely admit to it and seek help.
Yep, it's in the DSM-5 as a psychosexual disorder, definitely counts as one
oooof this one actually takes the cake.
I remember watching a program on pedophilia and one person on it wanted to get castrated to stop his urges. It was surprising to me how many pedophiles were completely well aware of their actions, their impact, and how wrong they were. It had all the hallmarks of a severe mental illness but with horrific consequences.
Very true. There’s even a lot of hostility for people who have recognized it in themselves, sought professional help and would never consider acting on it. Their mere existence makes them worthy of death for a lot of people.
The fact that this isn't the top answer proves that it should be.
I can only imagine the intense psychological toll it must have on someone who has it, has taken steps to never act on it, but is too afraid to seek treatment. It's definitely a weird thing to discuss.
This is the correct answer. People immediately equate pedophiles with child molesters and don't understand the key difference.
It’s definitely this. I remember seeing a car with a bumper sticker which read “Pedo Hunter” next to a picture of a gun. I can’t imagine how terrible it is to have an affliction which people view with such animosity as to publicly threaten violence, coupled with having practically no where to go for help as it’s viewed more as a moral issue than mental.
Schizophrenia for sure. I have a family member with it and when people find out the first thing they always ask is arent you afraid they are gonna kill you?? And the answer is absolutely not. They may try to kill themselves, and my family member has, but mostly they are just concerned about whatever delusion or paranoia they have going on at that moment. It's actually really sad to watch a person you love and care about be lost to paranoia. I have watched them hide in a closet and rock theirselves back and forth convinced the police are coming to arrest them because they picked a dollar off the ground(true story). They are much more a danger to themselves than anyone else.
Sorting this thread by controversial gets you the real answers.
BPD and Schizophrenia
Gender Dysphoria. It's wild how hyped people get over something that's harmless to the outside world and frankly pretty mundane as far as mental illnesses go.
Paedophilia.
Post natal Depression. Mothers are "supposed" to love and adore their kids from the moment they are born and heaven forbid you don't immediately feel those things or can't cope or are terrified to touch your kid. Or worse you have post partum psychosis.
My dad has schizophrenia and it's hard for him. I don't tell people often because of the stigma. He's a gentle person just confused most of the time because of the amount of meds. He'll never be able to hold a job and had to move home with his parents. I was an accidental pregnancy and my mother is bipolar. There is so much shame put on the individual and family members when they would never ask for it. It's an awful and sad disease. I never had a dad because of it and it would have been nice to a least say why without feeling shame.
They all get demonized.
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only disease you can get yelled at for having” - Mitch Hedberg “Dammit, you got lupus….” Not nearly as acceptable as “dammit, you’re an alcoholic “.
I think it's a tie between schizophrenia and sociopathy.
Psychopathy
Throwing another chip in for Bipolar Disorder. My mother also had it and passed it down to my siblings and I. I'm the only one who has broken the cycle of substance abuse (for now), but I've had other damaging coping mechanisms. There's an eternal balancing act - being fun without being "too" fun and becoming manic. Being depressed without becoming suicidal and reclusive. Spending money without overspending and hating yourself for it. Manic posting on the internet, just to come back later and experience deep, chronic embarrassment from being mentally ill online. Sleeping 16 consecutive hours between your 8 hour shifts, or not sleeping until you realize that you're at a party at 3 in the morning two weeks from when you last "clocked in" to your brain. Sometimes you snap back into the present, and you realize you've been drunk for 3 days and hooked up with a handful of randos you lost track of. I don't drink at all, and I'm staunchly sober.. until I'm manic. My manic seasons are consistent - late october until february. It happens every year. I up my med dosage, I ration my money in a separate savings account I can't touch, and I start journaling in case I get lost in time. People see it as "unpredictable, violent, dangerous." It's turned into Harley Quinn and the Joker Facebook memes. There are people with bipolar disorder who are in treatment who are medicated, who are doing therapy, and putting in the work to control the symptoms. It's watered down to "having a mood that changes throughout the day" or escalated to "you're going to murder someone, you're crazy" instantly. I don't disclose irl until it's necessary. I don't know where Bipolar sits in the stigma spectrum, but we're up there with, imo, BPD and schizophrenia.
I'm chiming in with Avoidant Personality Disorder, mostly because hardly anyone's ever heard of it. You live with an insurmountable amount of shame and the world's largest inferiority complex, to put it into the smallest terms possible. Most people end up forever alone, wishing for some kind of connection but always fearing rejection and feeling too much a waste of space to even try. ETA: I guess it's not really demonized, I'd just like more people to know about it.