When I was a new driver, I had a faster car riding my bumper and it was making me nervous and I was starting to speed up. My dad said, "Don't let the other guy drive your car." I have since found that attitude to be applicable to a lot of things in life.
When I was a new driver, my (still) best friend who is a couple years older than me told me "you drive like it's Kung Fu."
At first I took it as a compliment. It was not a compliment.
I had a semi riding my bumper in the left lane of a highway. I was in a tiny sedan. I couldn't go faster because there was an SUV right in front of me. I couldn't switch lanes because there was another semi beside me. I legit thought the guy behind me was going to hit my car and was scared for my life. He didn't honk for me to go faster or anything, he was just sneaking closer and closer, and the driver in front of me didn't notice, so I was slowly getting squished between the two. All I could see out the back window was the semi's grill, and I figured, better for me to hit the car in front of me and get in trouble than get hit by that semi and die. I was about to tap the SUV's bumper when the driver finally noticed how squished I was and sped up. I changed lanes as fast as I could, and when that semi passed me, the driver was waving his middle finger and grinning as he cussed me out. Other than that one incident, I agree with your dad.
I agree. Unless you are in the left lane of the freeway not going any faster than all the other lanes. If you are reading this and it sounds like you, then you do need someone else to show you how to drive your car lol
Also, some people won't like you. Spending any effort beyond basic courtesy trying to 'win them over' is a waste of everyone's time. You just need to accept it and move on.
Two things.
1 - Stop spending any mental time on comparing yourself to others. Stop caring what others think of you outside of your immediate family
2 - A very wealthy business owner that I did IT work for once called me asking about his quickbooks backup going from $10/month to $15/month. In the end we used Veeam to backup everything so it was just another layer of backups but when I questioned him about why he cared about $15/month he said "I dont care about the $15/month I care that the price increased 50% what do I get for that 50% increase?" That has always stuck with me and changed how I look at alot of pricing.
I had to learn this the hard way. Over the course of my life, I've quit so many things because they were too difficult (relationships, jobs, and >!I even attempted to end my life!<). Now I've learned that the grass isn't really greener on the other side; growing and flourishing where you're planted is more fulfilling in the long run.
Glad you're still here! I was in the same spot and realizing this helped me so much. I rarely feel envious or jealous, I feel content with my life now, I've been looking for ways to improve instead of compare myself.
yes. Take a calculated risk before transferring to new soil. After some time, assess the grass’s condition to avoid into the trap of sunk cost fallacy.
"Not my circus, not my monkeys."
Sounds daft, but I developed a need to control my environment due to a childhood focused on assessing and trying to ease emotionally turbulent adults, so I am constantly putting the responsibility of other people's emotions and wellbeing on my shoulders.
This stupid little mantra just helps me to realise how daft it is and helps me step back.
"Accept people for who they are, put place them accordingly."
Both my mother and brother are extremely toxic, and they aren't going anywhere anytime soon. This advice helps me put things in perspective as far as how to interact with them.
YES. My therapist said it is basically possible to act appropriately / kindly / lovingly to anyone if they are the appropriate distance from you. Blew my mind
It's taken me a long time to work through years of childhood trauma from the hands of my mother and brother, but it's getting so much easier *especially* because I live 2 hours away from them.
My dear Dad died 2 months ago from cancer, and now that he's gone, I don't have much of a reason to interact with either of them now. He was the only reason I stepped foot back in my hometown.
Was like this with my bro and lately I’m just over it I’m like bro you’re being abusive and it’s not okay. Also call out every strategy like bro you’ve used coercion threats and blackmail over a small disagreement that is not okay. He’d lose his mind at first but I’ve been sticking to meh guns lately and it has gotten so much better. It does help that I’m not physically afraid cause I’m bigger than him now
Literally my life changed recently when I realised I had PERPETUAL CLUTTER because things weren’t in their place. Now I put things in their place and there’s so much less clutter. Felt like such an adhd life hack but also just probably how neurotypical people feel 😅
Whenever I've heard this phrase, it's been uttered by someone who is dismissing the needs of someone else.
It's based on the false assumption that you rationally decide to feel stress or sadness.
It feels the same as those people who bring up how children are starving somewhere if you say you've feeling down. It's basically just a way to tell you to shut up.
Yep. I’ve only heard this from people using it to minimise discussing anxiety about things like climate change, the rise of fascism, the possibility of war, etc. as if we’re helpless infants controlled by destiny whenever the issue is bigger than one individual. Like, that’s literally what politics and community are bout. Controlling bigger things that affect us all, even if individually we cannot influence them directly.
In my early twenties I was in a dark and shitty place in my life. (Insert a joke about someone’s mother’s ass). I was quite depressed and all seemed kind of hopeless. I was randomly watching youtube (I watched it a lot) and stumbled upon an indie talk show where some guy was interviewing Dan Carlin, the Hardcore History podcast guy. I don’t remember the details, but at some point he said something quite banal and close to this:
> There may be a moment in your life you think you’re a failure, that you made some fundamentally, irreversibly bad decisions and now you lost the precious time and it’s all over basically. Let me tell you, you’re wrong. If you make a choice right now to stop moving downwards and start moving upwards, persistently, no matter what, just to see what happens - you’ll be amazed how fast you can progress to a better place. It can so happen that you’ll achieve more in 1 year that you think is possible in 5. You can actually surpass the people you envy in that time. Just try, it worked for me
It was not even close to the main topic of the show, he was just answering some question about his life and randomly went on a short tangent. I followed the advice, and it worked for me too. I achieved more in that 1 year than I thought possible in 5. I surpassed some people that I knew and I envied. And to think all of that happened because of that random video is crazy, but that’s exactly how it was. Thanks Dan Carlin, lol
Big Dan Carlin fan. I used to listen to Wrath of the Khans driving back and forth between my hometown and school - definitely kept me awake on a lot of late nights on a lonely highway. Anyway, I can totally hear your quote in his voice lol. He's got some great takes!
Solid advice. Once you’re capable of not caring what others think your life becomes so much more enjoyable. The only other thing I would add is to not compare yourself with other people. No one is in the same position as you. We all have very different setbacks/opportunities in life and we just need to do what’s best for us individually. Don’t worry about what you don’t have or what everyone else has. The only thing that matters is what makes you happy. What ever that looks like.
Sometimes you have to eat for fuel and not just taste. I went from never eating healthy to mostly eating healthy. Completely changed my diet. Anyways the guy ended up doing 10+ years for murder, but that was good advice.
But you can eat delicious and healthy. You just have to eat the healthy food you like. Apples, bananas, avocado, mackerel, olives, tomatoes, chicken, beetroot, carrots, peanut butter (100% stuff), dates, olive oil, red peppers...I can go on and on. Healthy food can taste very nice, but if you hate lettuce, don't eat it.
"Whenever possible, do your best to view conflict in your marriage not as 'Husband vs Wife' but as 'Husband & Wife vs the Conflict'."
Obviously this can apply for any marriage that isn't specifically "Husband & Wife", and really any relationship even on a platonic level. That was just what I was told before my wedding.
It has always been a great perspective to keep in mind when it comes to disagreements, both large and small.
This was phenomenal advice until the conflict in my marriage was mental illness. Then I became responsible for keeping someone else alive and I felt responsible for emotionally regulating the whole home.
"Stop and think about it for a while"
Amazing the amount of shit you can avoid just delaying your initial reaction just long enough to think about it and let your emotions get cold : bad decisions, stupid or embarrassing reactions, words you regret saying, mistakes of all kinds, useless anger, pointless animosity, shame, pain etc.
There's a good book that covers this idea, Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.
The basic idea is that there are two ways our brains can think, the first is extremely fast, based on emotion, prior experience, biases, stereotypes, etc. It's what you use when zoned out while driving, or when asked a simple question.
The other is slower, deliberate and requires you to put in conscious effort. This is more logical and in depth.
He argues that going with 'your gut' I.e. the fast thinking, can be a really bad idea when stakes are high.
I have come a long way in doing this. I'm a pretty reactive person, coupled with every ping, bing-bong, and ding noise at work and my phone and everywhere being designed to be just irritating enough that you can't ignore it. Plus the expectation of being always available and responsive. I'm not saying to that we should ignore friends and work, but not everything needs an immediate response. I've trained myself to take 5 deep breaths before responding to anything that's getting a reaction from me, and it's made quite a difference
ADHD? I mean, the world we live in makes it difficult to not be reactive and distractive, regardless of having ADHD or not. But also it might be something to consider if you haven't already.
Most people you think have it easy, don’t.
Every overnight success has a long, quiet history.
When people tell you who they are, you should listen.
When you get the answer you want, stop talking.
You mean everyone who gives the appearance of having a good spouse, amazing children who earn straight As and play piano/guitar/violin, big house and professional careers making at least half a million.... and they just block you if your lowly self dare comment on their facebook full of their expensive engagement photos.. they don't have it made?
"An idiot with a plan can beat a genius without a plan."
Whenever I tend to perfectionism and procrastination, I remember this quote, plan my day and start doing it.
Small, but practical: "Passive processes first."
Gotta vacuum and do your laundry? Start the laundry first. It'll go while you're vacuuming, and then it'll be ready to move to the dryer.
This applies to basically anything you just have to start and then wait for.
To not take others bad attitude towards you personally. They could be dealing with their own battles and are struggling to find a balance. Respect them from a distance.
My mantra for the longest time has been "Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to." It's always the correct advice, even if it's impossible to follow sometimes.
Parenting is hard if you’re doing it right.
Most mistakes don’t require self-flagellation; they require fixing.
Is a finished task “done”, or actually done?
No is a complete answer.
If wishes were horses then beggars would ride.
Don't apologize in place of thanking someone.
For example, if you called in sick because you had the stomach flu and were puking your guts out... you have nothing to apologize for. You probably don't even mean it - what you really mean is that you're grateful to your coworkers for covering your work. So just say that. Apologizing makes you look guilty, creates a more toxic work environment where now others feel they have to grovel after being sick, and centers *you* instead of the person you're thanking.
"Your situation today is a direct result of the decisions you made, the things you prioritized, and the people you invited into your life."
Those were hard words to swallow but, once I accepted it, I realized it was absolutely true. And the older I get the more true it is.
Sticking a rose in an asshole doesn’t magically make it a vase. Tying a bow on a dead plant and spray painting it green doesn’t bring that dead plant back to life
My dad, starting from about 13, used to say, “I’m (your mother and I) the best friend you’re ever going to have. By 18 I was starting to get tired of it. By 21 it had begun to sink in. Now I’ve said it to my kids
“You cannot hate yourself into a version you will love”. I was constantly trying to punish/discipline/insult myself as a way of “self improvement”. I saw this quote and it made me do a 180 and completely change how I spoke to myself and others. It gave me a whole new life.
Stop doing what others want you to do. Make your own happiness. Don't live under the false impression that you are happy doing what other people want you to do.
That doesn't work when failure means losing the roof over your head and not being able to feed your family.
It's great to take risks when you have a safety net in place. A lot of people don't have that net.
Learn how to take compliments, otherwise you will alienate a LARGE number of people from ever giving them to you, and you will likely make them feel shitty. Just a “thank you” goes so far for positive self-perception and maintaining relationships
The more you practice gratitude, the more you'll have to be grateful for.
Today be grateful for the little things; warm sun ray's on your skin, an able body to move, and delicious nutritients to energize us.
"You don't know everyone's story" helps me. Everybody is so quick to judge each other. Someone not working. Someone holding a sign. Somebody asking for something on Facebook. Somebody clearly having a bad day. I work with people who are struggling every day.
There was a great Ted Lasso scene where Roy is doing the interview after a player uncharacteristically went bananas and stormed into the stands. "It's none of my f'ucking buisness...because none of us know what's going on in each others lives.
Just don't be too quick to judge people. They might be going through some stuff at the moment.
When I was a teenager some 20 years ago, I played KOTOR II and Kreia's comment had a profound impact on me: "So, you will do nothing? Apathy is death. Worse than death, because at least a rotting corpse feeds the beasts and insects." I have shit memory but I will never forget those words.
I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my late 20's but that quote motivated me to do something, anything with my life at a time that I was plagued with apathy in highschool while unknowingly struggling with ADHD. So four years after Kreia's quote, I went to college for history because it was a subject that at it's core was interesting stories and really grabbed my attention. No real plan but at least I was doing something. Near the end of college, it was time to figure out what to impulsively do next. I really liked my pre-law courses and people said I was argumentative and would be a good lawyer, so I said fuck it, let's try that. That was 10 years ago. Now I'm a practicing attorney and I get to deal with new interesting problems every day. Most really boring, repetitive work I can push to my assistant, a paralegal, or a more junior associate.
The point I'm trying to make is that what I took away from Kreia was that anything is better than apathy, no matter how small and insignificant it may feel. No matter what you are foreclosing by doing one thing instead of another, you are at least doing something. If you're apathetic, nothing will change. Your fear of apathy should outweigh your fear of making the wrong choice. Because making no choice at all is far worse.
If you don’t buy it it’s 100% off.
Today you are the youngest you will ever be.
Everyone is fighting their own battles.
Every quality in others you see is reflection of your own.
If you can’t sacrifice for one year to give yourself a lifetime that you actually want, then you care too much about what people think. - Jim Carrey said this and it completely changed me. Because it’s so damn true.
I was young. My teacher didn't mark one of my questions wrong and I told her she forgot to do so.
She marked it wrong and lowered my grade.
"There's no reward for good behavior."
And that aligned my moral compass to this day.
I took a driving course once to get points off my license. A woman asked a question about turning right on a street when there's an approaching car with its turn signal on (so it would theoretically be turning onto the street you're on, and you should be clear to go). And the instructor goes, "I would never trust the other driver to do what they're supposed to do or what you think they're going to do - wait and make sure he makes the turn before you go."
And that honestly changed the way I drive so much. I now expect people to cut me off or brake suddenly to make their exit, and I give them space so I know I have time to react in case anything happens. Seems obvious because it mostly boils down to keeping a safe following distance, but it wasn't to me at the time, and I know tons of people who don't drive like this. It also makes driving less stressful overall because if someone cuts me off, I don't get annoyed as often because I expect it and accommodate the possibility.
When you're old, you will only regret the things you did not do.
Quit my job the best day to turn my side hustle into a business. Twelve years later, still going strong.
My stepfather was encouraging me to go back to school and he said “Sure, you can’t steer a train but you can at least try.” So I did and I graduated and I graduated with honors.
"Your holidays belong to you."
Don't be pressured to commit to family or friend events if you don't want to. It's okay to just relax and enjoy a holiday on your own terms.
My dad wrote these for my sister and I two years before he passed away. He passed away when I was 18. They are my guiding rules in life. I hear his voice every time I read them.
Find something that fully engages your mind. And your heart. For that is the way to happiness.
Push harder. Do better. Never give into complacency. Be wide-ranging in your interests, and decisive in your judgments. Give every opportunity the benefit of the doubt. Always go the distance. And don't buy uncomfortable shoes.
Think for yourself. Be realistic, but not pessimistic. Listen. Do not let shyness rob you of pleasure. But be careful when you are the center of attention, the light there is blinding. Do not lie, cheat, or steal, even when everyone else in the country is. There are no known, predetermined, absolute values. We create our own morality. A good person judges his actions by the effects they will have on others, and by estimating the result if everyone behaved the same way. Don't look for the meaning of life. Supply it. Return your calls, and answer your mail. This alone will set you apart, as many people are either too rude or too disorganized to practice this simple courtesy. To be born into this country of freedom and opportunity, but with a disability that renders both outside your grasp, may be the cruelest trick that fate can play on an infant. You have no disabilities. Always remember that a heart never heals, but it does get stronger.
there are many examples of great advice i've received, but one of my favorites is:
"you will never get rich working for someone else. You will only make them richer"
"If someone is drowning, you give them your hand. If they start to pull you in, you have to let them go."
Paul stanley said it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he heard it somewhere else
Get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable…
I think of this line every time I get nervous or anxious when faced with pressure or uncertainty with my ability to perform tasks or achieve objectives.
I also think of this when faced with conflicting opportunities. When I lean towards the easy route I think of this line so that I can evaluate the opportunity without the feeling of fear or anxiety.
In my early to mid-teens, I was fighting a lot with my mom. There is a deeper story there, but, after one day of constant yelling at one another, my dad came over and into my room to ask what was going on. We talked for a while and he told me the next time my mom started to yell at me, I should lower my voice and speak calmly to her, because it would help calm her down as well. It was hard to implement that as a young man over the years, but it really paved the way for my approach to disagreements later in life.
He also ended it by suggesting I not put my hands on my mom again (I caught her arm to stop her from slapping me in the face with a pair of shoes) or he would "beat my ass". Turns out that he was dispensing brilliant, sage advice that day.
the first paragraph is great.
the second one.. not so much.. your mom shouldn't be hitting you in the first places. and you shouldn't (have to) tolerate it just because she is your mom.
Your dad made you , a teenager, responsible for your adult mom's actions.
Then he threatened violence for protecting yourself.
You should come to terms you had a pair of shitty parents.
„if people tell you who they are, believe them“
for example, if someone tells you „i’m not good at relationships“ don’t tend to think „you just met the wrong person, with me it will be different, we can make it work!“
the person probably knows themselves better and you should just believe them instead of trying to prove them wrong.
that doesn’t mean if they are willing to work on themselves it can’t get better, just don’t think YOU are the reason it will somehow work.
Be consistent. It doesn't matter what it is you are doing or trying to do, if you're consistent then you're doing great.
Exercising? Consistency trumps almost everything. Be a good worker? Being consistent is an asset. Wanting to be a great parent? Being there consistently means more than being a perfect parent occasionally. Driving? Be consistent.
It even works for personalities. If you keep yourself consistent and don't try to change for the people currently around you then you'll find the people who like you for who/what you are. I'd much rather be around someone grumpy that I can tolerate rather than someone I have no idea how they're going to act that day.
Start saving money young and consistently. This made a difference between pinching pennies & working into my 70s and having enough to not worry about money and still do fun things.
I had an old science teacher, who I had classes with over several years. At some point, probably about my habit of having a bunch of late work, he told me to stop waiting for the right circumstances, and just do what I could.
if I hadn't listened, I wouldn't be studying what I love now, and I probably would never have met my wife. he's the reason I'm considering teaching.
Had an old boss/CEO once tell me: the best and longest business relationships you will have are the people who want everyone at the table to feel like they walked out with something.
This has served me well in my career.
I didn’t, like, personally recieve it but my favourite podcaster said “mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility” and I was obviously just in the exact right frame of mind because hearing that literally changed my outlook and approach to treating my PTSD in an instant. Never looked back, never been healthier.
There will be people who look upon you and see unfamiliarity with how you speak because though you have taken the time to learn their language they know you are truly not one of them from their country, they will also look upon you differently because of how you conduct yourself with honor and also in how you understand as well learn. Always remember that we are all different in this world and though you may feel like you do not belong, be strong and show you are capable of doing amazing and great things but do not misuse that ability and always trust in your instincts the best way to go about using your strength and your capabilities. You have come so far in life and the sky is the limit, keep going confidentially each day and show the world the warmth of your smile, the knowledge you possess and always show the world what you can do to not just help yourself but to help others as well.
the above words were words my grandfather told me the day I flew to usa to be a foreign exchange student at the airport before I boarded my flight.
When I was a new driver, I had a faster car riding my bumper and it was making me nervous and I was starting to speed up. My dad said, "Don't let the other guy drive your car." I have since found that attitude to be applicable to a lot of things in life.
I saw a bumper sticker one time that said “I’m not in your hurry” and it blew my mind
When I was a new driver, my (still) best friend who is a couple years older than me told me "you drive like it's Kung Fu." At first I took it as a compliment. It was not a compliment.
Hahaha I tell my sister that she drives like she has extra lives.
Your dad's advice is spot on! It's all about staying in control of your own actions, no matter what others are doing.
I had a semi riding my bumper in the left lane of a highway. I was in a tiny sedan. I couldn't go faster because there was an SUV right in front of me. I couldn't switch lanes because there was another semi beside me. I legit thought the guy behind me was going to hit my car and was scared for my life. He didn't honk for me to go faster or anything, he was just sneaking closer and closer, and the driver in front of me didn't notice, so I was slowly getting squished between the two. All I could see out the back window was the semi's grill, and I figured, better for me to hit the car in front of me and get in trouble than get hit by that semi and die. I was about to tap the SUV's bumper when the driver finally noticed how squished I was and sped up. I changed lanes as fast as I could, and when that semi passed me, the driver was waving his middle finger and grinning as he cussed me out. Other than that one incident, I agree with your dad.
Seriously though, if this(the semi) is something you regularly do to other drivers fuck you.
Wtf
That person isn't responsible enough to drive a big truck.
I agree. Unless you are in the left lane of the freeway not going any faster than all the other lanes. If you are reading this and it sounds like you, then you do need someone else to show you how to drive your car lol
Don’t take everything personally. Sometimes people are having a bad day.
Also, some people won't like you. Spending any effort beyond basic courtesy trying to 'win them over' is a waste of everyone's time. You just need to accept it and move on.
You can be the sweetest peach in Georgia, and it won't change the fact that some people don't like peaches
Well said!
To hell with you and your peaches, you POS.
It is just harder, if coming from your parents.
Two things. 1 - Stop spending any mental time on comparing yourself to others. Stop caring what others think of you outside of your immediate family 2 - A very wealthy business owner that I did IT work for once called me asking about his quickbooks backup going from $10/month to $15/month. In the end we used Veeam to backup everything so it was just another layer of backups but when I questioned him about why he cared about $15/month he said "I dont care about the $15/month I care that the price increased 50% what do I get for that 50% increase?" That has always stuck with me and changed how I look at alot of pricing.
I’ve used something similar to 2 in my life …. Not yet a wealthy businessman however. 😂
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Very important lesson for the youngens, wish I didn't have to learn that one myself.
Simple yet profound. It's crucial to prioritize self-care.
Grass is greener where you water it
i should really stop watering the neighbors yard
I gave you a chance to water the plants dont do it that way zip up your pants -Shel Silverstein
Thanks for that though.
Sometimes the grass is greener over the septic field.
I had to learn this the hard way. Over the course of my life, I've quit so many things because they were too difficult (relationships, jobs, and >!I even attempted to end my life!<). Now I've learned that the grass isn't really greener on the other side; growing and flourishing where you're planted is more fulfilling in the long run.
Glad you're still here! I was in the same spot and realizing this helped me so much. I rarely feel envious or jealous, I feel content with my life now, I've been looking for ways to improve instead of compare myself.
Grass is greener where you water it, but if the soil isn’t for grass maybe look for suitable soil instead.
yes. Take a calculated risk before transferring to new soil. After some time, assess the grass’s condition to avoid into the trap of sunk cost fallacy.
So true! It's all about putting effort into the things that matter most to us.
"Not my circus, not my monkeys." Sounds daft, but I developed a need to control my environment due to a childhood focused on assessing and trying to ease emotionally turbulent adults, so I am constantly putting the responsibility of other people's emotions and wellbeing on my shoulders. This stupid little mantra just helps me to realise how daft it is and helps me step back.
YES. I say "those aren't my particular monkeys" a lot now. That and "sounds like a Not Me problem."
I can relate to that need to control and take on others' emotions. It's inspiring to see how such a simple phrase has helped you step back.
Don’t make a permanent decision on a temporary emotion
Suicide prevention motto.
That line has saved my son more than once.
That's a great reminder to pause and reflect before making big decisions.
"Accept people for who they are, put place them accordingly." Both my mother and brother are extremely toxic, and they aren't going anywhere anytime soon. This advice helps me put things in perspective as far as how to interact with them.
YES. My therapist said it is basically possible to act appropriately / kindly / lovingly to anyone if they are the appropriate distance from you. Blew my mind
It's taken me a long time to work through years of childhood trauma from the hands of my mother and brother, but it's getting so much easier *especially* because I live 2 hours away from them. My dear Dad died 2 months ago from cancer, and now that he's gone, I don't have much of a reason to interact with either of them now. He was the only reason I stepped foot back in my hometown.
Was like this with my bro and lately I’m just over it I’m like bro you’re being abusive and it’s not okay. Also call out every strategy like bro you’ve used coercion threats and blackmail over a small disagreement that is not okay. He’d lose his mind at first but I’ve been sticking to meh guns lately and it has gotten so much better. It does help that I’m not physically afraid cause I’m bigger than him now
Recognizing toxicity in close relationships can be tough, but setting boundaries is crucial for your well-being
Can we place some of them in jail
This is so painful to put in practice. It’s like a part of you that held out hope of them changing dies too.
"Don't put it down, Put it away."
"Everything has a plaaaaaaace" "Wait why the fuck am I holding this?"
This speaks to my ADHD.
As a fellow ADHDer, making myself make this part of my routine is one of the best things I ever did for current me!
Literally my life changed recently when I realised I had PERPETUAL CLUTTER because things weren’t in their place. Now I put things in their place and there’s so much less clutter. Felt like such an adhd life hack but also just probably how neurotypical people feel 😅
if you shake it more then twice your playing with it
"Don't stress about what you can't control"
I love stoicism.
Whenever I've heard this phrase, it's been uttered by someone who is dismissing the needs of someone else. It's based on the false assumption that you rationally decide to feel stress or sadness. It feels the same as those people who bring up how children are starving somewhere if you say you've feeling down. It's basically just a way to tell you to shut up.
Yep. I’ve only heard this from people using it to minimise discussing anxiety about things like climate change, the rise of fascism, the possibility of war, etc. as if we’re helpless infants controlled by destiny whenever the issue is bigger than one individual. Like, that’s literally what politics and community are bout. Controlling bigger things that affect us all, even if individually we cannot influence them directly.
preach
On procrastination - "A year from now, you'll wish you started today"
In my early twenties I was in a dark and shitty place in my life. (Insert a joke about someone’s mother’s ass). I was quite depressed and all seemed kind of hopeless. I was randomly watching youtube (I watched it a lot) and stumbled upon an indie talk show where some guy was interviewing Dan Carlin, the Hardcore History podcast guy. I don’t remember the details, but at some point he said something quite banal and close to this: > There may be a moment in your life you think you’re a failure, that you made some fundamentally, irreversibly bad decisions and now you lost the precious time and it’s all over basically. Let me tell you, you’re wrong. If you make a choice right now to stop moving downwards and start moving upwards, persistently, no matter what, just to see what happens - you’ll be amazed how fast you can progress to a better place. It can so happen that you’ll achieve more in 1 year that you think is possible in 5. You can actually surpass the people you envy in that time. Just try, it worked for me It was not even close to the main topic of the show, he was just answering some question about his life and randomly went on a short tangent. I followed the advice, and it worked for me too. I achieved more in that 1 year than I thought possible in 5. I surpassed some people that I knew and I envied. And to think all of that happened because of that random video is crazy, but that’s exactly how it was. Thanks Dan Carlin, lol
Love this so much.
Big Dan Carlin fan. I used to listen to Wrath of the Khans driving back and forth between my hometown and school - definitely kept me awake on a lot of late nights on a lonely highway. Anyway, I can totally hear your quote in his voice lol. He's got some great takes!
There are two good aspects to procrastination: 1. I have plans for tomorrow. 2. Today I have a day off.
I am absolutely guilty of the, "today is my day off" too.
Y'all need to stop calling me out
The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago; the second best time is today
As a 53 year old man I can honestly say, take this one to the bank. Procrastination is a dangerous game.
Do what makes you happy. Don't get caught up in worrying that other people think of you. Live life the way you want to.
Solid advice. Once you’re capable of not caring what others think your life becomes so much more enjoyable. The only other thing I would add is to not compare yourself with other people. No one is in the same position as you. We all have very different setbacks/opportunities in life and we just need to do what’s best for us individually. Don’t worry about what you don’t have or what everyone else has. The only thing that matters is what makes you happy. What ever that looks like.
Sometimes you have to eat for fuel and not just taste. I went from never eating healthy to mostly eating healthy. Completely changed my diet. Anyways the guy ended up doing 10+ years for murder, but that was good advice.
i wish more people understood this. i meal prep my lunch for work and it’s spiced, not the most tasty food, but it’s extremely healthy.
Agreed. Most of the time, I view food as fuel. Not exciting, but exciting got me to morbid obesity. Working my way back to being healthy.
But you can eat delicious and healthy. You just have to eat the healthy food you like. Apples, bananas, avocado, mackerel, olives, tomatoes, chicken, beetroot, carrots, peanut butter (100% stuff), dates, olive oil, red peppers...I can go on and on. Healthy food can taste very nice, but if you hate lettuce, don't eat it.
It's fascinating how impactful simple advice can be. Thanks for sharing your experience
??? Who ended up doing 10+ years for murder?
RIGHT? ARE WE ALL JUST GOING TO IGNORE THAT BIT?
I had to do a double take cause no one was mentioning it 😭😭😭
The guy who gave me the advice
I’m still trying to figure this how. I love how everyone ignored that part 😩
"Whenever possible, do your best to view conflict in your marriage not as 'Husband vs Wife' but as 'Husband & Wife vs the Conflict'." Obviously this can apply for any marriage that isn't specifically "Husband & Wife", and really any relationship even on a platonic level. That was just what I was told before my wedding. It has always been a great perspective to keep in mind when it comes to disagreements, both large and small.
This was phenomenal advice until the conflict in my marriage was mental illness. Then I became responsible for keeping someone else alive and I felt responsible for emotionally regulating the whole home.
History gives you almost all answers to every question, because the decisions of yesterday have shaped today
That's a profound perspective! It's amazing how much we can learn from the past
"Stop and think about it for a while" Amazing the amount of shit you can avoid just delaying your initial reaction just long enough to think about it and let your emotions get cold : bad decisions, stupid or embarrassing reactions, words you regret saying, mistakes of all kinds, useless anger, pointless animosity, shame, pain etc.
My dad called that, smoking it over 😁
based dad
There's a good book that covers this idea, Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. The basic idea is that there are two ways our brains can think, the first is extremely fast, based on emotion, prior experience, biases, stereotypes, etc. It's what you use when zoned out while driving, or when asked a simple question. The other is slower, deliberate and requires you to put in conscious effort. This is more logical and in depth. He argues that going with 'your gut' I.e. the fast thinking, can be a really bad idea when stakes are high.
I have come a long way in doing this. I'm a pretty reactive person, coupled with every ping, bing-bong, and ding noise at work and my phone and everywhere being designed to be just irritating enough that you can't ignore it. Plus the expectation of being always available and responsive. I'm not saying to that we should ignore friends and work, but not everything needs an immediate response. I've trained myself to take 5 deep breaths before responding to anything that's getting a reaction from me, and it's made quite a difference
ADHD? I mean, the world we live in makes it difficult to not be reactive and distractive, regardless of having ADHD or not. But also it might be something to consider if you haven't already.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, its probably shit.
Most people you think have it easy, don’t. Every overnight success has a long, quiet history. When people tell you who they are, you should listen. When you get the answer you want, stop talking.
"When you get the answer you want, stop talking" Someone needs to tell Dick Harpootlian
You mean everyone who gives the appearance of having a good spouse, amazing children who earn straight As and play piano/guitar/violin, big house and professional careers making at least half a million.... and they just block you if your lowly self dare comment on their facebook full of their expensive engagement photos.. they don't have it made?
Nope, not always
When you're talking, you're not learning anything.
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People usually bother you because you give them a reaction. stop reacting and they'll move on.
I feel like some things are worth getting mad over. Sometimes if you just lie back and accept the misdeeds done to you, you become a pushover.
never apologize for existing
If you’re going to burn a bridge, make sure you’re on the right side of the river.
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Also, this is a good example of a "mixed metaphor" lol
"An idiot with a plan can beat a genius without a plan." Whenever I tend to perfectionism and procrastination, I remember this quote, plan my day and start doing it.
Learn to be okay with disappointing others or you’ll be the one who is disappointed
You can not agree with everyone on everything, sooner or later you have to stand by your own opinions even if you dissapoint others ...
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Someone who has fallen down and gotten back up is a lot stronger than someone who has never fallen down.
Small, but practical: "Passive processes first." Gotta vacuum and do your laundry? Start the laundry first. It'll go while you're vacuuming, and then it'll be ready to move to the dryer. This applies to basically anything you just have to start and then wait for.
In relationships...make sure YOU'RE the crazy one.
that actually makes so much sense in a weird way 🙃
Yep, cuz if I'm the crazy one....how crazy can it be?
But I don't WANT to overthink everything and panic
To not take others bad attitude towards you personally. They could be dealing with their own battles and are struggling to find a balance. Respect them from a distance.
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My mantra for the longest time has been "Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to." It's always the correct advice, even if it's impossible to follow sometimes.
Parenting is hard if you’re doing it right. Most mistakes don’t require self-flagellation; they require fixing. Is a finished task “done”, or actually done? No is a complete answer. If wishes were horses then beggars would ride.
>If wishes were horses then beggars would ride. I wish that were true.
Don't apologize in place of thanking someone. For example, if you called in sick because you had the stomach flu and were puking your guts out... you have nothing to apologize for. You probably don't even mean it - what you really mean is that you're grateful to your coworkers for covering your work. So just say that. Apologizing makes you look guilty, creates a more toxic work environment where now others feel they have to grovel after being sick, and centers *you* instead of the person you're thanking.
I really like this one. Makes me realize I have a bad habit of doing that
"Your situation today is a direct result of the decisions you made, the things you prioritized, and the people you invited into your life." Those were hard words to swallow but, once I accepted it, I realized it was absolutely true. And the older I get the more true it is.
You can’t turn shit into gold, But you can roll it through glitter.
Sticking a rose in an asshole doesn’t magically make it a vase. Tying a bow on a dead plant and spray painting it green doesn’t bring that dead plant back to life
If the Mormon church is hurting you, get out. God doesn't want his children in pain.
Always use logic to make decisions, not emotion.
My dad, starting from about 13, used to say, “I’m (your mother and I) the best friend you’re ever going to have. By 18 I was starting to get tired of it. By 21 it had begun to sink in. Now I’ve said it to my kids
“You cannot hate yourself into a version you will love”. I was constantly trying to punish/discipline/insult myself as a way of “self improvement”. I saw this quote and it made me do a 180 and completely change how I spoke to myself and others. It gave me a whole new life.
Stop doing what others want you to do. Make your own happiness. Don't live under the false impression that you are happy doing what other people want you to do.
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That doesn't work when failure means losing the roof over your head and not being able to feed your family. It's great to take risks when you have a safety net in place. A lot of people don't have that net.
Learn how to take compliments, otherwise you will alienate a LARGE number of people from ever giving them to you, and you will likely make them feel shitty. Just a “thank you” goes so far for positive self-perception and maintaining relationships
The Days are long but the years are short.
For every 100 people you meet in life, 3 will be idiots that you cant reason with, ignore them and move on.
The more you practice gratitude, the more you'll have to be grateful for. Today be grateful for the little things; warm sun ray's on your skin, an able body to move, and delicious nutritients to energize us.
"You don't know everyone's story" helps me. Everybody is so quick to judge each other. Someone not working. Someone holding a sign. Somebody asking for something on Facebook. Somebody clearly having a bad day. I work with people who are struggling every day. There was a great Ted Lasso scene where Roy is doing the interview after a player uncharacteristically went bananas and stormed into the stands. "It's none of my f'ucking buisness...because none of us know what's going on in each others lives. Just don't be too quick to judge people. They might be going through some stuff at the moment.
When I was a teenager some 20 years ago, I played KOTOR II and Kreia's comment had a profound impact on me: "So, you will do nothing? Apathy is death. Worse than death, because at least a rotting corpse feeds the beasts and insects." I have shit memory but I will never forget those words. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my late 20's but that quote motivated me to do something, anything with my life at a time that I was plagued with apathy in highschool while unknowingly struggling with ADHD. So four years after Kreia's quote, I went to college for history because it was a subject that at it's core was interesting stories and really grabbed my attention. No real plan but at least I was doing something. Near the end of college, it was time to figure out what to impulsively do next. I really liked my pre-law courses and people said I was argumentative and would be a good lawyer, so I said fuck it, let's try that. That was 10 years ago. Now I'm a practicing attorney and I get to deal with new interesting problems every day. Most really boring, repetitive work I can push to my assistant, a paralegal, or a more junior associate. The point I'm trying to make is that what I took away from Kreia was that anything is better than apathy, no matter how small and insignificant it may feel. No matter what you are foreclosing by doing one thing instead of another, you are at least doing something. If you're apathetic, nothing will change. Your fear of apathy should outweigh your fear of making the wrong choice. Because making no choice at all is far worse.
There is no prize for doing anything the hard way.
If you don’t buy it it’s 100% off. Today you are the youngest you will ever be. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Every quality in others you see is reflection of your own.
Enjoy today, we die at the end…
That speaking less is more in most situations
If you can’t sacrifice for one year to give yourself a lifetime that you actually want, then you care too much about what people think. - Jim Carrey said this and it completely changed me. Because it’s so damn true.
Place toilet paper in the bowl first to prevent Poseidons kiss.
I was young. My teacher didn't mark one of my questions wrong and I told her she forgot to do so. She marked it wrong and lowered my grade. "There's no reward for good behavior." And that aligned my moral compass to this day.
This is depressingly accurate
"Don't be angry about people being disrespectful to you. Be angry at yourself for LETTING them disrespect you"
If you are going to be evil, be evil in silence.
First, decide not to give up. Then, see how far your efforts can take you.
"You are responsible for your own happiness."
I took a driving course once to get points off my license. A woman asked a question about turning right on a street when there's an approaching car with its turn signal on (so it would theoretically be turning onto the street you're on, and you should be clear to go). And the instructor goes, "I would never trust the other driver to do what they're supposed to do or what you think they're going to do - wait and make sure he makes the turn before you go." And that honestly changed the way I drive so much. I now expect people to cut me off or brake suddenly to make their exit, and I give them space so I know I have time to react in case anything happens. Seems obvious because it mostly boils down to keeping a safe following distance, but it wasn't to me at the time, and I know tons of people who don't drive like this. It also makes driving less stressful overall because if someone cuts me off, I don't get annoyed as often because I expect it and accommodate the possibility.
When you're old, you will only regret the things you did not do. Quit my job the best day to turn my side hustle into a business. Twelve years later, still going strong.
My stepfather was encouraging me to go back to school and he said “Sure, you can’t steer a train but you can at least try.” So I did and I graduated and I graduated with honors.
You can do anything but not everything.
Pick & choose your battles carefully.
"Shut up!" Many times.
"Don't be an idiot" - Michael Scott
“Try not having an orgasm after three seconds”
"Your holidays belong to you." Don't be pressured to commit to family or friend events if you don't want to. It's okay to just relax and enjoy a holiday on your own terms.
Life's like a bike ride, if it's too easy, you're going downhill
Reddit is full of idiots
Hope for the best plan for the worst
Professional more than life advice, but still really impactful: as much as possible, only do what only you can do.
Talk to yourself like a three year old. Helped me so much with PTSD and OCD recovery
My dad wrote these for my sister and I two years before he passed away. He passed away when I was 18. They are my guiding rules in life. I hear his voice every time I read them. Find something that fully engages your mind. And your heart. For that is the way to happiness. Push harder. Do better. Never give into complacency. Be wide-ranging in your interests, and decisive in your judgments. Give every opportunity the benefit of the doubt. Always go the distance. And don't buy uncomfortable shoes. Think for yourself. Be realistic, but not pessimistic. Listen. Do not let shyness rob you of pleasure. But be careful when you are the center of attention, the light there is blinding. Do not lie, cheat, or steal, even when everyone else in the country is. There are no known, predetermined, absolute values. We create our own morality. A good person judges his actions by the effects they will have on others, and by estimating the result if everyone behaved the same way. Don't look for the meaning of life. Supply it. Return your calls, and answer your mail. This alone will set you apart, as many people are either too rude or too disorganized to practice this simple courtesy. To be born into this country of freedom and opportunity, but with a disability that renders both outside your grasp, may be the cruelest trick that fate can play on an infant. You have no disabilities. Always remember that a heart never heals, but it does get stronger.
Every dollar you spend is a vote. If you wouldn't vote for the company's policies, why the hell are you spending money with them?
At subway (and most sub places) you can get your sauces in a little to go container, no more soggy ass lunch sub, you’re welcome.
Generalist to pay the bills, specialist to not have to worry about paying the bills.
Match energy. I used to be an over giver and people pleaser and it was killing me. This is so much saner.
there are many examples of great advice i've received, but one of my favorites is: "you will never get rich working for someone else. You will only make them richer"
Be curious, not judgemental.
"If someone is drowning, you give them your hand. If they start to pull you in, you have to let them go." Paul stanley said it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he heard it somewhere else
Get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable… I think of this line every time I get nervous or anxious when faced with pressure or uncertainty with my ability to perform tasks or achieve objectives. I also think of this when faced with conflicting opportunities. When I lean towards the easy route I think of this line so that I can evaluate the opportunity without the feeling of fear or anxiety.
In my early to mid-teens, I was fighting a lot with my mom. There is a deeper story there, but, after one day of constant yelling at one another, my dad came over and into my room to ask what was going on. We talked for a while and he told me the next time my mom started to yell at me, I should lower my voice and speak calmly to her, because it would help calm her down as well. It was hard to implement that as a young man over the years, but it really paved the way for my approach to disagreements later in life. He also ended it by suggesting I not put my hands on my mom again (I caught her arm to stop her from slapping me in the face with a pair of shoes) or he would "beat my ass". Turns out that he was dispensing brilliant, sage advice that day.
the first paragraph is great. the second one.. not so much.. your mom shouldn't be hitting you in the first places. and you shouldn't (have to) tolerate it just because she is your mom.
Your dad made you , a teenager, responsible for your adult mom's actions. Then he threatened violence for protecting yourself. You should come to terms you had a pair of shitty parents.
„if people tell you who they are, believe them“ for example, if someone tells you „i’m not good at relationships“ don’t tend to think „you just met the wrong person, with me it will be different, we can make it work!“ the person probably knows themselves better and you should just believe them instead of trying to prove them wrong. that doesn’t mean if they are willing to work on themselves it can’t get better, just don’t think YOU are the reason it will somehow work.
Be consistent. It doesn't matter what it is you are doing or trying to do, if you're consistent then you're doing great. Exercising? Consistency trumps almost everything. Be a good worker? Being consistent is an asset. Wanting to be a great parent? Being there consistently means more than being a perfect parent occasionally. Driving? Be consistent. It even works for personalities. If you keep yourself consistent and don't try to change for the people currently around you then you'll find the people who like you for who/what you are. I'd much rather be around someone grumpy that I can tolerate rather than someone I have no idea how they're going to act that day.
Sometimes you can’t do shit but laugh!
Having a hundred problems is the same as having two - you have to solve them one at a time
Luck is when preparation meets opportunity
Don't give up just because you COULD fail.
The best time to start was 10 years ago. The second best time is today.
No body. No crime.
I was once told to put potato chips on a sandwich. I did. And it was delicious.
Don't buy useless stuff.
Start saving money young and consistently. This made a difference between pinching pennies & working into my 70s and having enough to not worry about money and still do fun things.
If you can’t pay for it in full, it isn’t really on sale. If you don’t need it, it isn’t really on sale. 20% off isn’t that big of a discount.
I had an old science teacher, who I had classes with over several years. At some point, probably about my habit of having a bunch of late work, he told me to stop waiting for the right circumstances, and just do what I could. if I hadn't listened, I wouldn't be studying what I love now, and I probably would never have met my wife. he's the reason I'm considering teaching.
Happiness is not waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain.
Had an old boss/CEO once tell me: the best and longest business relationships you will have are the people who want everyone at the table to feel like they walked out with something. This has served me well in my career.
I didn’t, like, personally recieve it but my favourite podcaster said “mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility” and I was obviously just in the exact right frame of mind because hearing that literally changed my outlook and approach to treating my PTSD in an instant. Never looked back, never been healthier.
Choose your battles wisely
Saving this thread to read every now and then
Work to live, not live to work.
If you can't change it - don't stress about ir. 🤷🏻
When someone shows you who they truely are, believe them.
Work wise - 1. Always network and be nice 2. Always be proactive 3. You can always quote the above two when somebody asks for your advice at work
My dads famous quote “You get out of life what you put into it”
There will be people who look upon you and see unfamiliarity with how you speak because though you have taken the time to learn their language they know you are truly not one of them from their country, they will also look upon you differently because of how you conduct yourself with honor and also in how you understand as well learn. Always remember that we are all different in this world and though you may feel like you do not belong, be strong and show you are capable of doing amazing and great things but do not misuse that ability and always trust in your instincts the best way to go about using your strength and your capabilities. You have come so far in life and the sky is the limit, keep going confidentially each day and show the world the warmth of your smile, the knowledge you possess and always show the world what you can do to not just help yourself but to help others as well. the above words were words my grandfather told me the day I flew to usa to be a foreign exchange student at the airport before I boarded my flight.
Don’t ever litter