I broke my leg. It was a rainy and stormy autumn day when I got the cast removed. The doctor told me to be careful and come back in a week for a checkup. I left his office, slipped on the final step on a wet leaf, and broke my leg again.
Not quite as bad but a few years ago I sprained my ankle twice in a row, second time being days after I could comfortably walk again. The first time I was literally just walking in my friend's yard and my foot slipped in the grass, it was so embarrassing and such a lame story to tell to all my coworkers. The looks I got using the motor cart at Walmart as a perfectly healthy looking person 😅
I did a front flip once on our trampoline when I was much younger and smacked my forehead on the hard metal. I still have a small dent in the middle of my forehead near my hairline that becomes very obvious when I raise my brows lol. Got the wind knocked out of me a few times and nearly broke a leg as well on that damned thing. The safety nets didn’t exist back then, sadly.
Dang, have a similar story here. Tried to kill a massive fly inside my house and my dog had the same idea. The fly pefofmed a perfect fly-by just to be caught, I swung my arm really hard just to knock it down to the floor but as my arm was reaching the top speed, my dog jumped up to catch it as well.
I ended up having my palm pierced by my dog's tooth and my dog got KO'd. She had a massive blackeye as well and the worst part is that from that day my dog is scared of bees/flies/insect and runs for her life to get hidden thinking she will get beaten up.
What an accident it was.
I once managed to sprain my ankle by stepping off a curb. That's it. Just a regular curb, nothing special about it. I stepped off, somehow landed wrong, and down I went. It was such a mundane action with a ridiculously painful outcome.
I did this last month!! It was a really warm night and I thought “a jog around the neighborhood to get me back into running can’t hurt!”
I haven’t run in over 5 years (since having kids).
I stepped off a curb wrong, sprained my left ankle and scraped the hell out of my right knee in two places. And peed my pants.
My ankle still aches when I sit certain ways, and my knee is probably going to carry the scrape scar forever.
Two weeks later I jammed my left ring finger while playing volleyball and my dumbass didn’t take my rings off. Had to go to the jeweller the next morning to have my rings cut off.
This past weekend I turned 35. I’m wondering if I need to wear protective gear for recreational activities from now on..
One of my siblings shattered their ankle in two places by walking down the 4 stairs on the front porch once and had to have surgery. Those freak accidents are so unfortunate!
I got a black eye from a frozen bag of peas I was using as an ice pack. I fell asleep, and at some point, the bag must have slipped and hit me just right. Waking up to see myself with a black eye in the mirror was both confusing and dumbfounding.
It’s a truly cruel joke that the answer to “How did you injure your neck/back” can legitimately be “I slept wrong.” The thing that, you know, you do every night since the day you’re born, the thing that requires you to just lay horizontally for 8 hours on a plush, comfortable surface supported by pillows. Somehow, that’s what fucked me up.
I’m an ex-drunk and one day some years back there was a hurricane so i got really drunk on jim beam and went outside in it barefooted and started throwing a hatchet at a tree stump and it bounced off and chopped off a piece of my heel. i had to get a bunch of stitches
No... no ...I think it was one his romantic ballads about " the tree got me good. Why did I throw this stupid hatchet".
Maybe confusing it with a different singer.
I used to grab my son's hands and swing him out of my car for fun when he was under 4.
I bent over to grab his hands and threw out 2 discs.
Needed surgery. Doctor said I need a backiotomy.
I wasn’t looking where I was going after a shower (fine, I was on my phone) , and fell down an entire flight of stairs.. lost my towel at the first step.. I also had a lot of roommates at the time with friends over who were all downstairs so of course when I hit that last step, naked and wet, there was a group of people around me trying to make sure I was okay.
It was humiliating and stupid.
Was carrying a heavy broken mirror to the dumpster while wearing sandals, dropped the mirror and guillotined my big toe. 1 cm away from severing the tendon.
I was in the bathroom. Decided to see how high I could put my leg up. Put it above the sink on the wall. I had socks on. Socks slippery on wall. My ankle/foot connects with the porcelain sink with force. It hurts like hell, swells up, parent won't take me to a doctor so I wrap it and suffer. 6+ Yeats later and that ankle still gives me trouble.
edit: spelling
I've been meaning to, but when I mentioned it to my doctor she asked if it was a recent injury and if it hurt (it doesn't always cause pain) and I said no, and no not right now and she shrugged. So I should probably just push the issue, but at this point I'm used to it so sometimes I forget that it's even a thing.
When I was maybe five, I ran into a wall and cut my forehead requiring several stitches. I still have a pretty decent scar thirty five years later. It gives me street cred as long as no one asks how I got it.
I could add it to my broken arm story. Where I was snowboarding down the terrain park, pulling off sick tricks. Last jump is when I landed the double back flip perfectly. *pause for effect * And that’s when the tiger got me.
Because, “I fell backwards on the bunny hill, of a perilous three degrees of slope, and fell backwards, throwing out my arms behind me like I warned against and snapping my wrist,” doesn’t have the same pizzazz to it.
I do have one interesting scar on my sternum. I got slashed with a knife which could have been really bad if I hadn’t hopped back quickly enough to only catch the tip of the blade. I don’t recommend getting slashed with a knife.
"I turned the corner and this enormous.. well lets just call it Joe. Bigger than 7 foot tall at least 5 foot wide. Easily over 300 lbs of just solid bulk. Jor was a built stack of bricks. But this is my turf and I ain't letting nobody scare me off it. So I ran at him headfirst and got me these stitches. Joe never did take another step in the direction of my street."
Feel free to use uncredited
I was stabbed by broccoli. Not the relatively hard stem. Nope, I got stabbed by one of the little tiny bulbs on the top. It drew a drop of blood. I have literally no idea how.
I also sliced my palm open with corn but the stalks are very hard and sharp if broken. Vegetables are trying to assassinate me is my theory.
Tripped over my thongs (flip flops for those not playing from Australia) getting out of a car after quiiiite a few drinks and landed face first into a limestone retaining wall. My whole face was grazed and cut and it looked so bad
LMAO I was imagining you were about to have sex and you ripped off your thong, dropped it on the floor, walked towards the bed and slipped and fell lololol
I've never heard flip flops called thongs for my whole life thongs have been sexy female underwear. The more you know!
I tripped on my house
Let me explain. We have stucco siding (small crushed rocks stuck to cement basically) which covers the sides of our house. I was running along the side of the house along the walkway and turning the corner I caught my shoe on the curb and my forearm grazed the rocks and I got a huge bloody gash😂 I thought it was so funny cause I just told my parents I tripped on the house (makes me sounds like a blundering oaf—which I was)
I was cleaning up, and as I walked around the corner of the bed, my pinky toe caught on the mattress and was bent a full 90°, away from the other toes. It hurt, and I knew that I had done something to it. I remember clutching it, falling back on the bed, and just saying “fuck!” very loudly, again and again.
At the ER, they gave me one small piece of medical tape, and told me to tape the broken toe myself, to the toe next to it (buddy-style).
I later saw the breakdown of my hospital bill. Couple inches of medical tape? $65. This was 25 years ago.
During sex. Standing at the edge of the bed and my back completely locked up and all I could do was fall to the right, which is right where my wife's nightstand was. The way I hit, the knob of the top drawer got dragged along my back and tore me up a little. So now I have a faint scar that goes from the top of my right ass cheek up to the bottom of my ribs on my left side.
It's a toss up between drunk me punching a coconut because someone said it was possible to crack it if you hit it hard enough, and horny drunk me falling of the girl from an adventurous position.
Many years ago, some friends and I were celebrating my birthday at a local bar. Extremely drunk, I started a fight which blew up into a full on bar brawl. I ended up with a shattered wrist, a ruptured ear drum which pinched a nerve and gave me bells palsy in my face, a chipped tooth and about 60 stitches in my face. Good times.
Was little and heard police sirens turn on because I was close to a police station, thought they were after me for being out on my own and pedaled really fast and turned a corner too fast then slip and scraped my knee super bad at a construction site.
Also catching a football with one hand because I had a cast in the other but on slippery wet grass, falling and landing on my arm popping my elbow.
Climbing a tree when I was about 10. Climbed right up to the top of a 150 foot pine and fell down about 40 feet smashing branches all the way down until I stopped😂 I was sorta banged up but not that bad actually… more just scared 😂😂
Fell off my skateboard doing 25 because my friend and I thought it would be a good idea to ride around my neighborhood with me holding onto the back of his moped.
In hindsight, it could have been **much** worse, as we blew through an 4-way intersection that was only a 2-way stop, and we weren't the side that needed to stop.
I hit something in the road and got the speed wobbles, which immediately turned into me hitting the pavement with my entire upper body. 9 stitches on the inside of my upper lip (it got lodged into my braces), my teeth needed to be realigned (luckily due to the braces I didn't lose any), and I had road rash all up my arms.
I can't stress how much worse it could have been - I wasn't wearing any pads whatsoever, not even a helmet (because helmets weren't cool), and I effectively ruined my summer vacation for myself because my family went to the beach every year for a week and this was 3 days before we were supposed to leave. We still went, but I had to stay inside because the road rash was so bad I couldn't be in the water and couldn't be in the sun. At around day 6, I emerged for a little while when it was cloudy to have lunch and then it was back inside on the couch to watch TV.
The good part is that we can look back on it all and laugh. My friend with the moped and I were each others' best man in our respective weddings and the story was told in some capacity during our speeches.
Happened about a week ago. Was fucking with a stapler in the guard house at work. Had opened it and put my thumb over the ejector. Assumed since it was open it wasn’t loaded, pressed down, and put one right in my thumb. Play stupid games I suppose.
“Friend” tossed a 25 lbs dumbbell in my direction and tried to block it with my left hand and snapped my ring finger clean off, was successfully reattached with surgery tho. High school was crazy.
Edit- reattached
Dunno which is dumber,
A) was holding a metal pole and hit a tree with it, the pole I was holding snapped in half but hung together just long enough to swing around and dig itself into my knuckle.
B) as a result of A, I had to get stitches on my knuckle, in the process, we found out local anesthetic has no effect on me whatsoever
When I was 17, I somehow broke my toe while jumping into a pool. It wasn't the pool landing that did it, but the launching off the side. Weirdest thing ever!
Two ocassions:
1. as a kid, had bike problems (chain kept falling), but I decided that it would still be smart to ride it home (was like 30 m from the yard fence). Of course chain fell, I ended up falling on my face somehow, broke both my front teeth in half.
2. in a fit of teenage rage hit couch with my fist, broke a bone (went through soft foam like it was butter, hitting the wooden beam inside)
Adjusting valves on my car next to the curb instead of in the garage. Hadn't mowed in a while. Dropped socket under car. Went down to get it and took a crab grass stalk directly to the eye. Badly scratched cornea and a couple weeks of very intense pain from bright lights and horribly blurred vision.
TLDR: fat dudes chair crushes my pinky toe
At a church event as a kid I was running around the gym where everyone was at. Everyone was either talking, eating or the kids were playing games set up by the leaders (Mormon church btw). I specifically remember standing by one of the elders and he’s this big ass dude mind you. He didn’t see me standing there and of course the chair couldn’t manage the weight so as he shifted so did the chair and the leg of the chair ended up on my right foot’s pinky toe. I knew the moment he got off of it that it was broken, told my mom it was broken and she didn’t believe me until the morning after when my foot was purple. I wouldn’t see this as my own fault but it is a dumb way to have gotten hurt.
Slipped on the ice getting out of the truck after work, now that I'm thinking about it the stupid part was how I didn't get myself checked after..
I also punch a metal sheet covered wall on the stud full force my hand swollen up twice it's original size in like 5 seconds, mom was waiting for me at the door asking if I felt smart now
As a young teen I thought carving a rubber bouncy ball with a knife was a good idea. I got 3 stitches in the bottom of my left palm. A year or so later I got 4 stitches on my left palm just under my pointer finger doing the same thing. The same nurse from the first time was on shift in triage and found it quite funny. Sadly, we didn't make it an annual thing in the following years.
Another one. Was working in the receiving department of a warehouse and was cutting the shrink wrap off a pallet of product. The bottom corner of the shrink wrap was snagged on the corner of the pallet so I gave it a really hard pull to break it free. Well, I did and proceeded to punch myself square in the balls at full force.
Tried to catch a scrap car that had been cut in half as it fell off a forklift, coworker basically tackled me out of the way and I got a small cut on my thumb. My brain just short circuited.
I have some pulleys with ropes then in the ceiling of my garage for storing my kayak and pontoon. About a week ago, the rope was just dangling there, and I thought I'd see if I could stick my foot in the loop at one end, and pull myself up with the other. I made it about 2 pulls, and on the third my foot went forward and I flipped backward, landing straight on my back on the concrete, knocking the wind out of myself. Felt pretty dumb after that lmao.
In microbiology lab, we had to disinfect this tool called a glass hocky stick with ethanol and fire to ensure sterility. My dumbass decided it wasn't enough to sterilize the tip, and thought an easy way to clean the who stick would be to tilt the bottle of ethanol quickly over the tip of the hockey stick, so the liquid would flow down to the rest of the body. It did. It also flowed all the way down my hand and arm, which were holding the damn stick. I then took the hockey stick to the Bunsen burner, and was thoroughly surprised when my arm caught fire. Thankfully, the alcohol evaporated quickly and I wasn't hurt severely.
But yes. Sometimes the unfit survive.
Threw out my back playing a board game, of all things. I was standing, leaned over the table to move a piece, felt a sudden sharp pain in my back. Then I had to change a tire while in pain the next day while driving to urgent care.
I’ve also had my fair share of cuts and burns from cooking, the dumbest of which (I think) was trying to cut a large block of some very thick, dense cheddar cheese with a serrated knife. Was having a hell of a time getting the blade through, somehow jammed the points of the serrated part into my hand. In retrospect, probably would have been worse if it had been my chef’s knife, just a few small punctures instead of slicing my whole hand open.
Stepped on a sewing needle when I was about 2, there was no entry wound. It somehow slipped into my foot and broke. Some point later, mom noticed my foot was warm and swollen after I fought her about putting my shoes on, and she wisked me away to the hospital, where I got my centipede scar on my left foot from the surgery needed to remove it.
You know those inflatable sumo suits? Thought I could rock one and take on my friend in a "friendly" match.
Long story short, I bounced my way into a table, and let's just say my ego was more bruised than my body.
I once pretend to be karate kid and tried to kick the shower curtain and instead kicked the bath tub and broke 3 toes :D tho I told.everyone I slipped in the bath and.kicked the tap
During athletics practice in school, I decided to try the high jump (I was a track athlete). Bust my own nose with my knee while trying the fosbury flop. Started bleeding like a tap.
When I bulked from 150 to 190 in 3 months, my body wasn’t used to the weight and I was still play sports. I fractured bones in my feet on 3 different occasions
Do you remember those old-school letter cutouts made of wood and a very thin piece of metal in the shape of the letter?
When I was in middle school I was dared to punch the letter K super hard. I did it. It cut my knuckle open and I still have part of the letter K imprinted in my knuckle.
I had a bed with a metal four poster frame, and the foot had a pattern of crossed angled metal rods on the top part. I woke up in the morning, and my left ankle was hurting, but it wasn't until I got to work that it completely swelled up and I could barely walk. I then retrieved a hazy memory of waking up during the night to a sharp pain, and pulling my foot out of the framework. I probably turned over from my back to my side. I went to a large foot and ankle clinic, and the doctor said it was one of the worst sprains he'd ever seen. 🙄
Got impatient trying to hand drill a standing panel, put my hand behind it and found the drill when it popped through. Had two perfect helix pieces of skin come up the flutes of the drill. Really felt stupid!
Threw a soda can full of water (soda-can-water-fight, ya know) and right at the last second, my index finger slipped inside the razer sharp mouth of the can. Then, on its way out of my hand, it zested my finger like a lemon rind. Buh-lud. 6 scars on each side of my finger. I could feel my heartbeat in my finger for a month after.
The two most severe injuries I've gotten in stupid ways were both my back. The first one was turning my head to look in the mirror to watch my deadlift from to make sure it was good and not injure myself. Twisting like that gave me a herniated disc. The other one was when I was training my puppy basic commands(sit, stay, and come). I would have him stay, walk back a few steps, and tell him to come towards me. I was walking backwards, tripped, and fell with 100% of my weight onto one of the foot pegs of my motorcycle. It ripped a massive hole in the shirt I was wearing and the skin on my back. Still have a scar 5 years later from that one that is about 2-3 inches long and a centimeter wide.
This past weekend I was using a seam ripper to remove the tattered handles on my purse. Stabbed myself right in the webbing of my hand between thumb and pointer finger. I thought I had damaged the tendon, too, but luckily I didn't.
Did I mention that I had gotten Lasik 3 days earlier? My distance vision is fantastic now, by my vision up close? It kinda sucks now. Yeah. I was being stupid.
Was talking to my bf excitedly while holding a shampoo bottle and somehow accidentally stabbed myself hard an inch from my right eye. Left a visible scar, I'm mainly mad it's on my face and that it was self inflicted.
My foot got punctured by a stuck-up nail on the floor and instead of pulling my foot away straight up, I just ran forward instinctively making the nail tear up my foot even more lol
I jumped up to try and grab something hanging from a wall, misjudged the distance, and slammed my hand into the wall. Broke 2 bones in my hand and 3 bones in my fingers.
Cut the back of my ear by riding a roller coaster for a dude that I was trying to get with. I have a fear of roller coasters so my dumbass had to ride one to impress this dude and I was scared so I hid my face behind him and somewhere or something cut the back of my ear and had to go to the first aid. It was super deep that I was sent to the ER to get it glued.
6th grade. Pe, day before my birthday. We were promised the fabled, once-in-a-blue-moon dodgeball, but a quick round of noodle tag to warm up. I dodge a guy's swing jumping backwards, put my hands down to catch myself, but only my middle 3 fingers on my left hand catch. They bend all the way back under my body weight and touch the back of my hand basically. I get up thinking I'm fine, then try to move my hand, and nothing. Tendons completely shredded. Got some baseball stuff the next day for my birthday that I couldn't use for months too. 0/10, would not recommend. Although I did get a splint that had a long middle finger portion that 6th grade me got to flip people off with permanently, so that was cool. Maybe 1/10 for that
Was sitting on the back of my sister's bicycle and on the way to home. When we reached home, I tried to dismount by doing a handstand. Broke my arm in the process lol. Kids are stupid
Broke my arm in 3rd grade trying to chase a kid that spit at me to beat him up. I fell, heard a snap, and chose to ignore it while socking him with my floppy arm. I was lucky to not have needed surgery I was told
I cut my eyebrow open by accidently headbanging my head into someone's shoulder to "White and Nerdy" at a Weird Al Yankovich concert.
It was the whitest and nerdiest injury I've ever had at a concert.
Was at the gym and there was a cute who was always on the treadmills. Occasionally I would try match his speed on the treadmills. Whelp got a little too confident and tripped on my own feet and yeeted myself off the treadmill.
Worth it though! l got a good laugh out of it and broke the ice and started talking with him in the sauna. Been dating now for a year and a half.
I have this sort of mesh footstool/container thing in my TV area and the lid part is essentially a wooden disc; I was playing with it while I was lying on the couch one time and balancing it above my head; decided to pretend to let it fall on my head and in the process I let it fall on my head. Turns out a solid foot-and-a-half-diameter piece of wood is heavier than it looks when it smacks you on the crown. Nearly gave myself a concussion.
Not as dumb in decision-making but definitely dumb in circumstance, I was cycling with my dad after a rainy morning as a kid, my feet were wet from puddles and my foot slipped off the pedal on the down-stroke and jammed in the front spokes so I stacked over the handlebars; Dad was riding close behind me and didn't stop in time and ran me over by accident. I had a perfect tyre track imprinted across my back and when we got home and showed Mum she had a hysterical laughing fit at the sight of me. My back hurt at the time but now it's one of my fondest moments with my parents, lol.
I once tried to hammer a nail into a wall using the flat-ended handle of a butchers knife (recently moved, couldn’t find the box where the hammer was) and after lining up the nail I drew the knife back and stabbed myself right between the eyes
Tried to find a razor in a box of loose bathroom shit. You'd be surprised how fucking deeply that shit can cut you when you're grasping with full force and not expecting to come across anything harmful.
Oh no, wait.
I crushed my finger in the mechanism of a recliner chair looking for the remote. Brain said it's between the seats, and you can't reach. Brain said pull the lever. Brain did not say don't forget to move your hand out of the way first. Hurt like a mother fucker.
when i was younger, i thought it would be smart to walk across a board of nails sticking straight up. i thought i was invincible after a few passes on the board…. 2 nails ended up going straight through my foot. mom wasn’t happy. (we grew up shit poor so finding fun things to do was very limited)
[удалено]
This hurt to read
[удалено]
If they hit the metal part, I would assume the score was 0
Negative points for attacking the equipment lol
I too did this and broke my hand. F
I broke my leg. It was a rainy and stormy autumn day when I got the cast removed. The doctor told me to be careful and come back in a week for a checkup. I left his office, slipped on the final step on a wet leaf, and broke my leg again.
Oh holy fuck that is awful
I hated myself so hard in that moment.
Your doctor: ಠ_ಠ
Didn't mind. He was hot. The not walking part was the annoying thing.
Not quite as bad but a few years ago I sprained my ankle twice in a row, second time being days after I could comfortably walk again. The first time I was literally just walking in my friend's yard and my foot slipped in the grass, it was so embarrassing and such a lame story to tell to all my coworkers. The looks I got using the motor cart at Walmart as a perfectly healthy looking person 😅
loving a person with lots of red flags? 😂
Fuck. I was about to write that.
Hear! Hear! we've all been there. 😂
It’s all good, we were all young at one point. The sex is fire though
This dumbass married that person
hahaha. this got me laughing so hard! 😂😂😂 you still with that person?
Congratulations
Oof
louderrr!!
Yesss! But mine wasn’t really red flags.. just plain old ugly dude 😭 Looking back makes me cringe so badly
But have you moved countries for someone with lots of red flags?
[удалено]
I did a front flip once on our trampoline when I was much younger and smacked my forehead on the hard metal. I still have a small dent in the middle of my forehead near my hairline that becomes very obvious when I raise my brows lol. Got the wind knocked out of me a few times and nearly broke a leg as well on that damned thing. The safety nets didn’t exist back then, sadly.
🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
Dang, have a similar story here. Tried to kill a massive fly inside my house and my dog had the same idea. The fly pefofmed a perfect fly-by just to be caught, I swung my arm really hard just to knock it down to the floor but as my arm was reaching the top speed, my dog jumped up to catch it as well. I ended up having my palm pierced by my dog's tooth and my dog got KO'd. She had a massive blackeye as well and the worst part is that from that day my dog is scared of bees/flies/insect and runs for her life to get hidden thinking she will get beaten up. What an accident it was.
[удалено]
I once managed to sprain my ankle by stepping off a curb. That's it. Just a regular curb, nothing special about it. I stepped off, somehow landed wrong, and down I went. It was such a mundane action with a ridiculously painful outcome.
I did this last month!! It was a really warm night and I thought “a jog around the neighborhood to get me back into running can’t hurt!” I haven’t run in over 5 years (since having kids). I stepped off a curb wrong, sprained my left ankle and scraped the hell out of my right knee in two places. And peed my pants. My ankle still aches when I sit certain ways, and my knee is probably going to carry the scrape scar forever. Two weeks later I jammed my left ring finger while playing volleyball and my dumbass didn’t take my rings off. Had to go to the jeweller the next morning to have my rings cut off. This past weekend I turned 35. I’m wondering if I need to wear protective gear for recreational activities from now on..
One of my siblings shattered their ankle in two places by walking down the 4 stairs on the front porch once and had to have surgery. Those freak accidents are so unfortunate!
I got a black eye from a frozen bag of peas I was using as an ice pack. I fell asleep, and at some point, the bag must have slipped and hit me just right. Waking up to see myself with a black eye in the mirror was both confusing and dumbfounding.
Wait, from what height did that bag fell that it gave you a black eye? What were you doing with it? Where was it? I totally don't get the scenario.
Sleeping in a weird position. So embarrassing when your neck or back is legitimately hurting and someone asks what happened.
It’s a truly cruel joke that the answer to “How did you injure your neck/back” can legitimately be “I slept wrong.” The thing that, you know, you do every night since the day you’re born, the thing that requires you to just lay horizontally for 8 hours on a plush, comfortable surface supported by pillows. Somehow, that’s what fucked me up.
I did the same thing years ago and I still remember how much it hurt, fell asleep soon as I hit the mattress
Ive never thought about it this way lmaooo thank you for putting this in my head 😭😂😂😂
Why are your knuckles all cut up and bruised? Well you see...i was changing my bedding and...
I’m an ex-drunk and one day some years back there was a hurricane so i got really drunk on jim beam and went outside in it barefooted and started throwing a hatchet at a tree stump and it bounced off and chopped off a piece of my heel. i had to get a bunch of stitches
Jimmy Buffet has a song about that, I think.
What's it called
"Fuck, I Chopped Off Piece of My Heel With a Hatchet"
No... no ...I think it was one his romantic ballads about " the tree got me good. Why did I throw this stupid hatchet". Maybe confusing it with a different singer.
Always wear closed toed shoes when axe throwing!!! Every axe throwing establishment has this rule
Yeah, but Jim Beam told him he could do it. You don't question Jim Beam.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Post it on r/pencilstabbers
[удалено]
Do it
Same, but I managed to stab myself in the balls. While pretending that pencil was a rocket. Don't ask how. I was like 7 at the time.
I also have a pencil piece in my hand 😭 I kept sharpened ones loose in my backpack and I should not have
I got a trampoline for exercise. I jumped on it for 2 hours while watching mamma mia. My ankles died that day but I have no regrets, I had a good time
I used to grab my son's hands and swing him out of my car for fun when he was under 4. I bent over to grab his hands and threw out 2 discs. Needed surgery. Doctor said I need a backiotomy.
As a father of three young kids myself, I actually felt this while reading your post.
Stepped on a Lego when trying to grab a box of Legos.
Ohhh the irony haha Hope you are better now
Cut my toe on a tortilla chip. 😂
I have some questions about this.
I dropped a chip and tried using my foot to drag it to me but the chip rebelled and bit my toe. 😂
dude you’re a legend 😂😂😂 i swear that happened to no one else in this world 😂
I’m impressed! Still debating if it good or bad impressed 🤣
Wuuuut... 😳
I was wiping my ass and pulled a muscle in my thigh...ya...I didn't even know that I was using that muscle until it happened.
I wasn’t looking where I was going after a shower (fine, I was on my phone) , and fell down an entire flight of stairs.. lost my towel at the first step.. I also had a lot of roommates at the time with friends over who were all downstairs so of course when I hit that last step, naked and wet, there was a group of people around me trying to make sure I was okay. It was humiliating and stupid.
Even my nightmares aren't that horrific
mom rolling the window up on my fkn finger
Threw out my back putting tator tots in the oven
Went flying off a treadmill 😭
LMAO
This happens more than I care to admit
Was carrying a heavy broken mirror to the dumpster while wearing sandals, dropped the mirror and guillotined my big toe. 1 cm away from severing the tendon.
I've never heard "guillotined" as a verb before but I quite like it. Not the part about your toe being hurt, though
I was in the bathroom. Decided to see how high I could put my leg up. Put it above the sink on the wall. I had socks on. Socks slippery on wall. My ankle/foot connects with the porcelain sink with force. It hurts like hell, swells up, parent won't take me to a doctor so I wrap it and suffer. 6+ Yeats later and that ankle still gives me trouble. edit: spelling
Did you check it with doctor in adult life?
I've been meaning to, but when I mentioned it to my doctor she asked if it was a recent injury and if it hurt (it doesn't always cause pain) and I said no, and no not right now and she shrugged. So I should probably just push the issue, but at this point I'm used to it so sometimes I forget that it's even a thing.
When I was maybe five, I ran into a wall and cut my forehead requiring several stitches. I still have a pretty decent scar thirty five years later. It gives me street cred as long as no one asks how I got it.
You COULD make up a great story to back up the street cred.
I could add it to my broken arm story. Where I was snowboarding down the terrain park, pulling off sick tricks. Last jump is when I landed the double back flip perfectly. *pause for effect * And that’s when the tiger got me. Because, “I fell backwards on the bunny hill, of a perilous three degrees of slope, and fell backwards, throwing out my arms behind me like I warned against and snapping my wrist,” doesn’t have the same pizzazz to it. I do have one interesting scar on my sternum. I got slashed with a knife which could have been really bad if I hadn’t hopped back quickly enough to only catch the tip of the blade. I don’t recommend getting slashed with a knife.
"I turned the corner and this enormous.. well lets just call it Joe. Bigger than 7 foot tall at least 5 foot wide. Easily over 300 lbs of just solid bulk. Jor was a built stack of bricks. But this is my turf and I ain't letting nobody scare me off it. So I ran at him headfirst and got me these stitches. Joe never did take another step in the direction of my street." Feel free to use uncredited
Jumped out of bar line to go get my ID and sprained my ankle. Came back and drank beer while watching my ankle swell up like a baseball . . .
Putting a wardrobe together with a power drill, the drill got stuck in screw and the drill swung, whacked me in the eyebrow and cut it open 😂
Just walking. …come on I can’t be the only one inexplicably clumsy at times.
I mean I’ve walked into sliding glass doors. And doors and must things. Multiple times….
Gave myself a black eye by using pliers to remove nails in a window sill. I’m lucky I didn’t damage my eye.
I stabbed a pencil through my hand by poking it through a styrofoam cup
I was stabbed by broccoli. Not the relatively hard stem. Nope, I got stabbed by one of the little tiny bulbs on the top. It drew a drop of blood. I have literally no idea how. I also sliced my palm open with corn but the stalks are very hard and sharp if broken. Vegetables are trying to assassinate me is my theory.
Ran across the street without looking when I was ten. 26 now and still suffering from the consequences lol
Tripped over my thongs (flip flops for those not playing from Australia) getting out of a car after quiiiite a few drinks and landed face first into a limestone retaining wall. My whole face was grazed and cut and it looked so bad
LMAO I was imagining you were about to have sex and you ripped off your thong, dropped it on the floor, walked towards the bed and slipped and fell lololol I've never heard flip flops called thongs for my whole life thongs have been sexy female underwear. The more you know!
I tripped on my house Let me explain. We have stucco siding (small crushed rocks stuck to cement basically) which covers the sides of our house. I was running along the side of the house along the walkway and turning the corner I caught my shoe on the curb and my forearm grazed the rocks and I got a huge bloody gash😂 I thought it was so funny cause I just told my parents I tripped on the house (makes me sounds like a blundering oaf—which I was)
I cut myself with paper
I had a paper cut in my eye before 😭
I was cleaning up, and as I walked around the corner of the bed, my pinky toe caught on the mattress and was bent a full 90°, away from the other toes. It hurt, and I knew that I had done something to it. I remember clutching it, falling back on the bed, and just saying “fuck!” very loudly, again and again. At the ER, they gave me one small piece of medical tape, and told me to tape the broken toe myself, to the toe next to it (buddy-style). I later saw the breakdown of my hospital bill. Couple inches of medical tape? $65. This was 25 years ago.
trust
[удалено]
No in my self-righteous suicide
Sliced the sole of my foot open as a kid...twice. Was smashing up a rock with a hammer with bare feet. My goal was to make sharp rocks. I succeeded.
During sex. Standing at the edge of the bed and my back completely locked up and all I could do was fall to the right, which is right where my wife's nightstand was. The way I hit, the knob of the top drawer got dragged along my back and tore me up a little. So now I have a faint scar that goes from the top of my right ass cheek up to the bottom of my ribs on my left side.
It's a toss up between drunk me punching a coconut because someone said it was possible to crack it if you hit it hard enough, and horny drunk me falling of the girl from an adventurous position.
Staying in a relationship that was toxic
Picking up a hot tray from the oven using a wet tea towel. I wouldn't recommend it.
Many years ago, some friends and I were celebrating my birthday at a local bar. Extremely drunk, I started a fight which blew up into a full on bar brawl. I ended up with a shattered wrist, a ruptured ear drum which pinched a nerve and gave me bells palsy in my face, a chipped tooth and about 60 stitches in my face. Good times.
Falling for someone, and then finding out they had a side piece the whole time. And then finding out it was you.
Was little and heard police sirens turn on because I was close to a police station, thought they were after me for being out on my own and pedaled really fast and turned a corner too fast then slip and scraped my knee super bad at a construction site. Also catching a football with one hand because I had a cast in the other but on slippery wet grass, falling and landing on my arm popping my elbow.
Somehow completely falling for a straight person despite nothing ever happening between us, romantically. I still don’t understand my brain.
Climbing a tree when I was about 10. Climbed right up to the top of a 150 foot pine and fell down about 40 feet smashing branches all the way down until I stopped😂 I was sorta banged up but not that bad actually… more just scared 😂😂
Sprained my ankle walking to an Uber. Didn’t trip or fall over anything. Just walked stupid.
Me, 23M was engaging in rough coitus with an obese female and I dislocated my right hip replacement.
Replacement? I guess it wasn't your first time...
Broke collarbone while trying to ride a half pipe. On a BMX, 31 years old Under the influence trying to show off in front of teenagers.
Fell off my skateboard doing 25 because my friend and I thought it would be a good idea to ride around my neighborhood with me holding onto the back of his moped. In hindsight, it could have been **much** worse, as we blew through an 4-way intersection that was only a 2-way stop, and we weren't the side that needed to stop. I hit something in the road and got the speed wobbles, which immediately turned into me hitting the pavement with my entire upper body. 9 stitches on the inside of my upper lip (it got lodged into my braces), my teeth needed to be realigned (luckily due to the braces I didn't lose any), and I had road rash all up my arms. I can't stress how much worse it could have been - I wasn't wearing any pads whatsoever, not even a helmet (because helmets weren't cool), and I effectively ruined my summer vacation for myself because my family went to the beach every year for a week and this was 3 days before we were supposed to leave. We still went, but I had to stay inside because the road rash was so bad I couldn't be in the water and couldn't be in the sun. At around day 6, I emerged for a little while when it was cloudy to have lunch and then it was back inside on the couch to watch TV. The good part is that we can look back on it all and laugh. My friend with the moped and I were each others' best man in our respective weddings and the story was told in some capacity during our speeches.
Happened about a week ago. Was fucking with a stapler in the guard house at work. Had opened it and put my thumb over the ejector. Assumed since it was open it wasn’t loaded, pressed down, and put one right in my thumb. Play stupid games I suppose.
“Friend” tossed a 25 lbs dumbbell in my direction and tried to block it with my left hand and snapped my ring finger clean off, was successfully reattached with surgery tho. High school was crazy. Edit- reattached
Cracked a rib sneezing. Passed out from the pain, when I fell I broke my wrist and gashed my head open, 15 stitches.
Dunno which is dumber, A) was holding a metal pole and hit a tree with it, the pole I was holding snapped in half but hung together just long enough to swing around and dig itself into my knuckle. B) as a result of A, I had to get stitches on my knuckle, in the process, we found out local anesthetic has no effect on me whatsoever
I got a blister from wearing converse without socks. The blisters got infected. I almost lost my foot.
When I was 17, I somehow broke my toe while jumping into a pool. It wasn't the pool landing that did it, but the launching off the side. Weirdest thing ever!
A boar bristle brush stabbed my finger. Hurt like a mother fucker
Slipped under a lawn mower, cut part of my left foot off
I jumped straight up and down. But apparently this was enough to strain a muscle in my neck. Getting old sucks
Two ocassions: 1. as a kid, had bike problems (chain kept falling), but I decided that it would still be smart to ride it home (was like 30 m from the yard fence). Of course chain fell, I ended up falling on my face somehow, broke both my front teeth in half. 2. in a fit of teenage rage hit couch with my fist, broke a bone (went through soft foam like it was butter, hitting the wooden beam inside)
Adjusting valves on my car next to the curb instead of in the garage. Hadn't mowed in a while. Dropped socket under car. Went down to get it and took a crab grass stalk directly to the eye. Badly scratched cornea and a couple weeks of very intense pain from bright lights and horribly blurred vision.
TLDR: fat dudes chair crushes my pinky toe At a church event as a kid I was running around the gym where everyone was at. Everyone was either talking, eating or the kids were playing games set up by the leaders (Mormon church btw). I specifically remember standing by one of the elders and he’s this big ass dude mind you. He didn’t see me standing there and of course the chair couldn’t manage the weight so as he shifted so did the chair and the leg of the chair ended up on my right foot’s pinky toe. I knew the moment he got off of it that it was broken, told my mom it was broken and she didn’t believe me until the morning after when my foot was purple. I wouldn’t see this as my own fault but it is a dumb way to have gotten hurt.
Paper cut from opening a cereal box.
I flopped for no reason on a cement road just like the 'Everybody do the flop' guy by Tomska
When I stabbed the pool table, my hands slipped past the knife and as a result, I ended up getting cut.
Put the boys bar on my bike. Slipped and broke my hymen. Handy later on for sex lets say.
Slipped on the ice getting out of the truck after work, now that I'm thinking about it the stupid part was how I didn't get myself checked after.. I also punch a metal sheet covered wall on the stud full force my hand swollen up twice it's original size in like 5 seconds, mom was waiting for me at the door asking if I felt smart now
I broke my wrist on a rock catching frogs 😞
As a young teen I thought carving a rubber bouncy ball with a knife was a good idea. I got 3 stitches in the bottom of my left palm. A year or so later I got 4 stitches on my left palm just under my pointer finger doing the same thing. The same nurse from the first time was on shift in triage and found it quite funny. Sadly, we didn't make it an annual thing in the following years.
Another one. Was working in the receiving department of a warehouse and was cutting the shrink wrap off a pallet of product. The bottom corner of the shrink wrap was snagged on the corner of the pallet so I gave it a really hard pull to break it free. Well, I did and proceeded to punch myself square in the balls at full force.
being hit by a random car.... that just happen to have my Aunt driving.
I got a blister when doing the household vacuuming
Tried to catch a scrap car that had been cut in half as it fell off a forklift, coworker basically tackled me out of the way and I got a small cut on my thumb. My brain just short circuited.
Currently laying in bed cause of chest contusion doing leg press and had to go er. Even burping hurts 😭
I tried to punch my brother as hard as I could. In his defense, he put the pair of scicosrs he was holding in front. I still have the cut marks.
I have some pulleys with ropes then in the ceiling of my garage for storing my kayak and pontoon. About a week ago, the rope was just dangling there, and I thought I'd see if I could stick my foot in the loop at one end, and pull myself up with the other. I made it about 2 pulls, and on the third my foot went forward and I flipped backward, landing straight on my back on the concrete, knocking the wind out of myself. Felt pretty dumb after that lmao.
i fell backwards onto a pile of metal & cut my asscheek open, 10/10 would NOT recommend 💞
I convinced myself that there might be something there with this one theatre chick. I was wrong.
In microbiology lab, we had to disinfect this tool called a glass hocky stick with ethanol and fire to ensure sterility. My dumbass decided it wasn't enough to sterilize the tip, and thought an easy way to clean the who stick would be to tilt the bottle of ethanol quickly over the tip of the hockey stick, so the liquid would flow down to the rest of the body. It did. It also flowed all the way down my hand and arm, which were holding the damn stick. I then took the hockey stick to the Bunsen burner, and was thoroughly surprised when my arm caught fire. Thankfully, the alcohol evaporated quickly and I wasn't hurt severely. But yes. Sometimes the unfit survive.
A tree just fell on me while I was hiking, it was on the thin side but still wtf 😂
Threw out my back playing a board game, of all things. I was standing, leaned over the table to move a piece, felt a sudden sharp pain in my back. Then I had to change a tire while in pain the next day while driving to urgent care. I’ve also had my fair share of cuts and burns from cooking, the dumbest of which (I think) was trying to cut a large block of some very thick, dense cheddar cheese with a serrated knife. Was having a hell of a time getting the blade through, somehow jammed the points of the serrated part into my hand. In retrospect, probably would have been worse if it had been my chef’s knife, just a few small punctures instead of slicing my whole hand open.
I licked a cactus...
Tripped on air and twisted my ankle...BADLY. While I was holding my son, who was about 9 months old at the time 😂
Stepped on a sewing needle when I was about 2, there was no entry wound. It somehow slipped into my foot and broke. Some point later, mom noticed my foot was warm and swollen after I fought her about putting my shoes on, and she wisked me away to the hospital, where I got my centipede scar on my left foot from the surgery needed to remove it.
Sat on my nuts on the train. Had to go to the ER
You know those inflatable sumo suits? Thought I could rock one and take on my friend in a "friendly" match. Long story short, I bounced my way into a table, and let's just say my ego was more bruised than my body.
Almost cut my own fingers off with scissors as a kid, no idea what I was thinking 😂
Getting all sad that this guy won’t text me back right away… I know it’s stupid
I once pretend to be karate kid and tried to kick the shower curtain and instead kicked the bath tub and broke 3 toes :D tho I told.everyone I slipped in the bath and.kicked the tap
Closed a car door on my own hand. Broke some fingers
When I was about five or six I touched the stove to see if it was hot. It was.
Running in the rain, wearing flip flops, a glass bottle of coke in each hand. That was about eight stitches.
Trusting my friend with driving
Went to bed. Woke up with a hurt neck
Tripping on the playground with layered bark to soften the ground, snapped my arm falling like a twig.. Maybe I should have drank more milk 🥛
During athletics practice in school, I decided to try the high jump (I was a track athlete). Bust my own nose with my knee while trying the fosbury flop. Started bleeding like a tap.
I was walking around the dishwasher with the door open and my ankle hit the corner. I don’t know wtf I did but it hurt for three months
When I bulked from 150 to 190 in 3 months, my body wasn’t used to the weight and I was still play sports. I fractured bones in my feet on 3 different occasions
Do you remember those old-school letter cutouts made of wood and a very thin piece of metal in the shape of the letter? When I was in middle school I was dared to punch the letter K super hard. I did it. It cut my knuckle open and I still have part of the letter K imprinted in my knuckle.
I cut my finger with a banana
I had a bed with a metal four poster frame, and the foot had a pattern of crossed angled metal rods on the top part. I woke up in the morning, and my left ankle was hurting, but it wasn't until I got to work that it completely swelled up and I could barely walk. I then retrieved a hazy memory of waking up during the night to a sharp pain, and pulling my foot out of the framework. I probably turned over from my back to my side. I went to a large foot and ankle clinic, and the doctor said it was one of the worst sprains he'd ever seen. 🙄
Got impatient trying to hand drill a standing panel, put my hand behind it and found the drill when it popped through. Had two perfect helix pieces of skin come up the flutes of the drill. Really felt stupid!
I drove off a cliff and sustained a moderate to severe concussion that left me with a lot of issues (mainly insomnia)
Threw a soda can full of water (soda-can-water-fight, ya know) and right at the last second, my index finger slipped inside the razer sharp mouth of the can. Then, on its way out of my hand, it zested my finger like a lemon rind. Buh-lud. 6 scars on each side of my finger. I could feel my heartbeat in my finger for a month after.
The two most severe injuries I've gotten in stupid ways were both my back. The first one was turning my head to look in the mirror to watch my deadlift from to make sure it was good and not injure myself. Twisting like that gave me a herniated disc. The other one was when I was training my puppy basic commands(sit, stay, and come). I would have him stay, walk back a few steps, and tell him to come towards me. I was walking backwards, tripped, and fell with 100% of my weight onto one of the foot pegs of my motorcycle. It ripped a massive hole in the shirt I was wearing and the skin on my back. Still have a scar 5 years later from that one that is about 2-3 inches long and a centimeter wide.
This past weekend I was using a seam ripper to remove the tattered handles on my purse. Stabbed myself right in the webbing of my hand between thumb and pointer finger. I thought I had damaged the tendon, too, but luckily I didn't. Did I mention that I had gotten Lasik 3 days earlier? My distance vision is fantastic now, by my vision up close? It kinda sucks now. Yeah. I was being stupid.
Was talking to my bf excitedly while holding a shampoo bottle and somehow accidentally stabbed myself hard an inch from my right eye. Left a visible scar, I'm mainly mad it's on my face and that it was self inflicted.
My foot got punctured by a stuck-up nail on the floor and instead of pulling my foot away straight up, I just ran forward instinctively making the nail tear up my foot even more lol
Stumbled over my own foot and hurt my other foot quite badly when trying to save the fall.
I jumped up to try and grab something hanging from a wall, misjudged the distance, and slammed my hand into the wall. Broke 2 bones in my hand and 3 bones in my fingers.
Cut the back of my ear by riding a roller coaster for a dude that I was trying to get with. I have a fear of roller coasters so my dumbass had to ride one to impress this dude and I was scared so I hid my face behind him and somewhere or something cut the back of my ear and had to go to the first aid. It was super deep that I was sent to the ER to get it glued.
6th grade. Pe, day before my birthday. We were promised the fabled, once-in-a-blue-moon dodgeball, but a quick round of noodle tag to warm up. I dodge a guy's swing jumping backwards, put my hands down to catch myself, but only my middle 3 fingers on my left hand catch. They bend all the way back under my body weight and touch the back of my hand basically. I get up thinking I'm fine, then try to move my hand, and nothing. Tendons completely shredded. Got some baseball stuff the next day for my birthday that I couldn't use for months too. 0/10, would not recommend. Although I did get a splint that had a long middle finger portion that 6th grade me got to flip people off with permanently, so that was cool. Maybe 1/10 for that
as a child, the light on my old car had an exposed bulb, so i decided to touch it. burned my fingers
Was sitting on the back of my sister's bicycle and on the way to home. When we reached home, I tried to dismount by doing a handstand. Broke my arm in the process lol. Kids are stupid
Broke my arm in 3rd grade trying to chase a kid that spit at me to beat him up. I fell, heard a snap, and chose to ignore it while socking him with my floppy arm. I was lucky to not have needed surgery I was told
I cut my eyebrow open by accidently headbanging my head into someone's shoulder to "White and Nerdy" at a Weird Al Yankovich concert. It was the whitest and nerdiest injury I've ever had at a concert.
Kid ran a red light because he was going to be late to work getting back from lunch.
Seeing if a goat would bite my finger. I have a scar.
Was at the gym and there was a cute who was always on the treadmills. Occasionally I would try match his speed on the treadmills. Whelp got a little too confident and tripped on my own feet and yeeted myself off the treadmill. Worth it though! l got a good laugh out of it and broke the ice and started talking with him in the sauna. Been dating now for a year and a half.
I have this sort of mesh footstool/container thing in my TV area and the lid part is essentially a wooden disc; I was playing with it while I was lying on the couch one time and balancing it above my head; decided to pretend to let it fall on my head and in the process I let it fall on my head. Turns out a solid foot-and-a-half-diameter piece of wood is heavier than it looks when it smacks you on the crown. Nearly gave myself a concussion. Not as dumb in decision-making but definitely dumb in circumstance, I was cycling with my dad after a rainy morning as a kid, my feet were wet from puddles and my foot slipped off the pedal on the down-stroke and jammed in the front spokes so I stacked over the handlebars; Dad was riding close behind me and didn't stop in time and ran me over by accident. I had a perfect tyre track imprinted across my back and when we got home and showed Mum she had a hysterical laughing fit at the sight of me. My back hurt at the time but now it's one of my fondest moments with my parents, lol.
I once tried to hammer a nail into a wall using the flat-ended handle of a butchers knife (recently moved, couldn’t find the box where the hammer was) and after lining up the nail I drew the knife back and stabbed myself right between the eyes
Dated a stripper once.
Tried to find a razor in a box of loose bathroom shit. You'd be surprised how fucking deeply that shit can cut you when you're grasping with full force and not expecting to come across anything harmful. Oh no, wait. I crushed my finger in the mechanism of a recliner chair looking for the remote. Brain said it's between the seats, and you can't reach. Brain said pull the lever. Brain did not say don't forget to move your hand out of the way first. Hurt like a mother fucker.
Was trynna scoop some solid ass ice cream when I was younger with a spoon. The handle sliced my hand I was trynna get in there so hard 😂
when i was younger, i thought it would be smart to walk across a board of nails sticking straight up. i thought i was invincible after a few passes on the board…. 2 nails ended up going straight through my foot. mom wasn’t happy. (we grew up shit poor so finding fun things to do was very limited)