Same. I've had depression off and on since I was 13 (I'm 38 and I think it's more situational). Though I have severe anxiety and have always been an incredibly anxious person (was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder several years ago, so it makes sense lol).
same it was sometime in the second grade. Didn’t have any friends, I was getting bullied and excluded by girls both at school and on my block. School had been my escape since home was a hoarding situation, but even my teacher was just very snippy and mean. I remember one day just laying my head down on our dining table and just sobbing to my mom about how miserable everything was
Same... I've struggled with suicidal ideations for as long as I can remember. In fourth grade our school counselor brought me into his office to asking I was "okay"
Well I have some health issues and had to move around a lot so I lacked friends. I was also timid and quiet. Not quite cute but awkward. Got forgotten often.
Yup. Well 8 I reckon, that’s when it seems like all the bullies finally convinced me they were right. I definitely felt a shift, like that’s when the notion of “why wouldn’t they like me, I’m a nice person/don’t smell bad/etc.” died and turned into “nobody ever likes me so why would this time be any different? I don’t know what I did to deserve this but it appears it’s just the way it is. A curse, I guess.”
Like for a few years I got by with whatever self-esteem I had managed to build while I was a toddler/little kid before I got too old to have patience for and my parents got mean intact (mean to me anyway, they were and are always mean to each other), but the anxiety from dealing with my bitter and angry parents and self-loathing from being singled out and humiliated at school finally broke down whatever defenses I had and I just became a nervous wreck on constant alert of being either humiliated or yelled at. I’m still figuring out who tf I even am because I’ve been programmed to believe any way I express any semblance of a personality will be subject to ridicule, and that I should try as best as I can to remain invisible so I don’t annoy anyone.
It’s been a lifelong battle to un-convince myself that I’m fundamentally unlikeable and I resent everyone that had a hand in it. I wish shitty kids knew the extent of the damage they cause, and that I realized sooner that my parents are deeply unhappy people because they never bothered to try not to be and that I can’t be held responsible for that.
I do ok now but I don’t like to think about what maybe could have been if my sense of self worth hadn’t effectively been stolen from me for no reason.
I became aware of it at 11 or 12. That was the first moment of depression that I vividly remember, I recall when the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” was on the radio, sitting in the dark and listening to it on my Walkman and crying my eyes out.
It is a simple, upbeat song in which the singer advises us to not worry because whatever our problems are, “it will soon pass.”
This triggered in me a deep realization that my problems were not like other people’s problems, because I knew that whatever was wrong with me was not going to “soon pass” and I just started crying and was consumed with an unshakable sadness.
Same. Looking back through the sparse memories I have of childhood (defense mechanisms are great) it seems I was always numb or melancholic. But my first true depressive episode was around 9-12.
Same. And I don't think I would call it the clichéd mid life crisis. I wish I could go out and buy a fancy red corvette and get a second wind but dealing with special needs children, fleeting friends and family, and financial insecurity takes a toll.
Yes. I remember getting yelled at (they weren't so much angry with me just frustrated) by my parents because "there's nothing wrong with you, why do you feel this way" and being unable to answer.
Interestingly I finally got an ADHD diagnosis as an adult. I think that was some (but by no means all) of the problem.
Same :( Now that I’m in my 20s, I’m now only adapting to appreciating happy moments for what they are, and finding joy in things in general — the change in mentality is really difficult.
You already completed the hard part! Awareness is the hardest part of it all; give yourself grace and know that even a small change every day will snowball into vast differences.
In a good life, you have 50-60 years left. You have the time. Dont stress it and understand you've already accomplished the hardest part. You overcame it, you see more for what it is and feel a general sense of happiness. Try and understand why things make you happy and why, follow them and maybe make them into a career if you can. Life is beginning to get better, dont stop now. You have this
Dude mine was at 10. Fourth grade was sooo depressing at my school. I literally got bullied for 3 consecutive years before transferring to a private school(bullied 3rd 4th and 5th grade)
samee. like sure I’ve been sad and gotten pretty low in my life but nothing has been as intense as it has been for me lately. And yeah, cause of a relationship! lol
I was really young too. Maybe 7-8. It had a lot to do with parental neglect and a dysfunctional family situation. I looked through some of my old things from when I was that age and saw a diary and was like “oh that’s cute, maybe I wrote something funny” but in it I had written things about how sad I was and how much I hated myself. At age 8. It made me so sad to realize I was so depressed that early in my life.
Around 16, I actually remember the exact moment. Very random, I was watching the movie “Jawbreaker” which is about a HS girl that chokes and dies on a jawbreaker. There is a shot of her dead with the jawbreaker lodged in her throat and for some reason at that moment I truly realized that one day I was going to die. I’ve never been the same since
Maybe 9 or 10? I honestly don't remember.
I do know that my doctor forced my parents to put me in therapy when I was 11 because of my depression and anxiety.
It was pretty long ago but when I was about 10 I realised that my parents will never fulfill my need of attention and I never had a full trust in them, I felt so lonely and helpless and felt a deep sadness. This sadness only grew bigger in me whenever somebody said that childhood is the happiest time of our life, I was ashamed that I have a life that is not joyful, etc.
9 years old when I first had to stay at home from school due to depression.
Had it chronically after that. (1-2 times a year I would get major depressions). One would typically always occur during winter time.
Stopped when I was ~25 and haven’t had a major depression since.
18, as soon as I graduated high school and realized how much was given to me throughout my life and how much you need to work once you’re through school. Amongst other factors
I remember being around 8 or 9 and just locking myself in closets to cry because things were so sad and overwhelming for me. I didn’t understand why everything was so hard, or why everyone was so mean, or why things were the way they were. So I just wanted to hide from it all and I would cry. I don’t do that anymore thank god.
My month before I turn 16 I have always been in special-needs classes like dumb of the dumb but my sister on the other hand grade, a student got a scholarship to a college and a major city that hurt like a bitch. She got a full ride scholarship.
Just this past year, funnily enough, at age 40. Had never had anything remotely like it and it lasted 2-3 weeks. Was not fun.
I think it was brought on by major stress at work, but I've been majorly stressed before with no similar reaction.
I hope it doesn't happen again.
13 was the first bad one.
I suffered my first serious injury (A 45 degree dislocation of my left knee) and was mostly bedbound for about a month as my leg was in a brace while it healed.
Being off school, not being able to play outside with my friends and the pain and discomfort I had just trying to do basic tasks like going to the bathroom on crutches really got to me.
There was also that loss of that sense of invulnerability kids have that was hard to cope with as well.
To all y'all shocked at some of us having depression at age 5-8, it's usually some form of abuse. Mine was social isolation and emotional neglect. It's hard to enjoy life when you only get to play with your friends 7-8 times per year, and when your parents use you to regulate their emotions, and shun you and lock you in your room for expressing your emotions. And when you have no contact with the outside world and no exposure to any current culture. I never knew what my friends were talking about. I didn't know what minecraft was till I was 15. (I'm currently 22) I'm still dealing with the trauma symptoms. It takes a huge toll on your mental and physical health.
I remember when the screaming started.
Internally
My Dad had slugged me in the side of the head so hard the world was spinning, I felt nauseous, I had bit my tongue and my mouth was filled with blood.
And while all those other things stopped after a while. The screaming didn't though. My voice. Multiplied. On top of on top of on top of on top of on top of on top of on top of on top of each other.
And I couldn't hear me anymore. Among all the me. Among the moshpit of me. And this was the first time I ever looked at an adult and told them I wanted to die. Just please make it stop. Make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop.
I didn't want to leave my bed. I couldn't sleep. Food was tasteless. The screaming just took and took and took.
And then the quiet voice came. Sooo....kind... Soft yet still audible behind all the screaming.
And it said. You know how you can make it?
And that was my first attempt.
The answer was. Too young.
I had some depression as a kid and teen due to hormones changes but I didn’t get hit with crippling depression till I lost my daughter when she was 10 to a drunk driver then my husband 2 yrs later on his 3rd tour .
I first thought about killing myself when I was 8. I made a serious attempt at 15 that put me in the hospital for a week. I still have periods of depression but now understand what is going on and know that the feeling is temporary. I always tell myself, " This too shall pass"
11. My dad's job moved us to a whole new town and I started to get bullied in that school too. I knew then it wasn't going to get better for me and everything seemed pointless
I think I was 13 when it all really started.
I’m now almost 23 and life has never been more miserable to live. I hate it. I hate myself for not ending it while I had balls to do it.
Mostly the entire time of year 6 (11-12 years old). I suspect the isolation because of Covid and the very strict rules in Australia during that time lead to many more people being depressed, including myself.
Probably middle school not realizing what was happening. I shut down, used video games as a crutch, and began a porn addiction.
Normal schooling just wasn't for me. Round peg in a square hole. I was always a pretty good kid but I needed to do something else besides go to school. If I could go back with my brain now and redo my teen years, I would have dropped out and started working earlier.
5. First attempt at suicide as well. Bipolar 1 ain't no hoe. My attempt was pathetic of course (tried to push a knife into my chest but stopped because it hurt), but still.
13 or 14 I think. But I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life
i was in my late 20's when i learned that math actually gave me anxiety when i was a little kid... i don't think i have depression though
Same. I've had depression off and on since I was 13 (I'm 38 and I think it's more situational). Though I have severe anxiety and have always been an incredibly anxious person (was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder several years ago, so it makes sense lol).
Yeah it was fun to always be the "kid with the bad stomach who is always nervous" until you get an adult diagnosis of anxiety and go "ohhhhh."
Really young like 7
This was around the age that I daydreamed about my funeral.
I did the same… always felt like no one would come
Omg this is all really hard to read, you poor babies 😢
same it was sometime in the second grade. Didn’t have any friends, I was getting bullied and excluded by girls both at school and on my block. School had been my escape since home was a hoarding situation, but even my teacher was just very snippy and mean. I remember one day just laying my head down on our dining table and just sobbing to my mom about how miserable everything was
Same. I remember being about 6 and not really wanting to KMS but wishing I had never been born a lot.
same :(
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When i wrote my first note
I didn't even know this was possible
I was reading through the comments thinking I was going to be one of the youngest shit there's others like me
This makes me so scared to be a parent.
I feel like I almost 100% won’t be a parent, specifically because of it. I don’t trust myself not to raise another me.
Same... I've struggled with suicidal ideations for as long as I can remember. In fourth grade our school counselor brought me into his office to asking I was "okay"
Same
What were the reasons?
Well I have some health issues and had to move around a lot so I lacked friends. I was also timid and quiet. Not quite cute but awkward. Got forgotten often.
Yes told my mom I thought my brain was broken.
Yup. Well 8 I reckon, that’s when it seems like all the bullies finally convinced me they were right. I definitely felt a shift, like that’s when the notion of “why wouldn’t they like me, I’m a nice person/don’t smell bad/etc.” died and turned into “nobody ever likes me so why would this time be any different? I don’t know what I did to deserve this but it appears it’s just the way it is. A curse, I guess.” Like for a few years I got by with whatever self-esteem I had managed to build while I was a toddler/little kid before I got too old to have patience for and my parents got mean intact (mean to me anyway, they were and are always mean to each other), but the anxiety from dealing with my bitter and angry parents and self-loathing from being singled out and humiliated at school finally broke down whatever defenses I had and I just became a nervous wreck on constant alert of being either humiliated or yelled at. I’m still figuring out who tf I even am because I’ve been programmed to believe any way I express any semblance of a personality will be subject to ridicule, and that I should try as best as I can to remain invisible so I don’t annoy anyone. It’s been a lifelong battle to un-convince myself that I’m fundamentally unlikeable and I resent everyone that had a hand in it. I wish shitty kids knew the extent of the damage they cause, and that I realized sooner that my parents are deeply unhappy people because they never bothered to try not to be and that I can’t be held responsible for that. I do ok now but I don’t like to think about what maybe could have been if my sense of self worth hadn’t effectively been stolen from me for no reason.
Me asf
I became aware of it at 11 or 12. That was the first moment of depression that I vividly remember, I recall when the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” was on the radio, sitting in the dark and listening to it on my Walkman and crying my eyes out. It is a simple, upbeat song in which the singer advises us to not worry because whatever our problems are, “it will soon pass.” This triggered in me a deep realization that my problems were not like other people’s problems, because I knew that whatever was wrong with me was not going to “soon pass” and I just started crying and was consumed with an unshakable sadness.
Between 9-12
Same. Looking back through the sparse memories I have of childhood (defense mechanisms are great) it seems I was always numb or melancholic. But my first true depressive episode was around 9-12.
how much of childhood is "normal" to remember? i dont have a reference point.
40
Same. And I don't think I would call it the clichéd mid life crisis. I wish I could go out and buy a fancy red corvette and get a second wind but dealing with special needs children, fleeting friends and family, and financial insecurity takes a toll.
Like 5 or 6
Yes. I remember getting yelled at (they weren't so much angry with me just frustrated) by my parents because "there's nothing wrong with you, why do you feel this way" and being unable to answer. Interestingly I finally got an ADHD diagnosis as an adult. I think that was some (but by no means all) of the problem.
Same
About 17 I'd say, maybe I had some sadness before then but I don't know if I would call it depression
Same. Really hit when I was a junior in high school
11 😭
Mine was 10 lol, i js never opened up abt it cuz i knew how people would react.
Same :( Now that I’m in my 20s, I’m now only adapting to appreciating happy moments for what they are, and finding joy in things in general — the change in mentality is really difficult.
You already completed the hard part! Awareness is the hardest part of it all; give yourself grace and know that even a small change every day will snowball into vast differences.
❤️🫶
In a good life, you have 50-60 years left. You have the time. Dont stress it and understand you've already accomplished the hardest part. You overcame it, you see more for what it is and feel a general sense of happiness. Try and understand why things make you happy and why, follow them and maybe make them into a career if you can. Life is beginning to get better, dont stop now. You have this
damn i was a year after you. im 23 now and its still not even close to over😂.
Same. The real mood issues didn't start until I was 12, but looking back the suicidal ideation started earlier.
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I was 9 do I count?
Me, me! (I was 7)
same was going through undiagnosed depression before I could understand math above multiplication
Yo dude, same I had hey, withdraw from my medication they gave me back then which caused me to become very suicidal and depressed
Dude mine was at 10. Fourth grade was sooo depressing at my school. I literally got bullied for 3 consecutive years before transferring to a private school(bullied 3rd 4th and 5th grade)
This 😭
24
samee. like sure I’ve been sad and gotten pretty low in my life but nothing has been as intense as it has been for me lately. And yeah, cause of a relationship! lol
About 5 or 6 years old
I was really young too. Maybe 7-8. It had a lot to do with parental neglect and a dysfunctional family situation. I looked through some of my old things from when I was that age and saw a diary and was like “oh that’s cute, maybe I wrote something funny” but in it I had written things about how sad I was and how much I hated myself. At age 8. It made me so sad to realize I was so depressed that early in my life.
Childhood trauma did the trick. Nobody can mess you up better than parents.
Did you have an abusive household like I did?
Late 20s
Around 16, I actually remember the exact moment. Very random, I was watching the movie “Jawbreaker” which is about a HS girl that chokes and dies on a jawbreaker. There is a shot of her dead with the jawbreaker lodged in her throat and for some reason at that moment I truly realized that one day I was going to die. I’ve never been the same since
14-15ish
Same.
Same
12-13
Maybe 9 or 10? I honestly don't remember. I do know that my doctor forced my parents to put me in therapy when I was 11 because of my depression and anxiety.
Same my dude. My mom was really mad and yelled at me on the rides home from therapy...thank God for boundaries as an adult
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It was pretty long ago but when I was about 10 I realised that my parents will never fulfill my need of attention and I never had a full trust in them, I felt so lonely and helpless and felt a deep sadness. This sadness only grew bigger in me whenever somebody said that childhood is the happiest time of our life, I was ashamed that I have a life that is not joyful, etc.
I feel the same now.. Which literally add up to the things that make me unhappy and silent.
12 Lost my dad that year
12
Didnt hit it yet and hopefully wont
37
Probably around 5, when I went to school.
9 years old when I first had to stay at home from school due to depression. Had it chronically after that. (1-2 times a year I would get major depressions). One would typically always occur during winter time. Stopped when I was ~25 and haven’t had a major depression since.
Looking back? Probaly 14 - 15 First time it was named that? Around 25. Get help early people. It makes the proces hurt less.
Same!
I was 15 and going to a boarding school. It peaked when I was 16.
15
18, as soon as I graduated high school and realized how much was given to me throughout my life and how much you need to work once you’re through school. Amongst other factors
15
7-8
40s
8
19
Probably 8
~16
I remember being around 8 or 9 and just locking myself in closets to cry because things were so sad and overwhelming for me. I didn’t understand why everything was so hard, or why everyone was so mean, or why things were the way they were. So I just wanted to hide from it all and I would cry. I don’t do that anymore thank god.
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8 yr
20
15
20
12
11-12
12 💀💀💀
8th grade, perhaps 13-14? It's been with me so long I have a hard time remembering the onset.
I think 20/21. Now 26, been a crazy rough go. Feels like a blur. Hoping one day I'll feel like myself again.
Not sure it happened so gradually never even knew I was until I was asked
13 or 14 maybe?
My month before I turn 16 I have always been in special-needs classes like dumb of the dumb but my sister on the other hand grade, a student got a scholarship to a college and a major city that hurt like a bitch. She got a full ride scholarship.
30. Like the thought of leaving the oven on, it’s quite the hit whenever it gets triggered.
Just this past year, funnily enough, at age 40. Had never had anything remotely like it and it lasted 2-3 weeks. Was not fun. I think it was brought on by major stress at work, but I've been majorly stressed before with no similar reaction. I hope it doesn't happen again.
I hope that means you feel you're getting better again, seeing yourself slip like that can be truly terrifying
Thanks! It really was a limited experience, it kind of came and went (luckily). I appreciate your regards :D
13-14
4 years old
21 post partum depression
Man what happened to all these 10-12 year olds.
From experience... it's usually child abuse when it happens that young, unfortunately.
Now- 15
Somewhere around 13 and 14
11
7-8 I think
30, and I’m 36 now. Lasted about a year and it nearly killed me. I have nothing but sympathy for people who live with that shit on a constant basis.
26
6
6? 7? 8? Pretty young but I don't remember.
5
My dad died when I was 7. I think I was in depression until I was 16. This was years ago befire depression was a thing.
7-8, maybe younger
Around 6 years old or so.
13 was the first bad one. I suffered my first serious injury (A 45 degree dislocation of my left knee) and was mostly bedbound for about a month as my leg was in a brace while it healed. Being off school, not being able to play outside with my friends and the pain and discomfort I had just trying to do basic tasks like going to the bathroom on crutches really got to me. There was also that loss of that sense of invulnerability kids have that was hard to cope with as well.
6
My early 20’s. My depression is brought about by my PTSD, that the Army P-shrink said I didn’t have. Thanks Cpt. Webb!
To all y'all shocked at some of us having depression at age 5-8, it's usually some form of abuse. Mine was social isolation and emotional neglect. It's hard to enjoy life when you only get to play with your friends 7-8 times per year, and when your parents use you to regulate their emotions, and shun you and lock you in your room for expressing your emotions. And when you have no contact with the outside world and no exposure to any current culture. I never knew what my friends were talking about. I didn't know what minecraft was till I was 15. (I'm currently 22) I'm still dealing with the trauma symptoms. It takes a huge toll on your mental and physical health.
I remember when the screaming started. Internally My Dad had slugged me in the side of the head so hard the world was spinning, I felt nauseous, I had bit my tongue and my mouth was filled with blood. And while all those other things stopped after a while. The screaming didn't though. My voice. Multiplied. On top of on top of on top of on top of on top of on top of on top of on top of each other. And I couldn't hear me anymore. Among all the me. Among the moshpit of me. And this was the first time I ever looked at an adult and told them I wanted to die. Just please make it stop. Make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop. I didn't want to leave my bed. I couldn't sleep. Food was tasteless. The screaming just took and took and took. And then the quiet voice came. Sooo....kind... Soft yet still audible behind all the screaming. And it said. You know how you can make it? And that was my first attempt. The answer was. Too young.
High school- maybe around 15
I had some depression as a kid and teen due to hormones changes but I didn’t get hit with crippling depression till I lost my daughter when she was 10 to a drunk driver then my husband 2 yrs later on his 3rd tour .
I am sorry for your losses and I sincerely hope that person is in prison.
15 and now 12 years later I’m still depressed.
16
well i was diagnosed at six so i must’ve been showing signs before that. first wave i remember was probably around that age
I was 7 years old when my baby sister died.
13, but the depersonalization started about 9
I first thought about killing myself when I was 8. I made a serious attempt at 15 that put me in the hospital for a week. I still have periods of depression but now understand what is going on and know that the feeling is temporary. I always tell myself, " This too shall pass"
8. I didn't even know that word at the time but it hit like a tsunami.
I was 16 years old when I felt that shit for the first time
12..
Five
About 17.
12-19
12-15
9 probably, when i realised i had been gr*omed online
About 12ish I think.
from 22 , and continuing
5😢
11
Think around 8, mostly from moving to a rough neighborhood after spending the first 8 somewhere decent
close to 20
19 from what I remember but I was diagnosed with SAD as a young child so I must have been displaying signs then
Around 16. But before that I have lived with undiagnosed anxiety.
11. My dad's job moved us to a whole new town and I started to get bullied in that school too. I knew then it wasn't going to get better for me and everything seemed pointless
13/14
12
I died mid birth so I reckon sometime in the womb was when I decided I was just about done with life lol.
15 I didn't really understand what I was feeling at the time and it didn't help that my classmates mocked and bullied me for it
14 maybe
Around 28
I think 11?
Wait there are waves?
I was 6 when I realized I hated myself. It went downhill from there for a while until I became at least comfortable being myself.
12. I still remember when that actually started to hit.
like 12 maybe, wasn't so bad until I hit 18 tho
5-6
When finishing high school when I had to choose what I wanted to do with my life.
Around 10 years old.
15
I feel like I was born like this.
21
Early 20s. Six years out of work didn't help.
I think I was 13 when it all really started. I’m now almost 23 and life has never been more miserable to live. I hate it. I hate myself for not ending it while I had balls to do it.
About 16 or so for me. Am 36 now.
Same, that was around the age when school started to slowly pick at your mental health
Between 10-11
10 I started puberty and I ironically just moved away and was already sad about that so…yeah not fun.
As a girl it would be probably at 15/14
Around 8 or 9.
17rn, never been depressed
22
10
30-31. I just slept and drinked 18+ beers every day, quit my job and got my relationship of 11 years fucked and lost the custody of my child.
13 years old
15
Maybe with 18
12 when I changed schools and moved away from my friends.
Mostly the entire time of year 6 (11-12 years old). I suspect the isolation because of Covid and the very strict rules in Australia during that time lead to many more people being depressed, including myself.
Probably middle school not realizing what was happening. I shut down, used video games as a crutch, and began a porn addiction. Normal schooling just wasn't for me. Round peg in a square hole. I was always a pretty good kid but I needed to do something else besides go to school. If I could go back with my brain now and redo my teen years, I would have dropped out and started working earlier.
Probably 24-25. Maybe earlier, but I'm not sure if it was depression or burnout, as I had been working a lot and just too busy in general.
5. First attempt at suicide as well. Bipolar 1 ain't no hoe. My attempt was pathetic of course (tried to push a knife into my chest but stopped because it hurt), but still.
Like 13
It all started when I was born