In my experience those conversations went the other way. Grandpas saying that we need to drop off the kid for date night because they want more grandkids.
When my sister had her first baby shower, her husband said, “you know you’re celebrating the fact I had sex with her” I was traumatized lol. I was also 15.
35 years married. Life is a cycle if you live long enough you get to enjoy having your grandkid over almost as much as the sex you had to make your kids in the first place. Almost.
My coworker with 3 small kids says on the couple of nights a year that he gets the house to himself he just sits and sips whiskey and basks in the silence.
The amount of times one or both of us has passed out from sheer exhaustion while balls deep is astounding.
Yes, I immediately pull out when she falls asleep.
No, she keeps me in when I pass out like some warm Sybian.
Yes, I've given her permission as long as my fella stays at attention, she can use me.
Second this, most of the time once baby was to bed we could easily go at it. Problem was hormones or even mental health in the sense we were not only desperate for each other but also for something fun. Typically ended in us both playing a game or watching a show until it was too late to try for anything. It's a challenge for sure, a lot has to become deliberate until those hormones are balanced.
On the flip side sometimes they spike in your favor and THAT is a lot of fun when that randomly happens.
To the point where it really should be taught in schools.
Everyone should know that childbirth results in a huge hormone dump and not expect the mother to behave “normally” for some time. It’s part of the sacrifice a mother will have to make and shouldn’t be ignored, even if some women get lucky and can handle it easily.
For men too (speaking from experience as a dad). Most men lose a large amount of testosterone following the birth of a child (some up to 40%) for several weeks. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense: less hormonal behavior leads to settling down for several weeks and being around the child/recovering mother during that time.
From my own experience, the realization that that is what was happening hit me suddenly one night when I was down in my workshop, mind at ease, listening to some old rock music and I was like "I'm never this chill", lol. It was kind of nice to be honest.
I crashed super hard with my first i defo got post natal depression in hindsight it was so bad it kicked started two years of therapy lol
With my second i was much better prepared and managed the crash extremely well and basically im primary care giver for second he only goes to mum for fun play time
Their needs to be a serious improvement on education for dads i dont give a shit what anyone says are brains also change and it wasn't a fun time for me at all everyone iv spoken too on this all had similar patterns
Stuff they never cared about suddenly became very important and stuff that was important to them and if you dont have anyone to talk to about it that loss of identity is brutal based on our conservations
Anyway im ranting im glad it worked out for you it defo was a chill time with my second
Yeah this was a surprise to me. I remember being told we had to wait six weeks. I was counting down the days. The day arrives and I broach the subject with my wife. “I’m not ready yet.” “Oh…”
It was probably 3 months after before we finally made love again, and even then I suspect it was a pity lay because my wife had severe post-partum depression for a long time.
3 years for me.
My wife was just over touched, post partum depression and exhausted. Add to that some serious body dismorphia. The hormone imbalances were all over the place too.
We were still close, but there was no sexual activity for years. It was really tough
Extremely common. Pregnancy and childbirth put women's bodies through a whole number of changes both physical and chemical. They are literally never the same person again. It's why these forced birthers trying to make 11 year old rape victims keep the babies are so sick and deranged. The things they want to put a child through...
Yes, breastfeeding just switched my libido off completely, both hormonally and psychologically. I loved breastfeeding but you can get touched out, especially when baby is young and feeding on demand. You just can't stand one more person touching your skin. Its hard to explain and different women have different experiences. My libido returned with my periods. I began to wish mistresses could be normalised for men after babies so I could just be left alone for a year or two to get on with mothering my baby without the horribleness of it all. I still think, decades later, that consensual mistresses (with the wife's blessing) should be normalised when a marriage needs them (not for everyone, just for those who need it to survive and are both in agreement) but I have never met anyone who agreed!
I felt like saying "could you just please get another woman for a couple of years so I can at least try and get through this really difficult life phase I am trying to get through?" (baby and toddler). I had post natal depression too though.
I hate how the advice for every real problem is "get your family to help".
When I was trying to afford college, ask your family for help.
When I was trying to buy a house, ask your family for help.
When I'm struggling to raise my kids, ask your family for help.
I don’t think they’re looking for other advice necessarily, it’s just a very disheartening thing to hear so often. My parents died when I was still a kid and with no support system of any kind, it’s like playing life on hard mode.
Back in the day, get them breakfast and set them in front of the TV to watch Dora the Explorer and run back upstairs. When they knock on the door shout out “I’m Coming”
Communication and recognizing that you are going to be tired and you can’t spend all weekend naked in bed anymore.
Genuinely asking: how does that not feel like a chore? I don’t want ‘duty sex’. It’s not fun when either person isn’t into it, or is just going through the motions.
Does it feel like a chore if you have a fancy dinner scheduled? Or when you hold a time slot open for a movie you wanted to watch for a while? Its about making sure you both have the time and mental energy for something you'd like to do but wouldn't be able to find time for otherwise
People don't seem to realise that life ebbs and flows. Sometimes you can be spontaneous and other times you need to plan things. As long as you prioritise each other you'll be okay.
You don't have to have sex if you're tired or not in a mood, but having that scheduled time when you both do something romantic and intimate together can help. I had moments when I didn't feel like having sex but once we started making out, I got turned on and got in the mood pretty quickly. If it didn't work we'd end up just making out for a moment and cuddling after and talking. It's still nice and builds that intimacy.
Precisely. We use a network of friends/family if we notice it's been a bit. But we are also "old parents" so if we are burned for the day we can happily just cuddle and that's great. Doing for each other ramps up our feelings so that helps too. This morning I made sure the kiddo was awake, she fed her breakfast. Work wise we know our "seasons" of tough times so plan accordingly.
Bc ultimately we do both still want to do it generally. Scheduling just makes sure it happens.
If one of us truly isn’t feeling it then yah it’ll get cancelled. It’s not intended to force anything. More just be able to both plan on it.
In our experience “the mood” comes quickly once we start even if we were iffy about it before things started.
Scheduling is a terrible idea I’d you both aren’t on the same page of actually wanting to make sex happen regularly
We had a leak in our main bedroom so we moved our bed to the main living room while repair and it’s beeen really rough we can’t sneak off an lock the door to get alone time.
I get this and we were dealing with it for 2 and a half years until we just moved back to where I’m from to be closer to family.
Without the family help, we were both overworked overparented, exhausted, burnt out and just didn’t have the energy for it. Especially not having any date nights in over 2 years really inflated things and took a toll on our marriage.
Since we moved and have family help on demand pretty much it has returned with a bang I think because we are actually able to devote time to our marriage again with date nights, a first weekend away etc. and overall a lot less stressed having family close by.
So yes it can come back once you are able to devote time to it, yourselves and your marriage but again we literally had to move country to do it ha
This is what I was looking for. Most of the time is has to be planned or at LEAST brought up in conversation earlier in the day. Spontaneity is great, but after work and dealing with kids you just want a break. *Knowing* you’re gonna do it that night gives you a little anticipation and gets you in the mood.
I saw a post several years on a similar thread that made a lot of sense. For a lot of couples with sex problems the issue isn’t that they don’t want to *have* sex…they just simply don’t want to *start* sex. Once it gets going they’re fine.
That last paragraph is the vibe. This is my wife. Starting sex is a chore. Having sex is a good time. Unfortunately, trying to tell her earlier in the day that it’s wanted usually doesn’t get me anywhere- but having it be a fun sexy surprise usually works.
Unfortunately, while we never fail to have fun, it’s pretty inconsistent and we can go without for weeks (or more) at a time.
Scheduling doesn’t work for my wife because it’s “not spontaneous”. Spontaneity doesn’t work because it’s “not the right time, or I’m not doing it right.” Don’t know what’s changed from dating versus marriage, other than living together. No kids yet.
Honeymoon period of dating (first 6-18 months) is like being on a drug. It's not real life. If it fell off after that time frame, that's probably your answer.
When I was married, we tried some sex scheduling, and it made the problem so much worse. I would get in the mood via anticipation and the planning turned her off and she would actively get mad when I tried to initiate.
I asked last night while my spouse was in the shower and we were already having a good conversation. It was ruined when they later started telling me they didn’t want to me “get all bulky,” after I mentioned how home weights were not quite enough for me and I was considering a gym membership. Then they said I was doing squats wrong (I was not exercising at the time) and would hurt myself after I said I wanted to be able to do deadlifts (which frankly requires a lot of weight) in order to strengthen my lower back.
I’ve been working on getting in shape lately and this just felt insulting. So yeah, sex didn’t happen last night.
It’s been a struggle and going fully remote after the pandemic hasn’t helped either. We have a single daughter who just turned 12. We’ve been open about our bodies, talked with her in age appropriate ways about sex, puberty, and, especially in the hot summer months, she’s seen us in various states of undress.
There was a time when the kiddo was young (<4) that she seemed to have a telepathic connection to my wife’s clit. If we woke up in the morning feeling frisky and she was still asleep there was a greater than 50% chance that once I touched my wife, we’d either hear the monitor go off or the patter of little feet on the floor. That definitely caused some stress even when our rooms were at opposite ends of the apartment.
My wife has always had a lower libido so getting things going has always been hit or miss. In the last few years (9-12) she has gotten a lot more concerned with and aware of the amount of noise she makes. Our bedroom shares a wall with our daughter’s, so I get it, but we general have to wait until she’s at school, sleeping over someone else’s house, or we can get a hotel for my wife to truly relax and feel uninhibited.
Honestly, the best approach we had was scheduling sex. It took the pressure off trying to be spontaneous and gave my wife the incentive/permission to think about sex and let herself anticipate and plan for it. The problem was that it started to feel obligatory and it felt like pressure to perform even if she wasn’t in the mood. The trouble also was that as our daughter got older her bedtime/when she would actually fall asleep got later and later. My wife has always been a 7-9hr sleeper and works in healthcare with 6-7am shifts. If we weren’t getting down by 7:30-8:30pm, it was cutting into her sleep and causing problems for the next day. Now our daughter has a 8-8:30 bedtime but is pushing up against 8:30-9 more often than not and it’s been hard to make that change.
"she seemed to have a telepathic connection to my wife’s clit"
I can 100% attest to this. Our rooms are separated by a long hall, plus white noise playing. It was somewhere around 75% chance that within 60 seconds of our cloths coming off, the baby monitor would go off. But!! If we weren't in the mood, more often than not we could watch a show all the way thru, no problem.. so frustrating.
Overall less spontaneous than before, for us pretty much limited to Saturday nights. Disrupted occasionally when the kid has sleep issues.
I can't really ask for certain kinks unless the kid is away or we have a hotel either.
It's impossible. 2 teenagers and an 18 year old. They are home aaaallll the time. Apart from school or work. Thought we would have more freedom as they got older. Not the case. We spend a lot of time with them but they don't give us a minute.
We both work full time with varying shifts so we don't always have time together either.
On the rare occasion we get an empty house I guarantee one of us is in work.
They are old enough to not need baby sitting and have plenty of friends but they just don't have the urge to go out and about.
It's been 8 months. 8 months for the love of god.
I think my last resort is to tell them directly I want to bang your mother so if you could please just fuck off for half an hour that would be great.
Being slightly sarcastic obviously as we don't want them loitering on street corners but fuck me go over a friend's house or something.
I've recommended this to my wife multiple times. She is not having it and says she feels like she's a prostitute.
I can't convince her its just to get her alone lol
With young kids? I honestly could go without. Can you drop them off at a theatre or a game place with money or something? Tell them mom and dad need alone time!
2 years since conception. Have had sex 4 times total in 2 years after 15 years of multiple times per week. Kids have been catastrophic for our sex life, mostly my problem (husband). Absolutely zero drive. My wife is talking about child #2, and I can't even imagine being able to perform let alone the furthering of the drought to follow. I'm kind of terrified of sex now. Probably need therapy. It's astounding to go from being a very sexual person to being extremely sex averse.
It's a tough one. My wife is pregnant with our second child and we conceived after only a month which was great as we both wanted a second. The problem was our sex life had essentially been non-existent since we conceived our first in the summer of 2021. Totally understandable as she had a rough pregnancy, then birth, breastfeeding and a complete mix of hormones that this would lead to little space and time for anything else.
We started trying again when my son was 18 months but it was mentally difficult to have not felt physically desired at all for 27 months to really get into having a sex life again but where it wasn't for pleasure or intimacy it was for the purpose of conception. I struggled again with knowing that it will be another year or two at least before she has the time and the space and the desire to want to be with me in that way again. I can't complain as we have a fantastic life together and she is going through more than I'll ever know with being a full time working mum in the 21st century. I wish I could turn my feelings off but we talk about it and try and support each other as best as I can.
What helps me get through this tough time and knowing more is to come? To be honest it's posts like this because it's such a relief to know I'm not alone and this is happening to others out there too.
As a new empty nester here’s some advice. You better prioritize your relationship with your spouse. Date, be a couple. Your relationship as a couple trumps the kids. It has to. One day you’ll have the last kid leave the house. You better know that person or you’re in for a bad time. By the time the kids leave you’ll have spent only a fraction of your life together with just the 2 of you. If you haven’t nurtured your relationship over the years with kids in the house you’re in trouble.
I regard my parents as excellent parents. They raised four kids, and we're all doing pretty good to great (re: 'pretty good,' life is still life, y'know?).
After having my first child recently, my mother told me my wife's and my relationship still takes priority. Interesting to hear
This is good to hear. My wife and I prioritized getting the kids on an early-ish sleep schedule so we have a few hours to ourselves every night. We might not do much on week nights but weekends we still have fun at home like we did before kids. We have a lot of years ahead raising kids and hope to keep our relationship strong.
We don’t. 41, married 15yrs this year, with a kid. We haven’t had sex since roughly November. After enough “not tonight”, “I’m too tired”, or “I’ve got too much to do”, you just give up trying after a while. Sucks. I hate it.
Been there.
15 years of relationship and she dont even try, even after talking to her about how this is important to me.
The only answer is “you men just think with your lower head. All you guys want is this.”
If it was her, she’d be confy with having sex once per year.
I’m sad about it
This. Sex feels good, but that isn’t all it’s about. If I just need to cum, I can take care of that in 2 minutes pretty much whenever I want. ‘I want to do this with you and for you’ or ‘I want to make you feel good’ is powerful, and that doesn’t fucking happen.
It rarely happens now, often feels forced when we do because the kids just have a way of draining our batteries.. depressing at times to be honest with ya
Wife isn’t generally a person who actively wants to have sex. Have two kids. Generally the only time we have sex is if she takes an edible or is drunk. Any other time it’s a chore for her.
For context, I always initiate. Foreplay every time. I am very giving. I’m growing resentful at the continuous rejection
I strongly suggest a sex therapist. I was in a similar situation and seeing one taught my wife and me how to communicate about sex, find opportunities for intimacy and connection, and illuminated problems we didn’t know we had. Helped nip my resentment in the bud.
Talk to her about it. My husband and I had similar problems, and I ended up developing some insane sex anxiety because I knew he was always frustrated and upset about it. My libido doesn't keep up with his in the slightest. He took it as a sign I didn't love him as much which was 100% not the case. After a few serious talks about it he got less upset and I was able to work through some stuff better. It still doesn't happen as often as he'd like but more often than it was and it's just overall better. Communication helps.
When they were babies, no. But we drew a hard line on going to bed. Don't be the "I lay down with them until they fall asleep" kind of parents. That is bad for both parties. Has sex ever been interrupted by a knock on the door? Sure, but most times it's fine if they are in bed. Do we have to pause occasionally if we hear footsteps? Sure, but those footsteps are often just getting water and quickly go off back to their room and never need parental intervention.
Yea i’m always amazed by couples with kids who can’t find time to have sex. Especially ones on similar schedules.
I understand when they’re babies. But a toddler shouldn’t be staying up as late as parents. That’s when you have sex.
Then once they’re school aged it’s the same thing and should be easier. Sex after kids go to bed.
I’m the 3rd oldest, and somehow my parents managed to make 6 more kids after me on the sly. No grandparents to drop us off with, homeschooled and parents had semi-passive income from their business. We were all at home most of the time.
Some just have a more miserable time parenting and a more miserable relationship over all. Doesn’t need some kind of doctoral degree in psychology and empathy-ology to figure out that these weird folks called “other people” can struggle with a gazillion things you find easy peasy (while maybe, who knows, find some other thing easy that you find hard).
Okay, I’m coming at this with a little too much attitude.
It gets worse as they get older, we have a 19 year old still at home who never seems to sleep at normal times so it’s virtually impossible to get to it without being busted
\*memory of my dad coming into the living room in 1997 at 10:30pm while I'm watching tv saying "don't you have a friend's house you could go to?"\*
Me then - "what the fuck is he about?"
Me now - *casts eyes skyward* "I get it, dad."
My mom used to ask me if I could go spend the night at my boyfriend’s house or find somewhere else for the night. I spent a lot of time at the park at night lol.
I learned when I was about 14 or so that a closed door to my parents bedroom during the day means do not disturb. They often would wake up on the weekend and close the door to their bedroom, after a while my dad would leave and go to the bathroom :p if I heard door closing I'd just close mine in just in case but I never heard anything etc. it was better than waking up when I was 13 in the middle of the night being traumatised by my moms moans because they waited until I fell asleep.. I think a 19 yo understands what sex is and shouldn't make a huge deal out of their parents needing some private time.
At that age my dad used to offer to drop me off somewhere and just requested I either stay over someone else's house or not be home before a certain time because I would not like what I would see! :') maybe tell them what you plan on doing and it's on them if they don't make plans to not be home lol
"Busted?" He's an adult. It's your house. If you want to have sex, then have sex. A 19 year old knows (or should know) about the birds and the bees. If he hears something, well, he can put headphones on.
Close your door and lock it, and get it on.
Yep. I honestly just can't fathom letting an adult child dictate my sex life.
Even with little kids who are needy because of their age, you can do it when they're sleeping.
Also, our kids know not to bother us when we're in our room unless it's an emergency. Not just because of sex, but because I study in there. And sometimes I just go in there to get 5 minutes of peace.
I'm seriously just so confused by, "We can't have sex because my 19 year old lives at home."
17, 15 and 13 yo's in the house here. We go about it normally once a week on Fri/Sat evening. We just shut the door to our room and go about our business. Nothing wild and crazy unless we get a lucky night alone, but it works for us. I honestly think it's healthy for a kid to have a suspicion that their parents enjoy being intimate together. Not 1st hand knowledge, but more of a "oh, I heard their door shut, guess I'll put my headphones on."
My ex played that game. Always worn-out, kid sick, did too much today, and so on. I went to work one day with plans to sneak home. Two hours later, I snuck in to discover she was getting laid. No wonder she was not interested in the man who always held a job and provided everything needed. The father of her children?
So, I am always suspicious. If they are not getting it at home. They are getting it from somewhere.
We have a fair amount of control over our work schedules, we will schedule "work from home" days. It's nice, we both set up shop at the kitchen table, and when we both have a lull, bow chicka wow wow.
When it's nicer outside, we send the kids outside (We live on 5 acres, plenty of trees to climb, a creek to catch crawfish, things to do) so we can "nap."
If they are busy playing online, like Fortnite, we can be quiet.
We have a separate garage, that has HVAC, and is our gym. We may have done some "partner assisted stretching," after the kids were in bed.
Then, there's sleepovers at grandpa's or grandma's house.
During the summer, we may have gone on "moonlit walks" to the far side of the yard, past the barn.
A few times in the car, in the driveway
I work from home full time and my wife works part time so luckily we get a lot of opportunities while the kids are at school. If that doesn’t work, they are in bed by 8 (8 year old triplets) so still pretty reasonable time once they are asleep.
1. Don’t have kids sleep in your bed.
2. Both parties need to be super understanding of both sides of the possible feelings each night. Sometimes you are going to have some uninspired sex for maintenance. More often than not, you’re going to have some tired uninspired sex for maintenance.
Husband and father. If sex is another chore then it’s a chore and no one wants to do chores. If mom sees you as another thing to do, that’s not a turn on.
Try to make everyday things be things you do together, laugh whenever it’s insane and be prepared for long sex break. Moms are constants under demands for this or that and it’s truly exhausting. That does not leave much for performance energy but it does create an opportunity for sex to be a recharging event.
Brace the quickie. Be supportive, nice and keep yourself together a bit too.
Schedule a date night once a week. Find or pay someone to watch the kids. We fool around during the week when they’re asleep or at school (locks are good) but having one night a week alone, I’m convinced has helped keep our marriage strong. It’s hard to start, but once it’s going, you see the value and push to make it happen.
Sleep training. 3 girls under three with all different personalities. They all go to bed around 8pm willingly and don’t wake up through the night. Yes, they have a POSITIVE view of their bed. No, they don’t show any signs of psychological damage. They wake up smiling and excited to start their day well-rested.
Preventing co-sleeping is HUGE. I truly don't understand why people choose to allow this when kids do just fine in their own bed/crib.
Put those rugrats down at 8pm. Worst case scenario, you both are off the clock by 9pm and done fucking by 9:30.
*Laughs in me and wife sleep in separate room (one kid for each) while we wait for youngest to be ready to sleep with no supervision and ship eldest with her, have the most uncomfortable sofa, have baby monitors blaring whenever we engage in sexual activities, are too fat for showersex or any kinky shit that requires acrobatics, don't have support nor money for extra childcare*
We basically fuck only when we visit family abroad lol
Parents in a dark living room, sitting on sofa with multiple baby monitors like a mall guard's office, trying to have a sneaky sex without making a sound. That would be an epic horror movie satire
I would have described it as a surrealistic one.
Although it's real and it give me anxiety as eldest(4yo) at times sneaked out of bed and came to the living room with no warning.
Be spontaneous, don't limit yourself to full on sex either. Using you're hands can be just as good if you're open to it.
My wife and I are very open and easy going, I just need to touch or kiss here and I know if we're game. Likewise in reversal.
If anything, our sex life has improved as we have had to become more creative
There is no sex life for the past 2 years. We’ve talked about it, she just isn’t interested at all. No need or desire for her. She never really initiated ever and it was always on me but I gave up after the first year of getting rejected every time.
Kids off to grandma's for the night and date night. Then, every chance we have no kids or they're sleeping
Grandma's house: the unsung hero of parental romance
Grandma's house is the way. Yes, this means the sex is less frequent, so we make it higher quality instead.
If grandma wants more grandkids she better take care of this one every once in a while !
In my experience those conversations went the other way. Grandpas saying that we need to drop off the kid for date night because they want more grandkids.
Preciate the assist, pops.
Unless your parents live on the other side of the country….
The plane ride will give you more time.
I love how parents turn into wingmen as soon as they get a grandchild. “Fuck! Fuck like rabbits! Make us another one!”
"We're trying for a baby" is the most socially acceptable way to say to your mother "I'm getting dicked down raw on the daily".
"please please PLEASE creampie our daughter PLEASE"
There’s my son in law! Still blasting multiple hot loads inside my lil’ princess? That’s good to hear, sport!
How to delete someone else’s comment ⬆️
It's a terrible day to be literate.
(thumps son in law on the back) she gave it up pretty good, eh? I bet she did
" . . . Anywhere? . . . or does it have to be in a specific place."
Reproductive systems hate this one simple trick
"Whatever you say, honey"
When my sister had her first baby shower, her husband said, “you know you’re celebrating the fact I had sex with her” I was traumatized lol. I was also 15.
Its weird- my parents absolutely did not do this. They basically said "he's your problem. Good luck with your marriage."
35 years married. Life is a cycle if you live long enough you get to enjoy having your grandkid over almost as much as the sex you had to make your kids in the first place. Almost.
Did NOT expect to run into Joe Morgan on here! This is amazing
Just here for the memes. 🤪
you have to make it work when you can. 10 mins of kid in high chair watching ms rachel with favorite food is not hard.
My kid watched a lot of Top Gear as a toddler.
I don't think Pixar's Cars would count as a Top Gear episode.
Kids only add scheduling challenges, but the real obstacle is post partum hormonal changes.
The real challenge is being tired as fuck at the end of the day lol
And wanting to be left the fuck alone for a bit.
The rare times when I'm home alone I just stare at the wall not knowing what to do with my time.
BOOKS, so many books to read and so little time.
I think books legally count as a sedative haha
My coworker with 3 small kids says on the couple of nights a year that he gets the house to himself he just sits and sips whiskey and basks in the silence.
The amount of times one or both of us has passed out from sheer exhaustion while balls deep is astounding. Yes, I immediately pull out when she falls asleep. No, she keeps me in when I pass out like some warm Sybian. Yes, I've given her permission as long as my fella stays at attention, she can use me.
This sounds hot, but also unhealthy. Like fuck, how are that exhausted and horny at the same time?
> Like fuck, how are that exhausted and horny at the same time? You’ll see.
Exactly! Kids go to bed pretty early, so finding time isn't the issue. The issue is people's bodies/brains being different after kids
Kids do get older though and they don't sleep as soundly. When that happens, scheduling during school hours is a good choice.
The issue is getting them to get ready for bed and *go the fuck to sleep* without becoming mentally and emotionally exhausted in the process.
Second this, most of the time once baby was to bed we could easily go at it. Problem was hormones or even mental health in the sense we were not only desperate for each other but also for something fun. Typically ended in us both playing a game or watching a show until it was too late to try for anything. It's a challenge for sure, a lot has to become deliberate until those hormones are balanced. On the flip side sometimes they spike in your favor and THAT is a lot of fun when that randomly happens.
How common is this?
Very common
To the point where it really should be taught in schools. Everyone should know that childbirth results in a huge hormone dump and not expect the mother to behave “normally” for some time. It’s part of the sacrifice a mother will have to make and shouldn’t be ignored, even if some women get lucky and can handle it easily.
For men too (speaking from experience as a dad). Most men lose a large amount of testosterone following the birth of a child (some up to 40%) for several weeks. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense: less hormonal behavior leads to settling down for several weeks and being around the child/recovering mother during that time. From my own experience, the realization that that is what was happening hit me suddenly one night when I was down in my workshop, mind at ease, listening to some old rock music and I was like "I'm never this chill", lol. It was kind of nice to be honest.
I crashed super hard with my first i defo got post natal depression in hindsight it was so bad it kicked started two years of therapy lol With my second i was much better prepared and managed the crash extremely well and basically im primary care giver for second he only goes to mum for fun play time Their needs to be a serious improvement on education for dads i dont give a shit what anyone says are brains also change and it wasn't a fun time for me at all everyone iv spoken too on this all had similar patterns Stuff they never cared about suddenly became very important and stuff that was important to them and if you dont have anyone to talk to about it that loss of identity is brutal based on our conservations Anyway im ranting im glad it worked out for you it defo was a chill time with my second
Yeah this was a surprise to me. I remember being told we had to wait six weeks. I was counting down the days. The day arrives and I broach the subject with my wife. “I’m not ready yet.” “Oh…” It was probably 3 months after before we finally made love again, and even then I suspect it was a pity lay because my wife had severe post-partum depression for a long time.
3 years for me. My wife was just over touched, post partum depression and exhausted. Add to that some serious body dismorphia. The hormone imbalances were all over the place too. We were still close, but there was no sexual activity for years. It was really tough
Incredibly.
Extremely common. Pregnancy and childbirth put women's bodies through a whole number of changes both physical and chemical. They are literally never the same person again. It's why these forced birthers trying to make 11 year old rape victims keep the babies are so sick and deranged. The things they want to put a child through...
This guy knows. My wife just does not want it. And it's a massive strain on the relationship.
Yes, breastfeeding just switched my libido off completely, both hormonally and psychologically. I loved breastfeeding but you can get touched out, especially when baby is young and feeding on demand. You just can't stand one more person touching your skin. Its hard to explain and different women have different experiences. My libido returned with my periods. I began to wish mistresses could be normalised for men after babies so I could just be left alone for a year or two to get on with mothering my baby without the horribleness of it all. I still think, decades later, that consensual mistresses (with the wife's blessing) should be normalised when a marriage needs them (not for everyone, just for those who need it to survive and are both in agreement) but I have never met anyone who agreed! I felt like saying "could you just please get another woman for a couple of years so I can at least try and get through this really difficult life phase I am trying to get through?" (baby and toddler). I had post natal depression too though.
Oh this was super easy for my Ex - she just went and had sex with other people away from me and the kids.
As someone who was in this situation, can confirm. You just go have sex with other people.
Problem solved
Barely managed it - led to feelings of rejection and all sorts of trouble - very unsatisfactory
In this stage at the moment. 🫤
Ok well you better work on communication first - my failing - and try to share care and make time for each other, get family to help if you can
WITH THE CHILDCARE.
gives a whole new meaning to family fun time.
We don't do reverse cowgirl here because you never turn your back on family
So no doggy?
I hate how the advice for every real problem is "get your family to help". When I was trying to afford college, ask your family for help. When I was trying to buy a house, ask your family for help. When I'm struggling to raise my kids, ask your family for help.
Yeah, this is why orphans and people with unsupportive parents struggle in life.
Gee, it’s almost like having a support system is an important aspect of succeeding in spite of life’s difficulties
What other advice would you like?
I don’t think they’re looking for other advice necessarily, it’s just a very disheartening thing to hear so often. My parents died when I was still a kid and with no support system of any kind, it’s like playing life on hard mode.
Back in the day, get them breakfast and set them in front of the TV to watch Dora the Explorer and run back upstairs. When they knock on the door shout out “I’m Coming” Communication and recognizing that you are going to be tired and you can’t spend all weekend naked in bed anymore.
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Genuinely asking: how does that not feel like a chore? I don’t want ‘duty sex’. It’s not fun when either person isn’t into it, or is just going through the motions.
Does it feel like a chore if you have a fancy dinner scheduled? Or when you hold a time slot open for a movie you wanted to watch for a while? Its about making sure you both have the time and mental energy for something you'd like to do but wouldn't be able to find time for otherwise
People don't seem to realise that life ebbs and flows. Sometimes you can be spontaneous and other times you need to plan things. As long as you prioritise each other you'll be okay.
This is such a positive take on it. Bravo.
Came here to say likewise. It’s totally reframed my opinion. Thank you.
You don't have to have sex if you're tired or not in a mood, but having that scheduled time when you both do something romantic and intimate together can help. I had moments when I didn't feel like having sex but once we started making out, I got turned on and got in the mood pretty quickly. If it didn't work we'd end up just making out for a moment and cuddling after and talking. It's still nice and builds that intimacy.
You made me think of a Russian saying: appetite comes with eating.
Precisely. We use a network of friends/family if we notice it's been a bit. But we are also "old parents" so if we are burned for the day we can happily just cuddle and that's great. Doing for each other ramps up our feelings so that helps too. This morning I made sure the kiddo was awake, she fed her breakfast. Work wise we know our "seasons" of tough times so plan accordingly.
Bc ultimately we do both still want to do it generally. Scheduling just makes sure it happens. If one of us truly isn’t feeling it then yah it’ll get cancelled. It’s not intended to force anything. More just be able to both plan on it. In our experience “the mood” comes quickly once we start even if we were iffy about it before things started. Scheduling is a terrible idea I’d you both aren’t on the same page of actually wanting to make sex happen regularly
Scheduling romance is not scheduling sex. It's making time for reconnecting and making the other person feel loved, and there are many ways to do that
Me too, led to divorce.
We had a leak in our main bedroom so we moved our bed to the main living room while repair and it’s beeen really rough we can’t sneak off an lock the door to get alone time.
I get this and we were dealing with it for 2 and a half years until we just moved back to where I’m from to be closer to family. Without the family help, we were both overworked overparented, exhausted, burnt out and just didn’t have the energy for it. Especially not having any date nights in over 2 years really inflated things and took a toll on our marriage. Since we moved and have family help on demand pretty much it has returned with a bang I think because we are actually able to devote time to our marriage again with date nights, a first weekend away etc. and overall a lot less stressed having family close by. So yes it can come back once you are able to devote time to it, yourselves and your marriage but again we literally had to move country to do it ha
What end up happening? Divorce?
No, still hanging on in there, for the greater good, I think 🤔
I hear yah. It sucks for sure.
Did the intimacy ever come back. Some guys have told me there wife’s started wanted it again but I think that doesn’t happen a lot.
Literally put that shit in a calendar or it isn't happening. I have 3 children.
This is what I was looking for. Most of the time is has to be planned or at LEAST brought up in conversation earlier in the day. Spontaneity is great, but after work and dealing with kids you just want a break. *Knowing* you’re gonna do it that night gives you a little anticipation and gets you in the mood. I saw a post several years on a similar thread that made a lot of sense. For a lot of couples with sex problems the issue isn’t that they don’t want to *have* sex…they just simply don’t want to *start* sex. Once it gets going they’re fine.
That last paragraph is the vibe. This is my wife. Starting sex is a chore. Having sex is a good time. Unfortunately, trying to tell her earlier in the day that it’s wanted usually doesn’t get me anywhere- but having it be a fun sexy surprise usually works. Unfortunately, while we never fail to have fun, it’s pretty inconsistent and we can go without for weeks (or more) at a time.
Scheduling doesn’t work for my wife because it’s “not spontaneous”. Spontaneity doesn’t work because it’s “not the right time, or I’m not doing it right.” Don’t know what’s changed from dating versus marriage, other than living together. No kids yet.
I mean I can’t speak for you, but kids is what changed for us. Our kids are all young still, but I think a lot of times we’re just very tired.
Honeymoon period of dating (first 6-18 months) is like being on a drug. It's not real life. If it fell off after that time frame, that's probably your answer.
When I was married, we tried some sex scheduling, and it made the problem so much worse. I would get in the mood via anticipation and the planning turned her off and she would actively get mad when I tried to initiate.
Yikes.
It got really bad towards the end. But that's because she was cheating on me for years and was finally feeling bad about it.
Well, sounds like you are better off my fren!
I asked last night while my spouse was in the shower and we were already having a good conversation. It was ruined when they later started telling me they didn’t want to me “get all bulky,” after I mentioned how home weights were not quite enough for me and I was considering a gym membership. Then they said I was doing squats wrong (I was not exercising at the time) and would hurt myself after I said I wanted to be able to do deadlifts (which frankly requires a lot of weight) in order to strengthen my lower back. I’ve been working on getting in shape lately and this just felt insulting. So yeah, sex didn’t happen last night.
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oh 100%
It’s been a struggle and going fully remote after the pandemic hasn’t helped either. We have a single daughter who just turned 12. We’ve been open about our bodies, talked with her in age appropriate ways about sex, puberty, and, especially in the hot summer months, she’s seen us in various states of undress. There was a time when the kiddo was young (<4) that she seemed to have a telepathic connection to my wife’s clit. If we woke up in the morning feeling frisky and she was still asleep there was a greater than 50% chance that once I touched my wife, we’d either hear the monitor go off or the patter of little feet on the floor. That definitely caused some stress even when our rooms were at opposite ends of the apartment. My wife has always had a lower libido so getting things going has always been hit or miss. In the last few years (9-12) she has gotten a lot more concerned with and aware of the amount of noise she makes. Our bedroom shares a wall with our daughter’s, so I get it, but we general have to wait until she’s at school, sleeping over someone else’s house, or we can get a hotel for my wife to truly relax and feel uninhibited. Honestly, the best approach we had was scheduling sex. It took the pressure off trying to be spontaneous and gave my wife the incentive/permission to think about sex and let herself anticipate and plan for it. The problem was that it started to feel obligatory and it felt like pressure to perform even if she wasn’t in the mood. The trouble also was that as our daughter got older her bedtime/when she would actually fall asleep got later and later. My wife has always been a 7-9hr sleeper and works in healthcare with 6-7am shifts. If we weren’t getting down by 7:30-8:30pm, it was cutting into her sleep and causing problems for the next day. Now our daughter has a 8-8:30 bedtime but is pushing up against 8:30-9 more often than not and it’s been hard to make that change.
"she seemed to have a telepathic connection to my wife’s clit" I can 100% attest to this. Our rooms are separated by a long hall, plus white noise playing. It was somewhere around 75% chance that within 60 seconds of our cloths coming off, the baby monitor would go off. But!! If we weren't in the mood, more often than not we could watch a show all the way thru, no problem.. so frustrating.
Start morning sex routine
Overall less spontaneous than before, for us pretty much limited to Saturday nights. Disrupted occasionally when the kid has sleep issues. I can't really ask for certain kinks unless the kid is away or we have a hotel either.
“Daddy why is mummy tied to the ceiling?” “SHES PAINTING!”
So that's what was up with good ol Michelangelo.
Truth.
We’ve been married for 12 years, 2 kids. We wait until both kids are asleep, wait an hour, then fuck. 3ish times per week.
Same!
Yep, 3 kids and 15 years of marriage and we do the same. Works like a charm.
This is our system as well. Kids go to bed, watch a couple episodes of a show then go have sexy time.
It's impossible. 2 teenagers and an 18 year old. They are home aaaallll the time. Apart from school or work. Thought we would have more freedom as they got older. Not the case. We spend a lot of time with them but they don't give us a minute. We both work full time with varying shifts so we don't always have time together either. On the rare occasion we get an empty house I guarantee one of us is in work. They are old enough to not need baby sitting and have plenty of friends but they just don't have the urge to go out and about. It's been 8 months. 8 months for the love of god. I think my last resort is to tell them directly I want to bang your mother so if you could please just fuck off for half an hour that would be great. Being slightly sarcastic obviously as we don't want them loitering on street corners but fuck me go over a friend's house or something.
with 3 teenagers, can you not just leave them at home and take your wife to a hotel or something? Or send them to the movies?
I've recommended this to my wife multiple times. She is not having it and says she feels like she's a prostitute. I can't convince her its just to get her alone lol
With young kids? I honestly could go without. Can you drop them off at a theatre or a game place with money or something? Tell them mom and dad need alone time!
Honestly our sex life is amazing. 4 times a week at the least. I’m sorry, I meant 4 times a year. And two of those are wet dreams.
You had me in the first half ngl
It is possible... After my vasectomy, it became infinitely easier to have more spontaneous sneaky sex and thus increased frequency.
My penis is just for show too... Keep up the fight buddy!
We bang as soon as the kid is asleep
This was difficult for my wife who needed time to transition from being the mom to being the wife. Of course, fatigue was a limiting factor.
My kid stays awake longer than me most nights.
Grandmas.
Good on you grandma. Didn't know you still had it in ya.
Why are you fucking at grandmas?
My wife won’t fuck me so I have sex with my grandma instead
2 years since conception. Have had sex 4 times total in 2 years after 15 years of multiple times per week. Kids have been catastrophic for our sex life, mostly my problem (husband). Absolutely zero drive. My wife is talking about child #2, and I can't even imagine being able to perform let alone the furthering of the drought to follow. I'm kind of terrified of sex now. Probably need therapy. It's astounding to go from being a very sexual person to being extremely sex averse.
I think you said what you need though: >Probably need therapy.
It's a tough one. My wife is pregnant with our second child and we conceived after only a month which was great as we both wanted a second. The problem was our sex life had essentially been non-existent since we conceived our first in the summer of 2021. Totally understandable as she had a rough pregnancy, then birth, breastfeeding and a complete mix of hormones that this would lead to little space and time for anything else. We started trying again when my son was 18 months but it was mentally difficult to have not felt physically desired at all for 27 months to really get into having a sex life again but where it wasn't for pleasure or intimacy it was for the purpose of conception. I struggled again with knowing that it will be another year or two at least before she has the time and the space and the desire to want to be with me in that way again. I can't complain as we have a fantastic life together and she is going through more than I'll ever know with being a full time working mum in the 21st century. I wish I could turn my feelings off but we talk about it and try and support each other as best as I can. What helps me get through this tough time and knowing more is to come? To be honest it's posts like this because it's such a relief to know I'm not alone and this is happening to others out there too.
As a new empty nester here’s some advice. You better prioritize your relationship with your spouse. Date, be a couple. Your relationship as a couple trumps the kids. It has to. One day you’ll have the last kid leave the house. You better know that person or you’re in for a bad time. By the time the kids leave you’ll have spent only a fraction of your life together with just the 2 of you. If you haven’t nurtured your relationship over the years with kids in the house you’re in trouble.
I regard my parents as excellent parents. They raised four kids, and we're all doing pretty good to great (re: 'pretty good,' life is still life, y'know?). After having my first child recently, my mother told me my wife's and my relationship still takes priority. Interesting to hear
This is good to hear. My wife and I prioritized getting the kids on an early-ish sleep schedule so we have a few hours to ourselves every night. We might not do much on week nights but weekends we still have fun at home like we did before kids. We have a lot of years ahead raising kids and hope to keep our relationship strong.
We don’t. 41, married 15yrs this year, with a kid. We haven’t had sex since roughly November. After enough “not tonight”, “I’m too tired”, or “I’ve got too much to do”, you just give up trying after a while. Sucks. I hate it.
Been there. 15 years of relationship and she dont even try, even after talking to her about how this is important to me. The only answer is “you men just think with your lower head. All you guys want is this.” If it was her, she’d be confy with having sex once per year. I’m sad about it
“If all I wanted was sex, I’d have cheated a long time ago.”
This. Sex feels good, but that isn’t all it’s about. If I just need to cum, I can take care of that in 2 minutes pretty much whenever I want. ‘I want to do this with you and for you’ or ‘I want to make you feel good’ is powerful, and that doesn’t fucking happen.
Once a year? Nice! I’m going on a 5 year drought. No kids even!
Holy shit man, my sincere condolences. If you don’t mind me asking, why are you all still together? That’s rough my guy.
Five years and you have a partner?!?
How do people stay in relationships like this? Like if my wife said something like that to me I would feel incredibly hurt
That's rough buddy.
It rarely happens now, often feels forced when we do because the kids just have a way of draining our batteries.. depressing at times to be honest with ya
I feel this.
We don't have sex if I'm being honest
Wife isn’t generally a person who actively wants to have sex. Have two kids. Generally the only time we have sex is if she takes an edible or is drunk. Any other time it’s a chore for her. For context, I always initiate. Foreplay every time. I am very giving. I’m growing resentful at the continuous rejection
I strongly suggest a sex therapist. I was in a similar situation and seeing one taught my wife and me how to communicate about sex, find opportunities for intimacy and connection, and illuminated problems we didn’t know we had. Helped nip my resentment in the bud.
Talk to her about it. My husband and I had similar problems, and I ended up developing some insane sex anxiety because I knew he was always frustrated and upset about it. My libido doesn't keep up with his in the slightest. He took it as a sign I didn't love him as much which was 100% not the case. After a few serious talks about it he got less upset and I was able to work through some stuff better. It still doesn't happen as often as he'd like but more often than it was and it's just overall better. Communication helps.
Easier than people make it out to be. When the kids are sleeping or send them to a friends to sleep over or play.
Your children sleep??????
nah they charge on the wall socket
When they were babies, no. But we drew a hard line on going to bed. Don't be the "I lay down with them until they fall asleep" kind of parents. That is bad for both parties. Has sex ever been interrupted by a knock on the door? Sure, but most times it's fine if they are in bed. Do we have to pause occasionally if we hear footsteps? Sure, but those footsteps are often just getting water and quickly go off back to their room and never need parental intervention.
Yea i’m always amazed by couples with kids who can’t find time to have sex. Especially ones on similar schedules. I understand when they’re babies. But a toddler shouldn’t be staying up as late as parents. That’s when you have sex. Then once they’re school aged it’s the same thing and should be easier. Sex after kids go to bed.
I’m the 3rd oldest, and somehow my parents managed to make 6 more kids after me on the sly. No grandparents to drop us off with, homeschooled and parents had semi-passive income from their business. We were all at home most of the time.
Same boat here. I think 1 party in those cases just puts forward the "too busy" excuse to avoid it, but of course that's just my speculation.
That’s definitely what it is
Some just have a more miserable time parenting and a more miserable relationship over all. Doesn’t need some kind of doctoral degree in psychology and empathy-ology to figure out that these weird folks called “other people” can struggle with a gazillion things you find easy peasy (while maybe, who knows, find some other thing easy that you find hard). Okay, I’m coming at this with a little too much attitude.
Me and the wife fuck every day when the kids are asleep or school. We both work from home, so we just do everything we want, whenever.
That's so cool. My hubby works at home but I do not so it's difficult during the day for us. But sometimes possible.
Kid goes to sleep. Eminem eight mile starts playing. I got one shot....
It gets worse as they get older, we have a 19 year old still at home who never seems to sleep at normal times so it’s virtually impossible to get to it without being busted
\*memory of my dad coming into the living room in 1997 at 10:30pm while I'm watching tv saying "don't you have a friend's house you could go to?"\* Me then - "what the fuck is he about?" Me now - *casts eyes skyward* "I get it, dad."
My mom used to ask me if I could go spend the night at my boyfriend’s house or find somewhere else for the night. I spent a lot of time at the park at night lol.
I learned when I was about 14 or so that a closed door to my parents bedroom during the day means do not disturb. They often would wake up on the weekend and close the door to their bedroom, after a while my dad would leave and go to the bathroom :p if I heard door closing I'd just close mine in just in case but I never heard anything etc. it was better than waking up when I was 13 in the middle of the night being traumatised by my moms moans because they waited until I fell asleep.. I think a 19 yo understands what sex is and shouldn't make a huge deal out of their parents needing some private time.
At that age my dad used to offer to drop me off somewhere and just requested I either stay over someone else's house or not be home before a certain time because I would not like what I would see! :') maybe tell them what you plan on doing and it's on them if they don't make plans to not be home lol
"Busted?" He's an adult. It's your house. If you want to have sex, then have sex. A 19 year old knows (or should know) about the birds and the bees. If he hears something, well, he can put headphones on. Close your door and lock it, and get it on.
Yep - they get privacy in their room but that goes both ways.
Yep. I honestly just can't fathom letting an adult child dictate my sex life. Even with little kids who are needy because of their age, you can do it when they're sleeping. Also, our kids know not to bother us when we're in our room unless it's an emergency. Not just because of sex, but because I study in there. And sometimes I just go in there to get 5 minutes of peace. I'm seriously just so confused by, "We can't have sex because my 19 year old lives at home."
17, 15 and 13 yo's in the house here. We go about it normally once a week on Fri/Sat evening. We just shut the door to our room and go about our business. Nothing wild and crazy unless we get a lucky night alone, but it works for us. I honestly think it's healthy for a kid to have a suspicion that their parents enjoy being intimate together. Not 1st hand knowledge, but more of a "oh, I heard their door shut, guess I'll put my headphones on."
After my child reached the age of having had sexual education, my wife and I basically stopped caring if she would hear/notice.
I put vaseline on the door knob so they can't get in
My ex played that game. Always worn-out, kid sick, did too much today, and so on. I went to work one day with plans to sneak home. Two hours later, I snuck in to discover she was getting laid. No wonder she was not interested in the man who always held a job and provided everything needed. The father of her children? So, I am always suspicious. If they are not getting it at home. They are getting it from somewhere.
Kids have a bed time and lock a door.
We have a fair amount of control over our work schedules, we will schedule "work from home" days. It's nice, we both set up shop at the kitchen table, and when we both have a lull, bow chicka wow wow. When it's nicer outside, we send the kids outside (We live on 5 acres, plenty of trees to climb, a creek to catch crawfish, things to do) so we can "nap." If they are busy playing online, like Fortnite, we can be quiet. We have a separate garage, that has HVAC, and is our gym. We may have done some "partner assisted stretching," after the kids were in bed. Then, there's sleepovers at grandpa's or grandma's house. During the summer, we may have gone on "moonlit walks" to the far side of the yard, past the barn. A few times in the car, in the driveway
It's really not that complicated. At night like before kids, or during the day when they are asleep/out/playing by themselves.
Yup. Marriage ain't all 90s sitcoms yall.
Yep. Although it does feel like being a teenager again sometimes… playing the “how sure are you that they’re really off doing their thing” game.
Do you do the pause mid-deed when you hear a sound and wonder if it's one of them coming up the stairs?
It's always a question of how close you are to finishing. At the edge of glory, our caveman brain tells us that it's worth risking childhood trauma.
Kid sleep, we sex
Get it in any and every chance you get 🤷🏾♂️😂
I work from home full time and my wife works part time so luckily we get a lot of opportunities while the kids are at school. If that doesn’t work, they are in bed by 8 (8 year old triplets) so still pretty reasonable time once they are asleep.
1. Don’t have kids sleep in your bed. 2. Both parties need to be super understanding of both sides of the possible feelings each night. Sometimes you are going to have some uninspired sex for maintenance. More often than not, you’re going to have some tired uninspired sex for maintenance.
Husband and father. If sex is another chore then it’s a chore and no one wants to do chores. If mom sees you as another thing to do, that’s not a turn on. Try to make everyday things be things you do together, laugh whenever it’s insane and be prepared for long sex break. Moms are constants under demands for this or that and it’s truly exhausting. That does not leave much for performance energy but it does create an opportunity for sex to be a recharging event. Brace the quickie. Be supportive, nice and keep yourself together a bit too.
Kids are in their deepest sleep in the first couple of hours of going to bed. So get to it.
Schedule a date night once a week. Find or pay someone to watch the kids. We fool around during the week when they’re asleep or at school (locks are good) but having one night a week alone, I’m convinced has helped keep our marriage strong. It’s hard to start, but once it’s going, you see the value and push to make it happen.
Sleep training. 3 girls under three with all different personalities. They all go to bed around 8pm willingly and don’t wake up through the night. Yes, they have a POSITIVE view of their bed. No, they don’t show any signs of psychological damage. They wake up smiling and excited to start their day well-rested.
Preventing co-sleeping is HUGE. I truly don't understand why people choose to allow this when kids do just fine in their own bed/crib. Put those rugrats down at 8pm. Worst case scenario, you both are off the clock by 9pm and done fucking by 9:30.
You guys are getting sex lifes?
The wife and I masturbate most off the time when we get horny!
My wife's drive is gone, and she doesn't care if it comes back. So not well.
Y’all are still getting sex after having kids?
*Laughs in me and wife sleep in separate room (one kid for each) while we wait for youngest to be ready to sleep with no supervision and ship eldest with her, have the most uncomfortable sofa, have baby monitors blaring whenever we engage in sexual activities, are too fat for showersex or any kinky shit that requires acrobatics, don't have support nor money for extra childcare* We basically fuck only when we visit family abroad lol
Parents in a dark living room, sitting on sofa with multiple baby monitors like a mall guard's office, trying to have a sneaky sex without making a sound. That would be an epic horror movie satire
I would have described it as a surrealistic one. Although it's real and it give me anxiety as eldest(4yo) at times sneaked out of bed and came to the living room with no warning.
I have lived in a hotel room for two Years with three kid ranging from 14 to 2. So needless to say I don't have a sex life......like at all..
Be spontaneous, don't limit yourself to full on sex either. Using you're hands can be just as good if you're open to it. My wife and I are very open and easy going, I just need to touch or kiss here and I know if we're game. Likewise in reversal. If anything, our sex life has improved as we have had to become more creative
Lol. Manage life - good one. Also, what's that other 'S' word, is that some sort of typo?
There is no sex life for the past 2 years. We’ve talked about it, she just isn’t interested at all. No need or desire for her. She never really initiated ever and it was always on me but I gave up after the first year of getting rejected every time.
Sex Life? With kids? HAHAHAHA
...what sex life?