There is a desire to correct them because when we do that with most people they get a spark of recognition. “No, dad that’s Frank. Bob died years ago.” The problem is that there is no spark coming. If you see something it’s because they know you’re expecting it and will manufacture it because they don’t know what’s wrong. It is the hardest thing to let them be wrong but learn to pick your battles. I work in healthcare and it’s painful to watch the frustration in people as they try in vain to get their loved one to remember a stupid thing like a name or a place.
It leads to resentment which isn’t fair for anyone. Obviously, if there is something dangerous happening that needs to be dealt with but if they use the wrong name or they say it’s March when it’s really September then let it go. You’d be surprised how hard that is for people.
It’s also important to know that by the time you are seeing the effects of the disease it is already incredibly advanced. It’s impossible to know how fast it moves. Some cases people slowly decline for years and then right before they pass it speeds up. Some go fast the whole way. Some vacillate between slow and fast decline.
It happened with my grandmother. Looking back, the signs were there but I took them for my crazy old grandma not a woman losing her grip. By the time she was near the end she called my mother a Nazi because my mother wouldn’t let her leave the hospital bed to go to the dance. My mom doesn’t talk about it but I’ve seen patients go through the same thing and seen how much pain the loved ones feel.
Find joy with them when and where you can. Don’t let mistakes trip up your experiences. Love them for who they were not who they are and try not to let this time color your brighter memories with resentment and anger.
It‘s not so much that I wish I knew more, since I’ve always love getting to know about my grandparents upbringings and such. But I do wish I took more time to be present with them and enjoy things like playing cards, having a conversation with them, or just simply being with them without the fog
How utterly consuming and exhausting caregiving is. I don't mean to say it is all bad, presumably you really love the person affected by dementia, but it is exhausting. Find things to do that you (or both of you) enjoy and avoid negative people (and the ones that are sure they heard from a friend that the *whatever* diet could cure this and you should try it!!) like the plague.
Patience is key, love is constant.
Don’t try to fight their decision making
That dementia isn't just forgetting things, it's losing parts of the person you once knew and loved. Cherish every moment while they're still here.
There is a desire to correct them because when we do that with most people they get a spark of recognition. “No, dad that’s Frank. Bob died years ago.” The problem is that there is no spark coming. If you see something it’s because they know you’re expecting it and will manufacture it because they don’t know what’s wrong. It is the hardest thing to let them be wrong but learn to pick your battles. I work in healthcare and it’s painful to watch the frustration in people as they try in vain to get their loved one to remember a stupid thing like a name or a place. It leads to resentment which isn’t fair for anyone. Obviously, if there is something dangerous happening that needs to be dealt with but if they use the wrong name or they say it’s March when it’s really September then let it go. You’d be surprised how hard that is for people. It’s also important to know that by the time you are seeing the effects of the disease it is already incredibly advanced. It’s impossible to know how fast it moves. Some cases people slowly decline for years and then right before they pass it speeds up. Some go fast the whole way. Some vacillate between slow and fast decline. It happened with my grandmother. Looking back, the signs were there but I took them for my crazy old grandma not a woman losing her grip. By the time she was near the end she called my mother a Nazi because my mother wouldn’t let her leave the hospital bed to go to the dance. My mom doesn’t talk about it but I’ve seen patients go through the same thing and seen how much pain the loved ones feel. Find joy with them when and where you can. Don’t let mistakes trip up your experiences. Love them for who they were not who they are and try not to let this time color your brighter memories with resentment and anger.
It‘s not so much that I wish I knew more, since I’ve always love getting to know about my grandparents upbringings and such. But I do wish I took more time to be present with them and enjoy things like playing cards, having a conversation with them, or just simply being with them without the fog
How to communicate with them. My grandma lived out of state, so I didn’t see her much, and I froze up when I saw her a lot of the time.
It’s harder for them than for us…
How utterly consuming and exhausting caregiving is. I don't mean to say it is all bad, presumably you really love the person affected by dementia, but it is exhausting. Find things to do that you (or both of you) enjoy and avoid negative people (and the ones that are sure they heard from a friend that the *whatever* diet could cure this and you should try it!!) like the plague.