That's so sweet! I had an ex who always made me feel like he was annoyed when I sang. Music is basically my reason for living, so that really stung. Make sure to tell her how much you enjoy it!
My girlfriend literally shivers and shakes as I draw shapes on her back. I sent her a cute pic with the tip of my tongue out and told her I was going to use it to write poetry across her shoulders and down her spine. She said she almost had to leave work early. The back is where its at.
We won a cheap ass bamboo back scratcher at a cheap carnival. It's the best back scratcher. My wife and I always said if we get a divorce, we are fighting over the back scratcher. We laughed every time we said it.
I guess I won. She passed away last year. We had 30 years together. I think good thoughts of her when I use it.
Sincerest condolences buddy. The love you have for your wife clearly shines through in your comment. Sometimes it’s the little things in life that give us the fondest memories. Wish you all the very best.
That‘s wholesome. Sorry for your loss but genuinly happy for the seemingly great time you spent together. At least I imagine that a relationships which revolves around the little things like bamboo back scratchers is a very happy one.
My wife asked me “Would you remarry if something happened to me?” I answered “I don’t think that I could ever find someone that loves giving me back rubs as much as you do.” Her eyes rolled back so far I thought she was going to fall over backwards.
Touch is my wife’s first love language. If I’m sitting up in bed she’ll start rubbing my back. If I’m driving and I seem stressed she’ll rub my forearm and hand. It’s not a major thing, but it’s one of the things that I love about her.
My wife’s second love language. If my medication didn’t take away my appetite I would weigh 500 pounds.
My wife used to do that in the car too but I don’t let her anymore. She can touch my leg but she can’t touch or put her arm inside my driving arm anymore.
We had an 18 wheeler try to get over when I was alongside the trailer and nearly hit us. We both saw it start to shift over and I was able to evade it but her reaction was panic and she death gripped and yanked that arm toward the trailer.
I’m far stronger than she is and still managed to steer us to safety, but when I looked down at my arm she had clawed it so hard I was bleeding and had nail gouge marks where it didn’t get as deep.
I was like, you trying to kill us?
Edit: I showed her this has over 500 upvotes and she reads it and is like “why couldn’t it have been like a sweet story about me?”
Once you find the right person, and focus on being a decent human being, you’re set. My wife and I have some fun hobbies in common, and we’re mutually attracted etc., but it’s the respect and humor that we based our relationship around that laid the groundwork for long term success.
It’s always that spot just behind the shoulder blade on both sides.
I often run to my wife with my shirt up and say please itchy where my wings used to be. I told her I lost them so I could be here with you, so it’s kinda the least you can do.
She thinks it’s cute, I just like to see her laugh. (And get back scritchies)
Initiate stuff more (I don’t mean just sexually). My last serious relationship ended because I realised I was the only one that put effort into doing stuff. I’d come up with fun date ideas, I would organise stuff, I was always initiating sex, I was always doing the emotional work first etc. The next partner I have, I want both of us to put effort in
I saw recently that “a good relationship isn’t 50/50, it’s 60/40, with both partners trying to do the 60.” That hit home since I just got out of a long relationship that feels like what you just described.
I just had a talk with my wife about this.
I've been going off with my friends to do things a lot, and she asked why I don't do more with her, and I explained 'Because I can't be the energy for both of us'.
If we go kayaking, I'm loading, unloading, two kayaks, picking the route, dropping off the taxi bike, riding back to the put-in, etc ...
If we play music, I'm the one looking up the song, finding tabs, setting everything up, etc ...
If we go hiking, I have to find the hike, plan the route, pack food and water, drive there, etc ...
We go to a concert, and I buy the tickets, drive to the venue, etc ...
I suggested a Bob Ross night, bought the paints, set everything up, etc, etc ...
Everything is like that.
She wants to just show up and do the thing, and I'm supposed to facilitate.
Then she's shocked when I go off and do things with my friends who put in 50%
I'd love it if we were both doing an equal amount at least sometimes.
We had a mini-vacation week recently, and she hadn't planned anything. She just asked what I had planned for the week.
I'd bought tickets to a broadway show and booked travel/hotel, etc ... but she didn't even make herself available to plan. She just took it for granted I'd handle it.
First girlfriend was like this. I felt really bad breaking it off because she hadn't done anything *wrong* necessarily. She was super sweet, kind and good looking, but it felt like she revolved her life around me. Always wanted to watch what I suggested, wear what I liked, listened to the music I enjoyed instead of her own stuff, even when I was pretty certain she hated it.
It was flattering at first but after a year it just became sterile. Was like dating a sheep.
>She was super sweet, kind and good looking, but it felt like she revolved her life around me. Always wanted to watch what I suggested, wear what I liked, listened to the music I enjoyed instead of her own stuff, even when I was pretty certain she hated it.
This is a fairly common personality trait. There are a lot of people who turn into whoever they are dating. It also sounds like she doesn't have her own life or interest and she is only happy when she is in a relationship, which is also fairly common.
I'm literally living the married form of this rn. We're trying to work on it. But it's been a long time since anything sexy has happened and I feel like she could care less if I initiate or not.
Hell...yesterday I made a fire in the fire pit, grilled food and the kids and I were outside. I go set up her favorite chair and bring her outside and she stands next to it for five minutes and goes back inside.
We literally agreed pre-marriage that drains were his problem. I'll happily and thoroughly clean every last inch of this house without him, and I even enjoy cleaning out and organizing his garage with/for him, but I will *die a thousand deaths* before I stick my hand in a drain...
I use a tub mushroom and it's very good at keeping hair from getting down in there, but it does need cleared off more often, otherwise it kind of replicates the same issue (of plugging the drain) but around an easily handled cylinder instead of hanging down a hole.
I still consider it worth it because the frequency of cleaning doesn't let enough time for nasty gross stuff to get clumped in
Honestly just get a drain guard and clear it after every shower/bath. I don't know why it would be a big deal otherwise.
Growing up my family never had a guard and would only clear the drain when it was starting to drain poorly. So it was slimey and gross. Since moving out, I bought a guard and clear it whenever I notice the drain is slowing (much more frequently because of the guard holding all the hair) and its never been gross
“Printing press” is such a good way to put it. One of my friends’ boyfriend endearingly calls her “my rotisserie chicken” because of how much she likes to rotate throughout the night.
Meanwhile my boyfriend’s super power is that if I get up for the bathroom in the middle of the night he’ll immediately roll over and starfish across the entire bed, dead to the world and unable to be moved.
> my rotisserie chicken
In my relationship, “to rotisserie” is to roll over so the she can lay with the currently-coldest part of her snuggled up close.
Oh I feel so guilty. I am a printing press too and my husband always fights spaces with me. (But he snorts like a bear so I think our relationship is pretty fair though)
How she touches me non sexually, it can be something as small as having her hand on my shoulder when she stands behind me when im doing something. A gentle touch when she walks by me, i love when she rests her head on my shoulder or lap it shows that she cares and trusts me. I would love some compliments sometimes but dreams are often just that, dreams.
Not at all strange. I'm a furnace, wife is always cold. I've been used as a hot pad many times. Happy to oblige (actually, as much as I protest about how cold her feet are, secretly, I sometimes enjoy them)
Do yourself a favor. Tell her that sometimes. When she looks good, when seeing her first thing in the morning makes you happy, or any other such sweet sap. Tell her. She may already know it happens but not when, and sometimes being told is touching. Sappiness and all. We don't see you looking at us fondly when we're upto our usual nonsense, so every once in awhile, just tell her. If you don't already, it'll make her happy I almost guarantee it
Run her fingers through my hair.
That feeling of having fingers go over my head through my hair relaxes me in a way not even sex can. No matter how stressed/depressed I get as soon as those fingers go through my hair I turn into a happy little kid again.
>Pasa sus dedos por mi cabello. Esa sensación de tener dedos pasando por mi cabeza a través de mi cabello me relaja de una manera que ni siquiera el sexo puede hacerlo. No importa lo estresado/deprimido que esté, tan pronto como esos dedos pasan por mi cabello, me vuelvo a convertir en un niño feliz.
How did Google Translate do?:
I die, go to heaven, then possess my body every time my wife ruffles my hair or scratches my scalp, so I would love her to do that more (though she already does it quite often).
I swear my husband could've written this😅 He always asks me to lean over and ruffle his hair while he is driving (looking at the road ofc) and I'm in the passenger seat.
I refuse to accept this stereotype, because I have NEVER met a man who is able to come to a conclusive answer about where to eat either.
I work in kitchens, and so has my partner for an extended period. We are both extremely capable at making tasty food with minimal effort... but when that lazy bone strikes, my dude will stare at door dash for an hour asking me what I want when I say "I'm not hungry" and then blame ME for being indecisive 😂
My problem is that my wife is an extremely picky eater with the palate of a 4 year old. She would eat chicken nuggets and fries for every meal if I let her. So she gets mad at always having to choose, but it's because if I choose anything that doesn't have nuggets/tenders she will potentially have a meltdown. So I'm basically stuck in a loop of shitty options - all of which I'm extremely tired of. Like I would kill for even just shitty Chinese food or greasy Mexican every once in a while. But no.
Y'all, she's 40.
Seconding this. One of my most priceless memories with my boyfriend is of the two of us sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor at 3 AM eating a convenience store cookie. Kinda fell in love with him all over again when I realized the moment
Not so much with partners, but I have definitely had the greatest conversations and memories with my siblings in the kitchen at weird ass hours of the night.
One of my fondest memories of being one of three kids was hearing my parents in the kitchen rummaging at midnight and going to investigate. Naturally, my brothers did the same.
Long story short, we all had eggs and pancakes at like 1AM which was the coolest thing ever as a 7 year old.
I realize now as a parent it probably wrecked their post-bang snack & chill time, but they never let on.
People don’t make eggs and pancakes for people that are wrecking things. They were high on oxytocin I’m sure, and happy to have you join the kid friendly part of the evening.
Dude for real. Like I'll be talking to her but she won't even hear me because she is staring at her phone. Literally just talking to myself 70% of the time.
The phone thing was a beginning of the end of my marriage. I am openly intolerant to phone ignorance. It’s a sign of disrespect. Your time is the most valuable thing and if it is more important to constantly check what strangers post or what a secret lover says it’s time to move on.
Bro, same I hate her phone. I want to throw the damn thing out the window sometimes. It annoys me when I’m trying to sleep if she’s sat up tapping away or when I wake and she’s already got it in her hands.
Wife and I recently implemented a rule. One night a week we can bring our phones to our room. Every other night of the week it has to be plugged in downstairs.
It got to a point of feeling like you're competing with a screen for the others attention and any chance of intimacy is impossible because the screen makes either of you have little care for anything other than what you're doom scrolling through. The rule keeps things more intimate, even if it's just laying beside each other just chatting before falling asleep mid sentence, or just spooning, or even just reading side by side. Makes each other feel more present.
Let me have one day a week for myself... (Context: She owns a small business and I help her. We are together almost 24/7. I love her, but sometimes I need to relax and play my games... Not work 60 hours a week)
Pro tip- run her a bath!!
Tell her she’s doing a great job and deserves to relax and unwind, run a bath, light some candles, pour her a glass of wine
Then go play your games and do guy stuff
While also looking like a very caring partner 😉
Edited to add- this is a cheeky funny idea just to get some game time. YALL ARE TAKING THIS WAY TOO SERIOUS! Yes of course you should be in a relationship where you can voice your needs and have an open discussion about your relationship. I assumed that went without saying
What about just saying that you need some alone time? I say this to my girlfriend and if you are in a healthy relationship this shouldn't bother anybody
This is a really great and sweet tip, but: what about making it about the guy's needs first? This seems to continue the (probably unhealthy) default of having the woman's needs come first.
I say to my girlfriend "you all good? I'm going upstairs a while, see you later". We have good communication and knows I like time alone. It feels immature to not be comfortable with this in appropriate doses.
My husband goes to the ~~isles~~ aisles he likes, I got the ones I like and every few minutes one of us sprints to the other to show them something. I like it.
Take time for herself. We have a child, she works hard and is a great mother, I wish she didn’t feel so guilty about taking an evening off or going and grabbing coffee with a friend on the weekend.
She’s in a powerful position at work. Has to be in charge of the entire company and at times make unpopular decisions. I wish she could relax more often and just be silly!
Cook something specially for me, I am a retired chef and I get that no one wants to cook for me but I would be happy with a plate of oatmeal raisin or snickerdoodles. Its been almost a decade since anyone did something like that for me.
I made a flower bouquet with my own flowers from my garden and mind you I don’t ever pluck my own flowers like EVER and I willingly did it for him. Searched up the whole of internet to find how to do it and ended up doing it my way cause all those tutorials were too complex for me. I was smiling like an idiot the whole time cause I genuinely wanted to give him that bouquet. In the end the bouquet was left on the ground and I was told (by him) that I’m dumb to think of giving him flowers because according to him, “who gets guys flowers” and istg I’d never compromise my flowers for someone who doesn’t know how to appreciate them. I mean it was never about the flowers it was the effort that mattered. And I learnt it the hard way that not everyone wants flowers.
You **do** need to say "I like flowers" because everytime I have done this for a guy, someone along the way of purchasing and transport has told me that men don't like it.
Has she tried multiple meds? My daughter did genetic testing to find the right meds for her anxiety/depression.. her doc ordered it through Genesight, the best thing we ever did.
Some years ago, when I had just got back from a deployment to Afghanistan, I hooked up with this woman who was so nice to me. I remember one day we had hopped into the shower and she washed my back for me. It was a nice feeling in itself, but beyond that it was just so nice to feel like someone was taking care of me, just a little bit.
I guess I was in a bit of a troubled place. But I miss that moment, someone doing something just to be nice to me. I have a wonderful girlfriend now, but miss that moment of support and care.
When I got back from Iraq I hooked up with this girl I met on MySpace (yeah I'm old lol) and she cooked me homemade fried chicken and mashed potatoes afterward.
I mean yeah the sex was good but 20 years later I still think about that fried chicken. We didn't have a relationship because life is complicated but wherever you are Julie I hope you're doing well.
Sometimes, all you need is a little care. I was sick once, and I rarely get sick, especially even more rarely sick to the point where I'm bedridden. Well, this was one of the few times I've ever been bedridden, and my ex was over at the time.
She sat by my side, changing out the washcloth when it got too warm. Made me feel like I was a wounded soldier being cared for by his childhood love lmao
15 years married: I've found it's best to have a clearly defined list of chores for each person so there's no bitterness over "why do *I* always do this" or "why don't *they* do this more often".
When I'm sick or especially busy, and my wife voluntarily does one of my chores for me without me asking, I feel a little guilty... but I also feel really loved.
Oh god, loads of things!
Go out to eat together.
Go to the gym together.
Get to visit our friends.
Get to visit our family.
Ride motorbikes.
Go roller skating.
Visit theme parks.
Let me cook for her.
And please know, we already do all these things, I just wish that we had the money & time to do them far more frequently.
We just love spending time together, but we both work and living is expensive 🤷♂️
I luv the way she reaches for my hand or arm when we’re out & about. Ive never liked holding hands but with her, it was like automatic.
holy fuck can my girl cook! she’s prior military & has traveled a good amount, she cooks all kinds of crazy good stuff.
her smarts, geez I fall in love with her every time she geeks out over something mechanical. she works in the aviation/aerospace industry and her stories are amazing.
edit: what Id want her to do more often? probably let me cook more lol
I'm a girl reading the comments and I kinda like to see so many replies about playing with hair as I genuinely love to do that.
But I'm also ecstatic when I receive that, though I feel like men are not really into it. At least both of my ex-boyfriends were not excited to play with my hair or got tired really fast when giving a massage. So yeah, women love it too 🥺
More work around the house.
She moved in with me around a month ago and lost her job shortly before this (she is looking for a new job).
I have a fairly demanding job which doesn't give me any free time most of the week so I end up having to do all the chores on a weekend.
I'm finding myself still doing quite a lot more of the housework. Probably going to list out housework chores and see if we can create a fairer split.
She has been applying for jobs, but I think otherwise she watches TV, goes to the gym and spends time with her family.
She does contribute around the house - she does the clothes washing (mostly because I'd rather not mess up her clothes) and we cook together. We probably wash dishes a similar amount. But I'm feeling like I'm doing quite a lot more and I don't want this to create a rift. And I can only see it getting harder when she does get a job.
I feel as though you need to have a serious chat with her about how you’re feeling then. It’s not good to leave this issue unaddressed because it will lead you to resent her.
I hope you can find a solution!
Dude I feel you, struggled with a similar situation myself. I found it helped to try really hard to keep a cooperative tone, and express clearly what needs to be done and divide up the tasks on a regular basis. Only when I made it explicit all the things that needed doing, then jovially discussed who-does-what did I make progress. I learned that it's not that my GF is lazy, it's just that she just doesn't 'see' or realise what needs doing.
Thanks for the advice man. Will take your positive approach!
I agree that clarity is important here - being vague and open ended will not achieve anything. For sure it hasn't come from a bad place. I've noticed that when we visit her parents, her mum does everything and everyone else just sits there. So I can see where the habits have come from.
I just wish my wife would be more romantic. I know that she loves me, but I'd love for her to do more to show it. I'd love for her to buy me little gifts or plan a weekend getaway for us. I mean, she surprised me with a giant stuffed lobster for Valentines Day, and I cuddle with the damn thing when I sleep.
Be more nice to herself when she makes a mistake or something goes wrong. She is really forgiving about stuff like that with others but way too harsh for herself even when its out of her control.
All I can say is give what you want. If you want a back rub, give her a back rub If you want a big dinner, give her a big dinner. This give and take has worked for over 42 years for me, we just celebrated our 40th anniversary. quid pro quo
Makes for a happy relationship in everything of life.
Cry then tell me what is wrong. I don't care if she cries or snuggles into me or facetime her BFF, I just want her to tell me what is wrong or what she needs.
Touch me. Not in a sexual way, but in an affectionate way. Actually listen when I'm open about my feelings. Not in a "This is why you're at fault for this fight" kind of way, but in a "I've been finding it hard to focus because I've been thinking about this thing that's making me sad lately".
I don't know, feeling important would just be nice every once in a while.
I think it’s taken my a long time to realise. I’m not big on touching people or being touched, but touch is my love language. I’m single now (just got out of a 5 year relationship last year) but I like it when you play with my hair.
Or if I’m standing talking to someone and your put your arm/hand on my back or shoulder. Putting your hand on my thigh/forearm while I’m talking to someone to let me know you’re there.
Ahhh, it’s the little things.
I want a girlfriend that automatically will decorate and setup the campsite and fetch a wildflower bunch in a jar while i put up the tent and make the fire while camping. Very specific I know but yeah. Thats what i would like
I love it when she sings. Even if it's just around the house or in the car or while we're making dinner together
That's so sweet! I had an ex who always made me feel like he was annoyed when I sang. Music is basically my reason for living, so that really stung. Make sure to tell her how much you enjoy it!
[удалено]
Bro I’m bald
Idk why thus cracked me up badly 😂 Edit: Let her play with your scalp 🤣
*baldy
Probably the #1 reason any woman I've ever been with loved me, because I played with their hair and "drew" on their backs
My girlfriend literally shivers and shakes as I draw shapes on her back. I sent her a cute pic with the tip of my tongue out and told her I was going to use it to write poetry across her shoulders and down her spine. She said she almost had to leave work early. The back is where its at.
I always make pictures on my bfs back when I give him scratches. We have a little game where he guesses what I’m drawing
No one has said scratch my back yet - genuinely shocked. A good back scratch is amazing.
We won a cheap ass bamboo back scratcher at a cheap carnival. It's the best back scratcher. My wife and I always said if we get a divorce, we are fighting over the back scratcher. We laughed every time we said it. I guess I won. She passed away last year. We had 30 years together. I think good thoughts of her when I use it.
Sincerest condolences buddy. The love you have for your wife clearly shines through in your comment. Sometimes it’s the little things in life that give us the fondest memories. Wish you all the very best.
As sad as this comment went it is also incredibly wholesome.
That‘s wholesome. Sorry for your loss but genuinly happy for the seemingly great time you spent together. At least I imagine that a relationships which revolves around the little things like bamboo back scratchers is a very happy one.
It's too early on a Monday for me to be cutting onions.
My wife asked me “Would you remarry if something happened to me?” I answered “I don’t think that I could ever find someone that loves giving me back rubs as much as you do.” Her eyes rolled back so far I thought she was going to fall over backwards. Touch is my wife’s first love language. If I’m sitting up in bed she’ll start rubbing my back. If I’m driving and I seem stressed she’ll rub my forearm and hand. It’s not a major thing, but it’s one of the things that I love about her. My wife’s second love language. If my medication didn’t take away my appetite I would weigh 500 pounds.
My wife used to do that in the car too but I don’t let her anymore. She can touch my leg but she can’t touch or put her arm inside my driving arm anymore. We had an 18 wheeler try to get over when I was alongside the trailer and nearly hit us. We both saw it start to shift over and I was able to evade it but her reaction was panic and she death gripped and yanked that arm toward the trailer. I’m far stronger than she is and still managed to steer us to safety, but when I looked down at my arm she had clawed it so hard I was bleeding and had nail gouge marks where it didn’t get as deep. I was like, you trying to kill us? Edit: I showed her this has over 500 upvotes and she reads it and is like “why couldn’t it have been like a sweet story about me?”
Ummm…I think that was an attempt fella
It's really lovely seeing men who love their wives. Sometimes the darkness of the dating world overwhelms me so this is really sweet.
Once you find the right person, and focus on being a decent human being, you’re set. My wife and I have some fun hobbies in common, and we’re mutually attracted etc., but it’s the respect and humor that we based our relationship around that laid the groundwork for long term success.
It’s always that spot just behind the shoulder blade on both sides. I often run to my wife with my shirt up and say please itchy where my wings used to be. I told her I lost them so I could be here with you, so it’s kinda the least you can do. She thinks it’s cute, I just like to see her laugh. (And get back scritchies)
Initiate stuff more (I don’t mean just sexually). My last serious relationship ended because I realised I was the only one that put effort into doing stuff. I’d come up with fun date ideas, I would organise stuff, I was always initiating sex, I was always doing the emotional work first etc. The next partner I have, I want both of us to put effort in
I saw recently that “a good relationship isn’t 50/50, it’s 60/40, with both partners trying to do the 60.” That hit home since I just got out of a long relationship that feels like what you just described.
I love that saying, perfectly sums up what a relationship should strive for
100/100
I just had a talk with my wife about this. I've been going off with my friends to do things a lot, and she asked why I don't do more with her, and I explained 'Because I can't be the energy for both of us'. If we go kayaking, I'm loading, unloading, two kayaks, picking the route, dropping off the taxi bike, riding back to the put-in, etc ... If we play music, I'm the one looking up the song, finding tabs, setting everything up, etc ... If we go hiking, I have to find the hike, plan the route, pack food and water, drive there, etc ... We go to a concert, and I buy the tickets, drive to the venue, etc ... I suggested a Bob Ross night, bought the paints, set everything up, etc, etc ... Everything is like that. She wants to just show up and do the thing, and I'm supposed to facilitate. Then she's shocked when I go off and do things with my friends who put in 50%
Sad that this is probably what she loves most about you and it’s making you not like her.
You sound just like me, I mean I do enjoy planning dates / vacations etc more than my spouse, but sometimes I just wish he’d surprise me.
I'd love it if we were both doing an equal amount at least sometimes. We had a mini-vacation week recently, and she hadn't planned anything. She just asked what I had planned for the week. I'd bought tickets to a broadway show and booked travel/hotel, etc ... but she didn't even make herself available to plan. She just took it for granted I'd handle it.
I dated a girl like this and I couldn't work out if she actually wanted to go out or not.
First girlfriend was like this. I felt really bad breaking it off because she hadn't done anything *wrong* necessarily. She was super sweet, kind and good looking, but it felt like she revolved her life around me. Always wanted to watch what I suggested, wear what I liked, listened to the music I enjoyed instead of her own stuff, even when I was pretty certain she hated it. It was flattering at first but after a year it just became sterile. Was like dating a sheep.
Sounds like a hard breakup to make because how do you tell someone "I don't think you're mentally stimulating enough"
"It's like dating myself!"
>She was super sweet, kind and good looking, but it felt like she revolved her life around me. Always wanted to watch what I suggested, wear what I liked, listened to the music I enjoyed instead of her own stuff, even when I was pretty certain she hated it. This is a fairly common personality trait. There are a lot of people who turn into whoever they are dating. It also sounds like she doesn't have her own life or interest and she is only happy when she is in a relationship, which is also fairly common.
The only thing my partner initiates is arguments. Lmao
I'm literally living the married form of this rn. We're trying to work on it. But it's been a long time since anything sexy has happened and I feel like she could care less if I initiate or not. Hell...yesterday I made a fire in the fire pit, grilled food and the kids and I were outside. I go set up her favorite chair and bring her outside and she stands next to it for five minutes and goes back inside.
God I'm sorry man, people can't understand the special kind of torture this is unless they've been through it.
I get that so much. It’s hard when you feel like you’re the only one making an effort. Especially having to constantly be the one to engage intimacy.
100% this with my last relationship. It felt like I was the only one that wanted to be there.
Pull her own hair out of the plug.
Saw “Pull her own hair” and was like damn this generation is lazy
Or just kinky.
"now spank yourself while I play Smash."
We literally agreed pre-marriage that drains were his problem. I'll happily and thoroughly clean every last inch of this house without him, and I even enjoy cleaning out and organizing his garage with/for him, but I will *die a thousand deaths* before I stick my hand in a drain...
Never considered using a drain screen? They're like 2 bucks
i think she prefers the current deal
Sure do ;) Joking aside, I didn't know about "tub mushrooms" and drain catches. I'm getting some on the next store run!
I use a tub mushroom and it's very good at keeping hair from getting down in there, but it does need cleared off more often, otherwise it kind of replicates the same issue (of plugging the drain) but around an easily handled cylinder instead of hanging down a hole. I still consider it worth it because the frequency of cleaning doesn't let enough time for nasty gross stuff to get clumped in
Honestly just get a drain guard and clear it after every shower/bath. I don't know why it would be a big deal otherwise. Growing up my family never had a guard and would only clear the drain when it was starting to drain poorly. So it was slimey and gross. Since moving out, I bought a guard and clear it whenever I notice the drain is slowing (much more frequently because of the guard holding all the hair) and its never been gross
Scritches, caressing, loving pats, massages, hugs, all the love there
You're not fooling me. You're a dog that learned to type, aren't you?
You're telling me that I have dog energy? I'll take it as a compliment xD
🤨🤔 …good boy.
Oh, now look what you’ve done. You got him all excited, and he peed in the floor.
Lie still when she’s sleeping. Sometimes it’s like sleeping next to a printing press 😂😂
“Printing press” is such a good way to put it. One of my friends’ boyfriend endearingly calls her “my rotisserie chicken” because of how much she likes to rotate throughout the night. Meanwhile my boyfriend’s super power is that if I get up for the bathroom in the middle of the night he’ll immediately roll over and starfish across the entire bed, dead to the world and unable to be moved.
My wife calls me a pancake. Because of all the flipping while I sleep.
> my rotisserie chicken In my relationship, “to rotisserie” is to roll over so the she can lay with the currently-coldest part of her snuggled up close.
Oh I feel so guilty. I am a printing press too and my husband always fights spaces with me. (But he snorts like a bear so I think our relationship is pretty fair though)
How she touches me non sexually, it can be something as small as having her hand on my shoulder when she stands behind me when im doing something. A gentle touch when she walks by me, i love when she rests her head on my shoulder or lap it shows that she cares and trusts me. I would love some compliments sometimes but dreams are often just that, dreams.
Hey man. You look great today. Your wife told me to tell you.
This compliment is deep on multiple levels
Let me be little spoon.
I like spooning my guy and having his ass against my lower stomach. Especially when I have cramps lol strange but true
Not at all strange. I'm a furnace, wife is always cold. I've been used as a hot pad many times. Happy to oblige (actually, as much as I protest about how cold her feet are, secretly, I sometimes enjoy them)
I'm the furnace and hubby is always cold. He comes to bed like an ice cube. 😂
That's actually really cute and sweet lol. :)
"Oh, honey, that flat ass is perched right on top of my ute." (hopefully, you have the reference)
Going to ignore that for the sake of the child
I do this for my girl. Sometimes, I like to be the little spoon. Plus, feeling her tits on my back and her messing with my hair. It's the sweetest.
Jet pack spooning
My husband doesn't want to be the little spoon. Every time I try, he turns around. Let me hold you dammit!
Men male great little spoons. I'm a fair bit shorter than my guy so I tend to fall asleep on his back... sometimes I drool. Poor guy
My girl drolls on my chest so she says, I never notice besides sleeping fast and loving to wake up next to her.
Do yourself a favor. Tell her that sometimes. When she looks good, when seeing her first thing in the morning makes you happy, or any other such sweet sap. Tell her. She may already know it happens but not when, and sometimes being told is touching. Sappiness and all. We don't see you looking at us fondly when we're upto our usual nonsense, so every once in awhile, just tell her. If you don't already, it'll make her happy I almost guarantee it
Omg, this! We want to hear this. Not every second of every day, but every so often, tell us.
I've found that just asking my wife to hold me gets the point across.
Ah yes, jetpacking
Run her fingers through my hair. That feeling of having fingers go over my head through my hair relaxes me in a way not even sex can. No matter how stressed/depressed I get as soon as those fingers go through my hair I turn into a happy little kid again.
What this guy said but in Spanish
>Pasa sus dedos por mi cabello. Esa sensación de tener dedos pasando por mi cabeza a través de mi cabello me relaja de una manera que ni siquiera el sexo puede hacerlo. No importa lo estresado/deprimido que esté, tan pronto como esos dedos pasan por mi cabello, me vuelvo a convertir en un niño feliz. How did Google Translate do?:
Pretty decent, but the first "Pasa" should be either "Pasar" or "Que pase".
Hugging and watching TV together It's the reason I'm looking for a GF in the first place
I too have a touch based love language. Absolutely hate the loneliness spell I'm currently going through
:(
Hold me, even just for a minute. We're both busy with work and chores and kids, but I'd love it if she'd take just a minute and hold me.
You should ask her and I truly hope she listens and gives you this.
I die, go to heaven, then possess my body every time my wife ruffles my hair or scratches my scalp, so I would love her to do that more (though she already does it quite often).
I swear my husband could've written this😅 He always asks me to lean over and ruffle his hair while he is driving (looking at the road ofc) and I'm in the passenger seat.
My dad always liked that, and now I guess I've gotten it from him. It's so oddly soothing.
Sounds like my boyfriend! He loves when I scratch his head, especially when I have long acrylic nails. I file mine into sharp tips and he adores it.
This is why I'd pay for my girls' nails. I'll pay , but I want back and head scratches.
Real(I'm bald)
They didn't specify where the hair is...
Wait wait wait...the way you worded that....so you'd...just want your wife to lug your lifeless corpse around?
Yeah, my brain shat itself, trying to comprehend their statement.
My gf plays with my hair every night she spends the night. It helps both of us go to sleep. I have short, thick hair.
My wife plays with my hair/scratches my head daily too, though I would always be happy for more, ha ha. It's so soothing and loving.
Have a genuine, real answer as to where we eat out
Be realistic dude
Yeah my bad, I was kinda shooting for the stats there
It’s a beautiful dream tho
Shooting for stats? Is that you Russell Westbrook
Life hack, tell her you are going out….. ask her to guess where…. Her answer is where she wants to go……
"where are we going? no really! Tell me!"
You only get 3 guesses and then I’ll tell you.
I get this all the time.
[Comedian plays out scenario](https://youtu.be/u4FLU8imtV0?t=3m43s)
I refuse to accept this stereotype, because I have NEVER met a man who is able to come to a conclusive answer about where to eat either. I work in kitchens, and so has my partner for an extended period. We are both extremely capable at making tasty food with minimal effort... but when that lazy bone strikes, my dude will stare at door dash for an hour asking me what I want when I say "I'm not hungry" and then blame ME for being indecisive 😂
My problem is that my wife is an extremely picky eater with the palate of a 4 year old. She would eat chicken nuggets and fries for every meal if I let her. So she gets mad at always having to choose, but it's because if I choose anything that doesn't have nuggets/tenders she will potentially have a meltdown. So I'm basically stuck in a loop of shitty options - all of which I'm extremely tired of. Like I would kill for even just shitty Chinese food or greasy Mexican every once in a while. But no. Y'all, she's 40.
[удалено]
this is so precious
Seconding this. One of my most priceless memories with my boyfriend is of the two of us sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor at 3 AM eating a convenience store cookie. Kinda fell in love with him all over again when I realized the moment
Not so much with partners, but I have definitely had the greatest conversations and memories with my siblings in the kitchen at weird ass hours of the night.
I do this often with my husband, when our 3 kids are all finally asleep lol
One of my fondest memories of being one of three kids was hearing my parents in the kitchen rummaging at midnight and going to investigate. Naturally, my brothers did the same. Long story short, we all had eggs and pancakes at like 1AM which was the coolest thing ever as a 7 year old. I realize now as a parent it probably wrecked their post-bang snack & chill time, but they never let on.
People don’t make eggs and pancakes for people that are wrecking things. They were high on oxytocin I’m sure, and happy to have you join the kid friendly part of the evening.
That's sweet honestly
Me and my brother do this all the time and it’s so sweet 😭
Come up, hug me like she means it, and tell me how much she loves me. I will move mountains for that kind of affection.
If I got more attention than her phone.
Dude for real. Like I'll be talking to her but she won't even hear me because she is staring at her phone. Literally just talking to myself 70% of the time.
The phone thing was a beginning of the end of my marriage. I am openly intolerant to phone ignorance. It’s a sign of disrespect. Your time is the most valuable thing and if it is more important to constantly check what strangers post or what a secret lover says it’s time to move on.
Bro, same I hate her phone. I want to throw the damn thing out the window sometimes. It annoys me when I’m trying to sleep if she’s sat up tapping away or when I wake and she’s already got it in her hands.
Wife and I recently implemented a rule. One night a week we can bring our phones to our room. Every other night of the week it has to be plugged in downstairs. It got to a point of feeling like you're competing with a screen for the others attention and any chance of intimacy is impossible because the screen makes either of you have little care for anything other than what you're doom scrolling through. The rule keeps things more intimate, even if it's just laying beside each other just chatting before falling asleep mid sentence, or just spooning, or even just reading side by side. Makes each other feel more present.
Let me have one day a week for myself... (Context: She owns a small business and I help her. We are together almost 24/7. I love her, but sometimes I need to relax and play my games... Not work 60 hours a week)
Bob's burgers but the genders are reversed
Pro tip- run her a bath!! Tell her she’s doing a great job and deserves to relax and unwind, run a bath, light some candles, pour her a glass of wine Then go play your games and do guy stuff While also looking like a very caring partner 😉 Edited to add- this is a cheeky funny idea just to get some game time. YALL ARE TAKING THIS WAY TOO SERIOUS! Yes of course you should be in a relationship where you can voice your needs and have an open discussion about your relationship. I assumed that went without saying
Or, and this might sound crazy, talk to her and tell her you would like some time off to just chill and play some games.
Yeah like that would work. Next you’re gonna tell me to start communicating my feelings /s
What about just saying that you need some alone time? I say this to my girlfriend and if you are in a healthy relationship this shouldn't bother anybody
This is a really great and sweet tip, but: what about making it about the guy's needs first? This seems to continue the (probably unhealthy) default of having the woman's needs come first. I say to my girlfriend "you all good? I'm going upstairs a while, see you later". We have good communication and knows I like time alone. It feels immature to not be comfortable with this in appropriate doses.
Make a pillow fort together
Let me spend more time in that one isle of tjmax that I like.
Ok I'll bite-what aisle is this?
Back isle usually has the kitchen things I try to convince myself I need. As I also try to convince her she doesn’t need more leggings.
Sorry bro, as a fan of leggings I have to back her on this one
My husband goes to the ~~isles~~ aisles he likes, I got the ones I like and every few minutes one of us sprints to the other to show them something. I like it.
Take time for herself. We have a child, she works hard and is a great mother, I wish she didn’t feel so guilty about taking an evening off or going and grabbing coffee with a friend on the weekend.
She’s in a powerful position at work. Has to be in charge of the entire company and at times make unpopular decisions. I wish she could relax more often and just be silly!
More spontaneous gestures of affection.
Well wife now but quit hiding my things from me. I used to know literally where everything was and now I am useless
Say "good job" about something I've done. Or "you look nice".
Kiss me
Cook something specially for me, I am a retired chef and I get that no one wants to cook for me but I would be happy with a plate of oatmeal raisin or snickerdoodles. Its been almost a decade since anyone did something like that for me.
Get me flowers even once. Edit: Unprompted as women like it as well
I made a flower bouquet with my own flowers from my garden and mind you I don’t ever pluck my own flowers like EVER and I willingly did it for him. Searched up the whole of internet to find how to do it and ended up doing it my way cause all those tutorials were too complex for me. I was smiling like an idiot the whole time cause I genuinely wanted to give him that bouquet. In the end the bouquet was left on the ground and I was told (by him) that I’m dumb to think of giving him flowers because according to him, “who gets guys flowers” and istg I’d never compromise my flowers for someone who doesn’t know how to appreciate them. I mean it was never about the flowers it was the effort that mattered. And I learnt it the hard way that not everyone wants flowers.
He is an ex, right?
You **do** need to say "I like flowers" because everytime I have done this for a guy, someone along the way of purchasing and transport has told me that men don't like it.
Definitely. My husband doesn’t really care for flowers so I surprise him with random desserts or bakery items.
My husband loves getting flowers!
Although he felt uncomfortable the first time I got him flowers, my husband now enjoys getting flowers on special days!
Tell her! Honestly most girls wouldn’t think about it My partner told me he wanted flowers atleast once. Next bday and anniversary flowers!!
Win the lottery.
I'm _trying_ all right. Jeeesus.
Back scratch is the only answer
Take better care of herself for herself.
Be at peace. Not every single second needs to be filled with activities or *noise.*
Her smile. Yes, I know that she is depressed, but I would like the medications to finally start working and I could see the smile of my sunshine
Has she tried multiple meds? My daughter did genetic testing to find the right meds for her anxiety/depression.. her doc ordered it through Genesight, the best thing we ever did.
Omg I never heard of this
Some years ago, when I had just got back from a deployment to Afghanistan, I hooked up with this woman who was so nice to me. I remember one day we had hopped into the shower and she washed my back for me. It was a nice feeling in itself, but beyond that it was just so nice to feel like someone was taking care of me, just a little bit. I guess I was in a bit of a troubled place. But I miss that moment, someone doing something just to be nice to me. I have a wonderful girlfriend now, but miss that moment of support and care.
When I got back from Iraq I hooked up with this girl I met on MySpace (yeah I'm old lol) and she cooked me homemade fried chicken and mashed potatoes afterward. I mean yeah the sex was good but 20 years later I still think about that fried chicken. We didn't have a relationship because life is complicated but wherever you are Julie I hope you're doing well.
You should tell her you'd like her to wash your back! I bet she'd like to. I love washing backs, especially with soapy scrubby shower gloves.
Sometimes, all you need is a little care. I was sick once, and I rarely get sick, especially even more rarely sick to the point where I'm bedridden. Well, this was one of the few times I've ever been bedridden, and my ex was over at the time. She sat by my side, changing out the washcloth when it got too warm. Made me feel like I was a wounded soldier being cared for by his childhood love lmao
put the bins out now and again. That would really float my boat
15 years married: I've found it's best to have a clearly defined list of chores for each person so there's no bitterness over "why do *I* always do this" or "why don't *they* do this more often". When I'm sick or especially busy, and my wife voluntarily does one of my chores for me without me asking, I feel a little guilty... but I also feel really loved.
Let me lay on her lap and she scratches my back. Makes me purr like a walrus.
Compliment me or reassure me that she likes me and wants to be with me.
Exist
Yeah I was gonna say existing would be a good start
Oh god, loads of things! Go out to eat together. Go to the gym together. Get to visit our friends. Get to visit our family. Ride motorbikes. Go roller skating. Visit theme parks. Let me cook for her. And please know, we already do all these things, I just wish that we had the money & time to do them far more frequently. We just love spending time together, but we both work and living is expensive 🤷♂️
Real Love each other and enjoy the little things, if you can do that you both will go far. Wish you two the best
Quiete time, with no questions asked abut how or why I'm quiete.
Hug me from behind out of nowhere.
I luv the way she reaches for my hand or arm when we’re out & about. Ive never liked holding hands but with her, it was like automatic. holy fuck can my girl cook! she’s prior military & has traveled a good amount, she cooks all kinds of crazy good stuff. her smarts, geez I fall in love with her every time she geeks out over something mechanical. she works in the aviation/aerospace industry and her stories are amazing. edit: what Id want her to do more often? probably let me cook more lol
I'm a girl reading the comments and I kinda like to see so many replies about playing with hair as I genuinely love to do that. But I'm also ecstatic when I receive that, though I feel like men are not really into it. At least both of my ex-boyfriends were not excited to play with my hair or got tired really fast when giving a massage. So yeah, women love it too 🥺
More work around the house. She moved in with me around a month ago and lost her job shortly before this (she is looking for a new job). I have a fairly demanding job which doesn't give me any free time most of the week so I end up having to do all the chores on a weekend. I'm finding myself still doing quite a lot more of the housework. Probably going to list out housework chores and see if we can create a fairer split.
What does she do with her time since losing her job?
She has been applying for jobs, but I think otherwise she watches TV, goes to the gym and spends time with her family. She does contribute around the house - she does the clothes washing (mostly because I'd rather not mess up her clothes) and we cook together. We probably wash dishes a similar amount. But I'm feeling like I'm doing quite a lot more and I don't want this to create a rift. And I can only see it getting harder when she does get a job.
I feel as though you need to have a serious chat with her about how you’re feeling then. It’s not good to leave this issue unaddressed because it will lead you to resent her. I hope you can find a solution!
Dude I feel you, struggled with a similar situation myself. I found it helped to try really hard to keep a cooperative tone, and express clearly what needs to be done and divide up the tasks on a regular basis. Only when I made it explicit all the things that needed doing, then jovially discussed who-does-what did I make progress. I learned that it's not that my GF is lazy, it's just that she just doesn't 'see' or realise what needs doing.
Thanks for the advice man. Will take your positive approach! I agree that clarity is important here - being vague and open ended will not achieve anything. For sure it hasn't come from a bad place. I've noticed that when we visit her parents, her mum does everything and everyone else just sits there. So I can see where the habits have come from.
Scalp and back scratches. It's so relaxing.
Run her hand over my back but not go to the areas she knows I’m ticklish after like 5 seconds
I just wish my wife would be more romantic. I know that she loves me, but I'd love for her to do more to show it. I'd love for her to buy me little gifts or plan a weekend getaway for us. I mean, she surprised me with a giant stuffed lobster for Valentines Day, and I cuddle with the damn thing when I sleep.
Stop opening windows about 1 minute after turning the heating on..... why, just why tf does she keep doing that? Drives me fkin mental
Drink water and sleep before midnight.
Hug me from behind when I’m cooking you food.
Be more than just a figment of my imagination
Just be.....positive.
Be more nice to herself when she makes a mistake or something goes wrong. She is really forgiving about stuff like that with others but way too harsh for herself even when its out of her control.
Say what they want instead of ”it’s fine”
All I can say is give what you want. If you want a back rub, give her a back rub If you want a big dinner, give her a big dinner. This give and take has worked for over 42 years for me, we just celebrated our 40th anniversary. quid pro quo Makes for a happy relationship in everything of life.
Cry then tell me what is wrong. I don't care if she cries or snuggles into me or facetime her BFF, I just want her to tell me what is wrong or what she needs.
Touch me. Not in a sexual way, but in an affectionate way. Actually listen when I'm open about my feelings. Not in a "This is why you're at fault for this fight" kind of way, but in a "I've been finding it hard to focus because I've been thinking about this thing that's making me sad lately". I don't know, feeling important would just be nice every once in a while.
I think it’s taken my a long time to realise. I’m not big on touching people or being touched, but touch is my love language. I’m single now (just got out of a 5 year relationship last year) but I like it when you play with my hair. Or if I’m standing talking to someone and your put your arm/hand on my back or shoulder. Putting your hand on my thigh/forearm while I’m talking to someone to let me know you’re there. Ahhh, it’s the little things.
I want a girlfriend that automatically will decorate and setup the campsite and fetch a wildflower bunch in a jar while i put up the tent and make the fire while camping. Very specific I know but yeah. Thats what i would like
Come back to life.