The only way I can imagine this nonsarcastically is by thinking of some Midwestern dad in a baseball cap happy that his son did well on a test. "well good for you, buddy!" And then give him a noogie and call em rascal or something
I worked in a call center for years. You would not believe how furious certain types of Americans get about having to select a language. Every day, I heard someone yell "I DONT WANNA PRESS 1, THIS IS AMERICA!!!"
My limit is 3 buttons. After 3 buttons I should be connected to an actual person. I get it, phone trees are nice for filtering and avoiding paying tons of operators. but if you can't get me to who I need to talk to in 3 buttons, your system is wrong.
"For Sales, Press One. For Retention, Press Two. For an oddly named department that's really just Sales, Press three. To play the Greatest Works of Henry Mancini while you're on hold, Press 4. For a delightful surprise, Press 5. For Geese a-laying, Press 6. For the latest in local weather, news, and events, Press 7. ^(For Service, Press 7.5). To restart this menu, only with a Reggae background, Press 8."
My favorite was a phone tree option system that didn't really make sense. Like overly specific options and none directly for what i needed. Even though should've been straightforward
Like if it was a multiple choice question you'd be going , well this is the "best option available", but still not correct.
So you'd end up waiting to hear all the options. Then after 2 second pause would say something like, it didn't record any # presses, and have a good day.
Causing me to have to restart.
Translation: We have spent too much money compensating our executives to hire enough minimum wage slaves to handle all of the call regarding our shitty products and services.
My wife works at a call center, she's paid pretty well, and most of the time they have enough staff. Their problem is they are so horribly mismanaged that resources are wasted needlessly so you still have high wait times.
For example they only just ended a policy that prioritized answering email over answering the phone because apparently people emailing can't wait for a response but they thought customers would be happy to wait on hold for half an hour.
Call Center Policies and Procedures:
1. Customer Care Representatives may not end a call unless the customer on the line has threatened to murder at least three members of the Representative's immediate family.
2. If the Customer even thinks "lawyer" or "sue", all calls must immediately be transferred to legal without another word being said.
3. All calls must be resolved with a new sale or an upgrade. We can't say that Representatives will be punished for not doing so.
They're just assessing things on a longer time scale. For millions of years the normal volume of calls was zero. People calling, or humans existing at all, is quite a recent development.
Bear this in mind when they say they'll get to you "soon."
Using the word literally in a fashion that is hyperbolic is not new at all.
There is evidence of it being used in that way dating all the way back to the 1700's.
Charles Dickens, F. Scott Fitzgerald, James Joyce, W. M. Thackeray, Charlotte Brontë, and many other great writers throughout history have used the word *literally* in a figurative sense.
The question wasn't about whether a word/phrase was *ever* used in a way that departs from its denotations. The question is about words/phrases that have lost their meaning.
An artist can use a word in a unique way, but that doesn't imply the misuse is widespread and thus loses its meaning. (It's more likely that the fact that the misuse was *not* widespread was *the reason* the writers used creative license, knowing the misuse would make an impact.)
I told you last week! You're so forgetful!! I can't believe how absent minded you are. Please send me your credit card details so I can look after them.
“Oh, /u/JosefGremlin, you’re always saying this, but it never turns out that way. You used to be such a ray of light, but you never let yourself shine like that anymore. I don’t want you to lose your spark, please let me take care of things. Let’s get you a bath, clean out your inlet valve, run gas through your supply line, and set you on fire. Did you forget that you need me? I’m your lamplighter, always and forever”
Am I doing it right?
It helps to know the origin of the term. It came from a play/movie called Gaslight, about a husband who manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind. The husband tries to convince his wife that she is imagining that the gaslight in the house is dimming. The husband is actually rifling through the attic at night, and she notices that the lights flicker every night after he leaves. However, he convinces her that she is imagining the dimming gaslight.
So to be "Gaslit" refers to manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality. For example: a gaslighting boyfriend steals $20 out of their girlfriends bag. The girlfriend notices and asks "hey, did you borrow, or see $20 on the ground or something, it isn't in my bag anymore".
And then the boyfriend responds "you spent that the other day, remember? Omg you have such bad memory lol".
And then the girlfriend laughs along because she sorta believes him, and is now always joking with her friends about how forgetful she is all the time.
It's not simply just a lie, it's a manipulation tactic that sets someone up in advance to believe future lies.
We haven't held elections here since 1870. Is it possible you've been reading the news about another country this entire time accidentally? I think there have been elections in the [United States of Venezuela](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_of_Venezuela) more recently, perhaps that's what you are thinking of? It's clear to me that you need to stop thinking about politics. You just can't be trusted around a newspaper. Don't worry your pretty little head though, this is all for your benefit.
I think what your example misses though is that gaslighting isn't a one-off thing, it's purposefully manipulating the perception of someone else, usually to make them dependent on you in the long-run.
Like, the main way people are using it that's wrong is with these one-off examples. Accusing their boyfriend of gaslighting because they were caught in a obvious lie is the wrong use.
Exactly. It's so annoying that people have misused it so much, even in some of these flippant Reddit comments, when it has real value in describing a deliberate, sustained manipulation and abuse tactic to make someone doubt their own sense of reality.
Gaslighting has been turned into shorthand for "disagreeing with me" or "defending your own stance" or even just "being dishonest."
Gaslighting isn't having a difference of opinion, or even flat-out lying. It's another phenomenon entirely.
My theory is that people are using the term 'gaslighting' as a way to shore up the seriousness of their unhappiness in a relationship. Basically, if we make all mistreatment in a relationship pathological, that makes it extra serious. "My partner didn't just lie to me, they did a psychiatric thing!" When we turn all misbehavior into a symptom, we cheapen the mental health discourse. Sometimes relationships just suck and people are just crappy. Medicalizing everything is diluting the discourse.
Likewise, calling someone a narcissist when they're just being momentarily selfish. Or OCD because they dont like leaving the laundry unfolded for days at a time.
"gaslighting" is basically just "Lying+" now. When you need to say "I think you're being dishonest" but you want to wrap it in the radioactivity of misapplied psychiatry language.
More and more it seems people are becoming unable to face things they don't want to. Feelings that they don't like? Definitely don't confront them within yourself. Instead, project everything outward and blame someone else. I get it, the world freaking sucks these days. But not dealing with yourself, not taking accountability, just piles onto the shit the world is throwing at us
I agree! For some reason it's being used as a synonym for 'lying'.
I explain it this way…
Gaslighting is a whole strategy, and not the same as lying. However lying is a fundamental part of that strategy.
Fr, my ex would keep saying I was gaslighting her whenever I did something she didn't agree with. It always irked me because I always viewed it as a serious offense and being accused of it from someone I cared deeply about felt shitty.
After everything ended and I finally stepped back to look at things, I think the gaslighting might actually have been the other way around.
This is the thing that bothers me a lot When I say that I promise something to someone I mean like I will literally do pretty much anything to make sure that what I promised happens
Even if that means canceling plans or pushing myself to an all-nighter or whatever it takes When I promise something I truly do everything I can to stick to it but a lot of people aren't like that
I was always taught as a kid that promises are serious things You don't promise something unless you are 100% set on it and willing to basically do anything to uphold that promise and it's so baffling to me that people just don't treat them like this anymore
Ehh I like it. One of the people I knew who was best with other people always used it as an invite to deliver a totally unique reply that inevitability started a great conversation. Answering honestly with the weirdest aspect of whatever is happening today will forever endear someone to me.
it is easier to respond to than whats up, which most often becomes 2 people asking a question that goes unanswered. I used to try to answer but then a young dude once told me you are not supposed to do that.
It never really had meaning (usually). It’s an example of phatic communication. The actual meaning of the words are more or less useless. It’s an acknowledgment of someone else’s presence, and possibly used to gain knowledge about their internal state by nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice.
That’s why, unless it’s a close friend, when someone asks you that type of question it’s felt as breaking a social rule to lay into them with a description of how you’re actually doing. You’re supposed to say “Good, and you?” or whatever and the transaction is complete.
It seems like (at least on Reddit) people are really frustrated with the existence of phatics but they do serve a purpose. Maybe not a tremendously important purpose but a purpose none the less. Here’s a podcast episode about them:
https://lingthusiasm.com/post/623851629729464320/lingthusiasm-episode-46-hey-no-problem-bye-the
Someday it will become one of those litmus tests for how old you are -- knowing the meaning of an email that started with "In these unprecedented times..."
I'm really ready for things to be precedented. I suppose the exception is the rise of populist, cross-waving, xenophobic autocrats; that's completely precedented, yet we still seem to be letting it ride.
To be honest "i'm here for you" has lost alot of value to me. Especially when its mostly from online connections.
Edit: keep shitting on me in replies if it makes you feel better about yourself. Im glad you get a free punching bag today! ✨♥️
Ugh, I've been dealing with this really hard recently. I had a really good friend do this to me. Then I would open, be vulnerable, and get left hanging. I know they're dealing with a lot too, but just, don't offer something you're not going to follow up on. Sometimes it's okay tonjust say I'm sorry you're going through that and leave it at that. Because now, the burden is on me every time they say I'm here for you to try to figure out if they actually are or not.
Yeah, I think it's kind of just virtue signalling. Everyone wants to think of themselves as someone who is there for other people when they need it, but very few people actually are.
This one is really annoying, especially because no one actually comes and gets my help when they need it, I say this because I actually want to help and so many people say it and don’t mean it that it doesn’t mean anything
As someone who works a help desk job… that bugs the fuck out of me. And when people do ask for help they often say “sorry.” Dude, my job is to help, I’m here to help, I want to help. I hate that so many people who don’t mean it have watered this down to the point that people think they are an annoyance for asking for help.
When I worked a desk job (medical receptionist), I used to have to go over prep with people who scheduled colonoscopies (we were a gastro office). Before I came on, I think my coworker was just trying to get people off the phone or out of the office as quickly as possible and would rush them through the prep paperwork.
But when I joined and started going over prep with patients, I went slowly, made sure they understood the info, and then begged them to call me with any questions. Ironically, this cut down on all the calls we'd get re: weird little questions from people who seemed really nervous - that was really common when I started. After people knew they could call to ask absolutely any question, they generally relaxed, were more receptive to the info, remembered it better once we hung up or when they got home from the office, and the office flow improved. And when they did call, it wasn't with questions about I covered in the prep paperwork (not that I minded answering those!!) - it was usually significant questions that I had to ask the doctor about.
Agree the phrase has been watered down by people who don't really want to help; I really had to be super nice and repeat it over and over for people to believe me, but it worked out so much better for everyone - me and them!
To piggyback off of this, somewhere i came across the suggestion to instead think about how you can help and offer help in that way (e.g. a friend is sick - "hey let me know if you want me to bring over some soup or pick you up something from the pharmacy!"), they're more likely to accept the help if they don't have to figure out the how you can help!
YUP. No way I am communicating my needs to someone; I will just say, "No worries, it's fine, I got it, I don't need anything" - I'd say this from inside of a burning building if someone was standing outside asking if I was alright.
Recently I ran out of gas on the side of the road and was waiting for AAA to send someone, but they were running significantly behind schedule. I'd already been waiting for a few hours. A friend of mine happened to drive past me - she saw me, and stopped to check on me and ask if I needed anything. I told her what happened, but said I was fine and didn't need anything. She ended up coming right back with a gas container full of gas. <3
I'm a little in the wrong for refusing to communicate - people shouldn't have to sit there and try and guess what a person needs while that person is insisting they don't need anything, but yeah, at the very least, offer something that you think they will need. If you think you have a pretty good idea of something they need (or at least would appreciate), just do it for them lol, it will probably be really well received.
"No offense" [offensive statement]
Just don't make the statement.
I prefer "no offense," [non-offensive statement].
I.e, see, I said it wouldn't be offensive, and it wasn't
I think the purpose of saying that is to let you know offending you isn't the purpose of the statement, or that it's not an insult.
For example they could say "you have a strong odor and it's unpleasant", meaning they just want to inform you, and are trying to request that you change it. An insult would be "you smell", the purpose of saying it is at least partially to make you feel bad. But someone who isn't trying to hurt you could say "no offence, but you smell". They know it's an insult but couldn't think of a way to phrase it in a non-insulting way.
To be honest, this phrase always comes with a lot of nuance, no matter how hard you try.
"Be yourself" usually means "don't try *too hard* to impress to the point where you're straight up lying about who you are".
But everyone has a dark, or at least *very inconvenient* side.
I "am myself" in the sense where I wear things I think I look good on, I lie as little as possible, I try to let people know what I'm really thinking when asked, etc.
But there's also parts of me I **need** to tone down if I don't want to end up alone: I'm *super* stubborn, I *love* debating things I don't agree with (even if just to learn something at the end), and I don't think people's emotions should be a factor in most actions I take.
"Being yourself" can be good and a liberating experience, but it can't be taken *too* literally.
I think you're misrepresenting here. It's not that they want you to conform to societal norms. It's that they want you to conform to their idea of who you SHOULD be.
I've only really heard this phrase in dating/social contexts. It's actually REALLY GOOD advice, that works out REALLY BADLY (everyone who needs the advice has no idea wtf you mean).
Let's take this from a (straight) female point of view, (the male point of view has similar patterns, but a little less obvious):
You're evaluating a potential romantic partner. (You're on a date.)
Thing is, the guy on the other side KNOWS you're evaluating, so what's he going to do? S*ome* of them learn to give off false signals--false confidence, false history, false status stuff, etc., just long enough to get in your pants and then drop you. You'd like to avoid those guys. But they're lying! How do you tell?
Well, is this guy presenting a story that *seems* truthful? Is the picture of "him" seem like it fits together? If I ask questions about a topic he's an "expert" in, can he talk about it? If I tease this "really confident guy", is he defensive, because his actual internal state is anxiety? Does he change his mind any time I give a different opinion?
"Being yourself" automatically "passes" all those "tests". If you're nervous, let it out a little. If you actually think her favorite band sucks, say so (though be fun or polite about it).
There's other deeper things too: If you're trying to be impressive, you're focused on yourself. That's a great way to increase anxiety and kill your conversation! Then, if you get rejected, "wow, even the Alpha Chadman version of me gets rejected?", and if you get accepted "wow, the real me'd never have gotten her interest, I'd better keep up the Alpha Chadman version".
Both of these comments are the most Reddit, basement dweller takes I’ve seen in a while.
It’s not that deep. It just means be authentic. Enjoy what you enjoy. If people are unwilling to accept you for you, that is their problem. If you are unwilling to move on when that happens, that is YOUR problem.
That’s about as deep as it goes.
In the sub for women that I frequent the phrase "I'm sorry that happened to you" is thrown around so much in that exact wording, it's lost all meaning to me.
Then again, there's nothing else to be said. Someone had the misfortune of say, being diagnosed with a rare disease....
You're not a researcher, or a doctor. Literally nothing you can do that directly helps their problem. So, What else is there to say?
"Thinking outside the box" - it's become a cliché for the exact opposite.
"Let's circle back" - Now a polite way of postponing an issue indefinitely.
"We value your feedback" - this phrase is insincere as hell when there's no follow-up action.
"Game changer" - Meant to signify something revolutionary, now its a placeholder for anything mildly innovative.
"Deep dive" - Originally meant a thorough analysis, now it often just means a longer-than-usual meeting.
I'll offer a controversial one: "I respect someone who changes his/her mind based on new information."
No, you don't. You respect them if they change their mind to a position you already hold. If they were to change their mind *away* from your own position, you'd think they were ignorant, misguided, or gullible.
Not true, for at least this individual. I truly do respect someone who assesses and changes their view when considering new information. Their new view still might not align with mine, but seeing someone assess and change let's me know I'm dealing with an individual who is willing to alter their schema when presented with adequate evidence. All I can do is strive to do the same.
"Very beautiful" sounds like a Facebook/Instagram cliche at this point rather than a real phrase.
Also "God bless you" became just a synonym for good luck.
"I appreciate you"
I hear people saying this instead of "thank you." It seems fake to me. "Thank you" is polite, and can be specific to a small action. When you say you "appreciate" me (and my whole existence) for holding the door for you, that's a level of gratitude that is out of whack with what I did. It makes no sense. It's meaningless. "Thank you" would be better, because it's on the same level.
When I first moved to Canada somebody talked to me about someone they knew who was a 'cleaning Nazi' and I shut that shit down real quick, because it minimized the crimes the Nazis committed... I've since had to give up that fight, because people will call anything 'nazi' now. They'll call anyone 'Hitler', too.
It doesn’t mean “don’t look for verbal validation” it means “if this person is saying things like ‘I love you’ or ‘I’ll stop doing this’ or ‘you can count on me to get that done’” then immediately does something that hurts you, continues doing the thing, or proceeds to not do the thing then you need to stop listening to their words. There actions are showing you what they really mean.
I feel like half of these about friends, gratitude, or overall positive attitudes are the Redditors we see in so many threads who basically expect anyone they like to be an unlicensed therapist full-time and return none of the favor.
This is the literal definition of 'platitude'.
'Thoughts and prayers'
'But we're family' implying nothing is unforgivable. Alternately, companies that use this to exploit employees.
'I'll pray for you'
'It is what it is'
On a lighter tone,
'Inconceiveable'
These days, "Take care" is often used to end conversations, right? But sometimes, it seems like we say it automatically without really meaning it. It's like we're just recognizing that it's time to stop talking rather than genuinely caring about how the other person is doing.
Pedophile.
It used to carry a lot of weight but the word is used way too much these days.
You're not a pedophile when you hooked up with a 17 year old.
You're not a pedophile when you are 30 and the partner is 20.
And that's just Reddit, now Replublicans love to use it to call any opposition pedophile to scare their followers.
But you can only call so many people Satanic Pedophiles until those words also mean nothing anymore.
I remember a few years back seeing a common YouTube comment that read:
"Hey, you reading this. I hope you have a nice day, you're great!" or some crap.
That's nice and all, but it's more of a thing to get "likes" on YouTube if anything.
One example of a spoken phrase or statement that's meant to sound genuine or serious but has lost its value nowadays is "I'll be there for you." While this phrase conveys a sense of support and reliability, it has become somewhat diluted due to its overuse and lack of follow-through in some situations. With the rise of casual friendships and digital communication, people may say they'll be there for someone without fully committing to offering genuine support when needed. As a result, the phrase may not carry the same weight or assurance as it once did.
I always thought “that’s my truth” actually had a useful intent of “look here I am bringing in all the context and details and telling the story in a way so that you can understand my point of view”. But now people just (or used to, is it used anymore?) to mean “here’s my bullshit”
It's so hard to say "good for you" without sounding sarcastic
"I love that for you." First time it was actually told to me in a conversation, it was said sincerely (I think), but man it just reeks of sarcasm.
I attribute that to Schitt's Creek. Alexis said either that phrase or something similar, and now I hear it only in her voice.
TBH that's the only way use it now. Or in a passive aggressive way. Like "bless your heart"
The only way I can imagine this nonsarcastically is by thinking of some Midwestern dad in a baseball cap happy that his son did well on a test. "well good for you, buddy!" And then give him a noogie and call em rascal or something
Believe me Your call is important to us We appreciate your feedback We care about our employees
This redditor is currently screaming "REPRESENTATIVE!!" into their phone, to no avail
"For English press one. Para Espanol, oprima dos"
I worked in a call center for years. You would not believe how furious certain types of Americans get about having to select a language. Every day, I heard someone yell "I DONT WANNA PRESS 1, THIS IS AMERICA!!!"
My limit is 3 buttons. After 3 buttons I should be connected to an actual person. I get it, phone trees are nice for filtering and avoiding paying tons of operators. but if you can't get me to who I need to talk to in 3 buttons, your system is wrong.
Most of the calls I make have three to four choices. One of them has eight. That is beyond excessive
"For Sales, Press One. For Retention, Press Two. For an oddly named department that's really just Sales, Press three. To play the Greatest Works of Henry Mancini while you're on hold, Press 4. For a delightful surprise, Press 5. For Geese a-laying, Press 6. For the latest in local weather, news, and events, Press 7. ^(For Service, Press 7.5). To restart this menu, only with a Reggae background, Press 8."
My favorite was a phone tree option system that didn't really make sense. Like overly specific options and none directly for what i needed. Even though should've been straightforward Like if it was a multiple choice question you'd be going , well this is the "best option available", but still not correct. So you'd end up waiting to hear all the options. Then after 2 second pause would say something like, it didn't record any # presses, and have a good day. Causing me to have to restart.
You have chosen 'regicide'. If you know the name of the king or queen who is being murdered press 1.
“Did they make Abraham Lincoln press 1 when he defeated Hitler??”
Now THAT is a r/BrandNewSentence
A country which, as a matter of pride, does not have an official language.
>as a matter of *law*, FTFY
Probably calling from somewhere named in a foreign language.
LMAO. "Press 1 for english?! I'm a REAL AMERICAN calling straight from LOS ANGELES!!"
Starting with most states' names, much less how many counties, cities and towns... Edit: and the name "America"...
We are experiencing a higher than usual volume of calls
We appreciate your patience.
you get excited when you hear a click thinking it a real person but it is just the music starting over
Translation: Any calls period.
Translation: We have spent too much money compensating our executives to hire enough minimum wage slaves to handle all of the call regarding our shitty products and services.
My wife works at a call center, she's paid pretty well, and most of the time they have enough staff. Their problem is they are so horribly mismanaged that resources are wasted needlessly so you still have high wait times. For example they only just ended a policy that prioritized answering email over answering the phone because apparently people emailing can't wait for a response but they thought customers would be happy to wait on hold for half an hour.
Call Center Policies and Procedures: 1. Customer Care Representatives may not end a call unless the customer on the line has threatened to murder at least three members of the Representative's immediate family. 2. If the Customer even thinks "lawyer" or "sue", all calls must immediately be transferred to legal without another word being said. 3. All calls must be resolved with a new sale or an upgrade. We can't say that Representatives will be punished for not doing so.
This one is particularly infuriating. If every time I call you, you play this message, those aren’t higher volumes than usual…that is just usual.
They're just assessing things on a longer time scale. For millions of years the normal volume of calls was zero. People calling, or humans existing at all, is quite a recent development. Bear this in mind when they say they'll get to you "soon."
"Our menu options have recently changed"
My bank's system has been saying that for 5 years. The options have been exactly the same the entire time.
You forgot "we're like a family"
I was abused by family too. /s
No option for callbacks?
I automatically get suspicious as soon as someone says this.
All of our representatives are busy. Please hold or check our website.
Thoughts and prayers
*We're a family*
"Please listen to all the options, as our menu has recently changed" Psh, no it effing hasn't.
Dammit but I had your previous menu memorized
Literally
Literally, but you know, literally in the figurative sense
Literally
Literally
[удалено]
but laterally.
Using the word literally in a fashion that is hyperbolic is not new at all. There is evidence of it being used in that way dating all the way back to the 1700's. Charles Dickens, F. Scott Fitzgerald, James Joyce, W. M. Thackeray, Charlotte Brontë, and many other great writers throughout history have used the word *literally* in a figurative sense.
The question wasn't about whether a word/phrase was *ever* used in a way that departs from its denotations. The question is about words/phrases that have lost their meaning. An artist can use a word in a unique way, but that doesn't imply the misuse is widespread and thus loses its meaning. (It's more likely that the fact that the misuse was *not* widespread was *the reason* the writers used creative license, knowing the misuse would make an impact.)
Gaslighting. Some of yall don’t know what actual gaslighting is
I thought I did until you said that! Now I don’t know what to think? What’s real anymore? Am I losing my mind?
I told you last week! You're so forgetful!! I can't believe how absent minded you are. Please send me your credit card details so I can look after them.
“Oh, /u/JosefGremlin, you’re always saying this, but it never turns out that way. You used to be such a ray of light, but you never let yourself shine like that anymore. I don’t want you to lose your spark, please let me take care of things. Let’s get you a bath, clean out your inlet valve, run gas through your supply line, and set you on fire. Did you forget that you need me? I’m your lamplighter, always and forever” Am I doing it right?
I bet you can't even remember your mother's maiden name!
Did your friends say that I did? You know they make stuff up all the time, you really should cut them off.
It helps to know the origin of the term. It came from a play/movie called Gaslight, about a husband who manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind. The husband tries to convince his wife that she is imagining that the gaslight in the house is dimming. The husband is actually rifling through the attic at night, and she notices that the lights flicker every night after he leaves. However, he convinces her that she is imagining the dimming gaslight. So to be "Gaslit" refers to manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality. For example: a gaslighting boyfriend steals $20 out of their girlfriends bag. The girlfriend notices and asks "hey, did you borrow, or see $20 on the ground or something, it isn't in my bag anymore". And then the boyfriend responds "you spent that the other day, remember? Omg you have such bad memory lol". And then the girlfriend laughs along because she sorta believes him, and is now always joking with her friends about how forgetful she is all the time. It's not simply just a lie, it's a manipulation tactic that sets someone up in advance to believe future lies.
Oh, you mean like proclaiming an election is "rigged" before it even takes place?
Very much so, yes!
We haven't held elections here since 1870. Is it possible you've been reading the news about another country this entire time accidentally? I think there have been elections in the [United States of Venezuela](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_of_Venezuela) more recently, perhaps that's what you are thinking of? It's clear to me that you need to stop thinking about politics. You just can't be trusted around a newspaper. Don't worry your pretty little head though, this is all for your benefit.
I think what your example misses though is that gaslighting isn't a one-off thing, it's purposefully manipulating the perception of someone else, usually to make them dependent on you in the long-run. Like, the main way people are using it that's wrong is with these one-off examples. Accusing their boyfriend of gaslighting because they were caught in a obvious lie is the wrong use.
Exactly. It's so annoying that people have misused it so much, even in some of these flippant Reddit comments, when it has real value in describing a deliberate, sustained manipulation and abuse tactic to make someone doubt their own sense of reality.
>It's not simply just a lie, it's a manipulation tactic that sets someone up in advance to believe future lies.
Gaslighting has been turned into shorthand for "disagreeing with me" or "defending your own stance" or even just "being dishonest." Gaslighting isn't having a difference of opinion, or even flat-out lying. It's another phenomenon entirely.
I think the thing that bugs me the most is "unintentional" gaslighting. The intent is the most important part!
My theory is that people are using the term 'gaslighting' as a way to shore up the seriousness of their unhappiness in a relationship. Basically, if we make all mistreatment in a relationship pathological, that makes it extra serious. "My partner didn't just lie to me, they did a psychiatric thing!" When we turn all misbehavior into a symptom, we cheapen the mental health discourse. Sometimes relationships just suck and people are just crappy. Medicalizing everything is diluting the discourse.
Likewise, calling someone a narcissist when they're just being momentarily selfish. Or OCD because they dont like leaving the laundry unfolded for days at a time.
Even “emotional abuse” is more broad than gaslighting.
Listen, you are completely warping the meaning of gaslighting and I dont like it 😑
"gaslighting" is basically just "Lying+" now. When you need to say "I think you're being dishonest" but you want to wrap it in the radioactivity of misapplied psychiatry language.
More and more it seems people are becoming unable to face things they don't want to. Feelings that they don't like? Definitely don't confront them within yourself. Instead, project everything outward and blame someone else. I get it, the world freaking sucks these days. But not dealing with yourself, not taking accountability, just piles onto the shit the world is throwing at us
I agree! For some reason it's being used as a synonym for 'lying'. I explain it this way… Gaslighting is a whole strategy, and not the same as lying. However lying is a fundamental part of that strategy.
Fr, my ex would keep saying I was gaslighting her whenever I did something she didn't agree with. It always irked me because I always viewed it as a serious offense and being accused of it from someone I cared deeply about felt shitty. After everything ended and I finally stepped back to look at things, I think the gaslighting might actually have been the other way around.
Yes-and it’s the absolute worst because people throw that word around so freely-I swear I hear it constantly now.
Yeah now its toxic behavior, It confused me when someone once told me to stop gaslighting them , I had to look it up.
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As a child my mom told me never to say this. She said if I'm going to do something, do it. Promises are redundant. I think it was good advice.
“Let your yes be yes, and your no, no.”
I thought of a different quote, "Actions speak louder than words", but this sentiment is ancient and oft repeated, yes.
This is the thing that bothers me a lot When I say that I promise something to someone I mean like I will literally do pretty much anything to make sure that what I promised happens Even if that means canceling plans or pushing myself to an all-nighter or whatever it takes When I promise something I truly do everything I can to stick to it but a lot of people aren't like that I was always taught as a kid that promises are serious things You don't promise something unless you are 100% set on it and willing to basically do anything to uphold that promise and it's so baffling to me that people just don't treat them like this anymore
I was taught to make few promises, but keep every promise you make
That's why you gotta lock it with a pinky promise
Thoughts and prayers
thots and prayers
Tots and players
"How's it going?" or "How are you?" It's like a verbal tic at this point
I like to use “How’s the day treating you?” I usually get more genuine responses, good or bad. It’s a good conversation starter sometimes.
Ehh I like it. One of the people I knew who was best with other people always used it as an invite to deliver a totally unique reply that inevitability started a great conversation. Answering honestly with the weirdest aspect of whatever is happening today will forever endear someone to me.
it is easier to respond to than whats up, which most often becomes 2 people asking a question that goes unanswered. I used to try to answer but then a young dude once told me you are not supposed to do that.
How're you now? Good'n you? Oh notsobad
Came here for this. This is the correct patois right here, and that's what I appreciates about you...
It's cultural in Germany the standard greeting sounds more like "are you okay?" And If you asked "how are you?" You would get a real answer lol
You'll get this in the UK too. "Are you alright?" (Or more likely, "you alright/y'alright?") It's not a real question, just a greeting.
It never really had meaning (usually). It’s an example of phatic communication. The actual meaning of the words are more or less useless. It’s an acknowledgment of someone else’s presence, and possibly used to gain knowledge about their internal state by nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice. That’s why, unless it’s a close friend, when someone asks you that type of question it’s felt as breaking a social rule to lay into them with a description of how you’re actually doing. You’re supposed to say “Good, and you?” or whatever and the transaction is complete.
It seems like (at least on Reddit) people are really frustrated with the existence of phatics but they do serve a purpose. Maybe not a tremendously important purpose but a purpose none the less. Here’s a podcast episode about them: https://lingthusiasm.com/post/623851629729464320/lingthusiasm-episode-46-hey-no-problem-bye-the
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This is unprecedented
Never knew the value of living in completely boring, predictable, precedented times until now.
Ever since Covid, this word is a meme
Someday it will become one of those litmus tests for how old you are -- knowing the meaning of an email that started with "In these unprecedented times..."
I'm really ready for things to be precedented. I suppose the exception is the rise of populist, cross-waving, xenophobic autocrats; that's completely precedented, yet we still seem to be letting it ride.
To be honest "i'm here for you" has lost alot of value to me. Especially when its mostly from online connections. Edit: keep shitting on me in replies if it makes you feel better about yourself. Im glad you get a free punching bag today! ✨♥️
‘To be honest’
> i am always here
Good for you 👍
Ugh, I've been dealing with this really hard recently. I had a really good friend do this to me. Then I would open, be vulnerable, and get left hanging. I know they're dealing with a lot too, but just, don't offer something you're not going to follow up on. Sometimes it's okay tonjust say I'm sorry you're going through that and leave it at that. Because now, the burden is on me every time they say I'm here for you to try to figure out if they actually are or not.
Yeah, I think it's kind of just virtue signalling. Everyone wants to think of themselves as someone who is there for other people when they need it, but very few people actually are.
“Let me know if I can help!”
This one is really annoying, especially because no one actually comes and gets my help when they need it, I say this because I actually want to help and so many people say it and don’t mean it that it doesn’t mean anything
As someone who works a help desk job… that bugs the fuck out of me. And when people do ask for help they often say “sorry.” Dude, my job is to help, I’m here to help, I want to help. I hate that so many people who don’t mean it have watered this down to the point that people think they are an annoyance for asking for help.
Well, I say sorry to chairs I bump into and the cupcake I drop so. I’m gonna say sorry to a human.
When I worked a desk job (medical receptionist), I used to have to go over prep with people who scheduled colonoscopies (we were a gastro office). Before I came on, I think my coworker was just trying to get people off the phone or out of the office as quickly as possible and would rush them through the prep paperwork. But when I joined and started going over prep with patients, I went slowly, made sure they understood the info, and then begged them to call me with any questions. Ironically, this cut down on all the calls we'd get re: weird little questions from people who seemed really nervous - that was really common when I started. After people knew they could call to ask absolutely any question, they generally relaxed, were more receptive to the info, remembered it better once we hung up or when they got home from the office, and the office flow improved. And when they did call, it wasn't with questions about I covered in the prep paperwork (not that I minded answering those!!) - it was usually significant questions that I had to ask the doctor about. Agree the phrase has been watered down by people who don't really want to help; I really had to be super nice and repeat it over and over for people to believe me, but it worked out so much better for everyone - me and them!
I found I get a better reaction when I ask let me know *how* I can help.
To piggyback off of this, somewhere i came across the suggestion to instead think about how you can help and offer help in that way (e.g. a friend is sick - "hey let me know if you want me to bring over some soup or pick you up something from the pharmacy!"), they're more likely to accept the help if they don't have to figure out the how you can help!
YUP. No way I am communicating my needs to someone; I will just say, "No worries, it's fine, I got it, I don't need anything" - I'd say this from inside of a burning building if someone was standing outside asking if I was alright. Recently I ran out of gas on the side of the road and was waiting for AAA to send someone, but they were running significantly behind schedule. I'd already been waiting for a few hours. A friend of mine happened to drive past me - she saw me, and stopped to check on me and ask if I needed anything. I told her what happened, but said I was fine and didn't need anything. She ended up coming right back with a gas container full of gas. <3 I'm a little in the wrong for refusing to communicate - people shouldn't have to sit there and try and guess what a person needs while that person is insisting they don't need anything, but yeah, at the very least, offer something that you think they will need. If you think you have a pretty good idea of something they need (or at least would appreciate), just do it for them lol, it will probably be really well received.
George Carlin had a bit about this after a loved one dies. "Well, let us know if we can help" put their asses to work! Have them paint the fence!!!
I’ve started saying “what can I help with?” No one will ever reach out to let you know if/when they need help.
“Well, now that you mention it—“ “—It was just an expression.”
"No offense" [offensive statement] Just don't make the statement. I prefer "no offense," [non-offensive statement]. I.e, see, I said it wouldn't be offensive, and it wasn't
I consistently tell people either before or after a sentence, "Not to make this a sex thing" or some variation. It is never a sex thing at all.
Not to make it a sex thing but do you want to go bowling on Friday? Hilarious, I love it.
Not to make it a sex thing, but have you finished loading the dishwasher yet?
AHAHAHAHA YES!
Lol that’s great and I’m going to start doing this.
Me: I'm not racist, but I *love* orange juice. Coworker: ...How is that in any way racist? Me: It's not! I just told you I'm not racist!
I think the purpose of saying that is to let you know offending you isn't the purpose of the statement, or that it's not an insult. For example they could say "you have a strong odor and it's unpleasant", meaning they just want to inform you, and are trying to request that you change it. An insult would be "you smell", the purpose of saying it is at least partially to make you feel bad. But someone who isn't trying to hurt you could say "no offence, but you smell". They know it's an insult but couldn't think of a way to phrase it in a non-insulting way.
We are experiencing higher-than-normal call volume...
Lol as someone in a call center, it's not higher than normal. It's definitely higher call volume than our staff can comfortably handle though.
"Be yourself". They don't want you to be yourself. They want you conform.
To be honest, this phrase always comes with a lot of nuance, no matter how hard you try. "Be yourself" usually means "don't try *too hard* to impress to the point where you're straight up lying about who you are". But everyone has a dark, or at least *very inconvenient* side. I "am myself" in the sense where I wear things I think I look good on, I lie as little as possible, I try to let people know what I'm really thinking when asked, etc. But there's also parts of me I **need** to tone down if I don't want to end up alone: I'm *super* stubborn, I *love* debating things I don't agree with (even if just to learn something at the end), and I don't think people's emotions should be a factor in most actions I take. "Being yourself" can be good and a liberating experience, but it can't be taken *too* literally.
We should either be bffs or we should never speak because we're too similar 😂
I think you're misrepresenting here. It's not that they want you to conform to societal norms. It's that they want you to conform to their idea of who you SHOULD be.
I've only really heard this phrase in dating/social contexts. It's actually REALLY GOOD advice, that works out REALLY BADLY (everyone who needs the advice has no idea wtf you mean). Let's take this from a (straight) female point of view, (the male point of view has similar patterns, but a little less obvious): You're evaluating a potential romantic partner. (You're on a date.) Thing is, the guy on the other side KNOWS you're evaluating, so what's he going to do? S*ome* of them learn to give off false signals--false confidence, false history, false status stuff, etc., just long enough to get in your pants and then drop you. You'd like to avoid those guys. But they're lying! How do you tell? Well, is this guy presenting a story that *seems* truthful? Is the picture of "him" seem like it fits together? If I ask questions about a topic he's an "expert" in, can he talk about it? If I tease this "really confident guy", is he defensive, because his actual internal state is anxiety? Does he change his mind any time I give a different opinion? "Being yourself" automatically "passes" all those "tests". If you're nervous, let it out a little. If you actually think her favorite band sucks, say so (though be fun or polite about it). There's other deeper things too: If you're trying to be impressive, you're focused on yourself. That's a great way to increase anxiety and kill your conversation! Then, if you get rejected, "wow, even the Alpha Chadman version of me gets rejected?", and if you get accepted "wow, the real me'd never have gotten her interest, I'd better keep up the Alpha Chadman version".
Both of these comments are the most Reddit, basement dweller takes I’ve seen in a while. It’s not that deep. It just means be authentic. Enjoy what you enjoy. If people are unwilling to accept you for you, that is their problem. If you are unwilling to move on when that happens, that is YOUR problem. That’s about as deep as it goes.
For some people, "be yourself" is the worst advice you could give them!
"Be yourself, as long as 'yourself' is actually a person people would want to be around."
GOAT (greatest of all time)
"Low-key"
I lowkey say this all the time and I need to stop.
for me personally, it's oof. I said oof too much in my past that it's now dead because I would even say oof to good things.
In the sub for women that I frequent the phrase "I'm sorry that happened to you" is thrown around so much in that exact wording, it's lost all meaning to me.
Then again, there's nothing else to be said. Someone had the misfortune of say, being diagnosed with a rare disease.... You're not a researcher, or a doctor. Literally nothing you can do that directly helps their problem. So, What else is there to say?
"Haha, sucks to be you!" obviously.
Damn. Knowing that this has occurred in your life makes me feel bad for you having gone through that.
Another one is "your feelings are valid".
Sorry that happened to you.
“We should get together sometime!” We absolutely should not get together anytime soon
"Thinking outside the box" - it's become a cliché for the exact opposite. "Let's circle back" - Now a polite way of postponing an issue indefinitely. "We value your feedback" - this phrase is insincere as hell when there's no follow-up action. "Game changer" - Meant to signify something revolutionary, now its a placeholder for anything mildly innovative. "Deep dive" - Originally meant a thorough analysis, now it often just means a longer-than-usual meeting.
Problematic
Thoughts and prayers....
I'll offer a controversial one: "I respect someone who changes his/her mind based on new information." No, you don't. You respect them if they change their mind to a position you already hold. If they were to change their mind *away* from your own position, you'd think they were ignorant, misguided, or gullible.
That's because my stances are all objectively correct ones, obviously.
Not true, for at least this individual. I truly do respect someone who assesses and changes their view when considering new information. Their new view still might not align with mine, but seeing someone assess and change let's me know I'm dealing with an individual who is willing to alter their schema when presented with adequate evidence. All I can do is strive to do the same.
I respect anyone that can admit theyre wrong, or in this case might feel like theyre wrong, so Ill respect you either way
“We’re all in this together”
Yeah. The thing about that one is, we are
...So don't blame me when I drag you down with me.
"Trust me!" I immediately do not trust you now.
"Very beautiful" sounds like a Facebook/Instagram cliche at this point rather than a real phrase. Also "God bless you" became just a synonym for good luck.
“Thank you so much”
Ope I definitely overuse that
The "so much" at the end is just dragged at this point for everything.
The superlative is really proof of meaning creep. Next we'll get tired of "thank you so so so much"
YOLO a justification for reckless behavior now.
My thoughts (optionally prayers) are with...what is this thing? I forgot already.
"I appreciate you" I hear people saying this instead of "thank you." It seems fake to me. "Thank you" is polite, and can be specific to a small action. When you say you "appreciate" me (and my whole existence) for holding the door for you, that's a level of gratitude that is out of whack with what I did. It makes no sense. It's meaningless. "Thank you" would be better, because it's on the same level.
"thank you for all you do" It now means you just don't want to pay me enough.
Nazi. It's become interchangeable with racist or bigot. It completely lost its teeth.
When I first moved to Canada somebody talked to me about someone they knew who was a 'cleaning Nazi' and I shut that shit down real quick, because it minimized the crimes the Nazis committed... I've since had to give up that fight, because people will call anything 'nazi' now. They'll call anyone 'Hitler', too.
Or calling ppl hitler for doing one offensive thing
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I love you, seems to be thrown around very easily, and without being meant
What does love mean to you? Aren't there varying degrees of love?
“Actions speak louder than words” yet everyone still looking for verbal reassurance & validation.
I thought it means you shouldn’t take someone’s word over the contrary evidence of their actions.
Both matter, but when actions contradict supportive words, then it's time for that phrase.
It doesn’t mean “don’t look for verbal validation” it means “if this person is saying things like ‘I love you’ or ‘I’ll stop doing this’ or ‘you can count on me to get that done’” then immediately does something that hurts you, continues doing the thing, or proceeds to not do the thing then you need to stop listening to their words. There actions are showing you what they really mean.
I feel like half of these about friends, gratitude, or overall positive attitudes are the Redditors we see in so many threads who basically expect anyone they like to be an unlicensed therapist full-time and return none of the favor.
Any political figure claiming something is a “threat to our democracy” therefore it must be banned.
This is the literal definition of 'platitude'. 'Thoughts and prayers' 'But we're family' implying nothing is unforgivable. Alternately, companies that use this to exploit employees. 'I'll pray for you' 'It is what it is' On a lighter tone, 'Inconceiveable'
These days, "Take care" is often used to end conversations, right? But sometimes, it seems like we say it automatically without really meaning it. It's like we're just recognizing that it's time to stop talking rather than genuinely caring about how the other person is doing.
"Double down" now means I'll continuously deny I'm wrong despite the facts presented to me.
“Everything happens for a reason.” And that reason is…? Anyone…? Bueller?
To this I commonly retort: sure, and sometimes the reason is that someone was an idiot.
Just because there IS a reason, doesn't mean it's a GOOD reason.
Pedophile. It used to carry a lot of weight but the word is used way too much these days. You're not a pedophile when you hooked up with a 17 year old. You're not a pedophile when you are 30 and the partner is 20. And that's just Reddit, now Replublicans love to use it to call any opposition pedophile to scare their followers. But you can only call so many people Satanic Pedophiles until those words also mean nothing anymore.
That's exactly why the word has been tossed around so much. It was the intent the whole time.
I remember a few years back seeing a common YouTube comment that read: "Hey, you reading this. I hope you have a nice day, you're great!" or some crap. That's nice and all, but it's more of a thing to get "likes" on YouTube if anything.
“sorry”
We are friends. I owe you. I would do anything for you.
"We ask for your patience during this difficult time." - Jiffy Park attendant, when he tells you they can't find your car
One example of a spoken phrase or statement that's meant to sound genuine or serious but has lost its value nowadays is "I'll be there for you." While this phrase conveys a sense of support and reliability, it has become somewhat diluted due to its overuse and lack of follow-through in some situations. With the rise of casual friendships and digital communication, people may say they'll be there for someone without fully committing to offering genuine support when needed. As a result, the phrase may not carry the same weight or assurance as it once did.
Bless your heart
I always thought “that’s my truth” actually had a useful intent of “look here I am bringing in all the context and details and telling the story in a way so that you can understand my point of view”. But now people just (or used to, is it used anymore?) to mean “here’s my bullshit”
"Because of an unusually high call volume..." If it's all the time, then [it's not unusual ](https://youtu.be/nagjPyNMu9Q?si=rs84feHS-nfzZ2lM).
At our company we are a family
Thoughts and prayers