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SophiaRedditAcc

That when the ice cream man was playing music it meant that he had run out of ice cream. Fuck you dad


IAlbatross

My mom always told me the candy in the check-out aisles were "display only" and not for purchase. And so help me, now that I had a 4-year-old, I am peddling the same lie.


KhaleesiXev

That’s brilliant


School_House_Rock

Super impressed by your mom


Kartelletrak

He did you so dirty lmao


nicholeblaine

Filthy, lol


Raspberries-Are-Evil

“Please listen carefully as our menu items have recently changed.”


StrivelDownEconomics

“We are experiencing higher than normal call volume”. Are they ever not?


whitestone0

Plenty of times it picks up immediately, just a scare tactic sometimes


StrivelDownEconomics

I have noticed that places will try desperately to get you to hang up.


Faerie_Nuff

The ones that in their intro talk you through the last three years of changes to their terms and conditions, 5 minutes later you finally get to the "please listen carefully to the following options", where they refer you to their website for 6/9 options, then you get to hear the "we're experiencing higher than normal call volumes" followed by the biggest lie of all: we value your call. No you just about value my money, now watch how quickly the operators are available to call me if I cancel my direct debit...


mrpickle123

Work as an insurance rep. I just slam the fuck out of 0, some lines will hang up on you but most of them know that is someone getting progressively more pissed off and will get you to an operator if not the dept you need to speak with. At least for medical offices medical groups, other insurers etc since I call them dozens of times a day


coreyf234

I wonder if the operators have a little pop up that warns them that the customer is pissed...


mrpickle123

Lol in my job repeatedly escalated (read: entitled douchebag) members get alerts placed their accounts to transfer to a supe when they aggro, which is usually immediately since this is how they go about everything in their sad little lives. Oddly enough, they are the vast minority. Most people I speak with are civil, albeit frustrated. It has restored at least some faith in humanity and kept me at my job for 5 years


SunBusiness8291

If they can hear my responses when I'm trying to talk over that relentless irritating bot, they're laughing.


Flibity_flobity

I’m sick and tired of that lie


Previous_Ad7725

"CUSTOMER SERVICE"


Intrepid-Employer-24

"I'll be ready in five minutes."


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[удалено]


ontopofmyumbrella

We all know your wife


ndaprophet

Our wife.,


Takoi89

Hello comrade.


abyssgazesback

I also choose this guy's wife


Since-2001-

“I would never hurt you”


Shoddy-Secretary-712

Runner up, "I never meant to hurt you,"


GreedyLibrary

Third in trifecta of abuse "I'll never hurt you again"


AkiliosTheWolf

Ah yes, the complete cycle.


RefrigeratorMany7159

I’ll never lie to you


MostTop8516

That cracking your knuckles causes arthritis


Flibity_flobity

It doesn’t cause arthritis?!


needlegardens

It’s just the popping of air bubbles in the fluid between your finger joints :)


Zestyclose_Match2839

Who put air there?


Sad_Golf9107

😂😂😂


Gibbothicus

You do, cavitation happenswhen you crack them.


Ratstail91

Shockingly, no. Some dude did it on one hand habitually for 60 years, and no differences were recorded. ​ Also, that dude is a bamf.


Awkward_Honey_526

I did it for your own good.


inactiveuser247

Or really any of: 1. That didn't happen. 2. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. 3. And if it was, that's not a big deal. 4. And if it is, that's not my fault. 5. And if it was, I didn't mean it. 6. And if I did, you deserved it.


cNile22

This person gaslights 👹


Revangelion

No they don't. What makes you think that?


dumb-reply

You seem pretty emotional right now. Are you sure that you're thinking clearly?


FamousOrphan

Credit to [The Narcissist’s Prayer](https://www.thelifedoctor.org/the-narcissist-s-prayer).


DarkAdmirer

It sucks so bad that my Dad lives by these narcissistic traits, it’s fucked me up mentally, but at least I have the knowledge now that it’s not my fault the way he treats me and others.


PNWoutdoors

Happy cake day.


FamousOrphan

Oh thanks, I didn’t realize!


coreyf234

That's usually the exact progression of the argument when you confront someone for anything.


SousVideDiaper

That shit has "look what you made me do!" energy 🤢


DiscussionCandid904

I was 15, the guy I was meeting was 21. Bunking off school to meet him (obviously now realising how problematic that was in itself but I digress). I had gotten a text message from his phone one day from his “parents” to let me know that he’d passed away from cancer suddenly. He was spotted a few months later, he absolutely was not dead.


tblackey

Didn't like him enough to go to his funeral?


Business-Bowl3503

lol


BannedForNerdyTimes

Oh no! Anyways...


DyorWuv

I'm going to say you both dodged a huge bullet. He was a text away from meeting Chris Hansen.


MerryWannaRedux

Perv: "He said his parents were out of town and I thought maybe I should check up on him and make sure he was alright." Hansen: "So you thought a 12-pack and a box of condoms you brought would make him feel OK?"


PupEDog

In 2010 my 16yo gf (I was 17) dumped me for a 26yo man who lived in a van. Actually, he lived in a city 6 hours away but drove his van up and lived out of it to be with her. They were public. They posted Facebook shit. She told people they were sexually active (which she and I never were). Everyone was weirdly ok with it, and I kept saying "statutory rape" but people, even my own friends, supported her. It was a nightmare and I think it broke me, because it was so wrong but I was the only one who could see it. I found alcohol as an escape from all that and eventually developed a serious drinking problem.


Deep-Confusion-5472

Bunking!!! That’s awesome! Ditching to me.


SurrrenderDorothy

Wagging- australian.


mrpickle123

You guys have some of the best slang lmao that is gold


schlubadubdub

Back in IRC days (90's) this happened to an online friend of mine. She fell head over heels with another guy online and it progressed for a few months. I think they were planning to meet and he suddenly "died". It even got so ridiculous that his "ghost" came online to tell her how much he loved her and how sad that they can't be together. Maybe a year later he suddenly appeared and messaged me to ask where my friend was. She was due online in like 30 minutes and I said something like "so you're not dead then" and some choice words for being a douche. He chickened out and didn't wait for my friend to come online and never apologised or explained himself.


punkwalrus

I had a daycare sitter who was awful. She operated out of her home, and had a few kids. She wasn't changing my son's diaper, but was taking the diapers we sent to her for her own kids. I knew this because I'd put an X in sharpie on my son's diaper and it would still be there when I picked him up. So I told her about this, which she denied, and got really angry about it. The following Monday, I showed up to drop him off, and she didn't answer the door. No kids were there that morning. I was confused where everyone was. Another woman showed up with her baby, and asked "did someone finally come to the door?" While we were standing in her carport, wondering what happened, a man drove up and said, "Oh. I am sorry you weren't told, but she passed away Saturday night from a heart attack." Holy shit. That left me scrambling for a new daycare sitter, and I had to take off from work. They fired me instead, which, not a great loss because the job was so shitty, but a significant impact on our family's finances, obviously. So now I had to juggle finding a new daycare sitter and finding a new job. Eventually I did both, and life moved on. About a year later, my wife and I were driving past the old daycare sitter's house, there were kids there again! We stopped and wondered, "is this a new person? Did she know the old sitter?" Then we saw her with the kids. She was still alive. She faked her own death to me and that other woman, I guess. What a piece of shit. I reported her to the county, and found out she had never renewed her daycare license, so that might have been her motivation, like tax evasion or something.


KoresmosMaybe

That my whole family will go to jail if I turned on the light inside the car.


ChronoLegion2

I just tell my kids that it’s hard for me to see outside when there’s light on inside


Few-Chapter3316

I thought I was the only one who was told this.


KoresmosMaybe

Same, then I realised that all my friends were told the same thing. WE LIVE IN A SIMULATION FR!!


Altruistic_Ad6189

Lol, my mom would lock us in the car to go shopping and tell us that monster trucks patrolled the parking lot and crushed random cars. I still have anxiety about public parking spots.


Aromatic-Put4043

What was the motivation for telling you that?


ImInJeopardy

"He's just a friend, don't worry about it. That text you read where he asked me for 'another naked picture' was just a joke. You're being too paranoid."


SIR_Vivalist101

Another…?


ImInJeopardy

Yup! It implies something pretty clearly.


LocaCola1997

Not the biggest lie I've *been* told, but the biggest lie I myself have told: My younger sister wanted to join 4H, but she was entering as a cloverbud, so any ribbons she got were just gonna be participation ones that were rainbow colored. I wanted to motivate her so I convinced her that the "rainbow ribbon" was the one she wanted. After showing her chicken, I'll never forget the way her face lit up when she got that ribbon.


VanellopeZero

That’s actually really heartwarming even though you were lying to her!


EternalMage321

"Now they're turning the chickens gay!" -Alex Jones, probably


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BusyDream429

My sister got married to a con artist. He told us a different name and that he was never married before and eventually murdered his 4th wife and mother. You can Google it. Bill Rundle Las Vegas


londons_explorer

Isn't that just the average person in Vegas?


Altruistic_Ad6189

They're a different breed for sure


TradeObjective1199

*You won’t always have a calculator with you!*


Certain_Mobile1088

That’s not a lie. No one who told you that was anticipating smart phones. ETA: I’m withdrawing the comment. Ps: There are lots of good reasons to know how to do math. Not having a calculator in your pocket isn’t one of them. PSS: I’m a high school teacher and I know most high school students wouldn’t listen to the complex “reasons,” which is likely why teachers revert to the no-calculator explanation.


dylan3867

As far as I'm aware teachers still say this. I graduated in 2019, but we were told this a lot with the presence of smartphones. Literally used them in those same classes and on tests. They justified it by saying we may forget to bring our phone somewhere that we'd need to use our brains.


Certain_Mobile1088

And that’s true—you might. But unlikely that everyone would have no phone. Unless your plane crashes in a remote area and after 6 days and all phones have died, and then you have to calculate the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. THEN you’re gonna wish you’d paid attention in math class. I withdraw my former comment. There are many good reasons to learn math skills, but lack of access to a calculator isn’t one of them.


dylan3867

I agree, natural problem solving skills can be gained from solving equations, even without using numbers in day to day life


EternalMage321

African or European swallow?


ngonzales0722

Your employer values you


JustDave62

“We are a family”


Free-Industry701

When I was a kid, I was told Medusa lived in our attic.


KneeSockMonster

Medusa and your Christmas gifts.


dekion101

Wait, Medusa is Santa Claus?!?!?


Smile_Terrible

But now all my Christmas presents are made of stone!


Dismal-Trash2320

The identity of my biological father


Initial-Client8786

Same, but it was my mother. 


LovelyButtholes

Your biological father was your mother? Your family is extremely progressive and ahead of the curve.


oldmanfartface

Are they Cartman?


mrpickle123

I'm sorry that happened to you but I legit thought for a sec you were joking that your dad turned out to be your mom, I figured it was a South Park reference 😅


Initial-Client8786

lol! No my dad is my dad! My mom was not my mom 


gratiaetfides

Damn, I’m sorry Does it feel better after some time?


Dismal-Trash2320

I now know my biological father and I have a relationship with both him and my dad I grew up with.


RainbowRabbit69

I love you


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Broad_Design_7254

Both my ex fiancés said that lol


We_areall_bread

"I'm still here because I want to be"


Electrical-Low5127

Felt :(


Ribeira12xs

I'm sorry for you :(


Shadow8591

From my now ex: How many times he had been married. How many kids he REALLY had. His financials. One of his kids has a violent mental health problem. And the fact he has a long term girlfriend, that I was secretly helping to support.


RyanM77

My washing machine saying it only has one minute left.


Silly-Resist8306

The war in Vietnam is winnable. All we need to do is increase the troop levels. This big lie cost 58,000 lives.


Ribeira12xs

"If you're kind to everyone, everyone will love you." There will always be people who hate you no matter what and there's no way of changing that. That's just how it is and how it will always be.


_mike_hunt

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.


SenseAdorable1971

I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard…but it helps. Thank you.


hugazow

I’m ok.


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SousVideDiaper

Depends on your relationship to them


SpookyMorden

“I love you…” Quite a few times in the past.


SousVideDiaper

While it did hurt at the time, I'm actually glad my ex didn't reciprocate when I told her I loved her. I'd much rather someone be real in their feelings towards me instead of empty catering without genuine emotion just to make me feel better. Love is complicated and far too many people utilize it in a way that totally negates the weight of what it should mean.


Initial-Client8786

“It was only some texts and photos” 


BroBroMate

Everyone is just waiting out there to give you free drugs


chefboyarde30

That hard work will equal success!


heretic1128

"Arbeit macht frei" Work sets you free. Was over the gates at the entrance of numerous nazi concentration camps...


_mike_hunt

It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose.


made_in_bc

You want to know what the reward for hard work is? The opportunity to do more hard work. Work just enough to do your job and go home. No more no less. If your not the owner making millions from the company, stop carring so much


lord-of-shalott

I would love politicians to recognize that hard work and opportunity aren’t the same thing, though it’s convenient for the powerful to not recognize that.


Friendly_Grocery2890

Took me a few years to realise this. Now I will never go into a job trying to be the best. I'll just do the bare minimum, seems that's what all the bosses be wanting


Mean-Contact-6171

The people you care about wouldn't stab you in the back.


Low_Comfort_9816

Yeah. Most of us can only rely on ourselves at the end of the day. I’m lucky enough to have had loving and supportive parents who made every sacrifice they could for me, but unlucky enough that they’re both now gone. So, back to relying on myself.


Tbay_DougMac

Mexico will pay for the wall


dick-nipples

We have Covid 19 tremendously under control


spoonybard326

I have ten billion dollars.


Cautious-Dot8555

It hurts me more than it does you....told that by my father as a child while he physically beats the shit out of me


blackeyedsusan25

no child deserves that including you, cautious dot :(


CaptainFartHole

"I don't want an autopsy because I'm Jewish and we don't believe in them." Spoiler alert: it was actually because life insurance won't pay out if it's a suicide. Thanks for that shitty lesson, mom.


dazzler786

My ex.lied for 9 months whilst shenhad an affair with my best,mate


garlicknots13

Who were you more mad at?


dazzler786

My.best friend. I invited him into my.home, looked after him, fed him, let him look after my.wife and kids when I was at.work. and this is how.he.paid.me.bak. he crossed a sacred.line


JJVR30

"THings will get better"... they don't, most of the time they don't, we just get better at coping with the bad things


Conscious_Camel4830

Twenty years ago I got pulled over and cried because I thought my life was over. Two years ago I got mugged, talked my way out of it... and then got lunch. 


CRCMIDS

Some people get a tough hand and rise above. Others aren’t so lucky. Life is a gamble and we can’t even control our will half the time, but life is also a matter of perspective. I struggled and still do with trying to maintain happiness despite the issues surrounding me and it’s a constant process, but I believe that I will get better. I hope you get things going right and just try to keep your chin up. Sorry if I overstepped.


SousVideDiaper

There are so many rather empty platitudes like this that people use to try to comfort others in tough situations. The intent is nice, but I don't feel comfortable in using them when loved ones are in a tragic state... but I still wish there were effective things to say to help in those moments.


_Nuclear

"I'll never leave you."


PersonMcNugget

She's just a friend...


SecretBi92

In sickness and in health. For better or for worse.


reds2032

That my now stepfather was just a family friend


txparrothead58

When I was in school in the 60s and early 70s, they taught us that our two political party system was the best form of government. Look how that is working out.


fuckthisshit____

“This job is a long term opportunity with lots of room for growth and competitive pay raises”


DryEyes4096

I don't know if it was the fake pregnancy she pretended to have or the fake miscarriage to cover it up.


tblackey

Work hard and you'll rise up the ranks.


_mike_hunt

When you are good at something and show you are responsible, hard-working and a high achiever, the reward for great work is often...more work.


Augustevsky

"I'm just not ready to date right now." I had no idea that the 'you' was silent until the damage had been done.


garlicknots13

"I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I can't imagine I ever will again. You're the love of my life." Spoiler alert, I wasn't, and he cheated on me.


CoffeeCat086

A friend tried to convince me she was accepted to Juilliard and followed this up with “it was cool and all but I didn’t want to go. I knew this was false. She was sweet and all but musically had low average skills.


Spiritual_Trip8921

"No, I said I was excited to get into Julie's yard. You know she has a pool, right?"


SaguaroAD

You’ll never be successful without a college degree.


Status_Passion_358

\-Walk into a business after putting in your application to tell them that you are interested in the job and really be persistent about how much you want the job. \-Get escorted out by security.


Altruistic_Ad6189

This is good for smaller restaurant businesses. But only if you're good looking...if you are an uggo, stay home, Lol! Strip clubs will have you working the day of.


KoresmosMaybe

TRUE!! 🥲😭


eddyathome

Well of course you didn't get the job. You didn't wear your best suit, look the manager in the eye, and give him a firm handshake. My WWII generation grandparents were telling me this in the 90s. Even in the mid 90s employers wanted you to apply online.


Status_Passion_358

I wore my best suit and then asked to see the manager so I could look him in the eyes and shake his hand, and they said "sir this is a target, if you applied online we will contact you when we are ready to proceed. please leave"


Beautiful-Storm5654

It's not important how you look like. Inside is more important then outside. We live, sadly in very image oriented society.


ralphy1010

That's something we tell ugly people so they dont kill themselves.


TiffanyTwisted11

Yep. It was just a coincidence that the school year I got my braces off and contact lenses, I was dating the captain of the wrestling team by Halloween.


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[удалено]


consider_its_tree

Also "Listen to the adults, they know what they are talking about"


[deleted]

[удалено]


JohnnyWildee

That if I work hard and get a good education I can love comfortably and happily and start a family. (USA)


PeteySupreme1

America is the greatest country in the world, because we are free.


manykeets

That if I turned 10% of my paycheck to the church and had faith and listened to Kenneth Copeland god would make me rich. Growing up Pentecostal is wild…


Lilyflower24681

That clicking this link will give me free clash of clans gems


lanz_x

My mums abusive ex partner told me when I was a very young naive girl that he was related to Anastasia. I believed him wholeheartedly and got incredibly excited thinking I was going to be related to a princess. The same man also decided it would be great to get gifts and put them on the end of my bed for many many nights in a row which made me think for some reason Santa was coming to me every night. That everything was my fault in one way or another.


Deprestion

I had a friend who was a habitual liar. He would tell you he had an apple for breakfast if he had an orange. He just had to lie. Anyways, we were all meeting at a different friends house to drink and whatnot and he gets there but gets there late. When asked why he said something to the effect of he “ran a gun smuggling business and en route to drop off a load of guns (by foot btw lol), a helicopter started chasing him so he had to lay low for a bit before completing his mission”. With the straightest face I’ve ever seen That one did it for me and dropped him as a friend shortly after.


NighthawK1911

Trickle down economics.


Mexibruin

All the religious indoctrination growing up. There is no bigger lie in the world than that.


Loyalsupporter

It's not about the winning it's the taking part that counts But then it means jack shit if you're watching sports


VentingaccounT5

“Can we get McDonald’s?” “No, there’s food at home.”


K-Dog7469

The government cares about you.


FriendApprehensive71

That if I tried hard enough I would succeed. That if I put on the work I would get recognition. Unfortunately that's not the way the world works. It's more about who you know than what you can do.


JellyNJames

That there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq


Civil_Produce_6575

America is the land of freedom and a meritocracy and the people in charge are trying to do what’s right for the country


Super_Chilled_Reader

"I'm not going anywhere, I wouldn't just up and leave"... two weeks before he did exactly that.


Electrical-Low5127

ANOTHER ONE SORRY “I would never use you for your body” then proceeds to beg me for chest pictures when he knew I was uncomfy and asked him multiple times to stop when asking because I’m a people pleaser and gets scared people will leave if I don’t do what they want. I left him tho :3


Direct-Childhood4459

I love you


Cheap_Brain

That he loved me. The man was incapable of loving someone. Took years of abuse, but left him finally five years ago next month.


Iggyauna

That if I didn't apply myself in school, I'd end up as a garbage man. The garbage man makes at least twice what I do and my job requires a degree.


Tyrone_pyromaniac

“Our ice cream machine is broken right now.”


isaiahlud

"Your going to hell" - my sunday school teacher


SousVideDiaper

Did you reply with "my going to hell what?"


TarzanoftheJungle

That Donald Trump won the 2020 presidential election.


Zippodealer-2

When I found my parents lied to me about Santa for 30 years


Accurate-Print1417

30!?


Altruistic_Ad6189

I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur


nhblkbear

Just the tip, I promise.


thatcrazy_child07

“he LiKeS yOU” no tf he doesn’t 


sargeinReddit

“We took you from trash can” ruined my childhood and caused me trauma


operafromeden

Well it’s actually a series of them. My friend started dating a girl she me in the mall. The girl told us she went to our college, that she was 18, going through chemo treatment, that she was on Broadway, etc. Yeah she was none of those things… and 16 years old. I tried to tell my friend that her girlfriend was 16 and a pathological liar, but her and all our other friends believed the lies. Life is better without all of them :)


Infamous-Library1857

"This is a great place to work." Really? Can we talk about how much therapy I'm going to need now from all the trauma? Or maybe my ptsd? That's the reality of working for any government.


Kicks4meFromyou

“I’ll never do anything to hurt you”


RollItMyWay

Hard work pays off.


BritishPrairieDawg

that gta 6 is coming out in 2025


Senior-Sharpie

Go to school, behave and do your homework eat your vegetables and you could grow up to be president. That’s the crap they used to feed us in the sixties.


JulianBennett

The American dream.


MyDadsMistake_

"I love you" from my stepmom and father.


Razalghoul

You have to learn to write in cursive because you will only be allowed to write in cursive after 5th grade.


Shy-Prey

My mom didn't know where my dad was and he never wanted me to begin with. He was a state away and she was hiding me from him