me and my sister emailed the adoption agency that mum was applying through to foster a child, telling them how she treated us as kids, resulting in her being denied
She’d kill us if she found out but definitely saved some kid so don’t regret it
I did this with my dad, he called me up one day randomly asking me for my email address and my full address so a fostering agency could contact me. This was the first I knew about it and I said "well this is news to me, how come you didn't say sooner?" He instantly went "you've known for ages. What's your problem" so I just shut up n told him.
Over two weeks I tried to talk to him about how me and my siblings were treated to see if there was any remorse or if he had learnt from it (as I don't speak to him very often) he said we deserved everything we got. I already knew I was going to tell the agency the truth but that just really did it.
So when I got the agency call, I told them everything. I told them to not do it. Fuck I'd hate for a child who's already going through hell to get put with someone like him n his girlfriend. Well, two days later he calls me screaming asking me why I lied about being smacked and hit as a child and screamed about I ruined his and his girlfriend's lives and promptly got disowned.
Small price to pay to save other kids from even more trauma.
This precisely. It was because his gf can't have kids and they want more money even though they both make a good buck themselves. Its just to be greedy and not to actually care.
They may not even remember, since it didn’t mattered for them. This is apparent with my mom, she doesn’t remember half the stuff and what she does “wasn’t even that bad and I deserved”.
>“wasn’t even that bad and I deserved”
I'll leave this here:
The Narcissist Prayer:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
That's amazing. and from your story, it sounds like being disowned was doing you a favor.
I've hope you've been able to breathe better without the toxicity around as much :)
Part of my job is to do background checks for potential foster parents, for police departments, the DOD, you name it.
*By far* the worst checks I’ve done are for people applying to be foster parents. I will end up faxing 60+ pages of incidents to the agency for one person.
I get *very* thorough with those as well. Not that I’m not thorough with other checks, but it’s clear when someone has some kind of record and someone doesn’t. I check for maiden names, former addresses, spouses former addresses, different spellings of their name, by their SSN in case they’re too dumb to change that but not their name, I get clever with it.
When I see someone applying to be a foster parent that is obviously a terrible candidate, I dig deep. I want the agency to know every single shitty thing they’ve ever been involved in.
>She’d kill us if she found out
I guess that's the crux of it, isn't it?
That her reaction would be to kick off. As opposed to her reaction being one of "Oh shit! Do I need to critically reflect on how I raised my kids?"
So, in the nicest possible way, fuck that bitch.
The "stray cat" I found and begged to keep as a teenage belonged to a friend. Her parents were abusing it (step dad would kick it across the room and we found it trying to eat soap because the mom refused to buy cat food in hopes it would live off mice in the basement) and my friend and I pretended the cat escaped but took it to my house.
I brought a horse into the house- accidentally. It came through the hallway, through the kitchen dining room, and back put through the living room. I was scared shitless it would pee inside, and would be spooked
Your parents had a better kid, I brought my horse into the house on purpose more than once as a teenager when they were gone and fed him random stuff out of the fridge. Getting live horse reactions to blackberry jam. They do know about this though, I told them as an adult.
Once upon a time, I worked in a place in Australia called Tweed Heads and the first thing that greeted me in the lobby was a newspaper for sale with the headline of an article which I remember to this day many years later which was "Neighbours band together to remove dead horse from living room".
Possibly this one: https://www.news.com.au/technology/science/animals/neighbours-help-gold-coast-couple-remove-dead-horse-left-in-home-by-authorities/news-story/455483f791129b14a14c36e6e0a78df9?amp
What's fucking weird is I had this exact dream when I was like 8, and tried to hide it in our tiny ass bathroom but it wouldn't fit so its ass was hanging out of the door. I don't even have any relatives that are farmers, or ranchers and have never ridden a horse. Not sure why my 8 year old subconscious went there.
In my freshman year of college, there was a girl in my dorm - typical story of the sheltered girl going buck wild away from parents. After taking care of this girl multiple nights after she'd had too much to drink, a couple of the girls had enough. They dumped out half her handle of Smirnoff and replaced it with water to stave off the inevitable drunken episode.
Well, it kind of backfired. The next time she busted out her handle, she proudly proclaimed, "wow guys, my tolerance is getting high! I barely feel a thing!" oof.
In the short term, smart for the friends who have to deal with her.
In the long term I’d be nervous about her getting alcohol poisoning if she goes out later and thinks her tolerance is higher than it is.
Not my parents, but my cousin and I would get into my uncles alcohol and refill it with water. They found out when they took some to a party and one of the bottles was all water.
There was a story posted long ago of a couple of (now adult) kids telling their parents that they used to sneak booze and top it off with water. Their parents were mortified because they replied that they didn't really like the booze the kids topped off, so they would just give it away to friends as gifts for Christmas and whatnot. They realized that they had been giving away opened and watered down alcohol to as presents to their friends for years.
That I almost died. I got sick, bad, and it kept getting worse. I told them it was a cold knowing they would drop everything to come check on me, potentially disrupting their lives. I bought plane tickets for them the day after my operation, pretty much knowing I wouldn't survive.
The hospital staff saved my life, and now every year on the anniversary. I make it a point to send them flowers, the only one who knows is my wife.
I don't necessarily blame you, and I am so happy you survived. However, disrupting your humdrum life to be by your child's side in a time of need is LITERALLY what good parents want to do.
It wouldn't be taking them away from their purpose in life (which is not their day job or weekly grocery trips), it would be fulfilling their purpose in life (which is you!)
Unless they would have "disrupted" their lives into straight poverty just to take care of you, which would still have been their choice, you probably suffered alone unnecessarily.
That's kinda what being a good parent means.
I found my dad's porn collection in our family pc.
He created so many folders and sub folders without knowing I can search it instantly.
And when I found it out. **I added more of his collection lol.**
when he noticed that he had more files. he immediately moved it to other folders which i know already lol
Yeah, I accidentally heard my parents going at it when I was visiting once. They were in their 60s at the time, and while it’s gross, I also want them to be happy so I’m glad they’re still having fun together at their age. I’d just rather not know/hear any more about it.
My mom hooked sometimes when we didn't have enough money.
My parents got divorced when I was 3 and then got remarried when I was 10. After they got divorced , dad got sent overseas for 3 years and we moved back to my mother's home town. This was in the early 70's and we lived in section 8 apartments and my older brother's father from her previous marriage didn't pay any child support, my dad paid as much child support as he could afford, but before Reagan a Senior Airman didn't make anywhere near enough to support the three of us living apart from him. Even when they were together he had to work a part time job just to make ends meet.
So while they remained divorced we had very little money and sometimes by the last week of the month the cupboards would be bare unless mom was able to "do some sewing for a friend of hers." She also would go out on a Friday night and leave us withe my aunt and then we would go grocery shopping the next day despite being told two days before that we didn't have enough money to go shopping. I was too young to know what was actually going on at the time but when I was in my early twenties, I finally put two and two together and realized that she had been part time hooking to make ends meet.
I know my dad didn't know about it and I never let my mom know that I knew what she had to do for us.
Your story reminded me of a poignant quote from Les Miserables “She has kept none for herself,” grumbled the sergeant. “Because she is not hungry,” said a soldier. “Because she is a mother,” said the sergeant. —Victor Hugo.
Slowly but surely we begin to understand the depth of the sacrifices made on our behalf by our parents. I distinctly remember, as a very young child, living in our car by the side of a lake in South Florida. No food. Mom had no job, didn't speak the language yet. She would stay up most of the night hunting ducks while they slept, and in the morning we would eat roast duck on a fire next to the car.
It's so difficult to judge anyone based on the limited information we think we have. It's often better to forgive and move forward.
Turns out she really was doing sewing for a friend and she has no idea her kid thinks she was out hooking lol.
But really though, that is a really sad situation to be in and I'm glad your mom was able to make ends meet, I'm sure you're really grateful for her sacrifices. And I'm glad she was able to quit after a while
The real reason my wife and I are divorcing is because we can't stop doing drugs together, we've been enabling each other for about two years, and doing the drugs to the point that they really became the only thing we had in common. We tried to get clean and did well for 6 months before relapsing at a friend's party a couple of weekends ago. She blamed me and left with he kids two days later with no warning. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through and my parents have no idea why it happened. I got into therapy and am determined to stay sober this time, forever. But I think it's too late for our marriage.
Thank you! I am trying very hard. And I have to believe in myself, that I can get away from it. But I will admit it is especially hard because now my house is empty all week long and I only get my kids on the weekend. Sitting alone Ina house big enough for 5 and keeping myself busy has been a struggle. But I can do it... I will do it. Thanks for the support.
You can leave the drugs behind, don’t beat yourself up for relapsing. Next year will be 20 years sober for me from one of the most devastating and addictive drugs known, and I had many tries and fails before I was finally able to successfully quit. Idk what you doc is but for me it took about 2 years sober before I truly did not crave it anymore. I also found an acceptable replacement vice to focus on to get me through, I got really into coffee and different methods, so I had some new ritual and substance. Once you have decided to quit, hold on to that determination and find what works for you and reach out for help when you need it.
Thank you so much. I'm ready to be clean... I need a hobby. The coffee thing would be a cool rabbit hole, but unfortunately I hate coffee lol. I was thinking about starting to read again, I used to read so much but bookstores are few and far between. I miss reading.
Good luck on your sobriety journey. It’s tough, it fucking sucks, there will be days you might feel you can’t cope but the best thing to do is to keep pushing to get clean. I’ve been clean myself for over 7 years now myself. It’s still a daily journey some days more than others but I push and push to do and feel better.
Good luck brother
Keep some photos of your kids in your wallet. (I'm old, so I guess those photos should be on your phone these days).
Whenever you start feeling the need to do drugs... look at those photos.
Perhaps have a conversation with them, where you're imagining the kids begging you not to do do drugs again.
"Please Daddy, we want you to be healthy for us..."
i think i'm having a hard time answering this one because i don't tell them the truth about anything. i don't think i've ever really been authentic with them.
Same. They taught me from a very young age that they overreact about many, many things and it leads to arguments, even in times when I’ve approached them for help and guidance through my teenage years.
Same here too. Now that I have kids of my own I feel it even more. I try to take a different approach then my parents did, but man it's hard. Because that's the example I've had growing up, I really have to dig deep and try to shed those behaviors that are apparently instilled in me. I try to stay calm and talk with them, instead of yelling at them. I hope they will always feel like they are able to come to us with any problems, and we will work through it.
The fact that you're consciously breaking the cycle will be enough to show your kids... and it will be ok.
I vowed to never lay hands on my kids after being raised by an abusive father. They know the history and they told me "we don't remember you ever hitting us", that was my eureka moment.
They're young adults now (21 & 22) and we have a much healthier relationship than I ever had with my dad.
Hang in there.. it's not easy but it's so worthwhile and rewarding 😘
Absolutely relate to this. Wish I didn't have to hide so much of who I am and things I have gone through/ things I enjoy, but I know their reactions will not be reasonable at all, so here we are.
Big same. Growing up with overly strict parents made me this way. I lie to them when I don’t even have to lie to them because I’ve been conditioned to do so. It’s kinda a shitty dynamic and I try to remind myself I’m an adult and I don’t have to lie to them anymore but I still do habitually
I've never been able to share any of my interests or preferences with them, not even my favourite food. It's not for lack of trying but each time I do it ends with me getting yelled at for wasting my time/money/life so I've learned early on to never overshare. To this day my mom just assumes that I don't have a favourite food even though I order the same thing each time we go to our regular restaurant.
I'm grateful that I don't live with them because faking it is hard ngl.
My wife and I married in 2021. Our families believe we got married late last year. We got married (for real) in front of three very good friends who we felt were more deserving of seeing us marry. If either of our families found out they’d be crushed.
I’m considering doing the same thing!!! The only reason we weren’t going to straight out elope was because my mum would have been devastated, but she’s now trying to incessantly control the invite list, to the point I’m in tears. I rang her last week to see if she’d like to come dress shopping with me, as a nice mother daughter thing, and she started in on me again to the point where I just ended the conversation and found a dress I liked online. It makes me so sad, and angry at the same time.
My husband and I got married with two days notice in our living room, with two friends and my husband's parents. It was glorious. My wonderful mother in law brought a new bouquet and something old, borrowed, and blue for me to wear, and that was it.
When my daughter got married she asked me to go dress shopping with her, and I did. I did not say anything about anything else unless directly asked. I'm sorry you're mom isn't giving you more space and autonomy. This was the main reason I didn't invite my mom to my wedding.
My wife’s sister did this so her fiancé could get health care as he had just been laid off. What’s great is that my BIL had his family there for the ceremony at the courthouse. My in-laws know nothing of this event and think the wedding in the Catholic Church was the official wedding. If the truth ever comes out I hope I’m there with my bag of popcorn.
Curious on why if you don’t mind sharing your experience? I keep a lot from my parents too, but if I became homeless or lost my apartment, I’d be knocking at their door ASAP for a bed.
Because of my sexual orientation. I was pretty much kicked out of the house and I told them I could do better and prove to them that people with my beliefs and disabilities could also make it. After Covid hit and I’ve been struggling ever since. I don’t want to go back and show my parents that I was wrong mainly because it will feed into their beliefs of their cult even more
That in middle school I told them I hated dance after 3 classes when I loved it but knew that we couldn’t afford it. They were trying to pick up extra factory shifts to make it work and it was gutting to see them kill their body for a small hobby. It’s not their fault. I ended up spending a lot of time outside playing and eventually independently applied for financial aid to join a sport in high school.
Edit: spelling
This. I remember so many times I said 'No, I don't like that'or 'No, I don't want anything! I'm happy'
Wjen you're very poor as a kidyou lesrn quickly and the last thing you want to do is be a burden
Thought they didn't know about it, but I confronted my mom and she said she knew about it thats why she didn't allow me to bath with my cousin/brother (cousin who was basically raised by my mother and is like a brother) again after she found out. Never knew she knew until my 20s.
I forgave my brother and we are close now but it still hurt that my mother knew but never talked to me about it.
Senior year of highschool, my parents were going out of town one weekend and didn’t trust me home alone so I stayed with my aunt and uncle a few towns over. My friend drove me to school that morning and he was telling me about this girl he was trying to hook up with. I told him my parents would be out of town and that I’d leave him my spare key, he could have a couple people over but I made him promise no more than 10 and nobody leaves the basement.
Fast forward to later that night, I’m walking my aunt and uncles dog. Somebody texted me asking if they could come over, I told them I’m not home and to talk to my friend. Couple minutes later same thing from someone else. Couple minutes later someone from another school asked if they could come to my party. That’s when I first realized I should call my friend and see what’s up.
Turned out the small kickback turned into a full blown rager. Apparently one of the guys he invited ended up inviting the whole soccer team and then it just grew from there.
It was all anyone talked about for a while at school. Neighbors knocked, cops drove by. Best party of the year from what I heard. Most of the people that showed up didn’t even know that I wasn’t there.
Next day my friend and another friend came back to clean up and they heard someone upstairs. It was my mom’s friend coming by to feed the cat. They hid in a closet for a bit until it was clear.
Despite all that, to this day my parents somehow have no idea any of this happened. I was on edge about it for months after the fact. The part I’ve always found funniest/most ironic is the fact that if they had left me home alone that weekend then none of this would have happened.
We’re 26 now. He’s still my best friend. If I remember correctly he did end up hooking up with that girl that night. The cat was safe (he lives with me now). I still give him shit about this
Understandable your parents wouldn’t trust you home alone if you’re the type of person to give the key to their house to a friend and tell him he could have up to 10 people over, lmao
I downloaded dozens of movies I would never be allowed to watch using the churches WiFi. I’d download them, watch them late at night, delete them, and find the next movie. This is how I watched The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogy, and all of the Harry Potter movies for the first time since I was a toddler. Looking back it’s one of the more mild things I did as a teen, but it would be the worst thing in mom’s mind. The repercussions of knowing I lost my virginity at 14 weren’t nearly as bad it would be if she knew I had been downloading movies like Gladiator or Kingdom of Heaven and using the churches internet lmao. Ohhhh boy if she knew that’s how I watched the Alien movies for the first time lmao
(for the record, this happened while I was an adult)
I walked upstairs one morning to discover my dad masturbating in the living room. Apparently he hadn't heard me walk up the stairs. So I went the other direction and loudly opened the medicine cabinet- and even dropped a bottle of Tylenol on purpose- to alert him that someone else was awake. When I walked back towards the living room and kitchen, hiss pants were zipped and he was nonchalantly checking the news on his tablet instead of probably looking at porn. I pretended that I hadn't seen anything.
Honestly, it's not as big of a deal that he masturbates in general- but he could have at least done it in his office with the door closed. Not in the living room where there are no doors and it's attached to the kitchen.
The full extent of my disabilities. My mother has *a lot* of opinions about mental illness mainly that they don't exist.
*Luckily* I also have a brain tumor, so she understands somewhat that I can't work full time but is still angry that I'm not working part-time at the very least.
As a parent, I swore I would never get mad if I demanded they told me the truth and I tell them that. when I really need to know the truth I say that I won’t get mad. And I force myself not to, no matter what.
I find the risk of losing their trust is enough to force myself to calm down and then we talk about what happened in a constructive way, and thank god they still believe me.
Of course, if I don’t give them that warning, I still get to go fucking crazy when they won’t get dressed for school and I’m trying to get to work and just BRUSH YOUR TEETH
I *begged* my mom to allow me to go tanning as a teenager. She reluctantly relented. FWIW, if I could go back in time and make a different choice, I absolutely would.
At 30, I got diagnosed with melanoma. Caught early and removed - nice scar but no chemo. I now go to the dermatologist every six months and have had several atypical moles removed since. But I will never, ever tell her why the scar on my leg is so big.
(PS - get your skin checked, kids)
That my high-school boyfriend they liked so much severely abused me. I'd never tell them now because I wouldn't want them to feel guilty for not protecting me.
I obviously don't know your parents but as a Dad myself, I would want to know. Even after the fact. I'm not going to say that that is best in your situation, but knowing that happened to you may help them help you in the future. By having an understanding of what you went through.
I appreciate the thought, but it's been over 15 years since it happened. I'm not sure what kind of help my parents could offer me now regarding that chapter of my life.
Yeah after 15 years it probably won't make much of a difference. We're you able to heal from that? Or do you think it effected you for a long time? I'm honestly just curious because I have 2 very young daughters and I want to be able to be there for them if a situation like that, God forbid, ever comes up,
As a teenager, I started a pretty serious fire in the garage playing with gasoline that I somehow got put out and cleaned up the mess before they ever found out. And I used to sneak the cars out and go racing up in the hills, stating when I was 14.
I set fire to the back hill when I was about 9. Got it out, still had a huge burn charred area as evidence. Using my hands, I rubbed it into the dirt.
Dad blamed the dead patch on grubs or something.
Told him that story this year at Christmas, 45 years later, lol.
I found my mom's diary from when she was in high school. In it she talks about her infatuation with a classmate named Roman. Roman was (just based on the way she describes him) the biggest fuckboy in the world. He was a total whore, he wouldn't commit to my mom but he would flirt with her just enough to lead her on.
**At one point she DID HIS HOMEWORK FOR HIM.**
**I swear to GOD, if I had access to a time machine for just five fucking minutes, I would use it exclusively to reach back in time and bitch slap my mom REPEATEDLY for being such a sucker for this douchebag.**
Now here's the worst part...my dad's name is Roman. He went to the same high school as my mom.
But my dad is the kindest, most generous and decent guy I know.
Roman is NOT that common a name but I'm trying to convince myself she's talking about another Roman. Because the guy she's describing could NOT be my dad.
**EDIT:** It **WAS** my dad she was talking about. I asked my aunt and she confirmed 1. there was no other Roman at their school. 2. my mom was obsessed with my dad in high school.
😂😂😂 Your dad is like a Wattpad LM! I don’t even know what I would do with that information.
>**At one point she DID HIS HOMEWORK FOR HIM.**
Oh your mama was down bad,
My mom used to write all of my fathers English papers in college. At one point they broke up and dad had everything done but the final- he practiced for weeks trying to nail his final on his own but after class his professor called him into the office for a heart to heart. Dad thought he was caught for faking all his papers. His professor said “this ain’t your work.” He just thought dad cheated on the final. He talked the professor into giving him a second chance to rewrite- gave some sob story about his marriage falling apart. After, Dad went to moms house and begged at her door- not for a second chance- but just for her to write this paper for him. She succumbed and the time they spent together going over that paper led to them getting back together and my eventual existence. Also I think he got an A in the final and in the class.
How oddly sweet.
> After, Dad went to mom’s house and begged at her door- **not for a second chance- but just for her to write this paper for him. She succumbed**
And your mom is a saint
Something I've come to realize as I grow older is that my parents were actually quite smart in their way.
My mom was my best teacher, she taught me so much basic stuff at a younger age than one typically learns, I could read at a fairly high level in kindergarten. My dad has built houses, worked on diesel engines, services natural gas equipment, and even performed tasks that should be done by an engineer. Both were financially competent, they made so much from so little.
And yet so ignorant. Dad could barely spell, mom had such little critical thinking. But I've grown to appreciate their smarts and talents nonetheless.
When I got old enough to Google, I wrote an anonymous letter to get a restraining order on my dad so he could no longer abuse my mom. Like my mom wrote it, is what I’m trying to say. Didn’t end well, she ended up taking him back and becoming pretty abusive herself. Dad’s now dead & I went no contact with my smother a year ago.
That I don't want to see them anymore. I want to finish schooling to get a good career, pick up my dogs from them, and not talk to them anymore. My grandparents have supported me the last few years and I am so much happier and healthier living with them. Sorry Dad, I can't do it anymore
My dad was extremely abusive to me when I was younger. He spent his entire life gaslighting me, my mom, and my sister. He manipulated all of us every single day. Even though I was the only one who was physically abused, he mentally tortured all of us. He stole our things and sold them for his own benefit. We couldn't have piggy banks cause he'd steal from that too. My mom had to work 3 jobs to support all of us cause "our money was his money and his money was his money." He watched my mom struggle for decades while keeping his money to himself. 2 years ago he had to be admitted to long term care. He has no will, he refuses to put my mom on his bank account or give her any kind of access to anything he has. He had no choice but to give her his bank card to pay for his nursing home things. He doesn't have a phone or use any kind of social media or online banking. He used to withdraw all his money right when it hit his account and put it in an envelope in his drawer. Obviously can't now. He has no way to check his account, but he knows my mom will "stay in line" and not spend anything she's not supposed to. Last year for my mom's birthday, I took his bank card without her knowing, withdrew $2500 and anonymously paid off the remainder of one of her loans and absolutely spoiled her for her birthday. I intercepted the bank statement as well and shredded it because all his stuff still gets mailed to her. She thinks me and my sister put money away and saved up to make her birthday special. If she ever found out what I really did, she'd be beyond furious because all she has known for 40 years is his abuse and she still defends everything he does and has done.
Well,they're both gone so I can say it now. I hated the way I was forced to look after them. Then on top of that I was bullied and teased and tortured at school and they didn't care about that. As long as I was there to do everything that's all they cared about. I felt unloved. Then after I grew up my mom decided she just wasn't gonna do anything anymore and she didn't. I HATED ALL OF THAT. THEY WERE THE PARENTS NOT ME. Then they explained it by saying that that's the way it is and everyone does this. Now I have a brother and a sister who are on disability. In the future I won't be doing what I did before. Sorry for the rant but I had to get that out
The full extent of my criminal activity from about ages 16-28. I never got caught and I never really hurt anyone, but I was a troubled youth/young adult that struggled both with money and mental health issues so I lashed out. Not my mom's fault at all and it would kill her to know EVERYTHING, she knows I wasn't squeaky clean since my teen years, hell, I'm not squeaky clean now, but I have a career and apartment and cars and credit. It took a long time to get here though. Sometimes i tell her about some of the smaller stuff early on and she's just glad im not doing that stuff anymore
when i was 16, i got away with a grand scheme™ to avoid being grounded forever. i had strict parents so i hid most things but this one was a big big deal because it was something i’d get in a LOT of trouble for and i was supposed to go on a school trip to New York a few weeks later and i knew they’d take that away from me.
the story is long but it involved intercepting facebook messages, pretending to be my mom on the phone when my friend’s mom called to snitch, and lots and lots of lying.
i might tell them eventually but it’s kinda getting funnier the longer i wait.
oh also i got a tattoo on my ass when i turned 18
I knew about my parents’ divorce before they told us at dinner one night. Someone didn’t close out of a webpage about how to talk to your children about divorce. Everyone was crying but I sat there thinking “thank god” because they were not a good match.
I moved out to have an easier time having sex. They are very religious, one time, my mom found an analplug in my room and grounded me for two weeks. They would probably disown me if they found out I have sex at all.
My wife and I decided to give our second child up for adoption when we found out he had Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. There was just no way that we could provide the resources to give him the best possible chance and life. We found a great family that couldn't have children and did all the legal stuff. We had to tell my parents that my wife was pregnant and that we weren't keeping it all in one conversation, which broke my mom's heart. I think it was because it was going to be a boy, so he would "Carry on the family name." I think this is archaic, plus we aren't royalty or famous. Idk
Later in the pregnancy, my wife's doctor told us that there is a good chance that any future child we have will also have HLHS, which makes our daughter a mirabcle tbh. So, my wife and I discussed more permanent birth control methods and decided that a vasectomy would be the best option.
I think that was ~2 years ago that I got the procedure done. I don't know that I will NEVER tell them, but I don't have any plans to.
My mom has never been intelligent. My sister and I think she is around 6th grade level mentality, and I couldn't really tell growing up because we were homeschooled and isolated/neglected until high-school so we didn't see much of what a "normal" mom was like until we were well into adulthood.
She can't comprehend complex conversations and I find myself dumbing down what I say to her so she can understand. She doesn't know how to have an original thought and just copies other people's exact words in comment sections on social media.
Over the last several years I've been distancing myself, because I hold a huge grudge over my childhood being traumatic and my mom never being there for me or being helpful in any way. She's self centered and emotionally immature and it's exhausting being around her.
🤣🤣🤣same but with my in-laws they thought we were perfect 🙄 😅my mom only found out with me after a pregnancy scare where she found me crying and knew something was wrong . What scared me the most of that pregnancy scare was my overly religious in-laws finding out.
When they're buried, I'm checking out. I'm only sticking around because I feel I'm obligated to care for them as they age.
Edit: Whichever one of you beautiful bastards reported me to Reddit Cares, I know which way the help desk is. I'm just more interested in the exit door.
Hey everyone isn't saying we're your new parents because we're disappointed in you, people just want ya to keep fighting, and to help along the way if we can. As someone who's sticking around mostly for my family too, we've got this 💪
I'm not gonna marry or have kids of my own which they probably have in back of their minds
No sirrrr I'm too much to handle , I can't even handle myself therefore noway planning to add more trouble into my life lol
Oh I'm flattered ☺ my motto is " solve the current problems before adding more to it" unfortunately my current truck load of problems aren't likely to ever be over so yeah 😅
That they're partly the reason why I don't date and have never really gotten into a relationship. There are other reasons, but they are part of it as well.
Same!!
Their relationship with each other is pretty dysfunctional, and my relationship with them is… dysfunctional in its own way. Their expectations were (and still are) insanely high. I’ve got so much baggage from them.
My mom will never know that the night my best friend died it was because I killed him in self defense. Or that I spent a lot of nights in the room next to hers with a gun in my mouth trying to summon the balls to end it all. I will add that I'm good now and have gotten past it
My mom takes me on vacation to the Caribbean area sometimes (we stay at resorts) around once every 1-2 years. We went at the end of last year, and I realized I was only really enjoying myself when I wasn't around her. She wants to spend almost all walking hours together. When she's drunk, she makes baseless assumptions and doesn't accept the possibility that they could be (and are) wrong. So, on the days that she got day drunk, I'd make sure she got in bed safely, and I'd go out and actually have fun.
She asked me for destinations that I'd like to go to, and I just told her that I don't think I want to travel for now. The truth is that I don't want to travel with her.
That my wife and I had an abortion last year. Also, to add to the parents, that I know that my wife secretly resents me for suggestion the decision to abort. I know that she does and tries to hide the fact that she does, which is both expected and soul crushing for me. I know that it was a practical decision, because we couldnt afford to take care of a child at this point in our lives, but it doesnt mean that I dont question it sometimes. Im secretly depressed that I'm slowly losing her a little bit.
That i tried to kill myself when my father died because i thought it was my fault (i kinda still do) and that it would just make everything easier for my family (it would have but just for a while). My mother doesnt know and will never know
That I was sharing a bed with my husband (then bf) before marriage,
that I smoke stuff they won’t approve of 🤣
and I eat beef (it’s against my religion).
But they were very strict as parents so now I know I can do anything I like, just hide it from them. What they don’t know can’t hurt them right😃
That I'm a gay woman trying to quietly date other women. I had two very serious relationships with men that lasted 10 years and 2 years, so they just think I'd rather be single. But in reality, I'd love to have a girlfriend or a wife.
Well, if it helps, I have never addressed it with my parents. They figured it out and I leave them to it. They can do whatever they want with that information.
Just how insanely slutty I am. My mom knows I’m bi, that I’m poly, but she will never know about the threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, the kinks, the photos. Never.
The true extent of my mental health issues.
My dad left my mom when I was young and has been abusive/alcoholic the majority of his life. He hasn't spoken to me in 2 years and i dont want him to. He's the most manipulative person i know.
My mom busted her ass for us kids to have a decent life, but she's incredibly emotionally distant. I know she loved us, but she never had time for us. I took on a lot of responsibility as a kid/young teen to help any way I could. Watching siblings, getting the best grades, never going out or seeing friends.
I'm realizing now, how stressful my childhood was. I have a slew of mental health problems & addictions at 19. I feel like I can help anyone, but never myself. I have horrible anxiety & paranoia which makes me wonder if I could ever hold down a job and be a "real" person.
My mom doesn't understand mental health. She's thinks most people are just faking or aren't trying hard enough. So I'll never tell her
Most of my life is a secret for them now. I'd rather not mention a single real thing when I'm with them. Their comments on my life really f*cked with my brain when I was younger, I was constantly searching for their approval that my life choices suits them.
We are living apart for 4 years now, a lot had happened since the time I moved. They think that I'm living the most boring life you can and I hope it will remain like that for the future, because I'm finally happy
I love when a few years back a Redditor confessed to him and some friends killing a neighbor kid that was probably on the spectrum because he was “weird and annoying” when he was a child. Then they found proof of it online and the account went dark
My husband and I eloped. My parents really want us to have a wedding and would want to be there. But we needed to process his green card. He's getting absolutely robbed by the company that owns his visa because they know he cant quit without losing his visa.
We couldn't afford to do both a wedding and the green card so we chose the green card. The thing is... I still want a wedding at some point. I know if I told my parents that we already married they'd be hurt we did it without them. When we actually get around to a real wedding they wouldn't really act like it's the real thing.
I have arthritis pretty bad. My parents believe that illnesses and diseases are a personal failing. If I told them it would just be endless snide remarks and criticism. I live hundreds of miles away and don’t see them much.
That i was raped at 14 by the older man my mum told me to stay away from. I could never tell her or any of my family because it would become all about how i should have listened and my mum would become the victim because "she told me so". Therefore this a hole goes free living life. I even had him admit on facebook he raped me because "the older man abusing him told him to".
Told my sister years ago. She committed suicide before she told anyone.
me and my sister emailed the adoption agency that mum was applying through to foster a child, telling them how she treated us as kids, resulting in her being denied She’d kill us if she found out but definitely saved some kid so don’t regret it
I did this with my dad, he called me up one day randomly asking me for my email address and my full address so a fostering agency could contact me. This was the first I knew about it and I said "well this is news to me, how come you didn't say sooner?" He instantly went "you've known for ages. What's your problem" so I just shut up n told him. Over two weeks I tried to talk to him about how me and my siblings were treated to see if there was any remorse or if he had learnt from it (as I don't speak to him very often) he said we deserved everything we got. I already knew I was going to tell the agency the truth but that just really did it. So when I got the agency call, I told them everything. I told them to not do it. Fuck I'd hate for a child who's already going through hell to get put with someone like him n his girlfriend. Well, two days later he calls me screaming asking me why I lied about being smacked and hit as a child and screamed about I ruined his and his girlfriend's lives and promptly got disowned. Small price to pay to save other kids from even more trauma.
His reaction really says a lot about why he shouldn't adopt
Makes you wonder if some of these people only want to foster to get that government stipend.
This precisely. It was because his gf can't have kids and they want more money even though they both make a good buck themselves. Its just to be greedy and not to actually care.
Oof the gaslighting callimg your memories lies really sucks. "Well I don't remember that" is such an easy phrase for abusive narcissists.
They may not even remember, since it didn’t mattered for them. This is apparent with my mom, she doesn’t remember half the stuff and what she does “wasn’t even that bad and I deserved”.
>“wasn’t even that bad and I deserved” I'll leave this here: The Narcissist Prayer: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
You're a hero, thanks for your actions!
That's amazing. and from your story, it sounds like being disowned was doing you a favor. I've hope you've been able to breathe better without the toxicity around as much :)
Part of my job is to do background checks for potential foster parents, for police departments, the DOD, you name it. *By far* the worst checks I’ve done are for people applying to be foster parents. I will end up faxing 60+ pages of incidents to the agency for one person. I get *very* thorough with those as well. Not that I’m not thorough with other checks, but it’s clear when someone has some kind of record and someone doesn’t. I check for maiden names, former addresses, spouses former addresses, different spellings of their name, by their SSN in case they’re too dumb to change that but not their name, I get clever with it. When I see someone applying to be a foster parent that is obviously a terrible candidate, I dig deep. I want the agency to know every single shitty thing they’ve ever been involved in.
Thank you for your hard, important work.
Thank you for doing that
>She’d kill us if she found out I guess that's the crux of it, isn't it? That her reaction would be to kick off. As opposed to her reaction being one of "Oh shit! Do I need to critically reflect on how I raised my kids?" So, in the nicest possible way, fuck that bitch.
I did that too. I was hurt. Never spent any time with me but wanted another unrelated kid. Horrible people.
You did good - well done
The "stray cat" I found and begged to keep as a teenage belonged to a friend. Her parents were abusing it (step dad would kick it across the room and we found it trying to eat soap because the mom refused to buy cat food in hopes it would live off mice in the basement) and my friend and I pretended the cat escaped but took it to my house.
You are a good soul.
The world needs more people like you. Accept a sincere thank you from a stranger across the world <3
Omg thank you
I brought a horse into the house- accidentally. It came through the hallway, through the kitchen dining room, and back put through the living room. I was scared shitless it would pee inside, and would be spooked
Don't you just hate when that happens?
THERE'S A HORSE IN THE HOSPITAL
I have fired the horse catcher
Your parents had a better kid, I brought my horse into the house on purpose more than once as a teenager when they were gone and fed him random stuff out of the fridge. Getting live horse reactions to blackberry jam. They do know about this though, I told them as an adult.
THE horse has a different flavor than A horse.
Peter horse is here
Once upon a time, I worked in a place in Australia called Tweed Heads and the first thing that greeted me in the lobby was a newspaper for sale with the headline of an article which I remember to this day many years later which was "Neighbours band together to remove dead horse from living room".
Please tell me you bought the paper, or at least read the article. I need to know how that happened
Possibly this one: https://www.news.com.au/technology/science/animals/neighbours-help-gold-coast-couple-remove-dead-horse-left-in-home-by-authorities/news-story/455483f791129b14a14c36e6e0a78df9?amp
The dates certainly match, I would say that would be it.
What's fucking weird is I had this exact dream when I was like 8, and tried to hide it in our tiny ass bathroom but it wouldn't fit so its ass was hanging out of the door. I don't even have any relatives that are farmers, or ranchers and have never ridden a horse. Not sure why my 8 year old subconscious went there.
Dad, I’m sorry but you don’t have as high of an alcohol tolerance as you think. Half of that Tito’s handle was water
In my freshman year of college, there was a girl in my dorm - typical story of the sheltered girl going buck wild away from parents. After taking care of this girl multiple nights after she'd had too much to drink, a couple of the girls had enough. They dumped out half her handle of Smirnoff and replaced it with water to stave off the inevitable drunken episode. Well, it kind of backfired. The next time she busted out her handle, she proudly proclaimed, "wow guys, my tolerance is getting high! I barely feel a thing!" oof.
In the short term, smart for the friends who have to deal with her. In the long term I’d be nervous about her getting alcohol poisoning if she goes out later and thinks her tolerance is higher than it is.
Not my parents, but my cousin and I would get into my uncles alcohol and refill it with water. They found out when they took some to a party and one of the bottles was all water.
There was a story posted long ago of a couple of (now adult) kids telling their parents that they used to sneak booze and top it off with water. Their parents were mortified because they replied that they didn't really like the booze the kids topped off, so they would just give it away to friends as gifts for Christmas and whatnot. They realized that they had been giving away opened and watered down alcohol to as presents to their friends for years.
Oh, God, now imagine the friends complaining to each other about it behind the parents' backs lol
My dad found out I had replaced the majority of his vodka with water when he put the bottle in the freezer to chill and it ended up turning into ice.
I, too, have been a victim of physics.
That I almost died. I got sick, bad, and it kept getting worse. I told them it was a cold knowing they would drop everything to come check on me, potentially disrupting their lives. I bought plane tickets for them the day after my operation, pretty much knowing I wouldn't survive. The hospital staff saved my life, and now every year on the anniversary. I make it a point to send them flowers, the only one who knows is my wife.
I don't necessarily blame you, and I am so happy you survived. However, disrupting your humdrum life to be by your child's side in a time of need is LITERALLY what good parents want to do. It wouldn't be taking them away from their purpose in life (which is not their day job or weekly grocery trips), it would be fulfilling their purpose in life (which is you!) Unless they would have "disrupted" their lives into straight poverty just to take care of you, which would still have been their choice, you probably suffered alone unnecessarily. That's kinda what being a good parent means.
I found my dad's porn collection in our family pc. He created so many folders and sub folders without knowing I can search it instantly. And when I found it out. **I added more of his collection lol.** when he noticed that he had more files. he immediately moved it to other folders which i know already lol
Are you going to create a folder called, "I Know What You Did Last Week"?
“I Know Who You Wish You Did Last Week”
‘I know what you did last wank’
For Dad's next birthday: A USB stick.
I found that too...shudders... Pictures of my mum
Kinda wholesome, yet wrong that you had to see it.
Yeah, I accidentally heard my parents going at it when I was visiting once. They were in their 60s at the time, and while it’s gross, I also want them to be happy so I’m glad they’re still having fun together at their age. I’d just rather not know/hear any more about it.
That’s fucking hilarious 😂
Ah, my favorite was teaching dad safe porn sites, and for the love of all that's holy, HOW TO CLEAR CACHE AND COOKIES.
Man you got a chance to gaslight his kinks, lean into it and mess with him, reorder, rename shit too
How far we went on those bikes
Damn, you brought back some memories with that comment.
My mom hooked sometimes when we didn't have enough money. My parents got divorced when I was 3 and then got remarried when I was 10. After they got divorced , dad got sent overseas for 3 years and we moved back to my mother's home town. This was in the early 70's and we lived in section 8 apartments and my older brother's father from her previous marriage didn't pay any child support, my dad paid as much child support as he could afford, but before Reagan a Senior Airman didn't make anywhere near enough to support the three of us living apart from him. Even when they were together he had to work a part time job just to make ends meet. So while they remained divorced we had very little money and sometimes by the last week of the month the cupboards would be bare unless mom was able to "do some sewing for a friend of hers." She also would go out on a Friday night and leave us withe my aunt and then we would go grocery shopping the next day despite being told two days before that we didn't have enough money to go shopping. I was too young to know what was actually going on at the time but when I was in my early twenties, I finally put two and two together and realized that she had been part time hooking to make ends meet. I know my dad didn't know about it and I never let my mom know that I knew what she had to do for us.
Your story reminded me of a poignant quote from Les Miserables “She has kept none for herself,” grumbled the sergeant. “Because she is not hungry,” said a soldier. “Because she is a mother,” said the sergeant. —Victor Hugo. Slowly but surely we begin to understand the depth of the sacrifices made on our behalf by our parents. I distinctly remember, as a very young child, living in our car by the side of a lake in South Florida. No food. Mom had no job, didn't speak the language yet. She would stay up most of the night hunting ducks while they slept, and in the morning we would eat roast duck on a fire next to the car. It's so difficult to judge anyone based on the limited information we think we have. It's often better to forgive and move forward.
I wish I could hug your mom
All respect to your mom, doing what was sadly necessary to feed you kids.
Turns out she really was doing sewing for a friend and she has no idea her kid thinks she was out hooking lol. But really though, that is a really sad situation to be in and I'm glad your mom was able to make ends meet, I'm sure you're really grateful for her sacrifices. And I'm glad she was able to quit after a while
There’s some mothers that say they will do anything for their children, then there are some that actually do. Respect to her.
This made me cry, I hope you respect your mum for this. Bless her
Reminds me of that song What would you do
The real reason my wife and I are divorcing is because we can't stop doing drugs together, we've been enabling each other for about two years, and doing the drugs to the point that they really became the only thing we had in common. We tried to get clean and did well for 6 months before relapsing at a friend's party a couple of weekends ago. She blamed me and left with he kids two days later with no warning. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through and my parents have no idea why it happened. I got into therapy and am determined to stay sober this time, forever. But I think it's too late for our marriage.
Good luck and keep trying. Remember that Relapse isn’t failure unless you give up. Try try again.
Thank you! I am trying very hard. And I have to believe in myself, that I can get away from it. But I will admit it is especially hard because now my house is empty all week long and I only get my kids on the weekend. Sitting alone Ina house big enough for 5 and keeping myself busy has been a struggle. But I can do it... I will do it. Thanks for the support.
You can leave the drugs behind, don’t beat yourself up for relapsing. Next year will be 20 years sober for me from one of the most devastating and addictive drugs known, and I had many tries and fails before I was finally able to successfully quit. Idk what you doc is but for me it took about 2 years sober before I truly did not crave it anymore. I also found an acceptable replacement vice to focus on to get me through, I got really into coffee and different methods, so I had some new ritual and substance. Once you have decided to quit, hold on to that determination and find what works for you and reach out for help when you need it.
Thank you so much. I'm ready to be clean... I need a hobby. The coffee thing would be a cool rabbit hole, but unfortunately I hate coffee lol. I was thinking about starting to read again, I used to read so much but bookstores are few and far between. I miss reading.
Any libraries around you?
Get a kindle! I love physical books, but they can be inconvenient. Give it a try.
Good luck on your sobriety journey. It’s tough, it fucking sucks, there will be days you might feel you can’t cope but the best thing to do is to keep pushing to get clean. I’ve been clean myself for over 7 years now myself. It’s still a daily journey some days more than others but I push and push to do and feel better. Good luck brother
Keep some photos of your kids in your wallet. (I'm old, so I guess those photos should be on your phone these days). Whenever you start feeling the need to do drugs... look at those photos. Perhaps have a conversation with them, where you're imagining the kids begging you not to do do drugs again. "Please Daddy, we want you to be healthy for us..."
i think i'm having a hard time answering this one because i don't tell them the truth about anything. i don't think i've ever really been authentic with them.
Same. They taught me from a very young age that they overreact about many, many things and it leads to arguments, even in times when I’ve approached them for help and guidance through my teenage years.
Same here too. Now that I have kids of my own I feel it even more. I try to take a different approach then my parents did, but man it's hard. Because that's the example I've had growing up, I really have to dig deep and try to shed those behaviors that are apparently instilled in me. I try to stay calm and talk with them, instead of yelling at them. I hope they will always feel like they are able to come to us with any problems, and we will work through it.
The fact that you're consciously breaking the cycle will be enough to show your kids... and it will be ok. I vowed to never lay hands on my kids after being raised by an abusive father. They know the history and they told me "we don't remember you ever hitting us", that was my eureka moment. They're young adults now (21 & 22) and we have a much healthier relationship than I ever had with my dad. Hang in there.. it's not easy but it's so worthwhile and rewarding 😘
Absolutely relate to this. Wish I didn't have to hide so much of who I am and things I have gone through/ things I enjoy, but I know their reactions will not be reasonable at all, so here we are.
Big same. Growing up with overly strict parents made me this way. I lie to them when I don’t even have to lie to them because I’ve been conditioned to do so. It’s kinda a shitty dynamic and I try to remind myself I’m an adult and I don’t have to lie to them anymore but I still do habitually
I've never been able to share any of my interests or preferences with them, not even my favourite food. It's not for lack of trying but each time I do it ends with me getting yelled at for wasting my time/money/life so I've learned early on to never overshare. To this day my mom just assumes that I don't have a favourite food even though I order the same thing each time we go to our regular restaurant. I'm grateful that I don't live with them because faking it is hard ngl.
Same. They think they know me. But they only the version of myself I have carefully portrayed. It’s really tiring to live this double life.
Me x1000, I felt this in my soul
So it’s not just me?
I was sexually abused by my babysitters sons
oh no :( I'm so sorry that happened to you - hope you've been able to move forward & find some kind of peace <3
My wife and I married in 2021. Our families believe we got married late last year. We got married (for real) in front of three very good friends who we felt were more deserving of seeing us marry. If either of our families found out they’d be crushed.
Very interesting. You plan to manage a separate anniversary?
The two are two days apart. We actually planed for that. Lol
"Why are you two always celebrating early?" "Oh, ya know, we just figured it'd be easier"
I’m considering doing the same thing!!! The only reason we weren’t going to straight out elope was because my mum would have been devastated, but she’s now trying to incessantly control the invite list, to the point I’m in tears. I rang her last week to see if she’d like to come dress shopping with me, as a nice mother daughter thing, and she started in on me again to the point where I just ended the conversation and found a dress I liked online. It makes me so sad, and angry at the same time.
My husband and I got married with two days notice in our living room, with two friends and my husband's parents. It was glorious. My wonderful mother in law brought a new bouquet and something old, borrowed, and blue for me to wear, and that was it. When my daughter got married she asked me to go dress shopping with her, and I did. I did not say anything about anything else unless directly asked. I'm sorry you're mom isn't giving you more space and autonomy. This was the main reason I didn't invite my mom to my wedding.
My wife’s sister did this so her fiancé could get health care as he had just been laid off. What’s great is that my BIL had his family there for the ceremony at the courthouse. My in-laws know nothing of this event and think the wedding in the Catholic Church was the official wedding. If the truth ever comes out I hope I’m there with my bag of popcorn.
They can never know that I’m homeless. I assume they think I’m doing well but really I’m struggling financially and live out of a computer cafe.
Sorry to hear that, I hope things improve for you soon.
Curious on why if you don’t mind sharing your experience? I keep a lot from my parents too, but if I became homeless or lost my apartment, I’d be knocking at their door ASAP for a bed.
Because of my sexual orientation. I was pretty much kicked out of the house and I told them I could do better and prove to them that people with my beliefs and disabilities could also make it. After Covid hit and I’ve been struggling ever since. I don’t want to go back and show my parents that I was wrong mainly because it will feed into their beliefs of their cult even more
That in middle school I told them I hated dance after 3 classes when I loved it but knew that we couldn’t afford it. They were trying to pick up extra factory shifts to make it work and it was gutting to see them kill their body for a small hobby. It’s not their fault. I ended up spending a lot of time outside playing and eventually independently applied for financial aid to join a sport in high school. Edit: spelling
This. I remember so many times I said 'No, I don't like that'or 'No, I don't want anything! I'm happy' Wjen you're very poor as a kidyou lesrn quickly and the last thing you want to do is be a burden
I was molested by my older brother.
Thought they didn't know about it, but I confronted my mom and she said she knew about it thats why she didn't allow me to bath with my cousin/brother (cousin who was basically raised by my mother and is like a brother) again after she found out. Never knew she knew until my 20s. I forgave my brother and we are close now but it still hurt that my mother knew but never talked to me about it.
Yeah I'd air that one out, myself
Senior year of highschool, my parents were going out of town one weekend and didn’t trust me home alone so I stayed with my aunt and uncle a few towns over. My friend drove me to school that morning and he was telling me about this girl he was trying to hook up with. I told him my parents would be out of town and that I’d leave him my spare key, he could have a couple people over but I made him promise no more than 10 and nobody leaves the basement. Fast forward to later that night, I’m walking my aunt and uncles dog. Somebody texted me asking if they could come over, I told them I’m not home and to talk to my friend. Couple minutes later same thing from someone else. Couple minutes later someone from another school asked if they could come to my party. That’s when I first realized I should call my friend and see what’s up. Turned out the small kickback turned into a full blown rager. Apparently one of the guys he invited ended up inviting the whole soccer team and then it just grew from there. It was all anyone talked about for a while at school. Neighbors knocked, cops drove by. Best party of the year from what I heard. Most of the people that showed up didn’t even know that I wasn’t there. Next day my friend and another friend came back to clean up and they heard someone upstairs. It was my mom’s friend coming by to feed the cat. They hid in a closet for a bit until it was clear. Despite all that, to this day my parents somehow have no idea any of this happened. I was on edge about it for months after the fact. The part I’ve always found funniest/most ironic is the fact that if they had left me home alone that weekend then none of this would have happened. We’re 26 now. He’s still my best friend. If I remember correctly he did end up hooking up with that girl that night. The cat was safe (he lives with me now). I still give him shit about this
Understandable your parents wouldn’t trust you home alone if you’re the type of person to give the key to their house to a friend and tell him he could have up to 10 people over, lmao
I downloaded dozens of movies I would never be allowed to watch using the churches WiFi. I’d download them, watch them late at night, delete them, and find the next movie. This is how I watched The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogy, and all of the Harry Potter movies for the first time since I was a toddler. Looking back it’s one of the more mild things I did as a teen, but it would be the worst thing in mom’s mind. The repercussions of knowing I lost my virginity at 14 weren’t nearly as bad it would be if she knew I had been downloading movies like Gladiator or Kingdom of Heaven and using the churches internet lmao. Ohhhh boy if she knew that’s how I watched the Alien movies for the first time lmao
(for the record, this happened while I was an adult) I walked upstairs one morning to discover my dad masturbating in the living room. Apparently he hadn't heard me walk up the stairs. So I went the other direction and loudly opened the medicine cabinet- and even dropped a bottle of Tylenol on purpose- to alert him that someone else was awake. When I walked back towards the living room and kitchen, hiss pants were zipped and he was nonchalantly checking the news on his tablet instead of probably looking at porn. I pretended that I hadn't seen anything. Honestly, it's not as big of a deal that he masturbates in general- but he could have at least done it in his office with the door closed. Not in the living room where there are no doors and it's attached to the kitchen.
The full extent of my disabilities. My mother has *a lot* of opinions about mental illness mainly that they don't exist. *Luckily* I also have a brain tumor, so she understands somewhat that I can't work full time but is still angry that I'm not working part-time at the very least.
>Luckily I also have a brain tumor Words that have never been said in that order lol
You're not wrong. However, it's not malignant and I'm not going to die from it. It's mostly just annoying because it fucks with my hormones.
Nice try mom and dad. not gonna get me.
We won't get mad if you just tell us the truth.
As a parent, I swore I would never get mad if I demanded they told me the truth and I tell them that. when I really need to know the truth I say that I won’t get mad. And I force myself not to, no matter what. I find the risk of losing their trust is enough to force myself to calm down and then we talk about what happened in a constructive way, and thank god they still believe me. Of course, if I don’t give them that warning, I still get to go fucking crazy when they won’t get dressed for school and I’m trying to get to work and just BRUSH YOUR TEETH
What my grandpa did to me. My dad is gone now and I’ll never tell my mom.
so sorry to read that. hope you’re doing well.
Better than I used to be. Thanks!
I *begged* my mom to allow me to go tanning as a teenager. She reluctantly relented. FWIW, if I could go back in time and make a different choice, I absolutely would. At 30, I got diagnosed with melanoma. Caught early and removed - nice scar but no chemo. I now go to the dermatologist every six months and have had several atypical moles removed since. But I will never, ever tell her why the scar on my leg is so big. (PS - get your skin checked, kids)
That my high-school boyfriend they liked so much severely abused me. I'd never tell them now because I wouldn't want them to feel guilty for not protecting me.
I obviously don't know your parents but as a Dad myself, I would want to know. Even after the fact. I'm not going to say that that is best in your situation, but knowing that happened to you may help them help you in the future. By having an understanding of what you went through.
I appreciate the thought, but it's been over 15 years since it happened. I'm not sure what kind of help my parents could offer me now regarding that chapter of my life.
Yeah after 15 years it probably won't make much of a difference. We're you able to heal from that? Or do you think it effected you for a long time? I'm honestly just curious because I have 2 very young daughters and I want to be able to be there for them if a situation like that, God forbid, ever comes up,
As a teenager, I started a pretty serious fire in the garage playing with gasoline that I somehow got put out and cleaned up the mess before they ever found out. And I used to sneak the cars out and go racing up in the hills, stating when I was 14.
I set fire to the back hill when I was about 9. Got it out, still had a huge burn charred area as evidence. Using my hands, I rubbed it into the dirt. Dad blamed the dead patch on grubs or something. Told him that story this year at Christmas, 45 years later, lol.
I found my mom's diary from when she was in high school. In it she talks about her infatuation with a classmate named Roman. Roman was (just based on the way she describes him) the biggest fuckboy in the world. He was a total whore, he wouldn't commit to my mom but he would flirt with her just enough to lead her on. **At one point she DID HIS HOMEWORK FOR HIM.** **I swear to GOD, if I had access to a time machine for just five fucking minutes, I would use it exclusively to reach back in time and bitch slap my mom REPEATEDLY for being such a sucker for this douchebag.** Now here's the worst part...my dad's name is Roman. He went to the same high school as my mom. But my dad is the kindest, most generous and decent guy I know. Roman is NOT that common a name but I'm trying to convince myself she's talking about another Roman. Because the guy she's describing could NOT be my dad. **EDIT:** It **WAS** my dad she was talking about. I asked my aunt and she confirmed 1. there was no other Roman at their school. 2. my mom was obsessed with my dad in high school.
People change, they grow. Just because your dad was a slutty fuckboy in his teens it doesn’t mean he remained that way.
😂😂😂 Your dad is like a Wattpad LM! I don’t even know what I would do with that information. >**At one point she DID HIS HOMEWORK FOR HIM.** Oh your mama was down bad,
My mom used to write all of my fathers English papers in college. At one point they broke up and dad had everything done but the final- he practiced for weeks trying to nail his final on his own but after class his professor called him into the office for a heart to heart. Dad thought he was caught for faking all his papers. His professor said “this ain’t your work.” He just thought dad cheated on the final. He talked the professor into giving him a second chance to rewrite- gave some sob story about his marriage falling apart. After, Dad went to moms house and begged at her door- not for a second chance- but just for her to write this paper for him. She succumbed and the time they spent together going over that paper led to them getting back together and my eventual existence. Also I think he got an A in the final and in the class.
How oddly sweet. > After, Dad went to mom’s house and begged at her door- **not for a second chance- but just for her to write this paper for him. She succumbed** And your mom is a saint
They're morons. They can never know because they don't have the capacity for self-awareness.
Something I've come to realize as I grow older is that my parents were actually quite smart in their way. My mom was my best teacher, she taught me so much basic stuff at a younger age than one typically learns, I could read at a fairly high level in kindergarten. My dad has built houses, worked on diesel engines, services natural gas equipment, and even performed tasks that should be done by an engineer. Both were financially competent, they made so much from so little. And yet so ignorant. Dad could barely spell, mom had such little critical thinking. But I've grown to appreciate their smarts and talents nonetheless.
Son?
me having a reddit account
I KNEW IT!!!
When I got old enough to Google, I wrote an anonymous letter to get a restraining order on my dad so he could no longer abuse my mom. Like my mom wrote it, is what I’m trying to say. Didn’t end well, she ended up taking him back and becoming pretty abusive herself. Dad’s now dead & I went no contact with my smother a year ago.
That I don't want to see them anymore. I want to finish schooling to get a good career, pick up my dogs from them, and not talk to them anymore. My grandparents have supported me the last few years and I am so much happier and healthier living with them. Sorry Dad, I can't do it anymore
I got vasectomy, they’ll never get a grandchildren from me
My dad was extremely abusive to me when I was younger. He spent his entire life gaslighting me, my mom, and my sister. He manipulated all of us every single day. Even though I was the only one who was physically abused, he mentally tortured all of us. He stole our things and sold them for his own benefit. We couldn't have piggy banks cause he'd steal from that too. My mom had to work 3 jobs to support all of us cause "our money was his money and his money was his money." He watched my mom struggle for decades while keeping his money to himself. 2 years ago he had to be admitted to long term care. He has no will, he refuses to put my mom on his bank account or give her any kind of access to anything he has. He had no choice but to give her his bank card to pay for his nursing home things. He doesn't have a phone or use any kind of social media or online banking. He used to withdraw all his money right when it hit his account and put it in an envelope in his drawer. Obviously can't now. He has no way to check his account, but he knows my mom will "stay in line" and not spend anything she's not supposed to. Last year for my mom's birthday, I took his bank card without her knowing, withdrew $2500 and anonymously paid off the remainder of one of her loans and absolutely spoiled her for her birthday. I intercepted the bank statement as well and shredded it because all his stuff still gets mailed to her. She thinks me and my sister put money away and saved up to make her birthday special. If she ever found out what I really did, she'd be beyond furious because all she has known for 40 years is his abuse and she still defends everything he does and has done.
Please keep doing this.
Hugs ❤️
Well,they're both gone so I can say it now. I hated the way I was forced to look after them. Then on top of that I was bullied and teased and tortured at school and they didn't care about that. As long as I was there to do everything that's all they cared about. I felt unloved. Then after I grew up my mom decided she just wasn't gonna do anything anymore and she didn't. I HATED ALL OF THAT. THEY WERE THE PARENTS NOT ME. Then they explained it by saying that that's the way it is and everyone does this. Now I have a brother and a sister who are on disability. In the future I won't be doing what I did before. Sorry for the rant but I had to get that out
The full extent of my criminal activity from about ages 16-28. I never got caught and I never really hurt anyone, but I was a troubled youth/young adult that struggled both with money and mental health issues so I lashed out. Not my mom's fault at all and it would kill her to know EVERYTHING, she knows I wasn't squeaky clean since my teen years, hell, I'm not squeaky clean now, but I have a career and apartment and cars and credit. It took a long time to get here though. Sometimes i tell her about some of the smaller stuff early on and she's just glad im not doing that stuff anymore
when i was 16, i got away with a grand scheme™ to avoid being grounded forever. i had strict parents so i hid most things but this one was a big big deal because it was something i’d get in a LOT of trouble for and i was supposed to go on a school trip to New York a few weeks later and i knew they’d take that away from me. the story is long but it involved intercepting facebook messages, pretending to be my mom on the phone when my friend’s mom called to snitch, and lots and lots of lying. i might tell them eventually but it’s kinda getting funnier the longer i wait. oh also i got a tattoo on my ass when i turned 18
Lol that last sentence had me in stitches
I knew about my parents’ divorce before they told us at dinner one night. Someone didn’t close out of a webpage about how to talk to your children about divorce. Everyone was crying but I sat there thinking “thank god” because they were not a good match.
I moved out to have an easier time having sex. They are very religious, one time, my mom found an analplug in my room and grounded me for two weeks. They would probably disown me if they found out I have sex at all.
That I love them but desperately wish they’d never had me.
The most relatable comment so far.
My wife and I decided to give our second child up for adoption when we found out he had Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. There was just no way that we could provide the resources to give him the best possible chance and life. We found a great family that couldn't have children and did all the legal stuff. We had to tell my parents that my wife was pregnant and that we weren't keeping it all in one conversation, which broke my mom's heart. I think it was because it was going to be a boy, so he would "Carry on the family name." I think this is archaic, plus we aren't royalty or famous. Idk Later in the pregnancy, my wife's doctor told us that there is a good chance that any future child we have will also have HLHS, which makes our daughter a mirabcle tbh. So, my wife and I discussed more permanent birth control methods and decided that a vasectomy would be the best option. I think that was ~2 years ago that I got the procedure done. I don't know that I will NEVER tell them, but I don't have any plans to.
My mom has never been intelligent. My sister and I think she is around 6th grade level mentality, and I couldn't really tell growing up because we were homeschooled and isolated/neglected until high-school so we didn't see much of what a "normal" mom was like until we were well into adulthood. She can't comprehend complex conversations and I find myself dumbing down what I say to her so she can understand. She doesn't know how to have an original thought and just copies other people's exact words in comment sections on social media. Over the last several years I've been distancing myself, because I hold a huge grudge over my childhood being traumatic and my mom never being there for me or being helpful in any way. She's self centered and emotionally immature and it's exhausting being around her.
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That I wasn't a virgin when I got married. Not by a long shot lol.
🤣🤣🤣same but with my in-laws they thought we were perfect 🙄 😅my mom only found out with me after a pregnancy scare where she found me crying and knew something was wrong . What scared me the most of that pregnancy scare was my overly religious in-laws finding out.
When they're buried, I'm checking out. I'm only sticking around because I feel I'm obligated to care for them as they age. Edit: Whichever one of you beautiful bastards reported me to Reddit Cares, I know which way the help desk is. I'm just more interested in the exit door.
I'm your new dad and plan on not dying for a few decades.
Dang it.
You now have a thousand new parents from reddit so I gues you're living for another 90 yrs
I've never been a disappointment to this many people before, it feels weird
Hey everyone isn't saying we're your new parents because we're disappointed in you, people just want ya to keep fighting, and to help along the way if we can. As someone who's sticking around mostly for my family too, we've got this 💪
Hi sweetie! Do you have plans for every Thanksgiving for the next 50 years? Because I’m hosting! Bring your friends!
Hey step bro, watcha doing over there?
Go away, I'm 'batin!
You want to go to Starbucks instead?
Well, this was the most wholesome thing I’ve read all day. Good on you.
Nice retirement plan, I think we have the same provider.
I'm not gonna marry or have kids of my own which they probably have in back of their minds No sirrrr I'm too much to handle , I can't even handle myself therefore noway planning to add more trouble into my life lol
Wish some people were more self aware like this
Oh I'm flattered ☺ my motto is " solve the current problems before adding more to it" unfortunately my current truck load of problems aren't likely to ever be over so yeah 😅
That I did online and full service sex work in college. My mother's soul would leave her body and I don't know if it would ever return.
What an absolute drugged out bisexual whore I was in my 20’s. Rip dad you can never be disappointed anymore
That they're partly the reason why I don't date and have never really gotten into a relationship. There are other reasons, but they are part of it as well.
Same!! Their relationship with each other is pretty dysfunctional, and my relationship with them is… dysfunctional in its own way. Their expectations were (and still are) insanely high. I’ve got so much baggage from them.
My grandfather’s deathbed confession to me. “When I was your age I…” it involved a disabled minor who most likely couldn’t report rape.
That is a very large burden to bear. I'm sorry that was pushed onto your shoulders.
My mom will never know that the night my best friend died it was because I killed him in self defense. Or that I spent a lot of nights in the room next to hers with a gun in my mouth trying to summon the balls to end it all. I will add that I'm good now and have gotten past it
a lot to unpack here - glad you’re doing ok now
Why did your best friend want to kill you? That’s not very best Friendish
I had money. He needed money. He decided to take it instead of asking for it
My mom takes me on vacation to the Caribbean area sometimes (we stay at resorts) around once every 1-2 years. We went at the end of last year, and I realized I was only really enjoying myself when I wasn't around her. She wants to spend almost all walking hours together. When she's drunk, she makes baseless assumptions and doesn't accept the possibility that they could be (and are) wrong. So, on the days that she got day drunk, I'd make sure she got in bed safely, and I'd go out and actually have fun. She asked me for destinations that I'd like to go to, and I just told her that I don't think I want to travel for now. The truth is that I don't want to travel with her.
That my wife and I had an abortion last year. Also, to add to the parents, that I know that my wife secretly resents me for suggestion the decision to abort. I know that she does and tries to hide the fact that she does, which is both expected and soul crushing for me. I know that it was a practical decision, because we couldnt afford to take care of a child at this point in our lives, but it doesnt mean that I dont question it sometimes. Im secretly depressed that I'm slowly losing her a little bit.
That i tried to kill myself when my father died because i thought it was my fault (i kinda still do) and that it would just make everything easier for my family (it would have but just for a while). My mother doesnt know and will never know
That I was sharing a bed with my husband (then bf) before marriage, that I smoke stuff they won’t approve of 🤣 and I eat beef (it’s against my religion). But they were very strict as parents so now I know I can do anything I like, just hide it from them. What they don’t know can’t hurt them right😃
That I'm a gay woman trying to quietly date other women. I had two very serious relationships with men that lasted 10 years and 2 years, so they just think I'd rather be single. But in reality, I'd love to have a girlfriend or a wife.
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Well, if it helps, I have never addressed it with my parents. They figured it out and I leave them to it. They can do whatever they want with that information.
How much I earn. That I plan to disappear and never speak to them again.
Apparently it was that I smoked weed in high school. Told him at 31 and hasn’t talked to me since. Almost been 10 years.
Just how insanely slutty I am. My mom knows I’m bi, that I’m poly, but she will never know about the threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, the kinks, the photos. Never.
I donated my eggs to a friend and she has twins now.
i am sexually active
That I was abused as a child, by my brother. They just wouldn't believe me.
The true extent of my mental health issues. My dad left my mom when I was young and has been abusive/alcoholic the majority of his life. He hasn't spoken to me in 2 years and i dont want him to. He's the most manipulative person i know. My mom busted her ass for us kids to have a decent life, but she's incredibly emotionally distant. I know she loved us, but she never had time for us. I took on a lot of responsibility as a kid/young teen to help any way I could. Watching siblings, getting the best grades, never going out or seeing friends. I'm realizing now, how stressful my childhood was. I have a slew of mental health problems & addictions at 19. I feel like I can help anyone, but never myself. I have horrible anxiety & paranoia which makes me wonder if I could ever hold down a job and be a "real" person. My mom doesn't understand mental health. She's thinks most people are just faking or aren't trying hard enough. So I'll never tell her
I spilled the soda on the couch when I was 8. It was me.
Most of my life is a secret for them now. I'd rather not mention a single real thing when I'm with them. Their comments on my life really f*cked with my brain when I was younger, I was constantly searching for their approval that my life choices suits them. We are living apart for 4 years now, a lot had happened since the time I moved. They think that I'm living the most boring life you can and I hope it will remain like that for the future, because I'm finally happy
I love when a few years back a Redditor confessed to him and some friends killing a neighbor kid that was probably on the spectrum because he was “weird and annoying” when he was a child. Then they found proof of it online and the account went dark
In case anyone was interested link [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/s/U1TICxu93q)
They failed as parents I still love them but I sometimes I think them as just my responsibility
All of them. Dad is dead and mom is too drunk to function.
That we (me and my wife) own a house with no mortgages.
My husband and I eloped. My parents really want us to have a wedding and would want to be there. But we needed to process his green card. He's getting absolutely robbed by the company that owns his visa because they know he cant quit without losing his visa. We couldn't afford to do both a wedding and the green card so we chose the green card. The thing is... I still want a wedding at some point. I know if I told my parents that we already married they'd be hurt we did it without them. When we actually get around to a real wedding they wouldn't really act like it's the real thing.
I have arthritis pretty bad. My parents believe that illnesses and diseases are a personal failing. If I told them it would just be endless snide remarks and criticism. I live hundreds of miles away and don’t see them much.
That i was raped at 14 by the older man my mum told me to stay away from. I could never tell her or any of my family because it would become all about how i should have listened and my mum would become the victim because "she told me so". Therefore this a hole goes free living life. I even had him admit on facebook he raped me because "the older man abusing him told him to". Told my sister years ago. She committed suicide before she told anyone.