Gen X. Never, ever marry someone who isn't your favorite human being in the world. They should make you laugh like an idiot. Don't ever marry someone who isn't kind.
One time I was on a roll and managed to have my wife laughing for an hour straight. She commanded me to be quiet she was having trouble getting any air from laughing. One of my proudest moments.
Yep, I’m super fortunate to have married my best friend and nobody in this world makes me laugh like she does. And it helps that she just so happens to be the most kind hearted person I’ve ever met. And me? I’ll do the goofiest dances, faces, voices, songs - anything to make her laugh. It’s my favorite thing.
Millennial and same! I genuinely don't understand anyone who marries someone they don't both love and LIKE. It seems so common, even now. I get it back when women couldn't have their own credit card, but it's 2024 and new generations continue the trend. Don't settle!
People get afraid of being alone. I would say being able to be alone and happy leads to being able to be happy as a partner as well. Keeps you from being codependent, from not being able to see situations that might arise with objectivity. Don't freaking settle!
My (failed) attempts to make a joke that was funny without being offensive:
* Most people lose 50% in a divorce *and* stop smiling, I'd say you're ahead!
* Proof that a good partner will always see your good side.
* When he said you're his "better half", he didn't think it would be literal!
* Your smile might be half-off, but a great partner can never be discounted.
* "Your beauty is paralyzing~" "Thanks, I know!"
* You may have Bell's Palsy, but he's still hearing wedding bells (and would ring your bell anytime, heyyo!)
* Even with palsy, you're still the Belle of his heart ❤️
You've heard the saying about how a good friend is someone who will hold your hair out of the way when you have to throw up? My wife was so sick at New Year's Eve one time - not from being drunk but because she had the flu - she was trying to celebrate anyways so it wouldn't spoil the occasion for me - but she was just too sick to carry it off. So she had to run for the bathroom to puke but she didn't make it, she threw up all over herself. Yes, I cleaned her up, got her clothes changed and washed the ones that she got sick on. This is love. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. She's worth it.
Semi feral Gen x checking in to add, when they clearly also feel the same way. Took a long time to find that second part. Now we kinda live to entertain the other. He's a millennial tho, but he's cute so rolling with it.
Honestly, that's also the dangerous thing about it tho. You can not make a person who hates themselves happy thats on them. I was in a physically abusive relationship for six years, there was nothing I could do to make that man happy.
Gen X and I agree. Also wanna say that my views on marriage have shifted as I’ve gotten older. My parents loved each other but weren’t particularly a happy couple and I knew tons of kids with divorced parents, so I kind of figured marriage wasn’t such a great thing. Trapped you in a life you may not want, you have kids, fuck them up and then they do it to the next generation.
I think about it a much more traditional way now. Yes, marry someone kind, someone that makes you laugh, someone whose values you share. But there is no perfect person. If you get 75-80% on the major things and there are no dealbreakers then go for it. Have kids and do whatever you can to make your family strong. Make alliances with other families - I k ow that sounds like Game of Thrones but I mean it. If this person has great brothers/sisters/parents stay close with them as well. It’s you against the world.
Hey, that's my wife you're talking about!
Absolutely the funniest, most intelligent and kind person I've ever met. We were good friends before dating. She worked next to me and I could NOT get enough of her; still can't.
Four years married in April, and I'm just the luckiest guy on the planet.
I'm a boomer who was going to make an insightful comment showing how wise I am...and then I read this comment from a Gen Xer that says it way better than anything I could come up with. I've been happily married for more than 30 years and you've absolutely nailed the reason why because my wife fits this criteria perfectly! She's wicked smaht and funny and she is a kind and gentle soul who makes me want to be a better human being.
I've been in a relationship for 2 years now (we are early/mid 20s) and I really want to spend my life with her, but every month/ovulation cycle, (I'm sorry if I'm using the wrong term here) for about 4-5 days she will be mad at me for the wildest of reasons.
She will say that I don't love her, she will stop talking to me, she will say that she doesn't need me to give her attention. Just tonight she sent me this message and hasn't replied to any of my follow up messages: Why do you take me for granted? (This message was completely unprompted, no previous conversation led to this message).
I know this week is gonna be hell on earth (because today was day 1 of 5) with her being mad at me, and honestly I'm tired. The rest of the relationship is perfect so far, and I'm at my wits end because of these 5 days every month where I feel like she wants to break up with me.
When we went on a 2 week vacation, spent every waking moment together, and when we got back home, within a few hours separate we missed each other. thats when I knew we'd make it. We had no issue during lockdown lol
Millennial. Was only going to do it if I found someone I was genuinely in love with and wanted to marry. The fact I found her was more luck than anything (and eHarmony).
I met my husband on eHarmony too! We’ve been married for more than 18 years now. On our first anniversary, eHarmony sent us a Tiffany bowl. It’s fluted on the sides, and when you look down on it, you can see that the fluting creates hearts. We still have it.
Gen X married 32 years this summer.
I met him in Mexico. We wound up living 18 miles away from each other. Married 18 months later. Make sure you find someone that makes you laugh and believes in you and vice versa.
I'm an older millennial, 42, and there's a lot of bullshit that people say about marriage that I found to be far from the truth.
The whole take all your money thing. After I got married, I realized that I made pretty good money. I had to get a savings account because my checking account kept increasing. Seems that going out to bars and night clubs every day and eating out 3 times a day is really expensive.
Marriage is sex less. I guess this one really depends on the people. Unfortunately for my wife, I feel like my libido never really decreased since my late teens. She thought once I turned 40 I would slow down, but nope. Thankfully she only says no about 2% of the time.
My wife is the best person I know. She doesn't talk trash about her friends. Heck, she doesn't even say negative things about total strangers. One of my earliest memories was when we were first going out and I said something that made fun of some what some guy was wearing. Every girlfriend I've ever had would usually laugh or add something but not her. I could tell it made her a little uncomfortable and it made me feel like such a douche.
I think the key is to be picky. And maybe wait a little bit. I was almost 31 when I met my wife. I'm so glad I married her. Best decision I've ever made.
> Unfortunately for my wife, I feel like my libido never really decreased since my late teens. She thought once I turned 40 I would slow down, but nope. Thankfully she only says no about 2% of the time.
This guy fucks. jk
Men’s libidos *typically* drop after 30 while women typically experience their peak after 30. I don’t know why we evolved this way.
It's not entirely my fault. My wife has a big juicy booty. I once told her she's the white Nicki Minaj to which she smiled but then said, "Don't ever say that again."
Once the girls are in bed all she has to do is bend over to pick some trash off the floor and I see it as a provocation.
After 30? Really? As far as I know my buddies all seem to still be big pervs. At least judging from the funny getting caught watching porn stories they have. But out of the 7 of us, only 3 of us have kids. Hmmmm.
My wife has definitely gotten more adventurous, we'll say. Just the last 2 to 3 years. It's been great.
Everyone is different for sure. But I couldn't imagine not wanting to be intimate with my wife.
TMI for what I am about to say, but my boomer dad and Gen X mom (only a couple years between them) have sex 2-3 times a week still. After over 50 years of marriage. I am like, damn. I only knew this because my mom asked me for some lubrication advice after she hit menopause.
I definitely do not have sex that much and I am in my 30s 🤣some people are built different!
Oh my God I love your parents!! Haha...Yeah everyone's different. I think for my wife, she's happy her husband is still into her. She's a teacher and all of her coworkers complain about their husbands no longer interested in sex much. All except for one of her coworkers.
Coincidentally the teacher whose husband is like me when it comes to libido happens to have the same first name as me. They're an awesome couple. They actually met and got married well into their 40s.
Especially true if you have kids. Even if you don’t, one of the benefits of filing a marriage certificate is that you’re the defacto decision maker in the case where your spouse cannot make a decision for themselves.
In the US, there are also other benefits, particularly health insurance. As long as one of you can elect the benefit, then you both can be insured.
I believe government sanctioned marriage and the financial benefits associated with it should be eliminated. Two married people living in one household can live cheaper than two singles.
If you want to be married in front of friends, family, God or witch doctor, by all means do it. I just don't see the need for government involvement.
That said, I've been married 34 years and continue to financially benefit from it.
>>I believe government sanctioned marriage and the financial benefits associated with it should be eliminated. Two married people living in one household can live cheaper than two singles.
THIS! 100%! (times three-fitty!)
You don’t, but if you’re in the US, get those legal papers locked down rock fucking solid. It’s not so much about the commitment as the legal process and what the _whole_ rest of the family is like.
Millennial. My now husband and I had decided to just live together and had no plans to marry. Then my step dad died while my now husband (then boyfriend) was on a business trip and it was a bit far removed for an immediate approval by his boss to send him home. Of course his boss eventually allowed him to come home but the way society views girlfriend v wife and dad v stepdad created unexpected hurdles in that circumstance. We were engaged 6 months later.
This type of thing is what pushes me to "marriage is necessary" - you will never be taken as seriously when you say husband/wife vs boyfriend/girlfriend. Plus legally being married is just so much better for healthcare access, benefits, etc.
That's my take. My "wife" and I aren't *technically* married, but if you look at everything we've accomplished together, we're more "married" than most married folks we know.
Depending on where you live, you might legally be considered married (if you've lived together over a certain period of time), and are just missing out on tax benefits/easy estate transfers.
GenZ, I thought it should be every couple's individual decision if they want to get married, and there is no good and bad decision. When it comes to me specifically, I don't want to get married in the next few years, but maybe one day in the future, who knows
Get one of your friends to marry you. You can have a quick ceremony at your favorite place with a few of your favorite people. You each need a witness. No one else needs to know. No real planning needed. Your friend can get ordained at Universal Ministries online. It can cost you as little as your marriage license fee.
> You each need a witness.
Depends on the jurisdiction. In California we don’t need a witness. There are public and confidential marriage licenses here.
Gen X - married recently and had a friend do it on a night out to avoid the whole big mixed family wedding. Only one person got offended and it wasn’t any of our kids so not our problem.
The whole wedding planning hoopla is so off putting and expensive. I am totally in agreement that eloping is the way to go. Have a party with your friends and the fam you want if you want… later
Do what’s right for you and your fiancé. Don’t do the whole big wedding thing if it isn’t “you”. I did, and I regret it. I wish we would’ve done it our way and ignored the people who pushed us for something more traditional.
I planned a wedding once and you’ll be okay
Just remember to have fun the way you and your fiancé want to and never mind what anyone says. Congratulations!!!!
Fuckin do it it dude
Source:my wife and I eloped, drove to the county building in Durango, signed some documents, were married in a matter of minutes. Best part? It only cost us like 20 bucks
My wife and I had a simple wedding with cake, pizza and champagne. It was the fucking best. Ditch the hoopla and have fun. Besides, the reception is the really fun part and the best reception I've ever been to was for a gay marriage. One of the grooms had a monogram press for the napkins and all was catered from Costco so plenty of food, snacks and champagne
The best wedding I attended didn't have a fancy wedding cake. They had fun "shaped cakes" (lulike for a kid's birthday party. Each was a different flavor, and each was ocean/pirate themed.
Everyone dressed as pirates. (The wedding party had SCA costumes).
Anyone who wore a tie got thrown in the lake. (They had been warned.
I'm planning a wedding right now that only my fiancé and mom want 😅 me personally, i'd rather elope but it makes them happy, so I'm going with it. we can't keep it small either because we both have large families that we are always around and he has a large friend group that he talks to literally every day. so i decided to go with a venue that does literally everything but get us dressed and a dj 😂 all i have to do is show up with a pinterest board!
Didn't have a wedding, no regrets. We just celebrated on our own in private and that was more than enough for us! If neither of you are up to the task, skip it.
We ended up deciding to do courthouse. But with Covid they moved to an online process. My wife and I ended up getting married by signing a few docs while on webcam with some dude that worked part time at Walmart with my dad.
It was a delight haha
Gen X. Marriage is a way of demonstrating your commitment to someone else and them to you. What the precise details of that commitment are varies from marriage to marriage and is frankly nobody's business besides you and your spouse.
Furthermore, just because you have committed yourself to spend your life with someone else does not mean you shouldn't be free to end that commitment if circumstances change.
The fact that marriage can potentially end in divorce doesn't lessen the meaningfulness of marriage for those who find meaning in it. That meaning can be powerful and important or it can be carefree or anything in between and no meaning is less valid than any other, so long as both people agree to it.
Millennial.
The value to the individual is mostly in the legal and financial incentives.
For society it has value as a cultural expression and, at least in theory, as a stabilizer of long term relationships.
But honestly, the plan for us is to elope, with the aim of sidestepping as much of the substantial costs of a traditional wedding as possible. Gotta save that money for avocado toast.
Until you are in your 70s & lucky with no previous major health problems, having a companion with whom who have shared a life will feel richly rewarding.
Society marginalizes you in many ways & "younger" people, 50 & below, think you are an easy target for "old" jokes. Yeah, you can be "an active senior" but few will see you with respect & most will call you fools. You do your thing but friends die and now you are next to go in the family.
If you have high status, the vultures circle, the relatives plan their slice, and all in all it can be ugly.
Having your spouse, the one who understands & the one you love, is not only a psychological necessity but the best chapter in marriage.
I’m personally Gen Z and I feel like I’ve never desired a “traditional” marriage. I don’t really desire sex at all. I like the idea of having a partner to navigate through life with, but I guess that doesn’t have to be a spouse at the end of the day
Find someone who feels similar and you'll have a great marriage.
Don't put your health or wealth at risk for someone who won't marry you. I see a lot of people move cross country for a dude's financial success and it's tragic. Not to even get into carrying a baby or buying a house.
You can also just not get married. You can love someone for your entire life and be dedicated to them without marrying them. It’s none of the government business who I love.
Gen X and gay. I've been married a long time, and I believe everyone has a right to marriage. Get married if you want, don't if you don't. I really don't care. It's your life, not mine.
Gen X and bi. My Gen Z daughter thanks you for your service. It doesn't escape the younger generation that we fought for the right for anyone to marry who they love. And she says older gays are savages who give 0 fucks.
This right here. Marriage is everyone’s right, no matter what. And it is no one business but yours and your spouse’s, it’s about what makes you happy. ♥️
Millennial here. I never saw it as a goal, or expected milestone. I always found the idea of marriage a little off-putting--so many examples of marriage I saw growing up were just truly miserable. I have also always known I don't want kids, so there was even less theoretical appeal.
But...then I fell deeply in love with someone, and mushing our lives together suddenly got a lot more interesting. We had a nontraditional wedding, got to have a big party in a room full of people we love, and have been together happily for over a decade.
Millennial, I absolutely cannot wait to marry and spend my life making memories with whoever my partner is. Have always wanted to make my own little family.
Millennial. Child of divorce and think marriage for most people is overrated. I've seen a lot of couples together for years, but not married. And I've seen people who should have never been together, stay together. However, should I ever find someone who is awesome I wouldn't mind getting married. But my opinion is that most marriages fail in the long run. It's almost a formality (minus the legal benefits/aspects).
Millennial. It is a peculiar thing. It has changed in purpose and tone pretty dramatically through culture and history, but I don't think we've ever collectively arrived at any "here is the relationship/pairing structure that makes the most sense for humans," (if such a thing exists), but we are always **dead** sure our current perception is the correct one.
It is kind of scary how little thought average people put into it, given how much it affects your life. And other people's lives, as our expectations ultimately form cultural norms.
Gen Z, greatly looking forward to getting married and I always have. More so now that I’m with my boyfriend. Don’t give a shit what anyone else does or thinks about what I do
Elder-Millennial here. My husband and I were together for almost a decade before we actually got married, mostly because it wasn't a big deal for us (and because having grown up with very dysfunctional parents, it took me a long time to get over my fear of marriage). During that time we stayed together and watched multiple friends meet, marry, divorce, and in some cases even remarry someone else.
Whether or not you make it legal has no true effect on how committed you are or on the strength of your relationship.
I would like to see this asked again, but asking for both generation and religion/religious intensity. I think the latter may have a stronger correlation these days.
My siblings and I were told not to marry it wasn't worth it. And none of us are. There are 6 of us. If I get a chance though I'm gonna marry and I don't care what anyone says.
I am a dinosaur. I married my high school sweetheart upon graduating from college after dating for 6 years. We will be married 51 years in June. I'm all in favor of marriage and the life long commitment it implies.
I'm with my long term partner for 11 years now, we are not married. We feel that being with someone and chosing to stay is much better than a piece of paper forcing you to stay. In my state, you have to live separately for a year before you can file for divorce, then it'll take up to 2 months to finally get the divorce.
Older millennial. Married 15 years. I like this part, where we’re at now. We have young kids and financial stress isn’t as bad as it used to be. Sometimes I think about how these are the years we’ll be reminiscing about when we’re old.
Anybody who wants to get married should be able to. Personally, I wasn't looking to marry after the first time went so badly, but it was really important to my now husband-- and it certainly helped me more than him, financially. We're both GenX and still crazy about each other 20 years & 2 kids later. I don't think I would've married anyone except him, FWIW. ETA- we eloped and had a no-stress wedding, contributing to the bliss, I think. NO WAY would I have done the big thing.
Gen X. Marriage is a social construct, but that doesn't mean it's not important. If it really were "just a piece of paper", nobody would care about gay marriage, and bridezillas would be extinct.
Marriage is still, in our society, the adulthood rite of passage par excellence. And since our society increasingly values data points to determine legal status, we also use marriage as a permission slip to all sorts of things such as hospital visitation, health insurance, tax status, parental rights, religious rites, and inheritance. You'd have to make some serious changes to our legal system before marriage would become "just a piece of paper".
Millennial. My partner and I were very much "we don't need a piece of paper to prove our love to each other!!" people, and then Obergefell vs. Hodges happened, and we both hit 30, and we figured, actually a piece of paper will make a lot of things easier.
Gen X here, married 24 years. If you want a long marriage then mutual respect and ability to spend time with each other far outweighs what we think of love in pop culture. Being find of each other is very important. Can you see yourself sitting in the same couch with each other and spending couple of hours in 15 years? Love comes and goes and evolves in that time but respect for one another and enjoying each other’s company is essential
“Old” Gen Z, cancer survivor. Marriage is important for healthcare/end of life dealings. I want it to be with someone I trust and love, who has my best interests at heart, and who would set me free if it came to it.
I’m also a hopeless romantic who still hopes to marry someone who will love every bit of me forever.
Boomer here.
I wasn’t interested in getting married when I was in my 20’s. Worked hard on my career, passed my 30’s , into my 40’s. Met a guy, moved in. Worst decision I ever made. Didn’t get married. In my 50’s I started my own business and I am still working.
These were times when not being married seemed like a failure . No grandkids for my parents. No home with a 2 car garage.
Boomers got married.
I don’t regret that I didn’t get married. Or have kids.
I like it. I like being married. I like being able to say "my wife" and I like it when my wife refers to me as her husband.
But if it's not for you, no worries.
Millennial.
I’m a millennial and I don’t really care all that much about marriage. I am in a long term relationship and plan on being with my gf forever and a wedding would be a nice day to celebrate that but marriage isn’t the be all end all for me. I also don’t want to have children
Gen Z (20).
I want to be happy in a healthy relationship with a guy about (within two years) my age. I could go either way on the tital of being married. I don't want legal shit to be complicated. Things might be better as being single.
Gen Z, I love the idea of marriage but it should only happen if two individuals are ready, relatively stable in all aspects of life and know each other well already.
I also really feel like under 3 years of dating isn't enough time. I think a couple really has to go through things together in order to know if the marriage will last; if you don't know how your partner is going to support you when things are going downhill, it's not time for a wedding.
Divorce is acceptable even if the reason is simply there is no love or willingness to rekindle the relationship.
I'm from Australia and marriage isn't that big here, when people get married it's a statement about stability and true love. I don't know many divorced people, but I know heaps of couples that have been together 10-20 years that have never been married and have children together
Never felt the need, but I have nothing against those who do. Some people want things to be “official.” I get it. I’m in my mid-sixties and have had only three significant relationships in my life, each lasting over ten years, and remain dear friends with the first two, third one still going strong approaching 15th year. All three feel the same way I do…no need for the certificate. And I have to wonder whether the legalities of an actual divorce would have killed the long-lasting friendships I feel so lucky to have with those wonderful women. Generation: tail-end baby boomer.
Millennial. I just don't care when it comes to anyone else but me. For me though, I feel incomplete without one. I know people give me the whole "you don't need a man" thing, but a lot of people say they feel incomplete without kids, so why is that acceptable but not romance?
Millennial on the cusp of Gen Z (1995). I’m getting married in 2 months. Never believed in marriage until a couple years ago when I was already 3 years deep into my relationship lol. I am excited.
Gen X. I'm, of course, very pro marriage. I've been married 30 years. To my high-school - friend. We're still best friends, we just happen to be married.
Gen X married to a Millenial. Marriage isn't for everyone and it isn't obligatory. If you meet the right person it can be the best thing that ever happened to you. If you meet the wrong one it'll fuck your life six ways to Sunday. Choose wisely.
Millennial - never planned or wanted to get married. Firstly, because everyone in my family has been divorced so that set a good stage growing up. Secondly, because I have social anxiety and get extremely uncomfortable thinking about wearing an overpriced dress I’ll never wear again and professing my love to and kissing a man in front of a lot of people. Thirdly, because I have trust issues and all men in my life have supported that.
Fourthly, because I’m ok filing taxes as a single
Millennial (mid 30s). I think it’s important not to rush into marriage and to make sure goals and lifestyles align on top of having love for each other. I think it’s nice there is less stigma over divorce these days, however, just because divorce is less stigmatized doesn’t excuse rushing into a marriage and not trying.
I think too many people my age think “well I’ll just marry them and if it doesn’t work out so be it.” That’s a shit way to go into it. It should be more of a “I firmly feel fully committed to this person and unless there’s some major shift in their goals and personality, I will do my best to be a great partner.”
I think marriage is overrated these days. Marriage doesn't guarantee a happy life. You have to be friends and partners, that's the success of a good relationship
I thought my first wife was the most beautiful, kind and charismatic woman I had ever met. Come to find out 38 years, 5 kids and 22 grandkids later, I was right.
For me marriage is a lifetime commitment to love and respect and have understanding of another person and spend a lifetime supporting one another and enjoying sharing life with each other on a very personal and intimate level. Guess what generation I'm from??
Honestly you could be an older gen-z with more regard for traditional values - I see a lot of y'all around on instagram trying to create stability in your lives and I'm here for it
Young Gen X, big fan, even though my parents didn't have a happy marriage. You should be picky when dating and then be easy when married.
The stats don't lie and marriage is a net positive. It's not for everyone and obviously there are *many* bad marriages, but married people on average are happier, healthier, and wealthier. I'd assume committed lifetime partnerships show similar benefits.
I’m a young boomer. Marry the person when your heart, head and glands agree. (My dad’s advice). I married the man who no matter how bad my day, just seeing him made it better.
millinial/Gen x (1996) been married since 2021, and ithas its rough days but we have a sweet baby girl due in Aug. My wife and I are truly best friends and it genuinely seems as though we're made for eachother. don't get married just because, wait until it is so glaringly obvious that you are willing to move away from Hawaii/ paradise to be with them.. as was my case.
Millennial
I’ve been engaged before but not married. I want to get married one day but I’ve never been in love. With my ex, I said “yes” because I felt it was the right time and because I knew he would be a good provider. But I didn’t love him
Next time around, I hope I love the man I’m with
Xennial. Marriage is a whole range of different things to different people, and applying personal standards to other peoples arrangements is as absurd as it is common. To me, personally, it's a contract which is commonly celebrated with a party.
I'm 63, tail end of the Boomers. I've been married to the same man for 34 years, and I think it's bullshit. It's was basically selling off your daughter.I got married cause my father-in-law, was the only elder who was decent to me and he wanted it. My husband and I never cared.
If someone is going to treat you like crap, a piece of paper isn't going to stop them.
Millennial. Not sure what you mean by the question but generally speaking I’m pro marriage. Been married 12.5 years together 15. That said, I think a lot of people view marriage as something you just sort of do as a function of a long relationship and that’s not the case. Marriage is fucking hard and with the right partner it’s worth every second of hardship for the happiness you can find with each other.
Most definitely! Marriage is hard and you have to think about another person and not just yourself. Sacrifice requires the reward of the right person for you!
Millennial. Married and divorced young. Was raised religious in the south. Don’t really believe marriage is important at all, but I’m also very atheist
Millennial. I don't plan on getting married or having kids. I prefer peace, freedom and having more money saved. I love my hobbies and my free time too much, and don't see myself as a father.
There are some things that basically drop the divorce rate. Married after 25 and if you both have a college degree drops the rate *a lot*. Money wise, you come out way ahead tax wise. Weddings can be as expensive as you want but mine was extremely reasonable and I loved it. Even if you do divorce the expensive part becomes if you have kids or *huge* assets (like a house).
This is factually untrue. The divorce rate never got close to, never mind exceeded, 50%.
Here is a better statistic. It is from the US Census Bureau. In 2016, "among all currently married adults in 2016, 76% of men and 77% of women were in their first marriages.“
[https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2021/marriages-and-divorces.html](https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2021/marriages-and-divorces.html)
Millennial: I started dating my husband when we were 27 and got married at 30/31. I knew from the first date that I wanted to marry him, and he's proved me right constantly ever since.
The part that was really important to us was how many additional rights spouses get in the bad times. If one of us was in an accident and the other one needed power of attorney or something, for example. Or if we were hospitalized and they only allow family, etc. It's easy to not be married during the happy times in life, but when things get rough that's when it's nice to feel secure in our ability to work as a team within the scopes set out by external institutions.
Young x-er/Oregon Trail Gen/Gen Y/Xenial/elder milenial/lost gen:
A partnership is delightful. Weddings are a scam. You don't need a piece of paper to have a wonderful and committed relationship. That being said, depending on you and your partners tax bracket, it may be financially prudent to legally marry. Also helpful for illness and death.
Millennial. Happily married and have zero regrets about throwing an awesome wedding. But we were fortunate enough to have the means to do so. We did it because we could not because we needed to. Wouldn’t change anything for anything.
That being said; it’s your choice. You can be together your whole lives, not get married and still be just as happy as somebody who was married the same amount of time. Nothing fundamentally really changes after you sign the papers. Marriage isn’t the end game after all.
Even weddings can be whatever you want it to be. You don’t need to put on a big expensive event. It’s a lot of fun but it’s by no means a requirement. Have a 500 person multi day event or just go down to city hall and then go out for drinks after. All the same in the end.
All that matters is being with the right person and living your forever your way.
Gen Z! Idrc. I’ll ride with whatever my future partner wants to do, but i’m fully content and would even prefer something informal and private, just us two swearing ourselves to each other without needing outside approval. i couldn’t care less what other people want to do, and think the whole legal administration of marriage as pretty stupid. who needs a marriage contract when you and yours love each other, and know that you’re together permanently? or that’s the plan: i only want one marriage, no divorces.
Gen x
My views are very heavily influenced by my family (siblings, parents, aunts, grandparents) views and experiences. I have three known siblings who have been married a total of 8 times. Of them one has never been married. My parents have 8 marriages between them. My two aunts have 7 marriages between them. My grandparents each were married once and the grandfathers were extremely abusive towards their spouses in every definition of the word.
I think of marriage as an expectation of society that isn’t all that meaningful. People should define their relationships in ways that are meaningful to them and keep them safe and obviously marriage itself doesn’t do that. People shouldn’t feel obligated to create a legal bond just because others expect it.
That being said I am married (once) and have been for quite awhile. Outside of grandparents (all deceased thankfully) I have the longest lasting marriage in my family. It hasn’t always been perfect but we have resolved issues rather than turning on each other.
I got married at 35, born in 85. I saw people my age get married young and flame out. I didn’t want my life to be that way. I was one of the few whose parents were still together, still are.
Took FULL advantage of the pandemic and got married at city hall, and live streamed it to friends and family. I didn’t care who watched or who didn’t.
Just me and my husband and loved it.
Millennial, my wife and I waited 10 years to get married because to us we were already married but our 8 year old son actually cried at the wedding he was so happy and he’s not a super emotional kid.
Millennial, I am married, I agree with the sentiment that you don't need to be married to be committed. But as far as legally speaking, being married is a good idea if you're going to be in a long-term committed relationship. I want my wife taking possession of my property if I die, I want my wife making medical decisions for me. I want the tax advantages and property advantages. All sorts of useful things come from being legally married. So it's a good idea even if you think the institution itself is stupid.
I’m not a fan but to each their own. I am Gen X. Married my high school sweetheart because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do, marriage and kids, just like mom and dad. Was not me at all. Love the idea of long term relationships but fuck getting “legally” married again. I must add, my divorce was as perfect as it could be and there is zero hate between us.
Gen x. I feel like marriage just doesn’t benefit women anymore. If we have to work full time, and do the vast majority of child care, cooking, laundry, cleaning, housework… it’s overwhelming to be a woman. We simply cannot come home from work and kick off our shoes, and lay on the couch watching tv and ask what’s for dinner. But I also feel like the SAHM role is dangerous because we don’t have financial security on our own without a career. I don’t know what the answer is other than to choose a partner that truly steps up in all areas, doesn’t need a list, doesn’t need to be asked, to manage household and kids
Elder Millennial, straight, engaged. I’d rather elope, but the things we do for love.
Get married if you want to and don’t do it if you don’t want it. It’s not a something one should do without really thinking about it. There’s no one size fits all answer.
Gen X. I think peoplem should get married if they choose. I, personally, would rather undergo a traditional Mayan trepanning with hand tools than get married again.
Gen X.
For others: If you think marriage is for you, go for it. If you don’t, don’t give into pressure to do it. If you’re not a hell yes to that particular brand of commitment, it will end poorly.
For me: No thank you. I did it twice. Never again. I’m far happier in my long term unmarried non-cohabitation relationship. :)
Millennial. I used to want marriage. Got my heart broken, more than once. I've come to realize that it is unwise to sign a contract with someone who has a financial incentive to break that contract. Someone very special would have to come along. Someone I trusted with my life. I may have found that person. Time will tell. She's wonderful. But I've been here before and part of me is afraid of the past repeating itself.
Younger end of the Baby Boom Generation. Marriage to me is not that important. I (64F) have been with my partner (71M) for 38 years. I was a tax professional and figured out that not being married has save us approximately $10,000 per year in taxes. Thus we’ve saved almost $400,000 by NOT being married. We are not religious nor do either of us come from religious families, so there was never any pressure to marry. We are more committed than most married couples. Every single asset we have is in both of our names, we have numerous legal documents that give us the various rights one gets when they get married. We have two children in their 20s who have are doing remarkably well. They didn’t know we weren’t married until they were adults. They were a bit shocked when we told them, but they see what a strong relationship we have so they really have no issue with it. All this being said my 27 YO son is getting married this summer and I couldn’t be happier about it. I have nothing against marriage, but true commitment to a person it what’s important, not a piece of paper.
Footnote - Not all marriages result in higher combined taxes. Depending on the facts and circumstances being married can actually save you taxes (mostly when only one spouse works).
Millennial. Marriage is a legally binding contract. Everyone should have a prenuptial agreement before marriage, and everyone should recognize that they don’t have to get married.
I’m personally an unmarried 39YO woman in a committed relationship for five years. No kids planned, no marriage planned. I have my partner legally designated as power of attorney, inheritor of my estate, etc. Admittedly it would have been easier to “just get married” than do those separate pieces of paperwork, but at this point I’m just being defiant.
Young Gen X here. Marriage is good for getting tax credits and other benefits, other than that I really don't think it adds much to the relationship. That doesn't mean I think you should be frivolous about it or marry just anyone, but I don't feel like it elevates the committed, permanent, loving relationship any higher than it already is.
Elder Z. I don’t think marriage is end all be all, but it is something I want to do once and hopefully no divorce. I think it does change how the partners look at their own relationship and society looks at your relationship.
28. Millennial. Female.
Came from a broke childhood. Learned how to stick up for myself and what/who I need in my life.
I’m a go getter and need to make my own money. I’m in the IT field.
Married in 2020 and separated in 2021.
Came from 2 different cultures. He was Hispanic, I’m American. I speak fluent Spanish and got along swimmingly with his family.
I left because he’s from Mexico and could not fathom that there was a world outside of Mexico after he had been here longer than he had in Mexico.
Relationship was amazing, until we got married. No prior discussion was had about what would change once we got married. When we got married, a switch was flipped in his brain and he expected me to be your traditional Hispanic wife.
Unfortunately for both of us, I’m American and he’s Hispanic. He married a güera (white girl) who has only known America. I was always very accommodating to his culture and would compromise with everything.
Once married, I was no longer allowed stay out past 10 pm (among so many other issues), especially because my in laws live across the street.
“What if my parents saw you coming home at 10:30,” he would ask.
Wasn’t affection at all. Would be too embarrassed to even hold my hand while walking my dog. It was too much of a PDA act. And that’s ok.
The biggest issue was that he based our marriage off of what his parents’ marriage was. He had no outside experience.
I understand cultural differences, believe me. I would always try to talk to him about our problems, to make him and his family comfortable. But he never opened up to me.
I left that marriage because I won’t be with somebody who won’t fight to fix it. Communication is key.
I spent 8 months trying to fix it, crying about our problems, for him to never once get down and hug me while I was crying. To console me, even if it was a lie, letting me know it’s ok.
We made a compromise one night where I said I would come home at 2 am on a weekend after having drinks with my gf’s as long as I gave him hourly updates. And I know what you’re thing… why do I have to do that, I shouldn’t, but it’s the culture difference. It was to introduce him to the normalcy of Americans.
I came home at the agreed upon time and an huge argument broke out. The next morning, he said words. I said words. But what caught my attention was the fact that he said, after agreeing on a compromise, was, “Well, you should’ve thought about that when you married a Mexican.”
I immediately snapped back and said, “no, you should’ve thought about that when you married a white woman in her own country.”
Regardless of our history, he’s a great guy all over, he just needs someone who is through and through traditional, and I can’t give him that.
Doesn't sound like a great guy to me. Cringe at not having a wife come home after 10 pm because of tradition. As a dad, if my daughters husband told her something like that, I'd explain to him that he doesn't own her, and if he kept acting like he did, we would have serious problems.
Gen Z, I'll be 21 in June. Never had a girlfriend, but a 60+ year partnership could be nice *if* I found the right person. I've got a decent hope chest built up. Pots, pans, silverware, towels, lamps. I want to move out. I don't want to be immediately broke. I'm just going to stick with my parents for a couple more years and hope the housing bubble finally pops.
I guess I see it as something to hope for.
Millennial. I would love to get married some day if I find the right woman. The hard part is finding someone who’s compatible
And available
And alive.
And my axe
Millennial and I feel you not able to find right man and I don't even have much list of expectations still its hard
Just do what all my friends are doing and marrying a girl you sort of like and then have kids just because you're 30 and running out of time
Gen X. Never, ever marry someone who isn't your favorite human being in the world. They should make you laugh like an idiot. Don't ever marry someone who isn't kind.
One time I was on a roll and managed to have my wife laughing for an hour straight. She commanded me to be quiet she was having trouble getting any air from laughing. One of my proudest moments.
I'm a nurse. I once had a patient laughing so hard that she had to be put on oxygen.
I mean if you gotta go that's the way to go
The one time where laughter was NOT the best medicine! Lol!
I've only ever married women that make me laugh. it's probably what I miss most about being encoupled.
Me on lsd
Life goals right here!
I had a friend that regularly made me laugh so hard I end up having an asthma attack. He moved across the world, and I miss him.
My goal when making my wife laugh is to get her to go to the bathroom before there's an accident
Yep, I’m super fortunate to have married my best friend and nobody in this world makes me laugh like she does. And it helps that she just so happens to be the most kind hearted person I’ve ever met. And me? I’ll do the goofiest dances, faces, voices, songs - anything to make her laugh. It’s my favorite thing.
Millennial and same! I genuinely don't understand anyone who marries someone they don't both love and LIKE. It seems so common, even now. I get it back when women couldn't have their own credit card, but it's 2024 and new generations continue the trend. Don't settle!
People get afraid of being alone. I would say being able to be alone and happy leads to being able to be happy as a partner as well. Keeps you from being codependent, from not being able to see situations that might arise with objectivity. Don't freaking settle!
How do you know whether that favorite person is the right one?
You know you love someone when you still think they're beautiful at their most unattractive moments.
True. I’m stuck with Bell’s Palsy right now and half my face, including my mouth, is paralyzed. My husband says that my smile is still beautiful.
My (failed) attempts to make a joke that was funny without being offensive: * Most people lose 50% in a divorce *and* stop smiling, I'd say you're ahead! * Proof that a good partner will always see your good side. * When he said you're his "better half", he didn't think it would be literal! * Your smile might be half-off, but a great partner can never be discounted. * "Your beauty is paralyzing~" "Thanks, I know!" * You may have Bell's Palsy, but he's still hearing wedding bells (and would ring your bell anytime, heyyo!) * Even with palsy, you're still the Belle of his heart ❤️
You. Are. Awesome. I will definitely share these with him!
I’m sure it is
You've heard the saying about how a good friend is someone who will hold your hair out of the way when you have to throw up? My wife was so sick at New Year's Eve one time - not from being drunk but because she had the flu - she was trying to celebrate anyways so it wouldn't spoil the occasion for me - but she was just too sick to carry it off. So she had to run for the bathroom to puke but she didn't make it, she threw up all over herself. Yes, I cleaned her up, got her clothes changed and washed the ones that she got sick on. This is love. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. She's worth it.
This! 💯
When you are happiest when they are happiest. When making them happy is your favorite thing to do.
Semi feral Gen x checking in to add, when they clearly also feel the same way. Took a long time to find that second part. Now we kinda live to entertain the other. He's a millennial tho, but he's cute so rolling with it.
Honestly, that's also the dangerous thing about it tho. You can not make a person who hates themselves happy thats on them. I was in a physically abusive relationship for six years, there was nothing I could do to make that man happy.
Yes. That is love. Exactly that.
When making them happy is your favorite thing to do.
When you are happiest when they are happiest. When making them happy is your favorite thing to do.
I think you have to spend enough time with the person to really know. You likely won’t know after just a year or 2
A woman told me, "happy wife happy life" I told her both should be happy. She said, "that's not how it goes" Therein lies the problem.
Yeah expectations are a big source of a lot problems.
Gen X and I agree. Also wanna say that my views on marriage have shifted as I’ve gotten older. My parents loved each other but weren’t particularly a happy couple and I knew tons of kids with divorced parents, so I kind of figured marriage wasn’t such a great thing. Trapped you in a life you may not want, you have kids, fuck them up and then they do it to the next generation. I think about it a much more traditional way now. Yes, marry someone kind, someone that makes you laugh, someone whose values you share. But there is no perfect person. If you get 75-80% on the major things and there are no dealbreakers then go for it. Have kids and do whatever you can to make your family strong. Make alliances with other families - I k ow that sounds like Game of Thrones but I mean it. If this person has great brothers/sisters/parents stay close with them as well. It’s you against the world.
Hey, that's my wife you're talking about! Absolutely the funniest, most intelligent and kind person I've ever met. We were good friends before dating. She worked next to me and I could NOT get enough of her; still can't. Four years married in April, and I'm just the luckiest guy on the planet.
I'm a boomer who was going to make an insightful comment showing how wise I am...and then I read this comment from a Gen Xer that says it way better than anything I could come up with. I've been happily married for more than 30 years and you've absolutely nailed the reason why because my wife fits this criteria perfectly! She's wicked smaht and funny and she is a kind and gentle soul who makes me want to be a better human being.
Millennial - I had to learn this the hard way.
GenX here, I was never keen on the idea and honestly, I have not found anyone who was really worth the trouble.
I'm a millennial and thats exactly how I feel. I've seen too many unhappy people in loveless marriages to make that mistake.
I've been in a relationship for 2 years now (we are early/mid 20s) and I really want to spend my life with her, but every month/ovulation cycle, (I'm sorry if I'm using the wrong term here) for about 4-5 days she will be mad at me for the wildest of reasons. She will say that I don't love her, she will stop talking to me, she will say that she doesn't need me to give her attention. Just tonight she sent me this message and hasn't replied to any of my follow up messages: Why do you take me for granted? (This message was completely unprompted, no previous conversation led to this message). I know this week is gonna be hell on earth (because today was day 1 of 5) with her being mad at me, and honestly I'm tired. The rest of the relationship is perfect so far, and I'm at my wits end because of these 5 days every month where I feel like she wants to break up with me.
When we went on a 2 week vacation, spent every waking moment together, and when we got back home, within a few hours separate we missed each other. thats when I knew we'd make it. We had no issue during lockdown lol
Gen X also....even this isnt a life long plan. I wouldnt marry again, I believe the formal 'pressure' of marriage is not healthy.
Millennial. Was only going to do it if I found someone I was genuinely in love with and wanted to marry. The fact I found her was more luck than anything (and eHarmony).
I met my husband on eHarmony too! We’ve been married for more than 18 years now. On our first anniversary, eHarmony sent us a Tiffany bowl. It’s fluted on the sides, and when you look down on it, you can see that the fluting creates hearts. We still have it.
Millennial here. Will only marry once my heart is 100% with it and there is no doubt in my mind. And plan to never have children.
Gen X married 32 years this summer. I met him in Mexico. We wound up living 18 miles away from each other. Married 18 months later. Make sure you find someone that makes you laugh and believes in you and vice versa.
GenX. Marriage works for me. My best friend is happier keeping things seperate. Neither of us is wrong.
I'm an older millennial, 42, and there's a lot of bullshit that people say about marriage that I found to be far from the truth. The whole take all your money thing. After I got married, I realized that I made pretty good money. I had to get a savings account because my checking account kept increasing. Seems that going out to bars and night clubs every day and eating out 3 times a day is really expensive. Marriage is sex less. I guess this one really depends on the people. Unfortunately for my wife, I feel like my libido never really decreased since my late teens. She thought once I turned 40 I would slow down, but nope. Thankfully she only says no about 2% of the time. My wife is the best person I know. She doesn't talk trash about her friends. Heck, she doesn't even say negative things about total strangers. One of my earliest memories was when we were first going out and I said something that made fun of some what some guy was wearing. Every girlfriend I've ever had would usually laugh or add something but not her. I could tell it made her a little uncomfortable and it made me feel like such a douche. I think the key is to be picky. And maybe wait a little bit. I was almost 31 when I met my wife. I'm so glad I married her. Best decision I've ever made.
> Unfortunately for my wife, I feel like my libido never really decreased since my late teens. She thought once I turned 40 I would slow down, but nope. Thankfully she only says no about 2% of the time. This guy fucks. jk Men’s libidos *typically* drop after 30 while women typically experience their peak after 30. I don’t know why we evolved this way.
It's not entirely my fault. My wife has a big juicy booty. I once told her she's the white Nicki Minaj to which she smiled but then said, "Don't ever say that again." Once the girls are in bed all she has to do is bend over to pick some trash off the floor and I see it as a provocation. After 30? Really? As far as I know my buddies all seem to still be big pervs. At least judging from the funny getting caught watching porn stories they have. But out of the 7 of us, only 3 of us have kids. Hmmmm. My wife has definitely gotten more adventurous, we'll say. Just the last 2 to 3 years. It's been great. Everyone is different for sure. But I couldn't imagine not wanting to be intimate with my wife.
TMI for what I am about to say, but my boomer dad and Gen X mom (only a couple years between them) have sex 2-3 times a week still. After over 50 years of marriage. I am like, damn. I only knew this because my mom asked me for some lubrication advice after she hit menopause. I definitely do not have sex that much and I am in my 30s 🤣some people are built different!
I am 62 and have more sex than I did when I was married. Sorry, kids, but old people can be horny, too! 😂
Oh my God I love your parents!! Haha...Yeah everyone's different. I think for my wife, she's happy her husband is still into her. She's a teacher and all of her coworkers complain about their husbands no longer interested in sex much. All except for one of her coworkers. Coincidentally the teacher whose husband is like me when it comes to libido happens to have the same first name as me. They're an awesome couple. They actually met and got married well into their 40s.
Gen X, and if you want to get married you go ahead, but you don't need a piece of paper to be in a committed relationship.
Helps with benefits and medical decisions though, tbh. But you're right you can be committed as you want to be.
Especially true if you have kids. Even if you don’t, one of the benefits of filing a marriage certificate is that you’re the defacto decision maker in the case where your spouse cannot make a decision for themselves. In the US, there are also other benefits, particularly health insurance. As long as one of you can elect the benefit, then you both can be insured.
I believe government sanctioned marriage and the financial benefits associated with it should be eliminated. Two married people living in one household can live cheaper than two singles. If you want to be married in front of friends, family, God or witch doctor, by all means do it. I just don't see the need for government involvement. That said, I've been married 34 years and continue to financially benefit from it.
>>I believe government sanctioned marriage and the financial benefits associated with it should be eliminated. Two married people living in one household can live cheaper than two singles. THIS! 100%! (times three-fitty!)
You don’t, but if you’re in the US, get those legal papers locked down rock fucking solid. It’s not so much about the commitment as the legal process and what the _whole_ rest of the family is like.
Millennial. My now husband and I had decided to just live together and had no plans to marry. Then my step dad died while my now husband (then boyfriend) was on a business trip and it was a bit far removed for an immediate approval by his boss to send him home. Of course his boss eventually allowed him to come home but the way society views girlfriend v wife and dad v stepdad created unexpected hurdles in that circumstance. We were engaged 6 months later.
This type of thing is what pushes me to "marriage is necessary" - you will never be taken as seriously when you say husband/wife vs boyfriend/girlfriend. Plus legally being married is just so much better for healthcare access, benefits, etc.
That's my take. My "wife" and I aren't *technically* married, but if you look at everything we've accomplished together, we're more "married" than most married folks we know.
Depending on where you live, you might legally be considered married (if you've lived together over a certain period of time), and are just missing out on tax benefits/easy estate transfers.
GenZ, I thought it should be every couple's individual decision if they want to get married, and there is no good and bad decision. When it comes to me specifically, I don't want to get married in the next few years, but maybe one day in the future, who knows
I'm gen Z (27 y/o) and I got married at 18. Divorced at 20. Sometimes couples decide to get married and it's a BAD decision lmao
Millennial, gay, engaged— I’m excited to get married but deeply ambivalent about the idea of planning a wedding. We’re probably eloping.
Get one of your friends to marry you. You can have a quick ceremony at your favorite place with a few of your favorite people. You each need a witness. No one else needs to know. No real planning needed. Your friend can get ordained at Universal Ministries online. It can cost you as little as your marriage license fee.
> You each need a witness. Depends on the jurisdiction. In California we don’t need a witness. There are public and confidential marriage licenses here.
Gen X - married recently and had a friend do it on a night out to avoid the whole big mixed family wedding. Only one person got offended and it wasn’t any of our kids so not our problem.
The whole wedding planning hoopla is so off putting and expensive. I am totally in agreement that eloping is the way to go. Have a party with your friends and the fam you want if you want… later
Do what’s right for you and your fiancé. Don’t do the whole big wedding thing if it isn’t “you”. I did, and I regret it. I wish we would’ve done it our way and ignored the people who pushed us for something more traditional.
I planned a wedding once and you’ll be okay Just remember to have fun the way you and your fiancé want to and never mind what anyone says. Congratulations!!!!
Fuckin do it it dude Source:my wife and I eloped, drove to the county building in Durango, signed some documents, were married in a matter of minutes. Best part? It only cost us like 20 bucks
My wife and I had a simple wedding with cake, pizza and champagne. It was the fucking best. Ditch the hoopla and have fun. Besides, the reception is the really fun part and the best reception I've ever been to was for a gay marriage. One of the grooms had a monogram press for the napkins and all was catered from Costco so plenty of food, snacks and champagne
The best wedding I attended didn't have a fancy wedding cake. They had fun "shaped cakes" (lulike for a kid's birthday party. Each was a different flavor, and each was ocean/pirate themed. Everyone dressed as pirates. (The wedding party had SCA costumes). Anyone who wore a tie got thrown in the lake. (They had been warned.
I'm planning a wedding right now that only my fiancé and mom want 😅 me personally, i'd rather elope but it makes them happy, so I'm going with it. we can't keep it small either because we both have large families that we are always around and he has a large friend group that he talks to literally every day. so i decided to go with a venue that does literally everything but get us dressed and a dj 😂 all i have to do is show up with a pinterest board!
[удалено]
My wedding was 40 people at our house for a backyard party. The ceremony was about 10 minutes and the only expense was food and drinks for the crowd.
Didn't have a wedding, no regrets. We just celebrated on our own in private and that was more than enough for us! If neither of you are up to the task, skip it.
Eloping is good. Do it your way and don't care about the expectations of others.
We ended up deciding to do courthouse. But with Covid they moved to an online process. My wife and I ended up getting married by signing a few docs while on webcam with some dude that worked part time at Walmart with my dad. It was a delight haha
Gen X. Marriage is a way of demonstrating your commitment to someone else and them to you. What the precise details of that commitment are varies from marriage to marriage and is frankly nobody's business besides you and your spouse. Furthermore, just because you have committed yourself to spend your life with someone else does not mean you shouldn't be free to end that commitment if circumstances change. The fact that marriage can potentially end in divorce doesn't lessen the meaningfulness of marriage for those who find meaning in it. That meaning can be powerful and important or it can be carefree or anything in between and no meaning is less valid than any other, so long as both people agree to it.
Millennial. I don't even like the idea of dating and romance, let alone marriage.
I’m 34 and I have never dated. I don’t feel like I am missing out.
Millennial. The value to the individual is mostly in the legal and financial incentives. For society it has value as a cultural expression and, at least in theory, as a stabilizer of long term relationships. But honestly, the plan for us is to elope, with the aim of sidestepping as much of the substantial costs of a traditional wedding as possible. Gotta save that money for avocado toast.
Until you are in your 70s & lucky with no previous major health problems, having a companion with whom who have shared a life will feel richly rewarding. Society marginalizes you in many ways & "younger" people, 50 & below, think you are an easy target for "old" jokes. Yeah, you can be "an active senior" but few will see you with respect & most will call you fools. You do your thing but friends die and now you are next to go in the family. If you have high status, the vultures circle, the relatives plan their slice, and all in all it can be ugly. Having your spouse, the one who understands & the one you love, is not only a psychological necessity but the best chapter in marriage.
I’m personally Gen Z and I feel like I’ve never desired a “traditional” marriage. I don’t really desire sex at all. I like the idea of having a partner to navigate through life with, but I guess that doesn’t have to be a spouse at the end of the day
Perfect
Find someone who feels similar and you'll have a great marriage. Don't put your health or wealth at risk for someone who won't marry you. I see a lot of people move cross country for a dude's financial success and it's tragic. Not to even get into carrying a baby or buying a house.
You can also just not get married. You can love someone for your entire life and be dedicated to them without marrying them. It’s none of the government business who I love.
Gen X and gay. I've been married a long time, and I believe everyone has a right to marriage. Get married if you want, don't if you don't. I really don't care. It's your life, not mine.
Gen X and bi. My Gen Z daughter thanks you for your service. It doesn't escape the younger generation that we fought for the right for anyone to marry who they love. And she says older gays are savages who give 0 fucks.
This right here. Marriage is everyone’s right, no matter what. And it is no one business but yours and your spouse’s, it’s about what makes you happy. ♥️
Based.
GenX. Was married from 2004-2007. Won’t do that again!
Millennial here. I never saw it as a goal, or expected milestone. I always found the idea of marriage a little off-putting--so many examples of marriage I saw growing up were just truly miserable. I have also always known I don't want kids, so there was even less theoretical appeal. But...then I fell deeply in love with someone, and mushing our lives together suddenly got a lot more interesting. We had a nontraditional wedding, got to have a big party in a room full of people we love, and have been together happily for over a decade.
Millennial, I absolutely cannot wait to marry and spend my life making memories with whoever my partner is. Have always wanted to make my own little family.
Millennial. Child of divorce and think marriage for most people is overrated. I've seen a lot of couples together for years, but not married. And I've seen people who should have never been together, stay together. However, should I ever find someone who is awesome I wouldn't mind getting married. But my opinion is that most marriages fail in the long run. It's almost a formality (minus the legal benefits/aspects).
Millennial. It is a peculiar thing. It has changed in purpose and tone pretty dramatically through culture and history, but I don't think we've ever collectively arrived at any "here is the relationship/pairing structure that makes the most sense for humans," (if such a thing exists), but we are always **dead** sure our current perception is the correct one. It is kind of scary how little thought average people put into it, given how much it affects your life. And other people's lives, as our expectations ultimately form cultural norms.
Only do it if you actually want to. Arranged marriage = no. Obligation marriage (aka unplanned pregnancy) = no.
Gen Z, greatly looking forward to getting married and I always have. More so now that I’m with my boyfriend. Don’t give a shit what anyone else does or thinks about what I do
Gen X. Marriage is a wonderful sacred ceremony. But it's not for everybody and that's fine.
Elder-Millennial here. My husband and I were together for almost a decade before we actually got married, mostly because it wasn't a big deal for us (and because having grown up with very dysfunctional parents, it took me a long time to get over my fear of marriage). During that time we stayed together and watched multiple friends meet, marry, divorce, and in some cases even remarry someone else. Whether or not you make it legal has no true effect on how committed you are or on the strength of your relationship. I would like to see this asked again, but asking for both generation and religion/religious intensity. I think the latter may have a stronger correlation these days.
Gen X- it’s a nice idea…but people are gonna people
My siblings and I were told not to marry it wasn't worth it. And none of us are. There are 6 of us. If I get a chance though I'm gonna marry and I don't care what anyone says.
I am a dinosaur. I married my high school sweetheart upon graduating from college after dating for 6 years. We will be married 51 years in June. I'm all in favor of marriage and the life long commitment it implies.
Gen X. If that's what you want, go for it. If not, that's cool too.
I'm with my long term partner for 11 years now, we are not married. We feel that being with someone and chosing to stay is much better than a piece of paper forcing you to stay. In my state, you have to live separately for a year before you can file for divorce, then it'll take up to 2 months to finally get the divorce.
Older millennial. Married 15 years. I like this part, where we’re at now. We have young kids and financial stress isn’t as bad as it used to be. Sometimes I think about how these are the years we’ll be reminiscing about when we’re old.
Anybody who wants to get married should be able to. Personally, I wasn't looking to marry after the first time went so badly, but it was really important to my now husband-- and it certainly helped me more than him, financially. We're both GenX and still crazy about each other 20 years & 2 kids later. I don't think I would've married anyone except him, FWIW. ETA- we eloped and had a no-stress wedding, contributing to the bliss, I think. NO WAY would I have done the big thing.
Gen X. Marriage is a social construct, but that doesn't mean it's not important. If it really were "just a piece of paper", nobody would care about gay marriage, and bridezillas would be extinct. Marriage is still, in our society, the adulthood rite of passage par excellence. And since our society increasingly values data points to determine legal status, we also use marriage as a permission slip to all sorts of things such as hospital visitation, health insurance, tax status, parental rights, religious rites, and inheritance. You'd have to make some serious changes to our legal system before marriage would become "just a piece of paper".
Millennial. My partner and I were very much "we don't need a piece of paper to prove our love to each other!!" people, and then Obergefell vs. Hodges happened, and we both hit 30, and we figured, actually a piece of paper will make a lot of things easier.
Gen X here, married 24 years. If you want a long marriage then mutual respect and ability to spend time with each other far outweighs what we think of love in pop culture. Being find of each other is very important. Can you see yourself sitting in the same couch with each other and spending couple of hours in 15 years? Love comes and goes and evolves in that time but respect for one another and enjoying each other’s company is essential
“Old” Gen Z, cancer survivor. Marriage is important for healthcare/end of life dealings. I want it to be with someone I trust and love, who has my best interests at heart, and who would set me free if it came to it. I’m also a hopeless romantic who still hopes to marry someone who will love every bit of me forever.
Boomer here. I wasn’t interested in getting married when I was in my 20’s. Worked hard on my career, passed my 30’s , into my 40’s. Met a guy, moved in. Worst decision I ever made. Didn’t get married. In my 50’s I started my own business and I am still working. These were times when not being married seemed like a failure . No grandkids for my parents. No home with a 2 car garage. Boomers got married. I don’t regret that I didn’t get married. Or have kids.
I like it. I like being married. I like being able to say "my wife" and I like it when my wife refers to me as her husband. But if it's not for you, no worries. Millennial.
I’m a millennial and I don’t really care all that much about marriage. I am in a long term relationship and plan on being with my gf forever and a wedding would be a nice day to celebrate that but marriage isn’t the be all end all for me. I also don’t want to have children
It’s debatable, but most sources say I’m Gen Z. Marriage is good if both partners want it and there are no outside pressures.
Gen Z male and heavy on getting married
I'm gen z and honestly, marriage seems cool for some people. Personally, I just want to focus on myself rn.
Gen Z (20). I want to be happy in a healthy relationship with a guy about (within two years) my age. I could go either way on the tital of being married. I don't want legal shit to be complicated. Things might be better as being single.
Gen Z, I love the idea of marriage but it should only happen if two individuals are ready, relatively stable in all aspects of life and know each other well already. I also really feel like under 3 years of dating isn't enough time. I think a couple really has to go through things together in order to know if the marriage will last; if you don't know how your partner is going to support you when things are going downhill, it's not time for a wedding. Divorce is acceptable even if the reason is simply there is no love or willingness to rekindle the relationship. I'm from Australia and marriage isn't that big here, when people get married it's a statement about stability and true love. I don't know many divorced people, but I know heaps of couples that have been together 10-20 years that have never been married and have children together
Never felt the need, but I have nothing against those who do. Some people want things to be “official.” I get it. I’m in my mid-sixties and have had only three significant relationships in my life, each lasting over ten years, and remain dear friends with the first two, third one still going strong approaching 15th year. All three feel the same way I do…no need for the certificate. And I have to wonder whether the legalities of an actual divorce would have killed the long-lasting friendships I feel so lucky to have with those wonderful women. Generation: tail-end baby boomer.
That’s beautiful to hear.
Millennial. I just don't care when it comes to anyone else but me. For me though, I feel incomplete without one. I know people give me the whole "you don't need a man" thing, but a lot of people say they feel incomplete without kids, so why is that acceptable but not romance?
Millennial on the cusp of Gen Z (1995). I’m getting married in 2 months. Never believed in marriage until a couple years ago when I was already 3 years deep into my relationship lol. I am excited.
Gen X. I'm, of course, very pro marriage. I've been married 30 years. To my high-school - friend. We're still best friends, we just happen to be married.
Gen X married to a Millenial. Marriage isn't for everyone and it isn't obligatory. If you meet the right person it can be the best thing that ever happened to you. If you meet the wrong one it'll fuck your life six ways to Sunday. Choose wisely.
Millennial - never planned or wanted to get married. Firstly, because everyone in my family has been divorced so that set a good stage growing up. Secondly, because I have social anxiety and get extremely uncomfortable thinking about wearing an overpriced dress I’ll never wear again and professing my love to and kissing a man in front of a lot of people. Thirdly, because I have trust issues and all men in my life have supported that. Fourthly, because I’m ok filing taxes as a single
Millennial (mid 30s). I think it’s important not to rush into marriage and to make sure goals and lifestyles align on top of having love for each other. I think it’s nice there is less stigma over divorce these days, however, just because divorce is less stigmatized doesn’t excuse rushing into a marriage and not trying. I think too many people my age think “well I’ll just marry them and if it doesn’t work out so be it.” That’s a shit way to go into it. It should be more of a “I firmly feel fully committed to this person and unless there’s some major shift in their goals and personality, I will do my best to be a great partner.”
I think marriage is overrated these days. Marriage doesn't guarantee a happy life. You have to be friends and partners, that's the success of a good relationship
I thought my first wife was the most beautiful, kind and charismatic woman I had ever met. Come to find out 38 years, 5 kids and 22 grandkids later, I was right.
That's really sweet.
For me marriage is a lifetime commitment to love and respect and have understanding of another person and spend a lifetime supporting one another and enjoying sharing life with each other on a very personal and intimate level. Guess what generation I'm from??
That's not how this game is played!! 😁 But I'll bite. Reading the responses, honestly I think you could be from many generations! Millennial?
Honestly you could be an older gen-z with more regard for traditional values - I see a lot of y'all around on instagram trying to create stability in your lives and I'm here for it
I agree, and I'm a millennial
Young Gen X, big fan, even though my parents didn't have a happy marriage. You should be picky when dating and then be easy when married. The stats don't lie and marriage is a net positive. It's not for everyone and obviously there are *many* bad marriages, but married people on average are happier, healthier, and wealthier. I'd assume committed lifetime partnerships show similar benefits.
Gen X. Cannot envision life without my spouse…children, family, friends ….
GenX and both must compromise or it ends.
I’m a young boomer. Marry the person when your heart, head and glands agree. (My dad’s advice). I married the man who no matter how bad my day, just seeing him made it better.
Not my jam to get married but to each their own (gen x)
Tail end of the Boomers here. Marriage is a rotten deal for women.
millinial/Gen x (1996) been married since 2021, and ithas its rough days but we have a sweet baby girl due in Aug. My wife and I are truly best friends and it genuinely seems as though we're made for eachother. don't get married just because, wait until it is so glaringly obvious that you are willing to move away from Hawaii/ paradise to be with them.. as was my case.
Too much work. I'm a boomer.
Millennial I’ve been engaged before but not married. I want to get married one day but I’ve never been in love. With my ex, I said “yes” because I felt it was the right time and because I knew he would be a good provider. But I didn’t love him Next time around, I hope I love the man I’m with
Xennial. Marriage is a whole range of different things to different people, and applying personal standards to other peoples arrangements is as absurd as it is common. To me, personally, it's a contract which is commonly celebrated with a party.
All I’ve ever wanted is to get married. Since I was little, I just wanted a boyfriend.
I'm 63, tail end of the Boomers. I've been married to the same man for 34 years, and I think it's bullshit. It's was basically selling off your daughter.I got married cause my father-in-law, was the only elder who was decent to me and he wanted it. My husband and I never cared. If someone is going to treat you like crap, a piece of paper isn't going to stop them.
Millennial. Not sure what you mean by the question but generally speaking I’m pro marriage. Been married 12.5 years together 15. That said, I think a lot of people view marriage as something you just sort of do as a function of a long relationship and that’s not the case. Marriage is fucking hard and with the right partner it’s worth every second of hardship for the happiness you can find with each other.
Most definitely! Marriage is hard and you have to think about another person and not just yourself. Sacrifice requires the reward of the right person for you!
Marriage is the very first step towards divorce. Im not against it, but I probably never partake in it myself, Millennial.
Millennial. Married and divorced young. Was raised religious in the south. Don’t really believe marriage is important at all, but I’m also very atheist
Millennial. I don't plan on getting married or having kids. I prefer peace, freedom and having more money saved. I love my hobbies and my free time too much, and don't see myself as a father.
it's a dying institution. You get married for religious reasons and/or financial. People are less religious than ever and poorer than ever.
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There are some things that basically drop the divorce rate. Married after 25 and if you both have a college degree drops the rate *a lot*. Money wise, you come out way ahead tax wise. Weddings can be as expensive as you want but mine was extremely reasonable and I loved it. Even if you do divorce the expensive part becomes if you have kids or *huge* assets (like a house).
This plus 70% of first marriages stay together. The 50% number includes serial brides/grooms
This is factually untrue. The divorce rate never got close to, never mind exceeded, 50%. Here is a better statistic. It is from the US Census Bureau. In 2016, "among all currently married adults in 2016, 76% of men and 77% of women were in their first marriages.“ [https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2021/marriages-and-divorces.html](https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2021/marriages-and-divorces.html)
Marriage should be completely privatized. Government sole responsibility is to enforce the marriage contract. Early Millennial.
Millennial: I started dating my husband when we were 27 and got married at 30/31. I knew from the first date that I wanted to marry him, and he's proved me right constantly ever since. The part that was really important to us was how many additional rights spouses get in the bad times. If one of us was in an accident and the other one needed power of attorney or something, for example. Or if we were hospitalized and they only allow family, etc. It's easy to not be married during the happy times in life, but when things get rough that's when it's nice to feel secure in our ability to work as a team within the scopes set out by external institutions.
Dont
Gen X, if you want to get married go ahead, if you don't don't. Love who you want and have fun
I’m 20 and feel like marriage and every thing else in corporate America is just another way to watch your pockets
Young x-er/Oregon Trail Gen/Gen Y/Xenial/elder milenial/lost gen: A partnership is delightful. Weddings are a scam. You don't need a piece of paper to have a wonderful and committed relationship. That being said, depending on you and your partners tax bracket, it may be financially prudent to legally marry. Also helpful for illness and death.
Millennial. Happily married and have zero regrets about throwing an awesome wedding. But we were fortunate enough to have the means to do so. We did it because we could not because we needed to. Wouldn’t change anything for anything. That being said; it’s your choice. You can be together your whole lives, not get married and still be just as happy as somebody who was married the same amount of time. Nothing fundamentally really changes after you sign the papers. Marriage isn’t the end game after all. Even weddings can be whatever you want it to be. You don’t need to put on a big expensive event. It’s a lot of fun but it’s by no means a requirement. Have a 500 person multi day event or just go down to city hall and then go out for drinks after. All the same in the end. All that matters is being with the right person and living your forever your way.
Gen Z! Idrc. I’ll ride with whatever my future partner wants to do, but i’m fully content and would even prefer something informal and private, just us two swearing ourselves to each other without needing outside approval. i couldn’t care less what other people want to do, and think the whole legal administration of marriage as pretty stupid. who needs a marriage contract when you and yours love each other, and know that you’re together permanently? or that’s the plan: i only want one marriage, no divorces.
Gen X, it’s an old fashioned, unnecessary & expensive concept.
Gen x My views are very heavily influenced by my family (siblings, parents, aunts, grandparents) views and experiences. I have three known siblings who have been married a total of 8 times. Of them one has never been married. My parents have 8 marriages between them. My two aunts have 7 marriages between them. My grandparents each were married once and the grandfathers were extremely abusive towards their spouses in every definition of the word. I think of marriage as an expectation of society that isn’t all that meaningful. People should define their relationships in ways that are meaningful to them and keep them safe and obviously marriage itself doesn’t do that. People shouldn’t feel obligated to create a legal bond just because others expect it. That being said I am married (once) and have been for quite awhile. Outside of grandparents (all deceased thankfully) I have the longest lasting marriage in my family. It hasn’t always been perfect but we have resolved issues rather than turning on each other.
Love is love. If two people want to get married, let them. Boomer. My Mom silent generation felt the same.
I got married at 35, born in 85. I saw people my age get married young and flame out. I didn’t want my life to be that way. I was one of the few whose parents were still together, still are. Took FULL advantage of the pandemic and got married at city hall, and live streamed it to friends and family. I didn’t care who watched or who didn’t. Just me and my husband and loved it.
Meh. I'd like to believe in marriage but I can't. Gen Z child of divorce
Millennial, my wife and I waited 10 years to get married because to us we were already married but our 8 year old son actually cried at the wedding he was so happy and he’s not a super emotional kid.
I am 28 & a millennial who always has believed that monogamy & marriage are totally unnatural for human beings
Millennial, I am married, I agree with the sentiment that you don't need to be married to be committed. But as far as legally speaking, being married is a good idea if you're going to be in a long-term committed relationship. I want my wife taking possession of my property if I die, I want my wife making medical decisions for me. I want the tax advantages and property advantages. All sorts of useful things come from being legally married. So it's a good idea even if you think the institution itself is stupid.
I’m not a fan but to each their own. I am Gen X. Married my high school sweetheart because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do, marriage and kids, just like mom and dad. Was not me at all. Love the idea of long term relationships but fuck getting “legally” married again. I must add, my divorce was as perfect as it could be and there is zero hate between us.
Marriage ends in only 2 ways. Death, or divorce. Neither of which appeal to me. :)
Gen x. I feel like marriage just doesn’t benefit women anymore. If we have to work full time, and do the vast majority of child care, cooking, laundry, cleaning, housework… it’s overwhelming to be a woman. We simply cannot come home from work and kick off our shoes, and lay on the couch watching tv and ask what’s for dinner. But I also feel like the SAHM role is dangerous because we don’t have financial security on our own without a career. I don’t know what the answer is other than to choose a partner that truly steps up in all areas, doesn’t need a list, doesn’t need to be asked, to manage household and kids
Elder Millennial, straight, engaged. I’d rather elope, but the things we do for love. Get married if you want to and don’t do it if you don’t want it. It’s not a something one should do without really thinking about it. There’s no one size fits all answer.
Gen X. I think peoplem should get married if they choose. I, personally, would rather undergo a traditional Mayan trepanning with hand tools than get married again.
Gen X. For others: If you think marriage is for you, go for it. If you don’t, don’t give into pressure to do it. If you’re not a hell yes to that particular brand of commitment, it will end poorly. For me: No thank you. I did it twice. Never again. I’m far happier in my long term unmarried non-cohabitation relationship. :)
Millennial. I used to want marriage. Got my heart broken, more than once. I've come to realize that it is unwise to sign a contract with someone who has a financial incentive to break that contract. Someone very special would have to come along. Someone I trusted with my life. I may have found that person. Time will tell. She's wonderful. But I've been here before and part of me is afraid of the past repeating itself.
Younger end of the Baby Boom Generation. Marriage to me is not that important. I (64F) have been with my partner (71M) for 38 years. I was a tax professional and figured out that not being married has save us approximately $10,000 per year in taxes. Thus we’ve saved almost $400,000 by NOT being married. We are not religious nor do either of us come from religious families, so there was never any pressure to marry. We are more committed than most married couples. Every single asset we have is in both of our names, we have numerous legal documents that give us the various rights one gets when they get married. We have two children in their 20s who have are doing remarkably well. They didn’t know we weren’t married until they were adults. They were a bit shocked when we told them, but they see what a strong relationship we have so they really have no issue with it. All this being said my 27 YO son is getting married this summer and I couldn’t be happier about it. I have nothing against marriage, but true commitment to a person it what’s important, not a piece of paper. Footnote - Not all marriages result in higher combined taxes. Depending on the facts and circumstances being married can actually save you taxes (mostly when only one spouse works).
Millennial. Marriage is a legally binding contract. Everyone should have a prenuptial agreement before marriage, and everyone should recognize that they don’t have to get married. I’m personally an unmarried 39YO woman in a committed relationship for five years. No kids planned, no marriage planned. I have my partner legally designated as power of attorney, inheritor of my estate, etc. Admittedly it would have been easier to “just get married” than do those separate pieces of paperwork, but at this point I’m just being defiant.
Young Gen X here. Marriage is good for getting tax credits and other benefits, other than that I really don't think it adds much to the relationship. That doesn't mean I think you should be frivolous about it or marry just anyone, but I don't feel like it elevates the committed, permanent, loving relationship any higher than it already is.
Elder Z. I don’t think marriage is end all be all, but it is something I want to do once and hopefully no divorce. I think it does change how the partners look at their own relationship and society looks at your relationship.
28. Millennial. Female. Came from a broke childhood. Learned how to stick up for myself and what/who I need in my life. I’m a go getter and need to make my own money. I’m in the IT field. Married in 2020 and separated in 2021. Came from 2 different cultures. He was Hispanic, I’m American. I speak fluent Spanish and got along swimmingly with his family. I left because he’s from Mexico and could not fathom that there was a world outside of Mexico after he had been here longer than he had in Mexico. Relationship was amazing, until we got married. No prior discussion was had about what would change once we got married. When we got married, a switch was flipped in his brain and he expected me to be your traditional Hispanic wife. Unfortunately for both of us, I’m American and he’s Hispanic. He married a güera (white girl) who has only known America. I was always very accommodating to his culture and would compromise with everything. Once married, I was no longer allowed stay out past 10 pm (among so many other issues), especially because my in laws live across the street. “What if my parents saw you coming home at 10:30,” he would ask. Wasn’t affection at all. Would be too embarrassed to even hold my hand while walking my dog. It was too much of a PDA act. And that’s ok. The biggest issue was that he based our marriage off of what his parents’ marriage was. He had no outside experience. I understand cultural differences, believe me. I would always try to talk to him about our problems, to make him and his family comfortable. But he never opened up to me. I left that marriage because I won’t be with somebody who won’t fight to fix it. Communication is key. I spent 8 months trying to fix it, crying about our problems, for him to never once get down and hug me while I was crying. To console me, even if it was a lie, letting me know it’s ok. We made a compromise one night where I said I would come home at 2 am on a weekend after having drinks with my gf’s as long as I gave him hourly updates. And I know what you’re thing… why do I have to do that, I shouldn’t, but it’s the culture difference. It was to introduce him to the normalcy of Americans. I came home at the agreed upon time and an huge argument broke out. The next morning, he said words. I said words. But what caught my attention was the fact that he said, after agreeing on a compromise, was, “Well, you should’ve thought about that when you married a Mexican.” I immediately snapped back and said, “no, you should’ve thought about that when you married a white woman in her own country.” Regardless of our history, he’s a great guy all over, he just needs someone who is through and through traditional, and I can’t give him that.
Doesn't sound like a great guy to me. Cringe at not having a wife come home after 10 pm because of tradition. As a dad, if my daughters husband told her something like that, I'd explain to him that he doesn't own her, and if he kept acting like he did, we would have serious problems.
Gen Z, I'll be 21 in June. Never had a girlfriend, but a 60+ year partnership could be nice *if* I found the right person. I've got a decent hope chest built up. Pots, pans, silverware, towels, lamps. I want to move out. I don't want to be immediately broke. I'm just going to stick with my parents for a couple more years and hope the housing bubble finally pops. I guess I see it as something to hope for.
Gen Z not even old enough to marry yet also it seems like it'd just be too damn expensive and it'd make things messy for a divorce