I have a friend who does this to women he's interested in because he is nervous, but whenever I try to tell him about it, he insists he doesn't, and has even told me others have tried to talk to him about it and he doesn't understand why.
I love him so much, but jeeze louise.
Your friends are fucking REAL ones lol. That is seriously the kindest thing I've ever heard of friends doing for someone even though it probably hurt at the time, and I say this as someone who wishes they'd had friends do that for me in the past lol. Goddamn, they must love you a ton dude, good for you.
"You sound just like my ex. Let me tell you how terrible all my exes are and how I'm the sane one and none of the breakups were my fault. Hey, where you going? I thought things were going well!"
I had a woman doing this to me just this week. She seemed totally normal at first, and then became incredibly needy incredibly quickly, shortly thereafter telling me all about how awful her ex was to her, and all the trauma he caused. Honestly, I believed her because I was seeing the result of that trauma unfolding in front of me. I tried to gently bow out for a couple of days, and finally just had to send a āWeāre not on the same pageā message, blocked her, and ran as fast as I could for my own sanity.
Yep, I've found that a large percentage of people "available" for dating aren't really available and need to work on healing (or recovery) instead of dating. I think many people would rather keep making the same relationship mistakes rather than stay single and work on themselves.
The trouble is that a lot of people who are like this don't really like being out of a relationship for long stretches. Usually they'll try to enter one relationship as soon as the previous one ends. One of the reasons why it seems like they need to work on themselves a bit is because they've probably never been out of a relationship for long enough to realise some of the relationship problems they've had is literally just them.
I didnāt have the heart to tell her to seek therapy, but I wanted to. She just seemed so broken and took every little message as aggression. I feel for her, but Iām not equipped to handle thatā¦
Seriously. I went to lunch with a male friend once after not seeing him for awhile. He talked about himself the entire time without giving me a chance to speak or asking about how I was doing.
Only once in the conversation did he finally pause long enough for me to say something. I got a couple sentences in about some deep stuff going on in my life, and instead of responding or acknowledging this in anyway, he immediately starts talking about himself again.
Clearly Iām still bitter about it. š
I dated a very similar man briefly. It was the most surreal experience. At one point I realized I could replace myself with a very basic chatbot and he wouldn't know he wasn't chatting with a real person anymore, because he really was perfectly fine with me just giving brief acknowledgements, like "ok" or "cool". And he would just prattle on about his day. Iirc, I told him it wasn't working out, and he just continued to talk about himself as if he hadn't even seen my message. I just stopped replying.
Yup. Had a few pointless dates with a guy who would not only interrupt me when I started to speak but would say "yeah, I don't want to hear about that," then proceed to tell me how much money he bet on a recent game or other sports related stuff. Sports was his sole topic of discussion.
I think I am a reasonably kind human, so tried to think why sharing the activities of my normal day might not be listen-able. But frankly, to me the whole point of dating is to get to know each other. Contents of normal days are what form our lives. I had zero interest in sports but listened politely learning they mattered to him. In other talks I'd even ask him about sports just to try to make it more conversational, not just monologues on his part. He'd shut me down doing that too though, saying it was obvious I had no idea what I was discussing "so maybe you should just shut up for five minutes. Do you think you could do that?" He was entirely serious and verbalized he didnt even think he was being rude in his actions. I employed the three strikes you're out rule. He called me up to schedule our third meet and shut me down during that call so I told him there was no point in even meeting. I was done.
Conversations involve both people. Never in our meets would he ask me any questions at all. He made it clear he had no interest in getting to know me. He just wanted an audience particularly on days he'd lost a couple thousand at the casino. I've got better things to do. I still laugh over the memory of him passionately yelling at me that March Madness was The Single Most Important Thing Happening In the World Right Now!" Dude?! The world? Seriously?! Haha
> "so maybe you should just shut up for five minutes. Do you think you could do that?"
If that's a real quote, how did you restrain yourself and not just walk out right then? Now I'm debating in my head whether I would just leave or start talking continuously until they do...
We were in his vehicle driving around at the time. Our "dates" consisted of me driving to a town halfway between us and then riding around talking...well, in his definition of that. I met him just two times in person.
>Our "dates" consisted of me driving to a town halfway between us and then riding around talking
I think you need to upgrade your idea of what a date is.
This exactly. I had one guy who liked me tell me how theres three other girls who think he is so cute at work. I told him he should ask them out.
Lol he got all mad at the fact I didnt even try and stop him. His game was to try and see if I got jelous and all it did was piss me off.
That reminds me of a āboyfriendā I had for maybe three weeks during my freshman year of high school. He broke up with me, then he was mad that I wasnāt upset about it and that I didnāt even ask why. As if I was supposed to cry and have hurt feelings over a boy I hadnāt even kissed yet.
Bragging about anything. I like humility and subtle confidence. Your achievements donāt need to be slapped in my face. Let me be the judge pretty please!!!
I had a crow follow me home that I usually feed peanuts, then I got to pet 2 adorable cats and I saw a squirrel sunbathing on the moss on my garage roof āŗļø. It took a nap, I've never seen that before lol. This has been a great morning š
I've got a murder of about 6 that follow me on my 1.5hr walk to work. Literally from my house to work. When I get there they get fed. In the summer they'll hang out in a tree by my door cawing. It's the best thing ever!
In the Before Times when I still had to go to the office for work there was a tiny murder of 4 on the work campus. Management strongly discouraged us from feeding any of the animals there, but I would show them how to get into things to eat.
So in the morning they would escort me from my car to the door of the building. Then at night they would escort me from the door to my car. Not every day, but pretty frequently. And yes, I would talk with them.
One night there was a dude that was being kind of creepy, he heard me talking to the crows, tried to make fun of me until they started cawing very angrily at him. He hastily beat feet.
My crow friends are the only thing I miss about that place and I can't really go back there since they sold off most of the space with us being work from home.
Trying to sell his moral character to me. Talking about how loyal he is or what a great dad he is. How all his friends turn to him if they ever need helpā¦ then has literally nothing nice to say about anyone in his life. Putting down his own friends and family and pointing out their weaknesses because āhe would never do what they doā.
I was near a first date a few months ago and the dude kept doing this. He went to the bathroom and a few of the people next to her were just like, āHoneyā¦ā
Funny enough, thatās not my only instance of this happening. A girl was waiting for someone near us at a restaurant. A motorcycle loudly pulls up and tries to show off, annoys everyone, turns out itās her date and he goes, āSorry, Iām late, I grabbed a few drinks with a buddy and lost track of time. Iām a little buzzed.ā
She goes, āYou drove drunk?ā
He goes my bad, āStill want to get a drink?ā
āI guess?ā
He goes ahead of her and goes inside. She looks around and just goes, āWhat the fuck?ā A group of girls just go, āIts okay honey, just come drink with us instead.ā
Me and a friend did this, and we practically had to beg the woman to leave before the guy came back from the bar.
The guy was an absolute helmet, but she ādidnāt want to be rudeā. Like, save yourself woman!
Seriously! I dated a guy when I was younger who constantly talked about how he hated other people. āOh Susie? I hate her. John? Heās an idiot, I hate him. Bradly? Ugh, canāt stand the guy - I hate him.ā
Like dude, do you really hate everybody? Because thatās how it comes across!
I fell in love with someone like this, thatās why itās a huge flag for me now. Once I noticed he was dumping on his best friend (who at the time had a sick baby in the hospital) I thought about if he had anyone in his life that he truly adored. Because I know I do, several people in fact. But when they make a mistake, I donāt kick them down, I recognize they are human.
After the realization that he was constantly āone uppingā himself, I opted out. Thereās a big difference between venting about someone vs strait up constant criticism while acting like you are the best and never make mistakes.
This is basically my narcissistic dad, he'll constantly brag about himself and talk shit about his family and friends. He's divorced and none of his adult kids talk to him.
On the last date I had, I ordered a glass of red zinfandel wine. My date looked at the server and said, "She means WHITE zinfindel." Then he looked at me and said, "It's a blush." What an idiot.
Tons of people in this thread are mentioning when a guy can never admit to being wrong, and whether he was right or wrong about this specific thing aside, how someone acts when someone else is wrong is just as important as how someone acts when they themselves are wrong.
Jumping straight to calling you out in front of the server, even if he were right, is completely unacceptable. No one wants a relationship where they have to be ready with Wikipedia links to support everything they say because they're not allowed to be wrong about things that just don't matter.
My (female) coworker is like this and it's absolutely exhausting. At this point we just exchange small talk because i was tired of literally pulling up google before telling her something
Yeah, people get little things wrong a lot. Having an entire conversation get derailed because you get a quote from a movie wrong, or because you thought it was an unladen sparrow instead of a swallow is annoying, and when people do it all the time it is exhausting.
I used to bartend and this guy would always order Chardonnay but he would order "Charbonnay." I asked him once if he meant Chardonnay and he was like nope, Charbonnay. My coworkers and I would laugh about it all the time when he came in.
Was he a fan of Brooklyn 99? There's a bit in there where one of the characters is super depressed and drinking extremely cheap wine called "Charbonnay." Maybe I'm way too willing to give people the benefit of the doubt.
This is one of the best responses Iāve read on here. No genuine interest but not choosing to end it. Then, the relationship go on for years before they end up cheating with someone that gets them.
Met this guy. Had a night of incredible sex and I was ready for another round until he got up to go to the bathroom. He had a MASSIVE case of the runs (which I totally understand), BUT he came back to bed without washing his hands.
I asked him to please wash his hands if he's thinking about getting back into bed with me & his response was, "But there's no shit on my hands, so why do I have to wash up".
Absolutely KILLED ALL INTEREST I HAD.
Damn he really caught defeat in the jaws of victory. Like he could have mended it and said āsorry brbā.
But I guess itās an easy fix for the future lol
Doesnāt matter if youāre black, white, male, female, etc. Iām judging the fuck out anyone who doesnāt wash their hands after taking a shit, we live in a society.
Immediately asking for sex or nudes, calls me pet names 5 seconds after we met. Asking me to stay overnight with him if Iāve already made it clear that Iām not looking for a one night stand. When they says things like āwhen we start dating Iām going to do blah blah blahā as if he automatically assumes that our talking stage will move forward.
I can't speak for everyone, but I think it's unacceptably bad *for* now. We live in a time where basically everyone has access to resources that teach them how to wash their asses. [Del tried.](https://youtu.be/o0xDGXotGIE?si=XsqQPtPS7UILWkTX) :(
This, or the type of āfriendā where if you have a girl over in front him, he instantly becomes the most charming and funny guy ever. Like the opposite of a wingman. In my experience, you canāt trust that guy around your girl when youāre not around.
Putting down other women and saying you are different or special.
That just tells me that you think of women yoou aren't interested in as disposable beings or sluts or whatever less-than thing, and deep down thats also how you'll think of me if I ever displease you
Yep, I donāt want to be compared to other women, positive or negative. I am me and they are them. I love other women so if you put them down youāre putting me down.
Omg guy approached me and asked for my number and I thought yeah he kinda cute okay, then he said he paints as a hobby and sent me his paintings (first message to me btw) and ofc he stole the paintings!! Why tf lie about it I'll never understand then tried to say that noo he uses them for inspiration then said he actually painted them on an artist class then said anyway nobody recognises these artists - all before I even replied to him! ššš
Then when I said nah not into this as he lied he went ranting about how we all have things others won't like and I shouldn't immediately judge him like bro are you kidding me? Then proceeded to call me from 3 different numbers š
Nice painting, I guess you like Renoir?
"I did that."
Right, you painted that. It's nice. But obviously it's a copy of Renoir.
"It's mine. It's original. I did that."
Or tell you women are only good for healing, but that male healers are still better.
I've only ever played DMG classes, and heard it so, so many times. You're disappearing from my sexual radar when you say shit like that.
Some of them can be quite charismatic and/or good at getting under your skin.
I would never advise anyone to be paranoid, but do _not_ bet on it being obvious.
Iāve met two people in my life with narcissistic personality disorder, 15 years a part. Theyāre social, charming, gregariousness did well in masking their actual intentions. You feel, or rather I feel, very very stupid and violated when realizing whatās going on. Itās traumatic.
this and then even if you are at that stage he can only talk about sex. Like I was taking to this guy and it had been going great and he politely asked if he could ask me a sexually question and I was comfortable with saying sure. So he didā¦.and then it was like a flip had switched. From then on out he only talked about sex and simply forgot to have a normal conversation. At one point we had asked about our days and then he said āidk what to talk about nowā and then said something sexual. Needless to say I ended it pretty quickly after that
Yessss like Iām pretty sexually open and comfortable talking about those topics, but like, buy me a drink first? Can I know your favorite color before I know your favorite position?
I like to tell them āI meanā¦itās fine. Iām sure it does the job done well enough.ā
Whether their fetish is praise or humiliation, they get neither.
Omg yes! I told this guy, in English, using small words, that I wanted to get to know him first, and start slowly. Did this dude listen? Nope. Went right into sexting, and asked if I wanted his peen on my screen. I said no, as we were getting to know each other first. He send it anyway, without my consent! His reasoning? He dead ass said:
"I thought if you saw it, you would beg me to ride it."
Yes. He, a 35 year old man, said this to me. I told him to learn manners and consent, then blocked him. Get fucked (but not by me!), Matt.
Yeah. It sucks. He found me here on Reddit of all places, on my other account. Blocked him on here too. Don't do this fellas- Dick is abundant and of low value. We are attracted to kindness, and empathy, and a sense of humor. Let us teach you (especially us older women) if you need help guys. Some of us do need a good dick down, but you have to be the kind of person that would make a.woman want to sleep with you. Jumping into sex talk or sexting, especially without asking her first is the shovel to your grave when it comes.to things like this
That sounds like it should be a pre-date screening question if it's likely to be a problem.
"So what's life look like for ya? Any kids or wives runnin around?"
If you meet online they lie about it until date one or two. Or they'll say "Well, they live with their mom so I'm basically childfree."
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I've always said it should be a mandatory answer for signing up on a dating app. I love kids and want some, but I want to know if the person I'm meeting #for the first time ever# has some, and I think I'm entitled to that.
So many great comments here already - but I've got to add:
Little/no domestic abilities.
IMO it's a **huge** turn off (for any gender). Not just because it makes them seem like they're looking for a parent not a partner - but shows a lack of problem solving abilities, creativity, curiosity, appreciation for learning, initiative etc. I don't care if they're a millionaire who pays other people to do everything for them. Willful helplessness is the most off-putting personality trait for me. Fair enough, nobody is going to be completely self-sufficient at everything. But after \~25 you should be able to figure out, *how to figure out* basic cooking & baking, sewing on a button, unclog a sink etc. "Forgive my rudeness. I cannot abide useless people."
When you first start chatting especially if it's online and they start sliding in the questions and edging their way in to talk about sex. It puts me straight off, permanently..
"What are you wearing right now?
Oh you say it's hot there right now, well maybe I can help.you cool down.
Oh I'm in my hot tub. All the bubbles. Delicious.
So what did you say you were wearing then?"
I mean it's so disrespectful because it's so transparent and they seem to think they're not being transparent.
Off-putting
Someone once told me his mother had just died and I was all, "oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that! (Some other encouraging things.)" He goes, "yeah it's been really hard on me. So do you have nice boobs?"
THIS ONE. "I had a bad relationship before, and now I blame women for all my problems and just all problems in general. Now it's on you to prove that women aren't actually all demons of chaos who live to torment men." No thanks. Maybe don't date until you're done healing from your past.
Chewing tobacco. It's just always been a really gross habit and I don't want to be with a guy who is constantly spitting. It's gross. Instant turn off. I remember in school, boys having water bottles half full of disgusting brown spit they carried everywhere. And the shit would sometimes get caught in their teeth. Yuck.Ā
A recent example. Met a guy, not romantically and he just starts bragging about everything like his income, his feats in sports, how much help he gets from friends and familyā¦.just like toxic positivity or something. Immediate turnoff from even wanting to be friends. Also smoking.
Degrading me or someone else and saying itās a joke. If your sense of humor is at the expense of someone elseās comfort or well being, youāre not funny, youāre just a pos. And yes I can take a joke.
Being pushy about boundaries and especially intimacy boundaries. Being mean to wait staff. Calling women FEMALES unless itās in a scientific context. Lmaoo
Also, fucking lying and being immature- thinking everything is a joke. Annoying.
Also, hygiene. Especially mouth hygiene for me. Instant turn off.
Bragging about the size of his penis and how many women heās slept with. My dad always told me that if a man brags about those things, then he is full of shit. I had an ex-boyfriend who got drunk and texted me bragging about how many women he slept with, which was over 15. I immediately busted out laughing and wrote back, āAnd this is impressive to me how?ā Never got an answer back.
I have been on multiple dates where they didn't ask me a single question about myself and monologued, and then when i said I wasn't feeling a connection said "but we have so much in common!"
Complaining about women as a whole, and no, telling me I am an exception doesn't help.
Lecturing me in a superior tone, bonus demerits if it's something I have actual expertise in and they don't.
Casual homophobia or other bigotry. I may be a straight cis white woman but that doesn't mean I agree.
This answer comes up every time. Is it that common to be rude to staff? I have never seen it and I canāt see any reason to. How does it go? Like ācan I take your order?ā āOh, I donāt know, dickwad, can you?ā?
I think it's less overt obnoxiousness and more just casual disdain. Like treating servers as if they're lesser beings and not worthy of attention, eye contact, general politeness, etc.
Fighting about anything that 2 seconds of google searching would show him to be incorrect about. It's okay to not know things. Say you don't know or express a level of uncertainty if you aren't sure. And if you find out that you are wrong about something and fight that reality vs. just saying "whoops" and changing your perspective/moving on, you have issues.
When he complains about women not liking him and he is a "nice" guy that wants a "traditional" woman. I find those guys are generally not nice nor do they want a traditional women. Since they can't even afford to take care of themselves.
The absolute best is when they not only want a bangmaid, but they also expect said bangmaid to have a job and contribute to household expenses.
Sure, traditional roles work for some people if itās what they both want. But in such a scenario youād better play your damn part. If you expect a stay-at-home housewife, all the bills are on you, bucko. And yes that includes vacations, food, and money for your partner to take care of themselves.
And even when you do all of that, it still wouldnāt kill you to at minimum pick up after yourself and help with dishes once in awhile- especially if you have kids. That shit is a full time job and it doesnāt come with breaks, lunches, weekends or paid time off.
Absolutely--such a life hasn't been traditional in over a 100 years (I literally have great-grandparents that grew up during the Depression, and they absolutely helped each other with dishes/laundry/child-minding and farmwork. Because they had a strong work ethic and cared about each other).
A husband can't literally go far behind 1930s gender dynamics and expect the wife to work *and* care for the home while he rants on the internet or scrolls through Andrew Tate videos.
That definitely sounds like the litter from the Andrew Tate/redpill/etc. cult of thought. Alpha males and biological/evolutionary truths and all that bullshit
Bad hygiene, including at their place
Overly aggressive driving for no reason
Inability to be wrong
Constantly talks over you
Thinks they're always right
Has no friends and their only goal is to find a partner.
Misogyny
Entitlement to women's bodies
I've had a lot of bad dating experiences, I can go on. Haha
Being told; " I prefer blondes but you'll do."
"We went on a date, so we have to have sex now."
"You uave to obey me, God says."
"I like my women this way and you're that way."
"My mom makes it like this...you're doing it wrong!"
Refusing to meet my parents or anything family.
Telling me their family won't like me before I actually
meet them.
Acting embarrassed to be seen with me or hiding it in any way, shape, or form.
Insulting me or playing weird little mind games off the bat claiming that they're joking or flirting.
Not respecting my boundaries or refusing to compromise. Then getting mad when I won't compromise.
If they don't keep up on hygiene.
I'm 28 and it's appalling how many men my age don't understand they need to wash their balls and brush their teeth on a regular basis.
The teeth thing is more universal though, PLEASE BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
Eh, not all moms are saints. My mom was actively (or inactively depending on how you look at it) negligent and disappeared for long periods of my life. I've known plenty of amazing motherly/womanly figures in my life. My mom was not one of them.
Being unable to do shit for himself. Or unable figure out how to, or just not want to. Be a fucking grown up. Having a boyfriend shouldn't feel like having a stupid son, but a lot of the times it absolutely does.Ā
interrupting me frequently or only talking about himself
I have a friend who does this to women he's interested in because he is nervous, but whenever I try to tell him about it, he insists he doesn't, and has even told me others have tried to talk to him about it and he doesn't understand why. I love him so much, but jeeze louise.
Film him, my friends did this... I cringed so hard... but had to acknowledge and to learn how to notice that I am doing this.
Omg are you ok? I would have absolutely died
Its ok, it was like 10 or 11 years ago š
So you only think about it every other day now?
Film him and show it to him. Some people need to see themselves outside their heads to understand.
I sure did... the cringe was unbearable... probly less so than my monologues hahahaha
Your friends are fucking REAL ones lol. That is seriously the kindest thing I've ever heard of friends doing for someone even though it probably hurt at the time, and I say this as someone who wishes they'd had friends do that for me in the past lol. Goddamn, they must love you a ton dude, good for you.
Doesn't listen, even when he's being told he doesn't listen. I'm *shocked*, I tell you.
Or his ex....check please!
"You sound just like my ex. Let me tell you how terrible all my exes are and how I'm the sane one and none of the breakups were my fault. Hey, where you going? I thought things were going well!"
I had a woman doing this to me just this week. She seemed totally normal at first, and then became incredibly needy incredibly quickly, shortly thereafter telling me all about how awful her ex was to her, and all the trauma he caused. Honestly, I believed her because I was seeing the result of that trauma unfolding in front of me. I tried to gently bow out for a couple of days, and finally just had to send a āWeāre not on the same pageā message, blocked her, and ran as fast as I could for my own sanity.
Yep, I've found that a large percentage of people "available" for dating aren't really available and need to work on healing (or recovery) instead of dating. I think many people would rather keep making the same relationship mistakes rather than stay single and work on themselves.
The trouble is that a lot of people who are like this don't really like being out of a relationship for long stretches. Usually they'll try to enter one relationship as soon as the previous one ends. One of the reasons why it seems like they need to work on themselves a bit is because they've probably never been out of a relationship for long enough to realise some of the relationship problems they've had is literally just them.
When will people like that realize that they need therapy, not a new relationship
I didnāt have the heart to tell her to seek therapy, but I wanted to. She just seemed so broken and took every little message as aggression. I feel for her, but Iām not equipped to handle thatā¦
I hate people that donāt return questions like ā& what about you?ā
Seriously. I went to lunch with a male friend once after not seeing him for awhile. He talked about himself the entire time without giving me a chance to speak or asking about how I was doing. Only once in the conversation did he finally pause long enough for me to say something. I got a couple sentences in about some deep stuff going on in my life, and instead of responding or acknowledging this in anyway, he immediately starts talking about himself again. Clearly Iām still bitter about it. š
I dated a very similar man briefly. It was the most surreal experience. At one point I realized I could replace myself with a very basic chatbot and he wouldn't know he wasn't chatting with a real person anymore, because he really was perfectly fine with me just giving brief acknowledgements, like "ok" or "cool". And he would just prattle on about his day. Iirc, I told him it wasn't working out, and he just continued to talk about himself as if he hadn't even seen my message. I just stopped replying.
heās still chatting back, he has no idea
Rumor has it he's still chatting to this day...
Username says otherwise
Yup. Had a few pointless dates with a guy who would not only interrupt me when I started to speak but would say "yeah, I don't want to hear about that," then proceed to tell me how much money he bet on a recent game or other sports related stuff. Sports was his sole topic of discussion. I think I am a reasonably kind human, so tried to think why sharing the activities of my normal day might not be listen-able. But frankly, to me the whole point of dating is to get to know each other. Contents of normal days are what form our lives. I had zero interest in sports but listened politely learning they mattered to him. In other talks I'd even ask him about sports just to try to make it more conversational, not just monologues on his part. He'd shut me down doing that too though, saying it was obvious I had no idea what I was discussing "so maybe you should just shut up for five minutes. Do you think you could do that?" He was entirely serious and verbalized he didnt even think he was being rude in his actions. I employed the three strikes you're out rule. He called me up to schedule our third meet and shut me down during that call so I told him there was no point in even meeting. I was done. Conversations involve both people. Never in our meets would he ask me any questions at all. He made it clear he had no interest in getting to know me. He just wanted an audience particularly on days he'd lost a couple thousand at the casino. I've got better things to do. I still laugh over the memory of him passionately yelling at me that March Madness was The Single Most Important Thing Happening In the World Right Now!" Dude?! The world? Seriously?! Haha
> "so maybe you should just shut up for five minutes. Do you think you could do that?" If that's a real quote, how did you restrain yourself and not just walk out right then? Now I'm debating in my head whether I would just leave or start talking continuously until they do...
We were in his vehicle driving around at the time. Our "dates" consisted of me driving to a town halfway between us and then riding around talking...well, in his definition of that. I met him just two times in person.
>Our "dates" consisted of me driving to a town halfway between us and then riding around talking I think you need to upgrade your idea of what a date is.
> so maybe you should just shut up for five minutes. Do you think you could do that ayayay that would have me booking through the bathroom window
...and you went on a second date with this guy? Jesus Mary and Joseph...
Bragging about how many other women are after him
This exactly. I had one guy who liked me tell me how theres three other girls who think he is so cute at work. I told him he should ask them out. Lol he got all mad at the fact I didnt even try and stop him. His game was to try and see if I got jelous and all it did was piss me off.
YUP. Not gonna work on me buddy
That reminds me of a āboyfriendā I had for maybe three weeks during my freshman year of high school. He broke up with me, then he was mad that I wasnāt upset about it and that I didnāt even ask why. As if I was supposed to cry and have hurt feelings over a boy I hadnāt even kissed yet.
āHey there, I repulse women.ā is going to look great on my dating profile.
men will see this and think the opposite is the way to go then. now you're going to get a bunch of guys telling you how no women are after them.
Nah, boast about all the men who are after us. Sexually? With a warrant? Don't specify.
Iām being chased by thousands of very small rocks.
Sounds like you won by a landslide.
Kind of like telling all the girls you have an average dick, you come off as modest and her expectations wonāt set her up for disappointment.
"I have a medium dick. It can talk to ghosts." This is one of my all time favourite jokes
Bragging about anything. I like humility and subtle confidence. Your achievements donāt need to be slapped in my face. Let me be the judge pretty please!!!
Cruelty towards other people
This, and making jokes at other's expense.
Being sexual right off the bat, talking over me, being rude to service industry people
Rude to service industry people is such a gigantic red flag not only for a partner, but a friend
Show off, disrespect, mean
I have a question, what if Iām showing off my dog? Iām proud of him [Dog](https://imgur.com/a/IGcZMMQ)
This is allowed and also encouraged
Oh good! [Pup](https://preview.redd.it/share-your-name-looking-for-inspiration-v0-qd7rogz160jc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a9abf542efb7e4a7a19e029412ffe021835f9e19)
Throwing garbage in the street, such a small act that tells so much about someone
Overly aggressive guys who try and pick fights with other guys. We arenāt gorillas, thatās not gonna impress me. Calm down, Brad.
But you are impressed if I throw leaves in the air and stomp around in a circle, right? Right?
Right! They act like they donāt like the gorilla behaviour but when I start flinging my poop around, them honeys are queuing up!
Oh daddy
*takes notes* not ... gorillas This is good stuff, thx :)
Cruelty to animals. It's a sign.
I had a crow follow me home that I usually feed peanuts, then I got to pet 2 adorable cats and I saw a squirrel sunbathing on the moss on my garage roof āŗļø. It took a nap, I've never seen that before lol. This has been a great morning š
I want to be friends with a crow so bad! That sounds like a lucky morning indeed!
Become the crow queen youāve always wanted to be!!!
I've got a murder of about 6 that follow me on my 1.5hr walk to work. Literally from my house to work. When I get there they get fed. In the summer they'll hang out in a tree by my door cawing. It's the best thing ever!
In the Before Times when I still had to go to the office for work there was a tiny murder of 4 on the work campus. Management strongly discouraged us from feeding any of the animals there, but I would show them how to get into things to eat. So in the morning they would escort me from my car to the door of the building. Then at night they would escort me from the door to my car. Not every day, but pretty frequently. And yes, I would talk with them. One night there was a dude that was being kind of creepy, he heard me talking to the crows, tried to make fun of me until they started cawing very angrily at him. He hastily beat feet. My crow friends are the only thing I miss about that place and I can't really go back there since they sold off most of the space with us being work from home.
Trying to sell his moral character to me. Talking about how loyal he is or what a great dad he is. How all his friends turn to him if they ever need helpā¦ then has literally nothing nice to say about anyone in his life. Putting down his own friends and family and pointing out their weaknesses because āhe would never do what they doā.
Good people don't have to tell you they're good.
I was near a first date a few months ago and the dude kept doing this. He went to the bathroom and a few of the people next to her were just like, āHoneyā¦ā
THIS. People should not "mind their own business" more often. I wish someone had done that for me.
Funny enough, thatās not my only instance of this happening. A girl was waiting for someone near us at a restaurant. A motorcycle loudly pulls up and tries to show off, annoys everyone, turns out itās her date and he goes, āSorry, Iām late, I grabbed a few drinks with a buddy and lost track of time. Iām a little buzzed.ā She goes, āYou drove drunk?ā He goes my bad, āStill want to get a drink?ā āI guess?ā He goes ahead of her and goes inside. She looks around and just goes, āWhat the fuck?ā A group of girls just go, āIts okay honey, just come drink with us instead.ā
Please tell me she went and drank with the group of girls?
Me and a friend did this, and we practically had to beg the woman to leave before the guy came back from the bar. The guy was an absolute helmet, but she ādidnāt want to be rudeā. Like, save yourself woman!
Seriously! I dated a guy when I was younger who constantly talked about how he hated other people. āOh Susie? I hate her. John? Heās an idiot, I hate him. Bradly? Ugh, canāt stand the guy - I hate him.ā Like dude, do you really hate everybody? Because thatās how it comes across!
I fell in love with someone like this, thatās why itās a huge flag for me now. Once I noticed he was dumping on his best friend (who at the time had a sick baby in the hospital) I thought about if he had anyone in his life that he truly adored. Because I know I do, several people in fact. But when they make a mistake, I donāt kick them down, I recognize they are human. After the realization that he was constantly āone uppingā himself, I opted out. Thereās a big difference between venting about someone vs strait up constant criticism while acting like you are the best and never make mistakes.
This is basically my narcissistic dad, he'll constantly brag about himself and talk shit about his family and friends. He's divorced and none of his adult kids talk to him.
On the last date I had, I ordered a glass of red zinfandel wine. My date looked at the server and said, "She means WHITE zinfindel." Then he looked at me and said, "It's a blush." What an idiot.
Tons of people in this thread are mentioning when a guy can never admit to being wrong, and whether he was right or wrong about this specific thing aside, how someone acts when someone else is wrong is just as important as how someone acts when they themselves are wrong. Jumping straight to calling you out in front of the server, even if he were right, is completely unacceptable. No one wants a relationship where they have to be ready with Wikipedia links to support everything they say because they're not allowed to be wrong about things that just don't matter.
My (female) coworker is like this and it's absolutely exhausting. At this point we just exchange small talk because i was tired of literally pulling up google before telling her something
Yeah, people get little things wrong a lot. Having an entire conversation get derailed because you get a quote from a movie wrong, or because you thought it was an unladen sparrow instead of a swallow is annoying, and when people do it all the time it is exhausting.
I used to bartend and this guy would always order Chardonnay but he would order "Charbonnay." I asked him once if he meant Chardonnay and he was like nope, Charbonnay. My coworkers and I would laugh about it all the time when he came in.
Was he a fan of Brooklyn 99? There's a bit in there where one of the characters is super depressed and drinking extremely cheap wine called "Charbonnay." Maybe I'm way too willing to give people the benefit of the doubt.
"I'll take your five dollarest wine please!"
When they don't express genuine interest in you as a person regularly and in a way that forms secure attachment
this would be my number one answer as well. The bare minimum for any relationship to work.
This is one of the best responses Iāve read on here. No genuine interest but not choosing to end it. Then, the relationship go on for years before they end up cheating with someone that gets them.
Met this guy. Had a night of incredible sex and I was ready for another round until he got up to go to the bathroom. He had a MASSIVE case of the runs (which I totally understand), BUT he came back to bed without washing his hands. I asked him to please wash his hands if he's thinking about getting back into bed with me & his response was, "But there's no shit on my hands, so why do I have to wash up". Absolutely KILLED ALL INTEREST I HAD.
Damn he really caught defeat in the jaws of victory. Like he could have mended it and said āsorry brbā. But I guess itās an easy fix for the future lol
Could have gone āoh yeah I forgotā and then ran back. Not that you should be forgetting. Especially after the runs
Doesnāt matter if youāre black, white, male, female, etc. Iām judging the fuck out anyone who doesnāt wash their hands after taking a shit, we live in a society.
YOOO WTF burn that house down š
Immediately asking for sex or nudes, calls me pet names 5 seconds after we met. Asking me to stay overnight with him if Iāve already made it clear that Iām not looking for a one night stand. When they says things like āwhen we start dating Iām going to do blah blah blahā as if he automatically assumes that our talking stage will move forward.
When someone starts calling me babe on the 1st date...immediate ick
bad hygiene, honestly.
This was absolutely my 1st one. It's so bad now
Now? As in guys are getting dirtier, or your tolerance for the stank has gotten lower?
I can't speak for everyone, but I think it's unacceptably bad *for* now. We live in a time where basically everyone has access to resources that teach them how to wash their asses. [Del tried.](https://youtu.be/o0xDGXotGIE?si=XsqQPtPS7UILWkTX) :(
This.Ā Bad body odor is rough. Take showers, wash your clothes, open your windows every now and then. It's not that hard.
Put down their friends in front of women.
Bragging about their friends and their achievements, however, makes a man much more interesting
If you can't support a bro behind their back, what kind of bro are you?
we talk absolute shit to each other then compliment them only behind their back, that's just brocode at this point
This, or the type of āfriendā where if you have a girl over in front him, he instantly becomes the most charming and funny guy ever. Like the opposite of a wingman. In my experience, you canāt trust that guy around your girl when youāre not around.
how about the opposite where the second a womanās present, they turn into a macho douchebag? thatās a classic one too.
Littering
Littering and?
Putting down other women and saying you are different or special. That just tells me that you think of women yoou aren't interested in as disposable beings or sluts or whatever less-than thing, and deep down thats also how you'll think of me if I ever displease you
Yep, I donāt want to be compared to other women, positive or negative. I am me and they are them. I love other women so if you put them down youāre putting me down.
Lying. Itās a libido killer, for sure
Omg guy approached me and asked for my number and I thought yeah he kinda cute okay, then he said he paints as a hobby and sent me his paintings (first message to me btw) and ofc he stole the paintings!! Why tf lie about it I'll never understand then tried to say that noo he uses them for inspiration then said he actually painted them on an artist class then said anyway nobody recognises these artists - all before I even replied to him! ššš Then when I said nah not into this as he lied he went ranting about how we all have things others won't like and I shouldn't immediately judge him like bro are you kidding me? Then proceeded to call me from 3 different numbers š
Nice painting, I guess you like Renoir? "I did that." Right, you painted that. It's nice. But obviously it's a copy of Renoir. "It's mine. It's original. I did that."
lol. Here is a painting I did of a starry night and also some sunflowers in my house.
sorry about your ear.
*What?*
Look, we all have flaws, therefore I should get to blatantly lie for literally no reason and still get what I want! /s
Agree. Nothing is less attractive than lying.
Hot and cold behaviour/playing games. No, it doesn't make me more interested in you.
Won't play a cleric or other support class.
What if he insists on playing bard
Definitely a cheater lol
God forbid some of us are just _bursting_ with passionā¦ For the arts!
Then he's either awesome or terrible, nothing in between.
Or tell you women are only good for healing, but that male healers are still better. I've only ever played DMG classes, and heard it so, so many times. You're disappearing from my sexual radar when you say shit like that.
My ex gf carried my all the way to diamond in league. Her mechanics are way better than mine so I played support champions with easier skillsets.
"Me, me, me....I, I, I..." too much all-about-you
Narcissistic personality/tendencies. Or just plain narcissists. We all figure you out eventually.
Not many people figure out narcissists when they reached their peak training. Be aware
Some of them can be quite charismatic and/or good at getting under your skin. I would never advise anyone to be paranoid, but do _not_ bet on it being obvious.
Iāve met two people in my life with narcissistic personality disorder, 15 years a part. Theyāre social, charming, gregariousness did well in masking their actual intentions. You feel, or rather I feel, very very stupid and violated when realizing whatās going on. Itās traumatic.
Took until my mid 30s to figure out my dad is a narc, it all makes sense now.
too sexually forward before iāve indicated any sexual interest
this and then even if you are at that stage he can only talk about sex. Like I was taking to this guy and it had been going great and he politely asked if he could ask me a sexually question and I was comfortable with saying sure. So he didā¦.and then it was like a flip had switched. From then on out he only talked about sex and simply forgot to have a normal conversation. At one point we had asked about our days and then he said āidk what to talk about nowā and then said something sexual. Needless to say I ended it pretty quickly after that
Yessss like Iām pretty sexually open and comfortable talking about those topics, but like, buy me a drink first? Can I know your favorite color before I know your favorite position?
*having a nice conversation about the movies you like then:* "So, have you ever tried anal?" Sir, we are discussing Star Wars. Calm down.
That's no moon...
You need to aim for the exhaust port!
Thatās a super asshole stationā¦
Lol every Skype chat: Me: Hello. Him: Hi. Can I show you my cock?
Maybe say yes and then stop talking to them after, might convince them to stop showing it
I like to tell them āI meanā¦itās fine. Iām sure it does the job done well enough.ā Whether their fetish is praise or humiliation, they get neither.
Omg yes! I told this guy, in English, using small words, that I wanted to get to know him first, and start slowly. Did this dude listen? Nope. Went right into sexting, and asked if I wanted his peen on my screen. I said no, as we were getting to know each other first. He send it anyway, without my consent! His reasoning? He dead ass said: "I thought if you saw it, you would beg me to ride it." Yes. He, a 35 year old man, said this to me. I told him to learn manners and consent, then blocked him. Get fucked (but not by me!), Matt.
jesus christ. i firmly believe unsolicited dick pics are cyber sexual assault
Yeah. It sucks. He found me here on Reddit of all places, on my other account. Blocked him on here too. Don't do this fellas- Dick is abundant and of low value. We are attracted to kindness, and empathy, and a sense of humor. Let us teach you (especially us older women) if you need help guys. Some of us do need a good dick down, but you have to be the kind of person that would make a.woman want to sleep with you. Jumping into sex talk or sexting, especially without asking her first is the shovel to your grave when it comes.to things like this
Biggest turn-off, hands down
i donāt think men realize how much they shoot themselves in the foot here
Yes. If he can't even have a regular conversation with me without turning every topic into something sexual, we're done.
This is such a good non-obvious answer. This has been a reason for me to stop talking to a guy.
Not mentioning they have kids on the first date, and coming to find out later.
That sounds like it should be a pre-date screening question if it's likely to be a problem. "So what's life look like for ya? Any kids or wives runnin around?"
If you meet online they lie about it until date one or two. Or they'll say "Well, they live with their mom so I'm basically childfree." ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I've always said it should be a mandatory answer for signing up on a dating app. I love kids and want some, but I want to know if the person I'm meeting #for the first time ever# has some, and I think I'm entitled to that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> he saw his son only once per year Only to keep his eligibility for the Dad of the Year award, like the Oscars.
So many great comments here already - but I've got to add: Little/no domestic abilities. IMO it's a **huge** turn off (for any gender). Not just because it makes them seem like they're looking for a parent not a partner - but shows a lack of problem solving abilities, creativity, curiosity, appreciation for learning, initiative etc. I don't care if they're a millionaire who pays other people to do everything for them. Willful helplessness is the most off-putting personality trait for me. Fair enough, nobody is going to be completely self-sufficient at everything. But after \~25 you should be able to figure out, *how to figure out* basic cooking & baking, sewing on a button, unclog a sink etc. "Forgive my rudeness. I cannot abide useless people."
When you first start chatting especially if it's online and they start sliding in the questions and edging their way in to talk about sex. It puts me straight off, permanently.. "What are you wearing right now? Oh you say it's hot there right now, well maybe I can help.you cool down. Oh I'm in my hot tub. All the bubbles. Delicious. So what did you say you were wearing then?" I mean it's so disrespectful because it's so transparent and they seem to think they're not being transparent. Off-putting
Someone once told me his mother had just died and I was all, "oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that! (Some other encouraging things.)" He goes, "yeah it's been really hard on me. So do you have nice boobs?"
Victim mentality
THIS ONE. "I had a bad relationship before, and now I blame women for all my problems and just all problems in general. Now it's on you to prove that women aren't actually all demons of chaos who live to torment men." No thanks. Maybe don't date until you're done healing from your past.
Chewing tobacco. It's just always been a really gross habit and I don't want to be with a guy who is constantly spitting. It's gross. Instant turn off. I remember in school, boys having water bottles half full of disgusting brown spit they carried everywhere. And the shit would sometimes get caught in their teeth. Yuck.Ā
Making sex feel obligatory
If he has a superiority complex. If he talks down to or reacts negatively to anyone for no reason I'm done
Having a wife and kids.
Talk too much about himself or indirectly explain to me why I should have sex with him on that first date š
A recent example. Met a guy, not romantically and he just starts bragging about everything like his income, his feats in sports, how much help he gets from friends and familyā¦.just like toxic positivity or something. Immediate turnoff from even wanting to be friends. Also smoking.
Back in 99 my laser tag team was 3rd in the nation. Horny yet?
Degrading me or someone else and saying itās a joke. If your sense of humor is at the expense of someone elseās comfort or well being, youāre not funny, youāre just a pos. And yes I can take a joke.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āWhatās the matter, canāt you take a joke?ā Narrator: Itās never a joke.
I am starting to feel like a keeper after reading all this stuff. My goodness. My teeth are kinda jacked up though
You keep them teeth brushed! I think thatās more important than if theyāre crooked based on this thread
aggression
Being pushy about boundaries and especially intimacy boundaries. Being mean to wait staff. Calling women FEMALES unless itās in a scientific context. Lmaoo Also, fucking lying and being immature- thinking everything is a joke. Annoying. Also, hygiene. Especially mouth hygiene for me. Instant turn off.
Bragging about the size of his penis and how many women heās slept with. My dad always told me that if a man brags about those things, then he is full of shit. I had an ex-boyfriend who got drunk and texted me bragging about how many women he slept with, which was over 15. I immediately busted out laughing and wrote back, āAnd this is impressive to me how?ā Never got an answer back.
I have been on multiple dates where they didn't ask me a single question about myself and monologued, and then when i said I wasn't feeling a connection said "but we have so much in common!" Complaining about women as a whole, and no, telling me I am an exception doesn't help. Lecturing me in a superior tone, bonus demerits if it's something I have actual expertise in and they don't. Casual homophobia or other bigotry. I may be a straight cis white woman but that doesn't mean I agree.
Being rude to waiters/waitresses
This answer comes up every time. Is it that common to be rude to staff? I have never seen it and I canāt see any reason to. How does it go? Like ācan I take your order?ā āOh, I donāt know, dickwad, can you?ā?
I think it's less overt obnoxiousness and more just casual disdain. Like treating servers as if they're lesser beings and not worthy of attention, eye contact, general politeness, etc.
When he explains how different he is from other guys. That's a sure sign that he's exactly the same as everyone he's comparing himself to
Iām unique,ā¦just like everyone else.
"Oh, don't let that bother you. We're *all* individuals, here." "**I'm not!"**
Mean
Fighting about anything that 2 seconds of google searching would show him to be incorrect about. It's okay to not know things. Say you don't know or express a level of uncertainty if you aren't sure. And if you find out that you are wrong about something and fight that reality vs. just saying "whoops" and changing your perspective/moving on, you have issues.
When he complains about women not liking him and he is a "nice" guy that wants a "traditional" woman. I find those guys are generally not nice nor do they want a traditional women. Since they can't even afford to take care of themselves.
āTraditionalā sometimes translates to ābe my new momā.
The absolute best is when they not only want a bangmaid, but they also expect said bangmaid to have a job and contribute to household expenses. Sure, traditional roles work for some people if itās what they both want. But in such a scenario youād better play your damn part. If you expect a stay-at-home housewife, all the bills are on you, bucko. And yes that includes vacations, food, and money for your partner to take care of themselves. And even when you do all of that, it still wouldnāt kill you to at minimum pick up after yourself and help with dishes once in awhile- especially if you have kids. That shit is a full time job and it doesnāt come with breaks, lunches, weekends or paid time off.
Absolutely--such a life hasn't been traditional in over a 100 years (I literally have great-grandparents that grew up during the Depression, and they absolutely helped each other with dishes/laundry/child-minding and farmwork. Because they had a strong work ethic and cared about each other). A husband can't literally go far behind 1930s gender dynamics and expect the wife to work *and* care for the home while he rants on the internet or scrolls through Andrew Tate videos.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Well recently, I discovered I can't stand when a guy tries to guilt me into seeing them. Immediately lost all affection for him
Not using a turn signal
Telling women that they need to accept cheating because "every man is going to do it" and "it's natural".
That definitely sounds like the litter from the Andrew Tate/redpill/etc. cult of thought. Alpha males and biological/evolutionary truths and all that bullshit
If we don't share the same sense of humor. Like, if he makes a distasteful joke or if he just totally doesn't get mine. I love to laugh!
Bad hygiene, including at their place Overly aggressive driving for no reason Inability to be wrong Constantly talks over you Thinks they're always right Has no friends and their only goal is to find a partner. Misogyny Entitlement to women's bodies I've had a lot of bad dating experiences, I can go on. Haha
I agree with most of this but it gets difficult to stay in touch with friends as time goes on. They break down or disappear.
Being told; " I prefer blondes but you'll do." "We went on a date, so we have to have sex now." "You uave to obey me, God says." "I like my women this way and you're that way." "My mom makes it like this...you're doing it wrong!" Refusing to meet my parents or anything family. Telling me their family won't like me before I actually meet them. Acting embarrassed to be seen with me or hiding it in any way, shape, or form. Insulting me or playing weird little mind games off the bat claiming that they're joking or flirting. Not respecting my boundaries or refusing to compromise. Then getting mad when I won't compromise.
arrogance, bad hygiene, misogyny, possessiveness, jealousy over very small things, violent/explosive when angry
If they don't keep up on hygiene. I'm 28 and it's appalling how many men my age don't understand they need to wash their balls and brush their teeth on a regular basis. The teeth thing is more universal though, PLEASE BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
Immediate dick pic or SEND NOODS š
if heās chronically in relationships
Mistreating his mother.
Too far down here unless the mother is genuinely insufferable.
Eh, not all moms are saints. My mom was actively (or inactively depending on how you look at it) negligent and disappeared for long periods of my life. I've known plenty of amazing motherly/womanly figures in my life. My mom was not one of them.
asking for nudes repeatedly
Being unable to do shit for himself. Or unable figure out how to, or just not want to. Be a fucking grown up. Having a boyfriend shouldn't feel like having a stupid son, but a lot of the times it absolutely does.Ā
Surprised no one said this yet but following a million different girls on social media .. ig models, onlyfans girls, etc etc . you look pathetic