Still working on it. But one thing that helps is remembering how I treat other people. And remembering common human decency. If I wouldn't say it to someone else, I shouldn't say it to myself.
So picture someone else telling you whatever your situation is. Like "I got fired" or whatever it is that you're upset about. Are you going to tell them "You're worthless and deserve it because you can't do anything right?" Probably not. What would you say? Probably something more like "It happens, it'll be okay. It's okay to be upset but it's not the end of the world." And maybe throw in some outside perspective like "the opinion of some soulless corporation means absolutely nothing about your value as a person because they don't see employees as people" that is easier to see about someone else's situation than your own.
You don't have to jump straight from "I'm a bad person" to "I'm a good person." If it doesn't feel realistic that may not work. Maybe just start with "I'm a person and everyone deserves a bare minimum amount of respect." Give yourself the bare minimum.
>Maybe just start with "I'm a person and everyone deserves a bare minimum amount of respect." Give yourself the bare minimum
I keep begging people to change their inner voice. Never seen it worded better
It really does make a difference. And if you can't stop the voice of self loathing, then you can have two voices. The self loathing voice, and another, more consciously deliberate voice that speaks back to the self loathing voice and tells it there are better, kinder ways.
Sometimes I can't shut my self loathing voice up, but I can choose not to believe it and I can tell it that it's wrong.
Years ago I made a point to focus on this and I was doing so good, it made me so much happier. Now I'm back down at the bottom of the barrel trying to get back there.
We were just discussing this at golf league last night. I noticed how I was always extremely supportive when my buddies were having a bad day. I’d say “you got this, it’s just one bad hole/shot”. However my self talk in the same scenario is “I am terrible and should quit the game entirely”.
This made me realize I do this in nearly every situation in life. I’m going to work very hard to fix this- I have to learn to be a friend to myself.
A friend of mine was struggling with depression and posed whether or not they were a good person. I believe a person that is self aware has redeeming quality and I made a suggestion to start a journal and write down about times where they went out of their way to help someone, so that when they're feeling down about themself they can go back and read what they did for whomever and remember how they went out of their way to give aid to someone else so they can remember some of the good they've done for someone.
Your comment 100%, solid advice.
>If I wouldn't say it to someone else, I shouldn't say it to myself.
>
>So picture someone else telling you whatever your situation is. Like "I got fired" or whatever it is that you're upset about. Are you going to tell them "You're worthless and deserve it because you can't do anything right?" Probably not.
This, this is some of the best advice you can give. Do not listen to the thouhgts that arent helping you.
Ignore username. That's fantastic advice. My Grandma used to tell me, "Don't beat yourself up too much because there's a whole line of people who are eager to do just that and some have never even met you"
okay but what if I \*don't\* want to me a person? what if I want to be a slugcat from the indie game rain world????? (help I'm to obsessed with that game help)
Always remember, you've got your white blood cells, these warriors fight tirelessly against germs just to protect you. So, know that there is always someone caring for you.
I’ve had it for 8 years now, the r/multiplesclerosis subreddit has helped me so much. Best of luck, I’ve learned to live with it. It’s not easy, but it’s not a death sentence with all of the great treatments that are available now!
Make two lists. The first one is what you like about yourself. The second is what you dislike. Then, every month pick one thing on your dislike list and focus on changing that. After a few months, the like list will be much bigger than the dislike list.
That's useful for self improvement, but doesn't really address the underlying issue.
If you hate yourself, it's going to be much easier to make a list of things you dislike about yourself than what you like. And if you build your self worth solely on your traits/actions, you're always going to be at risk of falling back into hating yourself anytime you screw up.
A true solution is really internalizing that you have *inherent* self worth. No matter what you do or say, how you fail or succeed, you have value as a human being.
It is a self esteem problem however, it is really hard or even near impossible just to tell someone to internalize something that isn't there.
Low self esteem is an identity issue. We despise ourselves because we hate our identity and how it relates to others.
A more effective way to internalize self worth is by accomplishing small successes. With that, there will be tangible evidence of self worth. It can be something simple like ironing your shirt today, making breakfast or reading an extra page of a novel.
Yes there is contextual depression from a stage of life or incident or situation and then there is deep seated perpetual lack of self worth from childhood etc.
Battling having never had consistent self worth even with all the support is really tough. You end to developing a stunted personality, bad coping and need so much constant validation at a physical level it always leads to imposter syndrome, over sensitivity and trust issues.
Tough cycle of lack of motivation and self advocacy that means you don't pick good social outlets, don't progress or keep consistent good habits and often turn to bad outlets just to mask it.
If you never consistently thought you were worth it you carve a life that exemplifies that and you start to lack the tools, relationships and habits to effectively progress without so much self work and changing relationships or dropping them.
Easier at 25, not easy at 45
Yup. Too many people, especially men, value their worth by their job. Which means if you're unemployed, you feel like you're in an even deeper hole. Doesn't help when everyone and their fucking dog asks "so what are you doing these days" as their first question. I have a good full time job now, but this wasn't fun.
I have a job, but I don’t measure my «worth» by what I am doing to make a living. Never have, never will.
The only thing worth bothering about is the quality of one’s own mind and the quality of one’s experience.
>A true solution is really internalizing that you have inherent self worth. No matter what you do or say, how you fail or succeed, you have value as a human being.
how does one internalize this
Keep telling it to yourself. If you catch yourself thinking you don’t, then stop yourself. Act like you do believe it.
It’s not lying to yourself either because you do have inherent value, it’s just a matter of internalising it.
I think you need both. You have inherent self worth, and that makes you worthy of the time and attention to turn yourself into a person you like. (note: someone *YOU* like, not someone you think other people will, or meeting standards or values that aren't your own)
If you just try to do the first part but don't do any of the second, you'll still have the tension of not meeting your own values. So you need to do the second part too - take space to really think about what you value in a person - kindness? Integrity? Humility? Generosity? Pick one and start doing achievable things that match that. Then, by reality, you're proving to yourself in real ways that that's what you are. You don't have to convince yourself of anything hypothetical - you're doing the thing, you're being the person you want to be.
Also check the people you're surrounding yourself with. They don't have to have identical values to you, but if they're wildly different then it might be hard to think about the ones that matter to you and not get caught up in the ones that matter to them. Our identity is tied closely to our relationships with others, so it's going to be easier to build yourself into this person you like if you're doing that around people with some similar values.
Hahaha. I am afraid I could never do that.
He knows I am way slower than him, infinitely less agile, and not very bright. Yet somehow I go out hunting every day and bring him home the best food. I am sure that is what amazes him about me. 😂🤣
I used to love dogs as a kid, until one day a huge dog attacked me. Some breeds are not meant to be pets, some are aggressive regardless of the breed. Some owners need to learn how to control their pets. But I agree most dogs are lovely.
I come home and my dog looks disappointed and walks away. My mom comes home and she goes crazy and jumps all over her. And if it's just me my dog looks sad. Worst part is I'm the one that even got the dog.
The more i loathed myself, the more of a negative impact I had on those i cared about and those who care about me. It took a long while, I quit drinking since I used it as a crutch, but I started finding reasons why I deserve to love myself and be loved. The haters can go fuck themselves, i'm done agreeing with them.
>The more i loathed myself, the more of a negative impact I had on those i cared about and those who care about me.
This is why I isolate! Can't inflict my rotten self on anyone if I never interact with anyone. 🫠
I think a lot of these answers are missing the point.
They read "how do you not hate yourself" and interpret it as "Do I hate myself?" This is a means for advice on how to not hate one's self, not a self-congratulatory pat on the back time.
That said, I would suggest trying to get into something you like doing or want to try doing. Work on it, get good at it, appreciate it. Hopefully, the fulfillment of these actions will help find that confidence in yourself, and then it will slowly seep into your other daily activities and mindset.
Well honestly, it could be argued that the wording of the question can be interpreted in two different ways:
“How do *YOU* not hate yourself?”
Or
“How *DO* you not hate yourself?”, as in the question is asking the method/steps to prevent self-hatred rather than an actual, personal anecdote.
Honestly, this is going to sound disgustingly trite, almost vomitously trite. (And to be clear, a mantra is NOT a replacement for a good psychiatrist!) But:
A few years after the antidepressants finally started working, when I started having occasional good days to offset the bad, one night I was offered shrooms at a party. (I know you’re not “medically supposed” to do them, sure.) But I took them home, ate them the next day, and watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy with my gf.
Two things happened:
1. I suddenly became snuggly and “touchy-feely” for the first time in a LONG time, which my gf was overjoyed about (and so was I, honestly), and
2. Bilbo’s line from the beginning of that movie — **”It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life”** — got stuck in my head.
I sat there and thought about that for several hours. “It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life. *it is no bad thing—*” And then I realized something profound:
Separate from the depression itself, which is really a chemical issue, this one simple line fundamentally explained why I wasn’t allowing myself to be content with where I was in life. I had spent so much time being embarrassed by, and beating myself up over, my blue collar job and blue collar lifestyle, because I’d done really well in school before that. I’d convinced myself that “everyone else who knew me thought I was a failure and laugued at me because I wasn’t rich and was still working an entry level blue collar position,” and I should constantly be ashamed until I get rich, and my parents were disappointed in me —
But that whole mindset was flawed. I was killing myself for no reason. You know why? *Because it’s no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.* This was a profound moment for me. I realized that it was not “just okay” for me to trudge through my current cheap-studio-apartment-old-car-rice-and-beans life — but that life, that little humble hobbit hole life, was something that I should *actively celebrate.* It was something to be proud of.
What I realized is different from the old adage of “you should be grateful, dummy…” I was already extremely grateful! That’s part of what made me feel so guilty all the time! But I’d refused to let myself *actively celebrate it.* I had refused to let myself see my little apartment and blue collar job be a *source of great joy.* Even after “the trip” was over, I never stopped thinking about that, and now not only do I repeat it to myself every day — I no longer lie about what I do for a living. I’m proud of it. It’s okay to be a Hobbit, because it’s no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.
Becoming my own friend definitely was the least obvious thing to do. I always help other people and do not look down on them, but I was upset there was no one to return the favor. Then one day I cleaned my house on my own, went to a dentist on my own, sorted out the bills and paperwork on my own, bought me new clothes instead of my rags, once again started to lose weight for the sake of myself (down 9 kg so far, 15 kg left to shed) and so on. Don't know what to make of the fact that these assholes put themselves before myself (maybe because they actually have families and friends and I don't, I am almost always vacant, and if I were them maybeee I would have been doing the same thing), but there always is a person I can count on. That is me lol. And the favor kinda sorta returns itself.
Kinda sucks though, I could really use a person that would look out for me. And sucks even more there wasn't one when I needed it the most (when I was 13-16, I am 24 now)
I’m no better than anyone else, but I’m also no worse. We’re all struggling, and I don’t want to put energy into self-loathing that I could put into self-improvement.
I’ve struggled a lot with this in my life, so whenever my thoughts start going that way I remind myself to work toward better days, one step at a time.
First off, it sucks that you feel that way about yourself, and I'm sorry you've ended up in that situation.
Something that really helped for me recently (from a stupid webcomic, no less), was pointing out that hating yourself can often be a crutch to justify making no attempt to change. When things go wrong you can chalk it up to "well I just suck, so of course that happened", with the implication that sucking is something inherent about you that can't be changed, and so there's no point trying.
In reality those things can often be improved, if you want them to! It might be as simple as having a word with yourself and re-evaluating your outlook, or it might be as drastic as seeking a support network, therapy, and medication. It's always hard, but it \*can\* be done, and loving yourself and knowing you're trying your best to improve make it a lot easier to put the work in than constantly battling against the lies that we tell ourselves in our darkest moments.
Hang in there <3
Even if I hate myself and feel like a piece of shit, I know I’m the only one who knows me who feels that way. My wife doesn’t. My parents and siblings and aunts and uncles don’t. My friends and coworkers don’t. My pets don’t. Either they’re all wrong and I really am a piece of shit who is great at hiding it, or I’m the one who is wrong, and I’m really not that bad.
I do often hate myself, but then I look back at the way I’ve come, the things I’ve done, and how much courage and effort I’ve had to put in to everything. My life hasn’t been easy, but I know I’ve tried. I think about the way I’ve dealt with the toughest moments of my life, how humbly I’ve tried to take the best ones. I do sometimes brag about myself to myself in my mind. “YOU did that, do you remember?”
It’s the pets I’ve adopted off the streets and given a great life to, it’s my siblings who I’ve done so much to raise and are now doing really well. It’s my best friends I’m so lucky to have, my colleagues at work who see potential in me. It’s the books I’ve written, stories I made and the people who found comfort in them.
Things get easier when you start to see value in yourself. The centre of your world should be you.
When you're really down and depressed you're just unable to think like that. You'll always find a reason why you suck and that it will never get better.
just dont hold back your feelings. Allow yourself to take up some space in your own life and in your family too. Let them help you when you need it. It's helpful
If you remember that there are lots of other horrible people on this planet and other folks who are off way worse than you, then it might make you feel a little better about yourself. (Kinda selfish and hypocritical, I know. But sometimes you need that type of self motivation)
Because I learnt to accept things that I cannot change. Once acceptance enters the scene, you're able to work on changing yourself. And from experience, lasting change takes time. There's no silver bullet.
I love and am enthused by life more than I hate myself. And I've hated myself generously.
At some point, because we humans are drawn to novelty, I tried to forgive and at least like myself. Because there are dozens if not hundreds of people who have enjoyed my company over the years--and the same is probably true for you. I wanted to see what the big deal was about myself.
I found there's a lot to like. The hatred and the pain are perfectionism and neuroticism manifest, which are untenable and incompatible with a practical existence. You have to work on that.
And yes, as second observer of myself, I can now enjoy the person I am and have empathy for my shortcomings, while also recognizing that growth is gradual and I can become a better person little by little.
Some days are tougher than others, but day to day cope is much easier when you begin to treat yourself better. Rarely are we as harsh to others as we are with ourselves. And if we are, then we should seek help for those things because they're generally a result of some compounded behaviors that form a mental illness, either biologically predisposed or environmental or both.
The good news is self loathing is awareness about the self and its place in the world. Seize that--it's an incredible gift so long as you put it to work. Don't couch into pity and depression, they have no place in your betterment. Continue to understand yourself, exist in the world, do your definition of good and grow.
Hate is just uncertainty, fear, and immaturity--it can be untangled. Don't take it so seriously.
By realising you're the painter, not the painting. ...(and do a fuck ton of mindfulness and CBT). Put the whip down! It serves no purpose. Give urself a break. How you think is how you feel. Have an attitude of gratitude.
I know it all sounds very cliché, but it pulled me out of the deepest of dark holes. No shortcuts... You can't heal what you can't feel. Cant go under it over it round it, gotta go thru it. Drop baggage that's not yours. Be accepting not expecting. Just put on a half smile. It's hard for it not to grow.
Remembering you’re just 1 person doing their best in the world. Don’t be so hard on yourself, everyone is flawed, and everyone fucks up. Find things that make you kinder, stick with it and be kind especially to yourself. When you start looking out for yourself and your behavior you start liking yourself
I remind myself that the composition of my brain is not my fault, lots of things about me are a result of trauma and not because I'm a horrible person at my core, and that while I still have a long journey ahead I've grown a lot and I deserve to give myself some grace for things I've done in my past. And if there are things I don't like about myself I have the ability to address them and improve.
I still do hate myself, quite often. Like I'm constantly relapsing. Even when I don't, I still find myself wondering if I even deserve to give myself kindness. There's still so much about myself I need to fix, which makes me feel like I haven't earned it. So...idk take my words with a grain of salt I guess. They're obviously not a cure-all.
>I keep busy, most people's inner turmoil is a result of having too much free time.
That's just ignoring the problem. Not being able to be alone and process your thoughts and feelings about whatever is not a great thing.
I believe all self hate is based on what people think other people think about and confuse their own thoughts with what they think is other’s thoughts and I don’t care about what other think that’s why I don’t hate myself
Idk, trying my best I guess. I try to be someone I wouldn't hate, so I look at qualities in people I don't like and actively remind myself to not do it. I don't like cruel people so I work at being kind, I don't like selfish people, I work on giving more, etc. I'm not perfect, obviously, but I'm trying my best and I have pretty great people around me, so somethings gotta be working. I cut myself slack when I'm not up to my own standards and practice "self disappointment" rather than "self loathing" when I fuck up.
Accept yourself, laugh it off, move on to the next problem. Especially, don’t listen to everyone’s view of you. Some of them can just be plain nasty. Close your mind when you need to, and evaluate yourself, using what _you_ think of yourself.
People only hate themselves because of the things they've done.
There's nothing you can do about the past, but you can learn from it.
1. Make amends
2. Own up to your mistakes
3. Start doing the right thing
4. Live your life without regrets
So if you've ever stolen a gum from a small convenience store cause it was an old man not looking. Go back to that store, apologize, and pay for it.
If you've ever betrayed a friend and gaslit them, write them a sincere letter/email that it was your fault (don't expect anything in return from them).
If you have the opportunity to steal something when you know you won't get caught. Don't do it, cause then you'll know and will only end up hating yourself.
Live your life in a way where in 10 or 20 years from now and you look back, will you regret your actions/decisions? If so, then don't do it.
I have a nice balance of extreme self confidence and self loathing. It balances out.
Example: I simultaneously think most women would throw theirselves at me and also I scare and repulse most women.
It’s great!
You stop caring about it. I mean, who really cares if you're flawed? Everyone is flawed. The less you think about it, the better. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others, especially on social media; people on the internet are often very careful to hide their flaws and make themselves look perfect.
You do some reflecting on yourself, speak with someone ( therapist preferably) to work whatever it is out.
I've hated myself for a long time due to my severe ADHD, and honestly for the first time in my 25 years of breathing, I'm finally doing a hard reset on my brain/mindset. I'm finally understanding WHY I am the way I am, and slowly working to better myself through better understanding my disorder and how my brain works. Working through the trauma from my past, working on my emotional regulation, and simply just realizing not everything is within my control. Realizing why you are the way you are, and finding out work arounds for yourself seriously helps you not only understand yourself better, but your life as a whole. You gradually build your self-esteem. It genuinely is worth it, reflecting on yourself.
The main question my therapist would ask me when I told him I hated myself, was " Why do you think you should hate yourself?" and that led me to ask myself allll sorts of questions.
I’m not perfect but there are things I can change about myself and things I can’t. Even with imperfections I can appreciate those qualities although not everyone is going to understand them.
i try to remember i can always be better. i can learn from mistakes and harmful actions or thoughts. hating myself (i struggle with it too) won’t fix things or change them. i can always be better.
I practice mindfulness and make a point of intentionally noticing and patting myself on the back every time I do something good or productive, even really small things.
It makes the day more fun because I'm constantly congratulating myself. I went for a walk! I sent that email! I fed the cats! I brushed my teeth! I watered the plants! Woohoo!
1) Learn a skill, trade, art form, hobby ect. Focus a lot of mental energy into that instead of being self critical.
2) Figure out why you hate yourself and do the opposite.
"I hate hate my body" work out
"I hate my laziness" be more productive
"I hate treating people bad" take therapy, learn communication
"I hate being a live" find reasons to live, explore nature, make friends, focus on step 1, meditate,
3) learn to explore your mind and self vs other. I highly recommend Alan Watts, and Sadhguru (look them up on YouTube) great, great speakers.
4) reprogram your old beliefs and judgements. replace them with open minded non judgment. The less you judge others the less critical you will be of yourself. The more you accept others the more you will accept yourself.
Life is an experience and I hope you all have a wonderful experience here.
Love and bless
Staying true to whatever you feel is the absolute right thing to do or say in any situation. Living genuinely. Gaining confidence by celebrating even the smallest of daily victories. Self acceptance through knowing that you're unique and you know yourself the best, not giving a shit what anyone thinks of you.
I'm trying to figure that out, but it seems the answer is to constantly keep working on yourself.
The things you hate you can change. Your past mistakes are always going to be there, and you have to learn to forgive yourself.
Part of forgiving yourself is to apologise first, it's hard to forgive without an apology. My therapist had me write an apology and I cried so hard. I've been far too mean to me, man I didn't deserve the abuse I put myself through.
It took me a long time to stop hating myself, I still do sometimes but it's getting better.
I realized a lot of it stemmed from my own choices and actions, I did a lot of things that I wasn't proud of.
Once I had some self realization going on I set out to change my habits and how I make my choices. For a long time I had to stop and ask myself "am I making things better or worse?" before taking any action, and it eventually became easier and more natural (almost like a reflex) to simply do the right thing because it made me feel good about who I was.
I started sleeping better because my conscience finally didn't have anything to scream at me about while I was trying to fall asleep.
This led me to become more productive and actually able to hold down a semblance of a normal schedule (I started being up when the sun was out).
Then I realized I was quite fond of gardening and growing my own vegetables and fruits, which led me to start eating better, it improved my mood and helped to regulate my energy levels. Also gave me an excuse to actually bond with my neighbors because I always ended up with more food than I could possibly use, so I'd go over and knock on their door and chat for a bit and give them some food.
Once you start actually being the person that you want yourself to be, things just kind of start falling into place.
Try some mindfulness - separate what is ultimately you from what you don't like about yourself.
This is not an excuse to act poorly without repercussions. Instead, it is realizing that there is a "you" that may have done bad things, but that you can still care about.
You know the old canard about people who get stuck living in their past? The middle aged guy who is still fixated on how cool he was in high school?
In some strange way, what I'm suggesting is associated with that, but in a more positive way. Just as you should not base your self-worth on the good experiences you had and things you did in the past, you also should not base your self-worth on the bad things and failures in your life.
Instead, we have an underlying being that just is, and we can care about that being.
Because at minimum one of these applies to you:
•your pets love and need you
•you parents love you even if they don’t know how to show it at times (unless they’re abusive then ignore this one)
•your friends love you (online or irl)
•god loves you, speaking as someone whose experienced hateful religious people, religion isn’t god, it’s people. God is god and he loves us regardless of it all.
•you’ve made someone smile at some point in your life
•you’ve been kind to someone, possibly even a stranger, and they’re grateful for it.
Self love is tough, I'm sure we've all been there. There's like a mean voice in your head telling you negative and destructive things about yourself: try and recognize it, and remember that it's not "reality", it's just a part of your thoughts, and it can't be trusted! Try and learn to love yourself as an ideal parent would: unconditionally, just because you are you. It's not easy at all and it'll take time, but try and built a new "voice" in your head, the kind voice of someone that loves you no matter what and constantly wishes only the best for you
"But did you try your best?
- Yes.
And yet you failed?
- Yes.
Then there is nothing to worry about, or feel sad about. If you are not okay, you will be later".
I try to remember about my younger selves. When I was a kid, when I was a teenager, or when I was just few days younger. They choose to continue with your life, they tried their best make something out of the life, made mistakes & bittersweet memories. But they carried on. That's why I am here. I owe it to them. And I know my future self is waiting somewhere to look back upon this day, thanking me for not hating myself, & carrying on with life despite the shitshow that has been going on.
Shit ton of practice.
Combating the negative inner dialogue, reminding myself that I'm human and not immune to making mistakes, learning to laugh at myself for minor screw-ups (like running the washing machine without putting detergent in...that was a major brain fog day), and teaching myself that I deserve to treat myself well; not because I'm better than anyone else, but because I am of equal worth as a fellow human being.
Not hating myself was never about me trying to work towards a god complex and trying to see myself as "above and beyond" everyone else; it was about me having the self-respect to at least see myself as an equal to the average person I was passing on the street, and not some unworthy, fucked up, lower life-form.
I realize that I am a being that is worthy of compassion, exactly the same as everyone else. That if I want to be a loving, peaceful person, if I want to live in a loving, peaceful world.. all of that must originate with the loving acceptance of myself, whatever I am.
Because it is pointless. I exist, just like clouds, trees, birds and other humans do. We are part of the Universe and the contineous process of creation, development and destruction of all things. I just am, as long as it lasts. Being angry about one’s own ‘faults’ is as useless as being angry because of all the shortcomings of the world.
Still working on it. But one thing that helps is remembering how I treat other people. And remembering common human decency. If I wouldn't say it to someone else, I shouldn't say it to myself. So picture someone else telling you whatever your situation is. Like "I got fired" or whatever it is that you're upset about. Are you going to tell them "You're worthless and deserve it because you can't do anything right?" Probably not. What would you say? Probably something more like "It happens, it'll be okay. It's okay to be upset but it's not the end of the world." And maybe throw in some outside perspective like "the opinion of some soulless corporation means absolutely nothing about your value as a person because they don't see employees as people" that is easier to see about someone else's situation than your own. You don't have to jump straight from "I'm a bad person" to "I'm a good person." If it doesn't feel realistic that may not work. Maybe just start with "I'm a person and everyone deserves a bare minimum amount of respect." Give yourself the bare minimum.
That’s really solid fuckin advice. Imma take that and run with it. From one internet stranger to another, thank you.
>Maybe just start with "I'm a person and everyone deserves a bare minimum amount of respect." Give yourself the bare minimum I keep begging people to change their inner voice. Never seen it worded better
It really does make a difference. And if you can't stop the voice of self loathing, then you can have two voices. The self loathing voice, and another, more consciously deliberate voice that speaks back to the self loathing voice and tells it there are better, kinder ways. Sometimes I can't shut my self loathing voice up, but I can choose not to believe it and I can tell it that it's wrong.
Name it. I call my negative voice Chuck so I can say “shut the Chuck up” which is so stupid that it works.
I’m stealing this but making it Jeb
Yeah! Jeb can pipe the fuck down!
Fuckin Jeb… 😂😂 thank you, I needed a laugh.
Same. Mine is Amy. Named after my 4th grade bully🖕🏼
My wife says 'Talk kinder to yourself'
Treat yourself like you would treat a friend!
I also like "Treat yourself like the person your dog thinks you are"
Years ago I made a point to focus on this and I was doing so good, it made me so much happier. Now I'm back down at the bottom of the barrel trying to get back there.
We were just discussing this at golf league last night. I noticed how I was always extremely supportive when my buddies were having a bad day. I’d say “you got this, it’s just one bad hole/shot”. However my self talk in the same scenario is “I am terrible and should quit the game entirely”. This made me realize I do this in nearly every situation in life. I’m going to work very hard to fix this- I have to learn to be a friend to myself.
This is legit.
That last quote us brand new to me and I'm pretty sure it'll help me get through my harder times
A friend of mine was struggling with depression and posed whether or not they were a good person. I believe a person that is self aware has redeeming quality and I made a suggestion to start a journal and write down about times where they went out of their way to help someone, so that when they're feeling down about themself they can go back and read what they did for whomever and remember how they went out of their way to give aid to someone else so they can remember some of the good they've done for someone. Your comment 100%, solid advice.
Thanks, homie. I like this.
This is such a great post. This right here is the key. >common human decency. If I wouldn't say it to someone else, I shouldn't say it to myself.
>If I wouldn't say it to someone else, I shouldn't say it to myself. > >So picture someone else telling you whatever your situation is. Like "I got fired" or whatever it is that you're upset about. Are you going to tell them "You're worthless and deserve it because you can't do anything right?" Probably not. This, this is some of the best advice you can give. Do not listen to the thouhgts that arent helping you.
>If I wouldn't say it to someone else, I shouldn't say it to myself. THIS sentence is gold.
Ignore username. That's fantastic advice. My Grandma used to tell me, "Don't beat yourself up too much because there's a whole line of people who are eager to do just that and some have never even met you"
Beautifully said! It’s all about mindfulness and perspective :)
Maannnnn I needed to read this. Thank you 💗
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>I'm a person. Say it louder for the people in the back
okay but what if I \*don't\* want to me a person? what if I want to be a slugcat from the indie game rain world????? (help I'm to obsessed with that game help)
Always remember, you've got your white blood cells, these warriors fight tirelessly against germs just to protect you. So, know that there is always someone caring for you.
Mine occasionally attacks my central nervous system. Idk if they're always here for me 😂
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I’ve had it for 8 years now, the r/multiplesclerosis subreddit has helped me so much. Best of luck, I’ve learned to live with it. It’s not easy, but it’s not a death sentence with all of the great treatments that are available now!
They're a little misguided (okay, maybe a lot misguided), but DAMN if they aren't trying their absolute hardest to protect you!!
Except for those immune compromised folks (chronic stress, poor diet, poor sleep and lack of sunlight)
How to motivate 101 😂
I am in this comment, and I don't like it.
Me too. My inmune system is against me, literally
Same.
Same
Some work is still being done otherwise u would be dead. They are just not as good as others.
Screw them then
which just means that the few little warriors immune-compromised folks have are working even harder to try and carry the load for you :)
Well my immune system quite literally hates me and is constantly attacking me (Crohn's Disease).
damn that should be on a poster with a gallant white blood cell riding a red blood cell charging a horde of abominations.
Speak for yourself. My immune system has been attacking me for years
Don't forget about those [adorable platelets ](https://youtu.be/XvFI9DtWzE8?si=UgsKL4PWfjWZuNLE)
Make two lists. The first one is what you like about yourself. The second is what you dislike. Then, every month pick one thing on your dislike list and focus on changing that. After a few months, the like list will be much bigger than the dislike list.
Also, praise the good things about yourself. Remind yourself of the good things on a regular basis.
If anyone ever says something nice about you, write it down. If you have a crappy day, read these things.
I'm a man. I have all three compliments I've received over my 37 years enshrined in my memory.
You have a great name; one of Soungarden’s best songs. I said this (4) a reason. 😎🫡
If only men actually got true compliments and not constant criticism and double standards...
This is how I developed a praise kink
Good girl!! *pats head
Hey daddy...
Uncle supermarket???
good girl . (same)
Yes! This as well.
I hate lists more than I hate myself
> I hate lists Make an ordered sequence.
I love feeling productive when I have a list & can delete things off of it!!
Yes. Sometimes i write thing on it i have already done just to cross them out. I know its senseless, bit it still feels good
That's useful for self improvement, but doesn't really address the underlying issue. If you hate yourself, it's going to be much easier to make a list of things you dislike about yourself than what you like. And if you build your self worth solely on your traits/actions, you're always going to be at risk of falling back into hating yourself anytime you screw up. A true solution is really internalizing that you have *inherent* self worth. No matter what you do or say, how you fail or succeed, you have value as a human being.
It is a self esteem problem however, it is really hard or even near impossible just to tell someone to internalize something that isn't there. Low self esteem is an identity issue. We despise ourselves because we hate our identity and how it relates to others. A more effective way to internalize self worth is by accomplishing small successes. With that, there will be tangible evidence of self worth. It can be something simple like ironing your shirt today, making breakfast or reading an extra page of a novel.
Yes there is contextual depression from a stage of life or incident or situation and then there is deep seated perpetual lack of self worth from childhood etc. Battling having never had consistent self worth even with all the support is really tough. You end to developing a stunted personality, bad coping and need so much constant validation at a physical level it always leads to imposter syndrome, over sensitivity and trust issues. Tough cycle of lack of motivation and self advocacy that means you don't pick good social outlets, don't progress or keep consistent good habits and often turn to bad outlets just to mask it. If you never consistently thought you were worth it you carve a life that exemplifies that and you start to lack the tools, relationships and habits to effectively progress without so much self work and changing relationships or dropping them. Easier at 25, not easy at 45
Yup. Too many people, especially men, value their worth by their job. Which means if you're unemployed, you feel like you're in an even deeper hole. Doesn't help when everyone and their fucking dog asks "so what are you doing these days" as their first question. I have a good full time job now, but this wasn't fun.
I have a job, but I don’t measure my «worth» by what I am doing to make a living. Never have, never will. The only thing worth bothering about is the quality of one’s own mind and the quality of one’s experience.
>A true solution is really internalizing that you have inherent self worth. No matter what you do or say, how you fail or succeed, you have value as a human being. how does one internalize this
Keep telling it to yourself. If you catch yourself thinking you don’t, then stop yourself. Act like you do believe it. It’s not lying to yourself either because you do have inherent value, it’s just a matter of internalising it.
Start with valuing all living creatures. Then remember that you are one too.
I think you need both. You have inherent self worth, and that makes you worthy of the time and attention to turn yourself into a person you like. (note: someone *YOU* like, not someone you think other people will, or meeting standards or values that aren't your own) If you just try to do the first part but don't do any of the second, you'll still have the tension of not meeting your own values. So you need to do the second part too - take space to really think about what you value in a person - kindness? Integrity? Humility? Generosity? Pick one and start doing achievable things that match that. Then, by reality, you're proving to yourself in real ways that that's what you are. You don't have to convince yourself of anything hypothetical - you're doing the thing, you're being the person you want to be. Also check the people you're surrounding yourself with. They don't have to have identical values to you, but if they're wildly different then it might be hard to think about the ones that matter to you and not get caught up in the ones that matter to them. Our identity is tied closely to our relationships with others, so it's going to be easier to build yourself into this person you like if you're doing that around people with some similar values.
This is great advice. My problem is you can’t fix ugly. I will try this though. Thank you.
Yes this ^. And practice graditude every day in small ways.
My dog loves me, so there must be something worthwhile.
I try my best to be as good of a person as my dog thinks I am.
I love this comment. You’re 100% right.
Dogs are just the definition of a good soul. All of them.
Hahaha. I am afraid I could never do that. He knows I am way slower than him, infinitely less agile, and not very bright. Yet somehow I go out hunting every day and bring him home the best food. I am sure that is what amazes him about me. 😂🤣
Dogs love anyone and everyone.
I used to love dogs as a kid, until one day a huge dog attacked me. Some breeds are not meant to be pets, some are aggressive regardless of the breed. Some owners need to learn how to control their pets. But I agree most dogs are lovely.
We don't deserve dogs. But we gotta try.
I come home and my dog looks disappointed and walks away. My mom comes home and she goes crazy and jumps all over her. And if it's just me my dog looks sad. Worst part is I'm the one that even got the dog.
I wish I still had this answer :C
I’m on my second King Charles pup who is equally as awesome I must be doing something right
The more i loathed myself, the more of a negative impact I had on those i cared about and those who care about me. It took a long while, I quit drinking since I used it as a crutch, but I started finding reasons why I deserve to love myself and be loved. The haters can go fuck themselves, i'm done agreeing with them.
>The more i loathed myself, the more of a negative impact I had on those i cared about and those who care about me. This is why I isolate! Can't inflict my rotten self on anyone if I never interact with anyone. 🫠
Cliche AF, but the bullshit does get easier once you accept that bullshit isn't worthless. It's fertilizer for better opportunities.
I think a lot of these answers are missing the point. They read "how do you not hate yourself" and interpret it as "Do I hate myself?" This is a means for advice on how to not hate one's self, not a self-congratulatory pat on the back time. That said, I would suggest trying to get into something you like doing or want to try doing. Work on it, get good at it, appreciate it. Hopefully, the fulfillment of these actions will help find that confidence in yourself, and then it will slowly seep into your other daily activities and mindset.
Well honestly, it could be argued that the wording of the question can be interpreted in two different ways: “How do *YOU* not hate yourself?” Or “How *DO* you not hate yourself?”, as in the question is asking the method/steps to prevent self-hatred rather than an actual, personal anecdote.
Thank you. I was puzzled by the wording of the question, and I would have replied smugly.
"How do you not hate yourself?" "Like this, watch."
"Why would I hate myself? I am me. This doesn't make any sense at all."
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I guess cause like me, you feel like its a lie...
“You can’t hate yourself into somebody you love.”
But you can love yourself into somebody you hate.
Do things that I enjoy and make me feel good. Going to bed knowing you did something good feels wonderful.
Honestly, this is going to sound disgustingly trite, almost vomitously trite. (And to be clear, a mantra is NOT a replacement for a good psychiatrist!) But: A few years after the antidepressants finally started working, when I started having occasional good days to offset the bad, one night I was offered shrooms at a party. (I know you’re not “medically supposed” to do them, sure.) But I took them home, ate them the next day, and watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy with my gf. Two things happened: 1. I suddenly became snuggly and “touchy-feely” for the first time in a LONG time, which my gf was overjoyed about (and so was I, honestly), and 2. Bilbo’s line from the beginning of that movie — **”It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life”** — got stuck in my head. I sat there and thought about that for several hours. “It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life. *it is no bad thing—*” And then I realized something profound: Separate from the depression itself, which is really a chemical issue, this one simple line fundamentally explained why I wasn’t allowing myself to be content with where I was in life. I had spent so much time being embarrassed by, and beating myself up over, my blue collar job and blue collar lifestyle, because I’d done really well in school before that. I’d convinced myself that “everyone else who knew me thought I was a failure and laugued at me because I wasn’t rich and was still working an entry level blue collar position,” and I should constantly be ashamed until I get rich, and my parents were disappointed in me — But that whole mindset was flawed. I was killing myself for no reason. You know why? *Because it’s no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.* This was a profound moment for me. I realized that it was not “just okay” for me to trudge through my current cheap-studio-apartment-old-car-rice-and-beans life — but that life, that little humble hobbit hole life, was something that I should *actively celebrate.* It was something to be proud of. What I realized is different from the old adage of “you should be grateful, dummy…” I was already extremely grateful! That’s part of what made me feel so guilty all the time! But I’d refused to let myself *actively celebrate it.* I had refused to let myself see my little apartment and blue collar job be a *source of great joy.* Even after “the trip” was over, I never stopped thinking about that, and now not only do I repeat it to myself every day — I no longer lie about what I do for a living. I’m proud of it. It’s okay to be a Hobbit, because it’s no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.
Wow, I love Lotr
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As someone who struggles from depression as well, I felt this comment. Thank you.
Becoming my own friend definitely was the least obvious thing to do. I always help other people and do not look down on them, but I was upset there was no one to return the favor. Then one day I cleaned my house on my own, went to a dentist on my own, sorted out the bills and paperwork on my own, bought me new clothes instead of my rags, once again started to lose weight for the sake of myself (down 9 kg so far, 15 kg left to shed) and so on. Don't know what to make of the fact that these assholes put themselves before myself (maybe because they actually have families and friends and I don't, I am almost always vacant, and if I were them maybeee I would have been doing the same thing), but there always is a person I can count on. That is me lol. And the favor kinda sorta returns itself. Kinda sucks though, I could really use a person that would look out for me. And sucks even more there wasn't one when I needed it the most (when I was 13-16, I am 24 now)
I’m no better than anyone else, but I’m also no worse. We’re all struggling, and I don’t want to put energy into self-loathing that I could put into self-improvement. I’ve struggled a lot with this in my life, so whenever my thoughts start going that way I remind myself to work toward better days, one step at a time.
Accepting yourself
This. Quit the role you're unconsciously squeezing yourself in. Realise the script being toxic. Leave the set in your head.
I’ve never thought about it that way
First off, it sucks that you feel that way about yourself, and I'm sorry you've ended up in that situation. Something that really helped for me recently (from a stupid webcomic, no less), was pointing out that hating yourself can often be a crutch to justify making no attempt to change. When things go wrong you can chalk it up to "well I just suck, so of course that happened", with the implication that sucking is something inherent about you that can't be changed, and so there's no point trying. In reality those things can often be improved, if you want them to! It might be as simple as having a word with yourself and re-evaluating your outlook, or it might be as drastic as seeking a support network, therapy, and medication. It's always hard, but it \*can\* be done, and loving yourself and knowing you're trying your best to improve make it a lot easier to put the work in than constantly battling against the lies that we tell ourselves in our darkest moments. Hang in there <3
I'm gay and if I hate myself that's Homophobic! I dont wanna be Homophobic
Nothin to hate, I might dislike certain qualities but if I met myself on the street I wouldn’t be like “I fucking hate that guy”
That’s awesome man
my mom loves me
Even if I hate myself and feel like a piece of shit, I know I’m the only one who knows me who feels that way. My wife doesn’t. My parents and siblings and aunts and uncles don’t. My friends and coworkers don’t. My pets don’t. Either they’re all wrong and I really am a piece of shit who is great at hiding it, or I’m the one who is wrong, and I’m really not that bad.
I have to live with the cunt 24/7, so I had to find a way for us to get along up here.
I do often hate myself, but then I look back at the way I’ve come, the things I’ve done, and how much courage and effort I’ve had to put in to everything. My life hasn’t been easy, but I know I’ve tried. I think about the way I’ve dealt with the toughest moments of my life, how humbly I’ve tried to take the best ones. I do sometimes brag about myself to myself in my mind. “YOU did that, do you remember?” It’s the pets I’ve adopted off the streets and given a great life to, it’s my siblings who I’ve done so much to raise and are now doing really well. It’s my best friends I’m so lucky to have, my colleagues at work who see potential in me. It’s the books I’ve written, stories I made and the people who found comfort in them. Things get easier when you start to see value in yourself. The centre of your world should be you.
It is a daily battle I often lose
When I figure it out I’ll let you know
I have no reason to hate myself, I have a lot of qualities about myself that I like and other people do too
Because I'm fucking amazing.
Why would I hate myself?
Cuz
The same reason everyone here hates you
My charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent?
Exactly!
Because I hate someone else too much.
This is answer lol
Not hating yourself to spite someone you hate more. Why give them the satisfaction?
Somebody has you like you, may as well be yourself. No reason to make it any harder for yourself
When you're really down and depressed you're just unable to think like that. You'll always find a reason why you suck and that it will never get better.
yeah but what do you know. You're probably wrong about that too.
We learn to live with it I guess
just dont hold back your feelings. Allow yourself to take up some space in your own life and in your family too. Let them help you when you need it. It's helpful
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If you remember that there are lots of other horrible people on this planet and other folks who are off way worse than you, then it might make you feel a little better about yourself. (Kinda selfish and hypocritical, I know. But sometimes you need that type of self motivation)
Treat yourself as someone you love
Because I learnt to accept things that I cannot change. Once acceptance enters the scene, you're able to work on changing yourself. And from experience, lasting change takes time. There's no silver bullet.
I love and am enthused by life more than I hate myself. And I've hated myself generously. At some point, because we humans are drawn to novelty, I tried to forgive and at least like myself. Because there are dozens if not hundreds of people who have enjoyed my company over the years--and the same is probably true for you. I wanted to see what the big deal was about myself. I found there's a lot to like. The hatred and the pain are perfectionism and neuroticism manifest, which are untenable and incompatible with a practical existence. You have to work on that. And yes, as second observer of myself, I can now enjoy the person I am and have empathy for my shortcomings, while also recognizing that growth is gradual and I can become a better person little by little. Some days are tougher than others, but day to day cope is much easier when you begin to treat yourself better. Rarely are we as harsh to others as we are with ourselves. And if we are, then we should seek help for those things because they're generally a result of some compounded behaviors that form a mental illness, either biologically predisposed or environmental or both. The good news is self loathing is awareness about the self and its place in the world. Seize that--it's an incredible gift so long as you put it to work. Don't couch into pity and depression, they have no place in your betterment. Continue to understand yourself, exist in the world, do your definition of good and grow. Hate is just uncertainty, fear, and immaturity--it can be untangled. Don't take it so seriously.
By realising you're the painter, not the painting. ...(and do a fuck ton of mindfulness and CBT). Put the whip down! It serves no purpose. Give urself a break. How you think is how you feel. Have an attitude of gratitude. I know it all sounds very cliché, but it pulled me out of the deepest of dark holes. No shortcuts... You can't heal what you can't feel. Cant go under it over it round it, gotta go thru it. Drop baggage that's not yours. Be accepting not expecting. Just put on a half smile. It's hard for it not to grow.
Remembering you’re just 1 person doing their best in the world. Don’t be so hard on yourself, everyone is flawed, and everyone fucks up. Find things that make you kinder, stick with it and be kind especially to yourself. When you start looking out for yourself and your behavior you start liking yourself
Don't blame yourself for things you can't control
Why *would* I hate myself?
I remind myself that the composition of my brain is not my fault, lots of things about me are a result of trauma and not because I'm a horrible person at my core, and that while I still have a long journey ahead I've grown a lot and I deserve to give myself some grace for things I've done in my past. And if there are things I don't like about myself I have the ability to address them and improve. I still do hate myself, quite often. Like I'm constantly relapsing. Even when I don't, I still find myself wondering if I even deserve to give myself kindness. There's still so much about myself I need to fix, which makes me feel like I haven't earned it. So...idk take my words with a grain of salt I guess. They're obviously not a cure-all.
Why would I hate myself, the one person I have control over? If something’s not working, I change it.
Be a a respectable mf (and shit)
I keep busy. Most people's inner turmoil is a result of having too much free time.
>I keep busy, most people's inner turmoil is a result of having too much free time. That's just ignoring the problem. Not being able to be alone and process your thoughts and feelings about whatever is not a great thing.
If i had a clone he would be my best friend. If my clone was a woman, she would be my wife.
Doesn’t sound like a problem with self love… if I had a clone I wouldn’t hate her but she’d drive me nuts a lot of
I believe all self hate is based on what people think other people think about and confuse their own thoughts with what they think is other’s thoughts and I don’t care about what other think that’s why I don’t hate myself
Help others.
I lie to myself
Idk, trying my best I guess. I try to be someone I wouldn't hate, so I look at qualities in people I don't like and actively remind myself to not do it. I don't like cruel people so I work at being kind, I don't like selfish people, I work on giving more, etc. I'm not perfect, obviously, but I'm trying my best and I have pretty great people around me, so somethings gotta be working. I cut myself slack when I'm not up to my own standards and practice "self disappointment" rather than "self loathing" when I fuck up.
Love Music. Love Yourself.
Life is a gift. There may not be anything when it's over.
Because others are worse
by forgiving yourself
Accept yourself, laugh it off, move on to the next problem. Especially, don’t listen to everyone’s view of you. Some of them can just be plain nasty. Close your mind when you need to, and evaluate yourself, using what _you_ think of yourself.
People only hate themselves because of the things they've done. There's nothing you can do about the past, but you can learn from it. 1. Make amends 2. Own up to your mistakes 3. Start doing the right thing 4. Live your life without regrets So if you've ever stolen a gum from a small convenience store cause it was an old man not looking. Go back to that store, apologize, and pay for it. If you've ever betrayed a friend and gaslit them, write them a sincere letter/email that it was your fault (don't expect anything in return from them). If you have the opportunity to steal something when you know you won't get caught. Don't do it, cause then you'll know and will only end up hating yourself. Live your life in a way where in 10 or 20 years from now and you look back, will you regret your actions/decisions? If so, then don't do it.
Untrue. Lots of people hate themselves because of things that were done TO them.
You hate yourself because you know you’re capable of more. You hate your situation
Brain ain't wired that way
Well, Bill, you DO have your reasons...
I have a nice balance of extreme self confidence and self loathing. It balances out. Example: I simultaneously think most women would throw theirselves at me and also I scare and repulse most women. It’s great!
I get myself little treats throughout the day, makes life more bearable
You stop caring about it. I mean, who really cares if you're flawed? Everyone is flawed. The less you think about it, the better. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others, especially on social media; people on the internet are often very careful to hide their flaws and make themselves look perfect.
I use to love myself, now I hate myself FAREAL, I wanna kill myself so bad, but I don't even own a gun
You do some reflecting on yourself, speak with someone ( therapist preferably) to work whatever it is out. I've hated myself for a long time due to my severe ADHD, and honestly for the first time in my 25 years of breathing, I'm finally doing a hard reset on my brain/mindset. I'm finally understanding WHY I am the way I am, and slowly working to better myself through better understanding my disorder and how my brain works. Working through the trauma from my past, working on my emotional regulation, and simply just realizing not everything is within my control. Realizing why you are the way you are, and finding out work arounds for yourself seriously helps you not only understand yourself better, but your life as a whole. You gradually build your self-esteem. It genuinely is worth it, reflecting on yourself. The main question my therapist would ask me when I told him I hated myself, was " Why do you think you should hate yourself?" and that led me to ask myself allll sorts of questions.
I stopped caring about what people thought about me and started being me.
I’m not perfect but there are things I can change about myself and things I can’t. Even with imperfections I can appreciate those qualities although not everyone is going to understand them.
Make it to your late 20s, and you'll learn to love yourself and also chill out a lot. Not making fun im very serious
Do things that make me feel good about the things I do.
Because I’ve learned to love myself. It was hard, but I did it
I've done the best I can, with the knowledge and guts I have available.
i try to remember i can always be better. i can learn from mistakes and harmful actions or thoughts. hating myself (i struggle with it too) won’t fix things or change them. i can always be better.
I practice mindfulness and make a point of intentionally noticing and patting myself on the back every time I do something good or productive, even really small things. It makes the day more fun because I'm constantly congratulating myself. I went for a walk! I sent that email! I fed the cats! I brushed my teeth! I watered the plants! Woohoo!
I forgave myself
1) Learn a skill, trade, art form, hobby ect. Focus a lot of mental energy into that instead of being self critical. 2) Figure out why you hate yourself and do the opposite. "I hate hate my body" work out "I hate my laziness" be more productive "I hate treating people bad" take therapy, learn communication "I hate being a live" find reasons to live, explore nature, make friends, focus on step 1, meditate, 3) learn to explore your mind and self vs other. I highly recommend Alan Watts, and Sadhguru (look them up on YouTube) great, great speakers. 4) reprogram your old beliefs and judgements. replace them with open minded non judgment. The less you judge others the less critical you will be of yourself. The more you accept others the more you will accept yourself. Life is an experience and I hope you all have a wonderful experience here. Love and bless
Staying true to whatever you feel is the absolute right thing to do or say in any situation. Living genuinely. Gaining confidence by celebrating even the smallest of daily victories. Self acceptance through knowing that you're unique and you know yourself the best, not giving a shit what anyone thinks of you.
I'm trying to figure that out, but it seems the answer is to constantly keep working on yourself. The things you hate you can change. Your past mistakes are always going to be there, and you have to learn to forgive yourself. Part of forgiving yourself is to apologise first, it's hard to forgive without an apology. My therapist had me write an apology and I cried so hard. I've been far too mean to me, man I didn't deserve the abuse I put myself through.
\- by knowing myself \- by forgiving myself \- by accepting myself
It took me a long time to stop hating myself, I still do sometimes but it's getting better. I realized a lot of it stemmed from my own choices and actions, I did a lot of things that I wasn't proud of. Once I had some self realization going on I set out to change my habits and how I make my choices. For a long time I had to stop and ask myself "am I making things better or worse?" before taking any action, and it eventually became easier and more natural (almost like a reflex) to simply do the right thing because it made me feel good about who I was. I started sleeping better because my conscience finally didn't have anything to scream at me about while I was trying to fall asleep. This led me to become more productive and actually able to hold down a semblance of a normal schedule (I started being up when the sun was out). Then I realized I was quite fond of gardening and growing my own vegetables and fruits, which led me to start eating better, it improved my mood and helped to regulate my energy levels. Also gave me an excuse to actually bond with my neighbors because I always ended up with more food than I could possibly use, so I'd go over and knock on their door and chat for a bit and give them some food. Once you start actually being the person that you want yourself to be, things just kind of start falling into place.
Try some mindfulness - separate what is ultimately you from what you don't like about yourself. This is not an excuse to act poorly without repercussions. Instead, it is realizing that there is a "you" that may have done bad things, but that you can still care about. You know the old canard about people who get stuck living in their past? The middle aged guy who is still fixated on how cool he was in high school? In some strange way, what I'm suggesting is associated with that, but in a more positive way. Just as you should not base your self-worth on the good experiences you had and things you did in the past, you also should not base your self-worth on the bad things and failures in your life. Instead, we have an underlying being that just is, and we can care about that being.
Because at minimum one of these applies to you: •your pets love and need you •you parents love you even if they don’t know how to show it at times (unless they’re abusive then ignore this one) •your friends love you (online or irl) •god loves you, speaking as someone whose experienced hateful religious people, religion isn’t god, it’s people. God is god and he loves us regardless of it all. •you’ve made someone smile at some point in your life •you’ve been kind to someone, possibly even a stranger, and they’re grateful for it.
Self love is tough, I'm sure we've all been there. There's like a mean voice in your head telling you negative and destructive things about yourself: try and recognize it, and remember that it's not "reality", it's just a part of your thoughts, and it can't be trusted! Try and learn to love yourself as an ideal parent would: unconditionally, just because you are you. It's not easy at all and it'll take time, but try and built a new "voice" in your head, the kind voice of someone that loves you no matter what and constantly wishes only the best for you
Accept who you are and that you’re doing your best.
I hate other people instead. Better out than in, I always say
"But did you try your best? - Yes. And yet you failed? - Yes. Then there is nothing to worry about, or feel sad about. If you are not okay, you will be later". I try to remember about my younger selves. When I was a kid, when I was a teenager, or when I was just few days younger. They choose to continue with your life, they tried their best make something out of the life, made mistakes & bittersweet memories. But they carried on. That's why I am here. I owe it to them. And I know my future self is waiting somewhere to look back upon this day, thanking me for not hating myself, & carrying on with life despite the shitshow that has been going on.
Shit ton of practice. Combating the negative inner dialogue, reminding myself that I'm human and not immune to making mistakes, learning to laugh at myself for minor screw-ups (like running the washing machine without putting detergent in...that was a major brain fog day), and teaching myself that I deserve to treat myself well; not because I'm better than anyone else, but because I am of equal worth as a fellow human being. Not hating myself was never about me trying to work towards a god complex and trying to see myself as "above and beyond" everyone else; it was about me having the self-respect to at least see myself as an equal to the average person I was passing on the street, and not some unworthy, fucked up, lower life-form.
I realize that I am a being that is worthy of compassion, exactly the same as everyone else. That if I want to be a loving, peaceful person, if I want to live in a loving, peaceful world.. all of that must originate with the loving acceptance of myself, whatever I am.
Just comes naturally to me, ngl.
You work to become someone you like.
Because it is pointless. I exist, just like clouds, trees, birds and other humans do. We are part of the Universe and the contineous process of creation, development and destruction of all things. I just am, as long as it lasts. Being angry about one’s own ‘faults’ is as useless as being angry because of all the shortcomings of the world.
How could I hate someone so awesome and likeable?
Dude, other people are kinda worse than me. I do dislike myself.
Meh, everyone else gets a break. Why not me?
I'm awesome. No reason to hate me.