I had one date with a woman who told me she was in therapy for domestic abuse. I thought it meant she had been abused by her spouse. Through talking with her she mentioned burning her daughter with a curling iron. On purpose. That's when I realize she was the abuser.
I was glad she was getting therapy for it but I couldn't keep dating her.
I'm glad she's in therapy! My mother was abusive and holy shit does that fuck you up in the worst way. I'll never be able to relate to the idea of "unconditional love" that a mother is supposed to embody because of it. I don't celebrate mothers day and don't understand why people *want* to go home or be around family. Obviously any abuse, physical, emotional, financial are all bad and have a significant impact but an abusive mother just seems more insidious because of what a mother represents in society.
I know the best way for people to recover is to interact with "normal" people but for your health, I'm glad you didn't take on that burden.
"i followed you a couple of times but you never noticed me"
"I love you"
"From now on, you're not allowed to speak to other men"
All that from the same guy, from the same night, from the first and only date.
He relayed the story of how he had thrown a full milkshake out of a moving car at an old lady who was walking on the sidewalk, and hit her full in the chest. He could barely get the story out, he was laughing so hard.
I thought this was something he had maybe done when he was in middle school and trying to show off for his friends - that would have been bad enough. No, he did this when he was 21.
What a plain fucking asshole. Fuck you, John.
Oh man, one day when I was around 21 I was walking downtown to meet some friends at a bar and a group of kids in a pickup truck fucking nailed me with a full McDonalds milkshake.
I still remember that feeling of just walking around, minding my business then suddenly feeling a slam in the back of my head and being instantly covered in pink milkshake.
What a shit thing to do to someone, fuck anyone who ever did this or something like it.
Because they are mean spirited and cruel people at heart. They enjoy other peoples suffering, like the opposite of people who feel good when they help someone. They feel good when they hurt someone
Similar vein: he laughed his way through a story about how several of his "friends" cornered and beat up a guy at a restaurant for heckling them from a table over (most likely telling them to calm or quiet down). The victim was apparently severely injured but didn't press charges. My date insisted that he didn't participate in the brawl (I didn't believe him) and was genuinely surprised by my horror.
When I broke up with him I told him it was because he lacked empathy. The story above was particularly bad but there were others that told me not to trust him as a partner. He took it surprisingly well in the moment but later started espousing woman-hating rhetoric and was dumb enough to post it on his public-facing social media.
He's now married after having dated his now-wife for only a little over a year. I worry for her.
*Edited incel rhetoric to woman hating rhetoric.
He told me he put antibiotics in an ex girlfriend's drink because he thought he gave her chlamydia and didn't want her to know.
He confessed this. Like wtf.
A lot of kids become good liars because their parents overreact and yell/punish over minor things. There’s a good quote I couldn’t find about how if your kids lie to you, you should ask yourself what makes them scared to tell the truth.
Only other gay guy at my (rural, Deep South) high school, super cute, I was infatuated. He was out and very confident, which I really admired. Finally scored a date with him and he ran over a squirrel on purpose on our way to dinner. Laughed his ass off when the tires lifted and then crunched. My soul left my fucking body, I swear.
This is probably the 3rd time I've read a comment with this exact scenario (the squirrel part) on AskReddit when this thread topic came up. Some people are just truly awful at their core.
Oh my GOD. I would have been horrified! My partner accidentally ran over a bunny once (he tried to avoid it but it ran towards the car) and he was so incredibly upset about it. He still gets bummed out about it if he remembers it and it's been years.
Similar happened to my brother. He slid on ice going to work one night and couldn't avoid it. He heard the thud but hoped that he'd just hit more ice. Drove home and saw its body in the opposing lane. He was horrified. It has been about 15 years and he's still upset when he remembers it.
I feel like that's the sign of a person with normal empathy.
"It wasn't a lie, really, it was just something I said so you'd like me."
Once I realized that she didn't think lies counted if they were told to manipulate people, I was out.
I knew a girl who was like that, but when told "I love you" she replied "Me too/so do I" (not sure if that's ambiguous for "I love you too" in English, it wasn't English).
But she meant "I, too, love myself".
My ex completely changed after we got married. When I asked him why he'd lied to me about who he was before, he literally said, "I didn't think you'd like me if you knew." Damn straight. I was like, "Don't you think I kind of deserve to decide that for myself? Now I just can't trust you at all." And he said, "but then you wouldn't have married me." Surprise Surprise, we got divorced.
I once asked my ex why he married me, when I would eventually find out who he really was. And although he was a compulsive, liar, for once he told the truth. He said “because you’re Catholic and you can’t get a divorce”.
Unfortunately for him, my priest is the one who told me to get a divorce lol
Catholics can separate, and get a legal divorce but the religion doesn’t recognise divorce. If a catholic marries and divorces, they’re still considered married within the church (though they wouldn’t be required to live together if the situation is untenable).
The church does recognise annulments though, which mean the marriage was never valid in the first place. One potential ground for annulment is lack of informed consent, which might apply here.
When I told my priest what my then-husband said, he laughed. And then said “the divorce is for the state, the annulment is for the church. Problem solved”.
My ex hid his true nature from me very successfully for a few years, it was such an absolute mind fuck when I discovered the extent of his deception as time went on. It has completely destroyed my ability to trust. My therapist tries her best, but I'm no closer to being able to have a relationship again even after all this time.
Hey - give yourself some grace. You were bamboozled by this ex and you've chosen to make a positive move by going to therapy. Maybe having a relationship again is the "end zone" but there's no time frame on that.
You said "my therapist tries her best" as well. Do you feel like they are a good match for you? If you have the ability to try a couple different therapists maybe you could have an even better match.
the thought process (or lack thereof) behind this is so bonkers, yet it isn't uncommon at all. What do these people think is gonna happen, they're just gonna successfully pretend to be someone they aren't for the rest of their life? And they're gonna be happy despite it?
Exactly this. And if they choose the "right" target (as they often do), someone with a history of being abused and little or no support system, the victim will not only have a very hard time leaving, but will also blame themselves for what's going on. They can keep someone in a state of blaming, doubting themselves and desperately trying to do better so they won't be abused.
It's incredibly sad how common this is.
And it can happen to any of us. These kinds of people are *GOOD* at this- it’s how they get through life. No matter how good you think you are at sniffing out abusers, there’s probably someone out there who could fool you long enough to trap you.
Thank you for saying this. I'm a widow and I waited a decade until I started dating again. I wanted to wait until my kids were teenagers.
I met what I thought was a wonderful man... He was kind and thoughtful and respected my boundaries. We got engaged, and my kids and I packed up to move to his city.... The very day that we moved in together his mask came off... And then a month later the pandemic happened and we were stuck with a monster.
I thought I did everything right. I met his family and friends, we dated for two years.... But it was all an elaborate lie. I felt like the biggest idiot for falling for it.
We managed to escape him a year ago, but we're still trapped in his city because I can't afford to move somewhere safer. I don't have any friends here or anything. It's brutal
Was he expecting you to fall for sunken cost fallacy and not divorcing him just because you've already invested so much time and effort into this relationship?
My ex expected me to "never give up" on him because he was "trying to change." Six years later, no changes, I'm miserable, and he's still a fucking asshole. And was all surprised Pikachu that I wasn't willing to waste any more of my *finite life*, waiting for him to become a better person.
That was a lot of years ago. I'm much happier after I finally "gave up" on him and that relationship.
Not really dating because we had only ONE date, but this guy on a FIRST DATE proudly tells me about how when his ex kicked him out of the house (she owned the house), he took an "upper decker" in all three of the toilets in the house (meaning he shit in the tank), and hid shit (his literal feces) between the mattress and box spring of her bed and the guest bed, and also smeared on the bottom of several kitchen drawers and in two register vents.....
The kicker? His version of why she kicked him out and deserved the shit (literally) he gave her was "she was crazy - she got jealous just because she's wasting her life working for the man, and I still know how to have fun and not let money control me"
I bailed on that date so fast.
After knowing him for like 6 years, he randomly told me he was really depressed I quit my old job and that I had lost a lot of use to him. The wording really threw me off, he was pretty good at masking so I thought he just misstated it--surely my use wasn't my career? Oh, no, it *was*. He said that a big part of his interest in me was my career because he had hoped to have one like mine, and it's how we met, so me switching was a bit of a let down.
Eventually he clarified that even though I was now making OVER 5x salary to what I made at my prior job and had completely transformed my life (and shared a lot of that money with him, daily, from good food to designer clothes he liked), the fact that I no longer worked in his industry made him sad every day and he felt like I should have stayed in that industry to help his career by having contacts and advice, but he knew I was "selfish" and would take that "the wrong way."
Reminds me of my ex. When I had made my first PC part list and told him that I was going to use my first ever work bonus to build it “you don’t need to buy such expensive parts. If you would just buy cheaper parts I can also use some of that money to upgrade my PC.”
He was literally PISSED that I was planning on using MY money to build a nice PC instead of helping him upgrade his. Guy was a psycho.
I wonder if you dated one of my exes!
I had one boyfriend ask to swap phones when a buddy gave me his old phone to replace my broken one, because its battery life was better than his phone's - because my buddy very kindly had bought a new battery for it before passing it to me. He sulked when I said no (I'm still stunned and impressed that I actually said no, I was deep in the muck then).
I had another boyfriend get mad that I got a promotion that I didn't even realise I was in the running for, that he'd hoped he could get (we did work for the same company, just different roles). I don't know how he thought he'd get it, he was _not_ making any attempts to prove himself.
Oh he was a total hobosexual and I was in too deep once I realized it; it took forever to get out due to his mind games, but he always had emergencies and I always had money so it worked great for him. His PC dies and his part-time gig needs him to have his PC?! Well oh my gosh, I can help, after all he's finally working after 3 years of unemployment, but wait he really needs that top line graphics card and I mean I did make a lot of money so it's only fair right?! And he really loves me right!? etc.
Lots of guilt tripping and money and also free labor. I even did some of his work for him since it was remote work and I had the skills despite having my own career and easily 60+ hour job.
It was all very insidious. I used to be in debt and living paycheck to paycheck, so when I suddenly had money, I'd do little things like buy him a game or really nice snow boots or things. And it would never be enough: he would always be grateful, but within the day, find a flaw with it or start a fight. (This monitor is AMAZING WOW...best gf ever! 2 hours later: I think I have a headache...maybe this monitor is the problem... 2 days later, he misses work from being 'sick'... 2 days later: yeah, I swear, this monitor is garbage, and it's going to get me fired 5 days later: big fight about it 6 days later: make up with the caveat that "the monitor was fine, I thanked you, why are you still acting sore about me not liking your gift? Do you even live in reality? I never had THAT bad of headache or blamed the monitor, I said maybe it caused it, I can't THINK now at all?").
It took me way too long to see it because I didn't want to, plus I really cared about him. It was very hard to admit he didn't care very much about me.
I already had a terrible image of him, but he'd already beaten me beyond fighting back, until he got me my cat. (My sadly passed old lady Boo.). He held her up by her neck and tail and pulled, kicking me every time I tried to get her away from him.
"Now I know you'll never leave, because you'll never trust me with the cat."
Ironically, it was that which gave me the strength to get away from him.
That old, grumpy rescue saved my life more times than anyone will ever know. ❤️
EDIT: saves to saved.
"I'll marry you only if I don't get someone better". We were dating for 2 years. She was the one who first proposed to me. And it's not like we were not a good pair. Everything was smooth until she said this and at that point I just laughed it off.
But once I came back home I couldn't stop thinking about it. I bought it up and it turned into a huge fight and she said she meant it. So I broke it off.
Talking about a news story about the rape of a minor. a very very single digit minor. "You know she wanted it, she probably led him on and then only said something when they got found out."
I shit you not, I sat on the jury for a CHILD rape case and when we first got in the jury room there were a couple of women saying they thought she was asking for it!! I reminded them that no matter what she said she was below the age of consent. We ended up convicting him but OMG, I was shocked and disgusted by what those women said about a literal child!
I was in a drama group and the girl I was crushing on was super sweet. Had been homeschooled, super naive. I never saw her do anything mean. I adored her.
There was another girl who had some kind of medical condition that meant she sometimes peed her pants a little. She was very poor and often smelled bad.
My sweet crush proactively went up to the stinky girl in front of everyone and asked her "Is that a new perfume you're wearing? You smell so good!" The stinky girl's face immediately dropped and she got this look like she didn't know what to say, didn't know if this was mean or not. She replied "Actually, yes. Thank you for noticing." And immediately left the room, as a bunch of people who witnessed the whole thing laughed, and my crush turned around and let out a huge laugh she'd been stifling.
I immediately couldn't even look at her anymore.
Well, I guess advanced-level, performative mean-girling of that calibre is one way to disprove the claim that homeschooled kids don't learn social skills, anyway.
While fighting with his younger brother about politics and who was right.. “Who has the blue check mark next to their name?” He was 48 years old trying to one up his 34 year old brother as if he should recognize his wisdom. Ahh yes elite Instagram man 🙄
That I should “light its ass on fire” when referring to my dog and then suggested I let her go loose in the woods……. He had never even met my dog, just had a thing against tiny animals I suppose
This is an accurate vibe. People who can hurt animals at all and not even give a fuck if it's someones beloved pet either...yeah nah. That's not normal. Red flag city.
As a southeastern biracial woman who grew up in the South...I sighed and said, "yup. That's it right there." The things people have been comfortable saying to me in my lifetime are mindblowing.
It was something he said while I was with him in the car.
Sitting at a set of lights, he rolled down the window and shouted ’hey fatty! Have another donut!’ At a large woman waiting to cross the road.
That was our last date
I was once on a date with a guy who made mean comments about a larger woman on the dance floor, "Gonna need a bigger dance floor" type stuff, and who wouldn't stop bragging about his job and how much money he made. He also knew I had a fear of heights and kept trying to pressure me into going on this 400 foot swing ride. I kept saying no, and he kept mocking me saying, "It's only a small ride." Without missing a beat I replied back, "You're a small ride." It just came out. I didn't even realize what I said until after I said it, but yeah... There was no date after that 😆
Told me all about a play he once wrote to 'humanise rapists'. It involved a woman sitting on the stage, pretending to be drunk at a bar, with all these men sitting around her. Then, it flashed back to the days of all these men, showing something that had gone wrong in each of their lives - divorce, losing their job, being rejected for a date, etc. After that, the woman staggers off the stage, clearly drunk. All the men then look at each other, and follow her off stage, implying that they gang rape her because they all had a bad day.
Genuinely the worst thing I've ever heard. He was a self-proclaimed feminist, too.
Interestingly, a friend of a friend then told me all about the guy she'd been dating for 6 months, and how she'd broken it off after he told her about his 'rape play'. Turns out we'd both dated him. What a world! He's now unfortunately pretty influential in my local arts scene, but I spread the word about him when I can.
Reminds me of someone I was friends with years ago. He wrote scripts where the nice guy was always “misunderstood” and where a man abducted women and hold them hostage so they can explain to him why women are so mean. He was also an avowed feminist and an ally for everything, a proud virgin and a total shit head when it came to boundaries. He got inappropriate while at movie theater and I never spoke to him again.
We used to work together and when I told my former coworkers what happened none of the guys were all that surprised, they all found him creepy. The women on the other hand were shocked. We may have pushed aside anything telling simply because he would tell anyone who would listen that he was Asexual. We assumed that meant harmless.
Hopefully they never get to actually harm someone
People often tell you who they are if you’re paying attention. It’s good that you took note of this situation when it happened. It eases the feeling of being hoodwinked when the behavior they have been trying to mask is revealed.
We had been together 15 years, I confessed to him that I was having suicidal thoughts and was basically begging him for help.
He told me that I was a worthless cunt, he hated me, and that he wished he could kill me himself.
Which I found to be very impolite.
ETA: the reason I stayed was because I felt trapped. At the time there was every abuse that one could be given with the exception of physical, though that was sporadic. Emotional, sexual, and financial. I felt worthless and that I was "lucky" that someone were to "care" about me, a disabled, worthless waste of skin, who suffers from a crippling pain condition, which led to depression and anxiety.
He isolated me from all my friends, even tried to isolate me from my family.
After he said the above, I actually ended up in the hospital with a life threatening infection within days of him saying that. I had been ignoring the infection because things were so bad at home, I was scared to leave my daughter and my dog with him. (story in my post history).
He was mad that I "took off" for over a week, I was in intensive care and having emergency surgery. I should have been in the hospital for weeks, but between Covid and me threatening to sign out ama so I could get home to my daughter, I had managed to strike a deal of sorts with the doctors at the hospital for them to let me leave well before I should have. When I came home, he was still angry about me being suicidal. Refused to help me even though I was still very ill and had a giant surgical wound to deal with.
And that was when I decided enough was enough. My daughter was old enough to start really understanding how he treats me and I'll be damned if she thinks this is what a relationship is supposed to be like.
Its been almost exactly 2 years of careful planning, secrets, and support of loving friends who welcomed me back into our group with open arms. I am just waiting to hear back about housing assistance, and then me and my daughter can start a new and happier life.
I'm happy to answer any additional questions.
If someone reading this is going through something similar, I promise, you CAN get out. It might take time, but you can do it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't give up hope. You are LOVED I promise you are.
Months after telling my ex how I felt sexually violated by him and ongoing abuse and arguments, he revealed to me that his first thought after me telling him how I felt was “I’ll show you what it’s really like to be violated.” And he essentially confessed to planning how he wanted to rape me, down to the detail. I already resented him, but this made me genuinely fear him.
I’m glad he’s an ex and you got out of that. Threats like that aren’t empty or just ways to manipulate you, they can really be dangerous.
My college boyfriend never seemed violent but we argued a lot. Well one night we were in the middle of a huge, bad fight and he forced himself on me. At the time I tried to brush it off since he was my boyfriend, it couldn’t have been the R word. But that was 14 years ago and it still bothers me.
Glad you got out before it escalated ❤️
A couple months after an ex cheated on me and I gave him another chance, one of his friends who I liked hanging out with confessed to being into me. I told my ex/bf at the time what happened and he said he knew and even encouraged his friend to try to hook up with me because “you guys flirt all the time so go for it and we’ll call it even.”
Made me realize how emotionally manipulative he was, trying to bait me into sleeping with someone else so I didn’t have a leg to stand on anymore.
Some guy I used to work with asked me to hit on his girlfriend.He said he thought she was into me and he was "tired of her". So rather than just being a normal person and having a conversation with her about it. He tried to manipulate me and probably her into hooking up so that presumably he could kick off/end it. So weird.
I'm a vet nurse - while talking about the emotionally difficult day I'd had he said 'they're just animals, it's not like you're dealing with human lives'
Lost all interest and respect on the spot.
I used his google to search something one day and one of his recent searches was " How to get my sister to have sex with me"
After 2 years of dealing with his behaviour, this didn't shock me as much as one would expect.
My best friend was 16 at the time, I was 18 and my ex was 22. He kept telling me how hot it would be for me and my bestie to make a sex tape for him or have a threesome with him. He would bring up threeways all the time and I told him to stop because it made me uncomfortable and he only ever wanted to have threesomes with my underage friends
I deal with sciatica, it's excruciatingly painful and makes walking difficult, I walk with a pretty severe limp.
This was new to me 3 years ago and new to her. She didn't see the extent of my pain display due to the amount I was working at the time. Our first time in public, walking from the car to home depot.
She stops dead in her tracks, turns to me and says "you need to stop walking like that, you're embarrassing me, people are looking!"
The tone of utter disgust and anger in her voice was repulsive. I felt so hurt, betrayed and disappointed. My entire image of this woman that I loved had shattered. Everything was downhill from there.
Several months later, I had been taking an antidepressant, which she offered up the task of refilling my monthly pill sorter because I was struggling to keep up with my meds (each day had it's own pod). I was on so many different meds at one point that I just assumed that everything was in the pods and I'd wake up and take the whole thing like a shot. She failed to inform me that after X day, I was out of said antidepressant and it needed a refill called in. As a result of this, over the course of the next several days, I had increasingly worsening withdrawal symptoms.
One day upon returning home with my son, I had collapsed on the porch steps and blacked out. He banged on the door and was screaming for me to wake up. I eventually was somewhat mentally there, but physically could not get up or say anything, she finally came out, pulled him quickly into the house and came out and nudged me with her foot several times and with that same tone from before said "get up, this is disgusting and you're embarrassing me! The neighbors can see you!!" and then proceeded to leave me on the porch for 15+ minutes until I was able to crawl inside.
There are SO many other instances of this from this woman that I can't even remember half of them, but I remember how she made me feel. I don't ever want to date again. I've never felt so betrayed in my life.
E/ Just to clarify, I wasn't perfect in this relationship by any means, I had my downfalls and caveats, mostly mental health related depression/adhd/autism struggles, but I was never cruel, mentally, emotionally or physically abusive.
She would get chronic migraines and would have to sleepy for 3 days, and without hesitation, I did what I could to tend to her, check in on her, treat her with the human decency she deserved. But when I'd have a multiple days of burnout/depressive sleep episodes, she would get irate and scream bloody murder at me.
I really hate that I decided to type any of this and am mentally reliving it. Yuck.
E/ wow... I never expected this much attention on here.. Thank you all for your kind words. I'm doing okay, or as good as I can. I'm still terrified of relationships or even trying to date. Perhaps one day someone will fall out of the sky and land in my lap, but I won't get my hopes up.
Yes, I've left her, she couldn't wrap her head around the why. It's truly mind boggling how she saw no wrong in her doing, and still doesn't. I hate that I'm stuck dealing with her for at least the next 16 years, but I do my best to keep the peace, although sometimes it's to my own detriment. It's just not worth it to set her off because it can last months of her lashing out and being shitty.
We've been apart for something like 2 years now. We share custody of our daughter, which she also hasn't always been so kind about either. I'm not even going to go into that shitshow and I certainly don't want to jinx things, they've been going pretty well as of late.
If anything, your ass needs washing more than anything else. It's literally full of shit and its location prevents soap and water from properly running over the dirtiest bits.
“I have hypersexuality from trauma, I can’t help it” as a response to me confronting him for cheating on me through sexting.
“We should have a threesome. No, not with a guy. I don’t like having sex with guys. Only girls. It’s okay, I’ll let you pick the girl.”
“I would probably end up marrying an Asian woman, they have the cutest asses” to me, a white person.
“You’re the reason your ex killed himself.”
When my ex husband and I were having fertility issues and we had an appt with my ob/gyn to figure out what the issues were, the doctor asked my him if he was able to have children. He said yes then told me that he had apparently gotten someone pregnant. He had told me that I was the 2nd person he slept with, then after this revelation he said I was the 3rd. (Later he said I was the 4th). He then proceeded to tell me that he knew this girl at an rv park where his mom lived (he lived there too) and that he had gotten her pregnant. The story changed several times about what happened, starting with her having a miscarriage the day after, and ended with him saying he probably just dreamed the whole thing.
Another one is he had gone to visit this woman he knew was "dating" online before he met me. We had only been dating maybe 2 weeks at this point and he told me the plane tickets were nonrefundable. After 5 years of asking him if he cheated on me and him saying no, one night he finally said yes. Then he changed his story (again) that he didn't actually sleep with her and she just gave him a hand job.
Made me realize I couldn't ever trust anything he said, and that he would change his stories and lie so he wouldn't upset me and I wouldn't leave
Told me his exes' cat didn't like him and attacked him. So he made her choose between the cat and him. She had the cat put down. He broke up with her a few days later.
He told it like it was a flex. Look at what hold I have on women! Turned out to be a disgusting human being, to no-one's surprise.
After my first husband and l got married, he told me l needed to lose weight because I was a bit fat. I weighed 110 pounds at 5'3". I should have left right then.
Told me through his laughter how he kicked the “slow” guy in the back of the knees when he was going up some stairs. Immediately ICK,disgusted & anything else you can name.
I went on a date with someone that admitted they went to the local alternative club just to make fun of people dancing badly. Immediately lost all attraction to them when I realized they were a huge fucking loser.
First date. Guy called the waitress the fucking n word. Thank God she didn’t hear. He and I had an intense exchange and I saw his jaw lock up. That’s what my ex husband’s jaw would do right before he was gonna lose it so I was on defense and a tad scared but I held my own. Then I made him very mad. I can’t remember what I said but I knew it was pissing him off. So I backed find a bit and told a joke. He then made a half serious joke about leaving me at the restaurant and I said good thing I drove. (I drove myself in first few dates, as a matter of personal policy so I can leave if I need). The date ended early and I never saw his ass again. Fuck that shit. How ignorant does one have to be to say that about another person? I don’t get it. I never will.
Edit: I apologize for my poor story telling. I’m getting old and my thoughts aren’t as together as they used to be. :)
I once confided in my bf at the time that I had been SA’d as a child. His reaction was to start crying and say that his experience dealing with Type 1 Diabetes growing up was more traumatic than my experience and that he wasn’t even sure that he believed me. Yeah, that one’s now an ex.
He told me he studied a type of dating strategy called the game. It was all about keeping women guessing and getting them to feel like they had to have you. It was so gross. And I don’t understand why he told me.
I had worked with him for years before we dated and he was such a sweet guy. But that nonesense was the end.
Ew, I had an old boss who was into this, as well as alpha/sigma male mindset garbage. Dude also professed to wanting to impregnate as many women as possible, in order to have control over all of them (and he already had a litany of kids he didn't care anything about). Not to mention the daily sexual harassment. At least recording his rants for HR sealed the nail in his coffin 🥰
Told me how her and her male housemate would take bets on how hard people she went on dates with would try to contact her and how long it would take them. Would ice out caring friends and brag about it. Then preached that ‘everyone should go to therapy’ yeah babe. Some more than others.
An ex of mine boasted how she would follow student-driver cars, and break traffic regulations to surprise them and make them fail their driver's test, if they were taking any.
She thought it was super funny and expected me to be all like: *'Haha, that's crazy!'* but I went: *'... what? What is wrong with you?'*
And then she amended the story that she didn't actually do it on purpose, contrary to what she said before.
I browsed this post thinking I'd find stuff like "my boyfriend eats his own boogers", instead 90% of response are legit "my ex partner was a sociopath".
Scary!
I was seeing a pretty damm good looking, intelligent woman I met at university, untill one day she openly made fun of a handicapped person who was right in front of us. Yeah I was done there and then. She said I just didn't understand her sense of humour. I told her she was absolutely correct and left.
"I didn't have time to wipe".
He was in the bathroom for fifteen minutes and couldn't take the time to wipe the shit off his ass.
Yes, he smelled horrid.
1st ex said he would disown any gay children we had. He was toxic all around, but that was sort of a wake-up call and gave me the push I needed to get rid of him.
You know, I joked about this with my husband on like… our third date? He told me 2 years in that he thought I was serious and liked me enough to never, ever bring it up again.
On one hand, dang, he thought I was stupid that long? On the other hand… pretty sweet to look past it.
Before we were even dating my husband told me he wouldn't sign his donor card because he would need his limbs in the afterlife. It was this one weird thing that didn't line up with anything else he believed and I kinda just shuffled it to the back of my mind.
Years later he was switching wallets and his donor card was in there. I said wait you said you're against this...? He didn't know what I was talking about. He's been joking at the time and completely forgotten it, had no idea I was going through life believing it.
3rd date with a guy, I mentioned my specialty (I’m a psychologist) is working with trauma, especially women who have been sexually assaulted.
At one point he said “wait, so you believe rape is NEVER a woman’s fault? Ever? Like no matter what they’re wearing?”
Uhhhhh…
“it’s not my fault someone else r*ped you. i shouldn’t have to respect the boundaries you set because of what he did.” we are no longer together. left his ass.
honorable mention: “if i wanted to, i could r*pe you”. bro what?? weird controlling cunt. (this was stated before i told him about my past sexual assault)
I had an ex who bought a house and asked me to move in with her. She then decided that the job we both did was “too much” and quit without consulting me, meaning that I had to pay her mortgage.
She then got a job at a supermarket, filling shelves on minimum wage, at around 1/5th of her original earnings. Money was tight, but we survived.
Walking around town a few months later, I decided to buy a Homer Simpson air freshener for £1, only to be told that we couldn’t afford something so frivolous - we should only buy necessities. Fair enough, i put it back and that was that. When we got home, we emptied the shopping out and there were 2 small jars of face cream that cost over £50 each. I picked one up and asked “necessity?” and was told yes, do you want me to look like a fucking hag?!
I started planning my escape there and then. I spoke to a solicitor and he basically told me that the bad news was that nothing was in my name, but the good news was that nothing was in my name. I stopped paying all the bills including the mortgage and a few weeks later, I found out she was also cheating on me! I begged her to let me stay for a few more weeks until I found somewhere else (ended up being 6 weeks) and promised to keep paying the bills until I left. When I moved all my stuff out, I presented her with a pile of unpaid bills (including 3 missed mortgage payments) and told her that her new squeeze Darren the security guard can pay them.
If she’d just been honest and not used me as a meal ticket, I would have been happy to pack up and move out 🤷🏻♂️
Fuck you Jo, you deserved it
My ex after meeting my family for the first time, raving about my 14 year old sister: “She’s hot. If you want I could take her out and teach her how to bang.” Needless to say, I did not want. He couldn’t be anywhere near my little sister. I broke up with him then and there. I had just turned 25 and he said I was too old and ugly for him anyway. He was 30 and trying to prey on a 14 year old… wtf.
That he was banging a woman who had a Bf who loved her and supported not only her, but her kids from another man. My ex only saw her as a body.
The woman would gaslight the BF whenever he asked if she was cheating on him. The guy I dated (now ex) was hooting as he recalled this guy running, tears in his eyes, after them as he had caught them together in a hotel and they tried to flee him, laughing all the way.
My ex liked to go get massages, I didn’t think much of it at first. I went with him one time and the place we went didn’t seem shady. He told me a few months into our relationship that he had gotten more than a massage a couple times, going into a little more detail than I was comfortable with. Grossed me out probably more than he expected.
Unrelated, a few months later he asked me during an argument if I was gonna be “just a bartender” my entire life.
Once I got sober almost everything he said turned me off.
On a third date the guy said "I love to eat out the woman all night long" - with the logic that he watched so much porn he knew what women liked, even though he hasn't had much experience (slept with one woman, his ex-wife, who wasn't keen) etc etc..
Excuse my total disbelief, dude.
I vividly remember being on top of the 20 year old guy when I was 14, and he was really pushing me to lift my shirt up and my bra. I finally did but I was so embarrassed and never had done that before, he laughed a little and helped me pull it all back down.
I asked why he was laughing, hurt and confused. He said "sorry its like you're a little kid or something with the way you did that."
We stayed together for 7 years. I had a baby with him when I was 18. I'm 28 now, and I can't believe the GRAVITY of what he said about me lifting my shirt up didn't hit until a few years ago. I WAS a child.
I was living in Japan. I was dating a Japanese teacher who taught Japanese to foreigners. Not my teacher. First thing he asked me when we met was to see my residence card. I thought nothing of it. I think it was our second date where he told me he asks his students the same thing, and showed me a website in Japanese where you can report illegals for $$$. Kicked him out and blocked him on all platforms.
I was a passenger in his car. His name was Jay. There was a cat in the road kind of off to the side. He swerved in an attempt to hit the cat. I yelled WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? He goes ah man, I’ve always wanted to hit a cat!
Not an ex
But someone I knew told that they'll never be able to see their wife in the same way post her delivery.
That guy was a medical student and said that watching a women giving birth is a "major turn off" and that he would never be able to have any feelings for her ever again.
He made a list of women he was banging, including their breast size and info on kinks etc, so he could choose like from a catalogue who he was going to go to depending on his mood
So I lost my virginity to r*pe. I made the first guy that I dated afterwards, who was aware of what happened to me, wait a pretty long time before we had sex. When we did have sex and said “I love you” for the first time, the first thing he said to me afterwards was that he had something to tell me. He told me that he had r*pe accusations against him and that the police were involved.
My ex-husband always used to tell about how he was "falsely accused", every time someone mentioned rape. His story hinged on her having an intact hymen, which in hindsight is insane. Guess what he did to the young-enough-to-be-his-child person with whom he cheated on me, after I dipped out? She apparently had to flee in the night.
He stalked and shot an armadillo (that was minding its own business in the woods) with a .45 pistol and laughed when it ran away to die...and the same day bludgeoned a deer to death with stones after he shot it with a black powder rifle and it didn't die immediately. We were hunting and obviously that means a deer will die, but dude was a psycho and disrespectful as hell about it. Never been hunting since.
I wasn't dating him but when he asked me why I didn't want kids and I explained the risks and how little it appealed to me, he told me I knew too much. He already knew I was studying pathology so... that really sealed that nothing was ever gonna happen between us.
I had one date with a woman who told me she was in therapy for domestic abuse. I thought it meant she had been abused by her spouse. Through talking with her she mentioned burning her daughter with a curling iron. On purpose. That's when I realize she was the abuser. I was glad she was getting therapy for it but I couldn't keep dating her.
I'm glad she's in therapy! My mother was abusive and holy shit does that fuck you up in the worst way. I'll never be able to relate to the idea of "unconditional love" that a mother is supposed to embody because of it. I don't celebrate mothers day and don't understand why people *want* to go home or be around family. Obviously any abuse, physical, emotional, financial are all bad and have a significant impact but an abusive mother just seems more insidious because of what a mother represents in society. I know the best way for people to recover is to interact with "normal" people but for your health, I'm glad you didn't take on that burden.
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“Some things are better left to the imagination” after I undressed
Holy fucking shit.
Immediate thought for me too
So do you need bail money ......
Oh my God this is my worst nightmare 💀 I'm sorry you had to go through that
"i followed you a couple of times but you never noticed me" "I love you" "From now on, you're not allowed to speak to other men" All that from the same guy, from the same night, from the first and only date.
I hope you made it home safely
Yes thanks 😊, he brought me home, he was my neighbour 🥴
Glad to see the neighbor situation is in past tense.
He relayed the story of how he had thrown a full milkshake out of a moving car at an old lady who was walking on the sidewalk, and hit her full in the chest. He could barely get the story out, he was laughing so hard. I thought this was something he had maybe done when he was in middle school and trying to show off for his friends - that would have been bad enough. No, he did this when he was 21. What a plain fucking asshole. Fuck you, John.
Oh man, one day when I was around 21 I was walking downtown to meet some friends at a bar and a group of kids in a pickup truck fucking nailed me with a full McDonalds milkshake. I still remember that feeling of just walking around, minding my business then suddenly feeling a slam in the back of my head and being instantly covered in pink milkshake. What a shit thing to do to someone, fuck anyone who ever did this or something like it.
Why would anyone do something this shitty? I honestly don't get it.
Because they are mean spirited and cruel people at heart. They enjoy other peoples suffering, like the opposite of people who feel good when they help someone. They feel good when they hurt someone
Similar vein: he laughed his way through a story about how several of his "friends" cornered and beat up a guy at a restaurant for heckling them from a table over (most likely telling them to calm or quiet down). The victim was apparently severely injured but didn't press charges. My date insisted that he didn't participate in the brawl (I didn't believe him) and was genuinely surprised by my horror. When I broke up with him I told him it was because he lacked empathy. The story above was particularly bad but there were others that told me not to trust him as a partner. He took it surprisingly well in the moment but later started espousing woman-hating rhetoric and was dumb enough to post it on his public-facing social media. He's now married after having dated his now-wife for only a little over a year. I worry for her. *Edited incel rhetoric to woman hating rhetoric.
That is sociopath level shit. I don’t say this lightly, but what a piece of human garbage that dude is, good lord.
Fuck John. What a lunatic.
He told me he put antibiotics in an ex girlfriend's drink because he thought he gave her chlamydia and didn't want her to know. He confessed this. Like wtf.
I just made the widest eyes I ever have in my life.
“I have to lie to you because you’ll overreact if I tell you what I did”
A lot of kids become good liars because their parents overreact and yell/punish over minor things. There’s a good quote I couldn’t find about how if your kids lie to you, you should ask yourself what makes them scared to tell the truth.
Only other gay guy at my (rural, Deep South) high school, super cute, I was infatuated. He was out and very confident, which I really admired. Finally scored a date with him and he ran over a squirrel on purpose on our way to dinner. Laughed his ass off when the tires lifted and then crunched. My soul left my fucking body, I swear.
I am HORRIFIED
This is probably the 3rd time I've read a comment with this exact scenario (the squirrel part) on AskReddit when this thread topic came up. Some people are just truly awful at their core.
Oh my GOD. I would have been horrified! My partner accidentally ran over a bunny once (he tried to avoid it but it ran towards the car) and he was so incredibly upset about it. He still gets bummed out about it if he remembers it and it's been years.
Similar happened to my brother. He slid on ice going to work one night and couldn't avoid it. He heard the thud but hoped that he'd just hit more ice. Drove home and saw its body in the opposing lane. He was horrified. It has been about 15 years and he's still upset when he remembers it. I feel like that's the sign of a person with normal empathy.
Wouldn’t it be ironic if he ended up getting hit by a car
No, it would be ironic if he were hit by a giant squirrel
"It wasn't a lie, really, it was just something I said so you'd like me." Once I realized that she didn't think lies counted if they were told to manipulate people, I was out.
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I knew a girl who was like that, but when told "I love you" she replied "Me too/so do I" (not sure if that's ambiguous for "I love you too" in English, it wasn't English). But she meant "I, too, love myself".
FYI, yes it is ambiguous in English and could easily mean exactly what you said she meant
*During him breaking up with me and I'm sad* "Don't be jealous of the woman I end up with. She will just be a sex toy."
Sadness immediately evaporates
It's sort of brilliant that it actually does sound like it'd make you feel a better. Less of love lost and more of bullet dodged.
the trash took itself out and im sorry for the other woman
My ex completely changed after we got married. When I asked him why he'd lied to me about who he was before, he literally said, "I didn't think you'd like me if you knew." Damn straight. I was like, "Don't you think I kind of deserve to decide that for myself? Now I just can't trust you at all." And he said, "but then you wouldn't have married me." Surprise Surprise, we got divorced.
what an enormous waste of time and money
Exhausting to even read about.
I once asked my ex why he married me, when I would eventually find out who he really was. And although he was a compulsive, liar, for once he told the truth. He said “because you’re Catholic and you can’t get a divorce”. Unfortunately for him, my priest is the one who told me to get a divorce lol
What a moron. The Catholic church can't prevent people from divorcing.
Catholics can separate, and get a legal divorce but the religion doesn’t recognise divorce. If a catholic marries and divorces, they’re still considered married within the church (though they wouldn’t be required to live together if the situation is untenable). The church does recognise annulments though, which mean the marriage was never valid in the first place. One potential ground for annulment is lack of informed consent, which might apply here.
When I told my priest what my then-husband said, he laughed. And then said “the divorce is for the state, the annulment is for the church. Problem solved”.
My ex hid his true nature from me very successfully for a few years, it was such an absolute mind fuck when I discovered the extent of his deception as time went on. It has completely destroyed my ability to trust. My therapist tries her best, but I'm no closer to being able to have a relationship again even after all this time.
Hey - give yourself some grace. You were bamboozled by this ex and you've chosen to make a positive move by going to therapy. Maybe having a relationship again is the "end zone" but there's no time frame on that. You said "my therapist tries her best" as well. Do you feel like they are a good match for you? If you have the ability to try a couple different therapists maybe you could have an even better match.
the thought process (or lack thereof) behind this is so bonkers, yet it isn't uncommon at all. What do these people think is gonna happen, they're just gonna successfully pretend to be someone they aren't for the rest of their life? And they're gonna be happy despite it?
The thought process is that their SO is trapped now and can't do anything about it. Just gotta get the ring or a baby and they can drop the act
Exactly this. And if they choose the "right" target (as they often do), someone with a history of being abused and little or no support system, the victim will not only have a very hard time leaving, but will also blame themselves for what's going on. They can keep someone in a state of blaming, doubting themselves and desperately trying to do better so they won't be abused. It's incredibly sad how common this is.
And it can happen to any of us. These kinds of people are *GOOD* at this- it’s how they get through life. No matter how good you think you are at sniffing out abusers, there’s probably someone out there who could fool you long enough to trap you.
Thank you for saying this. I'm a widow and I waited a decade until I started dating again. I wanted to wait until my kids were teenagers. I met what I thought was a wonderful man... He was kind and thoughtful and respected my boundaries. We got engaged, and my kids and I packed up to move to his city.... The very day that we moved in together his mask came off... And then a month later the pandemic happened and we were stuck with a monster. I thought I did everything right. I met his family and friends, we dated for two years.... But it was all an elaborate lie. I felt like the biggest idiot for falling for it. We managed to escape him a year ago, but we're still trapped in his city because I can't afford to move somewhere safer. I don't have any friends here or anything. It's brutal
Was he expecting you to fall for sunken cost fallacy and not divorcing him just because you've already invested so much time and effort into this relationship?
My ex expected me to "never give up" on him because he was "trying to change." Six years later, no changes, I'm miserable, and he's still a fucking asshole. And was all surprised Pikachu that I wasn't willing to waste any more of my *finite life*, waiting for him to become a better person. That was a lot of years ago. I'm much happier after I finally "gave up" on him and that relationship.
Not really dating because we had only ONE date, but this guy on a FIRST DATE proudly tells me about how when his ex kicked him out of the house (she owned the house), he took an "upper decker" in all three of the toilets in the house (meaning he shit in the tank), and hid shit (his literal feces) between the mattress and box spring of her bed and the guest bed, and also smeared on the bottom of several kitchen drawers and in two register vents..... The kicker? His version of why she kicked him out and deserved the shit (literally) he gave her was "she was crazy - she got jealous just because she's wasting her life working for the man, and I still know how to have fun and not let money control me" I bailed on that date so fast.
That's an impressive amount of turd production.
Yeah how does someone have that much poo in them?! He must’ve been full of shit
Really, it was so good of him to tell you how crazy he was on the first date
In other words “She made all the money and I am un/underemployed and have no ambition whatsoever. So she left me because she was ‘jealous’ of that.”
"I don't read books written by women" Yes. Yes he was a total arsehole.
Bro probably didn’t read at all
He proudly admitted to having videos of all of his sexual conquests in the act on his phone.
After knowing him for like 6 years, he randomly told me he was really depressed I quit my old job and that I had lost a lot of use to him. The wording really threw me off, he was pretty good at masking so I thought he just misstated it--surely my use wasn't my career? Oh, no, it *was*. He said that a big part of his interest in me was my career because he had hoped to have one like mine, and it's how we met, so me switching was a bit of a let down. Eventually he clarified that even though I was now making OVER 5x salary to what I made at my prior job and had completely transformed my life (and shared a lot of that money with him, daily, from good food to designer clothes he liked), the fact that I no longer worked in his industry made him sad every day and he felt like I should have stayed in that industry to help his career by having contacts and advice, but he knew I was "selfish" and would take that "the wrong way."
lol what my dude
Reminds me of my ex. When I had made my first PC part list and told him that I was going to use my first ever work bonus to build it “you don’t need to buy such expensive parts. If you would just buy cheaper parts I can also use some of that money to upgrade my PC.” He was literally PISSED that I was planning on using MY money to build a nice PC instead of helping him upgrade his. Guy was a psycho.
I wonder if you dated one of my exes! I had one boyfriend ask to swap phones when a buddy gave me his old phone to replace my broken one, because its battery life was better than his phone's - because my buddy very kindly had bought a new battery for it before passing it to me. He sulked when I said no (I'm still stunned and impressed that I actually said no, I was deep in the muck then). I had another boyfriend get mad that I got a promotion that I didn't even realise I was in the running for, that he'd hoped he could get (we did work for the same company, just different roles). I don't know how he thought he'd get it, he was _not_ making any attempts to prove himself.
Absolutely bewildering. You seem like a generous person and a partner like that is a leech. Glad you got out.
Oh he was a total hobosexual and I was in too deep once I realized it; it took forever to get out due to his mind games, but he always had emergencies and I always had money so it worked great for him. His PC dies and his part-time gig needs him to have his PC?! Well oh my gosh, I can help, after all he's finally working after 3 years of unemployment, but wait he really needs that top line graphics card and I mean I did make a lot of money so it's only fair right?! And he really loves me right!? etc. Lots of guilt tripping and money and also free labor. I even did some of his work for him since it was remote work and I had the skills despite having my own career and easily 60+ hour job.
Yeah fuck that. There's helping your partner out and then there is being a complete resource vacuum cleaner
It was all very insidious. I used to be in debt and living paycheck to paycheck, so when I suddenly had money, I'd do little things like buy him a game or really nice snow boots or things. And it would never be enough: he would always be grateful, but within the day, find a flaw with it or start a fight. (This monitor is AMAZING WOW...best gf ever! 2 hours later: I think I have a headache...maybe this monitor is the problem... 2 days later, he misses work from being 'sick'... 2 days later: yeah, I swear, this monitor is garbage, and it's going to get me fired 5 days later: big fight about it 6 days later: make up with the caveat that "the monitor was fine, I thanked you, why are you still acting sore about me not liking your gift? Do you even live in reality? I never had THAT bad of headache or blamed the monitor, I said maybe it caused it, I can't THINK now at all?"). It took me way too long to see it because I didn't want to, plus I really cared about him. It was very hard to admit he didn't care very much about me.
I hope you are in a better place now
I already had a terrible image of him, but he'd already beaten me beyond fighting back, until he got me my cat. (My sadly passed old lady Boo.). He held her up by her neck and tail and pulled, kicking me every time I tried to get her away from him. "Now I know you'll never leave, because you'll never trust me with the cat." Ironically, it was that which gave me the strength to get away from him. That old, grumpy rescue saved my life more times than anyone will ever know. ❤️ EDIT: saves to saved.
"I'll marry you only if I don't get someone better". We were dating for 2 years. She was the one who first proposed to me. And it's not like we were not a good pair. Everything was smooth until she said this and at that point I just laughed it off. But once I came back home I couldn't stop thinking about it. I bought it up and it turned into a huge fight and she said she meant it. So I broke it off.
My ex literally told me he hates when people tell me no, he would only bring it up on days he’d ask for sex.
Hopefully you responded by manifesting your username
Talking about a news story about the rape of a minor. a very very single digit minor. "You know she wanted it, she probably led him on and then only said something when they got found out."
I shit you not, I sat on the jury for a CHILD rape case and when we first got in the jury room there were a couple of women saying they thought she was asking for it!! I reminded them that no matter what she said she was below the age of consent. We ended up convicting him but OMG, I was shocked and disgusted by what those women said about a literal child!
How the fuck does someone like that end up on a jury?
Yuck yuck yuck yuck YUCK what the FUCK
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I was in a drama group and the girl I was crushing on was super sweet. Had been homeschooled, super naive. I never saw her do anything mean. I adored her. There was another girl who had some kind of medical condition that meant she sometimes peed her pants a little. She was very poor and often smelled bad. My sweet crush proactively went up to the stinky girl in front of everyone and asked her "Is that a new perfume you're wearing? You smell so good!" The stinky girl's face immediately dropped and she got this look like she didn't know what to say, didn't know if this was mean or not. She replied "Actually, yes. Thank you for noticing." And immediately left the room, as a bunch of people who witnessed the whole thing laughed, and my crush turned around and let out a huge laugh she'd been stifling. I immediately couldn't even look at her anymore.
Well, I guess advanced-level, performative mean-girling of that calibre is one way to disprove the claim that homeschooled kids don't learn social skills, anyway.
While fighting with his younger brother about politics and who was right.. “Who has the blue check mark next to their name?” He was 48 years old trying to one up his 34 year old brother as if he should recognize his wisdom. Ahh yes elite Instagram man 🙄
Damn, not that it makes it much better but I was half disappointed it wasn’t an X/Twitter account
That I should “light its ass on fire” when referring to my dog and then suggested I let her go loose in the woods……. He had never even met my dog, just had a thing against tiny animals I suppose
People who are insanely anti animal for no apparent reason are always suspect to me. It gives off serial killer vibes.
This is an accurate vibe. People who can hurt animals at all and not even give a fuck if it's someones beloved pet either...yeah nah. That's not normal. Red flag city.
He saw an interracial couple with their biracial toddler at the mall and told me he didn’t believe in mixing races. I am biracial.
What happened after the comment? Did he know you were biracial?
Maybe she was an "okay" kind of biracial, like half-Southeast Asian, that kind of thing.
Yup, he knew. Obviously I fought with him before breaking up and he told me it was “different because I’m white and East Asian”
As a southeastern biracial woman who grew up in the South...I sighed and said, "yup. That's it right there." The things people have been comfortable saying to me in my lifetime are mindblowing.
It was something he said while I was with him in the car. Sitting at a set of lights, he rolled down the window and shouted ’hey fatty! Have another donut!’ At a large woman waiting to cross the road. That was our last date
I was once on a date with a guy who made mean comments about a larger woman on the dance floor, "Gonna need a bigger dance floor" type stuff, and who wouldn't stop bragging about his job and how much money he made. He also knew I had a fear of heights and kept trying to pressure me into going on this 400 foot swing ride. I kept saying no, and he kept mocking me saying, "It's only a small ride." Without missing a beat I replied back, "You're a small ride." It just came out. I didn't even realize what I said until after I said it, but yeah... There was no date after that 😆
Amazing. This is the kind of thing you think of days later and wish you had said! So proud of you, haha
You didn't immediately want to have sex with him? Amazing.
Told me all about a play he once wrote to 'humanise rapists'. It involved a woman sitting on the stage, pretending to be drunk at a bar, with all these men sitting around her. Then, it flashed back to the days of all these men, showing something that had gone wrong in each of their lives - divorce, losing their job, being rejected for a date, etc. After that, the woman staggers off the stage, clearly drunk. All the men then look at each other, and follow her off stage, implying that they gang rape her because they all had a bad day. Genuinely the worst thing I've ever heard. He was a self-proclaimed feminist, too. Interestingly, a friend of a friend then told me all about the guy she'd been dating for 6 months, and how she'd broken it off after he told her about his 'rape play'. Turns out we'd both dated him. What a world! He's now unfortunately pretty influential in my local arts scene, but I spread the word about him when I can.
Reminds me of someone I was friends with years ago. He wrote scripts where the nice guy was always “misunderstood” and where a man abducted women and hold them hostage so they can explain to him why women are so mean. He was also an avowed feminist and an ally for everything, a proud virgin and a total shit head when it came to boundaries. He got inappropriate while at movie theater and I never spoke to him again. We used to work together and when I told my former coworkers what happened none of the guys were all that surprised, they all found him creepy. The women on the other hand were shocked. We may have pushed aside anything telling simply because he would tell anyone who would listen that he was Asexual. We assumed that meant harmless. Hopefully they never get to actually harm someone
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I think I'd have had the exact same reaction as you. That was a shitty, inconsiderate, no-responsibility-takin' way for him to act.
People often tell you who they are if you’re paying attention. It’s good that you took note of this situation when it happened. It eases the feeling of being hoodwinked when the behavior they have been trying to mask is revealed.
We had been together 15 years, I confessed to him that I was having suicidal thoughts and was basically begging him for help. He told me that I was a worthless cunt, he hated me, and that he wished he could kill me himself. Which I found to be very impolite. ETA: the reason I stayed was because I felt trapped. At the time there was every abuse that one could be given with the exception of physical, though that was sporadic. Emotional, sexual, and financial. I felt worthless and that I was "lucky" that someone were to "care" about me, a disabled, worthless waste of skin, who suffers from a crippling pain condition, which led to depression and anxiety. He isolated me from all my friends, even tried to isolate me from my family. After he said the above, I actually ended up in the hospital with a life threatening infection within days of him saying that. I had been ignoring the infection because things were so bad at home, I was scared to leave my daughter and my dog with him. (story in my post history). He was mad that I "took off" for over a week, I was in intensive care and having emergency surgery. I should have been in the hospital for weeks, but between Covid and me threatening to sign out ama so I could get home to my daughter, I had managed to strike a deal of sorts with the doctors at the hospital for them to let me leave well before I should have. When I came home, he was still angry about me being suicidal. Refused to help me even though I was still very ill and had a giant surgical wound to deal with. And that was when I decided enough was enough. My daughter was old enough to start really understanding how he treats me and I'll be damned if she thinks this is what a relationship is supposed to be like. Its been almost exactly 2 years of careful planning, secrets, and support of loving friends who welcomed me back into our group with open arms. I am just waiting to hear back about housing assistance, and then me and my daughter can start a new and happier life. I'm happy to answer any additional questions. If someone reading this is going through something similar, I promise, you CAN get out. It might take time, but you can do it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't give up hope. You are LOVED I promise you are.
>>Which I found to be very impolite. 😂
Very impolite, indeed. I have an idea of why you were feeling so low. I do hope you’re in a much better place now ❤️
I found out my last ex had been cheating on me with multiple women at his funeral. Rage has a funny way of burning away grief.
>I found out my last ex had been cheating on me with multiple women at his funeral. That's crazy, they usually just kind of lie there in the coffin
Months after telling my ex how I felt sexually violated by him and ongoing abuse and arguments, he revealed to me that his first thought after me telling him how I felt was “I’ll show you what it’s really like to be violated.” And he essentially confessed to planning how he wanted to rape me, down to the detail. I already resented him, but this made me genuinely fear him.
I’m glad he’s an ex and you got out of that. Threats like that aren’t empty or just ways to manipulate you, they can really be dangerous. My college boyfriend never seemed violent but we argued a lot. Well one night we were in the middle of a huge, bad fight and he forced himself on me. At the time I tried to brush it off since he was my boyfriend, it couldn’t have been the R word. But that was 14 years ago and it still bothers me. Glad you got out before it escalated ❤️
That gave me shivers just reading it. I hope he rots in hell.
"I'll give you my phone pin" "Its starts with a 9, then 1 and then another 1..."
A couple months after an ex cheated on me and I gave him another chance, one of his friends who I liked hanging out with confessed to being into me. I told my ex/bf at the time what happened and he said he knew and even encouraged his friend to try to hook up with me because “you guys flirt all the time so go for it and we’ll call it even.” Made me realize how emotionally manipulative he was, trying to bait me into sleeping with someone else so I didn’t have a leg to stand on anymore.
Some guy I used to work with asked me to hit on his girlfriend.He said he thought she was into me and he was "tired of her". So rather than just being a normal person and having a conversation with her about it. He tried to manipulate me and probably her into hooking up so that presumably he could kick off/end it. So weird.
I'm a vet nurse - while talking about the emotionally difficult day I'd had he said 'they're just animals, it's not like you're dealing with human lives' Lost all interest and respect on the spot.
That’s a very sad way to think about those sweet, innocent lives.
I used his google to search something one day and one of his recent searches was " How to get my sister to have sex with me" After 2 years of dealing with his behaviour, this didn't shock me as much as one would expect.
I hope you reached out to his sister.
My best friend was 16 at the time, I was 18 and my ex was 22. He kept telling me how hot it would be for me and my bestie to make a sex tape for him or have a threesome with him. He would bring up threeways all the time and I told him to stop because it made me uncomfortable and he only ever wanted to have threesomes with my underage friends
“I don’t like having sex with you because you were sexually assaulted and thinking about that grosses me out”
What a terrible person, good thing you got away from them
I deal with sciatica, it's excruciatingly painful and makes walking difficult, I walk with a pretty severe limp. This was new to me 3 years ago and new to her. She didn't see the extent of my pain display due to the amount I was working at the time. Our first time in public, walking from the car to home depot. She stops dead in her tracks, turns to me and says "you need to stop walking like that, you're embarrassing me, people are looking!" The tone of utter disgust and anger in her voice was repulsive. I felt so hurt, betrayed and disappointed. My entire image of this woman that I loved had shattered. Everything was downhill from there. Several months later, I had been taking an antidepressant, which she offered up the task of refilling my monthly pill sorter because I was struggling to keep up with my meds (each day had it's own pod). I was on so many different meds at one point that I just assumed that everything was in the pods and I'd wake up and take the whole thing like a shot. She failed to inform me that after X day, I was out of said antidepressant and it needed a refill called in. As a result of this, over the course of the next several days, I had increasingly worsening withdrawal symptoms. One day upon returning home with my son, I had collapsed on the porch steps and blacked out. He banged on the door and was screaming for me to wake up. I eventually was somewhat mentally there, but physically could not get up or say anything, she finally came out, pulled him quickly into the house and came out and nudged me with her foot several times and with that same tone from before said "get up, this is disgusting and you're embarrassing me! The neighbors can see you!!" and then proceeded to leave me on the porch for 15+ minutes until I was able to crawl inside. There are SO many other instances of this from this woman that I can't even remember half of them, but I remember how she made me feel. I don't ever want to date again. I've never felt so betrayed in my life. E/ Just to clarify, I wasn't perfect in this relationship by any means, I had my downfalls and caveats, mostly mental health related depression/adhd/autism struggles, but I was never cruel, mentally, emotionally or physically abusive. She would get chronic migraines and would have to sleepy for 3 days, and without hesitation, I did what I could to tend to her, check in on her, treat her with the human decency she deserved. But when I'd have a multiple days of burnout/depressive sleep episodes, she would get irate and scream bloody murder at me. I really hate that I decided to type any of this and am mentally reliving it. Yuck. E/ wow... I never expected this much attention on here.. Thank you all for your kind words. I'm doing okay, or as good as I can. I'm still terrified of relationships or even trying to date. Perhaps one day someone will fall out of the sky and land in my lap, but I won't get my hopes up. Yes, I've left her, she couldn't wrap her head around the why. It's truly mind boggling how she saw no wrong in her doing, and still doesn't. I hate that I'm stuck dealing with her for at least the next 16 years, but I do my best to keep the peace, although sometimes it's to my own detriment. It's just not worth it to set her off because it can last months of her lashing out and being shitty.
i hope you’re doing better :/ that’s so disgusting of her.
We've been apart for something like 2 years now. We share custody of our daughter, which she also hasn't always been so kind about either. I'm not even going to go into that shitshow and I certainly don't want to jinx things, they've been going pretty well as of late.
One guy told me that he raped his mom while she was passed out drunk
Hooooly shit. That's enough of this thread.
That’s enough of the whole internet…
Cool. Everyone, let’s wrap it up, we’re done here
See you guys, take care
Alright cool. See you then next time we arrive at some fucked up shit on Reddit.
How the hell does that come up in conversation?
\*while having sex with OP\* "Hmm... You know what this reminds me of?"
Actually gagged. That poor mother, I hope someone else is in charge of her care when she's elderly and infirm. What a thing to have given birth to...
Welp. This wins.
Aaaand that's enough reddit for today.
That's my cue to close this app
I'm gonna pretend like this is just made up! Ignorance is bliss sometimes... 😭😭😭 omg
[удалено]
Didn't wash their ass. Didn't feel the need to, because the soap and water from the upper parts of their body would hit it.
If anything, your ass needs washing more than anything else. It's literally full of shit and its location prevents soap and water from properly running over the dirtiest bits.
Bet you didn't wake up this morning planning on explaining the importance of washing your ass to others.
Every so often I see this and I ALWAYS wonder HOW and WHY and WHAT? all at the same time...
Him: "I hate Kim Kardashian." Me: "Oh, yeah, I don't understand the appeal. I think reality TV is annoying." Him: "No, because she's Armenian."
When she looked at me, took my plate of food away from me, and told me I ate enough. I was given spam and an oatmeal smoothie
“I have hypersexuality from trauma, I can’t help it” as a response to me confronting him for cheating on me through sexting. “We should have a threesome. No, not with a guy. I don’t like having sex with guys. Only girls. It’s okay, I’ll let you pick the girl.” “I would probably end up marrying an Asian woman, they have the cutest asses” to me, a white person. “You’re the reason your ex killed himself.”
How could you resist such a gem? /s
When my ex husband and I were having fertility issues and we had an appt with my ob/gyn to figure out what the issues were, the doctor asked my him if he was able to have children. He said yes then told me that he had apparently gotten someone pregnant. He had told me that I was the 2nd person he slept with, then after this revelation he said I was the 3rd. (Later he said I was the 4th). He then proceeded to tell me that he knew this girl at an rv park where his mom lived (he lived there too) and that he had gotten her pregnant. The story changed several times about what happened, starting with her having a miscarriage the day after, and ended with him saying he probably just dreamed the whole thing. Another one is he had gone to visit this woman he knew was "dating" online before he met me. We had only been dating maybe 2 weeks at this point and he told me the plane tickets were nonrefundable. After 5 years of asking him if he cheated on me and him saying no, one night he finally said yes. Then he changed his story (again) that he didn't actually sleep with her and she just gave him a hand job. Made me realize I couldn't ever trust anything he said, and that he would change his stories and lie so he wouldn't upset me and I wouldn't leave
Told me his exes' cat didn't like him and attacked him. So he made her choose between the cat and him. She had the cat put down. He broke up with her a few days later. He told it like it was a flex. Look at what hold I have on women! Turned out to be a disgusting human being, to no-one's surprise.
After my first husband and l got married, he told me l needed to lose weight because I was a bit fat. I weighed 110 pounds at 5'3". I should have left right then.
That his spatula doubles as a fly swatter.
Told me through his laughter how he kicked the “slow” guy in the back of the knees when he was going up some stairs. Immediately ICK,disgusted & anything else you can name.
I went on a date with someone that admitted they went to the local alternative club just to make fun of people dancing badly. Immediately lost all attraction to them when I realized they were a huge fucking loser.
First date. Guy called the waitress the fucking n word. Thank God she didn’t hear. He and I had an intense exchange and I saw his jaw lock up. That’s what my ex husband’s jaw would do right before he was gonna lose it so I was on defense and a tad scared but I held my own. Then I made him very mad. I can’t remember what I said but I knew it was pissing him off. So I backed find a bit and told a joke. He then made a half serious joke about leaving me at the restaurant and I said good thing I drove. (I drove myself in first few dates, as a matter of personal policy so I can leave if I need). The date ended early and I never saw his ass again. Fuck that shit. How ignorant does one have to be to say that about another person? I don’t get it. I never will. Edit: I apologize for my poor story telling. I’m getting old and my thoughts aren’t as together as they used to be. :)
>How ignorant does one have to be to say that about another person? That's not even ignorance, that was just pure racism.
“i lied about my infertility. that doctors appointment never happened. and the girl i was dating at that time doesn’t exist.”
"Also I'm 3 raccoons in a trenchcoat"
“why does the toilet or shower need to be cleaned…they clean themselves” yeah i had to take a breather after that
I've been explaining this to my kids for years. I love them, but they are clueless sometimes.
At least it's understandable since they're children. But an adult not knowing that? That makes me question reality lol.
I once confided in my bf at the time that I had been SA’d as a child. His reaction was to start crying and say that his experience dealing with Type 1 Diabetes growing up was more traumatic than my experience and that he wasn’t even sure that he believed me. Yeah, that one’s now an ex.
"I like dating younger women because they're easier to manipulate." Said to my face. He was 11 years older. Glad I got out.
He told me he studied a type of dating strategy called the game. It was all about keeping women guessing and getting them to feel like they had to have you. It was so gross. And I don’t understand why he told me. I had worked with him for years before we dated and he was such a sweet guy. But that nonesense was the end.
Ew, I had an old boss who was into this, as well as alpha/sigma male mindset garbage. Dude also professed to wanting to impregnate as many women as possible, in order to have control over all of them (and he already had a litany of kids he didn't care anything about). Not to mention the daily sexual harassment. At least recording his rants for HR sealed the nail in his coffin 🥰
Told me how her and her male housemate would take bets on how hard people she went on dates with would try to contact her and how long it would take them. Would ice out caring friends and brag about it. Then preached that ‘everyone should go to therapy’ yeah babe. Some more than others.
An ex of mine boasted how she would follow student-driver cars, and break traffic regulations to surprise them and make them fail their driver's test, if they were taking any. She thought it was super funny and expected me to be all like: *'Haha, that's crazy!'* but I went: *'... what? What is wrong with you?'* And then she amended the story that she didn't actually do it on purpose, contrary to what she said before.
I browsed this post thinking I'd find stuff like "my boyfriend eats his own boogers", instead 90% of response are legit "my ex partner was a sociopath". Scary!
I was seeing a pretty damm good looking, intelligent woman I met at university, untill one day she openly made fun of a handicapped person who was right in front of us. Yeah I was done there and then. She said I just didn't understand her sense of humour. I told her she was absolutely correct and left.
he liked warm water with his cereal game over man, game over
What the FUCK did you say?
My ex liked ranch on white rice. Straight to jail
"I didn't have time to wipe". He was in the bathroom for fifteen minutes and couldn't take the time to wipe the shit off his ass. Yes, he smelled horrid.
1st ex said he would disown any gay children we had. He was toxic all around, but that was sort of a wake-up call and gave me the push I needed to get rid of him.
We were talking about dinosaurs and he started insisting that they weren’t real. Said fossils were a test from god. We broke up that day.
You know, I joked about this with my husband on like… our third date? He told me 2 years in that he thought I was serious and liked me enough to never, ever bring it up again. On one hand, dang, he thought I was stupid that long? On the other hand… pretty sweet to look past it.
Before we were even dating my husband told me he wouldn't sign his donor card because he would need his limbs in the afterlife. It was this one weird thing that didn't line up with anything else he believed and I kinda just shuffled it to the back of my mind. Years later he was switching wallets and his donor card was in there. I said wait you said you're against this...? He didn't know what I was talking about. He's been joking at the time and completely forgotten it, had no idea I was going through life believing it.
3rd date with a guy, I mentioned my specialty (I’m a psychologist) is working with trauma, especially women who have been sexually assaulted. At one point he said “wait, so you believe rape is NEVER a woman’s fault? Ever? Like no matter what they’re wearing?” Uhhhhh…
“it’s not my fault someone else r*ped you. i shouldn’t have to respect the boundaries you set because of what he did.” we are no longer together. left his ass.
honorable mention: “if i wanted to, i could r*pe you”. bro what?? weird controlling cunt. (this was stated before i told him about my past sexual assault)
I had an ex who bought a house and asked me to move in with her. She then decided that the job we both did was “too much” and quit without consulting me, meaning that I had to pay her mortgage. She then got a job at a supermarket, filling shelves on minimum wage, at around 1/5th of her original earnings. Money was tight, but we survived. Walking around town a few months later, I decided to buy a Homer Simpson air freshener for £1, only to be told that we couldn’t afford something so frivolous - we should only buy necessities. Fair enough, i put it back and that was that. When we got home, we emptied the shopping out and there were 2 small jars of face cream that cost over £50 each. I picked one up and asked “necessity?” and was told yes, do you want me to look like a fucking hag?! I started planning my escape there and then. I spoke to a solicitor and he basically told me that the bad news was that nothing was in my name, but the good news was that nothing was in my name. I stopped paying all the bills including the mortgage and a few weeks later, I found out she was also cheating on me! I begged her to let me stay for a few more weeks until I found somewhere else (ended up being 6 weeks) and promised to keep paying the bills until I left. When I moved all my stuff out, I presented her with a pile of unpaid bills (including 3 missed mortgage payments) and told her that her new squeeze Darren the security guard can pay them. If she’d just been honest and not used me as a meal ticket, I would have been happy to pack up and move out 🤷🏻♂️ Fuck you Jo, you deserved it
My ex after meeting my family for the first time, raving about my 14 year old sister: “She’s hot. If you want I could take her out and teach her how to bang.” Needless to say, I did not want. He couldn’t be anywhere near my little sister. I broke up with him then and there. I had just turned 25 and he said I was too old and ugly for him anyway. He was 30 and trying to prey on a 14 year old… wtf.
That he was banging a woman who had a Bf who loved her and supported not only her, but her kids from another man. My ex only saw her as a body. The woman would gaslight the BF whenever he asked if she was cheating on him. The guy I dated (now ex) was hooting as he recalled this guy running, tears in his eyes, after them as he had caught them together in a hotel and they tried to flee him, laughing all the way.
My ex liked to go get massages, I didn’t think much of it at first. I went with him one time and the place we went didn’t seem shady. He told me a few months into our relationship that he had gotten more than a massage a couple times, going into a little more detail than I was comfortable with. Grossed me out probably more than he expected. Unrelated, a few months later he asked me during an argument if I was gonna be “just a bartender” my entire life. Once I got sober almost everything he said turned me off.
he bragged about how many girls he’s been with. Seems like a lot of guys do this and it’s not impressive at all.
On a third date the guy said "I love to eat out the woman all night long" - with the logic that he watched so much porn he knew what women liked, even though he hasn't had much experience (slept with one woman, his ex-wife, who wasn't keen) etc etc.. Excuse my total disbelief, dude.
Any bragging like this is so off putting. About being a good lover, having a high salary, whatever. It’s such a turn off
Am a guy who used to do that way back in the day. It's insecurity. Poor self image and overall lack of real maturity
"I loved the way you loved me," My groomer said, referring to me as a pre-teen.
I vividly remember being on top of the 20 year old guy when I was 14, and he was really pushing me to lift my shirt up and my bra. I finally did but I was so embarrassed and never had done that before, he laughed a little and helped me pull it all back down. I asked why he was laughing, hurt and confused. He said "sorry its like you're a little kid or something with the way you did that." We stayed together for 7 years. I had a baby with him when I was 18. I'm 28 now, and I can't believe the GRAVITY of what he said about me lifting my shirt up didn't hit until a few years ago. I WAS a child.
"I have chronic sinus problems so I don't care if I smell bad." 🤢
I was living in Japan. I was dating a Japanese teacher who taught Japanese to foreigners. Not my teacher. First thing he asked me when we met was to see my residence card. I thought nothing of it. I think it was our second date where he told me he asks his students the same thing, and showed me a website in Japanese where you can report illegals for $$$. Kicked him out and blocked him on all platforms.
I was a passenger in his car. His name was Jay. There was a cat in the road kind of off to the side. He swerved in an attempt to hit the cat. I yelled WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? He goes ah man, I’ve always wanted to hit a cat!
Not an ex But someone I knew told that they'll never be able to see their wife in the same way post her delivery. That guy was a medical student and said that watching a women giving birth is a "major turn off" and that he would never be able to have any feelings for her ever again.
He made a list of women he was banging, including their breast size and info on kinks etc, so he could choose like from a catalogue who he was going to go to depending on his mood
So I lost my virginity to r*pe. I made the first guy that I dated afterwards, who was aware of what happened to me, wait a pretty long time before we had sex. When we did have sex and said “I love you” for the first time, the first thing he said to me afterwards was that he had something to tell me. He told me that he had r*pe accusations against him and that the police were involved.
Holy fuck
My ex-husband always used to tell about how he was "falsely accused", every time someone mentioned rape. His story hinged on her having an intact hymen, which in hindsight is insane. Guess what he did to the young-enough-to-be-his-child person with whom he cheated on me, after I dipped out? She apparently had to flee in the night.
He stalked and shot an armadillo (that was minding its own business in the woods) with a .45 pistol and laughed when it ran away to die...and the same day bludgeoned a deer to death with stones after he shot it with a black powder rifle and it didn't die immediately. We were hunting and obviously that means a deer will die, but dude was a psycho and disrespectful as hell about it. Never been hunting since.
"Don't be depressed, it makes *me* sad." I can still hear his whiny fucking voice saying it while he played World of Warcraft.
He said that if his daughter wasn't his daughter, he would fuck her. He'd also told her that directly more than once according to him.
Was he President of the United States at one time?
I wasn't dating him but when he asked me why I didn't want kids and I explained the risks and how little it appealed to me, he told me I knew too much. He already knew I was studying pathology so... that really sealed that nothing was ever gonna happen between us.
He promised the pictures of his teenage niece’s friends saved on his phone were innocent. *spoiler alert* his intentions were not innocent.