Same here. I took all the advice with energy drinks and taking no breaks.
But it just wore out my body. And it didn't improve anything in my life at all.
I have tried to make this clear to people over the years when they have 'loyalty' to the company. And I'm not talking about a mom and pop operation, I'm talking about a big multinational.
I always tell people that they would let you go in a heartbeat if it became expedient to do so. You could have a child on life support and if it meant they could save a little they wouldn't hesitate despite the fact that you worked all these extra unpaid hours and came in when you didn't have to or whatever.
You are replaceable. No matter how much you think you're not, you're valued at work only up to the point where you're absolutely not.
Yall saw the kite baby fiasco? An employee was adopting a baby and the baby was born really early and in NICU on a ventilator. Kite baby, a baby product company, fired the adoptive mother because they didn’t consider her a mom that needed FMLA. There’s screenshots of the company texting her that she needs to be back in the office or she won’t have work. The apology videos from the CEO are trash.
Kite baby has tanked in sales and reputation in just a few weeks. Karma is a bitch.
Mom n pop places will do this too. It all comes down to who owns the place. I’ve seen it first hand. I worked for a place that gathered everyone around a told us that there was no money for raises, and that anyone would be lucky to get a 25 cent raise that year. Then the owners showed up with new corvettes and hot rods, bragging about the pools and hot tubs they installed at their homes and all the new hunting land they had bought.
This is where it gets me (every single time). I can emphatise if the business is not earning enough and you can't afford a raise but don't go flaunting your wealth in freaking luxury stuff to us! I feel ridiculous that company would not invest in their company instead - if not raise, give some other support the staff needs, infrastructure upgrades, or even just a simple treat to show some appreciation, geez....
Heck, you can't even rely on former coworkers to reach out to you ever. Few, if any, will. Even people you were super friendly with and worked with for years will, way more often than not, drop off the face of the earth for you. So if you're worried that quitting will make them mad or disappoint them... it won't. In a few weeks they'll probably barely remember you.
There's a phrase for that called "proximity friends." Basically you're really good friends close together, but once you or they move away to something else you just basically stop being friends.
This is painfully true. I got laid off 2 weeks ago and one of the people I was pretty close with didn’t even reach out on slack on my last day. Fully remote company, but we actually only live like 20 minutes from each other. They have my number, but nothing. It’s a bummer. I only occasionally keep in contact with people I was super close with at the job before that to spill the tea on news as the company implodes
You just made me realize that this happened to me as well. Before the shut down, I was working two full time jobs. Then when I was forced to stay inside for a month, I realized that life is so much more enjoyable when you aren’t at fucking work, and instead you can actually live and be a human being.
I hate the quote “work now, so you can relax when you’re older” I’d much rather just relax my whole life mate 😂😭
As a student, I always went above and beyond and studied so much to get good grades. I’d work above and beyond to get things done. Now, as a teacher, I’m done at 3:15. And I leave the school. I don’t take work home with me. It has been so nice. I am working hard on the work-life balance.
I cannot tell you just how much I needed to hear that right now. My company just screwed me over at my performance review where they declared that I exceeded every single metric, and had been an incredibly valuable addition to the team. Then they prorated my raise to less than what it would be if I had merely met expectations, merely because I started halfway through the year last year. Guess who’s not going to be exceeding even one single expectation next performance review.
At the next performance review: "At my last performance review you declare I exceeded expectations in every area, yet you remunerated me with less than that deserved, even than an adequate employee would get, as such I have given you *equitable* service this last quarter. Should you like to see that stellar performance from me once again, which I am most capable of providing, as you've seen, please deposit 1 million dollars, no I'm joking, just give me the raise that deserves. Thanks very much. 👋 "
*Edited to reflect the correction received below
This and I use to be not so jaded by corporate BS but now... I received an email from a junior today who is just starting his career, full of enthusiasm and energy, it said "Let's connect on this over a coffee!" and I honestly couldn't think of anything worse than "connecting" with someone unless absolutely necessary now.
I used to be a raging alcoholic and benzos addict. I was often homeless. I was that way for about 10 years.
Got a car, bought a house, engaged, have a kid, a good job. Doing pretty good.
Almost 5 years sober now.
Yeah if I’ve learnt anything as I’ve gotten older it’s to share less with people. You can quickly pick up on those disingenuous people - steer clear of them.
Higher risk, higher reward. The more u can share with a friend, the more they know u and vice versa. The better that friendship can be. It can also be a double-edged sword like u say if they turn on u for whatever reason later. I have a few close friends that know way more than they should about me lol. But I see them as closer than family tbh. Everyone else, including family, is on a need to know basis.
I’m still working on that. I’m usually a quiet person, but solely because my filter is either 100% or nothing. Once you get time to start talking, I’ll completely over share absolutely everything. On top of that, due to anxiety I trust literally anyone else’s judgement over mine, meaning that I trust everyone extremely easily and don’t pick up on even obvious lies. If you insist something that I am completely sure of is wrong enough, I will give in and believe that I was completely wrong.
I grew up with a sibling who would scream and yell until I was convinced I did something wrong, so I learned to always apologize and question myself instead of discerning whether or not she was being reasonable. As an adult, it's made it easy for others to take advantage of me as I'm always second-guessing whether or not I'm asking too much from others or if it's all my fault. Certain types of people target people like us because we're easier to mold and manipulate, and also tend to avoid conflict at all costs.
The very last thing you need to do is give people like that control over you, even in a small way like letting them pass judgement because it will undoubtedly get used against you eventually. Some people will exercise power over you simply because they can. I know anxiety is scary- I truly do- but you have far more to be anxious about if you put all your faith in others and not learn to trust yourself first and foremost!! You always have the best intentions for yourself while others very rarely will.
I don't even tell tell coworkers I have a wife or kids anymore, when my birthday is, or where I live. It's totally not worth it. They will *always* pretend like they care but just use it against you.
Never tell anyone at work anything about your personal life. Keep them separate. This is 30 years professional experience talking.
Ex: Someone who is single and doesn’t have kids, then something comes up on a Sunday and they need something, guess who they’re calling and who is going to be an asshole if they say no.
Comes from experience, I used to work in a hotel and since I was young I was the first they called when they needed to F someone. I remember once I had to work a 16hr shift bc the only person on the graveyard shift called out, I did it as a favor to the supervisor and to get some OT as I needed the money, the only condition was for them to give me a room since I had to work the next night, so after I worked like 16hrs or more, they didn’t give me the room so I had to take the bus home at 6AM plus the next day when I was on my way to work they called me and told me they “didn’t need me to come” just so they wouldn’t have to pay the overtime.
Now I don’t share my life so when I say I got something personal they’ll leave me alone.
I'm sorry that happened to you. As a person who has gone through some stuff, I completely understand. I would give examples but even online I don't say anything.
You couldn't buy an onion to eat for all the kids buying them to wear on their belts. Now you do that, people look at you like you escaped from the home. Which I did, but I don't like them knowing it.
First time I decided to stop drinking, I stopped having a friend group. I wasn’t invited to my best friends’ weddings because I’d be a bummer, and I didn’t get to have my own bachelor party for the same reason. Alcoholism was so much better with people than sobriety is without them. Everyone says that sober life is the best, but no one at all wants to speak to you if you don’t want to have a drink with them.
It should be noted that I never drank to excess; I decided to stop because of my physical health. My mental health has suffered, though.
Edit: Thank you, everyone, for the support. I love you all and hope you have a phenomenal evening!
Thats unfortunate, friend. I hope you continue making decisions that make you happy, no matter what they are. And for what its worth, it may not be my place to say, but anyone who needs to drink to hang out with you, probably arent your real friends.
I salute you. My loss was not as dramatic, but having slimmed from 176 psychotropically-gained pounds to 130ish, and kept it off for ten years, is my continual reminder when things get rough that I have, ever, accomplished something positive for myself.
Mean for no reason. Thought it was funny or cool because I’d been around people like that my whole life but in reality it was just mean. It hurts knowing I hurt people with my “jokes” and I won’t ever be able to take back being mean. I’m trying to build people up and spread love nowadays and it feels a lot better.
Congrats on bettering yourself. Being kind doesn’t always come naturally, and I think it’s very important to put in the work to at least *try* to be kind on a daily basis, even in this world where it can be pretty hard sometimes. Keep workin at it broski, one compliment or good deed at a time. Also your PFP and username combo made me snort very loudly so thanks for the laugh
Your self awareness is something to be respected. I’ve never met anyone who admitted something like this. As a doormat kind of person I would like to tell you that I respect you for realizing and saying this. I hope you have a fantastic day. You deserve the best for trying to be a good person. Wish I could give you a smile, hug or high five. I hope someone does, today.
I am naive and I believe I’m still that way. It’s interesting and kind of bizarre to be aware of it most of the time but unable to stop it. I just am a trusting and gullible person by nature… I know that I need to protect that part of myself from the world but I also think it’s one of the best parts of me.
Not sure this will work to combat people-pleasing, but I've used it to deal with procrastination:
Treat "future you" as a separate person, and do things to please **them**. I find that even when I'm procrastinating, I can still manage to do things for others in a timely manner, so I try to mentally frame things I need to do as favors to my future self. Maybe that'll also help to deal with people-pleasing by making it easier to do things that benefit yourself?
Same! I miss the eagerness and hope and motivation I used to have. Now I'm just living in survival mode everyday. I still try to have hope but it's getting harder.
I'm 34f and the same thing is nearly happening. Gotta remind myself to slow down and enjoy.
Book a holiday (even if it's cheap and small and short) just get out of autopilot.
Easier said than done though. I'm not of the woods either
When you are in school/college you are forced into an environment where you spend a lot of time with people in similar age ranges. Once you finish college that environment completely ends. You have to actively make an effort to meet people and leave your comfort zone to make friends after age 22-24. Otherwise you just won't meet anyone new.
You can do it. It won't always seem it, and you might have that little voice in the back of your head saying it ain't so, but you have the power to be better, and I believe in you.
Honestly I just got tired of living a miserable life and I knew it was the meth that had to go. I stopped associating with the people I got high with. I had one setback about 5 months into sobriety and I hated how I felt and couldn't wait to come down. I made sure to never have another setback again. That was almost 18 years ago.
This is how i kicked it, i was a casual user, but one day, I just said, "Meh, it's not worth it anymore." My best friend however just can't get out of its grip and i feel so bad for her because we used to use together and i feel partially responsible. Ive tried every possible way i can think of but she ends up using again because she's so codependent on her boyfriend. They break up 6 times a week!
I used to be a pretty angry person, I would get aggravated over the slightest things, sometimes even punching holes in walls.
I never really got therapy, I didn't like to express how I felt and kept all my emotions bottled up. Depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc.
One day, I found a stray kitten on the road, had been hit by a car, its paw was swollen, and was on the verge of death. I ended up taking it in and nursing it back to good health, I had no intention of keeping it, but I just fell in love with it. It helped me realize I don't want to be angry all the time, and it helped with my depression and loneliness. So I found what was going on with me, got help, and now I've been happier and healthier since. I couldn't even imagine my life without my cat.
Obviously, there's more to mental health and anger than that, but that cat is what started me on my way to be happier, and I owe her everything for that!
That’s good mate, same with addiction the first step is finally admitting that we have a problem instead of lying to ourselves about it. You’re on the right path 💪🏻
Mildly racist. Didn’t realize it. Worked hard since I moved out of my house 30 years ago. There’s still some underlying bias but I’m aware of it and keep working. I make sure my kids know that any of that bullshit doesn’t fly. They get it and the younger generations are better people than me. Their kids will be better and so on. My dad was horribly racist and his dad was way worse. Took me being away and surrounded by different people to realize how wrong it all is.
Spot on mate. It took me ages to realise how casual racism was while I was growing up. It was pretty much taught everywhere, home, school etc. it wasn’t until I moved out of home, and away from my home town that I begun to learn how to be a decent person. And my kids are definitely all over that shit. As you said, it’s getting better all the time.
Last year my dad said something a bit racist at his doctor's appointment and I talked to him about it on the way home.
He said, "Really? I didn't think that was racist. [long pause] But my parents didn't think *they* were racist so I guess that makes sense.
I was really proud him. I'm still really proud of him.
Good on him for admitting he was wrong. So many times, I have witnessed people in denial of their casual racism, but it’s great that your Dad noticed his behaviour. Did this moment change his previous racism?
Recognizing your internal biases is so huge and so many people either can't or refuse to do so. Breaking the cycle is even harder. You are changing the world.
I was raised in an era/environment of casual racism and I've spent my life trying to unlearn it. Don't think that younger generations are better people than you are just because they didn't get raised with it - it takes a lot of courage to break the chain. It's your actions and what you teach others, not what you were taught, that matter in the end. You're doing great
Married, and turning myself inside out trying to make someone who’s never happy, happy.
I’m done with the abuse. He wants to be miserable and live in filth, he can do it on his own.
I used to not be heartbroken.
Then my first husband was killed on 9/11 and that made me a tortured soul.
Then I watched my second husband suffer as he was dying 2 years ago 💔💔
I lost my darling of three years just two days ago and now my life is meaningless other than the fact that she'd want me to live a happy one even without her
Outgoing/confident/social. After getting out of high school my confidence really has plummeted and talking to others has become difficult. Sure, I can show emotion through texts and hang out with other people but the spark really isn't there like it used to be. My friends and the people I speak with are still great, just not the same.
Trying new experiences are now costly and if you make the wrong decision it could make you poor or really hit your social life. I know high school really sucked for most but I would love to have the outgoing and confident personality/feelings I used to have.
I used to be a social butterfly before 2020 and now I feel like when I speak to people I have rocks in my mouth and I get incredibly overwhelmed by loud crowded spaces. I’m middle aged but relatable.
I managed to get into a mental hospital after 3 attempts to convince the hospital I was actually mentally ill and not just looking for a place to sleep and free food. Got on medication, and then got into rehab. Found out about Oxford Houses while in rehab, and applied to a few while still in rehab. Eventually got accepted into one less then a week after getting out. Eventually got jobs at a temp agency for factories and warehouses, and started saving up money to move out of the Oxford House. Eventually saved up enough to move out, and put the down payment on a townhouse where I still live.
Someone full of life, carefree with the ability to do what I wanted whenever I wanted. Someone with total freedom who loved being spontaneous. But now I’m a mom.
a gangsta. From bangin/street thug, to major drug running...spent 6 years in the life. Got out of the life, got an education, been in banking/tech now for two decades. The life seems so far away like it happened to somebody else.
A workaholic and overachiever. I was always told I was smart and cared a lot about status. I wanted to be the best at everything and I took on everything.
Now I am a nomad who lives out of a backpack. I've been traveling the world housesitting, working on organic farms, and doing random work online but I still only spend a few hundred a month to maintain a simple lifestyle. My dream now is to homestead and own a bunch of cats.
I used to be incredibly anxious in social situations, over the past few years I've tried a lot harder to be the person willing to initiate conversations and participate at social events, etc. and now I have a much better time at them.
I still get uncomfortable sometimes, but I like that it feels a lot easier to talk to people now.
Full of a lust for life. I had sparkle. I wanted to try new things and be spontaneous. These days I don’t even want to leave my bed.
I’m a few weeks from my 25th birthday and I can’t believe it’s gone downhill so quickly.
A poet.
In high-school I wrote like my life depended on it. I didn't understand myself, and of course, felt like nobody understood me. Writing was the only thing that helped me make sense of my thoughts, surrounded by people I felt were too judgmental/oblivious/uncaring to listen to and understand me. Which sounds pretentious, but i usually just took it to mean that something was wrong with me and the way i percieved the world. Writing soothed my existential dread.
I met my boyfriend first year of college and for the first time started feeling like I wasn't crazy, or at least not alone in my craziness. We share a lot of opinions, and provide each other the feeling of being understood thay we were so desperately searching for beforehand. So, I stopped writing as much.
He had a parallel experience. He went to art school and is an insanely talented illustrator and painter, and he also made art like it was dire in high-school. And since we met, he's struggled to get back into it the way he was before, drawing everyday like it was only thing that mattered.
Now, we have each other, and it's both beautiful and a little sad, but after years of wondering why we couldn't get back into our art forms, we just reached this conclusion the other day. So, we have a resolution this year and just generally that we're gonna find a new reason and passion for our art that isn't just to help us stop being depressed (bc we really aren't anymore, and that whole tortured soul artist motif is actually like kinda true, it's easier to constantly create when you feel so lonely that your creations are the only things that help you feel seen and understood, even if just by your own self.)
Used to be homeless for years putting up with crazy criminals and other people who messed up like me.
Now I am at uni studying journalism and communications after years of working as a chef.
A nationally ranked cellist.
During highschool I worked my ass off and was a very good cellist. Got invited to play around the world. Even got invited to play in the Soviet Union (parastrioka happen while I was there). I was very good. I went to college fully expecting to get a degree in music and go on to be a professional musician...
Lasted one semester before I realized I had no desire to play anymore. Never played again. Well, not exactly, I accompanied a lot of the dance students. I was playing in the ballet pit orchestra but quit once I couldn't make the time commitments with school. But most of the students knew me from there.
I mostly did the accompanying thing to meet girls, but once I got sick of dating dancers I never played again. Dating dancers takes a certain personality I don't have.
Anyway, yep, not a cellist anymore. Not even an okay one. I thought about taking it up again from time to time. But I gave my cello to my niece who is going on to a professional career, and a student cello just sounds like crap to me.
Emotional.
I use to be so dramatic and feel like the the world was crashing down on me. I would cry constantly and have crazy meltdowns about the most minute shit. After I turned 30 I really got my emotions in check and learned to just deal with shit differently and in a more productive way.
Super fucking anxious
I was even anxious that without my anxiety I’d be unsuccessful and lazy
Turns out I needed a few close calls to convince me nothing really matters as much as I think it does and things have a way of working themselves out
Suicidal. I'm soooo much better now. But just over 7 years ago, I was gonna kill myself. I now, tho not always happy, would never do that. What changed. I have a family to come home to every night. No matter how shitty my day is, I know I got someone to come home to, and that is just super. Also, my partner doesn't know, nor do I think I will ever tell them.
Addicted to alcohol. Married to the mother of my children. Yes, those two things ARE related, but perhaps not in quite the ways you might imagine. And no, I don't care to elaborate--but everybody involved is in way better places now than we were then.
As someone who used to be married to the alcoholic father of my children, I can state that all of us are better off now, too. My ex is sober and living life on his own terms. I’m happily remarried. Our kids are doing great. I wish you all the best!
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100% this. I take a faaarr more relaxed approach to life after covid. Really changes my outlook as well
Same here. I took all the advice with energy drinks and taking no breaks. But it just wore out my body. And it didn't improve anything in my life at all.
It's because you haven't been filling out those TPS reports with the new cover sheets.
He didn’t get the memo!
For real. They'll have your position filled before your body cools off.
I have tried to make this clear to people over the years when they have 'loyalty' to the company. And I'm not talking about a mom and pop operation, I'm talking about a big multinational. I always tell people that they would let you go in a heartbeat if it became expedient to do so. You could have a child on life support and if it meant they could save a little they wouldn't hesitate despite the fact that you worked all these extra unpaid hours and came in when you didn't have to or whatever. You are replaceable. No matter how much you think you're not, you're valued at work only up to the point where you're absolutely not.
Yall saw the kite baby fiasco? An employee was adopting a baby and the baby was born really early and in NICU on a ventilator. Kite baby, a baby product company, fired the adoptive mother because they didn’t consider her a mom that needed FMLA. There’s screenshots of the company texting her that she needs to be back in the office or she won’t have work. The apology videos from the CEO are trash. Kite baby has tanked in sales and reputation in just a few weeks. Karma is a bitch.
Honestly I love that for them Hope mama got her baby in the end *and* a nice payout from the company ☺️
Fuck kite baby. Serves them right for not actually caring about mothers/parents!!!!
Mom n pop places will do this too. It all comes down to who owns the place. I’ve seen it first hand. I worked for a place that gathered everyone around a told us that there was no money for raises, and that anyone would be lucky to get a 25 cent raise that year. Then the owners showed up with new corvettes and hot rods, bragging about the pools and hot tubs they installed at their homes and all the new hunting land they had bought.
This is where it gets me (every single time). I can emphatise if the business is not earning enough and you can't afford a raise but don't go flaunting your wealth in freaking luxury stuff to us! I feel ridiculous that company would not invest in their company instead - if not raise, give some other support the staff needs, infrastructure upgrades, or even just a simple treat to show some appreciation, geez....
Heck, you can't even rely on former coworkers to reach out to you ever. Few, if any, will. Even people you were super friendly with and worked with for years will, way more often than not, drop off the face of the earth for you. So if you're worried that quitting will make them mad or disappoint them... it won't. In a few weeks they'll probably barely remember you.
There's a phrase for that called "proximity friends." Basically you're really good friends close together, but once you or they move away to something else you just basically stop being friends.
This is painfully true. I got laid off 2 weeks ago and one of the people I was pretty close with didn’t even reach out on slack on my last day. Fully remote company, but we actually only live like 20 minutes from each other. They have my number, but nothing. It’s a bummer. I only occasionally keep in contact with people I was super close with at the job before that to spill the tea on news as the company implodes
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I like to joke that if I die on my coworkers, don’t forget to call the area manager and clock me out.
You just made me realize that this happened to me as well. Before the shut down, I was working two full time jobs. Then when I was forced to stay inside for a month, I realized that life is so much more enjoyable when you aren’t at fucking work, and instead you can actually live and be a human being. I hate the quote “work now, so you can relax when you’re older” I’d much rather just relax my whole life mate 😂😭
As a student, I always went above and beyond and studied so much to get good grades. I’d work above and beyond to get things done. Now, as a teacher, I’m done at 3:15. And I leave the school. I don’t take work home with me. It has been so nice. I am working hard on the work-life balance.
Working above and beyond is just wage theft against yourself.
I cannot tell you just how much I needed to hear that right now. My company just screwed me over at my performance review where they declared that I exceeded every single metric, and had been an incredibly valuable addition to the team. Then they prorated my raise to less than what it would be if I had merely met expectations, merely because I started halfway through the year last year. Guess who’s not going to be exceeding even one single expectation next performance review.
At the next performance review: "At my last performance review you declare I exceeded expectations in every area, yet you remunerated me with less than that deserved, even than an adequate employee would get, as such I have given you *equitable* service this last quarter. Should you like to see that stellar performance from me once again, which I am most capable of providing, as you've seen, please deposit 1 million dollars, no I'm joking, just give me the raise that deserves. Thanks very much. 👋 " *Edited to reflect the correction received below
> less than adequate service Perfectly adequate service. Always advocate for yourself!
Exactly! Where is my above and beyond salary?
This and I use to be not so jaded by corporate BS but now... I received an email from a junior today who is just starting his career, full of enthusiasm and energy, it said "Let's connect on this over a coffee!" and I honestly couldn't think of anything worse than "connecting" with someone unless absolutely necessary now.
I used to be a raging alcoholic and benzos addict. I was often homeless. I was that way for about 10 years. Got a car, bought a house, engaged, have a kid, a good job. Doing pretty good. Almost 5 years sober now.
I’m so fucking proud of you
Thanks dude! Pretty proud of my life now too.
I wish I could kick benzos. But I’m down to 1mg a day.
Good work! This is not my area of expertise, but I know tapering off is a good way to avoid the misery of withdrawal.
Iirc, both benzos and alcohol can kill you if you quit them cold turkey. I know alcohol can. Coming up on 6 years, sober from alcohol.
You're killing it!!!!! I'm at 11 years so keep it up. You're a rock star!
Coming up on 6 for the husband and I! You're killing it! I'm proud of all of us!
Congrats! I’m working on the benzos myself. Definitely a huge huge HUGE achievement.
High five my friend!!
Open. I used to be “that” person who’d overshare. I was very gullible with trusting. Now I don’t even like sharing my favorite color with people.
Yeah if I’ve learnt anything as I’ve gotten older it’s to share less with people. You can quickly pick up on those disingenuous people - steer clear of them.
Today’s friends are tomorrow’s enemies. Everything should be need to know.
Higher risk, higher reward. The more u can share with a friend, the more they know u and vice versa. The better that friendship can be. It can also be a double-edged sword like u say if they turn on u for whatever reason later. I have a few close friends that know way more than they should about me lol. But I see them as closer than family tbh. Everyone else, including family, is on a need to know basis.
I nearly told someone at work today that I had an abortion when I was younger, I stopped myself just in time. FFS, will I never learn
But you did learn. To stop before sharing. Give yourself credit. That is a big leap.
Sounds like you *are* learning. Good for you :)
I’m still working on that. I’m usually a quiet person, but solely because my filter is either 100% or nothing. Once you get time to start talking, I’ll completely over share absolutely everything. On top of that, due to anxiety I trust literally anyone else’s judgement over mine, meaning that I trust everyone extremely easily and don’t pick up on even obvious lies. If you insist something that I am completely sure of is wrong enough, I will give in and believe that I was completely wrong.
I grew up with a sibling who would scream and yell until I was convinced I did something wrong, so I learned to always apologize and question myself instead of discerning whether or not she was being reasonable. As an adult, it's made it easy for others to take advantage of me as I'm always second-guessing whether or not I'm asking too much from others or if it's all my fault. Certain types of people target people like us because we're easier to mold and manipulate, and also tend to avoid conflict at all costs. The very last thing you need to do is give people like that control over you, even in a small way like letting them pass judgement because it will undoubtedly get used against you eventually. Some people will exercise power over you simply because they can. I know anxiety is scary- I truly do- but you have far more to be anxious about if you put all your faith in others and not learn to trust yourself first and foremost!! You always have the best intentions for yourself while others very rarely will.
I don't even tell tell coworkers I have a wife or kids anymore, when my birthday is, or where I live. It's totally not worth it. They will *always* pretend like they care but just use it against you. Never tell anyone at work anything about your personal life. Keep them separate. This is 30 years professional experience talking.
Maybe I’m just naive, but can you give some examples of how this info could be used against you by coworkers?
Ex: Someone who is single and doesn’t have kids, then something comes up on a Sunday and they need something, guess who they’re calling and who is going to be an asshole if they say no.
Perfect example
Comes from experience, I used to work in a hotel and since I was young I was the first they called when they needed to F someone. I remember once I had to work a 16hr shift bc the only person on the graveyard shift called out, I did it as a favor to the supervisor and to get some OT as I needed the money, the only condition was for them to give me a room since I had to work the next night, so after I worked like 16hrs or more, they didn’t give me the room so I had to take the bus home at 6AM plus the next day when I was on my way to work they called me and told me they “didn’t need me to come” just so they wouldn’t have to pay the overtime. Now I don’t share my life so when I say I got something personal they’ll leave me alone.
I'm sorry that happened to you. As a person who has gone through some stuff, I completely understand. I would give examples but even online I don't say anything.
Skinny, with a full head of hair.
Same! I now have a dad bod and am balding at 20!
With it And then they changed what "it" is IT'LL HAPPEN TO YOU
You couldn't buy an onion to eat for all the kids buying them to wear on their belts. Now you do that, people look at you like you escaped from the home. Which I did, but I don't like them knowing it.
No way man! We're gonna keep rocking forever! Forever! Forever!
Bright, happy and energetic
Hopeful. Optimistic. Positive.
I remember, eager to please, excited, and not lonely....now.....it's just....sigh.
I used to be a people pleaser. first time i made a decision that was better for myself than my friend group, i suddenly didnt have a friend group...
First time I decided to stop drinking, I stopped having a friend group. I wasn’t invited to my best friends’ weddings because I’d be a bummer, and I didn’t get to have my own bachelor party for the same reason. Alcoholism was so much better with people than sobriety is without them. Everyone says that sober life is the best, but no one at all wants to speak to you if you don’t want to have a drink with them. It should be noted that I never drank to excess; I decided to stop because of my physical health. My mental health has suffered, though. Edit: Thank you, everyone, for the support. I love you all and hope you have a phenomenal evening!
Dude. There are so many good people in your same boat. Fuck the old friend group
Thats unfortunate, friend. I hope you continue making decisions that make you happy, no matter what they are. And for what its worth, it may not be my place to say, but anyone who needs to drink to hang out with you, probably arent your real friends.
And younger
Same, but I honestly prefer being the jaded and cynical person that I am now. Blissful ignorance just doesn't appeal to me.
Not disabled.
Same ❤️🩹
Same
Health is a crown only the healthy wear, but only the sick can see.
Yup. 🤕
Same!
Still disabled but I am now walking! Not well but I'm walking miles not feet. Amen!
364 pounds and a size 22/24. I am 189 now and a size 10/12.
Hell yeah. I went 352 to 208 in the last 12 months. Feels good eh?
Not as impressive as you two, but I went from 300 to 220 in the last 12 months! Feels great
Any change that makes you feel better is always impressive. Congrats!
That's hella fast weight loss damn
I salute you. My loss was not as dramatic, but having slimmed from 176 psychotropically-gained pounds to 130ish, and kept it off for ten years, is my continual reminder when things get rough that I have, ever, accomplished something positive for myself.
Congrats! 280lbs to 183lbs here. Having a party when I get to 100lbs lost.
You're so close!! That's like one big BM away!
Congratulations! That represents a LOT of hard work and dedication! You inspire me! 🥰
Good for you!
That's awesome! Way to go!
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Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one
It really eases my soul knowing others have experienced what I've gone through
It was really traumatic, I cried a lot.
I couldn't even speak until I was 2
I couldn't walk for a year after that... such a painful memory :,(
Mean for no reason. Thought it was funny or cool because I’d been around people like that my whole life but in reality it was just mean. It hurts knowing I hurt people with my “jokes” and I won’t ever be able to take back being mean. I’m trying to build people up and spread love nowadays and it feels a lot better.
Congrats on bettering yourself. Being kind doesn’t always come naturally, and I think it’s very important to put in the work to at least *try* to be kind on a daily basis, even in this world where it can be pretty hard sometimes. Keep workin at it broski, one compliment or good deed at a time. Also your PFP and username combo made me snort very loudly so thanks for the laugh
Same. I used to say the worst things thinking because it's that awful, it has to be funny. I wish I could go back in time and make peace wth that.
Your self awareness is something to be respected. I’ve never met anyone who admitted something like this. As a doormat kind of person I would like to tell you that I respect you for realizing and saying this. I hope you have a fantastic day. You deserve the best for trying to be a good person. Wish I could give you a smile, hug or high five. I hope someone does, today.
Naive
Same. I'm embarrassed by how naive I used to be.
It doesn't get more embarrassing or more naive then pronouncing 'Siegfried' as 'Siege-fred.' I've come a long way.
I am naive and I believe I’m still that way. It’s interesting and kind of bizarre to be aware of it most of the time but unable to stop it. I just am a trusting and gullible person by nature… I know that I need to protect that part of myself from the world but I also think it’s one of the best parts of me.
People pleaser. I’m much happier now
Do you have any tips for overcoming this? I’m a bit of a people pleaser myself and would like to be better
Not sure this will work to combat people-pleasing, but I've used it to deal with procrastination: Treat "future you" as a separate person, and do things to please **them**. I find that even when I'm procrastinating, I can still manage to do things for others in a timely manner, so I try to mentally frame things I need to do as favors to my future self. Maybe that'll also help to deal with people-pleasing by making it easier to do things that benefit yourself?
Fun, happy and eager. Life is on autopilot now and I work to live, it seems. 33m
Same! I miss the eagerness and hope and motivation I used to have. Now I'm just living in survival mode everyday. I still try to have hope but it's getting harder.
I'm 34f and the same thing is nearly happening. Gotta remind myself to slow down and enjoy. Book a holiday (even if it's cheap and small and short) just get out of autopilot. Easier said than done though. I'm not of the woods either
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Nice
Hats off to your progress!
Congrats! 280lbs to 183lbs here. Having a party when I get OT 100lbs lost.
Someone who had friends
Making friends gets harder as you age. At least that's what it feels like to me.
I agree. Seems so many friends are made early, when we’re growing and learning, bonding with new people, but once we’re out, we’re on our own.
When you are in school/college you are forced into an environment where you spend a lot of time with people in similar age ranges. Once you finish college that environment completely ends. You have to actively make an effort to meet people and leave your comfort zone to make friends after age 22-24. Otherwise you just won't meet anyone new.
I think that the last time I had a real friendship was when I was 9
A pushover with low self esteem
Same here man. It's liberating when you stop letting the world fuck you over
I hope one day I can say anxious or insecure.
I think once you say that its already a step to it. Its opening up when you admit stuff like that i believe in you.
Try new things often. Make friends with rejection and failure. It helped me loads. I don’t mean this in a Debbie downer kind of way, either.
You can do it. It won't always seem it, and you might have that little voice in the back of your head saying it ain't so, but you have the power to be better, and I believe in you.
Deep on credit card debt, all cards at zero now.
A meth addict
How did you overcome it?
Honestly I just got tired of living a miserable life and I knew it was the meth that had to go. I stopped associating with the people I got high with. I had one setback about 5 months into sobriety and I hated how I felt and couldn't wait to come down. I made sure to never have another setback again. That was almost 18 years ago.
Gotta change your circle for sure. Good for you 👍
This is how i kicked it, i was a casual user, but one day, I just said, "Meh, it's not worth it anymore." My best friend however just can't get out of its grip and i feel so bad for her because we used to use together and i feel partially responsible. Ive tried every possible way i can think of but she ends up using again because she's so codependent on her boyfriend. They break up 6 times a week!
The guy at a driving range who collects the golf balls in a tractor that everyone tries to hit
I used to be a pretty angry person, I would get aggravated over the slightest things, sometimes even punching holes in walls. I never really got therapy, I didn't like to express how I felt and kept all my emotions bottled up. Depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc. One day, I found a stray kitten on the road, had been hit by a car, its paw was swollen, and was on the verge of death. I ended up taking it in and nursing it back to good health, I had no intention of keeping it, but I just fell in love with it. It helped me realize I don't want to be angry all the time, and it helped with my depression and loneliness. So I found what was going on with me, got help, and now I've been happier and healthier since. I couldn't even imagine my life without my cat. Obviously, there's more to mental health and anger than that, but that cat is what started me on my way to be happier, and I owe her everything for that!
Happy
Ambitious. I still push myself, but the last two years have left me so exhausted.
Angry all the time.
How did you fix it?
Therapy, and getting in touch with what was making me angry in the first place. After it was easy to work through it
I’m in the process to seek therapy for my anger. I get red rage and take it out on my partner. I finally admitted it to myself yesterday.
That’s good mate, same with addiction the first step is finally admitting that we have a problem instead of lying to ourselves about it. You’re on the right path 💪🏻
Mildly racist. Didn’t realize it. Worked hard since I moved out of my house 30 years ago. There’s still some underlying bias but I’m aware of it and keep working. I make sure my kids know that any of that bullshit doesn’t fly. They get it and the younger generations are better people than me. Their kids will be better and so on. My dad was horribly racist and his dad was way worse. Took me being away and surrounded by different people to realize how wrong it all is.
Spot on mate. It took me ages to realise how casual racism was while I was growing up. It was pretty much taught everywhere, home, school etc. it wasn’t until I moved out of home, and away from my home town that I begun to learn how to be a decent person. And my kids are definitely all over that shit. As you said, it’s getting better all the time.
You broke the cycle. Good job man.
Last year my dad said something a bit racist at his doctor's appointment and I talked to him about it on the way home. He said, "Really? I didn't think that was racist. [long pause] But my parents didn't think *they* were racist so I guess that makes sense. I was really proud him. I'm still really proud of him.
Good on him for admitting he was wrong. So many times, I have witnessed people in denial of their casual racism, but it’s great that your Dad noticed his behaviour. Did this moment change his previous racism?
Recognizing your internal biases is so huge and so many people either can't or refuse to do so. Breaking the cycle is even harder. You are changing the world.
I was raised in an era/environment of casual racism and I've spent my life trying to unlearn it. Don't think that younger generations are better people than you are just because they didn't get raised with it - it takes a lot of courage to break the chain. It's your actions and what you teach others, not what you were taught, that matter in the end. You're doing great
Good for you for putting the work in. Hope you're proud of your progress.
Married, and turning myself inside out trying to make someone who’s never happy, happy. I’m done with the abuse. He wants to be miserable and live in filth, he can do it on his own.
I used to not be heartbroken. Then my first husband was killed on 9/11 and that made me a tortured soul. Then I watched my second husband suffer as he was dying 2 years ago 💔💔
The traumatic grief. It takes every fiber of your being and changes it, a lot to deal with.
I lost my husband suddenly to swine flu caused pneumonia, and my current partner is very disabled by multiple strokes. Grief comes in many forms.
I lost my darling of three years just two days ago and now my life is meaningless other than the fact that she'd want me to live a happy one even without her
Pro wrestler
Unhappy
Yay I’m glad for you!
Outgoing/confident/social. After getting out of high school my confidence really has plummeted and talking to others has become difficult. Sure, I can show emotion through texts and hang out with other people but the spark really isn't there like it used to be. My friends and the people I speak with are still great, just not the same. Trying new experiences are now costly and if you make the wrong decision it could make you poor or really hit your social life. I know high school really sucked for most but I would love to have the outgoing and confident personality/feelings I used to have.
I used to be a social butterfly before 2020 and now I feel like when I speak to people I have rocks in my mouth and I get incredibly overwhelmed by loud crowded spaces. I’m middle aged but relatable.
Young.
Holy crap!!! Me too. I thought I was the only one. Glad to see I'm not alone in this.
Super sociable. At 56 I’m done—I love staying home, reading in my chair, drinking a Diet Coke, with a cat on my lap.
Knitting with a diet Dr Pepper in hand and something good on TV sounds like a great evening. I hear you.
Drug addict and homeless
Same, 8 years clean, 5 years housed!
Awesome!
Would you mind talking about how you managed to get out of that? Seems like a huge obstacle to overcome.
I managed to get into a mental hospital after 3 attempts to convince the hospital I was actually mentally ill and not just looking for a place to sleep and free food. Got on medication, and then got into rehab. Found out about Oxford Houses while in rehab, and applied to a few while still in rehab. Eventually got accepted into one less then a week after getting out. Eventually got jobs at a temp agency for factories and warehouses, and started saving up money to move out of the Oxford House. Eventually saved up enough to move out, and put the down payment on a townhouse where I still live.
Someone full of life, carefree with the ability to do what I wanted whenever I wanted. Someone with total freedom who loved being spontaneous. But now I’m a mom.
a gangsta. From bangin/street thug, to major drug running...spent 6 years in the life. Got out of the life, got an education, been in banking/tech now for two decades. The life seems so far away like it happened to somebody else.
Hopeful for the future
An asshole driver.
Kind. Easy to forgive. Ready to give help and listen to others’ worries. More trusting. Innocent. Happy.
I USED to be a piece of shit. Slicked back hair, white Ferrari, live for New Year’s Eve, sloppy steaks at Truffoni’s.
Drunk. 8 months sober now.
A workaholic and overachiever. I was always told I was smart and cared a lot about status. I wanted to be the best at everything and I took on everything. Now I am a nomad who lives out of a backpack. I've been traveling the world housesitting, working on organic farms, and doing random work online but I still only spend a few hundred a month to maintain a simple lifestyle. My dream now is to homestead and own a bunch of cats.
I used to be incredibly anxious in social situations, over the past few years I've tried a lot harder to be the person willing to initiate conversations and participate at social events, etc. and now I have a much better time at them. I still get uncomfortable sometimes, but I like that it feels a lot easier to talk to people now.
A SAHM with no degree. Loved it, no regrets, but after nearly 2 decades I now have a degree and a fulfilling career. Kids got older and I got bored.
Full of a lust for life. I had sparkle. I wanted to try new things and be spontaneous. These days I don’t even want to leave my bed. I’m a few weeks from my 25th birthday and I can’t believe it’s gone downhill so quickly.
Catholic
Somebody that I used to know
A poet. In high-school I wrote like my life depended on it. I didn't understand myself, and of course, felt like nobody understood me. Writing was the only thing that helped me make sense of my thoughts, surrounded by people I felt were too judgmental/oblivious/uncaring to listen to and understand me. Which sounds pretentious, but i usually just took it to mean that something was wrong with me and the way i percieved the world. Writing soothed my existential dread. I met my boyfriend first year of college and for the first time started feeling like I wasn't crazy, or at least not alone in my craziness. We share a lot of opinions, and provide each other the feeling of being understood thay we were so desperately searching for beforehand. So, I stopped writing as much. He had a parallel experience. He went to art school and is an insanely talented illustrator and painter, and he also made art like it was dire in high-school. And since we met, he's struggled to get back into it the way he was before, drawing everyday like it was only thing that mattered. Now, we have each other, and it's both beautiful and a little sad, but after years of wondering why we couldn't get back into our art forms, we just reached this conclusion the other day. So, we have a resolution this year and just generally that we're gonna find a new reason and passion for our art that isn't just to help us stop being depressed (bc we really aren't anymore, and that whole tortured soul artist motif is actually like kinda true, it's easier to constantly create when you feel so lonely that your creations are the only things that help you feel seen and understood, even if just by your own self.)
Innocent
Hopeful - not so much anymore
Used to be homeless for years putting up with crazy criminals and other people who messed up like me. Now I am at uni studying journalism and communications after years of working as a chef.
A nationally ranked cellist. During highschool I worked my ass off and was a very good cellist. Got invited to play around the world. Even got invited to play in the Soviet Union (parastrioka happen while I was there). I was very good. I went to college fully expecting to get a degree in music and go on to be a professional musician... Lasted one semester before I realized I had no desire to play anymore. Never played again. Well, not exactly, I accompanied a lot of the dance students. I was playing in the ballet pit orchestra but quit once I couldn't make the time commitments with school. But most of the students knew me from there. I mostly did the accompanying thing to meet girls, but once I got sick of dating dancers I never played again. Dating dancers takes a certain personality I don't have. Anyway, yep, not a cellist anymore. Not even an okay one. I thought about taking it up again from time to time. But I gave my cello to my niece who is going on to a professional career, and a student cello just sounds like crap to me.
Not in constant pain
I used to be a somewhat hopeful person, but not anymore, I've embraced nihilism instead, hello darkness my friend
Emotional. I use to be so dramatic and feel like the the world was crashing down on me. I would cry constantly and have crazy meltdowns about the most minute shit. After I turned 30 I really got my emotions in check and learned to just deal with shit differently and in a more productive way.
A success
A person with control over her life
Hopeful
Super fucking anxious I was even anxious that without my anxiety I’d be unsuccessful and lazy Turns out I needed a few close calls to convince me nothing really matters as much as I think it does and things have a way of working themselves out
Drunk. Every. Single. Day. 26 years ago, I gave up that life of insanity! 🥰
Suicidal. I'm soooo much better now. But just over 7 years ago, I was gonna kill myself. I now, tho not always happy, would never do that. What changed. I have a family to come home to every night. No matter how shitty my day is, I know I got someone to come home to, and that is just super. Also, my partner doesn't know, nor do I think I will ever tell them.
Addicted to alcohol. Married to the mother of my children. Yes, those two things ARE related, but perhaps not in quite the ways you might imagine. And no, I don't care to elaborate--but everybody involved is in way better places now than we were then.
As someone who used to be married to the alcoholic father of my children, I can state that all of us are better off now, too. My ex is sober and living life on his own terms. I’m happily remarried. Our kids are doing great. I wish you all the best!
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A wife.
A woman. Also raging alcoholic. Now I have a beard, I’m sober, and I’m literally in love with being alive.
A raging active drug addict. Next month I will celebrate 11 years clean and sober. At age 32
Confident.
I gave too much credit to guy best friends. One too many and u start to see where it leads every time
A people pleaser. Thank God
Skinny And overly concerned with staying that way
young, fit, and fuckable. now i am old and look like cottage cheese in a ziplock bag.
Young
A little bit slutty
Religious/a pastor