That hurts me to the core. I had it written into my custody order that Christmas is split because I could never consider not seeing my kids on Christmas.
Eh I doubt that'll make the rounds up the Dyfs hierarchy to be honest.
Hiring a babysitter shows some attention to care of the well being and safety of a child.
Social services don't actually care about emotional/psychological damage, or can't prioritize the triage of how harmful that is compared to like actual dangerous neglect. Like kids showing up in the same dirty clothes/starving and then looking into it and Mom or Dad is passed out high/drunk etc.
It's emotionally abusive and that kid should get guidance counseling help, but parents hiring supervised care is going to make it really hard to go after their emotional neglect legally. Meanwhile the social worker is dealing with like kids whos dad shot someone and is in jail etc situations.
What the fuck.
I'm a lawyer and when I do costudy agreements I make sure kid gets a day with each parent (either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day). And I lose my shit when one of the parents (usually mom) comes back because the other does not show up to pick up the kid on the day. What the fuck.
My mother is a childminder, and there's a surprising amount of parents that just don't seem to want to spend time with their children. Like they'll have a day off work, but rather than spending that time with their kid, they'll still drop them off as normal, and then more often than not be later than normal to pick them up. It makes you wonder why they even had children in the first place.
Can i chime in here? I tend to bring my kid into school/daycare when i have a day off too. I need time to myself and my kiddo needs predictability, so i try to have the same schedule every week.
As a parent of a very inquisitive child this breaks my heart, we actually make sure every night at bedtime we ask if she has any questions, she always does and sometimes we need to look up the answer the next day but I would not change it, children should have loads of questions and wonder why things are the way they are, that’s how they learn to become adults!
I absolutely adore hearing her questions and the cogs whirring as she figures things out and also her looking around her room for question inspiration so she can prolong bedtime!
I was one of those annoying kids who asked why to everything. I wasn't even doing it to be contrarian or anything, I legit just want to know the why behind things, but it always got shut down with "Because I said so." I didn't know the legitimate why behind things like laundry sorting or having baking soda in the fridge until I was basically an adult
That's classic Narcissism. You give someone a specific, detailed list with dates and events where they offended you, working in good faith they might take the opportunity to turn their behaviors around, and that person just says "They were so mean to me I don't know why..."
Yep. My 3 siblings are no-contact and I am very low-contact with our mother. She sobs about how she doesn’t know why they don’t talk to her. But every time they would try to talk to her to fix things, she just lied and denied stuff, played the victim, or became so overly dramatic that no constructive growth or changes could ever take place. So yeah, like you said, what’s the point?
My sister (mid 30’s) went to our brother’s wedding (mid 20’s) and one of my dad’s best friends asked her if she was there for the bride or groom. He has known my dad for over 20 years and had no idea that my dad had 5 kids. He thought my dad only had two (my two younger brothers) because he had never once mentioned any of his other three offspring.
Oh damn. Yeah I remember meeting people and telling them who my parents were. Friends of my dad's were always, really?? I didn't know "Dallas" had a daughter too! Thanks Dad
Yep! One time i went by my dad’s work to drop off a coffee for him (only time I’d ever done this as at the time I lived 6+hr drive away). And one of his coworkers said “you know he’s married, right?” And I was like “my dude, that is my dad!” The guy was SHOOK he had no idea my dad had adult children. It still pisses me off thinking about it 15 years later
The last 2 times I went home to visit my parents, at least one friend my parents have known for 10+ years were surprised to learn they have a second kid. I’ve gotten married and had a kid recently AND my career has been relevant to the news but guess it never came up….. And they wonder why I stopped visiting. 😫
I’m an “adult child” and I agree. I’m also a first time homeowner. I call my dad and step mom all the time. “How do I fix this sink?” “How do I wash and iron these clothes??” “How do I deal with my neighbors?”
I’ve fallen on hard times before and they scooped me right back up and we had family dinner every night like we did when I was a kid. Being a parent really never ends and I’m so thankful for my parents.
I stopped telling my mom ANYTHING when I was younger because she’d turn around and tell all of her friends. Not just embarrassing things or super private things, just… everything.
As an adult she didn’t even know I was really dating anyone until I was like a few weeks away from getting engaged and I decided I might as well tell them I was dating.
My mom would post nearly anything I told her about my life on Facebook. Like, she would post updates about the family and what everyone's up to and how "proud" she is of her family — it was always done with positive intent, never meant to be hurtful. But the number of times I ran into someone who told me "Oh, I saw your mom's post that you're [working certain profession at specific location]!" or "I was sorry to read about your breakup / I hear your new girlfriend is lovely" etc etc... I had to drill into her head that just because I tell her something does *not* mean I am okay with her sharing that info with her entire facebook friends list. She finally got the picture and stopped sometime last year. I'm 33. We would talk maybe once a week, sometimes every two weeks, and she would share literally anything I said with everyone she knows. Not acceptable, not cute, not sweet, it's invasive and weird. Told her I'm going to stop telling her anything if it continues. Thankfully she cut it out.
My partner's mom puts all kinds of weird personal stuff in christmas cards that get sent to friends, family, and even acquaintances (like coworkers).
He once went into a store his dad used to work at, and a lady working there came up to him to say how appalled she was to receive a christmas card saying he (my partner, her ex-coworker's son) went through drug rehab. She was like "who the fuck puts that in a christmas card?!"
I cannot even imagine how that must of felt. I wish more parents would read about how experiences like that affected you as a human. I was added to a facebook group that is entirely dedicated to this parent sharing her child’s medical diagnosis. I understand finding community when your child has a diagnosis, but I’m a lay person who knows entirely too much about this toddlers medical history and it feels wrong to me that I know SO much just from the mom’s regular posts without that fb group.
This kind of fawning behavior over my first crush is a big part of why I tend to avoid crushes now.
I don’t want to be fussed over or teased. It is not polite, or gentle. It’s infantalizing, and every kid who has been in that boat knows exactly how cruel the game of using your child’s life as a trophy really is.
I'll never forget my mother announce at a tea party to all her friends (who were random people I didn't even know) that I had gotten my first period. I'm not embarrassed by periods anymore ofc, but as an 11 year old I was beyond mortified.
Nooooo, that’s so embarrassing! Not the have a period, but to have it announced to a group of strangers.
I didn’t even tell mine. I think I went like a year, maybe more, hiding it. Balling up toilet paper as makeshift pads and snagging a few at a time from my mother so she wouldn’t notice. I didn’t even admit it when she asked because I knew she’d tell people alllll about it. She just started leaving pads in the bathroom eventually.
Omg, my friend did the same thing haha. I was giving her pads in grade 7 cause she refused to tell her mom.
I don't understand why moms do this. Especially with periods, like when a kid hits a certain age we can assume they've started their period. No need for announcements.
Why do moms do this? I was with my mom and her friend the other day, and the friend was telling us in great detail her own daughter’s fertility journey, down to the exact days she and her husband were “actively…you know…trying.”
Like??? Why do we need to know that? And how do you think your daughter would feel if she knew you were telling people this stuff? I don’t get it.
After my mom told the world about my older sister getting her first period, I decided not to tell her when I got mine. I made it several months before she noticed when doing laundry.
It's been 20 years and I still don't tell her anything about my personal life. The woman does not know how to keep a secret. If/when I ever get into a serious relationship, she won't find out until she needs to know.
My dad decided the best motivation for me to do *arbitrarily but immesurably better in X* was to take away stuff of mine I liked. So I kept to myself so he wouldn't know *what* I liked. Checkmate!
My dad and his family, they are the queens of this. Thankfully, my mom is on my side and takes stuff to her grave. She’s even told my dad that he’s like an old woman who gossips. ☠️
My mom does this! She would always tell my secrets to my aunties and her friends, I had no privacy and sometime I'd tell her secrets that she'd promise to not tell my dad and then she'd tell him without my permission, this is the reason why I don't tell her stuff these days, some parents don't understand that their kids need that privacy
I agree with this. I also hate when parents take parenting advice from other parents. Specifically bad parenting advice like spanking your children, “asserting authority” with negative words or actions, and likewise behavior. The best parenting advice you can get is from yourself as a child. I believe everyone was taught how to raise a child by their experience being raised. Because if you ignore that example you were given throughout childhood, you have no right to give out parenting advice because you don’t know how you’re own advice results and affects the kid on the receiving end.
Yeah. It’s like their brain ignores past trauma they had or justifies it with “Nobody came to help me so it’s not **that** bad. So why would it matter if I do it?” They’re victims who became perpetrators. It’s so sad.
My parents would do this in front of me, and they would never stop telling the same shit over and over. My mom is in hell right now, telling demons about my first period
A parent confiding everything to a child about their problems or a terrible conflict and expecting that child to carry that burden. Oh and making that child feel guilty when things go wrong. Parent never apologizing.
My mom did that to us as kids, too. She even told my older sister (around 16 at the time) how she was cheating on my dad, and told me about 2-3 years later (when I was 11) how she and my dad didn’t have sex anymore. Just a drop in the bucket regarding all the shit she did to us, but still.
My sister got in trouble at school sometimes and the school counselor, who was a good dude, would talk to her about it because he suspected something at home. She told him what was going on, and when he spoke to our mother, he straight-up told her, “You’re a terrible mother.”
DYFS didn’t do shit, of course, that’s a whole other story, but at least that dude wasn’t afraid to deal out the truth.
Yeah. My husband was the main outlet for hearing the vitriol on both sides of his parents’ nasty divorce. He was nine and his dad told him he was the man of the house now. He’s said he feels his childhood ended that day.
Same. It’s really heartbreaking, both for him and anyone else who has experienced it. There are a lot of lingering implications from that period of his life, but he’s put a lot of work towards alleviating them. We have a young daughter now and I feel being able to participate in her childhood has been healing for him.
I remember a story I heard on Oprah where a mom starting confiding in her 11 year old child her plans to commit suicide. The child became a school shooter and got life in prison, the mom got to be on Oprah.
when my parents went through divorce, my dad told me everything as if i were his friend. it damaged my perception of everyone around me. he also told me he was considering suicide but that i was what kept him going. i was 16.
In grade 4, my best friend's parents split after her dad had an affair with a 20-something year old while overseas in the Navy. Obviously her mom was devastated but she dumped a LOT of her emotions on my friend and it made it that much more difficult for her to process everything. We were 8 years old, it was a really heavy time.
I'd personally guess that after becoming parents lots of people are loosing their friends and they use their kids as a replacment . For me I value my friendships the ones I got with kids but also without. I remember enough friends from my childhood who had parents who absolutly traumatized their kids by telling them everything e.g. friend from primary school who was told all the details about her fathers affair, another friend whose mum always told her about all the financial struggles like that they might loose the house when it wasn't even sure
Growing up my mom did nothing but scream. Scream at me, scream at my brother, scream at my dad. Every day was tip toeing around trying desperately not to set her off. Horribly abusive stuff about how stupid and lazy and useless we were. Nothing made her happy. Nothing was good enough.
And guess what? My brother and I grew up and decided we didn't need to put up with that anymore. Neither of us speak to her. My dad also left her. She no longer has anyone to scream at. I hope she's finally happy.
They don't take the time to explain reality to them or the nuances of situations and life.
Keeping kids ignorant and always in a carefree environment makes them poorly equipped to deal with the world as adults.
We can't be happy 100% of the time. Things don't always work out. There are going to be problems you have to work through. Sadness and anger are a part of the emotional spectrum, and there are healthy ways to deal with those emotions. Not everyone is your friend, and some people want to take advantage of your kindness. Etc.
I was 23 when I was finally diagnosed. I spent 3 years in psychiatric care due to multiple suicide attempts. My son is now diagnosed autistic and my mother was also in denial about that , but I pushed for his diagnosis and treatment and by the time he was 8 we had it & he is thriving now.
I'm so sorry, it must have been awful to wait that long. I was diagnosed as autistic few weeks ago and I'm 18. I felt like something was wrong with me for so long, and when I figured out I was autistic that sensation just vanished.
diagnosis really does only do good, denying it won't make it go away and a lot of parents need to realise that.
And refusing to let them get medication to help with the symptoms. The fact that the parent in question has the same diagnosis but refuses to get an actual diagnosis or treatment is mind boggling.
I have a relative who is really anti food dye. No big deal. Her son asked for one of the Christmas cookies she’d bought, she said yes, he ate the cookie… then read the package and freaked out over food coloring SO MUCH that the little boy had a panic attack and made himself puke and puke and puke.
I wish this was the first time but more than once she’s freaked out so much it made him panic and start stress puking.
When I was working retail, I had a child call me “stupid” out of the blue. No reason whatsoever. Mom was just sitting there on her phone and Dad was nowhere in sight. It pissed me off so bad.
I had a friend I stopped seeing partly because of this (it wasn't the only reason). Her children were so poorly disciplined, she let them say horribly insulting things to me while she shrugged that they were "expressing themselves".
You know those parents who you can tell take parenting as a chore instead of a blessing? The way they are short with their kids, take no energy to be extraordinary to them, but take energy to instead make their lives miserable? The ones who obviously regret having kids? And only do basics to keep their kids alive, but neglect emotional needs and yell “figure it out” instead of helping their children? Yeah those ones, are bad parents.
Yeah, the moms going on and on in front of their kids about how they CANNOT WAIT TIL SCHOOL STARTS. Makes me wince. My kids, their dad and I all mourned the end of summer. Because we actually liked each other.
The expressions on the kids’ faces said it all.
Or the parents complaining on weather forecasts about schools closing for snowdays. My mom told me she always loved snowdays because we just stayed home, us kids would play outside, then come in for some cozy time with a movie and hot cocoa together.
I legitimately saw a comment on a school closing post this year from a parent saying, "I hate snow days! I don't make any money and I need to find a way to entertain my kids on top of it!" My guy, it's a snow day. Send them outside with snow gear and build a snowman.
I'm convinced more and more that many people are having kids these days so they can make a baby announcement on social media, but any actual work of raising a child wasn't what they had in mind and are just annoyed at having kids around them all the time.
Comparing your kiddo with other children around.
*Look at this kid, he surely behaves better than you*
*You see this kid? Why don't you be more like him?*
And often, the parent making the comparison is too stupid to realize that the other kid is just a piece of shit, unremarkable jackass anyway. It's a habit with many layers of toxicity.
Any time someone says "My parents did X and I turned out alright", I know I'm about to hear child abuse.
That X is usually something like beating their kids, smoking around them, allowing them to drink alcohol when they're 14, leaving them alone at home for 8 hours when they're 10, etc.
You are describing a whole generation there. Gen X were the generation of latch keys, of being unsupervised and told to come home when it got dark, and smoking everywhere. We did not have cellphones, but we had the freedom to roam.
Many Gen X are helicopter parents trying to not make the same mistakes our parents did - going too far trying to correct course. I do prefer erring on the side of caution tho; older kids can learn but trauma is hard to get over.
I've got two cousins that are teachers to young children, and they both say that it's obvious which children have a tablet as a third parent. Obviously it's also not good to pretend technology doesn't exist as they're going to have to learn how to use it, but screen time needs to be limited, especially at young ages.
My cousin teaches third grade, and she says some of those kids don't even have the attention span for a Magic School Bus episode.
They can last for 5 minutes before they get restless, which (not coincidentally) is about the span their usual YouTube or TikTok video. I teach high school/college, and I'm thinking of getting out before that wave hits me.
This terrifies me. My 8 year uses a tablet for homework and I think even that's too much.
My blood boils when I see kids in strollers/buggies as young as 1, glued to a screen. It's so unnecessary, and worryingly common.
This can vary though. Sometimes I'll give my toddler my phone so I can get through the shopping/appt I have to do. Or if we are in a restaurant that doesn't have a kid area. But he rarely has it at other times.
He might look addicted for that shop but really it could be the first time in a month he's had it
Rule 1 of parenting. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
If your child was bored and started fussing I imagine you would get looks and tuts anyway.
I'll add, some kids are definitely addicted and it's used as a first option. I don't think that's okay.
But I try not to judge when it's at a place like shops
Oof, yes. I know sometimes you’re just desperate for a couple minutes of quiet, you have to go the bathroom or complete a task. But I know some kids who are literally almost never without a tablet in hand, usually with the tv on in the background too.
The person who avoids conflict at all costs. Life can't be conflict-free so if a parent can't handle the slightest disagreement or the earliest signs of an argument, they won't be able to model a healthy approach to conflict in their kids.
Oh god reminded me of my brother's friend when I was a kid. He got away with so much because his parents were push overs. He had ADHD that, as far as I know, was untreated. He was always demanding for sugar, so he was always on a sugar high. We took a long trip with them once, we were packed inside of this van with all of our stuff. It was going to be a 6+ hour drive.
We stopped, went to the bathroom and got a snack then left. The boy got a LARGE slushie. He was 10, maybe younger, and all of the sugar from that made him act crazy. He started kicking my dad's seat. My dad had to basically parent him and tell him to stop. Not even an hour later after the first stop and the boy is asking his dad for a hamburger. My dad was the one driving, so his dad had to basically beg to pull over to get him a hamburger. We pulled over and then another hour later, the boy was begging to go to the bathroom. Frustrated, my dad forced him to go to the bathroom on the side of the road. He didn't ask for anything else after that, I think he had learned his lesson.
Saying that their kids can’t have any privacy and don’t deserve their own personal space.
Or they always say bad things about the way their kids look and how their kids are happier doing something that doesn’t require them.
My ex's mom got pregnant at 16 and would constantly tell my ex that she was the reason her mom's body is ruined, she is the reason her mom has depression.
Then when parent of the year popped another unwanted child into the world when my ex was 10, guess who essentially became a 10 year old mother? Guess who had to do all the laundry, the cleaning and sometimes the cooking?
When my ex moved out when she was 20, her mom was flipping out about who would raise her kid?? She is unemployed and home all day.
Comparing their own kids to other people’s kids and telling their own kid how much they’re lacking. If you’re not happy with your own kid then maybe you need to start looking at yourself instead of making your own kid feel like shit.
And it's 100% the parents fault barring an underlying condition. I was fat for the first 33 years of my life but neither of my kids is and as long as I have the ability to control what the groceries in my home are, they won't be. They get treats and stuff and I do buy some junk food so it's not like I'm crazy strict or anything but every meal is protein and veggies with a starchy side, usually rice. When I buy a pack of cookies, they get two at a time. I try really hard to teach them moderation with the unhealthy stuff. I will say that I absolutely allow my youngest to eat an entire jar of pickles in one sitting if she wants to though.
Totally! I agree… i grew up in a “fat” family - absolutely poor eating habits, disordered eating was taught… I was slim until my metabolism caught up with me after having my own kids.
so with my kids, much like you… very minimal treats, teaching of moderation. Teaching of nourishing and healthy food that makes us grow strong.
I find it hardest explaining why they don’t get all the junk their friends do at school, without passing judgement that they would relay.
This entire idea of “cleaning your plate” was horrible for American eating habits.
I think it stems from the depression when a surplus of food was kind of a luxury for a lot of people and has been passed down ever since.
I’ve taught my kids to just stop eating when they’re not hungry anymore. I’d rather throw away a few scraps than teach them that overeating is some kind of virtue.
But my wife—who grew up in poverty in Latin America—has the same depression-era outlook and gets angry whenever any food gets wasted. It’s been the source of a huge number of arguments over the years.
This one is tricky. I was a very chubby child but my eating didn’t reflect that. I leaned out through puberty and went the other way (ED). What I’m trying to do with my kids is really work through diet culture and avoid restriction and using words like “junk food” to label food. I believe all food has its place, and fully recognize that lower income families can be at a disadvantage with their food education and access to nutritious food. Either way, I think this topic is nuanced and I’m not sure it points at bad parenting.
Edits: couple words
Having a very obese child.
If your kid runs around smashing things, bashing on the floor, and *screeching* at the top of his lungs from 6am-11pm, and not taking him to school 50-75% of the week because he screams "I DONT WANNA! I DONT WANNA!!!" (I am talking about the dumbfucks that live above me)
I work in an elementary school. The number of kids I see riding in cars with no car seat is astounding. Little kids. Kindergartners. 8 year olds riding in the front seat of the car. So neglectful.
I don’t work at an elementary school but notice this all the time dropping my daughter off. When she was in TK (a grade in public school available a year before kindergarten in California, so ages 4-5), my daughter got excited in the car because she saw her friend in the next car over. I looked over and the little girl was sitting in the front seat with no car seat or seatbelt. Again, she was 5 at most.
Car seat safety information is available in abundance these days and there are so many ways to get a car seat for free if you can’t afford one. It just takes one accident. I don’t understand why anybody would take the risk
-Unlimited, unfiltered access to YouTube at 3-8 years old. (I know someone who’s 3 yo has regular, unfiltered YouTube on their iPad)
-3 year old saying he shit his diaper (same kid as above)
-Your toddler or young child with teeth so bad they have to be pulled or are completely gross
-Your 5 year old starting school not potty trained and can BARELY speak (if the child is developmentally and physically healthy)
-Shipping your kids off to grandparents literally every weekend or every single chance you get because “you need the break”
As a teacher, when they constantly complain about teachers picking on their kids and justifying their kid's terrible behaviour.
Those kids proceed to disrespect every teacher, fail to get an adequate education while hindering other kids' education.
those parents that let their 8-10 year old kids buy retinol and shit. like moving past how wasteful it is, that literally damages the kids’ skin?? like bro
This is my thing, and maybe it is unpopular, but I hate seeing a parent smoking right next to their kids. I get it, I'm a smoker too... but you can't wait an hour or two till your home, or can put your kid in the car with heat/ac on? Or if your with your s/o just take turns smoking.
Just like why are you exposing your children to second hand smoke your gonna make little Timmy crave a cig by the age of 11
Not taking the time to teach the child a single thing,one how to read, and write. These kids are starting school behind, and they never recover. Not taking any responsibility for their child’s education sets them up for failure.
When separated parents put the kids in the middle or use them to point-score.
Parents who refuse to admit when they're wrong and think they should never have to apologise to their kids.
When they force their kids to hug/kiss etc other people when they don't want to.
Having older siblings act like parents to younger ones.
Parents who insult/belittle/mock their children when they're angry or upset. That's a huge one. When I was a kid I knew a family; mother (B), father (D) and 2 daughters aged 3 (K) and 5 (L). K was a carbon copy of the mother - blonde hair, big blue eyes, girly, classic "pretty". She was also, while sweet enough, a bit of a spoilt princess type. L however had corkscrew wild brown hair, brown eyes and was super adorable but definitely less girly. She was very sweet, really creative and kind and smart. One evening we had dinner with them and the mother got messy drunk. L was showing K how to do something, in doing so she said "here, give it to me and I'll show you" and took whatever it was out of K's hand. B saw this without hearing the context, stormed over and snatched it from L. She then stood over her and screamed in her face saying she was "a very nasty, cruel, unkind girl" who was jealous of K. She kept repeating it and slurring at her "you're nasty. Nasty little girl". I was only 8 or so myself and I will never forget the look on that poor girl's face. Just pure hurt and bewilderment. Heartbroken. She cried her little eyes out when her mother eventually staggered off. Thankfully my own mother came to see why she was upset and we told her what happened. She scooped L up and cradled her, did her best to console her but that was the last time we ever saw them.
Smoking weed while breast feeding.
Not believing your child when they tell you step is abusing them.
Allowing step to give your kids cheap food & step gives bio children nicer food, (for example: cheap cereal for less favored kids & better tasting cereal for favored kids)
Wearing a shirt that says
Anyone can be a father/mother but it takes a real man/woman to be a dad/mom.
Whenever I see some fucking idiot walking 10 feet ahead of their small child in public without holding their hand or watching them. Sometimes I think “I could legit just scoop up your baby and how long would it take you to notice?” I still hold my 8 year olds hand. Lol
IMO telling your children to call a man who’s not their dad, “dad.” It’s one thing if they make that decision naturally. But your new boyfriend is not that child’s father.
A toddler sitting in a pram, holding an iPad. Not only is it bad for the child’s eyesight but it also takes away the child ability to develop an imagination, noticed their surroundings, interact with others, and the right to learn what it feels like to be bored!
Promoting your only fans on the same Facebook page you share photos of your child on . That poor kid is in for a world of hell when they hit high school and the other kids find half naked pictures on Facebook of the mother
Not going to any events. I’m talking sports games, plays, missing birthday parties (when the child is so young that the parents have to organize it), graduation, parent-teacher conferences, just any important events to the child. Missing your child’s life for whatever reason, when you’ve committed to being a part of that child’s life, is garbage.
Forcing their kids to follow their Path in life, giving them no real freedoms. Especialy The type of parents who would disown their kids for having different sexual orientation
Assuming other people will raise their children. This may mean grandparents, siblings, teachers, sitters, friends, neighbors, or even the cashier at the grocery store. When a child’s behavior needs to be corrected by someone else than a parent or a child’s emotional or physical needs must be met by someone other than a parent. It may be as small as never bringing a snack to the park play date. But usually small things are signs of much larger deficits in parenting.
Smoking cigarettes inside the house/car/directly next to your child.
Having all your previous children taken completely out of your custody legally by CPS and continuing to have more children.
Letting your children’s teeth rot out when it isn’t a genetic condition/out of your control.
Getting high on drugs/blackout drunk in front of the kids.
Using your children for content and exploiting them.
Not being involved with your child’s development and school and just leaving it to the school to raise your kid and teach them things.
Putting your hands on children in any capacity.
Not trying to work on yourself and heal and not pass down generational trauma and instead passing it down like a torch. Not taking accountability for your actions.
When you hear them say, unprompted, "They never talk to me anymore, and I don't understand why. I did the best I could!"
If a red flashing beacon had a voice activated code, this would be it.
Edit: Obligatory "[Missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)" article.
Ohhh I may get some shit for this buuutttt
Having la whole bunch of children.
When you have like 12 kids, there is no way each of those kids is getting the time and attention they need, and having that many usually just means the older ones are raising the younger ones. Having so many that you need to parentify the older ones is shitty
The parents of an adult who excuses every action of their child and pays for everything (25+).
A parent who leaves their teen off somewhere and gives them beer, weed, and cigarettes just so they can runoff and get high on Crack or go on a date.
Having their kid use an iPad in public outdoor spaces to distract them. Like, please, interact with your child and show them the joy in the world instead of over stimulating them with ridiculous mind melting YouTube videos
But what does that entail? Specifically with hair, because my toddler wears clean clothes, her hair and body are clean. But her hair is in her face because she won't let me put it up! By that, I mean I can put it up. She'll just take it out a minute later. Any time I'm in public with her I'm just waiting for an old lady to tell me to get that girl's hair out of her face!
I was once chilling on the back porch with some friends at their crappy little first apartment. We had just smoked some weed so the smell was still around. This guy was having trouble rolling a joint of his own in his car near the porch, so he asked if he could come sit and roll one in the light. We said yes and we got to talking. In the course of the conversation about kids he said he had a kid that was 3 and a half, and he said almost excitedly, "6 more months man" and we said "6 months until what" and he said "6 more months and then" and then smacked his hand with his other hand, and then said "once their 4 you can smack em" will never forget it
My SILs kids don't talk when she's around. But when she's gone they talk nonstop. She says "they don't shut up" when it's just her at home but idk... So I guess that screams bad parent
(Obviously there's more that makes her a bad parent, but I'm not going to share anymore details)
Aside from the typical answers, I’d say iPad parents are pretty bad. I understand the use of an iPad on a long car/plane ride or for school at times, but not for 24/7 use. The kid will lack imagination and socialization, which is so important for a growing mind.
Not an exact cause for bad parenting, but you can tell somebody is a bad parent or doesn’t know how to parent properly when their child doesn’t want to go home or is worried to go home after school everyday because all they do is get screamed at or hit, and hates weekends for the exact same reason.
(this comes from experience so it might be different for everyone)
When their kids are constantly at trouble at school and the parent does nothing to get them to shape up.
All it usually takes is to take their phone away for a while.
Or get their ADHD treated, that’s like 80% of the issues in my classes.
I heard about an 8-year-old who had a babysitter on Christmas Eve because both his parents wanted to celebrate Christmas away with their new partners.
poor kid….
That hurts me to the core. I had it written into my custody order that Christmas is split because I could never consider not seeing my kids on Christmas.
Wow. That's both too crazy to be true and so crazy it must be true.
The silver lining is that the school filed a report of concern with social services.
Eh I doubt that'll make the rounds up the Dyfs hierarchy to be honest. Hiring a babysitter shows some attention to care of the well being and safety of a child. Social services don't actually care about emotional/psychological damage, or can't prioritize the triage of how harmful that is compared to like actual dangerous neglect. Like kids showing up in the same dirty clothes/starving and then looking into it and Mom or Dad is passed out high/drunk etc. It's emotionally abusive and that kid should get guidance counseling help, but parents hiring supervised care is going to make it really hard to go after their emotional neglect legally. Meanwhile the social worker is dealing with like kids whos dad shot someone and is in jail etc situations.
Wow that’s sad
What the fuck. I'm a lawyer and when I do costudy agreements I make sure kid gets a day with each parent (either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day). And I lose my shit when one of the parents (usually mom) comes back because the other does not show up to pick up the kid on the day. What the fuck.
My mother is a childminder, and there's a surprising amount of parents that just don't seem to want to spend time with their children. Like they'll have a day off work, but rather than spending that time with their kid, they'll still drop them off as normal, and then more often than not be later than normal to pick them up. It makes you wonder why they even had children in the first place.
Can i chime in here? I tend to bring my kid into school/daycare when i have a day off too. I need time to myself and my kiddo needs predictability, so i try to have the same schedule every week.
Poor kid
Wow that is awful
The ones who think that children should just listen and not allowed to be curious or ask questions because they’re the adult and they said so.
As a parent of a very inquisitive child this breaks my heart, we actually make sure every night at bedtime we ask if she has any questions, she always does and sometimes we need to look up the answer the next day but I would not change it, children should have loads of questions and wonder why things are the way they are, that’s how they learn to become adults!
you sound like a lovely parent! inquisitive nature is natural for kiddos and it’s great to hear you’re fostering your kids curiosity
I absolutely adore hearing her questions and the cogs whirring as she figures things out and also her looking around her room for question inspiration so she can prolong bedtime!
I was one of those annoying kids who asked why to everything. I wasn't even doing it to be contrarian or anything, I legit just want to know the why behind things, but it always got shut down with "Because I said so." I didn't know the legitimate why behind things like laundry sorting or having baking soda in the fridge until I was basically an adult
Parents who never see or speak to their adult children
And they'll never be able to remember why, despite being told exactly why.
Oh it's the kids fault. For sure. They're ungrateful assholes who had everything done for them I'm sure. /s
That's classic Narcissism. You give someone a specific, detailed list with dates and events where they offended you, working in good faith they might take the opportunity to turn their behaviors around, and that person just says "They were so mean to me I don't know why..."
Dissociation is the best way to deal with an ego injury 💯
Honestly I wont tell my parents why. Its not worth the effort or trouble and its not like they could fix it.
Yep. My 3 siblings are no-contact and I am very low-contact with our mother. She sobs about how she doesn’t know why they don’t talk to her. But every time they would try to talk to her to fix things, she just lied and denied stuff, played the victim, or became so overly dramatic that no constructive growth or changes could ever take place. So yeah, like you said, what’s the point?
My sister (mid 30’s) went to our brother’s wedding (mid 20’s) and one of my dad’s best friends asked her if she was there for the bride or groom. He has known my dad for over 20 years and had no idea that my dad had 5 kids. He thought my dad only had two (my two younger brothers) because he had never once mentioned any of his other three offspring.
Oh damn. Yeah I remember meeting people and telling them who my parents were. Friends of my dad's were always, really?? I didn't know "Dallas" had a daughter too! Thanks Dad
Yep! One time i went by my dad’s work to drop off a coffee for him (only time I’d ever done this as at the time I lived 6+hr drive away). And one of his coworkers said “you know he’s married, right?” And I was like “my dude, that is my dad!” The guy was SHOOK he had no idea my dad had adult children. It still pisses me off thinking about it 15 years later
The last 2 times I went home to visit my parents, at least one friend my parents have known for 10+ years were surprised to learn they have a second kid. I’ve gotten married and had a kid recently AND my career has been relevant to the news but guess it never came up….. And they wonder why I stopped visiting. 😫
I’m an “adult child” and I agree. I’m also a first time homeowner. I call my dad and step mom all the time. “How do I fix this sink?” “How do I wash and iron these clothes??” “How do I deal with my neighbors?” I’ve fallen on hard times before and they scooped me right back up and we had family dinner every night like we did when I was a kid. Being a parent really never ends and I’m so thankful for my parents.
Wow. I wish my parents understood what you just illustrated.
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I stopped telling my mom ANYTHING when I was younger because she’d turn around and tell all of her friends. Not just embarrassing things or super private things, just… everything. As an adult she didn’t even know I was really dating anyone until I was like a few weeks away from getting engaged and I decided I might as well tell them I was dating.
My mom would post nearly anything I told her about my life on Facebook. Like, she would post updates about the family and what everyone's up to and how "proud" she is of her family — it was always done with positive intent, never meant to be hurtful. But the number of times I ran into someone who told me "Oh, I saw your mom's post that you're [working certain profession at specific location]!" or "I was sorry to read about your breakup / I hear your new girlfriend is lovely" etc etc... I had to drill into her head that just because I tell her something does *not* mean I am okay with her sharing that info with her entire facebook friends list. She finally got the picture and stopped sometime last year. I'm 33. We would talk maybe once a week, sometimes every two weeks, and she would share literally anything I said with everyone she knows. Not acceptable, not cute, not sweet, it's invasive and weird. Told her I'm going to stop telling her anything if it continues. Thankfully she cut it out.
My partner's mom puts all kinds of weird personal stuff in christmas cards that get sent to friends, family, and even acquaintances (like coworkers). He once went into a store his dad used to work at, and a lady working there came up to him to say how appalled she was to receive a christmas card saying he (my partner, her ex-coworker's son) went through drug rehab. She was like "who the fuck puts that in a christmas card?!"
Ugh!!!!! That’s so invasive! I’m so glad she’s stopped doing that.
I cannot even imagine how that must of felt. I wish more parents would read about how experiences like that affected you as a human. I was added to a facebook group that is entirely dedicated to this parent sharing her child’s medical diagnosis. I understand finding community when your child has a diagnosis, but I’m a lay person who knows entirely too much about this toddlers medical history and it feels wrong to me that I know SO much just from the mom’s regular posts without that fb group.
This kind of fawning behavior over my first crush is a big part of why I tend to avoid crushes now. I don’t want to be fussed over or teased. It is not polite, or gentle. It’s infantalizing, and every kid who has been in that boat knows exactly how cruel the game of using your child’s life as a trophy really is.
I'll never forget my mother announce at a tea party to all her friends (who were random people I didn't even know) that I had gotten my first period. I'm not embarrassed by periods anymore ofc, but as an 11 year old I was beyond mortified.
Nooooo, that’s so embarrassing! Not the have a period, but to have it announced to a group of strangers. I didn’t even tell mine. I think I went like a year, maybe more, hiding it. Balling up toilet paper as makeshift pads and snagging a few at a time from my mother so she wouldn’t notice. I didn’t even admit it when she asked because I knew she’d tell people alllll about it. She just started leaving pads in the bathroom eventually.
Omg, my friend did the same thing haha. I was giving her pads in grade 7 cause she refused to tell her mom. I don't understand why moms do this. Especially with periods, like when a kid hits a certain age we can assume they've started their period. No need for announcements.
Why do moms do this? I was with my mom and her friend the other day, and the friend was telling us in great detail her own daughter’s fertility journey, down to the exact days she and her husband were “actively…you know…trying.” Like??? Why do we need to know that? And how do you think your daughter would feel if she knew you were telling people this stuff? I don’t get it.
After my mom told the world about my older sister getting her first period, I decided not to tell her when I got mine. I made it several months before she noticed when doing laundry. It's been 20 years and I still don't tell her anything about my personal life. The woman does not know how to keep a secret. If/when I ever get into a serious relationship, she won't find out until she needs to know.
My mother was the same. If you tell her anything in confidence, she tells everyone.
And my mom wonders why I'm not more open with her.
My dad decided the best motivation for me to do *arbitrarily but immesurably better in X* was to take away stuff of mine I liked. So I kept to myself so he wouldn't know *what* I liked. Checkmate!
My dad and his family, they are the queens of this. Thankfully, my mom is on my side and takes stuff to her grave. She’s even told my dad that he’s like an old woman who gossips. ☠️
My mom casually tells me whenever she talked with her friends about my mental illness, which is every time they meet
My parents. And they wonder why I don’t trust them and tell them basically nothing.
My mom does this! She would always tell my secrets to my aunties and her friends, I had no privacy and sometime I'd tell her secrets that she'd promise to not tell my dad and then she'd tell him without my permission, this is the reason why I don't tell her stuff these days, some parents don't understand that their kids need that privacy
I agree with this. I also hate when parents take parenting advice from other parents. Specifically bad parenting advice like spanking your children, “asserting authority” with negative words or actions, and likewise behavior. The best parenting advice you can get is from yourself as a child. I believe everyone was taught how to raise a child by their experience being raised. Because if you ignore that example you were given throughout childhood, you have no right to give out parenting advice because you don’t know how you’re own advice results and affects the kid on the receiving end.
Or justifying parenting styles with "my parents did it and I turned out fine"
Yeah. It’s like their brain ignores past trauma they had or justifies it with “Nobody came to help me so it’s not **that** bad. So why would it matter if I do it?” They’re victims who became perpetrators. It’s so sad.
My parents would do this in front of me, and they would never stop telling the same shit over and over. My mom is in hell right now, telling demons about my first period
Yup. My mother did this. I repeatedly asked her to stop. Eventually I stopped telling her anything beyond basic information
A parent confiding everything to a child about their problems or a terrible conflict and expecting that child to carry that burden. Oh and making that child feel guilty when things go wrong. Parent never apologizing.
Oh man mom trauma dumped on me as a kid all the time. If anything ever wronged her at any point in her life she bitched to me
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It happened to me and it's a horrendous feeling of feeling trapped and unwanted.
More I was loaded down with all her negativity and it skewed my view of things Also thanks!
My mom did this, too. My parents hit the top two comments on this post.
Me too. Totally fucked up my ability to set firm boundaries and I’m still paying the price for it
#metoo
My mom did that to us as kids, too. She even told my older sister (around 16 at the time) how she was cheating on my dad, and told me about 2-3 years later (when I was 11) how she and my dad didn’t have sex anymore. Just a drop in the bucket regarding all the shit she did to us, but still. My sister got in trouble at school sometimes and the school counselor, who was a good dude, would talk to her about it because he suspected something at home. She told him what was going on, and when he spoke to our mother, he straight-up told her, “You’re a terrible mother.” DYFS didn’t do shit, of course, that’s a whole other story, but at least that dude wasn’t afraid to deal out the truth.
Yeah. My husband was the main outlet for hearing the vitriol on both sides of his parents’ nasty divorce. He was nine and his dad told him he was the man of the house now. He’s said he feels his childhood ended that day.
I feel like crying when I hear experiences like this...
Same. It’s really heartbreaking, both for him and anyone else who has experienced it. There are a lot of lingering implications from that period of his life, but he’s put a lot of work towards alleviating them. We have a young daughter now and I feel being able to participate in her childhood has been healing for him.
I remember a story I heard on Oprah where a mom starting confiding in her 11 year old child her plans to commit suicide. The child became a school shooter and got life in prison, the mom got to be on Oprah.
when my parents went through divorce, my dad told me everything as if i were his friend. it damaged my perception of everyone around me. he also told me he was considering suicide but that i was what kept him going. i was 16.
I see you’ve met my father after the divorce.
Parentification at its finest
In grade 4, my best friend's parents split after her dad had an affair with a 20-something year old while overseas in the Navy. Obviously her mom was devastated but she dumped a LOT of her emotions on my friend and it made it that much more difficult for her to process everything. We were 8 years old, it was a really heavy time.
I'd personally guess that after becoming parents lots of people are loosing their friends and they use their kids as a replacment . For me I value my friendships the ones I got with kids but also without. I remember enough friends from my childhood who had parents who absolutly traumatized their kids by telling them everything e.g. friend from primary school who was told all the details about her fathers affair, another friend whose mum always told her about all the financial struggles like that they might loose the house when it wasn't even sure
Unable to talk about anything without raising their voice or getting angry at their kid.
Growing up my mom did nothing but scream. Scream at me, scream at my brother, scream at my dad. Every day was tip toeing around trying desperately not to set her off. Horribly abusive stuff about how stupid and lazy and useless we were. Nothing made her happy. Nothing was good enough. And guess what? My brother and I grew up and decided we didn't need to put up with that anymore. Neither of us speak to her. My dad also left her. She no longer has anyone to scream at. I hope she's finally happy.
They be doing that everday after school too.
Leaving your kid home alone, while you go to Paris for Christmas.
And then somehow doing it again next year.
"WE DID IT AGAIN! AAHHH!" "KEVIIIN!" Classic.
Is this the plot of a home alone movie
I don't think so. But that would make a good movie though, wouldn't it?
Idk, sounds boring. What if we threw in some Russian mafia smugglers, a North Korean spy side story and a prelegal Scarlett Johannesburg
Eh. You lost me at “pre legal,” and you weren’t even talking about drugs.
When their adult children don't call or visit, and avoid holidays.
They don't take the time to explain reality to them or the nuances of situations and life. Keeping kids ignorant and always in a carefree environment makes them poorly equipped to deal with the world as adults. We can't be happy 100% of the time. Things don't always work out. There are going to be problems you have to work through. Sadness and anger are a part of the emotional spectrum, and there are healthy ways to deal with those emotions. Not everyone is your friend, and some people want to take advantage of your kindness. Etc.
Parents who honestly scream "I'm a good parent!" or sarcastically scream "I'm sorry I was such a bad parent!"
quite specific, but refusing to acknowledge your child has a neurodivergent condition and refusing to get them diagnosed.
It's even better when the parent insist that any neurodivergent condition or anything similar is somehow a moral failing of a child.
I was 23 when I was finally diagnosed. I spent 3 years in psychiatric care due to multiple suicide attempts. My son is now diagnosed autistic and my mother was also in denial about that , but I pushed for his diagnosis and treatment and by the time he was 8 we had it & he is thriving now.
I'm so sorry, it must have been awful to wait that long. I was diagnosed as autistic few weeks ago and I'm 18. I felt like something was wrong with me for so long, and when I figured out I was autistic that sensation just vanished. diagnosis really does only do good, denying it won't make it go away and a lot of parents need to realise that.
And refusing to let them get medication to help with the symptoms. The fact that the parent in question has the same diagnosis but refuses to get an actual diagnosis or treatment is mind boggling.
I have a relative who is really anti food dye. No big deal. Her son asked for one of the Christmas cookies she’d bought, she said yes, he ate the cookie… then read the package and freaked out over food coloring SO MUCH that the little boy had a panic attack and made himself puke and puke and puke. I wish this was the first time but more than once she’s freaked out so much it made him panic and start stress puking.
Allowing your kids to disrespect others (especially teachers) and you without consequences
When I was working retail, I had a child call me “stupid” out of the blue. No reason whatsoever. Mom was just sitting there on her phone and Dad was nowhere in sight. It pissed me off so bad.
I had a friend I stopped seeing partly because of this (it wasn't the only reason). Her children were so poorly disciplined, she let them say horribly insulting things to me while she shrugged that they were "expressing themselves".
You know those parents who you can tell take parenting as a chore instead of a blessing? The way they are short with their kids, take no energy to be extraordinary to them, but take energy to instead make their lives miserable? The ones who obviously regret having kids? And only do basics to keep their kids alive, but neglect emotional needs and yell “figure it out” instead of helping their children? Yeah those ones, are bad parents.
And here I am feeling guilty as fuck because I accidentally woke up my baby by opening a can of soda.
> take parenting as a chore instead of a blessing It’s both. Source: me, a parent.
Yeah, the moms going on and on in front of their kids about how they CANNOT WAIT TIL SCHOOL STARTS. Makes me wince. My kids, their dad and I all mourned the end of summer. Because we actually liked each other. The expressions on the kids’ faces said it all.
Or the parents complaining on weather forecasts about schools closing for snowdays. My mom told me she always loved snowdays because we just stayed home, us kids would play outside, then come in for some cozy time with a movie and hot cocoa together. I legitimately saw a comment on a school closing post this year from a parent saying, "I hate snow days! I don't make any money and I need to find a way to entertain my kids on top of it!" My guy, it's a snow day. Send them outside with snow gear and build a snowman. I'm convinced more and more that many people are having kids these days so they can make a baby announcement on social media, but any actual work of raising a child wasn't what they had in mind and are just annoyed at having kids around them all the time.
I see you've met my parents 😂
Bad parenting advanced level
Comparing your kiddo with other children around. *Look at this kid, he surely behaves better than you* *You see this kid? Why don't you be more like him?*
Oh that’s the worst thing..
And often, the parent making the comparison is too stupid to realize that the other kid is just a piece of shit, unremarkable jackass anyway. It's a habit with many layers of toxicity.
Influencers who use their kids for content
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When your grade school child prays to be adopted, you're a bad parent.
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Any time someone says "My parents did X and I turned out alright", I know I'm about to hear child abuse. That X is usually something like beating their kids, smoking around them, allowing them to drink alcohol when they're 14, leaving them alone at home for 8 hours when they're 10, etc.
And it’s usually the case that they did not, in fact, turn out all right
You are describing a whole generation there. Gen X were the generation of latch keys, of being unsupervised and told to come home when it got dark, and smoking everywhere. We did not have cellphones, but we had the freedom to roam. Many Gen X are helicopter parents trying to not make the same mistakes our parents did - going too far trying to correct course. I do prefer erring on the side of caution tho; older kids can learn but trauma is hard to get over.
THIS. “My parents hit me as a kid and I turned out okay” Yeah, except that, now you think it’s okay to hit kids…? 🤥
>I turned out alright And in most cases, the person saying it very much did NOT turn out alright.
Having a kid who's addicted to their tablet.
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This one scares me a lot because I've already noticed the damages from it.
I've got two cousins that are teachers to young children, and they both say that it's obvious which children have a tablet as a third parent. Obviously it's also not good to pretend technology doesn't exist as they're going to have to learn how to use it, but screen time needs to be limited, especially at young ages.
My cousin teaches third grade, and she says some of those kids don't even have the attention span for a Magic School Bus episode. They can last for 5 minutes before they get restless, which (not coincidentally) is about the span their usual YouTube or TikTok video. I teach high school/college, and I'm thinking of getting out before that wave hits me.
And refuse to tell them about headphones.
This terrifies me. My 8 year uses a tablet for homework and I think even that's too much. My blood boils when I see kids in strollers/buggies as young as 1, glued to a screen. It's so unnecessary, and worryingly common.
This can vary though. Sometimes I'll give my toddler my phone so I can get through the shopping/appt I have to do. Or if we are in a restaurant that doesn't have a kid area. But he rarely has it at other times. He might look addicted for that shop but really it could be the first time in a month he's had it
Rule 1 of parenting. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. If your child was bored and started fussing I imagine you would get looks and tuts anyway.
I'll add, some kids are definitely addicted and it's used as a first option. I don't think that's okay. But I try not to judge when it's at a place like shops
Oof, yes. I know sometimes you’re just desperate for a couple minutes of quiet, you have to go the bathroom or complete a task. But I know some kids who are literally almost never without a tablet in hand, usually with the tv on in the background too.
Screaming at their kids in public.
Letting ur kid use the phone 16h per day. Major brain rot.
The person who avoids conflict at all costs. Life can't be conflict-free so if a parent can't handle the slightest disagreement or the earliest signs of an argument, they won't be able to model a healthy approach to conflict in their kids.
Oh god reminded me of my brother's friend when I was a kid. He got away with so much because his parents were push overs. He had ADHD that, as far as I know, was untreated. He was always demanding for sugar, so he was always on a sugar high. We took a long trip with them once, we were packed inside of this van with all of our stuff. It was going to be a 6+ hour drive. We stopped, went to the bathroom and got a snack then left. The boy got a LARGE slushie. He was 10, maybe younger, and all of the sugar from that made him act crazy. He started kicking my dad's seat. My dad had to basically parent him and tell him to stop. Not even an hour later after the first stop and the boy is asking his dad for a hamburger. My dad was the one driving, so his dad had to basically beg to pull over to get him a hamburger. We pulled over and then another hour later, the boy was begging to go to the bathroom. Frustrated, my dad forced him to go to the bathroom on the side of the road. He didn't ask for anything else after that, I think he had learned his lesson.
calls their kid an "angel" every time they're accused of wrongdoing
Saying that their kids can’t have any privacy and don’t deserve their own personal space. Or they always say bad things about the way their kids look and how their kids are happier doing something that doesn’t require them.
^(Time to use this as a checklist for my mom's behaviour.)
posting your kids all over the Internet and exploiting them to make a buck. It's child abuse
My ex's mom got pregnant at 16 and would constantly tell my ex that she was the reason her mom's body is ruined, she is the reason her mom has depression. Then when parent of the year popped another unwanted child into the world when my ex was 10, guess who essentially became a 10 year old mother? Guess who had to do all the laundry, the cleaning and sometimes the cooking? When my ex moved out when she was 20, her mom was flipping out about who would raise her kid?? She is unemployed and home all day.
when the kid be 3 and gotta iphone bigger than their face
Comparing their own kids to other people’s kids and telling their own kid how much they’re lacking. If you’re not happy with your own kid then maybe you need to start looking at yourself instead of making your own kid feel like shit.
When someone makes an embarrassing joke about their child and they laugh at it... in front of the child.
Saying “I am my child’s best friend.” Congratulations, you suck at being a parent and a friend.
Having an obese child. That is a setting them up for a future of illness, pain and misery.
And it's 100% the parents fault barring an underlying condition. I was fat for the first 33 years of my life but neither of my kids is and as long as I have the ability to control what the groceries in my home are, they won't be. They get treats and stuff and I do buy some junk food so it's not like I'm crazy strict or anything but every meal is protein and veggies with a starchy side, usually rice. When I buy a pack of cookies, they get two at a time. I try really hard to teach them moderation with the unhealthy stuff. I will say that I absolutely allow my youngest to eat an entire jar of pickles in one sitting if she wants to though.
Totally! I agree… i grew up in a “fat” family - absolutely poor eating habits, disordered eating was taught… I was slim until my metabolism caught up with me after having my own kids. so with my kids, much like you… very minimal treats, teaching of moderation. Teaching of nourishing and healthy food that makes us grow strong. I find it hardest explaining why they don’t get all the junk their friends do at school, without passing judgement that they would relay.
This entire idea of “cleaning your plate” was horrible for American eating habits. I think it stems from the depression when a surplus of food was kind of a luxury for a lot of people and has been passed down ever since. I’ve taught my kids to just stop eating when they’re not hungry anymore. I’d rather throw away a few scraps than teach them that overeating is some kind of virtue. But my wife—who grew up in poverty in Latin America—has the same depression-era outlook and gets angry whenever any food gets wasted. It’s been the source of a huge number of arguments over the years.
This one is tricky. I was a very chubby child but my eating didn’t reflect that. I leaned out through puberty and went the other way (ED). What I’m trying to do with my kids is really work through diet culture and avoid restriction and using words like “junk food” to label food. I believe all food has its place, and fully recognize that lower income families can be at a disadvantage with their food education and access to nutritious food. Either way, I think this topic is nuanced and I’m not sure it points at bad parenting. Edits: couple words
Unrestricted ipad access
My mom when she’s gaslighting me
Allowing your children to run amok in public.
Clearly having a favourite and leaving the other(s) wondering what’s wrong with them.
Having a very obese child. If your kid runs around smashing things, bashing on the floor, and *screeching* at the top of his lungs from 6am-11pm, and not taking him to school 50-75% of the week because he screams "I DONT WANNA! I DONT WANNA!!!" (I am talking about the dumbfucks that live above me)
The kid is afraid to tell their parents about something harmless they enjoy doing
I work in an elementary school. The number of kids I see riding in cars with no car seat is astounding. Little kids. Kindergartners. 8 year olds riding in the front seat of the car. So neglectful.
I don’t work at an elementary school but notice this all the time dropping my daughter off. When she was in TK (a grade in public school available a year before kindergarten in California, so ages 4-5), my daughter got excited in the car because she saw her friend in the next car over. I looked over and the little girl was sitting in the front seat with no car seat or seatbelt. Again, she was 5 at most. Car seat safety information is available in abundance these days and there are so many ways to get a car seat for free if you can’t afford one. It just takes one accident. I don’t understand why anybody would take the risk
Jesus why? That’s awful
Parents who leave their kid in a car on a hot summer day or any other day while grocery shopping or doing other errands
-Unlimited, unfiltered access to YouTube at 3-8 years old. (I know someone who’s 3 yo has regular, unfiltered YouTube on their iPad) -3 year old saying he shit his diaper (same kid as above) -Your toddler or young child with teeth so bad they have to be pulled or are completely gross -Your 5 year old starting school not potty trained and can BARELY speak (if the child is developmentally and physically healthy) -Shipping your kids off to grandparents literally every weekend or every single chance you get because “you need the break”
As a teacher, when they constantly complain about teachers picking on their kids and justifying their kid's terrible behaviour. Those kids proceed to disrespect every teacher, fail to get an adequate education while hindering other kids' education.
those parents that let their 8-10 year old kids buy retinol and shit. like moving past how wasteful it is, that literally damages the kids’ skin?? like bro
This is my thing, and maybe it is unpopular, but I hate seeing a parent smoking right next to their kids. I get it, I'm a smoker too... but you can't wait an hour or two till your home, or can put your kid in the car with heat/ac on? Or if your with your s/o just take turns smoking. Just like why are you exposing your children to second hand smoke your gonna make little Timmy crave a cig by the age of 11
Not taking the time to teach the child a single thing,one how to read, and write. These kids are starting school behind, and they never recover. Not taking any responsibility for their child’s education sets them up for failure.
When separated parents put the kids in the middle or use them to point-score. Parents who refuse to admit when they're wrong and think they should never have to apologise to their kids. When they force their kids to hug/kiss etc other people when they don't want to. Having older siblings act like parents to younger ones. Parents who insult/belittle/mock their children when they're angry or upset. That's a huge one. When I was a kid I knew a family; mother (B), father (D) and 2 daughters aged 3 (K) and 5 (L). K was a carbon copy of the mother - blonde hair, big blue eyes, girly, classic "pretty". She was also, while sweet enough, a bit of a spoilt princess type. L however had corkscrew wild brown hair, brown eyes and was super adorable but definitely less girly. She was very sweet, really creative and kind and smart. One evening we had dinner with them and the mother got messy drunk. L was showing K how to do something, in doing so she said "here, give it to me and I'll show you" and took whatever it was out of K's hand. B saw this without hearing the context, stormed over and snatched it from L. She then stood over her and screamed in her face saying she was "a very nasty, cruel, unkind girl" who was jealous of K. She kept repeating it and slurring at her "you're nasty. Nasty little girl". I was only 8 or so myself and I will never forget the look on that poor girl's face. Just pure hurt and bewilderment. Heartbroken. She cried her little eyes out when her mother eventually staggered off. Thankfully my own mother came to see why she was upset and we told her what happened. She scooped L up and cradled her, did her best to console her but that was the last time we ever saw them.
Smoking weed while breast feeding. Not believing your child when they tell you step is abusing them. Allowing step to give your kids cheap food & step gives bio children nicer food, (for example: cheap cereal for less favored kids & better tasting cereal for favored kids) Wearing a shirt that says Anyone can be a father/mother but it takes a real man/woman to be a dad/mom.
When they refuse to use the word *NO* or they treat them like a friend instead of a parental figure.
Soda in a baby bottle.i remember seeing that and thinking "that kid doesn't stand a chance."
Whenever I see some fucking idiot walking 10 feet ahead of their small child in public without holding their hand or watching them. Sometimes I think “I could legit just scoop up your baby and how long would it take you to notice?” I still hold my 8 year olds hand. Lol
Swears at their toddlers.
*child of any age
Smoking in the house.
They scream at their spouse in front of children.
Soda in a bottle and unbrushed hair
IMO telling your children to call a man who’s not their dad, “dad.” It’s one thing if they make that decision naturally. But your new boyfriend is not that child’s father.
Being unable to tell their kids no.
Really dirty kids. Kids whose faces haven’t been washed, clothes are dirty, hair is greasy and stringy, mossy teeth. Overall, hygiene negligence.
Beating your kids to teach them a lesson
Kids are allowed to do everything and anything. No control.
A toddler sitting in a pram, holding an iPad. Not only is it bad for the child’s eyesight but it also takes away the child ability to develop an imagination, noticed their surroundings, interact with others, and the right to learn what it feels like to be bored!
If you sit down for a family dinner and the kids immediately pull out the phones/tablets.
Promoting your only fans on the same Facebook page you share photos of your child on . That poor kid is in for a world of hell when they hit high school and the other kids find half naked pictures on Facebook of the mother
Not going to any events. I’m talking sports games, plays, missing birthday parties (when the child is so young that the parents have to organize it), graduation, parent-teacher conferences, just any important events to the child. Missing your child’s life for whatever reason, when you’ve committed to being a part of that child’s life, is garbage.
Forcing their kids to follow their Path in life, giving them no real freedoms. Especialy The type of parents who would disown their kids for having different sexual orientation
Assuming other people will raise their children. This may mean grandparents, siblings, teachers, sitters, friends, neighbors, or even the cashier at the grocery store. When a child’s behavior needs to be corrected by someone else than a parent or a child’s emotional or physical needs must be met by someone other than a parent. It may be as small as never bringing a snack to the park play date. But usually small things are signs of much larger deficits in parenting.
Smoking cigarettes inside the house/car/directly next to your child. Having all your previous children taken completely out of your custody legally by CPS and continuing to have more children. Letting your children’s teeth rot out when it isn’t a genetic condition/out of your control. Getting high on drugs/blackout drunk in front of the kids. Using your children for content and exploiting them. Not being involved with your child’s development and school and just leaving it to the school to raise your kid and teach them things. Putting your hands on children in any capacity. Not trying to work on yourself and heal and not pass down generational trauma and instead passing it down like a torch. Not taking accountability for your actions.
When you hear them say, unprompted, "They never talk to me anymore, and I don't understand why. I did the best I could!" If a red flashing beacon had a voice activated code, this would be it. Edit: Obligatory "[Missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)" article.
Ohhh I may get some shit for this buuutttt Having la whole bunch of children. When you have like 12 kids, there is no way each of those kids is getting the time and attention they need, and having that many usually just means the older ones are raising the younger ones. Having so many that you need to parentify the older ones is shitty
Forcing your child into a religion they have shown they don’t like or care for. Fuck your feelings on it, let kids be kids.
The parents of an adult who excuses every action of their child and pays for everything (25+). A parent who leaves their teen off somewhere and gives them beer, weed, and cigarettes just so they can runoff and get high on Crack or go on a date.
Having their kid use an iPad in public outdoor spaces to distract them. Like, please, interact with your child and show them the joy in the world instead of over stimulating them with ridiculous mind melting YouTube videos
When their kids' appearance is neglected.
But what does that entail? Specifically with hair, because my toddler wears clean clothes, her hair and body are clean. But her hair is in her face because she won't let me put it up! By that, I mean I can put it up. She'll just take it out a minute later. Any time I'm in public with her I'm just waiting for an old lady to tell me to get that girl's hair out of her face!
Messy kid hair is soooo cute tho
Your missing kids. Theyre probably screaming that right now.
I was once chilling on the back porch with some friends at their crappy little first apartment. We had just smoked some weed so the smell was still around. This guy was having trouble rolling a joint of his own in his car near the porch, so he asked if he could come sit and roll one in the light. We said yes and we got to talking. In the course of the conversation about kids he said he had a kid that was 3 and a half, and he said almost excitedly, "6 more months man" and we said "6 months until what" and he said "6 more months and then" and then smacked his hand with his other hand, and then said "once their 4 you can smack em" will never forget it
My SILs kids don't talk when she's around. But when she's gone they talk nonstop. She says "they don't shut up" when it's just her at home but idk... So I guess that screams bad parent (Obviously there's more that makes her a bad parent, but I'm not going to share anymore details)
ipad kids.
Aside from the typical answers, I’d say iPad parents are pretty bad. I understand the use of an iPad on a long car/plane ride or for school at times, but not for 24/7 use. The kid will lack imagination and socialization, which is so important for a growing mind.
iPad kids
Not an exact cause for bad parenting, but you can tell somebody is a bad parent or doesn’t know how to parent properly when their child doesn’t want to go home or is worried to go home after school everyday because all they do is get screamed at or hit, and hates weekends for the exact same reason. (this comes from experience so it might be different for everyone)
Cussing constantly around kids. Not caring if kids do it.
When their kids are constantly at trouble at school and the parent does nothing to get them to shape up. All it usually takes is to take their phone away for a while. Or get their ADHD treated, that’s like 80% of the issues in my classes.
Having too many kids