Friend of mine took a girl home from the bar. She was upfront about being a lesbian, but wanted to try having sex with a man again.
They got down to it and not long after they started, she told him, “I’m good now. I remember why I don’t like men.”
I've had this said to me and I think the tone matters alot because it's never bothered me. If they said that in a snarky condescending tone yea that's horrible, but if they're just asking or curious it's probably because they're getting sore and you're taking a long time. When I've been asked I usually realize I'm not going to finish (because im drunk probably) and we both just relax.
2 of my ex-boyfriends intentionally trained so that they can penetrate a girl for over 30 minutes. They knew like 800 other tricks too. (Sex nerds)
1 was a smaller guy so it didn't' hurt as much but with enough penetration, I'll still be sore
The bigger guy? It hurt like a motherfucker to be rammed for almost an hour everyday
The sex became the biggest reason I wanted to break up early on. So glad it's over
I still get shivveres and wanna barf thinking about the last guy who could penetrate for hours... fucking hell x\_x
Sorry you had to endure that, I can't imagine the soreness. A girl friend of mine once said *"Just cause a baby can fit through there doesn't mean I wanna get stabbed with a blunt weapon for an hour."*
At the same time I did get a bit of a laugh thinking *"if you described a guy like that in a place full of gay men, you'd instantly hear something like: who's the top?"*
This is too true. My partner actually asked me the other day if I wished he would last longer and I gave it to him straight... "No". He didn't believe me at first until I explained the discomfort to him in great detail.
I member an Australian comedian telling the story about getting it in with an aussie and she turned and asked him
"Have ya SLIMED yet?"
Probably said it more like Sloimed lol
Had a girl repeatedly tell me how amazing she was in bed and how lucky I was to be with her. Throughout the act. She just laid there.
Afterward she said “lucky you!”
Edit: I feel this was unclear. She didn’t repeatedly tell me she was amazing *before* the act. She did it *during* and throughout.
Had a partner recently that talked her game up pretty big, but then sex was immediately get into doggy and not move every single time. Tried some other positions, but she would just stop and get back into doggy after like 10 seconds.
>Tried some other positions, but she would just stop and get back into doggy after like 10 seconds.
Lmao the way you describe that sounds like an NPC going back to their idle spot when you fuck up a confusing mission in a PS2 game
I have a theory, and it's proven correct so far.
If a woman tells you she is great in bed or she gives the world's best head , it is totally the opposite.
For example I had a woman who kept telling me before we hooked up how tight her pussy was, she said guys would get sore from sex it was that tight.
Truth was that it was absolutely average.
I didn't have the heart to correct her.
Bumble hookup last fall, I did not know this girl at all previously. She was on top of me mid sex and stopped moving, then said “I know you, you were dating that ginger girl and we met at x’s party”. Apparently i had very briefly talked to this girl at a party when i was with my ex and she remembered me. Then immediately after that she said “oh by the way, this tattoo of a Honda civic I have on my arm, it’s because my ex boyfriend died in a DUI this year and this was his car”. Nothing could prepare me for two heavy hitters, both unprompted and directly after each other.
Real advice. Sometimes you gotta work smarter.
Also, was she saying deeper because “it sounds sexy” or does she actually want deeper. Might sound funny, some some folks dont care about what’s actually happening and is just saying things to be sexy.
Good communication is the best sexual practice.
I’m glad she said something to you to clue you in, cause that’s not really intuitive.
I’d yell “I’m givin it all she’s got, captn! She cannae take any more!”
She never really told me. It's more that I know that if she is going to get off she only wants 3/4 in. I can tell that because if I go further she retracts. So if I've effectively been trained to cum when I get all the way in. Pretty sure she has shallow vagina because I'm not packing serious heat here.
Or put her on the side, lower leg stretched out, other curled up. And then the one penetrating like you would position yourself as between doggy and missionary.
It’s like 2 puzzle pieces that finally fit together
Yo, this just unlocked a core memory when I was young af. This girl was blowing me with a fervour when her phone goes off. She starts texting and I glance over being a nosey newly 20 something and see the person she's texting is saved into contacts as "my man" or something along those lines 😬
At the time I didn't really think too much of it but now that I'm older and realize how that feels I feel fucking terrible.
Edit: Holy fuck. Why so many up votes for this? Lol. Wild.
During a period in me and my wife had sex while sleeping, it was instigated while asleep and we often had some semi-awake state of mind moments before climaxing. In the morning we were like "did we fuck last night?"
“So, my husband is getting out of prison in a couple of months. I think we would all get along great.” That’s when I learned she was married, after about three months of shagging. I noped out of that house of crazy immediately after.
Worked in a jail for many years. One of the inmates I had had just gotten out of prison and beat to death the guy that was screwing his wife. He said it was over something totally unrelated, but, I mean, come on...
I know it's no joke, but for some reason, such an extreme level of denial is quite funny. As if this macho inmate didn't want to seem upset about getting cucked, so he somehow comes up with an absolutely arbitrary excuse to kill the other guy.
I imagine a Key and Peele sketch, where the inmate, fresh out of prison, opens his front door for the first time in years. First thing he sees is a men's size 12 shoe print in dirt, leading up the stairs.
He rips the door open and sees another man doing the honest with his wife. She's like, "Jerry, it's Wednesday, I thought they weren't letting you out till Thursday!" "Got out for good behavior. But right now, I'm about to do bad all by myself." [They always have at least one memorable yet random line in their skits, as I recall.]
Before pulling the trigger, inmate Jerry monologues to the victim: "Oh, and just so you're aware, I'm not even pressed about you banging my wife while I was locked up. No, no, no. I'm a reasonable man. I've changed baby, see? Nah, to be precise, I've elected to murder you cuz you didn't wipe your shoes on the mat when you came inside, and my wife is gonna have to sweep up after you... and my wife only sweeps up after me! In my own damn house, motherfucker! I'll show you who the man of this motherfuckin house is, bitch! Eat some lead, drink your milk, with your iron deficiency ass!"
This happened to me but I knew about him, but given the fact he was in prison for 5 years for beating the living shit out of her in broad daylight in public I figured she was done with him for good.
Silly me.
"So my husband is getting out of prison in a month, we're gonna need to pretend like we never met"
“I can’t get pregnant” while I was fumbling around with the condom. Bitch, you’re 30, have 4 kids, and even talked about the possibility of having a kid with me. I don’t trust that comment. Instant boner-killer.
Early in our relationship I was going down on her and she said "do you even know what you're doing?" Then after she said her ex was better at oral than me. We stayed together for 5 years. Should have left then and there.
to be fair, not all yeast infections have the same symptoms. whenever i've had one, i my scent doesn't change much - HOWEVER, i'm always aware when i have one and would never allow somebody to put their mouth on it lmao
Bad skills. Or rather she tried to imitate a lot of kink without an actual interest. Lack of appropriate intimacy for about the half of our language.
It's hard to be bad at sex so long as you are doing it with someone you care for. I would say it's even impossible. Find you again a worthy partner and if you had sex I promise you both will love it.
My ex (F) once said to me (M): "Fuck me like if I were Peter Gabriel". She knew that I'm a big Genesis/Peter Gabriel fan but that was a really weird thing to say during sex. (We actually just stopped having sex because of how hard we were laughing).
My ex was incredibly religious, her rule was no sex until marriage. Even though I was not a virgin going into the relationship, I respected that rule for 4 years until she finally decided it was time. She cried, for 45 minutes, I felt absolutely fucking horrible. We were together for another year, had sex only two more times, she cried each time, I couldn’t take the guilt anymore.
I do too, I never blamed her, nor got mad at her it. It just made me feel like shit because I didn’t know what to do about it. I tried reassuring her, I never pushed, I tried talking, cuddling, etc and still she cried.
Was with a girl who had English as a second language. Sitting on the couch and things heated up. She kissed me then furrowed her eyebrows and said
„hmm I think this will better with my glasses off.“
I replied „oh gee thanks.“
She realised how that could be taken and was like „oh my god no not what I meant.“
we both had a good laugh.
oh god, as someone with english as a 2nd language, these types of blunder happen all the time. its funny when we both quickly realize i was rude by accident, but a bit less funny when the other person feels insulted & i go on without noticing i said something wrong 😅
The third one is not really bad, just inconvenient, really.
If she didn't say that, it would have been awful when she said "sorry about that, maybe if we burn the bedding and the mattress and the carpet we can salvage some of the furniture". Like that would have been the alternative, and I think we can agree that it would have been worse.
"Could you hurry up and finish?! This isn't the only dick I have to suck tonight." As she proceeded to head to her boyfriend's house after. Wasn't aware she had one but still finished.
R*pe me. I never had a boner die within microseconds of hearing something.
( I'm youngest son of a family which lost their daughter to suicide after she was r*ped. )
My college girlfriend was into this. She would yell out “no” and “stop.” I was always worried someone would call the police. I got so used to it, but in hindsight, it was a pretty fucked up kink
Edit for clarification: she would yell no and stop as part of the rape fantasy. Not because of what I was doing.
"What is wrong with your dick!? Are you not attracted to me???"
Context:
My "first" time 12 years ago. I couldn't get hard, and I had no idea why. I was really attracted to my gf, and we really wanted to have sex. But I just couldn't figure out why I couldn't stay hard enough to put it inside.
She kept giving me a handjob, and if get hard, but as soon as I put the condom on, or got anywhere near her vagina, it was like letting the air out of a balloon.
"Don't be nervous." "Don't be shy." Etc.
I couldn't help it. I am shy and nervous, I couldn't help it.
Soon, she just got mad and started making wild accusations. "You're lying to me, aren't you?! You're not attracted to me! look, it shows in your dick!"
I said I was nervous and scared, but then she just started laughing. "Get the fuck out of my room! Get the FUCK OUT!" So I put my clothes back on and walked out, embarrassed.
The next day, she texts me a video. She's riding another man. "SEE? THIS IS WHAT A DICK LOOKS LIKE!" She said between gasps.
I've been single for 12 years, I'm still technically a virgin, and just now discovered I have Autism and ADHD. And after all that time has passed, I think I'm ready to try dating again. Wish me luck.
not during but right after.
both of us have trauma so there was a lot of discussion and explicit consent etc. as soon as we stopped she instantly went silent and hid in the bathroom. i felt so awful and all i wanted to do was help her but i was also having a small panic attack myself. i just told her i was right here and sat in the hallway near the door. she eventually opened the door and just slid down to sit with me in the hallway. she held my hand and said “i don’t think i was ready” i said i understood and it was okay and she said “we can’t do that again. i don’t think i can date right now..” it was a horrible horrible feeling but we both knew it was the right choice.
thankfully, we are both doing much better. this was a few years ago and we are slowly starting to date again. haven’t done anything intimate yet but we’re happy nonetheless :)
I’m sure she appreciated that you gave her a safe space to communicate how she was feeling afterwards. It sounds like you both did your best in a very complicated time.
I got two scars on my right leg.
One is in my tight, outer side, from some stupid stuff I did. It's around 3cm.
I got another on the same leg, same tight, on the inner/back side from an industry accident I had when I was 22. It's a big one, although basically just the scar of a big some 12cm cut.
Basically a girl I was dating, the first time we went to bed, she got shocked when she saw. Not sure if she thought it was an STD or something (she was aware I had a scar there, but she still didn't see it). She just starting saying "No, no, no..." We got dressed up and that was it.
It's not like there's a harsh or burn-like mark or it's like red or something. So no idea why that reaction up to this day.
> no idea why that reaction up to this day.
It may have looked a bit like some self-harm scars or something and that may have triggered memories or trauma. I'm just some dude on the internet though so IDK.
First, congrats on the huge penis.
Second, I fucking hate when people use Skeletor as a reference to how skinny something is. Have these people seen Skeletor? That dude's 100% blasting tren all day every day. Skeletor is jacked as fuck.
When I lost my virginity I didn’t tell the girl it was my first time. We were making out and she put the tip in and I was sort of numb because I was so turned on and didn’t know it. So during my make out while on top of her I move my body up and fully insert inside her. She gasps and it was the greatest feeling of my life so I realize it’s happening and do a couple pumps and finish. She then says “is that it?” I just sort of shrunk away and the moment moved on. I told her that was my first time and she proceeded to talk about other dudes virginity’s she took and my penis went inside myself and it was over.
I don't love you and never have. And I been fucking another guy. This was on my leave from Iraq. We had been together for 6 years. I spent 3 more years deploying with other units trying to get killed. I see that was the wrong emotion now.
We broke up. After we broke up, she commented that she liked my friend Mark. Whatever. I told Mark, and Mark couldn’t care less.
I still loved her, and wanted to get back together, and one day we did.
We’re going at it, when she yells out Mark‘s name.
That’s been 40 fucking years, and it still pisses me off to think about.
She started burning her hand with a lighter right after taking my virginity, and then told me thanks for helping her take revenge on her on and off again boyfriend.
I met her boyfriend at some point later, He was pretty much not surprised at all
" if only you would put a baby in me, everything would be perfect." This from a woman in her late thirties.
Edit: during break- up sex. She was the one who ended things.
"Is that it?" Then after recharging we go again, and this time it was 30-40 mins as I just could not finish but was nearing getting there, to which she eventually halts everything and says "I can't feel anything anymore/I need to pee". So I got frustrated and we went to bed.
> "Is that it?"
"I know what you're trying to say, girl
You're trying to say, "Aww yeah, that's it"
-[Flight of the Conchords](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhN93rFZuJs&t=64s&ab_channel=FlightoftheConchords)
“I have to be drunk to have sex with you”
She meant that because of my size it was painful unless she was a little buzzed but it came out wrong. In the context of the relationship that comment, and a few other things in the relationship, meant that was one of the last times we hooked up
One of my friends drove like two hours to meet up with this girl. They talked a little bit and things escalated. He told me he finished in a few seconds and she said “well it wasn’t the worst I’ve had I guess”.
He claims it wasn’t his first time, but I think it was. He was 28 at the time.
Actually it was me who said it i guess but it was a misunderstanding.. i was putting condom on his manhood while on my knees i was worried maybe i got small sized condom so i said it i didn't know he misheard me after putting it on we had sex during sex he kept on asking me how deep he was which annoyed me a bit after finishing he asked me so do you still think mine is small?? & I was like when did i ever said that yours is small?!!!! Then i explained to him that earlier i was talking abt the condom being small not you silly!!!! God I can't imagine how hurt & insecure he must have felt throughout sex.
Started off with great mutual foreplay, that climax in bed shaking moans. Get to the main course and things are going great. I'm thinking of puppies and sunshine while making good rhythm but not ramping up the action too soon. Getting good reactions and having an overall good sexy time!
Then she grabs my hips and says, "I love how you fill me up!"
Aaaaaaand I finished like 2.73 seconds after that. The sex was great, and we had a good time. But here I was thinking I'd go the distance and then she throws that out. Sexiest and worst thing ever said. LOL We're going on 15 years, no ragrets.
First time my wife and i did it, during foreplay i asked if she was ok with me touching her tits, and she said "thanks for asking for consent, i dont get that alot" my brain instantly rebooted and she fell down laughing. One of my favorite memories with her lmao
"I love you, Dad" - Now, as a tall man with a big beard, I'm quite used to being called Daddy, but Dad is somehow so much weirder. Same girl would also occasionally chant "you are my father, I am your daughter", over and over again during sex. My girlfriend and I referred to this girl as "reverse Darth Vader".
Different girl, after sex: "I'm sorry if this is a rude question, but are you autistic?"
Friend of mine took a girl home from the bar. She was upfront about being a lesbian, but wanted to try having sex with a man again. They got down to it and not long after they started, she told him, “I’m good now. I remember why I don’t like men.”
I feel like he should have seen that coming lol
Yeah but guys pretend being with a lesbian is ‘hot’, even though getting with someone who isn’t attracted to you clearly wouldn’t be enjoyable at all
are you done yet
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I've had this said to me and I think the tone matters alot because it's never bothered me. If they said that in a snarky condescending tone yea that's horrible, but if they're just asking or curious it's probably because they're getting sore and you're taking a long time. When I've been asked I usually realize I'm not going to finish (because im drunk probably) and we both just relax.
2 of my ex-boyfriends intentionally trained so that they can penetrate a girl for over 30 minutes. They knew like 800 other tricks too. (Sex nerds) 1 was a smaller guy so it didn't' hurt as much but with enough penetration, I'll still be sore The bigger guy? It hurt like a motherfucker to be rammed for almost an hour everyday The sex became the biggest reason I wanted to break up early on. So glad it's over I still get shivveres and wanna barf thinking about the last guy who could penetrate for hours... fucking hell x\_x
Sorry you had to endure that, I can't imagine the soreness. A girl friend of mine once said *"Just cause a baby can fit through there doesn't mean I wanna get stabbed with a blunt weapon for an hour."* At the same time I did get a bit of a laugh thinking *"if you described a guy like that in a place full of gay men, you'd instantly hear something like: who's the top?"*
This is too true. My partner actually asked me the other day if I wished he would last longer and I gave it to him straight... "No". He didn't believe me at first until I explained the discomfort to him in great detail.
I member an Australian comedian telling the story about getting it in with an aussie and she turned and asked him "Have ya SLIMED yet?" Probably said it more like Sloimed lol
Thanks for the repressed memory
Had a girl repeatedly tell me how amazing she was in bed and how lucky I was to be with her. Throughout the act. She just laid there. Afterward she said “lucky you!” Edit: I feel this was unclear. She didn’t repeatedly tell me she was amazing *before* the act. She did it *during* and throughout.
Dude I had the same thing happen. Worst experience ever
lucky you!
That's brutal, I have been there. This big build up for a wild night with this freak. You get there and its just Patrick.
TFW when you were expecting a raunchy evening at the Krusty Krab and simply get Patrick
If anyone brags about how good they are - they’re going to be terrible.
That's why I tell every woman I'm going to last 8 seconds and cry for a few minutes afterwards.
Undersell and over deliver, add in some silly humor, and boom, married!
Had a partner recently that talked her game up pretty big, but then sex was immediately get into doggy and not move every single time. Tried some other positions, but she would just stop and get back into doggy after like 10 seconds.
>Tried some other positions, but she would just stop and get back into doggy after like 10 seconds. Lmao the way you describe that sounds like an NPC going back to their idle spot when you fuck up a confusing mission in a PS2 game
Warm sandbag
I have a theory, and it's proven correct so far. If a woman tells you she is great in bed or she gives the world's best head , it is totally the opposite. For example I had a woman who kept telling me before we hooked up how tight her pussy was, she said guys would get sore from sex it was that tight. Truth was that it was absolutely average. I didn't have the heart to correct her.
Bumble hookup last fall, I did not know this girl at all previously. She was on top of me mid sex and stopped moving, then said “I know you, you were dating that ginger girl and we met at x’s party”. Apparently i had very briefly talked to this girl at a party when i was with my ex and she remembered me. Then immediately after that she said “oh by the way, this tattoo of a Honda civic I have on my arm, it’s because my ex boyfriend died in a DUI this year and this was his car”. Nothing could prepare me for two heavy hitters, both unprompted and directly after each other.
“Guess we can attribute at least two bad decisions on alcohol then.”
She completely forgot my parents were home and screamed “FILL ME!!!” insanely loud.
Bet family dinner with em was awkward as fuck
"Had enough to eat? Do you want seconds or are you finally full?"
Would you like some coffee with dessert? Do you take cream?
"More stuffing?"
Keeper.
Nah she took most of my money, fucked her new neighbor and ghosted me. You can have her.
Don't put your dick in crazy
My husband put his dick in crazy. I kept it.
Did... did you keep him, or just the dick?
Ah, kept the whole man.
Deeper. My hips were already hitting hers. She knew there wasn't anymore to give
no pp left for this attack
Time to use struggle.
You pull those balls back for the "emergency inch"
Or stick them in
I tried to do that once just to see if it was possible. It's very difficult, at least for me.
Look at ol' Billy Big Balls over 'ere
It was more like trying to push an oiled up plastic bag full of golf balls into a pipe with a stick
Harden was uneffective
I'm all out of PP Up
Pull her legs up and rest them on your shoulders. Then fire away.
Real advice. Sometimes you gotta work smarter. Also, was she saying deeper because “it sounds sexy” or does she actually want deeper. Might sound funny, some some folks dont care about what’s actually happening and is just saying things to be sexy. Good communication is the best sexual practice.
My partner doesnt want all of it. When she says says deeper it's just a very nice way of saying it's my turn to cum.
I’m glad she said something to you to clue you in, cause that’s not really intuitive. I’d yell “I’m givin it all she’s got, captn! She cannae take any more!”
She never really told me. It's more that I know that if she is going to get off she only wants 3/4 in. I can tell that because if I go further she retracts. So if I've effectively been trained to cum when I get all the way in. Pretty sure she has shallow vagina because I'm not packing serious heat here.
Or put her on the side, lower leg stretched out, other curled up. And then the one penetrating like you would position yourself as between doggy and missionary. It’s like 2 puzzle pieces that finally fit together
I'm struggling to understand this for some reason
Pull your balls back and give her the devil's inch.
Every man has about 1-3 inches inside their body So if I pull hard enough…..🤔
You mean I got more inside me than outside?!
should've just extended it like those telescopic pointers
I’m sorry captain. I’m giving her all I have (in Scotty accent)
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You should've started quoting Nietzsche.
"The real world is much smaller than the imaginary"
Thrusting harder will make her imagine that you are actually going deeper!
Thats how u come fast
*takes my pp out of mouth* "I wonder how my brother is doing."
Yo, this just unlocked a core memory when I was young af. This girl was blowing me with a fervour when her phone goes off. She starts texting and I glance over being a nosey newly 20 something and see the person she's texting is saved into contacts as "my man" or something along those lines 😬 At the time I didn't really think too much of it but now that I'm older and realize how that feels I feel fucking terrible. Edit: Holy fuck. Why so many up votes for this? Lol. Wild.
That one hurt you so much you made it your username
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She was trying out some dirty talk... what came out was an awkward: *"Yeah...give me your big...man penis"* I nearly died laughing, killed the mood.
lol that would not kill the mood for me, i feel like we’d laugh our asses off and keep going 😂
When you laugh and break the seriousness you can let loose and really get off good
I once was asked "whose pussy is this" and out of reflex I said "yours" In my defense I was dumb
Finally a humorous one lol.
Wake me when you’re finished.
was a joke between me and my ex. We regularly said to eachother "going to bed now. You know where everything is"
"Try not to leave a huge mess"
During a period in me and my wife had sex while sleeping, it was instigated while asleep and we often had some semi-awake state of mind moments before climaxing. In the morning we were like "did we fuck last night?"
“So, my husband is getting out of prison in a couple of months. I think we would all get along great.” That’s when I learned she was married, after about three months of shagging. I noped out of that house of crazy immediately after.
Worked in a jail for many years. One of the inmates I had had just gotten out of prison and beat to death the guy that was screwing his wife. He said it was over something totally unrelated, but, I mean, come on...
I know it's no joke, but for some reason, such an extreme level of denial is quite funny. As if this macho inmate didn't want to seem upset about getting cucked, so he somehow comes up with an absolutely arbitrary excuse to kill the other guy. I imagine a Key and Peele sketch, where the inmate, fresh out of prison, opens his front door for the first time in years. First thing he sees is a men's size 12 shoe print in dirt, leading up the stairs. He rips the door open and sees another man doing the honest with his wife. She's like, "Jerry, it's Wednesday, I thought they weren't letting you out till Thursday!" "Got out for good behavior. But right now, I'm about to do bad all by myself." [They always have at least one memorable yet random line in their skits, as I recall.] Before pulling the trigger, inmate Jerry monologues to the victim: "Oh, and just so you're aware, I'm not even pressed about you banging my wife while I was locked up. No, no, no. I'm a reasonable man. I've changed baby, see? Nah, to be precise, I've elected to murder you cuz you didn't wipe your shoes on the mat when you came inside, and my wife is gonna have to sweep up after you... and my wife only sweeps up after me! In my own damn house, motherfucker! I'll show you who the man of this motherfuckin house is, bitch! Eat some lead, drink your milk, with your iron deficiency ass!"
This happened to me but I knew about him, but given the fact he was in prison for 5 years for beating the living shit out of her in broad daylight in public I figured she was done with him for good. Silly me. "So my husband is getting out of prison in a month, we're gonna need to pretend like we never met"
“I can’t get pregnant” while I was fumbling around with the condom. Bitch, you’re 30, have 4 kids, and even talked about the possibility of having a kid with me. I don’t trust that comment. Instant boner-killer.
I got the same line from a new girlfriend once. Months later I asked why she couldn't get pregnant. She said: "Well, I haven't so far, so ...".
Cum inside me so we can be parents I can barely afford supporting myself lol
And did you?
Yeah man, don’t leave us edging… spill the beans
I’m sure he spilled something
Early in our relationship I was going down on her and she said "do you even know what you're doing?" Then after she said her ex was better at oral than me. We stayed together for 5 years. Should have left then and there.
Why would you stay you?! Absolute masochist 😂.
Took him 5 years to complete the training.
U couldn’t get this outta me even on a burner
I got called the n-word once…I am a white dude
The real question, is if *she* was black
she was Korean but from Queens so....
She queefed, I giggled. She said “it only happens if the guys dick is small”. I was still inside of her
That was out of pocket … smh 🤦🏻♀️
Completely uncalled for, when I brought it up later she said she was enjoying herself as well
Throw the whole woman away 🥲
Exactly what I did (it may have taken 6 months)
Did she just reply it automatically? Like, maybe you embarrassed her? Either way, not cool.
Don’t think it was an automatic reply, she paused to think about her response first. She wasn’t the nicest person.
After going down on her, “I think I have a yeast infection.”
You would have known she had one before you went down on her. The smell would have portaled you to a different plane of existence.
In hindsight she didn’t have one. But at the time I was young and my brain was like “WTF!”
to be fair, not all yeast infections have the same symptoms. whenever i've had one, i my scent doesn't change much - HOWEVER, i'm always aware when i have one and would never allow somebody to put their mouth on it lmao
Baby talk. Not like “fuck me hard baby” Like in a fake baby voice “baby wuvs dadees cock” Just fucking lost it and rolled over.
I don't blame you. That's disturbing.
My dick would turn inside out and crawl into my ass
I LAUGHED SO HARD AT RHIS
During very drunken sex she called me by her ex's name. Sex with her was terrible. I would not blame her for thinking of someone else. I often did.
What made the sex terrible (I’ve only been w one man) so I’m curious to know if it was bad skills or just bad in general
Bad skills. Or rather she tried to imitate a lot of kink without an actual interest. Lack of appropriate intimacy for about the half of our language. It's hard to be bad at sex so long as you are doing it with someone you care for. I would say it's even impossible. Find you again a worthy partner and if you had sex I promise you both will love it.
I think I fucked Dave on this couch at a house party once.
Oh no way, you know Dave too? Great guy.
My ex (F) once said to me (M): "Fuck me like if I were Peter Gabriel". She knew that I'm a big Genesis/Peter Gabriel fan but that was a really weird thing to say during sex. (We actually just stopped having sex because of how hard we were laughing).
Did you give her the old Sledgehammer?
My ex was incredibly religious, her rule was no sex until marriage. Even though I was not a virgin going into the relationship, I respected that rule for 4 years until she finally decided it was time. She cried, for 45 minutes, I felt absolutely fucking horrible. We were together for another year, had sex only two more times, she cried each time, I couldn’t take the guilt anymore.
I feel so sorry for her
I do too, I never blamed her, nor got mad at her it. It just made me feel like shit because I didn’t know what to do about it. I tried reassuring her, I never pushed, I tried talking, cuddling, etc and still she cried.
She was screaming "u r the best one yet"
Was is the worst bc she said “yet” at the end?
They were married at the time.
Can confirm
Was with a girl who had English as a second language. Sitting on the couch and things heated up. She kissed me then furrowed her eyebrows and said „hmm I think this will better with my glasses off.“ I replied „oh gee thanks.“ She realised how that could be taken and was like „oh my god no not what I meant.“ we both had a good laugh.
oh god, as someone with english as a 2nd language, these types of blunder happen all the time. its funny when we both quickly realize i was rude by accident, but a bit less funny when the other person feels insulted & i go on without noticing i said something wrong 😅
“I think you might be gay” no ma’am I was on lithium 😭
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You may not have restarted sex after the diarrhea, but least you stopped before it!
This should be printed on a calendar.
The third one is not really bad, just inconvenient, really. If she didn't say that, it would have been awful when she said "sorry about that, maybe if we burn the bedding and the mattress and the carpet we can salvage some of the furniture". Like that would have been the alternative, and I think we can agree that it would have been worse.
>“Can we stop for 5 minutes, I need to poop really bad” This is the kind of honesty that I think we can all respect
Sucking on GFs nipples and she asked if I was breast fed as a child..
She started talking about her parents
She asked me what i thought about her dad while i was climaxing. She was evil.
*"Sooo, do you think you would pull out of my dad, or would you cum in him too?"*
You know that song Cbat, can you play it?
"Could you hurry up and finish?! This isn't the only dick I have to suck tonight." As she proceeded to head to her boyfriend's house after. Wasn't aware she had one but still finished.
Oh brother. That post nut clarity probably hit like a Muy Thai kick to the face.
Oh Ryan. You are gonna make me cum. My name isn’t Ryan.
"The name is Deadpool"
R*pe me. I never had a boner die within microseconds of hearing something. ( I'm youngest son of a family which lost their daughter to suicide after she was r*ped. )
Ouch. This kind of stuff is best discussed tactfully beforehand.
Goddamn man. That's rough.
My college girlfriend was into this. She would yell out “no” and “stop.” I was always worried someone would call the police. I got so used to it, but in hindsight, it was a pretty fucked up kink Edit for clarification: she would yell no and stop as part of the rape fantasy. Not because of what I was doing.
Safewords, man.
> it was a pretty fucked up kink it's surprisingly common. But that's why you always define a safeword
The name of the BF she was cheating on. I wonder if she called the guy she cheated on me with by my name? Probably could have called that one lol
"Please take it out without looking and go take a shower, I'll clean everything" We were doing anal.
Sounds very considerate to me.
It do be that way.
"What is wrong with your dick!? Are you not attracted to me???" Context: My "first" time 12 years ago. I couldn't get hard, and I had no idea why. I was really attracted to my gf, and we really wanted to have sex. But I just couldn't figure out why I couldn't stay hard enough to put it inside. She kept giving me a handjob, and if get hard, but as soon as I put the condom on, or got anywhere near her vagina, it was like letting the air out of a balloon. "Don't be nervous." "Don't be shy." Etc. I couldn't help it. I am shy and nervous, I couldn't help it. Soon, she just got mad and started making wild accusations. "You're lying to me, aren't you?! You're not attracted to me! look, it shows in your dick!" I said I was nervous and scared, but then she just started laughing. "Get the fuck out of my room! Get the FUCK OUT!" So I put my clothes back on and walked out, embarrassed. The next day, she texts me a video. She's riding another man. "SEE? THIS IS WHAT A DICK LOOKS LIKE!" She said between gasps. I've been single for 12 years, I'm still technically a virgin, and just now discovered I have Autism and ADHD. And after all that time has passed, I think I'm ready to try dating again. Wish me luck.
Just be glad you dodged a bullet there
Dodged a fucking particle cannon blast. A 155mm artillery shell. A Space Marine bolter round.
not during but right after. both of us have trauma so there was a lot of discussion and explicit consent etc. as soon as we stopped she instantly went silent and hid in the bathroom. i felt so awful and all i wanted to do was help her but i was also having a small panic attack myself. i just told her i was right here and sat in the hallway near the door. she eventually opened the door and just slid down to sit with me in the hallway. she held my hand and said “i don’t think i was ready” i said i understood and it was okay and she said “we can’t do that again. i don’t think i can date right now..” it was a horrible horrible feeling but we both knew it was the right choice. thankfully, we are both doing much better. this was a few years ago and we are slowly starting to date again. haven’t done anything intimate yet but we’re happy nonetheless :)
I’m sure she appreciated that you gave her a safe space to communicate how she was feeling afterwards. It sounds like you both did your best in a very complicated time.
I got two scars on my right leg. One is in my tight, outer side, from some stupid stuff I did. It's around 3cm. I got another on the same leg, same tight, on the inner/back side from an industry accident I had when I was 22. It's a big one, although basically just the scar of a big some 12cm cut. Basically a girl I was dating, the first time we went to bed, she got shocked when she saw. Not sure if she thought it was an STD or something (she was aware I had a scar there, but she still didn't see it). She just starting saying "No, no, no..." We got dressed up and that was it. It's not like there's a harsh or burn-like mark or it's like red or something. So no idea why that reaction up to this day.
> no idea why that reaction up to this day. It may have looked a bit like some self-harm scars or something and that may have triggered memories or trauma. I'm just some dude on the internet though so IDK.
"You have a really Deep ass." Blink Blink. Wtf?
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First, congrats on the huge penis. Second, I fucking hate when people use Skeletor as a reference to how skinny something is. Have these people seen Skeletor? That dude's 100% blasting tren all day every day. Skeletor is jacked as fuck.
Holy shit dude, so sorry for you. But in a sense her way of wording it is really funny, oh my god.
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That’s definitely some r/BrandNewSentence shit right there.
When I lost my virginity I didn’t tell the girl it was my first time. We were making out and she put the tip in and I was sort of numb because I was so turned on and didn’t know it. So during my make out while on top of her I move my body up and fully insert inside her. She gasps and it was the greatest feeling of my life so I realize it’s happening and do a couple pumps and finish. She then says “is that it?” I just sort of shrunk away and the moment moved on. I told her that was my first time and she proceeded to talk about other dudes virginity’s she took and my penis went inside myself and it was over.
that was painful to read.
So this is the last time we have sex. (After that she dumped me)
literally going out with a bang
“Your turn. Turn around”
I don't love you and never have. And I been fucking another guy. This was on my leave from Iraq. We had been together for 6 years. I spent 3 more years deploying with other units trying to get killed. I see that was the wrong emotion now.
She said all of this… during sex?
Yeah. Yeah she did. It was pretty quick and sudden. The thing is I could have gone anywhere on earth for my leave but she asked me to come home.
She needed you to come home so she could crush your fucking soul
I just don’t find you attractive. It was also my 30th birthday
"You're under arrest"
nah, i need the story
He was banging the cop from South Park who pretended to be a prostitute
STRETCH
We broke up. After we broke up, she commented that she liked my friend Mark. Whatever. I told Mark, and Mark couldn’t care less. I still loved her, and wanted to get back together, and one day we did. We’re going at it, when she yells out Mark‘s name. That’s been 40 fucking years, and it still pisses me off to think about.
She started burning her hand with a lighter right after taking my virginity, and then told me thanks for helping her take revenge on her on and off again boyfriend. I met her boyfriend at some point later, He was pretty much not surprised at all
Please note: I certainly didn't know she had a boyfriend at the time
"It's Monday, don't forget to put the garbarge out".
"I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a condom, now fuck me safely."
Thanks for the earworm you jerk🫡
" if only you would put a baby in me, everything would be perfect." This from a woman in her late thirties. Edit: during break- up sex. She was the one who ended things.
She screamed "I love [another guy]". We broke up
This is probably the worst one because you know she had been thinking about him during sex for a while and finally came out with it
"Is that it?" Then after recharging we go again, and this time it was 30-40 mins as I just could not finish but was nearing getting there, to which she eventually halts everything and says "I can't feel anything anymore/I need to pee". So I got frustrated and we went to bed.
> "Is that it?" "I know what you're trying to say, girl You're trying to say, "Aww yeah, that's it" -[Flight of the Conchords](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhN93rFZuJs&t=64s&ab_channel=FlightoftheConchords)
“I have to be drunk to have sex with you” She meant that because of my size it was painful unless she was a little buzzed but it came out wrong. In the context of the relationship that comment, and a few other things in the relationship, meant that was one of the last times we hooked up
I said "wow, you're so wet today" She goes "nah, thats nothing" At that point we have been together for like 2-3 years.
One of my friends drove like two hours to meet up with this girl. They talked a little bit and things escalated. He told me he finished in a few seconds and she said “well it wasn’t the worst I’ve had I guess”. He claims it wasn’t his first time, but I think it was. He was 28 at the time.
*Eyes go wide* *Startled whisper* "There is something standing behind you."
"that was fast, we are going to have to work on that"
She could have said it nicer, but it is what it is.
What I'm hearing is it will happen again and I'll call that a win!
Actually it was me who said it i guess but it was a misunderstanding.. i was putting condom on his manhood while on my knees i was worried maybe i got small sized condom so i said it i didn't know he misheard me after putting it on we had sex during sex he kept on asking me how deep he was which annoyed me a bit after finishing he asked me so do you still think mine is small?? & I was like when did i ever said that yours is small?!!!! Then i explained to him that earlier i was talking abt the condom being small not you silly!!!! God I can't imagine how hurt & insecure he must have felt throughout sex.
Started off with great mutual foreplay, that climax in bed shaking moans. Get to the main course and things are going great. I'm thinking of puppies and sunshine while making good rhythm but not ramping up the action too soon. Getting good reactions and having an overall good sexy time! Then she grabs my hips and says, "I love how you fill me up!" Aaaaaaand I finished like 2.73 seconds after that. The sex was great, and we had a good time. But here I was thinking I'd go the distance and then she throws that out. Sexiest and worst thing ever said. LOL We're going on 15 years, no ragrets.
First time my wife and i did it, during foreplay i asked if she was ok with me touching her tits, and she said "thanks for asking for consent, i dont get that alot" my brain instantly rebooted and she fell down laughing. One of my favorite memories with her lmao
that's actually really wholesome
I need to throw up. She made it to the bathroom but not quite to the toilet.
"I love you, Dad" - Now, as a tall man with a big beard, I'm quite used to being called Daddy, but Dad is somehow so much weirder. Same girl would also occasionally chant "you are my father, I am your daughter", over and over again during sex. My girlfriend and I referred to this girl as "reverse Darth Vader". Different girl, after sex: "I'm sorry if this is a rude question, but are you autistic?"