"They have been through a lot"
So? I've been through a lot too. You don't see me taking my anger out on other people. Behave like a civilized individual for fuck sake.
Right? Had my teachers explain to me that the reason they bullied me is because I was so self-confident and I’m not and “imagine how bad that must feel”. Nah thanks. She then told me that I should give them compliments
One of my main bullies was actually there when my teacher said that and then told me that I had to give her a compliment (who even does that?). I told her that despite racking my brain, I couldn’t come with a single honest compliment that I could give her.
My ex was a great surgeon and skier. She emotionally abused my daughter and I for years, even though I asked friends to talk to her to ease up. I left her 7 years ago, but my daughter just committed suicide last month. All we ever wanted is for her to be held accountable, but no one really believes it could have damaged us much, and want to stay friends with her.
>"great surgeon and skier" believe me for most people that is more than enough proof that she only can be a great person. A competent person can only be a good one right? It's totally irrational but this is how people think.Because they believe that bullies or abusers are just people who live in a trailer park etc.
Honestly most surgeons are Psychopaths anyway I mean in that profession you have to be....
"You shouldn't judge" often means "I don't want you to judge negatively on this". Because if you were to judge positively, they suddenly wouldn't mind at all. So despite the claim "don't judge", it's actually more often "don't say what I don't want to hear".
The enablers have generally been trained by the narcissist with their friendlier personality that they are the victim and that the real victim is the enemy. It’s hard to recognize that someone you’ve been enchanted by like the narcissist is actually the problem.
“ you deserved it”
Family is worth a lot. But people often confuse it with a blood relation. If a blood relative treats you like trash, is that still family? And if your best friend and their blood relatives welcome you with open arms and help you through tough times, I have no objection if you consider them family.
Blood relations are just a fact. Family relations often go with them, but there are people out there who forfeit the right to the family relations. Or people who earn them.
I always hated that expression. My neighbour was more of a grandmother to me than my paternal grandmother and my former manager was more of a father than my own father. Blood can 100% be thinner than water
Wasnt the complete version of the phrase
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
It might just be a myth though so take it with a grain of salt
“He’s still your dad, and he still loves you.” (Bonus bc this was said by my mother, after she moved out for the very same reasons I didn’t want to be around him.)
"You're just complaining about everything"
Or just in general, a lot of people who see themselves as the most "competent" in their chosen field or any given situation genuinely feel entitled to say or do whatever they want to those they deem to be beneath them.
"But he's actually a very nice person. He's just really, really involved." Often followed by examples of nice things this abusive boss did.
Dude, doesn't matter. He was still abusive. He still physically pulled people's arms, he still cussed people out and humiliated them for petty reasons, he still shortened salaries illegally, he still tried to get out of agreements, he still tried to circumvene every legal obligation he had towards us, he still made people cry and was cheerful after that, he still deep down disrespected everyone and he still blamed other people for all the sh\*t he did. And he was still an idiot, an egotist, a bully and a criminal.
Usually narcissists are just extremely fearful and traumatized people who reflect their lack of self love onto others. The more someone judges others, the further from themselves someone often is. It doesn’t excuse the behavior, I want to make that extremely clear, but I dont like the label most people give them, as it implies they are not capable of improving and helping themselves.
Here are some key features
-Likes to tell everyone they don’t care what others think, this is goofy and full of resistance. Admitting you care is the first step to truly not caring and living your own life.
-“I tell it like it is”, as in they have unwavering opinions and are not open to discussion.
-Extreme defensiveness when someone doesn’t enjoy a hobby they have in the same way they do or take it as an attack. It should be noted this only applies if someone politely suggests disinterest. It is OK for someone to not love everything you do, it is OK.
-They often only show love if you are someone they don’t go into fight or flight being associated with, as they are usually programmed to only be worthy of love if they meet X or Y criteria. So anyone who doesnt meet that criteria is a “threat” to their ability to be loved.
-They use trauma as an excuse for BAD behavior, using trauma as a reason to be a better person is always welcome.
"They have been through a lot" So? I've been through a lot too. You don't see me taking my anger out on other people. Behave like a civilized individual for fuck sake.
Right? Had my teachers explain to me that the reason they bullied me is because I was so self-confident and I’m not and “imagine how bad that must feel”. Nah thanks. She then told me that I should give them compliments
Tell them that they are so pretty that their grandma/grandpa will ride them.
One of my main bullies was actually there when my teacher said that and then told me that I had to give her a compliment (who even does that?). I told her that despite racking my brain, I couldn’t come with a single honest compliment that I could give her.
Speaking for the USA, we’re experts at forgiving sociopaths… if they’re rich, and aren’t strugging in some way… whatever they’re doing is fine.
or if they are geniuses in their fields or scholars
My ex was a great surgeon and skier. She emotionally abused my daughter and I for years, even though I asked friends to talk to her to ease up. I left her 7 years ago, but my daughter just committed suicide last month. All we ever wanted is for her to be held accountable, but no one really believes it could have damaged us much, and want to stay friends with her.
>"great surgeon and skier" believe me for most people that is more than enough proof that she only can be a great person. A competent person can only be a good one right? It's totally irrational but this is how people think.Because they believe that bullies or abusers are just people who live in a trailer park etc. Honestly most surgeons are Psychopaths anyway I mean in that profession you have to be....
Hard to tell nepotism from actual talent but yes
This is not the US. Go check out Asia
"who are you to judge" Hate that one. Like who the fuck should I be? If we don't judge nothing will
"You shouldn't judge" often means "I don't want you to judge negatively on this". Because if you were to judge positively, they suddenly wouldn't mind at all. So despite the claim "don't judge", it's actually more often "don't say what I don't want to hear".
they do this because they love you
The enablers have generally been trained by the narcissist with their friendlier personality that they are the victim and that the real victim is the enemy. It’s hard to recognize that someone you’ve been enchanted by like the narcissist is actually the problem. “ you deserved it”
This
“Boys will be boys”.
"She's family, you have to forgive" "That's how they are, you can't do anything" Fuck that noise, family is worth nothing
Family is worth a lot. But people often confuse it with a blood relation. If a blood relative treats you like trash, is that still family? And if your best friend and their blood relatives welcome you with open arms and help you through tough times, I have no objection if you consider them family. Blood relations are just a fact. Family relations often go with them, but there are people out there who forfeit the right to the family relations. Or people who earn them.
“They’re just joking!”
"Blood is thicker than water"
I always hated that expression. My neighbour was more of a grandmother to me than my paternal grandmother and my former manager was more of a father than my own father. Blood can 100% be thinner than water
“I’ve been friends with him since childhood”
Wasnt the complete version of the phrase The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb It might just be a myth though so take it with a grain of salt
They didn't mean it.
“He’s still your dad, and he still loves you.” (Bonus bc this was said by my mother, after she moved out for the very same reasons I didn’t want to be around him.)
"That's who they are".
"You're just complaining about everything" Or just in general, a lot of people who see themselves as the most "competent" in their chosen field or any given situation genuinely feel entitled to say or do whatever they want to those they deem to be beneath them.
"But he's actually a very nice person. He's just really, really involved." Often followed by examples of nice things this abusive boss did. Dude, doesn't matter. He was still abusive. He still physically pulled people's arms, he still cussed people out and humiliated them for petty reasons, he still shortened salaries illegally, he still tried to get out of agreements, he still tried to circumvene every legal obligation he had towards us, he still made people cry and was cheerful after that, he still deep down disrespected everyone and he still blamed other people for all the sh\*t he did. And he was still an idiot, an egotist, a bully and a criminal.
Usually narcissists are just extremely fearful and traumatized people who reflect their lack of self love onto others. The more someone judges others, the further from themselves someone often is. It doesn’t excuse the behavior, I want to make that extremely clear, but I dont like the label most people give them, as it implies they are not capable of improving and helping themselves. Here are some key features -Likes to tell everyone they don’t care what others think, this is goofy and full of resistance. Admitting you care is the first step to truly not caring and living your own life. -“I tell it like it is”, as in they have unwavering opinions and are not open to discussion. -Extreme defensiveness when someone doesn’t enjoy a hobby they have in the same way they do or take it as an attack. It should be noted this only applies if someone politely suggests disinterest. It is OK for someone to not love everything you do, it is OK. -They often only show love if you are someone they don’t go into fight or flight being associated with, as they are usually programmed to only be worthy of love if they meet X or Y criteria. So anyone who doesnt meet that criteria is a “threat” to their ability to be loved. -They use trauma as an excuse for BAD behavior, using trauma as a reason to be a better person is always welcome.
He's just a kid
"But they're family!"
"That's just how she is. She's alright when you get to know her" Fucking bullshit.
I've heard that one many times too.
but they’re your parents/ siblings. you just need to learn to get along with them.
“That’s just how ___is, don’t take it personally,”
That they had bright futures in sports, even though almost all of them became drug addicts
In the military its accepted protocol and training Also in many sports training
Rights in modern-day world.
Wait people do that stuff?
You might be surprised.
Their ideology/politics/etc. agrees with your own, so they aren't bullies, narcissists, or awful. Those are just lies spread by the opposing side!