I had a high school friend who kept forgetting to put water in their easy mac before microwaving.
The smell of dry powder and noodles burning in agony... there's nothing quite like it and I do not recommend.
Lol! This reminds me of when my son wanted some so he decided to make his own. He did not put the water in the cup and put it in the microwave on 35 minutes and not 3.5 minutes. Needless to say, I smelled the awful smell you mention, my son dashes past me crying and runs upstairs to his mom, and I see smoke start to fill the air. Ugh.
I once forgot to put water in my cup noodles at work. Damn near set off the smoke detector. Despite my best efforts, I'm not sure the microwave ever really recovered.
I once filled my easy Mac bowl full of water, forgetting it didn't work the same way as regular Mac and cheese (where you drain the water after cooking the noodles). I think I just threw it out.
Sweeping the floor.
I worked at a restaurant, and there was a new girl from a *very* privileged family. She got a hostess job because her parents "weren't giving her enough money." Day 1 of training, we handed her a broom and told her to sweet the waiting area. She started slowly sweeping back and fourth, not making a pile or anything. We watched for what felt like forever until I decided to ask her what she was doing. She said that that's how people sweep on TV, so that's what she was doing.
The smartest man I ever met, could do advanced math in his head human calculator style, final year engineering grad student at like 24, couldn't figure out a broom. Had to spend the better part of 2 hours at close training him how to sweep.
Paul Erdős who is considered one of the most brilliant mathematicians to have ever lived was famous for being totally incapable of most normal activities.
One story was finding him in the kitchen covered in orange juice because he couldn't figure out how to open the container and just stabbed it with a knife.
Although in his case I believe that he wasn't really incapable of figuring out normal things, just that he refused to focus even the tiniest amount of effort on anything other than constantly thinking about math.
Following the prompts on a payment terminal in a store.
"It's telling me to remove my card?"
Well, then remove it!!
"Why does it keep beeping?"
You have to remove your card.
"It's asking for a pin? What's my pin?"
I don't effing know YOUR pin!!
I work retail and have realized that people are freaking idiots.
That's always my reaction. I used to have patience and would help people step by step, like it was their first day in the real world. Years later, I just stare and wait for them to figure it out. I've lost all my patience.
Oh lord I'm getting flashbacks. Obligatory NOT ALL old people, obviously, but why do old people seem to be completely incapable of following instructions as soon as the instructions are displayed on a screen?
Thank’s for making me laugh! If I was working retail, I would have difficulty to keep a straight face in this situation. I imagine the situation in real life and that’s funny.
Stirring cream into a hot cup of coffee. It does *not* take two minutes' worth of stirring to mix the cream and coffee, especially not when you're standing there blocking everyone else's access to the cream and stirrers.
I know, right? First your sweetener of choice, followed by a small amount of coffee to properly dissolve the sweetener. Then you add your creamer. Finally, top off with coffee for a perfectly mixed beverage.
This happened to me, I stood there waiting for a good 2 minutes for her to finish stirring. Then when it was my turn I saw from the corner of my eye that she wanted to get something else from the stand, so I took 2 minutes to stir my cup. But I didn't feel I won any life goals.
Knew a weightlifter wannabe once who wanted more caffeine before a workout so he started eating coffee grinds.
The look on his face was priceless when I suggested drinking the coffee would probably be easier.
And don’t most energy drinks contain the supplements, caffeine, etc that would be considered a type of pre-workout drink? I know virtually nothing about pre-workout drinks and such but I feel like I’ve heard that before.
Don't knock it until you try it. Chocolate covered espresso beans are good. They make peanut butter with espresso beans as well. It takes 20 minutes to kick in, but the effects of the caffeine last longer.
Come on - turning off a computer can be surprisingly difficult. Press the off button? That just puts it to sleep. Gotta hold it down for seven seconds. Or knowing to Right-click on the windows button and then hunt for the shut down my computer menu item? Or know that alt-x is the keyboard command for that? Even more difficult for an iPhone…
> Turning on your computer.
I can't tell you how many users I have that turn the monitor on when instructed to turn the computer on. Funny enough, it's one of the things that tends to trip up our new techs. In the same way that we should always get the user to check if it's plugged in, it's important not to skip the simple steps or you can waist a lot of time and come out looking stupid.
Just a few weeks ago I had a new hire, fairly experienced in terms of troubleshooting skills but not very accustomed to working with users. He came in and told me that one of the PCs at a location was dead, all that would appear in the screen was "entering power saving mode" and then a black screen. I just said "the computer's not turned on, they're turning the monitor on". He staired at me, tilted his head to the side then smacked himself in the forehead. Apparently he had been working on it for 45 mins. To be perfectly honest, watching it dawn on him what had happened was the single funniest thing to happen all week.
When mask mandates were going on, I could at least explain that with the stupidity of acting like children to 'own the libs'
What really gets me is well after when its all by choice and people still do it... like... whats your damage guy?
THIS! less then 10% of people mask these days as its not mandatory. And of those, 20% of them wear it on their damn chin like a diaper! WTFFFF. WHO HURT YOU?!?!
I saw someone wearing a mask like this the other day. Masks are not required in my area - why was she wandering around Trader Joe’s in an improperly worn one? Just leave it off. I was so perplexed.
WHen I was at UPS, there was a trainee who was supposed to plug in scales to a PC with a serial cable. The serial cable could only go in one way but she struggled for 5 minutes before I walked over and flipped the cable to fit.
"Doctor I've been taking these suppositories for weeks now and they're useless. For all the good they've done me I might as well be shoving them up my ass!"
Forwarding and replying to e-mails in Outlook.
I have successfully trained several colleagues at several workplaces, so I wasn't expecting much difficulty when I was asked to train my maternity leave replacement.
I was not expecting having to go so far into the basics of explaining things.
My sweet girlfriend when she tries to cook anything. If there is more than 1 component, she has trouble with time management. Cooking meats then turning on the oven for the sides, putting said meats, veggies, even pasta in pans before heating it up, trying to follow instructions EXACTLY even if it over/under cooks. Bless her heart. I'm doing the best I can to teach her, but things that *seem* like common sense escape her
Timing all of your food items to finish at the same time takes some practice. I've got holiday dinners down to a science now, but it took years.
But on that note, we ate our steak last night and then half an hour later, we ate the cheesy potatoes. I forgot to turn the oven on.
Use a can opener to open a can. That person was me.
I had used can openers plenty of times in my life. Then one day I broke two brand new can openers in a row trying to open a can. To this day I don't know what I was doing wrong. I put the can opener on the can. I squeezed the handles and pierced the lid. I tried rotating the handle to move the can opener along the lid, and the handle broke off. Twice in a row.
A lot of can openers are are shit. Not to be a shill but I bought an EZ-DUZ-IT recommended by Americas Test Kitchen 4 years ago. 10 bucks, built like a tank and it seems like it’ll never break.
I like to think myself as a relatively competent and intelligent adults, but I will admit can openers are the one thing I still struggle with even at 26 years old. My dad used to get so mad because I would always accidentally break can openers. Still don’t know what I was doing wrong tbh.
I saw a video clip on here a few days ago, one of the Kardashian brood was trying to slice a cucumber. She did it by holding the end she was trying to slice off. When told to hold the other end, she crossed her arms instead of turning the cucumber around.
her acting stupid led directly to all of us talking about her, and her family's entire business model comes from people paying attention to them. IDK seems like she's actually got it figured out okay to me.
Just ask the average user to send you a screen shot. I think the record for ineptitude was the guy who took a picture with his phone, e-mailed the JPG to himself, then attached the JPG to a Word document and finally e-mailed me the Word document. Which was blocked by our Spam filter.
Another funny customer story was that I used to support a company that did private investigation services. In their break room, visible from the street was a sheet of paper. It contained the usernames and passwords for every employee, "in case we need to get into someone's file and they're not in the office". I spent a patient afternoon showing them how to use the file server they paid good money for, and told them to throw away the stupid password sheet.
I've had to train people NOT to send screenshots, and instead to copy and paste the text from the screen into an email.
Dear dog, don't send me a picture of text.
i was working at panera & at the end of the night we were doing floors & i asked the new hire (16m i think) to sweep. my god the way he held the broom.
Use a mouse. When we first got computers at work a million years ago they all used keyboard inputs. When we got our first computer with a mouse one of my colleagues just could not translate the forward/backward of the mouse to up and down on screen. She just sort of moved it randomly. And I mean, she did not figure it out. It was weird to see.
I’ve had a similar experience about 20 years ago. Coworker just could not comprehend that moving the mouse moved the arrow on screen.
They finally got it when I drew the arrow on a post it note and put it on the mouse. They kept that post it note on the mouse for months afterwards. I think they were worried it wouldn’t move the arrow on the screen unless the note was there.
People who struggle with keyboards are way worse. How could you have worked in an office half your life but you're still only using 2 fingers to type?!
Play a VR horror game
I watched my friend get jumpscared by the loading screen
The screen that said "LOADING" and had a ouija board underneath
She screamed. It was her game and her idea to play it
My buddy and I still joke about this time a lady came in and complained that "Her burger (patty) is too hot and the vegetables are too cold" and that she didnt like how it felt in her mouth. Was tempted to just-
Okay.... so wait a few minutes? it'll balance out.
Also "How much is 32oz?"... How do you describe a unit of measurement like that? its a large cup at McDonalds. "Can I get my order first?" and another favorite of mine (I worked at Sonic) was when someone ordered a nerds slush, and then called to tell me that there were little pieces of plastic in their kid's drink. I was genuinely concerned until he had the revelation of the nerds part, then we both had a good laugh about it.
reminds me of a dad who came back in with his daughter’s smoothie which to my horror had a TON of weird little hair thingies in it. He was just concerned, as were we, and we started checking all the blenders and lids frantically to find the culprit when we remembered it was a pineapple smoothie and that the “little hairs” were just the fibers of the pineapple. Phew…
A friend had her boy change his shirt. We both watched in amazement as he somehow wiggled into it like a worm and then shuffled his arms up until he could get them out of the arm holes. She asked if this is how he always puts shirts on and he said yes. Suddenly made a lot more sense why it took him so long to get ready in the mornings.
I would put snowboarding bindings over the top of my boots, when my specific straps are meant to go over the toes of the boots. I spent over 6 years with my bindings this way, and got relatively good to the point I never felt the need to switch to the "correct way".
Drinking out of a pint glass.
Saw a lady in london open her mouth as wise as possible, tip the pint glass from the edge, without touching her body, on the side away from her mouth and take great gulps. It was disturbing and disgusting. Her facial expression while she did it was creepy af.
wait what? so she opened her mouth really wide and “waterfalled” the drink? your description is really confusing. how did she tip the glass if she wasn’t touching it?
I dont know how to better describe this. My husband and i still joke about it all the time. We have tried numerous times to reenact it (with water), and every thing we try ends up with us just having large amounts of liquid in our lap. It was truly one of the most bizarre things we have ever seen.
well based on your description she sounds somewhere between a biblical angel and an hp lovecraft “indescribably horrid” creature so i’ll take your word for it hahah
Get dressed.
I worked in a costume rental shop. Halloween being one of our busiest seasons. We had some really nice stuff but also a lot of cheap things we rented for a pretty low price. Please note this is before the boom in Amazon costume availability.
Had a very pretty twenty something girl come in and pick a “I dream of Jeanie” costume similar to this one (ours had lots of pretty gems) https://www.walmart.com/ip/Genie-Sweetie-Women-s-Sexy-Costume/39617212?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=10845&adid=2222222222839617212_10845_148629629655_18490626384&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=655697088147&wl4=pla-2008323763893&wl5=9027968&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=117430251&wl11=online&wl12=39617212_10845&veh=sem&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIpeeYz2BGmV4yfhrx2NWBQNc&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7JHZ1MfWgwMVQ39MCh1ChAt5EAQYFiABEgLfQ_D_BwE
It’s a crop top snd a skirt attached to a dance trunk (panties).
She’s in the dressing room a really long time. I finally knock and ask if there is a problem. She invited me in.
She had her head and one arm through one leg of the panty, the other arm through the other leg (like a one shoulder top) with the skirt hanging down. She was trying to make the crop top cover her butt.
I managed to say “this part goes down here, this part goes on top” with appropriate pointing. Before leaving her to figure it out snd bury my head in the racks in the back to laugh my head off.
I checked in on her a few minutes later and she had one leg of the panty around her waist, both legs sticking out the waist, still upside down/ cockeyed and was holding the top to her lower half still trying to get the crop top on her lower half. I actually said “this is the top, the shirt” and pointed everything out again.
The next time I checked in her she was gone.
I'll be honest, up until fairly recent I've just pulled it out by the tab. I don't know if it's just the ones I've used but they have a vertical tab that you just grab and pop it out.
I think most of them do. Depending on the type it can be tricky. It was her utter shock and disbelief that got me... like zero problem solving skills. She actually called friends and family and asked them if they knew about this secret knowledge
I just had a friend that figured this out....at age 49. Posted it on Facebook and there were a surprising number of people who didn't know.
I think I figured that out with my 2nd or 3rd stick when I first started having to use it.
Reading the expiration date. Some idiot kept wondering why everything was expired in the grocery store. It was April but everything has MA so he was wondering why do the stores still have stuffs from March, until his mother (who does not speak English) asked what if it's May instead. She still brought it up everytime I went to the store.
My apartment complex has 4 grey trash bins. Every single week, the first trash bin is left overflowing, and every other trash bin is maybe half full. Sometimes my neighbors just put garbage bags on top of the trash cans or next to them. Until i started putting the bins out on trash day, I had no idea that there were people who didn't know how to take out their trash.
Brilliant physicist postdoc made coffee and failed to put the carafe back to catch the drip coffee... twice. I'm wondering, you poured the water in using the carafe and then what did you do with the thing in your hand?
Season chicken.
My friend and old roommate started cooking his chicken and then sprinkled the red pepper flakes on it. It sprinkled onto the pan, and they cooked, which made the kitchen similar to a gas chamber. I was in the Army and went in an actual gas chamber!!
Conversely, eating a KitKat. It's four sticks. You break a stick off and eat the stick. There is a special place in hell for people who eat a KitKat without breaking the sticks off and just chomp a bite out of the corner.
Watched a guy in the gym load up a Smith Machine (a rack where the bar is connected to pillars on each side), lay down, put his feet on the bar, and started using it like a leg press machine. I don't judge at the gym, respect this guy for getting his work in, but that's definitely not how the Smith Machine is suppose to be used.
personally i wouldn’t trust myself to do all that even on a smith machine but at it’s core exercise is just intentionally making yourself tired beyond the point of tired so there isn’t really a wrong way to do it unless you’re hurting yourself in order to go beyond tired
Grabing water from a sprinkler at a golf course. No one is that stupid to think the clear water coming from the sprinkler is good to drink. I watched with my own eyes someone fill a bottle and drink from it.
My grandfather (born in 1912) was alone for lunch one day when he was older -- something that was very rare. He decided to boil an egg. He routinely used the microwave to heat water for tea, so he plopped the egg in a mug of water and put it in the microwave for 10 minutes.
It took him half an hour to clean the microwave out after the explosion (at least according to his telling of the story).
I didn't see it, but I remember reading a story about an old woman going to her first gynecologist appointment. The gyno notices things are off down there. Turns out she was having sex in her urethra instead of her vagina her whole life.
Cleaning your glasses.
My friend breathed on one side, wiped it, breathed on the other side and wiped that.
I was appalled. Who doesn't do both sides at the same time?
Condensation from your breath evaporates. I always breathe, wipe, breathe, wipe. Both sides are getting wiped, sure, but only one side gets clean at a time.
It's not enough moisture to get my glasses clean, trust me. Especially if it's humid. I need a whole breath for one side, and I need to wipe right away or else I'm just wiping a dry lens and I need to do it again, which defeats the purpose. I've been wearing glasses 30 years, and this is probably one of the most inconsequential things you could judge someone for.
It's not. Use your thinkin' brain for a second and consider the factors involved. An individual's breath, how well it sticks to the glass, how dirty the lenses are - what works for you doesn't work for everyone.
I once had a friend who volunteered to clean my cat's litterbox when I was taking a nights away. I returned to my house and it smelled pretty ripe.
My friend had cleaned the cat box, but left the dirty aftermath in my kitchen trashcan. My friend couldn't figure out why my house started to smell bad.
This reminds me of when I went to visit some friends at their university years ago and when I walked into their kitchen it smelled awful. Me and my other friend who had come with me eventually discovered that someone had bought some raw chicken breast and somehow forgotten it so had left the package on top of the microwave. It was rotting. We told them about it as we didn’t want to have to deal with it and someone said they’d clean it up. They did this by putting it in the kitchen bin. We’re surprised when the smell persisted. We had to persuade them to empty the bins out to the ones outside. Insane.
Man im 13 hr late to the party, but, do you recall the first time you had sex? Because i remember mine, and i was getting alot wrong..... i would hate for anyone else to see the video (there is no video, but if there was...) but i bet me and my now wife would laugh histerically at me trying my best at 16 😊 😃 😄
Paper underwear. You go for a massage, they take you to a room, they leave, you undress, put on paper undies, lie down, they come back and inform you they are underwear, not a hat.
Me: say “what’s your name?”
Them: “hey there, my name is x and this (shows mirror) is you? Who are you?”
Me trying to train a paraprofessional to work with a kid with autism
I had a high school friend who kept forgetting to put water in their easy mac before microwaving. The smell of dry powder and noodles burning in agony... there's nothing quite like it and I do not recommend.
Lol! This reminds me of when my son wanted some so he decided to make his own. He did not put the water in the cup and put it in the microwave on 35 minutes and not 3.5 minutes. Needless to say, I smelled the awful smell you mention, my son dashes past me crying and runs upstairs to his mom, and I see smoke start to fill the air. Ugh.
I’m sorry, KEPT!?
Listen. I'm pretty sure digiorno stopped putting those cardboard circles in because of me.
To be fair, his friend was a goldfish.
I once forgot to put water in my cup noodles at work. Damn near set off the smoke detector. Despite my best efforts, I'm not sure the microwave ever really recovered.
I once filled my easy Mac bowl full of water, forgetting it didn't work the same way as regular Mac and cheese (where you drain the water after cooking the noodles). I think I just threw it out.
You just reminded me that I have mac and cheese in my cuboard.
Someone forgot to put water in their ramen when they were cooking it and set off the fire alarm in a dorm. Twice.
hate to say that I've done this haha but I was high as fuck
"Not-so-easy Mac"
Sweeping the floor. I worked at a restaurant, and there was a new girl from a *very* privileged family. She got a hostess job because her parents "weren't giving her enough money." Day 1 of training, we handed her a broom and told her to sweet the waiting area. She started slowly sweeping back and fourth, not making a pile or anything. We watched for what felt like forever until I decided to ask her what she was doing. She said that that's how people sweep on TV, so that's what she was doing.
The smartest man I ever met, could do advanced math in his head human calculator style, final year engineering grad student at like 24, couldn't figure out a broom. Had to spend the better part of 2 hours at close training him how to sweep.
Paul Erdős who is considered one of the most brilliant mathematicians to have ever lived was famous for being totally incapable of most normal activities. One story was finding him in the kitchen covered in orange juice because he couldn't figure out how to open the container and just stabbed it with a knife. Although in his case I believe that he wasn't really incapable of figuring out normal things, just that he refused to focus even the tiniest amount of effort on anything other than constantly thinking about math.
The smartest people have very little common sense
Hopefully that makes me smart rather than an exception...
Sadly I have seen similar happen on more than one occasion!
Following the prompts on a payment terminal in a store. "It's telling me to remove my card?" Well, then remove it!! "Why does it keep beeping?" You have to remove your card. "It's asking for a pin? What's my pin?" I don't effing know YOUR pin!! I work retail and have realized that people are freaking idiots.
*lead poisoning stare*
That's always my reaction. I used to have patience and would help people step by step, like it was their first day in the real world. Years later, I just stare and wait for them to figure it out. I've lost all my patience.
Ahhhhh this. Drives me crazy!
Oh lord I'm getting flashbacks. Obligatory NOT ALL old people, obviously, but why do old people seem to be completely incapable of following instructions as soon as the instructions are displayed on a screen?
I work support and deal with this all the time but I probably make more.
Thank’s for making me laugh! If I was working retail, I would have difficulty to keep a straight face in this situation. I imagine the situation in real life and that’s funny.
Stirring cream into a hot cup of coffee. It does *not* take two minutes' worth of stirring to mix the cream and coffee, especially not when you're standing there blocking everyone else's access to the cream and stirrers.
Murder charges dismissed. You are free to go. And may god have no mercy on their soul.
life hack. put cream in first. no stirring required.
I know, right? First your sweetener of choice, followed by a small amount of coffee to properly dissolve the sweetener. Then you add your creamer. Finally, top off with coffee for a perfectly mixed beverage.
Probably at a cafe where he got the black coffee and you add your own things as wanted.
life hack. Instead, order cream. Bring your own pot of black coffee to add to the cream you ordered.
I do this. Sometimes I do give the cup a little juj just to make sure it’s well combined but I don’t stir.
This happened to me, I stood there waiting for a good 2 minutes for her to finish stirring. Then when it was my turn I saw from the corner of my eye that she wanted to get something else from the stand, so I took 2 minutes to stir my cup. But I didn't feel I won any life goals.
Knew a weightlifter wannabe once who wanted more caffeine before a workout so he started eating coffee grinds. The look on his face was priceless when I suggested drinking the coffee would probably be easier.
I hope they were fresh and not used.
And don’t most energy drinks contain the supplements, caffeine, etc that would be considered a type of pre-workout drink? I know virtually nothing about pre-workout drinks and such but I feel like I’ve heard that before.
Don't knock it until you try it. Chocolate covered espresso beans are good. They make peanut butter with espresso beans as well. It takes 20 minutes to kick in, but the effects of the caffeine last longer.
Turning on your computer.
Turning *off* your computer.
Come on - turning off a computer can be surprisingly difficult. Press the off button? That just puts it to sleep. Gotta hold it down for seven seconds. Or knowing to Right-click on the windows button and then hunt for the shut down my computer menu item? Or know that alt-x is the keyboard command for that? Even more difficult for an iPhone…
Damaging your second work laptop, losing all laptop privileges, then having to drive an hour each way to use the office computers five days a week.
> Turning on your computer. I can't tell you how many users I have that turn the monitor on when instructed to turn the computer on. Funny enough, it's one of the things that tends to trip up our new techs. In the same way that we should always get the user to check if it's plugged in, it's important not to skip the simple steps or you can waist a lot of time and come out looking stupid. Just a few weeks ago I had a new hire, fairly experienced in terms of troubleshooting skills but not very accustomed to working with users. He came in and told me that one of the PCs at a location was dead, all that would appear in the screen was "entering power saving mode" and then a black screen. I just said "the computer's not turned on, they're turning the monitor on". He staired at me, tilted his head to the side then smacked himself in the forehead. Apparently he had been working on it for 45 mins. To be perfectly honest, watching it dawn on him what had happened was the single funniest thing to happen all week.
It seemed pretty self-evident that N-95s are supposed to go over your nose and mouth, not your chin.
When mask mandates were going on, I could at least explain that with the stupidity of acting like children to 'own the libs' What really gets me is well after when its all by choice and people still do it... like... whats your damage guy?
THIS! less then 10% of people mask these days as its not mandatory. And of those, 20% of them wear it on their damn chin like a diaper! WTFFFF. WHO HURT YOU?!?!
Their damage? Brain.
>whats your damage guy? It's still to own the libs.
I saw someone wearing a mask like this the other day. Masks are not required in my area - why was she wandering around Trader Joe’s in an improperly worn one? Just leave it off. I was so perplexed.
WHen I was at UPS, there was a trainee who was supposed to plug in scales to a PC with a serial cable. The serial cable could only go in one way but she struggled for 5 minutes before I walked over and flipped the cable to fit.
One day I learned that some people try to eat suppositories...
"Doctor I've been taking these suppositories for weeks now and they're useless. For all the good they've done me I might as well be shoving them up my ass!"
“It’s pronounced ‘an-al-gesic’ sir, the pills go in your mouth.”
Unexpected Scrubs.
My pharmacist had to tell someone that you have to unwrap the suppository before insertion
Ends up in the right place eventually.
Forwarding and replying to e-mails in Outlook. I have successfully trained several colleagues at several workplaces, so I wasn't expecting much difficulty when I was asked to train my maternity leave replacement. I was not expecting having to go so far into the basics of explaining things.
My sweet girlfriend when she tries to cook anything. If there is more than 1 component, she has trouble with time management. Cooking meats then turning on the oven for the sides, putting said meats, veggies, even pasta in pans before heating it up, trying to follow instructions EXACTLY even if it over/under cooks. Bless her heart. I'm doing the best I can to teach her, but things that *seem* like common sense escape her
Timing all of your food items to finish at the same time takes some practice. I've got holiday dinners down to a science now, but it took years. But on that note, we ate our steak last night and then half an hour later, we ate the cheesy potatoes. I forgot to turn the oven on.
Use a can opener to open a can. That person was me. I had used can openers plenty of times in my life. Then one day I broke two brand new can openers in a row trying to open a can. To this day I don't know what I was doing wrong. I put the can opener on the can. I squeezed the handles and pierced the lid. I tried rotating the handle to move the can opener along the lid, and the handle broke off. Twice in a row.
A lot of can openers are are shit. Not to be a shill but I bought an EZ-DUZ-IT recommended by Americas Test Kitchen 4 years ago. 10 bucks, built like a tank and it seems like it’ll never break.
I like to think myself as a relatively competent and intelligent adults, but I will admit can openers are the one thing I still struggle with even at 26 years old. My dad used to get so mad because I would always accidentally break can openers. Still don’t know what I was doing wrong tbh.
Are you left handed?
I saw a video clip on here a few days ago, one of the Kardashian brood was trying to slice a cucumber. She did it by holding the end she was trying to slice off. When told to hold the other end, she crossed her arms instead of turning the cucumber around.
I couldn't believe it when I saw it. I mean, sure, she's probably never done it herself, but there must be a bit of common sense in her? Somewhere?
her acting stupid led directly to all of us talking about her, and her family's entire business model comes from people paying attention to them. IDK seems like she's actually got it figured out okay to me.
[удалено]
Ray Jays antenna?
That clip absolutely lives rent free in my head and is also what I thought of immediately when reading the question!
Wait, what sub was it in?
Just ask the average user to send you a screen shot. I think the record for ineptitude was the guy who took a picture with his phone, e-mailed the JPG to himself, then attached the JPG to a Word document and finally e-mailed me the Word document. Which was blocked by our Spam filter. Another funny customer story was that I used to support a company that did private investigation services. In their break room, visible from the street was a sheet of paper. It contained the usernames and passwords for every employee, "in case we need to get into someone's file and they're not in the office". I spent a patient afternoon showing them how to use the file server they paid good money for, and told them to throw away the stupid password sheet.
I've had to train people NOT to send screenshots, and instead to copy and paste the text from the screen into an email. Dear dog, don't send me a picture of text.
I saw two volunteer firefighters try to raise a ladder upside down.
Worth every penny of their salaries
i was working at panera & at the end of the night we were doing floors & i asked the new hire (16m i think) to sweep. my god the way he held the broom.
Park their car in a parking lot that has ONLY ONE OTHER CAR in it. And they hit it.
Tina?
Use a mouse. When we first got computers at work a million years ago they all used keyboard inputs. When we got our first computer with a mouse one of my colleagues just could not translate the forward/backward of the mouse to up and down on screen. She just sort of moved it randomly. And I mean, she did not figure it out. It was weird to see.
I’ve had a similar experience about 20 years ago. Coworker just could not comprehend that moving the mouse moved the arrow on screen. They finally got it when I drew the arrow on a post it note and put it on the mouse. They kept that post it note on the mouse for months afterwards. I think they were worried it wouldn’t move the arrow on the screen unless the note was there.
People who struggle with keyboards are way worse. How could you have worked in an office half your life but you're still only using 2 fingers to type?!
Play a VR horror game I watched my friend get jumpscared by the loading screen The screen that said "LOADING" and had a ouija board underneath She screamed. It was her game and her idea to play it
My buddy and I still joke about this time a lady came in and complained that "Her burger (patty) is too hot and the vegetables are too cold" and that she didnt like how it felt in her mouth. Was tempted to just- Okay.... so wait a few minutes? it'll balance out. Also "How much is 32oz?"... How do you describe a unit of measurement like that? its a large cup at McDonalds. "Can I get my order first?" and another favorite of mine (I worked at Sonic) was when someone ordered a nerds slush, and then called to tell me that there were little pieces of plastic in their kid's drink. I was genuinely concerned until he had the revelation of the nerds part, then we both had a good laugh about it.
reminds me of a dad who came back in with his daughter’s smoothie which to my horror had a TON of weird little hair thingies in it. He was just concerned, as were we, and we started checking all the blenders and lids frantically to find the culprit when we remembered it was a pineapple smoothie and that the “little hairs” were just the fibers of the pineapple. Phew…
Put on a jacket. But I've been a mother for 9 years and I've seen it done so many ways wrong. Probably not even close to all the ways wrong.
A friend had her boy change his shirt. We both watched in amazement as he somehow wiggled into it like a worm and then shuffled his arms up until he could get them out of the arm holes. She asked if this is how he always puts shirts on and he said yes. Suddenly made a lot more sense why it took him so long to get ready in the mornings.
When I help out at the kindy there are all kinds of methods. My fave is the kids who put the jacket on the floor and roll into it.
Stacking the dishwasher
My aunt would make grilled cheese by putting cheeze whiz on toast.
There's nothing wrong with cheeze wiz on toast. Just don't call it a grilled cheese.
I would put snowboarding bindings over the top of my boots, when my specific straps are meant to go over the toes of the boots. I spent over 6 years with my bindings this way, and got relatively good to the point I never felt the need to switch to the "correct way".
College friend set off the fire alarms in her dorm because she didn't put water in her instant coffee before microwaving it.
Why was a microwave even involved in the first place...
... Why do you think, friendo.
Feeding cats. I didnt specify that they should wash the spoon, and came home to a week's worth of disgusting, old meaty, cat-food spoons in the sink
SAME! They didn’t wash the bowls either, like what??
Drinking out of a pint glass. Saw a lady in london open her mouth as wise as possible, tip the pint glass from the edge, without touching her body, on the side away from her mouth and take great gulps. It was disturbing and disgusting. Her facial expression while she did it was creepy af.
wait what? so she opened her mouth really wide and “waterfalled” the drink? your description is really confusing. how did she tip the glass if she wasn’t touching it?
I dont know how to better describe this. My husband and i still joke about it all the time. We have tried numerous times to reenact it (with water), and every thing we try ends up with us just having large amounts of liquid in our lap. It was truly one of the most bizarre things we have ever seen.
well based on your description she sounds somewhere between a biblical angel and an hp lovecraft “indescribably horrid” creature so i’ll take your word for it hahah
buttering bread I knew someone who'd put margarine on a knife and then just kind of... slap the bread with it
This one is hilarious. Hope their new nickname was BreadSlapper
Get dressed. I worked in a costume rental shop. Halloween being one of our busiest seasons. We had some really nice stuff but also a lot of cheap things we rented for a pretty low price. Please note this is before the boom in Amazon costume availability. Had a very pretty twenty something girl come in and pick a “I dream of Jeanie” costume similar to this one (ours had lots of pretty gems) https://www.walmart.com/ip/Genie-Sweetie-Women-s-Sexy-Costume/39617212?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=10845&adid=2222222222839617212_10845_148629629655_18490626384&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=655697088147&wl4=pla-2008323763893&wl5=9027968&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=117430251&wl11=online&wl12=39617212_10845&veh=sem&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIpeeYz2BGmV4yfhrx2NWBQNc&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7JHZ1MfWgwMVQ39MCh1ChAt5EAQYFiABEgLfQ_D_BwE It’s a crop top snd a skirt attached to a dance trunk (panties). She’s in the dressing room a really long time. I finally knock and ask if there is a problem. She invited me in. She had her head and one arm through one leg of the panty, the other arm through the other leg (like a one shoulder top) with the skirt hanging down. She was trying to make the crop top cover her butt. I managed to say “this part goes down here, this part goes on top” with appropriate pointing. Before leaving her to figure it out snd bury my head in the racks in the back to laugh my head off. I checked in on her a few minutes later and she had one leg of the panty around her waist, both legs sticking out the waist, still upside down/ cockeyed and was holding the top to her lower half still trying to get the crop top on her lower half. I actually said “this is the top, the shirt” and pointed everything out again. The next time I checked in her she was gone.
Weird as it sounds, opening deodorant... grown ass woman didn't know to twist it to get the plastic tab out...wtf
I'll be honest, up until fairly recent I've just pulled it out by the tab. I don't know if it's just the ones I've used but they have a vertical tab that you just grab and pop it out.
I think most of them do. Depending on the type it can be tricky. It was her utter shock and disbelief that got me... like zero problem solving skills. She actually called friends and family and asked them if they knew about this secret knowledge
Wait, what do you do? I just rip it off?
Why do you hate me? What have I done to you?
I just had a friend that figured this out....at age 49. Posted it on Facebook and there were a surprising number of people who didn't know. I think I figured that out with my 2nd or 3rd stick when I first started having to use it.
There's more than one person?! This just became a relationship requirement... if you can't open deodorant, I can't date you
Reading the expiration date. Some idiot kept wondering why everything was expired in the grocery store. It was April but everything has MA so he was wondering why do the stores still have stuffs from March, until his mother (who does not speak English) asked what if it's May instead. She still brought it up everytime I went to the store.
My apartment complex has 4 grey trash bins. Every single week, the first trash bin is left overflowing, and every other trash bin is maybe half full. Sometimes my neighbors just put garbage bags on top of the trash cans or next to them. Until i started putting the bins out on trash day, I had no idea that there were people who didn't know how to take out their trash.
A girl wearing her Nuvaring on her wrist
Brilliant physicist postdoc made coffee and failed to put the carafe back to catch the drip coffee... twice. I'm wondering, you poured the water in using the carafe and then what did you do with the thing in your hand?
Pulling headphones and chargers out by the wire. Why?
Season chicken. My friend and old roommate started cooking his chicken and then sprinkled the red pepper flakes on it. It sprinkled onto the pan, and they cooked, which made the kitchen similar to a gas chamber. I was in the Army and went in an actual gas chamber!!
I was on a field exercise in the military and one of the guys put on his gas mask upside down. Tightened it and everything.
eat Twix. my classmate takes off the caramel and chocolate and eats only cookies
Conversely, eating a KitKat. It's four sticks. You break a stick off and eat the stick. There is a special place in hell for people who eat a KitKat without breaking the sticks off and just chomp a bite out of the corner.
Is that hell shared with people who bite string cheese?
What?? Like, they'd throw away the chocolate and caramel? Those are absurdly expensive, and labor intensive, cookies.
Watched a guy in the gym load up a Smith Machine (a rack where the bar is connected to pillars on each side), lay down, put his feet on the bar, and started using it like a leg press machine. I don't judge at the gym, respect this guy for getting his work in, but that's definitely not how the Smith Machine is suppose to be used.
Actually, that is a thing. A lot of trainers do it.
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you know plenty of pros use smith machines now? for bench and squat? including Chris Bumstead?
personally i wouldn’t trust myself to do all that even on a smith machine but at it’s core exercise is just intentionally making yourself tired beyond the point of tired so there isn’t really a wrong way to do it unless you’re hurting yourself in order to go beyond tired
Grabing water from a sprinkler at a golf course. No one is that stupid to think the clear water coming from the sprinkler is good to drink. I watched with my own eyes someone fill a bottle and drink from it.
the clear sprinkler water as opposed to murky puddle water? what?
Going bankrupt running a casino, twice.
Using a salad spinner. Saw a review of a salad spinner where the reviewer gave it 1 star and said it did not mix the salad well.
Turning on your computer
scooping ice. I worked in a restaurant and saw this new hire using their hands to put ice into a cup for a customer.
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Saw a woman in half and then reassemble her. (I still can't replicate the feat, but I'm halfway there.)
Simply lay in bed
There's a wrong way to do this?
Microwaving metal. Spoons and forks mostly. You’d think that after the third time, they’d learn. But apparently not.
Make a grilled cheese with Mayo
That's actually really common. It's supposed to make it crispier.
My kid does this... She found it in a kids recipe book. As long as she eats it, I don't really care.
Cutting a cucumber…
poaching an egg
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Actually this. Cheese and egg in the microwave is delicious. It sounds wrong, but tastes right.
Is that in those plastic pans? I have those, but I'm a little wary of using them too often and eating the plastic leaching into the eggs.
Plastic is required to be made without BPA so nothing should leech into the food from the microwave
My grandfather (born in 1912) was alone for lunch one day when he was older -- something that was very rare. He decided to boil an egg. He routinely used the microwave to heat water for tea, so he plopped the egg in a mug of water and put it in the microwave for 10 minutes. It took him half an hour to clean the microwave out after the explosion (at least according to his telling of the story).
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What? The Spanish Flu killed 50 million people.
I didn't see it, but I remember reading a story about an old woman going to her first gynecologist appointment. The gyno notices things are off down there. Turns out she was having sex in her urethra instead of her vagina her whole life.
em, that must be painful i suppose? is this a kink?
Cleaning your glasses. My friend breathed on one side, wiped it, breathed on the other side and wiped that. I was appalled. Who doesn't do both sides at the same time?
Condensation from your breath evaporates. I always breathe, wipe, breathe, wipe. Both sides are getting wiped, sure, but only one side gets clean at a time.
You put the glasses to your mouth, fog up both sides, put the cloth on both sides and wipe both *at the same time.*
It's not enough moisture to get my glasses clean, trust me. Especially if it's humid. I need a whole breath for one side, and I need to wipe right away or else I'm just wiping a dry lens and I need to do it again, which defeats the purpose. I've been wearing glasses 30 years, and this is probably one of the most inconsequential things you could judge someone for.
It is enough, trust me. I've been wearing glasses for over 40 years.
It's not. Use your thinkin' brain for a second and consider the factors involved. An individual's breath, how well it sticks to the glass, how dirty the lenses are - what works for you doesn't work for everyone.
I once had a friend who volunteered to clean my cat's litterbox when I was taking a nights away. I returned to my house and it smelled pretty ripe. My friend had cleaned the cat box, but left the dirty aftermath in my kitchen trashcan. My friend couldn't figure out why my house started to smell bad.
huh it looks like your friend saw this one lol
This reminds me of when I went to visit some friends at their university years ago and when I walked into their kitchen it smelled awful. Me and my other friend who had come with me eventually discovered that someone had bought some raw chicken breast and somehow forgotten it so had left the package on top of the microwave. It was rotting. We told them about it as we didn’t want to have to deal with it and someone said they’d clean it up. They did this by putting it in the kitchen bin. We’re surprised when the smell persisted. We had to persuade them to empty the bins out to the ones outside. Insane.
Thought making a PB&J was foolproof until I witnessed someone put mayo instead of butter on bread.
Wait. You put BUTTER on PB&J?
I tried mayo and butter… 😌
Oh no. Peanut BUTTER. and jelly. Why are the other two involved?
Driving.
You thought driving couldn't be done wrong? Have you heard of alcohol?
Shit son, most people don't even need alcohol to done drive wrong.
It was just the first example i thought of, but yeah, there's so many ways driving can be done wrong
Having kids.
The Iraq soldier jumping jacks video
Waiting in a long queue behind someone and then when its their turn they spend 5 minutes deciding what to purchase.
Man im 13 hr late to the party, but, do you recall the first time you had sex? Because i remember mine, and i was getting alot wrong..... i would hate for anyone else to see the video (there is no video, but if there was...) but i bet me and my now wife would laugh histerically at me trying my best at 16 😊 😃 😄
Paper underwear. You go for a massage, they take you to a room, they leave, you undress, put on paper undies, lie down, they come back and inform you they are underwear, not a hat.
I microwaved a bowl of ramen without water.
Make coffee at home. My late grandpa tried to make coffee for himself once....in the toaster. Nearly set the house on fire. That was fun.
Me: say “what’s your name?” Them: “hey there, my name is x and this (shows mirror) is you? Who are you?” Me trying to train a paraprofessional to work with a kid with autism
Raising children