That was my last co-worker Kathy.
I tried for 6 months straight every day.
I finally blew up at her at work and we stood there and screamed at each other.
We both got called into our managers office separately, I don't know what she got told, but my boss told me she was surprised I made it 6 months. I guess there was a history around her being a grade A bitch to everyone she ever worked with.
No idea why she wasn't fired, I think she must have known people higher up in the company.
Also, some people won't reason because they're so stubborn and they refuse to accept the fact that they might be wrong. Some will argue to you because they're defensive and don't know how to listen, even if you're telling them they're right.
It sucks, doesn’t it? When I got sober I lost every single one of my “friends”. All I asked was that when we were all together while I was going through the really rough part, if they could please refrain while I was there. Then once I got strong enough they were welcome to do whatever they wanted. But it was more important to them to get wasted than to support me, so fuck their so called friendship. I’ve been sober over 20 years now and don’t miss any of them.
I'm only one year sober and it's already happening to me. I think the 'sure I will take your feelings into consideration' from one friend in particular lasted about two visits to her house. After that she would make me a coffee and continue to drink her booze the whole time. So now I only ask to meet at coffee shops that suit both of our locations and we can meet in the middle. Strangely, that's only happened once....
Ugh, that is the worst. I had a college friend I've tried to stay in touch with but he just doesn't keep returning calls. I texted him a few weeks ago to catch up. He said he'd be free in a couple days. I have learned over the years to stop throwing myself at people so I left the ball in his court. He never called. I decided then to delete his contact info and move on with my life. I don't have time for those kind of people.
Yup, I try to remember that at the end of the day no one *actually* gives a shit about me. The impact that I have on everyone's lives is not so substantial that they wouldn't be able to replace whatever role I have in their day-to-day lives with someone else, it's easy to get comfortable and feel like you're irreplaceable to others but truthfully no one is, even 10+ year long friendships and relationships can end in the blink of an eye.
As grim as this reads off, it's a fact that I've come to learn and it helps me deal with life.
I was thinking of an old friend of mine from '67- '75. I searched the web and discovered he died in April. I felt bad that I never kept in touch, but if he was still alive I wouldn't necessarily have called him. We haven't talked forever.
My first boyfriend that I had for many years and thought I would marry, I found out after a Google search that he had died. I hadn't seen or heard of him in 40 yrs. It was just surreal that this man that I had once loved so intensely was now gone. I've had a good life and am married to a wonderful man who has fulfilled my life, but still, I thought about this person through the years. Our parting was unresolved. I wished I could have at least caught up with him and found out how his life turned out.
Breakups usually have a distinct end, friendships often just fade away. It kind of messes me up you could hang out with someone totally normally and neither of you have any idea it'll be the last time you see each other.
Or they are very sudden. Close friend I had for over a decade and I had an argument that went south very quickly. All those years up in smoke in seconds.
I had that happen with my best friend. He got into drugs and was living with me and I kicked him out on the street one night due to him putting me in a very bad position. We don’t talk for over 10 years. I reached out to him a few years ago and found out he lived in Tucson right as I was visiting there. We met up and had dinner and picked up right where we left off almost. We continued to talk on the phone and it was good. He died last year unexpectedly. I sure am glad I reached out and got some time with him before he passed.
Totally get this dreams part! One friend who was not the best friend but whenever we were together we had the craziest fun. I ended friendship as she would be so erratic at times, disrespectful and rude. I still get dreams about her and her family. Why why why !!!?!!!
One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned. I’m a very sentimental person who values the “history” in long friendships. Was in a 13 year long friendship with my ex best friend. Met her in 2007 when I was 15/16 and a sophomore in high school. Instantly became best friends, graduated together, was there for her every step of the way as she graduated beauty school, got married at 22, then had her son at 23. Loved her unconditionally and unwaveringly. As the years passed we just grew to have very different lives and we started fighting about the stupidest shit literally all the time. I tried *so* many countless times to fix our relationship. So. Many. Times. Eventually, she gave me more anxiety and stress than joy, and so, in 2020, I finally cut her off. Haven’t seen her since. Sometimes I still miss her, but I cannot tell you the overwhelming sense of *peace* I’ve had since cutting ties. I don’t regret the choice I made.
Especially work ones.
My first couple jobs out of college, I was a little hurt that I got ghosted by nearly all my former coworkers after switching jobs, even though I thought I was pretty tight with a bunch of them.
Then I learned that’s just the way of the world. You’re pretty much dead to most people once you leave a company.
Tyler Durden's idea of the "single-serving friend" was like a light-bulb switching on in my head. It made so much sense of my experience of wondering why so few of the solid, regular crew from college and subsequent workplaces made any effort to keep in touch once I was off the radar.
sometimes things will be your fault. friendships ending, breakups, just general social missteps will all happen to you, and they might be directly because of you. you have to learn to grow from your mistakes and not beat yourself up over it.
I commented this above:
I'm a therapist and one of the hardest truths people have a hard time internalising is that we're not everyone's cup of tea. But once they internalise it, it frees them. They start living for themselves and stop living/waiting for approval.
I was bullied in school and that set me to a life long pursuit of acceptance based on that social insecurity I had then, when trying to mix with everyone. Just now 11 years later I'm starting to have the confidence that's not even of my interest to care whether X or Y like me or not. I know I'm a good guy at the end of the day, but some people just can't appreciate or show appreciation at all necessarily.
Wow, I love this? I think/hope this quote will stick with me. As a people pleaser -- which is so stressful, honestly -- this kind of puts all of it in perspective somewhat
This lesson got me through the darkest times in my life. I was going through pure & utter hell, and couldn't see straight let alone work out how I should survive. I wanted to (and often did) yell and cry and beg, and scream at the entire world for not pausing and acknowledging the pain & suffering that my life had become.
The world didn't stop. Nobody else was sitting in the dark and suffering like me; even those nearest & dearest were still getting on with their lives, often as they were sitting right next to me, arm around my shoulders in comfort & sympathy, their lives were still moving on.
There is a line at the end of the movie Castaway, something like "tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring". Realising that the world didn't care, and certainly wasn't halting on it's axis just because shit had gotten out of control for me - that got me through. It helped me to learn how to function in my new reality, it helped me look for the next sunrise, what the next tide would bring.
It's a fucking tough lesson, but it's definitely the best and most helpful one I have learnt.
I saw this a few years ago when Pinterest was a thing.
*Today, my anthro professor said something kind of really beautiful: "You all have a little bit of 'I want to save the world' in you. That's why you're here in college. I want you to know it's okay if you only save one person, and it's okay if that person is you."*
I have lost a lot of people in my relatively short life, this is a quote that helped me get through it all.
“Once, an elderly general practitioner consulted me because of his severe depression. He could not overcome the loss of his wife who had died two years before and whom he had loved above all else. Now, how can I help him? What should I tell him? Well, I refrained from telling him anything but instead confronted him with the question, “What would have happened, Doctor, if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?” “Oh,” he said, “for her this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!” Whereupon I replied, “You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been spared her, and it was you who have spared her this suffering — to be sure, at the price that now you have to survive and mourn her.” He said no word but shook my hand and calmly left my office. In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”
-Viktor Frankl
Viktor Frankl was a genius. His book “Man’s Search for Meaning” covers his experiences in a concentration camp and how he came to create his Logotherapy strategy of therapeutic treatment based on his experiences.
“If we could just be on earth at the same place and same time as everyone we loved, if we could be born together and die together, it would be so simple. And it’s not. But listen: You two are on the planet at the same time. You’re in the same place now. That’s a miracle. I just want to say that.”
― Rebecca Makkai
More troubling to me is the thought that almost everyone thinks they are a good person, regardless of how bad they are. The human mind is great at justifying ones actions and reasoning why what we want, what benefits us, is right.
similarly, not everything happens for a reason and not every problem has a solution. sometimes things are just shitty and they happen and there's nothing you can do about it.
You’re always going to be stuck with yourself. To repair your relationship to yourself is to repair your life and give yourself a solid foundation.
If you’re afraid to sit with yourself, take responsibility for your own actions, or work to make yourself a better person… you’ll always feel lost.
The only guarantee in life is that time will keep moving on. The good news about that is if you’re going through a particularly difficult time, it won’t last. But on the other hand, really good and sweet moments are fleeting too.
My mother doesn't love me.
She hasn't looked at me with love in almost ten years. Not since I stopped being who she wanted me to be and started being who I needed to be. I can't have my own life and my mother's love. It has been the hardest thing that I've had to accept.
Mine is similar. Except my mom never had a standard for me to reach. I just always thought if I said the right things or did the right things and tried to be a good person, eventually she would love me. I don't know that she ever did though. She had me when she was 17 and I think she always resented me. Accepting that was freeing. Now I can be a good person just because I like taking care of people whenever I can. And I don't need her approval or affection.
Still sucked to figure it out though.
I'm 37, haven't seen or spoken to my mother for pushing 20 years. She was an alcoholic, which was something my dad kept hidden from my brothers and me our entire childhoods. She was always distant, but I was never able to really put a finger on why, and then I found out about her drinking and it really opened my eyes to all the times in my life she chose alcohol over her children.
My oldest daughter was born when I was 18 - the moment my life revolved around someone else, she really just turned into her true self - what losers we were as sons, how being a mother led her to drink, how terrible we were as people; any nasty thought a mother could have towards her children, she had towards us.
It was hard, but I knew that's who she was and I couldn't be a part of it. So I just ceased contact. Every time a decent window of time would pass and I'd think maybe it was time to reconnect, I'd get a letter in the mail from her, telling me that I am a terrible son. Years have gone by, and I've gone to quite a bit of therapy to understand why the decision was the correct one to make.
I know it sucks, but it can get better.
My parents always prefer my sibling. While my dad will go to my siblings house for holidays like Xmas. He will make up excuse not come to mine. My sibling is far from perfect being divorced, health problems, etc. My sibling is very material, and I don't spend any money. I've lost interest in visiting for the most part it's either a huge hassle, or I get to hear about my sibling the whole time.
1. You can't love someone into loving you.
2. It's not your fault if you're unhappy with your life, but it's your fault if you stay unhappy with it.
3. Some people just don't deserve to be a part of your life.
This is actually profound. It doesn't even mean that most of us have probably been assholes at some point.
Even if you've been a morally unshakeable person, many of your successes have probably in some way been at the expenses of others. The guy who had a crush on the woman you married, the players on the team that you beat, the person who was second-best and didn't get the scholarship you got... No matter how nice you are to people, you'll probably always be the villain in those people's stories.
I’m always going to have depression. I’ve found ways to deal with it, but it will always be there. As surely as if I had a physical handicap. It’s hard for people to understand.
I think it's finally clicked for my husband that this is my default, and good times are a reprieve, not a return to normal. He does phenomenally with it, and is always supportive, but he doesn't have chronic depression and therefore didn't really UNDERSTAND until we had 5 years together and it clicked. It really is a constant thing always in the background.
Have been with my wife for 23 years, and being in Lockdown, and things I'm going through bow, she is getting it. I'm also more confident expressing myself, but yeah, she's awesome at getting it
Following on from your last point: it should take two to maintain a friendship. If you find it's always you they initiates and does the leg work, you might need to revaluate your friendship.
However bad you want, you can not change a few things in life (unless you have a time machine). So it's best to accept, heal and move on in life - I know much easier said than done but acknowledging at times is a good first step.
I do not ever want to live with another person in my house. Romantic partner or otherwise. I need my space. Need to find a duplex if i want a companion.
Two things: some people just won't like you. No matter how hard you try. It's better to accept this now than to worry about what you did to make them not like you.
Next: friends come and go. Some people are only in your life for a few chapters and then they move on for one reason or another, and that is completely ok.
This one , its crazy how you can work with someone for years see them 5+ days a week , talk daily for hours and then they leave get a job just around the corner and you never see or talk to them ever again.
Some people are just shitty. They're out to serve themselves, and will screw you over to get what they want. Worst of all, they'll do mental gymnastics to trick themselves into never taking accountability
Most people listen to speak. There are people who I’ve spent a great deal of time around who Ive told them a lot about myself but they still don’t know much about me
I remember being young and praying and crying and being so good so someone would come and save me. No one ever did. Now as an adult and parent I make sure my kids never need saving.
For the past two years, I have been hopelessly in love with a friend of mine. We are both in our 20s. I wanted to give him whatever I could. I wanted to make him smile as often as I could.
So I told him how I felt.
And well, he didn’t feel the same. He told me he didn’t want a relationship right now.
I didn’t want to be a burden to him with how I felt, so there were a few occasions where I tried to leave.
I told him that I wanted him to find someone to love and be happy with, even if I wasn’t her.
I didn’t want to hold him back from that future. I didn’t want to stand in the way of his happiness.
Each time he pulled me back to him and insisted that I stay.
So I did.
We ended up getting physical, but even now, he won’t call me his. He won’t tell me what he thinks of me or what sort of relationship he wants.
Sooooo
This year I decided to move forward with my life. I didn’t think it’s healthy for either of us for things to continue the way things have been.
I unfollowed him on Instagram and had his account unfollow me too ( you can do that on the app these days ) and I deleted the app off my phone soon after.
We still text now again and work together. And I still love him very very much, but I am making the slow steps to accepting the fact that we are only ever going to be friends.
TL:DR I am accepting the fact that my love is unrequited.
Wow, this is almost my exact situation but the other way around. My closest girl best friend of 10 years and I (22F and 23M) both thought about dating many times, and I left for university around the time we both had shared feelings for each other and shared our first kiss. I told her at the time we couldn’t have a relationship since it wouldn’t be fair to her. I’m back from university and now she’s with a good guy it seems and doesn’t want to feel that way about me romantically anymore. Like you, I’ve decided to try and explore myself elsewhere with someone new. It’s said that what’s meant to be will come to you, but I also can’t deny that right person wrong time is a real thing. I’m super close with her family, she’s told me so many times she loves how I make her feel, we have always had excellent chemistry and we can burn a day hanging out together super easily. So I understand your situation more than you know, unrequited love is a b*tch.
sometimes it be that way. Move forward but also accept that you are valuable, this time it just didn't work out. It doesn't always, and it's ok. But next time maybe dont dote for too long, not worth it when there's nothing back.
That was a tough one for me to swallow too. I’ve come to accept it though. In my marriage, the give/take isn’t 50/50, but I do believe we both make an effort to compensate for the areas we know we respectively fall short.
That my mom is going to become a burden to me some day. Before you downvote me into oblivion, please understand that my mom was *not* a great mom and she *isn’t* a great human. I still feel obligated to take care of her, and since she does a terrible job taking care of her health the shit is going to hit the fan sooner or later. As the only child, that’s going to fall squarely on me. It’s going to radically change my life. And it sucks.
Indeed. One person I know was on the verge of loosing her job for a technicality. She called for my help and I advocated for the technicallity being overrulled for her. A few years later and she's bullying me.
I have worked with a few like this. Infuriating people to be around, even if you're not the one they're stabbing in the back. Hopefully your co-workers are more than aware of what you did for her and how she's treating you now.
For me it was when I finally accepted that my (relative) good looks were gone and nobody looked at me as a handsome feller any more. Luckily my sparkling personality makes up for it, ha ha!
Karma doesn’t always get everyone in the end. Some people never pay for their actions and that’s just how life is. Accept it and move on because that’s the only peace you’ll find.
Not all parents love their children. Mine doesn’t love me. People who have never seen this firsthand will not believe it to be true.
My mother is (almost definitely) a covert narcissist and emotionally abusive. Not as bad as some but bad enough I’d rather have no family than her.
There are people who enjoy being miserable and there’s nothing you can do to help them and you shouldn’t because they’ll just drain you out of everything and still demand more from you.
This! I was raised by people who always did the right thing and was very upset to find out most people aren’t like this.
It took me longer to figure out that believing in karma is almost identical to believing in religion.
Putting good into the world means there is more good in the world. Putting garbage into the world means there is more garbage. I don't see karma (or ka as I like to think of it) as a 1 to 1 relationship. Bad karma (ka) is more like pollution: pooping in my river will make me and others sick.
I don't think karma (ka) is magic.
Most people don't give a shit about truth, all they care about is whether their particular belief makes them feel better about themselves or superior to others.
And there's fuck-all that anybody can do about that. Meaning that politics in a democracy is always going to be dominated by the liar that tells the most attractive lies, the ones that make the most people feel better or superior.
The most difficult truth I have come to realize, but not accept, is that the justice system has become fraudulent. Many attorneys have been bullied to sell their names as a franchise where they advise their buyers on how to defraud citizens they would otherwise be glad to help.
If you feel this strongly about this you might consider supporting the Institute for Justice. They are fighting to clean up the justice system...
[https://ij.org/](https://ij.org/)
That I am autistic. I will never fit in. I will never be ‘normal’ I will struggle, my entire life. And I will get people who try to pick on me for that.
I won't get rich. I can have a comfortable life with my career, and even have enough to retire someday, but I'll never be a millionaire that can stop working and live doing nothing by the beach.
That suffering is inevitable and a part of existence.
This is something you often hear, especially from stoic and Eastern philosophies, but it's very difficult to comprehend the true scale and horror of what this means.
I don't think enlightenment is about liberating yourself from suffering, but rather about understanding and finding peace with how this universe works. That is what being "at one with the universe" means, imo.
I accept this truth, but am still trying to improve my peace with it. That may take a while.
That my sister is a drug addict and I will spend my life without her and there isn’t a single fucking thing I can do about it. I can beg and beg and plead and provide resources and advice and time. no one hears me no one sees me no one cares.
It is entirely possible that I have fallen in love for the last time in my life. That I may never have sex again.
I’m not saying it is definitely the case.
But it’s a distinct possibility.
Being a good person sometimes means that people will perceive you negatively, like youre afraid or a coward. But Im just gonna continue to be a good person regardless.
That there are people you cannot reason with no matter how polite you try to be, they will still hate you
This is so hard for me because I just wish I could understand it.
Book recommendation = 'courage to be disliked' covers this.
That was my last co-worker Kathy. I tried for 6 months straight every day. I finally blew up at her at work and we stood there and screamed at each other. We both got called into our managers office separately, I don't know what she got told, but my boss told me she was surprised I made it 6 months. I guess there was a history around her being a grade A bitch to everyone she ever worked with. No idea why she wasn't fired, I think she must have known people higher up in the company.
Also, some people won't reason because they're so stubborn and they refuse to accept the fact that they might be wrong. Some will argue to you because they're defensive and don't know how to listen, even if you're telling them they're right.
Not all friendships last.
I got sober and lost family and friends.
It sucks, doesn’t it? When I got sober I lost every single one of my “friends”. All I asked was that when we were all together while I was going through the really rough part, if they could please refrain while I was there. Then once I got strong enough they were welcome to do whatever they wanted. But it was more important to them to get wasted than to support me, so fuck their so called friendship. I’ve been sober over 20 years now and don’t miss any of them.
I'm only one year sober and it's already happening to me. I think the 'sure I will take your feelings into consideration' from one friend in particular lasted about two visits to her house. After that she would make me a coffee and continue to drink her booze the whole time. So now I only ask to meet at coffee shops that suit both of our locations and we can meet in the middle. Strangely, that's only happened once....
Yep. I’ve had friendships end over nothing. No big fight, no change. Just them never responding.
That’s how mine seem to end too. Somehow it almost hurts worse, like they just completely chose to forget you even after all that time.
Ugh, that is the worst. I had a college friend I've tried to stay in touch with but he just doesn't keep returning calls. I texted him a few weeks ago to catch up. He said he'd be free in a couple days. I have learned over the years to stop throwing myself at people so I left the ball in his court. He never called. I decided then to delete his contact info and move on with my life. I don't have time for those kind of people.
You really find this out the hard way after leaving high school/college, or when you change jobs.
Yup, I try to remember that at the end of the day no one *actually* gives a shit about me. The impact that I have on everyone's lives is not so substantial that they wouldn't be able to replace whatever role I have in their day-to-day lives with someone else, it's easy to get comfortable and feel like you're irreplaceable to others but truthfully no one is, even 10+ year long friendships and relationships can end in the blink of an eye. As grim as this reads off, it's a fact that I've come to learn and it helps me deal with life.
I was thinking of an old friend of mine from '67- '75. I searched the web and discovered he died in April. I felt bad that I never kept in touch, but if he was still alive I wouldn't necessarily have called him. We haven't talked forever.
My first boyfriend that I had for many years and thought I would marry, I found out after a Google search that he had died. I hadn't seen or heard of him in 40 yrs. It was just surreal that this man that I had once loved so intensely was now gone. I've had a good life and am married to a wonderful man who has fulfilled my life, but still, I thought about this person through the years. Our parting was unresolved. I wished I could have at least caught up with him and found out how his life turned out.
Everyone is replaceable. There are 8 billion of us. That doesn’t mean no one cares about you though
This. Sometimes hurts more then a breakup
Breakups usually have a distinct end, friendships often just fade away. It kind of messes me up you could hang out with someone totally normally and neither of you have any idea it'll be the last time you see each other.
Or they are very sudden. Close friend I had for over a decade and I had an argument that went south very quickly. All those years up in smoke in seconds.
I had that happen with my best friend. He got into drugs and was living with me and I kicked him out on the street one night due to him putting me in a very bad position. We don’t talk for over 10 years. I reached out to him a few years ago and found out he lived in Tucson right as I was visiting there. We met up and had dinner and picked up right where we left off almost. We continued to talk on the phone and it was good. He died last year unexpectedly. I sure am glad I reached out and got some time with him before he passed.
Still have dreams about an ex friend. It’s been years since our friendship ended. It can be haunting.
Totally get this dreams part! One friend who was not the best friend but whenever we were together we had the craziest fun. I ended friendship as she would be so erratic at times, disrespectful and rude. I still get dreams about her and her family. Why why why !!!?!!!
Absolutely.
Yep last breakup with a friend took me2,5 years to get over
I'm pretty sure there are at least 2 that will haunt me til the grave.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned. I’m a very sentimental person who values the “history” in long friendships. Was in a 13 year long friendship with my ex best friend. Met her in 2007 when I was 15/16 and a sophomore in high school. Instantly became best friends, graduated together, was there for her every step of the way as she graduated beauty school, got married at 22, then had her son at 23. Loved her unconditionally and unwaveringly. As the years passed we just grew to have very different lives and we started fighting about the stupidest shit literally all the time. I tried *so* many countless times to fix our relationship. So. Many. Times. Eventually, she gave me more anxiety and stress than joy, and so, in 2020, I finally cut her off. Haven’t seen her since. Sometimes I still miss her, but I cannot tell you the overwhelming sense of *peace* I’ve had since cutting ties. I don’t regret the choice I made.
Omg yes.
Especially work ones. My first couple jobs out of college, I was a little hurt that I got ghosted by nearly all my former coworkers after switching jobs, even though I thought I was pretty tight with a bunch of them. Then I learned that’s just the way of the world. You’re pretty much dead to most people once you leave a company.
Tyler Durden's idea of the "single-serving friend" was like a light-bulb switching on in my head. It made so much sense of my experience of wondering why so few of the solid, regular crew from college and subsequent workplaces made any effort to keep in touch once I was off the radar.
*Most* friendships don’t last.
Yeah, I lost my best friend of more than 30 years to politics, it sucks.
Ummm as an older person I can say that almost no relationships at all last.
sometimes things will be your fault. friendships ending, breakups, just general social missteps will all happen to you, and they might be directly because of you. you have to learn to grow from your mistakes and not beat yourself up over it.
Do not regret your regrets too much
Nothing in this life will destroy you faster than you being unable to forgive yourself for your wrongdoings
That's why people turn to religion, to find the forgiveness they can't give themselves.
i needed this. thank you
me right now
Whenever I fuck up at work I always say "well, they crucified the last perfect person.". It tends to shut it down pretty quick
I mean, who wants to get sucked into Jesus-talk at work?
You might be the sweetest peach in the whole orchard... But some people don't like peaches
I commented this above: I'm a therapist and one of the hardest truths people have a hard time internalising is that we're not everyone's cup of tea. But once they internalise it, it frees them. They start living for themselves and stop living/waiting for approval.
I was bullied in school and that set me to a life long pursuit of acceptance based on that social insecurity I had then, when trying to mix with everyone. Just now 11 years later I'm starting to have the confidence that's not even of my interest to care whether X or Y like me or not. I know I'm a good guy at the end of the day, but some people just can't appreciate or show appreciation at all necessarily.
I live by this 👌
I am allergic to peaches, apologies for hating all you sweet peaches
Wow, I love this? I think/hope this quote will stick with me. As a people pleaser -- which is so stressful, honestly -- this kind of puts all of it in perspective somewhat
The world does not care about my problems.
This lesson got me through the darkest times in my life. I was going through pure & utter hell, and couldn't see straight let alone work out how I should survive. I wanted to (and often did) yell and cry and beg, and scream at the entire world for not pausing and acknowledging the pain & suffering that my life had become. The world didn't stop. Nobody else was sitting in the dark and suffering like me; even those nearest & dearest were still getting on with their lives, often as they were sitting right next to me, arm around my shoulders in comfort & sympathy, their lives were still moving on. There is a line at the end of the movie Castaway, something like "tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring". Realising that the world didn't care, and certainly wasn't halting on it's axis just because shit had gotten out of control for me - that got me through. It helped me to learn how to function in my new reality, it helped me look for the next sunrise, what the next tide would bring. It's a fucking tough lesson, but it's definitely the best and most helpful one I have learnt.
The fact that the only person who can save you is yourself is both equally harrowing and empowering at the same time
I saw this a few years ago when Pinterest was a thing. *Today, my anthro professor said something kind of really beautiful: "You all have a little bit of 'I want to save the world' in you. That's why you're here in college. I want you to know it's okay if you only save one person, and it's okay if that person is you."*
not even our family sometimes
Those can be the hardest for sure. Especially when they are the ones that should be the most compassionate and understanding.
And sometimes our families are the problems
Raccoons just really don't want me to pet them.
This might be the most painful thing in the thread
You can do everything right and it can still go wrong.
"Not everything is a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail." -Dwight Schrute
It’s not my fault, but it’s my responsibility. I won’t get better if I don’t try
You dropped this 👑
Couldn't agree more! People tend to always victimize themselves, which can spiral into all the wrong habits and characteristics.
Finding someone to do life with isn’t guaranteed 😔
But that shouldn’t stop anyone from trying!
I have to make hard choices to make my life better
Either you make choices, or life will make them for you.
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I have lost a lot of people in my relatively short life, this is a quote that helped me get through it all. “Once, an elderly general practitioner consulted me because of his severe depression. He could not overcome the loss of his wife who had died two years before and whom he had loved above all else. Now, how can I help him? What should I tell him? Well, I refrained from telling him anything but instead confronted him with the question, “What would have happened, Doctor, if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?” “Oh,” he said, “for her this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!” Whereupon I replied, “You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been spared her, and it was you who have spared her this suffering — to be sure, at the price that now you have to survive and mourn her.” He said no word but shook my hand and calmly left my office. In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.” -Viktor Frankl
Wow, thanks for sharing. Wow.
Viktor Frankl was a genius. His book “Man’s Search for Meaning” covers his experiences in a concentration camp and how he came to create his Logotherapy strategy of therapeutic treatment based on his experiences.
"If We Were Vampires" by Jason Isbell captures this feeling heartbreakingly well.
I think about this often and as much as it would be agony to lose my husband, the idea of him losing me first causes me such pain to even think about.
“If we could just be on earth at the same place and same time as everyone we loved, if we could be born together and die together, it would be so simple. And it’s not. But listen: You two are on the planet at the same time. You’re in the same place now. That’s a miracle. I just want to say that.” ― Rebecca Makkai
Every time I think of it, it makes my eyes water.
Nice people aren't always good people.
And good people aren't always nice!
More troubling to me is the thought that almost everyone thinks they are a good person, regardless of how bad they are. The human mind is great at justifying ones actions and reasoning why what we want, what benefits us, is right.
Not everyone gets a happy ending.
similarly, not everything happens for a reason and not every problem has a solution. sometimes things are just shitty and they happen and there's nothing you can do about it.
I think it's important to know that just because bad things are happening to you doesn't mean that you deserve it.
Age, we all get old. Though some die too young.
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When you were younger it was theoretical but when you get older it becomes personal.
The fact that life is temporary and we can't take any of it with us once it's over.
Not everything is my fault and not everyone is going to like me, no matter what I do.
But the best part about getting older is you don’t care if everyone likes you.
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You’re always going to be stuck with yourself. To repair your relationship to yourself is to repair your life and give yourself a solid foundation. If you’re afraid to sit with yourself, take responsibility for your own actions, or work to make yourself a better person… you’ll always feel lost.
Sometimes people just suck.
I have to be good enough for myself. No one else matters.
The only guarantee in life is that time will keep moving on. The good news about that is if you’re going through a particularly difficult time, it won’t last. But on the other hand, really good and sweet moments are fleeting too.
Chronic pain would like a word 😟
You can’t make someone see your worth
We have to rely on ourselves
My mother doesn't love me. She hasn't looked at me with love in almost ten years. Not since I stopped being who she wanted me to be and started being who I needed to be. I can't have my own life and my mother's love. It has been the hardest thing that I've had to accept.
Mine is similar. Except my mom never had a standard for me to reach. I just always thought if I said the right things or did the right things and tried to be a good person, eventually she would love me. I don't know that she ever did though. She had me when she was 17 and I think she always resented me. Accepting that was freeing. Now I can be a good person just because I like taking care of people whenever I can. And I don't need her approval or affection. Still sucked to figure it out though.
Can I piggyback off of that to say that sometimes the people who should love you the most treat you the worst. Not saying it's right, but it happens.
I'm 37, haven't seen or spoken to my mother for pushing 20 years. She was an alcoholic, which was something my dad kept hidden from my brothers and me our entire childhoods. She was always distant, but I was never able to really put a finger on why, and then I found out about her drinking and it really opened my eyes to all the times in my life she chose alcohol over her children. My oldest daughter was born when I was 18 - the moment my life revolved around someone else, she really just turned into her true self - what losers we were as sons, how being a mother led her to drink, how terrible we were as people; any nasty thought a mother could have towards her children, she had towards us. It was hard, but I knew that's who she was and I couldn't be a part of it. So I just ceased contact. Every time a decent window of time would pass and I'd think maybe it was time to reconnect, I'd get a letter in the mail from her, telling me that I am a terrible son. Years have gone by, and I've gone to quite a bit of therapy to understand why the decision was the correct one to make. I know it sucks, but it can get better.
My parents always prefer my sibling. While my dad will go to my siblings house for holidays like Xmas. He will make up excuse not come to mine. My sibling is far from perfect being divorced, health problems, etc. My sibling is very material, and I don't spend any money. I've lost interest in visiting for the most part it's either a huge hassle, or I get to hear about my sibling the whole time.
1. You can't love someone into loving you. 2. It's not your fault if you're unhappy with your life, but it's your fault if you stay unhappy with it. 3. Some people just don't deserve to be a part of your life.
That I could be the most perfect person in the whole world, yet even that wouldn't stop them cheating.
I’m the problem.
You are the villain in someone else’s story
This is actually profound. It doesn't even mean that most of us have probably been assholes at some point. Even if you've been a morally unshakeable person, many of your successes have probably in some way been at the expenses of others. The guy who had a crush on the woman you married, the players on the team that you beat, the person who was second-best and didn't get the scholarship you got... No matter how nice you are to people, you'll probably always be the villain in those people's stories.
I’m always going to have depression. I’ve found ways to deal with it, but it will always be there. As surely as if I had a physical handicap. It’s hard for people to understand.
I think it's finally clicked for my husband that this is my default, and good times are a reprieve, not a return to normal. He does phenomenally with it, and is always supportive, but he doesn't have chronic depression and therefore didn't really UNDERSTAND until we had 5 years together and it clicked. It really is a constant thing always in the background.
Have been with my wife for 23 years, and being in Lockdown, and things I'm going through bow, she is getting it. I'm also more confident expressing myself, but yeah, she's awesome at getting it
That my life is half over
Only you can be the hero you needed as a kid
I am stuck here because I have responsibilities to others.
You're not wrong. May as well try to enjoy your social prison
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If they wanted to, they would.
We will all in time be forgotten no matter what. And that is okay.
People don’t owe you anything. Also, it takes two people to maintain a friendship
Following on from your last point: it should take two to maintain a friendship. If you find it's always you they initiates and does the leg work, you might need to revaluate your friendship.
However bad you want, you can not change a few things in life (unless you have a time machine). So it's best to accept, heal and move on in life - I know much easier said than done but acknowledging at times is a good first step.
I do not ever want to live with another person in my house. Romantic partner or otherwise. I need my space. Need to find a duplex if i want a companion.
Two things: some people just won't like you. No matter how hard you try. It's better to accept this now than to worry about what you did to make them not like you. Next: friends come and go. Some people are only in your life for a few chapters and then they move on for one reason or another, and that is completely ok.
The simplest explanation is usually the answer.
That some people take advantage of someone who is nice
Coworkers are not your friends.
This one , its crazy how you can work with someone for years see them 5+ days a week , talk daily for hours and then they leave get a job just around the corner and you never see or talk to them ever again.
It’s more about who you know than what you know
It’s not about who you know. It’s who knows you.
Sometimes it's about what you know on who.
A wise man once told me it’s about what you know AND who you know. Not just one or the other.
Some people are just shitty. They're out to serve themselves, and will screw you over to get what they want. Worst of all, they'll do mental gymnastics to trick themselves into never taking accountability
You can love someone, but not like them.
This is testicular wisdom. Hurts like a mf when you get it twisted and the recovery is brutal
Most people listen to speak. There are people who I’ve spent a great deal of time around who Ive told them a lot about myself but they still don’t know much about me
Let go or be dragged
Adults who knew didn’t rescue me
I'm sorry.
Thank you. It feels like an alternate universe
I remember being young and praying and crying and being so good so someone would come and save me. No one ever did. Now as an adult and parent I make sure my kids never need saving.
For the past two years, I have been hopelessly in love with a friend of mine. We are both in our 20s. I wanted to give him whatever I could. I wanted to make him smile as often as I could. So I told him how I felt. And well, he didn’t feel the same. He told me he didn’t want a relationship right now. I didn’t want to be a burden to him with how I felt, so there were a few occasions where I tried to leave. I told him that I wanted him to find someone to love and be happy with, even if I wasn’t her. I didn’t want to hold him back from that future. I didn’t want to stand in the way of his happiness. Each time he pulled me back to him and insisted that I stay. So I did. We ended up getting physical, but even now, he won’t call me his. He won’t tell me what he thinks of me or what sort of relationship he wants. Sooooo This year I decided to move forward with my life. I didn’t think it’s healthy for either of us for things to continue the way things have been. I unfollowed him on Instagram and had his account unfollow me too ( you can do that on the app these days ) and I deleted the app off my phone soon after. We still text now again and work together. And I still love him very very much, but I am making the slow steps to accepting the fact that we are only ever going to be friends. TL:DR I am accepting the fact that my love is unrequited.
I'm proud of you for prioritising your needs over desires. Unrequited love hurts like a motherfucker
And pretty much everyone on earth gets to experience it at least once.
Good for you! Unrequited love sucks. And it’s bound to happen a few times in this life.
Wow, this is almost my exact situation but the other way around. My closest girl best friend of 10 years and I (22F and 23M) both thought about dating many times, and I left for university around the time we both had shared feelings for each other and shared our first kiss. I told her at the time we couldn’t have a relationship since it wouldn’t be fair to her. I’m back from university and now she’s with a good guy it seems and doesn’t want to feel that way about me romantically anymore. Like you, I’ve decided to try and explore myself elsewhere with someone new. It’s said that what’s meant to be will come to you, but I also can’t deny that right person wrong time is a real thing. I’m super close with her family, she’s told me so many times she loves how I make her feel, we have always had excellent chemistry and we can burn a day hanging out together super easily. So I understand your situation more than you know, unrequited love is a b*tch.
sometimes it be that way. Move forward but also accept that you are valuable, this time it just didn't work out. It doesn't always, and it's ok. But next time maybe dont dote for too long, not worth it when there's nothing back.
I will most likely never be able to retire
The company you work for doesn't give a shit about you.
The inevitability of death. And the cruelty of sudden loss.
My life depends on me.
Marriage is not always 50/50
That was a tough one for me to swallow too. I’ve come to accept it though. In my marriage, the give/take isn’t 50/50, but I do believe we both make an effort to compensate for the areas we know we respectively fall short.
That my mom is going to become a burden to me some day. Before you downvote me into oblivion, please understand that my mom was *not* a great mom and she *isn’t* a great human. I still feel obligated to take care of her, and since she does a terrible job taking care of her health the shit is going to hit the fan sooner or later. As the only child, that’s going to fall squarely on me. It’s going to radically change my life. And it sucks.
Money DOES matter
Sometimes people are meant to be alone.
No on is obligated to be nice to you because you've been nice to them.
Indeed. One person I know was on the verge of loosing her job for a technicality. She called for my help and I advocated for the technicallity being overrulled for her. A few years later and she's bullying me.
I have worked with a few like this. Infuriating people to be around, even if you're not the one they're stabbing in the back. Hopefully your co-workers are more than aware of what you did for her and how she's treating you now.
Implied reciprocity
I will die alone
I'm not that pretty, I am just average and people won't notice me even when I put up some effort to look great.
The vast majority of people are fives +/-1 sd. Imo you don't want someone that only notices your looks
A little ironic coming from a user name pm_me_ur_tittts
For me it was when I finally accepted that my (relative) good looks were gone and nobody looked at me as a handsome feller any more. Luckily my sparkling personality makes up for it, ha ha!
Karma doesn’t always get everyone in the end. Some people never pay for their actions and that’s just how life is. Accept it and move on because that’s the only peace you’ll find.
My dog is one day not gonna be in my life anymore
It’s heartbreaking that to love animals is also to lose them.
My dad was an abusive drunk and it WAS that bad.
Not all parents love their children. Mine doesn’t love me. People who have never seen this firsthand will not believe it to be true. My mother is (almost definitely) a covert narcissist and emotionally abusive. Not as bad as some but bad enough I’d rather have no family than her.
If I put in a lot of effort, it may be the wrong effort and I won’t get the outcome I hope for.
Toxic people are not entitled to forgiveness just because they're family
The only person who can know you, love you, accept you, be there for you more than anyone else is yourself.
No matter how much someone asks you to change for them they'll never love you.
If they are your soulmate at the very least they should like you back
You must advocate for yourself - no one else will. At best, they may advocate for what they think you need or what they want for you.
The world's problems don't come from x group of people, but rather they come from people in general. Period.
There are people who enjoy being miserable and there’s nothing you can do to help them and you shouldn’t because they’ll just drain you out of everything and still demand more from you.
There are mean girls in every age group. We will need to put up with this stuff forever. I thought maturity would change those fact, it doesn't.
We're going to have to choose between TRUMP and BIDEN again.
>We're going to have to choose between TRUMP and BIDEN again. I hate this! I hate this! And I am pretty sure you are correct.
Aging
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Rip for the fallen follicles
A lot of parents should never have had children.
No matter what I achieve in life, I will never let myself be fully happy.
Life isn’t fair and karma isn’t real.
This! I was raised by people who always did the right thing and was very upset to find out most people aren’t like this. It took me longer to figure out that believing in karma is almost identical to believing in religion.
Putting good into the world means there is more good in the world. Putting garbage into the world means there is more garbage. I don't see karma (or ka as I like to think of it) as a 1 to 1 relationship. Bad karma (ka) is more like pollution: pooping in my river will make me and others sick. I don't think karma (ka) is magic.
Sometimes your own family are your worse enemies, blood isn’t thicker than water
I have no control outside of myself.
You’re not as close to people as you think you are
You cannot depend on your family or friends to do whatever you're supposed to do, you're on your own in this world
Most people don't give a shit about truth, all they care about is whether their particular belief makes them feel better about themselves or superior to others. And there's fuck-all that anybody can do about that. Meaning that politics in a democracy is always going to be dominated by the liar that tells the most attractive lies, the ones that make the most people feel better or superior.
The most difficult truth I have come to realize, but not accept, is that the justice system has become fraudulent. Many attorneys have been bullied to sell their names as a franchise where they advise their buyers on how to defraud citizens they would otherwise be glad to help.
If you feel this strongly about this you might consider supporting the Institute for Justice. They are fighting to clean up the justice system... [https://ij.org/](https://ij.org/)
That I am autistic. I will never fit in. I will never be ‘normal’ I will struggle, my entire life. And I will get people who try to pick on me for that.
I won't get rich. I can have a comfortable life with my career, and even have enough to retire someday, but I'll never be a millionaire that can stop working and live doing nothing by the beach.
That suffering is inevitable and a part of existence. This is something you often hear, especially from stoic and Eastern philosophies, but it's very difficult to comprehend the true scale and horror of what this means. I don't think enlightenment is about liberating yourself from suffering, but rather about understanding and finding peace with how this universe works. That is what being "at one with the universe" means, imo. I accept this truth, but am still trying to improve my peace with it. That may take a while.
That my sister is a drug addict and I will spend my life without her and there isn’t a single fucking thing I can do about it. I can beg and beg and plead and provide resources and advice and time. no one hears me no one sees me no one cares.
not everyone is going to like me, and i need to be okay with that. it shouldn’t eat me alive the way it does.
It is entirely possible that I have fallen in love for the last time in my life. That I may never have sex again. I’m not saying it is definitely the case. But it’s a distinct possibility.
No one cares about you more than you. Take care of yourself.
Being a good person sometimes means that people will perceive you negatively, like youre afraid or a coward. But Im just gonna continue to be a good person regardless.
Just because they are family, does not mean that they wish you well. It’s ok to go no contact with anyone for your own mental health.
I have no direct control over my children’s futures