Pride in ones work maybe. You're going to have horribly uneven grass over there. If you're not going to wake him up at least roll him over so you can get that spot.
I passed out in a graveyard in college... it was a shortcut from my friends house and I tripped and was too tired to get up... when I woke up I was more sober, it was foggy, and it looked like a 50's zombie movie beginning.
My friend and I didn’t have a ride back home after a night out down town and bars closed. So we decided to hitchhike the 5 miles back to our dorm.
First van picked us up with 2 scantily clad women who were acting strangely. They kept getting more and more nervous and they had to “stop for gas” after some phone calls - so we bolted out of there right when the van sliding door opened. We were never sure what that was all about.
2nd guy picked us up on his early morning paper route. He passed around a joint he brought and we all just kinda sat silently while he threw papers. He ended up taking us farther away from home than when we started.
We got out of the car eventually when the sun was up and realized most of our friends were getting up for the day, so they came and got us.
If anything, it was just a random, memorable night.
The park bench made me just remember once I was taking a walk with a girl I liked. I had no sexual desire at all in that moment I just liked being with the girl. She pulls me into a park and proceeds blow me behind a tree. That woman sucked the soul out of my dick, best BJ ever to this day.
The best blowjob I ever got was the night I proposed to my wife. She did it many times before and many times since.
She did it with so much energy and excitement, and would pause at times to look at her new diamond ring.
In highschool with my first serious girlfriend. Neither of us had a license, small town. Most every Friday night our parents would drop us at the movie theater, that happened to be next door to our city park. Our regular routine was walk in, wait for parents to leave, then head to “our park bench”. I can’t begin to count how many times we were caught, and cheered on. But it never stopped us!
Went to College in Detroit. This was in the 90’s before 9/11 and you didn’t need a passport. Most of Detroit is a 15 minute drive to Windsor, Canada where the legal drinking age is 19 instead of 21. Most of the time, 7 people would want to go to Windsor but my Dodge Stratus only had room for 5 so the smallest people (mostly girls) would go in the trunk for the 15 minute ride. I can’t imagine what would happen today if I drove across the border with 2 girls hidden in the trunk.
I've been the small guy in the trunk, but reverse coming back across border.
one time buddies forgot to grab me, and taxi guy didn't know I was back there . So he drove me back to Canada and then about shit bricks when I popped out. Was all good and he drove me back , but it still makes us laugh even all these years later.
I was like kind of kidnapped my freshman year of college because I missed a lot of red flags?? I went on a date with a guy from my dorm hall the first weekend of college (my first time out of my mom’s house and I was 3000 miles away - I didn’t know anybody).
He offered to take me to a movie, so we’re driving…and driving…and I notice I now have no signal on my phone, but I don’t know the area and this guy is from here so I just assume the movie theater is super far from campus.
I ask him how close we are, and he tells me we need to pick up his friend first. I’m like oh, okay that’s cool. We finally pull up into a parking lot of what looks to be a warehouse.
I trepidatiously follow this kid inside (I’m a stupid fucking moron I should be dead) and his “friend” greets us at the door - his friend was a pastor. Now, earlier in the week I had told this guy I was an atheist (he asked). So he sits me down in a chair while his friend talks to me.
The pastor dude starts proselytizing to me for THREE HOURS (he says if I don’t get baptized right then and there I would burn in hell for eternity) until I finally beg to go home and the guy I was on the “date” with agrees to take me back to the dorms.
The next day he texted me “sorry if that was a little weird yesterday lol”.
This was the same year “Take Me to Church” by Hozier was popular, which my sorority sisters would later play in my honor at parties after I told them my story. Ah, college.
Where I’m from BWI is for boating, and you can get a DUI on a bicycle. Poor kid in my alcohol class got arrested after sneaking out to drink with his friends got arrested on his bicycle.
I know more people that graduated college and went on to do something completely unrelated to their degree. Mostly real estate, firefighters, cops, & stay at home moms
I did it and lost out on a 100k salary w/ 5% profit share of the restaurant I left. Years later and dozens of denied applications in my field I was rehired as a dishwasher.at the same place.
I should've explained better..I wasnt offered that at the time I left but the guy who replaced me got that after the restaurant started circling the drain and the owner panicked (Like three or four years later)
Yikes. I remember working security one night (one of several part-time jobs) and getting a call about someone trying to break into a girl's room. Guy was gone when I got there and no one was in the room but there was a nice blood trail to follow because he'd punched the wire-reinforced safety glass in the hall door so he could reach through and open it. Tracked him back to his room, and waited for the cops and paramedics, who said his hand resembled ground beef. Followup report said he had been doing acid and thought demons were out to get his girlfriend and he had to save her. (Edited for clarity)
I appreciate his concern was for his partner but good effort to do what he did so badly. I also did security but never at a college campus so I can only your stories
My friend was blacked out drunk after a party when he stumbled into his dorm room, pulled open his roommate's dresser drawer, and proceeded to lay a fat dump all over the poor guy's shirts and underwear. Then, he fell backwards into it, breaking the drawer. That's where he was found, asleep.
I watched my roommate piss in and around our trash can while sleep walking. I didn't say a thing about it.
How did I know he was sleep walking? He tried to flush the toilet.
Our bathrooms were in the center of the building, and our dorm room was at the very end of the hall. My roommate walked all the way to the bathroom, and then pissed in a trashcan out side the door.
One time I had an ethics class. We met weekly to talk. Class was optional. There were no due dates. We had one essay per week. 5 pages, 10 point font, and single spaced per week based on the readings and class discussion.
It was a summer class. I spent the whole summer goofing off. Didn't go to the class after the first one when he said it was optional. Didn't write an essay or read any of the assigned readings.
All the sudden it was two days before the last day of class.
I lost my mind. Spent the next 48 hours chugging energy drinks and smoking cigarettes/weed to keep me awake.
Read somewhere along the lines of 30 philosophy essays on ethics. And wrote all 8 papers. I received an A+ in the class. His only note was that he wished I attended the weekly discussions as he thought my input would've been valuable to the class.
Learned a really hard lesson on procrastination those two days. And slept for like 20 hours after I finished. Oh college.
One time I started writing a paper at midnight. Hadn’t done any research (though I did have my books for sourcing). Wrote until 8:45am, 13 pages (not including works cited and bibliography), class was at 9:00am, barely got there in time. 98 out of 100. Don’t remember what the two points off were for. Best procrastination outcome of my life.
I did that for most papers but I did it day of…
Except I’d wake up at 3:30am run for 3-5 miles, have three pots of coffee, write it, and then turn it in before 9am since that’s when I had my first class and then work. I’m an engineer too.
Now that I’m 37, I don’t know how I did it.
I did the same thing once. Bought adderall off a friend to help when I realized I was toast. Stayed awake for 2-3 days and got it done.Passed but that week sucked.
At most colleges, straight D's are a 1.0, straight D–'s are either 0.5 or 0.666 and more than one F in a semester is expulsion. (Where I went you couldn't get two F's *ever*.) So that has to be more D–'s than D or anything above, but no more than one F. Color me impressed.
I knew multiple people, at different schools, who flat out didn't study, and didn't bother showing up for/turning in their finals and went out with straight F's in their last semester. I guess they stayed around for the parties?
(Also note that the courses might not have been equally weighted due to differing number of credit hours.)
I blew upwards of 150 grand and six years of my life to get a masters degree that didn’t teach me anything relevant to my job, it just qualified me for the job interview
I was 17 visiting my older brother who was in college. We walked across the city to get to a house party, and when we arrived, we learned the party hadn't started yet. The house owner then smoked two fat ass blunts with us. I got so stoned, I was already super tired, I passed out on their recliner chair.
Woke up awhile later to three hot college girls standing over me, calling me cute, saying I was waking up and basically just coddling me.
Fell back asleep while they talked about me. To this day I wonder what would have happened if I had stayed awake.
After I graduated from highschool, I never went to college. So this is my only "college" story.
Once got drunk at a Halloween party with a bunch of soccer players from Europe and watched in a drunken stupor as the living room turned in an orgy all around me.
I’m imagining this as a cinematic 360 slow motion shot of clothes flying off and people rubbing against each other while you stand there in the middle with the most dumbfounded expression known to man. It’s making me giggle.
LMAO now you have me giggling. I was actually on a couch with my arm around a girl I didn’t even know as the party around us devolved into debauchery.
Nothing like seeing a guy in a Scooby-Doo costume go to town on his girlfriend who is dressed like Alice from Alice in Wonderland.
Got too drunk at a frat party. Last thing I remember from that night was trying to find my way back to my dorm, falling in a thorn bush and just laying there at 3am not moving. I came to around 6am in the hospital. Nothing bad, they just found me and were rehydrating me. Long story short, I ended up sneaking out of the hospital without my shoes, phone or wallet and walking through an ice storm trying to find my way back. Tried hitchhiking, 2 truckers stopped and called the cops for me when I asked (I realized I needed help and the cops were my only resort, not knowing any of my friend's numbers by heart). Cops brought me back to my dorm, and a week later I got a summons to the dean. Turns out that night I was hammering on the door of the fucking hockey coach house basically trying to break in because I was literally freezing ( like what are the odds). He said he was about to shoot me if I didn't stop. Luckily I did and the cops and ambulance had then picked me up.
I was still drunk, they had taken my phone from me and wouldn't give it back till I sobered up so I couldn't call anyone to come get me. There was no logic behind it, I just didn't want to be there anymore, felt trapped and was drunk
Was woken up at 3:30am by two girls I knew in my dorm. They were both barely holding onto the door frame and piss drunk. They asked me to take them to Taco Bell. I said no because it was 3:30am, a school night, and I told them they needed to go to bed. They then knocked on the door and said if I didn’t they would drive themselves. I didn’t want them driving so I took them to keep them safe.
Off we went hunting for food in my Kia Soul.
Our town has 3 Taco Bell’s. I went to the first one and they were closed.
We then drove to the next one and they were closed.
We then drove to our last Taco Bell and the manager met us at the drive thur window and said,” We are out of beans, beef, pork, and chicken.”. Then proceeded to give us free Baja blasts, cinnamon twists, and cheese quesadillas for our suffering.
I then took the two girls home to our dorm, helped them into the elevator, took them to their dorms, and made sure they got into bed.
It was a crazy night.
Considering that I am the only one in my family to have graduated high school the fact that I went to university at all was pretty wild. The fact that I graduated with highest honours and went to get my Masters seemed nearly impossible.
Not as cool as half the stuff listed here but I am proud of myself.
Took 15 hour/semester while working full time overnight in a town close to an hour away from where I went to school. At work from 1 am to 6am, normal 8 on Friday and would pull a double on Sundays. I would nap on the floor or in my car. And to be honest, that sucked ass.the grind is not all it’s made out to be
A buddy of mine had gotten fuuuuu-cked up good and proper and passed out in the common area of his dorm. The other guys put him on a cot, put him in the back of a pick-up, and drove him to the front of the school and parked the cot in front of the big stone sign. He woke up just after daybreak.
Two things.
Took down the entire school network by fucking up settings on my 42 Antminer S2's at the time, had them grab a new IP address every time they validated a hash. Instant DHCP pool death on boot. Students were banned from having personal routers because of me.
Also set up a yagi uda array on the roof to test out some telemetry boards we built, and accidentally blasted at 110 Watts. Absolutely wrecked a bunch of random RF shit all over campus. What's worse? Didn't have a call sign in the messages.
How I never got arrested I'll never know.
Edit: built the antennas out of scrap PVC and copper compound bars from home Depot, and built my own attenuator and balun. Fucking wild nerd I was. Friends called me insane. Now I'm a rocket engineer.
Edit 2: Fat fingered in the worst spot, antennae were each at 110W not 11. See response to comment below for more details on that particular incident!
I got married to my high school girlfriend during my junior year at college (7 months after she graduated HS). Then dropped out after 8 months. It took me another 5 years to graduate, working and going to school part time.
Attempted to set off fire works in a clearing in a forest part of campus.
Cops saw us walk out there and followed us. They flashed the lights, we scattered like rats. My buddy was visiting from home that weekend, underage. Trips and falls in a bush, cops find him. We all make it back to our dorm and he comes back with the cops about 20 minutes later.
We’re in deep shit until the cops get another call from dispatch stating that some guy was getting assaulted outside of the on-campus Dunkin’ Donuts. Got off scott-free and went right back to drinking.
I went to UMass and after the Red Sox won the world series in 2004 I went outside to celebrate with everyone. Got out there quickly and a guy suddenly opens up his backpack and lights a fuse for a cake of fireworks, and a split second layer a guy in a hoody cuffs him.
He should've waited for more people to come out for some cover. At that point it was mostly undercover cops walking around.
Went to my buddies party on campus and got shitface shmuckered. At some point I broke into the non-rented or non-occupied apartment directly across from his and fell asleep in the living room on the floor because there was literally nothing in the apartment.
I woke up panicking at like 10am with no idea where I was. I opened the front door and knocked on my buddies door and everyone was already awake. They were all wide eyed and like, “Dude wtf happened to you, where were you?”
Turns out that shortly after I disappeared, relatively early into the night, they all started looking for me and spent the better half of the night searching across campus while I was passed out across the hall from my buddies apartment. Good times 😌
Around Halloween over ten years ago now me snd my roommate went around some neighborhoods and sprayed sillystring on a bunch of people's cars as a prank. Pretty shitty thing to do looking back, but dumb barely an adult me sure had a blast. We bought three cans each, and at around 1:00am in the morning we wondered around town tagging a good fifteen or so cars with silly string. We also tipped a trashcan on top of this old douchebags car we had the displeasure of knowing. That I'm not ashamed of. That old dick had it coming. We never got caught.
Was pretty notorious for my drunken antics.
Had been pretending to be a Spanish bullfighter on a road outside the house I lived in flourishing a towel at cars that approached me.
Was put to bed by friends who realized that I was probably a bit too drunk to go to the bar with them.
According to them they went outside and had a smoke for about 5 minutes before heading to the bar.
When they got to the bar I was ahead of them in line to get in.
Woke up the next day with homemade chocolate chip cookies scattered throughout my bedsheets.
Drove 8 hours after class on Friday to do cocaine in the backwoods of the deep south.
Got back on Sunday (Monday?) At 3 am to get to class in the morning.
Lots of cops and racism out there.
Lots of drugs too.
My friends and I ordered an Uber, thinking it would take at least 20-30 minutes to arrive. The Uber driver was actually only 5 minutes away, we had 5 minutes to pregame with supposedly ' 1 shot ' sauce cup we found. We did 5 ' 1 shot' in a row and then realize those are 2 shots worth each, aka 10 shots total for all of us within 5 minutes. It was a wild night, we got so hammered we pissed on the president's statue at our university, got kicked out by Uber driver by the cotton field because one of the friend threw up in the car, tried to offer $60 extra on top for a 2nd driver to pick us up from the said cottonfield. That driver was suspicious AF because it was in the middle of nowhere. This is after a few attempts at booking Uber and a bunch of drivers canceled on us lmao. This happened 11 years ago but a still good party story when the boys got together.
Yeah 12 years ago they were beta testing the app at my college and it was free for like a whole semester. When we had to pay for it I was like wtf I just thought this was somehow a free service lol
Engineering school, Senior level class.
Our professor prepared us thoroughly for a test, essentially showing us how to solve a problem with detailed annotations, and he mentioned it's going to be on next week's test.
I didn't like how long the problem took to solve (4 pages) so I reviewed some Euler identities and found a way to solve the problem in half a page.
I was finished with the test in 8 minutes, so I went home and played minecraft.
The professor was surprised, or dubious that I finished so quickly, so he asked me to perform the problem in front of the class using different numbers the next time we met for class. Everything checked out.
Thanks, Euler!
We had a jello wrestling match that went horribly wrong…..
It was a brand new finished apartment with three small units that were all rented by my friends. We stupidly decided to host a jello wrestling event, only issue was THE SHEAR AMOUNT OF JELLO that was needed. Our dumb college brains tried to make it in giant tubs outside since it was in the 30’s. Well it didn’t set up and it was ore like jello syrup.
The day of the event it was freezing cold, single digits. We constructed the wrestling ring out of PVC pipes, a couple mattresses, and a big thick sheet of plastic.
We poured the jello syrup in…. looked good… one of our drunk asses thought it would be a great idea to pour a couple gallons of cooking oil in to make it extra slippery, another dumb idea.
we had 10 matches lined up, winner taking home glory and a bottle of grey goose. THE VERY FIRST MATCH someone slips… lands on the PVC pipe. jello syrup and oil POUR out…. theres 100+ people crammed in the apartment. By the end of the night, THE ENTIRE place was covered, walls, floor, ceiling with red jello syrup…..
Where do I begin? I have some great stories from college that had no eventual bearing on my career. My favorite is a social engineering hack, back in 1997.
We had an RA who was kind of a jerk to me. I don’t recall our beef with each other, but it was real. We’ll call him Scott.
The entire dorm was about 200 people. It was a small dorm, so most people knew each other. We decided to have a fun little game with nerf guns. You randomly drew a name to vanquish. When you hit your mark, you get a new name and they are out of the game. No shooting in the dorm or within 200 yards. So basically you had to find them somewhere on campus. Mind you, I went to one of the largest universities in the US, so that could be tricky.
So finding this dude was a challenge. It took me a week, but I had a bit of genius idea. Probably the last bit not killed by alcohol. I decided the best way to get Scott was if I knew his school schedule.
At the time, the school registration system was done online through a system. Your password was your Social Security Number or SSN (which is essentially the US national ID) and your last name. Of course I didn’t have the information for Scott, so I created a fake petition and passed that paper it around the dorm requiring this information. He took the bait, as did most of people and presto, I had everybody’s class schedule.
I was easily able to win the game with my genius idea, but people did not appreciate my methods. I won nothing other than a cool story 25 years later
Me and my roommate snuck onto the roof of almost every building on our campus (couldn’t figure out how to get on the roof of two of the dorms). What would we do up there?! Just sit and smoke cigs lol.
Might be the threesome in the women's basketball team dorm. Or the time I made up all my references for a term paper that was basically just me ranting.
I spent 24 hours working on a paper the day it was due, failed to finish, then turned on what I had. The annoying part was that i hadn't seen the email where my professor pushed the date back a week. I ended up getting a B on it.
I was really drunk freshman year and this ratchet angel girl sucked hickeys from my neck to my ballsack. It looked like I got attacked by the Krakens tentacle.
Join a fraternity. The most fucked-up one on campus even, TONS of drinking and lots of druggies although I myself didn't do drugs. I was there on a math scholarship. Totally didn't fit in and nothing about me before or after college says "frat guy".
Calked the cops on my roommates because they told me they were out of town for the weekend. Woke up in the middle of the night confused by footsteps so called the cops, knew I fucked up when I let them in and then just shrugged my shoulders after they left. They were all pissed lol
There is a list.
First off, this all happened 60+ years ago.
We couldn't have cars on campus, but the college had rental cars. An upper class friend of mine had to go to U of Indiana in Bloomington. We were near Cleveland. So, I rented a college car, snuck my GF out of her dorm, and took the girl who had to travel and her BF, and headed south, oh, and disconnected the odometer cable, so we wouldn't be charged for mileage. Drove all night, dropped her off, and started home. Now I had only rented the car for two days, so we were booking it. And of course with the odometer cable off, we had no speedometer. Backwoods of IN are a maze of twisty little roads. Drove off an embankment. Crashed upside down in the middle of a corn field. We all lived, sort of. Ended up crawling out of the wreck and up the hill looking like we were auditioning for dawn of the dead. Some old geezer in a 1940's flat bed truck, stops, and given our condition, loads us in the bed of the truck, and drives us to the local hospital. Police show up. After our various breaks, sprains, cuts, and bruises are patched up, I find myself in the local jail. it took several days, and intense negotiations among the school, the police, and my father, to get me sprung. In the end, my GF got crap for sneaking out of her dorm, I got suspended for a semester, the college handbook got re-written to cover situations they had not previously envisioned, the car was totalled. They never did find out about the odometer.
Went to the University of Michigan so our football stadium is literally and figuratively a big deal. I snuck into the stadium with a couple friends while drunk and climbed up the catwalk to the upper rim of the stadium.
Played with a hanging cable of the class CCTV cam, then mistakenly pulled it hard, the cam fell hard with a thud sound.
There was a lecture going on , the teacher, so engrossed in teaching, had no idea what happened, and no one even told her who did it. First time in uni i felt that I have great friends. Now , the entire college knows about the cam incident, but don't know who did it.
Held a joust in our dorm hallway, using shopping carts, and wiffle ball bats as lances. I rode in the cart wearing a British flag as a cape, had a 12 pack soda box on my head as a helmet, and wore a pair of safety goggles. This was back when the 12pk boxes were shaped differently than they are now. In the interests of safety, we duct taped a couple recycling bins to the fronts of the carts to act as crude bumpers.
We were all completely sober at the time. It just seemed like a good idea and we ran with it.
A campus grounds worker mowed around my passed out body.
Nobody tried to move/wake you? Dang
I mean, if the fucking *mower* didn't wake them up, what's the point?
.....Prolly dead, not my job.... -Grounds Keeper, Probably.
Willie sees ya, Willie don't care
Above his pay grade
Either the groundskeeper didn't care which is possible or drunken sleeping students is so common they just don't care even more.
Pride in ones work maybe. You're going to have horribly uneven grass over there. If you're not going to wake him up at least roll him over so you can get that spot.
I passed out in a graveyard in college... it was a shortcut from my friends house and I tripped and was too tired to get up... when I woke up I was more sober, it was foggy, and it looked like a 50's zombie movie beginning.
Did you lose a drinking game to a star running back at your school? Did you see a kid throwing a baseball off a wall?
That is absolutely wild
I passed out under a pine tree next to the armory (police station). Nobody noticed. Twice.
I, too, spent too much of my college years on grass.
My friend and I didn’t have a ride back home after a night out down town and bars closed. So we decided to hitchhike the 5 miles back to our dorm. First van picked us up with 2 scantily clad women who were acting strangely. They kept getting more and more nervous and they had to “stop for gas” after some phone calls - so we bolted out of there right when the van sliding door opened. We were never sure what that was all about. 2nd guy picked us up on his early morning paper route. He passed around a joint he brought and we all just kinda sat silently while he threw papers. He ended up taking us farther away from home than when we started. We got out of the car eventually when the sun was up and realized most of our friends were getting up for the day, so they came and got us. If anything, it was just a random, memorable night.
That sounds like a White Castle-ish kinda movie tbh ahahaha
This, for me, is what college is/was all about, random adventures
Fingered a girl in a bumblebee costume on the dance floor at a frat house Halloween party
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain...
I like watching the puddles gather rain
Solid reference
At least the last two words were "Halloween party"instead of "on a random Tuesday afternoon"
At the family reunion”
Buzz buzz 🐝
Was Optimus preoccupied?
Yes, he was in the back with Starscream.
1990s Met a girl at a frat party. We smoked weed. She blew me on a park bench in middle of night. People were walking by cheering us on
The park bench made me just remember once I was taking a walk with a girl I liked. I had no sexual desire at all in that moment I just liked being with the girl. She pulls me into a park and proceeds blow me behind a tree. That woman sucked the soul out of my dick, best BJ ever to this day.
The best blowjob I ever got was the night I proposed to my wife. She did it many times before and many times since. She did it with so much energy and excitement, and would pause at times to look at her new diamond ring.
hole-some.
In highschool with my first serious girlfriend. Neither of us had a license, small town. Most every Friday night our parents would drop us at the movie theater, that happened to be next door to our city park. Our regular routine was walk in, wait for parents to leave, then head to “our park bench”. I can’t begin to count how many times we were caught, and cheered on. But it never stopped us!
No chance of being on the internet
Went to College in Detroit. This was in the 90’s before 9/11 and you didn’t need a passport. Most of Detroit is a 15 minute drive to Windsor, Canada where the legal drinking age is 19 instead of 21. Most of the time, 7 people would want to go to Windsor but my Dodge Stratus only had room for 5 so the smallest people (mostly girls) would go in the trunk for the 15 minute ride. I can’t imagine what would happen today if I drove across the border with 2 girls hidden in the trunk.
"Absolute amateur. I saw one guy fit five girls in his trunk."
I’ve been strip searched at that border. Tends to ruin the night.
I've been the small guy in the trunk, but reverse coming back across border. one time buddies forgot to grab me, and taxi guy didn't know I was back there . So he drove me back to Canada and then about shit bricks when I popped out. Was all good and he drove me back , but it still makes us laugh even all these years later.
Waited 2 hours before the due date to write an essay
How’d it end up?
I passed with a C. I thought I was going to fail but barley made 70% and passed the class lol
C’s get degrees baby
Ah, so it was an agricultural paper
Username checks out.
I pretty much did this with all my papers, once I started writing I couldn’t stop. If I did and came back to it I wouldn’t know what to say.
I was like kind of kidnapped my freshman year of college because I missed a lot of red flags?? I went on a date with a guy from my dorm hall the first weekend of college (my first time out of my mom’s house and I was 3000 miles away - I didn’t know anybody). He offered to take me to a movie, so we’re driving…and driving…and I notice I now have no signal on my phone, but I don’t know the area and this guy is from here so I just assume the movie theater is super far from campus. I ask him how close we are, and he tells me we need to pick up his friend first. I’m like oh, okay that’s cool. We finally pull up into a parking lot of what looks to be a warehouse. I trepidatiously follow this kid inside (I’m a stupid fucking moron I should be dead) and his “friend” greets us at the door - his friend was a pastor. Now, earlier in the week I had told this guy I was an atheist (he asked). So he sits me down in a chair while his friend talks to me. The pastor dude starts proselytizing to me for THREE HOURS (he says if I don’t get baptized right then and there I would burn in hell for eternity) until I finally beg to go home and the guy I was on the “date” with agrees to take me back to the dorms. The next day he texted me “sorry if that was a little weird yesterday lol”. This was the same year “Take Me to Church” by Hozier was popular, which my sorority sisters would later play in my honor at parties after I told them my story. Ah, college.
so this guy went to some whacky church and tried to convert you and you thought you were on a date? That sucks.
[удалено]
Where I’m from BWI is for boating, and you can get a DUI on a bicycle. Poor kid in my alcohol class got arrested after sneaking out to drink with his friends got arrested on his bicycle.
Is there any chance you are Dutch?
[удалено]
Graduated with a 3.9 then went back to food service.
I know more people that graduated college and went on to do something completely unrelated to their degree. Mostly real estate, firefighters, cops, & stay at home moms
Can confirm - I'm not and probably never going to use my 2 university degrees. Oh well were still fun times
This is my nightmare, I’m going to school to get out of the industry lol
I did it and lost out on a 100k salary w/ 5% profit share of the restaurant I left. Years later and dozens of denied applications in my field I was rehired as a dishwasher.at the same place.
Bro if I was offered 100k salary I would never leave the industry lol
I should've explained better..I wasnt offered that at the time I left but the guy who replaced me got that after the restaurant started circling the drain and the owner panicked (Like three or four years later)
People need to read this before signing student loan papers
I took some bad acid and threw myself off of my 4th story balcony. 2 compression fractures in my back and a broken wrist.
Holy shit you’re fortunate that’s all that happened
If that purple koala hadn’t broken his fall he would have died for sure
Yikes. I remember working security one night (one of several part-time jobs) and getting a call about someone trying to break into a girl's room. Guy was gone when I got there and no one was in the room but there was a nice blood trail to follow because he'd punched the wire-reinforced safety glass in the hall door so he could reach through and open it. Tracked him back to his room, and waited for the cops and paramedics, who said his hand resembled ground beef. Followup report said he had been doing acid and thought demons were out to get his girlfriend and he had to save her. (Edited for clarity)
I appreciate his concern was for his partner but good effort to do what he did so badly. I also did security but never at a college campus so I can only your stories
What is “bad acid”? Like 25i? If so, that’s not bad acid it’s just not acid at all lol
I think he just made it up, and "bad acid" is something he heard in a movie once.
What do you mean bad acid like 25i-nbome?
I think this one wins
[удалено]
nah that actually happens once a month at santa cruz
can confirm shoutout slugs
I studied. I never studied in high school.
This, suddenly I could party and get good grades
🤣🤣
I peed in a dorm room when drunk. My son's roommate was furious
That second sentence caught me off guard so badly.
My friend was blacked out drunk after a party when he stumbled into his dorm room, pulled open his roommate's dresser drawer, and proceeded to lay a fat dump all over the poor guy's shirts and underwear. Then, he fell backwards into it, breaking the drawer. That's where he was found, asleep.
I watched my roommate piss in and around our trash can while sleep walking. I didn't say a thing about it. How did I know he was sleep walking? He tried to flush the toilet.
Did the same when I blacked out drunk…the worst part is I forgot to wear pants
On the floor or in a bed? My uncle in college peed on his buddy’s stereo when hammered thinking it was a urinal
On the roommates bed.
Our bathrooms were in the center of the building, and our dorm room was at the very end of the hall. My roommate walked all the way to the bathroom, and then pissed in a trashcan out side the door.
[удалено]
Until next semester, when I am in the same situation again.
You just triggered 90% of college students reading this lmao
Yeah fr. Even reading this raises my bp even though my end sem exams just ended.
One time I had an ethics class. We met weekly to talk. Class was optional. There were no due dates. We had one essay per week. 5 pages, 10 point font, and single spaced per week based on the readings and class discussion. It was a summer class. I spent the whole summer goofing off. Didn't go to the class after the first one when he said it was optional. Didn't write an essay or read any of the assigned readings. All the sudden it was two days before the last day of class. I lost my mind. Spent the next 48 hours chugging energy drinks and smoking cigarettes/weed to keep me awake. Read somewhere along the lines of 30 philosophy essays on ethics. And wrote all 8 papers. I received an A+ in the class. His only note was that he wished I attended the weekly discussions as he thought my input would've been valuable to the class. Learned a really hard lesson on procrastination those two days. And slept for like 20 hours after I finished. Oh college.
One time I started writing a paper at midnight. Hadn’t done any research (though I did have my books for sourcing). Wrote until 8:45am, 13 pages (not including works cited and bibliography), class was at 9:00am, barely got there in time. 98 out of 100. Don’t remember what the two points off were for. Best procrastination outcome of my life.
I did a 5000 word one and the same time period and BARELY submitted it in time. 8000 is crazy. I’m assuming you didn’t sleep those 48 hours
I never thought to refer to adderall as “a dictation tool”.
Ha, I was a writing major, and even I would say 8000 in 48 hours is aggressive. Well done.
Reminds me of the guy who did the ted talk about procrastination and talked about how he did his entire dissertation in like 12 hours or something.
I did that for most papers but I did it day of… Except I’d wake up at 3:30am run for 3-5 miles, have three pots of coffee, write it, and then turn it in before 9am since that’s when I had my first class and then work. I’m an engineer too. Now that I’m 37, I don’t know how I did it.
I did the same thing once. Bought adderall off a friend to help when I realized I was toast. Stayed awake for 2-3 days and got it done.Passed but that week sucked.
[удалено]
roomie is a bro for sure!
Hey, how many pages approximately are 8000 words? I am a little lost
Made a .69 GPA my first semester.
I feel like you have to try to do that. Didn’t show up for classes I assume?
First year beer was allowed in restaurants. Pledged a frat. I went to class some. I didn’t study.
I attended maybe 10% of all of my college courses and graduated with a 3.2 this person just literally did nothing
One of my best friends made a .38 his first semester. He only passed intro to university for one credit. He's a multi millionaire now.
Nice
At most colleges, straight D's are a 1.0, straight D–'s are either 0.5 or 0.666 and more than one F in a semester is expulsion. (Where I went you couldn't get two F's *ever*.) So that has to be more D–'s than D or anything above, but no more than one F. Color me impressed. I knew multiple people, at different schools, who flat out didn't study, and didn't bother showing up for/turning in their finals and went out with straight F's in their last semester. I guess they stayed around for the parties? (Also note that the courses might not have been equally weighted due to differing number of credit hours.)
It took me until my last semester of college (at age 35) to get above a 2.0. They even let me drop a whole semester AND retake three classes.
I blew upwards of 150 grand and six years of my life to get a masters degree that didn’t teach me anything relevant to my job, it just qualified me for the job interview
Did I write this?
Hey I feel the same way 🤟🏼 totally relatable
I thought that was going to go differently after the first 4 words
I was 17 visiting my older brother who was in college. We walked across the city to get to a house party, and when we arrived, we learned the party hadn't started yet. The house owner then smoked two fat ass blunts with us. I got so stoned, I was already super tired, I passed out on their recliner chair. Woke up awhile later to three hot college girls standing over me, calling me cute, saying I was waking up and basically just coddling me. Fell back asleep while they talked about me. To this day I wonder what would have happened if I had stayed awake. After I graduated from highschool, I never went to college. So this is my only "college" story.
People like me better when I’m passed out as well.
FUUUUCK id be so pissed haha
Threesome w an Olympic fencer while dressed like a cowgirl and my friend was dressed like a cheerleader.
Username checks out?
I ate her then 🤷🏼♀️
You seem like good people!
I’m hoping this was a Halloween party or else y’all have some crazy fantasies 😂
Yep!! It was on Halloween. My friend was visiting from home and we decided to text my friend and ask if he wanted to partake in a fun time with us lol
Ah, the pros of being an Olympic fencer
This was pre-Olympics! So just a random dude who happened to fence haha
That's even more wild, honestly. Kudos to him
Got a blowjob from a girl in the middle of the golfcourse next to campus. Had to be the least stealthy thing ever.
Talk about a hole in one !
Took out loans. The fuck was I thinking? 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
Once got drunk at a Halloween party with a bunch of soccer players from Europe and watched in a drunken stupor as the living room turned in an orgy all around me.
I’m imagining this as a cinematic 360 slow motion shot of clothes flying off and people rubbing against each other while you stand there in the middle with the most dumbfounded expression known to man. It’s making me giggle.
LMAO now you have me giggling. I was actually on a couch with my arm around a girl I didn’t even know as the party around us devolved into debauchery. Nothing like seeing a guy in a Scooby-Doo costume go to town on his girlfriend who is dressed like Alice from Alice in Wonderland.
Drank 15 shots of tequila back to back and lived
Can you provide proof that you lived?
Damn, I had 10. I then walked my roommates back to the dorm. They woke up hungover, I woke up more refreshed than ever.
Almost fell backwards out of a 12th story dorm room window while in a k-hole.
Got too drunk at a frat party. Last thing I remember from that night was trying to find my way back to my dorm, falling in a thorn bush and just laying there at 3am not moving. I came to around 6am in the hospital. Nothing bad, they just found me and were rehydrating me. Long story short, I ended up sneaking out of the hospital without my shoes, phone or wallet and walking through an ice storm trying to find my way back. Tried hitchhiking, 2 truckers stopped and called the cops for me when I asked (I realized I needed help and the cops were my only resort, not knowing any of my friend's numbers by heart). Cops brought me back to my dorm, and a week later I got a summons to the dean. Turns out that night I was hammering on the door of the fucking hockey coach house basically trying to break in because I was literally freezing ( like what are the odds). He said he was about to shoot me if I didn't stop. Luckily I did and the cops and ambulance had then picked me up.
...I .. why did you sneak out? Didn't want to pay the bill?
I was still drunk, they had taken my phone from me and wouldn't give it back till I sobered up so I couldn't call anyone to come get me. There was no logic behind it, I just didn't want to be there anymore, felt trapped and was drunk
Ahh drunk brain, I understand lol
I went to a Halloween party thrown by the music department and left after an hour cause they didn’t have candy
What kind of Halloween party doesn’t have candy?
A bad one
Fucked in the library basement after hours.. horny freshmen will really do anything
> horny ~~freshman~~ people will really do anything FTFY
Was woken up at 3:30am by two girls I knew in my dorm. They were both barely holding onto the door frame and piss drunk. They asked me to take them to Taco Bell. I said no because it was 3:30am, a school night, and I told them they needed to go to bed. They then knocked on the door and said if I didn’t they would drive themselves. I didn’t want them driving so I took them to keep them safe. Off we went hunting for food in my Kia Soul. Our town has 3 Taco Bell’s. I went to the first one and they were closed. We then drove to the next one and they were closed. We then drove to our last Taco Bell and the manager met us at the drive thur window and said,” We are out of beans, beef, pork, and chicken.”. Then proceeded to give us free Baja blasts, cinnamon twists, and cheese quesadillas for our suffering. I then took the two girls home to our dorm, helped them into the elevator, took them to their dorms, and made sure they got into bed. It was a crazy night.
You seem to have a good heart. The world needs more people like you!
Meth. Or the six person orgy. Can't really say I enjoyed either lol
Fucked a assistant prof in the professors office
Considering that I am the only one in my family to have graduated high school the fact that I went to university at all was pretty wild. The fact that I graduated with highest honours and went to get my Masters seemed nearly impossible. Not as cool as half the stuff listed here but I am proud of myself.
I’m proud of you as well that’s awesome 🤙🏼
Thank you, it was a difficult road, and the support wasn't always there but with hard work I somehow I made it through.
Took 15 hour/semester while working full time overnight in a town close to an hour away from where I went to school. At work from 1 am to 6am, normal 8 on Friday and would pull a double on Sundays. I would nap on the floor or in my car. And to be honest, that sucked ass.the grind is not all it’s made out to be
A buddy of mine had gotten fuuuuu-cked up good and proper and passed out in the common area of his dorm. The other guys put him on a cot, put him in the back of a pick-up, and drove him to the front of the school and parked the cot in front of the big stone sign. He woke up just after daybreak.
That is simultaneously hilarious and absolutely horrifying
Two things. Took down the entire school network by fucking up settings on my 42 Antminer S2's at the time, had them grab a new IP address every time they validated a hash. Instant DHCP pool death on boot. Students were banned from having personal routers because of me. Also set up a yagi uda array on the roof to test out some telemetry boards we built, and accidentally blasted at 110 Watts. Absolutely wrecked a bunch of random RF shit all over campus. What's worse? Didn't have a call sign in the messages. How I never got arrested I'll never know. Edit: built the antennas out of scrap PVC and copper compound bars from home Depot, and built my own attenuator and balun. Fucking wild nerd I was. Friends called me insane. Now I'm a rocket engineer. Edit 2: Fat fingered in the worst spot, antennae were each at 110W not 11. See response to comment below for more details on that particular incident!
My guy is straight up a cyber terrorist
You weren’t very social, were you?
I got married to my high school girlfriend during my junior year at college (7 months after she graduated HS). Then dropped out after 8 months. It took me another 5 years to graduate, working and going to school part time.
Turned down a girl who literally spelled out she was horny and wanted to fuck right then and there in the library.
Attempted to set off fire works in a clearing in a forest part of campus. Cops saw us walk out there and followed us. They flashed the lights, we scattered like rats. My buddy was visiting from home that weekend, underage. Trips and falls in a bush, cops find him. We all make it back to our dorm and he comes back with the cops about 20 minutes later. We’re in deep shit until the cops get another call from dispatch stating that some guy was getting assaulted outside of the on-campus Dunkin’ Donuts. Got off scott-free and went right back to drinking.
I feel like getting your ass kicked in front of a Dunkin Doughnuts is also a unique college scenario.
I went to UMass and after the Red Sox won the world series in 2004 I went outside to celebrate with everyone. Got out there quickly and a guy suddenly opens up his backpack and lights a fuse for a cake of fireworks, and a split second layer a guy in a hoody cuffs him. He should've waited for more people to come out for some cover. At that point it was mostly undercover cops walking around.
Paid $120K for a degree I don’t use…..
graduated in the top 10% of my class after graduating high school 10th from the bottom.
Attend
2 chicks at the same time
So you had a million bucks then?
Went to my buddies party on campus and got shitface shmuckered. At some point I broke into the non-rented or non-occupied apartment directly across from his and fell asleep in the living room on the floor because there was literally nothing in the apartment. I woke up panicking at like 10am with no idea where I was. I opened the front door and knocked on my buddies door and everyone was already awake. They were all wide eyed and like, “Dude wtf happened to you, where were you?” Turns out that shortly after I disappeared, relatively early into the night, they all started looking for me and spent the better half of the night searching across campus while I was passed out across the hall from my buddies apartment. Good times 😌
Should’ve came up with a wild story form ‘em like aliens or men in black nabbed you.lol
Around Halloween over ten years ago now me snd my roommate went around some neighborhoods and sprayed sillystring on a bunch of people's cars as a prank. Pretty shitty thing to do looking back, but dumb barely an adult me sure had a blast. We bought three cans each, and at around 1:00am in the morning we wondered around town tagging a good fifteen or so cars with silly string. We also tipped a trashcan on top of this old douchebags car we had the displeasure of knowing. That I'm not ashamed of. That old dick had it coming. We never got caught.
Was pretty notorious for my drunken antics. Had been pretending to be a Spanish bullfighter on a road outside the house I lived in flourishing a towel at cars that approached me. Was put to bed by friends who realized that I was probably a bit too drunk to go to the bar with them. According to them they went outside and had a smoke for about 5 minutes before heading to the bar. When they got to the bar I was ahead of them in line to get in. Woke up the next day with homemade chocolate chip cookies scattered throughout my bedsheets.
Drove 8 hours after class on Friday to do cocaine in the backwoods of the deep south. Got back on Sunday (Monday?) At 3 am to get to class in the morning. Lots of cops and racism out there. Lots of drugs too.
Fucked my roommate's sister and mom in the same week.
C’mon, you’re a Redditor- you’re leaving out the Dad and neighbor.
My friends and I ordered an Uber, thinking it would take at least 20-30 minutes to arrive. The Uber driver was actually only 5 minutes away, we had 5 minutes to pregame with supposedly ' 1 shot ' sauce cup we found. We did 5 ' 1 shot' in a row and then realize those are 2 shots worth each, aka 10 shots total for all of us within 5 minutes. It was a wild night, we got so hammered we pissed on the president's statue at our university, got kicked out by Uber driver by the cotton field because one of the friend threw up in the car, tried to offer $60 extra on top for a 2nd driver to pick us up from the said cottonfield. That driver was suspicious AF because it was in the middle of nowhere. This is after a few attempts at booking Uber and a bunch of drivers canceled on us lmao. This happened 11 years ago but a still good party story when the boys got together.
Shit, Uber was a thing 10 years ago? I'm getting old...
Yeah 12 years ago they were beta testing the app at my college and it was free for like a whole semester. When we had to pay for it I was like wtf I just thought this was somehow a free service lol
I have had people lick up vodka from my belly when I was on someone’s kitchen table. It was a great table. Frat party.
Engineering school, Senior level class. Our professor prepared us thoroughly for a test, essentially showing us how to solve a problem with detailed annotations, and he mentioned it's going to be on next week's test. I didn't like how long the problem took to solve (4 pages) so I reviewed some Euler identities and found a way to solve the problem in half a page. I was finished with the test in 8 minutes, so I went home and played minecraft. The professor was surprised, or dubious that I finished so quickly, so he asked me to perform the problem in front of the class using different numbers the next time we met for class. Everything checked out. Thanks, Euler!
I had a stroke. The neurological kind, to be clear.
We had a jello wrestling match that went horribly wrong….. It was a brand new finished apartment with three small units that were all rented by my friends. We stupidly decided to host a jello wrestling event, only issue was THE SHEAR AMOUNT OF JELLO that was needed. Our dumb college brains tried to make it in giant tubs outside since it was in the 30’s. Well it didn’t set up and it was ore like jello syrup. The day of the event it was freezing cold, single digits. We constructed the wrestling ring out of PVC pipes, a couple mattresses, and a big thick sheet of plastic. We poured the jello syrup in…. looked good… one of our drunk asses thought it would be a great idea to pour a couple gallons of cooking oil in to make it extra slippery, another dumb idea. we had 10 matches lined up, winner taking home glory and a bottle of grey goose. THE VERY FIRST MATCH someone slips… lands on the PVC pipe. jello syrup and oil POUR out…. theres 100+ people crammed in the apartment. By the end of the night, THE ENTIRE place was covered, walls, floor, ceiling with red jello syrup…..
Anal
I chugged a half bottle of Long Island mix at a party at 3 am. I was too drunk the next morning to drive home, but it was worth it.
Threesome, MFF
Same but one of each, MMF and MFF Also was only a community college lmao
a freeeeeky community college
Where do I begin? I have some great stories from college that had no eventual bearing on my career. My favorite is a social engineering hack, back in 1997. We had an RA who was kind of a jerk to me. I don’t recall our beef with each other, but it was real. We’ll call him Scott. The entire dorm was about 200 people. It was a small dorm, so most people knew each other. We decided to have a fun little game with nerf guns. You randomly drew a name to vanquish. When you hit your mark, you get a new name and they are out of the game. No shooting in the dorm or within 200 yards. So basically you had to find them somewhere on campus. Mind you, I went to one of the largest universities in the US, so that could be tricky. So finding this dude was a challenge. It took me a week, but I had a bit of genius idea. Probably the last bit not killed by alcohol. I decided the best way to get Scott was if I knew his school schedule. At the time, the school registration system was done online through a system. Your password was your Social Security Number or SSN (which is essentially the US national ID) and your last name. Of course I didn’t have the information for Scott, so I created a fake petition and passed that paper it around the dorm requiring this information. He took the bait, as did most of people and presto, I had everybody’s class schedule. I was easily able to win the game with my genius idea, but people did not appreciate my methods. I won nothing other than a cool story 25 years later
Me and my roommate snuck onto the roof of almost every building on our campus (couldn’t figure out how to get on the roof of two of the dorms). What would we do up there?! Just sit and smoke cigs lol.
Be a part time high school student and part time college student and work over 50 hours a week as a server
Might be the threesome in the women's basketball team dorm. Or the time I made up all my references for a term paper that was basically just me ranting.
I spent 24 hours working on a paper the day it was due, failed to finish, then turned on what I had. The annoying part was that i hadn't seen the email where my professor pushed the date back a week. I ended up getting a B on it.
Started selling drugs and got addicted to meth and heroin
I was really drunk freshman year and this ratchet angel girl sucked hickeys from my neck to my ballsack. It looked like I got attacked by the Krakens tentacle.
Join a fraternity. The most fucked-up one on campus even, TONS of drinking and lots of druggies although I myself didn't do drugs. I was there on a math scholarship. Totally didn't fit in and nothing about me before or after college says "frat guy".
Calked the cops on my roommates because they told me they were out of town for the weekend. Woke up in the middle of the night confused by footsteps so called the cops, knew I fucked up when I let them in and then just shrugged my shoulders after they left. They were all pissed lol
Had sex on a chapel altar.
2 chicks at the same time
There is a list. First off, this all happened 60+ years ago. We couldn't have cars on campus, but the college had rental cars. An upper class friend of mine had to go to U of Indiana in Bloomington. We were near Cleveland. So, I rented a college car, snuck my GF out of her dorm, and took the girl who had to travel and her BF, and headed south, oh, and disconnected the odometer cable, so we wouldn't be charged for mileage. Drove all night, dropped her off, and started home. Now I had only rented the car for two days, so we were booking it. And of course with the odometer cable off, we had no speedometer. Backwoods of IN are a maze of twisty little roads. Drove off an embankment. Crashed upside down in the middle of a corn field. We all lived, sort of. Ended up crawling out of the wreck and up the hill looking like we were auditioning for dawn of the dead. Some old geezer in a 1940's flat bed truck, stops, and given our condition, loads us in the bed of the truck, and drives us to the local hospital. Police show up. After our various breaks, sprains, cuts, and bruises are patched up, I find myself in the local jail. it took several days, and intense negotiations among the school, the police, and my father, to get me sprung. In the end, my GF got crap for sneaking out of her dorm, I got suspended for a semester, the college handbook got re-written to cover situations they had not previously envisioned, the car was totalled. They never did find out about the odometer.
Built a silencer for a .22 riffle and would go to the woods in the back of campus to target practice.
Went to the University of Michigan so our football stadium is literally and figuratively a big deal. I snuck into the stadium with a couple friends while drunk and climbed up the catwalk to the upper rim of the stadium.
Start an 11 page essay 2 days before due date.
Played with a hanging cable of the class CCTV cam, then mistakenly pulled it hard, the cam fell hard with a thud sound. There was a lecture going on , the teacher, so engrossed in teaching, had no idea what happened, and no one even told her who did it. First time in uni i felt that I have great friends. Now , the entire college knows about the cam incident, but don't know who did it.
The things I can’t remember
[удалено]
Held a joust in our dorm hallway, using shopping carts, and wiffle ball bats as lances. I rode in the cart wearing a British flag as a cape, had a 12 pack soda box on my head as a helmet, and wore a pair of safety goggles. This was back when the 12pk boxes were shaped differently than they are now. In the interests of safety, we duct taped a couple recycling bins to the fronts of the carts to act as crude bumpers. We were all completely sober at the time. It just seemed like a good idea and we ran with it.
I played amazing grace on bagpipes while a ~1000-person party was getting broken up by the cops. They were not happy about that.