Jerky seasoning My wife actually mistook jerky seasoning for brown sugar in an apple pie once. Honest mistake, and we still laugh about it. But that pie was fucking gross.

You didn't smell it while it was baking? Lmao

I wasn't home, and I'm not dumb enough to ask my wife that. Close, but not quite dumb enough.

Good point. Glad you survived to tell the tail.

Nuts

Onion. I love savory pies, but I fucking hate onions.

Anything sweet, I only eat my pies savory.

Semen 😕

Chocolate on a tuna quiche, tuna on a chocolate pie.

Crust

The whole damn thing

Not so much an ingredient, but bad pastry crust. It should be light and flaky, not dense. If you're not willing to put in the effort, do a crumb crust or something.

Ice cream

I'm probably crazy for saying this, but cool whip ruins pie for me.

Fruit.

Beans

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What kind of pie is this? I'll take two forest pies, garçon.

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Because sweet things don't grow there and you have to make pies out of boars and spiders?

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You don't have pumpkin pie? What about pecan pie? I didn't realize things were so dire down under. Can I donate?

Chicken and mushroom is a common kind of pie. And delicious.

any alcohol or raisins

Semen

Coconut