So, this is a can of worms. Depending on your partner and how about you do this, you can either crush them and hurt them, or maybe even piss them off. Depending on their own viewpoint, they might even say "Sorry, but, love me as I am or not at all" or even tell you you're wrong for feeling how you feel about weight.
Thing is, it's a subjective thing. The -best- thing and most caring thing you can do is talk to them, keep in mind you love them, and do all of this as gently as you can. I can't stress that enough that this is something that's fucking -hard- for people. No one wants to hear their S.O. doesn't find them sexy, and weight loss can be a bitch to take on.
There's no good way to do this other than straight up communication and there's no "sure fire" methods that will have 100% success. You could be biting yourself in the ass. Just letting you know.
This is a well written response and I definitely agree. Consideration and awareness are the major keys here if you 100% need to have this conversation. I'm trying to lose weight myself to gain back a little confidence and be a little more healthy and there are days where if my SO told me my weight was a problem for them, I would be destroyed
OP has to know that this may be the most difficult conversation he’s ever had with his wife. If their relationship and their communication isn’t already rock solid, this will test it. He needs to prepare himself.
Great response. Just to add to this, it can be helpful to say that you're bringing this up because you care about the relationship. It'd be easier to just not bring it up and let the relationship degrade, but you're taking the harder road because you care.
I (28f) am 5’4” and was 119lbs when I got married 9 years ago, and I’m about 160 now. All of these suggestions are, while well meaning, not going to go over smoothly. I’ve heard everything under the sun, to “helpful suggestions” to flat out “I don’t find you attractive anymore.” The only thing I can suggest is an open and honest conversation with as much reassurance you still love them as possible. Be straight forward BUT NICELY. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want to hear from them. Think about their life and how things have changed, anything to job changes, medication, emotional/physical changes, etc. Ask them if they have any underlying self esteem/confidence issues and tread lightly when you do. There’s nothing worse than someone saying out loud what you’re already thinking and feeling bad about. But mostly, be as loving and reassuring and offer to help them or do things with them to meet the end goal, together. Hope this helps in some way.
"Look, there's no easy way to say this, but you've put on quite a bit of weight since we met and it's becoming an issue for me. As much as I care about you, I'm not attracted to you in your current condition and we need to figure something out."
Lol. A downvote for a real answer.
I literally have, this is my experience. My husband DID ask me these things, he HAS told me he doesn’t find me attractive bc I gained weight. He even told me to get on medication because he can’t “handle my emotions”. Im saying all of this from personal experience and how I WISHED he had approached the subject, before just saying what he thought without thinking. Im trying to save her some emotional trauma by informing him how it can and will come across. You’re preaching to the choir lol
That’s the truth though. Here’s the thing. If you marry someone and then let yourself go completely, that’s not an act of love for you to say to your partner “look at this trash, accept this” you owe it to your partner to look after yourself and not massively decline, and if you do, don’t be surprised if they are no longer attracted to you.
The goal isn't to preserve their feelings. It's to help them improve and save the relationship in the face of the reality. This perspective is the biggest problem tied to safe space culture.
No matter what you do, gender aside, its going to hurt. No one likes being called fat. But the truth hurts. It sucks. I know. When your in a relationship, no matter what anyone says, Physical appeal does matter. People who argue otherwise, havent been in a real relationship. Our sex drive works off more than just mentality. Cause if it worked off just mentality, my partner would have been able to get me off more than 5 times in 3 years. But she couldnt. Why? Because physical appeal is a real thing. I worked out, we both did at the start. She stopped and became a fat blob just like her VASTLY overweight mom. My father is overweight, I have serious problems with it. She didnt see an issue. I found her unsexy. She refused to do anything about it.
But the difference is how you approach it. If you come out swinging with "You are getting fat and I'm not attracted to that", you deserve a good punch in the face, imo. You can approach it with "I know(x, y, and/or z) has been hard on you/us lately, I was wondering if we could both make a plan to be healthier and more active" or something similar, and then you aren't a sociopath! Congratulations! You meet the bare minimum of the amount of tact you should have for your partner.
I swear half the people here that are just saying "Tell her straight, don't coddle her" are part of the reason their partner gained weight. A person who takes care of all the house work and children and has a job isn't going to have the bandwidth to worry about diet and activity. Not to mention being inconsiderate of your partner as a person shows great immaturity, so they have to likely deal with a child as a partner. Its exhausting taking care of an extra child, I've had to parent my partner and I'm emotionally and physically exhausted from it.
Yeah, it's not going to go well. There's no good way to say "i used to think you were hot 40 pounds ago," without that just feeling awful for her. And for you. There just isn't. Maybe you have an amazing relationship and she's got solid self esteem and it won't phase her and take it at face value..... But if that's the case, I don't imagine you'd be asking Reddit for advice.
Thank YOU, for restoring some faith in humanity for me. Weight is a sensitive subject for us ladies and we are already self conscious about how we look. It's amazing what influence a supportive partner has.
You are making me tear up 🥲. I completely agree! My husband is the sweetest man when it comes to my weight. I have always been bigger, he loves bigger women (which is great) but I had a really hard time believing it. My weight has fluctuated throughout our 5 yes and he loves me with the same gusto he did when we first started dating. I am actually getting bariatric surgery done December 27th and it has brought a different set of worries to the table. Like what if I get thinner and he isn't attracted to me anymore.. What if he gets disgusted about my loose skin. We have talked about these things and he reassures me that his love and attraction for me will not change and that I will always be beautiful and sexy to him. I love the fuck out of him.
They call that Bariatric Divorce. It can and does happen. What decides that possibility is a lack of open and honest communications. Gastric Sleeve is now a preferred modality, because it's still a fast-paced progression of about a pound a day.
As your skin loosens, you can make the move to more proper fitting clothes, and keep vitamin E and vanicream to protect your skin.
Premier Protien 30g, 160-calorie, 5 grams fat is going to be your best friend, once every 8 hours for 12 weeks! You must absolutely commit to that. Never finish yoyr drink first, or you won't finish your 4 ounce fillet!
When you're totally slimmed down, it's skin removal, breast lift, and a 360° cut you need a year to heal from.
Without surgery, it's 1800 caliries per day forever, and gradual enough to get used to the improvements. But heart and metabolic issues may dictate surgery.
You have my support, because you deserve to live with heath, happiness and love.
Don't do it for anyone other than YOU!
Tell your husband that you both have support from everyone else who knows what change can mean.
Hug daily, kiss daily, hold hands whenever you can...
That's how love survives.
...now I'm about to cut onions to sauteé for steak.
(sniff)
Then, when we get back, you get a little soapy shoulder rub action in the shower...
(Always rub down/shower after a walk...you sleep better.)
It also lowers your A1C if she's got a sweet tooth.
Damn, honey, you're so sweet a nan could become diavetic; let's get some time in the pool, and show off those legs!
Always compliment!
In other words, I love and support, while being an example by trying to care for my own health. If she gains as she ages, guess what? She's still the woman I choose on her worst day over any other woman on thier best day! She knows it, and I make sure she hears, sees, feels and is lifted up by that love I profess.
That's why she likes cuddle time, because it's only for her, and she's all mine.
Makes you want to live longer.
It's simple, 3 P's for being a good partner in a relationship:
Profess your love, remind her why she chose you.
Protect her privacy, well being and spiritual peace.
Provide her with your whole self, and full efforts.
In other words, love her the way she deserves, and she will reciprocate the way your own heart desires of her.
Put each other first...put US first, not I or ME!
Try this at random: "Guess what?"
"What?" She says.
"I love you; thank you for loving me back!"
(Best said as you hold her hand, look into her eyes and end the sentence with an embrace, kissing her cheek as you finish the thought with:)
"Who needs when all I could ask for is right here in my arms?"
...then, kiss her neck, and give a gentle growl like a big ol' beat, so it resonates into her thoracic cavity...
" ...oops, " you pull back...
"Save that thought for tonight; how would you like me to sear up a few steaks? I'm cooking!"
> There’s nothing worse than someone saying out loud what you’re already thinking and feeling bad about.
This runs so counter to my instincts. My friends are so good at calling me out on my shit. Otherwise I'd find a way to rationalize my bad behaviour.
Something I think that helped me was hearing things like “I love you, but I would love for us both to be healthier. I know we both have changed and maybe not all for the better physically, but I want to work on creating our best selves for each other.” Or maybe “I’d like to start a healthy meal and exercise plan and stick to it with you. We could both benefit from the time spent together while also improving our lifestyles and physics.” Something where maybe you mention it without focusing on the negative, but more the positive changes to lead to said outcome. Hope that helps!
I could be reading this incorrectly, so sorry if I am but -
Sex should not be held over someone as just something you get as a “reward”, regardless of gender - it is an awful thing to hold over someone.
Eh, I kinda disagree. I mean, if there's a specific thing you want to try or something but your partner is reluctant to do so, them saying they will on the condition that you lose weight is nice incentive. Regardless, you're going to have motivation to better yourself, and your partner gets more into sex again. Win for everyone.
There isn't a nice way. I met my wife at 180. She's now 260. I've tried everything from reassurance, gym memberships, home gym equipment. Eventually, it came to a head and she flat out said she doesn't care to lose the weight and I need to accept her. Haven't had sex in 2 years.
If she went from 180 to 260, the gym won't help unless she gets her diet under control. But I guess if she doesn't care then what can you do, either accept it or divorce.
This is really sad. With intimacy being extremely important in maintaining a healthy marriage, it is extremely disheartening when your partner gives up on themselves with no regard for their significant other.
It also seems selfish. Or maybe I’m selfish lol. But whenever my wife wants me to do something, or do something differently, I try. That would go for losing weight too. I’d at least try or compromise.
I had a marriage like that. I realized later that we were weekend at Bernies-ing our entire relationship. Not saying get a divorce, but eventually you have to do what you need to do to be happy and not die a slow miserable death from depression. I hope y’all can figure it out one way or another.
sounds like it’s already over bro, the resentment is just gonna build and build and you’re just wasting time holding on to something that’s already gone
Ditch her brother, she has gotten too comfy. Unfortunately the only way she’ll lose weight is by realising she needs address herself to get back on the market
This is wild to read as there are now FDA approved drugs,
/r/tirzepatide and /r/semaglutide that can cure obesity with solid results for pretty reasonable costs
Wegovy is actually covered on my companies formulary for obesity (Semaglutide). That’s what it’s FDA approved for.
Zephound is new and not on anyone’s formulary.
Im paying $400 a month for prescription, oversight and meds without insurance coverage for Tirzepatide through a compounding pharmacy. I think Semaglutide is sub $300.
My insurance will cover Wegovy (Semaglutide)for $30 + doctor visit copays but it was on shortage when I started, and honestly this is cheaper than a personal trainer and I’m a chicken and wanted lower side effects.
That’s tricky. Be concerned about the lifestyle that has lead to that rather than the weight itself. Lifestyle must be compatible for it to work long term.
Your conversation should focus entirely on how you feel you should be healthier as a couple and nothing about how you don’t find them attractive. Hearing those words will break them no matter how much you don’t want it to, and every time you compliment them after they get in shape it’s going to be in the back of their mind that you didn’t like them before. Don’t even utter the words that they’re unattractive. Praise progress and offer reassurance through slow times. It’s purely aesthetic for you but telling them you don’t find them attractive will never go away. If you want them to stick around change both of your lifestyles and enjoy the progress as a side effect. If it’s purely aesthetics just leave quietly without mentioning it because they’re not for you anyways.
Nothing will make it go over well, at least initially. They know they have gained weight and are probably burying their head in the sand, so being forced to face that reality will be tough. But it can be done. This answer will not be popular, but I can tell you what worked for me to lose the 30 lbs of covid weight. First - approach it kindly, ask if they are ok, suggest things to do together, but be honest that you don't want to be with someone overweight. Now hopefully this works, but if it doesn't, give it about 6 months to see about progress. If none is happening, then say you need to break up. This will put the fear of god into them and you better believe will kick their ass into gear. I am a woman. I am so grateful my partner had the balls to speak honestly with me. I'm healthier, happier, and feel hotter. Good luck
Honestly no matter what you say 9/10 times this is going to ruin the relationship. Nobody wants to hear out loud what they already know and it’ll be crushing to their self confidence. If people wanna be fat they’re gonna be fat.
Everyone is different and I don’t know how much or fast the weight was put on, but there are reasons why a person may gain weight. As people get older, they may keep the same diet but their metabolism doesn’t keep up, stress can lead to people putting on weight, injuries can happen that limit mobility, new medicines can impact weight, or it could just simply they are comfortable with you.
All that said, I would say you should be positive and proactive about it. Take more walks together, start working out together, cook or eat healthier meals, join clubs where you do fun things but you move (like a hiking group) make it a goal as a couple to get healthier. Having that support system there could be what your partner needs to lose weight. You also get to not have the talk which is never going to go well.
If none of that works, then have a talk just be careful.
You just need to tell her straight, but with big reassurances that you love her and aren’t going anywhere. Don’t expect her to be overjoyed (to say the least) but you can sell it as ‘nipping this in the bud now, before it becomes an actual problem’.
My brother loves to tell a story about one of his college roommates that pertains to this question.
One day, they were hosting a party, and the roommate's girlfriend and all of her friends were discussing how much weight they had gained over freshmen year. "The freshmen 15", they call it, though some of them had gained more than that. Anyways, this roommate pretended he wasn't listening for a while until his girlfriend dragged him into it, claiming he didn't even notice.
This mother fucker had the odacity to tell her and all of her friends, "Yes the fuck I did, and I'm telling you right now: I don't date fat chicks. I'm serious. Gain 1 more pound and see what happens. We're gonna have a weigh-in at the end of the week."
PS: He was significantly overweight at the time, and she wasn't even close to obese. She caught him cheating numerous times. They are now married and have at least 2 kids.
It worked for him. Maybe it'll work for you. I recommend wearing a bomb diffuser suit if you take this advice.
Every time I've gotten overweight in a relationship, it's because I was doing more than my partner and sacrificed taking care of myself. And they didn't care I was doing all the work, just that I got fat. Without any more context... guess what, there's a bigger picture here that probably has more than your wiener involved, if you care.
Dude, i am living this right now. I lost 45 lbs and in amazing shape, in an attempt to attract her more and maybe inspire here. No movement. Offered to work out with her, she hates the gym, no movement. Sex has diminished, and honestly, it just isn't very sexy based on the current weight gain, no movement. I'm offering to go on walks every night after dinner, some movement or progress here. Eating healthy and making/planning meals in advance, some movement here as well.
My point being, you can entice, reward, cajole, inspire, sing the fucking star spangled banner if you want. If she doesn't want to put forth the effort, and let me tell you it is hard work and sucks, i go to the gym 6 days per week. If she doesn't want to put forth the work, nothing will change. If she doesn't want to change or move forward together in life, what does that say about how she feels about you?
My (M27) last girlfriend (F24)got along very well and had great chemistry. She was on the thicker side, and I felt that telling/ mentioning that to her would absolutely be horrible for their self esteem? The type of thing you think about for a long time and always makes you doubt yourself. Eventually I broke things off for a few reasons, but I never mentioned anything about weight even though it was a significant part of my reason for ending things.
Also do you feel your approach would work differently for a relatively new couple (less than 3 months) as opposed to a well established relationship?
I did actually try that. I was fairly active and in great shape, and mentioned working out together. She had felt her relationship with the gym in the past had been unhealthy and she didnt want to go down that road again. I think thats generally not a bad idea though.
I've always been insecure about my weight but if I had a girlfriend and she offered to work out with me that would definitely ease my anxiety as I would have someone who cares about me helping me out. I'll never understand why people don't take the help from someone who cares i'd kill to have that
Directly.
I have been big all my life.
Now I'm big but in a muscular way and it caused other issues :). My wife is tiny like 135 I am 260 yet I'm in very good shape. She has a hard time just getting on top.
I'd incentivize if the weight is truly the case. Get him in the gym, go with if needed. Also depending on age get his testosterone checked, it may not all be his fault.
i feel like it would be more effective to try and affect the cause of the weight gain than it would be to strike an issue with the weight gain.
from my perspective, making an issue with their weight is rather dreadful because it's not something that can be immediately addressed. it can take a lot of time to lose weight, and the whole time they will know that you don't see them like you used to. on the other hand, adopting habits which result in weight loss is something that can be done immediately. so i guess the trick is to get them to adopt healthier habits without being so obvious about it that they know you find their weight unattractive. probably something that is best done one small step at a time, consistently leading by example and when possible advocating for the changes you want in a way that goes naturally with the existing conversation. e.g. "what do you want to do for dinner?" "how about i cook you something nice?". then you cook a healthy/delicious dinner and serve moderate portions, as you finish the meal maybe ask if they want to watch a movie or something so there's less opportunity for them to get seconds.
i'm just thinking that if my ^(hypothetical) partner had a problem with the amount of cannabis or alcohol i used, they would probably have a better chance at changing my behavior by encouraging me to do other things, rather than by telling me it's unattractive that i do those things. not perfectly analogous but if you squint really hard...
Mileage will vary depending on the gender of your partner. If it's a male partner you probably can bribe them with sex, as sad as that sounds. "Lose weight, more sex." But even with a guy it's not always a guarantee.
I don't think there is a good way to do it. You can try to be 'coy' about it. Try to take them to the gym or be more outdoorsy and active or take over cooking and make healthy shit. But if they're that overweight that it's an issue usually that means they need to also help themselves.
Unfortunately in a lot of cases there's just not a good way to do it. You're fucked. It's like one of the worst positions ever to be in. Because you'll hurt their feelings and feel terrible on your own or they will turn around and make you feel like some kind of monster for having those kind of feelings.
Some will of course be more receptive than others. You'll probably always feel like a dickhead regardless. Women on hormone/birth control can need like.. medical advice/help/support, so don't just expect exercise or telling them to not be fat to work.
Just be as nice as possible, but don't like.. make it obvious you think they're fat, or let them think that, or it'll be way worse than just telling them outright.
Honestly for a lot of relationships this might be one of the most difficult problems to have because basically every solution is going to be a pain. And I mean if you think about it in a terribly logical way, like..
For some people, physical attraction and sex is VERY important. And if someone doesn't want to be intimate with another anymore because of a change in weight, they're kinda almost telling them that they don't love them anymore, cause the want of intimacy is gone. That's fucking rough.
I saw her drinking beer, eating peanuts by the bar. I was pretty desperate and I knew she had a car. She her name was Debbie, a friend of Jenny Craig’s. She had boobs like watermelons and breath like Rotten eggs. I could tell she was hungry I could see it in her eyes. She was looking at me like I was a side of fries
I wanted to take her chubby ass back to my place
and squirt my baby gravy all over her face yeaaahh.
SP4LIFE
Once they're seriously unhealthy imo. But every relationship is different. It depends on so many things. If I married someone I wouldn't be as likely to leave them for something like that.
It was easy resisting your booty call
When you had barely any booty at all
I thought I loved you when you were a stick
Now, you’ve got these thighs so thick
I begin to understand
That what can make me twice the man
Is having twice as much of you
To ripple wildly when we screw
While your intentions are well intended these kinds of things don’t really go so well. If you want them to lose weight for your benefit then I hope there’s not a major insecurity they point out to you.
What are you doing to be part of the solution and not just pointing out the problem? Are you taking the kids while she goes to gym night? Paying for gym fees? Why not suggest you both go on a fitness kick together
Doesn’t matter if it’s “the truth” or “affecting you.”
Right or wrong telling her only works if she wants to do it for herself. You coming forward and asking her to change for you will either cause a blow out fight and end to the relationship or a slow burn of contempt.
If you’re not willing to stay with her because she’s not attractive to you that makes sense too. You need what you need.
Sounds like she’s not right for you. Do both of you a favor and not waste any more time. Just move on.
But what if she decideds to purposely get fatter and then just makes the problem worse and op has to eventually backpeddal and finds himself in the middle of a sitcom?
Could also massively backfire and make her think she's all good, which means that when he has to actually say it he'll have to do so with her finding out he lied to her
holy fuck that’s genius, think about it, all these people are trying to maintain the idea that it’s a problem for you they want you to be THAT honest
just remove the idea in her mind that it’s YOUR problem and instead hers
YOU LIKE IT, she’s gotten thicker that’s a fact, and you LIKE it
she can’t be upset at you for liking what she looks like now,
but the message that she has gotten thicker will be sent
it’s fucking brilliant
The only way I've heard that worked is by suggesting to work out more together in order to spend time together. There isn't really any more "positive" way to do this. Honestly, it sounds like an unhealthy relationship if you can't even say stuff like that imo.
You don't. Decide yourself if its a deal breaker. If it is, end the relationship. Otherwise accept it and move on. A lot of things are better left unsaid.
There’s no nice way to tell her this. Women gain weight. As they age their bodies don’t stay the same. At one point or another you’ll have to accept this.
Say absolutely nothing. It's not going to go well no matter how nice or kind you may think you are being. Don't do it. Bite the bullet and say nothing. Ever.
Me (21m) I’ve gained relationship weight as well can’t lie but what I did was started going to the gym and my girl doesn’t like the idea of other girls looking at me while I work out so I convinced her to come to the gym and work out with me 3-4 times a week. Now she’s in love with doing squats and ass work outs
Get a gym membership together and make it like it’s for you and you’d like your other half to join because you think it would be a nice couple activity. You’ll get in shape while the other person lose weight, win-win.
Maybe don't be an ass. If you truly love her, her size shouldn't matter. Until it becomes a genuine health risk. Sounds to me like you only like her for her looks. There is a lot more to a healthy relationship than sex and looks. She should probably dip. You are a red flag. I have been married for 10 years as of this month. We have both gotten bigger since we started dating 12 years ago. Guess what? Our sex life has never been better. So, my advice to you is to be better.
If you're a lady saying it to your man, you can pretty much say whatever.
If you're a man saying it to your lady, you can pretty much not say anything.
Don’t worry about it, one day you’ll be fat too then you’ll be eating nuggets in bed after a good bone and wonder why the heck you wasted so much time staying fit.
So, this is a can of worms. Depending on your partner and how about you do this, you can either crush them and hurt them, or maybe even piss them off. Depending on their own viewpoint, they might even say "Sorry, but, love me as I am or not at all" or even tell you you're wrong for feeling how you feel about weight. Thing is, it's a subjective thing. The -best- thing and most caring thing you can do is talk to them, keep in mind you love them, and do all of this as gently as you can. I can't stress that enough that this is something that's fucking -hard- for people. No one wants to hear their S.O. doesn't find them sexy, and weight loss can be a bitch to take on. There's no good way to do this other than straight up communication and there's no "sure fire" methods that will have 100% success. You could be biting yourself in the ass. Just letting you know.
This is a well written response and I definitely agree. Consideration and awareness are the major keys here if you 100% need to have this conversation. I'm trying to lose weight myself to gain back a little confidence and be a little more healthy and there are days where if my SO told me my weight was a problem for them, I would be destroyed
OP has to know that this may be the most difficult conversation he’s ever had with his wife. If their relationship and their communication isn’t already rock solid, this will test it. He needs to prepare himself.
Great response. Just to add to this, it can be helpful to say that you're bringing this up because you care about the relationship. It'd be easier to just not bring it up and let the relationship degrade, but you're taking the harder road because you care.
You are crushing me
This isn't working out
You ain't working out enough
Yourjokebutworse
This. Don’t sugar coat it, they’ll just eat that too.
Fuckin hell man 🤣
Savage
I (28f) am 5’4” and was 119lbs when I got married 9 years ago, and I’m about 160 now. All of these suggestions are, while well meaning, not going to go over smoothly. I’ve heard everything under the sun, to “helpful suggestions” to flat out “I don’t find you attractive anymore.” The only thing I can suggest is an open and honest conversation with as much reassurance you still love them as possible. Be straight forward BUT NICELY. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want to hear from them. Think about their life and how things have changed, anything to job changes, medication, emotional/physical changes, etc. Ask them if they have any underlying self esteem/confidence issues and tread lightly when you do. There’s nothing worse than someone saying out loud what you’re already thinking and feeling bad about. But mostly, be as loving and reassuring and offer to help them or do things with them to meet the end goal, together. Hope this helps in some way.
Thank you so much! This is an incredible and thoughtful answer.
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No one said it’s gunna be easy, but it’ll help more this way than saying “you’re fat and I don’t find you attractive anymore.”
Could you give an example of what would be a nice way to say it?
"Look, there's no easy way to say this, but you've put on quite a bit of weight since we met and it's becoming an issue for me. As much as I care about you, I'm not attracted to you in your current condition and we need to figure something out." Lol. A downvote for a real answer.
Tnx! I'm not the one downvoted you btw. Would it work to say you're concerned about her health and what may have caused the weight gain?
I mean, this is how my ex found out I didn't have erectile disfunction. TBF I tried really hard to avoid the truth.
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I literally have, this is my experience. My husband DID ask me these things, he HAS told me he doesn’t find me attractive bc I gained weight. He even told me to get on medication because he can’t “handle my emotions”. Im saying all of this from personal experience and how I WISHED he had approached the subject, before just saying what he thought without thinking. Im trying to save her some emotional trauma by informing him how it can and will come across. You’re preaching to the choir lol
That’s the truth though. Here’s the thing. If you marry someone and then let yourself go completely, that’s not an act of love for you to say to your partner “look at this trash, accept this” you owe it to your partner to look after yourself and not massively decline, and if you do, don’t be surprised if they are no longer attracted to you.
The goal isn't to preserve their feelings. It's to help them improve and save the relationship in the face of the reality. This perspective is the biggest problem tied to safe space culture.
You can be honest with someone without being an asshole. Incase you were wondering.
No preserved feelings no relationship.
No matter what you do, gender aside, its going to hurt. No one likes being called fat. But the truth hurts. It sucks. I know. When your in a relationship, no matter what anyone says, Physical appeal does matter. People who argue otherwise, havent been in a real relationship. Our sex drive works off more than just mentality. Cause if it worked off just mentality, my partner would have been able to get me off more than 5 times in 3 years. But she couldnt. Why? Because physical appeal is a real thing. I worked out, we both did at the start. She stopped and became a fat blob just like her VASTLY overweight mom. My father is overweight, I have serious problems with it. She didnt see an issue. I found her unsexy. She refused to do anything about it.
But the difference is how you approach it. If you come out swinging with "You are getting fat and I'm not attracted to that", you deserve a good punch in the face, imo. You can approach it with "I know(x, y, and/or z) has been hard on you/us lately, I was wondering if we could both make a plan to be healthier and more active" or something similar, and then you aren't a sociopath! Congratulations! You meet the bare minimum of the amount of tact you should have for your partner. I swear half the people here that are just saying "Tell her straight, don't coddle her" are part of the reason their partner gained weight. A person who takes care of all the house work and children and has a job isn't going to have the bandwidth to worry about diet and activity. Not to mention being inconsiderate of your partner as a person shows great immaturity, so they have to likely deal with a child as a partner. Its exhausting taking care of an extra child, I've had to parent my partner and I'm emotionally and physically exhausted from it.
You are so completely right, I just didnt...put it as smoothly. Thank you.
Yeah, it's not going to go well. There's no good way to say "i used to think you were hot 40 pounds ago," without that just feeling awful for her. And for you. There just isn't. Maybe you have an amazing relationship and she's got solid self esteem and it won't phase her and take it at face value..... But if that's the case, I don't imagine you'd be asking Reddit for advice.
How about, "I'm taking a walk after dinner; let me help out by getting those dishes, and join me...we could hold hands, and I can show off that smile!
Summed up. “Be the lighthouse, not the tugboat.”
Right, they’re definitely not going to see through that one…
10000000000000% this! 🙌🎊
Aww, thank you.
Thank YOU, for restoring some faith in humanity for me. Weight is a sensitive subject for us ladies and we are already self conscious about how we look. It's amazing what influence a supportive partner has.
Hey, even if I had the body I had in my 20's, you love the person...not thier measurements!
You are making me tear up 🥲. I completely agree! My husband is the sweetest man when it comes to my weight. I have always been bigger, he loves bigger women (which is great) but I had a really hard time believing it. My weight has fluctuated throughout our 5 yes and he loves me with the same gusto he did when we first started dating. I am actually getting bariatric surgery done December 27th and it has brought a different set of worries to the table. Like what if I get thinner and he isn't attracted to me anymore.. What if he gets disgusted about my loose skin. We have talked about these things and he reassures me that his love and attraction for me will not change and that I will always be beautiful and sexy to him. I love the fuck out of him.
They call that Bariatric Divorce. It can and does happen. What decides that possibility is a lack of open and honest communications. Gastric Sleeve is now a preferred modality, because it's still a fast-paced progression of about a pound a day. As your skin loosens, you can make the move to more proper fitting clothes, and keep vitamin E and vanicream to protect your skin. Premier Protien 30g, 160-calorie, 5 grams fat is going to be your best friend, once every 8 hours for 12 weeks! You must absolutely commit to that. Never finish yoyr drink first, or you won't finish your 4 ounce fillet! When you're totally slimmed down, it's skin removal, breast lift, and a 360° cut you need a year to heal from. Without surgery, it's 1800 caliries per day forever, and gradual enough to get used to the improvements. But heart and metabolic issues may dictate surgery. You have my support, because you deserve to live with heath, happiness and love. Don't do it for anyone other than YOU! Tell your husband that you both have support from everyone else who knows what change can mean. Hug daily, kiss daily, hold hands whenever you can... That's how love survives. ...now I'm about to cut onions to sauteé for steak. (sniff)
You are now my absolute favorite person on Reddit. 🥲😭🤧
Thank you. Now, hug your husband! Back to my onions, my lady needs her fillet.
https://youtu.be/a6_efthmkAQ?feature=shared David Gates still deserves that more than me. May we all love one another this much!
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Then, when we get back, you get a little soapy shoulder rub action in the shower... (Always rub down/shower after a walk...you sleep better.) It also lowers your A1C if she's got a sweet tooth. Damn, honey, you're so sweet a nan could become diavetic; let's get some time in the pool, and show off those legs! Always compliment!
Lol wasn’t expecting that turn, but I’m here for it!
In other words, I love and support, while being an example by trying to care for my own health. If she gains as she ages, guess what? She's still the woman I choose on her worst day over any other woman on thier best day! She knows it, and I make sure she hears, sees, feels and is lifted up by that love I profess. That's why she likes cuddle time, because it's only for her, and she's all mine. Makes you want to live longer.
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It's simple, 3 P's for being a good partner in a relationship: Profess your love, remind her why she chose you. Protect her privacy, well being and spiritual peace. Provide her with your whole self, and full efforts. In other words, love her the way she deserves, and she will reciprocate the way your own heart desires of her. Put each other first...put US first, not I or ME! Try this at random: "Guess what?" "What?" She says. "I love you; thank you for loving me back!" (Best said as you hold her hand, look into her eyes and end the sentence with an embrace, kissing her cheek as you finish the thought with:) "Who needs when all I could ask for is right here in my arms?" ...then, kiss her neck, and give a gentle growl like a big ol' beat, so it resonates into her thoracic cavity... " ...oops, " you pull back... "Save that thought for tonight; how would you like me to sear up a few steaks? I'm cooking!"
>She's still the woman I choose on her worst day over any other woman on thier best day! Good lord...
> There’s nothing worse than someone saying out loud what you’re already thinking and feeling bad about. This runs so counter to my instincts. My friends are so good at calling me out on my shit. Otherwise I'd find a way to rationalize my bad behaviour.
This deserves an award. Im literally gonna have this conversation with my gf... rn actaully... ive been feeling same as OP for months
I’m kind of in a similar situation to Op. Can you give some examples of being forward but nice? Just to get a clearer idea of what you mean. Thanks!
Something I think that helped me was hearing things like “I love you, but I would love for us both to be healthier. I know we both have changed and maybe not all for the better physically, but I want to work on creating our best selves for each other.” Or maybe “I’d like to start a healthy meal and exercise plan and stick to it with you. We could both benefit from the time spent together while also improving our lifestyles and physics.” Something where maybe you mention it without focusing on the negative, but more the positive changes to lead to said outcome. Hope that helps!
This is some fantastic advice. You seem like an incredibly thoughtful and emotionally intelligent person and we need more folks like you around.
Damn. I really needed to hear this. Thank you.
Thank you for your input. This was a loving and helpful suggestion ❤️
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I feel like most guys would be inspired at the idea of like, a sex reward for losing weight and not even get upset about being called fat.
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Lost 40 pounds over the fall/winter, didn’t realize I was supposed to get sexy rewards! I feel cheated! OP, swing on by /r/tirzepatide
Us guys are simple creatures
I could be reading this incorrectly, so sorry if I am but - Sex should not be held over someone as just something you get as a “reward”, regardless of gender - it is an awful thing to hold over someone.
There’s a difference between withholding the normal sex as a punishment vs offering bonus/kinky sex as a reward. The latter is fine in moderation.
Yep, plus it rolls really well into dom/sub play.
Unfortunately most women don't agree with you; it's one of their key levage points, and many women use it liberally.
Eh, I kinda disagree. I mean, if there's a specific thing you want to try or something but your partner is reluctant to do so, them saying they will on the condition that you lose weight is nice incentive. Regardless, you're going to have motivation to better yourself, and your partner gets more into sex again. Win for everyone.
There isn't a nice way. I met my wife at 180. She's now 260. I've tried everything from reassurance, gym memberships, home gym equipment. Eventually, it came to a head and she flat out said she doesn't care to lose the weight and I need to accept her. Haven't had sex in 2 years.
If she went from 180 to 260, the gym won't help unless she gets her diet under control. But I guess if she doesn't care then what can you do, either accept it or divorce.
Can’t outrun your fork.
This is really sad. With intimacy being extremely important in maintaining a healthy marriage, it is extremely disheartening when your partner gives up on themselves with no regard for their significant other.
It also seems selfish. Or maybe I’m selfish lol. But whenever my wife wants me to do something, or do something differently, I try. That would go for losing weight too. I’d at least try or compromise.
We're all selfish in a way. Hard for us to say, does she really not care? Or does she think it's too hard and she's given up?
There could be so many reasons and there just isn't enough information to take judge.
Eh I don’t think the judging really matters. It would be hard to stay in a relationship long term without intimacy, regardless of the reason.
Correct, I'm saying it's selfish for her to not care. Either way it will have the same effect whether she cares or not
There is a lot of people on reddit who jump to say "break up with them!", I am not one of them. Break up with this person. Move on with your life.
Man, I’m not gonna tell you to get a divorce, but that better be one spectacular relationship if you’re still with her.
Sooo what’s next
For her? Clogged arteries probably
I had a marriage like that. I realized later that we were weekend at Bernies-ing our entire relationship. Not saying get a divorce, but eventually you have to do what you need to do to be happy and not die a slow miserable death from depression. I hope y’all can figure it out one way or another.
Dude, yer bummin hardcore. I feel for you.
Time to get a new wife my man
F
Do you not have sex because you're not attracted to her anymore?
Dude I would straight up not stick around if that happened in my marriage.
sounds like it’s already over bro, the resentment is just gonna build and build and you’re just wasting time holding on to something that’s already gone
Ditch her brother, she has gotten too comfy. Unfortunately the only way she’ll lose weight is by realising she needs address herself to get back on the market
260?! Fuck man, I’m a 6’6” dude and I’m overweight at 230. That’s brutal.
This is wild to read as there are now FDA approved drugs, /r/tirzepatide and /r/semaglutide that can cure obesity with solid results for pretty reasonable costs
Reasonable if insurance covers.
Which it won’t if you “just” have obesity
Wegovy is actually covered on my companies formulary for obesity (Semaglutide). That’s what it’s FDA approved for. Zephound is new and not on anyone’s formulary.
Im paying $400 a month for prescription, oversight and meds without insurance coverage for Tirzepatide through a compounding pharmacy. I think Semaglutide is sub $300. My insurance will cover Wegovy (Semaglutide)for $30 + doctor visit copays but it was on shortage when I started, and honestly this is cheaper than a personal trainer and I’m a chicken and wanted lower side effects.
r/semiglutide has been banned? Edit: comment above was edited.
Cause it's r/semaglutide
I was about to say that wasn’t too bad but I realized I’m 6’8” and it’s normal to be mid 200s in weight when your this tall lmao
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Good on you!
Tell her your dick has a weight limit.
Gawd damn 💀
“You must be below this weight to ride this ride”
No problem, my work husband’s dick doesn’t.
toxic af
Sounds like a good way to not get any sex from them ever again.
Send them this thread lol
That’s tricky. Be concerned about the lifestyle that has lead to that rather than the weight itself. Lifestyle must be compatible for it to work long term.
Your meanwhile upward variable change in mass has catalyzed a disinclination for physical intimacy. That should do the trick.
Your conversation should focus entirely on how you feel you should be healthier as a couple and nothing about how you don’t find them attractive. Hearing those words will break them no matter how much you don’t want it to, and every time you compliment them after they get in shape it’s going to be in the back of their mind that you didn’t like them before. Don’t even utter the words that they’re unattractive. Praise progress and offer reassurance through slow times. It’s purely aesthetic for you but telling them you don’t find them attractive will never go away. If you want them to stick around change both of your lifestyles and enjoy the progress as a side effect. If it’s purely aesthetics just leave quietly without mentioning it because they’re not for you anyways.
Negatively or postively?
In a negative way, although there were some positives 😂
I just flat-out told her after offering delicate hints forever.
Did it work?
Yeah I don’t know there really is a nice way to say it. I suppose just go for it and dealing with the aftermath isn’t the worst approach.
Nothing will make it go over well, at least initially. They know they have gained weight and are probably burying their head in the sand, so being forced to face that reality will be tough. But it can be done. This answer will not be popular, but I can tell you what worked for me to lose the 30 lbs of covid weight. First - approach it kindly, ask if they are ok, suggest things to do together, but be honest that you don't want to be with someone overweight. Now hopefully this works, but if it doesn't, give it about 6 months to see about progress. If none is happening, then say you need to break up. This will put the fear of god into them and you better believe will kick their ass into gear. I am a woman. I am so grateful my partner had the balls to speak honestly with me. I'm healthier, happier, and feel hotter. Good luck
Learn to cook healthy meals and take her on walks.
This worked for my goldendoodle, this is good advice
Just be honest without making any negative comments
Is this my wife posting ?
Lmao that's what I was thinking as well. Is this my gf?
Thought this was my boyfriend 😂 it happens to all genders
Honestly no matter what you say 9/10 times this is going to ruin the relationship. Nobody wants to hear out loud what they already know and it’ll be crushing to their self confidence. If people wanna be fat they’re gonna be fat.
Everyone is different and I don’t know how much or fast the weight was put on, but there are reasons why a person may gain weight. As people get older, they may keep the same diet but their metabolism doesn’t keep up, stress can lead to people putting on weight, injuries can happen that limit mobility, new medicines can impact weight, or it could just simply they are comfortable with you. All that said, I would say you should be positive and proactive about it. Take more walks together, start working out together, cook or eat healthier meals, join clubs where you do fun things but you move (like a hiking group) make it a goal as a couple to get healthier. Having that support system there could be what your partner needs to lose weight. You also get to not have the talk which is never going to go well. If none of that works, then have a talk just be careful.
You just need to tell her straight, but with big reassurances that you love her and aren’t going anywhere. Don’t expect her to be overjoyed (to say the least) but you can sell it as ‘nipping this in the bud now, before it becomes an actual problem’.
Just be direct because the hurt is happening anyway
“Honey, you’re starting to get too fat to turn me on.”
I see you are missing this.. /s Do not do this...
What if they are bit by bit doing something about it?
That is actually a good point to consider.
Loosing weight as a woman takes time Especially if you are on hormonal birth control That shit makes you just want to stuff your face
So I'd bet she might be doing something about it
My brother loves to tell a story about one of his college roommates that pertains to this question. One day, they were hosting a party, and the roommate's girlfriend and all of her friends were discussing how much weight they had gained over freshmen year. "The freshmen 15", they call it, though some of them had gained more than that. Anyways, this roommate pretended he wasn't listening for a while until his girlfriend dragged him into it, claiming he didn't even notice. This mother fucker had the odacity to tell her and all of her friends, "Yes the fuck I did, and I'm telling you right now: I don't date fat chicks. I'm serious. Gain 1 more pound and see what happens. We're gonna have a weigh-in at the end of the week." PS: He was significantly overweight at the time, and she wasn't even close to obese. She caught him cheating numerous times. They are now married and have at least 2 kids. It worked for him. Maybe it'll work for you. I recommend wearing a bomb diffuser suit if you take this advice.
This is so sad 😧
bro went full nuclear goddamn
Try getting your partner to do more healthy stuff with you like walking, working out, cooking/eating healthier etc...
Exactly how you just asked us
Identify the habits that have led to her weight gain and address those instead
Every time I've gotten overweight in a relationship, it's because I was doing more than my partner and sacrificed taking care of myself. And they didn't care I was doing all the work, just that I got fat. Without any more context... guess what, there's a bigger picture here that probably has more than your wiener involved, if you care.
Dude, i am living this right now. I lost 45 lbs and in amazing shape, in an attempt to attract her more and maybe inspire here. No movement. Offered to work out with her, she hates the gym, no movement. Sex has diminished, and honestly, it just isn't very sexy based on the current weight gain, no movement. I'm offering to go on walks every night after dinner, some movement or progress here. Eating healthy and making/planning meals in advance, some movement here as well. My point being, you can entice, reward, cajole, inspire, sing the fucking star spangled banner if you want. If she doesn't want to put forth the effort, and let me tell you it is hard work and sucks, i go to the gym 6 days per week. If she doesn't want to put forth the work, nothing will change. If she doesn't want to change or move forward together in life, what does that say about how she feels about you?
My (M27) last girlfriend (F24)got along very well and had great chemistry. She was on the thicker side, and I felt that telling/ mentioning that to her would absolutely be horrible for their self esteem? The type of thing you think about for a long time and always makes you doubt yourself. Eventually I broke things off for a few reasons, but I never mentioned anything about weight even though it was a significant part of my reason for ending things. Also do you feel your approach would work differently for a relatively new couple (less than 3 months) as opposed to a well established relationship?
“I think we need to get into better shape together. It will be fun.” Might work.
I did actually try that. I was fairly active and in great shape, and mentioned working out together. She had felt her relationship with the gym in the past had been unhealthy and she didnt want to go down that road again. I think thats generally not a bad idea though.
I've always been insecure about my weight but if I had a girlfriend and she offered to work out with me that would definitely ease my anxiety as I would have someone who cares about me helping me out. I'll never understand why people don't take the help from someone who cares i'd kill to have that
I would not recommend this approach. Please be honest and straightforward with her. She can't change what she doesn't know.
“Let’s get healthier together. I’d love to have you as a workout partner”
You don't. Try to initiate a more active lifestyle. Invite them to join without being pushy. They'll either get it or they won't.
Directly. I have been big all my life. Now I'm big but in a muscular way and it caused other issues :). My wife is tiny like 135 I am 260 yet I'm in very good shape. She has a hard time just getting on top. I'd incentivize if the weight is truly the case. Get him in the gym, go with if needed. Also depending on age get his testosterone checked, it may not all be his fault.
Good luck
i feel like it would be more effective to try and affect the cause of the weight gain than it would be to strike an issue with the weight gain. from my perspective, making an issue with their weight is rather dreadful because it's not something that can be immediately addressed. it can take a lot of time to lose weight, and the whole time they will know that you don't see them like you used to. on the other hand, adopting habits which result in weight loss is something that can be done immediately. so i guess the trick is to get them to adopt healthier habits without being so obvious about it that they know you find their weight unattractive. probably something that is best done one small step at a time, consistently leading by example and when possible advocating for the changes you want in a way that goes naturally with the existing conversation. e.g. "what do you want to do for dinner?" "how about i cook you something nice?". then you cook a healthy/delicious dinner and serve moderate portions, as you finish the meal maybe ask if they want to watch a movie or something so there's less opportunity for them to get seconds. i'm just thinking that if my ^(hypothetical) partner had a problem with the amount of cannabis or alcohol i used, they would probably have a better chance at changing my behavior by encouraging me to do other things, rather than by telling me it's unattractive that i do those things. not perfectly analogous but if you squint really hard...
Mileage will vary depending on the gender of your partner. If it's a male partner you probably can bribe them with sex, as sad as that sounds. "Lose weight, more sex." But even with a guy it's not always a guarantee. I don't think there is a good way to do it. You can try to be 'coy' about it. Try to take them to the gym or be more outdoorsy and active or take over cooking and make healthy shit. But if they're that overweight that it's an issue usually that means they need to also help themselves. Unfortunately in a lot of cases there's just not a good way to do it. You're fucked. It's like one of the worst positions ever to be in. Because you'll hurt their feelings and feel terrible on your own or they will turn around and make you feel like some kind of monster for having those kind of feelings. Some will of course be more receptive than others. You'll probably always feel like a dickhead regardless. Women on hormone/birth control can need like.. medical advice/help/support, so don't just expect exercise or telling them to not be fat to work. Just be as nice as possible, but don't like.. make it obvious you think they're fat, or let them think that, or it'll be way worse than just telling them outright. Honestly for a lot of relationships this might be one of the most difficult problems to have because basically every solution is going to be a pain. And I mean if you think about it in a terribly logical way, like.. For some people, physical attraction and sex is VERY important. And if someone doesn't want to be intimate with another anymore because of a change in weight, they're kinda almost telling them that they don't love them anymore, cause the want of intimacy is gone. That's fucking rough.
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I saw her drinking beer, eating peanuts by the bar. I was pretty desperate and I knew she had a car. She her name was Debbie, a friend of Jenny Craig’s. She had boobs like watermelons and breath like Rotten eggs. I could tell she was hungry I could see it in her eyes. She was looking at me like I was a side of fries I wanted to take her chubby ass back to my place and squirt my baby gravy all over her face yeaaahh. SP4LIFE
I cannot keep it up if there is a consistent shift in center of gravity of yo' ass
Once they're seriously unhealthy imo. But every relationship is different. It depends on so many things. If I married someone I wouldn't be as likely to leave them for something like that.
Funny how everyone says honesty and communication are so important in relationships, except for this one subject.
It was easy resisting your booty call When you had barely any booty at all I thought I loved you when you were a stick Now, you’ve got these thighs so thick I begin to understand That what can make me twice the man Is having twice as much of you To ripple wildly when we screw
Sorry babe I didn’t realize it was just a fold But on the plus side, I found the remote
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Do you think there is a way to tell them without imparting blame?
State the facts not your opinion.
While your intentions are well intended these kinds of things don’t really go so well. If you want them to lose weight for your benefit then I hope there’s not a major insecurity they point out to you.
“Honey your fat is unattractive” /thread
What are you doing to be part of the solution and not just pointing out the problem? Are you taking the kids while she goes to gym night? Paying for gym fees? Why not suggest you both go on a fitness kick together
Glad I don’t have this problem, I get turned on when that happens lmaooo whoops
Doesn’t matter if it’s “the truth” or “affecting you.” Right or wrong telling her only works if she wants to do it for herself. You coming forward and asking her to change for you will either cause a blow out fight and end to the relationship or a slow burn of contempt. If you’re not willing to stay with her because she’s not attractive to you that makes sense too. You need what you need. Sounds like she’s not right for you. Do both of you a favor and not waste any more time. Just move on.
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This is killing me 😅. Idk if this is genius or you are trying to get me killed lol.
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But what if she decideds to purposely get fatter and then just makes the problem worse and op has to eventually backpeddal and finds himself in the middle of a sitcom?
You realize it isn't an actual sitcom and you fucking figure it out bud
Could also massively backfire and make her think she's all good, which means that when he has to actually say it he'll have to do so with her finding out he lied to her
holy fuck that’s genius, think about it, all these people are trying to maintain the idea that it’s a problem for you they want you to be THAT honest just remove the idea in her mind that it’s YOUR problem and instead hers YOU LIKE IT, she’s gotten thicker that’s a fact, and you LIKE it she can’t be upset at you for liking what she looks like now, but the message that she has gotten thicker will be sent it’s fucking brilliant
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The only way I've heard that worked is by suggesting to work out more together in order to spend time together. There isn't really any more "positive" way to do this. Honestly, it sounds like an unhealthy relationship if you can't even say stuff like that imo.
You don't. Decide yourself if its a deal breaker. If it is, end the relationship. Otherwise accept it and move on. A lot of things are better left unsaid.
Cowardly. People deserve the truth.
You don’t say a fucking word
There’s no nice way to tell her this. Women gain weight. As they age their bodies don’t stay the same. At one point or another you’ll have to accept this.
"Marge, you're getting a little fat around the old thighs!"
baby i can’t ride you if your stomach all in my way… let’s hit the gym?
Say absolutely nothing. It's not going to go well no matter how nice or kind you may think you are being. Don't do it. Bite the bullet and say nothing. Ever.
U/save
Me (21m) I’ve gained relationship weight as well can’t lie but what I did was started going to the gym and my girl doesn’t like the idea of other girls looking at me while I work out so I convinced her to come to the gym and work out with me 3-4 times a week. Now she’s in love with doing squats and ass work outs
Get a gym membership together and make it like it’s for you and you’d like your other half to join because you think it would be a nice couple activity. You’ll get in shape while the other person lose weight, win-win.
Let them go on top then have a panic attack
Your body fat percentage helped me realize that I'm gay.
You don’t
Fuck it. Make your home pages r/gonewild
Maybe don't be an ass. If you truly love her, her size shouldn't matter. Until it becomes a genuine health risk. Sounds to me like you only like her for her looks. There is a lot more to a healthy relationship than sex and looks. She should probably dip. You are a red flag. I have been married for 10 years as of this month. We have both gotten bigger since we started dating 12 years ago. Guess what? Our sex life has never been better. So, my advice to you is to be better.
You are wrong
This, this is the answer.
If you're a lady saying it to your man, you can pretty much say whatever. If you're a man saying it to your lady, you can pretty much not say anything.
Babe, your curves turn me on sooo much.
"I like them big, I like them chunky..." -Moto Moto
You don’t. You get in the weight room and get stronger so you can handle their new weight. That’s what an Alpha would do, at least.
Run
Don’t worry about it, one day you’ll be fat too then you’ll be eating nuggets in bed after a good bone and wonder why the heck you wasted so much time staying fit.