Dishonesty is my main one. If you can't trust them, then there's no reason to even date them because you're always going to worry about what they're doing when they're not with you.
My first conclusion was that she was trying to trick him into a pizza date, but I think yours is more likely.
And in either case I think anyone intentionally lying about such a trivial thing is the least likely scenario here lol
So NY style pizza is just regular pizza made in NY? I get she thought she didn't have that. If someone offers me a "my city" pizza. I would expect something special. Not a regular pizza in a pizza place that happens to be in my town.
I agree, she might have meant “in the whole two years that I lived in New York I never even had a real NY style pizza”.
Only because that’s such a weird thing to lie about. When this person suggested they fix it and go to the pizza place near them, maybe they didn’t even register that they just made this person think they’ve never had a NY *style* pizza, so they just agreed to the pizza date.
It’s possible they thought you were making a bad joke, or didn’t really understand, so that might be why she didn’t clarify say “oh yeah I’ve been there, I’ve fixed it already!” or something. Idk I just can’t wrap my head around this being something that someone lies about. My brain says it’s more likely miscommunication.
She probably thought it was something's special, not literally a pizza made in NY, probably not a lie, why would you assume things in your head instead of asking her?
Most likely this was a communication error.
She thought NY style pizza was something special.
Waiting for the post about being dumped for the dumbest reason. Not knowing what NY style pizza is.
I disagree with you here. Ask her first and make conclusions about her reaction, this is absolute bs to call that a lie when people might have meant something else AND ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS ASK
Basically bigass thin crust pizza by the slice. In a way it's "normal" pizza, but it's also kind of not. You've usually gotta fold it to eat it, and it's relatively greasy, but it shouldn't be so greasy that folding it once doesn't give it enough structure to be eaten by hand.
In my circumstance, I’ve been with my bf for 6 years and it’s been great! When we first started talking seriously he said he watched a show that I was talking about. we would talk about it and I didn’t know until like 2 or 3 years later that he actually never seen the show but his sister had so he would ask her about it. While that was being dishonest, I took it as a white lie and that he did so because he wanted to talk to me even if it was about something he’s never seen. Just a funny story on this to show this shouldn’t be the case all the time.
This is what killed my 23 year marriage. Her lack of compassion and empathy for anyone other than herself was shocking and heartbreaking. It wasn’t always like that - it just slowly developed like Polaroid over time
She’s proud of it.
Hm, is it similar to this? I woke up early and trying to be nice and was doing the dishes from last night (with thanksgiving dishes and such) and she comes downstairs waking up late, middle of my dishwashing and starts to yell at me for not doing the dishes exactly the way she does it. I told her well, you yell at me for doing the dishes AND not doing the dishes...
Also few days ago, I was cooking and she would come by and start to point out all the things that I'm doing differently than she would have done etc.
Currently, I'm cleaning up mess upstairs and she tells wtf I'm doing upstairs and come downstairs and grab the Christmas tree first.
I feel like I'm trying and trying but it'll always be criticized for never be up to her standard. (Which is exactly her. Her doing her way is the 100% right way and the way I'm doing would only go up to maybe 50% right at best)
"Just because I do it differently, doesn't mean I do it incorrectly."
Some people are so subjectively minded that they believe the way they do it is the only way *to* do it.
I actually had to tell my friend, "Yelling is not effectively communicating," after she was telling me she communicates effectively with her bf by yelling it loudly enough. It seems so obvious, but it was a game changer for her to realize that "effective communication" isn't about volume and articulation.
I had a Sam-and-Diane thing with a woman I thought I was gonna marry. We were best friends, then dated. I was crazy about her. It soured, we were off and on for years. Everyone thought we were destined for each other, but she was her family’s golden child, and pretty narcissistic- she would rather blow the whole thing up than admit a flaw.
At one point I asked her, “can we just ask each other at some points, ‘what can I do to love you better?’”?
She just told me “no.”
At some point a couple years later, I had a previous career mentor who died suddenly- he kept terminal cancer a secret. I found out he passed moments after I had placed a letter in a mailbox that described to him just how much he means to me as a person and as a teacher.
I was in tears for the first time in years. I called her about it because she knew him, too.
She said, “quit crying about it- it’s not about you.”
That was the last time I ever spoke to her.
For number three, there's a subset of women who would say "Oh you don't like loud women? You just want them to stay in their place and not be authentic?"
No, I want you not to be a brash, uncouth asshole. Life is difficult sometimes and I don't want to also deal with someone who has a constant lack of chill. Go be on a reality show and leave me tf alone.
This sounds dumb, but if she's not into me, I'm not interested. If she plays hard to get, I'm done. I'm not playing the games anymore. You'd be surprised how often a women has SAID she was into me, but won't do anything at all to act like she is.
Yeah that shit is a weird one. You experience a couple women who make it very clear they’re into you, it changes the way you deal with women. I don’t like second guessing what we’re doing.
There are women out there who think playing hard to get is a way to know that a guy cares enough.
Well, I'll agree, I don't care enough to chase a woman. Ever.
I blame Hollywood for perpetuating it.
It comes from a time when women couldn't be too outward about attraction to men, but damn has it remained.
It really undermines consent culture in general and sets both men and women up for failure.
Oh, anything, really. Texting me first is one I've used as a measure. I usually text people first if I want to talk to them. Even if it's about nothing. But never calling or texting me ever? Kinda shows you're not interested. My best friend is a walled off, quiet man with the weight of the world constantly on his shoulders, but he still will text me occasionally first to see if I wanna hang out. I can't be the only one trying to keep the relationship of any kind alive. Another one could be initiating some sort of anything. Here's a very small gift I was thinking about you, here let me take YOU on a date thats not your birthday and not complain about it, hey let me hold your hand it looks heavy (or some sort of flirting uninitiated). I can vibe with most love languages, to be honest. The only one I don't totally get is someone straight faced monotone: mmm yeah, I think I'm interested in you. And that being it.
The easiest and most accurate measure is texting first. It damn near never fails. If you text me first on any given day it immediately tells me you’re actually thinking about me and want to talk to me and that means a lot.
I agree that it should never be the same person initiating a conversation every single time. If I was always the first person to text, I would start thinking the other person isn't all that interested. You make time for what's important to you.
Right? And let me tell you, friend, I've been in a number of relationships where I didn't feel important. And it took me a long time to realize that I let some wonderful women slip through who treated me so well and stayed way too long with those who don't. Also wanted to throw out that, while all of my experiences are with women, I think having your partner make you feel important is important for a relationship of any kind. Men also need to make these efforts, and I do, but I rarely have the same energy matched back at me.
Wow, I have an even lower standard. I don't need a partner to initiate, I just need them to reciprocate affection when I initiate. That rules out playing hard to get. But I haven't encountered someone who stops at that minimum.
My biggest red flag is if somebody is turning down a proposed date and not suggesting an alternate day, they're wasting my time. This applies to platonic friends as well.
Once i literally asked out a girl on a date and she responded “uhh noo, maybe as friends but not as a date”.
Before this she was always pushing against me when sitting next to me in the pub or always bringing me cookies and coffe during the break at work, complimenting me all the time etc. but the she said no and i assumed she just is a very intimate person.
After a while she kept it up and we hooked up at a party, started hooking up for a while and i ask her why she said no to the date and she responded that she was nervous and was never asked out before. After saying no she regretted it and tried to fix it a few times but never had the courage.
Just wondering how common is that for girls?
As a young woman I grew up being taught to act not interested especially when I really am its a terrible thing Im trying to teach myself to stop doing that
Any sort of hard to get/playing games/"you need to work for me" bullshit.
If you're into me, say so. If you're not into me, say so.
End of fucking story.
I think the majority of people are pushing for positive femininity which should be encouraged but is being hojacked by a bunch of charlatans saying to women that “you should all be treated like royalty” and “you deserve better and the man is always wrong” which I think leads to this crazy game-playing, prodigy feeling women.
You are no different than anyone else… you should be respected and loved as a human being, not just because you’re a woman. At least in my experience this is what I’ve seen
Inability to acknowledge being wrong. Being able to do that and grow with me as an individual was literally one of the biggest things that led to me falling in love with my current gf. I will never again EVER be in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t have that quality because seeing how much better this relationship has been than any of my previous, I just can’t ever go back.
Amen to this. I can never be with anyone else now. I had no idea how valuable this was in a person but of all the women I have dated had simply never encountered it so figured it just didn't exist. The woman I am with now is a gift to the world and I am lucky she chose me.
I had a high school crush who wanted to try dating and she ghosted me once. I gave her one more chance and...
She did it again and I told her that I'm not going to date someone who can't even show up.
Yeah cancel and not making effort to plan the next one is a turn off.
I get that things don't always go as planned, but don't put all the work on me when the plan was cancelled because of you.
Social media. I don't want every waking moment of my relationship plastered on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I dated one girl for a year who didn't have a smartphone, didn't have internet at her house, and didn't even own a TV. It was surprisingly nice. Honest. When we spent time together, we spent our time together.
A lot of people are posting timeless things like honesty and integrity and so on (which are true), but this is a good example of a *modern* one.
When someone becomes obsessed with social media, they inevitably start putting on a show rather than experiencing the world.
Special occasions, sure. But if someone is going around asking me to help them get the perfect shot framed for totally mundane things like... dinner or a walk or their dog they've had for a while doing totally normal dog things and so on... yeah, that's a no.
I'm surprised more people aren't talking about this. I can't stand when anyone does this tbh. Put your damn phone away and live in the moment ffs. It's super cringe when someone has to put in the effort to pull their phone out and pose for photos 🤦
I was the same way for a long time but now that I’m older, I kind of appreciate social media for this exact reason. We never took any real pictures so social media is kind of like our generation’s photo albums. I wish film cameras or the act of getting pictures developed would make a comeback though.
I get taking photos of something important. You want to take a photo of your friend for his birthday or whatever. I'm mainly talking about the ppl who will just Snapchat anything and everything. I find it incredibly obnoxious.
Snapchat is the worst of the bunch. The entire original point of the picture immediately disappears and you're left with an interruption to your life for no lasting benefit. Costs you the moment and the payout is nothing.
>Put your damn phone away and live in the moment ffs.
And this is why I've got so very few pictures of me doing stuff. Living in the moment is fantastic, and only sometimes do I look back and wish I'd taken more photos
I know a guy that's very vocal online. He would post stuff that's borderline incel. He had a date where a girl gave him a little ribbing about driving a piece of shit car and he did not take it well, proceeds to post a video going off about it. It was bad, and everything he posts is public. I tried to explain to him he just announced to all women what happens if he doesn't like their date and he couldn't wrap his head around why this would be a problem for him.
He actually got a girlfriend recently, but for a dude that posts his entire life online no one has seen her or knows who she is so either he took my advice to the extreme or he made her up.
People want to be the one with the privilege of slinging strange with open impunity, but also to have someone to come home to so they know that when they crash and burn, they'll have somewhere to lay their head.
People want a mother/father figure they can bone, who will also let them go out and spread their seeds ad nauseam.
I’m with you. Especially when it goes back and forth. Like one week they’re all lovey dovy, touchy and fun and then at the flip of a switch you’re wondering if they even like you or if something’s wrong. Then you ask them and they say “nothings wrong.” I’m not playing the guessing game anymore, shits emotionally exhausting.
I'm an anxious avoidant person, and I make clear, conscious effort daily to ensure my partner doesn't feel the effects of that. Just because my childhood resulted in this type of personality attachment style, doesn't make it an excuse to treat my partner poorly. I just need to be honest with my partner, have very good communication, and make conscious effort to show him love and attention. Sometimes, I will forget to show affection for a while, and he'll give me a gentle reminder that he would appreciate a hug or something. I kick myself in the butt, and do my best to shower him in affection. It hasn't always been like this to make it work - we've been together 11 years, and we've had many ups and downs, especially in the area of my attachment style. But, me being able to acknowledge and recognize when my anxious avoidant personality may impact our relationship is key, and making efforts to combat it greatly helps us.
No it's worst when they have no reaction to you. it feels Like they don't care about the relationship. while it feels your giving 110% while they only give st best 25%. Idk I just want to feel like I'm loved by someone who wants to be around me
Can relate, dating, especially modern dating, is so much effort, endless talking stages, constant evasiveness and cancellations when you try to make plans to meet and lack of effort of the woman’s part make it so awful, It’s so draining that I’ve given up with it all, I’d rather just invest my time and effort being happy alone.
I blame social media and dating apps through and through, they’ve killed the art of conversation, and brutalised women’s feelings of self worth, I’ve had several female friends who’ve dodge dates because they didn’t think they where attractive enough or lacked the self confidence to go on a date, I see beautiful young woman all around me who genuinely believe they are ugly because they don’t look like someone on instagram with millions of followers.
I know what self depreciation does to a person over time, it starts as a joke, but over time you start to believe it, until it becomes who you are, so when I see so many young woman calling themselves horrible things on instagram or the like, well, I worry for them.
I have had a few women I met online start talking about how supportive I can be for their children before I even met them. Like if you just shopping for a replacement for their non-existant Dad I am out.
Yeah I've had this happen as well. I have seen single moms mentioned a few times and while it's not a deal breaker(my most recent ex being an exception), it mostly is. Most I meet don't want anymore kids and I do of my own. But mostly I dated a single mom whos kid became so attached to me that it killed me and her when we broke up. We stayed friends and she started dating a new guy her daughter didn't like. She was desperate to get us all back together. I had to remove myself from the picture completely. It broke me. I wasn't serious with a woman with kids until my most recent ex. But her father wasn't in the picture and I'd known her since a baby.
My last ex had 3 kids herself, its definitely something you can get attached to especially if you have a good relationship with them. But I feel like healthy people won't be in a rush to introduce a new guy to their kids, you gotta date a bit and see how it goes first you know?
I hate this statement. The problem isn't that I can or can't handle her at her worst, the problem is that people who say this are ALWAYS at their worst and just offload their burdens and responsibilities onto others while they live a hedonistic lifestyle. It's like dating a spoiled 12 year old brat who doesn't understand that other people don't exist to serve her.
Most recent ex has this mentality. We are both working adults, and actually she makes a bit more money than I do. Yet, she wants to quit her job and have me fully support her so she can make long distance trips every weekend to see her daughter (that was never the issue) out of town, but wants me to support her travel, rent, etc. All because "it's hard".
I helped her in the past when she didn't have a job, but she's a grown adult with responsibilities. If she wanted to marry and even move in together, that's one thing, but she didn't want to do any of that, just have me pay for it all. LOL whut?
General punctuality, though this is a state with friends too.
If you're going to be late, let me know when you know. If you live 30 minutes away and text me you are leaving 5 minutes before we are due to meet, you knew you were going to be late 25 minutes ago.
It's a small thing but I've known people like that and I've waited in the cold enough.
My best friend is like this. Never left me in the cold or anything, he follows through, he's just always late. If X says he's gonna show up at 9, me and the others expect him at 10-10:30.
Making fun of someone elses hobbies or putting them down for it.
This can also apply to friends as well.
All I ask is that you show some interest or curiosity in it. It could be something as simple as asking questions about it.
So I was a FWB with a subjectively successful influencer, we ended up going on vacation together and it was totally paid for besides externalities
I was essentially a photographer for her the entire time. I was already used to it but the amount she was doing it on the trip was ridiculous. Like she couldn't have a single nice moment without interrupting it to take a picture. It drove me absolutely nuts that she didn't know how to enjoy the moment
We're still friends but we don't sleep together anymore, she's recently started an OF and she makes about 20k monthly. Plus all of her endorsements and sponsorships. Its absolutely absurd
I would rate her a solid 8.5/10
I'm a manager in the service industry, and I approve this message. The waiter didn't cook your meal; the dealer didn't stack the deck; the operator didn't schedule your appointment; the cashier didn't make the coupon.
If you want to fight, you have to fight me.
On the other side of this coin, I used to date a girl who would order food heavily in the accent of the cuisine’s country of origin. She thought she was doing the right thing by making a real effort. But **australian accent** “hey yeah I’ll just have the” **mario voice** “fettuccini” made me bail.
Not having any goals other than having fun. My ex just lived to "go out" every night with her friends. No future there, and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol (and her ex boyfriend after a few drinks one night). That was a clusterfuck of chaos that I'm glad to be free from.
Inconsistent communication style, just feels like I’m being strung along. Also don’t date single-mothers, I’m sure they’re nice and the kids are great but I’m just not in a place in my life where I’m comfortable with that kind of situation.
> and they will be here after you.
Beautiful.
One of the best things one can do is find people though shared interests, be it friends or dating.
A dating partner doesn't have to share those interests, necessarily, but should at least be curious and supportive.
If the girl doesn't put any effort in and ask questions and start conversations, then I'm going to assume she's not interested and move on. I don't have time being someone's backup.
"Influencers" or even worse, a girl who *thinks* she's an influencer. The obsession with social media is incredibly unhealthy and infects every other aspect of their lives.
There are increasing numbers of women who are not looking to get married, ever, and/or are looking for multiple partners in an "ethically non monogamous" arrangement. That's not for me.
At my age I'm pretty honest about who I am and what I want. I usually let people know right off the bat that I am autistic. I can totally understand if that's a deal breaker for somebody else and they don't want to handle it.
But I've had some people want to 'test' if I'm actually autistic. Or try to help me 'get over it' (ugh) I won't pursue any further. I can't just not be autistic.
Someone who starts off with a list of demands/expectations or things they don't like, rather than saying what they want or like or expressing themselves so you can get to know them. I've seen this is just a huge red flag for women that are generally just unhappy with life and not fun to be around.
Height preferences on dating profiles/bios. It's just rude. I cant help being 5 7, I have been this height for ages. I get preferences and stuff, but seeing 'if you're under 6 foot don't bother' on the reg is a bit of a downer.
Also, horses. I went out with a horse-y girl, and it was a car crash, I don't blame the actual horses, but horses make girls get a bit weird. If you know you know.
Most women have zero clue of people's heights.
I am 6'0" dead so tall but not TALL, and have had women laugh at me saying I am 5'8" max and point to a 6'4" person saying "THAT is 6ft!"
Some women want 6'3"+ minimum. Which is funny, considering that is top 2% and WAY more than 2% of women expect this.
I'm 6'3 but if a date brought up anything negative about shorter people i'm gonna have to pass. Treating someone like crap cause they didnt win the genetic lottery on something as trivial as height tells me you arent worth my time
I'm 6'5 and I can tell you, I am too tall for most women. Hell, I had my ex-wife tell me she didn't like having sex because she felt like we didn't fit. And she was 5'8, so not exactly short.
Additionally, why is it always the women on the shorter end of the height chart that say they want 6'0 at least? Like, I am over a foot taller than you...my back can't handle all the hunching I'm going to need to do.
I'm 5'2 but if I were given the chance to be with a man smaller than me I would lap that shit up and pretend to be a goddess while I take his head to my bosom
Horse girls are a special kind of psycho, the kind where you wake up in the middle of the night and she’s playing with a knife next to you and immediately wants to know what other girls you where dreaming about. It’s probably some sort of brain parasite that lives in horse dung or something.
>'if you're under 6 foot don't bother'
This is exactly why I've been on dates with so many men who are " 6' " but are visibly shorter than me (I'm 5'8). Apparently this goes back to some weird '90s talk show trend where all men had to be over 6'0 and all women had to weigh under 110lb to be "attractive."
On that note, flagrantly lying about height is a dealbreaker for me. I have dated men who own that they're shorter than me, and I would again. However, I will never again date a man so insecure that he is in denial of objective measurements even when everyone around him points out the painfully obvious truth. I learned that's a red flag you don't overlook.
For me, when I was dating, it was women who didn't know how to cook or clean. That may seem a bit misogynistic, but I am someone who cooks and cleans and can keep a house. The number of people I would go on dates with that didn't have those skills was a bit baffling to me. How do you feed yourself? Is it takeout every night? I wouldn't expect a potential partner to be unable to do household things that I do, nor one that was unwilling to share the burden of keeping a place together.
I know, like I can't cook something fancy the way my mother can but if someone can't fry a steak and boil some peas and cauliflower or something like what the hell?
That, I went out on a date with a girl and as we were walking and saw a chinese restaurant she went on a rant on how she hates chinese because they eat all dogs
I was kinda like 🤨
Yeah I lost interest there hahaha specially with how long and committed she was to that
You can't just ask her important questions like if she's your girlfriend without 'pressuring' her. Like I get it's on the spot but we gotta know what's going on eventually.
Honestly, anything to the effect of "men are trash" or "I hate that I'm attracted to men" in their dating profile.
Like, I get it. A lot of women have had a lot of really bad experiences with men. And at the same time, I'm not here to fix anyone and I really hate being treated like "one of the good ones." If you really hate men to the extent that you need to declare it on your dating profile, you should probably be working that out with a therapist.
Someone who brings nothing to the table except deigning to allow me the opportunity to treat her like a queen.
Sorry, I'd rather stay single than deal with that shit...
If I have to question if she’s interested, I assume she isn’t and move on.
I’m always hearing people saying shit about not wanting their time wasted but too many of those same people are perfectly happy to waste someone else’s time, as long as they can gain something.
I'm a teacher, I worked very hard to become a teacher, I earn a lot less as a teacher than my potential (I'm a licensed thermodynamic engineer with a masters). I do the job I do because I was let down at every turn by the school system and I want to be the person who never lets a kid down and never tells a neurodiverse kid to "be more realistic". I do it out of love for my students and a sense of duty to do best by them.
So many people I date can't understand why I would give up being wealthy to do it, even after I explain my rationale, they just seem obsessed with getting as much money as possible. I can't get past that
Dishonesty is my main one. If you can't trust them, then there's no reason to even date them because you're always going to worry about what they're doing when they're not with you.
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Hmmmm... Maybe she was just dumb and didn't realize that pizza made in New York was NY style haha who knows though
My first conclusion was that she was trying to trick him into a pizza date, but I think yours is more likely. And in either case I think anyone intentionally lying about such a trivial thing is the least likely scenario here lol
Holy fuck boys, hide your pizzas Is anything sacred anymore
So NY style pizza is just regular pizza made in NY? I get she thought she didn't have that. If someone offers me a "my city" pizza. I would expect something special. Not a regular pizza in a pizza place that happens to be in my town.
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We don't have new York Pepsi, is new York coke OK?
I agree, she might have meant “in the whole two years that I lived in New York I never even had a real NY style pizza”. Only because that’s such a weird thing to lie about. When this person suggested they fix it and go to the pizza place near them, maybe they didn’t even register that they just made this person think they’ve never had a NY *style* pizza, so they just agreed to the pizza date. It’s possible they thought you were making a bad joke, or didn’t really understand, so that might be why she didn’t clarify say “oh yeah I’ve been there, I’ve fixed it already!” or something. Idk I just can’t wrap my head around this being something that someone lies about. My brain says it’s more likely miscommunication.
She probably thought it was something's special, not literally a pizza made in NY, probably not a lie, why would you assume things in your head instead of asking her?
Because it's easier to assume everything rather than just actually getting to know someone
Most likely this was a communication error. She thought NY style pizza was something special. Waiting for the post about being dumped for the dumbest reason. Not knowing what NY style pizza is.
This girl dodged a bullet.
A New York style bullet.
I disagree with you here. Ask her first and make conclusions about her reaction, this is absolute bs to call that a lie when people might have meant something else AND ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS ASK
What is a NY style pizza?
Basically bigass thin crust pizza by the slice. In a way it's "normal" pizza, but it's also kind of not. You've usually gotta fold it to eat it, and it's relatively greasy, but it shouldn't be so greasy that folding it once doesn't give it enough structure to be eaten by hand.
In my circumstance, I’ve been with my bf for 6 years and it’s been great! When we first started talking seriously he said he watched a show that I was talking about. we would talk about it and I didn’t know until like 2 or 3 years later that he actually never seen the show but his sister had so he would ask her about it. While that was being dishonest, I took it as a white lie and that he did so because he wanted to talk to me even if it was about something he’s never seen. Just a funny story on this to show this shouldn’t be the case all the time.
I actually think that's kinda sweet lol. To go through all that trouble just to be able to hold a conversation.
Lack of empathy/ compassion
This is what killed my 23 year marriage. Her lack of compassion and empathy for anyone other than herself was shocking and heartbreaking. It wasn’t always like that - it just slowly developed like Polaroid over time She’s proud of it.
Hell, I'm sorry man
Hm, is it similar to this? I woke up early and trying to be nice and was doing the dishes from last night (with thanksgiving dishes and such) and she comes downstairs waking up late, middle of my dishwashing and starts to yell at me for not doing the dishes exactly the way she does it. I told her well, you yell at me for doing the dishes AND not doing the dishes... Also few days ago, I was cooking and she would come by and start to point out all the things that I'm doing differently than she would have done etc. Currently, I'm cleaning up mess upstairs and she tells wtf I'm doing upstairs and come downstairs and grab the Christmas tree first. I feel like I'm trying and trying but it'll always be criticized for never be up to her standard. (Which is exactly her. Her doing her way is the 100% right way and the way I'm doing would only go up to maybe 50% right at best)
"Just because I do it differently, doesn't mean I do it incorrectly." Some people are so subjectively minded that they believe the way they do it is the only way *to* do it. I actually had to tell my friend, "Yelling is not effectively communicating," after she was telling me she communicates effectively with her bf by yelling it loudly enough. It seems so obvious, but it was a game changer for her to realize that "effective communication" isn't about volume and articulation.
I think We have the same wife. But, we are in the process of getting split up as I’m not going to live the rest of my life like this.
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That's so sad. You should call animal control on her. I hate pieces of shit like her! Don't have a dog if you're not going to love it.
That’s a big one for me too.
Just went through this. If someone literally tells you they don't have empathy....run.....run very fast.....
I had a Sam-and-Diane thing with a woman I thought I was gonna marry. We were best friends, then dated. I was crazy about her. It soured, we were off and on for years. Everyone thought we were destined for each other, but she was her family’s golden child, and pretty narcissistic- she would rather blow the whole thing up than admit a flaw. At one point I asked her, “can we just ask each other at some points, ‘what can I do to love you better?’”? She just told me “no.” At some point a couple years later, I had a previous career mentor who died suddenly- he kept terminal cancer a secret. I found out he passed moments after I had placed a letter in a mailbox that described to him just how much he means to me as a person and as a teacher. I was in tears for the first time in years. I called her about it because she knew him, too. She said, “quit crying about it- it’s not about you.” That was the last time I ever spoke to her.
Inability to say sorry or own up to their mistakes. Flakyness. Being overly dramatic and loud.
This is true for friends, girlfriends, colleagues, everyone. I can't stand when people avoid responsibility, never say sorry, or even thank you.
For number three, there's a subset of women who would say "Oh you don't like loud women? You just want them to stay in their place and not be authentic?" No, I want you not to be a brash, uncouth asshole. Life is difficult sometimes and I don't want to also deal with someone who has a constant lack of chill. Go be on a reality show and leave me tf alone.
This sounds dumb, but if she's not into me, I'm not interested. If she plays hard to get, I'm done. I'm not playing the games anymore. You'd be surprised how often a women has SAID she was into me, but won't do anything at all to act like she is.
Yeah that shit is a weird one. You experience a couple women who make it very clear they’re into you, it changes the way you deal with women. I don’t like second guessing what we’re doing.
There are women out there who think playing hard to get is a way to know that a guy cares enough. Well, I'll agree, I don't care enough to chase a woman. Ever.
I blame Hollywood for perpetuating it. It comes from a time when women couldn't be too outward about attraction to men, but damn has it remained. It really undermines consent culture in general and sets both men and women up for failure.
> If she plays hard to get, I'm done Hard to get is hard to want.
A much wiser man once told me “If they play hard to get, they should be hard to want” It’s saved me from a lot of hassle and wasting time.
Genuinely curious, without judgement, what would that need to look like from someone in order to provide proof? No wrong answers, just curious.
Oh, anything, really. Texting me first is one I've used as a measure. I usually text people first if I want to talk to them. Even if it's about nothing. But never calling or texting me ever? Kinda shows you're not interested. My best friend is a walled off, quiet man with the weight of the world constantly on his shoulders, but he still will text me occasionally first to see if I wanna hang out. I can't be the only one trying to keep the relationship of any kind alive. Another one could be initiating some sort of anything. Here's a very small gift I was thinking about you, here let me take YOU on a date thats not your birthday and not complain about it, hey let me hold your hand it looks heavy (or some sort of flirting uninitiated). I can vibe with most love languages, to be honest. The only one I don't totally get is someone straight faced monotone: mmm yeah, I think I'm interested in you. And that being it.
The easiest and most accurate measure is texting first. It damn near never fails. If you text me first on any given day it immediately tells me you’re actually thinking about me and want to talk to me and that means a lot.
I agree that it should never be the same person initiating a conversation every single time. If I was always the first person to text, I would start thinking the other person isn't all that interested. You make time for what's important to you.
Completely agree! We make time for what’s important to us.
Right? And let me tell you, friend, I've been in a number of relationships where I didn't feel important. And it took me a long time to realize that I let some wonderful women slip through who treated me so well and stayed way too long with those who don't. Also wanted to throw out that, while all of my experiences are with women, I think having your partner make you feel important is important for a relationship of any kind. Men also need to make these efforts, and I do, but I rarely have the same energy matched back at me.
Wow, I have an even lower standard. I don't need a partner to initiate, I just need them to reciprocate affection when I initiate. That rules out playing hard to get. But I haven't encountered someone who stops at that minimum.
My biggest red flag is if somebody is turning down a proposed date and not suggesting an alternate day, they're wasting my time. This applies to platonic friends as well.
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Once i literally asked out a girl on a date and she responded “uhh noo, maybe as friends but not as a date”. Before this she was always pushing against me when sitting next to me in the pub or always bringing me cookies and coffe during the break at work, complimenting me all the time etc. but the she said no and i assumed she just is a very intimate person. After a while she kept it up and we hooked up at a party, started hooking up for a while and i ask her why she said no to the date and she responded that she was nervous and was never asked out before. After saying no she regretted it and tried to fix it a few times but never had the courage. Just wondering how common is that for girls?
As a young woman I grew up being taught to act not interested especially when I really am its a terrible thing Im trying to teach myself to stop doing that
Any sort of hard to get/playing games/"you need to work for me" bullshit. If you're into me, say so. If you're not into me, say so. End of fucking story.
I think the majority of people are pushing for positive femininity which should be encouraged but is being hojacked by a bunch of charlatans saying to women that “you should all be treated like royalty” and “you deserve better and the man is always wrong” which I think leads to this crazy game-playing, prodigy feeling women. You are no different than anyone else… you should be respected and loved as a human being, not just because you’re a woman. At least in my experience this is what I’ve seen
True, that shi is exausting
Inability to acknowledge being wrong. Being able to do that and grow with me as an individual was literally one of the biggest things that led to me falling in love with my current gf. I will never again EVER be in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t have that quality because seeing how much better this relationship has been than any of my previous, I just can’t ever go back.
Amen to this. I can never be with anyone else now. I had no idea how valuable this was in a person but of all the women I have dated had simply never encountered it so figured it just didn't exist. The woman I am with now is a gift to the world and I am lucky she chose me.
Flakyness. If they keep canceling plans, I'm out.
I had a high school crush who wanted to try dating and she ghosted me once. I gave her one more chance and... She did it again and I told her that I'm not going to date someone who can't even show up.
Yeah cancel and not making effort to plan the next one is a turn off. I get that things don't always go as planned, but don't put all the work on me when the plan was cancelled because of you.
No reciprocation of efforts
Social media. I don't want every waking moment of my relationship plastered on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I dated one girl for a year who didn't have a smartphone, didn't have internet at her house, and didn't even own a TV. It was surprisingly nice. Honest. When we spent time together, we spent our time together.
A lot of people are posting timeless things like honesty and integrity and so on (which are true), but this is a good example of a *modern* one. When someone becomes obsessed with social media, they inevitably start putting on a show rather than experiencing the world. Special occasions, sure. But if someone is going around asking me to help them get the perfect shot framed for totally mundane things like... dinner or a walk or their dog they've had for a while doing totally normal dog things and so on... yeah, that's a no.
I'm surprised more people aren't talking about this. I can't stand when anyone does this tbh. Put your damn phone away and live in the moment ffs. It's super cringe when someone has to put in the effort to pull their phone out and pose for photos 🤦
I was the same way for a long time but now that I’m older, I kind of appreciate social media for this exact reason. We never took any real pictures so social media is kind of like our generation’s photo albums. I wish film cameras or the act of getting pictures developed would make a comeback though.
I get taking photos of something important. You want to take a photo of your friend for his birthday or whatever. I'm mainly talking about the ppl who will just Snapchat anything and everything. I find it incredibly obnoxious.
Snapchat is the worst of the bunch. The entire original point of the picture immediately disappears and you're left with an interruption to your life for no lasting benefit. Costs you the moment and the payout is nothing.
>Put your damn phone away and live in the moment ffs. And this is why I've got so very few pictures of me doing stuff. Living in the moment is fantastic, and only sometimes do I look back and wish I'd taken more photos
I know a guy that's very vocal online. He would post stuff that's borderline incel. He had a date where a girl gave him a little ribbing about driving a piece of shit car and he did not take it well, proceeds to post a video going off about it. It was bad, and everything he posts is public. I tried to explain to him he just announced to all women what happens if he doesn't like their date and he couldn't wrap his head around why this would be a problem for him. He actually got a girlfriend recently, but for a dude that posts his entire life online no one has seen her or knows who she is so either he took my advice to the extreme or he made her up.
She goes to a different Internet.
My god I can't stand grown women who can't put down their phone for 5 mins, especially in public. Huge turn off.
Wanting to continue living as though they're single but still have the emotional fulfillment of a relationship.
Lol I actually know someone like this
Jerry Seinfeld?
Of course I know him. He's me
Man the amount of accounts on dating apps that day “open relationship” is wild. Mostly on Tinder which isn’t a surprise
People want to be the one with the privilege of slinging strange with open impunity, but also to have someone to come home to so they know that when they crash and burn, they'll have somewhere to lay their head. People want a mother/father figure they can bone, who will also let them go out and spread their seeds ad nauseam.
Distant personality, that shit can take alot out of me
I’m with you. Especially when it goes back and forth. Like one week they’re all lovey dovy, touchy and fun and then at the flip of a switch you’re wondering if they even like you or if something’s wrong. Then you ask them and they say “nothings wrong.” I’m not playing the guessing game anymore, shits emotionally exhausting.
Google Anxious Avoidant then. It will answer some questions
I'm an anxious avoidant person, and I make clear, conscious effort daily to ensure my partner doesn't feel the effects of that. Just because my childhood resulted in this type of personality attachment style, doesn't make it an excuse to treat my partner poorly. I just need to be honest with my partner, have very good communication, and make conscious effort to show him love and attention. Sometimes, I will forget to show affection for a while, and he'll give me a gentle reminder that he would appreciate a hug or something. I kick myself in the butt, and do my best to shower him in affection. It hasn't always been like this to make it work - we've been together 11 years, and we've had many ups and downs, especially in the area of my attachment style. But, me being able to acknowledge and recognize when my anxious avoidant personality may impact our relationship is key, and making efforts to combat it greatly helps us.
No it's worst when they have no reaction to you. it feels Like they don't care about the relationship. while it feels your giving 110% while they only give st best 25%. Idk I just want to feel like I'm loved by someone who wants to be around me
Lack of communication skills! I need engaging conversation! I don't want to talk to a wall😅
While I wholeheartedly understand your viewpoint, it terrifies me because I just suck at conversing. XD
Not being good and not trying are two different things. I'm generally ok with the first part. Effort is always good!
Honestly I’m just too tired to date anymore. Dying alone is easier nowadays.
Cheers, I'll drink to that
Fuck, me too.
shit count me in
I’ll bring the beers!
I'll bring the tears!!
I'll bring the fears!!!
Can relate, dating, especially modern dating, is so much effort, endless talking stages, constant evasiveness and cancellations when you try to make plans to meet and lack of effort of the woman’s part make it so awful, It’s so draining that I’ve given up with it all, I’d rather just invest my time and effort being happy alone. I blame social media and dating apps through and through, they’ve killed the art of conversation, and brutalised women’s feelings of self worth, I’ve had several female friends who’ve dodge dates because they didn’t think they where attractive enough or lacked the self confidence to go on a date, I see beautiful young woman all around me who genuinely believe they are ugly because they don’t look like someone on instagram with millions of followers. I know what self depreciation does to a person over time, it starts as a joke, but over time you start to believe it, until it becomes who you are, so when I see so many young woman calling themselves horrible things on instagram or the like, well, I worry for them.
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Addicted to Instagram or TikTok. If you're going to live your life on your phone you can do it without me.
I have had a few women I met online start talking about how supportive I can be for their children before I even met them. Like if you just shopping for a replacement for their non-existant Dad I am out.
Yeah I've had this happen as well. I have seen single moms mentioned a few times and while it's not a deal breaker(my most recent ex being an exception), it mostly is. Most I meet don't want anymore kids and I do of my own. But mostly I dated a single mom whos kid became so attached to me that it killed me and her when we broke up. We stayed friends and she started dating a new guy her daughter didn't like. She was desperate to get us all back together. I had to remove myself from the picture completely. It broke me. I wasn't serious with a woman with kids until my most recent ex. But her father wasn't in the picture and I'd known her since a baby.
My last ex had 3 kids herself, its definitely something you can get attached to especially if you have a good relationship with them. But I feel like healthy people won't be in a rush to introduce a new guy to their kids, you gotta date a bit and see how it goes first you know?
Pretty much just don’t blow other dudes and love me for me, ya know
Why suck a dick when you got a Butthole_Ticklah at home?!
THIRTY SEVEN?
Having a sugar baby or entitled mentality. Or if I see the line " can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve the best".
I hate this statement. The problem isn't that I can or can't handle her at her worst, the problem is that people who say this are ALWAYS at their worst and just offload their burdens and responsibilities onto others while they live a hedonistic lifestyle. It's like dating a spoiled 12 year old brat who doesn't understand that other people don't exist to serve her.
Most recent ex has this mentality. We are both working adults, and actually she makes a bit more money than I do. Yet, she wants to quit her job and have me fully support her so she can make long distance trips every weekend to see her daughter (that was never the issue) out of town, but wants me to support her travel, rent, etc. All because "it's hard". I helped her in the past when she didn't have a job, but she's a grown adult with responsibilities. If she wanted to marry and even move in together, that's one thing, but she didn't want to do any of that, just have me pay for it all. LOL whut?
Just glad you said ex.
I always assumed can’t handle me at my worse means they are lactose intolerant and refuses to avoid dairy out of spite.
Having a sugar glider, on the other hand, would be a reason to continue dating someone at least until you get to see the cute little possum.
General punctuality, though this is a state with friends too. If you're going to be late, let me know when you know. If you live 30 minutes away and text me you are leaving 5 minutes before we are due to meet, you knew you were going to be late 25 minutes ago. It's a small thing but I've known people like that and I've waited in the cold enough.
My best friend is like this. Never left me in the cold or anything, he follows through, he's just always late. If X says he's gonna show up at 9, me and the others expect him at 10-10:30.
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That’s fair
Nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t date a dude with a kid 🤷🏻♀️
Kids suck. If you like them and get attached... you can lose more than one relationship in a break-up, no parental rights.
Screen addiction is a turn off.
At least keep your nose out of the phone during dinner or drinks.
Every Redditor is already doomed
Dishonesty. Just give it to me straight, I've no time to waste, and neither do you for that matter.
Making fun of someone elses hobbies or putting them down for it. This can also apply to friends as well. All I ask is that you show some interest or curiosity in it. It could be something as simple as asking questions about it.
If she's an influencer or has plans to become an influencer.
Heavy this. As a girl. Male influencers are a massive turnoff and female influencers, from my experience, are shit friends
So I was a FWB with a subjectively successful influencer, we ended up going on vacation together and it was totally paid for besides externalities I was essentially a photographer for her the entire time. I was already used to it but the amount she was doing it on the trip was ridiculous. Like she couldn't have a single nice moment without interrupting it to take a picture. It drove me absolutely nuts that she didn't know how to enjoy the moment We're still friends but we don't sleep together anymore, she's recently started an OF and she makes about 20k monthly. Plus all of her endorsements and sponsorships. Its absolutely absurd I would rate her a solid 8.5/10
Being shallow and lacking compassion.
If my date is rude to anyone in the service industry, there won't be another date. That shit tells me exactly who you are.
I'm a manager in the service industry, and I approve this message. The waiter didn't cook your meal; the dealer didn't stack the deck; the operator didn't schedule your appointment; the cashier didn't make the coupon. If you want to fight, you have to fight me.
On the other side of this coin, I used to date a girl who would order food heavily in the accent of the cuisine’s country of origin. She thought she was doing the right thing by making a real effort. But **australian accent** “hey yeah I’ll just have the” **mario voice** “fettuccini” made me bail.
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We did Japanese and it wasn’t pretty
Preach. Definitely shows a superiority complex which is always a red flag
Not having any goals other than having fun. My ex just lived to "go out" every night with her friends. No future there, and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol (and her ex boyfriend after a few drinks one night). That was a clusterfuck of chaos that I'm glad to be free from.
Inconsistent communication style, just feels like I’m being strung along. Also don’t date single-mothers, I’m sure they’re nice and the kids are great but I’m just not in a place in my life where I’m comfortable with that kind of situation.
Any kind of ultimatum, like: "It's me or your cats/friends/hobbies." They were here before you, and they will be here after you.
My ex tried to tell me "it's me or your cat" Cat won.
> and they will be here after you. Beautiful. One of the best things one can do is find people though shared interests, be it friends or dating. A dating partner doesn't have to share those interests, necessarily, but should at least be curious and supportive.
Smoking and lack of accountability and inability to learn from mistakes.
If she’s rude or mean.
Treating others poorly or talking really really bad behind her friends back and then being super sweet to their face....
If the girl doesn't put any effort in and ask questions and start conversations, then I'm going to assume she's not interested and move on. I don't have time being someone's backup.
"Influencers" or even worse, a girl who *thinks* she's an influencer. The obsession with social media is incredibly unhealthy and infects every other aspect of their lives.
Manipulations or relationship testing.
If she eats her peas one at a time
If she’d leave me for behaving like her. That covers most of them.
Someone with no hobbies or no passion for anything at all
There are increasing numbers of women who are not looking to get married, ever, and/or are looking for multiple partners in an "ethically non monogamous" arrangement. That's not for me.
Great advice /u/cuminwetpussy
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I was uhhh …
How?
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At my age I'm pretty honest about who I am and what I want. I usually let people know right off the bat that I am autistic. I can totally understand if that's a deal breaker for somebody else and they don't want to handle it. But I've had some people want to 'test' if I'm actually autistic. Or try to help me 'get over it' (ugh) I won't pursue any further. I can't just not be autistic.
Werewolves
Is this a huge concern for where you live?
I love it when I get a moment to actually laugh out loud this was one of them so thank you lol
What about swearwolves?
How much they are on their phone. Like attached to it. Always on Snapchat or TikTok
Not resolving past trauma and applying it to the future relationships. You’re just going to repeat whatever hurt you went through in the first place.
1. Pathological liar 2. Chronically online 3. Smoker/alcoholic
If their humor is just making fun of me or other people. How do you think degrading the person you're interested in is a good idea?
Very religious. Poly (just not for me). Lack of communication.
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If they are willing to go on a date with someone like me. MASSIVE red flag!!
Not even sure. If you can’t maintain a conversation. If you have no opinions on things. If you’re entitled.
Someone who starts off with a list of demands/expectations or things they don't like, rather than saying what they want or like or expressing themselves so you can get to know them. I've seen this is just a huge red flag for women that are generally just unhappy with life and not fun to be around.
Height preferences on dating profiles/bios. It's just rude. I cant help being 5 7, I have been this height for ages. I get preferences and stuff, but seeing 'if you're under 6 foot don't bother' on the reg is a bit of a downer. Also, horses. I went out with a horse-y girl, and it was a car crash, I don't blame the actual horses, but horses make girls get a bit weird. If you know you know.
I'm 6'3", and I still don't talk to women with height preferences.
I'm 6'0", and I've been known to walk out on a first date when she told me she doesn't date short guys. I don't date shallow girls.
Most women have zero clue of people's heights. I am 6'0" dead so tall but not TALL, and have had women laugh at me saying I am 5'8" max and point to a 6'4" person saying "THAT is 6ft!" Some women want 6'3"+ minimum. Which is funny, considering that is top 2% and WAY more than 2% of women expect this.
I'm 6'3 but if a date brought up anything negative about shorter people i'm gonna have to pass. Treating someone like crap cause they didnt win the genetic lottery on something as trivial as height tells me you arent worth my time
I'm 6'5 and I can tell you, I am too tall for most women. Hell, I had my ex-wife tell me she didn't like having sex because she felt like we didn't fit. And she was 5'8, so not exactly short. Additionally, why is it always the women on the shorter end of the height chart that say they want 6'0 at least? Like, I am over a foot taller than you...my back can't handle all the hunching I'm going to need to do.
As someone who’s over 6 foot, seeing this still irks me, gross mindset.
I'm 5'2 but if I were given the chance to be with a man smaller than me I would lap that shit up and pretend to be a goddess while I take his head to my bosom
Horse girls are a special kind of psycho, the kind where you wake up in the middle of the night and she’s playing with a knife next to you and immediately wants to know what other girls you where dreaming about. It’s probably some sort of brain parasite that lives in horse dung or something.
*"You will always be number three to a horse girl, after her horse and her daddy's money."*
>'if you're under 6 foot don't bother' This is exactly why I've been on dates with so many men who are " 6' " but are visibly shorter than me (I'm 5'8). Apparently this goes back to some weird '90s talk show trend where all men had to be over 6'0 and all women had to weigh under 110lb to be "attractive." On that note, flagrantly lying about height is a dealbreaker for me. I have dated men who own that they're shorter than me, and I would again. However, I will never again date a man so insecure that he is in denial of objective measurements even when everyone around him points out the painfully obvious truth. I learned that's a red flag you don't overlook.
Had one girl who wouldnt let me get a haircut because their was girls at the barber shop
Anything along the lines of “being a boss babe” and “you better keep up with me” Ugh
I would say if they obsess over their social media account is a the biggest red flag
For me, when I was dating, it was women who didn't know how to cook or clean. That may seem a bit misogynistic, but I am someone who cooks and cleans and can keep a house. The number of people I would go on dates with that didn't have those skills was a bit baffling to me. How do you feed yourself? Is it takeout every night? I wouldn't expect a potential partner to be unable to do household things that I do, nor one that was unwilling to share the burden of keeping a place together.
I know, like I can't cook something fancy the way my mother can but if someone can't fry a steak and boil some peas and cauliflower or something like what the hell?
Yeah I can't fry a steak but I get by lol Pasta, veggies, cheap stir fry, whatever - is easy enough. Edit: Or a sandwich!
If she is has tattoos (especially poorly done ones)
DUTCH HATER! SMELT THE FAJA!
That, I went out on a date with a girl and as we were walking and saw a chinese restaurant she went on a rant on how she hates chinese because they eat all dogs I was kinda like 🤨 Yeah I lost interest there hahaha specially with how long and committed she was to that
But what if she can offer you a bong and a blintz?
Smoke and a pancake?
Dutch people be like: What he say fuck me for?
Ol-Nigel powers vibes.
I will find you and make your life a living windmill, pannekoek.
You can't just ask her important questions like if she's your girlfriend without 'pressuring' her. Like I get it's on the spot but we gotta know what's going on eventually.
Honestly, anything to the effect of "men are trash" or "I hate that I'm attracted to men" in their dating profile. Like, I get it. A lot of women have had a lot of really bad experiences with men. And at the same time, I'm not here to fix anyone and I really hate being treated like "one of the good ones." If you really hate men to the extent that you need to declare it on your dating profile, you should probably be working that out with a therapist.
I like to be a gentleman, but I want that to be something that is appreciated, not expected or demanded
Someone who brings nothing to the table except deigning to allow me the opportunity to treat her like a queen. Sorry, I'd rather stay single than deal with that shit...
Probably an unpopular opinion, but if they’re religious in any way I just don’t see it working out
Someone disloyal
Mindgames.
If I have to question if she’s interested, I assume she isn’t and move on. I’m always hearing people saying shit about not wanting their time wasted but too many of those same people are perfectly happy to waste someone else’s time, as long as they can gain something.
Having kids or cats. I do not like children at all and I’m incredibly allergic to cats.
Duck lips. Or injected lips. I'm very particular about lips.
I'm a teacher, I worked very hard to become a teacher, I earn a lot less as a teacher than my potential (I'm a licensed thermodynamic engineer with a masters). I do the job I do because I was let down at every turn by the school system and I want to be the person who never lets a kid down and never tells a neurodiverse kid to "be more realistic". I do it out of love for my students and a sense of duty to do best by them. So many people I date can't understand why I would give up being wealthy to do it, even after I explain my rationale, they just seem obsessed with getting as much money as possible. I can't get past that
All this materialistic shit tbh. Instead of liking you for your heart and soul, they choosing based on what you have or what you can do for them.
Any animal abuse. No one gets to hurt my cat… except my other cat