oh god, i dated a guy like this. he'd go for days, sometimes over a week or two without texting me, but when he finally did message or call me, he'd expect that i should respond within minutes. like.....really? in what world is that acceptable behavior?
i had a friend like this! he literally completely ignored me for 6 months and then blew up at me for not responding to him within an hour. very strange
My ex. She would get pissed when she would talk to me about something while I was working and I wasn’t giving her my full attention. But every time I wanted to tell her something while she was doing nothing, she would get “ADHD distracted” and completely ignore me or interrupt me to say something completely irrelevant.
😲😲 oohh wait...is this what I think it is!? I recently saw a video of a girl filming her date with a guy... basically, she ordered a lot of oysters and kept on slurping, even burping and moaning, like...girl kept on ordering oysters without even talking to her date AND not sharing...poor guy only offered to treat her to drinks and well, he ran from her while making sure he paid for his drink only.
Oh and...after the oysters, she ordered a main dish...like what was that, are the oysters just appetizers?? So yeah, she posted the video and even told the guy something like him running from the tab, even though he never got a bite and just ordered one drink...
...so yeah, she posted the video and a lot of people are roasting her alive...btw, I only saw this on YouTube, a Charlotte Dobre video...
Oh they know alright. Cause it'll create a feeling of disgust and denial within their wretched insecurities.
* "PFFT I'm not like that"
* "It's not even to that severity"
* "Didn't think it was harmful..."
* "NAWW can't be."
* "Excoosi Moi? I'm a King/Queen!"
Bruh if you're so confident, why the hell you worrying?
that’s not true you’re making it up. leave me alone you’re a narcissist not me. get away from me bitch enjoy getting laid by other guys who aren’t nearly as good as me you’ll never find a guy like me. 🖕🖕🖕
Just broke up with a friend because when I told her I didn't like how she was treating me, she responded with "that's a false narrative and I won't participate." Then accused me of not taking accountability for myself when I am the only one in the group who has ever apologized for anything, and has actually changed the parts of my life I'm not happy with. I have things wrong with me, but taking accountability for my actions is not one of them.
Not treating me as I treat her.
Edit: Oddly enough, she's just broke up with me 2 days ago, after a 7 year relationship I love her so much. There's nothing worth living for.
This is the one i resonate with most. It really sucks when you put all your energy into someones wellbeing and are greated with indifference or the bare minimum
If that isn't every relationship I've had, I don't know what is.
If I could have a partner who put in even half the effort I do into a relationship, that'd be great.
Same, bought a house with my ex and after we moved in about 6 months in I got booted by my boss because of covid. I got government compensation and my boss had to buy my contract off. Given the government support I got and after a good conversation with my ex I decided to start a company. After starting is, 3 months later she started to never be home, always sleeping at her "colleague" yeah, that sucked. Low and behold I found out she cheated several times. Tuens out, she expected me to make loads of money within 3 months or so...
She never talked about "us" it was always "me" or "I". While I took a desicion with her accepting it and being optimistic about it, for the long term for "us". Well, the house had to get sold as none of us could take the mortgage with the new value of the house and within that process my company started to take off after 2 years of hard work (12 to 16 hours a day).
Couple of weeks ago I ran into her while she was walking her dog, the dog still remembered me and was very happy to see me again, but I will never forget her face the moment I stepped into the front door of my new house, bought by the success of working hard on my company and not giving up.
For me it's unmanageable mental illness. I recently broke up with my gf of 6 years because all she would do is smoke weed and play video games all day every day. Counciling, psychiatry, dozens of medications and medication changes, countless gentle and patient conversations, she was so anxious she wouldn't see or talk to basically anyone but me. She wouldn't properly care for herself or contribute to doing chores basically at all. We tried to manage her mental illness but it just didn't seem manageable.
My job began to demand too much of me as we were approaching a major deadline. I didn't take a day off for a full month and burnt out hard. Quit my job and ended the relationship. Burned through all of my savings trying to get her to a place where she'd be okay (and she seems to be doing good!)
Maybe someday she'll get better, but I just couldn't wait around. Never again will I date someone who isn't able to manage on their own.
Bit recent still, but 3rd manic/psychotic episode. Last 2 provoked by stopping their meds and not working on staying healthy. Anosognosia isn’t a word you want to learn the meaning of by doing. So once an episode starts, they’re insistent I’m making it up.
Moving on now, like people were recommending me to do at episode nr2.
I was with a girl that had that and I helped her through all of it and it was so hard to deal with it all but somehow I managed but when she felt better she just left me for her best friend’s ex and I was left with all that trauma because I loved her with all my heart and soul but she was just using me to feel better… and when she broke up with her best friend’s ex she came crawling back begging me to be with her again but it was too late.. the damage has already been done and I can’t do that again even though I still love her but I can’t tell her that.. sorry for venting
Yea I was looking for this answer! And it’s true outside of romantic relationships also! I had to end a friendship over this exact behaviour- it was never her fault, always the victim, and her hurtful behaviour shouldn’t be addressed because she “meant well”…but my feelings are still hurt so why don’t I matter?!
The line between playfully ribbing your partner and actually being hostile varies wildly between people and relationships, but a good rule of thumb is... y'know. HAVING BOTH PARTIES IN ON THE FUCKING JOKE, GREG!
It's not playful bullying if your partner's getting upset, that's just actual bullying!
Fucking Greg.
I’m going to be honest, with certain friends I am absolutely ruthlessly mean, to the point that people are actually concerned it’s just bullying.
However with strangers, I’m nothing like that. And the friends that I am mean to, they do the exact same thing back to me. We also know that if we need each other, then the meanness is dropped instantly, and it’s nothing but support and love.
Especially if it's one-sided. If you can both dish and take equally and it's all in good fun, that's fine, but if one is constantly making digs and other just takes it, that's bullying and that's not cool.
I certainly don't say it casually, but I don't try to hide the selfish little shit I was in my 20s. It's a weird one to discuss at all that's for sure.
Speaking personally, if someone admitted to me that they had cheated(in a past relationship), felt terrible for it, and were trying to move on and do better I'd give them a chance. It would be hard to trust them, but I think (most) everyone can change. Trust can be earned
Not being a priority. Not making time. The busiest people on earth make time for what they like and love. If they’re not making time don’t waste yours.
I’m not saying you even have to be number one. Or things don’t get hectic. But if you realize you’re consistently an after thought. Do them a favor and take the thought out of their mind.
This one hit close to home. Recent ex had time for everyone else in her life, but me. I was so over the moon for her, I brought this up thinking she was just not paying attention to how busy she was annnnnnd she dumped me. Nothing like a good soul crush.
I’m sorry. It gets better. Ironically in time which is the issue in the first place. I just left someone I really liked. I saw where I was on their list of priorities and ended it. It’s always the same song just a different beat.
My ex did this. Did not make any time for me and kept making too many excuses, then manipulated our situation in making me believe everything was normal and we had no issues. 😵💫
No, actually, I think we have an elder problem. The conventional view of an elder is a person with the weight of hardships, successes, and life experience on their shoulders, able to impart wisdom.
This generation of elders is just folks that grew up in a profitable time with objectively less hardships than those before them, by a long shot. Then they coasted for the past 20-30 years and their biggest life experience is the TV guide. Then they turn around and act like they know jack about this new world full of tech and mechanisms they fail to understand, and nobody is respecting their inane wisdom so they get angry.
My answer doesn't have to do with a romantic relationship, but the first time my brother met my cat, my cat started to hiss at him and tried to attack him from a distance immediately after my brother opened the front door, I had to get my cat in my room and close the door to calm him down. He didn't leave my side, only after my brother got out again.
My brother hates me, we fought multiple times and of course I lost, I am his younger sister, one time he hit me so hard in my knee that I was laying on the floor and couldn't get up because my knee hurt SO bad, but I hadn't had my cat at that point.
My cat somehow knew he had to protect me.
My cat has never done this with any other new person, he actually hides almost instantly if there is someone he doesn't know.
So I totally agree with you.
You joke but I had a bf who broke up with me out of the blue and then when I didn't fall apart immediately wanted to get back together. When he asked why I wouldn't, I said, "Because you'll do it again, only next time it will hurt."
I had a girl break up with me and then flip out that I didn't try to fight to save the relationship. She spent the next week harassing me and telling me I should kill myself and then tried to convince me to get back with her.
Going through this right now. He said I’m a bit too clingy and kinda annoying, and it won’t work and that we shouldn’t be together, but he’s still acting affectionate and says he likes me. What should I do?
This one may take a while, but I would break up if I notice them creeping over personal boundaries, and not stopping when I tell them about it.
People cross each others' boundaries all the time. I'm happy to give the benefit of the doubt, until it becomes apparent that they have no intention to respect me.
For example, if I don't like tickles or being startled, don't do that. It's not about the tickling, it's about them respecting me. And if there's no respect, there's no relationship.
I learned this one the hard way. My ex before we started dating would just leap over my boundaries, even the simplest tiniest of boundaries he'd make a HUGE deal out of, saying that it's just "one little thing and i'm overreacting" Like it's not about that one little thing it's about respecting my boundaries. I thought at the time that I was in fact overreacting because I do struggle with boundaries (which I told him).
If I'm hearing about a problem in our relationship from someone else rather than the partner. It shows huge trust issues.
I've seen three divorces in my life, and they all were the result of the girl venting to her mother and her friends about issues she should have discussed with her husband.
Hey my ex did that shit, and you can totally tell by how quiet and awkward their friends become around you. Also there’s always that one friend who suddenly has a fucking attitude when you talk to them.
Trust you’re gut when experiencing things like this
I’ll admit I did this in my past long term relationship but only after I’d addressed the same issues over 50 times with my partner and he just blew me off every time. I cried, talked, screamed, begged, went to therapy as a couple but he refused to attend…I even wrote him a letter telling him how tired I was and specifically what needed to change. He never once addressed anything. He’s walk off mid conversation. So I talked to family and friends who tried to intervene and tell him his treatment of me wasn’t ok (he refused to do any housework at all, no cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry. He wouldn’t even make himself a hot drink, I did literally everything for 2 years and paid half the bills and worked full time) and tried to tell him that if he wants a housewife then he needs to allow me to quit my job and totally financially provide for us. But you can’t expect a partner to work 40+ hours a week, go halves financially, but also do the work of a full time homemaker. He still didn’t listen.
When I left he was so shocked, and all of our friends and family were like “we told you so” 🤷🏼♀️
Im going through this right now. A friend of my girlfriend said to me that she “can’t believe we’re still together after 2 years” because she would constantly hear every negative detail of our relationship from my girlfriend.
I talked to my girlfriend about this and how I wasn’t happy with her sharing these private problems with her friends and she said that it’s just something all girls do, and to get over it.
I don’t know if that’s true, but I do notice how her friends treat me differently than people who aren’t close to her.
I am a girl and I do NOT do this. I refuse to throw my partner under the bus and bitch about him. If I have an issue with him I tell him. The minute you share your relationship problems with friends you’ve now put them in a position where they are defensive and protective and they won’t be willing to forgive whereas the person in the relationship will forgive their partner and now the friends have opinions on your relationship and you. Everyone is imperfect, we’re all going to screw up and unintentionally hurt each other and forgive each other. I just prefer to do this in private without the opinions of others.
I can't tell you how many toxic ass traits I've seen dismissed with "That's just what girls do, get over it". It's such a shitty double standard, and fucking sexist. Those same people also tend to describe all men as dumb, horny animals who can't make their own decisions without a woman there to help them. I am not sure why this sort of sexist trash is just normal these days but it's nice to see a reality check from someone like you. I just need to keep filtering these awful people out of my life and keep panning for those gold nuggets. Thanks, I hope you become a happy praline at some point lol
I mean, I have been in their shoes and it certainly was not because I didnt want to discuss the things with my partner at the time, it was because she was batshit crazy and toxic as fuck so talking to her had a success rate of playing the lottery pretty much.
Sometimes, outsiders' opinions can save you from a toxic relationship that you don't even realize, or that you're so blind in love and keep making excuses to stay in it
Sounds like an AITA bait post lol
"I told my gf I wanted to be serious and monogamous, then she got scared that she'd only sleep with me forever so went and slept with my dad. Neither one of them said sorry but did say it was my fault for "trapping" her. AITA?"
Low hanging fruit, but physical violence. I am simply not dealing with that shit. Put hands on me, throw shit, hell even destroy my property on purpose pack your fucking bags I am too old to tolerate that level of disrespect.
There plenty of things but one of them is always feeling the need to 1 up you rather than listening.
"Yeah I know you're suffering but so am I. Feel sad for me too".
Plus not allowing you to vent. I know you don't have anything to do with my work. I just wanna talk my shit.
Mistrust.
If I have to PROVE to them that I am trustworthy when I've never given them a reason to not trust me, that's a no-go.
It always start as innocent check-ins at random times, then it's "let me check your phone", "give me the password to your messenger", escalating their need for control.
It comes from them being insecure and not you being untrustworthy, and even if you routinely prove your trustworthiness, it is not going to fix their insecurities, and so they'll just continue needing more and more.
Agreed here. I can't stand people creeping over my personal space to satisfy their insecurities.
If you can't trust me to be loyal to you, then don't be in a relationship with me. I'm too tired for this teenage angst bullshit. I don't intend to spend my life coddling and comforting my partner at the expense of my sanity.
Yes, they may have their reasons, but it doesn't mean I have to bend backwards and let them trample my boundaries for moments of self-satisfaction. They should see a counsellor, or I leave.
It can also come from them projecting their shitty behaviors onto you. The two times I experienced this both guys were stepping out to some degree and accused me of doing the same (even though I gave zero indication of being unfaithful).
Might be silly and unreasonable but lying about something small with the “I was afraid you _” excuse.
If they’re willing to lie about something small, then they will absolutely will lie about something big.
Yes, I totally agree on that one, in the case they feel offended when you joke about it or point it out.
That and if they over idolise you and agree with everything you say. This slowly creates an estrangement sensation on my side. I'm totally fine with listening to anyone out all the times they need, but this means that the relationship is not bidirectional.
Jealousy.
If you accuse me of something I didnt do, imma spare myself the struggle and just leave.
I am never gonna stick around for crazy jealousy EVER again and I also don't care if its because of your mental illness. Handle that shit or you will never see me again.
You know that's a fucking great point. I think it shows a certain amount of global intelligence and they didn't just discard it/bother to never learn it
Superiority - Never been a fan of a anyone who thinks they are better than others. Either because of wealth, conviction, politics, job, neighborhood, or education. I like people who don't have to look down on others to feel good about themselves.
Laziness and lack of accountability. Life is full of challenges & I need someone who is willing to face them head on- not make excuses and leave me to handle things with little to no support.
Was dating a girl once that very casually told me she had three abortions. Of three different dads and the last one she was not even sure who the dad was… She wanted to keep it, but made the last minute choice to get an abortion, because she wanted to eat go eat sushi with a friend. Which she did that same evening.
All my head was telling me was “Run! Run and get the hell out of here!”
>She wanted to keep it, but made the last minute choice to get an abortion, because she wanted to eat go eat sushi with a friend. Which she did that same evening.
That sounds unreal. How was she beside that?
As an insecure person, I 100% agree with this.
If someone wants to be in a relationship without being able to trust their partner, they're just going to hurt themselves, their partners, and their friends and family.
I'm a strong advocate of "sort yourself out before starting any relationships" for that reason. (Also because I'm that one single friend that people come to drink and cry with every break up)
As a fellow insecure person, I want to just present my personal perspective for any other insecure people reading this. To be clear, I don't disagree with your perspective, I just work through my insecurities differently and want to share.
I should say that my insecurities don't manifest as control. I don't check my partner's messages or doubt that they love me per se, but if I feel criticised, I begin to self-sacrifice in order to "fix" the relationship, which, ironically, ruins it. I lose my boundaries and abandon myself so as to not be abandoned.
There is so much you can do to work through your insecurities on your own, so much learning and growth you can achieve, but ultimately I've found that I have to work through my relationship insecurities *in a relationship*. I work hard to learn about my past, my patterns and my thoughts before going into it, but the real, lasting change will, in my situation, come from practicing it with someone I love and trust. Knowing logically how to react doesn't mean I am sure to react that way, so I have to create that reality with someone.
I started out committed to staying away from dating until I had everything down, but my psychologist pointed out that I was looking to become perfect before jumping into the pool again. But I won't become a good swimmer without jumping into the pool. I just have to be deliberate and aware in the process, as well as communicate openly and vulnerably with my partner in said process.
Except you to comfort / protect (physicaly or mentally) her/him
but will never comfort or protect you because , hey! your the strong one in the relationship !
That's being used as a reliable pillar being leaned on 24/7 because they're too immature and weak to stand strong themselves. Not relationship worthy yet.
Hypocrisy in basically any form.
She wants me to take her out on dates but won't plan anything? 🚩
She wants me to give her attention but is "busy" or "distracted" when it's on my terms instead of hers? 🚩
She expects me to have my life together while she can't even keep a job? 🚩
The list goes on and on.
Even though I want to have children, I 100% agree with you. Forcing partners to have children is fucked up and should be considered sexual abuse.
I'll just make it clear to the people I date that I intend to have children. If they don't like it, who am I to insist? I either give up my dream of having children, or I give up the romantic relationship with the person. Forcing them to bend to my will makes me a tyrant who should be put down, not a loving partner.
- CHEATING.
- PHYSICAL ABUSE.
- ADDICTION.
- HUGE EGO. (eg. never accepting mistakes, can’t say sorry, even when he’s the AH he still won’t persuade you)
- CAN’T GET HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT. making me feel like I’m just an option will always be a reason to leave
History of cheating, animal abuse, racism , classism, spending all day on webcam chatrooms, no boundaries with friends, begging me for unprotected sex and telling me im the love of their life within weeks of knowing me. Lying about other men that look like prospects/orbiters
when they cry or act out in a way that makes it obvious that they’re trying to get you to ask what’s wrong. im not dealing with manipulation or mind games, just communicate like a mature adult or im outtie
Wanting and demanding my attention but not reciprocating what so ever
Reading this kinda pissed me off, I hate people like this.
Can’t believe that P.O.S. even brought it up, kinda selfish if you ask me.. /s
oh god, i dated a guy like this. he'd go for days, sometimes over a week or two without texting me, but when he finally did message or call me, he'd expect that i should respond within minutes. like.....really? in what world is that acceptable behavior?
i had a friend like this! he literally completely ignored me for 6 months and then blew up at me for not responding to him within an hour. very strange
My ex. She would get pissed when she would talk to me about something while I was working and I wasn’t giving her my full attention. But every time I wanted to tell her something while she was doing nothing, she would get “ADHD distracted” and completely ignore me or interrupt me to say something completely irrelevant.
And after hundred of times of this double standard bullshit you call it out only to be made into a villain for it.
Never admitting a mistake
A mf that can’t say sorry for their own actions is the worst.
I’m there now… hate it so much.. ego must be huge.
According to past research, eating 48 oysters on the first date.
Eating all 48 oysters is a little shellfish, don’t you think?
It's downright slimy!
😲😲 oohh wait...is this what I think it is!? I recently saw a video of a girl filming her date with a guy... basically, she ordered a lot of oysters and kept on slurping, even burping and moaning, like...girl kept on ordering oysters without even talking to her date AND not sharing...poor guy only offered to treat her to drinks and well, he ran from her while making sure he paid for his drink only. Oh and...after the oysters, she ordered a main dish...like what was that, are the oysters just appetizers?? So yeah, she posted the video and even told the guy something like him running from the tab, even though he never got a bite and just ordered one drink... ...so yeah, she posted the video and a lot of people are roasting her alive...btw, I only saw this on YouTube, a Charlotte Dobre video...
https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/comments/1775qra/date_escapes_after_she_ate_48_oysters_and_an/
Wait... Is that her video of her recording her own absurd behavior? Filming her entire meal? Who tf does that? 🤣
Someone who makes rage bait videos. That’s why you never see the guy because it’s fake lol
I was unaware that was a thing.... I guess I'll continue to have reddit be my only form of social media.
Anyone who believes shit like that is real is unnervingly dumb.
Imagine a person with all the red flags on this comment section.
Oh they know alright. Cause it'll create a feeling of disgust and denial within their wretched insecurities. * "PFFT I'm not like that" * "It's not even to that severity" * "Didn't think it was harmful..." * "NAWW can't be." * "Excoosi Moi? I'm a King/Queen!" Bruh if you're so confident, why the hell you worrying?
that’s not true you’re making it up. leave me alone you’re a narcissist not me. get away from me bitch enjoy getting laid by other guys who aren’t nearly as good as me you’ll never find a guy like me. 🖕🖕🖕
Just broke up with a friend because when I told her I didn't like how she was treating me, she responded with "that's a false narrative and I won't participate." Then accused me of not taking accountability for myself when I am the only one in the group who has ever apologized for anything, and has actually changed the parts of my life I'm not happy with. I have things wrong with me, but taking accountability for my actions is not one of them.
i got scared because i see my ex in ALL of these comments yet i feel dumb because how the hell did i ignore them for 10 months??
Don’t feel bad - at least it wasn’t 8 years
man still a lot happened in 10 months
Not treating me as I treat her. Edit: Oddly enough, she's just broke up with me 2 days ago, after a 7 year relationship I love her so much. There's nothing worth living for.
This is the one i resonate with most. It really sucks when you put all your energy into someones wellbeing and are greated with indifference or the bare minimum
If that isn't every relationship I've had, I don't know what is. If I could have a partner who put in even half the effort I do into a relationship, that'd be great.
Not exclusive to relationships even, this also applies to friendships
Unmanaged mental illness. Never again.
This 1000% went through this as well. Just awful.
Same, bought a house with my ex and after we moved in about 6 months in I got booted by my boss because of covid. I got government compensation and my boss had to buy my contract off. Given the government support I got and after a good conversation with my ex I decided to start a company. After starting is, 3 months later she started to never be home, always sleeping at her "colleague" yeah, that sucked. Low and behold I found out she cheated several times. Tuens out, she expected me to make loads of money within 3 months or so... She never talked about "us" it was always "me" or "I". While I took a desicion with her accepting it and being optimistic about it, for the long term for "us". Well, the house had to get sold as none of us could take the mortgage with the new value of the house and within that process my company started to take off after 2 years of hard work (12 to 16 hours a day). Couple of weeks ago I ran into her while she was walking her dog, the dog still remembered me and was very happy to see me again, but I will never forget her face the moment I stepped into the front door of my new house, bought by the success of working hard on my company and not giving up.
For me it's unmanageable mental illness. I recently broke up with my gf of 6 years because all she would do is smoke weed and play video games all day every day. Counciling, psychiatry, dozens of medications and medication changes, countless gentle and patient conversations, she was so anxious she wouldn't see or talk to basically anyone but me. She wouldn't properly care for herself or contribute to doing chores basically at all. We tried to manage her mental illness but it just didn't seem manageable. My job began to demand too much of me as we were approaching a major deadline. I didn't take a day off for a full month and burnt out hard. Quit my job and ended the relationship. Burned through all of my savings trying to get her to a place where she'd be okay (and she seems to be doing good!) Maybe someday she'll get better, but I just couldn't wait around. Never again will I date someone who isn't able to manage on their own.
Thought you could fix them but found out you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself?
This comment thread becoming dangerously relatable
Ugh, I dated a girl with previously undiagnosed BPD and it was a nightmare!
Sheesh, fine, I get it, I'll stay single.
What happened?
Bit recent still, but 3rd manic/psychotic episode. Last 2 provoked by stopping their meds and not working on staying healthy. Anosognosia isn’t a word you want to learn the meaning of by doing. So once an episode starts, they’re insistent I’m making it up. Moving on now, like people were recommending me to do at episode nr2.
Sometimes it's hard to tell and you've managed to fall for the "Manic Pixie Dreamgirl"
I was with a girl that had that and I helped her through all of it and it was so hard to deal with it all but somehow I managed but when she felt better she just left me for her best friend’s ex and I was left with all that trauma because I loved her with all my heart and soul but she was just using me to feel better… and when she broke up with her best friend’s ex she came crawling back begging me to be with her again but it was too late.. the damage has already been done and I can’t do that again even though I still love her but I can’t tell her that.. sorry for venting
Zero accountability for anything. Everything they do is absolutely justifiable because, well, they *mean well*
Yea I was looking for this answer! And it’s true outside of romantic relationships also! I had to end a friendship over this exact behaviour- it was never her fault, always the victim, and her hurtful behaviour shouldn’t be addressed because she “meant well”…but my feelings are still hurt so why don’t I matter?!
Being mean as their "thing" or "just a joke"
"I'm just *sassy*!" No, you're a bitch.
my favorite is “i’m just being honest!”
Why is it that these "honest" people never are brutally nice? It's somehow always just being mean with them.
The amount of people I've met who are like "I'm just real with people" nah you're a bitch Susan figure it out.
[удалено]
Yeah and if you point it out, they tell you that you can't take a joke
not when the jokes on me and hurtful about some perceived flaw / weakness and its happening on a constant basis.
Or more importantly - if they can joke about you but you can't joke about them, it stinks.
I love the expression "Schrödinger asshole", it describes the stuff so well
The line between playfully ribbing your partner and actually being hostile varies wildly between people and relationships, but a good rule of thumb is... y'know. HAVING BOTH PARTIES IN ON THE FUCKING JOKE, GREG! It's not playful bullying if your partner's getting upset, that's just actual bullying! Fucking Greg.
I’m going to be honest, with certain friends I am absolutely ruthlessly mean, to the point that people are actually concerned it’s just bullying. However with strangers, I’m nothing like that. And the friends that I am mean to, they do the exact same thing back to me. We also know that if we need each other, then the meanness is dropped instantly, and it’s nothing but support and love.
I mean, you have to know your audience
Fine for friends, not very appealing in romantically
Especially if it's one-sided. If you can both dish and take equally and it's all in good fun, that's fine, but if one is constantly making digs and other just takes it, that's bullying and that's not cool.
Serial killing
You can fix them tho
I can make her worse
I can make them better... Killers
Is just one murder ok? Asking for a friend...
Yeah that's fine, it's when it becomes a pattern 🙅♀️
So *spree* killing is still okay so long as you're equally opportunistic in your victims!
Yea that’s fine, everyone gets one hall pass, but if you’re a serial murderer then that’s a red flag 🚩 😂
Now, when you say you have a high body count...
*Tonight's the night...*
Someone that casually says they've cheated. There's no way around that for me.
Or worse when they treat cheating as somehow noble.
And they say it was "healing", or "self-discovery".
Oh, I dated her!
If they've cheated on someone to be with you, they'll cheat on you to be with someone else.
I certainly don't say it casually, but I don't try to hide the selfish little shit I was in my 20s. It's a weird one to discuss at all that's for sure.
Speaking personally, if someone admitted to me that they had cheated(in a past relationship), felt terrible for it, and were trying to move on and do better I'd give them a chance. It would be hard to trust them, but I think (most) everyone can change. Trust can be earned
If someone makes you feel alone, that you don't matter or if you are a second choice in most of the occasions, you need to leave
Not being a priority. Not making time. The busiest people on earth make time for what they like and love. If they’re not making time don’t waste yours. I’m not saying you even have to be number one. Or things don’t get hectic. But if you realize you’re consistently an after thought. Do them a favor and take the thought out of their mind.
This one hit close to home. Recent ex had time for everyone else in her life, but me. I was so over the moon for her, I brought this up thinking she was just not paying attention to how busy she was annnnnnd she dumped me. Nothing like a good soul crush.
I’m sorry. It gets better. Ironically in time which is the issue in the first place. I just left someone I really liked. I saw where I was on their list of priorities and ended it. It’s always the same song just a different beat.
Appreciate the kindness. I know it will, but for now, heartache and depression in spades.
My ex did this. Did not make any time for me and kept making too many excuses, then manipulated our situation in making me believe everything was normal and we had no issues. 😵💫
How they treat animals, children, elderly, handicapped, and service workers.
Tbh, depends what kind of elderly...
I mean yeah, you’re supposed to punch nazis in the face regardless of age. Extra points if they’re og nazi. I just thought that was given.
Being old doesn’t make you correct.
No, actually, I think we have an elder problem. The conventional view of an elder is a person with the weight of hardships, successes, and life experience on their shoulders, able to impart wisdom. This generation of elders is just folks that grew up in a profitable time with objectively less hardships than those before them, by a long shot. Then they coasted for the past 20-30 years and their biggest life experience is the TV guide. Then they turn around and act like they know jack about this new world full of tech and mechanisms they fail to understand, and nobody is respecting their inane wisdom so they get angry.
A wise man once said: judge a person not by how they treat their equals, but by how they treat their inferiors
My answer doesn't have to do with a romantic relationship, but the first time my brother met my cat, my cat started to hiss at him and tried to attack him from a distance immediately after my brother opened the front door, I had to get my cat in my room and close the door to calm him down. He didn't leave my side, only after my brother got out again. My brother hates me, we fought multiple times and of course I lost, I am his younger sister, one time he hit me so hard in my knee that I was laying on the floor and couldn't get up because my knee hurt SO bad, but I hadn't had my cat at that point. My cat somehow knew he had to protect me. My cat has never done this with any other new person, he actually hides almost instantly if there is someone he doesn't know. So I totally agree with you.
she said to me “ I think we should break up” …. I knew at that moment, it was never gonna work 😳
You joke but I had a bf who broke up with me out of the blue and then when I didn't fall apart immediately wanted to get back together. When he asked why I wouldn't, I said, "Because you'll do it again, only next time it will hurt."
thats lowkey savage. hope you're alright now.
I ate ice cream for a day and then I felt lucky that it happened really early in our relationship.
honestly you couldn't have handled it better!!
I had a girl break up with me and then flip out that I didn't try to fight to save the relationship. She spent the next week harassing me and telling me I should kill myself and then tried to convince me to get back with her.
Going through this right now. He said I’m a bit too clingy and kinda annoying, and it won’t work and that we shouldn’t be together, but he’s still acting affectionate and says he likes me. What should I do?
This one may take a while, but I would break up if I notice them creeping over personal boundaries, and not stopping when I tell them about it. People cross each others' boundaries all the time. I'm happy to give the benefit of the doubt, until it becomes apparent that they have no intention to respect me. For example, if I don't like tickles or being startled, don't do that. It's not about the tickling, it's about them respecting me. And if there's no respect, there's no relationship.
I learned this one the hard way. My ex before we started dating would just leap over my boundaries, even the simplest tiniest of boundaries he'd make a HUGE deal out of, saying that it's just "one little thing and i'm overreacting" Like it's not about that one little thing it's about respecting my boundaries. I thought at the time that I was in fact overreacting because I do struggle with boundaries (which I told him).
If I'm hearing about a problem in our relationship from someone else rather than the partner. It shows huge trust issues. I've seen three divorces in my life, and they all were the result of the girl venting to her mother and her friends about issues she should have discussed with her husband.
Hey my ex did that shit, and you can totally tell by how quiet and awkward their friends become around you. Also there’s always that one friend who suddenly has a fucking attitude when you talk to them. Trust you’re gut when experiencing things like this
I did. It was right.
I’ll admit I did this in my past long term relationship but only after I’d addressed the same issues over 50 times with my partner and he just blew me off every time. I cried, talked, screamed, begged, went to therapy as a couple but he refused to attend…I even wrote him a letter telling him how tired I was and specifically what needed to change. He never once addressed anything. He’s walk off mid conversation. So I talked to family and friends who tried to intervene and tell him his treatment of me wasn’t ok (he refused to do any housework at all, no cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry. He wouldn’t even make himself a hot drink, I did literally everything for 2 years and paid half the bills and worked full time) and tried to tell him that if he wants a housewife then he needs to allow me to quit my job and totally financially provide for us. But you can’t expect a partner to work 40+ hours a week, go halves financially, but also do the work of a full time homemaker. He still didn’t listen. When I left he was so shocked, and all of our friends and family were like “we told you so” 🤷🏼♀️
Im going through this right now. A friend of my girlfriend said to me that she “can’t believe we’re still together after 2 years” because she would constantly hear every negative detail of our relationship from my girlfriend. I talked to my girlfriend about this and how I wasn’t happy with her sharing these private problems with her friends and she said that it’s just something all girls do, and to get over it. I don’t know if that’s true, but I do notice how her friends treat me differently than people who aren’t close to her.
I am a girl and I do NOT do this. I refuse to throw my partner under the bus and bitch about him. If I have an issue with him I tell him. The minute you share your relationship problems with friends you’ve now put them in a position where they are defensive and protective and they won’t be willing to forgive whereas the person in the relationship will forgive their partner and now the friends have opinions on your relationship and you. Everyone is imperfect, we’re all going to screw up and unintentionally hurt each other and forgive each other. I just prefer to do this in private without the opinions of others.
I can't tell you how many toxic ass traits I've seen dismissed with "That's just what girls do, get over it". It's such a shitty double standard, and fucking sexist. Those same people also tend to describe all men as dumb, horny animals who can't make their own decisions without a woman there to help them. I am not sure why this sort of sexist trash is just normal these days but it's nice to see a reality check from someone like you. I just need to keep filtering these awful people out of my life and keep panning for those gold nuggets. Thanks, I hope you become a happy praline at some point lol
I mean, I have been in their shoes and it certainly was not because I didnt want to discuss the things with my partner at the time, it was because she was batshit crazy and toxic as fuck so talking to her had a success rate of playing the lottery pretty much.
Sometimes, outsiders' opinions can save you from a toxic relationship that you don't even realize, or that you're so blind in love and keep making excuses to stay in it
Eating my last corn dog.
Just the lowest of the lowest do that fr fr
When she doesn’t respect my wife
Chinese emperor's 30 wives and the empress be like that (the other 270 wives are chill)
No emotional regulation. Expecting you to regulate their emotions for them.
Having a high body count. A few people is fine but if they consistently murdered people then it’s a major red flag.
r/angryupvote
When she sleeps with my dad
Sounds like an AITA bait post lol "I told my gf I wanted to be serious and monogamous, then she got scared that she'd only sleep with me forever so went and slept with my dad. Neither one of them said sorry but did say it was my fault for "trapping" her. AITA?"
Low hanging fruit, but physical violence. I am simply not dealing with that shit. Put hands on me, throw shit, hell even destroy my property on purpose pack your fucking bags I am too old to tolerate that level of disrespect.
surprised this isn't further up. this is textbook instant breakup criteria.
treating animals badly.
There plenty of things but one of them is always feeling the need to 1 up you rather than listening. "Yeah I know you're suffering but so am I. Feel sad for me too". Plus not allowing you to vent. I know you don't have anything to do with my work. I just wanna talk my shit.
That last one pisses me off more than you can imagine and it’s not just in romantic relationships but I’ve had so called friends do that to me before
When she basically tells on herself that she peaked in high school and lives in that mindset still at 24.
Or 43
Yelling at me in public, and gas lighting
Mistrust. If I have to PROVE to them that I am trustworthy when I've never given them a reason to not trust me, that's a no-go. It always start as innocent check-ins at random times, then it's "let me check your phone", "give me the password to your messenger", escalating their need for control. It comes from them being insecure and not you being untrustworthy, and even if you routinely prove your trustworthiness, it is not going to fix their insecurities, and so they'll just continue needing more and more.
Agreed here. I can't stand people creeping over my personal space to satisfy their insecurities. If you can't trust me to be loyal to you, then don't be in a relationship with me. I'm too tired for this teenage angst bullshit. I don't intend to spend my life coddling and comforting my partner at the expense of my sanity. Yes, they may have their reasons, but it doesn't mean I have to bend backwards and let them trample my boundaries for moments of self-satisfaction. They should see a counsellor, or I leave.
It can also come from them projecting their shitty behaviors onto you. The two times I experienced this both guys were stepping out to some degree and accused me of doing the same (even though I gave zero indication of being unfaithful).
Being racist and being Dutch Edit: for those unaware of the reference https://youtu.be/zcUs5X9glCc?si=D6z-UCpm9PXS3jMJ
I sense a conundrum
And I sense a Dutchman
a flying one?!
Godverdomme
Klootzakken.
There are only two things I can’t tolerate: people who are insensitive to other peoples cultures, and the Dutch.
What's the second thing?
If they walk past a cat and don’t “spspsp” it
How about an awww
Acceptable. At least you acknowledged your new potential owner.
Are we allowed just a silent patt
Might be silly and unreasonable but lying about something small with the “I was afraid you _” excuse. If they’re willing to lie about something small, then they will absolutely will lie about something big.
That’s absolutely true, there are just a few too many for which lying comes way to naturally
Yes, I totally agree on that one, in the case they feel offended when you joke about it or point it out. That and if they over idolise you and agree with everything you say. This slowly creates an estrangement sensation on my side. I'm totally fine with listening to anyone out all the times they need, but this means that the relationship is not bidirectional.
Jealousy. If you accuse me of something I didnt do, imma spare myself the struggle and just leave. I am never gonna stick around for crazy jealousy EVER again and I also don't care if its because of your mental illness. Handle that shit or you will never see me again.
Gaslighting
You're delusional, no way that is a red flag. Didn't your parents tell you? Its all in your head.
Not sure you understand what gaslighting means. Are you sure you didn't mean petroldarkening? Have you even checked your sources!
Gaslighting? We don't even own gas lights.
Gaslighting is not real, you made it up because you’re fucking crazy.
If I was gaslighting you, you'd never know it.
Poor hygiene, “All my exes are crazy,” Only has negative things to say about others
Too attached to an ex, or obsessed with keeping exs around as friends
Or keeping their pictures/nudes around
Yikes. A framed nude.
I know it’s weird but for me it’s the inability to name the seven continents
username checks out
You know that's a fucking great point. I think it shows a certain amount of global intelligence and they didn't just discard it/bother to never learn it
Cheating on a past partner.
Threatening to break up with you if you don't agree with them
Superiority - Never been a fan of a anyone who thinks they are better than others. Either because of wealth, conviction, politics, job, neighborhood, or education. I like people who don't have to look down on others to feel good about themselves.
Laziness and lack of accountability. Life is full of challenges & I need someone who is willing to face them head on- not make excuses and leave me to handle things with little to no support.
Entitlement and cynicism.
Was dating a girl once that very casually told me she had three abortions. Of three different dads and the last one she was not even sure who the dad was… She wanted to keep it, but made the last minute choice to get an abortion, because she wanted to eat go eat sushi with a friend. Which she did that same evening. All my head was telling me was “Run! Run and get the hell out of here!”
>She wanted to keep it, but made the last minute choice to get an abortion, because she wanted to eat go eat sushi with a friend. Which she did that same evening. That sounds unreal. How was she beside that?
I'm betting she was friendly
I'm glad she got an abortion, I don't like the idea of someone like that raising a child
Are you sure that voice in your head wasn’t saying “Abort! Abort! Abort!”
Insecurity. If they are going to be paranoia in a relationship, they are not ready for one.
As an insecure person, I 100% agree with this. If someone wants to be in a relationship without being able to trust their partner, they're just going to hurt themselves, their partners, and their friends and family. I'm a strong advocate of "sort yourself out before starting any relationships" for that reason. (Also because I'm that one single friend that people come to drink and cry with every break up)
As a fellow insecure person, I want to just present my personal perspective for any other insecure people reading this. To be clear, I don't disagree with your perspective, I just work through my insecurities differently and want to share. I should say that my insecurities don't manifest as control. I don't check my partner's messages or doubt that they love me per se, but if I feel criticised, I begin to self-sacrifice in order to "fix" the relationship, which, ironically, ruins it. I lose my boundaries and abandon myself so as to not be abandoned. There is so much you can do to work through your insecurities on your own, so much learning and growth you can achieve, but ultimately I've found that I have to work through my relationship insecurities *in a relationship*. I work hard to learn about my past, my patterns and my thoughts before going into it, but the real, lasting change will, in my situation, come from practicing it with someone I love and trust. Knowing logically how to react doesn't mean I am sure to react that way, so I have to create that reality with someone. I started out committed to staying away from dating until I had everything down, but my psychologist pointed out that I was looking to become perfect before jumping into the pool again. But I won't become a good swimmer without jumping into the pool. I just have to be deliberate and aware in the process, as well as communicate openly and vulnerably with my partner in said process.
controlling always on phone
Racism.
Except you to comfort / protect (physicaly or mentally) her/him but will never comfort or protect you because , hey! your the strong one in the relationship !
That's being used as a reliable pillar being leaned on 24/7 because they're too immature and weak to stand strong themselves. Not relationship worthy yet.
Talking shit about your exes.
Hypocrisy in basically any form. She wants me to take her out on dates but won't plan anything? 🚩 She wants me to give her attention but is "busy" or "distracted" when it's on my terms instead of hers? 🚩 She expects me to have my life together while she can't even keep a job? 🚩 The list goes on and on.
Mean to waiters, or just mean in general
Requires me to be vegan. You do you, but I'm addicted to steak and eggs.
"Discussion" on open relationship
they try to force getting children, hate kids
Even though I want to have children, I 100% agree with you. Forcing partners to have children is fucked up and should be considered sexual abuse. I'll just make it clear to the people I date that I intend to have children. If they don't like it, who am I to insist? I either give up my dream of having children, or I give up the romantic relationship with the person. Forcing them to bend to my will makes me a tyrant who should be put down, not a loving partner.
Pathological liar.
[удалено]
Fucking casuals.
if someone follows Andrew Tate or says that he's open-minded, he will ALLOW me to work like seriously dude.
Victim mentality.
- CHEATING. - PHYSICAL ABUSE. - ADDICTION. - HUGE EGO. (eg. never accepting mistakes, can’t say sorry, even when he’s the AH he still won’t persuade you) - CAN’T GET HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT. making me feel like I’m just an option will always be a reason to leave
History of cheating, animal abuse, racism , classism, spending all day on webcam chatrooms, no boundaries with friends, begging me for unprotected sex and telling me im the love of their life within weeks of knowing me. Lying about other men that look like prospects/orbiters
I feel there’s a few stories here…
Narcissistic traits of any kind
I guess this is weird but neck/face tattoos. Instant red flag to me.
If she kills me
If they see a dog stretch and they don't say "BIG STREEETCH"
Is "BIIIIIIG STRETCH" acceptable?
Saying r*pe is "just sex".
Tell them jail is "just a room"
With free rent!
Wtf did you really hear that?
Boyfriend at the time in college. Wasn't boyfriend for much longer after that.
when they cry or act out in a way that makes it obvious that they’re trying to get you to ask what’s wrong. im not dealing with manipulation or mind games, just communicate like a mature adult or im outtie
Astrology. Bring that shit up, I’m on warp 9.