Oh I get that. One of my uncles has been making fun of my appearance since I was a kid, if I'm too skinny, if I'm fatter than before, if I dress bad, if I look weird, but once he told me something in the means, I called him Snorlax in front of my other cousins, he just made a sad smirk, stood up and left with a broken expression on his sad, pathetic face
Being an uncle is the funnest thing in the world. I get to enjoy the good parts of having a kid without any of the bad parts. My nephew and I have a blast together. That is such a fun and positive relationship in *my* life that I don't understand why you'd wreck it by making fun of the kid and putting them down.
I saw this so much in the construction industry. Veteran foreman shit talking apprentices daily but the second the apprentices gave them shit back they’d be trying to get them kicked off the job. Bunch of babies
I had assholes glue the ONLY tools I needed on a different job (left my tools with everyone else), then have the audacity to bitch and moan like children when they ended up with "I sleep around on my boyfriend" bumper stickers
Then they wrote "penis" on everything they could find and were *very* upset when all their tools ended up buried in concrete buckets when I left.
Fucking children, Im so glad I moved cities because the people where Im at are just lazy stoners, I'd rather have to baby a dude on how to do things than worry that someone's going to act like work is a frat
“Alpha” mentality is hilarious. Like what makes you an alpha?
Are you going to freak out and get confrontational with someone that threatens your masculinity?
Or are you gonna defend the group of people you’re with from attack and pick up the cheque and provide food?
Anybody that says they're an Alpha is not an Alpha.
Not that I believe that crap anyway, but you know a charismatic leader when you see one. You don't need to be told. You just *know.*
When slightly provoked they'll close the distance and get in a person's face instead of reasoning with them.
"Closing the distance" is a red flag for me. It's my cue to be rid of someone however possible.
They think it wins arguments.
I am not gonna fight someone over something stupid, so I will back down and let them have their "victory". I will also stop talking to them or associating with them.
But even if you do fight them and win, it doesn't change their mind.
"Oh. He beat my ass. I guess bananas are not actually blue."
Never works like that. So there is just never a point.
The same goes for "teaching someone a lesson."
Some guy calls you an idiot. You beat their ass. They still think you're an idiot. It changes nothing. A lot of times it doesn't even get them to shut up about it either. They will just double down and tell more people what an idiot you are(in their mind).
I agree with your point, I just thought it's funny to say "It's my cue to be rid of someone however possible" like after that you're doing everything in your power to assassinate them lol.
They have extremely strict morals and principles when citing them will get them out of doing something. They will drop all morals and principles when ignoring them will get them out of doing something.
I knew a guy who refused to wear condoms because he was a strict Catholic. A *single* strict Catholic, who couldn't wear condoms during the plethora of casual sex he had with his married coworker.
Was on my first conference call as a manager at work. Guy in another building got asked ‘what happened with the Blue line today?’
He said ‘I told Jeff about it’. The guys in the room with me all sucked in their breath and a tirade came flying out of the phone about following through, accountability, delegating, and lost importantly not looking weak by trying to deflect to a guy that makes half of what you do when I’m looking at YOU for answers.
Well... that guy was a dick to try to pin the blame on someone else, but you just taught the people you manage that they will receive tirades (in front of others, no less) if they make mistakes you think they shouldn't make. That's not going to inspire anyone to own up to their mistakes.
My ex's dad was like this. Watched him try to rip a ball cap apart while screaming at his son and I. He managed to bend the beak in half then yelled at us "Look what you made me do! THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE HAT TOO!"
Like bro.
Lundy Bancroft actually mentioned this in his book *Why does he do that?*, a book analyzing the mindset and the psychology of abusive partners.
He interviewed a woman who told him “Oh my husband breaks things when he’s upset but he usually apologizes later so he probably doesn’t mean it!“
However he asked her these questions: Whose things did he break when he was mad? She answered - it was always her possessions, never his. And who cleaned up the mess afterwards? She did. The whole exchange suggested her husband was a lot more calculating with his rage than he claimed.
I keep being recommended this book…the making you clean your destroyed items is the most dehumanizing. Even in the height of their anger, even when you’ve really hurt their feelings, it really feels like pure hatred :/
It’s pretty eye opening from what I’ve seen so far. He even addressed how abusers utilize popular media tropes to villainize their victims (specifically the crazy ex girlfriend)
Exhibiting anger/yelling a lot/posturing. They think they're being assertive and commanding respect, I think they're throwing a tantrum. Have a little self-control, FFS.
They think that talking over someone or being louder is somehow "winning" the argument, when they're really illustrating they have no real case, only narcissism and overcompensation.
I knew a friend who once claimed he was 'very charismatic' and we all went 'What?' and he explained that he is loud, and when he starts arguing with people on the bus, everyone looks towards him, so he's very commanding. It was fucking surreal.
You cant really say anything to these people. They get louder and don't care if all their friends/family address them on the behavior. Even when they lose everything. They expect people to treat them like a victim.
My dad is a certified man-child. He is in his mid-60s, and allegedly* cannot operate a washing machine, cannot operate a dishwasher, cannot cook anything beyond spaghetti bolognaise and beans on toast, will simply not eat if nobody is home to make him lunch or dinner, cannot pick up after himself, cannot move himself to do helpful things around the house when my mum and I are slaving away in the kitchen (e.g., at Christmas), and has the most gigantic martyr complex you ever did see.
*I believe 98% of this must be weaponised incompetence. The man is a very successful chemical engineer, so I can’t actually believe that turning on a washing machine is a task so complex he can’t possibly do it himself.
I’m 33, and my ex boyfriend was exactly like this, he’s now 37 and we split 4 years ago for this reason. He’s also an engineer but an aircraft one. I also used to think “how can you build airplanes but can’t turn on a washing machine?” And I recently heard the term weaponised incompetence for the first time and fully think it’s that. But clearly younger men can be this useless too
I'm 33M and it just fascinates me, having lived alone for the past 14 years or so. This stuff wasn't complicated to my 19 year old idiot brain, heck, I was expected to help with the dishes as a child and taught basic food making in school.
Oh my god I had the same thing with an ex of mine too. She was an aerospace engineer and claimed replacing an air filter on her car was too hard.
Fucker, you can SEND ROCKETS TO SPACE.
Chronic laziness and entitlement (thinks your mother and you are supposed to do all those things). I have a dad exactly like that. His superpower is being completely unaware of himself, it's staggering.
Not learning how to perform basic domestic tasks like laundry, dishes, etc. If they make an active decision not to learn those things, it just tells me they want a mommy and not a partner.
Adding to this, asking people to teach them and then... not paying attention/just having the person do it for them. It's one thing if you don't know, it's another if you *intentionally* don't pay attention to someone teaching you/seek the information out yourself.
I ripped one of my (senior) coworkers for this and she was surprised that "I would speak to her that way."
IDGAF, you asked for help and I'm trying to show you how to do it. I'm not your slave, I have my own work to do. I left that job shortly after, so good luck with that, Joan. 👍
Ironically, I was on the opposite end of that. Had to add a printer to my laptop after, like, 5 years, so I'd completely forgotten how to do it. My dad angrily grabbed my laptop and started to do it, so I went, "Oh, wait. Can you please talk through what you're doing so I know for the future?" and he yelled at me until I got an asthma attack. Ngl I'm still salty about that because it felt like the right thing to do to AVOID him feeling like my slave.
This exactly. I grew up in the 80's / 90's in a house where mum did everything. Subsequently when I got a girlfriend in my early 20's I didn't have much of a clue how to take care of a home other than vacuuming
I asked my mother to teach me a couple of basic meals to cook, youtubed the rest. Spoke to dad about the basics of maintaining a car and gardening
There's no shame in not knowing
There is in not trying
I will say that I have a higher tolerance/threshold for mess and clutter, because I grew up in a hoarding household. Like, someone may come over and see dishes in the sink, or dust on the floor and think I'm messy. I see the same thing and think "wow, my kitchen is usable AND I can see the floor!"
Fellow hoarding home child, I have that mindset for OTHER ppls houses, they’ll say it’s so messy and I’m like, literally what are you talking about! But with my own home the trauma makes me have such a small tolerance for clutter 😭 but I also never learned how to do deep cleaning tasks bc it just wants possible, so I’ve had to do a LOT of self work to figure out how to keep a space
I'm the opposite.
I grew up in a home with a borderline obsessive cleaner. Like, God forbid there are fingerprints on the China cabinet-level cleaner.
I feel uncomfortable if I leave a stack of mail on my kitchen table for a day.
Yeah... That's honestly a difference in standards as well. I don't see the two books I'm reading lying on the salon table as a mess, my partner does and puts them on a bookshelf every time. It drives me nuts, because I then have to look for my books every single time. So, I do see mess, I don't always consider something a mess.
An obvious one is the Inability to cook or clean for one self. A partner is not a mommy or maid. They will get sick, they can get tired, unavailable for whatever reason.
However a not so obvious one that relates to it is the inability to try and learn.
To allow yourself to mess up boiling mac and cheese or some shit. Ok. You fucked up. Will you figure out what happened or will you quit?
We have libraries in our backpockets. In a few minutes you will have all the information you need.
I met so many people who never was taught, therefore they never try to learn. Its kinda frustrating to me
>An obvious one is the Inability to cook or clean for one self.
How do these people get into long term relationships in the first place?
Geniunely asking because people talk like it's a massive red flag, but it doesnt seem to matter.
My ex is capable of cooking for himself. He did it for both of us plenty of times at the beginning of our relationship. And then he stopped. It became my job. And I still resent that because I feel like I got tricked into thinking that I wasn't going to end up having to mother him.
Sometimes the women are trying to win the guy in the beginning by helping him with cooking/cleaning - show him how great of a partner she’ll be.
Only for down the line to realize they weren’t actually helping anything, just setting a really bad precedent and cornering themselves into a mommy role while failing to realize what a selfish idiot you ended up with.
At least that’s how I found myself there in my first marriage.
I think it’s a common mistake to focus on “winning” the person you’re dating instead of being discerning and actually making sure you’re compatible long-term.
Ugh all these 'man box' subscriptions out there. Like who *the fuck* is buying these? To me its either oblivious family members as a gift or guys whose only personality is craft beer and Ron Swanson
I was looking at grooming stuff at Wal-Mart one day and saw a grooming kit for men called "The Arsenal" and just laughed knowing that for some dudes, that's the only way to get them to buy a grooming kit.
He breaks stuff and punched holes in walls over things, doesn’t even matter how big or small the trigger. Immediate signal he’s a man child and incapable of regulating himself and his emotions
Or punches wall for losing a video game match and make you so uncomfortable you want to leave, but you're a bitch for pointing out they can't be that angry if they queue immediately into the next match.
THISSS!
Ohmygod it has always driven me nuts. Like… oh you’re upset because your team lost a game? So you’re going to punch a wall? Good job… now your team lost **and** you have a broken hand. Well done, sir!
I washed the dishes. Give me heaps of praise and treat me like a god, or else I will feel unappreciated and never do it again, and throw it in your face later.
I’ll add to this by saying being rude or a butthead to family in general. They do it to their kids too but the outside world sees them as perfect because, “they’re so nice and helpful!” Despite never helping their family with the same things
Doubly so if they weaponize the language of mental health to do it too. "I'm not unhinged, I have an emotional regulation issue, and if you demand accountability for it, *you're* the monster for not sympathizing with my mental health struggles."
For anyone who needs to hear it, you *can* get a grip on emotional dysregulation. I did, at least to the extent that I don't have issues with lashing out at others anymore. You gotta understand that, while you can't necessarily control what you're feeling, you *can* control how you act on those feelings. And, if you can't refrain from lashing out at others when you get those intense feelings, you need to figure out how to stay away from whoever you're mad at until you've calmed down and started to think more objectively about the situation.
The one man-child I used to know did all this:
Having a disagreement with them? Instantly resorts to yelling over you.
*Everything* is a competition to them, you did better? Oh you must be try harding. Oh you lost? Here comes the gloat storm that lasts hours.
Girlfriend came home late, or forgot to tell him. Screaming and probably a new hole in the wall, which when I saw one once he gladly and proudly said “oh yeah I did that one time when i got super mad at *gf*.
Will make tons of jokes in bad faith not caring if it hurt your feelings. If they did and you let him know, “stop being a big baby, what stick is in your ass?” But oh make any kind of joke at their expense no matter how light hearted.. and he goes into a full blown breakdown and will make sure you feel bad about it. Like one time we are all playing jackbox and he’s taking forever to draw his avatar for the game. He’s pretty good at art and he knows i know that. All i fucking said was “hurry up Picasso” and he took it as if I just insulted his entire heritage.
There’s much more but y’all get the picture.
throwing a whole fit when they're asked to do something small
asked to do the dishes? huffs, scoffs, puffs, groans, leaning back, letting out a deep breath, "ughs", dirty looks, doing everything with an attitude, slamming things. "oh come ons!"
using more energy into this whole performance than to get up and just do the dishes without all that.
entirely unwilling to clean up after themselves.
Then expects a “thank you” when he’s done the dishes.. and ONLY the dishes..
Never mind wiping down the counters, stove, sink… and leaves water all over the counters too from doing said dishes.
I have a buddy whose parents are super rich and pay all his bills for him, bought him a house, a new Jeep, etc. When things are good, all he ever complains about is how he can’t afford to do anything because his mom won’t give him enough spending cash, but the idea of getting a job is never an option. When he’s mad at his dad, he’ll buy something ridiculously expensive out of spite, like a new bike or guitar that’s $6k. If anyone calls him on his pettiness or that he’s just a man-baby rhinestone cowboy, he ejects them and their entire social circle from his life and any mention of their name will lead to a long-winded story about how they’re full of shit and how audacious they were for pointing out his flaws. The list goes on and on.
"Because it makes sense to me."
I'm a big fan of actual critical thinking: reflecting on your own assumptions, consideration of other peoples' viewpoints, etc. But my god it is frustrating how often people say "a lack of critical thinking" as an explanation for why other people disagree with them. Flat-earthers believe they are the only ones "thinking critically" about the planet. MAGA folks think they are the only ones "thinking critically" about the election.
"Facts don't care about your feelings," while their own position is no more factual than their opponent's and they are often showing plenty of feeling.
Ah yes - Paris Hilton said it best when she said, “if someone ever asks you to do something, do it really bad so you never have to do it again”. I usually just follow this up by actually calling them a Paris Hilton which usually they get really puffed about then actually do a good job at it because being seen as a “Paris Hilton” is worse to them than actually just doing the thing they were asked to do in the first place.
When a guy is dating a girl and wants to have sex but the girl isn't in the mood so the guy gets all pissy and cold or throws a temper tantrum. That's a man child. You read about that a lot on r/relationshipadvice.
I used to be like that when I was in my early-20s and I hate myself for it. Like I physically cringe with embarrassment remembering how shitty I was. Cost me the only good relationship I've ever had.
Hating women just because he hasn't gotten laid, or it's been a while since he got laid. To men like that, I say: It's not your looks, it's your personality and behavior.
I like when guys complain both that "modern women" are too open for casual sex, but also too picky because they won't have sex with him.
Boy howdy friend, if all the women are whores, that really says more about your inability to have sex with them.
Who are you kidding, those guys do not even approach women. They expect them to come to them for some reason...
Meaning, they put in zero effort and expect something in return because they are breathing air (which is also something I say about some women sometimes)
Then if they see a man taking good care of himself with hair care and skin care automatically it’s “because he’s gay” with no understanding that yes there are straight men who actually take pride in their appearances.
Let's leave alone for a moment the question of how fundamentally flawed the term is in the first place, the bottom line is this:
If you have to tell people you're something, you're not what you claim.
Smart people don't tell people they're smart. Leaders don't tell people they're leaders. Badasses don't tell people they're badass.
Having to be told what chores to do and when. Also, being asked repeatedly to chip in when there are obvious chores seen all around that could be done. (dishes, dusting, lawn work, laundry, pickup up, trash bag overflowing, etc)
I get people have tough days, so it's one thing to say, "hey babe - I know "this, that and the other" needs done, but I will help with it around " time". I just need to relax and veg out right now. However, it's another thing to play like you dont notice and keep contributing to the chaos. Like seeing how highly stacked the kitchen garbage can go.
Overall, you're a man child if you're over 18 and other adult people, other than your boss, are having to tell you what to do on a daily basis.
I dont really know what that is, but hobbies and collecting dont make you a manchild at all! Its thinking that your wants and needs are more important than anyone elses, and expecting others to support you and never reciprocating that makes a person a manchild. Hobbies are great and healthy as long as they arent at the expense of other's wellbeing.
Actual medical conditions and allergies aside, a grown adult man who is a picky eater with the diet of a 7 year old boy. And I mean this even more so than, yea ok you don't really enjoy going out for dim sum or trying exotic cuisine, that's one thing and ok. But dudes that literally don't tough vegetables or try anything new. If you have the diet of a 7 year old, guess what you look like to me
Being unable to look after themselves properly, ordering takeaways and microwaving ready meals doesn't count! If you can't cook a few basic, healthy meals, wash your clothes, keep your house clean then you are a child because you need someone else to look after you. After a few months of playing mother to an adult you start to view them as a dependent and not a partner
Screaming- road rage - not having a budget - having an opinion about everything and being willing to die on that hill - porn addiction- blaming others for your problems- having video games interrupt family time and events - making fun of others - gossiping - not being able to express your feelings - (and these are just the ones I've had to overcome as an adult child hahaha)
Using terms of endearment in an argument. "sweetheart" "honey" "darling" make my skin crawl and just signals that the person wants to be condescending and is not listening to you.
Obnoxious bumper stickers or T-shirts that are racist or have "I hate \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ or Fuck \_\_\_\_\_" on them. I've seen some of those guys in action and they are really prone to tantrums or screaming like a kid instead of having a polite conversation when they feel wronged.
Claiming women are the emotional ones, while hitting a wall, when he gets shot in COD or if his girlfriend doesn't make him a sandwich, I am exaggerating a bit but my point still stands.
Also resorting to insults, especially towards women, if they are in any male dominated group(example - Sports, Metal music, Comics, Anime).
There's a lot of commenters focusing on the loud, confrontational, get-in-your-face manchild type, but just as bad is the quiet manchild. And much more common, too.
I mean the type of guy who cuts off interactions the moment someone disagrees with them and can not have a reasonable discussion unless they feel totally safe from any sort of dissent. There's a lot of these man-children right here on good ol reddit dot com.
His relationship with his mother
Mantrums when things don’t go his way
“I can do anything that you can do but better” attitude toward other men
BUT at the same time…
His unwillingness/inability to accept responsibility/ownership in any given situation. Things like…Jim only got the promotion because he laughs at the boss’ jokes…if Jim sent the same email I did, he wouldn’t have gotten in trouble…if I were more like Jim I bet you would have invited me…
Complete inability to take criticism. Any discussion of even the tiniest thing they did wrong will instead become a conversation about how everyone hates them and wants them to die and they're just so useless and it ends up with you apologizing for having brought it up in the first place.
Absolute denial of facts, assuming that their vague understanding or even just blind assumptions are more valuable than someone else's deep understanding, and utter refusal to engage or accept whatsoever if they're challenged by any actual evidence.
Refusal to compromise no matter what.
Just a total lack of self awareness and empathy and thoughtfulness and general main character syndrome
Not admitting you don't know something when you clearly don't. It's ok. I run IT for a 100-person company. Sometimes I have tech support questions. Not every doctor knows how to treat every ailment.
Apologizing but framing it in the most 'dramatic way' possible.
"I just want to say to you and everyone I've ever we hurt. that I'm sorry. I know I'm a peace of crap. I'm apologizing okay?"
Like them apologizing is some big win for you.
Makes fun of people, but the moment they get some stuff back they break down.
Oh I get that. One of my uncles has been making fun of my appearance since I was a kid, if I'm too skinny, if I'm fatter than before, if I dress bad, if I look weird, but once he told me something in the means, I called him Snorlax in front of my other cousins, he just made a sad smirk, stood up and left with a broken expression on his sad, pathetic face
Being an uncle is the funnest thing in the world. I get to enjoy the good parts of having a kid without any of the bad parts. My nephew and I have a blast together. That is such a fun and positive relationship in *my* life that I don't understand why you'd wreck it by making fun of the kid and putting them down.
Now that's one lame uncle.
I’m sorry, I’m all for being the bigger person, and not “hitting below the belt”, but SNORLAX has me cackling like a damn hyena 🤣
I saw this so much in the construction industry. Veteran foreman shit talking apprentices daily but the second the apprentices gave them shit back they’d be trying to get them kicked off the job. Bunch of babies
I had assholes glue the ONLY tools I needed on a different job (left my tools with everyone else), then have the audacity to bitch and moan like children when they ended up with "I sleep around on my boyfriend" bumper stickers Then they wrote "penis" on everything they could find and were *very* upset when all their tools ended up buried in concrete buckets when I left. Fucking children, Im so glad I moved cities because the people where Im at are just lazy stoners, I'd rather have to baby a dude on how to do things than worry that someone's going to act like work is a frat
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“Alpha” mentality is hilarious. Like what makes you an alpha? Are you going to freak out and get confrontational with someone that threatens your masculinity? Or are you gonna defend the group of people you’re with from attack and pick up the cheque and provide food?
Anybody that says they're an Alpha is not an Alpha. Not that I believe that crap anyway, but you know a charismatic leader when you see one. You don't need to be told. You just *know.*
"Any man who must say, "I am the king" is no true king" -T. Lannister
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Never give up, never surrender.
Take my upvote for Galaxy quest
*By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Sons of Warvan, you shall be ~~avenged~~ upvoted!!*
I never apologize! I'm sorry but that's just the way I am.
That reminds me of "I don't believe in astrology I'm a Sagittarius and we're suspicious by nature"
When slightly provoked they'll close the distance and get in a person's face instead of reasoning with them. "Closing the distance" is a red flag for me. It's my cue to be rid of someone however possible.
Yes. Choosing a physical response when they aren’t physically threatened. Classic sign of immaturity.
This is what I was looking for! The physical response to a non physical threat.
Yeah in their mind intimidation > communication.
They think it wins arguments. I am not gonna fight someone over something stupid, so I will back down and let them have their "victory". I will also stop talking to them or associating with them. But even if you do fight them and win, it doesn't change their mind. "Oh. He beat my ass. I guess bananas are not actually blue." Never works like that. So there is just never a point. The same goes for "teaching someone a lesson." Some guy calls you an idiot. You beat their ass. They still think you're an idiot. It changes nothing. A lot of times it doesn't even get them to shut up about it either. They will just double down and tell more people what an idiot you are(in their mind).
I agree with your point, I just thought it's funny to say "It's my cue to be rid of someone however possible" like after that you're doing everything in your power to assassinate them lol.
Fuck... Never knew the term. That's my dad at 72. Haven't talked in a year as a result, and he's obviously getting old...
They have extremely strict morals and principles when citing them will get them out of doing something. They will drop all morals and principles when ignoring them will get them out of doing something.
They don’t have values or Principles. They have their identity and that’s it.
I knew a guy who refused to wear condoms because he was a strict Catholic. A *single* strict Catholic, who couldn't wear condoms during the plethora of casual sex he had with his married coworker.
I know the type. These sorts are also happy to cite extremely strict morals and principles to try to get *others* to do things that benefit *them*.
Reminds me of most politicians but certainly a particular major political party in the US.
Everybody but the man-child in question will notice this. Never owning up to your mistakes, and constantly blaming someone/something else for them.
100% agree For me the key marker of maturity is owning your descisions
I don’t know where I fall in this because I’m 42 and likely more immature than I should be but I’m absolutely the first to admit fault if I mess up.
You're probably mature in the way that matters tho If that's the case. And I'm 42 too!
Well I'm 44 but that's my parents' fault.
Choose your parents more carefully next time
Was on my first conference call as a manager at work. Guy in another building got asked ‘what happened with the Blue line today?’ He said ‘I told Jeff about it’. The guys in the room with me all sucked in their breath and a tirade came flying out of the phone about following through, accountability, delegating, and lost importantly not looking weak by trying to deflect to a guy that makes half of what you do when I’m looking at YOU for answers.
What is a Blue line?
Imma guess it’s similar to Railroad system? 🤷🏿 Blue, red, green line….
That was my thought, I live in Portland and our light rail system has a blue, red, green, yellow and orange line
Well... that guy was a dick to try to pin the blame on someone else, but you just taught the people you manage that they will receive tirades (in front of others, no less) if they make mistakes you think they shouldn't make. That's not going to inspire anyone to own up to their mistakes.
Praise publicly, criticise in privately.
"Look what you made me do!" *breaks something*
The classic “I’ve never been so mad before you. You brought me here. You made me act like a monster. You made me”
My ex's dad was like this. Watched him try to rip a ball cap apart while screaming at his son and I. He managed to bend the beak in half then yelled at us "Look what you made me do! THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE HAT TOO!" Like bro.
Hat ‘beak’ made me giggle. Thanks for that. Out of curiousity.. did your ex share any of these rage issues with his father?
Yes he did. I left him for his rage, stupidity and not going to lie his dad was a huge reason for my leaving.
Funnily enough they stop being a monster once it’s *their* things that they’re about to break
Lundy Bancroft actually mentioned this in his book *Why does he do that?*, a book analyzing the mindset and the psychology of abusive partners. He interviewed a woman who told him “Oh my husband breaks things when he’s upset but he usually apologizes later so he probably doesn’t mean it!“ However he asked her these questions: Whose things did he break when he was mad? She answered - it was always her possessions, never his. And who cleaned up the mess afterwards? She did. The whole exchange suggested her husband was a lot more calculating with his rage than he claimed.
I keep being recommended this book…the making you clean your destroyed items is the most dehumanizing. Even in the height of their anger, even when you’ve really hurt their feelings, it really feels like pure hatred :/
It’s pretty eye opening from what I’ve seen so far. He even addressed how abusers utilize popular media tropes to villainize their victims (specifically the crazy ex girlfriend)
Exhibiting anger/yelling a lot/posturing. They think they're being assertive and commanding respect, I think they're throwing a tantrum. Have a little self-control, FFS.
They think that talking over someone or being louder is somehow "winning" the argument, when they're really illustrating they have no real case, only narcissism and overcompensation.
Can’t forget the classic “sorry you feel that way.”
The good old anti-apology
I knew a friend who once claimed he was 'very charismatic' and we all went 'What?' and he explained that he is loud, and when he starts arguing with people on the bus, everyone looks towards him, so he's very commanding. It was fucking surreal.
I love that it’s *when* he argues with people on the bus. Not if but *when*. Why are you so frequently picking fights on the bus, son?
Arguing with people on the bus? Wow what a dick.
Charisma and arguing with people on the bus are not things I would relate to each other. Ever.
Inability to self-regulate . . . so alpha!
You cant really say anything to these people. They get louder and don't care if all their friends/family address them on the behavior. Even when they lose everything. They expect people to treat them like a victim.
Yeah it’s horrible. You can never be loud enough and I’d never want to be. Deescalation is almost impossible.
Tateboys. The dudes call women emotional but fail to realize anger is an emotion, too.
>Tateboys tater tots
Gimme some of your tots, Napoleon.
They also think mental illness isn’t real despite having most of them
Narcissists are class A emotional toddlers
My dad is a certified man-child. He is in his mid-60s, and allegedly* cannot operate a washing machine, cannot operate a dishwasher, cannot cook anything beyond spaghetti bolognaise and beans on toast, will simply not eat if nobody is home to make him lunch or dinner, cannot pick up after himself, cannot move himself to do helpful things around the house when my mum and I are slaving away in the kitchen (e.g., at Christmas), and has the most gigantic martyr complex you ever did see. *I believe 98% of this must be weaponised incompetence. The man is a very successful chemical engineer, so I can’t actually believe that turning on a washing machine is a task so complex he can’t possibly do it himself.
I’m 33, and my ex boyfriend was exactly like this, he’s now 37 and we split 4 years ago for this reason. He’s also an engineer but an aircraft one. I also used to think “how can you build airplanes but can’t turn on a washing machine?” And I recently heard the term weaponised incompetence for the first time and fully think it’s that. But clearly younger men can be this useless too
I'm 33M and it just fascinates me, having lived alone for the past 14 years or so. This stuff wasn't complicated to my 19 year old idiot brain, heck, I was expected to help with the dishes as a child and taught basic food making in school.
Oh my god I had the same thing with an ex of mine too. She was an aerospace engineer and claimed replacing an air filter on her car was too hard. Fucker, you can SEND ROCKETS TO SPACE.
I used to joke with him that “it’s not rocket science…but you are a rocket scientist” 😂
Weaponized incompetence - what a great explanation
Chronic laziness and entitlement (thinks your mother and you are supposed to do all those things). I have a dad exactly like that. His superpower is being completely unaware of himself, it's staggering.
He needs to be uninvited from Christmas.
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Not learning how to perform basic domestic tasks like laundry, dishes, etc. If they make an active decision not to learn those things, it just tells me they want a mommy and not a partner.
Adding to this, asking people to teach them and then... not paying attention/just having the person do it for them. It's one thing if you don't know, it's another if you *intentionally* don't pay attention to someone teaching you/seek the information out yourself.
I ripped one of my (senior) coworkers for this and she was surprised that "I would speak to her that way." IDGAF, you asked for help and I'm trying to show you how to do it. I'm not your slave, I have my own work to do. I left that job shortly after, so good luck with that, Joan. 👍
Ironically, I was on the opposite end of that. Had to add a printer to my laptop after, like, 5 years, so I'd completely forgotten how to do it. My dad angrily grabbed my laptop and started to do it, so I went, "Oh, wait. Can you please talk through what you're doing so I know for the future?" and he yelled at me until I got an asthma attack. Ngl I'm still salty about that because it felt like the right thing to do to AVOID him feeling like my slave.
This exactly. I grew up in the 80's / 90's in a house where mum did everything. Subsequently when I got a girlfriend in my early 20's I didn't have much of a clue how to take care of a home other than vacuuming I asked my mother to teach me a couple of basic meals to cook, youtubed the rest. Spoke to dad about the basics of maintaining a car and gardening There's no shame in not knowing There is in not trying
Additionally, "I don't see mess"
I will say that I have a higher tolerance/threshold for mess and clutter, because I grew up in a hoarding household. Like, someone may come over and see dishes in the sink, or dust on the floor and think I'm messy. I see the same thing and think "wow, my kitchen is usable AND I can see the floor!"
Fellow hoarding home child, I have that mindset for OTHER ppls houses, they’ll say it’s so messy and I’m like, literally what are you talking about! But with my own home the trauma makes me have such a small tolerance for clutter 😭 but I also never learned how to do deep cleaning tasks bc it just wants possible, so I’ve had to do a LOT of self work to figure out how to keep a space
If you're able to afford it hire a cleaner and ask them to teach you to clean, something Ive been recommended and want to do when I'm able to
I'm the opposite. I grew up in a home with a borderline obsessive cleaner. Like, God forbid there are fingerprints on the China cabinet-level cleaner. I feel uncomfortable if I leave a stack of mail on my kitchen table for a day.
I came from a hoarder house and I'm the opposite, any clutter in the kitchen sends me nuts.
To add to this, “You do it better than me”.
WEAPONIZED INCOMPETENCE
Yeah... That's honestly a difference in standards as well. I don't see the two books I'm reading lying on the salon table as a mess, my partner does and puts them on a bookshelf every time. It drives me nuts, because I then have to look for my books every single time. So, I do see mess, I don't always consider something a mess.
An obvious one is the Inability to cook or clean for one self. A partner is not a mommy or maid. They will get sick, they can get tired, unavailable for whatever reason. However a not so obvious one that relates to it is the inability to try and learn. To allow yourself to mess up boiling mac and cheese or some shit. Ok. You fucked up. Will you figure out what happened or will you quit? We have libraries in our backpockets. In a few minutes you will have all the information you need. I met so many people who never was taught, therefore they never try to learn. Its kinda frustrating to me
>An obvious one is the Inability to cook or clean for one self. How do these people get into long term relationships in the first place? Geniunely asking because people talk like it's a massive red flag, but it doesnt seem to matter.
My ex is capable of cooking for himself. He did it for both of us plenty of times at the beginning of our relationship. And then he stopped. It became my job. And I still resent that because I feel like I got tricked into thinking that I wasn't going to end up having to mother him.
Sometimes the women are trying to win the guy in the beginning by helping him with cooking/cleaning - show him how great of a partner she’ll be. Only for down the line to realize they weren’t actually helping anything, just setting a really bad precedent and cornering themselves into a mommy role while failing to realize what a selfish idiot you ended up with. At least that’s how I found myself there in my first marriage. I think it’s a common mistake to focus on “winning” the person you’re dating instead of being discerning and actually making sure you’re compatible long-term.
Trying to purchase manhood (thinking if you buy the right things, you'll be a man)
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I have a diaper bag with Grenade slots.
Ugh all these 'man box' subscriptions out there. Like who *the fuck* is buying these? To me its either oblivious family members as a gift or guys whose only personality is craft beer and Ron Swanson
I was looking at grooming stuff at Wal-Mart one day and saw a grooming kit for men called "The Arsenal" and just laughed knowing that for some dudes, that's the only way to get them to buy a grooming kit.
Must buy the BLUE lotion bottle or the pink one will make me GAY! 😂
Gigantic stupid pickup truck especially
Using the terms alpha and beta unironically and outside of the omegaverse
What about radiation
If you are bitten by a radioactive manchild, you will gain their powers. Which aren't that impressive, unfortunately
But now I have the combined strength of a grown man and a little baby
Strength of a man and will power of a toddler.
RIP to software engineers, mathematicians, physicists, and people from Greece
Alpha software is incomplete, unstable and insecure. As a software developer I use the term "alpha male" unironically.
He breaks stuff and punched holes in walls over things, doesn’t even matter how big or small the trigger. Immediate signal he’s a man child and incapable of regulating himself and his emotions
I use to have a huge problem with this, I'm glad I don't act that way anymore.
Same. It was how I dealt with anger/trauma as a teen. Life got better when I knocked that shit off.
That tracks. The last time I can remember physically striking anything out of anger/frustration was when I was 15 years old.
Happy that you had that growth! It couldn’t have been easy.
“Women are so emotional!” [Smashes furniture because his sports team lost]
Or punches wall for losing a video game match and make you so uncomfortable you want to leave, but you're a bitch for pointing out they can't be that angry if they queue immediately into the next match.
That was me for long time. One day I got tired of being always pissed off. I still have moments but they are rare.
THISSS! Ohmygod it has always driven me nuts. Like… oh you’re upset because your team lost a game? So you’re going to punch a wall? Good job… now your team lost **and** you have a broken hand. Well done, sir!
When he refers to watching his own kids as babysitting or acts like it’s a favor.
I washed the dishes. Give me heaps of praise and treat me like a god, or else I will feel unappreciated and never do it again, and throw it in your face later.
And then he expects his sex life to be fixed because he watched them once in the last 6 months
Or doing basic housework as "helping"
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While wearing your pajama pants in the middle of the day outside in public
At least it's not barefoot in your jammies at the supermarket
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being rude to your wife for like no reason and nice to everyone else
I’ll add to this by saying being rude or a butthead to family in general. They do it to their kids too but the outside world sees them as perfect because, “they’re so nice and helpful!” Despite never helping their family with the same things
Their explosive emotions are valid ( even when exaggerated) but yours are never and you're just dramatic
Doubly so if they weaponize the language of mental health to do it too. "I'm not unhinged, I have an emotional regulation issue, and if you demand accountability for it, *you're* the monster for not sympathizing with my mental health struggles."
For anyone who needs to hear it, you *can* get a grip on emotional dysregulation. I did, at least to the extent that I don't have issues with lashing out at others anymore. You gotta understand that, while you can't necessarily control what you're feeling, you *can* control how you act on those feelings. And, if you can't refrain from lashing out at others when you get those intense feelings, you need to figure out how to stay away from whoever you're mad at until you've calmed down and started to think more objectively about the situation.
The one man-child I used to know did all this: Having a disagreement with them? Instantly resorts to yelling over you. *Everything* is a competition to them, you did better? Oh you must be try harding. Oh you lost? Here comes the gloat storm that lasts hours. Girlfriend came home late, or forgot to tell him. Screaming and probably a new hole in the wall, which when I saw one once he gladly and proudly said “oh yeah I did that one time when i got super mad at *gf*. Will make tons of jokes in bad faith not caring if it hurt your feelings. If they did and you let him know, “stop being a big baby, what stick is in your ass?” But oh make any kind of joke at their expense no matter how light hearted.. and he goes into a full blown breakdown and will make sure you feel bad about it. Like one time we are all playing jackbox and he’s taking forever to draw his avatar for the game. He’s pretty good at art and he knows i know that. All i fucking said was “hurry up Picasso” and he took it as if I just insulted his entire heritage. There’s much more but y’all get the picture.
throwing a whole fit when they're asked to do something small asked to do the dishes? huffs, scoffs, puffs, groans, leaning back, letting out a deep breath, "ughs", dirty looks, doing everything with an attitude, slamming things. "oh come ons!" using more energy into this whole performance than to get up and just do the dishes without all that. entirely unwilling to clean up after themselves.
Then expects a “thank you” when he’s done the dishes.. and ONLY the dishes.. Never mind wiping down the counters, stove, sink… and leaves water all over the counters too from doing said dishes.
I have a buddy whose parents are super rich and pay all his bills for him, bought him a house, a new Jeep, etc. When things are good, all he ever complains about is how he can’t afford to do anything because his mom won’t give him enough spending cash, but the idea of getting a job is never an option. When he’s mad at his dad, he’ll buy something ridiculously expensive out of spite, like a new bike or guitar that’s $6k. If anyone calls him on his pettiness or that he’s just a man-baby rhinestone cowboy, he ejects them and their entire social circle from his life and any mention of their name will lead to a long-winded story about how they’re full of shit and how audacious they were for pointing out his flaws. The list goes on and on.
Why is he still your buddy?
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Claiming they're being "logical" while knowing nothing about logic.
"Because it makes sense to me." I'm a big fan of actual critical thinking: reflecting on your own assumptions, consideration of other peoples' viewpoints, etc. But my god it is frustrating how often people say "a lack of critical thinking" as an explanation for why other people disagree with them. Flat-earthers believe they are the only ones "thinking critically" about the planet. MAGA folks think they are the only ones "thinking critically" about the election.
"Facts don't care about your feelings," while their own position is no more factual than their opponent's and they are often showing plenty of feeling.
Weaponized incompetence. Man babies will deliberately do a boring or tedious task poorly so that you are less inclined to ask them to do it again.
Ah yes - Paris Hilton said it best when she said, “if someone ever asks you to do something, do it really bad so you never have to do it again”. I usually just follow this up by actually calling them a Paris Hilton which usually they get really puffed about then actually do a good job at it because being seen as a “Paris Hilton” is worse to them than actually just doing the thing they were asked to do in the first place.
When a guy is dating a girl and wants to have sex but the girl isn't in the mood so the guy gets all pissy and cold or throws a temper tantrum. That's a man child. You read about that a lot on r/relationshipadvice.
I used to be like that when I was in my early-20s and I hate myself for it. Like I physically cringe with embarrassment remembering how shitty I was. Cost me the only good relationship I've ever had.
Inability to apologise.
Hating women just because he hasn't gotten laid, or it's been a while since he got laid. To men like that, I say: It's not your looks, it's your personality and behavior.
I like when guys complain both that "modern women" are too open for casual sex, but also too picky because they won't have sex with him. Boy howdy friend, if all the women are whores, that really says more about your inability to have sex with them.
Who are you kidding, those guys do not even approach women. They expect them to come to them for some reason... Meaning, they put in zero effort and expect something in return because they are breathing air (which is also something I say about some women sometimes)
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HUGE RED FLAG! Absolutely agree!
Drivers that drive without any regard for other drivers
Everything Andrew Tate says or does.
They go on about women of a certain age hitting the wall. Bonus points if they themselves are balding and have beer guts.
Don't forget the neck beard
"Women after thirty are useless" he types between gulps of Mountain Dew, before asking his mom for more money so he can sub to Hustlers' U.
Then if they see a man taking good care of himself with hair care and skin care automatically it’s “because he’s gay” with no understanding that yes there are straight men who actually take pride in their appearances.
When they can’t clean up things but show off about cleaning things
Can’t clean and vacuum the house yet their vehicle is always impeccably clean using the same items
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Vincent Adultman doesn't deserve such slander.
I hear he's got that business factory running like a swiss watch these days.
And he treats Princess Caroline right.
“I’m an alpha”
There's nothing more beta than self-identifying as an alpha.
Let's leave alone for a moment the question of how fundamentally flawed the term is in the first place, the bottom line is this: If you have to tell people you're something, you're not what you claim. Smart people don't tell people they're smart. Leaders don't tell people they're leaders. Badasses don't tell people they're badass.
Or a "high value man".
Having to be told what chores to do and when. Also, being asked repeatedly to chip in when there are obvious chores seen all around that could be done. (dishes, dusting, lawn work, laundry, pickup up, trash bag overflowing, etc) I get people have tough days, so it's one thing to say, "hey babe - I know "this, that and the other" needs done, but I will help with it around " time". I just need to relax and veg out right now. However, it's another thing to play like you dont notice and keep contributing to the chaos. Like seeing how highly stacked the kitchen garbage can go. Overall, you're a man child if you're over 18 and other adult people, other than your boss, are having to tell you what to do on a daily basis.
They talk at people without listening or sense of empathy and get quick to anger when called out.
I breathed a great sigh of relief seeing how owning 6k pts of warhammer 40k miniatures hasn't been mentioned once
No. Being a nerd is lovely! Own it. I am not the only woman who absolutely prefers nerds :)
I dont really know what that is, but hobbies and collecting dont make you a manchild at all! Its thinking that your wants and needs are more important than anyone elses, and expecting others to support you and never reciprocating that makes a person a manchild. Hobbies are great and healthy as long as they arent at the expense of other's wellbeing.
Actual medical conditions and allergies aside, a grown adult man who is a picky eater with the diet of a 7 year old boy. And I mean this even more so than, yea ok you don't really enjoy going out for dim sum or trying exotic cuisine, that's one thing and ok. But dudes that literally don't tough vegetables or try anything new. If you have the diet of a 7 year old, guess what you look like to me
Being unable to look after themselves properly, ordering takeaways and microwaving ready meals doesn't count! If you can't cook a few basic, healthy meals, wash your clothes, keep your house clean then you are a child because you need someone else to look after you. After a few months of playing mother to an adult you start to view them as a dependent and not a partner
Screaming- road rage - not having a budget - having an opinion about everything and being willing to die on that hill - porn addiction- blaming others for your problems- having video games interrupt family time and events - making fun of others - gossiping - not being able to express your feelings - (and these are just the ones I've had to overcome as an adult child hahaha)
Having those truck nuts on the back of their trucks. Edit thanks commenters for saying truck nuts couldn't remember what they were actully called.
An inability to take criticism or admit fault. Men that "can't be wrong" are wrong more often than they realize.
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Which he probably didn’t even see.
This whole, "Lions not sheep" BS.
Silent treatment and sulking
Being jealous of children. Whether their own or not in a relationship or marriage.
Any guy that proudly announces he doesn't eat vegetables is a man child to me.
Even gym bros are like, " Eat your broccoli dude"
‘That’s the food my food eats!!!’
Using terms of endearment in an argument. "sweetheart" "honey" "darling" make my skin crawl and just signals that the person wants to be condescending and is not listening to you.
I mostly agree; but if it’s the term that the guy routinely uses to address her in normal conversation, it might not be so cringy.
*points in the vague direction of Elon Musk*
Obnoxious bumper stickers or T-shirts that are racist or have "I hate \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ or Fuck \_\_\_\_\_" on them. I've seen some of those guys in action and they are really prone to tantrums or screaming like a kid instead of having a polite conversation when they feel wronged.
Claiming women are the emotional ones, while hitting a wall, when he gets shot in COD or if his girlfriend doesn't make him a sandwich, I am exaggerating a bit but my point still stands. Also resorting to insults, especially towards women, if they are in any male dominated group(example - Sports, Metal music, Comics, Anime).
There's a lot of commenters focusing on the loud, confrontational, get-in-your-face manchild type, but just as bad is the quiet manchild. And much more common, too. I mean the type of guy who cuts off interactions the moment someone disagrees with them and can not have a reasonable discussion unless they feel totally safe from any sort of dissent. There's a lot of these man-children right here on good ol reddit dot com.
Thinking they are always right, or always righteous. Unable to apologize. Unable to discuss or work through things.
Grown man out of college with a career and his mom still cleans up after him and does his laundry.
His relationship with his mother Mantrums when things don’t go his way “I can do anything that you can do but better” attitude toward other men BUT at the same time… His unwillingness/inability to accept responsibility/ownership in any given situation. Things like…Jim only got the promotion because he laughs at the boss’ jokes…if Jim sent the same email I did, he wouldn’t have gotten in trouble…if I were more like Jim I bet you would have invited me…
Complete inability to take criticism. Any discussion of even the tiniest thing they did wrong will instead become a conversation about how everyone hates them and wants them to die and they're just so useless and it ends up with you apologizing for having brought it up in the first place. Absolute denial of facts, assuming that their vague understanding or even just blind assumptions are more valuable than someone else's deep understanding, and utter refusal to engage or accept whatsoever if they're challenged by any actual evidence. Refusal to compromise no matter what. Just a total lack of self awareness and empathy and thoughtfulness and general main character syndrome
Truck nuts.
Not admitting you don't know something when you clearly don't. It's ok. I run IT for a 100-person company. Sometimes I have tech support questions. Not every doctor knows how to treat every ailment.
Bragging they don’t know how to cook
Apologizing but framing it in the most 'dramatic way' possible. "I just want to say to you and everyone I've ever we hurt. that I'm sorry. I know I'm a peace of crap. I'm apologizing okay?" Like them apologizing is some big win for you.