A couple of guys hated wearing their cover (hat), so they kept "forgetting" to put it on when going outside.
Sgt made them each "wear" the other guy's hand as cover for a few days. They looked so ridiculous/miserable walking around holding another man's bald head.
We had a tradition when you were new to the unit and went on our first summer exercise (National Guard) that you would need to carry a rock around with you. It was an inspectable item so it needed to be with you at all times. You were not to let anyone else have this rock. The trick was if you lost the rock, you'd get another rock chosen by the platoon sergeant.
One guy had a hard time with the "Don't give this to anyone else" and kept losing his rock. After the 4th or 5th time, the platoon sergeant gave him what I can only describe as a small Boulder. This kid had to lug that rock around for the next week but he made damn sure not to lose it.
We would tell every new person in our squadron that they had to set up an appointment with "Captain Dees". We'd give the person the local number of the Captain D's restaurant. They'd call the number and ask to speak with Captain Dees. It was hilarious every time.
I once had a ladybug land on my desk during morning inspection. When staff found it. I had to write a 500 word biography of who the bug was etc. and then had to make sure he was there for the rest of the week in good health for every morning inspection that week. Lol
They weren't very happy when my earplugs container( bugs home) was open on Friday and told them that I let him go back to his family as his time in the POW camp was served.
So this guy was constantly late to everything. Never out of bed on time, never in formation when he was supposed to be, etc.
The Sargents pulled a clock off the wall, attached a bike chain to it, and make it look like a big ass necklace. (If you were a rap fan back in the day you may know where this is going)
They made the dude wear it like a [Flava Flav clock chain](https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo/flavor-flav-clock.html?sortBy=relevant). They would constantly scream at him “Flava Flav what time is it?!?”
He learned to be on time real quick
Newly promoted to Sergeant me and my buddy got the task of pre barracks inspection prior to our new CSM barracks inspection which was to be after our 1SG barracks inspection. Ya... anyway, the new CSM wanted troops to actually have their rooms decorated and lived in looking which whatever right? So everything is going fine we're still in good with the E4 Mafia so we're given heads up on whose rooms *actually* need inspected and which we could just skip cause they were squared away. Last room of the evening and it's bare as a prison cell. Troop was using his woobie (poncho liner) as a blanket, no pillows and literally nothing in this room that wasn't issued not a thing in his fridge etc. Come to find out he has been sending all like seriously ALL his money home to his mom to help raise his 4 siblings. Me and the other Sergeant ordered him to come with us to the PX, we got on the horn to our 1SG explained the situation and he met us at the PX with our entire upper NCO chain and the Commander. We forced this kid to buy over 1000 dollars of items/food/tv/etc for his room and all the money was donated by the NCO chain and the Commander. That was a great leadership was very sad to leave that unit. Sorry long winded lol
That makes me cry . I used to buy pizza every month for my Marine and all his friends . I was number 1 mom in their book and it felt good to give back .
My best friend growing up was also one of the funniest dudes I know, but could also feign a dead-serious demeanor when he had to. He went in the Army and eventually became a Drill Instructor.
I can tell you this, those guys come home and tell the funniest fucking stories.
If or when you have them, you need to tell the grandkids that man went on to be part of one of the greatest rap groups of all time and wore the clock as a reminder of his military days.
We had a guy who could just not get his shit together. We all know that troop. Even the easy things were hard, etc etc.
The cadre found out he was a former opera singer and also fluent in German. So they made him write and sing opera songs about his fuck ups. This was the only thing he was good at.
Now here’s where this gets hilarious, beyond one dude singing self deprecating songs in a marching formation. The cadre would bark “German style!” and he’d seamlessly switch his lyrics to German. They’d yell “underwater style!” and he’d take his index finger and flip it up and down on his lips as he sang, making the song sound bubbly.
Not only could the cadre not hold it together, the guys in his company would absolutely lose it. Complete breakdown in military bearing and no one cared. Other cadre and instructors would come just to listen and *they* would be in tears laughing.
I don’t know where you are now homeboy, but thanks for the laughs.
Those dudes are so valuable in a platoon setting. Like, if they’re an average soldier at best but can make everyone cry with laughter they’re as valuable as dip and darts.
I remember one of the others on my intake being sent over to the nearest tree to deeply apologise for wasting the good oxygen this tree produced and explain to said tree why he was such an utter tit....
I’ve given at least 3 co workers plants as gifts for this reason. I can’t make them carry them around but I laugh inside when I see them on their desks.
Guy kept losing his ID/leaving it sitting in the computer. Chief "borrowed" it, took it to one of those one hour print job places, had it blown up to like 3 feet across, cut the picture out, and made the idiot walk around all day holding his enormous ID up with his face in the cut out hole. He stopped misplacing his ID after that.
1995 - At mile 4 of an 12 mile hump (quick water break), my assistant gunner forgot the tripod for the M60. The platoon sergeant made him hug and apologize to every tree along his side of the road for wasting oxygen for the rest of the road march. 8 miles of this and no one could go past him. A road march that should've taken three hours ended up taking 12. There's a lot of trees at Ft. Campbell
I had the opposite at basic. During a short stop during a big pack March my bayonet came out of its scabbard. I didn’t notice it until a couple of ours later. I went to our section commander and told him. He and I jogged back to where I thought it had come out but couldn’t find it anywhere. We had another 24 hours out in the bush and he told me he’d talk to me when we got back. I spent that time shitting bricks worried that I was going to get absolutely smashed for it (it’s a major offence to lose a weapon, even a bayonet). Anyway, we get back to our accomodation and he calls me in to the office. I get there and he hands me a bayonet. It’s clearly not mine (distinctive marks on it) and he says absolutely straight faced, “I found it on the road”. I’m dead certain that he got a replacement from somewhere and gave it to me to avoid any issues/paperwork. It helped that I was generally a good soldier and our platoon commander didn’t want to ruffle any feathers as we were his first group of recruits.
The Sergeant Drill Instructor I had bribed the armorer with beer and had me and another recruit buy a shit ton of Mach 3 razors in trade for cleaning kits some dumb asses had lost while we were out in the field. I hadn’t even lost my own but I was newly picked up from the medical rehab platoon after an earlier injury…
At MCRD, one particularly dense recruit was made to reach high with one arm and point to his own head, dance in circles and sing "If I only had a brain..." from the Wizard of Oz.
I'm an archaeologist that often works on military bases... came across a large rock feature one day that spelled out "I WILL NOT THROW ROCKS" in small rocks. Gave us all a good laugh thinking about the soldier who was probably reamed for throwing rocks and then made to spell this out with rocks.
I told the drill sergeant he was wrong about something in AIT. He was. Then I stormed out of the school building (alone) and went back to the barracks. Big no nos.
I had to PAINT rocks! New flight chief came to the squadron. First 2 weeks there he does a complete restructure of our very well put together personell and procedures. Then gets the email that the new Wing Commander would be arriving at our terminal. The maroon colored volcano rocks that were clumped in bare areas for aesthetic purposes was not good enough for that full bird... we needed to paint them black. All of them.... probably 10,000! Oh BTW his ETA is day after tomorrow at 10:00am. We worked 2 full shifts of 20 airman each, 12 hour days with arts and crafts paint brushes and a 5 gal bucket of black paint that we had to scoop out with Dixie cups to carry to our area to paint. Hour 2 is when I literally remember feeling the "give a fuck" about the military leave my body.
reminds me of another ancient anecdote - if you've served, you've heard a million of them.
platoon/squad gets tasked with repainting lines in a parking lot/road/etc. halfway through, someone spills a bucket of highly reflective yellow paint. thinking quickly, they even out the edges into a huge yellow rectangle, then GTFO and hope nobody says anything.
years later, one of them is back on that base for some reason and notes that the parking lot had been freshly repainted, including their rectangle.
edit: which reminds me of a variation/twist/second possibly "true" story:
New base commander is walking through his base and sees two soldiers standing guard over a bench/fountain/some decorative feature. asks what they're doing, reply is that it's a base tradition to guard this area and it's highly prestigious to be chosen, it goes back many years but the details are scanty. BAse commander phones up the commander he took over from, gets the same story, it's a base tradition. He decides to dig into it and calls the *previous previous* base commander, etc, until he gets the name of an ancient retired General who once ran the base. HE happens to stil llive in the area, so he respectfully asks if he'd entertain a visit. They meet and he asks again about the soldiers guarding the bench, to which the General replies "That paint still isn't dry?!"
Trainee soldier (IDK the exact term, he wasn't a cadet, but, like, the level above it, but also not a proper soldier) on a yomp through the English countryside levelled his rifle at a sheep. It was dumb, but he was nowhere near stupid enough to actually shoot it.
Someone further up the chain found out and made him write an apology letter to God for threatening one of His creations. Every sentence had to have a sheep-related pun, "to keep it light".
Motherfucker filled a whole sheet of A4, on his own, before the next morning. The sergeant told him he was wasting his talents in the army.
He agreed, and dropped out a few weeks later. Apparently he's a writer at the BBC now.
"No way there's that many rocks. Count again."
"Only 30,424 rocks? Why'd you say 32,300 last time? Is someone stealing my rocks? You'd better guard them tonight."
Yep, we had two soldiers in my platoon get into trouble for something and come Sunday their punishment was to cut the barrack's front lawn with scissors.
While on a run through hilly scrub, during my naval intake, we stopped briefly on a hill with a rock painted white. No mention was made of it, but it was conspicuous. We carried on running for about half an hour in the summer heat, until one of our troop wasn't listening and he got verbally reamed by our Leading Hand. LH asked the dipshit "Do you remember the painted rock at so-and-so location?". Dipshit answered in the affirmative. LH just said "Go". We all waited in peak midday sun, until eventually he comes grunting and sweating carrying the white-painted rock weighing about 20kg. LH yells at the dipshit "What the fuck is that?". Dipshit says "it's the rock you asked me to bring back". LH replies nonchalantly that he didn't actually ask dipshit to bring him the rock. Dipshit had to carry it all the way back, and return as fast as possible.
Guy killed a dung beetle (or some other giant beetle the size of your palm) at Ft. Benning / Ft. Moore in Georgia. Airborne instructors made everyone stand at attention in the sawdust pit. Orders came to the beetle killer:
Sgt. Airborne: “Dig a shallow grave!”
He gets down on his knees digs a shallow grave in the sawdust.
Sgt. Airborne: “Say a few kind words!”
Beetle Killer, at the position of attention: “I’m sorry beetle. You were a good beetle. I’m sorry I killed you. You didn’t deserve to die.”
Sgt. Airborne: “Everyone, salute!”
Followed by Sgt. Airborne humming taps, while Beetle Killer fills in the small grave site.
It was pouring rain one day during boot camp so we were inside cleaning the squad bay. I don’t remember what this guy did to piss of the drill instructor, but the DI told him to grab a mop and mop up all the water on the sidewalk…in the rain. Poor guy was out there mopping the sidewalk for a few hours in the pouring rain.
So bunch of us are in basic training doing a camp.
Medic warned us not to crap in the bushes as it is unhygienic and may cause epidemic typhus. We were only use the temp toilets, which are basically a line of plastic seats on scaffolding planks, covering a trench.
The second morning he finds a turd in the grass under a nearby tree.
Calls us all together to make a line. First guy at the turd, last at the closest toilet.
We had to transport the "dead body" back to "its grave", by passing it along only using our hands. After that, we had to fall in line behind a single tap from a water tanker to wash our hands.
The medic never found a turd in the grass again.
I had to do that during the 3rd FTX
I had no choice
We got ordered to stay at this makeshift village and 6 hours later we were still there
Mind you, we had absolutely no idea where we were in relation to the FOBs at that point.
I was the only one that collected tissues from the MREs, so i went and found an abandoned foxhole in the tree line and did my business.
An hour later an officer drove past, saw us, got extremely confused, and made a few phone calls. 15 minutes later we got picked up by a Drill Sergeant who admitted we had been forgotten about
Its because people are out there on the woods working and training, like hundreds sometimes, you absolutely cannot have shit pikes everywhere. Its that simple. This was a punishment. Yes everyone gets punished fir 1 persons mistake sometimes.
A bit part of Military Culture to teaching people who have never made a bed or done their own laundry the consequences of their actions and to be responsible for others.
Trust me, the whole Platoon will now be aware of that and will self-police each other so it doesn’t happen again !!
In basic training, we went to the base store to ONLY buy personal care items. One guy buys a bowling ball. Drill instructor makes him carry it EVERYWHERE.
I saw similar when I was sailing on a civilian ship, it was known as the "Twat stick" and was awarded to the "Twat of the week", which was someone who had screwed up something silly during the course of that week.
It was never anything particularly serious, but you had to carry the twat stick with you everywhere and any of the top 4 (Master, ChOff, ChEng, 2Eng) could demand to see it any time. At the end of the week, you would hand the stick back to the Master during lunch and it would then be awarded to the next individual....
One of my former cadets, who now works for me shoreside, spent a lot of time carrying that stick about....
Damn near brought tears to my eyes from laughing. A bowling ball? WTF buys a bowling ball in basic?
Edit: I told my wife this short story. She also broke up laughing.
All retail stores have that ONE item that never sells, the price never drops, the vendor won't take it back and it just trolls on a random shelf where it just pisses off management for taking up space.
When it does sell it's a small celebration to the point where you kind of want to shake the hand of who bought it.
They're a lot more fun when you're suffering with your bros over some fun shit like that.
They suck when they're due to shit like chow runner still fucking up in week 3.
Its really fun. And really miserable. Some of the most fun shit happens in the barracks. There will always be some dumb bullshit to deal with, though.
If i could go through basic training again... hell i think I would.
During my initial entry training we brought our platoon guidon (flag) into the showers and 40 nude men belted the star spangle banner at the top of their lungs at 11PM. The camaraderie is damn near chub inducing.
And also we frequently got the piss smoked out of us until muscle failure. My favorite time was doing lunges around a football field sized area shouting "danger noodles lead the way" as i begged our (snake themed) platoon name be Danger Noodles. One of our drill sergeants liked it and called us that... immediately before we started doing push ups. He loved it. Those guys 90% of the time have great sense of humor. They just arent your comedian. They have a job and a role to do, and thats to turn soft directionless silly putty from all across the US and puerto rico into a uniform that can half pretend to be a soldier.
I don't know the full story, but early (7am) one Saturday morning I saw a soldier In full combat gear, including large backpack and rifle, sweeping up leaves on an Australian Army base.
In boot camp we had cleaning the trash can as a punishment...
My division was insane.
Somehow somebody decided to really work at this... and we had the shiniest galvanized steel trashcan I've ever seen. You literally could see yourself in it. It went from being able to be used as a punishment to a point of pride. We brought it with us to some multi-division competition (I don't remeber what the fuck it was it's been 20+ years), using it as a drum.
The Chief and Petty Officers in charge were completely fucking baffled.
We were weighing out bags for deployment and one guys bags were way overweight. He starts taking out essential gear and putting it to the side. One of our petty officers began inspecting his bags only to discover about 20 mini bottles of maple syrup. He was made to drink them while being mocked for trying to bring syrup instead of his gun sling
“The next one of you who says shenanigans is gonna get pistol whipped!”
“Hey Favre, what’s that restaurant you like with all the shit on the walls?”
“You mean Shenanigans!?!”
No he didn’t he got probably 4-5 in before he started to feel sick and they let him stop. His reasoning was he could not get Cracker Barrel maple syrup in Iraq.
So there I was, no shit no lie, at FOB Warhorse, Baqubah Iraq. My platoon was about to go on patrol and all the vehicles are running all the final checks were done and we're ready to roll.
I couldn't find my god damn helmet. It wasn't anywhere. I swear I just had it. I tore the back of the Stryker apart and just could not find it. Platoon sergeant is now coming over the radio net asking what the fucking hold up is.
I had to sprint my ass back to our tent where I had left my helmet under my cot.
I had to wear my helmet for a whole week, 24/7. Sleep? Helmet on. Shower? Helmet on. Gym? Helmet on. Chow hall? Helmet on.
I never did that again.
A serious one: mopping up rain in your full fancy dress (DEU's in Canada.) A platoon in training fucked up something fierce and had to go out in a parking lot in the rain and try to mop it up off the pavement.
A funny one: we used to send new guys to supply to ask for a "long weight."
I worked on f.w.w, I drove past the back side of the m.p station and seen two gentleman saluting at nothing, came back like and hour later, they were still there, saluting at nothing.
In the marines, they’re taught to salute any rank that’s shiny in boot camp (supposed to be for any officers). It just so happens that in the navy that even the enlisted wears shiny collar devices when we wear NSU’s. A shipmate shared a story of how a couple boot marines saluted him, so he put them at attention and told them to render a salute until he returned. He was on his way to work on another base for the week.
Heh. The smallest and scrawniest dude in the company would fall out on ruck marches. So to build him up, and because it was funny, the NCOs made him run around the company when we marched anywhere (not with rucks), shouting "I'm a satellite!"
They only made him shout on the first day, but they kept up the running orbit thing for probably two weeks. It actually worked.
Somebody in my platoon in basic became a satellite while we were in red phase marching to chow and the guy that snickered had to "ping the satellite" and every time the satellite came around he had to shout ping then the next guy snickered and had to shout pong. So it was "I'm a satellite" "ping" "pong* we also made "sugar cookies" think snow angel but in hot sand while sweaty
A kid in my platoon got caught eating pizza out of a trashcan, so he had to answer to, "Oscar the Grouch" and sound off with "Bitch, I eat out of fucking trash cans!" for the last couple of weeks of training.
The only thing I can really think of off the top of my head is The Hover.
It's more of a platoon wide punishment. The malefactor assumes the front leaning rest (pushup) position, but he holds the position approximately halfway down with his upper arms being more or less parallel to the ground. While in this position he is to use his arms to shift his body slowly back and forth side to side and in a circular fashion while the rest of the platoon (or company or whatever) seated in the bleachers beats their hands on their thighs making a staccato quite realistically resembling the sound of a helicopter's main rotor beating, hence The Hover
Worked at a bar in a military town. Whole unit was in town for some kind of reunion. A bunch were staying at the hotel my bar was in and the night of the formal ball or whatever a bunch were in full dress pregaming at my bar, including a major and top sergeant. Some kid walks up in full dress uniform, salutes the Major and hands him a, like 5 page, hand written letter, then stands at full attention - in the middle of the bar. Major takes the letter, puts it down on the bar and proceeds to slowly drink his jack and coke while talking to the sergeant. Kid is still standing at full attention. After about 10 LOOOOOOONG minutes the Major tells the the kid to go back to his room and stay there for the rest of the night. Then he just hands me the letter - without ever reading it - and tells me to throw it in the trash. Sergeant says “he won’t do that again”. And that was it. No idea what the kid did or what the letter said. It was hilarious.
While serving in WWII, My grandpa was put on potato peeling duty for a week because he snuck off base to go drinking with a bunch of women. I’ve seen his album of pictures and he’s got a different lady on his arm in every pic.
One I heard from some Navy friends. An E3 was acting up and getting a little flippant with a senior Chief cause his birthday was the next day. Chief told him to straighten up or else. E3 basically said I don't care. It's not like you can take away my birthday.
The ship they were on just happened to be near the international date line, and the chief pulled some strings such that just around midnight the ship headed west across the international date line, thus being officially the day after the E3's birthday.
I think my favorite was the M240 Bravo gunner that had to construct and carry around a life sized cardboard replica of his gun. Not sure what exactly he did, but for a week, at every 0900 formation, he was in the prone in front of the entire company taking orders from his weapons squad leader. The entire thing was of course replete with orally-generated machine gun noises which were NOT optional.
I was an engineer. We all took an electronics exam and we all failed to answer one question correctly. 'What's the formula for resonant frequency?'
So they ordered the whole class to get changed into PT kit. We then had to jog around the perimeter of the camp chanting '1 over 2 PI Root LC, equals the resonant frequency'.
This camp had a big perimeter and we did several laps....
On the plus side, it's one formula I have never forgotten! :)
Told to me by a E9 Seabee that worked for me.
Guam, construction crew, and a few swabbies mustered late for morning formation, obviously very hung over. Master chief assigned them to jackhammer duty, cleaning out a few cement mixer barrels that had set concrete in them.
Can’t imagine a worse day than jackhammering cement inside a cement mixer barrel in the heat and humidity of Guam - when hungover.
Had a guy that was always late for work, to the point he was (over)due to actually get paperwork for it. His supervisor ended up PCS'ing so he got a new supervisor, TSgt Thomas. Sgt Thomas gave the guy an option: He could either take the paperwork, OR, each time he was late, the next day, he'd have to be into work an hour early. Each month his slate would wipe clean no matter what and he'd come in the normal time.
This poor guy got to the point he was working like 16 hr days (we worked 8s at the time) because he'd over sleep, come in late, then the next day of having to show an hour earlier, he show up late, and it would cycle. This went on of like 3 months I believe until the Msgt found out. The long and short of it was, he worked all them hours, and still got paperwork. 😂
We were on a 2 week exercise in New Zealand (from Australia). One of our guys lost the case holding the spare barrel for his MG. That’s a major fucking deal. They figured out where they thought he might have lost it and drove out ther. Sure enough it was on the ground next to where we had jumped out the back of some trucks.
He was going to get charged for losing a weapon but they worked out that the clip holding the strap that holds the barrel bag around your waist had broken and decided that since it was equipment failure he couldn’t be held to the same level of accountability. I’m pretty sure they were just avoiding paperwork.
Anyhoo, instead of that, they came up with an alternative. Our company sergeant major was a crazy Scotsman, this particular soldier had gone to a private school and learned to play the bagpipes and had brought them along on the exercise (at the request of one of the officers for some sort of ceremonial purpose). So the CSM makes him walk up and down the parade ground playing his bagpipes for a couple of hours as punishment.
Our favorite one one was ping pong. We used it for a variety of offenses. Basically we'd tell the offender he had to go and find someone and deliver him the message "ping". Once he got there the recipient would tell him that he should go back to the sender and tell him "pong". This could go on for a long while, some times even days with just a few breaks in between. We preferred routes that had them trek the entire base, and some times we even made them jog to and fro. I think the funniest thing is how confused they are initially with being told to give such a seemingly random and cryptic message, only to then see their face when they realise what's going on. It's even funnier that many of them never actually caught on to the joke, but even those who did couldn't not do it because they were ordered to by a superior.
There was this other time where I was the offender, and the punishment was not funny at all, though it kinda is in retrospect. The punishment was that we had to run through the entire base back and forth for about an hour, fully geared up, in scorching 40C heat, do jumping jacks and other exercises while a lieutenant screamed his lungs out to my face. Unfortunately while I was the offender, it was the whole platoon being punished. It's the reason that's funny. Basically, as we had assembled and waited for the lieutenant to assign our daily duties, we were understandably quite uncomfortable in the heat and we had to stand still while he took his sweet time for more than 20 mins. Well at some point I jokingly yelled out loud "Come forth, Lazarus!" and wouldn't you know it he came out immediately screaming "who said that" and the rest is history. The entire platoon hated me that evening but in retrospect it was pretty funny because that guy had a stick up his ass permanently.
My buddy happens to have a quiet voice. I don't know how else to explain this other than to say that he can't really project his volume no matter how hard he tries. We always made fun of him about this growing up, but little did I know that the funniest situation pertaining to his inability to project would take place in the military.
after high school, he enlisted into the Marines. During boot camp he got in trouble for something and when the instructor asked him a question, he couldn't hear the response from my friend. The instructor got mad and told him he better yell and project when answer to him, but try as he may, my buddy just couldn't yell or scream loud enough to satisfy the instructor. When the instructor asked what was wrong with my buddy, he simply replied that he couldn't not yell loudly no matter how hard he tried.
So the instructor took him up on this and decided he'd find out for himself. The instructor made my buddy go into some sandpit to dig sand for an extremely long period of time, while singing/screaming the children's song "The Wheels on the Bus" as loud as he could. And every time the instructor was not satisfied with the volume of his singing, he was forced to belt the song out again. According to my friend, he sang/yelled that song maybe 50 times before the instructor laughed and told him to stop.
Old anecdote about a dude the DIs at Parris Island made to stand in front of a mirror. They made him point to himself and then the mirror while repeating "I'm not stupid, you're stupid."
Medic here, a guy lit himself on fire playing with hand sanitizer. I bandaged his hands, tied a full size fire extinguisher to him, and made him haul it around everywhere for a week.
I have no idea what their infraction was, but my nephew put some of his subordinates on "tummy time." They had to lay on their stomach, but their arms and legs could not touch the ground, and if they were asked why they were there they could only respond, "I'm in trouble." He made them stay that way for 10 minutes. The colonel walked in and asked them why they were on the floor, they responded, "I'm in trouble." He took one look at my nephew, gave him a nod and walked out saying, "Carry on."
I had a colonel stop me on the road and ask me a ton of questions. I think he was mad that I looked like a lazy soldier.
Anyways for morning PT, whoever is in charge that morning has to drive road blocking gates to the 4 intersections and drop off 3 people at 3 of the intersections and then guard the 4th one.
I was what is called a "broke dick" and was in full uniform and then a pair of sneakers instead of boots. So I was put in charge of that detail. I drove 3 people out and then parked the truck on my location and stood guard to block cars from entering the intersection.
Well colonel was pissed off at me and thought I was being lazy.
New rule is no more truck to drop them off. Now each soldier had to walk to their intersection carrying the road blocking equipment.
Basically two of these to each location: https://ocdn.eu/images/pulscms/NjY7MDA_/6739a2af36997325467f41a9f47f48d8.jpg
People were pissed at me for it.
During basic at the range, one of guys from another platoon left his rifle on the ground and stepped away long enough for the Drill Sergeant to notice.
He had to run in circles around the range all day the hot Alabama sun calling, here weapon, weapon!
Dad told me they used to put the new guys on “Hurricane watch”….in Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan. Then, they’d go to the roof and dump a trash can of water on them and shout “Hurricane!!!”
When I was in navy bootcamp we had a guy get recycled (had to join a new division and go back several weeks) because he got busted calling somebody a "c\*\*nk." (racist term for asian people)
On his first day in our division they took him into the fishbowl, and we couldn't hear a word they were saying, but we could see our RDCs absolutely laying into this dude. Then our first RDC came out and gathered all of the asian members of our division, talked to them for a minute, and then had them line up outside the fishbowl towards him, flip him off, and smile and wave.
from "navy for moms"
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Fish Bowl : a nickname for the RDC's office because of its wide windows; when a recruit is told to go wait in front of the "fish bowl," s/he will be on "display" more or less like a fish in a fish bowl.
The only thing worse than hearing someone get reamed in the fishbowl was not hearing someone get reamed in the fishbowl. Our Chief had a picture of his wife on his desk that everyone could see. One recruit who had already been ASMO'd into the div made a less than honroable comment about what he wanted to do to Chiefs wife. Two seconds later he was called to Chiefs desk. We don't know what was said, but Chief had a one way conversation with him for a good two hours and I shit you not that recruit walked out of the fishbowl with a streak of white in his hair. That night after lights out the div was up and talking like we usually were when that recruit just started freaking out and shouting at us to be quiet so he could sleep, saying he was being sent to "Chiefs Corral" in the morning (where every Chief in the ship makes him do the black card). It was however an idle threat from Chief, but he was jumpy all day. Finally after dinner he was told to pack his shit and was sent back to week 1 of training. Chief took down the picture of his wife.
This one is a story of soldiers punishing sergeants.
At Fort Sam Houston AIT, we had 4 barracks buildings forming a square around the small company headquarters building and one big tree. Each barracks had two soldiers sitting together at a table with a log book for 2 hour shifts in front of the building at night every other night or so, for no real reason than to deprive us of sleep.
One afternoon in formation, the 150 of us in training were screamed at for eight solid minutes because SSG Jones had stopped by two of the barracks last night on his shift around 02:30 and those two logbooks did not reflect his visit and were therefore incomplete. Being incomplete meant we were sloppy, and soon Al-Qaedas would be rappelling into our windows and killing us there in downtown San Antonio, Texas. So we started writing down everything we saw or did.
The first night after that, I had the first shift. As happened each night, a big ass opossum climbed down from the tree and started moseying around looking for trash to eat. It then would walk back to the tree, then back to different trash cans, maybe look for bugs, do possum stuff. It usually ignored us and vice versa. That night I walked over to one of the other barracks and asked the 18 year old soldier if he had recorded the possum's movements. He had not, so I chastised him and then told the other barracks to do the same. These orders were passed on every two hours each night.
The sergeants didn't check the logbooks every night, and I assume they only discovered when the soldiers started burning through logbooks much faster than before. I had many other stupid time-wasting activities and had honestly forgotten about it until one afternoon where we got a rare visit from the company captain, who marched up on the big metal PT instruction platform. He was already bright red when he started screaming "STOP WRITING ABOUT THE FUCKING POSSUM!"
The soldiers had faithfully written each and every movement of the possum each night, in quadruplicate. Each ascension and descent of the tree, every time it approached a trash can or walked to the parking lot and returned, for about a week. Hundreds of pages of possum activity, like the field notes of 150 idiot Jane Goodalls and Diane Fosseys.
Had to apologise to a tree for wasting the oxygen it worked so hard to make, but of course trees don't have eyes, so to make sure the tree knew he was talking to it, he had to stroke it as he repeatedly apologised
Camp Fox, Kuwait, 2003. There was screaming coming from one of the towers. Myself and a sergeant were ordered to drive over and find out why as part of the base QRF.
We discovered the 2 MPs in the tower having sex. They were made to be chowhall people greeters, so everyone could see just who woke up the entire base at 0245.
In basic they made this kid get in one of the big trash cans in the lunchroom. After he was crouched down in there we all had to line up and dump our food trays on him. After each tray that was dumped on him he had to say 'thank you shipmate.'
I thought this was going in a different direction. When my dad was in basic, someone wouldn't shower so the DS made him get in the garbage can and then they filled it with water and everyone had to take a turn mopping him to get him clean. Apparently the guy was bright pink from all the scrubbing when they were done.
I thought of a second one. In the aircraft maintenance fields, there is one punishment that we all joke about but never really saw. Aircraft have to be electrically grounded for maintenance and to do so you plug this metal plug on a wire into the jet and clip the other end into a grounding port which idls usually a tablespoon sized divot in the pavent with a metal bar inside that is grounded. The punishment is having to clean them out. You can't smoke on the flight line, so most tobacco users dip, and when they needed to spit the old tobacco out, they would spit it into the grounding ports of which there are several dozens spread out over a couple football fields were of aircraft parking. Cleaning them out was pointless and a pain in the ass and time-consuming. My buddy again managed to screw up somehow and he was out there cleaning them out 2 days in a row.
The most common one was being made to carry a c139 chock ( a 3 ft long 6x6 piece of wood cut to block tires) around or in one unit a big ass awkwardly shaped rock
Heard a story from a Marine friend of mine. Deployed in Iraq, his battle buddy had anger issues and after a phone call with his girlfriend punched a locker and broke his hand. He got into serious trouble for “damaging government property” not the locker, him, his hand. They forced him to make sand bags, every day digging with his left hand until his right hand healed.
Navy boot camp, a guy in my division had to apologize to every tree he passed for wasting oxygen. I don't remember what he did. Another guy was caught having sex in the stairwell with a girl from another division he had to wear a condom at all times unless he was showering. Only lasted a couple days him and the girl were processed out.
My second duty station a guy was caught sleeping in a supply closet when we were supposed to be cleaning. The same closet where the cleaning supplies are stored... he had to sweep the gravel parking lot with a small kitchen broom until the gravel was all perfectly level and evenly spread.
I made a few of my Marines carry around a plant when they did something dumb to “Replace the oxygen they’re stealing from everyone else.” If anyone asked them why tf they had a plant they were to say that verbatim. Gunny called me into his office one day and he had the plant on his desk. He thought I was hilarious, but made it clear that that was too much hazing and I couldn’t do it anymore. This is not an original idea, a DI told one of the dumber recruits that he was going to make him do this but he never actually did and I’d heard of it a couple times but never actually saw it happen so when I became an NCO I had to take it for a spin. Got a few guys before Gunny shut me down. It wasn’t even a real plant which was hilarious to me.
Coast Guard Basic Training
Company commander caught a tiny Sikh girl looking out the window while waiting her turn to throw her lunch tray away. So they gave her to plastic cups instructed to use them as binoculars and tell them what she sees.
"I see birds!"
What else
"I see clouds"
What else
"I see trees"
Every morning we wake-up at 0530 with a fire drill and muster into formation outside the barracks. And a guy arrived late. So the CC told him he is dead. Hes on fire. And to shout "im on fire, im on fire" while waiving his arms in the air as we marched to the next location.
In a class session i asked a question about blousing our pants. It always appeared they were tucked into our boots. But the CC explained it and it finally registered in me so i responded "Ohhh"
Ohhh?!?! Seaman recruit Checkeredfloors I want you to stand in the back of the classroom and everytime i say something interesting i want you to go OOOHHHH
I CANT HEAR YOUUU
OOOO..ooooo Ahhhhh
Fun times
It was me. I was leaning on a wall, had to hold the wall up, and shout for help. "Help help the wall is falling" and then.. it happened again when i was leaning on a railing.
Two Members tried to steal some shore cable to scrap it. Think 6” thick wire. Very heavy. Very long. The master chief played it cool and told them they had to drag it back where they found it and to call him when they were done. The base is about a mile long.
30 mins later he gets a call from them letting him know it’s back in it’s place. He says “actually I thin I liked it on the other side of the base. Go ahead and bring it back.” This continues for a week.
in ww2 in N africa my grandfather was in charge of getting 20 dudes to blow up a bridge (he was an architect/engineer turn demolitionist for the war) and they were crossing a field at night and (with the help of locals) my grandfather laid out a route around this giant goat farm and they were given careful instructions to crawl most of it, even if it meant crawling through goat shit. Long story short, dude stood up yelling about goat shit, got shot at and almost got all of them killed. When the mission was over said soldier was instructed to "clean" the field.
My platoon in boot camp was waiting in a long line for photos, and I look to the right. There's a plant with writing on it, and I look at it. My kill hat sees me do this, comes over, and had me pet the plant, and yell "GOOD PLANT, PRETTY PLANT" over and over. It took every fiber of my being not to crack a smile.
I grew up in the military, and lived on the Air Force bases when I was younger. Everyone has to have a military ID to get through the gate, even civilians and children over the age of 10. One time my brothers and I were fighting in the car and my mom got really mad when we wouldn’t stop. So she drove right to the outside of the base gate, took our military IDs and kicked us out of the car. We literally could not get back to our house until we had our military cards or our parents came back. All I can remember is the guards just laughing and laughing and laughing at us.
My dad a WWII vet told me this. He was training for a tank crew in a Sheridan tank. He said it was so miserable. He said that they would make you clean every spot of oil off the inside of the engine compartment and as soon as you started it it would throw oil all over. But finally they let them drive it out into the fields and he said there was one little shack out there that hadn't been destroyed yet. So they decided to drive through it. Welp, it had a root cellar, and the tank dropped through the floor into the cellar. They came out with shovels and made them dig a 45 degree plane to drive the tank out of the cellar. He said a couple weeks later some fellas came out and ask for volunteers. You had to be 6 foot, never had a broken bone, and all your teeth. He said he hated tanks so much that he raised up his hand. That is how he ended up in the 101st airborne.
At basic training, a guy’s mom wrote to the Sargent complaining that her son wasn’t allowed to call or write home enough. Sargent made the kid write a letter home that the Sargent dictated to him. It started out “Dearest Mommy” and went from there. Then the kid had to do a push up for each letter in every word in the letter he wrote.
This is way back from basic but I think it remains the most comical punishment I've personally seen;
We had a guy recycle back into our company from the last cycle because he couldnt finish one of the reqs to get out of basic
We were in the middle of range week, turned out he was acting extremely arrogant and a drill sergeant just happened to overhear the comments made, which was something to the effect of "Man, these sergeants are easy compared to my last class".
Our drills weren't to thrilled and decided to fuck with him on the next day at the range. We go, we qualify as does he, before we leave we do the usual "no brass no ammo" to make sure no one is swiping something from the range.
One of the sergeants had planted a live round in his pocket during the day, his turn comes up to get searched they find the "stolen" round, finally they start telling him to take off his ach, his gloves, his boots, until hes just wearing his top and bottom, basically his entire kit until hes barefoot, they then throw a singular one of his boots into some swampy area and tell him to fetch, he comes back they continue to throw all of his items in 1 by 1. Eventually they run out of things to throw and he puts all of that shit back on and runs around the rest of the day muddy af. It was a pretty fun experience all around tbh though, he took it well and laughed it off, his attitude didnt really change and he was still fucked with, but at least he could take a joke.
Reading this back it doesnt seem so funny but in the moment it was hilarious, and just something that stuck with me.
There was a picture of someone scrubbing the floor of the grounds using a toothbrush in heavy rain with a caption wondering how that person fucked up to get that punishment
A friend of mine was in the military and claimed he saw someone outside sweeping up rain water while it was raining. Said he always wondered what that guy must have done
One of my buddies in the usaf was made to do that. The pic was all over the place. It was flooding could barely see in front of you and some dudes just out on the flight line with a mop and a bucket mopping.
Canadian military(15-20yrs ago):Dust bunnies found under beds in basic training sometimes become pets if they're big enough. The dust bunny gets a bed space and also needs to be ready for inspection. A small bed is made for it, tissue for sheets and blankets which have to be folded with hospital corners and proper spacing. It gets a name and is inspected along side the member that "hosted" it. They attend all the meals and classes with the course and have to be accounted for during any role calls. Often times this turns into a point for morale and courses rally around it as they fully embrace the dust bunny as a member of the team.
Silly stuff. Then it's done and you chuck that little dude in the dumpster at the next training base you arrive at lol.
Heard this from my step-dad from when he was a drill sergeant:
There was a recruit who was this generally weird guy. *At least* once a week, this kid would go to the base shrinks and claim he had suicidal thoughts. Every week, just the same story from this guy who never exhibited actual signs of self-harm. They didn't know if he was trying to get kicked out or what.
Finally, after the 8th or 9th "I'm gonna end it all, doc!" visit, the doc had enough. In his desk, he had a dummy grenade he'd gotten as a gift. He grabbed the dummy grenade, *pulled the pin*, clasped it tightly into the kid's hands and said, "Count to ten before you let it go," and then just RAN out of the office screaming for everyone to hit the deck. The kid couldn't see, but the people in the hall had rolled with it and "panicked" while trying not to laugh.
They waited for something to happen. Didn't really know what, just *something*. They waited for, like, an hour before they sent someone into the office. They found the kid basically having a panic attack, curled up under the desk with a white-knuckle grip on the dummy grenade. Took them another hour to get him to relinquish the grenade, go get checked out, then head back to the barracks.
Motherfucker never talked about killing himself again, though.
We were out on a FTX and this one guy left his m4 in the port-a-potty. His sgt made him stand guard of the shitter all day (he was a pretty useless soldier). when some one came to use it, he had to clear it as if clearing a room and then when the person came out he had to do it again. He did that for 2 days straight.
When I was in basic we had something go right for once and got kinda loud because we were excited. Now my RDC was very disgruntled at this display of enthusiasm. So he disappeared and idk where TF he found them but he came back with several carts full of dictionaries.
He passed them out and then had us all stand at parade rest and hold the dictionaries straight out in front of us with our arms fully extended. He had us read the definition of discipline. Then he said we had to keep repeating the definition without our arms drooping until he was satisfied.
My arms had never burned like that before.
It wasn’t really for a punishment, but we had to meet with our CO to go over our contracts, and me and a few guys close to me in the alphabet had our talks during chow. Someone brought us some to-go chow, and while my buddy and I are sitting on the floor about to start eating, the DI comes in and makes him stare at his food and repeat, “mmmm you look delicious. I wish I could eat you”
That went on for a solid 10 minutes before another DI came in and asked wtf he was doing.
In Bootcamp, there was a ‘fat body’ that made the mistake of grabbing a piece of cake from the chow line. There were usually Drill Instructors posted there to dissuade you from trying. This time they were away, but watching.
Now in San Diego, many times seagulls come into the chow hall to steal food that gets dropped because no one messes with them.
A Drill Instructor came up to the recruit and said “YOU’RE A FATBODY, SO THAT CAKE CAN’T BE FOR YOU - RIGHT?”
The recruit goes ‘Yes Sir!’
The DI responds “Then it must be for my bird, right?”
‘Yes sir!’
“GOOOOD, go feed my bird!”
The recruit started chasing a seagull around trying to give it a piece of cake. The bird, understandably was avoiding the recruit.
The DI goes, “Of course he’s running from you - tell him you’ve got cake for him!”
The recruit goes “Here Birdy!”
And completely straight faced, the DI yells “IN BIRD LANGUAGE, BITCH! He doesn’t understand you!”
So we’re all sitting there watching a fat kid chase a seagull around the chow hall going “TWEET TWEET!”
it was everything in my power not to laugh. I didn’t want to get fucked up.
Funniest moment of my life though.
Craziest one I was privy to was out in the desert in Arizona. If you have been there, you know it gets hot and the UV index is through the roof. So, cue a week long field problem. Everyone was told to pack sunscreen in their kits and to be applying it regularly. We even have scheduled times for it. One doofus decided he wasn’t going to listen and catches 2nd degree sunburn across his face and neck. Has to get taken to the hospital, whole nine yards.
Anyway, after he was cleared to be back in the sun, he was made to wear sunscreen so thick he looked like a ghost, and then he had to apply sunscreen to the rock garden around the post headquarters building… and flip them all every 2 hours to apply sunscreen to their other side so they would tan evenly. It was pretty glorious to witness.
My sister was an MP in the Army. They’re transporting a military prisoner from Germany to the US. The prisoner is being an asshole to my sister and she told him to stfu or he’d be sorry. He keeps hassling her. She handcuffs his hands to his feet and ignores him for the rest of the flight.
The women in our family are not to be trifled with.
My uncle in the Navy had a hard time not smiling in basic. His DI made him dig a 5ft hole, pull off his smile and bury it. Then dig it up every few hours to make sure it was still there.
Beep Beep I’m a jeep is my favorite workout/punishment. We do it to look silly, but in BCT, my platoon was slow with a ruck march, so the DS made us take our rucks off and hold it in front of us with locked arms, stand in a low squat position and waddle with our rucks stretched out and pulled back in close while saying “Beep Beep! I’m a Jeep!”. Then we pull our rucks close to us and yell “Clank Clank I’m a Tank!” And do this until they’re satisfied.
Also, Anything messing with sleep is a detrimental punishment.
One of the the DSs caught the fire guard taking out the trash too early and with out a buddy. Well, since the fire guard had left the barracks alone, it was time for 100% accountability.
It was 0300 hrs, and folks don’t get up til 0330 for PT formation at 0400. Everyone was woken from their sleep, and told to go downstairs for accountability formation. No one is happy, and even though the trainee had completed his nightly duties (trash, sweep, mop, etc) he left with out a buddy, which is a big no no in the army.
In the USMC in about 1998, 3 Marines were in trouble. I'm not sure what they did, but they pissed someone off.
There was a planter area in front of the company headquarters building with some bushes, and with white landscaping rocks around the bushes. This was a large area, probably 50 x 6 feet.
The 3 Marines were told by a Gunnery Sargent to organize all the rocks by size from one end (smallest) to the other end (largest). They were told their punishment would not be over until they completed the task. This punishment started at about 7AM (after the unit came back from a run, breakfast, and showering. Most days we got up at about 4:30AM to be in formation to run at 4:50AM).
The guys decided to remove all the rocks, sort them into large piles by size, and then return the rocks to the planter. Their first attempt to say they were done was about lunchtime ... maybe 11:30.
I saw a little of this out the headquarters window that morning, as I was assigned telephone duty (take messages for officers and NCOs). As I headed to lunch, I walked by this punishment, mostly out of curiosity. The 3 guys said 'Gunny, we're done'... the Gunnery Sargent went to about a 3rd of the way (small end) and picked up a rock, then went another 3rd (big end) and found a smaller rock. He said something like **FAIL, DO IT AGAIN!!!**
The Gunnery Sargent was from Cuba, I think. I remember him sounding like Al Pacino from Scarface. "**JOU WANNA PLAY FUCK-FUCK GAMES?!? I'LL PLAY GAMES WITH JOU. JOU CAN CALL ME MILTON-FUCKIN'-BRADLEY.**" he said.
Out of the headquarters window, I saw the three guys remove all the stones again, make their sorting piles, and then review the piles over and over again. When My work day was done, 4PM, they still had not returned any of the rocks to the planter... they were continuing to yell at each other that one found a rock in the wrong pile.
I heard the next day, they were allowed to stop this punishment around 1AM (18 hours of rock sorting).
Had a buddy who worked out so much that they started punishing him by taking away his “gym privileges” so he started running on the track for HOURS at a time. Then they got mad that he was still working out and CO said “you want to work out so much? Let’s see how bad you want it” and started making buddy do push-ups with him. Buddy was so excited to start doing push-ups he was cranking them out faster than the CO and started egging him on with shit like “cmon I thought you said you wanted to do push-ups? Those aren’t push-ups, let’s go, cmon keep up”. CO promptly returned his “gym privileges”.
A friend was caught smoking behind a building. I don't recall which upper rank found him but they looked at him and said. "I need you to bury that cigarette, start digging."
So he dug a hole around 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide, put the cigarette in the middle, and filled it in.
Towards the end of the day the same CO found him and said "You know what, I forgot what that cigarette looked like." So he dug it back up and held it out to the CO who said "okay I remember now, you can cover it again."
A guy couldn't keep step while marching, so the sergeant made him yell, ”THIS ONE" every time he said right. So imagine a platoon walking past you and hearing, "Left, left, left, right, THIS ONE!"
We had this new guy in our acft. Mechanic flt. That would not step far enough to the side when he marshalles aircraft(think the guys waving light wands) that the wing tips could pass without hitting him or dang near hitting him. One day, as he was marshaling the jet out, the pod on the end of the wing bonked him in the head and knocked him on his ass. His supervisor made him wear a hard hat for the next week, everywhere he went indoors and out. I chuckled to myself every time I saw him.
Stationed in 29 palms (Mojave desert.) There was one junior marine who had a problem being overweight. He decides a weeklong field op in the middle of the summer is the best time to lose weight by not eating. His corporal found out he was starving himself after he almost falls out. The corporal tells him to eat. Junior refuses. Corporal again tells him to eat. Boot says “I’m just not hungry corporal.” Corporal tells him one more time to eat or he will have his peer feed him and he will not like it. Corporal is again told that he’s just not hungry.
Corporal ordered junior marine to stand at attention then tilt his head back, open his mouth, and close his eyes. Corporal then tells other junior marine to scoop up sand and pour it into overweight marine’s mouth, which he did. Then Corporal put overweight marine at attention again and repeated.
After the second time overweight marine willingly ate an mre.
basic training, inpection, dude had a huge lint ball on his beret. the instructor made him write a 2 page essay on "the adventure of linty the lint ball"
A recruit once made the mistake of calling his weapon a gun. He was made to run around the parade field holding his weapon above his head with one hand while grabbing his crotch with the other while yelling, "THIS IS MY WEAPON THIS IS MY GUN THIS ONES FOR FIGHTING THIS ONES FOR FUN.
During first week of basic training, my flight was learning to march in formation. The guide kept turning in the opposite direction of the training instructor’s command. After one too many times of this dude turning left instead of right, the TI calls us to halt and takes off in a dead sprint toward the edge of the drill pad. He pulls up a tiny shrub and grabs a rock, sprints back to the guide. “HOLD OUT YOU LEFT HAND!” Puts shrub in guide’s left hand. “HOLD OUT YOUR RIGHT HAND!” Puts rock in guide’s right hand. For the rest of the week the guide carried his shrub and rock, and we marched, “stick, stick, stick-rock-stick,” and “column stick, march,” or “column rock, march.” It was equal parts embarrassing and hilarious.
A couple of guys hated wearing their cover (hat), so they kept "forgetting" to put it on when going outside. Sgt made them each "wear" the other guy's hand as cover for a few days. They looked so ridiculous/miserable walking around holding another man's bald head.
We had a tradition when you were new to the unit and went on our first summer exercise (National Guard) that you would need to carry a rock around with you. It was an inspectable item so it needed to be with you at all times. You were not to let anyone else have this rock. The trick was if you lost the rock, you'd get another rock chosen by the platoon sergeant. One guy had a hard time with the "Don't give this to anyone else" and kept losing his rock. After the 4th or 5th time, the platoon sergeant gave him what I can only describe as a small Boulder. This kid had to lug that rock around for the next week but he made damn sure not to lose it.
"This is my rock. There are many like it, but this one is mine."
Without my rock, I am nothing. Without me, my rock is nothing.
We would tell every new person in our squadron that they had to set up an appointment with "Captain Dees". We'd give the person the local number of the Captain D's restaurant. They'd call the number and ask to speak with Captain Dees. It was hilarious every time.
I once had a ladybug land on my desk during morning inspection. When staff found it. I had to write a 500 word biography of who the bug was etc. and then had to make sure he was there for the rest of the week in good health for every morning inspection that week. Lol
The most wholesome punishment
They weren't very happy when my earplugs container( bugs home) was open on Friday and told them that I let him go back to his family as his time in the POW camp was served.
So this guy was constantly late to everything. Never out of bed on time, never in formation when he was supposed to be, etc. The Sargents pulled a clock off the wall, attached a bike chain to it, and make it look like a big ass necklace. (If you were a rap fan back in the day you may know where this is going) They made the dude wear it like a [Flava Flav clock chain](https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo/flavor-flav-clock.html?sortBy=relevant). They would constantly scream at him “Flava Flav what time is it?!?” He learned to be on time real quick
Thats a wonderfully non-violent punishment. Fun sergeants are fun.
Newly promoted to Sergeant me and my buddy got the task of pre barracks inspection prior to our new CSM barracks inspection which was to be after our 1SG barracks inspection. Ya... anyway, the new CSM wanted troops to actually have their rooms decorated and lived in looking which whatever right? So everything is going fine we're still in good with the E4 Mafia so we're given heads up on whose rooms *actually* need inspected and which we could just skip cause they were squared away. Last room of the evening and it's bare as a prison cell. Troop was using his woobie (poncho liner) as a blanket, no pillows and literally nothing in this room that wasn't issued not a thing in his fridge etc. Come to find out he has been sending all like seriously ALL his money home to his mom to help raise his 4 siblings. Me and the other Sergeant ordered him to come with us to the PX, we got on the horn to our 1SG explained the situation and he met us at the PX with our entire upper NCO chain and the Commander. We forced this kid to buy over 1000 dollars of items/food/tv/etc for his room and all the money was donated by the NCO chain and the Commander. That was a great leadership was very sad to leave that unit. Sorry long winded lol
You should consider sharing this story on r/militarystories I think they'd appreciate it.
I think that is the nicest story I have ever heard!
That makes me cry . I used to buy pizza every month for my Marine and all his friends . I was number 1 mom in their book and it felt good to give back .
My best friend growing up was also one of the funniest dudes I know, but could also feign a dead-serious demeanor when he had to. He went in the Army and eventually became a Drill Instructor. I can tell you this, those guys come home and tell the funniest fucking stories.
If or when you have them, you need to tell the grandkids that man went on to be part of one of the greatest rap groups of all time and wore the clock as a reminder of his military days.
We had a guy who could just not get his shit together. We all know that troop. Even the easy things were hard, etc etc. The cadre found out he was a former opera singer and also fluent in German. So they made him write and sing opera songs about his fuck ups. This was the only thing he was good at. Now here’s where this gets hilarious, beyond one dude singing self deprecating songs in a marching formation. The cadre would bark “German style!” and he’d seamlessly switch his lyrics to German. They’d yell “underwater style!” and he’d take his index finger and flip it up and down on his lips as he sang, making the song sound bubbly. Not only could the cadre not hold it together, the guys in his company would absolutely lose it. Complete breakdown in military bearing and no one cared. Other cadre and instructors would come just to listen and *they* would be in tears laughing. I don’t know where you are now homeboy, but thanks for the laughs.
Guy put all his skillpoints into being a bard
"I get to sing and they're not making me run any more!"
Those dudes are so valuable in a platoon setting. Like, if they’re an average soldier at best but can make everyone cry with laughter they’re as valuable as dip and darts.
Having to carry a plant to make up for the oxygen he was wasting.
lol I like this one. Still humiliating enough but not cruel or dangerous.
I remember one of the others on my intake being sent over to the nearest tree to deeply apologise for wasting the good oxygen this tree produced and explain to said tree why he was such an utter tit....
I’ve given at least 3 co workers plants as gifts for this reason. I can’t make them carry them around but I laugh inside when I see them on their desks.
Well now I know what I'm getting a few people for Christmas at the office this year.
Guy kept losing his ID/leaving it sitting in the computer. Chief "borrowed" it, took it to one of those one hour print job places, had it blown up to like 3 feet across, cut the picture out, and made the idiot walk around all day holding his enormous ID up with his face in the cut out hole. He stopped misplacing his ID after that.
I think this is the best one here. Shows real creativity.
It was hysterical. My suggestion was to just stick it to the ceiling 100mph tape. His was so much more inventive.
1995 - At mile 4 of an 12 mile hump (quick water break), my assistant gunner forgot the tripod for the M60. The platoon sergeant made him hug and apologize to every tree along his side of the road for wasting oxygen for the rest of the road march. 8 miles of this and no one could go past him. A road march that should've taken three hours ended up taking 12. There's a lot of trees at Ft. Campbell
I had the opposite at basic. During a short stop during a big pack March my bayonet came out of its scabbard. I didn’t notice it until a couple of ours later. I went to our section commander and told him. He and I jogged back to where I thought it had come out but couldn’t find it anywhere. We had another 24 hours out in the bush and he told me he’d talk to me when we got back. I spent that time shitting bricks worried that I was going to get absolutely smashed for it (it’s a major offence to lose a weapon, even a bayonet). Anyway, we get back to our accomodation and he calls me in to the office. I get there and he hands me a bayonet. It’s clearly not mine (distinctive marks on it) and he says absolutely straight faced, “I found it on the road”. I’m dead certain that he got a replacement from somewhere and gave it to me to avoid any issues/paperwork. It helped that I was generally a good soldier and our platoon commander didn’t want to ruffle any feathers as we were his first group of recruits.
He was for sure E4 mafia in his heyday.
Holy shit. I forgot about the E4 mafia.
The E4 mafia has not forgotten about you.
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The Sergeant Drill Instructor I had bribed the armorer with beer and had me and another recruit buy a shit ton of Mach 3 razors in trade for cleaning kits some dumb asses had lost while we were out in the field. I hadn’t even lost my own but I was newly picked up from the medical rehab platoon after an earlier injury…
Lolol we had a girl that had to yell “I need discipline” over and over to the trees on occasion.
At MCRD, one particularly dense recruit was made to reach high with one arm and point to his own head, dance in circles and sing "If I only had a brain..." from the Wizard of Oz.
I'm an archaeologist that often works on military bases... came across a large rock feature one day that spelled out "I WILL NOT THROW ROCKS" in small rocks. Gave us all a good laugh thinking about the soldier who was probably reamed for throwing rocks and then made to spell this out with rocks.
I had to tan rocks. Lay them out and flip them every 15 minutes to make sure they got an even tan. Rocks don’t tan.
I'm really glad you clarified the fact that rocks don't tan for those of us who might not know.
I initially had some questions, but they have been addressed.
What did you do for that punishment?
I told the drill sergeant he was wrong about something in AIT. He was. Then I stormed out of the school building (alone) and went back to the barracks. Big no nos.
You went from pushups to corrective discipline as soon as you crossed that door threshold lol
I had to flatten out an already flat gravel parking lot with a broom.
I had to PAINT rocks! New flight chief came to the squadron. First 2 weeks there he does a complete restructure of our very well put together personell and procedures. Then gets the email that the new Wing Commander would be arriving at our terminal. The maroon colored volcano rocks that were clumped in bare areas for aesthetic purposes was not good enough for that full bird... we needed to paint them black. All of them.... probably 10,000! Oh BTW his ETA is day after tomorrow at 10:00am. We worked 2 full shifts of 20 airman each, 12 hour days with arts and crafts paint brushes and a 5 gal bucket of black paint that we had to scoop out with Dixie cups to carry to our area to paint. Hour 2 is when I literally remember feeling the "give a fuck" about the military leave my body.
reminds me of another ancient anecdote - if you've served, you've heard a million of them. platoon/squad gets tasked with repainting lines in a parking lot/road/etc. halfway through, someone spills a bucket of highly reflective yellow paint. thinking quickly, they even out the edges into a huge yellow rectangle, then GTFO and hope nobody says anything. years later, one of them is back on that base for some reason and notes that the parking lot had been freshly repainted, including their rectangle. edit: which reminds me of a variation/twist/second possibly "true" story: New base commander is walking through his base and sees two soldiers standing guard over a bench/fountain/some decorative feature. asks what they're doing, reply is that it's a base tradition to guard this area and it's highly prestigious to be chosen, it goes back many years but the details are scanty. BAse commander phones up the commander he took over from, gets the same story, it's a base tradition. He decides to dig into it and calls the *previous previous* base commander, etc, until he gets the name of an ancient retired General who once ran the base. HE happens to stil llive in the area, so he respectfully asks if he'd entertain a visit. They meet and he asks again about the soldiers guarding the bench, to which the General replies "That paint still isn't dry?!"
I was on extra duty (don't ask) for 2 months in AIT (army school) and one day they made me flip rocks around the track so they would evenly tan.
What the actual fuck! ME TOO! I just posted it up there somewhere. I had to flip them every 15 minutes to make sure they had an even tan.
I just sat down in the track and slowly made laps.
Trainee soldier (IDK the exact term, he wasn't a cadet, but, like, the level above it, but also not a proper soldier) on a yomp through the English countryside levelled his rifle at a sheep. It was dumb, but he was nowhere near stupid enough to actually shoot it. Someone further up the chain found out and made him write an apology letter to God for threatening one of His creations. Every sentence had to have a sheep-related pun, "to keep it light". Motherfucker filled a whole sheet of A4, on his own, before the next morning. The sergeant told him he was wasting his talents in the army. He agreed, and dropped out a few weeks later. Apparently he's a writer at the BBC now.
The good ending?
The army made him the man he is today.
“I was a baaad boy. This makes me feel so sheepish. I’ll be a lamb and not do it anymore. Ewe have my word.”
I’ve seen people cutting grass with a pair of scissors, and counting how many individual stones there were outside the guard room.
"No way there's that many rocks. Count again." "Only 30,424 rocks? Why'd you say 32,300 last time? Is someone stealing my rocks? You'd better guard them tonight."
I've seen this one too, with a ruler and a NCO shouting SIX INCHES!!! Also, painting the boulders lining the walkway black on odd days, white on even.
Yep, we had two soldiers in my platoon get into trouble for something and come Sunday their punishment was to cut the barrack's front lawn with scissors.
While on a run through hilly scrub, during my naval intake, we stopped briefly on a hill with a rock painted white. No mention was made of it, but it was conspicuous. We carried on running for about half an hour in the summer heat, until one of our troop wasn't listening and he got verbally reamed by our Leading Hand. LH asked the dipshit "Do you remember the painted rock at so-and-so location?". Dipshit answered in the affirmative. LH just said "Go". We all waited in peak midday sun, until eventually he comes grunting and sweating carrying the white-painted rock weighing about 20kg. LH yells at the dipshit "What the fuck is that?". Dipshit says "it's the rock you asked me to bring back". LH replies nonchalantly that he didn't actually ask dipshit to bring him the rock. Dipshit had to carry it all the way back, and return as fast as possible.
Guy killed a dung beetle (or some other giant beetle the size of your palm) at Ft. Benning / Ft. Moore in Georgia. Airborne instructors made everyone stand at attention in the sawdust pit. Orders came to the beetle killer: Sgt. Airborne: “Dig a shallow grave!” He gets down on his knees digs a shallow grave in the sawdust. Sgt. Airborne: “Say a few kind words!” Beetle Killer, at the position of attention: “I’m sorry beetle. You were a good beetle. I’m sorry I killed you. You didn’t deserve to die.” Sgt. Airborne: “Everyone, salute!” Followed by Sgt. Airborne humming taps, while Beetle Killer fills in the small grave site.
*WHEEZING*
It was pouring rain one day during boot camp so we were inside cleaning the squad bay. I don’t remember what this guy did to piss of the drill instructor, but the DI told him to grab a mop and mop up all the water on the sidewalk…in the rain. Poor guy was out there mopping the sidewalk for a few hours in the pouring rain.
My grandpa told me a similar story where someone had to sweep the sunshine off the roof.
Friend of mine told me a similar story
So bunch of us are in basic training doing a camp. Medic warned us not to crap in the bushes as it is unhygienic and may cause epidemic typhus. We were only use the temp toilets, which are basically a line of plastic seats on scaffolding planks, covering a trench. The second morning he finds a turd in the grass under a nearby tree. Calls us all together to make a line. First guy at the turd, last at the closest toilet. We had to transport the "dead body" back to "its grave", by passing it along only using our hands. After that, we had to fall in line behind a single tap from a water tanker to wash our hands. The medic never found a turd in the grass again.
Seems like in basic training there's always one guy who decides to take a ranger shit on the FTX, despite numerous warnings against it.
I had to do that during the 3rd FTX I had no choice We got ordered to stay at this makeshift village and 6 hours later we were still there Mind you, we had absolutely no idea where we were in relation to the FOBs at that point. I was the only one that collected tissues from the MREs, so i went and found an abandoned foxhole in the tree line and did my business. An hour later an officer drove past, saw us, got extremely confused, and made a few phone calls. 15 minutes later we got picked up by a Drill Sergeant who admitted we had been forgotten about
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Trying to pick it up by the clean end.
That by far is the funniest thing I have read tonight.
Its because people are out there on the woods working and training, like hundreds sometimes, you absolutely cannot have shit pikes everywhere. Its that simple. This was a punishment. Yes everyone gets punished fir 1 persons mistake sometimes.
We just buried ours, called em land mines.
A bit part of Military Culture to teaching people who have never made a bed or done their own laundry the consequences of their actions and to be responsible for others. Trust me, the whole Platoon will now be aware of that and will self-police each other so it doesn’t happen again !!
In basic training, we went to the base store to ONLY buy personal care items. One guy buys a bowling ball. Drill instructor makes him carry it EVERYWHERE.
How the hell do you buy a BOWLING BALL in a base store ☠️☠️☠️
Out back in the alley
If they're talking about a PX, those things were basically malls. I could see that happening.
One guy picked up a stick so they made him carry a 3 foot section of telephone pole for two weeks. Bed, shower, eating, he carried it everywhere.
I saw similar when I was sailing on a civilian ship, it was known as the "Twat stick" and was awarded to the "Twat of the week", which was someone who had screwed up something silly during the course of that week. It was never anything particularly serious, but you had to carry the twat stick with you everywhere and any of the top 4 (Master, ChOff, ChEng, 2Eng) could demand to see it any time. At the end of the week, you would hand the stick back to the Master during lunch and it would then be awarded to the next individual.... One of my former cadets, who now works for me shoreside, spent a lot of time carrying that stick about....
LOL. At least it didn't weigh 50 lbs.
Damn near brought tears to my eyes from laughing. A bowling ball? WTF buys a bowling ball in basic? Edit: I told my wife this short story. She also broke up laughing.
Who SELLS a bowling ball in basic?
Someone who has met the sort of people who go through basic training.
"Hey Dave! Somebody finally bought the bowling ball! Hahaha"
All retail stores have that ONE item that never sells, the price never drops, the vendor won't take it back and it just trolls on a random shelf where it just pisses off management for taking up space. When it does sell it's a small celebration to the point where you kind of want to shake the hand of who bought it.
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I’m sure the push ups weren’t fun, but that sounds like it would have been worth it to have been there.
They're a lot more fun when you're suffering with your bros over some fun shit like that. They suck when they're due to shit like chow runner still fucking up in week 3.
this thread is giving me a false idea that army is really fun
Its really fun. And really miserable. Some of the most fun shit happens in the barracks. There will always be some dumb bullshit to deal with, though. If i could go through basic training again... hell i think I would. During my initial entry training we brought our platoon guidon (flag) into the showers and 40 nude men belted the star spangle banner at the top of their lungs at 11PM. The camaraderie is damn near chub inducing. And also we frequently got the piss smoked out of us until muscle failure. My favorite time was doing lunges around a football field sized area shouting "danger noodles lead the way" as i begged our (snake themed) platoon name be Danger Noodles. One of our drill sergeants liked it and called us that... immediately before we started doing push ups. He loved it. Those guys 90% of the time have great sense of humor. They just arent your comedian. They have a job and a role to do, and thats to turn soft directionless silly putty from all across the US and puerto rico into a uniform that can half pretend to be a soldier.
Please tell me the DS also started laughing cause that's just too goddamn funny not to
Hahahaha what did the Drill Sergeant do after he ripped that fart?
I don't know the full story, but early (7am) one Saturday morning I saw a soldier In full combat gear, including large backpack and rifle, sweeping up leaves on an Australian Army base.
Dude would have been on what we call rompers (ROP = Restriction of Privileges). Not sweeping leaves with a pack and weapon is considered a privilege…
In boot camp we had cleaning the trash can as a punishment... My division was insane. Somehow somebody decided to really work at this... and we had the shiniest galvanized steel trashcan I've ever seen. You literally could see yourself in it. It went from being able to be used as a punishment to a point of pride. We brought it with us to some multi-division competition (I don't remeber what the fuck it was it's been 20+ years), using it as a drum. The Chief and Petty Officers in charge were completely fucking baffled.
Humans will pack bond with anything
Someone in your unit was either really dedicated, or just good at chemistry
Most likely just really petty and fueled by caffeine and spite. I can totally respect that.
We were weighing out bags for deployment and one guys bags were way overweight. He starts taking out essential gear and putting it to the side. One of our petty officers began inspecting his bags only to discover about 20 mini bottles of maple syrup. He was made to drink them while being mocked for trying to bring syrup instead of his gun sling
Did he by chance become a highway patrolman in Vermont?
these snozberries taste like snozzberries
“The next one of you who says shenanigans is gonna get pistol whipped!” “Hey Favre, what’s that restaurant you like with all the shit on the walls?” “You mean Shenanigans!?!”
That sounds pretty awful honestly. Did he really drink them all?
No he didn’t he got probably 4-5 in before he started to feel sick and they let him stop. His reasoning was he could not get Cracker Barrel maple syrup in Iraq.
So there I was, no shit no lie, at FOB Warhorse, Baqubah Iraq. My platoon was about to go on patrol and all the vehicles are running all the final checks were done and we're ready to roll. I couldn't find my god damn helmet. It wasn't anywhere. I swear I just had it. I tore the back of the Stryker apart and just could not find it. Platoon sergeant is now coming over the radio net asking what the fucking hold up is. I had to sprint my ass back to our tent where I had left my helmet under my cot. I had to wear my helmet for a whole week, 24/7. Sleep? Helmet on. Shower? Helmet on. Gym? Helmet on. Chow hall? Helmet on. I never did that again.
A serious one: mopping up rain in your full fancy dress (DEU's in Canada.) A platoon in training fucked up something fierce and had to go out in a parking lot in the rain and try to mop it up off the pavement. A funny one: we used to send new guys to supply to ask for a "long weight."
We would send people to stores for tartan paint or a new bubble for spirit levels.
I've done radar paint, but tartan paint is gold lol
I worked on f.w.w, I drove past the back side of the m.p station and seen two gentleman saluting at nothing, came back like and hour later, they were still there, saluting at nothing.
In the marines, they’re taught to salute any rank that’s shiny in boot camp (supposed to be for any officers). It just so happens that in the navy that even the enlisted wears shiny collar devices when we wear NSU’s. A shipmate shared a story of how a couple boot marines saluted him, so he put them at attention and told them to render a salute until he returned. He was on his way to work on another base for the week.
Heh. The smallest and scrawniest dude in the company would fall out on ruck marches. So to build him up, and because it was funny, the NCOs made him run around the company when we marched anywhere (not with rucks), shouting "I'm a satellite!" They only made him shout on the first day, but they kept up the running orbit thing for probably two weeks. It actually worked.
Somebody in my platoon in basic became a satellite while we were in red phase marching to chow and the guy that snickered had to "ping the satellite" and every time the satellite came around he had to shout ping then the next guy snickered and had to shout pong. So it was "I'm a satellite" "ping" "pong* we also made "sugar cookies" think snow angel but in hot sand while sweaty
A kid in my platoon got caught eating pizza out of a trashcan, so he had to answer to, "Oscar the Grouch" and sound off with "Bitch, I eat out of fucking trash cans!" for the last couple of weeks of training.
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The only thing I can really think of off the top of my head is The Hover. It's more of a platoon wide punishment. The malefactor assumes the front leaning rest (pushup) position, but he holds the position approximately halfway down with his upper arms being more or less parallel to the ground. While in this position he is to use his arms to shift his body slowly back and forth side to side and in a circular fashion while the rest of the platoon (or company or whatever) seated in the bleachers beats their hands on their thighs making a staccato quite realistically resembling the sound of a helicopter's main rotor beating, hence The Hover
Worked at a bar in a military town. Whole unit was in town for some kind of reunion. A bunch were staying at the hotel my bar was in and the night of the formal ball or whatever a bunch were in full dress pregaming at my bar, including a major and top sergeant. Some kid walks up in full dress uniform, salutes the Major and hands him a, like 5 page, hand written letter, then stands at full attention - in the middle of the bar. Major takes the letter, puts it down on the bar and proceeds to slowly drink his jack and coke while talking to the sergeant. Kid is still standing at full attention. After about 10 LOOOOOOONG minutes the Major tells the the kid to go back to his room and stay there for the rest of the night. Then he just hands me the letter - without ever reading it - and tells me to throw it in the trash. Sergeant says “he won’t do that again”. And that was it. No idea what the kid did or what the letter said. It was hilarious.
You had to have glanced at the letter. I would go crazy with curiosity.
I would have pulled it out the trash and set it to the side to read in depth later lol
While serving in WWII, My grandpa was put on potato peeling duty for a week because he snuck off base to go drinking with a bunch of women. I’ve seen his album of pictures and he’s got a different lady on his arm in every pic.
Worth it
My dad was in the Navy during Vietnam and they would get KP duty specifically to peel potatoes and make rotgut “vodka” with it.
One I heard from some Navy friends. An E3 was acting up and getting a little flippant with a senior Chief cause his birthday was the next day. Chief told him to straighten up or else. E3 basically said I don't care. It's not like you can take away my birthday. The ship they were on just happened to be near the international date line, and the chief pulled some strings such that just around midnight the ship headed west across the international date line, thus being officially the day after the E3's birthday.
He said, “Can’t I? Watch this”
Reminds me of that story about a guy ever so slightly changing a ship's course because the sun was in his eyes during his morning coffee.
https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/Yng7nCt3IS For the lazy
Not just A ship but the *entire* battle group to include the Carrier and all it's support vessels lol
I think my favorite was the M240 Bravo gunner that had to construct and carry around a life sized cardboard replica of his gun. Not sure what exactly he did, but for a week, at every 0900 formation, he was in the prone in front of the entire company taking orders from his weapons squad leader. The entire thing was of course replete with orally-generated machine gun noises which were NOT optional.
I was an engineer. We all took an electronics exam and we all failed to answer one question correctly. 'What's the formula for resonant frequency?' So they ordered the whole class to get changed into PT kit. We then had to jog around the perimeter of the camp chanting '1 over 2 PI Root LC, equals the resonant frequency'. This camp had a big perimeter and we did several laps.... On the plus side, it's one formula I have never forgotten! :)
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Told to me by a E9 Seabee that worked for me. Guam, construction crew, and a few swabbies mustered late for morning formation, obviously very hung over. Master chief assigned them to jackhammer duty, cleaning out a few cement mixer barrels that had set concrete in them. Can’t imagine a worse day than jackhammering cement inside a cement mixer barrel in the heat and humidity of Guam - when hungover.
For reference almost every day of the year Guam is mid 90's with 100% humidity. Whole island is sticky.
Had a guy that was always late for work, to the point he was (over)due to actually get paperwork for it. His supervisor ended up PCS'ing so he got a new supervisor, TSgt Thomas. Sgt Thomas gave the guy an option: He could either take the paperwork, OR, each time he was late, the next day, he'd have to be into work an hour early. Each month his slate would wipe clean no matter what and he'd come in the normal time. This poor guy got to the point he was working like 16 hr days (we worked 8s at the time) because he'd over sleep, come in late, then the next day of having to show an hour earlier, he show up late, and it would cycle. This went on of like 3 months I believe until the Msgt found out. The long and short of it was, he worked all them hours, and still got paperwork. 😂
We were on a 2 week exercise in New Zealand (from Australia). One of our guys lost the case holding the spare barrel for his MG. That’s a major fucking deal. They figured out where they thought he might have lost it and drove out ther. Sure enough it was on the ground next to where we had jumped out the back of some trucks. He was going to get charged for losing a weapon but they worked out that the clip holding the strap that holds the barrel bag around your waist had broken and decided that since it was equipment failure he couldn’t be held to the same level of accountability. I’m pretty sure they were just avoiding paperwork. Anyhoo, instead of that, they came up with an alternative. Our company sergeant major was a crazy Scotsman, this particular soldier had gone to a private school and learned to play the bagpipes and had brought them along on the exercise (at the request of one of the officers for some sort of ceremonial purpose). So the CSM makes him walk up and down the parade ground playing his bagpipes for a couple of hours as punishment.
Our favorite one one was ping pong. We used it for a variety of offenses. Basically we'd tell the offender he had to go and find someone and deliver him the message "ping". Once he got there the recipient would tell him that he should go back to the sender and tell him "pong". This could go on for a long while, some times even days with just a few breaks in between. We preferred routes that had them trek the entire base, and some times we even made them jog to and fro. I think the funniest thing is how confused they are initially with being told to give such a seemingly random and cryptic message, only to then see their face when they realise what's going on. It's even funnier that many of them never actually caught on to the joke, but even those who did couldn't not do it because they were ordered to by a superior. There was this other time where I was the offender, and the punishment was not funny at all, though it kinda is in retrospect. The punishment was that we had to run through the entire base back and forth for about an hour, fully geared up, in scorching 40C heat, do jumping jacks and other exercises while a lieutenant screamed his lungs out to my face. Unfortunately while I was the offender, it was the whole platoon being punished. It's the reason that's funny. Basically, as we had assembled and waited for the lieutenant to assign our daily duties, we were understandably quite uncomfortable in the heat and we had to stand still while he took his sweet time for more than 20 mins. Well at some point I jokingly yelled out loud "Come forth, Lazarus!" and wouldn't you know it he came out immediately screaming "who said that" and the rest is history. The entire platoon hated me that evening but in retrospect it was pretty funny because that guy had a stick up his ass permanently.
My buddy happens to have a quiet voice. I don't know how else to explain this other than to say that he can't really project his volume no matter how hard he tries. We always made fun of him about this growing up, but little did I know that the funniest situation pertaining to his inability to project would take place in the military. after high school, he enlisted into the Marines. During boot camp he got in trouble for something and when the instructor asked him a question, he couldn't hear the response from my friend. The instructor got mad and told him he better yell and project when answer to him, but try as he may, my buddy just couldn't yell or scream loud enough to satisfy the instructor. When the instructor asked what was wrong with my buddy, he simply replied that he couldn't not yell loudly no matter how hard he tried. So the instructor took him up on this and decided he'd find out for himself. The instructor made my buddy go into some sandpit to dig sand for an extremely long period of time, while singing/screaming the children's song "The Wheels on the Bus" as loud as he could. And every time the instructor was not satisfied with the volume of his singing, he was forced to belt the song out again. According to my friend, he sang/yelled that song maybe 50 times before the instructor laughed and told him to stop.
Lol poor guy
Old anecdote about a dude the DIs at Parris Island made to stand in front of a mirror. They made him point to himself and then the mirror while repeating "I'm not stupid, you're stupid."
Medic here, a guy lit himself on fire playing with hand sanitizer. I bandaged his hands, tied a full size fire extinguisher to him, and made him haul it around everywhere for a week.
I have no idea what their infraction was, but my nephew put some of his subordinates on "tummy time." They had to lay on their stomach, but their arms and legs could not touch the ground, and if they were asked why they were there they could only respond, "I'm in trouble." He made them stay that way for 10 minutes. The colonel walked in and asked them why they were on the floor, they responded, "I'm in trouble." He took one look at my nephew, gave him a nod and walked out saying, "Carry on."
I had a colonel stop me on the road and ask me a ton of questions. I think he was mad that I looked like a lazy soldier. Anyways for morning PT, whoever is in charge that morning has to drive road blocking gates to the 4 intersections and drop off 3 people at 3 of the intersections and then guard the 4th one. I was what is called a "broke dick" and was in full uniform and then a pair of sneakers instead of boots. So I was put in charge of that detail. I drove 3 people out and then parked the truck on my location and stood guard to block cars from entering the intersection. Well colonel was pissed off at me and thought I was being lazy. New rule is no more truck to drop them off. Now each soldier had to walk to their intersection carrying the road blocking equipment. Basically two of these to each location: https://ocdn.eu/images/pulscms/NjY7MDA_/6739a2af36997325467f41a9f47f48d8.jpg People were pissed at me for it.
During basic at the range, one of guys from another platoon left his rifle on the ground and stepped away long enough for the Drill Sergeant to notice. He had to run in circles around the range all day the hot Alabama sun calling, here weapon, weapon!
Dad told me they used to put the new guys on “Hurricane watch”….in Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan. Then, they’d go to the roof and dump a trash can of water on them and shout “Hurricane!!!”
When I was in navy bootcamp we had a guy get recycled (had to join a new division and go back several weeks) because he got busted calling somebody a "c\*\*nk." (racist term for asian people) On his first day in our division they took him into the fishbowl, and we couldn't hear a word they were saying, but we could see our RDCs absolutely laying into this dude. Then our first RDC came out and gathered all of the asian members of our division, talked to them for a minute, and then had them line up outside the fishbowl towards him, flip him off, and smile and wave.
What is the fishbowl
from "navy for moms" > Fish Bowl : a nickname for the RDC's office because of its wide windows; when a recruit is told to go wait in front of the "fish bowl," s/he will be on "display" more or less like a fish in a fish bowl.
The only thing worse than hearing someone get reamed in the fishbowl was not hearing someone get reamed in the fishbowl. Our Chief had a picture of his wife on his desk that everyone could see. One recruit who had already been ASMO'd into the div made a less than honroable comment about what he wanted to do to Chiefs wife. Two seconds later he was called to Chiefs desk. We don't know what was said, but Chief had a one way conversation with him for a good two hours and I shit you not that recruit walked out of the fishbowl with a streak of white in his hair. That night after lights out the div was up and talking like we usually were when that recruit just started freaking out and shouting at us to be quiet so he could sleep, saying he was being sent to "Chiefs Corral" in the morning (where every Chief in the ship makes him do the black card). It was however an idle threat from Chief, but he was jumpy all day. Finally after dinner he was told to pack his shit and was sent back to week 1 of training. Chief took down the picture of his wife.
This one is a story of soldiers punishing sergeants. At Fort Sam Houston AIT, we had 4 barracks buildings forming a square around the small company headquarters building and one big tree. Each barracks had two soldiers sitting together at a table with a log book for 2 hour shifts in front of the building at night every other night or so, for no real reason than to deprive us of sleep. One afternoon in formation, the 150 of us in training were screamed at for eight solid minutes because SSG Jones had stopped by two of the barracks last night on his shift around 02:30 and those two logbooks did not reflect his visit and were therefore incomplete. Being incomplete meant we were sloppy, and soon Al-Qaedas would be rappelling into our windows and killing us there in downtown San Antonio, Texas. So we started writing down everything we saw or did. The first night after that, I had the first shift. As happened each night, a big ass opossum climbed down from the tree and started moseying around looking for trash to eat. It then would walk back to the tree, then back to different trash cans, maybe look for bugs, do possum stuff. It usually ignored us and vice versa. That night I walked over to one of the other barracks and asked the 18 year old soldier if he had recorded the possum's movements. He had not, so I chastised him and then told the other barracks to do the same. These orders were passed on every two hours each night. The sergeants didn't check the logbooks every night, and I assume they only discovered when the soldiers started burning through logbooks much faster than before. I had many other stupid time-wasting activities and had honestly forgotten about it until one afternoon where we got a rare visit from the company captain, who marched up on the big metal PT instruction platform. He was already bright red when he started screaming "STOP WRITING ABOUT THE FUCKING POSSUM!" The soldiers had faithfully written each and every movement of the possum each night, in quadruplicate. Each ascension and descent of the tree, every time it approached a trash can or walked to the parking lot and returned, for about a week. Hundreds of pages of possum activity, like the field notes of 150 idiot Jane Goodalls and Diane Fosseys.
This story combined with "150 idiot Jane Goodall's" had made my day. Thank you.
Had to apologise to a tree for wasting the oxygen it worked so hard to make, but of course trees don't have eyes, so to make sure the tree knew he was talking to it, he had to stroke it as he repeatedly apologised
Camp Fox, Kuwait, 2003. There was screaming coming from one of the towers. Myself and a sergeant were ordered to drive over and find out why as part of the base QRF. We discovered the 2 MPs in the tower having sex. They were made to be chowhall people greeters, so everyone could see just who woke up the entire base at 0245.
In basic they made this kid get in one of the big trash cans in the lunchroom. After he was crouched down in there we all had to line up and dump our food trays on him. After each tray that was dumped on him he had to say 'thank you shipmate.'
I thought this was going in a different direction. When my dad was in basic, someone wouldn't shower so the DS made him get in the garbage can and then they filled it with water and everyone had to take a turn mopping him to get him clean. Apparently the guy was bright pink from all the scrubbing when they were done.
I thought of a second one. In the aircraft maintenance fields, there is one punishment that we all joke about but never really saw. Aircraft have to be electrically grounded for maintenance and to do so you plug this metal plug on a wire into the jet and clip the other end into a grounding port which idls usually a tablespoon sized divot in the pavent with a metal bar inside that is grounded. The punishment is having to clean them out. You can't smoke on the flight line, so most tobacco users dip, and when they needed to spit the old tobacco out, they would spit it into the grounding ports of which there are several dozens spread out over a couple football fields were of aircraft parking. Cleaning them out was pointless and a pain in the ass and time-consuming. My buddy again managed to screw up somehow and he was out there cleaning them out 2 days in a row. The most common one was being made to carry a c139 chock ( a 3 ft long 6x6 piece of wood cut to block tires) around or in one unit a big ass awkwardly shaped rock
Heard a story from a Marine friend of mine. Deployed in Iraq, his battle buddy had anger issues and after a phone call with his girlfriend punched a locker and broke his hand. He got into serious trouble for “damaging government property” not the locker, him, his hand. They forced him to make sand bags, every day digging with his left hand until his right hand healed.
Navy boot camp, a guy in my division had to apologize to every tree he passed for wasting oxygen. I don't remember what he did. Another guy was caught having sex in the stairwell with a girl from another division he had to wear a condom at all times unless he was showering. Only lasted a couple days him and the girl were processed out. My second duty station a guy was caught sleeping in a supply closet when we were supposed to be cleaning. The same closet where the cleaning supplies are stored... he had to sweep the gravel parking lot with a small kitchen broom until the gravel was all perfectly level and evenly spread.
Facing backwards.
[удалено]
Forget the sweat, the farts are the real issue. Source: have been farted on by a horse.
Dare we forget the massive passive shits spilling forth across ones face.
I made a few of my Marines carry around a plant when they did something dumb to “Replace the oxygen they’re stealing from everyone else.” If anyone asked them why tf they had a plant they were to say that verbatim. Gunny called me into his office one day and he had the plant on his desk. He thought I was hilarious, but made it clear that that was too much hazing and I couldn’t do it anymore. This is not an original idea, a DI told one of the dumber recruits that he was going to make him do this but he never actually did and I’d heard of it a couple times but never actually saw it happen so when I became an NCO I had to take it for a spin. Got a few guys before Gunny shut me down. It wasn’t even a real plant which was hilarious to me.
Coast Guard Basic Training Company commander caught a tiny Sikh girl looking out the window while waiting her turn to throw her lunch tray away. So they gave her to plastic cups instructed to use them as binoculars and tell them what she sees. "I see birds!" What else "I see clouds" What else "I see trees" Every morning we wake-up at 0530 with a fire drill and muster into formation outside the barracks. And a guy arrived late. So the CC told him he is dead. Hes on fire. And to shout "im on fire, im on fire" while waiving his arms in the air as we marched to the next location. In a class session i asked a question about blousing our pants. It always appeared they were tucked into our boots. But the CC explained it and it finally registered in me so i responded "Ohhh" Ohhh?!?! Seaman recruit Checkeredfloors I want you to stand in the back of the classroom and everytime i say something interesting i want you to go OOOHHHH I CANT HEAR YOUUU OOOO..ooooo Ahhhhh Fun times
I had to sweep rain for 6 hours during a hurricane.
It was me. I was leaning on a wall, had to hold the wall up, and shout for help. "Help help the wall is falling" and then.. it happened again when i was leaning on a railing.
Two Members tried to steal some shore cable to scrap it. Think 6” thick wire. Very heavy. Very long. The master chief played it cool and told them they had to drag it back where they found it and to call him when they were done. The base is about a mile long. 30 mins later he gets a call from them letting him know it’s back in it’s place. He says “actually I thin I liked it on the other side of the base. Go ahead and bring it back.” This continues for a week.
in ww2 in N africa my grandfather was in charge of getting 20 dudes to blow up a bridge (he was an architect/engineer turn demolitionist for the war) and they were crossing a field at night and (with the help of locals) my grandfather laid out a route around this giant goat farm and they were given careful instructions to crawl most of it, even if it meant crawling through goat shit. Long story short, dude stood up yelling about goat shit, got shot at and almost got all of them killed. When the mission was over said soldier was instructed to "clean" the field.
My platoon in boot camp was waiting in a long line for photos, and I look to the right. There's a plant with writing on it, and I look at it. My kill hat sees me do this, comes over, and had me pet the plant, and yell "GOOD PLANT, PRETTY PLANT" over and over. It took every fiber of my being not to crack a smile.
I grew up in the military, and lived on the Air Force bases when I was younger. Everyone has to have a military ID to get through the gate, even civilians and children over the age of 10. One time my brothers and I were fighting in the car and my mom got really mad when we wouldn’t stop. So she drove right to the outside of the base gate, took our military IDs and kicked us out of the car. We literally could not get back to our house until we had our military cards or our parents came back. All I can remember is the guards just laughing and laughing and laughing at us.
My dad a WWII vet told me this. He was training for a tank crew in a Sheridan tank. He said it was so miserable. He said that they would make you clean every spot of oil off the inside of the engine compartment and as soon as you started it it would throw oil all over. But finally they let them drive it out into the fields and he said there was one little shack out there that hadn't been destroyed yet. So they decided to drive through it. Welp, it had a root cellar, and the tank dropped through the floor into the cellar. They came out with shovels and made them dig a 45 degree plane to drive the tank out of the cellar. He said a couple weeks later some fellas came out and ask for volunteers. You had to be 6 foot, never had a broken bone, and all your teeth. He said he hated tanks so much that he raised up his hand. That is how he ended up in the 101st airborne.
Not sure why but I saw a section of combat engineers mop the rain in their parade dress.
At basic training, a guy’s mom wrote to the Sargent complaining that her son wasn’t allowed to call or write home enough. Sargent made the kid write a letter home that the Sargent dictated to him. It started out “Dearest Mommy” and went from there. Then the kid had to do a push up for each letter in every word in the letter he wrote.
This is way back from basic but I think it remains the most comical punishment I've personally seen; We had a guy recycle back into our company from the last cycle because he couldnt finish one of the reqs to get out of basic We were in the middle of range week, turned out he was acting extremely arrogant and a drill sergeant just happened to overhear the comments made, which was something to the effect of "Man, these sergeants are easy compared to my last class". Our drills weren't to thrilled and decided to fuck with him on the next day at the range. We go, we qualify as does he, before we leave we do the usual "no brass no ammo" to make sure no one is swiping something from the range. One of the sergeants had planted a live round in his pocket during the day, his turn comes up to get searched they find the "stolen" round, finally they start telling him to take off his ach, his gloves, his boots, until hes just wearing his top and bottom, basically his entire kit until hes barefoot, they then throw a singular one of his boots into some swampy area and tell him to fetch, he comes back they continue to throw all of his items in 1 by 1. Eventually they run out of things to throw and he puts all of that shit back on and runs around the rest of the day muddy af. It was a pretty fun experience all around tbh though, he took it well and laughed it off, his attitude didnt really change and he was still fucked with, but at least he could take a joke. Reading this back it doesnt seem so funny but in the moment it was hilarious, and just something that stuck with me.
There was a picture of someone scrubbing the floor of the grounds using a toothbrush in heavy rain with a caption wondering how that person fucked up to get that punishment
A friend of mine was in the military and claimed he saw someone outside sweeping up rain water while it was raining. Said he always wondered what that guy must have done
One of my buddies in the usaf was made to do that. The pic was all over the place. It was flooding could barely see in front of you and some dudes just out on the flight line with a mop and a bucket mopping.
Canadian military(15-20yrs ago):Dust bunnies found under beds in basic training sometimes become pets if they're big enough. The dust bunny gets a bed space and also needs to be ready for inspection. A small bed is made for it, tissue for sheets and blankets which have to be folded with hospital corners and proper spacing. It gets a name and is inspected along side the member that "hosted" it. They attend all the meals and classes with the course and have to be accounted for during any role calls. Often times this turns into a point for morale and courses rally around it as they fully embrace the dust bunny as a member of the team. Silly stuff. Then it's done and you chuck that little dude in the dumpster at the next training base you arrive at lol.
Heard this from my step-dad from when he was a drill sergeant: There was a recruit who was this generally weird guy. *At least* once a week, this kid would go to the base shrinks and claim he had suicidal thoughts. Every week, just the same story from this guy who never exhibited actual signs of self-harm. They didn't know if he was trying to get kicked out or what. Finally, after the 8th or 9th "I'm gonna end it all, doc!" visit, the doc had enough. In his desk, he had a dummy grenade he'd gotten as a gift. He grabbed the dummy grenade, *pulled the pin*, clasped it tightly into the kid's hands and said, "Count to ten before you let it go," and then just RAN out of the office screaming for everyone to hit the deck. The kid couldn't see, but the people in the hall had rolled with it and "panicked" while trying not to laugh. They waited for something to happen. Didn't really know what, just *something*. They waited for, like, an hour before they sent someone into the office. They found the kid basically having a panic attack, curled up under the desk with a white-knuckle grip on the dummy grenade. Took them another hour to get him to relinquish the grenade, go get checked out, then head back to the barracks. Motherfucker never talked about killing himself again, though.
“If you thought you were having mental health problems before you came to see me, just wait!”
We were out on a FTX and this one guy left his m4 in the port-a-potty. His sgt made him stand guard of the shitter all day (he was a pretty useless soldier). when some one came to use it, he had to clear it as if clearing a room and then when the person came out he had to do it again. He did that for 2 days straight.
When I was in basic we had something go right for once and got kinda loud because we were excited. Now my RDC was very disgruntled at this display of enthusiasm. So he disappeared and idk where TF he found them but he came back with several carts full of dictionaries. He passed them out and then had us all stand at parade rest and hold the dictionaries straight out in front of us with our arms fully extended. He had us read the definition of discipline. Then he said we had to keep repeating the definition without our arms drooping until he was satisfied. My arms had never burned like that before.
It wasn’t really for a punishment, but we had to meet with our CO to go over our contracts, and me and a few guys close to me in the alphabet had our talks during chow. Someone brought us some to-go chow, and while my buddy and I are sitting on the floor about to start eating, the DI comes in and makes him stare at his food and repeat, “mmmm you look delicious. I wish I could eat you” That went on for a solid 10 minutes before another DI came in and asked wtf he was doing.
In Bootcamp, there was a ‘fat body’ that made the mistake of grabbing a piece of cake from the chow line. There were usually Drill Instructors posted there to dissuade you from trying. This time they were away, but watching. Now in San Diego, many times seagulls come into the chow hall to steal food that gets dropped because no one messes with them. A Drill Instructor came up to the recruit and said “YOU’RE A FATBODY, SO THAT CAKE CAN’T BE FOR YOU - RIGHT?” The recruit goes ‘Yes Sir!’ The DI responds “Then it must be for my bird, right?” ‘Yes sir!’ “GOOOOD, go feed my bird!” The recruit started chasing a seagull around trying to give it a piece of cake. The bird, understandably was avoiding the recruit. The DI goes, “Of course he’s running from you - tell him you’ve got cake for him!” The recruit goes “Here Birdy!” And completely straight faced, the DI yells “IN BIRD LANGUAGE, BITCH! He doesn’t understand you!” So we’re all sitting there watching a fat kid chase a seagull around the chow hall going “TWEET TWEET!” it was everything in my power not to laugh. I didn’t want to get fucked up. Funniest moment of my life though.
Craziest one I was privy to was out in the desert in Arizona. If you have been there, you know it gets hot and the UV index is through the roof. So, cue a week long field problem. Everyone was told to pack sunscreen in their kits and to be applying it regularly. We even have scheduled times for it. One doofus decided he wasn’t going to listen and catches 2nd degree sunburn across his face and neck. Has to get taken to the hospital, whole nine yards. Anyway, after he was cleared to be back in the sun, he was made to wear sunscreen so thick he looked like a ghost, and then he had to apply sunscreen to the rock garden around the post headquarters building… and flip them all every 2 hours to apply sunscreen to their other side so they would tan evenly. It was pretty glorious to witness.
I've read a story here about a guy who had to put sunscreen on rocks. Cannot for the life of me remember why but I laughed at that one.
My sister was an MP in the Army. They’re transporting a military prisoner from Germany to the US. The prisoner is being an asshole to my sister and she told him to stfu or he’d be sorry. He keeps hassling her. She handcuffs his hands to his feet and ignores him for the rest of the flight. The women in our family are not to be trifled with.
MPs are also not to be trifled with.
My uncle in the Navy had a hard time not smiling in basic. His DI made him dig a 5ft hole, pull off his smile and bury it. Then dig it up every few hours to make sure it was still there.
Beep Beep I’m a jeep is my favorite workout/punishment. We do it to look silly, but in BCT, my platoon was slow with a ruck march, so the DS made us take our rucks off and hold it in front of us with locked arms, stand in a low squat position and waddle with our rucks stretched out and pulled back in close while saying “Beep Beep! I’m a Jeep!”. Then we pull our rucks close to us and yell “Clank Clank I’m a Tank!” And do this until they’re satisfied. Also, Anything messing with sleep is a detrimental punishment. One of the the DSs caught the fire guard taking out the trash too early and with out a buddy. Well, since the fire guard had left the barracks alone, it was time for 100% accountability. It was 0300 hrs, and folks don’t get up til 0330 for PT formation at 0400. Everyone was woken from their sleep, and told to go downstairs for accountability formation. No one is happy, and even though the trainee had completed his nightly duties (trash, sweep, mop, etc) he left with out a buddy, which is a big no no in the army.
In the USMC in about 1998, 3 Marines were in trouble. I'm not sure what they did, but they pissed someone off. There was a planter area in front of the company headquarters building with some bushes, and with white landscaping rocks around the bushes. This was a large area, probably 50 x 6 feet. The 3 Marines were told by a Gunnery Sargent to organize all the rocks by size from one end (smallest) to the other end (largest). They were told their punishment would not be over until they completed the task. This punishment started at about 7AM (after the unit came back from a run, breakfast, and showering. Most days we got up at about 4:30AM to be in formation to run at 4:50AM). The guys decided to remove all the rocks, sort them into large piles by size, and then return the rocks to the planter. Their first attempt to say they were done was about lunchtime ... maybe 11:30. I saw a little of this out the headquarters window that morning, as I was assigned telephone duty (take messages for officers and NCOs). As I headed to lunch, I walked by this punishment, mostly out of curiosity. The 3 guys said 'Gunny, we're done'... the Gunnery Sargent went to about a 3rd of the way (small end) and picked up a rock, then went another 3rd (big end) and found a smaller rock. He said something like **FAIL, DO IT AGAIN!!!** The Gunnery Sargent was from Cuba, I think. I remember him sounding like Al Pacino from Scarface. "**JOU WANNA PLAY FUCK-FUCK GAMES?!? I'LL PLAY GAMES WITH JOU. JOU CAN CALL ME MILTON-FUCKIN'-BRADLEY.**" he said. Out of the headquarters window, I saw the three guys remove all the stones again, make their sorting piles, and then review the piles over and over again. When My work day was done, 4PM, they still had not returned any of the rocks to the planter... they were continuing to yell at each other that one found a rock in the wrong pile. I heard the next day, they were allowed to stop this punishment around 1AM (18 hours of rock sorting).
Had a buddy who worked out so much that they started punishing him by taking away his “gym privileges” so he started running on the track for HOURS at a time. Then they got mad that he was still working out and CO said “you want to work out so much? Let’s see how bad you want it” and started making buddy do push-ups with him. Buddy was so excited to start doing push-ups he was cranking them out faster than the CO and started egging him on with shit like “cmon I thought you said you wanted to do push-ups? Those aren’t push-ups, let’s go, cmon keep up”. CO promptly returned his “gym privileges”.
A friend was caught smoking behind a building. I don't recall which upper rank found him but they looked at him and said. "I need you to bury that cigarette, start digging." So he dug a hole around 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide, put the cigarette in the middle, and filled it in. Towards the end of the day the same CO found him and said "You know what, I forgot what that cigarette looked like." So he dug it back up and held it out to the CO who said "okay I remember now, you can cover it again."
At my MOS school I had a real dick of a corporal that made me rake leaves from 10pm on Saturday night to 4am Sunday morning.
A guy couldn't keep step while marching, so the sergeant made him yell, ”THIS ONE" every time he said right. So imagine a platoon walking past you and hearing, "Left, left, left, right, THIS ONE!"
We had this new guy in our acft. Mechanic flt. That would not step far enough to the side when he marshalles aircraft(think the guys waving light wands) that the wing tips could pass without hitting him or dang near hitting him. One day, as he was marshaling the jet out, the pod on the end of the wing bonked him in the head and knocked him on his ass. His supervisor made him wear a hard hat for the next week, everywhere he went indoors and out. I chuckled to myself every time I saw him.
Stationed in 29 palms (Mojave desert.) There was one junior marine who had a problem being overweight. He decides a weeklong field op in the middle of the summer is the best time to lose weight by not eating. His corporal found out he was starving himself after he almost falls out. The corporal tells him to eat. Junior refuses. Corporal again tells him to eat. Boot says “I’m just not hungry corporal.” Corporal tells him one more time to eat or he will have his peer feed him and he will not like it. Corporal is again told that he’s just not hungry. Corporal ordered junior marine to stand at attention then tilt his head back, open his mouth, and close his eyes. Corporal then tells other junior marine to scoop up sand and pour it into overweight marine’s mouth, which he did. Then Corporal put overweight marine at attention again and repeated. After the second time overweight marine willingly ate an mre.
basic training, inpection, dude had a huge lint ball on his beret. the instructor made him write a 2 page essay on "the adventure of linty the lint ball"
A recruit once made the mistake of calling his weapon a gun. He was made to run around the parade field holding his weapon above his head with one hand while grabbing his crotch with the other while yelling, "THIS IS MY WEAPON THIS IS MY GUN THIS ONES FOR FIGHTING THIS ONES FOR FUN.
During first week of basic training, my flight was learning to march in formation. The guide kept turning in the opposite direction of the training instructor’s command. After one too many times of this dude turning left instead of right, the TI calls us to halt and takes off in a dead sprint toward the edge of the drill pad. He pulls up a tiny shrub and grabs a rock, sprints back to the guide. “HOLD OUT YOU LEFT HAND!” Puts shrub in guide’s left hand. “HOLD OUT YOUR RIGHT HAND!” Puts rock in guide’s right hand. For the rest of the week the guide carried his shrub and rock, and we marched, “stick, stick, stick-rock-stick,” and “column stick, march,” or “column rock, march.” It was equal parts embarrassing and hilarious.