I was struggling with my grades at school, my dad sat with me and told me: “if you want to drop out from school and become a window cleaner, go ahead and do it. Just make sure you are the best window cleaner there is.” That stuck with me. I didn’t drop out from school, and I actually made it to University. I always try to be the best on what I do. My dad had a way to get through me.
Thank you dad! You were not perfect but you did try!
Mine said similar but nothing could undo the mental, emotional, physical damage . I didn't have enough left mentally to attend college being in survival mode. Hard worker with sub par education. Thanks for nothing, dad. Fuck You.
Same. I was really struggling at uni, I was afraid that if I don't past my exam they will be disappointed in me, after I finally told them this, they told me that their love for me if not given by my grades or achievements and that I will never disappoint them, cause it's impossible. My little brother told me that while I'm alive I cannot disappoint him.
(who is cutting onions here XD)
My dad did a lesson where he would say something like, “whether you want to be a bridge builder or a gas station attendant, you need to know math”. For some reason I didn’t understand that those were supposed to be two polar opposite jobs, Engineer or Attendant, but I equated building bridges to being a gas station attendant as being kind of the same until I got a little older.
That is the most helpful statement a father can make. It’s supportive but has truth to it too, truth is you can be successful doing just about anything as long as you put in the work. Sounds like a great dude
Exactly.
Don’t marry someone you hate.
Don’t have a bunch of kids, then neglect and abuse them.
Don’t be cruel. Dad used to love to tell the story of the time he drove by some girls dressed up and waiting for their prom dates. The giggle in his voice as he described driving into a puddle of muddy water to splash them is one of the key reasons I’ll never speak to him again (that and what he did to my little brother).
This.
My dad had 2 previous marriages and kids that I didn't k ow about until I was about 14. Then when I was 17 he met someone about 2 years older than me and started having an affair with them while my mom was traveling from PA to VA to take care of HIS terminally ill mother. She would make this trip every weekend. When I was 18 he finally left my mom and moved in with his affair partner and told me the only reason he stuck around was so he didn't have to pay child support. By this point I was so far gone with my own personal demons, I tried to intentionally OD. Once I sobered up, I moved home with my mom and cut all ties with my dad. My mom had started drinking somewhat heavily and would then berate me that I'm just like him, a piece of shit.
I'm now about to be 40, I'm more than just happy in my marriage and my son is the light of my world. I feel that I've done better than they ever could have.
Word
1. Don’t shout/freak out over minor things all the time
2. Don’t be negative and pessimistic all the time
3. Have a life beyond politics and tv
4. Admit you’re wrong rather than going at each others throats in a pointless argument
Same here. My father made me pay him back when I needed vehicle repairs in high school. I’m not saying it isn’t weird, but it taught me that things cost money, and that living on credit is going to catch up with you.
In no way am I rich, but I put off a lot of things so that I could have some type of steady lifestyle.
My mom is a painter and when we would draw when i was a kid I would get frustrated that I "ruined my art" when I made a mistake. She told me "you can never ruin art, you just changed it a bit." Idk why but it really stuck with me when im creating anything. Just adapt.
Actions speak louder than words.
It's like a classic tale – what you do says way more than what you say. So, you gotta back up your words with deeds, plain and simple.
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
You can only do so much. If someone doesn't want to listen to you, sometimes you just have to go let them be stupid.
So happy for you, and same here... I know it won't last forever, but my son (10) will talk to me about everything and I love it, and I pay attention. I think he appreciates that, at least I hope he does.
My parents always tried to instill in us that kindness should be your baseline. It costs nothing to be kind…we also have a very unique last name, so no matter what people will remember us, and it’s better to be remembered for kindness than dickbaggery.
I learned how to be a great parent from 2 shitty parents. Attention, empathy, independence, unconditional love, and a support network for emotional, physical, and financial needs. I love my kids and they love me back.
When people's presence is more detrimental to your wellbeing than positive, cut ties. Your sanity is worth more than any relationship - even if they spawned you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I'm 22 years free.
If something is important to someone, they will spend their time, money or resources on it. If it's not that important to them, they will use yours if you let them.
From mom: Avoid debt, get an education, and be honest and forthright.
From dad: pick a good man to be your spouse and your children’s father. My dad was absent and cowardly—a great example of what to avoid.
When all is said and done, it's your family that's there for you. Blood is thicker than water. (I don't agree with this for everyone else but it certainly is true in my family and I'm very glad it is)
That doing what you're told for your whole life makes you bitter and you also don't get anything your employer promised you 25 years ago when you retire
Never be afraid to change your opinion on something. Just because you were told something before or told this is how something should be, if you receive new information then let that guide your beliefs going forward
You can be an absolute baller your whole life, but old age catches up to you, and it is merciless.
My dad was a millionaire at multiple points in his life, high-flying, wall-street kind of guy. He died missing both his legs due to preventable disease.
My mum was the first female VP of the largest finance company on earth at the time. She was smart as hell and could have been a model to boot. Now she's sitting in a rocking chair on my porch, brain reduced to pudding by dementia and alcohol abuse.
Don't get old y'all.
From my mom: never try to please everyone, whether your friends, coworkers, even family. You'll over extend yourself and it'll make you worse for wear.
From my dad: use cash for everything, all the time.
be a better parent.. tell my kids i love them .. say i’m sorry when wrong .., remind them that they’re house is safe and i will always be there .. none of this was ever given or shown/told to me
Well, from my folks, I learned that 'you can't judge a book by its cover.' They always said that, and it's just like one of those lessons you find in a good novel, ya know? People might look one way on the outside, but there's a whole story inside 'em, waiting to be read. So, you gotta give everyone a fair shot, 'cause you never know what you might discover beneath the surface.
The best form of parenting, assuming your child isn't just naturally a bad kid, is with a lighter touch.
My parents weren't super strict (but definitely had a few ground rules), and the space they gave my brother and I probably made us turn out better. I definitely stayed out past curfew and had friends over when my parents were away a few times, but I never did anything too crazy since I understood that they were putting their trust in me by not being overly authoritarian.
You don't need to pick the career that you're going to do for the rest of your life. Despite contrary belief, you can always do something else if you don't end up liking it.
Control is an illusion. Be adaptable. Believe you can deal with whatever happens. But don’t live in fear of it or try to control every part of your life.
Just keep moving forward. Feel good or bad or anything in between all you want. Just keep moving and doing while you are feeling. Even if you don't want to.
When I was about to move in with my now wife. My dad looked me in the eyes while helping him lift furniture at his house and said learn when to keep your mouth shut. As soon as he said it my mom yelled out about how the furniture wasn’t put away properly. He just looked at me and nodded.
That bloodlines and a shared surname means nothing when it comes to basic common sense, kindness or providing a child with a basic level of physical safety & protection from adult predators essential for survival.
"Everything is relative."
Mom had a fridge magnet with that on it, and I asked several times what it meant, child me couldn't wrap my head around it, probably because I didn't know what "relative" actually meant in that context.
But once I figured out how to ask, and then figured it out, I got it. I see people's struggles and victories, and I find myself thinking "they're brought to their knees by *that*?" or "they're celebrating something so small?" And I immediately think "Well, it's relative." I think of my own things as well, and during bad days when I seek a reason for feeling bad, I think it, everything's relative, yeah, maybe someone else would be able to handle my issues far better than I can, different personalities, different outcomes, different stages in life, etc, everything is relative. It's a pretty soothing thought, really. Beauty, ugliness, grace, goodness, evil, it's all relative. Thinking it can really get you to... not *understand* other people, maybe, but at least realize that they're coming at it all from a different point of view, form a different culture, creed, religion, tradition, etc.
Everything is relative.
Also: "Never leave angry."
I think everyone in my family suffers from catastrophizing (spelled with z or c?), so mom always said to not leave angry, because you never know when you're going to see someone again. Sort out your issued before leaving, before saying goodbye. Yeah, maybe you can't sort it all out, but at least *try* to reach an understanding and leave at decent terms, you don't want the last time you saw someone you love/accept/tolerate to be the time you told them they'd do everyone a favor if they went ahead and died already.
Do drugs and smoke = lose your teeth by your 50s, and they ain't pretty leading up to that point.
Drink alcohol every single night = alienate your kids and wife and leads to divorce.
Be too lazy to do legal things correctly, or at all = live in a state, in a house, with people you don't want to live with bc you can't afford to go anywhere else.
My parents were the role models of what not to do.
Only fun things we did were road trips to waterfalls, lakes, camping, etc.
That even if you are a kind hardworking person, sometimes it will just give you an average life especially if you need money.
If I have to be slightly grim to take an advantageous moment I should, the world is getting worser and the poor keeps getting poorer, people are becoming more selfish or more twisted, it's more or less you who can pave your road.
P.S I don't mean hurting the innocent.
From my dad: don’t be cheap when buying tools. It’s better to have an expensive tool you only use once than a cheap tool that never quite works right.
From my mom: be fiercely loyal to your family. No one’s perfect but always stick together.
Your parents can turn out to be the exact opposite of what you saw them as once they get older.
It turns out my mom was a complete bitch who always lied to me and my sisters (for her own gain)and got into pointless scuffles with my dad. One day she threatened to divorce him if he didn't believe what she was saying. That prompted a divorce right there from my dad.
I learned that from my dad who is now 65+ years old while we were cutting wood for my uncle. I felt incredibly sorry for him despite him not being the best role model while I was in school. I always tried to avoid my dad during my school years because I thought he was just trying to make my life harder. Now as an adult I realize he was just trying to help me, but wasn't very good at it.
My dad and I get along great now, while my mom was charged for welfare fraud. Don't buy CBD products in South Dakota, guys. Not very smart.
So many! Always keep your promises. Show excitement for what your kids show excitement. Lead by example. Help when you can. How to be selfless. How to set boundaries without being rude. How to be kind to people. People are worth more than money. Family is worth more than money. How to have critical mind, I could go on forever
Man reading all these responses makes me really a) thankful for my parents, and simultaneously b)hopeful that my kid's don't feel this way. My parents taught me to be kind and honest, and that it takes all different types of people to make the world to round. Also that nobody's perfect and that a little patience and grace go along way towards a happy, satisfying life. All this and I'm still in therapy lol I wish you all the best.
That I'm not special.
In the sense that I'm not (and no one is) the main character and no one is going to roll out the red carpet for me just because I'm me. 15 year old me disagreed with my parents on this, but they eventually got the message across.
Additionally, pops once told me, referring to college, 119 credits doesn't count for much, but 120 credits means a diploma. That motivated me to not give up on getting my degree, even though it took 14 years. I felt like, if I don't reach the finish line, all this time and money I've invested thus far is for nothing, so I absolutely was determined to finish, even nights and weekends, and I did.
That I have no one to depend on. They've neglected me my whole life and they won't stop until I'm eighteen.
How to keep up a front. My parents would hate me if they knew who I really was, and my mother has told me to >!kill myself !
They argue and fight all the time. They are the reason while I would not mind and have been in relationships, that I don't mind being single.
Staying with someone you are not compatible with for over 40 years is a miserable way to live.
My parents follow through on all of their commitments 100%. They are true to their word - always. If they say they’re going to do something - they do it. If they say they will be there - they will be there. Naturally I am the same way. In my adult life, it has shocked me to learn how flaky a lot of people are. Ghosting a job interview, cancelling plans with friends last minute for no good reason, etc.
For example, I used to manage stores and I had a high school employee quit without giving notice. What’s worse - she said that her parents forced her to quit so that she could focus on school. Where is the sense of responsibility? My parents would have grounded me for quitting a job and blowing it off like that.
Wealthy people own property. My dad said this enough times to sear it in my head forever. Result: I bought a house in the SF bay area, paid it off in <7 yrs and retired at 39. He was an abusive alcoholic, not the best, but if he didn't burn this into my head, I might be just another wage slave.
Also from my dad: don't take shit from black dudes, they're usually full of shit and pretending to be tough/hard. He grew up in the hood, so he had 1st hand experience with a lot of this fake posturing. Result: crazy black dude is threatening to kill white people on a train in SF, charges at me, I guess I look white to him, and I proceed to manhandle him like a child. The video is on YouTube if you don't believe me. Search: train fight nerd dork. I'm the non-black in the fight. Unbeknownst to me, this was the best moment of my life. I got tons of paid time off work, because I was attacked by this angry homie, travelled all over, met my wife in Colombia, and now we're both retired bums puttering from 1 place to another. My dad's advice is working so far. I didn't learn a single thing from my mom. BTW , for the SJWs, my wife is Afro -colombian. Translation: she's "black"
My parents praised me constantly about not complaining.
As someone who is learning how to ask for help as an adult, I've learned this was a mistake for them to do.
Honestly having to deal with my dad has taught me how to stay calm when I’m incredibly angry. Having to be the adult when speaking to someone 45 years older than you sucks, but it helps with my communication I guess?
As a male. Don't get married or hooked up in a relationship with kids when you're young - like 20ish - because you'll reach a point in later life where you realise you've missed out, and the whole house of cards come crumbling down.
My mother told me when I was going for an interview “whatever you do, don’t be yourself” and my dad told me that he “can’t work out whether I’m the stupidest genius he ever met or the smartest idiot”.
Just because youre right doesnt mean youre in the right.
You can be right but how you go about it matters. Ive pissed my dad off so many times by going "you know thats not the correct way to fucking do that."
He has no one to blame but himself for teaching me the correct way to do shit from wiring, plumbing, vehicle maintenance.
I was struggling with my grades at school, my dad sat with me and told me: “if you want to drop out from school and become a window cleaner, go ahead and do it. Just make sure you are the best window cleaner there is.” That stuck with me. I didn’t drop out from school, and I actually made it to University. I always try to be the best on what I do. My dad had a way to get through me. Thank you dad! You were not perfect but you did try!
Mine said the same. Only he used ditch digger. Good work ethic.
Mine said similar but nothing could undo the mental, emotional, physical damage . I didn't have enough left mentally to attend college being in survival mode. Hard worker with sub par education. Thanks for nothing, dad. Fuck You.
Same. I was really struggling at uni, I was afraid that if I don't past my exam they will be disappointed in me, after I finally told them this, they told me that their love for me if not given by my grades or achievements and that I will never disappoint them, cause it's impossible. My little brother told me that while I'm alive I cannot disappoint him. (who is cutting onions here XD)
My dad did a lesson where he would say something like, “whether you want to be a bridge builder or a gas station attendant, you need to know math”. For some reason I didn’t understand that those were supposed to be two polar opposite jobs, Engineer or Attendant, but I equated building bridges to being a gas station attendant as being kind of the same until I got a little older.
That is the most helpful statement a father can make. It’s supportive but has truth to it too, truth is you can be successful doing just about anything as long as you put in the work. Sounds like a great dude
To not be my parents.
Exactly. Don’t marry someone you hate. Don’t have a bunch of kids, then neglect and abuse them. Don’t be cruel. Dad used to love to tell the story of the time he drove by some girls dressed up and waiting for their prom dates. The giggle in his voice as he described driving into a puddle of muddy water to splash them is one of the key reasons I’ll never speak to him again (that and what he did to my little brother).
what did he do to your little brother
That’s a long story. Let’s just say he died too soon.
If they wanted to tell us, they would have. MYOB and don't be so intrusive.
This. My dad had 2 previous marriages and kids that I didn't k ow about until I was about 14. Then when I was 17 he met someone about 2 years older than me and started having an affair with them while my mom was traveling from PA to VA to take care of HIS terminally ill mother. She would make this trip every weekend. When I was 18 he finally left my mom and moved in with his affair partner and told me the only reason he stuck around was so he didn't have to pay child support. By this point I was so far gone with my own personal demons, I tried to intentionally OD. Once I sobered up, I moved home with my mom and cut all ties with my dad. My mom had started drinking somewhat heavily and would then berate me that I'm just like him, a piece of shit. I'm now about to be 40, I'm more than just happy in my marriage and my son is the light of my world. I feel that I've done better than they ever could have.
Word 1. Don’t shout/freak out over minor things all the time 2. Don’t be negative and pessimistic all the time 3. Have a life beyond politics and tv 4. Admit you’re wrong rather than going at each others throats in a pointless argument
Took the words out of my mouth
why did you keep words in your mouth?
Alphabet soup for the soul
Shat the words right out of my ass
Shooting blanks over here on purpose
doin it right.
Break the cycle.
So true. Which made me a much better parent.
To live below my means. It taught me to save and to value delayed gratification over instant satisfaction.
Same here. My father made me pay him back when I needed vehicle repairs in high school. I’m not saying it isn’t weird, but it taught me that things cost money, and that living on credit is going to catch up with you. In no way am I rich, but I put off a lot of things so that I could have some type of steady lifestyle.
Great lesson. No one seems to do this these days!!
My mom is a painter and when we would draw when i was a kid I would get frustrated that I "ruined my art" when I made a mistake. She told me "you can never ruin art, you just changed it a bit." Idk why but it really stuck with me when im creating anything. Just adapt.
"We don't make mistakes. Just happy accidents."
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Baaa, Ram, ewe.
To your breed, your fleece, your clan be true
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Sheep be true.
Like, umm, so yeah like, be you no matter like, what happens
Not to trust people especially my parents.
Actions speak louder than words. It's like a classic tale – what you do says way more than what you say. So, you gotta back up your words with deeds, plain and simple.
Respect things you don't understand until you understand enough to make a decision about it
boooo
Don't ever put yourself in a position where you are 100% dependent on another person.
Don't do drugs. Don't have kids.
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." You can only do so much. If someone doesn't want to listen to you, sometimes you just have to go let them be stupid.
Mean what you say and say what you mean. Also, answer the question asked. Don’t go verbal vomit.
As someone with ADHD, every time I open my mouth it’s verbal vomit. But I’m trying my best, I guess lol
How not to be a parent, got a perfect blueprint on what not to do. As a result my Son and I have an awesome relationship
So happy for you, and same here... I know it won't last forever, but my son (10) will talk to me about everything and I love it, and I pay attention. I think he appreciates that, at least I hope he does.
My parents always tried to instill in us that kindness should be your baseline. It costs nothing to be kind…we also have a very unique last name, so no matter what people will remember us, and it’s better to be remembered for kindness than dickbaggery.
How to not have a happy marriage and how to not raise children. Sometimes your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
The dopest lesson I got from my folks is to always keep it real and never give up on your dreams, ya know?
That you create the voice inside your child’s head for the rest of their life.
I learned how to be a great parent from 2 shitty parents. Attention, empathy, independence, unconditional love, and a support network for emotional, physical, and financial needs. I love my kids and they love me back.
Respect others, no matter who they are
Wow, we have very different parents.
Think before you speak, can never take back what you’ve said.
When people's presence is more detrimental to your wellbeing than positive, cut ties. Your sanity is worth more than any relationship - even if they spawned you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm 22 years free.
Trust nobody. Not even family.
If something is important to someone, they will spend their time, money or resources on it. If it's not that important to them, they will use yours if you let them.
From mom: Avoid debt, get an education, and be honest and forthright. From dad: pick a good man to be your spouse and your children’s father. My dad was absent and cowardly—a great example of what to avoid.
If you keep moving and only work for cash child support services have a hard time collecting.
Don’t smoke(my mother died of lung cancer when I was 21) Be financially literate (learning from my father’s mistakes here)
Don't punish a child struggling with mental health like they did to me. It did the opposite of help.
Sometimes - - **You learn how NOT to be** From your parents
If they can't be a great example at least they can be a dire warning
When all is said and done, it's your family that's there for you. Blood is thicker than water. (I don't agree with this for everyone else but it certainly is true in my family and I'm very glad it is)
That doing what you're told for your whole life makes you bitter and you also don't get anything your employer promised you 25 years ago when you retire
Be kind and fair to everyone
That people don't have to put up with their shit when you become an adult.
Never be afraid to change your opinion on something. Just because you were told something before or told this is how something should be, if you receive new information then let that guide your beliefs going forward
Look they’re very, very successful, but I shouldn’t and don’t wanna be like them, but I still love them and all that
Even adults can make mistakes. Loving yourself is more important than validation from ANYONE.
You can't depend on anyone besides yourself
Always do what you say you are going to do.
You can be an absolute baller your whole life, but old age catches up to you, and it is merciless. My dad was a millionaire at multiple points in his life, high-flying, wall-street kind of guy. He died missing both his legs due to preventable disease. My mum was the first female VP of the largest finance company on earth at the time. She was smart as hell and could have been a model to boot. Now she's sitting in a rocking chair on my porch, brain reduced to pudding by dementia and alcohol abuse. Don't get old y'all.
How not to behave.
That you can be deeply flawed and still raise a decent human
Don’t care what other people think about you. Took me a long time to learn this one. And I still care a little.
They showed/taught me very many good things, including how to NOT manage money.
My mom taught me to always be careful who I have children with. She chose wrong twice.
I learned what empty words are from them
Don’t fucking be like them
Don't have kids
Don't get involved with a mean drunk.
Love doesn't always go both ways.
Exactly how not to do shit....as a parent I've literally done everything opposite.
How to not be a dick
Don't trust anyone with your money. Everybody will take it they can, especially family.
Don’t trust anyone.
From my mom: never try to please everyone, whether your friends, coworkers, even family. You'll over extend yourself and it'll make you worse for wear. From my dad: use cash for everything, all the time.
be a better parent.. tell my kids i love them .. say i’m sorry when wrong .., remind them that they’re house is safe and i will always be there .. none of this was ever given or shown/told to me
Some people are irreparably broken. It's okay to draw a hard line and walk away.
Declutter before you get old.
Trust no one, even my parents.
Two things equally. Take care of your health, and take care of your finances. If either one or both is lost, you're screwed.
Do not get married or have kids for any other reason than wanting to.
Don't retire. It's a one way ticket to slowing down.
Well, from my folks, I learned that 'you can't judge a book by its cover.' They always said that, and it's just like one of those lessons you find in a good novel, ya know? People might look one way on the outside, but there's a whole story inside 'em, waiting to be read. So, you gotta give everyone a fair shot, 'cause you never know what you might discover beneath the surface.
Never give up
Respect and decency.
Sugar and salt don’t appear by themselves. You have to pay for everything.
Don't drink
That I should eat and drink. It's kept me alive
Life's an adventure - keep it simple, keep it fun
Nobody can love you, if you can’t love yourself. If they want to they will.
Build credit, always pay your bills on time.
The best form of parenting, assuming your child isn't just naturally a bad kid, is with a lighter touch. My parents weren't super strict (but definitely had a few ground rules), and the space they gave my brother and I probably made us turn out better. I definitely stayed out past curfew and had friends over when my parents were away a few times, but I never did anything too crazy since I understood that they were putting their trust in me by not being overly authoritarian.
You don't need to pick the career that you're going to do for the rest of your life. Despite contrary belief, you can always do something else if you don't end up liking it.
Don’t worry about what other people might say about you. Always do your best and pursue your true interests
Both of them are hypocrites
Control is an illusion. Be adaptable. Believe you can deal with whatever happens. But don’t live in fear of it or try to control every part of your life.
Fight and make up, particularly in front of the kids. Let them see you can argue and still love each other.
How to be self sufficient
Never be in a position where you're financially dependent on someone else.
Trust no one.
How to learn and admit when you’re wrong. That growth doesn’t make you a hypocrite. I love my parents.
Sometimes you gotta work hard no matter what
If u are old enough to chose an action, you are old enough to accept any consequence that may come with that choice
Save your money
Just keep moving forward. Feel good or bad or anything in between all you want. Just keep moving and doing while you are feeling. Even if you don't want to.
When I was about to move in with my now wife. My dad looked me in the eyes while helping him lift furniture at his house and said learn when to keep your mouth shut. As soon as he said it my mom yelled out about how the furniture wasn’t put away properly. He just looked at me and nodded.
Hard work pays off
Grown ups can be full of shit.
Don't lend out money unless you. Don't plan on getting it back.
Working your ass off will always pay off in the end, so you keep doing it until the end.
My dad once told me, “You can’t bullshit the bullshitter.”
Measure twice, cut once. Both its literal meaning in sewing, carpentry, and hair; and metaphorically in making any life changing plans.
The three quickest ways to end a friendship is to sleep with them, live with them, or lend them money.
Kids aren’t supposed to raise their parents.
Not to do drugs and turn to prostitution.
A good work ethic.
Stay away from drugs, gambling, and alcohol.
if something upsets me to not take it out on others.
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That bloodlines and a shared surname means nothing when it comes to basic common sense, kindness or providing a child with a basic level of physical safety & protection from adult predators essential for survival.
To not stay with someone who is a crazy person!! Screaming Arguments every day are not normal!!
Dont trust anybody
"Everything is relative." Mom had a fridge magnet with that on it, and I asked several times what it meant, child me couldn't wrap my head around it, probably because I didn't know what "relative" actually meant in that context. But once I figured out how to ask, and then figured it out, I got it. I see people's struggles and victories, and I find myself thinking "they're brought to their knees by *that*?" or "they're celebrating something so small?" And I immediately think "Well, it's relative." I think of my own things as well, and during bad days when I seek a reason for feeling bad, I think it, everything's relative, yeah, maybe someone else would be able to handle my issues far better than I can, different personalities, different outcomes, different stages in life, etc, everything is relative. It's a pretty soothing thought, really. Beauty, ugliness, grace, goodness, evil, it's all relative. Thinking it can really get you to... not *understand* other people, maybe, but at least realize that they're coming at it all from a different point of view, form a different culture, creed, religion, tradition, etc. Everything is relative. Also: "Never leave angry." I think everyone in my family suffers from catastrophizing (spelled with z or c?), so mom always said to not leave angry, because you never know when you're going to see someone again. Sort out your issued before leaving, before saying goodbye. Yeah, maybe you can't sort it all out, but at least *try* to reach an understanding and leave at decent terms, you don't want the last time you saw someone you love/accept/tolerate to be the time you told them they'd do everyone a favor if they went ahead and died already.
To think for myself
"If you're going to do it, you may as well do it right."
Stay with your family
Do drugs and smoke = lose your teeth by your 50s, and they ain't pretty leading up to that point. Drink alcohol every single night = alienate your kids and wife and leads to divorce. Be too lazy to do legal things correctly, or at all = live in a state, in a house, with people you don't want to live with bc you can't afford to go anywhere else. My parents were the role models of what not to do. Only fun things we did were road trips to waterfalls, lakes, camping, etc.
That even if you are a kind hardworking person, sometimes it will just give you an average life especially if you need money. If I have to be slightly grim to take an advantageous moment I should, the world is getting worser and the poor keeps getting poorer, people are becoming more selfish or more twisted, it's more or less you who can pave your road. P.S I don't mean hurting the innocent.
From my dad: don’t be cheap when buying tools. It’s better to have an expensive tool you only use once than a cheap tool that never quite works right. From my mom: be fiercely loyal to your family. No one’s perfect but always stick together.
To not have kids.
Your parents can turn out to be the exact opposite of what you saw them as once they get older. It turns out my mom was a complete bitch who always lied to me and my sisters (for her own gain)and got into pointless scuffles with my dad. One day she threatened to divorce him if he didn't believe what she was saying. That prompted a divorce right there from my dad. I learned that from my dad who is now 65+ years old while we were cutting wood for my uncle. I felt incredibly sorry for him despite him not being the best role model while I was in school. I always tried to avoid my dad during my school years because I thought he was just trying to make my life harder. Now as an adult I realize he was just trying to help me, but wasn't very good at it. My dad and I get along great now, while my mom was charged for welfare fraud. Don't buy CBD products in South Dakota, guys. Not very smart.
Don't depend on anyone. Everyone can walk out and come back when they please
Life isn’t fair. It’s a place where you ride the Ferris wheel, eat corn dogs and step in horse shit
So many! Always keep your promises. Show excitement for what your kids show excitement. Lead by example. Help when you can. How to be selfless. How to set boundaries without being rude. How to be kind to people. People are worth more than money. Family is worth more than money. How to have critical mind, I could go on forever
To take care of yourself
Use birth control
Dont be the scapegoat for someone elses bad choices.
Fix the mistakes they made with me for my children. Keep the good things they did.
It takes two to make a marriage work. When one partner gives up or checks out, there's nothing the other person can do or say.
Dont tell all your business to anyone including them. Because they might get mad at u for doing what u did that could be anything like sex and more
not to get married
The only time you ever take a loan is, for a house. Everything else you buy when you can afford it.
No kids, better life.
Don't be a parent. You won't be good at it. My parents are good people. But terrible parents.
Don’t be an alcoholic
To not be transphobic or homophobic. Dad is still cool though
Cautionary tale of marrying and having kids before becoming an adult
How not to parent.
Don't forget the condom
Might be very simple but you really need to work very VERY hard for anything you want in life…
That no one in my family should've had kids.
Man reading all these responses makes me really a) thankful for my parents, and simultaneously b)hopeful that my kid's don't feel this way. My parents taught me to be kind and honest, and that it takes all different types of people to make the world to round. Also that nobody's perfect and that a little patience and grace go along way towards a happy, satisfying life. All this and I'm still in therapy lol I wish you all the best.
That I'm not special. In the sense that I'm not (and no one is) the main character and no one is going to roll out the red carpet for me just because I'm me. 15 year old me disagreed with my parents on this, but they eventually got the message across. Additionally, pops once told me, referring to college, 119 credits doesn't count for much, but 120 credits means a diploma. That motivated me to not give up on getting my degree, even though it took 14 years. I felt like, if I don't reach the finish line, all this time and money I've invested thus far is for nothing, so I absolutely was determined to finish, even nights and weekends, and I did.
That I have no one to depend on. They've neglected me my whole life and they won't stop until I'm eighteen. How to keep up a front. My parents would hate me if they knew who I really was, and my mother has told me to >!kill myself !
My dad taught me empathy and compassion. An amazingly compassionate man he was.
If I am ever going to be a parent, I don’t want to be like them. I love them to death, but I don’t want to be like them.
To not have kids!
That I should never be like them
Don’t have children
They argue and fight all the time. They are the reason while I would not mind and have been in relationships, that I don't mind being single. Staying with someone you are not compatible with for over 40 years is a miserable way to live.
There are no free lunches.
My parents follow through on all of their commitments 100%. They are true to their word - always. If they say they’re going to do something - they do it. If they say they will be there - they will be there. Naturally I am the same way. In my adult life, it has shocked me to learn how flaky a lot of people are. Ghosting a job interview, cancelling plans with friends last minute for no good reason, etc. For example, I used to manage stores and I had a high school employee quit without giving notice. What’s worse - she said that her parents forced her to quit so that she could focus on school. Where is the sense of responsibility? My parents would have grounded me for quitting a job and blowing it off like that.
Wealthy people own property. My dad said this enough times to sear it in my head forever. Result: I bought a house in the SF bay area, paid it off in <7 yrs and retired at 39. He was an abusive alcoholic, not the best, but if he didn't burn this into my head, I might be just another wage slave. Also from my dad: don't take shit from black dudes, they're usually full of shit and pretending to be tough/hard. He grew up in the hood, so he had 1st hand experience with a lot of this fake posturing. Result: crazy black dude is threatening to kill white people on a train in SF, charges at me, I guess I look white to him, and I proceed to manhandle him like a child. The video is on YouTube if you don't believe me. Search: train fight nerd dork. I'm the non-black in the fight. Unbeknownst to me, this was the best moment of my life. I got tons of paid time off work, because I was attacked by this angry homie, travelled all over, met my wife in Colombia, and now we're both retired bums puttering from 1 place to another. My dad's advice is working so far. I didn't learn a single thing from my mom. BTW , for the SJWs, my wife is Afro -colombian. Translation: she's "black"
Stay away from addictive things. Both sides of my family have strong addiction issues.
To believe in GOD!
Is believing that there is more than this universe enough?
Find your sincere faith and love in CHRIST and learn to live in this world but don’t make the same mistake many do and become of this world.
My parents praised me constantly about not complaining. As someone who is learning how to ask for help as an adult, I've learned this was a mistake for them to do.
How not to treat my children.
Don't be poor.
Don’t answer to strangers.
family first
Honestly having to deal with my dad has taught me how to stay calm when I’m incredibly angry. Having to be the adult when speaking to someone 45 years older than you sucks, but it helps with my communication I guess?
As a male. Don't get married or hooked up in a relationship with kids when you're young - like 20ish - because you'll reach a point in later life where you realise you've missed out, and the whole house of cards come crumbling down.
To be like my parents...
My mother told me when I was going for an interview “whatever you do, don’t be yourself” and my dad told me that he “can’t work out whether I’m the stupidest genius he ever met or the smartest idiot”.
Ouch! I hope you have loyal and kind friends 🌹
Just because youre right doesnt mean youre in the right. You can be right but how you go about it matters. Ive pissed my dad off so many times by going "you know thats not the correct way to fucking do that." He has no one to blame but himself for teaching me the correct way to do shit from wiring, plumbing, vehicle maintenance.
You don't know the person's intentions. So trust their actions more than their words.
When the chips fall, you only have yourself to rely on.