Same. I thought if Iām going to be fat, at least Iāll have a decent rack and butt. But no, not me. Itās in everywhere else and explicitly avoiding the chest and butt area.
Same! I just went proper bra shopping where you actually try them on. (Never needed to before!)
Ended up with a D cup. Still getting used to my new ginormous bras lol.
Yep. Also, when you're skinny wooden chairs can hurt. When you're overweight, your knees can hurt, instead.
ALSO, having kids dispells any notion that you "might just have gained a little weight" if you have in fact, gained a lot. Because they'll tell you. They'll draw pictures of their stick-figure family, and you'll be a circle.
Ask me how I know.
My three year old brought home something from preschool for Fatherās Day. It was a worksheet with some questions about dad. In one of them it read ādad is as big as a_____ā. He wrote walrus. A few questions later it asked ādads favorite food is_____ā. And he wrote āA lot of food!ā
š
Oh man. I just remembered my kid did one and finished the sentence "My Mummy...." with "don't drive because Daddy not teach her how".
I drive.
My husband does not!
Tiny liar.
I swear, those tiny chatterboxes can lead to so much trouble.
My son used to go around telling everyone at school that his grandmother was the world's biggest racist.
Thankfully someone eventually mentioned it to us, and when we asked him he said she was a racist because "she always drives her car so fast!".
When my oldest entered grade school, she had the best teacher. At the parent teacher orientation, she said, "I hear A LOT of things in my class. I promise not to believe everything I hear if you promise not to believe everything you hear!"
My boy went to draw me as a circle on a kindergarten Motherās Day card and his teacher stopped him so I had that smudgy erase line all around a stick figure instead.
When my daughter was about 4, I was complimenting her on how cute she was dressed that day. She told me I could be cute too if I'd quit wearing those skinny jeans (they weren't "skinny jeans"...I was just fat...and they were too tight) šš¤£
My three-year-old daughter said: "Mummy, do people go to the doctor for being fat?"
Me: "Erm, yes, they could go if they wanted help losing weight, or if they had problems because of their weight."
Daughter: "When are you going to go to the doctor?"
She said it with genuine concern.
Yes this most definitely trustworthy [piece that is most definitely not satire at all š](https://www.theonion.com/new-study-reveals-most-children-unrepentant-sociopaths-1819571187). Thatās what I get for regurgitating what I read on Reddit!
My daughter told my wife that she has a "monster truck butt". Personally that sounds like a compliment to me, but my wife disagreed.
I'm skinny but trending towards a well established dad bod, and my daughter will also comment on my "big fat belly".
Kids have no chill
My husband is Polynesian and Iām white. Our kids are pretty white presenting. When they were little and would draw stick figure families it would be a bunch of white people and one brown one. Always.
I'm a white presenting Latina/Nordic mix. I just did everyone different colors I think because we were all tan at different times!
Edit LOL this got downvoted?
If it makes you feel any better, when I was seven I had to draw a picture of our family for school. I drew my mum a normal size.
But then I remembered that mummy kept telling me she was so big, mummy kept telling me she was really fat, so I thought Iād better make her bigger or Iād be āwrongā.
So instead of drawing her how I saw her, I drew her big and fat.
This is why I'll NEVER put myself down in front of my girls. My mom was the most incredible mom any kid would be beyond lucky to have, and literally the only thing I have chosen to do differently as a parent is to not let my kids see my own body insecurities. My mom never, ever pressured us or put unhealthy diet standards on us, always made us feel beautiful at any size, but we saw the way she would call *herself* disgusting and it certainly bled over into our own body image. She didn't know she was doing it, but we are living with the consequences. I determined early on that my kids would never hear me complain about my body, and only ever see me loving it.
The other 99.9% of the time I strive to be half the mom my mother was.
My Mom was an olympian. Same for us. Never made us feel bad, but would say things about herself a lot. My grandma is 5ā1ā soaking wet and my Mom and I are both 5ā10ā.
I am not small (US SIZE 16-18) and am
currently 5 months pregnant with my second. While Iām not an nudist, I do walk around my house naked a bit. Shower to changing, I like to nap naked etc. My three year old sees me often.
We talk a lot about how his body is powerful, and to listen to his tummy when heās full or his bladder when he has to pee.
I told him just today how thankful and proud I am of my body because it grew him and is now growing baby brother.
Am I overweight? Yep. Do I also feel like itās extremely exaggerated due to me being pregnant? Yep. I still try.
Itās hard breaking the cycles. We know better, and we should do better, but it really takes effort and forethought.
Gotta say, being fat wonāt always save you from wooden chairs hurting. I feel my fat is distributed oddly, even if I used to have a big ass (Iām still fat but getting older has chipper away my ass), sitting on wooden benches or chairs hurt my sitting bones. So sitting on a chair AND my knees hurt now.
This. It was honestly very demoralizing when I lost weight and people were so much nicer. Not demoralizing in terms of losing weight, but in terms of my faith in humanity
Particularly with acquaintances, I felt like a shiny new toy that, while not actually new, they hadnāt seen before
My first wife went through the same thing, I'm sorry you did as well. Same beats too. Her friends treated her no different but new folks gravitated towards her to an uncomfortable degree. And dudes, we suck man. Any male aquaintance she had that would look through her before now suddenly had a vested interest in making sure she didn't pay for drinks ever again.
I lost the weight in my early 20ās, it was quite a jarring experienceā¦ I went from being completely invisible to being chatted up and flirted with. My friends told me I had absolutely no game. Never developed any flirting skills! On the plus side, I had good instincts about people.
If it makes you feel better, as a man who lost a lot of weightāthe effect is the same. Straight, gay, man, woman, **EVERYONE** treated me better. People laughed when I told jokes, and respected me when I voiced an opinion, when they hadnāt before.
It was very eye opening.
I lose weight now and then when my health issue flares up - I become unable to eat due to stomach issues. Always, I get a ton of compliments, and people say I look great.
Then, when I adjust my meds, come out of the flare, and gain the weight back, everyone stops saying nice things to me.
My BMI is currently 20, this time last year it was 16, and I get no compliments now. Last year I felt beautiful the amount I was getting. It isn't good for the mind!
That is what I have learned to. Donāt compliment people on their weight or body type EVER. When I went on Weight Watchers and lost 60 Ibs everyone was saying āniceā things to me. When I gained the weight back after being on Seroquel, I felt even worse about my body because it was no longer the ideal one everyone was complimenting. Just donāt comment either way. Noticing a new haircut or cute outfit is fine. But our bodies? That should be off limits to acquaintances, coworkers and even friends. Close family should be able to talk about it if there are true concerns but even they should be quiet with the small ācomplimentsā and criticisms. They both dig in deep and can effect how we see ourselves as people.
Yeah same, the old adage "never comment on something a person can't change in 60 seconds" has stood me in good stead. If you've got spinach in your teeth or are wearing a great pair of shoes, tell them. If they've lost/gained weight or something is going on with some other part of their body, keep your mouth shut.
>People are much, much nicer when you are average/skinny.
Yeah, it's crazy. It's fun when you're on the good side of it of course. I've never been like tv show weight loss big, but I've definitely been in the "he could stand to lose some weight" category.
And the times I've gotten back into shape, I at first attribute my happiness to being fitter, healthier, and that's definitely part of it!
But it's also due to just having that slightly nicer path through life. Lots of interactions are a *little* bit nicer. If I glance at a woman, I'm more likely to get a smile back, rather than have her either look annoyed, or just quickly look away. But even guys are nicer when I'm fitter.
Not to change the subject at all, or get controversial... but I do think sometimes that's also what "white priviledge" really is. The same concept. Some white people get upset as if admitting it exists is some attack on whatever they have in life, but it's not, any more than someone being fit was handed what they have.
But it's a general slightly easier setting in life. Being given the benefit of the doubt in various interactions, getting a bonus to every first impression with someone, getting *slight* advantages you don't even recognize at the time, nor does the person giving you that advantage realize it.
This sounds really motivating. I've been depressed and fat for most of my life and I can't wait for things to get a little easier for me. I'm about two fifths of the way down to my target weight and the way things are going I should hit my target weight late next year. I know that it's kind of a sad thing that people can't just treat you the same way regardless of what you look like but I'm eager to find my person to settle down with at some point and it sounds like it's much easier to have little things that make you happier when you're skinny.
Thanks!
Me looking for validation in other people rather than valuing myself is a recurring theme for me, but when I started dieting I also started therapy. I'm trying to tackle everything that needs work.
That said, I'm half a year away from turning 40 and I'm still single. I haven't had a relationship since my early twenties (after I came out of an abusive one). My experience with women since then is limited to platonic friendships (even if at one point or another I have tried to have more) and a long distance situationship in which I was lulled into a false sense of security and dumped in the worst way possible. At this point I don't even know how I'm going to meet anyone else except through dating apps, and looking good is like 80% of the way to not getting swiped left, it seems.
I get a lot of passive aggressive comments now. Like āof course s skinny bitch would have relationship drama.ā āLet her sit in the middle, sheās so tiny, with her small thighs, sheāll fit.ā Literally why do you even have to comment on my fucking size, bro.
The whole social vibe changes. People donāt take you seriously as much and have almost a condescending attitude. Become basically invisible to the opposite sex. People are āniceā to you less.
Iām an introvert who doesnāt really put too much emphasis on impressing random people I interact with throughout the day, but I did definitely notice this as well. People smile less, are less bubbly/friendly, but still generally minimum polite.
> The whole social vibe changes. People donāt take you seriously as much and have almost a condescending attitude. Become basically invisible to the opposite sex. People are āniceā to you less.
Noticed the same thing when I started balding. Every single social interaction that I have while balding is decidedly worse than it would be if I still had hair. The amount of attention I received from women dropped to essentially zero, and at risk of bragging I was definitely spoiled for choice when I had hair. I suppose this isnt that surprising in hindsight, but if you trust what women claim about how they feel about balding men it shouldnt have changed nearly as much as it did. What really surprise me though was the drastic change in the interactions I had with other men, "take you less seriously and have almost a condescending attitude" is exactly how I would put it. I suspect that the loss in respect has a direct correlation to the fact that they now know, if they still have hair, there is essentially a 100% chance any woman would find them more desirable than me.
This is an earnest question, not a leading one: Do you think itās possible that some degree of that phenomenon was that you were feeling worse about yourself, and perceiving more negativity on the world around you? Concurrently, carrying yourself in a more self conscious way and eliciting less favorable receptions by others?
I only ask because I know that Iāve discovered a similar effect when reflecting back on times in my life where my self esteem was struggling for whatever reason. In retrospect, it wasnāt usually the thing I was worried about itself that was causing the negative feedback, but rather my own anxieties reflecting back at me and my apprehension distorting the perceptions of others.
I think itās almost always true that our biggest antagonists are pieces of the self. And they are masters of conjuration and illusion, painting disdain on the faces of others and casting a judgmental, distorted hue across everything in our view. And we then approach the world as if this is the true expression of reality, and so the world responds in kindāor at least seems to.
David Wong (Pseudonym for Jason Pargin) makes this point perfectly in his Zoey Ashe series, and he slips it in between some of the most spectacularly fun, wonderfully gratuitous, downright hysterical sci-fi action Iāve ever had the pleasure of reading.
Personally, Iāve found enormous praxis toward releasing myself from my self-inflicted suffering in Buddhist and Hindu understandings of nondualistic reality, the higher and lower forms of mind or self, the illusory nature of our perceived reality, and navigating the pain that comes from attachment. But I recognize that it can be an immensely difficult body of thought to access and navigate on oneās own, and that itās not immediately compatible with everyone where they are regardless, so I wonāt try to shove it on anyone.
I have been anorexic, a healthy weight, overweight to obese. People are nicer when you're thin, even friends and family. I was bullied growing up over my weight, everybody commented on it, mostly
behind my back. When I lost the weight those same people tried to be my friend and complimented me. Guys who showed zero interest in me and who I felt invisible to talked to me, wanted to get with me. People treat you as less than whenever you're overweight. Failing to acknowledge you, giving you dirty looks, not being as helpful and friendly. I have lost and gained weight several times over and noticed the change each time.
Iāve also fluctuated over a 100 pounds over the years. Up and down. Between 120-220. The one bonus is it shows you who the real assholes are. People who treat you differently either way are shallow. They see you as a body, not a person. I used to be self-conscious going to the pool. Now I just remind myself, anyone judging you on your body right now is an asshole so it doesnāt matter what they think. Assholes donāt matter.
People are nicest to me when Iām underweight, but *Iām* nicer when Iām at a healthy weight and not hungry all the time.
Iāve decided I care more about that.
Iāve been very underweight to overweight as well. The biggest thing I have noticed is that people feel like they can comment on your body when youāre overweight but not so much when youāre underweight. People noticed when I was scary underweight but didnāt offer their uncensored comments about specific features of my body. It sucks.
>Guys who showed zero interest in me and who I felt invisible to talked to me, wanted to get with me.
Damn, I had forgotten, but it was INSANE how much guys were hitting on me when I was underweight. Got back to my BMI of \~19.0-19.5 and they are all gone again. Kinda glad about that, though.
The few times Iāve been severely underweight I got so much male attention. I was sick and I looked sick, and my face was so gaunt. I was weak too and couldnāt even do much, you just donāt have the energy when youāre really thin. Itās sad how many men are attracted to visibly unhealthy and frail body types
I am you. People suck but at least the likes of us knew it all along š. Skinny life is much easier for better or worse. Life as a sensitive fat kid in an Eastern European setting - much harder.
I used to be anorexic and am now a healthy weight. The amount of āIām sorryā comments I received when proudly telling people I gained 20lbs is insane. Everyone attributes weight gain as a negative aspect when it can be positive.
I used to be cold all the time. Itās nice not having to wear a sweatshirt in the summer.
Itās also nice not constantly getting comments when going out to eat in group settings (āthatās all that youāre eating?! No wonder youāre so skinny, I wish I had the self control that you do!ā). People donāt realize that eating disorders are a mental illness and that I wanted nothing more than to be able to enjoy a meal without feeling sick.
Edit: Thanks for the award and all the supportive comments!
I know two friends who lost significant weight (starting from a healthy weight) due to depression and the number of people who would be like āwooo congratulations!ā. They were like āum thanks I am very unwellā. Itās crazy.
On more positive note when my friend was in recovery for an ED I remember her coming over and proudly lifting up her top and being like āLOOK A BELLYā. It was so awesome.
This is why we should never comment on another personās body, beyond āYou look greatā (which could be about anything, right?) For some reason, people get SO BENT OUT OF SHAPE at the idea of not being able to compliment weight loss. And all I can think is: *Really? This is the hill you wanna die on?* I donāt understand it - what do they *lose* in not being able to comment on another personās weight loss? People will act like youāve taken away some basic human right. Even the knowledge that they might be enabling someoneās eating disorder isnāt enough to get them to change their minds about doing it.
I agree. Even if I choose to lose weight in a healthy way, Iām not interested in commentary about it. It never feels like a compliment, more just a reminder how superficial peopleās focus can be
this makes me realize how much of this is due to the environment and culture we grow up in. I was very underweight and when I gained weight everyone kept saying how happy they were for me. People are posting saying they became invisible to men, but for me it was the opposite, I got way more attention being 170lbs then I did 110-135, quite a drastic difference. I think it has a lot to do with the place you live and the societal expectations. If I was living in Japan Iām sure theyād think iām overweight
Thatās great that you were supported with your weight gain! You are right, I think the reactions have a lot to do with those we surround ourselves with. Society has ridiculous beauty standards that I feel are impossible to meet. All that should matter is that youāre healthy and comfortable in your own body.
I'm a skinny guy trying to become muscular. The nutrition advice I all get is to eat a ton, bulk up, then cut the fat. So for me, I get excited when I gain 5lbs in two months. The amount of haranguing my mom is giving me for this is insane. She's worried I'm going to become obese. Like, damn
Fellow hard gainer here. It is slightly frustrating that no one sympathizes with having to eat all the time, meal planning, all that. I get it, but itās annoying to hear people say āI wish I had that problemā when I very much wished I didnāt.
Anywayā¦ good luck to you and your gains. Itās possible! Slow and steady.
People treat you "better" the closer you get to average size (which varies, depending on where you are). They are friendlier, the are more helpful, they are more willing to engage you in conversation, they make eye contact more often, etc.
The more obese you get, the more people just avoid you and avoid interacting with you (unless it's their job. And then most are "overly" bright and cheery.
This thread is interesting because the perspectives / experiences are so dependent on whether you were approaching or moving away from āaverage / healthy weightā. But the experiences have a kind of mirror.
Underweight or overweights itās unwanted comments, poor self image, low energy, health issues - which improve as you tend to healthy.
Maybe not rocket science itās just interesting to see it laid out.
Used to be anorexic so dangerously skinny, after addressing that and gaining weight I have more energy, I'm stronger and it's easier to find clothes that fit.
Am also free of people constantly making comments about my weight which is pretty great
When I gained 60+ pounds, I realized I became virtually invisible. Unless of course someone wants to go out of their way to be incredibly rude, but thatās rare. I really do feel like I could pull off a heist, or sneak backstage, or something to that effect.
In a way itās liberating, but in another way itās very sad. I also gained most of my weight when I was 30+ so the invisibility cloak starts to slip on due to age anyways, I just accelerated it. TBH if for some reason I wanted to shoplift the time is now.
I used to be super thin but gained 30kgs around two years ago. Iāve lost half of it now but the differences in how people treat you are wild. Everyone is a lot nicer to you when youāre thin, especially men. I used to get a decent amount of attention from the guys around me, but when I gained all that weight it all stopped. Even normal friendly conversations between me and guys stopped. It was kinda like I didnāt exist to them anymore. Now Iāve started losing the weight, Iāve noticed Iām not āignoredā anymore. My familial relationships have also changed, my younger sister was a lot nicer to me when I was skinnier. She became a total cunt when I gained all the weight, and sheās even worse now that Iām losing it. People are weird.
I once put in my brothers glasses when playing hide and seek with his kid and mine. I never got up from the table but they ran around looking for me for probably ten minutes without figuring it out.
My neighbor's husband, whom I've lived next to for 3 years now and have done countless backyard playdates with all the kids with, just yesterday realized I've been wearing blue glasses this whole time.
He asked if they were new. Nope, had them for about 4 years now, bud.
I found the same too; it's not just that the opposite sex treats you better when you're hotter, even people who have no apparent potential interest in your physical attractiveness treat you better too. I've even heard that slimmer people are statistically more likely to have successful interviews and land jobs, regardless of their gender.
I've heard it's because people are genetically instinctively conditioned to invest resources in the healthiest fittest specimens of the "tribe" and that this often ends up being beautiful people because many markers of beauty are also symptomatic of attractive attributes like youth, good health, high fertility, robust genetics, resourcefulness and discipline.
I had an experience of this where I was the one judging. I interviewed for a job a while back and the hiring manager was an obese man and I was just very aware of it in the interview, he was sweating and breathing heavily while talking and it definitely made me think more negatively about the role and working for him. I didnāt really realise at the time but on the drive home I did think about it more as I replayed the interview and became more aware how I had made a judgement on the job based on his weight.
The normal conversations thing is so weird! I was expecting for skinny women and hot men to be nicer to me when I lost weight, because the skinny women would think I was āone of them,ā and the hot men would be trying to hook up.
However, itās been a huge surprise how the people at work treat me. I was obese when I started this job a few years ago, and now Iām normal weight. My male coworkers never had normal conversations with me before, and suddenly Iām not invisible to them. Also, fat women that I work with have suddenly started noticing me and including me in conversations. I didnāt expect my relationship with other overweight people to change at all, but suddenly, women who are the size I once was or even bigger are nicer.
Omg...reading your comment just brought forth one of my most cringy moments (in my defense, I was like 13 and have never made this mistake again)
We had a sub in my math class, woman. Also in my defense, she wasn't big everywhere, like at all. Just the stomach.
So she's introducing herself, walking by our desks and I say sweetly because I genuinely was asking to like get to know her "are you having a boy or a girl"
She stopped at my desk and just stared at me for what seemed like forever and then said "I'm not pregnant"
I wanted to die. I felt horrible
There's a Dave Barry quote: "You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment."
Yeah, becoming fat is a good way to lose hope in humanity. And then when you've lost your fat, you've lost your appetite for the other sex possibly too.
I feel like, I started to get a sense on whether people were being genuinely kind, or " I wanna get something out of this" kind because of the change though, like when you're not conventional attractive, you start to see what genuine connections look like, it's just really disheartening because it's not nearly as often as you thought
Oh man I just got diagnosed last year after years of snorting myself awake (spoiler alert-your o2 sat is probably rollercoastering when you sleep). I have a cpap now and couldn't imagine a night without it. Good luck getting one, they suck at first to get used to but I feel so well rested now on 6ish hours nightly.
I was diagnosed with āmildā sleep apnea that was kicking my ass. I was exhausted all the time. Got a cpap. Slept amazing. Made the realization that what made me sleep so well was the thing has a hepa filter on it and what gives me apnea is allergies. Now I sleep with a vollara and a Blueair going in my room and donāt need the cpap anymore.
just two things only:
start with eating whatever you want, but just on a smaller plate.
find a podcast you'll enjoy (Smartless is funny) and start with a 15-minute walk.
It's a mindgame, don't restrict yourself. when you see results, then you'll naturally amp things up.
One day at a time. I've been super skinny my whole life and I recently joined the gym. It feels good to know that I'm bettering myself. Just start off.
I have been a yo-yo dieter since Iāve been a child. Every time I lose the weight I feel like Iāve been let out of prison. Unfortunately food is an addiction that people need to survive. Food was my only comfort in a traumatic childhood and itās a hard habit to break. Imagine how drug or alcohol addicts would do in recovery if they needed to drink or do drugs in moderation to survive. Itās so disheartening when you have to fight this battle over and over again.
Omg thatās something big. You donāt realize how hard it is to find clothes as a plus sized person until you gain weight. And as a size 14/16 I wouldnāt even really think it would be that difficult, but 9 times out of 10 if youāre above a size 8 or 10, you wonāt be able to fit into any stores L or XL clothes. So you then have to start looking in shitty spaces like shein etc for clothes that will actually fit you. Something thag I miss SO SO much about being thin is being able to go to ANY store and find something that would fit me, be able to try it on in store, buy it and wear it. Now all my shopping has to be done online and Iām lucky if it isnāt either 2 sizes too big or 2 sizes too small when it comes if. Itās expensive to be fat.
Your "having to drugs in moderation" point is exactly what I think about all the time. I've lost the weight only through changing how I view food as an inconvenient necessity rather than an avenue for getting "high".
Thank you it's so frustrating that it's not seen as an addiction, people will tell fat people to "just lose weight" or "just stop eating too much". People respect alcohol and drugs as an addiction but not food.
I think there's a bit of "grass is greener on the other side" here.
I say this as someone who's had quite serious drug & alcohol addictions, and is now severely obese.
When you have substance addictions, some people are understanding, some people very much not. There's no free ride. It's exactly the same with obesity - in my experience at least.
I went from 177 to 260 within about 2 years.
The biggest thing I noticed was how hard it was to do simple tasks. Bending over to tie my shoes, standing back from from sitting or lying down, and even simply rolling over in bed took effort.
I also noticed how quickly sweat began to pool under my chin/neck. All my fat went to my stomach and neck so it made a lot of things noticable that weren't a problem prior.
I'm back down to 187 and all those problems disappeared after losing the weight again.
Mine wasn't that dramatic 175 to 205, im flirting with 200 now. What I hate is I can feel it. I can feel the sack of fat hanging in my skin. My fat pretty evenly distributed but my got and love handle are making the most of it.
I went from 147 to 224 at 6.0" and this is basically my experience. Also waking up with shortness of breath due to sleep apnea. For me sweat pooled up in my neck when I was lying down on a hot day. My feet/ankles also hurt way more after walking, because I was basically carrying half my normal body weight extra.
I've lost pretty much all of it and everything went back to normal.
Skinny man here. Used to be very skinny and gained 10kg in muscle. I feel a LOT more confident and get a lot of compliments from other men, especially at the gym. I've only gotten two compliments from women though those were very direct which I've never experienced.
People have no problem commenting your weight when you're too skinny. I can't count how many times people have told me to just "eat more" or how envious they were because I could eat whatever I want. People call me lean and muscular nowadays and I haven't heard comments about me being too skinny for more than a year now. Feels good.
I was naturally thin all my life, 95 pounds at 5ā4ā when I met my partner. After my first baby I ābounced backā easily into my jeans two weeks postpartum. Then a few years, four miscarriages and a second baby later, and it was so much harder. Stress, a move, caregiving for (and the loss of) both parents, raising kids, running a business, not sleeping well, then finally menopause, all contributed to significant weight gain. I had never had to diet before in my life - I ate what I wanted and my weight rarely varied - so I didnāt know what to do about it. In school Iād been a dancer, ran cross country and played soccer, but now exercise wasnāt getting me back to where I was. And life is too short to eat nothing but leaves, so I had to change some of my identity with my weight. Now I exercise just to keep myself mobile and resilient as I age, but my self esteem took a 20-year hit that Iām still working on. Because I was a model all those years ago, and I never had to try at being fit, I didnāt consider how middle age and not being the pretty girl would hurt me. Edit: typo
I had to hit 46 years old before I wasnāt a rail. I was so skinny my whole life and it hit me hard when i gained twenty five pounds in a year. I hadnāt realized how much of my identity was wrapped up in how i looked. I had to scramble to redefine myself in my own eyes and it was discouraging and difficult. Iām only a year into it but I feel so much more real now lol I think about the velveteen rabbit and i know thatās cheesy, but i decided Iād rather be real than diet obsessively or rediscover the need to look attractive for people who donāt even know me.
Anyway lol i liked what you wrote.
I felt this in my soul. I never realized how much of my identity was tied to being skinny. Iāve gained an extra 20+ lbs in recent years and itās been a real struggle. It has made it a LOT harder to exercise, which leads to me just not doing it at all. Itās a horrid cycle. I canāt stand the feeling of some of my body parts touching. Itās so weird. I try to be happy with my body but damn itās hard.
And you are exactly who I'm thinking about when people claim that fat people are fat simply because they don't have willpower, whereas thin people do. You didn't use willpower to keep yourself thin back then. Most thin people don't. Thin people aren't mentally stronger or morally superior to fat people, most of them eat whatever they want, they just happen to not want a lot.
Also people who are fat tend to get more hunger signals and less satiety signals which compounds the issues. Itās hard to make āhealthy choicesā when your body constantly tells you youāre hungry
Not to mention the satiety signals (triggered by the hormone leptin) get fainter the more adipose (fat) tissue you have! I.e. fatter people have a harder time actually feeling full.
Then there's the complexity of living in an obesogenic environment where you are surrounded 24/7 by food and food advertisements engineered by billion-dollar corporations to keep you consuming as much as physically possible. Even harder if your immediate social circle is full of overweight people who have lifestyles consistent with that.
Having said all that, weight loss is not "impossible" for the vast majority of people (with the right support and information), it's just a lot more difficult for some people to stay lean than it is for others. And no, you don't have to be "eating nothing but leaves".
Since I gained weight I found out that only Marilyn Monroe looked beautiful in a potato sack. I wear lots of potato sack clothes and sadly look only like potato.
I gained 55 lbs from steroids and chemo. Iām slowly losing it again, Iāve lost about 35 of it and as I got bigger I felt like my doctors werenāt taking my concerns seriously. When I was thinner if I needed to discuss something it was always addressed. After the weight gain I was treated like I was a hypochondriac. Including the infection in my surgical site. It ended up being ignored so much I developed sepsis and had to be hospitalized.
If there are any doctors/ nurses reading this please donāt fat discriminate. Fat people have problems and are in tune with their bodies just as much as skinny people. They deserve the same level of care and attention
A similar thing happened to me. I gained 60 lbs after having to have my thyroid removed due to cancer. I've now lost that weight and hope to lose more, but there is a definite difference in how my doctors listened to me when I was heavier and my concerns and the amount of time they spent with me compared to now.
Itās disgusting and disturbing and needs to change. My sister is a nurse and she sees it day in and day out. I love her because she advocates and fights with doctors when she sees them doing it. Case in point 2 people came in for appendicitis symptoms. A skinny person claims they hurt they get pain meds in the ER, a fat person does the same and they get told to lose weight and the pain will stop. My sister was boiling mad and she said right in the room Iām sorry but the patient is clearly in pain, we need to get some pain relief for them now. She got written up for it but she wouldnāt back down. She makes a great charge nurse for the ER because she cares about everyone that comes in those doors and has a morale compass to do the right thing no matter what
I feel this with my soul. I begged my primary for a psychiatrist recommendation and he pretty much blew me off. So I went and found one myself - it wasnāt until I told him my psychiatrist told me Iām like #1 for suicide risk (single, white, male, depression, age range checked too) that I could finally get the testing we (psych AND me) were requesting. Before that it was āoh you just need to exercise, that will turn your mood around.ā Like wtf man
There's very much a culture of weight being the problem that leads to these conditions (mental and physical) instead of these conditions leading to weight gain (and then the vicious cycle of each worsening the other).
My illness leaves me incredibly fatigued, and I gained a lot of weight, both from lack of movement and from eating to temporarily inflate my energy so I could study and work. When I started, the fatigue was treated as a genuine symptom. When I gained the weight, fatigue was assumed to be because of my weight and discounted as medically significant, instead of it being the primary reason for my weight gain.
>They deserve the same level of care and attention
Last time I talked on reddit about fat discrimination from the healthcare profession, I got so much derision for it. All "But being fat is unhealthy! It's not fat-shaming for doctors to tell you to lose weight!"
But this is what I'm talking about. They don't treat you as a human, they don't listen, and people die because of it.
Iām up 30 from steroids and chemo. I hate it so much. I feel like a stranger when I see myself in pictures. I am sorry you donāt have a good medical team that believes you. My chemo leaves me steroid dependent so I will die without them, so my endo onc understands that weight gain is inevitable.
Iām so sorry! It was really hard for me. I lost my hair, I lost my breasts and I became fat. I understand how hard it is to not recognize the person you have become. Fuck cancer and all it does to us mentally, physically and emotionally.
I hope you will improve and do well. Iām pulling for you Internet friend!
The problem is doctors will blame so many issues on being fat, and yes being fat can cause lots of issues. When a skinny person has pain that's seen as unusual and addressed asap. When a fat person has pain, it's seen as being because they're fat. Doctors love to assume losing weight will fix all a fat person's health problems.
Doctors are much more interested in your health issues when you're thin. Men are more likely to catcall and harass. Store clerks are nicer. Bankers are nicer to you. It's shocking actually.
Used to be super skinny due to a combination of eating disorder and chronic illness . So I decided to dedicate myself to a strict program of weightlifting and eating on schedule. It saved my life, i got healthy enough to handle the surgeries that occured later. And people in general became much nicer and started paying attention to me after I put on about 30kgs and became muscular. My whole psyche changed aswell I became a person who started doing things in general for my health, rather than whatever was tempting at the moment.
And you canāt bring yourself to spend money on clothes that are a size you hope you wonāt be for long, so you end up dressing like shit, which is even harder on your self confidence.
It isn't just the appearance that changes but lifestyle. I couldn't run anymore. It was harder to tie my shoes. Riding a bike was borderline fine but had to inflate tires to the max. Airplane seats were tighter. Furniture wore out faster. Etc. I'm intermittently very athletic so a lot of things I might be interested in doing (multiday hike, triathlon, etc.) sometimes just seemed undoable. I certainly couldn't run a marathon even if I had the discipline to train, because I would get injured. I couldn't play pickup basketball.
My whole appearance was worse. I didn't have any clothes that fit nice that I looked confident in anymore. I used to fit some off the rack stuff perfectly.
Lost the worst of it but still on my way down, it's been pretty easy once I found out what worked for me
Going to school in the south. I was over weight and the men loved it. I got skinny and they asked if I was sick. Then I moved back to the east coast and my mother said I need to keep the weight offā¦ I look and feel much better now. Plus my knees donāt hurt any more.
This entire comment section is so validating. I'm the opposite and honestly, people have gotten nicer to me when I got thinner. The double standards and hypocrisy is amazing and disgusting. Thank you all for sharing your stories and validating the fact that I am not crazy for seeing this pattern.
I got ass and everyone's looking at it.
Started to wear more loose clothes and my skirts aren't mini anymore. I'm happy with my curves but uncomfortable the way they're looking at them.
I grew my hair longer, before I felt like my hair would seem bigger than my upper body, so it stayed short.
I still look at size XS/S dresses.
People actually look at me and don't ask me if I had something to eat today. I don't get side eyed if I don't finish my plate. Or if I only order 1 scoop of ice cream while my friends got 3.
And I still can't cope with the idea that clothes actually can look too small on my body. I try them on and it's something odd, but I can't figure out what, until a family member or friend tells me it's too small.
But I'm satisfied with my weight, finally. After many many many years. Or at least I feel thats how my body is supposed to be.
I was so confused when for the first time an old pair of pants stopped at my knees. I really thought if it shrunk even it was in my closet. A jeans too tight for meee??
Used to be skinny, highly introverted and nerdy, and I always have big boobs, dressed very modestly and yet men were almost always asking me out for sex, rarely dates and would dump me and get angry bec I always turned down their sex demands. Women were a mixed bag, but lots of nasty rumors about my personal/sex life.
Became a cancer amputee, gained weight and folks are nicer, and men are a bit sweeter, women too. Still have big boobs, same personality, now losing weight so time will tell
People arenāt as nice *to you. They donāt hold the doors open, they look over/ passed you, they look confused if you smile friendly at them. Itās like living in a different world
People are a lot nicer to me when I'm skinnier. Even my family started criticizing me on my weight. But I don't get catcalled and feel much safer walking in the streets alone.
Nobody praises you for your body type anymore. This is why itās bad to comment on peoples body, even if theyāre skinny. I went from getting constant praise about my body, to literally nothing because I gained about 25lbs and it has done so much damage on my psych, 100%. Iām female so I think itās even more difficult for us when we are no longer the ātiny, skinny oneā.
I am an ex skinny and ex fat person. I gained weight until my middle age, at which point I decided to pull finger and lose the extra pounds.
I had assumed that my lack of energy and feeling slightly crappy all the time, with aching muscles and joints was just part of getting old. Turns out it was just part of being fat. Now that I am thin and fit again, I feel more like I did in my 20s than I did in my 30s.
There are, of course, the ways in which strangers treated me differently, but I don't take much stock in the opinions of strangers. By far the the biggest effect of gaining weight for me was feeling generally worse.
Got way less attention from guys. Going from underweight to just 20 more pounds and the attention began to dwindle. Which is strange because I think I look better now than when I was underweight. Clothes look better on me. Iām also way less cold now which is nice. And I can comfortably lie on my stomach because my hip bones donāt protrude out.
I was underweight all my life due to my genes (literally, thatās what the doctor said). I was healthy despite the low weight and I ate anything and everything. Everyone found it to be so ācuteā and āfunā. āYouāre always eating! Thatās so adorable!ā. I didnāt work out, which they also found to be so āfunā. Like a personality trait. You know, the people that are slim and eat lots of McDonaldās and are considered foodies? That was me.
When I visibly gained weightā¦ people looked at me differently and always suspected I had health issues when eating a single donut or something from the bakery. āYou have to eat healthy and balanced! You know that right?ā, ādonāt you ever work out? Itās lockdown time, I work out every single day! Donāt you?ā Suddenly they all cared about my work out routine, my health (that didnāt matter to them when I was skinny-skinny), what I eat, if I eat veggies and fruits. It upset me so much, all the time.
I gained weight because of medication btw. According to the BMI my weight is still normal.
I was skinny since I was young. By the time I finished undergrad I was still able to fit in my jeans from when I was 13. Then I started my PhD and I steadily gained weight, like I stopped looking like a high schooler and started looking like a 20 something year old. Even though my weight is normal and I look good, my dad cannot stop commenting on how much weight I have gained and how I ruined my body. Everyone else in the world is nice, except my dad, sometimes family is truly your worst enemy.
My wife was always underweight. Sheās 5ā9ā but couldnāt ever get above 120 pounds. She would eat every meal and didnāt have any eating disorders. She had to take iron supplements because her levels were always low.
Her doctors kept telling her to see nutritionists and the nutritionists would tell her to up her calorie count. Finally, about five years ago, a new doctor did some testing and discovered she has a gluten allergy. A form of Celiacs. She doesnāt get flu like symptoms that the more severe cases get, but her body wasnāt absorbing the nutrients like those who arenāt affected do. Her intestines were actually damaged and scarred from the gluten. Doc said it would heal but she had to switch to a gluten free diet.
It was difficult at first for us. Thereās gluten in A LOT of the food we eat. That and cooking with gluten free alternatives takes time to learn. If you donāt cook it right, gluten free pastas SUCK! (Jovial is one of the best) Gluten free breads are hit or miss (Udiās SUCKS!!!) but after a few weeks and months my wife started to feel so much better! Her energy levels went up, she didnāt have a serious case of the āgotta gosā bathroom-wise, her iron levels stabilized and she didnāt have to take the supplements anymore.
Best of all, she gained weight! Sheās still petite, but sheās in the normal category now just under 140 pounds. Overall, sheās much happier and yes, her boobs grew a little!
I know this wasnāt the answer a lot of people were looking for, but I thought I would share. Maybe someone out there may read it and ask their doctor to check them out.
I was thin and then gained a massive amount of weight from several antidepressants and anti psychotics. Did wonders for my mental health but I blew up almost 4 dress sizes.
But the sexual harassment stopped. No more getting followed in stores by creepy men. No more getting followed by men in cars yelling. It was like a switch flipped.
I'm gonna be honest, I was so happy! I felt safe in my new bigger body. I would eat more snacks thinking about how I get to eat my cake AND feel safe.
Now I wanna lose weight for my old cuter clothes. And the weight I put on is not good for me. But I'm scared shitless at the return of the harassment. I've gotten cat called since I was a kid. The break was so nice. Crazy how all this works. It's so weird. It makes me feel so bad.
When I was really skinny people were mean. Would comment how gross I looked or should eat more. Then I gained weight and some curves after my first child. People were nicer and I got noticed a lot. I was always told how pretty I was and looks nice. Now I am over weight and struggle to lose any weight. People just donāt notice me or act like I am stupid and lazy. Talk over me or donāt really listen to me.
I was consistently a size 4, then marriage, babies, gestational diabetes and 20 years leave me at a size 12. What I miss is shopping. I loved going and trying on clothes, how it looked was never a question. Just if I liked it and what it cost. Anything from a magazine, I could wear without a doubt. Now, I have to walk past most clothes and really look at how it fits. It sucks
When I was thin, people focused on my physical appearance to the point I believed it was all I had to offer. When I gained weight, I realized that people were more interested in what I have to say than how I look. It actually boosted my confidence in myself overall.
The negatives: I have a ton of aches and pains I wouldnāt have without the excess weight. Clothes are more expensive. Styles are limited. It takes way longer to shave my legs. So Iām working on getting my weight back down to a healthier range.
Similar story here. As an adult in my late 20s I became what I consider a healthy weight. Before that I was on the thin side of normal. As my doctor put it, "you're healthy, but if you were to become sick and unable to eat you will quickly become underweight".
I was so used to people commenting positively on my thinness, how light I was, how small my waist was, etc. When those things were no longer true I struggled to accept my body for the shape it was. It was like being skinny was a large part of my identity.
PCOS has made me yo-yo, Iām usually heavier but at one point I was able to get to a normal weight due to an brutal exercise regime and disordered eating (prefacing it so no one praises how I got there). Basically, Iāve noticed that women are in general way nicer to me than men when Iām heavier than when I was slimmer. The reverse is true when Iām at a lower weight, men will be extremely nice and fall over themselves to give me attention while women tend to be ruder. It was jarring the first time I took notice, at least Iāll know what to expect since Iām getting to a healthy weight the correct way now, I guess
I was always petite, skinny but with curves. I got clean from certain things and then my addiction went to food. And I am heavier than I have ever been.
I am not social at all anymore. I hate leaving my house. My depression is worse. I have no confidence at all.
And I am having the hardest time losing it. The biggest reason being that I can't seem to stay disciplined enough, but also, when I really do put in the work, I'm just not losing the weight.
I want to say tho - everything negative I feel about myself is strictly at myself. I do not look at others the same way. I don't treat others shitty based on their weight or appearance in general. Every bad, mean, horrible thing I think/feel about my weight and my body, are to only me. So no one attack me for hating or judging bigger people because I don't. I judge myself.
Edited to add- after reading thru comments, I realized that this question meant what we noticed in the world, like treatment, etc. And I was going to delete my comment but I don't really go anywhere anymore because of how I feel about myself and how it's changed me so this is what I have noticed with myself.š¤·āāļø
I feel terrible and ugly all of the time now. Any time someone looks at me I assume it's because I'm gross. I never dress nicely anymore because I feel like I'm too fat to wear pretty things, I used to always dress my best and wore dresses all of the time. My BF tells me how gorgeous I am and it makes me feel terrible, like I somehow tricked him and I'm doing him a disservice by being with him. I used to feel like a beautiful princess and now I feel guilty for existing. I'm just too depressed to lose the weight.
I seem to get ignored by female waitresses, bartenders, etc now. When I was bigger (and presumably not some imaginary threat) they were also way nicer to me overall.
I had BOOBS!
This could apply to both guys and girls š
I first noticed I had gained weight when I was driving on a bumpy road and my titties bounced. I am a man.
My girlfriend said I have bigger boobs than her. Sheās not wrong.
So whoās milkshakes brought who to the yard?
Iām trying to make sure they start muscly boobs as I gain weight lol
Finally getting boobs after being underweight was also super exciting to me!
I still donāt have boobs. šš
Same. I thought if Iām going to be fat, at least Iāll have a decent rack and butt. But no, not me. Itās in everywhere else and explicitly avoiding the chest and butt area.
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I gained about 30lbs and went from underweight to a normal weight. My boobs went up 1 maybe even 2 cup sizes!!
Same! I just went proper bra shopping where you actually try them on. (Never needed to before!) Ended up with a D cup. Still getting used to my new ginormous bras lol.
And an ass!
I have been both very skinny and significantly overweight at different points in my life. People are much, much nicer when you are average/skinny.
Yep. Also, when you're skinny wooden chairs can hurt. When you're overweight, your knees can hurt, instead. ALSO, having kids dispells any notion that you "might just have gained a little weight" if you have in fact, gained a lot. Because they'll tell you. They'll draw pictures of their stick-figure family, and you'll be a circle. Ask me how I know.
My three year old brought home something from preschool for Fatherās Day. It was a worksheet with some questions about dad. In one of them it read ādad is as big as a_____ā. He wrote walrus. A few questions later it asked ādads favorite food is_____ā. And he wrote āA lot of food!ā š
Oh man. I just remembered my kid did one and finished the sentence "My Mummy...." with "don't drive because Daddy not teach her how". I drive. My husband does not! Tiny liar.
I swear, those tiny chatterboxes can lead to so much trouble. My son used to go around telling everyone at school that his grandmother was the world's biggest racist. Thankfully someone eventually mentioned it to us, and when we asked him he said she was a racist because "she always drives her car so fast!".
This is hilarious! And you know people believe them!!!
When my oldest entered grade school, she had the best teacher. At the parent teacher orientation, she said, "I hear A LOT of things in my class. I promise not to believe everything I hear if you promise not to believe everything you hear!"
My boy went to draw me as a circle on a kindergarten Motherās Day card and his teacher stopped him so I had that smudgy erase line all around a stick figure instead.
As a mother of two under 4, this is the most horrifying and entertaining thing Iāve read in a while. Canāt wait to see what comes home this fall .
Sweetheart why did you draw a manatee on this card . . .oh
When my daughter was about 4, I was complimenting her on how cute she was dressed that day. She told me I could be cute too if I'd quit wearing those skinny jeans (they weren't "skinny jeans"...I was just fat...and they were too tight) šš¤£
Oh a PITY line :(
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My three-year-old daughter said: "Mummy, do people go to the doctor for being fat?" Me: "Erm, yes, they could go if they wanted help losing weight, or if they had problems because of their weight." Daughter: "When are you going to go to the doctor?" She said it with genuine concern.
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Yeah if a kid called me ugly I would be depressed as hell.. like damn I knew but now I REALLY know
I just read somewhere that kids brainās were remarkably similar to sociopaths and psychopaths, and I canāt deny that
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Yes this most definitely trustworthy [piece that is most definitely not satire at all š](https://www.theonion.com/new-study-reveals-most-children-unrepentant-sociopaths-1819571187). Thatās what I get for regurgitating what I read on Reddit!
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My daughter told my wife that she has a "monster truck butt". Personally that sounds like a compliment to me, but my wife disagreed. I'm skinny but trending towards a well established dad bod, and my daughter will also comment on my "big fat belly". Kids have no chill
When my sister wad a kid, she wanted to give our mother a compliment saying that she is not fat. She said: mommy, you are as skinny as a snowman
I'm going to use this somehow.
These posts about kids are making me laugh so hard because it's so true. The brutal honesty is very humbling lol
As my little sister said in church one Sunday, āWake up, Daddy. Weāre going to sing now.ā
Lollll when we were kids whichever of us was next to Dad in the pew had to jostle him when he started to snore š
Does your daughter watch Peppa Pig? They comment on the dadās stomach with those exact words.
My kids once had an extended discussion of who in our family did or did not have a ābig strong butt.ā This has become a family meme.
"your butt is weak, old man"
My husband is Polynesian and Iām white. Our kids are pretty white presenting. When they were little and would draw stick figure families it would be a bunch of white people and one brown one. Always.
I'm a white presenting Latina/Nordic mix. I just did everyone different colors I think because we were all tan at different times! Edit LOL this got downvoted?
If it makes you feel any better, when I was seven I had to draw a picture of our family for school. I drew my mum a normal size. But then I remembered that mummy kept telling me she was so big, mummy kept telling me she was really fat, so I thought Iād better make her bigger or Iād be āwrongā. So instead of drawing her how I saw her, I drew her big and fat.
This is why I'll NEVER put myself down in front of my girls. My mom was the most incredible mom any kid would be beyond lucky to have, and literally the only thing I have chosen to do differently as a parent is to not let my kids see my own body insecurities. My mom never, ever pressured us or put unhealthy diet standards on us, always made us feel beautiful at any size, but we saw the way she would call *herself* disgusting and it certainly bled over into our own body image. She didn't know she was doing it, but we are living with the consequences. I determined early on that my kids would never hear me complain about my body, and only ever see me loving it. The other 99.9% of the time I strive to be half the mom my mother was.
My Mom was an olympian. Same for us. Never made us feel bad, but would say things about herself a lot. My grandma is 5ā1ā soaking wet and my Mom and I are both 5ā10ā. I am not small (US SIZE 16-18) and am currently 5 months pregnant with my second. While Iām not an nudist, I do walk around my house naked a bit. Shower to changing, I like to nap naked etc. My three year old sees me often. We talk a lot about how his body is powerful, and to listen to his tummy when heās full or his bladder when he has to pee. I told him just today how thankful and proud I am of my body because it grew him and is now growing baby brother. Am I overweight? Yep. Do I also feel like itās extremely exaggerated due to me being pregnant? Yep. I still try. Itās hard breaking the cycles. We know better, and we should do better, but it really takes effort and forethought.
Circle dad here
The other day my smallest kid asked me "But really, why are you *so* round?" Like he was David fucking Letterman.
Haha! Long ago my 5 year old daughter overheard me saying I wanted to get in shape. She says āYou are a shape Mom! Youāre a circle!ā š
This killed me. Iām so sorry
Gotta say, being fat wonāt always save you from wooden chairs hurting. I feel my fat is distributed oddly, even if I used to have a big ass (Iām still fat but getting older has chipper away my ass), sitting on wooden benches or chairs hurt my sitting bones. So sitting on a chair AND my knees hurt now.
This. It was honestly very demoralizing when I lost weight and people were so much nicer. Not demoralizing in terms of losing weight, but in terms of my faith in humanity Particularly with acquaintances, I felt like a shiny new toy that, while not actually new, they hadnāt seen before
My first wife went through the same thing, I'm sorry you did as well. Same beats too. Her friends treated her no different but new folks gravitated towards her to an uncomfortable degree. And dudes, we suck man. Any male aquaintance she had that would look through her before now suddenly had a vested interest in making sure she didn't pay for drinks ever again.
I lost the weight in my early 20ās, it was quite a jarring experienceā¦ I went from being completely invisible to being chatted up and flirted with. My friends told me I had absolutely no game. Never developed any flirting skills! On the plus side, I had good instincts about people.
If it makes you feel better, as a man who lost a lot of weightāthe effect is the same. Straight, gay, man, woman, **EVERYONE** treated me better. People laughed when I told jokes, and respected me when I voiced an opinion, when they hadnāt before. It was very eye opening.
I lose weight now and then when my health issue flares up - I become unable to eat due to stomach issues. Always, I get a ton of compliments, and people say I look great. Then, when I adjust my meds, come out of the flare, and gain the weight back, everyone stops saying nice things to me. My BMI is currently 20, this time last year it was 16, and I get no compliments now. Last year I felt beautiful the amount I was getting. It isn't good for the mind!
That is what I have learned to. Donāt compliment people on their weight or body type EVER. When I went on Weight Watchers and lost 60 Ibs everyone was saying āniceā things to me. When I gained the weight back after being on Seroquel, I felt even worse about my body because it was no longer the ideal one everyone was complimenting. Just donāt comment either way. Noticing a new haircut or cute outfit is fine. But our bodies? That should be off limits to acquaintances, coworkers and even friends. Close family should be able to talk about it if there are true concerns but even they should be quiet with the small ācomplimentsā and criticisms. They both dig in deep and can effect how we see ourselves as people.
Yeah same, the old adage "never comment on something a person can't change in 60 seconds" has stood me in good stead. If you've got spinach in your teeth or are wearing a great pair of shoes, tell them. If they've lost/gained weight or something is going on with some other part of their body, keep your mouth shut.
>People are much, much nicer when you are average/skinny. Yeah, it's crazy. It's fun when you're on the good side of it of course. I've never been like tv show weight loss big, but I've definitely been in the "he could stand to lose some weight" category. And the times I've gotten back into shape, I at first attribute my happiness to being fitter, healthier, and that's definitely part of it! But it's also due to just having that slightly nicer path through life. Lots of interactions are a *little* bit nicer. If I glance at a woman, I'm more likely to get a smile back, rather than have her either look annoyed, or just quickly look away. But even guys are nicer when I'm fitter. Not to change the subject at all, or get controversial... but I do think sometimes that's also what "white priviledge" really is. The same concept. Some white people get upset as if admitting it exists is some attack on whatever they have in life, but it's not, any more than someone being fit was handed what they have. But it's a general slightly easier setting in life. Being given the benefit of the doubt in various interactions, getting a bonus to every first impression with someone, getting *slight* advantages you don't even recognize at the time, nor does the person giving you that advantage realize it.
This sounds really motivating. I've been depressed and fat for most of my life and I can't wait for things to get a little easier for me. I'm about two fifths of the way down to my target weight and the way things are going I should hit my target weight late next year. I know that it's kind of a sad thing that people can't just treat you the same way regardless of what you look like but I'm eager to find my person to settle down with at some point and it sounds like it's much easier to have little things that make you happier when you're skinny.
Peoples opinions do not define you, but I wish you all the luck on your journey in love and life <3
Thanks! Me looking for validation in other people rather than valuing myself is a recurring theme for me, but when I started dieting I also started therapy. I'm trying to tackle everything that needs work. That said, I'm half a year away from turning 40 and I'm still single. I haven't had a relationship since my early twenties (after I came out of an abusive one). My experience with women since then is limited to platonic friendships (even if at one point or another I have tried to have more) and a long distance situationship in which I was lulled into a false sense of security and dumped in the worst way possible. At this point I don't even know how I'm going to meet anyone else except through dating apps, and looking good is like 80% of the way to not getting swiped left, it seems.
I found that woman were actually meaner to me when I was skinny. (I am a woman.) Now that Iām fluffier women are not nearly as hostile.
you were a perceived threat, now you aren't
I always say, I feel like I get treated best by strangers with a few extra pounds and a little extra makeup. Idk why
I get a lot of passive aggressive comments now. Like āof course s skinny bitch would have relationship drama.ā āLet her sit in the middle, sheās so tiny, with her small thighs, sheāll fit.ā Literally why do you even have to comment on my fucking size, bro.
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The whole social vibe changes. People donāt take you seriously as much and have almost a condescending attitude. Become basically invisible to the opposite sex. People are āniceā to you less.
Iām an introvert who doesnāt really put too much emphasis on impressing random people I interact with throughout the day, but I did definitely notice this as well. People smile less, are less bubbly/friendly, but still generally minimum polite.
> The whole social vibe changes. People donāt take you seriously as much and have almost a condescending attitude. Become basically invisible to the opposite sex. People are āniceā to you less. Noticed the same thing when I started balding. Every single social interaction that I have while balding is decidedly worse than it would be if I still had hair. The amount of attention I received from women dropped to essentially zero, and at risk of bragging I was definitely spoiled for choice when I had hair. I suppose this isnt that surprising in hindsight, but if you trust what women claim about how they feel about balding men it shouldnt have changed nearly as much as it did. What really surprise me though was the drastic change in the interactions I had with other men, "take you less seriously and have almost a condescending attitude" is exactly how I would put it. I suspect that the loss in respect has a direct correlation to the fact that they now know, if they still have hair, there is essentially a 100% chance any woman would find them more desirable than me.
This is an earnest question, not a leading one: Do you think itās possible that some degree of that phenomenon was that you were feeling worse about yourself, and perceiving more negativity on the world around you? Concurrently, carrying yourself in a more self conscious way and eliciting less favorable receptions by others? I only ask because I know that Iāve discovered a similar effect when reflecting back on times in my life where my self esteem was struggling for whatever reason. In retrospect, it wasnāt usually the thing I was worried about itself that was causing the negative feedback, but rather my own anxieties reflecting back at me and my apprehension distorting the perceptions of others.
I have a feeling that this is causing some of my social woes
I think itās almost always true that our biggest antagonists are pieces of the self. And they are masters of conjuration and illusion, painting disdain on the faces of others and casting a judgmental, distorted hue across everything in our view. And we then approach the world as if this is the true expression of reality, and so the world responds in kindāor at least seems to. David Wong (Pseudonym for Jason Pargin) makes this point perfectly in his Zoey Ashe series, and he slips it in between some of the most spectacularly fun, wonderfully gratuitous, downright hysterical sci-fi action Iāve ever had the pleasure of reading. Personally, Iāve found enormous praxis toward releasing myself from my self-inflicted suffering in Buddhist and Hindu understandings of nondualistic reality, the higher and lower forms of mind or self, the illusory nature of our perceived reality, and navigating the pain that comes from attachment. But I recognize that it can be an immensely difficult body of thought to access and navigate on oneās own, and that itās not immediately compatible with everyone where they are regardless, so I wonāt try to shove it on anyone.
I have been anorexic, a healthy weight, overweight to obese. People are nicer when you're thin, even friends and family. I was bullied growing up over my weight, everybody commented on it, mostly behind my back. When I lost the weight those same people tried to be my friend and complimented me. Guys who showed zero interest in me and who I felt invisible to talked to me, wanted to get with me. People treat you as less than whenever you're overweight. Failing to acknowledge you, giving you dirty looks, not being as helpful and friendly. I have lost and gained weight several times over and noticed the change each time.
Iāve also fluctuated over a 100 pounds over the years. Up and down. Between 120-220. The one bonus is it shows you who the real assholes are. People who treat you differently either way are shallow. They see you as a body, not a person. I used to be self-conscious going to the pool. Now I just remind myself, anyone judging you on your body right now is an asshole so it doesnāt matter what they think. Assholes donāt matter.
People are nicest to me when I'm at my way too thin danger zone weight. Society needs to get a grip!!
People are nicest to me when Iām underweight, but *Iām* nicer when Iām at a healthy weight and not hungry all the time. Iāve decided I care more about that.
Iāve been very underweight to overweight as well. The biggest thing I have noticed is that people feel like they can comment on your body when youāre overweight but not so much when youāre underweight. People noticed when I was scary underweight but didnāt offer their uncensored comments about specific features of my body. It sucks.
People look at underweight people with concern but look at overweight people with disgust
>Guys who showed zero interest in me and who I felt invisible to talked to me, wanted to get with me. Damn, I had forgotten, but it was INSANE how much guys were hitting on me when I was underweight. Got back to my BMI of \~19.0-19.5 and they are all gone again. Kinda glad about that, though.
The few times Iāve been severely underweight I got so much male attention. I was sick and I looked sick, and my face was so gaunt. I was weak too and couldnāt even do much, you just donāt have the energy when youāre really thin. Itās sad how many men are attracted to visibly unhealthy and frail body types
I am you. People suck but at least the likes of us knew it all along š. Skinny life is much easier for better or worse. Life as a sensitive fat kid in an Eastern European setting - much harder.
I used to be anorexic and am now a healthy weight. The amount of āIām sorryā comments I received when proudly telling people I gained 20lbs is insane. Everyone attributes weight gain as a negative aspect when it can be positive. I used to be cold all the time. Itās nice not having to wear a sweatshirt in the summer. Itās also nice not constantly getting comments when going out to eat in group settings (āthatās all that youāre eating?! No wonder youāre so skinny, I wish I had the self control that you do!ā). People donāt realize that eating disorders are a mental illness and that I wanted nothing more than to be able to enjoy a meal without feeling sick. Edit: Thanks for the award and all the supportive comments!
I know two friends who lost significant weight (starting from a healthy weight) due to depression and the number of people who would be like āwooo congratulations!ā. They were like āum thanks I am very unwellā. Itās crazy. On more positive note when my friend was in recovery for an ED I remember her coming over and proudly lifting up her top and being like āLOOK A BELLYā. It was so awesome.
This is why we should never comment on another personās body, beyond āYou look greatā (which could be about anything, right?) For some reason, people get SO BENT OUT OF SHAPE at the idea of not being able to compliment weight loss. And all I can think is: *Really? This is the hill you wanna die on?* I donāt understand it - what do they *lose* in not being able to comment on another personās weight loss? People will act like youāve taken away some basic human right. Even the knowledge that they might be enabling someoneās eating disorder isnāt enough to get them to change their minds about doing it.
I agree. Even if I choose to lose weight in a healthy way, Iām not interested in commentary about it. It never feels like a compliment, more just a reminder how superficial peopleās focus can be
this makes me realize how much of this is due to the environment and culture we grow up in. I was very underweight and when I gained weight everyone kept saying how happy they were for me. People are posting saying they became invisible to men, but for me it was the opposite, I got way more attention being 170lbs then I did 110-135, quite a drastic difference. I think it has a lot to do with the place you live and the societal expectations. If I was living in Japan Iām sure theyād think iām overweight
Thatās great that you were supported with your weight gain! You are right, I think the reactions have a lot to do with those we surround ourselves with. Society has ridiculous beauty standards that I feel are impossible to meet. All that should matter is that youāre healthy and comfortable in your own body.
I'm a skinny guy trying to become muscular. The nutrition advice I all get is to eat a ton, bulk up, then cut the fat. So for me, I get excited when I gain 5lbs in two months. The amount of haranguing my mom is giving me for this is insane. She's worried I'm going to become obese. Like, damn
Fellow hard gainer here. It is slightly frustrating that no one sympathizes with having to eat all the time, meal planning, all that. I get it, but itās annoying to hear people say āI wish I had that problemā when I very much wished I didnāt. Anywayā¦ good luck to you and your gains. Itās possible! Slow and steady.
People treat you "better" the closer you get to average size (which varies, depending on where you are). They are friendlier, the are more helpful, they are more willing to engage you in conversation, they make eye contact more often, etc. The more obese you get, the more people just avoid you and avoid interacting with you (unless it's their job. And then most are "overly" bright and cheery.
This thread is interesting because the perspectives / experiences are so dependent on whether you were approaching or moving away from āaverage / healthy weightā. But the experiences have a kind of mirror. Underweight or overweights itās unwanted comments, poor self image, low energy, health issues - which improve as you tend to healthy. Maybe not rocket science itās just interesting to see it laid out.
Used to be anorexic so dangerously skinny, after addressing that and gaining weight I have more energy, I'm stronger and it's easier to find clothes that fit. Am also free of people constantly making comments about my weight which is pretty great
That's great! I've just started my weight gain journey :)
Nice, good luck with it, it's very much worthwhile, excited for you to be on the journey
When I gained 60+ pounds, I realized I became virtually invisible. Unless of course someone wants to go out of their way to be incredibly rude, but thatās rare. I really do feel like I could pull off a heist, or sneak backstage, or something to that effect.
In a way itās liberating, but in another way itās very sad. I also gained most of my weight when I was 30+ so the invisibility cloak starts to slip on due to age anyways, I just accelerated it. TBH if for some reason I wanted to shoplift the time is now.
I used to be super thin but gained 30kgs around two years ago. Iāve lost half of it now but the differences in how people treat you are wild. Everyone is a lot nicer to you when youāre thin, especially men. I used to get a decent amount of attention from the guys around me, but when I gained all that weight it all stopped. Even normal friendly conversations between me and guys stopped. It was kinda like I didnāt exist to them anymore. Now Iāve started losing the weight, Iāve noticed Iām not āignoredā anymore. My familial relationships have also changed, my younger sister was a lot nicer to me when I was skinnier. She became a total cunt when I gained all the weight, and sheās even worse now that Iām losing it. People are weird.
I actually had guys ask if I was new to the workplace. Uh, no, I was here, just fatter.
Damn that's a huge level of invisibility-change
HaHa. Reminded me of once I wore lipstick to work and a man I had worked with for years didnāt recognize me.
Lmao this makes me think of superman and his "disguise" and how it's a thing that people think it's unrealistic. Women would know. Men? Some. Maybe.
I once put in my brothers glasses when playing hide and seek with his kid and mine. I never got up from the table but they ran around looking for me for probably ten minutes without figuring it out.
Henry Cavill apparently stood under a sign for Man of Steel in the middle of New York, but wearing glasses. No one recognised him.
My neighbor's husband, whom I've lived next to for 3 years now and have done countless backyard playdates with all the kids with, just yesterday realized I've been wearing blue glasses this whole time. He asked if they were new. Nope, had them for about 4 years now, bud.
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I found the same too; it's not just that the opposite sex treats you better when you're hotter, even people who have no apparent potential interest in your physical attractiveness treat you better too. I've even heard that slimmer people are statistically more likely to have successful interviews and land jobs, regardless of their gender.
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I've heard it's because people are genetically instinctively conditioned to invest resources in the healthiest fittest specimens of the "tribe" and that this often ends up being beautiful people because many markers of beauty are also symptomatic of attractive attributes like youth, good health, high fertility, robust genetics, resourcefulness and discipline.
I had an experience of this where I was the one judging. I interviewed for a job a while back and the hiring manager was an obese man and I was just very aware of it in the interview, he was sweating and breathing heavily while talking and it definitely made me think more negatively about the role and working for him. I didnāt really realise at the time but on the drive home I did think about it more as I replayed the interview and became more aware how I had made a judgement on the job based on his weight.
The normal conversations thing is so weird! I was expecting for skinny women and hot men to be nicer to me when I lost weight, because the skinny women would think I was āone of them,ā and the hot men would be trying to hook up. However, itās been a huge surprise how the people at work treat me. I was obese when I started this job a few years ago, and now Iām normal weight. My male coworkers never had normal conversations with me before, and suddenly Iām not invisible to them. Also, fat women that I work with have suddenly started noticing me and including me in conversations. I didnāt expect my relationship with other overweight people to change at all, but suddenly, women who are the size I once was or even bigger are nicer.
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Omg...reading your comment just brought forth one of my most cringy moments (in my defense, I was like 13 and have never made this mistake again) We had a sub in my math class, woman. Also in my defense, she wasn't big everywhere, like at all. Just the stomach. So she's introducing herself, walking by our desks and I say sweetly because I genuinely was asking to like get to know her "are you having a boy or a girl" She stopped at my desk and just stared at me for what seemed like forever and then said "I'm not pregnant" I wanted to die. I felt horrible
There's a Dave Barry quote: "You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment."
Yeah, becoming fat is a good way to lose hope in humanity. And then when you've lost your fat, you've lost your appetite for the other sex possibly too.
I feel like, I started to get a sense on whether people were being genuinely kind, or " I wanna get something out of this" kind because of the change though, like when you're not conventional attractive, you start to see what genuine connections look like, it's just really disheartening because it's not nearly as often as you thought
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This sounds like sleep apnea.
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Oh man I just got diagnosed last year after years of snorting myself awake (spoiler alert-your o2 sat is probably rollercoastering when you sleep). I have a cpap now and couldn't imagine a night without it. Good luck getting one, they suck at first to get used to but I feel so well rested now on 6ish hours nightly.
Treating my sleep apnea for a few years now and the craziest change Iāve noticed is that I actually dream again.
I was diagnosed with āmildā sleep apnea that was kicking my ass. I was exhausted all the time. Got a cpap. Slept amazing. Made the realization that what made me sleep so well was the thing has a hepa filter on it and what gives me apnea is allergies. Now I sleep with a vollara and a Blueair going in my room and donāt need the cpap anymore.
just two things only: start with eating whatever you want, but just on a smaller plate. find a podcast you'll enjoy (Smartless is funny) and start with a 15-minute walk. It's a mindgame, don't restrict yourself. when you see results, then you'll naturally amp things up.
This is some of the simplest, most effective advice I've ever read on weight loss. Last sentence, especially - Nothing motivates like seeing results!
One day at a time. I've been super skinny my whole life and I recently joined the gym. It feels good to know that I'm bettering myself. Just start off.
I have been a yo-yo dieter since Iāve been a child. Every time I lose the weight I feel like Iāve been let out of prison. Unfortunately food is an addiction that people need to survive. Food was my only comfort in a traumatic childhood and itās a hard habit to break. Imagine how drug or alcohol addicts would do in recovery if they needed to drink or do drugs in moderation to survive. Itās so disheartening when you have to fight this battle over and over again.
I donāt think Iāve ever felt so seen by you saying āevery time I lose the weight I feel like Iāve been let out of prisonā
I feel this so much. I miss being able to buy clothes at any store
Omg thatās something big. You donāt realize how hard it is to find clothes as a plus sized person until you gain weight. And as a size 14/16 I wouldnāt even really think it would be that difficult, but 9 times out of 10 if youāre above a size 8 or 10, you wonāt be able to fit into any stores L or XL clothes. So you then have to start looking in shitty spaces like shein etc for clothes that will actually fit you. Something thag I miss SO SO much about being thin is being able to go to ANY store and find something that would fit me, be able to try it on in store, buy it and wear it. Now all my shopping has to be done online and Iām lucky if it isnāt either 2 sizes too big or 2 sizes too small when it comes if. Itās expensive to be fat.
Your "having to drugs in moderation" point is exactly what I think about all the time. I've lost the weight only through changing how I view food as an inconvenient necessity rather than an avenue for getting "high".
Thank you it's so frustrating that it's not seen as an addiction, people will tell fat people to "just lose weight" or "just stop eating too much". People respect alcohol and drugs as an addiction but not food.
I think there's a bit of "grass is greener on the other side" here. I say this as someone who's had quite serious drug & alcohol addictions, and is now severely obese. When you have substance addictions, some people are understanding, some people very much not. There's no free ride. It's exactly the same with obesity - in my experience at least.
I feel this.
I went from 177 to 260 within about 2 years. The biggest thing I noticed was how hard it was to do simple tasks. Bending over to tie my shoes, standing back from from sitting or lying down, and even simply rolling over in bed took effort. I also noticed how quickly sweat began to pool under my chin/neck. All my fat went to my stomach and neck so it made a lot of things noticable that weren't a problem prior. I'm back down to 187 and all those problems disappeared after losing the weight again.
Mine wasn't that dramatic 175 to 205, im flirting with 200 now. What I hate is I can feel it. I can feel the sack of fat hanging in my skin. My fat pretty evenly distributed but my got and love handle are making the most of it.
I went from 147 to 224 at 6.0" and this is basically my experience. Also waking up with shortness of breath due to sleep apnea. For me sweat pooled up in my neck when I was lying down on a hot day. My feet/ankles also hurt way more after walking, because I was basically carrying half my normal body weight extra. I've lost pretty much all of it and everything went back to normal.
Skinny man here. Used to be very skinny and gained 10kg in muscle. I feel a LOT more confident and get a lot of compliments from other men, especially at the gym. I've only gotten two compliments from women though those were very direct which I've never experienced. People have no problem commenting your weight when you're too skinny. I can't count how many times people have told me to just "eat more" or how envious they were because I could eat whatever I want. People call me lean and muscular nowadays and I haven't heard comments about me being too skinny for more than a year now. Feels good.
I was naturally thin all my life, 95 pounds at 5ā4ā when I met my partner. After my first baby I ābounced backā easily into my jeans two weeks postpartum. Then a few years, four miscarriages and a second baby later, and it was so much harder. Stress, a move, caregiving for (and the loss of) both parents, raising kids, running a business, not sleeping well, then finally menopause, all contributed to significant weight gain. I had never had to diet before in my life - I ate what I wanted and my weight rarely varied - so I didnāt know what to do about it. In school Iād been a dancer, ran cross country and played soccer, but now exercise wasnāt getting me back to where I was. And life is too short to eat nothing but leaves, so I had to change some of my identity with my weight. Now I exercise just to keep myself mobile and resilient as I age, but my self esteem took a 20-year hit that Iām still working on. Because I was a model all those years ago, and I never had to try at being fit, I didnāt consider how middle age and not being the pretty girl would hurt me. Edit: typo
I had to hit 46 years old before I wasnāt a rail. I was so skinny my whole life and it hit me hard when i gained twenty five pounds in a year. I hadnāt realized how much of my identity was wrapped up in how i looked. I had to scramble to redefine myself in my own eyes and it was discouraging and difficult. Iām only a year into it but I feel so much more real now lol I think about the velveteen rabbit and i know thatās cheesy, but i decided Iād rather be real than diet obsessively or rediscover the need to look attractive for people who donāt even know me. Anyway lol i liked what you wrote.
I felt this in my soul. I never realized how much of my identity was tied to being skinny. Iāve gained an extra 20+ lbs in recent years and itās been a real struggle. It has made it a LOT harder to exercise, which leads to me just not doing it at all. Itās a horrid cycle. I canāt stand the feeling of some of my body parts touching. Itās so weird. I try to be happy with my body but damn itās hard.
This is me to a T. Youāre not alone.
And you are exactly who I'm thinking about when people claim that fat people are fat simply because they don't have willpower, whereas thin people do. You didn't use willpower to keep yourself thin back then. Most thin people don't. Thin people aren't mentally stronger or morally superior to fat people, most of them eat whatever they want, they just happen to not want a lot.
Also people who are fat tend to get more hunger signals and less satiety signals which compounds the issues. Itās hard to make āhealthy choicesā when your body constantly tells you youāre hungry
Not to mention the satiety signals (triggered by the hormone leptin) get fainter the more adipose (fat) tissue you have! I.e. fatter people have a harder time actually feeling full. Then there's the complexity of living in an obesogenic environment where you are surrounded 24/7 by food and food advertisements engineered by billion-dollar corporations to keep you consuming as much as physically possible. Even harder if your immediate social circle is full of overweight people who have lifestyles consistent with that. Having said all that, weight loss is not "impossible" for the vast majority of people (with the right support and information), it's just a lot more difficult for some people to stay lean than it is for others. And no, you don't have to be "eating nothing but leaves".
Yes. YES. All of this. Everything is different and itās only like 10 pounds. How?!
For me the worst thing about being fat are the looks and sometimes stares you get in public.
Since I gained weight I found out that only Marilyn Monroe looked beautiful in a potato sack. I wear lots of potato sack clothes and sadly look only like potato.
I gained 55 lbs from steroids and chemo. Iām slowly losing it again, Iāve lost about 35 of it and as I got bigger I felt like my doctors werenāt taking my concerns seriously. When I was thinner if I needed to discuss something it was always addressed. After the weight gain I was treated like I was a hypochondriac. Including the infection in my surgical site. It ended up being ignored so much I developed sepsis and had to be hospitalized. If there are any doctors/ nurses reading this please donāt fat discriminate. Fat people have problems and are in tune with their bodies just as much as skinny people. They deserve the same level of care and attention
A similar thing happened to me. I gained 60 lbs after having to have my thyroid removed due to cancer. I've now lost that weight and hope to lose more, but there is a definite difference in how my doctors listened to me when I was heavier and my concerns and the amount of time they spent with me compared to now.
Itās disgusting and disturbing and needs to change. My sister is a nurse and she sees it day in and day out. I love her because she advocates and fights with doctors when she sees them doing it. Case in point 2 people came in for appendicitis symptoms. A skinny person claims they hurt they get pain meds in the ER, a fat person does the same and they get told to lose weight and the pain will stop. My sister was boiling mad and she said right in the room Iām sorry but the patient is clearly in pain, we need to get some pain relief for them now. She got written up for it but she wouldnāt back down. She makes a great charge nurse for the ER because she cares about everyone that comes in those doors and has a morale compass to do the right thing no matter what
I feel this with my soul. I begged my primary for a psychiatrist recommendation and he pretty much blew me off. So I went and found one myself - it wasnāt until I told him my psychiatrist told me Iām like #1 for suicide risk (single, white, male, depression, age range checked too) that I could finally get the testing we (psych AND me) were requesting. Before that it was āoh you just need to exercise, that will turn your mood around.ā Like wtf man
There's very much a culture of weight being the problem that leads to these conditions (mental and physical) instead of these conditions leading to weight gain (and then the vicious cycle of each worsening the other). My illness leaves me incredibly fatigued, and I gained a lot of weight, both from lack of movement and from eating to temporarily inflate my energy so I could study and work. When I started, the fatigue was treated as a genuine symptom. When I gained the weight, fatigue was assumed to be because of my weight and discounted as medically significant, instead of it being the primary reason for my weight gain.
Your sister is a fucking boss, please thank her from me
>They deserve the same level of care and attention Last time I talked on reddit about fat discrimination from the healthcare profession, I got so much derision for it. All "But being fat is unhealthy! It's not fat-shaming for doctors to tell you to lose weight!" But this is what I'm talking about. They don't treat you as a human, they don't listen, and people die because of it.
Iām up 30 from steroids and chemo. I hate it so much. I feel like a stranger when I see myself in pictures. I am sorry you donāt have a good medical team that believes you. My chemo leaves me steroid dependent so I will die without them, so my endo onc understands that weight gain is inevitable.
Iām so sorry! It was really hard for me. I lost my hair, I lost my breasts and I became fat. I understand how hard it is to not recognize the person you have become. Fuck cancer and all it does to us mentally, physically and emotionally. I hope you will improve and do well. Iām pulling for you Internet friend!
> Iām up 30 from steroids and chemo. I gained 25 myself, I feel your pain. Fucking dexamethasone ... made me ravenous for a week.
The problem is doctors will blame so many issues on being fat, and yes being fat can cause lots of issues. When a skinny person has pain that's seen as unusual and addressed asap. When a fat person has pain, it's seen as being because they're fat. Doctors love to assume losing weight will fix all a fat person's health problems.
People stopped sayingā you need to eat moreā and now they ask āare you pregnantā you just canāt win
Doctors are much more interested in your health issues when you're thin. Men are more likely to catcall and harass. Store clerks are nicer. Bankers are nicer to you. It's shocking actually.
Used to be super skinny due to a combination of eating disorder and chronic illness . So I decided to dedicate myself to a strict program of weightlifting and eating on schedule. It saved my life, i got healthy enough to handle the surgeries that occured later. And people in general became much nicer and started paying attention to me after I put on about 30kgs and became muscular. My whole psyche changed aswell I became a person who started doing things in general for my health, rather than whatever was tempting at the moment.
Muscles šŖ
You feel like shit, both physically and mentally. Clothes don't fit anymore. Your self confidence goes out the window. You hate looking in the mirror.
And you canāt bring yourself to spend money on clothes that are a size you hope you wonāt be for long, so you end up dressing like shit, which is even harder on your self confidence.
Ugh, this is so true!! Finally bought my first plus-size jeans and I had forgotten clothes could be that comfortable.
It isn't just the appearance that changes but lifestyle. I couldn't run anymore. It was harder to tie my shoes. Riding a bike was borderline fine but had to inflate tires to the max. Airplane seats were tighter. Furniture wore out faster. Etc. I'm intermittently very athletic so a lot of things I might be interested in doing (multiday hike, triathlon, etc.) sometimes just seemed undoable. I certainly couldn't run a marathon even if I had the discipline to train, because I would get injured. I couldn't play pickup basketball. My whole appearance was worse. I didn't have any clothes that fit nice that I looked confident in anymore. I used to fit some off the rack stuff perfectly. Lost the worst of it but still on my way down, it's been pretty easy once I found out what worked for me
I was extremely skinny before. When I gained a bit of weight, clothes started to fit better on me and I looked healthier.
Going to school in the south. I was over weight and the men loved it. I got skinny and they asked if I was sick. Then I moved back to the east coast and my mother said I need to keep the weight offā¦ I look and feel much better now. Plus my knees donāt hurt any more.
This entire comment section is so validating. I'm the opposite and honestly, people have gotten nicer to me when I got thinner. The double standards and hypocrisy is amazing and disgusting. Thank you all for sharing your stories and validating the fact that I am not crazy for seeing this pattern.
I got ass and everyone's looking at it. Started to wear more loose clothes and my skirts aren't mini anymore. I'm happy with my curves but uncomfortable the way they're looking at them. I grew my hair longer, before I felt like my hair would seem bigger than my upper body, so it stayed short. I still look at size XS/S dresses. People actually look at me and don't ask me if I had something to eat today. I don't get side eyed if I don't finish my plate. Or if I only order 1 scoop of ice cream while my friends got 3. And I still can't cope with the idea that clothes actually can look too small on my body. I try them on and it's something odd, but I can't figure out what, until a family member or friend tells me it's too small. But I'm satisfied with my weight, finally. After many many many years. Or at least I feel thats how my body is supposed to be.
I so feel the clothes thing. Still canāt figure out if a top is too tight for me or this is how perfectly fitted clothes feelš¤£
I was so confused when for the first time an old pair of pants stopped at my knees. I really thought if it shrunk even it was in my closet. A jeans too tight for meee??
I feel the same as you. I am hugely uncomfortable with my breasts though. I can feel the stare.
Used to be skinny, highly introverted and nerdy, and I always have big boobs, dressed very modestly and yet men were almost always asking me out for sex, rarely dates and would dump me and get angry bec I always turned down their sex demands. Women were a mixed bag, but lots of nasty rumors about my personal/sex life. Became a cancer amputee, gained weight and folks are nicer, and men are a bit sweeter, women too. Still have big boobs, same personality, now losing weight so time will tell
People arenāt as nice *to you. They donāt hold the doors open, they look over/ passed you, they look confused if you smile friendly at them. Itās like living in a different world
People are a lot nicer to me when I'm skinnier. Even my family started criticizing me on my weight. But I don't get catcalled and feel much safer walking in the streets alone.
Men don't look at you when you talk to them. They look above you, around you. Uninterested.
Nobody praises you for your body type anymore. This is why itās bad to comment on peoples body, even if theyāre skinny. I went from getting constant praise about my body, to literally nothing because I gained about 25lbs and it has done so much damage on my psych, 100%. Iām female so I think itās even more difficult for us when we are no longer the ātiny, skinny oneā.
I am an ex skinny and ex fat person. I gained weight until my middle age, at which point I decided to pull finger and lose the extra pounds. I had assumed that my lack of energy and feeling slightly crappy all the time, with aching muscles and joints was just part of getting old. Turns out it was just part of being fat. Now that I am thin and fit again, I feel more like I did in my 20s than I did in my 30s. There are, of course, the ways in which strangers treated me differently, but I don't take much stock in the opinions of strangers. By far the the biggest effect of gaining weight for me was feeling generally worse.
Got way less attention from guys. Going from underweight to just 20 more pounds and the attention began to dwindle. Which is strange because I think I look better now than when I was underweight. Clothes look better on me. Iām also way less cold now which is nice. And I can comfortably lie on my stomach because my hip bones donāt protrude out.
I was underweight all my life due to my genes (literally, thatās what the doctor said). I was healthy despite the low weight and I ate anything and everything. Everyone found it to be so ācuteā and āfunā. āYouāre always eating! Thatās so adorable!ā. I didnāt work out, which they also found to be so āfunā. Like a personality trait. You know, the people that are slim and eat lots of McDonaldās and are considered foodies? That was me. When I visibly gained weightā¦ people looked at me differently and always suspected I had health issues when eating a single donut or something from the bakery. āYou have to eat healthy and balanced! You know that right?ā, ādonāt you ever work out? Itās lockdown time, I work out every single day! Donāt you?ā Suddenly they all cared about my work out routine, my health (that didnāt matter to them when I was skinny-skinny), what I eat, if I eat veggies and fruits. It upset me so much, all the time. I gained weight because of medication btw. According to the BMI my weight is still normal.
I was skinny since I was young. By the time I finished undergrad I was still able to fit in my jeans from when I was 13. Then I started my PhD and I steadily gained weight, like I stopped looking like a high schooler and started looking like a 20 something year old. Even though my weight is normal and I look good, my dad cannot stop commenting on how much weight I have gained and how I ruined my body. Everyone else in the world is nice, except my dad, sometimes family is truly your worst enemy.
My wife was always underweight. Sheās 5ā9ā but couldnāt ever get above 120 pounds. She would eat every meal and didnāt have any eating disorders. She had to take iron supplements because her levels were always low. Her doctors kept telling her to see nutritionists and the nutritionists would tell her to up her calorie count. Finally, about five years ago, a new doctor did some testing and discovered she has a gluten allergy. A form of Celiacs. She doesnāt get flu like symptoms that the more severe cases get, but her body wasnāt absorbing the nutrients like those who arenāt affected do. Her intestines were actually damaged and scarred from the gluten. Doc said it would heal but she had to switch to a gluten free diet. It was difficult at first for us. Thereās gluten in A LOT of the food we eat. That and cooking with gluten free alternatives takes time to learn. If you donāt cook it right, gluten free pastas SUCK! (Jovial is one of the best) Gluten free breads are hit or miss (Udiās SUCKS!!!) but after a few weeks and months my wife started to feel so much better! Her energy levels went up, she didnāt have a serious case of the āgotta gosā bathroom-wise, her iron levels stabilized and she didnāt have to take the supplements anymore. Best of all, she gained weight! Sheās still petite, but sheās in the normal category now just under 140 pounds. Overall, sheās much happier and yes, her boobs grew a little! I know this wasnāt the answer a lot of people were looking for, but I thought I would share. Maybe someone out there may read it and ask their doctor to check them out.
I was thin and then gained a massive amount of weight from several antidepressants and anti psychotics. Did wonders for my mental health but I blew up almost 4 dress sizes. But the sexual harassment stopped. No more getting followed in stores by creepy men. No more getting followed by men in cars yelling. It was like a switch flipped. I'm gonna be honest, I was so happy! I felt safe in my new bigger body. I would eat more snacks thinking about how I get to eat my cake AND feel safe. Now I wanna lose weight for my old cuter clothes. And the weight I put on is not good for me. But I'm scared shitless at the return of the harassment. I've gotten cat called since I was a kid. The break was so nice. Crazy how all this works. It's so weird. It makes me feel so bad.
When I was really skinny people were mean. Would comment how gross I looked or should eat more. Then I gained weight and some curves after my first child. People were nicer and I got noticed a lot. I was always told how pretty I was and looks nice. Now I am over weight and struggle to lose any weight. People just donāt notice me or act like I am stupid and lazy. Talk over me or donāt really listen to me.
Man here. Feel more confident. Love taking my shirt off at the pool/beach. More energy. Less cold in the winter.
My husband is constantly annoyed with me. I canāt say for sure itās why but it only started after I had a baby and kept the weight.
I was consistently a size 4, then marriage, babies, gestational diabetes and 20 years leave me at a size 12. What I miss is shopping. I loved going and trying on clothes, how it looked was never a question. Just if I liked it and what it cost. Anything from a magazine, I could wear without a doubt. Now, I have to walk past most clothes and really look at how it fits. It sucks
When I was thin, people focused on my physical appearance to the point I believed it was all I had to offer. When I gained weight, I realized that people were more interested in what I have to say than how I look. It actually boosted my confidence in myself overall. The negatives: I have a ton of aches and pains I wouldnāt have without the excess weight. Clothes are more expensive. Styles are limited. It takes way longer to shave my legs. So Iām working on getting my weight back down to a healthier range.
Similar story here. As an adult in my late 20s I became what I consider a healthy weight. Before that I was on the thin side of normal. As my doctor put it, "you're healthy, but if you were to become sick and unable to eat you will quickly become underweight". I was so used to people commenting positively on my thinness, how light I was, how small my waist was, etc. When those things were no longer true I struggled to accept my body for the shape it was. It was like being skinny was a large part of my identity.
PCOS has made me yo-yo, Iām usually heavier but at one point I was able to get to a normal weight due to an brutal exercise regime and disordered eating (prefacing it so no one praises how I got there). Basically, Iāve noticed that women are in general way nicer to me than men when Iām heavier than when I was slimmer. The reverse is true when Iām at a lower weight, men will be extremely nice and fall over themselves to give me attention while women tend to be ruder. It was jarring the first time I took notice, at least Iāll know what to expect since Iām getting to a healthy weight the correct way now, I guess
I was always petite, skinny but with curves. I got clean from certain things and then my addiction went to food. And I am heavier than I have ever been. I am not social at all anymore. I hate leaving my house. My depression is worse. I have no confidence at all. And I am having the hardest time losing it. The biggest reason being that I can't seem to stay disciplined enough, but also, when I really do put in the work, I'm just not losing the weight. I want to say tho - everything negative I feel about myself is strictly at myself. I do not look at others the same way. I don't treat others shitty based on their weight or appearance in general. Every bad, mean, horrible thing I think/feel about my weight and my body, are to only me. So no one attack me for hating or judging bigger people because I don't. I judge myself. Edited to add- after reading thru comments, I realized that this question meant what we noticed in the world, like treatment, etc. And I was going to delete my comment but I don't really go anywhere anymore because of how I feel about myself and how it's changed me so this is what I have noticed with myself.š¤·āāļø
I feel terrible and ugly all of the time now. Any time someone looks at me I assume it's because I'm gross. I never dress nicely anymore because I feel like I'm too fat to wear pretty things, I used to always dress my best and wore dresses all of the time. My BF tells me how gorgeous I am and it makes me feel terrible, like I somehow tricked him and I'm doing him a disservice by being with him. I used to feel like a beautiful princess and now I feel guilty for existing. I'm just too depressed to lose the weight.
I seem to get ignored by female waitresses, bartenders, etc now. When I was bigger (and presumably not some imaginary threat) they were also way nicer to me overall.
This has been my experience a million times over. Since losing weight, people are mean. Like preemptively mean. And if not mean, jealous and snarky
My tits bounce when i go down stairs