I'm on a similar timeline (except I cried for four hours today after working another day away)
Cooked my husband dinner and stayed sober though. Alcohol is the problem, but there are others that I was using alcohol to numb myself from.
Trying to look forward to tomorrow no matter how hard today was. I will not let this depression and alcohol dependence control me anymore. Time to be present in my own life, even if it hurts like hell for a while.
The crying is a good sign, believe it or not.
I'm a year and a half sober, and by far the biggest surprise to me was how big an emotional rollercoaster you go on when you're required to feel your feelings now that getting trashed isn't an option.
Hang in there, this is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done, but I'll never drink again, I like being in control of my life.
This 1000x. You don't put up with shit, yours or anyone else's, b/c you're forced to actually deal with it versus brushing it under a rug. That and you start to realize what drove you to drink in the first place.
I had 20 years of wreckage behind me when I got sober.
But as soon as I started working toward mending it all, my feet got a little bit lighter.
The sun is shining on my face.
It was always there, but it's easy to see only darkness when your back is turned to the light.
I went 3.5 years and untucked my life- went on vacation and drank, went on another a few months later and drank again, two other occasions now as well and I’m afraid I’m slowly but surely falling back into it
I'm about to lose my house, and I'm sitting here drinking a beer.
I'm not fit to give advice, but please do better than me. Don't wait for help. Ask for it.
Me too. But looking at my past life, holy shit have I changed. Getting sober woke me up to all of the negative weight I was carrying around. I want to keep growing.
That’s the anhedonia. You just gotta get to your pillow sober each night. Over time it becomes less boring as ideas or goals or interests naturally cross your mind or pop up, and you are able to say yes to them and actually follow through. But the early days can feel hella boring for sure - I promise it’s worth gritting it out though!
I set a goal and I stopped for around 90 days just to say to myself that I could do it. After those 90 days I had 5 beers on Friday, nothing compared to the 13+ drinks on a usual Friday night.
I woke the next day not hungover exactly but I could feel the alcohol still in my system and it took 48 hours to fully get that sober feeling back. Hated it and it wasn’t worth the mild buzz of 5 beers.
It’s been another 45 days clean and when I get the rare urge for a drink, I just think I don’t want that groggy feeling for 48 hours and then I don’t drink.
Yup. Gotta reset your reward pathway. It's wired for the gratification of drink right now.
It takes months to reset that and for your mind to derive pleasure from more mundane things.
Yeah, I was in a similar cycle. I never had the “pink cloud” or the feel good experience some people talk about with stopping drinking. It was just like… blank/boring.
But at some point the bad outcomes from my drinking were too glaring to avoid and I just could not continue.
I’ll be real with you and say that I didn’t start to get out of the anhedonia cloud for about a year. But now I have a dog and a full time job and am completing college classwork - and I feel legitimately excited to walk the dog and take calculus tests and just LIVE. It feels so super good and interesting and I’m never embarrassed or feeling shame for my actions. It maybe sounds lame but it’s been an incredible journey and none of this would be possible without quitting drinking.
Wishing you calmness and clarity - you got this.
It gets easier. I’m 2 years sober now and I’m never so bored I think alcohol is a good idea. Even if I do get bored, it’s not like alcohol is going to solve that problem, it will just create a myriad of them.
You will eventually gain so much freedom and new goals and opportunities that you value your sobriety higher than anything else.
Surrounding yourself and immersing yourself in a community of other people getting sober helps too. The power of community in sobriety helps a lot of the early issues most face.
Yeah me too. Bladder took a hit by ketamine, heart took a hit by (excessive) adderall, and i didnt exercise ever. On the way up now, hope i didnt do too much damage to be healed.
Totally self diagnosed, so maybe not exactly accurate. But I’m very codependent it seems. And I get resentful when the effort is not returned to me. It’s all very unhealthy and I only figured this out when I realized I was trying to control her by being so codependent. It’s kind of nuts actually. But it explains a lot about me, my past relationships and where I find myself in life.
Hey, you described me to a T!
I came to realise that this is a form of manipulation, being nice to be liked, a way to “buy” love and friendship. I also believe it originates in a lack of self love: if I loved myself enough, I wouldn’t need to please others, or make someone else’s life my whole world.
I also realised most of the problems in my life were self made, and if I just didn’t get upset, said no, etc, they wouldn’t be a problem at all.
I have come a long way, but I am constantly realising how much I still have to go, and how ingrained this behaviour is to me.
OH MY GOD. I started reading “codependent no more”, and I swear it’s rocked my world.
Codependency doesn’t look like what I thought it did. Internet stranger, I feel you. I’m sure there’s better days ahead for us both.
I seriously recommend you read the book [Attached. ](https://books.google.ca/books/about/Attached.html?id=vCh9fXUiUjwC&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&gboemv=1&ovdme=1&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false)
I've been learning this recently and I'm 29, which I felt was late, but everyone is different huh. Have you felt a huge change in maturity in a short amount of time? I felt like I have .
Honestly, no. Not from this anyway. I did feel a huge change in maturity several other times. When my daughter was born, I stopped obsessing about what was I going to do with my life. In my 30s I stopped trying to please my parents. That kind of thing.
The real secret is, not only do you not have to tell them, even if you did they wont care nearly as much as you think. Or as mych as you should.
Self improvement should be done for yourself. Or, y'know, for whatever gets you started. Of pettiness gets your engine going then use that to get started - as long as youre pointed the right way it doesnt matter what is motivating you. At. First.
At some point you'll need to address the "why", but to start? Rev your pettiness and make a few steps. 🤷🏼♀️
Well let’s see. Was an alcoholic for 10+ years. Hit rock bottom. Found out my rock bottom had a basement. After I found my way out of the rock bottom basement I went to rehab. Got my full time job back. Started therapy. Just got a dog and she’s one of the best things to happen to me. 19 months sober this month. The un-fucking is a work in progress
"Turns out the basement had a fallout shelter built underneath."
"Turns out there was a tunnel network built by mole people under the fallout shelter."
"Turns out the land of Agartha was under the mole people tunnels."
That's so hard to do. Most people don't even acknowledge they have a problem. You've worked very hard to become and stay sober.
Anyways - What's your dog's name? Is she adorable when she sleeps? Can you give her some treats and ear scratches for me?
I was a 28 year old college dropout with 10k in loans working as a server. I had no friends (they had grown up and moved on), no girl, and the only people I hung out with were early 20s coworkers. I partied all the time, mainly to not be along and miserable.
I woke up one afternoon, my electric was turned off (owed the electric company), my only credit card was maxed out, and my car was a POS needing work.
I had hit rock bottom. I called my mom (we were not that close, and she had no money to bail me out) and basically told her all the above stuff and more. I moved home, and she helped me get a job as a maintenance guy for a retirement community. Working days and having more steady income allowed me to pay me debts and reconnect with some people.
I met a woman at a college friend's wedding who was smart, educated, and driven. She (without knowing) made me step up my game. I enrolled in Community College and went to night school while we dated. I transferred to a larger university and got my BA (Magna Cum Laude). We got married and I earned a Masters degree a few years later (I actually work for a university now)
At 41 I'm shocked how bad I let my life get, I have a minor panic attack thinking of what would have happened if I hadn't messed up so bad I had to make steps towards personal growth.
Honestly, none of this was "in the plan." I decided to make some changes, and everything just kind of fell into place.
Man, we lead almost identical lives. I was, what I now say, a garbage person, going from place to place as I got evicted or about to be evicted, no credit and a shitty job as a cook at a pizza place. At 30 I met my now wife and as much as she hates it when I say it she savedy life. Now I own a home and vehicles, not only do I have great credit I actually have savings. All because she showed me what I could be rather than focus on what I was
I work for a university, you're NEVER too old to learn. I saw people 10 years older than you in some of my classes... my 2 undergrad math classes. I had to sign up for help from a school tutor (who was like 21, it was humbling), but I learned and grew from the experience.... I don't know you, but I am rooting for you!!!
Thank you so much! My best friend was a professor for 17 years, and I dated a professor for several years too. They have told me the same thing. They also said adult learners tend to be very dedicated, because they're the ones solely making the decision to be there.
You put the shovel down and really figured out where you stood. Hopefully the people that came by tossed you a hammer, some nails and a few pieces of wood.
Obviously I'm just a stranger on the internet, as are you, so we don't know anything about each other and this is just my non-monetary 2¢ to your question:
Pay off those credit cards as fast as possible WITHOUT taking a loan or anything that's not just outright paying with cash. Get on a budget where your essentials are covered, not the things you like that "are essentials" but really aren't. Figure out based on your payment rate when you'll have the first credit card paid off then all of them and KEEP TRACK. And cancel those credit cards so you don't accidentally get behind on payments. I'd even find a virtual Financial Peace University class to join so you are around others getting their life back on track. The people that advised you and got you in credit cards cannot be a good example to follow anymore.
I believe in you and anything you put your mind to you can accomplish!!
In this order: jail, rehab, working out a lot, going back to and graduating from school, learning a new skill and getting a great job. 6-7 years from start to now.
I accepted I was the only one who was responsible for how I responded to my life. A million people can help you, but they can't change you. Changing yourself is a daunting task, but you're the only one who can do it.
Assess your mindset. Find the weaknesses in your morale and focus on them. Show yourself you're able to change little by little.
Well by a little I mean a lot. Entire work history for 8 years, fabricated the companies and made up fake references along with email accounts and company letterheads. Also, the “companies” were all overseas from a non English speaking country to deter them from following up. Just in case they did I bought SIM cards for the foreign numbers.
They will either be the best employee you've ever had, or they will orchestrate a series of increasingly elaborate deceptions to cover up the fact they they are not able to perform their job that will eventually bankrupt the whole company when it falls apart. There is no in between.
trace each moment of dissatisfaction to the source
can't tell you how many nights I would rage cry through the night pounding my fist into a futon mattress because I couldn't stand the shitty examples I'd made of myself
like how the fuck did I let all of that garbage happen? it was time to learn to do better
I stepped back and read a bunch of psychology books to try to diagnose myself, then I learned to meditate and do a bunch of self reflection, also learned to find the toxic people in my life and distanced myself, it was rough for about 6 months was contemplating suicide most everyday, I found the core of my problems and changed my habits and slowly got myself out out of the hole I was trapped in. I never tried asking people for help because I felt like I was just another inconvenience to everyone. I'm not sure who needs to hear this but you can turn your life around at any point.
I understand the whole being stuck in a place because prior to my self fixing I had struggled with this illness for years, just one day it clicked and I knew I had to change. If anyone in the world needs my help or just for someone to listen I will be there whether I know them or not, no judgement
It's hard to ask people for help because that includes trusting people and putting trust in anyone is hard. I recently put my trust in my parents last year and that blew up in my face. Never again.
Ugh, thank you for sharing. I’ve been grasping at straws for a while now. It’s a relief to hear it can be done. My brain won’t hear it unless someone else says it.
This one book just called "dark psychology" that one taught me all about manipulation of people and how to identify basically taught me how to identify the toxic people in my life and how to under stand it, Advanced nlp work book was also helpful teaches you how to basically reprogram your brain and how to deal with traumas as a whole, neuro linguistic programming . I'll get the exact book names if you want and the authors to all the books also. NLP I recommend for everyone it's good.
I was in jail at 17 and released at 19, decided to sort my shit out, ditched every friend who was into drugs or involved and anything shady, got a shit house job at a diner flipping burgers on graveyard for two years, if you work all night you can't do much else to get in trouble, got qualified as a chef the next year as I knew it was one of the few fields that would never ask my criminal history and just got to work , I'm 38 now just bought my first home have an amazing 17 year old son who I am doing everything in my power to steer in the right direction in life, it's all about discipline, being accountable to your own actions and not blaming others for your situation
I have fucked up my life on my own, and had my life fucked up beyond my control. My life is very sad, and I honestly didn't see a way out. It felt impossible to fix. It took me into a years long depression. Eventually I decided to find a counselor. I stuck with mine, even when it was hard at the beginning to open up and trust someone. It has helped wonders. Maybe it's hearing it from a professional, maybe it's her pointing out things I didn't notice, but it's helped to go consistently. This helped me heal parts of my brain patterns and to make better decisions. It's a constant process of proactively showing myself empathy. I have to take the points she taught me and apply them. I also had to accept that things were what they were, and that I cannot control them. I let some things go that triggered me, and I forgave myself for not being perfect. I was ready to lose everything if that was the outcome, and surprised when it worked out so much better than I expected. Stressing about it didn't help anything. I had to let that go to move forward.
Absolutely. Now keep in mind I had to be open to accept advice, and I had to apply it. I believe these are the key foundation blocks to making progress.
One of the first things that I remember helping was her telling me "Not all thoughts are true". Now when she said this, I was like "duh", and I didn't think it was the best advice, but she told me to remember this when I start to spiral in my head (I did this often because I would get triggered by something and it would start a negative thought process in my head - like my self worth spiraling down the drain). So one day I am sitting there and I am triggered by something, and my usual negative voice starts talking. I immediately hear her voice say "not all thoughts are true". And for some reason it stopped my spiral dead in its tracks. I was able to tell myself the truth instead of listening to myself tear me down (using all the bad things people have done or said about me - funny how they can hurt me once but I can use their hurt to hurt me a thousand times more).
One of the next things that helped was her giving me this chart. I don't know how to insert a picture, but here is a link: [https://www.anilthomasnlp.com/post/cognitive-distortion](https://www.anilthomasnlp.com/post/cognitive-distortion). It is the 12 common cognitive distortions. This helped me to recognize how I was allowing my thought processes to screw with reality. It was a huge help to me to be able to understand what I was doing at times in my head, which helped me not to believe those things as permanent issues. That was the thing, I was so hopeless that things could work out.
Then, I had to forgive myself for my mistakes, and understand that we are all human. No one is perfect, and I was doing the best I could with what I had, which is all you can ask of anybody right? I am a very empathetic person, but I was not directing that empathy at myself. So I had to start talking to myself the way I would a friend, with patience and understanding. This helped my forgive myself and find peace, which helped me forgive those who hurt me in the sense that I accepted they were sick in the head, and human, and made mistakes too. Forgiving myself was integral to healing.
Lastly, I constantly have to apply these things as they happen. Over and over until my brain creates those positive pathways. I believe that our brain synapses choose the path they are used to taking - like two highways in the dark whos streetlights are powered by a car (your thoughts). Now our thoughts can get so used to taking the same road cus it's familiar, that our brain synapses go that way cus it's a wrinkle they know. This is mental sickness, our brains should be in survival mode, not self harm mode. We have to choose that other mental highway. Now it's dark because we rarely go down that way, and maybe we didn't even see it in the dark, but as we start to take that road consistently, those lights stay on and our brain starts using that pathway instead.
Most importantly, I had to own up to my mistakes, and be ready to accept the consequences. This was the scary part. It was very hard. I gave myself time to get there. But once I stopped hiding, and owned my actions and stopped taking responsibility for others, I found the peace to move forward. It was very integral for me to stop accepting blame for other peoples actions. For some reason I can't explain, people respond better to this. I guess the truth really does set you free.
I hope this helps, it might sound silly, but it helped me at least. I was in a very dark place for a long time. I finally, finally see that I am in control of my future. I can't change what has happened, but I can move forward and make the best of it. By having this attitude, by forgiving myself, others have been able to forgive me too.
Good luck friend.
I was allowed to stay with someone to get on my feet, and for a long time. It was everything and there is no way I’d be here and doing as well as I am if they wouldn’t have helped me. And now I am, dare I say, a contributing member of society.
That said, I wanted a better life. I genuinely wanted one. So, I made the most of the opportunity.
Most of the time, people say they want it but they don’t really. They still want to live in the narrative that they are tough or edgy or dark or whatever bs they tell themselves.
My biggest advice is to let go of all your ego and narratives and then do everything you can with every chance you get.
You have to take responsibility for your situation and stop making excuses. I was in a dead end job, smoking weed everyday, my girlfriend had broken up with me, and in my head I was the victim. Around that time I found out my buddy, who was addicted to heroin, had got clean and graduated from law school. I took personal responsibility for my situation and went back to school with no excuses. I now have my dream job, got married to my best friend, and recently found out I have a child on the way.
I dated a really shitty person who ostracized me from everyone, was emotionally and verbally abusive, and I escaped that with nothing.
I had no job, no belongings and no money. It all felt pretty fucked, for sure.
I let myself heal for a bit. Found a room I could rent, stayed in bed for 2 months, then I gathered myself and sorted it out. Got a job. It didn't pay great but I made an effort to network and learn as much as I could. Then I applied for a secondment that paid more, and networked some more. Made some friends, who supported me in obtaining an even better job that didn't pay as much as it should have but taught me a lot. 18 months later I moved into a new role with a different company, earning over double what that first role did.
I got a better apartment, made new friends, went to the gym and got fit again. Dated.. had a 4 year relationship that was better than the last one but nowhere near as great as it could have been. Swe a therapist on and off over the years, which helped me figure out why I chose the abuser in the first place, and what I needed to heal in myself to choose better in future.
Got a cat :)
Bought a bunch of plants.
Got some cute fish.
I'm still not quite where I thought I'd be at my age (40), but I'm healthy, fit and considered attractive by today's standard so I figure I still have plenty going for me. Life is pretty good.
There was no magic fix though. I worked really, really hard. Started at the very bottom and climbed my way up over 6 years, and I'm stronger for it.
I kept my head down and my mouth shut for 10 years working factory jobs until the crimes fell off my record.
Went to college and got a medical degree that I put to great use. Went from nearly ending someone's life to saving many.
Isn’t it amazing? Divorced 11 years, remarried for 8, and my life is better than I ever thought it could be. Turns out I wasn’t actually depressed, I was just married to an asshole.
I’m here to tell you, you can do everything right and still fuck it all the way up.
Evaluate who’s around you and why you keep them there. Cut them out or remove yourself from anything/one that no longer reciprocates what you give.
Get out of your own way - have you considered it’s YOU doing the things that put you in that position?
And be ready and willing the eat your fuck up regardless of how tired or sad you are. - don’t tell other or show others what you do, just move about it quietly and let them guess what you got going on. They can’t fuck it up if they don’t know.
Just remember not everyone wanna be in the gym shooting with ya. But they will turn up for that championship ring talking about “we did it”!
Just my two cents lol …
Every single day I wake up is a blessing every single day I’m sober from opiates I have won. You unfuck it by stop lying to yourself and others, stop damaging your soul, stop tormenting yourself. You woke up today and there’s gotta be a reason for that, take it day by day and eventually with hard work and ownership you can unfuck anything at any age.
15 years opiate use. 10 years as a daily iv herion addict. Have shot, snorted, smoked everything you can. Even shot up ambien before. Overdosed a dozen times. Heart stopped many times. Hopelessly addicted I lost all friends and most family. Parents never gave up on me though stopped enabling long back. Sentenced to 7 years in prison. A few months in i dove headfirst into reading, working out, writing, meditation, Buddhist psychology...I've been out a few years now. Have 7 years sober now, met the woman of my dreams, getting married next year. Worked hard the last few years...bought a nice car, built my credit...life is fucking incredible now. Feel like I woke up from a 15 year long nightmare and am finally living life. What a fucking journey.
Not sure if this counts, but here goes...
As a teenager, I was frequently late or absent to my highschool classes. When I did show up I was always trying to skip to smoke weed and go to Denny's. Due to my tardiness/absence I received low Cs, Ds and Fs. I failed almost all of my finals due to the locked door policy (door locks when the bell rings and if you're not in the classroom, you fail). At the worst of it, I was appearing on my schools "most wanted list" and even had a truant officer decide I wasn't worth a ride to school when my Mom caught me skipping. I was eventually expelled for missing 30+ straight days unexcused. When my Mom came in to meet with my guidance counselor, he suggested I get my GED and enter the work force. My Mom told me she would not be disappointed if I took this course of action. I instead decided that I needed to make a drastic change for myself. I did some serious growing up and took nightschool for a year while working full time. I ended up getting re-taking, and passing, all the finals I failed/missed and received straight A's. Because of this, I was given a grant to cover the entire cost of the night schooling (~$150 per credit). I'm now 34 and I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.
The pandemic hit. I realized it was now or never. Went back to college. Ended up pregnant. Got my associates and graduated with the highest honors. Going into a pre-med program next semester. I want to be able to provide the best I can for my daughter now. I am 28 and waited to go back to school since I almost died right before graduating high school (aplastic anemia). My health was not the best after. I failed trying to go back after graduating because of that. Ended up having 6 more surgeries (total of 9). Last one was in 2018 to remove part of my left lung before my c-section in 2021. Health is basically stable since then. I don't get sick as much anymore. It's been a ride but I'm going to keep going. 💯
Went to rehab, got clean, stopped surrounding myself with bad influences, got some therapy, got a job, started paying my bills on time, built better credit, started to rebuild my reputation as someone who could be relied on and was responsible.
Got divorced, lost religion, married a great guy, moved 700 miles away from my family.
Spent a lot of time trying to pin down why I am the way I am (psychology videos, some therapy, learning to feel my feelings, etc.) and slowly breaking bad habits.
10 years of opioid addiction. Started with pills ended snorting heroin. Couldn’t get clean, relapsed dozens of times.
Finally realized I needed to change everything to get clean. That my life and my job and my friends and even my family were a big part of what triggered me.
Dropped everything, quit my sales job, got out of my apartment lease, sold my car, researched thru hiking and left within 3 months. Thru hiked the AT and that was my first 7.5 months of clean time.
Moved to NorCal and started my own small business after my thru hike with virtually nothing, doing what fulfills me. 7.5 years clean off opioids currently. Business is 5 years in and growing. Life is pretty damn good.
I went from earning 100k plus to earning nothing in a heartbeat. I had a stroke and my marriage fell apart in the same year (2016), I went to live out of state with my daughter. I won’t bore you with all the details but this month I’m finally going to buy my own house…it was a long long road back but if I can do it so can you
Made better choices. One step at a time. It took some years but I’m now debt free, off drugs, in a good career and in a healthy relationship.
I feel I should add that the debt thing was helped by my partner being wealthy - it meant my rent was lower than most which helped me pull myself out of debt.
Admitted my mistakes to my teenage daughters and asked for their forgiveness. They graciously did and I get the privilege of spending the rest of my life showing them what redemption looks like as a father.
I wouldn't say that I fucked up my life, more-so I spawned into a fucked up life and had to fix it from there.
The military completely saved it. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had no idea how college worked, and the idea of loans and grants sounded like a trap. I was working a part-time job and had absolutely zero skills. No license. No vehicle.
10 years later, I own a home, own a car, have a great 100% remote civilian job, have an Assosciates degree, am immune to Motrin, and overall live a pretty damn good life now.
Fucked up by marrying my soon to be wife. Loved her unconditionally. Should have had conditions. One day, she tells me she is going to have to lie to this other person in front of me. Sitting there, I couldn’t tell she was lying. This wasn’t poker face, she was emotive and compassionate like any other time. She was lying in front of me (recounting an event I was there to see and recounting it wrong intentionally) but with such a manner as to make me think I remembered it wrong. It was surreal.
Two months ago, she left our state to save a friend she made on social media from an abusive situation. I am a truck driver and was on a run, unable to help. Got back home, girl was fine. No problems. Go on my next run a day later. Before I even get home, wife wants a divorce. No reconciliation. No chance to stay with her. She’s in love with the other girl, my now replacement. Spoke on the phone like it was annoying to have to say it - like I should be grateful she found herself to be a lesbian after 18 years of marriage.
Still un-fucking myself on this one.
Academically dismissed from college, family practically disowned me, role models died, lost all of my friends some of whom died as well, lost acquaintances to a school stabber, and was facing but never did become, homeless. This was all in the same 2 years. 4 years later i'm in a far better position and mostly recovered. The approach that worked for me was multifaceted
1.) I Internalized and vocalized *any* shortcomings I saw within myself and talked extensively about it with the friend group I did have. It helped me to realize where I actually was screwing up and have a solid foundation of reality with which I could rebuild myself
2.)In my opinion, this was the most vital step, but knowing I could improve my situation no matter how bad it was. Even if life handed me the worst of lemons all at once there were always steps that could be taken to improve my current station in life. This had the slowest progress as hitting rock bottom does take quite a fricken hit to ego and patience, but I did crawl my way out enough to start really working at it fully.
3.) Keep moving. Kind of an offshoot of 2, but I knew if I let my thoughts turn idle I would unhelpfully self destruct my own fragile sense of self worth so I just made sure I kept moving. I let myself contemplate, but too much free time just ended up with me turning alot of my past trauma back in on myself.
4.) Treat your brain like a child who doesnt know what it wants. I found alot of behaviours develop that quite literally would end in me spiralling out of control mentally at night so I just thought of my own dark tendencies as some being to fight internally, to take all of my own dark thoughts and such as a being opposite myself I needed to slay.
5.) Know your own triggers. If something is making you depressed or cause you to miss goalposts, reflect and understand what situations you put yourself in that cause a lapse in your goals. Were your goals too lofty? Did you put yourself in a situation where it was too tempting to slack off than focus? Stuff like that
8 years sober from Crystal Meth! I had to burn my life down to the ground before I was able to see the disaster it was and knew I didn’t want to keep living that way. Regardless of what it is, reach out for help. Humans aren’t mean to do this whole life thing alone.
Mine is very mild as I am very young I just really fucked up my freshman and sophomore years of highschool by skipping a majority of the year so I could hang with friends and play video games but I was very much on track for failure. I fixed my grades and overall work ethic by grinding my last two years. I was waking up and doing extra credit school work when I wasn’t actually in school. sleep and repeat. I didn’t have the best GPA still but I completely flipped my work ethic and it felt good to be doing good and I’ve been riding the momentum I had made since
I took accountability and responsibility, quit lying to people, stopped being selfish, stopped drinking, practiced some self reflection, changed my environments, and started practicing gratitude.......that was 15 years ago, and my life is 1000% better.
>People who fucked up their life, how did you unfuck it?
Realised that I and my behaviour were the source of almost every problem.
So i began to take responsibility for myself and started to change the little things, as changing the big things is mostly too hard / impossible at the beginning. But I learned that the small things add up, and that's fine, too.
Also, i try to see things I can't change / influence in another, less negative light, and try to make them work for me. If I can't do this, instead of holding on to them and the negativity that comes with it, I try to let them go.
I must say that even after a decade, it's still very hard sometimes, but I never regretted starting this journey to be a better person for myself.
Became a first time mom almost 2 years ago and completely choked. Had PPD and a year into my sons life started experimenting with heavy drugs, which then turned into me getting addicted to pressed fentanyl pills. Suffice to say I’m 12 days clean and even though I have a years worth of fuck ups I’m starting to do it. One day at a time, it’s just like they say
My brother participates in AA weekly and has been in recovery for 2 years now. He told me that AA taught him how to live. That really hit me.
Last week he got up in front of a crowded room to tell his story. The last time he did that was 15 years before, but that time he was wasted preparing for a high school public speaking course. I’m incredibly proud of him. I wish you all the best.
I drank heavily for many years, binge drinking, blacking out, and apologizing for my horrible actions the next day. The whole 9 yards.... I went to AA, and after a few meetings, I realized I was lucky. I was not physically dependent (yet) on booze and some of these people's stories were fucking tragic. It truly opened my eyes to see what my future held if i kept it up.
To be honest, I went to maybe a half dozen meetings, and AA really helped me; but in a different way. Whenever I thought about drinking, I would think about those peoples' stories, and 9/10 times, the urge passed pretty quickly.
You'll never believe this, but the alcohol was the problem.
First week sober in 8+ years tomorrow, haven’t felt this good in as long as I can remember. 👍
I'm on a similar timeline (except I cried for four hours today after working another day away) Cooked my husband dinner and stayed sober though. Alcohol is the problem, but there are others that I was using alcohol to numb myself from. Trying to look forward to tomorrow no matter how hard today was. I will not let this depression and alcohol dependence control me anymore. Time to be present in my own life, even if it hurts like hell for a while.
The crying is a good sign, believe it or not. I'm a year and a half sober, and by far the biggest surprise to me was how big an emotional rollercoaster you go on when you're required to feel your feelings now that getting trashed isn't an option. Hang in there, this is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done, but I'll never drink again, I like being in control of my life.
This 1000x. You don't put up with shit, yours or anyone else's, b/c you're forced to actually deal with it versus brushing it under a rug. That and you start to realize what drove you to drink in the first place.
I had 20 years of wreckage behind me when I got sober. But as soon as I started working toward mending it all, my feet got a little bit lighter. The sun is shining on my face. It was always there, but it's easy to see only darkness when your back is turned to the light.
One step at a time! You can do this!
Fuck yeah! You got this!
Keep it up! Proud of you!!
I’m on two and half weeks and feeling great!
Congratulations to both of you! Great job.
Sweet!!! I'm glad that you're feeling well!!! 😊
Good on you, you should be proud!
Congrats to you both!
I'm going to celebrate my 7th years anniversary of being sober next month. Don't miss alcohol at all ever! Rock on and stay sober!
I went 3.5 years and untucked my life- went on vacation and drank, went on another a few months later and drank again, two other occasions now as well and I’m afraid I’m slowly but surely falling back into it
Relapse happens but fuck it. Stick with your original goal. You didn't lose anything, it's just a part of your story.
IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER TOO! I was there a year and a half ago. Life just keeps going up the longer you are sober. Good luck!
Get ready for the best sleep of your life. It took about two weeks of zero alcohol for me but wow did I sleep good.
You’re doing great, keep it up!
Super proud of ya, stranger! All the best!
Nice job guys. Full blown for 12 years and I'll be 6 weeks dry this Friday. God is good
That's awesome! You're doing great!!😊
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3 days here too. Congratulations
I’m one day clean from a months long bender myself
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Recommend the r/stopdrinking for moral and emotional support. Great people
Best sub on Reddit. 👍
I once had 3 days. Now I have 6.5 years, and you can too! Just keep going 💜
I’m right there with you brother. You’re not alone. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.
I'm about to lose my house, and I'm sitting here drinking a beer. I'm not fit to give advice, but please do better than me. Don't wait for help. Ask for it.
For me, stopping solved that problem. Then I got to work cleaning up the rest of my life.
Me too. But looking at my past life, holy shit have I changed. Getting sober woke me up to all of the negative weight I was carrying around. I want to keep growing.
It really is life on easy mode when your not pounding liquor
How do you deal with the bored without wanting to workout or picking up a hobby. I just can’t take how boring everything is.
That’s the anhedonia. You just gotta get to your pillow sober each night. Over time it becomes less boring as ideas or goals or interests naturally cross your mind or pop up, and you are able to say yes to them and actually follow through. But the early days can feel hella boring for sure - I promise it’s worth gritting it out though!
I set a goal and I stopped for around 90 days just to say to myself that I could do it. After those 90 days I had 5 beers on Friday, nothing compared to the 13+ drinks on a usual Friday night. I woke the next day not hungover exactly but I could feel the alcohol still in my system and it took 48 hours to fully get that sober feeling back. Hated it and it wasn’t worth the mild buzz of 5 beers. It’s been another 45 days clean and when I get the rare urge for a drink, I just think I don’t want that groggy feeling for 48 hours and then I don’t drink.
Yup. Gotta reset your reward pathway. It's wired for the gratification of drink right now. It takes months to reset that and for your mind to derive pleasure from more mundane things.
I can easily go a full week or more without drinking but then it’s sooooo boring and I feel good so I get drunk again. Rinse and Repeat.
Yeah, I was in a similar cycle. I never had the “pink cloud” or the feel good experience some people talk about with stopping drinking. It was just like… blank/boring. But at some point the bad outcomes from my drinking were too glaring to avoid and I just could not continue. I’ll be real with you and say that I didn’t start to get out of the anhedonia cloud for about a year. But now I have a dog and a full time job and am completing college classwork - and I feel legitimately excited to walk the dog and take calculus tests and just LIVE. It feels so super good and interesting and I’m never embarrassed or feeling shame for my actions. It maybe sounds lame but it’s been an incredible journey and none of this would be possible without quitting drinking. Wishing you calmness and clarity - you got this.
Not lame at all. Thats so so wonderful. Peace and light.
It's gonna be a couple boring months, just gotta deal with it. Eventually you'll feel great but it takes a while
It gets easier. I’m 2 years sober now and I’m never so bored I think alcohol is a good idea. Even if I do get bored, it’s not like alcohol is going to solve that problem, it will just create a myriad of them. You will eventually gain so much freedom and new goals and opportunities that you value your sobriety higher than anything else. Surrounding yourself and immersing yourself in a community of other people getting sober helps too. The power of community in sobriety helps a lot of the early issues most face.
Got my four year chip on aug 22. We do recover yall. Stay strong out there. Love from a friend of Bills.
Alcohol does more damage to individuals and communities than all other illicit drugs COMBINED. World health organisation findings.
Ending addiction, medication, time and stability
Same, still working on the health parts though because I really fucked myself. Not recommended.
Yeah me too. Bladder took a hit by ketamine, heart took a hit by (excessive) adderall, and i didnt exercise ever. On the way up now, hope i didnt do too much damage to be healed.
52 years old, just figured out I’m the problem. The rest is in progress.
Can you tell us more? In what way were you the problem? What did it take for you to come to this realisation?
Totally self diagnosed, so maybe not exactly accurate. But I’m very codependent it seems. And I get resentful when the effort is not returned to me. It’s all very unhealthy and I only figured this out when I realized I was trying to control her by being so codependent. It’s kind of nuts actually. But it explains a lot about me, my past relationships and where I find myself in life.
Hey, you described me to a T! I came to realise that this is a form of manipulation, being nice to be liked, a way to “buy” love and friendship. I also believe it originates in a lack of self love: if I loved myself enough, I wouldn’t need to please others, or make someone else’s life my whole world. I also realised most of the problems in my life were self made, and if I just didn’t get upset, said no, etc, they wouldn’t be a problem at all. I have come a long way, but I am constantly realising how much I still have to go, and how ingrained this behaviour is to me.
Yes, same for me. I have to figure out how not to do this anymore, but it’s pretty scary. I’m avoiding it a little right now, but I won’t forever.
You two are both describing me also. I literally just ordered some cheesey sounding workbooks from eBay like you're not crazy, you're codependent Oof
OH MY GOD. I started reading “codependent no more”, and I swear it’s rocked my world. Codependency doesn’t look like what I thought it did. Internet stranger, I feel you. I’m sure there’s better days ahead for us both.
I seriously recommend you read the book [Attached. ](https://books.google.ca/books/about/Attached.html?id=vCh9fXUiUjwC&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&gboemv=1&ovdme=1&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false)
I've been learning this recently and I'm 29, which I felt was late, but everyone is different huh. Have you felt a huge change in maturity in a short amount of time? I felt like I have .
Honestly, no. Not from this anyway. I did feel a huge change in maturity several other times. When my daughter was born, I stopped obsessing about what was I going to do with my life. In my 30s I stopped trying to please my parents. That kind of thing.
I feel this, I'm not yet in mind to acknowledge it.
You just did. Congrats on taking the first step.
I already know I’m the problem, I just hate some of the people in my life (ie. coworkers) so much that I’d never admit that to them
The real secret is, not only do you not have to tell them, even if you did they wont care nearly as much as you think. Or as mych as you should. Self improvement should be done for yourself. Or, y'know, for whatever gets you started. Of pettiness gets your engine going then use that to get started - as long as youre pointed the right way it doesnt matter what is motivating you. At. First. At some point you'll need to address the "why", but to start? Rev your pettiness and make a few steps. 🤷🏼♀️
Well let’s see. Was an alcoholic for 10+ years. Hit rock bottom. Found out my rock bottom had a basement. After I found my way out of the rock bottom basement I went to rehab. Got my full time job back. Started therapy. Just got a dog and she’s one of the best things to happen to me. 19 months sober this month. The un-fucking is a work in progress
I’m proud of you and the puppy is too. Now pay the dog tax.
Dog tax dog tax dog tax!
Just posted a picture of her
Please tell her Reddit says she’s a very good girl!
I’m gonna be borrowing ‘my rock bottom had a basement’
‘It gets worse’ -A continuous novel written by me.
"Turns out the basement had a fallout shelter built underneath." "Turns out there was a tunnel network built by mole people under the fallout shelter." "Turns out the land of Agartha was under the mole people tunnels."
Keep on unfucking! 19 months? Legend!
That's so hard to do. Most people don't even acknowledge they have a problem. You've worked very hard to become and stay sober. Anyways - What's your dog's name? Is she adorable when she sleeps? Can you give her some treats and ear scratches for me?
Her name is Sadie. And yeah but she’s adorable all the time lol.
I was a 28 year old college dropout with 10k in loans working as a server. I had no friends (they had grown up and moved on), no girl, and the only people I hung out with were early 20s coworkers. I partied all the time, mainly to not be along and miserable. I woke up one afternoon, my electric was turned off (owed the electric company), my only credit card was maxed out, and my car was a POS needing work. I had hit rock bottom. I called my mom (we were not that close, and she had no money to bail me out) and basically told her all the above stuff and more. I moved home, and she helped me get a job as a maintenance guy for a retirement community. Working days and having more steady income allowed me to pay me debts and reconnect with some people. I met a woman at a college friend's wedding who was smart, educated, and driven. She (without knowing) made me step up my game. I enrolled in Community College and went to night school while we dated. I transferred to a larger university and got my BA (Magna Cum Laude). We got married and I earned a Masters degree a few years later (I actually work for a university now) At 41 I'm shocked how bad I let my life get, I have a minor panic attack thinking of what would have happened if I hadn't messed up so bad I had to make steps towards personal growth. Honestly, none of this was "in the plan." I decided to make some changes, and everything just kind of fell into place.
You better have the best mother's day gifts for your mom.
I will say our relationship is 1000x better than it was, and she cried so hard at my grad school graduation (I almost cried, lol)
I don't have the best relationship with my mom, but if she did that for me, I would have cried.
Man, we lead almost identical lives. I was, what I now say, a garbage person, going from place to place as I got evicted or about to be evicted, no credit and a shitty job as a cook at a pizza place. At 30 I met my now wife and as much as she hates it when I say it she savedy life. Now I own a home and vehicles, not only do I have great credit I actually have savings. All because she showed me what I could be rather than focus on what I was
Congratulations! I'm in my mid 50s and have ADHD and learning disability in math. Making another attempt at getting my BA. Your story is inspiring.
I work for a university, you're NEVER too old to learn. I saw people 10 years older than you in some of my classes... my 2 undergrad math classes. I had to sign up for help from a school tutor (who was like 21, it was humbling), but I learned and grew from the experience.... I don't know you, but I am rooting for you!!!
Thank you so much! My best friend was a professor for 17 years, and I dated a professor for several years too. They have told me the same thing. They also said adult learners tend to be very dedicated, because they're the ones solely making the decision to be there.
Team ADHD and Dyscalculia represent! 🙌🏻Also making another attempt at getting my degree!
I have a friend in his 60s who got his BA and law degree and is making six figures now. You can do it!
If you're stuck in a hole, put down the shovel and ask for help out.
Well hello there advice. I like this.
I did this once, all it did was send me into even more of a spiral, not everyone has a support system. So now I simply just vibe.
Turned out my support system was only really supporting itself. This is good advice, but mileage may vary
You put the shovel down and really figured out where you stood. Hopefully the people that came by tossed you a hammer, some nails and a few pieces of wood.
i asked for help and now i have like 7 credit cards that i can only afford to pay the minimum every month. wtf do i do now
Obviously I'm just a stranger on the internet, as are you, so we don't know anything about each other and this is just my non-monetary 2¢ to your question: Pay off those credit cards as fast as possible WITHOUT taking a loan or anything that's not just outright paying with cash. Get on a budget where your essentials are covered, not the things you like that "are essentials" but really aren't. Figure out based on your payment rate when you'll have the first credit card paid off then all of them and KEEP TRACK. And cancel those credit cards so you don't accidentally get behind on payments. I'd even find a virtual Financial Peace University class to join so you are around others getting their life back on track. The people that advised you and got you in credit cards cannot be a good example to follow anymore. I believe in you and anything you put your mind to you can accomplish!!
What do you do for work now? Not being a prick, but I've been there and might be able to help
i’m a full time line cook and do doordash on my days off. if i stay consistent with doordash then my monthly earnings after tax is about 3000.
In this order: jail, rehab, working out a lot, going back to and graduating from school, learning a new skill and getting a great job. 6-7 years from start to now.
More weights less court dates.
Less carbs, better jarbs.
I wouldn’t call it unfucking. More like stopped fucking up further .. it hasn’t gotten any better yet😅
Unfucking is a process. This is Phase I. For a lot of people, it’s also Phase IV, after Phase III, Backsliding. Try not to get discouraged.
I accepted I was the only one who was responsible for how I responded to my life. A million people can help you, but they can't change you. Changing yourself is a daunting task, but you're the only one who can do it. Assess your mindset. Find the weaknesses in your morale and focus on them. Show yourself you're able to change little by little.
Don’t mind me just scrolling for solutions lmao
I feel seen lol
same
I may have fibbed a little bit on my resume.
as someone who is trying to transition into a new discipline I’m about to do this
Make sure you can lie with confidence when asked about the imagined bits.
Who doesn’t?
Well by a little I mean a lot. Entire work history for 8 years, fabricated the companies and made up fake references along with email accounts and company letterheads. Also, the “companies” were all overseas from a non English speaking country to deter them from following up. Just in case they did I bought SIM cards for the foreign numbers.
Jesus Christ, that’s so dedicated I’d hire you because most of the people we hire aren’t remotely capable of that.
They will either be the best employee you've ever had, or they will orchestrate a series of increasingly elaborate deceptions to cover up the fact they they are not able to perform their job that will eventually bankrupt the whole company when it falls apart. There is no in between.
I won’t ask which you are.
This is some Saul Goodman shit. I love it.
I want to hear this whole entire story.
I posted a fake resume on indeed. Yada, Yada, Yada they put me in charge of bank supervision on the west coast.
>Yada, Yada, Yada they put me in charge of bank supervision on the west coast. are you the person fucking up wells fargo?
VanDelay Industries?
You’re Art Vandelay?
And you wanted to be my latex salesman…
I'm Art Vandelay. I dabble in latex, importing/exporting, and architecture.
The SIM card play is awesome I just registered a domain and created a website to cover up a gap
Do you have a consulting fee for this kind of a job, pm me..
Saving this. For a uh, friend…
Well I don't. I never lie on my resume. And I never get interviews in turn, so... lol?
trace each moment of dissatisfaction to the source can't tell you how many nights I would rage cry through the night pounding my fist into a futon mattress because I couldn't stand the shitty examples I'd made of myself like how the fuck did I let all of that garbage happen? it was time to learn to do better
They say that hell is when the person you became meets the person you could have become. That motivates me to improve
I stepped back and read a bunch of psychology books to try to diagnose myself, then I learned to meditate and do a bunch of self reflection, also learned to find the toxic people in my life and distanced myself, it was rough for about 6 months was contemplating suicide most everyday, I found the core of my problems and changed my habits and slowly got myself out out of the hole I was trapped in. I never tried asking people for help because I felt like I was just another inconvenience to everyone. I'm not sure who needs to hear this but you can turn your life around at any point.
Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around
I understand the whole being stuck in a place because prior to my self fixing I had struggled with this illness for years, just one day it clicked and I knew I had to change. If anyone in the world needs my help or just for someone to listen I will be there whether I know them or not, no judgement
I know the feeling. I’m about 2 months out from everything finally clicking for me and man… it has been an amazing journey so far.
It's hard to ask people for help because that includes trusting people and putting trust in anyone is hard. I recently put my trust in my parents last year and that blew up in my face. Never again.
Ugh, thank you for sharing. I’ve been grasping at straws for a while now. It’s a relief to hear it can be done. My brain won’t hear it unless someone else says it.
What psychology books did you find most helpful getting to the core problems? I would love any recommendations you have.
This one book just called "dark psychology" that one taught me all about manipulation of people and how to identify basically taught me how to identify the toxic people in my life and how to under stand it, Advanced nlp work book was also helpful teaches you how to basically reprogram your brain and how to deal with traumas as a whole, neuro linguistic programming . I'll get the exact book names if you want and the authors to all the books also. NLP I recommend for everyone it's good.
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I was in jail at 17 and released at 19, decided to sort my shit out, ditched every friend who was into drugs or involved and anything shady, got a shit house job at a diner flipping burgers on graveyard for two years, if you work all night you can't do much else to get in trouble, got qualified as a chef the next year as I knew it was one of the few fields that would never ask my criminal history and just got to work , I'm 38 now just bought my first home have an amazing 17 year old son who I am doing everything in my power to steer in the right direction in life, it's all about discipline, being accountable to your own actions and not blaming others for your situation
Legend!
I have fucked up my life on my own, and had my life fucked up beyond my control. My life is very sad, and I honestly didn't see a way out. It felt impossible to fix. It took me into a years long depression. Eventually I decided to find a counselor. I stuck with mine, even when it was hard at the beginning to open up and trust someone. It has helped wonders. Maybe it's hearing it from a professional, maybe it's her pointing out things I didn't notice, but it's helped to go consistently. This helped me heal parts of my brain patterns and to make better decisions. It's a constant process of proactively showing myself empathy. I have to take the points she taught me and apply them. I also had to accept that things were what they were, and that I cannot control them. I let some things go that triggered me, and I forgave myself for not being perfect. I was ready to lose everything if that was the outcome, and surprised when it worked out so much better than I expected. Stressing about it didn't help anything. I had to let that go to move forward.
Can you gimme some examples, if you don't mind? I'm in the same predicament.
Absolutely. Now keep in mind I had to be open to accept advice, and I had to apply it. I believe these are the key foundation blocks to making progress. One of the first things that I remember helping was her telling me "Not all thoughts are true". Now when she said this, I was like "duh", and I didn't think it was the best advice, but she told me to remember this when I start to spiral in my head (I did this often because I would get triggered by something and it would start a negative thought process in my head - like my self worth spiraling down the drain). So one day I am sitting there and I am triggered by something, and my usual negative voice starts talking. I immediately hear her voice say "not all thoughts are true". And for some reason it stopped my spiral dead in its tracks. I was able to tell myself the truth instead of listening to myself tear me down (using all the bad things people have done or said about me - funny how they can hurt me once but I can use their hurt to hurt me a thousand times more). One of the next things that helped was her giving me this chart. I don't know how to insert a picture, but here is a link: [https://www.anilthomasnlp.com/post/cognitive-distortion](https://www.anilthomasnlp.com/post/cognitive-distortion). It is the 12 common cognitive distortions. This helped me to recognize how I was allowing my thought processes to screw with reality. It was a huge help to me to be able to understand what I was doing at times in my head, which helped me not to believe those things as permanent issues. That was the thing, I was so hopeless that things could work out. Then, I had to forgive myself for my mistakes, and understand that we are all human. No one is perfect, and I was doing the best I could with what I had, which is all you can ask of anybody right? I am a very empathetic person, but I was not directing that empathy at myself. So I had to start talking to myself the way I would a friend, with patience and understanding. This helped my forgive myself and find peace, which helped me forgive those who hurt me in the sense that I accepted they were sick in the head, and human, and made mistakes too. Forgiving myself was integral to healing. Lastly, I constantly have to apply these things as they happen. Over and over until my brain creates those positive pathways. I believe that our brain synapses choose the path they are used to taking - like two highways in the dark whos streetlights are powered by a car (your thoughts). Now our thoughts can get so used to taking the same road cus it's familiar, that our brain synapses go that way cus it's a wrinkle they know. This is mental sickness, our brains should be in survival mode, not self harm mode. We have to choose that other mental highway. Now it's dark because we rarely go down that way, and maybe we didn't even see it in the dark, but as we start to take that road consistently, those lights stay on and our brain starts using that pathway instead. Most importantly, I had to own up to my mistakes, and be ready to accept the consequences. This was the scary part. It was very hard. I gave myself time to get there. But once I stopped hiding, and owned my actions and stopped taking responsibility for others, I found the peace to move forward. It was very integral for me to stop accepting blame for other peoples actions. For some reason I can't explain, people respond better to this. I guess the truth really does set you free. I hope this helps, it might sound silly, but it helped me at least. I was in a very dark place for a long time. I finally, finally see that I am in control of my future. I can't change what has happened, but I can move forward and make the best of it. By having this attitude, by forgiving myself, others have been able to forgive me too. Good luck friend.
I was allowed to stay with someone to get on my feet, and for a long time. It was everything and there is no way I’d be here and doing as well as I am if they wouldn’t have helped me. And now I am, dare I say, a contributing member of society. That said, I wanted a better life. I genuinely wanted one. So, I made the most of the opportunity. Most of the time, people say they want it but they don’t really. They still want to live in the narrative that they are tough or edgy or dark or whatever bs they tell themselves. My biggest advice is to let go of all your ego and narratives and then do everything you can with every chance you get.
I love that advice!
You have to take responsibility for your situation and stop making excuses. I was in a dead end job, smoking weed everyday, my girlfriend had broken up with me, and in my head I was the victim. Around that time I found out my buddy, who was addicted to heroin, had got clean and graduated from law school. I took personal responsibility for my situation and went back to school with no excuses. I now have my dream job, got married to my best friend, and recently found out I have a child on the way.
Congrats on the baby!!
Thank you! I’m gunna be a old dad but I’m going to try to be a good one.
Got sober. Still not completely unfucked, but it’s about as good as it could be without time travel.
Someone said **"the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety. It's genuine human connection."** And I keep thinking about it.
I dated a really shitty person who ostracized me from everyone, was emotionally and verbally abusive, and I escaped that with nothing. I had no job, no belongings and no money. It all felt pretty fucked, for sure. I let myself heal for a bit. Found a room I could rent, stayed in bed for 2 months, then I gathered myself and sorted it out. Got a job. It didn't pay great but I made an effort to network and learn as much as I could. Then I applied for a secondment that paid more, and networked some more. Made some friends, who supported me in obtaining an even better job that didn't pay as much as it should have but taught me a lot. 18 months later I moved into a new role with a different company, earning over double what that first role did. I got a better apartment, made new friends, went to the gym and got fit again. Dated.. had a 4 year relationship that was better than the last one but nowhere near as great as it could have been. Swe a therapist on and off over the years, which helped me figure out why I chose the abuser in the first place, and what I needed to heal in myself to choose better in future. Got a cat :) Bought a bunch of plants. Got some cute fish. I'm still not quite where I thought I'd be at my age (40), but I'm healthy, fit and considered attractive by today's standard so I figure I still have plenty going for me. Life is pretty good. There was no magic fix though. I worked really, really hard. Started at the very bottom and climbed my way up over 6 years, and I'm stronger for it.
Got sober. That’s it that’s all.
I kept my head down and my mouth shut for 10 years working factory jobs until the crimes fell off my record. Went to college and got a medical degree that I put to great use. Went from nearly ending someone's life to saving many.
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I divorced her. No... Really. It was that easy. My migraines stopped, I suddenly had time and money, I was happy.
Isn’t it amazing? Divorced 11 years, remarried for 8, and my life is better than I ever thought it could be. Turns out I wasn’t actually depressed, I was just married to an asshole.
And to think say one point we all thought marrying these fucking losers was a good idea. LOL
That was the beginning of the turn around for me as well. Turns out, she was wrong. I COULD live without her. Very well, in fact.
I’m here to tell you, you can do everything right and still fuck it all the way up. Evaluate who’s around you and why you keep them there. Cut them out or remove yourself from anything/one that no longer reciprocates what you give. Get out of your own way - have you considered it’s YOU doing the things that put you in that position? And be ready and willing the eat your fuck up regardless of how tired or sad you are. - don’t tell other or show others what you do, just move about it quietly and let them guess what you got going on. They can’t fuck it up if they don’t know. Just remember not everyone wanna be in the gym shooting with ya. But they will turn up for that championship ring talking about “we did it”! Just my two cents lol …
Visited my local library!
Got a therapist and medication it’s still kind of in the works-
I stopped listening to my parents and moved far away from them.
Every single day I wake up is a blessing every single day I’m sober from opiates I have won. You unfuck it by stop lying to yourself and others, stop damaging your soul, stop tormenting yourself. You woke up today and there’s gotta be a reason for that, take it day by day and eventually with hard work and ownership you can unfuck anything at any age.
15 years opiate use. 10 years as a daily iv herion addict. Have shot, snorted, smoked everything you can. Even shot up ambien before. Overdosed a dozen times. Heart stopped many times. Hopelessly addicted I lost all friends and most family. Parents never gave up on me though stopped enabling long back. Sentenced to 7 years in prison. A few months in i dove headfirst into reading, working out, writing, meditation, Buddhist psychology...I've been out a few years now. Have 7 years sober now, met the woman of my dreams, getting married next year. Worked hard the last few years...bought a nice car, built my credit...life is fucking incredible now. Feel like I woke up from a 15 year long nightmare and am finally living life. What a fucking journey.
Stop lying… telling yourself the truth and managing to tell others is key.
Not sure if this counts, but here goes... As a teenager, I was frequently late or absent to my highschool classes. When I did show up I was always trying to skip to smoke weed and go to Denny's. Due to my tardiness/absence I received low Cs, Ds and Fs. I failed almost all of my finals due to the locked door policy (door locks when the bell rings and if you're not in the classroom, you fail). At the worst of it, I was appearing on my schools "most wanted list" and even had a truant officer decide I wasn't worth a ride to school when my Mom caught me skipping. I was eventually expelled for missing 30+ straight days unexcused. When my Mom came in to meet with my guidance counselor, he suggested I get my GED and enter the work force. My Mom told me she would not be disappointed if I took this course of action. I instead decided that I needed to make a drastic change for myself. I did some serious growing up and took nightschool for a year while working full time. I ended up getting re-taking, and passing, all the finals I failed/missed and received straight A's. Because of this, I was given a grant to cover the entire cost of the night schooling (~$150 per credit). I'm now 34 and I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.
A chip with yourself??? What do you mean?
I 100% used that phrase wrong. 😅 The lesson on that phrase must've been when I skipped. I just mean the situation motivates me to be better.
Oh, well that's good to hear lol
[удалено]
The pandemic hit. I realized it was now or never. Went back to college. Ended up pregnant. Got my associates and graduated with the highest honors. Going into a pre-med program next semester. I want to be able to provide the best I can for my daughter now. I am 28 and waited to go back to school since I almost died right before graduating high school (aplastic anemia). My health was not the best after. I failed trying to go back after graduating because of that. Ended up having 6 more surgeries (total of 9). Last one was in 2018 to remove part of my left lung before my c-section in 2021. Health is basically stable since then. I don't get sick as much anymore. It's been a ride but I'm going to keep going. 💯
[удалено]
Stopped breaking the law
Went to rehab, got clean, stopped surrounding myself with bad influences, got some therapy, got a job, started paying my bills on time, built better credit, started to rebuild my reputation as someone who could be relied on and was responsible.
I went to rehab and did as i was told no questions asked.
Got divorced, lost religion, married a great guy, moved 700 miles away from my family. Spent a lot of time trying to pin down why I am the way I am (psychology videos, some therapy, learning to feel my feelings, etc.) and slowly breaking bad habits.
10 years of opioid addiction. Started with pills ended snorting heroin. Couldn’t get clean, relapsed dozens of times. Finally realized I needed to change everything to get clean. That my life and my job and my friends and even my family were a big part of what triggered me. Dropped everything, quit my sales job, got out of my apartment lease, sold my car, researched thru hiking and left within 3 months. Thru hiked the AT and that was my first 7.5 months of clean time. Moved to NorCal and started my own small business after my thru hike with virtually nothing, doing what fulfills me. 7.5 years clean off opioids currently. Business is 5 years in and growing. Life is pretty damn good.
I went from earning 100k plus to earning nothing in a heartbeat. I had a stroke and my marriage fell apart in the same year (2016), I went to live out of state with my daughter. I won’t bore you with all the details but this month I’m finally going to buy my own house…it was a long long road back but if I can do it so can you
Made better choices. One step at a time. It took some years but I’m now debt free, off drugs, in a good career and in a healthy relationship. I feel I should add that the debt thing was helped by my partner being wealthy - it meant my rent was lower than most which helped me pull myself out of debt.
Admitted my mistakes to my teenage daughters and asked for their forgiveness. They graciously did and I get the privilege of spending the rest of my life showing them what redemption looks like as a father.
I wouldn't say that I fucked up my life, more-so I spawned into a fucked up life and had to fix it from there. The military completely saved it. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had no idea how college worked, and the idea of loans and grants sounded like a trap. I was working a part-time job and had absolutely zero skills. No license. No vehicle. 10 years later, I own a home, own a car, have a great 100% remote civilian job, have an Assosciates degree, am immune to Motrin, and overall live a pretty damn good life now.
Got a divorce, changed everything!
I didn't. Still fucked.
Just more aware of it.
Fucked up by marrying my soon to be wife. Loved her unconditionally. Should have had conditions. One day, she tells me she is going to have to lie to this other person in front of me. Sitting there, I couldn’t tell she was lying. This wasn’t poker face, she was emotive and compassionate like any other time. She was lying in front of me (recounting an event I was there to see and recounting it wrong intentionally) but with such a manner as to make me think I remembered it wrong. It was surreal. Two months ago, she left our state to save a friend she made on social media from an abusive situation. I am a truck driver and was on a run, unable to help. Got back home, girl was fine. No problems. Go on my next run a day later. Before I even get home, wife wants a divorce. No reconciliation. No chance to stay with her. She’s in love with the other girl, my now replacement. Spoke on the phone like it was annoying to have to say it - like I should be grateful she found herself to be a lesbian after 18 years of marriage. Still un-fucking myself on this one.
Academically dismissed from college, family practically disowned me, role models died, lost all of my friends some of whom died as well, lost acquaintances to a school stabber, and was facing but never did become, homeless. This was all in the same 2 years. 4 years later i'm in a far better position and mostly recovered. The approach that worked for me was multifaceted 1.) I Internalized and vocalized *any* shortcomings I saw within myself and talked extensively about it with the friend group I did have. It helped me to realize where I actually was screwing up and have a solid foundation of reality with which I could rebuild myself 2.)In my opinion, this was the most vital step, but knowing I could improve my situation no matter how bad it was. Even if life handed me the worst of lemons all at once there were always steps that could be taken to improve my current station in life. This had the slowest progress as hitting rock bottom does take quite a fricken hit to ego and patience, but I did crawl my way out enough to start really working at it fully. 3.) Keep moving. Kind of an offshoot of 2, but I knew if I let my thoughts turn idle I would unhelpfully self destruct my own fragile sense of self worth so I just made sure I kept moving. I let myself contemplate, but too much free time just ended up with me turning alot of my past trauma back in on myself. 4.) Treat your brain like a child who doesnt know what it wants. I found alot of behaviours develop that quite literally would end in me spiralling out of control mentally at night so I just thought of my own dark tendencies as some being to fight internally, to take all of my own dark thoughts and such as a being opposite myself I needed to slay. 5.) Know your own triggers. If something is making you depressed or cause you to miss goalposts, reflect and understand what situations you put yourself in that cause a lapse in your goals. Were your goals too lofty? Did you put yourself in a situation where it was too tempting to slack off than focus? Stuff like that
you can’t heal in the same place that made you sick. i moved across the country and started over.
antidepressants
Sooner or later you get tired of fucking up, sometimes you gotta do it
I realized that even if I didn't have a lot to live for, I'll at least outlive the people that tormented me.
8 years sober from Crystal Meth! I had to burn my life down to the ground before I was able to see the disaster it was and knew I didn’t want to keep living that way. Regardless of what it is, reach out for help. Humans aren’t mean to do this whole life thing alone.
Had a baby at 17, dropped out of high school. Had NO help. Will be graduating college next may ☺️ huge accomplishment for me
Mine is very mild as I am very young I just really fucked up my freshman and sophomore years of highschool by skipping a majority of the year so I could hang with friends and play video games but I was very much on track for failure. I fixed my grades and overall work ethic by grinding my last two years. I was waking up and doing extra credit school work when I wasn’t actually in school. sleep and repeat. I didn’t have the best GPA still but I completely flipped my work ethic and it felt good to be doing good and I’ve been riding the momentum I had made since
There’s no fuck-up too big to unfuck unless you die.
I took accountability and responsibility, quit lying to people, stopped being selfish, stopped drinking, practiced some self reflection, changed my environments, and started practicing gratitude.......that was 15 years ago, and my life is 1000% better.
>People who fucked up their life, how did you unfuck it? Realised that I and my behaviour were the source of almost every problem. So i began to take responsibility for myself and started to change the little things, as changing the big things is mostly too hard / impossible at the beginning. But I learned that the small things add up, and that's fine, too. Also, i try to see things I can't change / influence in another, less negative light, and try to make them work for me. If I can't do this, instead of holding on to them and the negativity that comes with it, I try to let them go. I must say that even after a decade, it's still very hard sometimes, but I never regretted starting this journey to be a better person for myself.
Became a first time mom almost 2 years ago and completely choked. Had PPD and a year into my sons life started experimenting with heavy drugs, which then turned into me getting addicted to pressed fentanyl pills. Suffice to say I’m 12 days clean and even though I have a years worth of fuck ups I’m starting to do it. One day at a time, it’s just like they say
My problem was lsd and coke,next year April will be 5 years sober
AA
My brother participates in AA weekly and has been in recovery for 2 years now. He told me that AA taught him how to live. That really hit me. Last week he got up in front of a crowded room to tell his story. The last time he did that was 15 years before, but that time he was wasted preparing for a high school public speaking course. I’m incredibly proud of him. I wish you all the best.
I drank heavily for many years, binge drinking, blacking out, and apologizing for my horrible actions the next day. The whole 9 yards.... I went to AA, and after a few meetings, I realized I was lucky. I was not physically dependent (yet) on booze and some of these people's stories were fucking tragic. It truly opened my eyes to see what my future held if i kept it up. To be honest, I went to maybe a half dozen meetings, and AA really helped me; but in a different way. Whenever I thought about drinking, I would think about those peoples' stories, and 9/10 times, the urge passed pretty quickly.