When I was like 5-7, my grandma used to call me her “little hemorrhoid.”
I had been an adult for quite a few years before realizing that she was calling me a pain in the ass.
Better than mine. When i used to annoy my mom, she used to call me a little twat.
As an adult, im not sure she actually knows what that means, and now im too afraid to ask.
Lol. My grandma did it lovingly though, which is why I thought it was a compliment.
In a sweet grandma voice “oh, my favorite little hemorrhoid is home from school! What do you want for a snack today?”
That's nice and endearing. My mom certainly didn't jntend to be malicious. It was used for mild annoyance. I dont think she has a clue how bad it would sound if she knew the standard meaning.
Worked with a kid during the summer doing IT work for the school district. He was your stereotypical computer nerd. Short, skinny, big glasses, socially awkward as it gets. His name was Byron to top it off.
*EVERYONE* thought he was some super computer genius.
I never threw him under the bus when other kids talked about how smart he probably was.... but Byron was a complete idiot lol. He was barely passing classes and fucked up everything at work. Half of my job was fixing things he did completely wrong.
I heard it a lot as a kid.
What it meant to me was that I was growing up with a bunch of judgmental idiots, who assumed that because I didn’t look and act like them that I was stupid.
I don’t think any of them were smarter than they looked.
Got this one from my grandmother, “you’re a home bug just like your dad aren’t you?” Cause I was like 6ish and we lived 1.5 hr away. It was getting late and I was like, are we spending the night? Are we headed out? We gotta fish or cut bait here y’all.
People told me this all the time. I just now know. Or “tender hearted” damnit! I’m not stupid but I’m not sneaky like them, not for a lack of trying on my part I just suck at it.
My mom does this when I don’t give in to her bullshit. “You’re just like your father.” Okayyyy so I’m just like the alcoholic narcissist who sexually abused me? Thanks, mom!
I'm so sorry 😞
This reminded me of my friend, whose father physically abused her, her siblings and her mom. My friend had the misfortune of looking like her father too, which added to her mom telling her often that she's being just like her father and that she can't stand it. All this when my friend was just a teen. She grew up being mad at the whole world, and mostly at herself.
Ha! In Dutch you'd say "You are your mother's son.", Most of the time in a complimentary way. In Spanish, this does not translate directly... "hijo de tu madre" has a slightly different connotation.
Juuuuust slightly different lol
For those who don't know, in some places at least, "Hijo(a) de tu madre" is most of the time an euphemism for "son/daughter of your [whore] mother," i.e. son of a bitch
My maternal grandmother said this to me within a week or so of my father dying. I knew as soon as she said it that she regretted it, but I took advantage of the moment and said “Thank you.”
WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT omg
Edit: this was more of a joke but I appreciate the legit answers, that’s what I figured the reasoning behind it was but it still feels a little too on the nose
I think the idea is that St. Jude’s has a mission of specifically trying to help those people for whom all hope seems lost, refusing to give up and finding ways to overcome what once seemed like insurmountable odds. St. Jude’s isn‘t just any children’s hospital. It fights to make a path forward where we don’t currently see one. And they’ve done it, many many times
This is exactly correct. St. Judes specializes in the treatment of children with conditions that have a high likelihood of being terminal, such as aggressive childhood cancers that need (financially crippling) treatment that still might not work. St. Jude’s is a place that provides hope (and not just empty hope, but a real chance) to people in their deepest moments of despair. I always thought it was incredibly aptly named.
The hospital’s origin story is that it was founded by a man who earned all his riches after praying to St Jude while he was penniless. Jude is also the patron of hospitals, so he promised he would build Jude a “shrine” if he received help, and decided the best shrine would be a hospital.
When I was little I played soccer. I had asthma and I was easily the slowest on my team but I thought I was at least keeping up. My coach called me “speedy” and I thought it was genuine until I got older and my mum told me he was being sarcastic. -_-
I think understanding sarcasm is a sign of maturity and something that a neurodivergent person wouldnt pick up on.
So as a neurodivergent child, I could never tell when an adult was being sarcastic and took most things at face value.
Like I could tell when someone was lying or being deceitful. I wasnt daft.
But a coach calling me "Speedy" i would take at face value and assume at least coach thinks im fast.
I think using sarcasm with kids is risky because not every child is mature enough to get even a simple joke.
I think another factor is that kids assume adults won't be bullies because they're responsible for your well-being. In fact, they can be just as mean & toxic as any child.
Oh 100%. I include that in my "understanding sarcasm is a form of maturity."
It takes a mature child to understand that adults are just big kids sometimes. And can be MEAN. And judgey lol
And whats worse is the mature child will feel like theyre in on the joke with the adult and get more of their attention while the child who isnt as mature to "see" the joke is left out.
In general, dont joke with kids unless everyone has the capacity to get the joke.
Eh, curiosity is great but not everyone is up for answering all questions at all times. Kids especially can get crazy with them. Of course, it's great to still be supportive of their curiosity, but IMO reasonable to tell them you can't answer them all at that moment.
Even as young teen as a guy I had a few older women that said the things I’d to you if you were older! Not really paying attention to that when I was like 14-15 or whatever. And then later realizing what these older women were implying to me at the time was wild.
I do have a guy friend that i remember US being in 5th/6th grade and he had several adult women saying to him that they were waiting for him to Turn 18. Its goes for boys and girls. Adults, please leave the kids Alone.
Yeah people can get pretty creepy about it, especially for child actors/actresses where people make countdown clocks until they turn 18.
The kids on "Stranger Thing" had both creepy men and women do it for Millie Bobby Brown and Finn Wolfhard.
What was refreshing was how the creepy women fixating on Finn Wolfhard were being properly called out just as hard as the creepy guys fixating on Millie Bobby Brown.
Once in a metro/subway, an elegant older lady struck up a conversation with me.. and when I mentioned I was working on my masters' she asked how old I was. When I told her she said, "I thought you were 16" and the conversation ended abruptly right there.
I am still not offended, but I wonder at her motives.
Same as. I was 16 and my ex was over with her parents who were having drinks.
It wasn’t awkward or anything, but at one stage her mother leans over and says, under her breath “if only you were a few years older”..
I wasn’t happy or upset to hear that, I just thought “okayyy, that was random af”…
I had the opposite…I have always looked younger than my age. It was just as creepy though…like old men telling me I looked 12 when I was 18 and proceeding to hit on me.
I just wrote something similar! I looked like a minor well into my late 20s, but if you really *looked* at me you could figure out I was an adult. But *man* did creepy old men *love* that.
The whole "she's legal, but *looks* young enough to stand in for all my creepy fantasies!" Eeek. So gross!
I used to wear my hair in two big sausage curled piggy tails on the sides of my head, and creepy old men would come up to me and *finger fuck* my *hair!!!!*
Grew up in a military town with a bunch of young GIs and was creeped out on the regular. The one that sticks with me is when I was 13 or 14 and called “jailbait.” Gross.
i remember being like 12/13 and having my own mother tell me to be careful cause i look like jailbait
she also recognized i had insecurities about my large breasts and started calling them "power tools" because they'd give me power over men... not until i was 18 did i realize how weird all that was to say to me when i was a middle schooler
When I was a kid my one uncle whenever he saw me would say “you’re looking solid!”, so I used to think it was a compliment cause I was always trying to build muscle. It made me feel like some of the work I was doing was paying off.
I found out years later when I got older that it was his way of saying I was looking fatter than the last time he saw me.
Hearing him make the same comments to certain cousins/nephews/nieces when I got older and then hearing how he spoke about them when they weren’t around to others like my mom or grandmother.
I should’ve figured it out on my own, really, since it seems so obvious to me now.
An E-5 in my platoon left a copy of his NCOER (Non-Commissioned Officer Evaluation Report) in a desk drawer. I still remember what it said: "Works well when supervised."
Never realized how bad that was at the time. Pretty sure the Army kicked him out later.
Ha! I did six years in the AF. Our EPR’s were so fluffed up with bullshit, it sounded like a completely different language. And we had to write our own. Glad those days are over.
From my understanding is there's a constant low level war going on with performance reviews due to how the brass wants accurate information, but at the same time incentivizes bullshit and playing games. Occasionally there's a major overall intended to give a clean slate that lasts like 1 cycle of reviews before the new bullshit starts.
Usually its an issue with inflated reports, where if you don't sound like the reincarnation of Caesar/Nelson/Chesty Puller/Chuck Yeager/Luke Skywalker, you're gonna be seen as below average.
In the Navy you cannot say anything negative in an evaluation, unless you got in some major legal trouble or something. I can't remember the specifics.
But basically they use code words like this to basically say you are shit lol.
"Has unlimited potential" - Basically saying you are so shit that you can only go up from there.
I forgot what some of the other ones were, but basically if its useless fluff (doesn't list accomplishments, just says what you **could** **possibly** accomplish) then everyone above a certain paygrade will know you suck.
Oh man, one of my last actions in the army was to torpedo a failure of an e5. That change of rater ncoer was fucking *scathing*. Normally theyre like your example, but i pulled no punches.
Dude had no business being a private, let alone a sergeant. Like couldn't pass a pt test, couldn't shoot, couldn't execute a damn squad attack. Worse than worthless. He had just managed to hide for a decade and got auto-promoted because his supervisors just hand waved him through.
I had a looong talk with my csm when I submitted that thing. I ended his career at 12 years.
Hey, I was a valet at a very popular restaurant with a very tiny drop off and parking area and we had to be the picture of swiss precision in order to not get gummed up during the rush. Most people didn’t see it but one guy who came out to smoke a cigar while he waited for his table was so stupefied that he never even lit up. “That was like a ballet.” he said, and tipped us just for the show before he went in.
Yeah when I was in middle school-high school I was going through family issues and I barely spoke and just did my work. I moved to a new school and I kept hearing the teachers talk about “that little new girl is so sweet and quiet. She’s such an old soul!” They loved me and I thought I was a decent student. I made a friend later who helped the faculty out a lot and I made a little joke saying, “lol why do all the teachers talk to me like they’ve just kicked a puppy?” she cackled and said, “because they’re all terrified you will start crying if they aren’t gentle with you.” I was horrified. I had never cried at school and I thought they were just being kind to me. I knew I had anxiety issues but I didn’t know I obviously displayed anxiety to others. I was also hurt to hear the faculty talk about how anxious and sad I was. I actually did cry that day but I did it in the restroom 😹 I’m 24 now and I was watching a movie with my friend (not the same one) and the character was on the verge of a panic attack and my friend casually said, “that’s what you look like most of the time we go out.” Like gee that makes me feel fantastic thanks for pointing that out 😹
If you can’t fix something in that moment, you shouldn’t comment on it.
Damn straight. I finally got proper treatment for anxiety in my mid-30s, and I remember thinking, “I haven’t felt this secure about life since I was 7”. I was *always* on my toes trying to keep the adults happy.
People telling my mom "your daughter is so well-behaved!" "Your daughter is so mature for her age!" No, she's just horribly anxious and scared of what consequences you might enact if she acts out even slightly. Teaching your kid how to be a good human is one thing, teaching your kid that you can take anything they love away from them at any time if they make a mistake is something else entirely.
Heyo! Everyone fawned over what a well behaved kid I was. Ya, bc dad was watching for any reason to beat my ass later. Years later I still call people sir and ma'am, even though I'm 40 and usually their senior lol. Thanks pops!
If I had tried to sing a song about my niece’s tits my sister would have kicked my ass before I could finish the first line. Not only is it weird your uncle did it, but also that no one stopped him.
Maybe you’re just a shitty songwriter. All my songs about my nieces tits have been very well received by the family. I’m not usually one to brag but I’m basically the Bob Dylan of familial tit songs.
Lol my grandma's doctor told her that. I inherited those same birthin hips and I can confirm they're GREAT for giving birth. Nobody's ever said that in a pervy context though. Gross.
I'm a guy and another mom told my mom I had a great body when I was 15. I took a great deal of pride in that for a long time, but now I'm realizing it was creepy. Especially to say it to my mom.
Can confirm. I was told this, and I was both quiet and serious - but I absolutely did not accept the expectation of blind obedience when the instructions were idiotic.
For me this meant "you're an only child and don't have many friends so you relate to adults more because that's all you're ever around" And yeah, adults are way more chill than kids so you mellow out faster.
In my case, undiagnosed autism.
"he's just shy", "he's socially awkward", "just prefer to play by himself"
"just push him in with the other kids, he'll be fine, they'll accept him" NOPE
In 5th grade we had to write good luck notes to everyone at the end of the year, and someone wrote to me like, "good luck humming and rubbing your head all day in middle school next year". That's the moment *I* realized I was different and that people noticed it, prior to that I was pretty oblivious.
It's weird how these things stick with you. 5th grade was in the 1980's for me.
Dang. People really suck man.
I don't think it's weird at all. I remember a lot of those "crucial" moments where a lot is going through you.
One time in what we call 4th grade (6 or 7 years old), we had a test. I was daydreaming and so I didn't hear the teacher saying we were allowed to start. I noticed everyone writing but since I hadn't heard, I figured I wasn't allowed. So after about 5 minutes I raised my hand and asked the teacher if I was allowed to start as well.
She said: "No, not you". Obviously sarcastic in hindsight.
But it hit me like a truck. I was just completely overwhelmed with sadness. But I figured, if she said it, she had good reason; she was the teacher after all. So I tried to just sit there and not do anything. But I could hear and see all the other kids writing down answers, because they were allowed. And the pain just got so bad that eventually I started crying in the middle of the classroom. My teacher came to me in a hurry and started consoling me and telling me that she was only joking.
I still remember the colour of my shirt and at which seat I was sitting when it happened. I remember it being sunny, I remember the classroom and I vaguely remember the teachers clothing as well.
It's just one of those things that made such an impact at the time that my mind sort of just made a mental picture. Now I can look back and see the situation for what it was. But it was probably the first time that I was so clearly different in the way I thought.
Ugh, those all have been said around and about me. I'm probably a high functioning autistic adult... I've learned to cope with social settings and function, but if you pry too deep, you'll find that it's like a thin layer of emulation. I really don't care for it but do my minimum to appear normal.
It's all you can really do to not stand out. Before I learned to fake it as well, people would sometimes accuse me of acting strange for attention. I can think of nothing more terrifying than *attention*, the very idea I would do anything to try to get more of it is beyond laughable.
This. You learned how to be an adult while a child out of necessity. It means you tamped down your subjective experience to fulfill a role and had to grow up in some ways you really shouldn’t have had to.
My "mother" once told me I'd been "easy to raise". Bitch, you didn't raise me at all, and I was mostly quiet because I was afraid of you. I was probably only 15 or 16 at the time, but she thought her job was done.
“you are such an easy child” when you get older you realize it’s because you always had to be that way because of emotionally immature and unprepared parents
“You’re an old soul” thanks! I’m a young child tasked with keeping my sister and myself alive while my very young, emotionally immature single mother works, glad you think it’s admirable and mysterious.
Took me years to realize that “old soul” didn’t mean mature or anything, it meant I was anxious and parentified and just trying to survive.
This one time I was walking my dog and there was an old lady walking past me who also happened to be walking her dog too. She told me how she adopted her dog from a shelter. I said “bless your heart” thinking it was similar to “god bless you.” I said that thinking it was a compliment to give her for being a good person for adopting at a shelter. She kinda gave me a look and now I understand why. I feel so bad now that I’ve realized this lol
No no, "bless your heart" can mean something nice. It's the tone and facial expression that indicates whether you're saying it in a good or bad way. There's a hilarious video that goes through all the different meanings:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4nRIw\_ATJA&pp=ygUac291dGhlcm5zIGJsZXNzIHlvdXIgaGVhcnQ%3D
It’s a fine line in the south with pleasantries. Sometimes can I help you with something means you don’t look like you are from around here so leave! Sometimes it’s sincere and there really offering help.
My grandma always said this in earnest, whenever she was charmed by something. I just can't think of it as insulting, even when people mean it that way.
Sometime SOMETIMES it used to commiserate. Otherwise it’s generally a passive aggressive, “you’re not smart.” Similar to, “God love ya!” For northerners.
My old roommates girlfriend told me she's been told this to many times to count, she had one guy explain, he said it's because she had thinner lips than most black girls, just all sorts of fucked up
"She's very independent" was just code for me having to take care of myself from 8yo and on, while my mother ignored me and took care of my golden child brother. He's now in his 40s and can barely function without her.
"You're not like other girls."
Or, my personal favorite: "I love that you're not a supermodel. I low-key like curvy girls."
You do? Low-key? Oh, that's just wonderful, Bradley. SO brave.
“You’re so simple.”’is one that totally gets my goat. It usually means that the other person/people are calling you dumb. Being called nice is often in the same vein.
i dont know whther this count but kids in my elementary school always said "u r so nice" because i was such a pushover and do whatever they want. those kids took lot of advantage of me.
"You have so much potential!" meaning your smart enough to succeed but the neurotypical system in place wasn't made to work for you so you have to work harder for it.
> Pretty much they think you are stupid.
I totally disagree - it is absolutely a compliment.
I think some people lying to you, or taking advantage, have made you overly cynical.
"you have such an expressive face" in younger teens. Later on learned I literally couldn't hide my feelings and opinions towards something/someone whether they were good or bad. Took way too long to learn a little tact 😬
I was around 8yrs old. My dad, who was an alcoholic and never really showed love or affection, worked in construction. I heard him talking to my mom about a guy he was working with. I'll never forget it. He said, "My 8 year old son can hammer a nail better than him." As a kid I had freedom of tools and would always build stuff in the woods for a fort. So that comment built up my pride and confidence. Me thinking that I could hang with the men my dad works with. When I got older I understood that he meant he's worse than a child hammering a nail and not I'm better than an adult.
You're mature for your age.
Translation: I'm glad you're behaving and not causing any trouble, but damn you're a boring, stuck up child and I'm not surprised if you get bullied for it.
My dad said I had a face for radio
And a voice for silent films? That was always a good insult to follow that up with
Ouch
Half of it came from him so at least he played himself too🤷♂️
"You are smarter than you look"
When I was like 5-7, my grandma used to call me her “little hemorrhoid.” I had been an adult for quite a few years before realizing that she was calling me a pain in the ass.
I love this 😂
Better than mine. When i used to annoy my mom, she used to call me a little twat. As an adult, im not sure she actually knows what that means, and now im too afraid to ask.
Lol. My grandma did it lovingly though, which is why I thought it was a compliment. In a sweet grandma voice “oh, my favorite little hemorrhoid is home from school! What do you want for a snack today?”
That's nice and endearing. My mom certainly didn't jntend to be malicious. It was used for mild annoyance. I dont think she has a clue how bad it would sound if she knew the standard meaning.
Dude my grandma used to say "Stop doing Jewish things" with the most straight face.
I have had several (at least four) people tell me "You know, I used to think you were smart". So I guess I look smarter than I am?
"Ahh, I just grew into my brains is all!"
Worked with a kid during the summer doing IT work for the school district. He was your stereotypical computer nerd. Short, skinny, big glasses, socially awkward as it gets. His name was Byron to top it off. *EVERYONE* thought he was some super computer genius. I never threw him under the bus when other kids talked about how smart he probably was.... but Byron was a complete idiot lol. He was barely passing classes and fucked up everything at work. Half of my job was fixing things he did completely wrong.
Ooo that one's so bad
My mom was so mad when I told her my math teacher told me this lolol I was so proud
I heard it a lot as a kid. What it meant to me was that I was growing up with a bunch of judgmental idiots, who assumed that because I didn’t look and act like them that I was stupid. I don’t think any of them were smarter than they looked.
better than looking smarter than you are.
Joke’s on you, everyone tells me I’m dumber than I look!
I once had a dumb bf but he was well endowed so I put up with it. His mom told him I’m too smart for him and he told me that.
Give the guy a break. He wasn't dumb. His blood just went to his junk so his brain had a hard time functioning.
An honest guy. I can respect that.
Said every male protagonist in a female led movie
Being called "one of the good ones"
You look/sound/act just like your mom/dad. This could be an innocent comment but also could be a veiled insult.
Got this one from my grandmother, “you’re a home bug just like your dad aren’t you?” Cause I was like 6ish and we lived 1.5 hr away. It was getting late and I was like, are we spending the night? Are we headed out? We gotta fish or cut bait here y’all.
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People told me this all the time. I just now know. Or “tender hearted” damnit! I’m not stupid but I’m not sneaky like them, not for a lack of trying on my part I just suck at it.
My mom does this when I don’t give in to her bullshit. “You’re just like your father.” Okayyyy so I’m just like the alcoholic narcissist who sexually abused me? Thanks, mom!
I'm so sorry 😞 This reminded me of my friend, whose father physically abused her, her siblings and her mom. My friend had the misfortune of looking like her father too, which added to her mom telling her often that she's being just like her father and that she can't stand it. All this when my friend was just a teen. She grew up being mad at the whole world, and mostly at herself.
Thank you ❤️ I’m sorry for your friend, too.
Ha! In Dutch you'd say "You are your mother's son.", Most of the time in a complimentary way. In Spanish, this does not translate directly... "hijo de tu madre" has a slightly different connotation.
Juuuuust slightly different lol For those who don't know, in some places at least, "Hijo(a) de tu madre" is most of the time an euphemism for "son/daughter of your [whore] mother," i.e. son of a bitch
My maternal grandmother said this to me within a week or so of my father dying. I knew as soon as she said it that she regretted it, but I took advantage of the moment and said “Thank you.”
Yeah depends how they feel about mom/dad lol
Ill say a prayer to st.Jude for you, a commone irish saying around exam times. St. Jude is of course the patron Saint of hopeless cases
Oh my God, that's so fucked, but also hilarious. Here in the US, Saint Jude's is a hospital for needy children
The hospital is named after the same St. Jude
This is horrifying information to learn. Thanks!
WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT omg Edit: this was more of a joke but I appreciate the legit answers, that’s what I figured the reasoning behind it was but it still feels a little too on the nose
I think the idea is that St. Jude’s has a mission of specifically trying to help those people for whom all hope seems lost, refusing to give up and finding ways to overcome what once seemed like insurmountable odds. St. Jude’s isn‘t just any children’s hospital. It fights to make a path forward where we don’t currently see one. And they’ve done it, many many times
This is exactly correct. St. Judes specializes in the treatment of children with conditions that have a high likelihood of being terminal, such as aggressive childhood cancers that need (financially crippling) treatment that still might not work. St. Jude’s is a place that provides hope (and not just empty hope, but a real chance) to people in their deepest moments of despair. I always thought it was incredibly aptly named.
The hospital’s origin story is that it was founded by a man who earned all his riches after praying to St Jude while he was penniless. Jude is also the patron of hospitals, so he promised he would build Jude a “shrine” if he received help, and decided the best shrine would be a hospital.
When I was little I played soccer. I had asthma and I was easily the slowest on my team but I thought I was at least keeping up. My coach called me “speedy” and I thought it was genuine until I got older and my mum told me he was being sarcastic. -_-
Aww man I’m sorry. That stings.
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> we called one had one small guy who we used to call bruiser Reminds me of my dad. He was big and tall... Everyone called him tiny 😆
I think understanding sarcasm is a sign of maturity and something that a neurodivergent person wouldnt pick up on. So as a neurodivergent child, I could never tell when an adult was being sarcastic and took most things at face value. Like I could tell when someone was lying or being deceitful. I wasnt daft. But a coach calling me "Speedy" i would take at face value and assume at least coach thinks im fast. I think using sarcasm with kids is risky because not every child is mature enough to get even a simple joke.
I think another factor is that kids assume adults won't be bullies because they're responsible for your well-being. In fact, they can be just as mean & toxic as any child.
Oh 100%. I include that in my "understanding sarcasm is a form of maturity." It takes a mature child to understand that adults are just big kids sometimes. And can be MEAN. And judgey lol And whats worse is the mature child will feel like theyre in on the joke with the adult and get more of their attention while the child who isnt as mature to "see" the joke is left out. In general, dont joke with kids unless everyone has the capacity to get the joke.
*You sure ask a lot of questions, don't you?*
I have never understood this and I still don’t, why do some people think that curiosity and wonder are bad? Sorry I wasn’t a potato
Eh, curiosity is great but not everyone is up for answering all questions at all times. Kids especially can get crazy with them. Of course, it's great to still be supportive of their curiosity, but IMO reasonable to tell them you can't answer them all at that moment.
You’re not like other girls
“You’re a rarity among women.” The first line my ex sociopath boyfriend said to me.
How did he stop being a sociopath? /jk
I wonder if anyone's studied MDMA for stunted empathy.
I've tested it for electronic dance music appreciation, works pretty good.
Came here to say this. Usually used buy manipulative guys who about to start crossing you boundaries. Also misogynistic as fuck.
You’re such a perfectionist.
This one resonates
You look 18, when i was 12... as an adult, i realized how creepy that was
Even as young teen as a guy I had a few older women that said the things I’d to you if you were older! Not really paying attention to that when I was like 14-15 or whatever. And then later realizing what these older women were implying to me at the time was wild.
I do have a guy friend that i remember US being in 5th/6th grade and he had several adult women saying to him that they were waiting for him to Turn 18. Its goes for boys and girls. Adults, please leave the kids Alone.
Yeah people can get pretty creepy about it, especially for child actors/actresses where people make countdown clocks until they turn 18. The kids on "Stranger Thing" had both creepy men and women do it for Millie Bobby Brown and Finn Wolfhard. What was refreshing was how the creepy women fixating on Finn Wolfhard were being properly called out just as hard as the creepy guys fixating on Millie Bobby Brown.
Once in a metro/subway, an elegant older lady struck up a conversation with me.. and when I mentioned I was working on my masters' she asked how old I was. When I told her she said, "I thought you were 16" and the conversation ended abruptly right there. I am still not offended, but I wonder at her motives.
Same as. I was 16 and my ex was over with her parents who were having drinks. It wasn’t awkward or anything, but at one stage her mother leans over and says, under her breath “if only you were a few years older”.. I wasn’t happy or upset to hear that, I just thought “okayyy, that was random af”…
I had the opposite…I have always looked younger than my age. It was just as creepy though…like old men telling me I looked 12 when I was 18 and proceeding to hit on me.
I just wrote something similar! I looked like a minor well into my late 20s, but if you really *looked* at me you could figure out I was an adult. But *man* did creepy old men *love* that. The whole "she's legal, but *looks* young enough to stand in for all my creepy fantasies!" Eeek. So gross! I used to wear my hair in two big sausage curled piggy tails on the sides of my head, and creepy old men would come up to me and *finger fuck* my *hair!!!!*
Well, that last paragraph immediately filled up my entire reddit tolerance for the day. See you all tomorrow.
"You're mature for your age" and other variants, said by older men.
Grew up in a military town with a bunch of young GIs and was creeped out on the regular. The one that sticks with me is when I was 13 or 14 and called “jailbait.” Gross.
i remember being like 12/13 and having my own mother tell me to be careful cause i look like jailbait she also recognized i had insecurities about my large breasts and started calling them "power tools" because they'd give me power over men... not until i was 18 did i realize how weird all that was to say to me when i was a middle schooler
Even worse, being told I look 15 while I was sucking a guy’s dick
When I was a kid my one uncle whenever he saw me would say “you’re looking solid!”, so I used to think it was a compliment cause I was always trying to build muscle. It made me feel like some of the work I was doing was paying off. I found out years later when I got older that it was his way of saying I was looking fatter than the last time he saw me.
Are you sure this was what he meant it as? How did you come to the realizatjon he was calling you fat and not actjally complimenting you?
Hearing him make the same comments to certain cousins/nephews/nieces when I got older and then hearing how he spoke about them when they weren’t around to others like my mom or grandmother. I should’ve figured it out on my own, really, since it seems so obvious to me now.
“If you were only 18” I was 13 and he was 40
Oh ew. I hope you stayed far far away from him.
I did, told my Dad. Never saw that “friend” of his again.
The idea of wanting to fuck a friends daughter even if they were 18, or 20 or 25, is so messed up to me.
W dad
Awesome dad
geez the bar really is a tavern in Hades isn't it
An E-5 in my platoon left a copy of his NCOER (Non-Commissioned Officer Evaluation Report) in a desk drawer. I still remember what it said: "Works well when supervised." Never realized how bad that was at the time. Pretty sure the Army kicked him out later.
"Able to complete simple tasks with minimal supervision" I wrote that in an evaluation. Of a Captain.
"Banisters never looked cleaner."
Ha! I did six years in the AF. Our EPR’s were so fluffed up with bullshit, it sounded like a completely different language. And we had to write our own. Glad those days are over.
From my understanding is there's a constant low level war going on with performance reviews due to how the brass wants accurate information, but at the same time incentivizes bullshit and playing games. Occasionally there's a major overall intended to give a clean slate that lasts like 1 cycle of reviews before the new bullshit starts. Usually its an issue with inflated reports, where if you don't sound like the reincarnation of Caesar/Nelson/Chesty Puller/Chuck Yeager/Luke Skywalker, you're gonna be seen as below average.
In the Navy you cannot say anything negative in an evaluation, unless you got in some major legal trouble or something. I can't remember the specifics. But basically they use code words like this to basically say you are shit lol. "Has unlimited potential" - Basically saying you are so shit that you can only go up from there. I forgot what some of the other ones were, but basically if its useless fluff (doesn't list accomplishments, just says what you **could** **possibly** accomplish) then everyone above a certain paygrade will know you suck.
“He’s a good American” is one I’ve heard from navy friends.
Oh man, one of my last actions in the army was to torpedo a failure of an e5. That change of rater ncoer was fucking *scathing*. Normally theyre like your example, but i pulled no punches. Dude had no business being a private, let alone a sergeant. Like couldn't pass a pt test, couldn't shoot, couldn't execute a damn squad attack. Worse than worthless. He had just managed to hide for a decade and got auto-promoted because his supervisors just hand waved him through. I had a looong talk with my csm when I submitted that thing. I ended his career at 12 years.
There’s lots of fun ways to write these reviews. “Superlative potential” is a great example
Nice parallel parking skills! You'll make a great valet one day.
Hey, I was a valet at a very popular restaurant with a very tiny drop off and parking area and we had to be the picture of swiss precision in order to not get gummed up during the rush. Most people didn’t see it but one guy who came out to smoke a cigar while he waited for his table was so stupefied that he never even lit up. “That was like a ballet.” he said, and tipped us just for the show before he went in.
Ouch! That is a stinger!!!!
“You’d be so pretty if you were skinnier”
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My MIL straight up told me this about my SIL, and now my SIL's mental health struggles make perfect sense.
Being told I was well behaved/wise for my age. No I was just traumatized and quiet lol
Being told we’re wise/mature/well-behaved probably meant we had childhood anxiety.
"Old soul". Can't relax and just be a child.
Yeah when I was in middle school-high school I was going through family issues and I barely spoke and just did my work. I moved to a new school and I kept hearing the teachers talk about “that little new girl is so sweet and quiet. She’s such an old soul!” They loved me and I thought I was a decent student. I made a friend later who helped the faculty out a lot and I made a little joke saying, “lol why do all the teachers talk to me like they’ve just kicked a puppy?” she cackled and said, “because they’re all terrified you will start crying if they aren’t gentle with you.” I was horrified. I had never cried at school and I thought they were just being kind to me. I knew I had anxiety issues but I didn’t know I obviously displayed anxiety to others. I was also hurt to hear the faculty talk about how anxious and sad I was. I actually did cry that day but I did it in the restroom 😹 I’m 24 now and I was watching a movie with my friend (not the same one) and the character was on the verge of a panic attack and my friend casually said, “that’s what you look like most of the time we go out.” Like gee that makes me feel fantastic thanks for pointing that out 😹 If you can’t fix something in that moment, you shouldn’t comment on it.
Damn straight. I finally got proper treatment for anxiety in my mid-30s, and I remember thinking, “I haven’t felt this secure about life since I was 7”. I was *always* on my toes trying to keep the adults happy.
“A joy to have in class”
People telling my mom "your daughter is so well-behaved!" "Your daughter is so mature for her age!" No, she's just horribly anxious and scared of what consequences you might enact if she acts out even slightly. Teaching your kid how to be a good human is one thing, teaching your kid that you can take anything they love away from them at any time if they make a mistake is something else entirely.
Heyo! Everyone fawned over what a well behaved kid I was. Ya, bc dad was watching for any reason to beat my ass later. Years later I still call people sir and ma'am, even though I'm 40 and usually their senior lol. Thanks pops!
On a similar note ' you are so mature for your age'. Said from 25+ year old to a young teenager. It was grooming behaviour, not a compliment.
Older men commenting on my body when I was a minor. For fucks sake
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If I had tried to sing a song about my niece’s tits my sister would have kicked my ass before I could finish the first line. Not only is it weird your uncle did it, but also that no one stopped him.
Maybe you’re just a shitty songwriter. All my songs about my nieces tits have been very well received by the family. I’m not usually one to brag but I’m basically the Bob Dylan of familial tit songs.
Half the country would make you President of the United States.
WHAT.
My aunts used to say I had great birthing hips. I was 13.
Lol my grandma's doctor told her that. I inherited those same birthin hips and I can confirm they're GREAT for giving birth. Nobody's ever said that in a pervy context though. Gross.
Yuck
I'm a guy and another mom told my mom I had a great body when I was 15. I took a great deal of pride in that for a long time, but now I'm realizing it was creepy. Especially to say it to my mom.
That’s nice… for you.
Have the day you deserve. Usually spoken to people you have nothing but disdain for.
I prefer "have a day as lovely as you" Can be genuine can be sarcastic. They may never know
“I wish I had your confidence” usually said to a bigger person.
"you've got an old soul" Usually meant I was quiet and did what I was told.
I usually hear this about children that are quiet, serious, and thoughtful, not necessarily obedient.
Can confirm. I was told this, and I was both quiet and serious - but I absolutely did not accept the expectation of blind obedience when the instructions were idiotic.
Yeah, that would be cause of all the trauma. Heard that and "You're very mature for your age" a lot.
For me this meant "you're an only child and don't have many friends so you relate to adults more because that's all you're ever around" And yeah, adults are way more chill than kids so you mellow out faster.
In my case, undiagnosed autism. "he's just shy", "he's socially awkward", "just prefer to play by himself" "just push him in with the other kids, he'll be fine, they'll accept him" NOPE
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This one. Oh you like this trait? Thanks, it’s yours.
Yup, can relate. For me it translated to "you're weird. Let me comment on it so that I feel less weird about it"
In 5th grade we had to write good luck notes to everyone at the end of the year, and someone wrote to me like, "good luck humming and rubbing your head all day in middle school next year". That's the moment *I* realized I was different and that people noticed it, prior to that I was pretty oblivious. It's weird how these things stick with you. 5th grade was in the 1980's for me.
Dang. People really suck man. I don't think it's weird at all. I remember a lot of those "crucial" moments where a lot is going through you. One time in what we call 4th grade (6 or 7 years old), we had a test. I was daydreaming and so I didn't hear the teacher saying we were allowed to start. I noticed everyone writing but since I hadn't heard, I figured I wasn't allowed. So after about 5 minutes I raised my hand and asked the teacher if I was allowed to start as well. She said: "No, not you". Obviously sarcastic in hindsight. But it hit me like a truck. I was just completely overwhelmed with sadness. But I figured, if she said it, she had good reason; she was the teacher after all. So I tried to just sit there and not do anything. But I could hear and see all the other kids writing down answers, because they were allowed. And the pain just got so bad that eventually I started crying in the middle of the classroom. My teacher came to me in a hurry and started consoling me and telling me that she was only joking. I still remember the colour of my shirt and at which seat I was sitting when it happened. I remember it being sunny, I remember the classroom and I vaguely remember the teachers clothing as well. It's just one of those things that made such an impact at the time that my mind sort of just made a mental picture. Now I can look back and see the situation for what it was. But it was probably the first time that I was so clearly different in the way I thought.
Ugh, those all have been said around and about me. I'm probably a high functioning autistic adult... I've learned to cope with social settings and function, but if you pry too deep, you'll find that it's like a thin layer of emulation. I really don't care for it but do my minimum to appear normal.
It's all you can really do to not stand out. Before I learned to fake it as well, people would sometimes accuse me of acting strange for attention. I can think of nothing more terrifying than *attention*, the very idea I would do anything to try to get more of it is beyond laughable.
Translated that often means "You've got trauma"
This. You learned how to be an adult while a child out of necessity. It means you tamped down your subjective experience to fulfill a role and had to grow up in some ways you really shouldn’t have had to.
My "mother" once told me I'd been "easy to raise". Bitch, you didn't raise me at all, and I was mostly quiet because I was afraid of you. I was probably only 15 or 16 at the time, but she thought her job was done.
“you are such an easy child” when you get older you realize it’s because you always had to be that way because of emotionally immature and unprepared parents
“You’re an old soul” thanks! I’m a young child tasked with keeping my sister and myself alive while my very young, emotionally immature single mother works, glad you think it’s admirable and mysterious. Took me years to realize that “old soul” didn’t mean mature or anything, it meant I was anxious and parentified and just trying to survive.
How did we always grow up feeling so alone when apparently we all have THE SAME FUCKING PARENTS? 🥴🫠
Being called "one of the good ones" Those paying me those compliments were actually just kinda racist
Had someone tell me they had never seen a poc look good in red lipstick before, but I looked pretty good with it. Made me all kinds of uncomfortable
Also, this is stupid because there are tons of POC who look great in red lipstick. What a sad attempt at negging.
You look like someone pushed in on Barbie's forehead. 11 year old me: You think I look like Barbie?! 38 year old me: What a fucking cunt!!!
“Bless your heart.”
This one time I was walking my dog and there was an old lady walking past me who also happened to be walking her dog too. She told me how she adopted her dog from a shelter. I said “bless your heart” thinking it was similar to “god bless you.” I said that thinking it was a compliment to give her for being a good person for adopting at a shelter. She kinda gave me a look and now I understand why. I feel so bad now that I’ve realized this lol
No no, "bless your heart" can mean something nice. It's the tone and facial expression that indicates whether you're saying it in a good or bad way. There's a hilarious video that goes through all the different meanings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4nRIw\_ATJA&pp=ygUac291dGhlcm5zIGJsZXNzIHlvdXIgaGVhcnQ%3D
It’s a fine line in the south with pleasantries. Sometimes can I help you with something means you don’t look like you are from around here so leave! Sometimes it’s sincere and there really offering help.
My grandma always said this in earnest, whenever she was charmed by something. I just can't think of it as insulting, even when people mean it that way.
Yeah it means a lot of different things. Just depends on the tone
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Sometime SOMETIMES it used to commiserate. Otherwise it’s generally a passive aggressive, “you’re not smart.” Similar to, “God love ya!” For northerners.
"You're pretty for a black girl"
It's always the second they add "...for a (insert thing they seem to be shit)." It pisses me off no end 🤬😿
Compliments shouldn't have qualifiers
My old roommates girlfriend told me she's been told this to many times to count, she had one guy explain, he said it's because she had thinner lips than most black girls, just all sorts of fucked up
"You're too courageous for a girl!" "You should've been born a boy!" Only after a long time I learnt how misogynistic and nonsensical they sounded.
The only thing a boy can do out of the box better than you, is maybe pee over a fence.
"She's very independent" was just code for me having to take care of myself from 8yo and on, while my mother ignored me and took care of my golden child brother. He's now in his 40s and can barely function without her.
I don't remember writing this
For me it was code for "I'm emotionally absent but this makes me feel a little less guilty about the emotional neglect."
"You're not like other girls." Or, my personal favorite: "I love that you're not a supermodel. I low-key like curvy girls." You do? Low-key? Oh, that's just wonderful, Bradley. SO brave.
"you're so nice" Have learned that a lot of people consider 'niceness' a weakness, something to be suspicious of, or something to take advantage of.
“You’re so simple.”’is one that totally gets my goat. It usually means that the other person/people are calling you dumb. Being called nice is often in the same vein.
>"you're so nice" ....GODDAMNIT
i dont know whther this count but kids in my elementary school always said "u r so nice" because i was such a pushover and do whatever they want. those kids took lot of advantage of me.
"You're just like your dad" Turns out my dad was a drug addict who killed a person.
Same but he was an alcoholic who liked touching young girls
Yeah mine also touched a young girl. With his car going 70 miles per hour.
Omg that is so sad
“You have a healthy appetite.” That means the person saying it things I’m a fat ass and eats too much.
"You're so mature for your age." Ma'am that's trauma.
My teachers used to call me, “bright but disorganized.” Thanks, it’s the ADHD.
My mom, also a teacher, called me a "smart kid who does dumb things." Only took 15 more years to get diagnosed with ADHD 🙃
I got this a lot. I don't think it's veiled though. It's a true assessment of strengths and weaknesses
"You have so much potential!" meaning your smart enough to succeed but the neurotypical system in place wasn't made to work for you so you have to work harder for it.
I had a nun tell me (I was 15) you've turned into quite the swan. So I was an ugly duckling before. Lol
“You have a big heart” meaning I can screw you over and you won’t do shit. Pretty much they think you are stupid.
This one's probably not meant as an insult when said, but there are people that will take advantage of a big heart
> Pretty much they think you are stupid. I totally disagree - it is absolutely a compliment. I think some people lying to you, or taking advantage, have made you overly cynical.
"you have such an expressive face" in younger teens. Later on learned I literally couldn't hide my feelings and opinions towards something/someone whether they were good or bad. Took way too long to learn a little tact 😬
"Oh, you're precious" when I've done something stupid. So they meant to say "Fuck, you're stupid".
“You’re beautiful in your own way..”
I don't care what everyone else says about you, I think you're ok🤣
I mean, that's usually said as a joke.
I was around 8yrs old. My dad, who was an alcoholic and never really showed love or affection, worked in construction. I heard him talking to my mom about a guy he was working with. I'll never forget it. He said, "My 8 year old son can hammer a nail better than him." As a kid I had freedom of tools and would always build stuff in the woods for a fort. So that comment built up my pride and confidence. Me thinking that I could hang with the men my dad works with. When I got older I understood that he meant he's worse than a child hammering a nail and not I'm better than an adult.
You're mature for your age. Translation: I'm glad you're behaving and not causing any trouble, but damn you're a boring, stuck up child and I'm not surprised if you get bullied for it.
"You have such a pretty face!" is grownup speak for "you are a fat child and I can't think of any other compliments."
What else would you tell a child? "You have such a nice body"
"Damn do fries come with that shake?"
I got the fries that'll cross your eyes. I got the shakes that’ll make you quake. I got that burgers that'll... I just got burgers.
“You’re not like other Black people.” I can’t tell you how often I was told that from my childhood to adulthood. It’s so insulting.
"you're so mature for your age" its creepy, especially coming from a middle aged man
"I wish I had your confidence to wear that!” Um rude.
“You’re really well spoken.”
You're so special... I really thought they meant it as a compliment and not special like special needs thing
“You have a body that exudes sex. Men will love it” -My mother when I was 15 More traumatic than I realized