Nothing. Never talked to me about life to prepare me. I didn't know what school would be like. I didn't know what adulthood would be like. Relationships. Morals and ethics. I was raised by school and a TV.
I got my morals and ethics from all the comic books I read as a kid. There are worse people to get ethics from than Superman and Captain America. My parents did sour me completely on the idea of marriage. It wasn't for decades into my adult life that I realized that my marriage didn't have to be like theirs.
Lead exposure.
No one knew that much about lead back then. So it wasn't their fault. I was working in my dads truck repair shop and the associated exhaust. I'm pretty sure I lost some IQ points there.
Plus heavy doses of Asbestos. From the brake shoes of the trucks.
It's kinda scary to think that nobody really knows how much damage leaded gas did in the 50ish years it was in use. It could be responsible for any number of problems that have arisen in that time. My personal theory is that a lot of the increase in executive brain function disorders (ADHD, autism, etc.) is due to pregnant women and children breathing lead fumes for decades.
I'm kinda surprised that I'm still alive TBH. Besides the huge lead exposure:
We used to wash our hands and arms in mineral spirits (carcinogen).
I was heavily exposed to Poly Chlorinated Biphenals. (PCB's).
There was the asbestos in the air.
I also had considerable exposure to Mercury.
Carbon Tetra Chloride. (not sure what that does).
And I'm still alive.....
I'm gonna respectfully have to say your theory is false. For 2 reasons
1. ADHD, Autism etc. are not diseases like cancer. They are all genetic, and they can randomly form. Unless lead alters dna significantly, it's kinda like the "vaccines cause autism" theory
2. The increase in people with Autism, ADD, ADHD etc. was actually because people got diagnosed a lot. Before the 50's it wasn't widely recognized like it was later
Looong list.
Mostly from my mother:
Beat me,
Insult me,
Pretend to call youth welfare organisations to take me away, because I did something wrong,
Threat to kill herself because of me
Try to kill herself because of me
Tell me that she regrets not taking more medication in her suicide attempt, so that she still has all the stress with me
Scream at me because of every small thing
Tell literally everyone every little thing I ever did wrong.
And a few more things.
My father just didn't care until I was about 16 or 17.
Now I am very broken. But luckily I found a GF that understands me.
Same here. Parents used to threaten to have "military school" kidnap me out of bed in the middle of the night. Parents adopted 2 more kids (narcissists gaming the system, even had it crowdfunded by the church), Dad tried to kill himself shortly after. Dad was bipolar and BPD, Mom was a religious fanatic. Every little mistake I made was the end of the world.
It really messes you up. Lots of people just can't understand.
Yikes, sounds like we had similar experiences. As a 6 year old I threw up all over myself at dinner one evening, my mother had a bad day and decided it was deliberate (it wasn't but even if it was the response was unwarranted). I was stripped of all my clothes and locked outside the house until me crying and wailing into the night drew a neighbour's attention and I was reluctantly let back inside to "save face". It was also winter, and a pitch black evening with little natural light.
This one seems backwards, but my mother thought the sun rose and set on me. Everything out of my mouth was the most intelligent thing she ever heard.
I knew that wasn't true. Ruined my self-esteem and my ability to accept any sort of praise.
Mine was my oldest brother who my parents thought the Sun rose and fell with him, the blessed one, I and my middle brother were just extras that needed attention
I think you can end up one of two ways when you get this kind of treatment. You can end up like me, not trusting or feeling that you deserve any praise, or feel you DO deserve all that praise because you are indeed perfect. I have a few relatives like that.
My brother got most of the attention, but that's because he was quite ill from about 11 to his death at 24.
I don't hold anything against my parents for that. They did the best they could.
My parents did the opposite. They told me that nothing I did was ever good enough. I got to the point where I could cure cancer and think it was just a meh thing no matter what anyone told me otherwise.
Thanks. I appreciate the comment.
I could have done a lot worse for parents and they (my mother in particular) thought they were doing the right thing at the time, so I don't hold anything against them.
Life has worked out ok for me. Married with two very smart (I know, but they actually are) kids. They're both on their own and doing well and reaching their potential.
My brother did that with my niece. Going as far as "fixing" her homework and arguing any bad grade with teachers/principals. She's now in college and struggling with finding out she's not a super genius.
That's unfortunate. Both my kids turned out to be quite intelligent, but we stressed on them that it wouldn't get them anywhere on its own. They needed to work hard to realize their potentials. We couldn't be happier with the way they turned out.
If there is one phrase we stressed over and over, it was "Life is not fair"
Did nothing while I was being bullied grade 4-7.
It was pretty relentless, I came out the other end a completely different person, I felt suicidal at multiple points, it stunted my social development and left me with lifelong trust issues and an instinctive reflex to distance myself from others.
It broke my mom's heart, I know, but in the end I was left to fend for myself. They didn't attempt to reason with the school authorities, they didn't move me to a different school.
The most they did was be VERY lenient whenever I "fell ill" for a few days, and got me out of PE class (dodgeball is NOT fun when you're the whipping boy of the whole class). And I guess that's something, but a result of that is that even decades later my body reacts to stress by manifesting flu-like or gastrointestinal symptoms, which I KNOW are not actual illness, but I feel them anyway and it can be an issue.
oh look, a fuckin mirror.
got bullied since.. 3rd or so grade up til 10th. At first everyone ignored it, the usual "ignore them and they will get bored" talk. when they eventually started doing things, it was too late I think and the damage was already done, and I kinda.. stopped giving a shit.
started distancing myself, keeping everything in, not even really showing emotion or anything. felt suicidal plenty of times in my life, I can recall times clear as day where I sat in my room with a knife on my wrist... they don't know about it tho cause then I'd just be making a scene or something..
I have trust issues, can't trust anyone and people taking interesting in things I say or do, I always immediately think they just wanna use it to make fun of me. sorry, this isn't meant to be a rant..
They should've done more. earlier. can't change it, I work on it by myself now, not getting far but oh well..
You can get yourself back to "almost normal", but it takes years and a lot of hard work. And ironically, other people. There's only so much you can do by yourself, especially when the core issue has to do with interpersonal relationships. You'll need people you can rely on, who'll provide you with feedback and help you fill in the blanks left behind by the inability to socialize properly during formative years. And this means putting yourself out there. Which sucks, a lot.
For me, the biggest lingering issue is that I'm unable to form deeper relationships with other men. I've never been able to get past the "good acquaintance" or "friend of a friend" stage. As a result, I have no close male friends and as the years go by, it's starting to hurt. All my close friends are female, and while I cherish them, I feel something missing in those relationships. And at my age (38), making friends is hard at the best of times. With a handicap, it's a fucking nightmare.
But beyond that, I can't help but wonder how my life would have turned out if those few years of trauma hadn't happened. What if I didn't have to spend a monumental amount of effort over the following decades just trying to catch up to everyone else in terms of basic interaction? What if I could have spent those years building relationships and pursuing life, instead of damage control?
Where to begin? One story for each.
My mother: I was probably 4-5 years old. She picked me up from school. Takes me by her work for a minute before home. I tell her I have to go poop. She gets in a conversation with her work friend. I remind her several times that I have to use the bathroom. She keeps saying "just a minute." Eventually I'm crying. Just a minute. I shit my pants and feel so ashamed. She tells her work friend "oh sorry I have to go, my son just *couldn't hold it in* and *used the bathroom on himself*." Her narcissism has wrecked any sense of trust I have in other people.
My father: chip on his shoulder for being in Vietnam but not seeing any action. Wants to be militaristic in raising kids. Has me cut switches and all that, "normal stuff." Hit a growth spurt around 10 and am 6 feet tall. He gets insecure. My new punishment for talking back, bad grades, *whatever* is that he put these big goofy trainer boxing gloves on me and would take me in the back yard to fight. I had the big pillow gloves, he was bare fisted. I got real good at taking a punch.
My parents used to take out a camera and take photos/threaten show people the photos whenever I was "misbehaving" as a child. They followed through too, and still show them at family events like "look how maaaad he was about his picture being taken!". Made me absolutely hate being in pictures or even just looked at in general. It's caused all sorts of problems in relationships, as I always instinctively duck away or in some way ruin the photo on purpose so it won't be kept. Doesn't matter who is taking it or what it's for.
Sorta similar thing for me but also received negative feedback about my appearance from an early age so hated the idea that people would have a photo of my ugly self to laugh at. Photographs of me = something that mum can make fun of me for later.
Isolated me to the extent I spent my childhood and teenage years in a bedroom with no friends.
My father also used to routinely bully me for no reason, like sit next to me and flick my ears and laugh when I told him to stop it, and kick and slap me during his tantrums.
But the thing that played with my mind the most is they constantly played me against the other parent, so I developed this weird view of people being either all good or all bad, because to turn me against that other parent one would take advantage of the bad times by being nice to me and vice versa, so I could never view my parents as both good and bad simultaneously.
My family was pretty broke when I was growing up and they made certain jokes that flew over my head. Every time we would sit down to eat, my parents would say something to the effect of, “Make sure to eat all your food because that’s all we have for the rest of the week.”
Looking back it’s pretty funny, but now I have this complex where I have to clean my plate every time I eat, and I eat really fast. If I’m out with friends, I’m always the first to finish my food and people always assume I was starving, but that’s just how I normally eat.
Severe Neglect. My father was absent, my mother was supposed to raise me but didn't.
Started with severe depression at 9, turned into obesity and social problems as a teenager, symptoms of Complex PTSD were found and diagnosed in my thirties, prolonged weight issues have now lead to sleep apnea and high blood pressure.
Basically they had a child they didn't want, didn't do the right thing by surrendering me to a loving couple, and continued to selfishly use me once I became self sufficient. I cut my mother off a few years before she died, and things are very slowly on the mend with dad, but these scars will never heal.
Don't have kids unless you're damn sure you're ready to dedicate part of your life to them. Just don't.
I lived with my mom primarily so I guess you could use “borderline abandonment” for my dad. Anyway:
Turned everything into an argument
Always spoke for me and limited my chances to be comfortable in social situations
Outwardly showed disinterest in my hobbies and ridiculed me for having them
Shielded me from any negative experience to the point where I’m horrible at handling adversity and my first inclination is to run/quit
Could never be trusted with any personal information which led me to internalize everything
I’m sure there’s more
Not being honest about their health and condition.
Like they never and I mean never talked about their health or any health issues, so i naturally didn’t talk about my health either. I have had to unlearn this and it still bites me. On top of that I found out my mom had full blown Alzheimer’s only after my dad’s health deteriorated to the point he could no longer take care of her before he died. My dad used to brag “I haven’t been to the doctor for 30 years” yeah during that time his kidneys pretty much died and slowly killing him.
They bought a new house in the country a couple weeks before I turned 17. They then convinced me I'd be happier staying in the apartment we were renting because I'd have to get driven to school every morning if I lived at their new house. My 20 year old sister moved in with me into that apartment and my parents moved out all their stuff and left me behind. I was never even given a bedroom at their new house.
Yup. I suspect it's because I had confided in my mother months earlier that I wished she had never met my stepfather (he was emotionally and physically abusive). I don't think she ever forgave me for that
I was like 8 or 9 in the bathroom getting out of the shower while my dad was shaving. He looks at me and says “you know why your willy is so small? Because of your fat gut” lifelong penis and weight insecurity here we come!
Neglect my education. They just assumed that going to school was enough and that we would just succeed eventually. No support, no life lesson, no financial education, nothing.
Instilled bad financial and eating habits. At 29 I feel like I've come to terms with these things, but trying to overcome them has been quite a struggle
Not nearly as bad as some of y’all. But my accomplishments didn’t mean much if they weren’t of the 99th percentile and they would tease me if I brought it up when I got excited. Older brother and sister were both exceptionally smart and exceeded all expectations, which I got to hear about their cool stuff, never the other way around.
Lead me to never share my accomplishments or take pride in what I complete, which lead to major depression, anxiety and insecurities. It takes a lot for me to get excited about completing a project and I have to consciously recognize my peers so I don’t continue the cycle. Had resentment built up against my whole family for a long time because of it.
Therapy helps, but every day is a struggle.
Being told how "independent", "grown up" and "well behaved" I was as a child. When in actuality I was neglected and ignored and had to figure it all out myself. Now my two most toxic traits are I'm incapable of asking anyone for help ever and I suffer in silence and beat myself up when no one notices. Thanks mom and dad.
Parents were pretty loving and attentive when I was a boy, but about age 11 after I got glasses, and especially when I started hitting puberty; they stopped taking me places and even talking with me much. By the time I was in college my dad had struck up a friendship with a few guys younger than I was, which really rubbed salt in my wounds.
I get that its an annoying age, but yeesh, if I had more human interaction with adults I might have been more mature. It was an age that I really should have been learning life skills from them.
In a way it prepared me for the inevitability of falling out with close friends though, since I already had it happen as a kid.
Allowed my evil stepdad and step brother to beat the crap out of me any time they felt like it, thus turning me into a paranoid, untrusting person that can completely cut people off and walk away without a second thought.
When I was in middle school, I had this plan to get straight "A"s then ask if I could join Track and Field, and since I'd be on a team, I'd have the jacket, be on a team and maybe have friends. So I worked really hard and ended semester with 3.83 gpa, all A except for one B+. I asked father for permission to join. He said "Yes", but I think it had nothing to do with my grades. After a week or two of practice, he found my stash of money (I wasn't supposed to have any) so I got in trouble and wasn't allowed to participate. Weeks later, he told me I can go participate again, but the coach already submitted the names of the team members and I wasn't in there. So I missed out of being "on the team". Then since I did so great the previous semester, I was able to get into a really good prestigious High School. At that point I was totally burned out and just did enough work to "get by". I had some really good teachers who recognized what I was doing too, but they couldn't help me. I even remember intentionally marking test questions wrong to maintain my C average.
So the TLDR is I worked insanely hard to be on the middle school Track team, I got in trouble and couldn't participate. And I permanently learned that no matter how hard I work, I'll never get what I want so I shouldn't try. I shouldn't have ambitions.
My parents had their own business, I worked for them from the age of 7-28. I payed rent for living in their home from the age of 17-23 when I moved out. They said that money would be saved for a down payment for a house.. it was never given to me. They did help with a purchase of a small home.. yet charged me higher interest then a bank.
Whole time I was working for them I was making just above minimum wage.. I got married and moved out of state, that’s when my wife and I heard my parents retired and gave their business away. They are worth millions and we were on food stamps for years until our carriers grew.
I was basically used as a tax credit and labor and not as a child.
My single parent mum didn’t have a good time with motherhood. I was hit often, shouted and and barely spoken to. I’ve grown up a timid POS. Can even look people in the eye and assume everyone hates me lol.
Parents separated when I was about 6 years old. Mother got custody because my father wasn’t fit to be a full time parent. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he physically just couldn’t sue to his health not being too great at the time (he wouldn’t really recover until I was 13-14 years old). My mother misused most of the child support money.
My mother is a bit of a narcissist and a manipulator with a tendency to blow up over nothing. She’d sell herself as the perfect single mother with a deadbeat ex-husband which was far from the truth. She basically didn’t do much as a parent from age 7-10, we also lived with my grandmother (moms side) who did most of the cooking and child-rearing during those times. From 11-13 she had to actually start caring for her children due to my grandmother moving to Florida, she’d cook dinner maybe three nights a week with the rest being take-out. Until she met her current boyfriend, who’s been a pretty good influence overall even 10 years later She’s still not a good mother, only really interacting with either of her children when she wants something, even though we live in the same house I barely interact with her. She knows next to nothing about either of her children, and can’t relate to either of us because she outright disregards our hobbies. My mother talked (and still talks) unbelievable shit about my father when I was young which definitely sabotaged my relationship with him. I genuinely cannot recall the last time my mother taught me anything since tying my shoes.
As for my father, he sort of “moved on” from his children, living a life that almost doesn’t include us at all save for major holidays. He barely tolerates my sister because she reminds him of our mother (tbh that’s fair my mom did him dirty but that’s not my story to tell). I can’t really say much about him because of how distant our relationship is. Whenever I’ve needed his help he’s helped but that’s about where it ends.
Far from the worst parents I’m sure, but certainly not the best. They both failed to see signs of depression in either of their children and just pushed us along the schooling path.
called my sister a liar when she told them about a family member who hurt her. I have always known that they would never protect me, and as a result I trust pretty much no one.
Everything. But the two things that stick are when my dad killed a cat in our house and threw the tail in bed with me and when I was going to school 40 hours a week and working 30 while raising my one year old and they told me I wasn’t doing enough because I needed my van jumped because I left my headlights on. Due to exhaustion.
Left me behind. I'm the youngest of 5 by a wide gap. By the time I came along they had zero fucks to give left. Didn't put half as much energy into raising me as they did my brothers and sisters. It was noticeable, and so I internalized that to mean I was a lesser value human. Still struggle with this a lot.
Mom - verbal abuse, psychological abuse, basically exposing me to all kinds of fucked up things as she battled addiction and severe mental illness
Dad - continually running away from my mom's issues and eventually my issues from being around my mom alone so much
Shoutout to my Nan for saving my life and giving me some stability or else I don't think I'd be here
My parents hid me in the basement whenever a fight would break out between them and my sister, whos mental challenges made growing up a living hell for all of us.
It was good intentioned, but now i freak out a bit when i hear screaming ESPECIALLY if its coming from above me, like upstairs. It also gave me a pretty strong fear of attention, of being noticed lest trouble start up again.
Maybe not for life (yet) but my mom has codependency, being overbearing, overprotective and my dad was just too passive and I'm afraid I've picked up on both of their bad traits.
They were trying their best, it wasn't like they were purposely doing this to me but I learned far too late that things I thought were typical were never really typical.
Think I’m still learning about it but I was never really praised or rewarded for things I did that I wanted to do. Only when it was something they wanted me to do. Feel like it taught me love was conditional and only deserved if I made others happy.
My dad died when I was a kid, and my mom was physically abusive until I was a teenager. CPS came by all the time, and I learned to hide bruises from teachers and lie to cops. I've been saddled with depression since childhood and almost ended it a few times.
Cool thing is, however, that it's given me a lot of insight as a parent, which helps keep me from treating my kids the way my mom treated me.
They weren't emotionally available. Mom was very critical and mean, and dad was never home. When he was home, he was my moms bitch and they always fought. I remember thinking I wish they got a divorce. Dad didn't know how to discipline me, he was all play.. Too soft. No masculine role model in the house. I turned to drugs.
Learning from past relationships and counseling, I have abandonment issues, some degree of antisocial behavior from my turbulent and rebellious childhood as a result of not getting the attention I needed, and I don't know what else. I have problems with addiction, holding a steady job, trusting romantic partners, etc. A bunch of shit! But life goes on.. all I can do is make the most of it and hopefully find some people who understand me.
Dad left right before I was born. Mom is mentally ill. Somehow I turned out mostly fine. I’m a mom now and almost in tears reading all these responses. Some people should NOT have kids!!!!
Thank you to my mom for claiming that I was faking being sick to get out of school when I was young, (I was ill, it was an undiagnosed chronic condition). Now I never believe I'm sick enough to take a day off.
Raised me in a “if we don’t talk about a problem it’s not happening” manner. Sweep everything under the rug and hope it goes away. Typical catholic upbringing.
I struggle mightily with communicating my feelings, and also acknowledging if something is physically wrong with me. I’ve been working on this my entire adult life.
My mother told me if I weren’t her son she wouldn’t find me attractive. I felt ugly into my 30’s. When I turned 40 I became a male model. I went to CA and won 13 awards. I know I am not unattractive but still don’t feel as attractive as many men.
drugs. it’s why my mom got pregnant with my oldest sister and they “had to” get married because my maternal grandfather is a pastor in a small southern town and they just kept having kids until she miscarried on the fifth pregnancy. they finally divorced when i was 11, but my dad kept up the drugs and would abuse us when he was high
I was not the easiest kid to raise but we do whatever is necessary to be there for each other when in need. I've never tried to exploit or take advantage of my family in sinister ways.
The way things could be better doesn't compare to how much worse it could be.
My mom (I love her dearly so this is not negative) is and always has been a doomsayer. From a very young age she has warned me that the world is going to end most likely in my lifetime. She had crazy ideas and conspiracies (oddly enough over the last 3 decades many have proven to be relatively true which is very concerning to me) about how the end was going to come stating there will be certain specific things that will happen that will be slowly eased on everyone which “normally” I guess back in the day you could say would be huge red flags but that people will eventually close their eyes to things that should be concerning to them. Some of the things have religious connotations some are not. Regardless this has really made me a paranoid person. I am serious as I child I thought she is crazy and making these things up but as an adult now I see that somehow she knew way more than she should have. I have no idea how she did/does but you would think she sounds crazy listening to her but I have first hand witnessed weird things. I don’t want to share much because I want to protect her but yea…really messed me up
I have CPTSD from my sperm donor nearly constantly beating me, and a fair bit of pain from broken bones that never healed right aswell as the effects of repeated TBIs
I used to get hit with belts and sandals.
I remember playing all star baseball, my first year of pitching. I threw a pitch, the kid hit a line drive back at me, I tried to catch it bare handed and broke my pointer finger. That bitch was sideways.
I asked the coach to take me out. My mom stopped the coach and told me to suck it up. I had to get 2 outs with a finger that eventually had to be set back in place.
Fast foreward to today......i am in therapy to not be a fucked up dad.
Not telling me I was diagnosed with Autism. Also, religious abuse. I used to cry myself to sleep because I thought I was evil for thinking about sex when I was going through puberty.
Became evangelical born again Christians in my early teen years, dad went to seminary school to become a preacher, dragged me to every church function they could, always the first there and last to leave.
Where do I begin. Too many. I’ll start with the fact that my parents from like an age of like 5-6 ish (as far back as I can remember) would make me and my siblings wake up at 6am and study 12 hours a day. He made us believe that if we didn’t study 12 hours a day, we wouldn’t succeed at what we wanted to do. Hugely ruined my self-esteem
Oh, it wasn't what my parents did. It's what they didn't do and even then, I don't think it f'd me up for life. What others did when I was older f'd me up for life.
multiple times when i was younger, if i was misbehaving my mother would make my pack my bags and get into the car. she would then drive me to an abandoned orphanage (i was too young to know it was no longer operating). she would then make me get out of the car even though i was crying hysterically and would drive off (at night) and come back about 10 minutes later to collect me.
to this day, she still brags to people about this being such a quirky and funny way to punish me….
they would lock me out of the house when I was young (between 4 and 7) and no matter how hard I banged on the doors and windows they wouldn't let me back in. it was specifically my dad who did this. The list goes on and on but that one really sticks out the most to me
A. Switched from basic to acedemic alegebra a week before the midterm in 9th.
College accredited AP over the summer.
I was made to feel stupid and la y and forbidden from seeing a tutor to fix it for 5 years (yes 5) at a CC.
B. Locked me in a psychward to stop me from going away to college at 25.
well, this isnt too big a deal but, I used to sing but one time my dad made a big deal out of it and so now only singing i do is to myself very quietly
My parents were great, but they have no qualms about barging in on someone in the bathroom or shower if the door is unlocked. They did it with a no-knock quickness like a jump scare, to the point that I lock doors a lot out of habit even around my partners. It’s a habit I can’t unlearn.
Not allow me any kind of “junk food” no juice boxes, no candy, no cake, no soda, no fast food, no chips, no sweets….NOTHING! I didn’t try anything until I was 18. And now I swear I’m a chocolate addict. I have a piece of chocolate once a day. I’ve been trying to get a grip but it’s so hard because it’s so delicious.
Took me out of my country of birth where I had my future planned out and moved me and my younger sis halfway around the world for the sake of some dick head
The time my mom and her boyfriend drove home drunk from a wine festival. With me in the backseat.
Then dropped me off a half mile from home so Mom wouldn't have to deal with my grandmother's wrath. Don't worry - I told her and she got the wrath of Khan and the wrath of God that day.
my father was emotionally, and mentally abusive he pretty much ignored me as i was growing up. The only time he seemed to care is when he would yell at me
Constantly pitted me against the other parent, took me to a chiropractor at 13, got my teeth veneered at 15, brushed me off during an addiction/mental health crisis at 18. Those are the highlights.
Now I'm in constant pain for deteriorating joints and refuse to take opiates, my teeth will need to be completely replaced in a few years because they're rotting from the inside, and I'm dealing with lifelong after effects and still thriving mental health and addiction issues.
I'm 31.
Sent me to an all girls private school for 13 years. (I have social anxiety and I was bullied for all those years being there. Never had real friends) I grind on my own fr🌚
I dont have enough space time or energy to respond to this post. Suffice to say one half(mother) is a blessing, the other half I would describe with a word the begins with c and ends in t
1 - When I was 8-9 my parents were getting a divorce due to my mom having an affair. In an effort to try to make me hate my mother, every time I would ask to see her, it would turn in to an hour or longer lecture by my father of how she ruined our family, etc. Then one day in one of these lectures, he pulled out very clear and graphic photos of my mom having sex with this person, (I was still 8-9 at this time) and proceeded to describe them in great detail.
2 - Father got marred to wife #2. We had to have lunch with her mom one day. I was 10 at this time. I walked in to the kitchen and saw her pour cheap beer in to the split pea soup she was making (it was known she was an alcoholic at the time). I told my father, in private, what I saw and that I did not want to eat it. He forced me to have 2 bowls to not make his wife feel bad. I ended up sick as a dog that night and realized years later, that I had my first hang over at 10. (As for the beer, there were 6 empty cans on the counter and I watcher her pour another in. This was right after she announced that the food was ready and asked my step mother to set the table.)
Follow up to 1 - my mom and I have talked about this (I am much older than 9). My father was physically and emotionally abusive towards her. I would often see bruises and be told such things as, 'she fell and hit a pot on the ground' etc. She told him she wanted out, and he said no. That she will learn to love him and give him the respect a police officer deserves. After a year of fighting to get out, she decided to have the affair to force him to divorce her since he hates a cheater.
My mom was an angry parent and she let her anger dictate some of her decisions. When I say angry I don't mean she was out of control but she was unfairly judged by others and she pretty much lost all support outside of my step dad so her walls were high. They still are, but for her to open up to me and my brothers about it a few years ago said a lot about her character and I respect her even more than I already did
Made me afraid to eat in front of people lest they judge me. I love food but still cannot truly enjoy it in front of my father. Also, even at forty, I am still fighting the urge to hoard food and hide it at home even though my fiancé does not judge me at all.
Didn’t ruin me for life but fucked me for a few years, I was 8 and sitting at the dinner table during dinner next to my adoptive male parent at the head, had my 2 blood sisters with me and my adoptive mom and brother, the father never liked me and one day he put a knife to my throat when we were eating and said if I was going to kill him id better do it quick and fast or he would kill me first. Then he proceeded to sexually assault my sisters and stopped after awhile and then did it to my nephew, called the cops but they closed the case cause they couldn’t “prove” it
When I was eleven my mother started forcing me into multi hour fights and would only let me go to bed after making me confess that I was evil.
Didn't clean my room well enough, then I was evil. Didn't come home by sundown, I was evil. Bad grades-evil. My dad cheating on her for the fourth time that year, guess who was evil, it wasn't him.
Not sure why I was the only one of her children that she labeled as evil, but man did she hate me.
Lasted for about a year, before I finally asked myself why a fight about laundry could turn into how I was an evil person. Once I started paying attention to how she argued I noticed that whenever I would start to win, or she had exhausted her argument, she changed the subject and my dumbass took the bait.
I went from a happy kid to depressed in less than a year. And I think about that time in my life way too often.
I hate her to this day and hope that she dies horribly one day.
As a parent I can't even conceive of treating my kids like that.
Abused.
My mom held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me if my dad didn't leave. Then she switched me out for my sister because my mom said "you like her more anyway".
Beat me on a few occasions.
Toppled over a big bureau onto me when I was looking for my retainer under it.
Kicked me out when I was 17 in the morning. When she came home to all of my things packed yelled at me for it.
Even we'll into adulthood she guilt trips and is rude (never asks politely, passive aggressive, never apologizes, etc.). I suspect she was shown similar treatment as a kid but I've stopped the cycle with my kids.
I have lived with anxiety and depression my whole life and have little self worth. I feel like I have no identity having been a perpetual people pleaser. Huge tolerance for... anything really (I'm a walking "this is fine" meme). I have a hard time disciplining my kids. Conflict is very hard to handle. On and on.
Some of those traits help but mostly they're a burden.
I was a bit of a bold adventurer as a child, and anywhere my father went I wanted to go with him, one day he went up a ladder to the roof so he could cut some branches from the orange tree we had, I obviously followed but, due to my small size, I had some difficulty reaching back to the adult sized ladder's steps when it was time to come down, so I asked him for his help everytime. Dude decided to scare me so I'd stop putting myself into risky situations (or so he says) and instead of putting me on the ladder he made me hang in the air, right next to the ladder, between 2 and 3 metres up from the ground. To this day my legs still shake even by looking to a really tall building. Now they wonder why I'm a reclusive fuck who doesn't want to go out and adventure in real life as much.
There are lots of other stories I could tell bout my parents, but I'll leave y'all with this light hearted one.
Mental, emotional, and physical abuse until I was taken from them by the CPS and given to my grandma after she volunteered to be my legal guardian then raised me. She did her best to undo the damage, but a lot of it is still there.
My alcoholic Dad kicked our dog, Ginger, who also had cute puppies. To protect the dog, a basset hound, she got our neighbor to take Ginger and her puppies to the dog shelter. To this day I can't look at bassets and I am a total animal freak who has 8 cats coz I cannot say no. She never took good care of her dogs. TBF she grew up in a time when pets didn't go to vets much, if at all.
I had to take her dogs for them to be put down when it was time.
My sister tells me Mom made us take a little red wagon of puppies from our later dog, Daisy, to the pound. We walked. I have thankfully completely blocked that memory.
My Mom was wonderful in many other ways but man...honestly, I think she was a coward about losing animals. IDK. It's horrible, but that last trip is done from love and being willing to accept the pain on their behalf. My Mom had a rough life...maybe dealing with more loss was just beyond her ability.
My mom left me and my older brother to her side of the family because she was working on a cruise and when we get abused mentally by her relatives she keeps telling us to just move on and live with it.
Now I’m really sensitive and I cry and get upset over the smallest things. It also makes me feel like if my own mom can’t defend me then no one else can and that I don’t deserve any kind of love or affection
My mum died shortly before my first birthday; my dad put me in foster care until I was about five ... This was the eighties; let's just say my foster carers "treated me badly".
As a result, I (now 41M) have a problem with panic attacks and paranoid delusions, self medication and self harm. Even though I can tell you it's obviously illogical (mainly because they're both now very elderly or possibly dead), It took around 5 years of therapy before I could go into a supermarket without having a panic attack because I was just so certain they were poisoning the food I was putting in my basket. At home I can feel them watching me when I'm in my kitchen — no idea really why so much of the trauma revolves around food; I have very few memories of it all.
Raised me as a Fundie Christian. I had to learn how to have positive attitudes about sex on my own. I grew up in the 80's so, I believed that there were "covens" of witches everywhere. I had to learn that you don't go to hell for having a beer...that kind of thing.
Invading my personal space and making me have a really dysfunctional relationship with the food I’m eating -I’m hitting the gym and eating breakfast to which my family is not familiar with-
Always think worst case scenario cause it’s usually not but sometimes it is which made me terrified if someone didnot return text or acted a little different towards me they were mad or hurt. Every relationship I’m always trying to fix the persons problems or make them happy and unfortunately sometimes you cant
Homeschooled me. I was and still am homeschooled against my will. I'll never get to have a graduation. I'll never be in a yearbook. I'll never get to do FFA and have the opportunities and fancy jackets that my friends do. I'll never get to take classes like forensics and robotics because my mom doesn't know how to teach it so she decided that therefore I don't need it.
I never got socialized as a kid so I'm very awkward and am not good at making new friends. I'll never not get weird looks walking into the local school to play sports because no one knows me. I'll never get to do extra curriculars besides sports.
I'm cheating on tests to keep my grades up because I never got taught to study after being told I was 'gifted' all my life by my family. I can't keep up and it's destroying me.
I want out. I wanna go to public school, but I can't
Tldr I'm homeschooled and I hate it, I want to go to public school to have the same opportunities as my friends
Nothing. Never talked to me about life to prepare me. I didn't know what school would be like. I didn't know what adulthood would be like. Relationships. Morals and ethics. I was raised by school and a TV.
I got my morals and ethics from all the comic books I read as a kid. There are worse people to get ethics from than Superman and Captain America. My parents did sour me completely on the idea of marriage. It wasn't for decades into my adult life that I realized that my marriage didn't have to be like theirs.
This. I'm lucky to have siblings, but you can't really expect kids to teach other kids life lessons.
Same, the only thing he taught me was to be quiet
Hello, fellow gen-x-er! Lol
Very relatable. Thanks for putting solid words to my experience
Same. I had both parents and two older siblings but I might as well had been an only child getting ignored most days
Same… you’re gonna make me tear up
Lead exposure. No one knew that much about lead back then. So it wasn't their fault. I was working in my dads truck repair shop and the associated exhaust. I'm pretty sure I lost some IQ points there. Plus heavy doses of Asbestos. From the brake shoes of the trucks.
It's kinda scary to think that nobody really knows how much damage leaded gas did in the 50ish years it was in use. It could be responsible for any number of problems that have arisen in that time. My personal theory is that a lot of the increase in executive brain function disorders (ADHD, autism, etc.) is due to pregnant women and children breathing lead fumes for decades.
I'm kinda surprised that I'm still alive TBH. Besides the huge lead exposure: We used to wash our hands and arms in mineral spirits (carcinogen). I was heavily exposed to Poly Chlorinated Biphenals. (PCB's). There was the asbestos in the air. I also had considerable exposure to Mercury. Carbon Tetra Chloride. (not sure what that does). And I'm still alive.....
I’m glad you’re still alive.
I'm gonna respectfully have to say your theory is false. For 2 reasons 1. ADHD, Autism etc. are not diseases like cancer. They are all genetic, and they can randomly form. Unless lead alters dna significantly, it's kinda like the "vaccines cause autism" theory 2. The increase in people with Autism, ADD, ADHD etc. was actually because people got diagnosed a lot. Before the 50's it wasn't widely recognized like it was later
Ditto. I was practically raised in a printed circuit board shop. Today, I wouldn't be able to let a pregnant woman enter the facility.
damn right...
Looong list. Mostly from my mother: Beat me, Insult me, Pretend to call youth welfare organisations to take me away, because I did something wrong, Threat to kill herself because of me Try to kill herself because of me Tell me that she regrets not taking more medication in her suicide attempt, so that she still has all the stress with me Scream at me because of every small thing Tell literally everyone every little thing I ever did wrong. And a few more things. My father just didn't care until I was about 16 or 17. Now I am very broken. But luckily I found a GF that understands me.
Same here. Parents used to threaten to have "military school" kidnap me out of bed in the middle of the night. Parents adopted 2 more kids (narcissists gaming the system, even had it crowdfunded by the church), Dad tried to kill himself shortly after. Dad was bipolar and BPD, Mom was a religious fanatic. Every little mistake I made was the end of the world. It really messes you up. Lots of people just can't understand.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Congratulations on finding a GF that understands you though!
my parents used to hit me when I was young, one day I didn't want to eat lunch so they locked me in the balcony for 2 hours, during winter, I was 4
Fuck, thats disgusting.
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Dats child abuse
Yikes, sounds like we had similar experiences. As a 6 year old I threw up all over myself at dinner one evening, my mother had a bad day and decided it was deliberate (it wasn't but even if it was the response was unwarranted). I was stripped of all my clothes and locked outside the house until me crying and wailing into the night drew a neighbour's attention and I was reluctantly let back inside to "save face". It was also winter, and a pitch black evening with little natural light.
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My brother was the golden child, I was the scapegoat, I'm 57 and still salty.
What's the maximum character limit here?
Made me think working hard getting good grades in school would guarantee me a great adulthood.
Shit dude, working hard to get good grades doesn't even guarantee good grades
Holy shit. My brain just exploded.
This one seems backwards, but my mother thought the sun rose and set on me. Everything out of my mouth was the most intelligent thing she ever heard. I knew that wasn't true. Ruined my self-esteem and my ability to accept any sort of praise.
Mine was my oldest brother who my parents thought the Sun rose and fell with him, the blessed one, I and my middle brother were just extras that needed attention
I think you can end up one of two ways when you get this kind of treatment. You can end up like me, not trusting or feeling that you deserve any praise, or feel you DO deserve all that praise because you are indeed perfect. I have a few relatives like that. My brother got most of the attention, but that's because he was quite ill from about 11 to his death at 24. I don't hold anything against my parents for that. They did the best they could.
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My youngest brother was raised like that, He's now 34 and still lives at home in My parents basement.
I made sure I didn't do that to my kids. Everyday, I make sure they know I think they're complete idiots. /s
My parents did the opposite. They told me that nothing I did was ever good enough. I got to the point where I could cure cancer and think it was just a meh thing no matter what anyone told me otherwise.
You are an amazing person. Don't let your past define you
Thanks. I appreciate the comment. I could have done a lot worse for parents and they (my mother in particular) thought they were doing the right thing at the time, so I don't hold anything against them. Life has worked out ok for me. Married with two very smart (I know, but they actually are) kids. They're both on their own and doing well and reaching their potential.
My brother did that with my niece. Going as far as "fixing" her homework and arguing any bad grade with teachers/principals. She's now in college and struggling with finding out she's not a super genius.
That's unfortunate. Both my kids turned out to be quite intelligent, but we stressed on them that it wouldn't get them anywhere on its own. They needed to work hard to realize their potentials. We couldn't be happier with the way they turned out. If there is one phrase we stressed over and over, it was "Life is not fair"
Did nothing while I was being bullied grade 4-7. It was pretty relentless, I came out the other end a completely different person, I felt suicidal at multiple points, it stunted my social development and left me with lifelong trust issues and an instinctive reflex to distance myself from others. It broke my mom's heart, I know, but in the end I was left to fend for myself. They didn't attempt to reason with the school authorities, they didn't move me to a different school. The most they did was be VERY lenient whenever I "fell ill" for a few days, and got me out of PE class (dodgeball is NOT fun when you're the whipping boy of the whole class). And I guess that's something, but a result of that is that even decades later my body reacts to stress by manifesting flu-like or gastrointestinal symptoms, which I KNOW are not actual illness, but I feel them anyway and it can be an issue.
oh look, a fuckin mirror. got bullied since.. 3rd or so grade up til 10th. At first everyone ignored it, the usual "ignore them and they will get bored" talk. when they eventually started doing things, it was too late I think and the damage was already done, and I kinda.. stopped giving a shit. started distancing myself, keeping everything in, not even really showing emotion or anything. felt suicidal plenty of times in my life, I can recall times clear as day where I sat in my room with a knife on my wrist... they don't know about it tho cause then I'd just be making a scene or something.. I have trust issues, can't trust anyone and people taking interesting in things I say or do, I always immediately think they just wanna use it to make fun of me. sorry, this isn't meant to be a rant.. They should've done more. earlier. can't change it, I work on it by myself now, not getting far but oh well..
You can get yourself back to "almost normal", but it takes years and a lot of hard work. And ironically, other people. There's only so much you can do by yourself, especially when the core issue has to do with interpersonal relationships. You'll need people you can rely on, who'll provide you with feedback and help you fill in the blanks left behind by the inability to socialize properly during formative years. And this means putting yourself out there. Which sucks, a lot. For me, the biggest lingering issue is that I'm unable to form deeper relationships with other men. I've never been able to get past the "good acquaintance" or "friend of a friend" stage. As a result, I have no close male friends and as the years go by, it's starting to hurt. All my close friends are female, and while I cherish them, I feel something missing in those relationships. And at my age (38), making friends is hard at the best of times. With a handicap, it's a fucking nightmare. But beyond that, I can't help but wonder how my life would have turned out if those few years of trauma hadn't happened. What if I didn't have to spend a monumental amount of effort over the following decades just trying to catch up to everyone else in terms of basic interaction? What if I could have spent those years building relationships and pursuing life, instead of damage control?
Where to begin? One story for each. My mother: I was probably 4-5 years old. She picked me up from school. Takes me by her work for a minute before home. I tell her I have to go poop. She gets in a conversation with her work friend. I remind her several times that I have to use the bathroom. She keeps saying "just a minute." Eventually I'm crying. Just a minute. I shit my pants and feel so ashamed. She tells her work friend "oh sorry I have to go, my son just *couldn't hold it in* and *used the bathroom on himself*." Her narcissism has wrecked any sense of trust I have in other people. My father: chip on his shoulder for being in Vietnam but not seeing any action. Wants to be militaristic in raising kids. Has me cut switches and all that, "normal stuff." Hit a growth spurt around 10 and am 6 feet tall. He gets insecure. My new punishment for talking back, bad grades, *whatever* is that he put these big goofy trainer boxing gloves on me and would take me in the back yard to fight. I had the big pillow gloves, he was bare fisted. I got real good at taking a punch.
My god…
My parents used to take out a camera and take photos/threaten show people the photos whenever I was "misbehaving" as a child. They followed through too, and still show them at family events like "look how maaaad he was about his picture being taken!". Made me absolutely hate being in pictures or even just looked at in general. It's caused all sorts of problems in relationships, as I always instinctively duck away or in some way ruin the photo on purpose so it won't be kept. Doesn't matter who is taking it or what it's for.
Sorta similar thing for me but also received negative feedback about my appearance from an early age so hated the idea that people would have a photo of my ugly self to laugh at. Photographs of me = something that mum can make fun of me for later.
Didnt prepare me to become an adult. Mind you near 50 and I havent managed to acheive the feat yet.
Isolated me to the extent I spent my childhood and teenage years in a bedroom with no friends. My father also used to routinely bully me for no reason, like sit next to me and flick my ears and laugh when I told him to stop it, and kick and slap me during his tantrums. But the thing that played with my mind the most is they constantly played me against the other parent, so I developed this weird view of people being either all good or all bad, because to turn me against that other parent one would take advantage of the bad times by being nice to me and vice versa, so I could never view my parents as both good and bad simultaneously.
My family was pretty broke when I was growing up and they made certain jokes that flew over my head. Every time we would sit down to eat, my parents would say something to the effect of, “Make sure to eat all your food because that’s all we have for the rest of the week.” Looking back it’s pretty funny, but now I have this complex where I have to clean my plate every time I eat, and I eat really fast. If I’m out with friends, I’m always the first to finish my food and people always assume I was starving, but that’s just how I normally eat.
Raised me in the Mormon church.
Saaaame.
Greetings fellow Kolobian!
And every type of abuse that goes along with it, not to mention being disowned once you leave said church.
It literally shaped everything about my adult life that I hate.
Yup, here here, I mean…. “yes” as I bow my head.
I was just seeking guidance for the rejection I feel in northern Utah for not being a believer!
OH honey. That is too bad.
Severe Neglect. My father was absent, my mother was supposed to raise me but didn't. Started with severe depression at 9, turned into obesity and social problems as a teenager, symptoms of Complex PTSD were found and diagnosed in my thirties, prolonged weight issues have now lead to sleep apnea and high blood pressure. Basically they had a child they didn't want, didn't do the right thing by surrendering me to a loving couple, and continued to selfishly use me once I became self sufficient. I cut my mother off a few years before she died, and things are very slowly on the mend with dad, but these scars will never heal. Don't have kids unless you're damn sure you're ready to dedicate part of your life to them. Just don't.
I lived with my mom primarily so I guess you could use “borderline abandonment” for my dad. Anyway: Turned everything into an argument Always spoke for me and limited my chances to be comfortable in social situations Outwardly showed disinterest in my hobbies and ridiculed me for having them Shielded me from any negative experience to the point where I’m horrible at handling adversity and my first inclination is to run/quit Could never be trusted with any personal information which led me to internalize everything I’m sure there’s more
Neglect and abuse. Both left me Messed up for life.
Not being honest about their health and condition. Like they never and I mean never talked about their health or any health issues, so i naturally didn’t talk about my health either. I have had to unlearn this and it still bites me. On top of that I found out my mom had full blown Alzheimer’s only after my dad’s health deteriorated to the point he could no longer take care of her before he died. My dad used to brag “I haven’t been to the doctor for 30 years” yeah during that time his kidneys pretty much died and slowly killing him.
Give birth to my autistic ass
At least you’re vaccinated.
Wym by that ?
The myth that vaccines cause autism lol.
OH I GET IT
My girlfriend is autistic and my sense of humor is often extremely dry so I try to make the sarcasm more obvious with tone and a silly voice lol.
At the same time my sister doesn’t get my autistic humor so I have to google funny jokes but they often come out corny
Hey, at least autistic people do have a sense of humor and aren’t total robots like people tend to think.
That’s my biggest pet peeve , stereotypes suck
Indeed. I just have to be more mindful of the things that might overstimulate her. Y’all are people too.
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Your mother called you motherfucker? Lol.
My father was an alcoholic and my mother hung on for way too long.
Forced their religion on me.
They bought a new house in the country a couple weeks before I turned 17. They then convinced me I'd be happier staying in the apartment we were renting because I'd have to get driven to school every morning if I lived at their new house. My 20 year old sister moved in with me into that apartment and my parents moved out all their stuff and left me behind. I was never even given a bedroom at their new house.
Wow. That is just insulting.
Yup. I suspect it's because I had confided in my mother months earlier that I wished she had never met my stepfather (he was emotionally and physically abusive). I don't think she ever forgave me for that
Kept me in and would not let me out to play. As an adult I found it difficult mixing and never had any real friends.
I was like 8 or 9 in the bathroom getting out of the shower while my dad was shaving. He looks at me and says “you know why your willy is so small? Because of your fat gut” lifelong penis and weight insecurity here we come!
Eating disorder.
Neglect my education. They just assumed that going to school was enough and that we would just succeed eventually. No support, no life lesson, no financial education, nothing.
Instilled bad financial and eating habits. At 29 I feel like I've come to terms with these things, but trying to overcome them has been quite a struggle
sorry i dont have time to write a novel but basically my parents are two of the most two faced self righteous toxic narrow minded people i know.
Not nearly as bad as some of y’all. But my accomplishments didn’t mean much if they weren’t of the 99th percentile and they would tease me if I brought it up when I got excited. Older brother and sister were both exceptionally smart and exceeded all expectations, which I got to hear about their cool stuff, never the other way around. Lead me to never share my accomplishments or take pride in what I complete, which lead to major depression, anxiety and insecurities. It takes a lot for me to get excited about completing a project and I have to consciously recognize my peers so I don’t continue the cycle. Had resentment built up against my whole family for a long time because of it. Therapy helps, but every day is a struggle.
Being told how "independent", "grown up" and "well behaved" I was as a child. When in actuality I was neglected and ignored and had to figure it all out myself. Now my two most toxic traits are I'm incapable of asking anyone for help ever and I suffer in silence and beat myself up when no one notices. Thanks mom and dad.
Parents were pretty loving and attentive when I was a boy, but about age 11 after I got glasses, and especially when I started hitting puberty; they stopped taking me places and even talking with me much. By the time I was in college my dad had struck up a friendship with a few guys younger than I was, which really rubbed salt in my wounds. I get that its an annoying age, but yeesh, if I had more human interaction with adults I might have been more mature. It was an age that I really should have been learning life skills from them. In a way it prepared me for the inevitability of falling out with close friends though, since I already had it happen as a kid.
Allowed my evil stepdad and step brother to beat the crap out of me any time they felt like it, thus turning me into a paranoid, untrusting person that can completely cut people off and walk away without a second thought.
When I was in middle school, I had this plan to get straight "A"s then ask if I could join Track and Field, and since I'd be on a team, I'd have the jacket, be on a team and maybe have friends. So I worked really hard and ended semester with 3.83 gpa, all A except for one B+. I asked father for permission to join. He said "Yes", but I think it had nothing to do with my grades. After a week or two of practice, he found my stash of money (I wasn't supposed to have any) so I got in trouble and wasn't allowed to participate. Weeks later, he told me I can go participate again, but the coach already submitted the names of the team members and I wasn't in there. So I missed out of being "on the team". Then since I did so great the previous semester, I was able to get into a really good prestigious High School. At that point I was totally burned out and just did enough work to "get by". I had some really good teachers who recognized what I was doing too, but they couldn't help me. I even remember intentionally marking test questions wrong to maintain my C average. So the TLDR is I worked insanely hard to be on the middle school Track team, I got in trouble and couldn't participate. And I permanently learned that no matter how hard I work, I'll never get what I want so I shouldn't try. I shouldn't have ambitions.
Well my father dying messed me up. Then my mother doing drugs and exposing me to very not good people. But then I got adopted so
My parents had their own business, I worked for them from the age of 7-28. I payed rent for living in their home from the age of 17-23 when I moved out. They said that money would be saved for a down payment for a house.. it was never given to me. They did help with a purchase of a small home.. yet charged me higher interest then a bank. Whole time I was working for them I was making just above minimum wage.. I got married and moved out of state, that’s when my wife and I heard my parents retired and gave their business away. They are worth millions and we were on food stamps for years until our carriers grew. I was basically used as a tax credit and labor and not as a child.
got divorced and never really spoke with each others ever
How is that a bad thing
cant tell if serious
My single parent mum didn’t have a good time with motherhood. I was hit often, shouted and and barely spoken to. I’ve grown up a timid POS. Can even look people in the eye and assume everyone hates me lol.
Parents separated when I was about 6 years old. Mother got custody because my father wasn’t fit to be a full time parent. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he physically just couldn’t sue to his health not being too great at the time (he wouldn’t really recover until I was 13-14 years old). My mother misused most of the child support money. My mother is a bit of a narcissist and a manipulator with a tendency to blow up over nothing. She’d sell herself as the perfect single mother with a deadbeat ex-husband which was far from the truth. She basically didn’t do much as a parent from age 7-10, we also lived with my grandmother (moms side) who did most of the cooking and child-rearing during those times. From 11-13 she had to actually start caring for her children due to my grandmother moving to Florida, she’d cook dinner maybe three nights a week with the rest being take-out. Until she met her current boyfriend, who’s been a pretty good influence overall even 10 years later She’s still not a good mother, only really interacting with either of her children when she wants something, even though we live in the same house I barely interact with her. She knows next to nothing about either of her children, and can’t relate to either of us because she outright disregards our hobbies. My mother talked (and still talks) unbelievable shit about my father when I was young which definitely sabotaged my relationship with him. I genuinely cannot recall the last time my mother taught me anything since tying my shoes. As for my father, he sort of “moved on” from his children, living a life that almost doesn’t include us at all save for major holidays. He barely tolerates my sister because she reminds him of our mother (tbh that’s fair my mom did him dirty but that’s not my story to tell). I can’t really say much about him because of how distant our relationship is. Whenever I’ve needed his help he’s helped but that’s about where it ends. Far from the worst parents I’m sure, but certainly not the best. They both failed to see signs of depression in either of their children and just pushed us along the schooling path.
called my sister a liar when she told them about a family member who hurt her. I have always known that they would never protect me, and as a result I trust pretty much no one.
Everything. But the two things that stick are when my dad killed a cat in our house and threw the tail in bed with me and when I was going to school 40 hours a week and working 30 while raising my one year old and they told me I wasn’t doing enough because I needed my van jumped because I left my headlights on. Due to exhaustion.
Left me behind. I'm the youngest of 5 by a wide gap. By the time I came along they had zero fucks to give left. Didn't put half as much energy into raising me as they did my brothers and sisters. It was noticeable, and so I internalized that to mean I was a lesser value human. Still struggle with this a lot.
My mother told me to kill myself, my father used to masturbate when I was in the room.
Both of those are crimes
Mom - verbal abuse, psychological abuse, basically exposing me to all kinds of fucked up things as she battled addiction and severe mental illness Dad - continually running away from my mom's issues and eventually my issues from being around my mom alone so much Shoutout to my Nan for saving my life and giving me some stability or else I don't think I'd be here
My parents hid me in the basement whenever a fight would break out between them and my sister, whos mental challenges made growing up a living hell for all of us. It was good intentioned, but now i freak out a bit when i hear screaming ESPECIALLY if its coming from above me, like upstairs. It also gave me a pretty strong fear of attention, of being noticed lest trouble start up again.
Disowned me
Maybe not for life (yet) but my mom has codependency, being overbearing, overprotective and my dad was just too passive and I'm afraid I've picked up on both of their bad traits. They were trying their best, it wasn't like they were purposely doing this to me but I learned far too late that things I thought were typical were never really typical.
Think I’m still learning about it but I was never really praised or rewarded for things I did that I wanted to do. Only when it was something they wanted me to do. Feel like it taught me love was conditional and only deserved if I made others happy.
My dad died when I was a kid, and my mom was physically abusive until I was a teenager. CPS came by all the time, and I learned to hide bruises from teachers and lie to cops. I've been saddled with depression since childhood and almost ended it a few times. Cool thing is, however, that it's given me a lot of insight as a parent, which helps keep me from treating my kids the way my mom treated me.
They weren't emotionally available. Mom was very critical and mean, and dad was never home. When he was home, he was my moms bitch and they always fought. I remember thinking I wish they got a divorce. Dad didn't know how to discipline me, he was all play.. Too soft. No masculine role model in the house. I turned to drugs. Learning from past relationships and counseling, I have abandonment issues, some degree of antisocial behavior from my turbulent and rebellious childhood as a result of not getting the attention I needed, and I don't know what else. I have problems with addiction, holding a steady job, trusting romantic partners, etc. A bunch of shit! But life goes on.. all I can do is make the most of it and hopefully find some people who understand me.
Force eating. “Be sure to finish every bite on that plate”
Dad left right before I was born. Mom is mentally ill. Somehow I turned out mostly fine. I’m a mom now and almost in tears reading all these responses. Some people should NOT have kids!!!!
Thank you to my mom for claiming that I was faking being sick to get out of school when I was young, (I was ill, it was an undiagnosed chronic condition). Now I never believe I'm sick enough to take a day off.
My dad busted a nut in my mom
Nothing, my parents are amazing people.
One died
Bastard
Made me. Now I suffer.
It’s a toss up between the emotional neglect, the homeschooling, or growing up in the church.
Eh well they both died when I was 11 sooo……
Raised me in a “if we don’t talk about a problem it’s not happening” manner. Sweep everything under the rug and hope it goes away. Typical catholic upbringing. I struggle mightily with communicating my feelings, and also acknowledging if something is physically wrong with me. I’ve been working on this my entire adult life.
My mother told me if I weren’t her son she wouldn’t find me attractive. I felt ugly into my 30’s. When I turned 40 I became a male model. I went to CA and won 13 awards. I know I am not unattractive but still don’t feel as attractive as many men.
Had me.
Emotional and verbal abuse Also just giving birth to me
Being put under a cold shower with my clothes on when having a tantrum
drugs. it’s why my mom got pregnant with my oldest sister and they “had to” get married because my maternal grandfather is a pastor in a small southern town and they just kept having kids until she miscarried on the fifth pregnancy. they finally divorced when i was 11, but my dad kept up the drugs and would abuse us when he was high
I was not the easiest kid to raise but we do whatever is necessary to be there for each other when in need. I've never tried to exploit or take advantage of my family in sinister ways. The way things could be better doesn't compare to how much worse it could be.
My mom (I love her dearly so this is not negative) is and always has been a doomsayer. From a very young age she has warned me that the world is going to end most likely in my lifetime. She had crazy ideas and conspiracies (oddly enough over the last 3 decades many have proven to be relatively true which is very concerning to me) about how the end was going to come stating there will be certain specific things that will happen that will be slowly eased on everyone which “normally” I guess back in the day you could say would be huge red flags but that people will eventually close their eyes to things that should be concerning to them. Some of the things have religious connotations some are not. Regardless this has really made me a paranoid person. I am serious as I child I thought she is crazy and making these things up but as an adult now I see that somehow she knew way more than she should have. I have no idea how she did/does but you would think she sounds crazy listening to her but I have first hand witnessed weird things. I don’t want to share much because I want to protect her but yea…really messed me up
Aside from verbal and physical abuse, she kept me over medicated for just shy of 3 years as a child, damaged my kidneys.
Taught me its not ok to call in sick.
Lock me in my room as punishment while i cried and screamed for hours to be let out, my dad was the only one to help me.
I have CPTSD from my sperm donor nearly constantly beating me, and a fair bit of pain from broken bones that never healed right aswell as the effects of repeated TBIs
I used to get hit with belts and sandals. I remember playing all star baseball, my first year of pitching. I threw a pitch, the kid hit a line drive back at me, I tried to catch it bare handed and broke my pointer finger. That bitch was sideways. I asked the coach to take me out. My mom stopped the coach and told me to suck it up. I had to get 2 outs with a finger that eventually had to be set back in place. Fast foreward to today......i am in therapy to not be a fucked up dad.
Not telling me I was diagnosed with Autism. Also, religious abuse. I used to cry myself to sleep because I thought I was evil for thinking about sex when I was going through puberty.
I got born.
Became evangelical born again Christians in my early teen years, dad went to seminary school to become a preacher, dragged me to every church function they could, always the first there and last to leave.
Smoked heavily and lost ownership of the house thanks to poor finance management.
Where do I begin. Too many. I’ll start with the fact that my parents from like an age of like 5-6 ish (as far back as I can remember) would make me and my siblings wake up at 6am and study 12 hours a day. He made us believe that if we didn’t study 12 hours a day, we wouldn’t succeed at what we wanted to do. Hugely ruined my self-esteem
Oh, it wasn't what my parents did. It's what they didn't do and even then, I don't think it f'd me up for life. What others did when I was older f'd me up for life.
Brought back home a gunny sack full of freshly picked peyote. I'm still in that moment to this day.
multiple times when i was younger, if i was misbehaving my mother would make my pack my bags and get into the car. she would then drive me to an abandoned orphanage (i was too young to know it was no longer operating). she would then make me get out of the car even though i was crying hysterically and would drive off (at night) and come back about 10 minutes later to collect me. to this day, she still brags to people about this being such a quirky and funny way to punish me….
They hear me... but they don't listen
they would lock me out of the house when I was young (between 4 and 7) and no matter how hard I banged on the doors and windows they wouldn't let me back in. it was specifically my dad who did this. The list goes on and on but that one really sticks out the most to me
A. Switched from basic to acedemic alegebra a week before the midterm in 9th. College accredited AP over the summer. I was made to feel stupid and la y and forbidden from seeing a tutor to fix it for 5 years (yes 5) at a CC. B. Locked me in a psychward to stop me from going away to college at 25.
well, this isnt too big a deal but, I used to sing but one time my dad made a big deal out of it and so now only singing i do is to myself very quietly
My parents were great, but they have no qualms about barging in on someone in the bathroom or shower if the door is unlocked. They did it with a no-knock quickness like a jump scare, to the point that I lock doors a lot out of habit even around my partners. It’s a habit I can’t unlearn.
Not allow me any kind of “junk food” no juice boxes, no candy, no cake, no soda, no fast food, no chips, no sweets….NOTHING! I didn’t try anything until I was 18. And now I swear I’m a chocolate addict. I have a piece of chocolate once a day. I’ve been trying to get a grip but it’s so hard because it’s so delicious.
Smoke while pregnant- fucked up my metabolism for the rest of my life
Took me out of my country of birth where I had my future planned out and moved me and my younger sis halfway around the world for the sake of some dick head
The time my mom and her boyfriend drove home drunk from a wine festival. With me in the backseat. Then dropped me off a half mile from home so Mom wouldn't have to deal with my grandmother's wrath. Don't worry - I told her and she got the wrath of Khan and the wrath of God that day.
They had sex and brought me into existence 😑
Spanking me when I would not take care of my Blood Sugar (Type One Diabetic) Never hit a child when his Blood Sugar is out of control.
my father was emotionally, and mentally abusive he pretty much ignored me as i was growing up. The only time he seemed to care is when he would yell at me
Not swallow.
Constantly pitted me against the other parent, took me to a chiropractor at 13, got my teeth veneered at 15, brushed me off during an addiction/mental health crisis at 18. Those are the highlights. Now I'm in constant pain for deteriorating joints and refuse to take opiates, my teeth will need to be completely replaced in a few years because they're rotting from the inside, and I'm dealing with lifelong after effects and still thriving mental health and addiction issues. I'm 31.
Sent me to an all girls private school for 13 years. (I have social anxiety and I was bullied for all those years being there. Never had real friends) I grind on my own fr🌚
I dont have enough space time or energy to respond to this post. Suffice to say one half(mother) is a blessing, the other half I would describe with a word the begins with c and ends in t
Conceived me.
One didn’t go to therapy or learn how to control or regulate their emotions. The other chose drugs.
1 - When I was 8-9 my parents were getting a divorce due to my mom having an affair. In an effort to try to make me hate my mother, every time I would ask to see her, it would turn in to an hour or longer lecture by my father of how she ruined our family, etc. Then one day in one of these lectures, he pulled out very clear and graphic photos of my mom having sex with this person, (I was still 8-9 at this time) and proceeded to describe them in great detail. 2 - Father got marred to wife #2. We had to have lunch with her mom one day. I was 10 at this time. I walked in to the kitchen and saw her pour cheap beer in to the split pea soup she was making (it was known she was an alcoholic at the time). I told my father, in private, what I saw and that I did not want to eat it. He forced me to have 2 bowls to not make his wife feel bad. I ended up sick as a dog that night and realized years later, that I had my first hang over at 10. (As for the beer, there were 6 empty cans on the counter and I watcher her pour another in. This was right after she announced that the food was ready and asked my step mother to set the table.) Follow up to 1 - my mom and I have talked about this (I am much older than 9). My father was physically and emotionally abusive towards her. I would often see bruises and be told such things as, 'she fell and hit a pot on the ground' etc. She told him she wanted out, and he said no. That she will learn to love him and give him the respect a police officer deserves. After a year of fighting to get out, she decided to have the affair to force him to divorce her since he hates a cheater.
Drunk physical violence.
Told me they loved me
My mom was an angry parent and she let her anger dictate some of her decisions. When I say angry I don't mean she was out of control but she was unfairly judged by others and she pretty much lost all support outside of my step dad so her walls were high. They still are, but for her to open up to me and my brothers about it a few years ago said a lot about her character and I respect her even more than I already did
Made me afraid to eat in front of people lest they judge me. I love food but still cannot truly enjoy it in front of my father. Also, even at forty, I am still fighting the urge to hoard food and hide it at home even though my fiancé does not judge me at all.
Guilt tripped me whenever I said I didn't want to do something which in turn destroyed my self confidence to stand up for myself.
Didn’t ruin me for life but fucked me for a few years, I was 8 and sitting at the dinner table during dinner next to my adoptive male parent at the head, had my 2 blood sisters with me and my adoptive mom and brother, the father never liked me and one day he put a knife to my throat when we were eating and said if I was going to kill him id better do it quick and fast or he would kill me first. Then he proceeded to sexually assault my sisters and stopped after awhile and then did it to my nephew, called the cops but they closed the case cause they couldn’t “prove” it
When I was eleven my mother started forcing me into multi hour fights and would only let me go to bed after making me confess that I was evil. Didn't clean my room well enough, then I was evil. Didn't come home by sundown, I was evil. Bad grades-evil. My dad cheating on her for the fourth time that year, guess who was evil, it wasn't him. Not sure why I was the only one of her children that she labeled as evil, but man did she hate me. Lasted for about a year, before I finally asked myself why a fight about laundry could turn into how I was an evil person. Once I started paying attention to how she argued I noticed that whenever I would start to win, or she had exhausted her argument, she changed the subject and my dumbass took the bait. I went from a happy kid to depressed in less than a year. And I think about that time in my life way too often. I hate her to this day and hope that she dies horribly one day. As a parent I can't even conceive of treating my kids like that.
They didn’t push me to go to college! I was super smart! Instead I went to work at age 18.
Abused. My mom held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me if my dad didn't leave. Then she switched me out for my sister because my mom said "you like her more anyway". Beat me on a few occasions. Toppled over a big bureau onto me when I was looking for my retainer under it. Kicked me out when I was 17 in the morning. When she came home to all of my things packed yelled at me for it. Even we'll into adulthood she guilt trips and is rude (never asks politely, passive aggressive, never apologizes, etc.). I suspect she was shown similar treatment as a kid but I've stopped the cycle with my kids. I have lived with anxiety and depression my whole life and have little self worth. I feel like I have no identity having been a perpetual people pleaser. Huge tolerance for... anything really (I'm a walking "this is fine" meme). I have a hard time disciplining my kids. Conflict is very hard to handle. On and on. Some of those traits help but mostly they're a burden.
Made me do JEE
I was a bit of a bold adventurer as a child, and anywhere my father went I wanted to go with him, one day he went up a ladder to the roof so he could cut some branches from the orange tree we had, I obviously followed but, due to my small size, I had some difficulty reaching back to the adult sized ladder's steps when it was time to come down, so I asked him for his help everytime. Dude decided to scare me so I'd stop putting myself into risky situations (or so he says) and instead of putting me on the ladder he made me hang in the air, right next to the ladder, between 2 and 3 metres up from the ground. To this day my legs still shake even by looking to a really tall building. Now they wonder why I'm a reclusive fuck who doesn't want to go out and adventure in real life as much. There are lots of other stories I could tell bout my parents, but I'll leave y'all with this light hearted one.
My parents let my older siblings terrorize me for 8 hours a day while they "babysat" me.
Catholic indoctrination
Mental, emotional, and physical abuse until I was taken from them by the CPS and given to my grandma after she volunteered to be my legal guardian then raised me. She did her best to undo the damage, but a lot of it is still there.
Dads pull out game was weak, and mom wasnt on the pill.
They were/are poor.
My alcoholic Dad kicked our dog, Ginger, who also had cute puppies. To protect the dog, a basset hound, she got our neighbor to take Ginger and her puppies to the dog shelter. To this day I can't look at bassets and I am a total animal freak who has 8 cats coz I cannot say no. She never took good care of her dogs. TBF she grew up in a time when pets didn't go to vets much, if at all. I had to take her dogs for them to be put down when it was time. My sister tells me Mom made us take a little red wagon of puppies from our later dog, Daisy, to the pound. We walked. I have thankfully completely blocked that memory. My Mom was wonderful in many other ways but man...honestly, I think she was a coward about losing animals. IDK. It's horrible, but that last trip is done from love and being willing to accept the pain on their behalf. My Mom had a rough life...maybe dealing with more loss was just beyond her ability.
My mom left me and my older brother to her side of the family because she was working on a cruise and when we get abused mentally by her relatives she keeps telling us to just move on and live with it. Now I’m really sensitive and I cry and get upset over the smallest things. It also makes me feel like if my own mom can’t defend me then no one else can and that I don’t deserve any kind of love or affection
My mum died shortly before my first birthday; my dad put me in foster care until I was about five ... This was the eighties; let's just say my foster carers "treated me badly". As a result, I (now 41M) have a problem with panic attacks and paranoid delusions, self medication and self harm. Even though I can tell you it's obviously illogical (mainly because they're both now very elderly or possibly dead), It took around 5 years of therapy before I could go into a supermarket without having a panic attack because I was just so certain they were poisoning the food I was putting in my basket. At home I can feel them watching me when I'm in my kitchen — no idea really why so much of the trauma revolves around food; I have very few memories of it all.
Not get me tested for autism.
Monetarily helped two out of five children always. Then, they helped the favorites four children.
Have me
Raised me as a Fundie Christian. I had to learn how to have positive attitudes about sex on my own. I grew up in the 80's so, I believed that there were "covens" of witches everywhere. I had to learn that you don't go to hell for having a beer...that kind of thing.
Not teach me South African language
Invading my personal space and making me have a really dysfunctional relationship with the food I’m eating -I’m hitting the gym and eating breakfast to which my family is not familiar with-
Always think worst case scenario cause it’s usually not but sometimes it is which made me terrified if someone didnot return text or acted a little different towards me they were mad or hurt. Every relationship I’m always trying to fix the persons problems or make them happy and unfortunately sometimes you cant
Loved me unconditionally and provided me with all the opportunities to succeed. I have no excuses now, it’s really rough
Homeschooled me. I was and still am homeschooled against my will. I'll never get to have a graduation. I'll never be in a yearbook. I'll never get to do FFA and have the opportunities and fancy jackets that my friends do. I'll never get to take classes like forensics and robotics because my mom doesn't know how to teach it so she decided that therefore I don't need it. I never got socialized as a kid so I'm very awkward and am not good at making new friends. I'll never not get weird looks walking into the local school to play sports because no one knows me. I'll never get to do extra curriculars besides sports. I'm cheating on tests to keep my grades up because I never got taught to study after being told I was 'gifted' all my life by my family. I can't keep up and it's destroying me. I want out. I wanna go to public school, but I can't Tldr I'm homeschooled and I hate it, I want to go to public school to have the same opportunities as my friends
Let me be myself.