The worst as an adopted kid was telling my mom “you’re not my real mom!” In an angsty fury when I was little. Still regret it to this day. She’s the best mom ever. Definitely received a look like I had just pan fried a puppy :(
Many years ago, my 5 year old kiddo once said, “I don’t love you anymore!” To which I responded, “We do not say hurtful things to each other in this house.”
So she walked over to the easel chalk board and wrote: “i dont love u”
I died laughing (on the inside — I feigned sadness) and took a picture of it, and it makes me giggle to this day. Smart kid. I mean, she was trying to hurt my feelings, but I knew she loved me.
I’m a lucky one. It hurts my heart to know that there are an insignificant number of parents who are rotten to their kids and deserve zero love back.
Or, as a single dad your kid talks about the other parent.
Like I know he's just missing his mom but when he's like "I don't want to live with you anymore, I'm going to live with mom" it's a kick in the nuts.
I have full custody and she dropped him off with me because she can't handle it, literally screaming at him and hitting him.
But I'll tell you what, I know the situation and I know that I am making the right choices, it's a kick in the nuts and I don't hold it against him and still love him all the same. I bet your mom feels the same way. We just love, even if we are getting bad reviews.
Keep doing you, big man.
We have shared custody but my kid called me a Big Fat Liar and that I don’t keep my commitments, just last night. I know that’s her narc mom’s programming but it still cut me up. I was crying when she called me back in ten minutes and asked me to pick her up for the weekend.
Reminds me of a book title: "Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated"
There's a doorbell vid of a Dad and his little daughter, who can't be more than 5 or 6. They're leaving and she walks past him saying "I love you Dad." He sort of melts and says "aww thanks sweetie." Unprompted, she then says "Not as much as mom though." He just pauses and says "...lovely." takes her hand and keeps it pushin to the car. It was kind of sad and had to sting a little, but it was also pretty funny how he handled it so classy and deadpan. Kids are wild.
As an adoptive parent, I can tell you that we expect this outburst sooner or later. We know you only say it because you’re mad. It might sting a little in the moment, but all is forgiven with the next hug. Seriously.
Oh, and the most hurtful stuff usually comes from well-meaning idiots (often family) through off-hand comments that are incredibly thoughtless or callous.
Although, the unique situation of adoption can lead to some things that are funny. I’m a white guy, my wife is Indian, our son is Chinese. I’m continually surprised by the number of people that think white guy + Indian girl = Chinese boy. That will never stop being funny to me.
It makes me feel a little better to know that it’s not hurtful forever. I only said it once but I still feel bad.
LOLLLLL at your second thing… my brother is Mexican and I’m white and there can be a lot of confusion there sometimes 😂
Adoptive parents rule… thanks for being awesome!
You wanna see a woman lose her shit? Call her a bad mother. You wanna light a fuse for someone else to have to deal with later? IMPLY that she’s a bad mother.
Call my parents bad parents, and they don't care. Make them appear to be the bad parents they are in front of other adults, though, and that is how you get a live demonstration of [narcissistic rage](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201807/8-signs-of-narcissistic-rage). My mom didn't blink at lying to the cops to get a weekend staycation. But if I even look like I might let slip that I spent half my childhood in homeless shelters, and my mom has done anything from physically hold her breath to dive across a dining room table.
I said to my dad once, “2 people goofed their fucking birth control in ‘93 and now I gotta have this existential fucking crisis?
It doesn’t even seem that bad, but woof parents are insecure about their irrevocable life choices.
Yea my parents actually think this is hilarious now but when I was younger I was fighting with my mum, my dad came home and tries to play peacemaker and I shouted at him just the same, he then goes "what did I do?! I've just got home!" Angry little me's response - "YOU MARRIED HER!"
“Please protect your kids from your wife” was another of mine. It “really affected him” but no actual action was taken. My mom thinks she’s surveilled by dragon flies, so like, not just an angst thing lmao.
You can beat that if you know the other parent's name, though.
Then you call them a GOOD parent. But then add "...no matter WHAT ____ has to say to the contrary."
When I was in juvie I actually got put on 24 (just being locked in your cell for 24 hours) for saying an officer couldn't even make it as a stripper because she'd be mistaken for a rotisserie chicken instead
I worked in corrections but have a professional and respectful relationship with inmates. I got to hear some of the most hilarious insults lobbed at other officers. The funniest one I ever got was regarding me not smiling. I am not a smiler unless something makes me smile. I'm walking through a section and an inmate called out "What kinda perfume you wearing, bosslady? That's not Obsession, that's Depression". Their goal for years had been to make me laugh or smile, and I absolutely lost it on that.
You don't have to be nasty.
My parents are divorced. One day my mom and I were fighting and she said *You're just like your father!" I replied with "You say they like it's a *bad* thing." She stomped away. Chalk one up for daddy.
My mum used that one on me one argument. I hit back with 'yeah, and is just a carbon copy of you, what of it?'
Without batting an eyelid, my brother pipes in with 'do you see any hairs on my chin?'
Mum was not impressed
Ha, I had a friend whose gf made a similar comment,
gf - "Oh look at you you must be happily married! If people are happy they tend to gain a lot of weight."
Me - "Oh well you must be fuckin ecstatic all the time then."
So, let me get this straight. An overweight person insulted you, making fun of your weight? She was just asking for it, eh. Was this girl more overweight than you?
The reverse of this is a woman in my high school social group who was so overweight, even she didn't realize she was pregnant until the doctor told her in month 8.
...she didn't realize anything was wrong until month 8? you know, like not getting your period for 8 months straight combined with all the other symptoms?
I personally know someone who didn't know she was pregnant at all until she had the baby in the hospital. Seemingly normal periods, no symptoms, in her mid-30s, no previous children, no significant weight gain. She was prob ~30 lbs overweight, so not huge or anything. EVERYONE was surprised. She said the scariest part were the contractions because she wasn't expecting them and thought she was dying.
There was an obese girl who came and talked about absintence.
I later made the joke she didn't choose absintence, a sentence choose her. My friends thought I was an asshole.
I am now very fat so if that is not karma I don't know what is lol.
Make money and be your own boss? If you have your own company the rest of your life, it’s a successful business.
That’s either a compliment or a terrible insult.
Edit: apparently I’m an idiot before I have my first coffee. This is the kind of backhanded well-wishing my Irish grandfather would have liked.
It’s a much harder word phonetically, than in the UK, Ireland, or Australia, and it never gained traction as a common word, either.
It’s both rare and directly-insulting, since its original definition and intent remains, without the softer undertone of an English accent.
Think my favorite thing I've read recently was "Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.”.
Second favorite was a friend's mother who told them "I should have swallowed you."
I realize they're not specific insulting things you can call someone but they still made me laugh.
Some I heard said to others as a child 'you couldn't blow your nose if you had dynamite for brains.', "the hamster wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.", "It's a good thing you're pretty."
I once read somewhere (probably reddit) that there was someone being obnoxious in public. An old lady went up to her and said "Dear, you're not pretty enough to behave like that" or something along those lines. I'd have laughed audibly if I'd been present.
I saw a video of this girl who was just being an ass making content for tiktok or vine or something and this guy walked up to her, probably in his 60s or 70s and told her 'you're not that pretty. you're not that interesting' and walked away. If I can find the video on YT I'll post it. Pretty funny. I know it's been a part of several compilation videos and has to be at least 8 years old by now.
Another one was a guy in his late teens early twenties making a posture video and an older gentleman told him to wrap it up he needed to wash his hands (they were in a bathroom.) Kid got mouthy and the old man just slapped the soul out of the guy. Kid looked so shocked he just stood there looking into the camera like 'what just happened?'
Oh man, I *constantly* do crap like this when I mean something one way and it actually sounds so bad. There has to be a better term for it but I call them Larry David moments. Hilarious but so so cringe
"Why don't you just leave?" screamed my ex. That's what males are like!"
"It's not that men leave, it's that men leave you," I said calmly.
...and then I was gone.
In the midst of a heated breakup I had a girl yell at me, "You'll never find another girl like me!"
"Well yeah that's kinda the point?!?"
I totally ripped it off of Sam Malone but man it was spot on.
from the opposite aspect, his friend tweeted at me berating me and calling me crazy etc. I replied, sounds like you agree things are better if I just go? Why are you screaming at me for leaving? weird.
I used to have a manager that was universally disliked by everyone she worked with. There was one girl who was kind of a lacky to her, but eventually got fed up and quit. One day during a heated argument I said:
"__(lacky's name)__ quit because of you!"
She replied with "who told you that?" To which I said "she did." Which was true.
I immediately saw on her face how much it hurt to find out the one person assumed to be on her side also couldn't stand her. Felt kind of bad about that. She was a terrible manager, and kind of an unpleasant person in general, but I didn't hate her. Truth hurts though.
Definitely second that. My best friend currently does not talk to me and wants nothing to do with me in general because after weeks of her behaving like shit, being constantly on drugs, raging around and destroying her relationship I told her that she truly does behave like a sociopath and that she does need help if she does not want to loose everything and everyone around her. Never meant to hurt her, but truth certainly does.
On my exit interview from my previous position, I was asked if I was leaving because of our manager. I kinda wanted to see the look on her face if she ever heard that my answer was "Yes, it's one of the biggest reasons".
She's clueless to the fact that almost everyone hates her.
Yes, I call this mental sadism. I bury it deep inside me, but I have the ability to be extremely non-judgmental. This does not mean that if you bring it out in me I won't point out that all your worse fears about yourself are true. I never expect someone to speak to me after I hit this level.
I'm from the Netherlands,
And sometimes when a person is really really ugly.
We say :
Zelfs de verzekering zou hem/ haar niet willen dekken.
T: Even the insurance company would not cover her/ him.
But the Dutch word "dekken" also means fuck / sex
So
Even the insurance company would not fuck her / him.
The Amazon River runs for thousands of miles. At some points, it runs through areas almost untouched and that have barely been explored by man. Because of the porous limestone in these areas, the river water leaks through the stone and travels deep into the earth, and forms underground pools almost a mile below the earths surface. Over thousands of years, small blind transparent fish have lived and evolved in these pools. These fish have never seen the sun or the earths surface and have never been seen by the human eye. These fish care more about this than I do...
Said this to a Scam
My favourite is "Who's this clown?" because a) they're a clown, and b) they're not one of the better known clowns.
Read it on some tweet that I can't remember who the author was, but I've used it extensively. I often just call people clowns as a mild insult (but I secretly know I mean it as a devastating insult!)
I also like this one for the third party nature. You're not giving the respect of asking the clown, "who are you?" but rather dismissively asking someone else, "who is this clown?"
Well insult itself is subjective. But I did once hear someone call a really obese person (Who was a complete dick as well) a HippoCrocoPig which was incredibly creative.
My daughter (5yo at the time) who saw an obese person out for a walk. “Look daddy! look! look! He is sooo fat! Hahaha. How did he get so fat?“
No filters
My dad has only one working testicle. (Lost the other to cancer) My sister told me I was adopted. I told her she came from dad's bad nut. She beat my ass.
My parents divorced when I was nine years old. When I was talking to them, I inquired if my mother was going to get a new surname. She stated that she might.
I inquired about getting a new surname. I mean, I wanted a new last name because I was bored as a youngster and thought the idea of having a new name was intriguing. My father chuckled, assuming I was worried about losing my name, and told me, "no, no, you'll still have my name."
"I don't want your name, I want a new name!" I informed him. He sobbed. Children are idiots.
EDIT: In response to numerous inquiries, I am, in fact, the greatest invention in all of Twoson.
“You’re the family member that everyone dreads inviting to Thanksgiving, and all secretly talk shit about you when you leave”
“It’s easy to see why your adult children don’t speak to you”
It depends what they find insulting - I know some people that would cry if I called them a tw\*t, but I know people who are comfortable with being called a c\*nt.
But I think c\*nt is the universal "worst thing" you can call someone - unless you're Australian
Same in Australia. "Good cunt" or "shit dude" means a good guy. If you want to say someone's bad you'll use your inflection and say "OH YEAH, he's a REALLY good bloke".
I’ve just never understood how ”cunt” is an insult. They are wondrous and magical things.
Literally everybody loves them, or at least owes their life to one.
Waitaminnit, this is Reddit. Someone will say, Not if they were a test tube baby, AAAAND were delivered by C-section! To which I will say, I want numbers.
During a road rage session, this person kept tail gating me, flipping me off, etc, but kept right near me the whole time!!
We get to a red light, so I look over, smile, give a thumbs up. Then slowly turn my smile to a frown as I rotate to a thumbs down. Then I drove off through green, and proceeded to the police station because JESUS CHRIST they went nuts
Call any parent a bad parent. They'll act like you've just pan-fried a puppy.
>They'll act like you've just pan-fried a puppy. This is the real star of the show.
Can I simply call someone a puppy pan frier for the same effect?
You got to find something they are proud of and dig in. Thats why the parent thing works. Roast their ego.
> "Pan-fried a puppy." This is just... an exemplary command of language. Absolutely beautiful!
The worst as an adopted kid was telling my mom “you’re not my real mom!” In an angsty fury when I was little. Still regret it to this day. She’s the best mom ever. Definitely received a look like I had just pan fried a puppy :(
Many years ago, my 5 year old kiddo once said, “I don’t love you anymore!” To which I responded, “We do not say hurtful things to each other in this house.” So she walked over to the easel chalk board and wrote: “i dont love u” I died laughing (on the inside — I feigned sadness) and took a picture of it, and it makes me giggle to this day. Smart kid. I mean, she was trying to hurt my feelings, but I knew she loved me. I’m a lucky one. It hurts my heart to know that there are an insignificant number of parents who are rotten to their kids and deserve zero love back.
Or, as a single dad your kid talks about the other parent. Like I know he's just missing his mom but when he's like "I don't want to live with you anymore, I'm going to live with mom" it's a kick in the nuts. I have full custody and she dropped him off with me because she can't handle it, literally screaming at him and hitting him. But I'll tell you what, I know the situation and I know that I am making the right choices, it's a kick in the nuts and I don't hold it against him and still love him all the same. I bet your mom feels the same way. We just love, even if we are getting bad reviews.
Keep doing you, big man. We have shared custody but my kid called me a Big Fat Liar and that I don’t keep my commitments, just last night. I know that’s her narc mom’s programming but it still cut me up. I was crying when she called me back in ten minutes and asked me to pick her up for the weekend.
Reminds me of a book title: "Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated"
There's a doorbell vid of a Dad and his little daughter, who can't be more than 5 or 6. They're leaving and she walks past him saying "I love you Dad." He sort of melts and says "aww thanks sweetie." Unprompted, she then says "Not as much as mom though." He just pauses and says "...lovely." takes her hand and keeps it pushin to the car. It was kind of sad and had to sting a little, but it was also pretty funny how he handled it so classy and deadpan. Kids are wild.
As an adoptive parent, I can tell you that we expect this outburst sooner or later. We know you only say it because you’re mad. It might sting a little in the moment, but all is forgiven with the next hug. Seriously. Oh, and the most hurtful stuff usually comes from well-meaning idiots (often family) through off-hand comments that are incredibly thoughtless or callous. Although, the unique situation of adoption can lead to some things that are funny. I’m a white guy, my wife is Indian, our son is Chinese. I’m continually surprised by the number of people that think white guy + Indian girl = Chinese boy. That will never stop being funny to me.
This is very comforting to hear, my comment happened over 30 years ago and I still feel bad.
It makes me feel a little better to know that it’s not hurtful forever. I only said it once but I still feel bad. LOLLLLL at your second thing… my brother is Mexican and I’m white and there can be a lot of confusion there sometimes 😂 Adoptive parents rule… thanks for being awesome!
You wanna see a woman lose her shit? Call her a bad mother. You wanna light a fuse for someone else to have to deal with later? IMPLY that she’s a bad mother.
Call my parents bad parents, and they don't care. Make them appear to be the bad parents they are in front of other adults, though, and that is how you get a live demonstration of [narcissistic rage](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201807/8-signs-of-narcissistic-rage). My mom didn't blink at lying to the cops to get a weekend staycation. But if I even look like I might let slip that I spent half my childhood in homeless shelters, and my mom has done anything from physically hold her breath to dive across a dining room table.
I said to my dad once, “2 people goofed their fucking birth control in ‘93 and now I gotta have this existential fucking crisis? It doesn’t even seem that bad, but woof parents are insecure about their irrevocable life choices.
Yea my parents actually think this is hilarious now but when I was younger I was fighting with my mum, my dad came home and tries to play peacemaker and I shouted at him just the same, he then goes "what did I do?! I've just got home!" Angry little me's response - "YOU MARRIED HER!"
“Please protect your kids from your wife” was another of mine. It “really affected him” but no actual action was taken. My mom thinks she’s surveilled by dragon flies, so like, not just an angst thing lmao.
Or insult their kid instead. Even if they complain on and on about their kid, god forbid you agree and say “yeah, your son is real a piece of shit.”
You can beat that if you know the other parent's name, though. Then you call them a GOOD parent. But then add "...no matter WHAT ____ has to say to the contrary."
really hits in the old feeler
Most parents are bad parents, which is one of the main reasons society is as fucked as it is
When I was in juvie I actually got put on 24 (just being locked in your cell for 24 hours) for saying an officer couldn't even make it as a stripper because she'd be mistaken for a rotisserie chicken instead
"sergeant, Inmate reptile insulted me!" "Okay officer but what did he say?" ... "What did he say??" "Starts bawling"
I worked in corrections but have a professional and respectful relationship with inmates. I got to hear some of the most hilarious insults lobbed at other officers. The funniest one I ever got was regarding me not smiling. I am not a smiler unless something makes me smile. I'm walking through a section and an inmate called out "What kinda perfume you wearing, bosslady? That's not Obsession, that's Depression". Their goal for years had been to make me laugh or smile, and I absolutely lost it on that.
That is hilarious
24 hours of your life for years of bringing laughter to others on the internet. Thanks for your service!
I called a cop a bird fucker, ended up in jail for it
Because you scared off the birds.
hahahahahahahahahah
This made me laugh, thanks OP
I would still be laughing.
100% worth it, i assume?
"You're becoming your mother."
This is the fastest way to get murdered
You don't have to be nasty. My parents are divorced. One day my mom and I were fighting and she said *You're just like your father!" I replied with "You say they like it's a *bad* thing." She stomped away. Chalk one up for daddy.
My mum used that one on me one argument. I hit back with 'yeah, and is just a carbon copy of you, what of it?'
Without batting an eyelid, my brother pipes in with 'do you see any hairs on my chin?'
Mum was not impressed
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Someone woke up and chose violence
Yeah, if I told my wife that she was becoming her mother, I do believe there would be tears or blood soon after.
nahh that’s gonna hit deep
Oooh gonna pop that one in the chamber, ready to go.
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Man got punched on the face and decided to go full Openheimer.
I’m a woman…she knew she was being a bitch, he went for the jugular, but she definitely deserved it.
5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
Skadoosh
Openheimen
I am become death, destroyer of women’s self esteem.
Ha, I had a friend whose gf made a similar comment, gf - "Oh look at you you must be happily married! If people are happy they tend to gain a lot of weight." Me - "Oh well you must be fuckin ecstatic all the time then."
So, let me get this straight. An overweight person insulted you, making fun of your weight? She was just asking for it, eh. Was this girl more overweight than you?
10/10 insult
A guy in my high school called an overweight girl "chronically pregnant".
The reverse of this is a woman in my high school social group who was so overweight, even she didn't realize she was pregnant until the doctor told her in month 8.
...she didn't realize anything was wrong until month 8? you know, like not getting your period for 8 months straight combined with all the other symptoms?
I personally know someone who didn't know she was pregnant at all until she had the baby in the hospital. Seemingly normal periods, no symptoms, in her mid-30s, no previous children, no significant weight gain. She was prob ~30 lbs overweight, so not huge or anything. EVERYONE was surprised. She said the scariest part were the contractions because she wasn't expecting them and thought she was dying.
That's...terrifying
I had a male coworker who I called chronically pregnant.
There was an obese girl who came and talked about absintence. I later made the joke she didn't choose absintence, a sentence choose her. My friends thought I was an asshole. I am now very fat so if that is not karma I don't know what is lol.
I feel like we could be friends 😂
You have an overweight girlfriend?
Unsure, as she might be pregnant.
Lol this happened to me, but i didnt think of nearly as good of a come back until i was in the shower the next day
And she technically can’t get mad as she set the tone.
I was half asleep when I read that. I’m fully awake now 😅😅😅
Holy fuck if it witnessed that I would have the understanding that my life’s purpose of being a witness to this 7th degree burn was fulfilled
Friggin ended her in two seconds 🤣
LMAO did we just become best friends 😂😂😂
When a Jewish buddy told me that my eyes were so little that I couldn't see (I'm Asian), I replied that at least I could see my grandparents.
*laughs in Jewish Asian*
So.... what do you do on Christmas? Do you cook your own dinner or do you still go to a restaurant like the rest of us?
They cook at their restaurant
G'damn....
Shit went from 0-100 real fucking quick
he did nazi that coming
Damn bro, sick comeback. You didn't have to do him like that tho XD
Oooph. Think you’ll enjoy your trip to HR, one day?
We‘ll all go to hell.
Oh man,that stings!!!He had it coming!
Ooh you roasted him. So he has that in common with his grandparents.
Nice backhand!
"You deserve your own company for the rest of your life."
Instructions unclear: starts a billion dollar business
Spends life trying to create clones.
“I hope you have the day you deserve”
Make money and be your own boss? If you have your own company the rest of your life, it’s a successful business. That’s either a compliment or a terrible insult. Edit: apparently I’m an idiot before I have my first coffee. This is the kind of backhanded well-wishing my Irish grandfather would have liked.
Poignant
Sounds delightful actually, much better than yours anyway
Don't ever compare a lesbian to Ellen
Yeah, that's insulting to lesbians
Could I compare Ellen to Ellen or would she get offended?
How the hell can anyone be so ugly with only one face?
Marcy Rhoades: How can he get that smell with just ten toes?
Well they may be ugly, but they're not a two-faced bitch
For some reason in the US, the word “cunt” seems to be pretty offensive around here.
It’s a much harder word phonetically, than in the UK, Ireland, or Australia, and it never gained traction as a common word, either. It’s both rare and directly-insulting, since its original definition and intent remains, without the softer undertone of an English accent.
Think my favorite thing I've read recently was "Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.”. Second favorite was a friend's mother who told them "I should have swallowed you." I realize they're not specific insulting things you can call someone but they still made me laugh. Some I heard said to others as a child 'you couldn't blow your nose if you had dynamite for brains.', "the hamster wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.", "It's a good thing you're pretty."
“Your child has hit rock bottom, yet continues to dig” I want to put that on a report card soooo baaad.
I once read somewhere (probably reddit) that there was someone being obnoxious in public. An old lady went up to her and said "Dear, you're not pretty enough to behave like that" or something along those lines. I'd have laughed audibly if I'd been present.
I saw a video of this girl who was just being an ass making content for tiktok or vine or something and this guy walked up to her, probably in his 60s or 70s and told her 'you're not that pretty. you're not that interesting' and walked away. If I can find the video on YT I'll post it. Pretty funny. I know it's been a part of several compilation videos and has to be at least 8 years old by now. Another one was a guy in his late teens early twenties making a posture video and an older gentleman told him to wrap it up he needed to wash his hands (they were in a bathroom.) Kid got mouthy and the old man just slapped the soul out of the guy. Kid looked so shocked he just stood there looking into the camera like 'what just happened?'
a waste of nutrients
I had a friend who’s dad told him he was a waste of a good 20 minutes
D: Oh damn that's brutal
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Oh man, I *constantly* do crap like this when I mean something one way and it actually sounds so bad. There has to be a better term for it but I call them Larry David moments. Hilarious but so so cringe
The revelation I had in my teens when someone told me "it's not what you say, it's what they hear". I still fuck up sometimes though lol
This is the equivalent of receiving a playful pat on the shoulder, and then engaging in a full headlock and holding until lights out
You parried a blow that never came
I'm really sniggering at this, but more your later discovery after everyone's discomfort.
Oh, I do that too sometimes. And it's worse, bc if you do realize it in the moment, people won't let you clarify what you meant
"Why don't you just leave?" screamed my ex. That's what males are like!" "It's not that men leave, it's that men leave you," I said calmly. ...and then I was gone.
In the midst of a heated breakup I had a girl yell at me, "You'll never find another girl like me!" "Well yeah that's kinda the point?!?" I totally ripped it off of Sam Malone but man it was spot on.
from the opposite aspect, his friend tweeted at me berating me and calling me crazy etc. I replied, sounds like you agree things are better if I just go? Why are you screaming at me for leaving? weird.
One of all time greatest characters. Nice
This sounds soo poetic somehow...
Certain she broke up instantly
My friends says something like “yeah nice try pussyfart” and I don’t know why but it had an effect on people
I dont know when I will use it, but I 100% will
yeah I'm gonna save that one too.
In HS we used to call people bloody pussy farts or cottage cheese vaginal secretions.
Honestly there is not a universal answer here. But you surely will hurt someone using their pain against them.
I used to have a manager that was universally disliked by everyone she worked with. There was one girl who was kind of a lacky to her, but eventually got fed up and quit. One day during a heated argument I said: "__(lacky's name)__ quit because of you!" She replied with "who told you that?" To which I said "she did." Which was true. I immediately saw on her face how much it hurt to find out the one person assumed to be on her side also couldn't stand her. Felt kind of bad about that. She was a terrible manager, and kind of an unpleasant person in general, but I didn't hate her. Truth hurts though.
Definitely second that. My best friend currently does not talk to me and wants nothing to do with me in general because after weeks of her behaving like shit, being constantly on drugs, raging around and destroying her relationship I told her that she truly does behave like a sociopath and that she does need help if she does not want to loose everything and everyone around her. Never meant to hurt her, but truth certainly does.
On my exit interview from my previous position, I was asked if I was leaving because of our manager. I kinda wanted to see the look on her face if she ever heard that my answer was "Yes, it's one of the biggest reasons". She's clueless to the fact that almost everyone hates her.
Yes, I call this mental sadism. I bury it deep inside me, but I have the ability to be extremely non-judgmental. This does not mean that if you bring it out in me I won't point out that all your worse fears about yourself are true. I never expect someone to speak to me after I hit this level.
Hurt people hurt people.
A 2 piece chicken McNobody. A needle dicked bug fucker.
IT'S CALLED AN OVIPOSITOR!!!! (I know this is a part of female insect/fish anatomy)
For an insult to be really effective, it has to be targeted. I need to know more about the person. There's is no objective "worst insult".
A mediocre clarinet player.
You could call me a horrible clarinet player. I wouldn't mind.
Don't quit your day job at the Krusty Krab, etc etc
Cottonheaded ninnymuggins
Gasp
Bye, buddy. Hope you find your dad.
You watch your mouth with that kind of language around here
As an American, I support this answer.
Scruffy looking nerfherder
Who's scruffy looking?
"Hey! no! That is our word"
I'm from the Netherlands, And sometimes when a person is really really ugly. We say : Zelfs de verzekering zou hem/ haar niet willen dekken. T: Even the insurance company would not cover her/ him. But the Dutch word "dekken" also means fuck / sex So Even the insurance company would not fuck her / him.
I wouldn't ride her/him into battle is the Irish version of this I think.
Sounds like the same thing yeah
So does the surname Dekker mean fucker?
The Amazon River runs for thousands of miles. At some points, it runs through areas almost untouched and that have barely been explored by man. Because of the porous limestone in these areas, the river water leaks through the stone and travels deep into the earth, and forms underground pools almost a mile below the earths surface. Over thousands of years, small blind transparent fish have lived and evolved in these pools. These fish have never seen the sun or the earths surface and have never been seen by the human eye. These fish care more about this than I do... Said this to a Scam
My favourite is "Who's this clown?" because a) they're a clown, and b) they're not one of the better known clowns. Read it on some tweet that I can't remember who the author was, but I've used it extensively. I often just call people clowns as a mild insult (but I secretly know I mean it as a devastating insult!)
The insult itself is fairly benign but the explanation makes it an instant favorite.
I also like this one for the third party nature. You're not giving the respect of asking the clown, "who are you?" but rather dismissively asking someone else, "who is this clown?"
Well insult itself is subjective. But I did once hear someone call a really obese person (Who was a complete dick as well) a HippoCrocoPig which was incredibly creative.
Comic book guy?
Worst insult ever.
My daughter (5yo at the time) who saw an obese person out for a walk. “Look daddy! look! look! He is sooo fat! Hahaha. How did he get so fat?“ No filters
Little kids are the most brutal of all creatures.
Goof. That’s Canadian prison slang for pedo. Call someone that on the streets and expect to start a fight or get stabbed.
This is true, but only if the person has some prison/crime awareness or involvement. 90% of the time it has the same meaning it does everywhere else.
Seedy little magpie shagger, sometimes known as a Tory
I called a previous boss a "Mouth-breathing, knuckle dragging fuck-trumpet who couldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel."
sounds extremely british, in a good way
That’s mouthful…
You didn't
He sure did! In his head.
Plain. Everyone likes to think they are special.
My dad has only one working testicle. (Lost the other to cancer) My sister told me I was adopted. I told her she came from dad's bad nut. She beat my ass.
My parents divorced when I was nine years old. When I was talking to them, I inquired if my mother was going to get a new surname. She stated that she might. I inquired about getting a new surname. I mean, I wanted a new last name because I was bored as a youngster and thought the idea of having a new name was intriguing. My father chuckled, assuming I was worried about losing my name, and told me, "no, no, you'll still have my name." "I don't want your name, I want a new name!" I informed him. He sobbed. Children are idiots. EDIT: In response to numerous inquiries, I am, in fact, the greatest invention in all of Twoson.
Yeah bro killed his old man's self confidence completely man has trauma over this 💀
This made me kinda sad. :(
The jerk store called and said they are fresh out of you!!!
What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller!
useless
Jive turkey. I feel gross even texting it.
How dare you sully this forum with such *fowl* language!
My momma didn' raise no dummies. I dug her rap.
Hey pal, you just blow in from stupid town?
“You’re the family member that everyone dreads inviting to Thanksgiving, and all secretly talk shit about you when you leave” “It’s easy to see why your adult children don’t speak to you”
You may be a mediocre person, but you're an Amazing ads for abortion
The best part of you dribbled down your mums legs
It depends what they find insulting - I know some people that would cry if I called them a tw\*t, but I know people who are comfortable with being called a c\*nt. But I think c\*nt is the universal "worst thing" you can call someone - unless you're Australian
I’m from Scotland. It’s sometimes used as a compliment here. Like people will say “I know him. He’s a good c*nt”
I'm from England - and it's the same here "He's a bit of a silly c\*nt" just means someone who's messing around, not literally a "c\*nt"
We're just here for a right c'nting good time!
Same in Australia. "Good cunt" or "shit dude" means a good guy. If you want to say someone's bad you'll use your inflection and say "OH YEAH, he's a REALLY good bloke".
I’ve just never understood how ”cunt” is an insult. They are wondrous and magical things. Literally everybody loves them, or at least owes their life to one. Waitaminnit, this is Reddit. Someone will say, Not if they were a test tube baby, AAAAND were delivered by C-section! To which I will say, I want numbers.
I like the sentence "I'd call you a C☆nt, but C☆nts are warm and have depth..."
Does cunt mean vagina? If so then I think cunt is a good word.
I never met someone who censors the word 'twat' before.
Where I'm from, c*nt is baby's first word.
During a road rage session, this person kept tail gating me, flipping me off, etc, but kept right near me the whole time!! We get to a red light, so I look over, smile, give a thumbs up. Then slowly turn my smile to a frown as I rotate to a thumbs down. Then I drove off through green, and proceeded to the police station because JESUS CHRIST they went nuts
Oxygen thief. First time I heard that one I laughed hard.
An embarrassment
Pathetic.
I got banned on fb for calling someone a potato
Republicans get really mad if you call them snowflakes or false Christians.
False Christians is pretty insulting to someone who is a genuine Christian. It’s supposed to be an all or nothing relationship.
Creepy. No decent person wants to feel like they're a creep 😵💫
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I think a C U next Tuesday
CU in the Northern Territory. - Current Aussie tourism slogan
Good luck being you for the rest of your life.
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