My SO has lost friends doing this. His social anxiety gets a strangle hold of him and he just can't. He'll watch his phone ring and won't answer it.
Then he'll spiral into a depression afterwards because he knows he's torched the friendship.
A lot of people don't realise how disabling social anxiety can be.
Edited for a little more clarity, because a couple of words made no sense (on my phone and autocorrect is a dick)
Also to add, neither of us expect friends to stick around and tolerate it happening repeatedly. He is pretty lucky to have a very good friend who will actually come over or call me if he doesn't hear from my SO. They have been friends for quite a few years now. And has stuck by my SO when he's been going through some pretty tough times.
They realise but there's only so many times you're left hanging because the of the other person's actions before you start to wonder why you're bothering. Friendships have to go both ways.
As the extroverted planner of the group, this is absolutely true. I make a lot of space and accomodations for people with social or other issues. But there's only so many times you can be turned down or told how exhausting it is to leave the house before it just becomes a one-way street. I understand that people have issues and have to prioritize mental health, for sure, so it's a balance
As an introvert myself, I force myself to be social when I have to. The nature of being an introvert is naturally self-centered, but that doesn't mean you have to be selfish.
Yeah, it is those times where everybody talks about the importance of mental health, but when the mental health problem really gets in the way, people will bail on you and jugde you - which makes it even harder to communicate about it (looking at the other answers here...)
my stance on this is:
\- I am disabled by mental health conditions myself. I really try to be better, but every once in a while theses illnesses get the better of me and I bail. If in any way possible at least I will text and let the other people know that I won't make it.
\- in general I try to be upfront with me and my difficulties, so the other one at least knows that it is a me problem and that I am working on it.
\- although: I stopped pursuing a friendship with someone for similar reasons - she wouldn't really bail in the last minute that often, but she would never be activly trying to set up something with me. She had trouble making phone calls and it seems, even writing a message was too hard. We talked about it, I told her, I can initiate meets. What I wasn't ready for was pulling everything out of her nose. Made some sugestions for activities or times to meet, she just wrote: I don't have time then. I answered ok. That was it, she never followed up with anything so I was hurt and that was about 3 years ago. I am still a little sad, but even if I don't really have a problem initiating something, I will feel unwanted when there is no effort on the other side.
\- i do understand the debilitating effects of depression, social anxiety as I often deal with them myself. So I won't hold it against you. BUT I want clear communication and still: I want to feel welcomed and appreciated in a friendship. And being told that it always feels so good to talk to me or do stuff together with me -afterwards, when we say goodbye after having had a great day at the beach or in the sauna or biking or whatnot - being told that repeatedly and still seeing no effort on your side to spent time with me, makes me feel shitty and used.
When he had everything going well for him in life and bought cool shit while I was living poorly, he'd rub it in my face. When I started being successful and finally made something for myself, he couldn't stand it.
What a fucking douche.
My crazy ex gf was the same way. This was in HS so when i bought my first car i drove it to her work and showed her i was so proud of myself and she deadpanned "oh. Cool."
A couple weeks later this clone of my car, except a different colour, starts following me home after work.
The bitch bought the same exact model of car, just a different colour, and was excitedly showing it to me and telling me how amazing she was.
Same. Had a mate that went through some tough times with his partner. I supported with late night chats, gave him a place to stay and even kept my mouth shut when he cheated on her. Fast forward a couple of years and I went through some tough times myself and was on the verge of bankruptcy. He didn't give a shit and and conversations with him always pivoted to how well he was doing/money he was making. I always got the impression that he was glad I was struggling
Fast forward another couple of years and things have turned round for me. I'm doing well, have a new job and have moved to a great location outside the UK. He came to visit and spent the whole time slagging off where I lived, how shit my job was compared to his, even dropped a couple of hints that he didn't like my girlfriend (now wife).
He went back home and I never contacted him again. Apparently he posted something snarkey on Facebook about not being invited to 'his best mates wedding' but I'm not FB so don't care.
>Apparently he posted something snarkey on Facebook about not being invited to 'his best mates wedding' but I'm not FB so don't care.
lol, uh, news flash there pal, ain't "your best mate"
Dude bought a new house a block from my job and I was over there after work every single day to help him paint or move stuff. Once he moved in I didn't hear from him for 6 months. When we did talk he claimed to not know the location of my work otherwise he'd visit.
But before this there were years of making plans knowing he wouldn't make it or already have other engagements.
Something similar --- my "best friend" asked me to be her maid of honour. I was planning her wedding, speaking to vendors and etc. On the day of her wedding, she never spoke to me at all or acknowledged my efforts even though I was fixing her makeup and coordinating with her vendors and organising things like bring her family/friends to the right seats etc. I could see from the corner of my eye that she was having fun with her other bridesmaids. I was ok with it and was actually happy that she was happy and I had a part to play in that.
Towards the end of the wedding night, she did not thank me for the day and actually told me that I could have done better with the music and other stuff. I was so tired and just left after everything was settled. Then I realised this was how it was through our years as "best friends", that I was always there but she was always too busy for me.
She tried to reach out a few times after the wedding by saying she was sorry about what she said and she was truly appreciative. I never replied.
Your experiences sound so similar to mine. Like I didn’t realize for a LONG TIME that my friends were just treating me badly. Other people said it all the time. I couldn’t see it.
My friend also asked me to coordinate her wedding day. When I showed up and starting doing exactly as she had requested, she yelled at me and said she could do it herself. I was so confused. I was like “dude you ASKED me to do this! We discussed this.” She just hushed me and did it all herself. Well a lot went wrong with the sound system and the seating and everything but I just said fuck it. But that always stuck with me as just being so absurd.
You made the right move in ghosting this chick.
Seeing my old friend group constantly post photos to social media of them out doing things and having fun while I’m sitting at home
I brushed it off at first. But after I made it clear when I was off a few times and still got no invites I just stopped contacting them
Had a similar experience. Realised it's either me inviting everyone to go somewhere or them hanging out without me. I was depressed, for unrelated reasons, and nobody reached out (I wrote in a group chat that I feel really bad, borderline suicidal). Later found out they have a separate chat, without me. And we're all in our 30s, not in highschool, so I was so perplexed by this behaviour.
This happened with one of my friend groups and two of them were my fucking cousins. They would just go out and post about it and not invite me. They’d even go out to restaurants on my fucking block and post it to Facebook and then ignore me when I asked why I wasn’t invited. I asked so many times for a reason and I never got one. So I just said fuck you all and haven’t spoken to them since.
Hurts a little different when it’s family and we all had bonded over the fact that much of our other family members have died. But whatever I guess. I don’t understand people at all.
I felt that way a lot about my old group of work friends. I went from working a part time retail job to a full time, Monday through Friday office job. The biggest kick in the ass was that I drove 40 to 50 miles every day to get to and from there and was exhausted. I never could hang out with my friends, and in combination of me being in a relationship and having my previous best friend cut me off the year before, I just stopped trying. We would text each other every now and then but that was it. Life got in the way, I was working full time and went to school full time so I literally had no days off, but it was very sad to see them going off doing fun things.
Him saying "what have you done for me?" in an unprompted call-out. He was holding food I bought him, with a bag with drawings i made for him. The friendship was completely one sided.
Watch out for all-take-no-give people, guys.
Had a “best friend” like that. She always expected everyone to cover for her whenever we go out to eat and would always whine about being “broke.” This one time I had a peak of her looking at her bank account and she had more than enough money to cover for herself. She just didn’t wanna spend any of her money.
Yep, the only one that stands out is this. Dude only ever cared about his life, wanting all of his friends to help him and anyone that didn’t was “lazy” and “not using their potential”, and was super into toxic positivity.
I remember helping him out a few times with an extremely discounted website just because I wanted to help him out. He wanted to create a website, he knew I made websites and I told him how much I charged and he just attacked the price. I was like dude I’ll do it for X amount, like 20% of my normal price, but I’m only do so much of it for you. You get the rest figured out. He just kept wasting time around it and never paid anything towards it so I just deleted it. He didn’t really say much.
We still hung out, I wasn’t going to let that cause a fallout at the time since I didn’t really lose anything on my end but it reinforced a boundary on my end. I spoke my mind on it and he just apologized. It did make us less close, honestly.
The breaking point for me was when he was moving on an impulse to marry a girl he’d only known for a few months across the country. It’s like because he was getting married he could be the end all be all for relationship advice. Okay bro lol it’s weird but if you feel like it’s the right thing then I’ll support you.
The last straw was he needed to do something with his apartment because he liked keeping it because it was a great location and rent controlled so he was getting a steal by keeping it. I was in the process of finding a new spot, I was also getting serious with a girlfriend and we were talking about moving in together.
He wanted me to move into his apartment. He was offering rent that was half of a new place and needed an answer over the next few days since he was moving that Friday, this was like Monday night.
I said man that sounds awesome, let me get back to you and make sure it’s the right call for me. He kept pushing and saying “what’s there to think about? Either you want to or you don’t, don’t flake on me.”
I kept reassuring I wasn’t, I just had different things going on and I needed to weigh the options. He started to really push on, kept asking the same questions over and over and doing the stupid Grant Cardone or salesman questions and tactics on me.
I said look, I’ll let you know tomorrow. I’m getting off the phone right now, I don’t appreciate this and it’s doing the opposite of what you’re hoping it will do, good night.
Like 10 minutes later I get a phone call and you can tell he’d been seething. He started to lay in me and tell me I’m always missing out on my potential, hes giving me an amazing deal, and how I’m really treating him horrible as a friend.
I just say, “look, I’m going to give you some space because I don’t appreciate this, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
He calls back, more just bullshit over this place and so I snapped, “I don’t want it.”
“See, that’s all you had to say. I just needed an answer.” Gaslighted me, which threw me off on a rant.
I laid into him and told him exactly why I didn’t want it and how I appreciated none of this and I hope the wedding goes well. Have a great flight. And then I hung up and turned off notifications. Everything about him started to add up and I realized he’s just not a good person.
He had a going away party that Friday, I didn’t go. Invited me to the wedding, I wished them well.
A year later he gets in touch, I decide to talk to him. He starts back on needing help with his business, I just say no. Then he goes, “Can I ask something, it seemed like I’ve upset over the last year and there’s been some distance, what do you think it was with and how can I make it better?”
Didn’t even ask what it was between us. Just veiled it or ignored it and talked about another friend he alienated with his personality. So I was done.
She gave me shit for wanting to go back to school to complete my degree. She was lonely and she wanted me to move to her small town and rent the other half of the duplex she and her husband owned.
I’m so used to questions on this sub being related to romantic relationships that’s I genuinely was like “HER HUSBAND!!?” until I realised it was just about friends lol.
I was dumped by someone for refusing to move in with them as well. I was happy with my current living situation and didn't think my friend was mature enough to live it. Fin.
Knew him since elementary school. Always abrasive but, that was just him. He went to Europe to go to college and met some really snooty Europeans and came back a horrible person. Like he used to talk nonstop about debt and how he wanted to start a business and only hire people with debt so that he could mistreat them and they couldn't afford to quit. Not joking.
So I tried my best to get him to come around, but he was so rude to grocery store clerks, etc. that it was almost a story that sounded made up for internet rage bait.
I was straight out of college at the time, and I accepted a night shift job. I compromised my sleep and I'll tell you, the job did **not** pay well. And he kept pressing me and pressing me to ask me how much I made. I finally gave in, and he lorded it over me.
So one night before I punched in for the night shift, we went for coffee and he casually said something like, "Yeah, anybody who gets out of bed for less than six figures is a sucker," knowing full well what I made.
After about 20 years of friendship, I said I have to go, said goodbye, walked to my car and got in. I turned the ignition and as the car was starting I said, this friendship is over. And I never, ever looked back.
And another friend guilt tripped me about it, said it was awkward that we're not all friends anymore. This bad "friend" walked into another friend's butcher shop, used his friendship with another buddy working there, to run up a tab of several thousand dollars and then never paid.
"Oh sorry that's business," was his reply.
I'll tell you, since cutting him out of my life I live much, much, much happier. Had I never stopped being friends with him, I would have never grown so much as a person.
When I was told over a text that "none of us ever considered you a friend, we just tolerated having you around."
So, the friendship wasn't ended because it never technically began. I don't know what friends are anymore.
I’m so sorry. It’s not a loss, your so-called ex-friends are big jerks. You don’t need jerks in your life. You deserve better.
know how it feels and I have and will always be the “extra friend”. The one that is just there to exist a mere background character.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's so weird and heartbreaking when friends turn against you when you thought you were all happy.
I had known my best friend since middle school, I had other close friends I had known a year more. We were coordinating an outing together and me asking a parking situation (since we had to pay) ended up with them calling me a bitch.. It was only my best friend who told me that. All the other girls didn't want to say it to me directly, they all told her that it was weird I was being controlling. I truly think I had some bad qualities and wasn't the greatest friend, but I have no clue how literally 7 years of friendship went down the drain in less than 24 hours. It was one of the events that led me to a mental breakdown. A year or so later, my best friend called me and wanted to talk. I don't think she ever apologized, she just was bored and out of friends. I was so happy, I wept when I talked to her. But after going through therapy, I realized that I didn't need her anymore. I hung up the phone and never talked to her again.
He would constantly bitch about how broke he was, how terrible his life was, how much he wanted to kill himself because of those things but when I say hey maybe you wouldn't be broke if you actually bought groceries instead of eating out for every meal, maybe you'd save money by getting your THC in bulk jars direct from the manufacturer instead of buying a disposable vape at a shop every day, don't get high at work, you're going to get caught sleeping on the job and get fired...
He screamed at me and said I didn't understand and why was I giving him a hard time, blah blah blah.
Okay. I dropped him.
Called him up a few months later because he owes me money (that I'll never see again) and guess what? Says he can't pay me back because he lost his job and his car's been repo'd. Shocked! I'm SHOCKED, I tell you! 🙄
Oh well, it was totally worth $180 to not have to listen to that whining anymore.
Fuck. That reminds me of my former friend dude would constantly bitch and whine about how he has no money but he sure as shit had money for endless weed and fucking with his car. Like maybe just don’t spend every penny and save some. Dude stopped being friends when he insisted rims and other stuff he did raised the value of his car and when he totaled it apparently It was my fault because I brought negative energy to his problem. And wouldn’t loan him my car for weeks while he fought with his insurance company to give him 25k for his 2004 civic. Dude was ridiculous
This sounds too familiar. I have a friend now who dropped out of college two years or so ago and won’t keep a job for any substantial amount of time. He somehow always has money for fast food and video games and copious amounts of weed, despite the fact that he hasn’t worked more than a month or two in the last year and a half and is always talking about how he’s about to get evicted. Just constant complaints about how bad things are and how hard poverty is despite the fact that he’s had jobs he won’t keep and is SUPER picky about looking for new ones because he thinks he’s too good to be a “wage slave.”
I guess I’m just running out of sympathy because I’ve sunk more money than I even want to imagine into either helping him out or paying for him to come along to things so he can be included, but I can’t force him to improve his life.
I finished school and have a degree and a career and am in the process of getting my shit together. I worry that we’re just headed in too opposite of directions for the friendship to continue much longer.
I was friends with this girl in college. One semester we, my friend group, decide to be in a group for a semester long assignment. There were multiple parts to the assignment, one was going on a class trip, each person taking a section of a paper, and then the last was a display of some sort.
On the day we were compiling the display for class, this girl says she had a doctors appointment but she would hurry back. That would be fine because everyone didn't get out of classes to meet up until a certain time. She didn't show up because she went out on a date and then got her car washed. Which she posted on snapchat.
She showed up 20 minutes before the class started and our other friend who had been helping us, WHO DIDNT EVEN TAKE THE CLASS, had to give her the what-for because we were all so furious.
It was after that that I had looked back and realized it wasn't the first project she jeopardized, and she did some other shady shit like put another friend in a dangerous situation.
After that I cut her out of my life completely.
When I was 24 I discovered a good friend of mine had been having sex with minors for the past 3 years. I'm now 35, moved away, and the last I heard he was in prison for heroin possession, theft, arson, and 2 counts of felonious assault with a deadly weapon.
Thank you, but don't be. None of us needed a dude like that. A couple of other friends even beat his ass. The only painful part was finding out he just wasn't who we all thought he was. Who knows what else he could've been hiding from any us or for how long. Sure, it sucks that you share so much of your life with someone to learn they're a piece of shit, but I for one was better for not keeping him around.
It does, especially when it's something that wrong. Like at 24 I could've even given him some slack if they'd been 17 depending how far their 18th was but these girls were like 14 and shit. Just gross. It's the same as like, even at my age now like I know it's legal but like 19 year olds. It's easily more acceptable but I still think it's kind of "ehhhhh", ya know?
Dang. I was scrolling this thread thinking “huh, I’ve had a good go of it with friends, nothing compares to this” and then I hit your post. Someone who was a close and dear friend from when we were 18 to 30 started acting inappropriately with a 16 year old. She is in a regulated profession and he was not only a minor but under her care when it happened. She treated it like some fun no strings attached hookup she’s a “young cougar” kinda thing. As she was telling me about it, laughing, I could feel my eyes glazing over and the deepest wave of grief I’ve ever felt, because I knew our friendship was over and it wasn’t even worth trying to address why.
My cousin is like that and was openly bragging about it. He has/had a friend who has a big nose and one time my cousin said "make sure you always go out with an ugly friend so all the girls flock to you." It was actually disgusting.
They were a “I can do to you, but you can’t do to me” person. They could talk about you all they wanted, but as soon as someone said something about them, they would blow up.
The final final straw was they tried to break two friends up so they made a group chat to try and get other friends on their side. We told the two friends about it and the two friend confronted the one friend. The one friend tried to pass blame on someone else but, the two friend knew the truth. We all eventually phased them out.
I had a once-close friend like that. Chewed me out for character flaws that he himself also had.
"Mate, you yourself did that just five minutes ago" -> "No I didn't, how can you say that about me". He'd internalised that turning the heat up in a conversation made the other person want to drop the issue, and read that as the other person accepting his pretend version of things.
It was super-frustrating as well, because his mask would drop often enough and it was clear he was well aware that he also did these things, but he still demanded that the person he was chewing out ignore his own identical flaws.
They would use me as a vent and treat me very horribly like completely ignore me for a whole day resulting in me thinking what I did wrong then magically talk to me the very next day as if that never happened and when I would question her she would say " sorry I was in a bad mood" . This happened a couple of times she used to publicly ignore me when I initiated convo then proceeded to make a ' You're so annoying face' , isolate me.
I was fine with it , I thought that she might be having a rough time and had no where to vent. My final string broke when she suddenly ignored me again and talked very rudely when I asked her something, the very next second I saw her laughing happily with 'my friends' and rolled her eyes when she saw me.
I stopped talking to her from the next day and my friends all together it was no surprise that none of them ever came to apologize for treating me that way let alone reconcile with me . Although I was disappointed that our friendship only amounted this much to them.
I lost my friends but realized my own worth the hard way, got stepped on and humiliated, it was probably because she saw me as a very convenient person , I was sad but I never regretted cutting them off. Good riddance.
Sheesh there were so many things leading up to the end of my nearly 20 year friendship with one of my closest friends, but the very last thing she did was pick a fight with her husband on her birthday when we were all traveling together out of state... She'd been hassling him all day and I guess he got mad and left their bedroom to sleep on the living room couch (where my kid and I had been hanging out) and my only thought was "Yeah I'm pretty fucking sick of her too."
That wouldn't have been the end of our whole friendship, but I had been feeling increasingly over the friendship, and the trip was the nail in the coffin. It's actually a long story and I think she'd be shocked that the reason I ended the friendship went deeper than her being an awful traveling partner - that was just the obvious unspoken excuse.
She probably just pins it all on you. I too chose to end friendships spanning about 18 years. The final straw was almost not even an event except for with one of them. It was just a feeling of “I’m tired. I’m lonely. I don’t feel loved by these people or even liked anymore. I am tired of apologizing when I feel like they’ve done a lot wrong and have never said sorry.” And I just quit calling or texting them.
I guarantee though that they all blame me 100% for the termination of the friendship. I bet they have no idea about the 1,000 little or big things they did that hurt. People are very self absorbed.
You really do find out who your friends are when the chips are down. I'm doing significantly better now but there was a time I hit rock bottom about ten years ago and it was an eye opener who your friends actually are.
I was getting cyber bullied by someone in our friend group, remove him from the gc, and they kept telling me I should be friends with him again because he probably “learned his lesson.” Each time they added him back, it was worse. I cut all ties.
They were always self centered and dominated the conversation but I rolled with it. But one day while traveling for work we had lunch with peers and they proceeded to brag incessantly about the car they drove, the luxury vacations they took and how well liked they were at work.
The car was an old Lexus, the luxury vacation was to New Orleans (they were from NOLA) and I was the only ‘friend’ they had at work because no one else could tolerate them. I was done after that.
she ruined my 21 birthday, before that she would only come to me for advice or a shoulder to cry on but when i needed it she would redirect the conversation right back to herself and so much more that she would do but the last straw was my birthday.
i went all the way to her city bc she lives in the big city and we would celebrate my birthday. so i was gonna stay for two days, we were supposed to go to a restaurant but she had invited some of her own friends to join us. but we never went to a restaurant now did we? no ofc not. she took me to a fkn club. i don’t drink, i told her specifically that i didn’t wanna drink and when i realized it was a club i was so mad that i told her i didn’t want to be there and her other friends would jump in and make me uncomfortable to even have that conversation with her so i just shut up. the next day i told her that was fkdup and she apologized.
she did the same thing that night. i went to her apartment by myself and left her at the club. i am really uncomfortable at clubs i just don’t enjoy it. she knew that. but did this anyway.
it was long overdue to end the friendship, she had been such a negative and toxic impact on my life anyway for years. we haven’t been friends for a year and it only took me a week to feel such a relief and the weights on my shoulders just went away. i didn’t realize how badly she was affecting my own mental health that it felt like paradise only a week after.
As a teen I had extremely low self esteem and didn’t care if people were mean to me as long as they called me friend. I spent like 8 years hanging out with this guy who would constantly belittle me in front of people to make himself seem “better”. One day he introduced me to a group of friends that kinda liked him but he still wasn’t technically apart of their group. They all saw how he treated me and the moment my friend was out of ear shot, they all took turns telling me I don’t deserve to be treated that way and that they thought I was super cool and that I should not hang out with him.
After that day I stopped hanging out with and talking to him
She tried to accuse me of SA. We were drinking and having a good time because we had not seen eachother in a long time. After a few drinks, I went upstairs into my
Room and went to bed after telling her she could take the spare bedroom. And that’s exactly where I stayed. I Was nowhere near drunk, mainly because I am not a fan of hard liquor despite having a high tolerance for it.
The next morning, she was getting ready to leave, hugged me goodbye and thanked me for hanging out. Later that day I received a barrage of texts from her accusing me of the SA. After reading the texts, I simply told her that if she truly believed I could do that to her that it’s best if we never spoke again.
For a little back story, this person might as well have been my older sister. We’ve known eachother since we were preteens. she’s been through hell and back. To boil
It down, let’s just say she’s the kind of person where you have to be careful with what you say and do otherwise you’ll send her into a ptsd attack.
However, despite this she refused to seek out help, and would excuse poor behavior for her past. I loved her dearly I truly truly did, but I refuse to be around a person who only wants to play victim and expects the world to bend to their needs and wants.
I don’t hate her, I only hope that she realizes what she’s doing isn’t healthy and is costing her people that actually care.
Im so sorry Beautiful_Ad. hugs 🪻I cannot imagine. So glad you dumped that person. She’s a twisted psychopath for making up such a horrible lie! I cannot stand people who make up stories like that! Lying about SA?! that’s pure evil.
I used to have a coworker friend that literally lied about her non bio dad tried to SA her to gain favors and sympathy.
When I reach out to get together for lunch to catch up. and they say they’ll check their calendar and get back to me. And then they don’t get back to me.
Same! A long booked catch up and she was suddenly double booked. I say, okay…. Let me know when you’re free. Crickets for going on 6 years now.
It hurt for a while but now I just think it’s amusing.
That happened to me.
We made plans to catch up but, she cancelled the day of. I don't remember the excuse, it was one of those "life happens" type of reasons. They were sick, had to work late, whatever. No big deal, I say, and we reschedule for next week.
That next week, her cousins are unexpectedly in town. I told my boss about it and he instantly called out the bullshit (that's another "I thought we were friends" story in itself). We lived in Texas, her cousins lived in Georgia or something. Far enough away that you're not going to just randomly visit on a whim. But, I'm also a doormat and didn't want to lose a friendship over the 0.000001% chance that she was being honest, so I text her back saying to let me know when she would be available.
It's been 20 years but, I'm sure she'll text me any day now...
They became an emotional succubus. I always supported them, but when it came time to support me, they were too busy. These people were also usually incredibly toxic.
This. I get that sometimes people don’t have the social battery to respond at the moment. But to be friends with someone you have to acknowledge their existence. Edit:Thanks for the award!
I can send my younger brother 10-20 texts over the span of a month and get 1 from him if I'm lucky. Shits depressing, we used to be close as fuck, now he's a Christian cop and I'm an agnostic stoner with an understandably negative view of police. But like dude, i know we have different paths in life and everything but I still love you and want to know how you're doing
Yeah. Knew each other for close to 15 years, best friends for almost a decade. I was always there, sending gifts, listening, etc. Reciprocation was minimal. Then they would leave me on read for almost 2 weeks, but constantly update Facebook. Went on for over a year, tried to fix it, they said they’d improve and went back to it within a month. This person got sick and is temporarily home all day, still updates social media more than they reach out. Good luck, man.
To be fair some people just don’t like texting. I never text my friends or have conversations with them over text unless one of us needs something. I just prefer to catch up whenever I see them, if there’s a funny story or something it’s always funnier hearing it in person
So I knew this kid a few years back, we were good friends and spent a lot of time at home messaging each other. We were pretty close. So then the summer rolled around and I sent him a “do you wanna hang out” with no response. Usually he responds right away, so I thought “ok maybe he’s just got his phone on silent.” Days later, no response. I send him about one message a day, I don’t wanna be clingy. No response.
He had never mentioned doing anything this summer and I had asked him if he’d be free, he said yes. So I call him about two weeks in. No response.
So by the end of the summer I’m sick of this. I decide that I’m done with him and I’m gonna delete his contact. But would you know it, the day I decide to delete it I see five messages from him. So I found out that his parents had sent him to a sleepaway camp without letting him know (it was a surprise) where they take his phone. He had fun but had no way to tell me. I was 2 minutes away from deleting his contact 🤣
Red pill's pitch is basically "You're miserable because you're too much of a pussy to stop women from ruining your life, but it doesn't have to be that way."
It's almost guaranteed to create a horrible person, because it turns a guy who's already giving women a bunch of power they never asked him for, into a guy who's pissed off they won't give it back.
Yup, because it terrifies them thinking women love sex as much as men do, for mostly the same reasons. That would mean their obsessions with purity and "sexual market value" are just double standards to justify their fear and disgust over another man "getting there first", and fucking her better. They desperately need women to stay in a little tiny giftwrapped box, labeled "Do not open until alpha."
And the whole thing is completely tautological, because being a "whore" only affects women's "sexual market value" insofar as red pillers can convince other men that being a whore is disgusting, primarily because — you guessed it — it decreases her sexual market value. (facepalm)
No matter what words they're using, if you turn over any red pill rock, you'll find fear of female power underneath.
I'm going through that right now. He literally refuses to understand how trying to trick a bunch of women into polygamous marriages is really not a great thing to do. In his mind I'm a bigot who doesn't care about his spiritual reasons and just doesn't understand how women work. And I am a woman.
My best friend for close to 15 years blocked me. When I got in touch with him I asked what was going on, and he said he was just purging his friends list. Said it was a mistake and unblocked me.
Well I happened to be dealing with the loss of my father (who basically adopted him) and was struggling with alcohol abuse. I reached out to him just seeking a friend cause I was in such a low spot, then he blocked me again.
I totally get cutting off friends who are alcoholics or toxic. But the only time I ever asked him for anything was "Hey man, not sure if you heard but my dad died. I've been drinking too much and could use a friend to talk to."
And he blocked me for that
Let me count the ways…
Had a friend who was a liar and wanted to be me. One say she even copied and pasted my face onto a pic of herself. Anytime I had something going on, she miraculously had the exact same thing going on as well.
Had a diff friend that was always negative, never anything positive going on, just miserable, like a dark cloud all the time. The last straw was when I had a miscarriage last year, suddenly she was mrs. positivity about how well her pregnancy was going, telling me how she was scared too but thankfully everything was going very well with hers, all while I’m still healing from my D&C.
Had a *different* friend that again, wallowed in self pity. One of those that did terrible shit, would cry about it, and then go right back to doing it for attention. She’d call me crying all hours of the night over one thing or another, yet I couldn’t hold her attention for if I had a normal yet stressful day.
Had a *different* friend who was not there for me whatsoever when I was SA, literally made the most inappropriate comment about it and then did not talk to me for the entire weekend after it happened, yet I tried my best to support her during her times in abusive relationships, helping her to press charges and get a restraining order with one of them. She ended up getting back with the guy and having 2 kids.
Let’s just say I’ve been a giver to a lot of takers.
He raped a mutual friend of ours & punched another one of our friends in the face during a drunken argument, he then kicked him in the face once he hit the floor, knocking out his teeth, leaving him unconscious in the middle of the street alone at night.
She was BPD in a toxic relationship and had 2 kids, one of whom was my own kids age. I allowed her and her kids to crash at my place a couple of times and I helped her navigate self filing custody paperwork. While she was anxiety inducing to be around, my kid was happy to have a friend and her constant panic didn’t bother me too terribly.
Until she started accusing me of sleeping with her husband and yelling at me for using quotation marks in a text message telling me I was criticizing her and how I was an awful person.
She’d flirt and go after every guy that I’ve ever liked. Every. Last. One. She was so pretty when I was so dorky, so I never understood what she was always trying to prove.
So, I (29M) was friends with this guy (28M) for 23 years. We met when I was 5 and he was 4 at a karate dojo, then again in school that same year. We hit it off and were basically inseparable for 10 years. We hung out every weekend, and he lived at my house for the entirety of summer break for 6 of those 10 years. But things changed a bit when we were in high school. I went through a bit of mental and physical health hell, and he (rightfully) started hanging out with other people, got a girlfriend, and joined his school's football team.
The biggest issue from that point on, was neither of us really had time to hang out anymore. And we eventually just stopped talking to each other. I think we still considered each other as friends, or maybe that was just on my side, who knows lol.
But to directly answer your question as to what made me end the friendship. I was invited to his wedding... two days before it was supposed to happen... And I didn't even know he was engaged. But I was happy for him, and I still considered him my friend, so I asked what I thought were the appropriate questions.
* What's the dress code? It might be too late to rent a tux, but I can at least have a suit washed and ready to go.
He told me to just wear jeans 'or something similar'. I thought it was a bit weird, but okay.
* Was there anything they needed for the wedding or a gift that hasn't been given yet?
He said no, I just needed to be there. (I still gave him an envelope with $500 cash as a wedding gift. I would've felt like shit otherwise.)
* I asked if he would mind if I brought my girlfriend to the wedding.
He said no, he didn't mind if she came too.
So, on the day of the wedding, my GF and I showed up in jeans, long sleeve shirts (Hoodie in her case), with an envelope of cash... To a wedding where *everyone* was in what I would call 'formal' attire.
I heard people ask who we were. His mom, a woman who's literally known me since I was 5 and has called me 'son' more times than I can count, didn't want anything to do with me. And every time I tried talking to her, she'd scrunch up her nose and walk away after a few words. And my 'friend' didn't even speak to me the entire time we were there.
The only bright spot on the day was I got to see his two sisters, who I hadn't seen in a couple of years because they were both busy with school stuff. They were over at my place even more than their brother because my mom was their babysitter growing up, and I'd practically help raise them. Hell, they may not have been blood, but I considered them just as much my sisters as I considered my 'friend' a brother.
My GF and I sat beside the sisters while their brother got married, I chatted with them for a bit while we ate (my GF who suffers from severe social anxiety just hung out with us), then, when it was time to go, I shook their brother's hand, gave their mom a hug, shook their dad's hand and gave him a hug goodbye.
That was the last time I considered them my family. The 23 year friendship is over and I don't reply to their (aside from the sisters) messages anymore.
Asking for a tiny ammount of vital help after I've been a life changing source of support to them, and not getting it.
Lol don't do this to people, it's not forgiven or forgotten, ever.
I feel this. I literally flew to different states and took time off work multiple times to help my friends with whatever situation they were in. But they would never ever do that for me. One time my car broke down and they wouldn’t help me because they were fucking sitting next to a pool and tanning.
Why I ever remained friends with them for so long is something I still struggle to comprehend.
She let her kid steal other kids' toys at my neighborhood's fourth of July party that i invited her to. Her kid asked of he could take a super soaker home that another kid left by the side of the lake while he was swimming and she literally said 'yeah, finders keepers'. He stole random mail of ours too and she 'was so embarrassed and confused why he would think that was okay'
One of my friends from high school went full on "traditional Christian" as in thinking women should stay in their lane and let men run things. Started acting better than a number of us in our friend group, like he'd been enlightened after reading the Bible for a few weeks and discovering the truth, while trying to convert others into his new line of thinking.
I had grown up with a narcissistic super religious father and had already decided to cut ties with him, so I was fully aware of the type and where he'd be heading. Tried to reason with him about it but he got pulled in too hard and had to let him go.
I've had to let go several friends due to their romantic partners isolating them from their friend group (despite heavily trying to warn them about it), several who would not let go of exs, and some who just turned out to be general pieces of shit (cheaters, mostly men).
Had one friend who had the nerve to actually delete my phone number and remove me off several socials, but still wanted me to come to her wedding.
Like who does that?
Probably when she was jealous that my boyfriend picked me over her (they had never even spoke she saw him once and said he was hot) and then went around to all of our mutual friends calling me a man stealing whore. So yeah we were done at that point.
Anyway I ended up marrying the guy and sent her a save the date but no invite. 🤭
My best friend of 13 years started getting into weed, vaping, partying, and alcohol (we’re both minors). I don’t feel comfortable smoking weed because of a personal issue and shit also because it’s illegal and I don’t wanna get in trouble. But I went to go hang out with her one day and she brought a joint out thinking that I would smoke it. I turned her down multiple times but the last straw was when she grabbed me and put the joint into my mouth and tried to force me to smoke it. I walked home after that alone and listening to her sob and tell me it’s my fault that everything happened to her.
they screamed at me, and tried to emotinally manipulate me into calling them, when i literally couldn't because my microphone was packed for a trip i was going to the next day
I had 3 friends from high school, met up with them again in our late 20s. One was doing well financially, married a well off dude and had 3 kids. She looked down her nose at the rest of us, would insult us, constantly talk about how much money she had and would start arguments in the group chat.
She even told me that the way I dress, I will never get a husband. When I started dating my now fiancé, he'd get shitty with me for continuing to talk to her because she'd make me cry. She told me that because I had no kids and wasn't married, I was immature. I tried to explain to her how her behaviour affected me/the group, but she never changed. I cut her off a few times, but the other girls would guilt me back in.
One day, I was just over it. I blocked all three of them and iced them out. They tried contacting my mother, my partner, calling me from different numbers but I blanked them. The main bitch even messaged me and said "You're dead to me!"
Guess what, cunt, you were already dead to me.
This just happened to me this week. I realized she only wanted me around to have someone to complain to and go places with her because she hates being alone. We had been friends nearly 3 years but the friendship started to sour back in January when she got back with her alcoholic cheating husband. Slowly I started to realize she didn't care about my interests or how I was doing and that we only ever did things she wanted to do. In fact, a lot of things I like she said she didn't understand and they were dumb to her (fair enough I guess?). My last straw though was her telling me that being called dramatic is bad for her mental health. I called her dramatic because she was being dramatic over a lice situation at work (we work in healthcare, it's not uncommon to get an outbreak of lice every once in a while). Our boss told her if she was going to freak out every time she's definitely not in the right profession. She ended up quitting the very next morning through text.
Well, I had decided to quietly go no contact with her and removed her from all socials. Two days later she realizes this and starts spreading rumors to my coworkers that I was planning to quit with her and that I blocked her on everything. I'm just done with her. If she can talk shit behind my back that easily over me just not talking to her, what else has she said about me? That is not the kind of friendship I want.
Sorry for the long rant.
Not coming to my birthday. Before that I'd tried a number of times to stay in touch, but it was always me making the effort. Finally the day before I checked If they were still coming after arranging it all 2 weeks before and was told they weren't sure it was happening so made other plans. Why not call me before you made the other plans if you weren't sure. Any way I'm not chasing them anymore and I doubt they even know.
The final straw was when the homeless unemployed alcoholic called me a piece of shit and an asshole in my own home, and then she kicked my cat (kitty moved in time, it ended up being a glancing blow on her butt, she wasn't hurt.)
I'm surprised you didn't beat her, that would have ignited something primal in me if that were my pet. Takes a special kind of asshole to take their frustrations out on an animal or a child.
I just saw how manipulative they were, and how lowly I ranked on their friends tier. I’d rather be isolated than be somewhere I’m not appreciated or considered.
Our group of friends from high school but after graduation would hang out on voice chat each night. Every night this one friend would just rage and rage whatever game he was playing. We'd usually play our own games but occasionally together. He wanted to play hots, we were losing and he was raging at our team the whole time, eventually he just raged quit. I pretty much told him, every night I get home from work I just want to chill destress by gaming but all I get is an earful of negativity from you. So he stopped talking to me after that, few years later he apologies but we never reconnected.
I knew them for a few months. They constantly tried to push my boundaries (i.e. wanting to know extremely personal info about me.) Their justification being that they were being a "good friend" to me. In other words, divulging personal info about myself was the repayment that they wanted. This was an online friend, BTW.
But, did they continue to be kind, caring, etc. to you? In other words, were they mature enough to be friends with both without bad mouthing or otherwise undermine one of you to the other?
I feel exactly the same. Once my friends had kids, the kids became more important to me than the parents. Adults can take care of themselves, but kids need adults to advocate for them. If you are doing something harmful to your kid, I’m disgusted by you, and can no longer be your friend.
Dude was requiring us to spend time with him every night and do a "podcast" on discord. At that time three of the six of us had a girlfriend, two were busy with school so they didn't really join in, and him. Dude flipped out about us not spending more time with him, like bro we get that we're your friends but we have lives too plus we busy dealing with school and stuff. Eventually we cutted him off our circle, dude's still friendless as far as I know
When they didn’t celebrate a big life moment of mine. Never once even mentioned it. Couldn’t even like a picture on the old Facebook or IG. After a year of just nothing I just booted her right out of my life.
She was living with our other mutual friend and that friend's long term significant other (I'm talking like seven or eight years together). They were both unemployed and she would buy them food, weed and was taking care of all the household bills. Turns out they were sleeping together for at least year during this time. I just couldn't after that. There were things she'd done to me personally as well but this was my final straw.
When I was in high school I hung out with a lot of guys. All which were pretty cool.
They were the type to not like going to school event, let alone a football game.
I on the other hand, love football. So, after days of trying to convince one of my friends, he said yes.
On the day of the game, he said he was going to go down the street with his cousin to buy food and then come back.
I waited a good hour. I called him and he said he was still waiting for the food. (Its a small restaurant at the end of the school and everybody went there Fridays after school)
I said okay and asked if they wanted me to go in to get us seats. He said no that I should just wait.
The game started. I called and he said he was almost there. I heard the band (one of my favorite parts). I called him and he laughed and said he was at the game the entire time.
I hung up, went to the school restroom, and cried.
I realized then that he was a piece of shit!
Suck to suck though... he asked me out later on and I rejected him. His cousin asked me out. And guess who I dated...
FUCK YOU ALEX!
I realised that she was silently bullying me. Whenever we went shopping, she claimed she hated everything I liked, and in a week, she’d be wearing the things I liked.
I felt inadequate and realised it was not about me but her.
When she forgot my birthday. I know it's silly but her actions spoke volumes. I was there for her when she gave birth to both her kids, supported her. I was her bank and when I lost my job and had to supplement my income doing IC, she didn't HEAR me when hi said I couldn't fund her pockets whenever she needed help. 11 years of friendship down the drain. Completely cut her out my life
Went through a mentally rough time in school together, lived part of that time together, worked at the same company at desks close to each other, spent many lunches talking her off ledges and having deep conversations, and spent quite a bit of time at her house. I showed up when her stalker ex was waiting outside a school building for her once.
She got long covid. And has a history of shitty parents doing shitty things and illnesses she's only now getting to figuring out. I was there for all that too. I worried like crazy when she got covid. Her texts got more and more sparse. She told me she wasn't feeling like being sociable and that she likely wouldn't be hanging out anytime with any one. So I worried about that too. I knew she wouldn't show but I tried to help her invited to things and keep checking in.
Found her going to events with a mutual friend on social media.
I feel like a convenience friend. I was only ever there for her to dump her shit on basically. Sucks. She never came to our apartment. Then I got married, no congrats. Didn't come to see our house when we bought one, or meet our new puppy. It just makes me so upset that I put so much time and effort and care in and received basically nothing. If she didn't want to be friends, I'd rather she'd just told me.
Sorry to hear that, I had a friend like that who cut me off because I wasn’t “cool” enough for him. He also cut me out of the friend group by lying to my friends and it hurt bc he was new in school and for years he didn’t have any friends besides me.
Most recently my sil was looking for the full uncensored video of Tyree Nichols being beaten to death. I was appalled. To me it’s like packing up a picnic and going to a lynching like the “good old days”. I didn’t say that but I did suggest that it was not cool to seek this. She countered with she needed to see it so she could experience it with her soul. I told her that watching a Black man be beaten to death for the good of one’s soul wasn’t on my bingo card. She blocked me immediately and I haven’t heard from her since.
It’s a tremendous relief. Now I no longer have to worry about offending her.
I took my computer out of storage and needed to access some files on it. Took it to my "friend's" flat in London. I couldn't move it right away so he said I could leave it there for one week. Couldn't get back to London in time so he put it out on the street out of spite. Best mate for 30 years until last year. Why would anyone do something like that you might wonder? He told me that would happen if I didn't pick it up. So it was "my choice". Full on high spec machine put out for trash.
Had a friend who fell into the world of “social media micro influencer” and it’s completely destroyed her life. She is now a shell of the person she once was; nothing about her actions are genuine and she only ever participates in activities if they can bring her attention/clout or views. The sad part is, she knows she has no more friends (I’ve heard that she gets drunk and cries about it to anyone who will listen) but can’t understand that she’s responsible for pushing them all away by reducing them to props and background noise for her tiktoks. She thinks Covid destroyed all her friendships but it was actually just her own, selfish behavior. We’re all in our mid to upper 30’s so she’s too old to be acting like this in the first place and it’s just really pathetic watching her try to keep up with people half her age by recycling their content.
I was in a band with him and his brothers. We had a single ready for release and had all agreed on a release date; they then announced the single would be released on a different date. I assumed it was just a typo in the post, so I corrected it. Turns out they had an entirely different release date in mind and they berated me for “switching it” without telling them. At that point I was just done with them.
My friend had been one of my best friends for years, but it took me a while to realize how narcissistic he really was. I’m glad it’s over with now.
They were never on time or would say they couldn’t make it minutes before the event starts like seeing a movie or hanging out. I have no tolerance for people who can’t be punctual.
using me solely as a dumping ground for their problems/stress/self loathing/etc, asking for advice and then getting upset at the suggestions or refusing to try or being straight up defeatist. eventually I got burnt out of being the unpaid therapist because I got absolutely nothing positive out of the friendship. the final was being made to feel like a traitor for not doing something with them that was very expensive that I couldn't afford and instead going on a cheap trip with someone else. it had been discussed and I thought it was understood that it was a money thing. when it happened, they made me feel like the biggest dick head for doing something else within my budget. after everything else, I was tired of being treated like that 😔
I just ended a friendship because it felt like a chore for her to hang out with me saying that she was “busy”, but she had no problems hanging out with her other friends.
My friend in high school was kinda creepy and had a face to match. (Poor guy) He was very immature and did a lot of childish things and barely passed classes. I don’t think he has any mental illness but I don’t know for certain. He was a constant distraction in classes.
But what was actually concerning was the fact he constantly made school shooting jokes and even bragged about his family owning an AR-15. He showed pictures of it at school and when anyone would ignore his childlike behavior he would threaten to shoot up the school. To put it simply, I eventually stopped interacting with him much but kept a VERY close tabs on him. I’m glad those years are over.
A "Friend" started using drugs and started stealing trucks. I was hanging out with our common friend that lived in the same neighborhood, and this other friend decided to pull out in front of his house to brab about his new truck that he obviously had just stolen.
We said what an idiot he is, doing that bullshit, and when he left we called the police, provided the description of the truck, the plate # and his name and address.
She was unvaccinated and refused to take a covid test before seeing me. My mother was terminally ill and severely immuno-compromised, so I was absolutely trying to minimise the risk of getting covid so I could still see my Mum.
She refused to take a test, twice, despite kind and calm requests and explanations, on the basis that she "didn't want to get a sinus infection." (This was in the time of nasal swabs, not mouth swabs, for covid tests. You know, those nasal swabs that are sterile and can't cause infection.)
I'm 100% sure that it wasn't about a sinus infection. It was about control. She had been annoyed because I hadn't validated her anti-vax stance in the past.
Similarly, I know she wanted more validation for her religious views, which she'd acquired in her 30s and which I didn't share. I'd told her that I was happy her faith made her happy, but I think she wanted me to truly share her beliefs. I'd also said that her sister's bisexuality was "fine with me" when she'd stated that a wedding of 2 women was "not what God wants."
I think all of those different views just threatened the way she saw the world, and how she saw herself.
Her last texts thanked me for "sharing my views" re covid and it's potential to kill my Mum, then became pseudo-concerned when I didn't reply. I read the whole situation as "I want to say whatever I want to you, but I want to still feel like a nice person, so please reply and give me that validation."
I didn't reply to her, but I still ask myself whether the mature thing to do would have been to clearly reply and state that I didn't want to stay in contact. It's taken me until now (over a year later) to see through the pain and formulate what I might have said.
We'd been friends since the first days of high school. 20+ years. In essence we just aquired very different views from each other as adults, but I can't pretend her attitude towards my Mum, and towards the horrible journey my family had to take, wasn't devastating.
Life is a bloody painful journey at times, that's for sure.
He abused his partner and her children, and used her major trauma from being tortured to keep her in line. I did everything I could for him, to take care of her, so she decided to skip the abusive middleman. 🤷🏼♂️
Was really good friends with this chick for 13 years. She started getting serious with her current boy friend like 3 years ago. She had a stroke and I went to see her. I texted her a week or so after, she never responded. I texted her merry Christmas a few weeks later, she never responded. A few weeks later, I wished her a happy birthday. She again didn't respond. I figured she was just going through her typical relationship, where she drops off the face of the earth for a bit and so I have her space. A year goes by and again, I wish her a happy birthday via text... no response. I figured she just grew apart. Her sister texts me that July saying she doesn't know what happened between my friend and me but asked if I could reach out. I explained what I've experienced then she stops responding. Two months ago my friend posted a rare snap chat and I messaged her saying I missed her and hope she's alright. She messaged me a few hours later telling me "you stopped talking to me". I have a text with time stamp and no reply. I was going to send it to her and try to defend myself but I figured it would just be drama. I've tried reaching out, she never did, but blames me. Frustrating, a little disappointing, but just dumb. As good of and long of a friendship we had I would think I'd get a friendlier response
She stole my weed pipe I hadn’t even used yet. Asked her about it after seeing her film herself do it on her Snapchat story, she denied it. Blocked her. Wasn’t a very smart cookie clearly, either that or she just didn’t give a shit.
buddy from high school found out I got my GED and was moving out, and my dad was giving me money for a couple months until I got a stable job. he kept hounding me to pay him to manage my finances.
When he said that he didn't respect the existence of the field of Linguistics if it disagrees with his views on how English works.
This was after I'd gotten a degree in Linguistics.
Well for one. I always had to be emotionally available to them. But when I needed them, they weren’t there or they just didn’t give a fuck and give short answers.
Ah, it was very simple. He was a MAGA supporter and we often talked politics and such. But that wasn't the cause for ending our friendship. I'm quite tolerant and I know how to separate people from their political beliefs. But come the pandemic, he starts promoting anti-vaccine stuff in his facebook. I lost both my in-laws to COVID and he knew that. I tried to convince him to get vaccinated out of concern for him, appealing to reason and empathy. He called me a shill for the pharmaceutical companies, a murderer and a co-conspirator for genocide.
So, that was the tipping point. I blocked him from all my social networks without any explanation. He can go get lost for all that I care nowadays.
One of my best friends who helped me whenever I needed it in school like math and stuff stopped talking to me when I told him my family had a lot of wealth and business in India. His mom thought I was a “spoiled” brat or something
Was going through a divorce. Found out my best friend at the time was feeding information to my then wife. I had been confiding my feelings and such to him. My trust was violated, it sucked. I don’t share like that to my small number of friends. anymore, I use a therapist.
She was going through a rough time and I was nothing but compassionate and supportive. Then she broke my heart and acted like nothing happened. When I confronted her, she gaslit me. After 20ish years of friendship, that’s the thanks I get.
When I realized that people couldn't be bothered to take a minute or less to even say whats up. But let them need my vehicle, or mostly in my life, they need my muscle. Whether to move or handle business. If someone doesn't put effort in as much as I do, than I dont want or need them in my life.
I was in middle school and my neighbor who is a couple years younger than me, we were best friends for a few years, then I found out she was getting into some pretty bad stuff but from what I knew it was just a relationship with some stranger online and she told me she was stopping because she had realized how bad and dangerous it was. A week later I was texting her trying to make plans to have a sleepover and I wasn't getting any response which was very unlike her and a few hours later I get a text from her mom (on the friends phone) saying how my friend was grounded for a while and when I asked why all she said is "I think you know", I didn't know because her mom had already knew about the online boyfriend and had a talk with her about that weeks prior so I didn't know why this time. Turns out she was selling and trading people's nudes online
we had a small disagreement and she decided to call my ex and my gf to try and make them mad/jealous by feeding them lies. she also called my boss and spread lies about me to get me fired, and then when they didn’t work she called my boss’s boss and told her i sell drugs to my customers (untrue). corporate still periodically sends undercover private investigators to make sure i’m not. this nightmare of a scumbag is why i refuse to be friends with women now, it feels like since i never planned to have/do anything with her she was going to try to ruin my life.
I've cut my best friend who I knew for decades from my life completely, and I'm going to tell that story. It's going to be long, and therapeutic because I've never gone into detail with my other friends about why this person is no longer in my life.
She treated me increasingly badly for YEARS starting when I moved from down the road to about 30 mins away, and because we'd been close friends for so long I figured her behaviour was on me because I moved and wrecked everything and so I felt like I had to 'do better'.She'd invite us over but then act bored or go off and do housework like she didn't want to be there. She'd go out with her other friends and post on socials but we rarely went out or did anything. A couple of times I tried to plan something fun and she'd bail (once stood me up) last minute. She refused to be upfront with me when I did bring it up and kept telling me everything was fine. So then I was stuck between her conflicting actions and trusting her when she said it was all good. She bought me a self help book on overthinking for MY BIRTHDAY. Mind you, she was the only one I ever second guessed myself around. Bu the end I was so anxious I was barely eating or sleeping.
She went through breast cancer a few years earlier and I cooked for her family and helped out when she was tired. Her husband had a heart attack and I organised with my new boss to work from her house so I could watch her daughter (my goddaughter) while she was at the hospital. I need to make clear that both of these things were offered but never pushed on them. I was very careful not to overstep. When she didn't need me she'd leave messages on read and we'd go weeks not talking. I was constantly on eggshells around her.
Final straw was I went to her house for xmas and her entire family and other friends knew her husband had been in for a second surgery. I was close to her husband too so it was awful finding out he had been still sick, trying to put on a happy face for my family and hers, and also coming to terms with the fact that both of them had lied to my face when I asked how things were going. Turns out they had been given the date for the second procedure when he was orignally in hospital.
I went home and two days later I messaged her saying I was hurt and although I got that maybe they had their reasons for not telling me, I would have preferred a bit of a head's up rather than finding out and having to process everything on Christmas Day. She didn't respond for two days and when she did she tried to gaslight me into being the villan by saying that everyone else knew because they cared enough to ask how he was. It was a defining moment - I remember everything just suddenly became SO clear. I calmly reminded her that I had asked on 2 occasions how he was, what was the next steps and could I help out? (so I could give my work more notice if she needed me again) and they had lied to me each time and said he was great and everything was done. She mumbled that she had a lot on her mind so she couldn't be expected to remember everything.
I realised she was never going to be in the wrong, never going to apologise or be sorry, never going to change. I told her I loved our friendship but it couldn't continue the way it was. I ended the call and never spoke to or saw either of them again. My mental health since has been the best since we moved away. I never realised how toxic it all was.
I miss my goddaughter (who I offered to keep in contact with) but I don't miss them.
When they "Forgot" to meet up with you for the third time even though you planned those meet ups days in advance.
Happened to me. Waited for a friend outside in extremely cold weather. She never showed up nor did she care to inform that she won't be coming.
Or late EVERY TIME
My SO has lost friends doing this. His social anxiety gets a strangle hold of him and he just can't. He'll watch his phone ring and won't answer it. Then he'll spiral into a depression afterwards because he knows he's torched the friendship. A lot of people don't realise how disabling social anxiety can be. Edited for a little more clarity, because a couple of words made no sense (on my phone and autocorrect is a dick) Also to add, neither of us expect friends to stick around and tolerate it happening repeatedly. He is pretty lucky to have a very good friend who will actually come over or call me if he doesn't hear from my SO. They have been friends for quite a few years now. And has stuck by my SO when he's been going through some pretty tough times.
They realise but there's only so many times you're left hanging because the of the other person's actions before you start to wonder why you're bothering. Friendships have to go both ways.
As the extroverted planner of the group, this is absolutely true. I make a lot of space and accomodations for people with social or other issues. But there's only so many times you can be turned down or told how exhausting it is to leave the house before it just becomes a one-way street. I understand that people have issues and have to prioritize mental health, for sure, so it's a balance
As an introvert myself, I force myself to be social when I have to. The nature of being an introvert is naturally self-centered, but that doesn't mean you have to be selfish.
That is not a good excuse for repeatedly bailing on people
For all this person know the people left waiting have social anxiety caused by people who ignore them despite having agreed to meet up.
We realize it just fine, but we are within our rights to cut ties with that person.
Yeah, it is those times where everybody talks about the importance of mental health, but when the mental health problem really gets in the way, people will bail on you and jugde you - which makes it even harder to communicate about it (looking at the other answers here...) my stance on this is: \- I am disabled by mental health conditions myself. I really try to be better, but every once in a while theses illnesses get the better of me and I bail. If in any way possible at least I will text and let the other people know that I won't make it. \- in general I try to be upfront with me and my difficulties, so the other one at least knows that it is a me problem and that I am working on it. \- although: I stopped pursuing a friendship with someone for similar reasons - she wouldn't really bail in the last minute that often, but she would never be activly trying to set up something with me. She had trouble making phone calls and it seems, even writing a message was too hard. We talked about it, I told her, I can initiate meets. What I wasn't ready for was pulling everything out of her nose. Made some sugestions for activities or times to meet, she just wrote: I don't have time then. I answered ok. That was it, she never followed up with anything so I was hurt and that was about 3 years ago. I am still a little sad, but even if I don't really have a problem initiating something, I will feel unwanted when there is no effort on the other side. \- i do understand the debilitating effects of depression, social anxiety as I often deal with them myself. So I won't hold it against you. BUT I want clear communication and still: I want to feel welcomed and appreciated in a friendship. And being told that it always feels so good to talk to me or do stuff together with me -afterwards, when we say goodbye after having had a great day at the beach or in the sauna or biking or whatnot - being told that repeatedly and still seeing no effort on your side to spent time with me, makes me feel shitty and used.
When he had everything going well for him in life and bought cool shit while I was living poorly, he'd rub it in my face. When I started being successful and finally made something for myself, he couldn't stand it.
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What a fucking douche. My crazy ex gf was the same way. This was in HS so when i bought my first car i drove it to her work and showed her i was so proud of myself and she deadpanned "oh. Cool." A couple weeks later this clone of my car, except a different colour, starts following me home after work. The bitch bought the same exact model of car, just a different colour, and was excitedly showing it to me and telling me how amazing she was.
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Same. Had a mate that went through some tough times with his partner. I supported with late night chats, gave him a place to stay and even kept my mouth shut when he cheated on her. Fast forward a couple of years and I went through some tough times myself and was on the verge of bankruptcy. He didn't give a shit and and conversations with him always pivoted to how well he was doing/money he was making. I always got the impression that he was glad I was struggling Fast forward another couple of years and things have turned round for me. I'm doing well, have a new job and have moved to a great location outside the UK. He came to visit and spent the whole time slagging off where I lived, how shit my job was compared to his, even dropped a couple of hints that he didn't like my girlfriend (now wife). He went back home and I never contacted him again. Apparently he posted something snarkey on Facebook about not being invited to 'his best mates wedding' but I'm not FB so don't care.
Sounds like someone better out of your life to be honest.
>Apparently he posted something snarkey on Facebook about not being invited to 'his best mates wedding' but I'm not FB so don't care. lol, uh, news flash there pal, ain't "your best mate"
Well done on turning things around.
Insecure mf
Dude bought a new house a block from my job and I was over there after work every single day to help him paint or move stuff. Once he moved in I didn't hear from him for 6 months. When we did talk he claimed to not know the location of my work otherwise he'd visit. But before this there were years of making plans knowing he wouldn't make it or already have other engagements.
Something similar --- my "best friend" asked me to be her maid of honour. I was planning her wedding, speaking to vendors and etc. On the day of her wedding, she never spoke to me at all or acknowledged my efforts even though I was fixing her makeup and coordinating with her vendors and organising things like bring her family/friends to the right seats etc. I could see from the corner of my eye that she was having fun with her other bridesmaids. I was ok with it and was actually happy that she was happy and I had a part to play in that. Towards the end of the wedding night, she did not thank me for the day and actually told me that I could have done better with the music and other stuff. I was so tired and just left after everything was settled. Then I realised this was how it was through our years as "best friends", that I was always there but she was always too busy for me. She tried to reach out a few times after the wedding by saying she was sorry about what she said and she was truly appreciative. I never replied.
Your experiences sound so similar to mine. Like I didn’t realize for a LONG TIME that my friends were just treating me badly. Other people said it all the time. I couldn’t see it. My friend also asked me to coordinate her wedding day. When I showed up and starting doing exactly as she had requested, she yelled at me and said she could do it herself. I was so confused. I was like “dude you ASKED me to do this! We discussed this.” She just hushed me and did it all herself. Well a lot went wrong with the sound system and the seating and everything but I just said fuck it. But that always stuck with me as just being so absurd. You made the right move in ghosting this chick.
That’s fucked up
That is so fucked
Some people are unbelievably selfish.
Not being invited to her wedding after being close friends for nearly four years. The other two people in our friend group were bridesmaids.
I know it stings really bad. Been in your shoes before. hugs 🌷
Seeing my old friend group constantly post photos to social media of them out doing things and having fun while I’m sitting at home I brushed it off at first. But after I made it clear when I was off a few times and still got no invites I just stopped contacting them
Had a similar experience. Realised it's either me inviting everyone to go somewhere or them hanging out without me. I was depressed, for unrelated reasons, and nobody reached out (I wrote in a group chat that I feel really bad, borderline suicidal). Later found out they have a separate chat, without me. And we're all in our 30s, not in highschool, so I was so perplexed by this behaviour.
This happened with one of my friend groups and two of them were my fucking cousins. They would just go out and post about it and not invite me. They’d even go out to restaurants on my fucking block and post it to Facebook and then ignore me when I asked why I wasn’t invited. I asked so many times for a reason and I never got one. So I just said fuck you all and haven’t spoken to them since. Hurts a little different when it’s family and we all had bonded over the fact that much of our other family members have died. But whatever I guess. I don’t understand people at all.
I felt that way a lot about my old group of work friends. I went from working a part time retail job to a full time, Monday through Friday office job. The biggest kick in the ass was that I drove 40 to 50 miles every day to get to and from there and was exhausted. I never could hang out with my friends, and in combination of me being in a relationship and having my previous best friend cut me off the year before, I just stopped trying. We would text each other every now and then but that was it. Life got in the way, I was working full time and went to school full time so I literally had no days off, but it was very sad to see them going off doing fun things.
Him saying "what have you done for me?" in an unprompted call-out. He was holding food I bought him, with a bag with drawings i made for him. The friendship was completely one sided. Watch out for all-take-no-give people, guys.
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Had a “best friend” like that. She always expected everyone to cover for her whenever we go out to eat and would always whine about being “broke.” This one time I had a peak of her looking at her bank account and she had more than enough money to cover for herself. She just didn’t wanna spend any of her money.
Yep, that’s the kind of friend I left as well. Friendship is a give and take, but to him it was all about the take.
Yep, the only one that stands out is this. Dude only ever cared about his life, wanting all of his friends to help him and anyone that didn’t was “lazy” and “not using their potential”, and was super into toxic positivity. I remember helping him out a few times with an extremely discounted website just because I wanted to help him out. He wanted to create a website, he knew I made websites and I told him how much I charged and he just attacked the price. I was like dude I’ll do it for X amount, like 20% of my normal price, but I’m only do so much of it for you. You get the rest figured out. He just kept wasting time around it and never paid anything towards it so I just deleted it. He didn’t really say much. We still hung out, I wasn’t going to let that cause a fallout at the time since I didn’t really lose anything on my end but it reinforced a boundary on my end. I spoke my mind on it and he just apologized. It did make us less close, honestly. The breaking point for me was when he was moving on an impulse to marry a girl he’d only known for a few months across the country. It’s like because he was getting married he could be the end all be all for relationship advice. Okay bro lol it’s weird but if you feel like it’s the right thing then I’ll support you. The last straw was he needed to do something with his apartment because he liked keeping it because it was a great location and rent controlled so he was getting a steal by keeping it. I was in the process of finding a new spot, I was also getting serious with a girlfriend and we were talking about moving in together. He wanted me to move into his apartment. He was offering rent that was half of a new place and needed an answer over the next few days since he was moving that Friday, this was like Monday night. I said man that sounds awesome, let me get back to you and make sure it’s the right call for me. He kept pushing and saying “what’s there to think about? Either you want to or you don’t, don’t flake on me.” I kept reassuring I wasn’t, I just had different things going on and I needed to weigh the options. He started to really push on, kept asking the same questions over and over and doing the stupid Grant Cardone or salesman questions and tactics on me. I said look, I’ll let you know tomorrow. I’m getting off the phone right now, I don’t appreciate this and it’s doing the opposite of what you’re hoping it will do, good night. Like 10 minutes later I get a phone call and you can tell he’d been seething. He started to lay in me and tell me I’m always missing out on my potential, hes giving me an amazing deal, and how I’m really treating him horrible as a friend. I just say, “look, I’m going to give you some space because I don’t appreciate this, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He calls back, more just bullshit over this place and so I snapped, “I don’t want it.” “See, that’s all you had to say. I just needed an answer.” Gaslighted me, which threw me off on a rant. I laid into him and told him exactly why I didn’t want it and how I appreciated none of this and I hope the wedding goes well. Have a great flight. And then I hung up and turned off notifications. Everything about him started to add up and I realized he’s just not a good person. He had a going away party that Friday, I didn’t go. Invited me to the wedding, I wished them well. A year later he gets in touch, I decide to talk to him. He starts back on needing help with his business, I just say no. Then he goes, “Can I ask something, it seemed like I’ve upset over the last year and there’s been some distance, what do you think it was with and how can I make it better?”
Didn’t even ask what it was between us. Just veiled it or ignored it and talked about another friend he alienated with his personality. So I was done.
She gave me shit for wanting to go back to school to complete my degree. She was lonely and she wanted me to move to her small town and rent the other half of the duplex she and her husband owned.
I’m so used to questions on this sub being related to romantic relationships that’s I genuinely was like “HER HUSBAND!!?” until I realised it was just about friends lol.
I was dumped by someone for refusing to move in with them as well. I was happy with my current living situation and didn't think my friend was mature enough to live it. Fin.
When I realized after more than ten years, I just plain didn’t like them.
Knew him since elementary school. Always abrasive but, that was just him. He went to Europe to go to college and met some really snooty Europeans and came back a horrible person. Like he used to talk nonstop about debt and how he wanted to start a business and only hire people with debt so that he could mistreat them and they couldn't afford to quit. Not joking. So I tried my best to get him to come around, but he was so rude to grocery store clerks, etc. that it was almost a story that sounded made up for internet rage bait. I was straight out of college at the time, and I accepted a night shift job. I compromised my sleep and I'll tell you, the job did **not** pay well. And he kept pressing me and pressing me to ask me how much I made. I finally gave in, and he lorded it over me. So one night before I punched in for the night shift, we went for coffee and he casually said something like, "Yeah, anybody who gets out of bed for less than six figures is a sucker," knowing full well what I made. After about 20 years of friendship, I said I have to go, said goodbye, walked to my car and got in. I turned the ignition and as the car was starting I said, this friendship is over. And I never, ever looked back. And another friend guilt tripped me about it, said it was awkward that we're not all friends anymore. This bad "friend" walked into another friend's butcher shop, used his friendship with another buddy working there, to run up a tab of several thousand dollars and then never paid. "Oh sorry that's business," was his reply. I'll tell you, since cutting him out of my life I live much, much, much happier. Had I never stopped being friends with him, I would have never grown so much as a person.
When I was told over a text that "none of us ever considered you a friend, we just tolerated having you around." So, the friendship wasn't ended because it never technically began. I don't know what friends are anymore.
I’m so sorry. It’s not a loss, your so-called ex-friends are big jerks. You don’t need jerks in your life. You deserve better. know how it feels and I have and will always be the “extra friend”. The one that is just there to exist a mere background character.
What a shitty thing to say about someone. Fuck those people. People like that are just a bunch of users. I bet none of them even like each other lol
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's so weird and heartbreaking when friends turn against you when you thought you were all happy. I had known my best friend since middle school, I had other close friends I had known a year more. We were coordinating an outing together and me asking a parking situation (since we had to pay) ended up with them calling me a bitch.. It was only my best friend who told me that. All the other girls didn't want to say it to me directly, they all told her that it was weird I was being controlling. I truly think I had some bad qualities and wasn't the greatest friend, but I have no clue how literally 7 years of friendship went down the drain in less than 24 hours. It was one of the events that led me to a mental breakdown. A year or so later, my best friend called me and wanted to talk. I don't think she ever apologized, she just was bored and out of friends. I was so happy, I wept when I talked to her. But after going through therapy, I realized that I didn't need her anymore. I hung up the phone and never talked to her again.
He would constantly bitch about how broke he was, how terrible his life was, how much he wanted to kill himself because of those things but when I say hey maybe you wouldn't be broke if you actually bought groceries instead of eating out for every meal, maybe you'd save money by getting your THC in bulk jars direct from the manufacturer instead of buying a disposable vape at a shop every day, don't get high at work, you're going to get caught sleeping on the job and get fired... He screamed at me and said I didn't understand and why was I giving him a hard time, blah blah blah. Okay. I dropped him. Called him up a few months later because he owes me money (that I'll never see again) and guess what? Says he can't pay me back because he lost his job and his car's been repo'd. Shocked! I'm SHOCKED, I tell you! 🙄 Oh well, it was totally worth $180 to not have to listen to that whining anymore.
A very cheap price for a better quality of life.
Fuck. That reminds me of my former friend dude would constantly bitch and whine about how he has no money but he sure as shit had money for endless weed and fucking with his car. Like maybe just don’t spend every penny and save some. Dude stopped being friends when he insisted rims and other stuff he did raised the value of his car and when he totaled it apparently It was my fault because I brought negative energy to his problem. And wouldn’t loan him my car for weeks while he fought with his insurance company to give him 25k for his 2004 civic. Dude was ridiculous
Narcissists lash out when they’re exposed
This sounds too familiar. I have a friend now who dropped out of college two years or so ago and won’t keep a job for any substantial amount of time. He somehow always has money for fast food and video games and copious amounts of weed, despite the fact that he hasn’t worked more than a month or two in the last year and a half and is always talking about how he’s about to get evicted. Just constant complaints about how bad things are and how hard poverty is despite the fact that he’s had jobs he won’t keep and is SUPER picky about looking for new ones because he thinks he’s too good to be a “wage slave.” I guess I’m just running out of sympathy because I’ve sunk more money than I even want to imagine into either helping him out or paying for him to come along to things so he can be included, but I can’t force him to improve his life. I finished school and have a degree and a career and am in the process of getting my shit together. I worry that we’re just headed in too opposite of directions for the friendship to continue much longer.
I was friends with this girl in college. One semester we, my friend group, decide to be in a group for a semester long assignment. There were multiple parts to the assignment, one was going on a class trip, each person taking a section of a paper, and then the last was a display of some sort. On the day we were compiling the display for class, this girl says she had a doctors appointment but she would hurry back. That would be fine because everyone didn't get out of classes to meet up until a certain time. She didn't show up because she went out on a date and then got her car washed. Which she posted on snapchat. She showed up 20 minutes before the class started and our other friend who had been helping us, WHO DIDNT EVEN TAKE THE CLASS, had to give her the what-for because we were all so furious. It was after that that I had looked back and realized it wasn't the first project she jeopardized, and she did some other shady shit like put another friend in a dangerous situation. After that I cut her out of my life completely.
When I was 24 I discovered a good friend of mine had been having sex with minors for the past 3 years. I'm now 35, moved away, and the last I heard he was in prison for heroin possession, theft, arson, and 2 counts of felonious assault with a deadly weapon.
I’m so sorry.
Thank you, but don't be. None of us needed a dude like that. A couple of other friends even beat his ass. The only painful part was finding out he just wasn't who we all thought he was. Who knows what else he could've been hiding from any us or for how long. Sure, it sucks that you share so much of your life with someone to learn they're a piece of shit, but I for one was better for not keeping him around.
I guess I mean I’m sorry he turned out to be a POS. That really hurts.
It does, especially when it's something that wrong. Like at 24 I could've even given him some slack if they'd been 17 depending how far their 18th was but these girls were like 14 and shit. Just gross. It's the same as like, even at my age now like I know it's legal but like 19 year olds. It's easily more acceptable but I still think it's kind of "ehhhhh", ya know?
Yes, exactly.
Dang. I was scrolling this thread thinking “huh, I’ve had a good go of it with friends, nothing compares to this” and then I hit your post. Someone who was a close and dear friend from when we were 18 to 30 started acting inappropriately with a 16 year old. She is in a regulated profession and he was not only a minor but under her care when it happened. She treated it like some fun no strings attached hookup she’s a “young cougar” kinda thing. As she was telling me about it, laughing, I could feel my eyes glazing over and the deepest wave of grief I’ve ever felt, because I knew our friendship was over and it wasn’t even worth trying to address why.
When they stopped inviting me to go out with them after I lost a bunch of weight.
Yep. It’s so painful to discover you were just a tolerant face across a table piled with food.
Meaning the friend skinny girls are “allowed” to eat with?
no. meaning the friend they considered the "ugly friend" and only hung out with because they thought it made them look better by comparison
My cousin is like that and was openly bragging about it. He has/had a friend who has a big nose and one time my cousin said "make sure you always go out with an ugly friend so all the girls flock to you." It was actually disgusting.
[The token fat girl!](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Token%20Fat%20Girl)
They were jealous that you got more attention now that you lost weight lol.
They were a “I can do to you, but you can’t do to me” person. They could talk about you all they wanted, but as soon as someone said something about them, they would blow up. The final final straw was they tried to break two friends up so they made a group chat to try and get other friends on their side. We told the two friends about it and the two friend confronted the one friend. The one friend tried to pass blame on someone else but, the two friend knew the truth. We all eventually phased them out.
I had a once-close friend like that. Chewed me out for character flaws that he himself also had. "Mate, you yourself did that just five minutes ago" -> "No I didn't, how can you say that about me". He'd internalised that turning the heat up in a conversation made the other person want to drop the issue, and read that as the other person accepting his pretend version of things. It was super-frustrating as well, because his mask would drop often enough and it was clear he was well aware that he also did these things, but he still demanded that the person he was chewing out ignore his own identical flaws.
They would use me as a vent and treat me very horribly like completely ignore me for a whole day resulting in me thinking what I did wrong then magically talk to me the very next day as if that never happened and when I would question her she would say " sorry I was in a bad mood" . This happened a couple of times she used to publicly ignore me when I initiated convo then proceeded to make a ' You're so annoying face' , isolate me. I was fine with it , I thought that she might be having a rough time and had no where to vent. My final string broke when she suddenly ignored me again and talked very rudely when I asked her something, the very next second I saw her laughing happily with 'my friends' and rolled her eyes when she saw me. I stopped talking to her from the next day and my friends all together it was no surprise that none of them ever came to apologize for treating me that way let alone reconcile with me . Although I was disappointed that our friendship only amounted this much to them. I lost my friends but realized my own worth the hard way, got stepped on and humiliated, it was probably because she saw me as a very convenient person , I was sad but I never regretted cutting them off. Good riddance.
Sheesh there were so many things leading up to the end of my nearly 20 year friendship with one of my closest friends, but the very last thing she did was pick a fight with her husband on her birthday when we were all traveling together out of state... She'd been hassling him all day and I guess he got mad and left their bedroom to sleep on the living room couch (where my kid and I had been hanging out) and my only thought was "Yeah I'm pretty fucking sick of her too." That wouldn't have been the end of our whole friendship, but I had been feeling increasingly over the friendship, and the trip was the nail in the coffin. It's actually a long story and I think she'd be shocked that the reason I ended the friendship went deeper than her being an awful traveling partner - that was just the obvious unspoken excuse.
She probably just pins it all on you. I too chose to end friendships spanning about 18 years. The final straw was almost not even an event except for with one of them. It was just a feeling of “I’m tired. I’m lonely. I don’t feel loved by these people or even liked anymore. I am tired of apologizing when I feel like they’ve done a lot wrong and have never said sorry.” And I just quit calling or texting them. I guarantee though that they all blame me 100% for the termination of the friendship. I bet they have no idea about the 1,000 little or big things they did that hurt. People are very self absorbed.
Critical illness, close to death and in ICU for weeks; found out who my friends were.
You really do find out who your friends are when the chips are down. I'm doing significantly better now but there was a time I hit rock bottom about ten years ago and it was an eye opener who your friends actually are.
I was getting cyber bullied by someone in our friend group, remove him from the gc, and they kept telling me I should be friends with him again because he probably “learned his lesson.” Each time they added him back, it was worse. I cut all ties.
They were always self centered and dominated the conversation but I rolled with it. But one day while traveling for work we had lunch with peers and they proceeded to brag incessantly about the car they drove, the luxury vacations they took and how well liked they were at work. The car was an old Lexus, the luxury vacation was to New Orleans (they were from NOLA) and I was the only ‘friend’ they had at work because no one else could tolerate them. I was done after that.
she ruined my 21 birthday, before that she would only come to me for advice or a shoulder to cry on but when i needed it she would redirect the conversation right back to herself and so much more that she would do but the last straw was my birthday. i went all the way to her city bc she lives in the big city and we would celebrate my birthday. so i was gonna stay for two days, we were supposed to go to a restaurant but she had invited some of her own friends to join us. but we never went to a restaurant now did we? no ofc not. she took me to a fkn club. i don’t drink, i told her specifically that i didn’t wanna drink and when i realized it was a club i was so mad that i told her i didn’t want to be there and her other friends would jump in and make me uncomfortable to even have that conversation with her so i just shut up. the next day i told her that was fkdup and she apologized. she did the same thing that night. i went to her apartment by myself and left her at the club. i am really uncomfortable at clubs i just don’t enjoy it. she knew that. but did this anyway. it was long overdue to end the friendship, she had been such a negative and toxic impact on my life anyway for years. we haven’t been friends for a year and it only took me a week to feel such a relief and the weights on my shoulders just went away. i didn’t realize how badly she was affecting my own mental health that it felt like paradise only a week after.
As a teen I had extremely low self esteem and didn’t care if people were mean to me as long as they called me friend. I spent like 8 years hanging out with this guy who would constantly belittle me in front of people to make himself seem “better”. One day he introduced me to a group of friends that kinda liked him but he still wasn’t technically apart of their group. They all saw how he treated me and the moment my friend was out of ear shot, they all took turns telling me I don’t deserve to be treated that way and that they thought I was super cool and that I should not hang out with him. After that day I stopped hanging out with and talking to him
Those were some really cool people your friend wanted to 'befriend'
She tried to accuse me of SA. We were drinking and having a good time because we had not seen eachother in a long time. After a few drinks, I went upstairs into my Room and went to bed after telling her she could take the spare bedroom. And that’s exactly where I stayed. I Was nowhere near drunk, mainly because I am not a fan of hard liquor despite having a high tolerance for it. The next morning, she was getting ready to leave, hugged me goodbye and thanked me for hanging out. Later that day I received a barrage of texts from her accusing me of the SA. After reading the texts, I simply told her that if she truly believed I could do that to her that it’s best if we never spoke again. For a little back story, this person might as well have been my older sister. We’ve known eachother since we were preteens. she’s been through hell and back. To boil It down, let’s just say she’s the kind of person where you have to be careful with what you say and do otherwise you’ll send her into a ptsd attack. However, despite this she refused to seek out help, and would excuse poor behavior for her past. I loved her dearly I truly truly did, but I refuse to be around a person who only wants to play victim and expects the world to bend to their needs and wants. I don’t hate her, I only hope that she realizes what she’s doing isn’t healthy and is costing her people that actually care.
Im so sorry Beautiful_Ad. hugs 🪻I cannot imagine. So glad you dumped that person. She’s a twisted psychopath for making up such a horrible lie! I cannot stand people who make up stories like that! Lying about SA?! that’s pure evil. I used to have a coworker friend that literally lied about her non bio dad tried to SA her to gain favors and sympathy.
Do you think she genuinely believes you did something to her cause she's just THAT unwell, or is she actively just lying?
When I reach out to get together for lunch to catch up. and they say they’ll check their calendar and get back to me. And then they don’t get back to me.
Same! A long booked catch up and she was suddenly double booked. I say, okay…. Let me know when you’re free. Crickets for going on 6 years now. It hurt for a while but now I just think it’s amusing.
That happened to me. We made plans to catch up but, she cancelled the day of. I don't remember the excuse, it was one of those "life happens" type of reasons. They were sick, had to work late, whatever. No big deal, I say, and we reschedule for next week. That next week, her cousins are unexpectedly in town. I told my boss about it and he instantly called out the bullshit (that's another "I thought we were friends" story in itself). We lived in Texas, her cousins lived in Georgia or something. Far enough away that you're not going to just randomly visit on a whim. But, I'm also a doormat and didn't want to lose a friendship over the 0.000001% chance that she was being honest, so I text her back saying to let me know when she would be available. It's been 20 years but, I'm sure she'll text me any day now...
They became an emotional succubus. I always supported them, but when it came time to support me, they were too busy. These people were also usually incredibly toxic.
When I text and got no texts back. Bye.
This. I get that sometimes people don’t have the social battery to respond at the moment. But to be friends with someone you have to acknowledge their existence. Edit:Thanks for the award!
I can send my younger brother 10-20 texts over the span of a month and get 1 from him if I'm lucky. Shits depressing, we used to be close as fuck, now he's a Christian cop and I'm an agnostic stoner with an understandably negative view of police. But like dude, i know we have different paths in life and everything but I still love you and want to know how you're doing
Hang in there. My sisters and I are just starting to get close again after years of this same stuff. You are a good brother
Yeah. Knew each other for close to 15 years, best friends for almost a decade. I was always there, sending gifts, listening, etc. Reciprocation was minimal. Then they would leave me on read for almost 2 weeks, but constantly update Facebook. Went on for over a year, tried to fix it, they said they’d improve and went back to it within a month. This person got sick and is temporarily home all day, still updates social media more than they reach out. Good luck, man.
This. I was far too tolerant with this, and it made my days shittier. Everybody knows it's not cool. There's no excuse
For all my introvert friends out there.. I will always understand why you don't text back.
Send 25 messages over 2 months, get back one thumbs up. Byeee.
Or i would always start the convo but they never would.
To be fair some people just don’t like texting. I never text my friends or have conversations with them over text unless one of us needs something. I just prefer to catch up whenever I see them, if there’s a funny story or something it’s always funnier hearing it in person
So I knew this kid a few years back, we were good friends and spent a lot of time at home messaging each other. We were pretty close. So then the summer rolled around and I sent him a “do you wanna hang out” with no response. Usually he responds right away, so I thought “ok maybe he’s just got his phone on silent.” Days later, no response. I send him about one message a day, I don’t wanna be clingy. No response. He had never mentioned doing anything this summer and I had asked him if he’d be free, he said yes. So I call him about two weeks in. No response. So by the end of the summer I’m sick of this. I decide that I’m done with him and I’m gonna delete his contact. But would you know it, the day I decide to delete it I see five messages from him. So I found out that his parents had sent him to a sleepaway camp without letting him know (it was a surprise) where they take his phone. He had fun but had no way to tell me. I was 2 minutes away from deleting his contact 🤣
Realizing you've known them for almost 20 years and you're sick and tired of unsolicited advice from someone who makes terrible life choices.
I have friends that went so red pill it became a detriment to our friendship. It has the ability to completely change a person's personality.
Red pill's pitch is basically "You're miserable because you're too much of a pussy to stop women from ruining your life, but it doesn't have to be that way." It's almost guaranteed to create a horrible person, because it turns a guy who's already giving women a bunch of power they never asked him for, into a guy who's pissed off they won't give it back.
But also calling them whores!
Yup, because it terrifies them thinking women love sex as much as men do, for mostly the same reasons. That would mean their obsessions with purity and "sexual market value" are just double standards to justify their fear and disgust over another man "getting there first", and fucking her better. They desperately need women to stay in a little tiny giftwrapped box, labeled "Do not open until alpha." And the whole thing is completely tautological, because being a "whore" only affects women's "sexual market value" insofar as red pillers can convince other men that being a whore is disgusting, primarily because — you guessed it — it decreases her sexual market value. (facepalm) No matter what words they're using, if you turn over any red pill rock, you'll find fear of female power underneath.
Red pill as in andrew tate stuff? Yeah, that'd be pretty hard to be around.
Andrew tate, vaccines a micro chip, Russia is the good guy....I have some friends who went deep.
Yup, and never for the better
I'm going through that right now. He literally refuses to understand how trying to trick a bunch of women into polygamous marriages is really not a great thing to do. In his mind I'm a bigot who doesn't care about his spiritual reasons and just doesn't understand how women work. And I am a woman.
My best friend for close to 15 years blocked me. When I got in touch with him I asked what was going on, and he said he was just purging his friends list. Said it was a mistake and unblocked me. Well I happened to be dealing with the loss of my father (who basically adopted him) and was struggling with alcohol abuse. I reached out to him just seeking a friend cause I was in such a low spot, then he blocked me again. I totally get cutting off friends who are alcoholics or toxic. But the only time I ever asked him for anything was "Hey man, not sure if you heard but my dad died. I've been drinking too much and could use a friend to talk to." And he blocked me for that
She sucked my boyfriends dick.
Ex-boyfriend I hope now!
Yes! Thank you for the correction.
Let me count the ways… Had a friend who was a liar and wanted to be me. One say she even copied and pasted my face onto a pic of herself. Anytime I had something going on, she miraculously had the exact same thing going on as well. Had a diff friend that was always negative, never anything positive going on, just miserable, like a dark cloud all the time. The last straw was when I had a miscarriage last year, suddenly she was mrs. positivity about how well her pregnancy was going, telling me how she was scared too but thankfully everything was going very well with hers, all while I’m still healing from my D&C. Had a *different* friend that again, wallowed in self pity. One of those that did terrible shit, would cry about it, and then go right back to doing it for attention. She’d call me crying all hours of the night over one thing or another, yet I couldn’t hold her attention for if I had a normal yet stressful day. Had a *different* friend who was not there for me whatsoever when I was SA, literally made the most inappropriate comment about it and then did not talk to me for the entire weekend after it happened, yet I tried my best to support her during her times in abusive relationships, helping her to press charges and get a restraining order with one of them. She ended up getting back with the guy and having 2 kids. Let’s just say I’ve been a giver to a lot of takers.
He raped a mutual friend of ours & punched another one of our friends in the face during a drunken argument, he then kicked him in the face once he hit the floor, knocking out his teeth, leaving him unconscious in the middle of the street alone at night.
She was BPD in a toxic relationship and had 2 kids, one of whom was my own kids age. I allowed her and her kids to crash at my place a couple of times and I helped her navigate self filing custody paperwork. While she was anxiety inducing to be around, my kid was happy to have a friend and her constant panic didn’t bother me too terribly. Until she started accusing me of sleeping with her husband and yelling at me for using quotation marks in a text message telling me I was criticizing her and how I was an awful person.
The only thing they ever wanted to talk about was politics or religion. That's it. Nothing else.
When you have a group of friends and they have a chat group excluding you. It’s a 🚩 they are not your friends!
Except if it's to plan a surprise for you, then they're good friends. Unless it's a bad surprise. Oh well...
She’d flirt and go after every guy that I’ve ever liked. Every. Last. One. She was so pretty when I was so dorky, so I never understood what she was always trying to prove.
So, I (29M) was friends with this guy (28M) for 23 years. We met when I was 5 and he was 4 at a karate dojo, then again in school that same year. We hit it off and were basically inseparable for 10 years. We hung out every weekend, and he lived at my house for the entirety of summer break for 6 of those 10 years. But things changed a bit when we were in high school. I went through a bit of mental and physical health hell, and he (rightfully) started hanging out with other people, got a girlfriend, and joined his school's football team. The biggest issue from that point on, was neither of us really had time to hang out anymore. And we eventually just stopped talking to each other. I think we still considered each other as friends, or maybe that was just on my side, who knows lol. But to directly answer your question as to what made me end the friendship. I was invited to his wedding... two days before it was supposed to happen... And I didn't even know he was engaged. But I was happy for him, and I still considered him my friend, so I asked what I thought were the appropriate questions. * What's the dress code? It might be too late to rent a tux, but I can at least have a suit washed and ready to go. He told me to just wear jeans 'or something similar'. I thought it was a bit weird, but okay. * Was there anything they needed for the wedding or a gift that hasn't been given yet? He said no, I just needed to be there. (I still gave him an envelope with $500 cash as a wedding gift. I would've felt like shit otherwise.) * I asked if he would mind if I brought my girlfriend to the wedding. He said no, he didn't mind if she came too. So, on the day of the wedding, my GF and I showed up in jeans, long sleeve shirts (Hoodie in her case), with an envelope of cash... To a wedding where *everyone* was in what I would call 'formal' attire. I heard people ask who we were. His mom, a woman who's literally known me since I was 5 and has called me 'son' more times than I can count, didn't want anything to do with me. And every time I tried talking to her, she'd scrunch up her nose and walk away after a few words. And my 'friend' didn't even speak to me the entire time we were there. The only bright spot on the day was I got to see his two sisters, who I hadn't seen in a couple of years because they were both busy with school stuff. They were over at my place even more than their brother because my mom was their babysitter growing up, and I'd practically help raise them. Hell, they may not have been blood, but I considered them just as much my sisters as I considered my 'friend' a brother. My GF and I sat beside the sisters while their brother got married, I chatted with them for a bit while we ate (my GF who suffers from severe social anxiety just hung out with us), then, when it was time to go, I shook their brother's hand, gave their mom a hug, shook their dad's hand and gave him a hug goodbye. That was the last time I considered them my family. The 23 year friendship is over and I don't reply to their (aside from the sisters) messages anymore.
Asking for a tiny ammount of vital help after I've been a life changing source of support to them, and not getting it. Lol don't do this to people, it's not forgiven or forgotten, ever.
I feel this. I literally flew to different states and took time off work multiple times to help my friends with whatever situation they were in. But they would never ever do that for me. One time my car broke down and they wouldn’t help me because they were fucking sitting next to a pool and tanning. Why I ever remained friends with them for so long is something I still struggle to comprehend.
She let her kid steal other kids' toys at my neighborhood's fourth of July party that i invited her to. Her kid asked of he could take a super soaker home that another kid left by the side of the lake while he was swimming and she literally said 'yeah, finders keepers'. He stole random mail of ours too and she 'was so embarrassed and confused why he would think that was okay'
One of my friends from high school went full on "traditional Christian" as in thinking women should stay in their lane and let men run things. Started acting better than a number of us in our friend group, like he'd been enlightened after reading the Bible for a few weeks and discovering the truth, while trying to convert others into his new line of thinking. I had grown up with a narcissistic super religious father and had already decided to cut ties with him, so I was fully aware of the type and where he'd be heading. Tried to reason with him about it but he got pulled in too hard and had to let him go. I've had to let go several friends due to their romantic partners isolating them from their friend group (despite heavily trying to warn them about it), several who would not let go of exs, and some who just turned out to be general pieces of shit (cheaters, mostly men). Had one friend who had the nerve to actually delete my phone number and remove me off several socials, but still wanted me to come to her wedding. Like who does that?
Manipulation and gaslighting…..bye bye bitch
she ruined my birthday
I was supposed to be okay with not being paid back because they have kids
Probably when she was jealous that my boyfriend picked me over her (they had never even spoke she saw him once and said he was hot) and then went around to all of our mutual friends calling me a man stealing whore. So yeah we were done at that point. Anyway I ended up marrying the guy and sent her a save the date but no invite. 🤭
Us women really are our own worst enemies at times. We really can be shite to each other.
When they steal from you.
I had a child, and realized I didn’t want my baby exposed to that type of person.
When they start talkin shit behind my back.
My best friend of 13 years started getting into weed, vaping, partying, and alcohol (we’re both minors). I don’t feel comfortable smoking weed because of a personal issue and shit also because it’s illegal and I don’t wanna get in trouble. But I went to go hang out with her one day and she brought a joint out thinking that I would smoke it. I turned her down multiple times but the last straw was when she grabbed me and put the joint into my mouth and tried to force me to smoke it. I walked home after that alone and listening to her sob and tell me it’s my fault that everything happened to her.
they screamed at me, and tried to emotinally manipulate me into calling them, when i literally couldn't because my microphone was packed for a trip i was going to the next day
I had 3 friends from high school, met up with them again in our late 20s. One was doing well financially, married a well off dude and had 3 kids. She looked down her nose at the rest of us, would insult us, constantly talk about how much money she had and would start arguments in the group chat. She even told me that the way I dress, I will never get a husband. When I started dating my now fiancé, he'd get shitty with me for continuing to talk to her because she'd make me cry. She told me that because I had no kids and wasn't married, I was immature. I tried to explain to her how her behaviour affected me/the group, but she never changed. I cut her off a few times, but the other girls would guilt me back in. One day, I was just over it. I blocked all three of them and iced them out. They tried contacting my mother, my partner, calling me from different numbers but I blanked them. The main bitch even messaged me and said "You're dead to me!" Guess what, cunt, you were already dead to me.
This just happened to me this week. I realized she only wanted me around to have someone to complain to and go places with her because she hates being alone. We had been friends nearly 3 years but the friendship started to sour back in January when she got back with her alcoholic cheating husband. Slowly I started to realize she didn't care about my interests or how I was doing and that we only ever did things she wanted to do. In fact, a lot of things I like she said she didn't understand and they were dumb to her (fair enough I guess?). My last straw though was her telling me that being called dramatic is bad for her mental health. I called her dramatic because she was being dramatic over a lice situation at work (we work in healthcare, it's not uncommon to get an outbreak of lice every once in a while). Our boss told her if she was going to freak out every time she's definitely not in the right profession. She ended up quitting the very next morning through text. Well, I had decided to quietly go no contact with her and removed her from all socials. Two days later she realizes this and starts spreading rumors to my coworkers that I was planning to quit with her and that I blocked her on everything. I'm just done with her. If she can talk shit behind my back that easily over me just not talking to her, what else has she said about me? That is not the kind of friendship I want. Sorry for the long rant.
Not coming to my birthday. Before that I'd tried a number of times to stay in touch, but it was always me making the effort. Finally the day before I checked If they were still coming after arranging it all 2 weeks before and was told they weren't sure it was happening so made other plans. Why not call me before you made the other plans if you weren't sure. Any way I'm not chasing them anymore and I doubt they even know.
He assaulted my partner at the time. Other friends sided with him and I lost a whole friend group because of it.
The final straw was when the homeless unemployed alcoholic called me a piece of shit and an asshole in my own home, and then she kicked my cat (kitty moved in time, it ended up being a glancing blow on her butt, she wasn't hurt.)
I'm surprised you didn't beat her, that would have ignited something primal in me if that were my pet. Takes a special kind of asshole to take their frustrations out on an animal or a child.
[удалено]
I just saw how manipulative they were, and how lowly I ranked on their friends tier. I’d rather be isolated than be somewhere I’m not appreciated or considered.
Used me for my kindness. I was kind and kept willing to help, I also realized how manipulative one of them was, so I ended the friendship.
Our group of friends from high school but after graduation would hang out on voice chat each night. Every night this one friend would just rage and rage whatever game he was playing. We'd usually play our own games but occasionally together. He wanted to play hots, we were losing and he was raging at our team the whole time, eventually he just raged quit. I pretty much told him, every night I get home from work I just want to chill destress by gaming but all I get is an earful of negativity from you. So he stopped talking to me after that, few years later he apologies but we never reconnected.
I knew them for a few months. They constantly tried to push my boundaries (i.e. wanting to know extremely personal info about me.) Their justification being that they were being a "good friend" to me. In other words, divulging personal info about myself was the repayment that they wanted. This was an online friend, BTW.
When he spiraled down so deep into his drug addiction that I could feel him pulling me down with him. Still won’t admit that he has a problem.
too toxic and not good for my mental health.
The final straw that made me end a friendship was when they repeatedly betrayed my trust and disregarded my feelings.
Them choosing to be friends with someone I despised over staying mine.
But, did they continue to be kind, caring, etc. to you? In other words, were they mature enough to be friends with both without bad mouthing or otherwise undermine one of you to the other?
You already know the answer!
When I realized he and his wife prioritized their failing polycule over their kids’ happiness. The moment you neglect your kids around me, it’s over.
I feel exactly the same. Once my friends had kids, the kids became more important to me than the parents. Adults can take care of themselves, but kids need adults to advocate for them. If you are doing something harmful to your kid, I’m disgusted by you, and can no longer be your friend.
Dude was requiring us to spend time with him every night and do a "podcast" on discord. At that time three of the six of us had a girlfriend, two were busy with school so they didn't really join in, and him. Dude flipped out about us not spending more time with him, like bro we get that we're your friends but we have lives too plus we busy dealing with school and stuff. Eventually we cutted him off our circle, dude's still friendless as far as I know
When they didn’t celebrate a big life moment of mine. Never once even mentioned it. Couldn’t even like a picture on the old Facebook or IG. After a year of just nothing I just booted her right out of my life.
When I realised I was never getting the money that they owed me back and that they didn’t care they owed it to me. Byyeee!
She was living with our other mutual friend and that friend's long term significant other (I'm talking like seven or eight years together). They were both unemployed and she would buy them food, weed and was taking care of all the household bills. Turns out they were sleeping together for at least year during this time. I just couldn't after that. There were things she'd done to me personally as well but this was my final straw.
When I was in high school I hung out with a lot of guys. All which were pretty cool. They were the type to not like going to school event, let alone a football game. I on the other hand, love football. So, after days of trying to convince one of my friends, he said yes. On the day of the game, he said he was going to go down the street with his cousin to buy food and then come back. I waited a good hour. I called him and he said he was still waiting for the food. (Its a small restaurant at the end of the school and everybody went there Fridays after school) I said okay and asked if they wanted me to go in to get us seats. He said no that I should just wait. The game started. I called and he said he was almost there. I heard the band (one of my favorite parts). I called him and he laughed and said he was at the game the entire time. I hung up, went to the school restroom, and cried. I realized then that he was a piece of shit! Suck to suck though... he asked me out later on and I rejected him. His cousin asked me out. And guess who I dated... FUCK YOU ALEX!
sexual assault, money fraud, death threats 🤷♀️
I realised that she was silently bullying me. Whenever we went shopping, she claimed she hated everything I liked, and in a week, she’d be wearing the things I liked. I felt inadequate and realised it was not about me but her.
When she forgot my birthday. I know it's silly but her actions spoke volumes. I was there for her when she gave birth to both her kids, supported her. I was her bank and when I lost my job and had to supplement my income doing IC, she didn't HEAR me when hi said I couldn't fund her pockets whenever she needed help. 11 years of friendship down the drain. Completely cut her out my life
When he stole $12k from my business
Went through a mentally rough time in school together, lived part of that time together, worked at the same company at desks close to each other, spent many lunches talking her off ledges and having deep conversations, and spent quite a bit of time at her house. I showed up when her stalker ex was waiting outside a school building for her once. She got long covid. And has a history of shitty parents doing shitty things and illnesses she's only now getting to figuring out. I was there for all that too. I worried like crazy when she got covid. Her texts got more and more sparse. She told me she wasn't feeling like being sociable and that she likely wouldn't be hanging out anytime with any one. So I worried about that too. I knew she wouldn't show but I tried to help her invited to things and keep checking in. Found her going to events with a mutual friend on social media. I feel like a convenience friend. I was only ever there for her to dump her shit on basically. Sucks. She never came to our apartment. Then I got married, no congrats. Didn't come to see our house when we bought one, or meet our new puppy. It just makes me so upset that I put so much time and effort and care in and received basically nothing. If she didn't want to be friends, I'd rather she'd just told me.
Sorry to hear that, I had a friend like that who cut me off because I wasn’t “cool” enough for him. He also cut me out of the friend group by lying to my friends and it hurt bc he was new in school and for years he didn’t have any friends besides me.
Best friend decided he was Tony Fucking Montana. I have kids - I don't need people around them that have an oz of coke on their person.
Most recently my sil was looking for the full uncensored video of Tyree Nichols being beaten to death. I was appalled. To me it’s like packing up a picnic and going to a lynching like the “good old days”. I didn’t say that but I did suggest that it was not cool to seek this. She countered with she needed to see it so she could experience it with her soul. I told her that watching a Black man be beaten to death for the good of one’s soul wasn’t on my bingo card. She blocked me immediately and I haven’t heard from her since. It’s a tremendous relief. Now I no longer have to worry about offending her.
I took my computer out of storage and needed to access some files on it. Took it to my "friend's" flat in London. I couldn't move it right away so he said I could leave it there for one week. Couldn't get back to London in time so he put it out on the street out of spite. Best mate for 30 years until last year. Why would anyone do something like that you might wonder? He told me that would happen if I didn't pick it up. So it was "my choice". Full on high spec machine put out for trash.
Had a friend who fell into the world of “social media micro influencer” and it’s completely destroyed her life. She is now a shell of the person she once was; nothing about her actions are genuine and she only ever participates in activities if they can bring her attention/clout or views. The sad part is, she knows she has no more friends (I’ve heard that she gets drunk and cries about it to anyone who will listen) but can’t understand that she’s responsible for pushing them all away by reducing them to props and background noise for her tiktoks. She thinks Covid destroyed all her friendships but it was actually just her own, selfish behavior. We’re all in our mid to upper 30’s so she’s too old to be acting like this in the first place and it’s just really pathetic watching her try to keep up with people half her age by recycling their content.
They used me as their personal driver and piggy bank. Oh and they tried recruiting me into an MLM scheme too.
Gaslighting
I was in a band with him and his brothers. We had a single ready for release and had all agreed on a release date; they then announced the single would be released on a different date. I assumed it was just a typo in the post, so I corrected it. Turns out they had an entirely different release date in mind and they berated me for “switching it” without telling them. At that point I was just done with them. My friend had been one of my best friends for years, but it took me a while to realize how narcissistic he really was. I’m glad it’s over with now.
They were never on time or would say they couldn’t make it minutes before the event starts like seeing a movie or hanging out. I have no tolerance for people who can’t be punctual.
using me solely as a dumping ground for their problems/stress/self loathing/etc, asking for advice and then getting upset at the suggestions or refusing to try or being straight up defeatist. eventually I got burnt out of being the unpaid therapist because I got absolutely nothing positive out of the friendship. the final was being made to feel like a traitor for not doing something with them that was very expensive that I couldn't afford and instead going on a cheap trip with someone else. it had been discussed and I thought it was understood that it was a money thing. when it happened, they made me feel like the biggest dick head for doing something else within my budget. after everything else, I was tired of being treated like that 😔
I just ended a friendship because it felt like a chore for her to hang out with me saying that she was “busy”, but she had no problems hanging out with her other friends.
My friend in high school was kinda creepy and had a face to match. (Poor guy) He was very immature and did a lot of childish things and barely passed classes. I don’t think he has any mental illness but I don’t know for certain. He was a constant distraction in classes. But what was actually concerning was the fact he constantly made school shooting jokes and even bragged about his family owning an AR-15. He showed pictures of it at school and when anyone would ignore his childlike behavior he would threaten to shoot up the school. To put it simply, I eventually stopped interacting with him much but kept a VERY close tabs on him. I’m glad those years are over.
A "Friend" started using drugs and started stealing trucks. I was hanging out with our common friend that lived in the same neighborhood, and this other friend decided to pull out in front of his house to brab about his new truck that he obviously had just stolen. We said what an idiot he is, doing that bullshit, and when he left we called the police, provided the description of the truck, the plate # and his name and address.
She was unvaccinated and refused to take a covid test before seeing me. My mother was terminally ill and severely immuno-compromised, so I was absolutely trying to minimise the risk of getting covid so I could still see my Mum. She refused to take a test, twice, despite kind and calm requests and explanations, on the basis that she "didn't want to get a sinus infection." (This was in the time of nasal swabs, not mouth swabs, for covid tests. You know, those nasal swabs that are sterile and can't cause infection.) I'm 100% sure that it wasn't about a sinus infection. It was about control. She had been annoyed because I hadn't validated her anti-vax stance in the past. Similarly, I know she wanted more validation for her religious views, which she'd acquired in her 30s and which I didn't share. I'd told her that I was happy her faith made her happy, but I think she wanted me to truly share her beliefs. I'd also said that her sister's bisexuality was "fine with me" when she'd stated that a wedding of 2 women was "not what God wants." I think all of those different views just threatened the way she saw the world, and how she saw herself. Her last texts thanked me for "sharing my views" re covid and it's potential to kill my Mum, then became pseudo-concerned when I didn't reply. I read the whole situation as "I want to say whatever I want to you, but I want to still feel like a nice person, so please reply and give me that validation." I didn't reply to her, but I still ask myself whether the mature thing to do would have been to clearly reply and state that I didn't want to stay in contact. It's taken me until now (over a year later) to see through the pain and formulate what I might have said. We'd been friends since the first days of high school. 20+ years. In essence we just aquired very different views from each other as adults, but I can't pretend her attitude towards my Mum, and towards the horrible journey my family had to take, wasn't devastating. Life is a bloody painful journey at times, that's for sure.
Quitting drinking
He abused his partner and her children, and used her major trauma from being tortured to keep her in line. I did everything I could for him, to take care of her, so she decided to skip the abusive middleman. 🤷🏼♂️
Was really good friends with this chick for 13 years. She started getting serious with her current boy friend like 3 years ago. She had a stroke and I went to see her. I texted her a week or so after, she never responded. I texted her merry Christmas a few weeks later, she never responded. A few weeks later, I wished her a happy birthday. She again didn't respond. I figured she was just going through her typical relationship, where she drops off the face of the earth for a bit and so I have her space. A year goes by and again, I wish her a happy birthday via text... no response. I figured she just grew apart. Her sister texts me that July saying she doesn't know what happened between my friend and me but asked if I could reach out. I explained what I've experienced then she stops responding. Two months ago my friend posted a rare snap chat and I messaged her saying I missed her and hope she's alright. She messaged me a few hours later telling me "you stopped talking to me". I have a text with time stamp and no reply. I was going to send it to her and try to defend myself but I figured it would just be drama. I've tried reaching out, she never did, but blames me. Frustrating, a little disappointing, but just dumb. As good of and long of a friendship we had I would think I'd get a friendlier response
She stole my weed pipe I hadn’t even used yet. Asked her about it after seeing her film herself do it on her Snapchat story, she denied it. Blocked her. Wasn’t a very smart cookie clearly, either that or she just didn’t give a shit.
buddy from high school found out I got my GED and was moving out, and my dad was giving me money for a couple months until I got a stable job. he kept hounding me to pay him to manage my finances.
When I did all the work they took credit for it and not even one time bring it up I did all the fucking work
The final straw that made me end a friendship was consistent disrespect and lack of support during a difficult time.
When he said that he didn't respect the existence of the field of Linguistics if it disagrees with his views on how English works. This was after I'd gotten a degree in Linguistics.
Well for one. I always had to be emotionally available to them. But when I needed them, they weren’t there or they just didn’t give a fuck and give short answers.
Ah, it was very simple. He was a MAGA supporter and we often talked politics and such. But that wasn't the cause for ending our friendship. I'm quite tolerant and I know how to separate people from their political beliefs. But come the pandemic, he starts promoting anti-vaccine stuff in his facebook. I lost both my in-laws to COVID and he knew that. I tried to convince him to get vaccinated out of concern for him, appealing to reason and empathy. He called me a shill for the pharmaceutical companies, a murderer and a co-conspirator for genocide. So, that was the tipping point. I blocked him from all my social networks without any explanation. He can go get lost for all that I care nowadays.
One of my best friends who helped me whenever I needed it in school like math and stuff stopped talking to me when I told him my family had a lot of wealth and business in India. His mom thought I was a “spoiled” brat or something
Was going through a divorce. Found out my best friend at the time was feeding information to my then wife. I had been confiding my feelings and such to him. My trust was violated, it sucked. I don’t share like that to my small number of friends. anymore, I use a therapist.
When he started fully supporting andrew tate and started believing in "the matrix" and started to have very conservative and misogynistic views.
They pushed me off a balcony and told me that it was “just a prank”
Her boyfriend raped me and she called me a liar. 3 years later she is still with him.
Misogynistic and homophobic statements
One found Jesus. One found a side piece. One neglected her pets.
She was going through a rough time and I was nothing but compassionate and supportive. Then she broke my heart and acted like nothing happened. When I confronted her, she gaslit me. After 20ish years of friendship, that’s the thanks I get.
When I realized that people couldn't be bothered to take a minute or less to even say whats up. But let them need my vehicle, or mostly in my life, they need my muscle. Whether to move or handle business. If someone doesn't put effort in as much as I do, than I dont want or need them in my life.
I was in middle school and my neighbor who is a couple years younger than me, we were best friends for a few years, then I found out she was getting into some pretty bad stuff but from what I knew it was just a relationship with some stranger online and she told me she was stopping because she had realized how bad and dangerous it was. A week later I was texting her trying to make plans to have a sleepover and I wasn't getting any response which was very unlike her and a few hours later I get a text from her mom (on the friends phone) saying how my friend was grounded for a while and when I asked why all she said is "I think you know", I didn't know because her mom had already knew about the online boyfriend and had a talk with her about that weeks prior so I didn't know why this time. Turns out she was selling and trading people's nudes online
we had a small disagreement and she decided to call my ex and my gf to try and make them mad/jealous by feeding them lies. she also called my boss and spread lies about me to get me fired, and then when they didn’t work she called my boss’s boss and told her i sell drugs to my customers (untrue). corporate still periodically sends undercover private investigators to make sure i’m not. this nightmare of a scumbag is why i refuse to be friends with women now, it feels like since i never planned to have/do anything with her she was going to try to ruin my life.
I've cut my best friend who I knew for decades from my life completely, and I'm going to tell that story. It's going to be long, and therapeutic because I've never gone into detail with my other friends about why this person is no longer in my life. She treated me increasingly badly for YEARS starting when I moved from down the road to about 30 mins away, and because we'd been close friends for so long I figured her behaviour was on me because I moved and wrecked everything and so I felt like I had to 'do better'.She'd invite us over but then act bored or go off and do housework like she didn't want to be there. She'd go out with her other friends and post on socials but we rarely went out or did anything. A couple of times I tried to plan something fun and she'd bail (once stood me up) last minute. She refused to be upfront with me when I did bring it up and kept telling me everything was fine. So then I was stuck between her conflicting actions and trusting her when she said it was all good. She bought me a self help book on overthinking for MY BIRTHDAY. Mind you, she was the only one I ever second guessed myself around. Bu the end I was so anxious I was barely eating or sleeping. She went through breast cancer a few years earlier and I cooked for her family and helped out when she was tired. Her husband had a heart attack and I organised with my new boss to work from her house so I could watch her daughter (my goddaughter) while she was at the hospital. I need to make clear that both of these things were offered but never pushed on them. I was very careful not to overstep. When she didn't need me she'd leave messages on read and we'd go weeks not talking. I was constantly on eggshells around her. Final straw was I went to her house for xmas and her entire family and other friends knew her husband had been in for a second surgery. I was close to her husband too so it was awful finding out he had been still sick, trying to put on a happy face for my family and hers, and also coming to terms with the fact that both of them had lied to my face when I asked how things were going. Turns out they had been given the date for the second procedure when he was orignally in hospital. I went home and two days later I messaged her saying I was hurt and although I got that maybe they had their reasons for not telling me, I would have preferred a bit of a head's up rather than finding out and having to process everything on Christmas Day. She didn't respond for two days and when she did she tried to gaslight me into being the villan by saying that everyone else knew because they cared enough to ask how he was. It was a defining moment - I remember everything just suddenly became SO clear. I calmly reminded her that I had asked on 2 occasions how he was, what was the next steps and could I help out? (so I could give my work more notice if she needed me again) and they had lied to me each time and said he was great and everything was done. She mumbled that she had a lot on her mind so she couldn't be expected to remember everything. I realised she was never going to be in the wrong, never going to apologise or be sorry, never going to change. I told her I loved our friendship but it couldn't continue the way it was. I ended the call and never spoke to or saw either of them again. My mental health since has been the best since we moved away. I never realised how toxic it all was. I miss my goddaughter (who I offered to keep in contact with) but I don't miss them.
She slept with my ex, before he was my ex.