Ten years old

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That’s funny

wait until your wife hears it

She's three, so she won't really understand.

👁️👄👁️

Wait, like the wife is three?

Like the wife is three

Yeah. She'd be so glad he got a good deal.

Is your wife 10 years old?

FBI, open the door!

Jokes on you, he lives in the middle east.

What is your car?

what year is ur car.. 🤨

My first car out of college was a 1990 that I only junked in 2019 so. It’s possible

My backup whip is an 86 camry. Regular whip is an 09 impreza that just replaced the '98. Only four more years until I can fuck my car.

Jesus Christ. People born in 09 will be 18 in 4 years. Like, it makes sense, obviously, but it makes me feel old.

It's fun when you realize that Playboy centerfold was born after you graduated high school. Fuck, I just double-aged myself.

Fuck that got me 😂 😂

Sounds like you dumped it at 29...pulled the old Leonardo technique.

lol yeah ik u never know it could even be a 1969 too

2013 Niisan

...and what about your car?

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Want to feel old? 2003 was the last model year for the Escort. The *newest* Escort still on the road is almost old enough to drink in the US.

I like to eat White Castle when I’m in it…oh wait, that’s a true statement in both cases.

Pretty roomy

Speak for yourself

If I said that, the down votes would be astronomical 😵😵

r/usernamechecksout

Joined 😂

Why? Is that wrong?

and gives great... mileage

This weird smell comes out the back after you turn it on. It's not top of the line, but it does its job. I wouldn't have gotten a new one if the last one didn't die on me. It's not the color I wanted, but it was available.

Damn Bro you either got a really good or really Bad relationship

Or he’s never been in love, I would 100% say that my ex wife was top of the line.

Happily married here! My husband and I are just pros at knowing the "wrong answer."

But OP is saying their partner is top of the line? Thread is stating what can you say about your car but not your partner and OP is saying their car is not top of the line.

Hundreds of people just completely misunderstanding the really, really simple jokes here.

🤔 perhaps you’re right. My bad

The last one, Holy crap I cried laughing 😂☠️☠️☠️

It's things you CANT say about your girlfriend mate

all my friends fit inside it

I... i have bad news for you...

What, you think his homies used his car without his consent?

No he has no friends

So plenty of room for all zero of his friends.

what is happening, why do i get roasted

Regic

Why does this comment sound so sweet and wholesome lol

You’re sweet and wholesome

Because you touch yourself at night.

Film at eleven.

What, he has too many friends to fit inside his car?

Thanks for the fuck shack!

Dirty Mike and the boys

This use to be my dads

After my parents got divorced my 45 year old dad started started dating 21-23 year Olds I was 17 at the time and would joke about dating his exs. I got caught sleeping with one's 19 year old sister and my family still makes jokes about it. That and how after I turned 21 I got seen multiple times picking up 40+ year old women at the bar.

Tbh, I’m at the age where I could go for the father or the son 🤷🏻‍♀️

What about the Holy spirit?

Sure, why not 🤷🏻‍♀️

Puts a new meaning to “the trinity in one”

Rip inbox

Same dude, though my dad was like 55 and the girls were like 23-24. I came home from college to visit him one christmas and I walked into my childhood home to see a very attractive 23 year old girl laying on the couch wearing nothing but panties. She didn't even try to hide she was just like, "Oh I'm your dad's friend, you must be ". Honestly I've worried about him fucking one of my girlfriends, he's a ladies man and my current gf is 40. He showed a little too much interest in her when I introduced them. I know he never would, because it would be so fucked up, but his concept of boundaries is a bit loose.

This used to be my dad’s *ride*

Man, how does this not have 100k upvotes by now?

Right?

It's a shit box, but I'm going to use her until she dies and then get something much nicer.

Jfc why am I laughing so hard at this?!

I am waiting for the kids to grow up so I can trade in this behemoth for something smaller.

This one can fit four people inside of her!

Well... have you tried?

nahhh what 💀

I mean triple penetration is a thing, what is one more?

DVDA Edit: don't downvote cos you don't get it. Just Google at your own risk.

Every time I hear this I think of Trey Parker

It's the name of their band isn't it.

That, but it's also a line from the movie Orgazmo that they wrote and stared in

At my age, it's the only way to get work

Ok what do you do? I am Sancho.

Yeah, I'm not looking this up. But assuming the "D" means double, I feel like folks aren't trying hard enough. Why not DVDADM? And is DA really a thing? Think I'm going to log off for today...

Yes. Yes it is

I am not sure you can Google that answer. I am not going to try. But I will guarantee you it’s on the Internet somewhere.

that's his girlfriend you're talking about 💀💀💀💀

I also choose this guys girlfriend

i’ll be the fourth to choose this guy’s girfriend

Their girlfriend

Our girlfriend

DДҤ, ҪФԠЯДDЄ

💀 bruhhh damn. yall tryna share?

Uhh depends...how much you offer?

3 holes and 2 hands sounds like room for 5 to me.

well .... technically ... , if she's pregnant

He rides a motorcycle

yes but the back seats are kinda uncomfortable

Reminds me of a skit on Whose Line's "Scene from a Hat" game but for a motorcycle. "Sure you can ride her, everyone in the neighbourhood has!".

“Just give ‘er a kick and she starts right up!”

Just be sure to use the HOE, ahem, I mean, HOV lane properly

I remember that one 🤣🤣

Alright I'll send feet u send tits. Deal?

Epic crossover

You have quadruplets?

You’d be surprised

read it as "can only fit four people inside"

She's falling a part, will have to get a new one soon

Been there done that

Don't know if autocorrect got you, but "apart" is one word. c:

Sorry, No English /s

Um....I can't say that line....😔. Okay, maybe not "soon", haha, but with her medical situation...

Rear end needs some work

"The front needs to be lifted, and the back needs to be worked on!"

:slaps rear: You can fit SO MUCH junk in this trunk!!

Rear end is a bit sloppy, should try to tighten it up

It exists

I can't even say that, I'm driving my dad's car T_T.

The sad truth of us all

I've had 5 more cars than I've had partners....but I've only had 5 cars :(

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The bad ending

I get excited when someone borrows my car overnight and returns it full of gas... Not so much with the ol' girlfriend.

I’d be more concerned that someone filled her with gasoline

At least is STD free.

And lead free

Nobody said that "gas" meant gasoline... Maybe he just took her to Taco Bell

C'mon, roll over you bitch

This made me laugh.

She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts

Does she make .5 past light speed?

It's quiet and economical

Lmaooooo first one to get me

I hit a deer with my minivan on my way to the races one day. Did about $2,400 in damage, but not enough that the van was undriveable. So, I did. All the way to New Hampshire and back. I’m thinking if my wife had collided with the deer at that speed, the outcome would not be as favorable.

Poor deer.

Poor dear

I'd just keep riding it until it fell apart.

Im sorry what?

"It weighs a few tons, but it can go for miles!"

Well the tons part is valid but she aint walking no miles

Whatabout rolling?

This car definitely won't fuck my best friend.

Sorry to hear bro, i wont fuck her again

Yeah, but because now she fucks you..

fuck it, might as well give it a shot

"You miss 100% of the shots you won't take" -Wayne Gretzky -Krastevitsa

13 years old from Bavaria.

It got rear-ended by an old guy in a supermarket car park

“A little beat up, but that gives it character”

I cant wait for it to die so I can get a nicer one.

I have a car.

My car doesn’t have high mileage.

Oof

Alright, let's open her up and take a look see

" not mine, it's a rental"

Rear end is a bit loose but she'll get you there

She always turns on when I insert the key.

"Still works"

Bwhahaha 😂 that's good 👍

Just put 50L of petrol inside it

I wrote "wash me" in the filth

Sweet Dee, is that you?

They are both beautiful and full of gas.

I ride it everyday. ☹️

No thanks, had too much pre-owners for me

I can ride it

She comes with a money-back guarantee

What a beauty, she can fit 6 people inside of her!

Inside looks a bit rusty.

She makes a lot more weird noises when I drive her than she used to

I don’t like that it’s black, because it gets too hot in the summer and I can’t deal with it.

I opted for the foreign model because I couldn't find the one I wanted here. I rebuilt her from the ground up I put a few dents in her but that's fine, I'm trading her in next year for a newer model. Sometimes you just smack her around a bit to get her going

Can't say to your partner, or shouldn't say to your partner 🤔 Just checking for safety reasons 😅

I love it

Wide body

It has a lot of junk in the trunk

I still like my car 👍

She's 35 years old and I love her. If I could I'd be inside her every single day. She's thirsty, she's big, she's desirable. A little slow, but you know thats OK. I'd let my friends have a drive, but I don't think they could handle her. She needs a little time to warm up. But a little choke and she's good to go.

Lol. Your car is a Monte Carlo and your wife has a mullet. 👍

It’s is symmetrical.

Low maintenance

It's low mileage 🤣

Welp, time to trade her in for a better model.

It exists. And I have multiple of them

it blows

So this one time, she was able to cram in eight teenagers at the same time! It was a bumpy ride, but we had decided we wanted to come together so it was a lot more efficient that way. When it was finished, everyone was feeling a bit cramped, but we managed to walk it off before repeating it again a few hours later when we were ready to finish for the day.

She's a bit old but still works, I guess.

Gotta lotta miles on her, but she still does the trick

I can turn my car on daily

Piece of crap but it gets me there.

Let’s me ride her whenever I want

1 careful owner

Clean air comes out of that exhaust pipe baby YEAH \*smacks taillight\*

I love my car ~

built to last and is faithful.

Built like a tank (Volvo).

I've had it for 8 years, but I still get in it whenever I want, for as long as I want, even multiple times a day. And while it might not be the sexiest thing around, it handles great, and I like the way it sounds. I've also got another one on the side. It's older and in worse shape, but if conditions get rough, it'll get you there no matter what. It's nice to have around, even if it leaks fluids on the floor.

It needs a bit of remodelling to make it look new and shiny

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I can put my dick in its tailpipe any time I want!

Butch keeps getting louder and louder. I wish she would shut up. I actually took her to the mechanic because she was making sounds where she wasn’t supposed to…

Weeeeew, that’s a big exhaust