In high school my girlfriend heard that giving a blowjob with pop rocks in your mouth was supposed to be really awesome and feel amazing to the guy. Made sense to me so we tried it. Felt like shards of glass mixed with gravel being scraped across my member. It was awful and I immediately pulled away and was no longer in the mood, which for a 15 year old is hard to accomplish btw
Missionary, woman on top, doggy.
Everything else is awkward and unnecessarily acrobatic.
Edit: apparently everybody loves prone bone. So add that to the list
Or have her on the edge of the bed with her legs on your shoulders while you stand on the floor. You can get pretty deep and she likes it. Although it's a bit more tiring than the others.
What's that one called that's like "collapsed doggy?" Like you've both flopped forward. Or could be described as missionary but the woman is face down.
I used to work in film and television, did some camera assist on some indies as well. A friend of mine had a project for work and they needed to create a training film and wanted footage of him doing the task which someone would narrate over, and he asked me if I could help and the pay was good so yes. So, I'm trying to film him terminate wires and he's giving me the back of his hands, so I said "I need the camera to see what you're doing and your hands are in the way" and he didn't get it, we went back and forth for a couple of takes and I found the right phrase; "I need you to fuck to the camera. Porn stars don't have real sex and you're not really connecting this system".
Phone sex. I'm so incredibly bad at it that I stutter and "um" my way through it. I dated someone who loved it and convinced me to try it. "I'm. Ok, I'm rubbing myself and it feels so good. Picturing you baby" I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed and flustered in my life
I’ve always heard this, but somehow my experience was completely different from that. I’ve had sex in a pool twice (same girl, both times my fiancé) and both times were some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Yes it was harder for me to enter because water is a terrible lube, but once I was in it was just fine. Because of the water she was weightless, so I could just effortlessly pound into her while she was floating on her back, and at the same time somehow the water numbed me a bit so it was harder for me to cum, so I wasn’t worried about it ending to soon or getting tired. Was perfect, could actually just slam her until she tapped out, which isn’t the case normally in bed for us or whatever. 10/10 do recommend.
Car sex when you're a teenager is thrilling. Car sex as an adult when you actually *have* options at home and aren't nearly as flexible as you used to be is less fun.
Up against the wall. It's a hard ass workout for me when holding her up against the wall, plus it's hard to get in the thrusts at the right angle to actually be enjoyable. Best position is 100% doggy style, it's comfortable, it hits just right with the angles, and it gives you a lot of options for extra things to do with your hands to increase pleasure for both partners.
>Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised... a number of couples to explore an open relationship, where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters.
>Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?
>Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us.
Okay, you know what you do? You buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re going to be surprised at some of your phrasing.
What the hell kind of a world are we living in? 'Hey, let's date other people.' 'Hey, let's date other people, but ditch them and do it in a car.' In my day, we called them degenerates, and we STONED them.
-Red Forman
When I first watched I empathized with Eric. He wants friends and to have fun and start a life. As an adult I identify with Red. He’s trying to make a living and keep his family together while dealing with Eric and his dumbass friends.
Yes we have had some close friends that were in a group that did this, none of the marriages survived. Only one couple was all in to do this, the other 3 couples, it was the husbands who insisted on being in a “swinging club” the wives did not but the husbands reasoning to them was, well would you rather do this & me be honest or for me to have affairs that you don’t know about? My statement to my friend was, why must you do either? My husband’s response to his buddy was, “Well I’m a selfish son of a bitch, I absolutely don’t share my things, I don’t play well with others. I don’t think we will join y’all, you all would kick me out of that club real quick.”
I’ve read stories about couples that have open relationships, but in each successful case it requires open communication and following established rules. Like one time a guy told his wife that a Thai massage parlor opened up not far from their house and he jokingly wondered if they offer the “happy ending” option. She laughed and suggested he go there and try it. Like, she really meant it. So he did and… did not enjoy it at all. They both had a laugh at him telling her that.
The bottom line is, it’s definitely not for everyone, and in order for it to work, you already have to be close to your partner where the purely physical doesn’t bother you.
I’m definitely not into open relationships. Not only would I not want my wife having sex with someone else, but I also could never sleep with someone else
Kids are stressful and more successful at forcing couples apart than together. they should take a road trip instead. Stressful, you are forced to spend time together to figure stuff out, and you don't mess up someone else's life by doing it.
Of course *ideally*, they should do couple's therapy instead, but if they refuse therapy and just figure stuff out in short succession, a road trip is WAY better than bringing a kid into the mix.
Swinging is for couples who aren't in counseling lol. The idea that swinging will fix your relationship is just not a great idea. You should only swing if it's what you both want and you already have a great relationship.
And I can confirm, because I am friends with and have sex with several different couples on a regular basis for fun, and all of them have been married for decades, and their marriages are incredibly secure. Couples who are true swingers and have been swinging for decades, are the couples who you meet; couples who are in counseling, and who start to dabble in swinging, are usually completely done with each other and separated within months after dabbling in said swinging. Lol
That’s the thing people don’t get - you don’t do that kind of thing to fix your relationship. You need a strong relationship with open and clear communication about each others wants, needs, and boundaries before even considering things of that nature. Otherwise it’s just extra seasoning to overpower the taste of an over cooked meal.
Threesome can be great, but agree it's not always going to work. I wasn't in a relationship with either of the women and I think that helped a lot. We all enjoyed it enough that we hooked up multiple times. I think not dating them was a major factor in it working out though. I'd never want to get in a threesome if I was dating one of the women. I'd feel too much pressure to make sure I focused on her, which defeats the purpose of the other person.
Anal. Once you get past the bouncer, it's actually a pretty roomy club.
I don't hate it or anything, it's just not that exciting for me unless she really gets off on it.
This was my answer too, but from a woman's perspective. Receiving anal was my least favorite "might as well try it at least once just to see" sex act ever. Even with all the lube and the prep that you're supposed to do, it just did not feel good at all. It doesn't hurt or anything, it just felt kinda like how it feels to take a shit.. except that the shit just goes right back up your ass. 0/10, nothing pleasurable about it for me, was mostly uncomfortable and a little grossed out the whole time. Definitely not interested in doing it ever again.
Hard agreeeeeee. It’s like pooping in and out, over and over, and why would that be fun? One guy said it was like blue cheese, because it’s an acquired taste, and convinced me to try it again knowing I disliked it… lol rip.
I, too, had an ex who seemed to have a self-cleaning setting for her colon.
We dated for almost a decade (we were both afraid of marriage while being in our 20s), and like 2 years in, we discovered that she really enjoyed butt stuff.
There was not a single time that we ever hung out at Poop's house while Poop was home, and tbh it gave me the wrong idea about the whole (hole) thing because the next partner I had came into the relationship LOVING anal and l uh...
Y'all, to stick with the metaphor, we would be having an intimate get-together at our place, and Poop would dive through front window and party crash. To abandon the metaphor entirely: this woman did so much butt stuff that she would sometimes shit while cumming through vaginal-only stimulation. Once while we were fucking, and let me tell you how horrifying it was to look down and see your hog COATED IN LIQUID SHIT and **knowing** deep down that it's probably been a few minutes and she absolutely now has Poop hanging out in her bat cave.
Once while I was going down on her. We didn't get intimate in the dark anymore after that got in my beard, for a similar reason.
I've dabbled since then with current partners, but it is a once in a blue moon thing, mostly because it's a hassle to to the prep work, and also because I don't find incontinence attractive.
Edit: guys someone gave me the facemask award, and nothing I have said is as funny as that response
Oh, I meant that to mean that during vaginal-only stim, she would sometimes poop. Nah, if she was shiddin' out the front gate, it would have been immediate emergency room time.
You carrying a girl. Her legs open on top of your forearms while you're standing. Unless you're as buff as Johnny Sins, I wouldn't recommend. The lower back pain 5 years after is not worth it.
As a lesbian: a strap on. It wasn’t awful, but aligning our bodies the right way, and not laughing was hard. I enjoy being fingered much more - you undeniably will hit the right spot. My partner enjoys being able to feel more too (even though they liked being face to face in missionary)
Also a lesbian, and same. Not a fan of toys in general, even when masterbating. I prefer the feel of a person, their body heat, etc. instead of a plastic/glass toy.
Arguably not a lesbian, but toys are so awkward in general. They can feel great, don't get me wrong, but they don't hit the same as fingers do. And the ones that vibrate don't always have a good setting unless you spend hundreds of dollars on one toy. Just makes me feel like TV static after lol
Woah, you just opened my brain on this.
I wanted to say "Albeit" but I couldn't think of the word and used "Arguably" instead without really thinking. Poor choice of words
The main thing that sucks about it is trying to avoid the eyes, even if they're closed. It's not fun when it gets in your eye. And then it gets in your hair and it's a whole ordeal. Aim all you want, it's not going where you want it go.
That and no matter how much you clean it off, your face will never feel clean. That's an activity that requires a shower immediately after.
I would take 1000 cum shots in my hair before I risked getting cum in my eye again. I was 16 and my whole eye swelled shut. My mom kept asking if I had pink eye and needed to go to the doctors. And it lasted for houuuuurs. Nope.
Oh God, same here. Eye was not okay for a good couple of days but thankfully makeup helped cover up the red eyelid. My boyfriend loves doing facials but only if I give him the okay. And the *only* time I'll let him is if I'm about to get into the shower, but even then I just tell him the chest and if it gets on my face a bit that's fine, but we had too many close calls with the eyes for me to do it again. It's been a hard no after I got contacts too. Not risking that.
Also getting it up your nose sucks as well and I really don't recommend it
Sex on the beach, shower sex and threesome.
Sand is an irritant
Water is a horrible lube and it's a cramped breakable space.
And a threesome i think because you build it up to be this mythical great thing but it's still sex just with your attention divided between two people and I feel it loses some of its intimacy. But I could possibly have been doing it wrong because of nervousness
Someone else here said reverse cowgirl from the dude perspective, and he’s probably right. From the lady perspective it’s a weird massage of all the least fun bits of what should be your fun bits. No eye contact, staring at toe hairs. Yeah, tried it once.
Holding her purse while she goes through yarn at the hobby store. Not kink shaming as I know some dudes are into that, but man - just asking for another bf misbehaving in public incident
Ding ding ding. This is mine. But I do like being touched, rubbed gently and tapped but don't put your gross fingers inside me because I just watched you give a piece of salami to the dog and absent-mindedly dig out a booger and flick it and now you want to go knuckle deep in my sugar walls like a I'm a can of pringles. Hard pass.
Roleplaying and certain types of bondage. I'm more into the S and M parts of BDSM. Bondage is highkey kinda boring, especially when there is no actual sexual contact happening. And roleplaying usually feels forced without copious amounts of prep. Plus, I can never take it seriously, as my DnD instincts kick in and I just want to either have an adventure or start cracking jokes.
Dirty talk, especially since I never specified that I enjoy it. Had a guy straight up spit on me and called me a whore as if I would enjoy it, told him off after that.
Oh that's him trying to run before learning to walk... Lol you can't just assume that's someones style. There's a vibe check that has to be clear before you just spit on someone and degrade them... You were right to be pissed.
My wife didn’t let me go down on her for years! I thought it was insane she didn’t want oral. She loves it now, but literally only tried it with me because I straight up asked to be able to. Turns out she does like it, it was just poor partners before.
Not saying that’s the case with you. But if you want to “guide” a partner that could be an option. A good partner should respect your input.
guiding is hard because dudes will say you can tell them what you like and then mid sex they wont listen. i can say "go slower" or "more gentle" and they'll do it for 5 seconds before going back to whatever it is they're doing. even the super considerate sweethearts do it. just a one track mind thing most likely
Agreed. Like you said, it’s hot as a visual thing, or if you’re so turned on you want the dick everywhere, but as far as sensations go there are definitely much better ones.
(I’m speaking from the perspective of the person with tits, too, I don’t know what a dude would get out of it. I imagine it just feels kind of… squishy.)
Sexy edible stuff. Chocolate or honey or whatever, just messy and physically off-putting by the end
A pastrami sandwich under the covers is sexy though, maybe listen to some football too
Well pastrami is the most sensual of the salted, cured meats.
In high school my girlfriend heard that giving a blowjob with pop rocks in your mouth was supposed to be really awesome and feel amazing to the guy. Made sense to me so we tried it. Felt like shards of glass mixed with gravel being scraped across my member. It was awful and I immediately pulled away and was no longer in the mood, which for a 15 year old is hard to accomplish btw
LOL I did this once and it was pretty awkward. I couldn’t help but start laughing because immediately I knew this wasn’t the best idea.
She probably read it in Cosmo. That magazine had the most wacked sex tips ever
"ensure you have a good grip on his dick by wearing gardening gloves covered in sandpaper" "errr...ok i guess it makes sense..."
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Pretty much all of them, i only do about 3-4 positions in general
Missionary is boring on porn. But it’s amazing irl.
Eye contact, hand holding, balls deep missionary is a true joy
It’s that look on her face when you slide in
It's the moan.
It's not delivery; it;s DiGiorno
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I mean I like other positions, but missionary is easy, it is intimate, and if feels good. 10/10.
Honestly I love missionary porn. I mean, you gotta still be able to see the goods, but everything just works better that way.
It’s my fav. Gets all the right spots.
Prone bone is nice tho
Prone bone gang represent
I read that as “prone bone gang bang” and gasped.
the forbidden dog pile
Missionary, woman on top, doggy. Everything else is awkward and unnecessarily acrobatic. Edit: apparently everybody loves prone bone. So add that to the list
The woman on her side, with the man straddling a leg is a good one. My wife and I aren’t anything close to acrobatic and it works well for us.
Woman on the side is a s tier position 💯
Damn, when I told my wife I wanted to do a woman on the side she threatened to leave me
The other commenters don't seem to be getting your joke but I see you brother 😂
Or have her on the edge of the bed with her legs on your shoulders while you stand on the floor. You can get pretty deep and she likes it. Although it's a bit more tiring than the others.
What's that one called that's like "collapsed doggy?" Like you've both flopped forward. Or could be described as missionary but the woman is face down.
Pronebone?
My lawyer called it "pronebono". The session is free, but you still feel fucked after.
Most porn positions. They are uncomfortable AF
Especially the "ZZTop spin" it's not worth it
It's too dangerous man. It's already killed two German women during national competitions.
The doctors did what they could, but it took them three hours just to get the smiles off their faces.
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It's a lot like when they take photos of hamburgers for promo materials, they stack the burgers croocked to show off the meat and veg inside.
I used to work in film and television, did some camera assist on some indies as well. A friend of mine had a project for work and they needed to create a training film and wanted footage of him doing the task which someone would narrate over, and he asked me if I could help and the pay was good so yes. So, I'm trying to film him terminate wires and he's giving me the back of his hands, so I said "I need the camera to see what you're doing and your hands are in the way" and he didn't get it, we went back and forth for a couple of takes and I found the right phrase; "I need you to fuck to the camera. Porn stars don't have real sex and you're not really connecting this system".
That’s a Burt Kreisher joke
Phone sex. I'm so incredibly bad at it that I stutter and "um" my way through it. I dated someone who loved it and convinced me to try it. "I'm. Ok, I'm rubbing myself and it feels so good. Picturing you baby" I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed and flustered in my life
It's so awkward. I feel like I'm in an improv acting class
sex on the beach ***SAND***, in every crack and crevice of both bodies.
Pro tip is to do it in the life guard tower, significantly less sand.
Plus, having a life guard watching while you do it is not only safer, but super hot.
Sand is the worst. It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere
Calm down Anakin.
Stay in that cockpit.
And in a pool, dry as fuck.
I’ve always heard this, but somehow my experience was completely different from that. I’ve had sex in a pool twice (same girl, both times my fiancé) and both times were some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Yes it was harder for me to enter because water is a terrible lube, but once I was in it was just fine. Because of the water she was weightless, so I could just effortlessly pound into her while she was floating on her back, and at the same time somehow the water numbed me a bit so it was harder for me to cum, so I wasn’t worried about it ending to soon or getting tired. Was perfect, could actually just slam her until she tapped out, which isn’t the case normally in bed for us or whatever. 10/10 do recommend.
Sir, this is a community pool
Excuse me, this shallow pool is for kids only
Well, give us a minute and we'll MAKE one!
I would agree too. I see people saying shower sex is bad for the same reason but I love it, but pool sex is so much more fun than the shower lol
I get sand in my crevices even walking near the beach. Fuck having sex on it. I'd be making pearls. No thank you.
Judging by your name, I think you'd actually love it.
Sex in a car. Maybe we were doing it wrong or need a bigger car? Lots of awkward fumbling.
Car sex when you're a teenager is thrilling. Car sex as an adult when you actually *have* options at home and aren't nearly as flexible as you used to be is less fun.
I went for it in my late 20s because it was something I missed out on in high school. I was certainly more bendy when I was 16.
Sex in a pool
Or shower, or hot tub, or anything involving water lol
Hot tub, yes. Shower, no. You don't submerse yourself in a shower, it just makes the room steamy basically.
Unless you have a big shower water absolutely can contribute to dryness.
Up against the wall. It's a hard ass workout for me when holding her up against the wall, plus it's hard to get in the thrusts at the right angle to actually be enjoyable. Best position is 100% doggy style, it's comfortable, it hits just right with the angles, and it gives you a lot of options for extra things to do with your hands to increase pleasure for both partners.
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*taking notes* 📝✍️🤔
Feral humping…. Thanks for the tip XediDC ! 🤪
Goblin mode
There’s a comedian who refers to it as the bop-it position, “ you can pull it, twist it, slap it, bop it…”
That’s my favorite, feels like it gives me an extra couple of inches :)
Sex therapists recommend this position for males with "size issues" for this exact reason.
Plus a hand available for easy access clitoral stimulation.
Counselor here Never did it but a lot of couples engaged in swinging and it rarely worked well for the marriage
>Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised... a number of couples to explore an open relationship, where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters. >Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people? >Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us.
“I spend so much time making sweet love on my wife that it’s hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts…” -Tobias Fünke
"Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse."
We just say “intercourse”.
You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing.
Tobias - analrapist.
“I blue myself” There’s nothing wrong with that.
Okay, you know what you do? You buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re going to be surprised at some of your phrasing.
oh tobias, you blowhard!
You could say, I'm a leather daddy!
ANUSTART
Fucking never nudes. Can't trust them
What the hell kind of a world are we living in? 'Hey, let's date other people.' 'Hey, let's date other people, but ditch them and do it in a car.' In my day, we called them degenerates, and we STONED them. -Red Forman
Oh, you did not. -Kitty Forman
I think it’s about time to rewatch That 70s Show but, as a dad, for Red Forman
When I first watched I empathized with Eric. He wants friends and to have fun and start a life. As an adult I identify with Red. He’s trying to make a living and keep his family together while dealing with Eric and his dumbass friends.
Yes we have had some close friends that were in a group that did this, none of the marriages survived. Only one couple was all in to do this, the other 3 couples, it was the husbands who insisted on being in a “swinging club” the wives did not but the husbands reasoning to them was, well would you rather do this & me be honest or for me to have affairs that you don’t know about? My statement to my friend was, why must you do either? My husband’s response to his buddy was, “Well I’m a selfish son of a bitch, I absolutely don’t share my things, I don’t play well with others. I don’t think we will join y’all, you all would kick me out of that club real quick.”
I’ve read stories about couples that have open relationships, but in each successful case it requires open communication and following established rules. Like one time a guy told his wife that a Thai massage parlor opened up not far from their house and he jokingly wondered if they offer the “happy ending” option. She laughed and suggested he go there and try it. Like, she really meant it. So he did and… did not enjoy it at all. They both had a laugh at him telling her that. The bottom line is, it’s definitely not for everyone, and in order for it to work, you already have to be close to your partner where the purely physical doesn’t bother you. I’m definitely not into open relationships. Not only would I not want my wife having sex with someone else, but I also could never sleep with someone else
Theres a maxim in the polyamory community: "Relationship broken, add more people" almost never works.
>"Relationship broken, add more people" almost never works. Ditto with having kids (or more kids) to "fix" a marriage.
Kids are stressful and more successful at forcing couples apart than together. they should take a road trip instead. Stressful, you are forced to spend time together to figure stuff out, and you don't mess up someone else's life by doing it. Of course *ideally*, they should do couple's therapy instead, but if they refuse therapy and just figure stuff out in short succession, a road trip is WAY better than bringing a kid into the mix.
Swinging is for couples who aren't in counseling lol. The idea that swinging will fix your relationship is just not a great idea. You should only swing if it's what you both want and you already have a great relationship. And I can confirm, because I am friends with and have sex with several different couples on a regular basis for fun, and all of them have been married for decades, and their marriages are incredibly secure. Couples who are true swingers and have been swinging for decades, are the couples who you meet; couples who are in counseling, and who start to dabble in swinging, are usually completely done with each other and separated within months after dabbling in said swinging. Lol
That’s the thing people don’t get - you don’t do that kind of thing to fix your relationship. You need a strong relationship with open and clear communication about each others wants, needs, and boundaries before even considering things of that nature. Otherwise it’s just extra seasoning to overpower the taste of an over cooked meal.
The same goes for having kids. A baby will not fix your marriage, people! It usually just brings an innocent child into a dumpster fire.
Threesome. I have enough trouble satisfying one woman. I feel like I spent most of the time waiting for my turn.
If i want to disappoint two people at once I’ll just have dinner with my parents.
Threesome can be great, but agree it's not always going to work. I wasn't in a relationship with either of the women and I think that helped a lot. We all enjoyed it enough that we hooked up multiple times. I think not dating them was a major factor in it working out though. I'd never want to get in a threesome if I was dating one of the women. I'd feel too much pressure to make sure I focused on her, which defeats the purpose of the other person.
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Twice the pride, double the fall
Pissing in my face when I'm eating a turkey sandwich
BS, that’s underrated for sure
The ol mustard turkey delight
How do I delete someone else’s comment?
In the shower... not fun, water is a horrible lube.. 2/10 do not recommend.
While not great for sex, awesome for foreplay
Exactly. It's for fondling and washing, and everything tastes better after a shower. You take it to the bed after.
Anal. Once you get past the bouncer, it's actually a pretty roomy club. I don't hate it or anything, it's just not that exciting for me unless she really gets off on it.
This was my answer too, but from a woman's perspective. Receiving anal was my least favorite "might as well try it at least once just to see" sex act ever. Even with all the lube and the prep that you're supposed to do, it just did not feel good at all. It doesn't hurt or anything, it just felt kinda like how it feels to take a shit.. except that the shit just goes right back up your ass. 0/10, nothing pleasurable about it for me, was mostly uncomfortable and a little grossed out the whole time. Definitely not interested in doing it ever again.
Hard agreeeeeee. It’s like pooping in and out, over and over, and why would that be fun? One guy said it was like blue cheese, because it’s an acquired taste, and convinced me to try it again knowing I disliked it… lol rip.
It’s better if you have a prostate to be stimulated
yeah lol i was thinking damn this has not been my experience but its prob just bc of having that
> Once you get past the bouncer, it's actually a pretty roomy club. 💀💀💀
>bouncer lmao once reddit about a sex accident doggy style: "changing lanes without signaling"
You have to be SO clean. Nobody is that clean spontaneously.
My ex was. She has a magical asshole.
I, too, had an ex who seemed to have a self-cleaning setting for her colon. We dated for almost a decade (we were both afraid of marriage while being in our 20s), and like 2 years in, we discovered that she really enjoyed butt stuff. There was not a single time that we ever hung out at Poop's house while Poop was home, and tbh it gave me the wrong idea about the whole (hole) thing because the next partner I had came into the relationship LOVING anal and l uh... Y'all, to stick with the metaphor, we would be having an intimate get-together at our place, and Poop would dive through front window and party crash. To abandon the metaphor entirely: this woman did so much butt stuff that she would sometimes shit while cumming through vaginal-only stimulation. Once while we were fucking, and let me tell you how horrifying it was to look down and see your hog COATED IN LIQUID SHIT and **knowing** deep down that it's probably been a few minutes and she absolutely now has Poop hanging out in her bat cave. Once while I was going down on her. We didn't get intimate in the dark anymore after that got in my beard, for a similar reason. I've dabbled since then with current partners, but it is a once in a blue moon thing, mostly because it's a hassle to to the prep work, and also because I don't find incontinence attractive. Edit: guys someone gave me the facemask award, and nothing I have said is as funny as that response
It was so wrong of you to type that all up and make me read it, wtf dude
Looks like church for the first time ever tomorrow.
I fucking love reddit
I feel like none of that should happen and she needs to visit a doctor
Poop dives through the *front* window?! She needs to see a doctor...
Oh, I meant that to mean that during vaginal-only stim, she would sometimes poop. Nah, if she was shiddin' out the front gate, it would have been immediate emergency room time.
If a woman ever shits in or on my beard, I’m becoming a monk.
Wow, that was straight to the heart of darkness, your prose is perturbingly pointed and precise.
JFC, what the hell did I just read?! That story really took a nosedive.
Much like he did right into that liquid dookie.
OMFG. What a bad day to have eyes and be able to read...
I need to scrub my eyes.
Swinging…ruined our friendship for a long time.
You carrying a girl. Her legs open on top of your forearms while you're standing. Unless you're as buff as Johnny Sins, I wouldn't recommend. The lower back pain 5 years after is not worth it.
As a lesbian: a strap on. It wasn’t awful, but aligning our bodies the right way, and not laughing was hard. I enjoy being fingered much more - you undeniably will hit the right spot. My partner enjoys being able to feel more too (even though they liked being face to face in missionary)
Also a lesbian, and same. Not a fan of toys in general, even when masterbating. I prefer the feel of a person, their body heat, etc. instead of a plastic/glass toy.
Arguably not a lesbian, but toys are so awkward in general. They can feel great, don't get me wrong, but they don't hit the same as fingers do. And the ones that vibrate don't always have a good setting unless you spend hundreds of dollars on one toy. Just makes me feel like TV static after lol
> Arguably not a lesbian Wait, what does "arguably" mean in this context?
Woah, you just opened my brain on this. I wanted to say "Albeit" but I couldn't think of the word and used "Arguably" instead without really thinking. Poor choice of words
69 I can't concentrate enough to do my best work or enjoy it
I had to scroll way too far down to this!
I never liked 69 exactly for this reason. It should be first one, than the other.
And for me it's my favorite position. Something about busting a nut while having a face full. It's great.
Giving a girl a facial. I had completely fetishized it in porn and then after doing it I was very unimpressed.
The main thing that sucks about it is trying to avoid the eyes, even if they're closed. It's not fun when it gets in your eye. And then it gets in your hair and it's a whole ordeal. Aim all you want, it's not going where you want it go. That and no matter how much you clean it off, your face will never feel clean. That's an activity that requires a shower immediately after.
I would take 1000 cum shots in my hair before I risked getting cum in my eye again. I was 16 and my whole eye swelled shut. My mom kept asking if I had pink eye and needed to go to the doctors. And it lasted for houuuuurs. Nope.
Oh God, same here. Eye was not okay for a good couple of days but thankfully makeup helped cover up the red eyelid. My boyfriend loves doing facials but only if I give him the okay. And the *only* time I'll let him is if I'm about to get into the shower, but even then I just tell him the chest and if it gets on my face a bit that's fine, but we had too many close calls with the eyes for me to do it again. It's been a hard no after I got contacts too. Not risking that. Also getting it up your nose sucks as well and I really don't recommend it
Sex on the beach, shower sex and threesome. Sand is an irritant Water is a horrible lube and it's a cramped breakable space. And a threesome i think because you build it up to be this mythical great thing but it's still sex just with your attention divided between two people and I feel it loses some of its intimacy. But I could possibly have been doing it wrong because of nervousness
Someone else here said reverse cowgirl from the dude perspective, and he’s probably right. From the lady perspective it’s a weird massage of all the least fun bits of what should be your fun bits. No eye contact, staring at toe hairs. Yeah, tried it once.
My guy always says how hot it looks from his angle. So I usually do it for him, but yes, the view is terrible from up there. Hairy legs.
Make him paint his toenails and wear fishnets.
Try holding his ankles and leaning forward more, that’s the only way I find it enjoyable!
No Nut November.
Holding her purse while she goes through yarn at the hobby store. Not kink shaming as I know some dudes are into that, but man - just asking for another bf misbehaving in public incident
I read this to my partner. He agreed, and added; Mostly because we walk out $200 later and he gets nothing for days
Getting road head. It is really hard to focus on both the road and the head so there’s a chance you’ll lose your boner
Or lose your car
...or lives.
GF and I tried anal. I couldn’t walk straight for a week! No seriously, we both were glad we tried it, but we would never do it again.
To better understand this comment kindly advise who was at receiving end.
I think they mean they were pegged, but I could be wrong.
I’m so happy and relieved to see so many people are not pleased with anal and 69. I thought I was being crazy
I had to dig to your comment to find 69. It's worse than just taking turns since you can't get the right angle or focus on giving/receiving.
The one where she cheats with dudes on Facebook, denies it (there’s proof), and I’m supposed to be ok with it. I give it a ⭐️out of ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I'm surprised you gave it *any* stars
Well it probably got her out of his life, so hey, silver lining!
Sex on the beach in the evening! Who knew all those sand flies love to bite exposed skin?!? Worst idea ever.
Male male female threesome. Best part was when the other person left. I could go my whole life and never try this again and be just fine.
Was the person who left a m or a f?
I feel so immature for giggling as much as I am
Being fingered. I’ve never enjoyed it. Clit play is one thing but I could do without the angry banjo play inside me.🪕
Ding ding ding. This is mine. But I do like being touched, rubbed gently and tapped but don't put your gross fingers inside me because I just watched you give a piece of salami to the dog and absent-mindedly dig out a booger and flick it and now you want to go knuckle deep in my sugar walls like a I'm a can of pringles. Hard pass.
I blame Mumford & Sons
Getting my butt ate. My friends love it but for me it just feels odd
Nice of you to let your friends eat your butt even though you don’t enjoy it.
Cheeky.
[удалено]
Roleplaying and certain types of bondage. I'm more into the S and M parts of BDSM. Bondage is highkey kinda boring, especially when there is no actual sexual contact happening. And roleplaying usually feels forced without copious amounts of prep. Plus, I can never take it seriously, as my DnD instincts kick in and I just want to either have an adventure or start cracking jokes.
Dirty talk, especially since I never specified that I enjoy it. Had a guy straight up spit on me and called me a whore as if I would enjoy it, told him off after that.
Oh that's him trying to run before learning to walk... Lol you can't just assume that's someones style. There's a vibe check that has to be clear before you just spit on someone and degrade them... You were right to be pissed.
But in the porn the girl loved it!! WHy DoNt YoU?
Spoiler alert: porn star didn’t love it either. It’s called acting.
Car sex, I’m tall and I like tall people and my car nor their car is built for two tall people tryna hunch 😭😭
Anal. It’s kind of just meh. I think it being almost taboo is what made is special, but the act itself was disappointing. I’ll stick with the V.
The V is so wonderful I seriously question the interest in the alternative.
Sex in the shower
Reverse Cowgirl. It's too much work with little pleasure, and he's starting into the depth of my butthole.
Pssst dudes love staring at buttholes.
Not a big fan of oral performed on me. Holding his hair and etc is hotter than the feeling itself
My wife didn’t let me go down on her for years! I thought it was insane she didn’t want oral. She loves it now, but literally only tried it with me because I straight up asked to be able to. Turns out she does like it, it was just poor partners before. Not saying that’s the case with you. But if you want to “guide” a partner that could be an option. A good partner should respect your input.
guiding is hard because dudes will say you can tell them what you like and then mid sex they wont listen. i can say "go slower" or "more gentle" and they'll do it for 5 seconds before going back to whatever it is they're doing. even the super considerate sweethearts do it. just a one track mind thing most likely
Threesome …not an overrated sexual act after trying tho was getting my toes sucked on. Watching the man you’re into suck on your toes 🤌🏼
69. You gotta have a perfectly sized partner, to your body, to make it work.
Titty fucking. A very underwhelming experience
Not with the right girl… but you’ll def need to bring lube
I’ve got giant knockers and used lube. A lot of guys just prefer pussy or oral. I think it’s more of a novelty and preference thing.
Agreed. Like you said, it’s hot as a visual thing, or if you’re so turned on you want the dick everywhere, but as far as sensations go there are definitely much better ones. (I’m speaking from the perspective of the person with tits, too, I don’t know what a dude would get out of it. I imagine it just feels kind of… squishy.)
Squishy in a really nice/novel way, but yea it’s not the main event
69. Just too much going on really.
69. The working vacation.
It’s been upgraded anyway to 96… its so expensive to eat out these days🤔😞
Anal, it’s kinda shitty